The Columbus Digest

Ginger Binge

2013-10-22T17:33:00.000-07:00

I love ginger, its savory and spicy, but plays so very well with sweet. I love every succulent thing about Ginger, its flavor, it's aroma, it's weird knobbly alien claw shape. I love Ginger so much I even got a Ginger roommate, even if his creepy soulless stare keeps me up at night.

Here's What You'll Need:
2 Tablespoons Crystallized Ginger
2 Tablespoons Granulated Sugar
1 Fresh Knob of Ginger, peeled and slightly bruised

9 fl Ounces of Apple Juice
9 fl Ounces of Canada Dry Ginger Ale
6 fl Ounces Stirrings Ginger Liquor (available at Krogers)

Here's What You'll Do:
1. Mix the Apple Juice and Ginger Liquor in a pitcher and chill.
2. Chill your Ginger Ale
3. Use a coffee grinder, spice grinder, blender, food processor, or your cousins braces to thoroughly grind the Crystallized Ginger together with the Sugar to make Ginger Sugar.
4. Rub the rims of three tumblers with the ginger root to moisten them and dip them in your Ginger Sugar.
5. Pour 3 fl Ounces of Ginger Ale into each tumbler, followed by 5 fl Ounces of your Ginger Liquor, Apple Juice Mixture.
6. Smell it... Oh, sooo sexy.
7. Drink it.... Burns sooo good.

Bonus Points:
1. As above, but pour it all into one, much larger glass and don't share it.
2. Try grating a little fresh Nutmeg into your Ginger Liquor, Apple Juice Mixture before you chill it. Nutmeg and Ginger are B.F.F.'s 4E.
3. Make a little rose out of Pickled Ginger to go with each glass and serve them on a tray, have your guests drop the rose into their drink before consuming. It's tasty, fun, and adds a little bit of flashy ceremony.

From Across the Web #3

2013-05-17T10:07:00.001-07:00

Ever wonder what the big deal is with Extra Virgin Olive Oil? Why it's so pricey, why is it so special, and is it really worth it? Check Here to find out more.

Have a weird obsession with the host of Good Eats? Good, you should, A.B. is awesome. Check out this fan site.

People without Gluten allergies or Celiacs Disease who switch to a Gluten free diet are idiots, but baking without flour isn't stupid, it makes for interesting challenges and if you can conquer them, delicious results.

There you stand, covered in the blood of your foes(or maybe a cow or chicken), watching the oncoming hordes with their ravenous hunger(probably your spouse and kids), looking down at your favorite pan do you feel well armed for what is to come? Well, if you have let the fine folks at Morlock Enterprises arm you with a Fighting Mans Frying Pan I'm sure you do.

On the Topic of: Seasoning Part 2

2013-05-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

Herbs and Spices have become such a major factor in my life that I can't help but come back for a second rant of their importance. If you remember On the Topic of: Seasoning Part 1 you'll recall I left a few tips for you, and if you followed them your life has probably been a lot tastier lately. But to take it further you'll need to understand a little bit more about what you're actually working with, what magic it is that is contained in the mysterious powders you've been sprinkling over your food (Spices that is, if you are dosing your food with some other magic powders you're on your own with that, ya junkie.)
First it's important to understand the differences between what determines if something is an Herb or a Spice .It all boils down to three things, location, location, location. The location specifically of the volatile oils that give Herbs and Spices their flavor packed punch. If you pull a Jed Clampett on the leaves it's an Herb, if you strike oil anywhere else on the plant it's a spice.
Now that we know what Herbs and Spices are, let's discuss what makes the oils they contain 'volatile'. Are they poisonous or reactive with the skin, practically never, though a few examples like Mustard, Mace, and the Capsaicin located in Hot Peppers like Jalapenos can get a little rowdy when exposed to your more delicate tissues. So if that's not it, do they beat their spouses after a few too many Jager-Bombs? No, that's a stupid question and you should feel bad for thinking it. They are considered volatile oils because they evaporate so quickly, a pre-ground spice starts to rapidly lose flavor at about six months old (most of which may have already been spent in a warehouse, on a truck, or sitting on a shelf at the store before you ever get ahold of it. Whole Spices however, have a much longer shelf life, between one and four years if properly stored.
"Whole spices, " you might ask in disbelief, "How am I supposed to use those?"
There are two simple methods, the first has a very minor expense in the form of reusable cloth spice bags available at most spice retailers, such as North Market Spices. Just throw the spice in the bags and drop them into any liquid you happen to have on the boil. Of course, that doesn't help much with a fry, bake, broil, or sautee situation. The second method is a bit more costly but more useful in general terms. Buy something to grind spices with, from the old fashioned mortar and pestle to a cheap coffee grinder that will run even the toughest seeds and barks to powder in a few quick pulses.
Remember what I said about using new spices carefully at first, the same can be said of using familiar spices when you first start grinding your own since their potency will be dramatically higher. Flavors you never knew existed might just come oozing out, having long since dissipated in the factory processed elderly saw dust they call Spices at the local mega mart.
So, where do you get all these whole spices from, if not the grocery store? Well, Spices Ltd. at The North Market has a pretty tremendous selection at great prices, and their owner Ben is sort of a Spice Guru, so that is a definite option. But if you're a bit far from the market, feeling lazy, or just a shut in you can always buy from a reputable online spice vendor such as My Spice Sage who will deliver right to your mailbox, with no shipping charges if you are spending at least $20. They even have deals where they send you bonus spices with every order, even pricey stuff like Saffron or Madagascar Vanilla Beans.
So, yeah, there is some stuff you may not have known about spices, and a few tips that might make things a little less bland in the mouthal regions of your life.

Shawarma Seasoning

2013-05-11T20:10:00.001-07:00

Chicken Shawarma with Hangry Girl Hummus, Tomatoes, and Fresh Spinach

Shawarma is a fantastic blend of spices and the grilled meats prepared with it native to the middle east. Delicious on Chicken, Beef, Pork, Lamb, or Goat, it is a luscious and rich mixture with tremendous depth and vibrancy. Mix it to taste with and pan fried or grilled meat and slap that shit on a pita with everything, you'll be happy you did.

Here's What You'll Need:

1 Table spoon Cumin Seed *

1 Tablespoon Coriander Seed*

1 Tablespoon Garlic Powder

1 Tablespoon Ground Cardamom

1/2 Tablespoon Paprika

2 Teaspoons Sumac

2 Teaspoons Salt

1 Teaspoon Turmeric

1 Teaspoon Whole Black Peppercorns*

1/2 Teaspoon Whole Cloves*

3 Dried Piri Piri Peppers*

1 Cinnamon Stick 1 inch long *

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Take all of the ingredients marked with an asterisk and grind them finely in a coffee or spice grinder.

2. Combine your fresh ground Spices with your pre-ground Spices, mixing thoroughly.

3. Season the fuck out of everything you eat for the rest of your life.

Restaurant Review: Ringside Cafe

2013-05-08T15:32:00.000-07:00

Ringside Cafe is a historical landmark in Columbus' Culinary landscape, there are piles of interesting historical footnotes and oodles of atmosphere to the place, you can feel the ghosts of diners past crowding the small but quaint space, but that isn't what this blog cares fuck all about. I'm here for the food.
The menu is a scant sixteen items, all of which are prepared from high quality ingredients in time honored and well honed methods, that don't mean a damn thing when the cooks don't bother to season anything. Top quality beef burgers grilled over an open flame? Still bland without Salt. Beer Battered Onion Rings fried golden brown in good oil? Still bland without Salt. Flame Grilled Portabella Mushroom with all the fixin's on a nice Rosemary Focaccia? STILL bland without the Salt.
I am left in a quandary over how to rate this place, the whole experience was highly satisfying, the atmosphere was fun and heavy with the weight of the pleasure of generations before us, the food was all made from the kinds of ingredients I try to use at home when money allows, but, for fucks sake, no Salt and Pepper?

Final Ranking: B (I'm going to wait a couple months and go back, hopefully they were just having some issues when we went....)

Restaurant Review: Khyber Halal

2013-02-18T16:05:00.001-08:00

Located across Georgesville Road from the sprawling Hollywood Casino complex, tucked unobtrusively behind a Sunoco station, in a broken down three store shopping plaza, lies what might be the finest Middle-Eastern restaurant in Columbus. The small staff is friendly and attentive, and emphasize explaining what goes into their food and how it's made. The premises in front aren't the cleanest I've ever encountered, but their kitchen is spotless, and their equipment is well maintained. As of last Wednesday I've had almost everything on their menu and it has all been fantastic, fresh, well seasoned, and with delicious accompanying sauces. I feel it's important to mention that they have a real honest to goodness Tandoor on premises to make their Chicken Tandoori and their Naan. Not to mention, they have an attached store that sells a lot of what you need to delve into the exotic and wonderful world of Middle-Eastern cuisine in your own home.

Final Ranking: A+ (Make a special trip to try this place, or take a few minutes out of your casino trip to go, either way you're in for something wonderful.)

Restaurant Review: Tai's Asian Bistro

2013-01-27T16:51:00.000-08:00

So, it's finally happened. I got sick somewhere, like, I went to the Half Price Books about thirty seconds down the street and within five minutes I was setting up a colony in their restroom. It ruined my night, and despite beautiful presentation, the food wasn't that good to begin with, it was probably a 7/10.

Final Ranking: F- (Sorry Tai, but I can't let food born illness slide.)

Restaurant Review: Food India

2013-01-06T01:57:00.001-08:00

Perched unassumingly across Broad Street from Doctors Hospital, Food India is a ruby in the rough. Their premises is.... unassuming, to say the least. Given twelve hours and twelve sets of shelves I could easily turn it into a corner store, a carry out, or a sad little shoe store. It doesn't look like a place that you can pick up an AMAZING curry, and, well, it isn't. The food isn't bad, in fact, it's pretty good. It just lacked any sort of 'Wow' factor. The portions sizes were generous, and the prices were fair, unfortunately I think the food might just be too authentic for my Americanized palette. I was warned by the friendly young man at the counter that the Lamb Masala was super spicy, and I asked for it to be extra spicy, but instead of the sweat dripping, tongue blistering, visions of my ancestors giving me guidance from beyond the grave experience that I was searching for, I got a mild/medium spiced pretty good curry. I wanted to transcend my body, surfing on waves of pain and glory surging from my tongue. What I got was... not what I wanted. But, perfectly fair, all things considered...

Final Ranking: B-

These Delays

2012-12-16T09:56:00.002-08:00

Are out of hand, I know. But the overtime train at work is still chugging along. Y'all deserve better, and I'll do my best to start rocking some new content as soon as possible.

New Job Causes Delays in Posting

2012-11-01T10:22:00.001-07:00

Sorry I haven't been posting lately folks, I just started a new job at a brand new, VERY big name establishment on the West side and things have been absolutely crazy. I've been working 60-70 hour weeks and have just been too wiped out to get anything written up, but I've still been experimenting in the kitchen, so as soon as I have some free time I'll be dropping a few things for y'all, like a spicy pumpkin cheesecake for the holidays.

So Long Sweet Summer Sipper

2012-09-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

Summer is drawing to a close, the days are getting shorter, the nights longer, and fruit prices are starting to slide upwards as things begin to go out of season. It sucks, but unless you live in the tropics the best you can do about it is to try to catch a last deep breath of sun parched air and wash it down with this light, refreshing iced tea.

Here's What You'll Need:

4 Ounces (by weight) of Hibiscus Flowers (available at most Hispanic Grocers as Jamaica Flowers)
1 Gallon + 2 Cups of Water
2 Ripe Mangoes
1 Cup Sugar
2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice
Fresh Fruit Pieces for Garnish (I used Pineapple, you might like Oranges, Lemons, Limes, or Strawberries)

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Cut up your Mango (That video will show you how, if you can tolerate the guys voice,) and put it in a blender with 1/4 cup of Sugar, 2 Cups of Water, and 2 Tablespoons of Lemon Juice.
2. Run on high until it reaches a really smooth consistency, which will never, ever happen, if your mango isn't ripe.
3. Pour your Mango awesome sauce (not an official name mind you,) into some ice trays and freeze (this will be approximately 2 trays, depending on what size cubes you usually make.)
4. Cover with plastic wrap and freeze.
5. Put your Hibiscus Flowers in 1 Quart of water and brin to a boil, then shut off the heat and allow to rest for 5 minutes, or until the corner of a paper towel dipped in the water looks like the time you forgot a red sock in the wash with your tighty whiteys.)
6. Strain out the Flowers and stir in your remaining sugar.
7. Once your sugar is dissolved, add the rest of your water. (Probably in a pitcher, but I suppose a punch bowl, bucket, or maybe even a really patient Pelicans mouth would work. )
8. Put it in the refrigerator until nicely chilled.
9. Pour into a nice looking glass, drop in a couple of your Mango Ice Cubes, and dress the glass up with some fancy looking fruit pieces, maybe an umbrella, or a swirly straw, I don't know, damn, do you want me to drink it for you too? Cause I will... Please?
10. Fine, you drink it. I hope it makes you happy. Jerk.

Bonus Points: If you want to send Summer out with a real bang (and if you're over 21) maybe consider adding a shot each of Bacardi O, and Bacardi Razz.

Restaurant Review: Da Levee

2012-09-08T07:55:00.000-07:00

I've never been to Bourbon Street, hell, I've never been further South than Pittsburgh. I've cruised all around the North Eastern United States, and even dipped my toe into Canada (it took me forever to get the Maple Syrup off.) But, like everyone else who has had much to do with (watching) television or movies in their life, I have an idea of what a visit to New Orleans should be. Dark cramped spaces alive with the colors of Mardi Gras and Jazz, a rich spicy air should be blowing around, and you could almost picture Old Scratch himself leaving off of his dealings to grab a bit of gumbo.
While I've never managed to go to the REAL New Orleans, Da Levee on High Street is certainly a portal to a little locals only joint just past the camera's reach in Interview with the Vampire. The environment of the place is... seductive I guess, you can imagine looking up from your B&B only to lock eyes with an attractive stranger (this sort of happened to me, only I knew Mary before hand, and we were there for our anniversary, but you get the point.)
The menu doesn't contain any main courses, just side dishes, desserts, drinks, and plate pricing. Main courses are done as daily specials written on a black board and posted on Facebook and Twitter where hungry fans impatiently await a day when one of their favorites rises to the surface of it's owner, Justin Boehme's, mind and explodes into his kitchen.
Normally I set a two visit minimum before a review, but most places have a large set menu and a two visit minimum ensures I try at least four dishes, between what Mary and I ordered. That wasn't an issue at Da Levee, where for just $8 you can get a Half and Half plate and try two different dinner options over rice. What we ended up having doesn't even matter, except to say we each got a meat option and a vegetarian option, and everything was delicious. Better than just delicious, it was delicious AND inexpensive. Two Half and Half Plates, soft drinks, and a piece of 'Purple Love'(Blueberry Cream with White Chocolate)pie to split only totaled $24.

Final Grade: A+ (Great Food, Great Prices, Great Atmosphere, and service that went above and beyond. I accidentally committed one of the great restaurant taboo's by accident by going in right as they were closing and nobody put glass in my food. Seriously, don't go into a closing restaurant, it is a total dick move and I hope I bring Da Levee some extra business with this review to make up for it.)

On the Topic of: A Pantry Part 2 or Eating like Budget Conscious Kings

2012-08-28T22:17:00.000-07:00

So, a friend of my fiance has just gotten out into the world, complete with rent, bills, and crippling student loan payments. Under these conditions she has been struggling to eat healthy foods without pitching herself into a black abyss of debt collection, so, doing what the wise always do when they don't know what to do, she sought advice. Facebook brought it to Mary and Mary brought it to me.
And now that I have it it seems like a perfect time to try to help, not just her friend, but anyone I can, with my little corner of the internet. So I'm expending on my previous rant about the pantry system with some helpful tips and tricks for what to buy, how to store it to get the most use out of it, and maybe a few random asides. But take note as you read this of what I said in my first rant about pantries, the quality (or at least variety) of your diet may suffer for a little while until you are fully stocked up. You may start to feel a little tired of rice or oatmeal, but at least you are full, healthy, and making progress towards being happy. This can be mitigated by a little judicious seasoning. You know how they say variety is the spice of life? Actually spices, are the spice of life. Luckily there are a huge variety of spices, many of which are so widely used that they're pretty cheap.
A quick side note that might save your life, or at least your wallet. Get in the habit of looking at Unit Prices. They are usually in the corner of the label on the shelf below the food, most stores even draw a nice little box around them and label them 'Unit Price'. What the fuck is a unit? Well, it depends on what you're buying, with most things a Unit will be an ounce. A few things, like Aluminium foil will have Unit Prices for a square foot, and some will even be by the pound. The important thing is that all similar products will almost 100% probably be using the same unit of measurement, so just by glancing in that magical little box you can tell much more accurately how expensive something is, without all the tomfoolery involved in marketing. When the unit price is higher, but the total price is lower you're getting a lot less for your money. 'Unit Pricing,' isn't a perfect shopping tool, sometimes cheaper just means shitty quality and it doesn't matter if you have 5 times the amount because you'll hate eating it. Just shop around, keep unit pricing in mind, and don't assume that just because it is a more familiar brand that is automatically better.
Despite the vicious lies spread by people looking to profit from the Atkins Diet, grains, along with all the carbohydrates that they contain, are good for you. Complex carbohydrates are broken down by the body into the sugars that allow the atomic reactor of your gut to keep on churning out the juice that powers you. On top of that the American Heart Association recommends a diet high in whole grains for heart health. And best of all, grains are by and large cheap as fuck.
Rice is king when it comes to affordable grain options, around $12 for a twenty pound bag at Wal-Mart, but lets not forget about Oatmeal, Cornmeal, and even Cream of Wheat. All delicious, all filling, and all relatively inexpensive (especially considering they will double or triple their weight in water so a pound of rice really comes out to about 3 pounds of overall food.)
Sunlight, heat, air, and water may be some of the core building blocks for life to survive on this crazy mixed up world of ours, but they are fickle friends. All of them speed the deterioration of your food stuffs, leaving you with products that are either moldy, or just robbed of their nutritional value. So, before you even put that massive bag of rice in your cart, buy a five gallon bucket. You'll usually find them in the paint aisle, if not ask someone who works there. Wash it out with warm soapy water, dry it, and fill it up. As long as you seal it tightly after extracting your grainy goodness, and stash it somewhere moderately cool your Rice will all be gone about 5 years before it would have gone bad. Use this same system for Flour, Sugar, or Beans, and you'll be all kinds of prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse, a Red Scare, World War 3, or whatever.
Since I already brought them up, Flour and Sugar. These are bedrock ingredients, with just a few additions you open up a world of fresh Breads, Pancakes, and Biscuits, vast rolling fields of Cookies, Cakes, and Crackers. If Pancakes, Cookies, and Cakes, sound tasty but like a nutritional deadzone, you've been spending too much time surrounded by boxes that contain chemicals with names like 'Di-Metha-Frack-it-all,' and 'Poly-Sorta- Food-Like.' A home made cookies worst crime is containing refined Sugar, and as long as they aren't your primary source of sustenance they're the Culinary Law equivalent of Jay Walking, and they sure as Hell help break up the tedium of the early stages of starting a pantry.
Eggs are the Rock Stars of the Culinary world. High in protein, amino acids, and trace elements you need to survive. Key players from baked goods to breakfasts, Eggs are where it's at. Buy Eggs in BULK. Wal-mart has a box of 5 dozen for something like $10. If you're concerned that you won't use that many eggs before they spoil, don't be. They are fresher than the other eggs on the shelves, this is exactly WHY they sell that many eggs at once. Just keep them in their box and keep their box near the back of the fridge and you'll be fine for a LONG damn time, like more than a month. Check it out. And, if you're doubtful about the condition of your Eggs you can always just throw them at a shitty neighbors house, or failing that a shitty: friend, family member, or strangers house.
As far as meat is concerned, you're probably eating more of it than you really need. It's just tasty, and as part of a generally affluent society you are accustomed to there being plenty of meat available. You are descended from hunter/gatherers who had to work their asses off to get any meat at all, peasants from some part of the world or other who had to work their asses off to get any meat at all, and lowly U.S. citizens who survived through the depression with hardly any meat at all, maybe even train car Hobo's riding the rails with little more than beans and a slim bit of Bacon fat in their bellies, so cut back a little, try some moderation, you are not a fucking T-Rex. Buy a 5 pound Chub (yes, the portly little rolls of beef in the cooler, looking like a long skinny balloon full of ground up Cow are actually called Chubs) of Ground Beef. To accompany this purchase buy Aluminium foil and quart size freezer bags(the higher the bulk on these items the lower the unit cost, so usually $10 worth of foil is cheaper than $5 worth of foil in the long run). Use a knife (cautiously!) to slice the Chub into 20 individual 1/4 pound sections (eye it up to 'close enough' or use a scale if you have one), wrap each section in Aluminium foil, and place them 2 to a quart bag in your freezer. The foil is master blaster when it comes to preventing freezer burn (which is safe to eat, but dramatically decreases quality) and the plastic of the bag prevents air from reaching the product which helps with freezer burn and keeps meat from picking up funky freezer flavors. Cooked into a Rice dish, one of these will feel like an adequate amount of Meat for two people, but if you are feeling a particular hankering for Beefy goodness go as high as 1 of your 1/4 pound portions each. It will feel indulgent after your recent rationing.
Of course, no discussion of eating healthy could go on without a discussion of vegetables, nor could any discussion about eating on a budget. Vegetables, how ever tasty and nutritious are too expensive to eat when you're just trying to get by right? No, what? Where did that rumor get started?
People willing to pay $3 or more a pound for Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast will look you dead in the eye and tell you vegetables are too expensive when you can get a pound of Carrots for usually under a dollar a pound. and Carrots are just the tip of the ice burg. Bananas, Potatoes, Cucumbers, Green Bell Peppers, Lettuce, most varieties of Hot Peppers, Radishes, Rutabagas, Turnips, most types of Greens, Celery, etc., etc., etc., are usually available for less than $1 a pound. The reason most people seem to think vegetation is too expensive to eat is they are only looking for more luxurious eats. Fresh berries, Red Bell Peppers, and Tomatoes are undoubtedly delicious and nutritious, but hold off till you have a few more bucks in your budget. Try strange new tubers like Turnips, Beets, and Rutabaga's that are delicious, last ages in the refrigerator, and are a fun occasional departure from the standard Carrots and Potatoes. Heck, try something a little different with your good old Carrots and Potatoes. Give Cabbage a real genuine shot in your life, fried up with just a little Salt, Pepper, and Butter, Cabbage is like giving your taste buds a hand job. Add a few fried Potatoes, and a couple scrambled Eggs and you have a tasty filling meal for maybe as many a 5 people for about $3, not per person, but total.

Note: If you don't get the title of this post, please watch 'Mission Hill,' you'll probably like it.

P.A.-P.H.D. Chocolate Bacon Muffins

2012-08-23T19:06:00.000-07:00

During a recent conversation on Facebook someone mentioned wanting Chocolate, someone else mentioned wanting Bacon, and I figured that, since that pairing has recently become trendy, and I like muffins, fuck it time for Chocolate Bacon Muffins. The name is a tribute to a woman I barely know, have only met once, but whom I have had some very fine online discourse with over the years, and upon whose Facebook wall the initial conversation appeared.

Here's What You'll Need:
8 Ounces of Applewood Smoked Bacon
1 3/4 Cups Flour
1 Cup Chocolate Chips
1 Cup Milk
3/4 cup Sugar
1/3 Cup Bacon Grease
3 Tablespoons Hershey's Special Dark Cocoa Powder
1 Egg
2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
2 Teaspoons Instant Coffee
1 Teaspoon Applewood Smoked Sea Salt (Plus more to finish)
1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
1/2 Teaspoon Baking Soda

Here's What You'll Do:
1. Using scissors, cut your Bacon into 1/4 inch squares, and fry over medium heat until crispy.
2. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
3. Separate your bacon from it's grease and allow both to cool for several minutes.
4. Combine 1/3 of a cup of your bacon grease (if you don't get enough while frying your bacon, either make up the difference with butter, or fry yourself some extra bacon...) with 1/2 a cup of chocolate chips and all of your sugar.
5. Microwave on high for 30 seconds then whisk until your chocolate and sugar fully dissolve.
6. Whisk in your Vanilla Extract, Milk, and Egg.
7. Add the rest of your Chocolate Chips and 3/4 of your bacon pieces, then stir to combine.
8. In a separate bowl, combine your Flour, Coffee, Baking Powder, Baking Soda, Cocoa Powder, and Salt, then whisk to combine.
9. Using a silicone spatula, add your wet ingredients to your dry ingredients.
10. Stir until the mixture is just coming together, that means there WILL be liquidy pocket, there WILL be lumps, and there WILL be areas of dry Flour. Do not continue to fucking mix it! This is exactly how it is supposed to be.
11. Grease and Flour a standard 12 cup Muffin tin, or spray it down with Bakers Joy.
12. Using a spoon, or you know, whatever works for you, scoop the batter into your Muffin Tin, trying your best to keep it distributed evenly.
13. Add the final 1/4 of your Bacon, distributed evenly across the tops of all your prospective Muffins, and sprinkle each lightly with Applewood Smoked Sea Salt.
14. Bake for 20 minutes, rotating your pan at the 10 minute mark to ensure that they cook evenly.
15. Allow to cool completely (really, just wait FFS, I know they smell good.)
16. Pop loose from their little steel beds and devour ravenously.

Notes: Some of you may wonder why 'Preheat' comes in as step two in this recipe. The answer is simple, I'm using a 400 degree oven in August, I don't want that thing on any longer than absolutely needed, if I do more Muffins in December you'll notice the difference.

Bonus Points: Split one of those tiny brown bad asses in half and spread on a little Nutella. Or better yet, Dobrova, which tastes just like Nutella, but is considerably cheaper.

Trigger Fingers

2012-08-05T00:45:00.000-07:00

Pictured with Our Black as Midnight BBQ Sauce

So... remember in my Interview with Ben from North Market Spices how he was talking about their 'Gunslinger Rub,'? Well, I can't pass up good spice recommendations and I picked up a bag. And it was delicious, so, one evening in a mood for one of the comfort foods from my youth I decided to make up a batch of Chicken Tenders, and lo, the birth of something wonderful.

Here's What You'll Need:

1 Pound of Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast

4 Cups of Flour

1 1/2 Tablespoons of North Market Spices Gunslinger Rub

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Cut your chicken into thin strips lengthwise, about 1/8 of an inch thick.

2. Toss the Chicken Strips into a zip top storage bag with the Gunslinger Rub, make sure they are evenly coated, and squeeze the air out of the bag.

3. Refrigerate for at least an hour.

4. Put your Flour into a large shallow container, like an 8x8 cake pan, and a few at a time place the Chicken Strips in the pan, bury with flour and press down lightly to make sure the flour adheres.

5. Lay each strip in a single layer on a plate and allow to rest for at least 20 minutes at room temperature. This will give the flour time to form a little Gluten, which will help it hold together in the fryer, as well as giving the chicken time to get a little closer to room temperature. You don't want to hold raw meats between 40 degrees and 140 degrees (known professionally as 'The Danger Zone') because it gives bacteria time to breed, but a few minutes shouldn't hurt anything, and the closer your Tenders are to room temperature when they enter the fryer the less cool down you will experience from your oil, the faster and easier each piece will leave 'The Danger Zone' and the crispier the end product will become.

6. One at a time drop your Tenders into a deep fryer heated to 350 degrees Fahrenheit for approximately 6-8 minutes, or until the internal temperature reaches 165 degrees Fahrenheit. (I know, this can be tricky to determine with fried foods, but that's why you sliced them so thin Chief. Also, get a digital probe thermometer, you can get one for like, $20 and it might save someones life.)

7. Using Tongs or a 'Fryer Spider' extract your Trigger Fingers and place them on either a wire cooling rack on a sheet pan, or a couple of paper towels on a plate for a minute to wick away excess grease.

8. Enjoy with our Black as Midnight BBQ Sauce as pictured above, or with Sour Cream, or maybe even ranch dressing (I personally hate the stuff and feel like it is for people who don't want to taste food, they just want to taste ranch. I will be disappointed in you if you go for the Ranch, but unless you're one of a very small number of people I'm probably not peeking through your window to watch you eat, so I'll likely never know.)

A Day at the Market: North Market Spices

2012-07-17T20:41:00.003-07:00

There nestled in the North-West corner of the North Market is probably the highest concentration of flavor in Downtown Columbus, a place where volatile essential oils rattle the seeds that bind them, where piles of gold(en Curry) and Crystal(ized Ginger) abound, the very same wealth that lead (an admittedly bewildered) Christopher Columbus across the oceans to the shores of The New World, behold: North Market Spices!
That's where I met Ben Walters, a man of above average height and jovial disposition, and the figurative Dragon to whom this treasure horde belongs. After a few quick greetings we retired to the upper deck of the Market where it was quiet enough to speak.

C-Bus D.- "So how long have you been in business, and was it always here at The North Market?"

B.W.- " 2 years, and yeah, this is our first and only store so far."

C-Bus D.-" Wow, I'd imagine the rent here is crazy, especially for a first business."

B.W.-" No, not really. The Market is actually built as a kind of small business incubator. They want to foster small local businesses, no big chains, they don't want anything like that here."

C-Bus D.-" So, when did you find food? I mean, when did it become more a part of your life than just sustenance?"

B.W.-" It kind of started early in high school with my hate for leftovers. I'd come home late from Hockey practice and not want to reheat something. But it really blossomed more, you know, when I was in college and I was the only person who knew how to cook. If you wanted a home cooked meal I was the guy to go to for it."

C-Bus D.-" So, what got you into spices specifically?"

B.W.- " I've always liked to add flair to my food, you travel via your palate to different areas of the world. But really what got me into the store was sort of a lack of access to decent spices. There are a few other stores in town, but the one I was mostly going to in college, I could never really get there when they were open 'cause I lived and worked in the down town area. It was really just impossible to get there when they were open. Then one day I was sitting here having lunch with my Father and something had closed in the market and I said 'God, I hope they put in a spice store!' And he said, 'Ben, that's a great idea.' So I filled out an application, went through the whole process and here I am."

C-Bus D.- "So you just sort of threw it together on a whim?"

B.W.-" Yeah, I'd never done any sort of business before and it's my life now."

C-Bus D.-" So, what's your process when you make your house blend spice mixes?"

B.W.-" Sometimes it's just me playing around with different flavor combinations. Sometimes it will be a customer who brings me a blend from somewhere else that they just can't get anymore and I'll either get very close or exactly reconstruct it for them. Sometimes restaurants will come to me and they want something blended specifically for them and I'll come up with a few bases and whichever one they like I'll refine. For example, yesterday I came up with a new blend for a new taco truck, well a food truck, called 'That Food Truck,' opening this Saturday(July 14th 2012). They wanted something custom for them and I threw together a few things till they found the one they liked. It ended up really good, they were really impressed, I was really happy with it, and it was really different from anything else I've come up with before."

(Short break in the interview while we nerded out talking about how amazing Columbus food culture is...)

C-Bus D.- "Before I found North Market Spices I had to do most of my spice shopping online, which is nice when you already know what the spices are but it feels like a gamble buying things you're not familiar with, unlike here where you can see and smell the spices first. The rest of my spice shopping was split up between about 8 specialty ethnic grocers. And honestly, after shopping around so much I can say your prices are really reasonable."

B.W.-" That's kind of the point of being here. I don't want to feel like I'm gouging people. I want a high quality product at an accessible price, and like you mentioned about going so many places, I try to buy as much of that hard to find specialized stuff and centralize it because I know there is a demand for it. "

C-Bus D.- "So, while on vacation you're on a boat, and an errant wave washes you into the briny deep. Struggling to survive you latch onto a piece of floating debris and pass out. When you come to you're on the shore of a beautiful but entirely deserted island. It turns out that the 'debris' you latched onto happens to be a solar powered temporal stasis chamber containing a lifetime supply of one spice, what do you hope is inside?"

B.W.- (Obviously struggling) "Ooooooooh, always soo hard to answer....Oh man, my tastes always change so much.. If I HAVE to choose I'm going to have to go with our new 'Gunslinger Rub'. It's a really spicy Habenero rub. It's got a great flavor and a great heat, and its spicy enough I could probably use it to preserve some stuff. My favorite thing to do with that is just rub it on some chicken wings and grill them, so simple. And it's not a traditional Southern Style Rub, we left the Sugar out of that one. We sweetened it with Sweet Smoked Spanish Paprika and Sun Dried Tomato Powder, plus Habenero has that sort of fruity sweetness along with the heat. "

C-Bus D.-"What do you hope is not in the chamber?"

B.W.-" Hmm... What do I not use? Man, I guess, and it's not that I dislike Orange Zest, 'cause I do like it. But I guess it'd be Orange Zest, I enjoy it, but I think I could make it without it."

And with a few minutes of discussion about spices, this column, The North Market, and Columbus food our interview wound down. (I ended up trying the Gunslinger Rub, it was pretty bitchin' but I wouldn't recommend it for people who can't handle heat.)

The North Market
Trigger Fingers Made with North Market Spices 'Gunslinger Rub'

Baba Yaga Ganoush

2012-07-03T15:15:00.000-07:00

Smooth with a subtle smokiness and a lingering bite, our Baba Yaga Ganoush is a great dip or sandwich topper, low in calories and fat and high in flavor. If you're wondering why I related this Middle-Eastern favorite with a Russian folk tale I have just three words for you, "Mortar and Pestle." Look it up.

Here's What You'll Need:

1 Large Eggplant (about a pound and a half)
2 Tablespoons Tahini
2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice
3 Cloves of Garlic
1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
1 Tablespoon Black Sesame Seeds
2 Teaspoons Applewood Smoked Sea Salt
1/2-1 Teaspoon Habenero Powder

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Poke holes all across the skin of your Eggplant with a fork, the more holes the smokier your Baba will taste.
2a. (For those with an Electric Stove) On a foil lined cookie sheet place your Eggplant under your Broiler on high, rotating every few minutes to evenly blacken the skin. The longer you go with this step the more of a smokey flavor your Baba will develop as the smoke from the burnt outer skin makes its way in through your previously poked air holes.
2b. (For those with a Gas Stove) Using tongs (and an oven mitt, I hope you guys already knew this part) rotate your Eggplant over a medium flame from one of your burners allowing the skin to blacken evenly.
3. Bake your Eggplant for 20-30 minutes at 375 degrees Fahrenheit until tender enough that a fork meets little resistance at the center.
4. Allow to cool. And scoop the insides into your largest Mortar and Pestle (or Food Processor if you're feeling lazy) and grind to a paste with all other ingredients, saving the Sesame Seeds for last and just giving them a quick stir in.
5. Gobble that shit down on some crackers, or tortilla chips, or even the traditional flat bread of your choice.

Restaurant Review: Park Street Cantina

2012-06-25T11:01:00.000-07:00

Nestled behind the North Market (a place I still have yet to really explore) lies The Park Street Cantina, a place oozing with it's own distinctive charm. Enormous portions, reasonable prices, and a plethora of house made sauces make The Park Street Cantina a notable addition to our beloved city. Mary and I both had a great time on both of our Park Street visits, the first being during Origins Game Fair when we once again failed to make it to the North Market before it closed. The place is just plain cool, the decorations are neat, there is a weird ass claw game where you catch live lobsters, you can sit on a swing at the bar (which I hated while eating, but started to enjoy after the first pitcher of Margaritas), and the servers are super friendly in a way that suggests they are genuinely nice and not putting on an act(after a decade in the food industry I can spot the 'server act' and it makes me want to slowly choke the life from someone). That being said, besides the house made salsa and the 'Ultimate Mac and Cheese' which were fantastic, the food was kind of bland. I tried burgers and wraps, beef and chicken fajitas and tacos between the two visits and it was all very very okay. Maybe it was very authentic and I'm too used to jazzed up over spiced U.S. style Mexican food? I don't know, I just wasn't impressed.

Final Ranking
C+ (The food isn't bad for the price and at the quantity. They have great happy hour specials, a great staff, and all in all the place is just a great time waiting to be had. I expected more wow factor from the food than I got.)

Find them online at: http://www.parkstreetcantina.com/

Some Kind of Salsa

2012-06-09T10:31:00.002-07:00

Pictured with Tortilla Chips

Salsa is one of America's most popular condiments, second only to ketchup (or well ahead of ketchup if you go by cost instead of volume, which would be silly.) The problem with salsa is that it is expensive, can be ridiculously over salted, and if you try a lot of different types instead of sticking with the first brand that you enjoy, you're in for A LOT of disappointments between salsas that are worth eating. So here is a basic salsa recipe that you can fuck around with and customize. In addition to the normal measurements I'm going to include a quick note as to what each ingredient brings to the salsa flavor wise.

Here's What You'll Need:
4 Diced Medium Tomatoes (Sweet and tangy, Tomatoes make up the body of your salsa)
1/2 Diced Red Onion (Sweet with a bit of bite)
1/2 Diced White Onion ( Tangy and somewhat Spicy)
1 Clove Minced Garlic (Garlic brings.... well you know, Garlic flavor)
3 Sprigs Minced Cilantro ( A classic Salsa flavor Cilantro tastes light and Springlike, but also sort of soapy, in a good way)
1 Lime worth of Juice (Freshness and acidity)
1 Tablespoon Sriacha Sauce (Heat, lots of heat)
2 Teaspoons Agave Nectar (Sweetness that mellows some of the harsher flavors and helps them meld)
1 1/2 Teaspoons of Kosher Salt (Salt doesn't make things salty unless you add way too much, it makes all of the other flavors more vibrant.)
1 Teaspoon Fresh Cracked Black Pepper ( Spice and flavor)

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Mix everything together.
2a. Enjoy it.
2b. Don't enjoy it, then modulate the amounts of all these ingredients until you do like it, then write your new ingredients list down as your own personal salsa recipe and blow your friends minds with it.

More coming soon.

2012-05-16T09:53:00.001-07:00

Sorry about the delay folks but an ATM machine ate my bank card and I have no other access to my money until the new card arrives. No trouble eating because I've got a packed pantry but it's difficult to pick up the odds and ends for new recipes when you're broke. Oh well. I should be able to access my money again by the 24th and then we'll see what's cooking.

Strawberry Smoothie Mini Cakes

2012-05-02T11:07:00.000-07:00

Hey, people! This is my first post on the C-bus Digest. I've been behind the scenes the whole time....watching you through the screen....waiting to strike with furious food knowledge.

Except not really. I'm not very into the whole blog writing thing. It's not my deal. I've mostly been Will's kitchen assistant, restaurant buddy, and food photographer (speaking of photographing food, I WILL be taking better pictures! I just found my camera cord so I don't have to use the phone camera.)

What brought me to writing a post was my recent recipe experiment. Strawberry brownies. No chocolate, just awesome berry flavor and none of that strawberry cake mix or nesquik bull.

Originally, I was looking for a thick, fudgy consistancy and tons of strawberry flavor, but during tonights 1 a.m. baking excursion I created something marvelous and unexpected.

Fluffy, delightful and moist with a thin, delicate, glazy crust of sugar. They don't quite seem like cupcakes to me. There's something different about them, in my opinion, but I'll call them cupcakes.

This recipe makes a LOT of mini cupcakes.

What you need:

1 cup room temp margarine
2 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
2 1/4 cups white sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups chopped strawberries
1/4 cup strawberry yogurt
1/4 cup strawberry jam
1/2 cup strawberry guava juice
a dallop of honey (about a tbsp)
(optional) 1 tsp Mango Amchur powder

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Line your mini muffin pans with cups. Spray the muffin papers with Baker's Joy, too. They stuck to our paper cups pretty well.
Combine the flour, salt, and baking powder. Feel ashamed as you 'sift' it with a whisk because you don't own a sifter....yet. Set it aside.

This is the 'smoothie' part! Pull out your blender and throw the berries, yogurt, jam, juice, mango amchur, and a dollop of honey in there, then blend well. Taste it. Its pretty good. Make your room mates taste it too. Set it aside.

Cream the butter and sugar together until smooth. Whisk in those eggs, vanilla, and maybe a drop or two of red food coloring.

Pour your blender-full of berry flavor into the butter mixture. Whisk it until its consistancy is uniform.
Whisk in the flour mixture about a half cup at a time. Whisk it until it is, once again, smooth. Scrape the sides as you go.

Fill your cupcake cups about 2/3's full each. Bake for 15 - 20 minutes or until springy when gently poked and a toothpick comes out clean.

Om Nom Nom Rings

2012-04-15T00:31:00.000-07:00

Onion rings, that delectable taste treat oh so many of us love to... treat like the weirdo cousin of the French Fried Potato. Oh sure, they're cool enough when they're hanging around, but much like Arnie from 'Hey Arnold!' you generally forget all about them five minutes after they leave. No more! Onion rings kick ass and you should be ashamed of yourself for hurting their feelings. After a long and tearful heart to heart I decided to help them step up their image and take their rightful place in the world of appetizers and side dishes as the bold and blazing star of the culinary world that they are, and should have always been. Really, they just needed a change of wardrobe, out with the soggy, droopy, old rags they usually wear and into a crisp spicy new get up that will make you go, 'Om nom nom, sweet thing, om nom nom...'

Here's What You'll Need:

1 Large White Onion (cleaned and sliced into 1/4 inch rings, or thicker if you think you can handle all that flavor)
1 Cup Greek Yogurt
1 Cup Milk
1 Cup All Purpose Flour
1/2 Cup Cornmeal
1 Tablespoon Fresh Ground Peppercorn ( I used Peppercorn Melange)
2 Teaspoons Onion Powder
1/2 Tablespoon Chicken Base
1 1/2 Teaspoons Salt
1 Teaspoon Garlic Powder
Oil for frying

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Combine all of your wet ingredients in a medium bowl.
2. Combine all of your dry ingredients in a separate medium bowl.
3. Place your Onion Slices into a zip seal bag with half of your Flour Mixture and shake vigorously.
4. Pour remaining flour back into its bowl.
5. Take your rings out of the bag and one or two at a time drop them in your liquid mixture making sure to coat them evenly.
6. Pull them from the liquid and, trying unsuccessfully not to drip all over your counter, place them back into your flour mixture.
7. Pull the flour over the rings and press down on them with your open palm gently but firmly. This helps ensure that the flour adheres properly. At this point you can repeat steps 5-7 as many times as you want, though we here at The Columbus Digest would recommend against doing more than double dipping.
8. Drop rings one at a time into a preheated electric deep fryer or a Dutch Oven filled with about 6 cups of Canola or other frying oil. (Mary and I have a regular, Wal-Mart purchased Fry Daddy Electric Fryer, it's pretty damn convenient, resealable to keep your oil fresh for a few uses, and we feel like it was worth the $25.)
9. After about a minute flip each ring, a minute after that pull them out and place them on a plate lined with paper towels to absorb the extra oil.
10. Quickly wipe off your counter, I wasn't messing with you in step '6.' you probably dripped shit everywhere and it'll be the Dickens to get up if you let it dry.
11. Eat the Hell out of those onion rings, maybe with some ketchup that a wandering Hobo accidentally dropped a Basil Leaf into the way we did, or maybe with our Black as Midnight BBQ Sauce, or Wasabenero Sauce.

Spring Chicken Salad

2012-04-06T12:32:00.002-07:00

Light and refreshing, this dish trumpets that Spring has sprung with a burst of fresh fruit and fresh herbs. Though a quick warning, this is a bit more involved than some of our recipes...

Here's What You'll Need: For the Lime Mango Vinaigrette
1 Small Ripe Mango (Peeled, Pitted, and Diced)
1/2 Cup White Vinegar (or Rice Wine Vinegar)
1/4 Cup of Clover Honey
1/4 Cup Soy Sauce
1 1/2 Tablespoons Brown Sugar
Juice from 1/2 Small Lime
1/2 Teaspoon Fresh Lime Zest
1/2 Teaspoon Salt

Here's What You'll Do: For the Vinaigrette
1. Combine all ingredients in a small sauce pan.
2. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to simmer for 5 minutes.
3. Run through food processor on highest setting for 30 seconds.
4. Allow to cool completely.

Here's What You'll Need: For the Chicken
3 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts
1/2 of your Lime Mango Vinaigrette

Here's What You'll Do: For the Chicken
1. Place your Chicken Breasts into a zipper seal storage bag and pour half of your Vinaigrette over them.
2. Squeeze as much of the air as possible out of the bag and seal it.
3. Give the bag a good shaking to evenly coat the Chicken and allow to marinade for 45 minutes.
4. Bake Chicken for 45 minutes or until it reaches an internal temperature of 165 degrees Fahrenheit.
5. Allow the chicken 5-10 minutes to cool and slice into 1/4 inch thick slabs.

Here's What You'll Need: For the Salad
Your favorite salad "Fixins"
4-5 sprigs of fresh Cilantro (finely chopped)
Juice from the other 1/2 of that Lime, you know, from before

Here's What You'll Do: For the Salad
1. Mix your usual Salad ingredients with the Cilantro and Lime Juice
2. Separate into 3-4 bowls and top with Chicken Slices
3. Drizzle remaining Vinaigrette over your salads.
4. Enjoy the sensation of a fine damn Spring Day blossoming in your mouth.

Restaurant Review- Dirty Franks Hot Dog Palace

2012-04-03T18:43:00.000-07:00

The first time you hear the name, Dirty Franks Hot Dog Palace you'll probably laugh, then you'll ask if that is a real place. Well, it is, and despite it's name it's really a very clean establishment. Set right in the heart of down town on 4th Street, Franks still feels like a hidden treasure tucked away in 'The Discovery District'.

Upon entering you'll first notice the decor, off beat hand painted posters for musical legends and sports greats, using just enough clutter to evoke the feeling of a filthy dive without any of the dirt, stains, or spills and their immaculately clean kitchen is open and visible not thirty feet away.
Since I'm newer at this blogging business I don't usually carry photographer release forms on me, so I didn't catch any photo's of the crowd but it was an eclectic mix from middle aged men talking sports to hipsters probably trying to eat a new item before any of their friends so they can become disgusted with it when it catches on, from soccer moms to a guy who looked so stoned the painting of The Rolling Stones kept looking at him like it was worried.
Matt, our server, was friendly and talkative without being disruptive to our meal. He was very knowledgeable about the restaurants expansive selection without giving unsolicited advice or opinions.

Now on to the single most important aspect of any restaurant, the food. I always try to make at least 2 forays to an establishment before I review it, preferably with a few friends in tow so I can nibble off thier plates and get a broader view of what the kitchen is capable of doing. At this point I've had about six of Franks hot dog offerings, and they have all been excellent. Pictured above clockwise are: Onion Rings (big, juicy, Onion Rings, the kind that actually have a big ring of onion inside, not the more common onion powder flavored corn chip tasting mother fuckers you see everywhere. These are onion rings worth hopping on a bus to down town for...), The Seoul Dog (topped with deliciously spicy 'why won't you kiss me' Korean Kim Chee), and The Slappy Pappy's Super Sloppy ( my arteries may never be the same, but they will ALWAYS look back at this heaping mess of a hot dog with fond memories and hopes for many happy returns.) The price for everything shown above: about ten bucks, well worth it for the quality ingredients, creative flair, and amazing flavors.

Final Ranking

A+ (Great food at great prices, unique decor, great service, and a ton of culinary creativity, Dirty Franks Hot Dog Palace turn Hot Dogs from what you eat when the burgers run out into a show stopping flavor powerhouse.)

Plus I saw this on the way in... how sweet is that?!

Dirty Franks Online

Potato Candy?

2012-03-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, Potato Candy, soft, creamy, delicious, puzzlement inducing. The most common reaction when I mention Potato Candy is, 'Potato What? Eww!' The most common reaction when people try it for the first time is, 'Oh wow, that's amazing! There are potatoes in this?' Now normally I try to give you folks neatly measured recipes but Potato Candy is more magic than science so you really just have to do it by gut feel.

Here's What You'll Need:
1 Mashed Potato
A LOT (I mean it, have a ton of it on hand) of Powdered Sugar
Some Peanut Butter

Here's what you'll do:
1. Put some mashed potato into a large mixing bowl and start mixing in powdered sugar till it forms a thick dough. In the famous words of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, 'DON'T PANIC.' When you first start mixing in the Powdered Sugar it will turn into a weird thin gruel, just keep adding more until it thickens.
2. Place the dough between two sheets of waxed paper and roll it out into a long thin sheet.
3. Spread a layer of peanut butter across the sheet of dough leaving about 1/2 an inch clearance on each edge.
4. Roll the dough up as tightly as possible (which is usually not very) and allow it to set for 30 minutes.
5. Cut into 1/2 inch thick slices and allow to set an additional 30 minutes so that they harden and are no longer sticky.
6. Eat those tasty little spud sweets.