4 minute expressions

A tough week

2011-12-20T23:00:00.001+02:00

Returned to Joburg a week early. Felt crummy, living on stopayne and hearing about my mom's pneumonia.

Got an extra treatment on Wednesday. Felt a little better but had to experience nausea and vomiting on Thursday. The previous treatment didn't do that. Got another treatment on Monday. I remember voices talking about the choice and the treatment being worse than the disease. Don't believe them! The disease is worse. I get an extra treatment on Thursday. After each treatment I feel better - even if only for a few days! Besides, they keep me alive.

The centre is about to close for two weeks in honour of the silly season. Well, most people get away for a while as it is also time for the summer vacation. It is also about the only time that the doctor gets a chance for a break. Which is why I get the benefit of another treatment on Thursday.

So is hasn't been all bad. Have been a little low, but as I feel better, things will improve. Have already been enjoying the hot Joburg weather. The pool is coming right...

By the way, the holiday wasn't a disaster. We experienced new places and enjoyed Knysna. Then the pain began and it had to end.

The new treatment has some advantages too. It goes much quicker. Once started, it takes about an hour. Unlike the previous treatment that could take about three hours and hardened the veins. The important part is that it works. E will see if it is effective in fighting the cancer or at least restoring some stability. Time will tell. At least now there is some reason to be positive.

Not always easy to be positive

2011-12-13T08:36:00.000+02:00

"Be positive". Oft given advice and a remedy for almost anything. Easily said. There have even been books written about the power of being positive. Some of the proponents make you feel quite guilty about feeling bad about anything. Even bad events can be seen in a positive light. Bad things don't happen to positive people.

Bad things do happen to positive people. But the advice keeps coming in from all directions. "Stay positive."

Through much of thisj experience of pancreas cancer I have managed to maintain a positive attitude. It wasn't difficult for a while. The marker was stable and I was feeling all right. But things change. Setbacks occur and you begin to wander what is really in store.

A few weeks ago I began with great abdominal discomfort. Then the marker changed. The new treatment seemed to help but going on holiday after only one treatment didn't. The fevers got worse. The pain increased and the Panado had to make way for stopayne. Yesterday we cut our holiday short. An extra treatment before the yer end break seemed like a better option. Not really great to be bed ridden in Knysna.

As a result I am not quite as positive as I was. That could change if there is just a little reason for hope.

Knysna and the Garden Route - some observations

2011-12-10T13:26:00.001+02:00

We arrived in George a little over a week ago, picked up the hire car and made our way to Knysna. It never occurred to me that the 60 km journey would take over an hour. The N2 is a national road but is not quite in the highway category. The speed limit changes regularly between 100, 80 and 60 kpm.

The road makes its way through towns, unlike some of the country's major highways where the roads bypass the smaller places.

What has amazed me is the local compliance to speed limits. The vast majority of motorists comply. With a 60 kpm limit they travel at 60, not at 65 or 69 but at 60! I have not seen this anywhere in the world. What it suggests to me is that if you speed you will be caught.

As we travelled from Knysna to the Elephant Park yesterday, we came across a stretch of the N2 (a national road) where only one lane was open for a 2km stretch. The other lane was closed for roadworks. There was a system in place to allow traffic through from one direction, and then from another. As we travelled through it became apparent that the actual road works were all at the one end for a mere 30 metres. The mind boggles!

The other major observation here is the average age of the residents. It seems that it is a choice retirement destination. The result is a shortage of young people or a balanced spread of ages. This is quite a shame. It seems that most of us have to hit the cities to make a living.

We have stopped to eat at a number of establishments since arriving. The first place was excellent, but the atmosphere was somewhat lacking. A few other tables were occupied by much older couples. A beach bar in Sedgefield served chips that looked fine but were covered with 2mm of oil. I ate them all and lived to regret it later. We stopped at an Italian restaurant where I opted for an Italian salad. How can you get that so wrong? One of our worst eating experiences ever. Then there was a pub restaurant. We chose a sirloin steak, according to the menu the meat is well aged. I had vegetables instead of chips. It took me a while to realise why they were so bad. They came from one of those frozen vegetable selections! The steak was equally bad.

A drive to Plettenburg Bay provided a welcome change. A beachside restaurant provided good food at a reasonable price. Unfortunately, the winds were just too strong to allow us to enjoy the beach. Finally, the Ocean Basket last night was good.

Knysna Elephant Park 2

2011-12-10T12:23:00.001+02:00

The park was established in 1994 with two elephants. All the elephants are orphans. They have been trained so that visitors able to touch and interact with them.

Knysna Elephant Park

2011-12-10T12:18:00.001+02:00

These are two of the babies. One is three, the other five.

Knysna Heads - view from the top

2011-12-08T10:08:00.001+02:00

A view from Sedgefield

2011-12-04T10:48:00.002+02:00

Knysna - View from the house

2011-12-04T10:45:00.002+02:00

Knysna

2011-12-03T15:37:00.001+02:00

Arrived in George Wednesday. The plane was delayed and landed about an hour later than scheduled. Collected the car for the short drive to Knysna. The drive turned out to be a lot slower than expected. Long stretches of road with 60 kph speed limit.

All the way they view is quite stunning. Eventually we arrived and were very thankful for the advance party - the sons- that had organized supplies and especially food.

The house itself is stunning with great views of the lagoon. The weather so far has been warm and pleasant. Not as hot as I would have hoped, but still very pleasant.

Of course the thing that makes a massive difference is just being away from it all. Far away from the urban sprawl, the heavy traffic and the rest.

So far have been to the Knysna Waterfront and the mall. Drove down to Buffel Bay - a very quiet and secluded beach with long expanses of beautiful sand. One of the first things I noticed was a Jellyfish lying on the beach. Forewarned is forearmed so we managed to avoid those.

So far have been feeling okay, so hopefully will continue that way. Photos to follow.

What a difference a day makes

2011-11-29T22:05:00.001+02:00

Yesterday was chemo day and the first day of an entirely new treatment. We finished late in the afternoon and arrived home exhausted at about 5:00 p.m.

It wasn't long before I began to feel much stronger. Newly energised and much healthier.

Today has been pretty good too. Up at 6:00 a.m. Two of my sons are driving down to Knysna and I was up to pack the cooler bags. We will be joining them for over two weeks after a short flight on Thursday. Feeling well is certainly a help. The discomfort and lack of energy of just a few days ago seems to have gone - for now! The day carried on with visits to the vet, the airport, the shops, the pharmacy and the bank. My pans for a braai (barbecue) fell through because of the weather so my steaks were simply grilled.

The boys have stopped for the night at Graaf Reinet, about four hour away from the destination. Tomorrow we must ach and prepare whatever we need for the trip.

Knysna is in the Western Cape, on the famous garden route. It lies on a lagoon, the entrance of which is maked by enormous heads. Photos will follow. I am also looking forward to exploring the elephant park and other places of interest in the area.

What a difference a few hours have made to the way that I feel! I just hope it continues.

A long, tough week

2011-11-27T21:35:00.001+02:00

A tough week. Discomfort in the abdomen, poor digestion and bloatedness. On Wednesday I arrived for my chemo and did the blood tests. Then we waited for ages. The doctor apologized, he wanted time to talk and had to get through the chemo patients first. The marker had changed significantly, so the next step was an ultrasound scan.

Two people did the scan. The most significant result was that the lesions in the liver had grown, but they were still in the liver.

Back to the doctor, and a new treatment beginning tomorrow. Now I must hope that the new treatment will be effective. It seems that for four months the previous treatment kept my condition stable, so it worked for a while. Now I can feel the lesions. After the podding during the scan they became quite painful.

So here I am hoping that I'll be reenergised again and that the discomfort will go.

side-effects, energy and more

2011-11-17T22:37:00.001+02:00

Fell into bed last night exhausted at about 11:30. 75 minutes later I decided to get out of bad and watch some TV. All that I could find was a third rate movie called Gloria starring Sharon Stone. It did manage to hold my attention for the next 105 minutes. Sleep followed.

Slept in a little late this morning, but not enough to compensate for the lost hours. Still, I felt energised and managed a number of activities until my stomach began to feel very queasy. This is one of the major side effects of the chemo tablet that I have. Luckily, it doesn't happen often and when it does I am allowed Imodium. Spent the rest of my day and evening with my stomach cramping.

A small price to pay for stabilised pancreas cancer!

When I picked up the iPad half an hour ago, I was notified that an iOS 5 upgrade had been downloaded and was ready to install. I went ahead. Then I tested the Blogger publish button. It worked! Weeks of frustration over. Hence this quick post! Let's see if it works again.

Chemotherapy over for this week

2011-11-16T20:57:00.001+02:00

I went straight to the lab when we arrived at the oncology centre this morning. The nurse filled a number of bottles with blood and then it was back to the waiting room. then there was a long wait. My blood results lay on the counter while the reception staff waited for them.

The doctor was very happy with me. All my bloods were good and all indications are that my condition is stable. Let it continue along that path!

All sorts of people come to the centre. Today there was an Italian couple. The husband was there for support and their young daughter popped in for about an hour. The patient had no hair but seemed happy with her loving family around her.

Sometimes we get to talk to the other patients, at other times we keep to our selves. Most patients have someone there for support. Often it is the spouse, sometimes the mother or father, sometimes daughters or sons. Sometimes a friend. Very few come for chemotherapy on their own. It is something that seems to draw in the families.

Being warm and summery the French doors are open onto the lovely garden. Some people sit at the outdoor tables eating their lunch. A woman nearby had reason to celebrate - her cancer count was down by half.

The chemotherapy is not something to be dreaded, rather looked forward to. For me, it is something that will be part of my life for years to come.

on a slightly different note

2011-11-16T17:29:00.001+02:00

Did I overstate my case? I know that I am not the only person that objects to using the terminology of terminal illness. The phrase has a decidedly deathly ring to it. When you have a terminal illness you are going to die. Everything until that point is just a wait for death. Even though I am more likely to die from this cancer than from any other cause, I could live for another ten years or more. No one knows.

In any event, writing about the issue certainly put an end to being upset.

My son believes that the psychologist wanted me to face the fact that I am going to die. At some point in the session I told him (the psychologist) that you could only face death when it happens. I don't think he agreed.

Days later. The tiredness and low energy that lasted till the weekend seems to have gone. Yesterday managed shopping, saw a movie - 50:50, managed some shopping and a meeting in the evening.

50:50 was an interesting film. Unfortunately we had to shiver in a very cold cinema while the temperature outside touched 35 degrees Celcius (why can't I find a degree symbol on the iPad?). The film is about a young guy that gets cancer. Interesting in part with a Hollywood decreed happy ending. There was much that we could relate to though.

I bought a pack of hand sanitisers! Something that I would have rejected as bordering on paranoia not so long ago. I keep them to wipe my hands when I have had to shake lots of people's hands. In my book this is not recommended for normal people. Just for the likes of me who have become prone to infection through chemotherapy. One guy was clearly sick with a streaming nose. I refused to shake his hand.

So I have been feeling strong once again. Tomorrow it's time for chemotherapy. That is a positive thing. I feel energised for a few days until the fatigue sets in. Perhaps it is the cortisone that makes all that energy available. The doctor says that my condition is stable. Another positive. No need for me to focus on dying!

Turbulence .... terminal illness

2011-11-12T21:13:00.001+02:00

The night is hot. I have been tossing and turning, my mind working through issues.

Something that seems to have upset me was Thursday morning's counselling session. During the course of the hour long session, the psychologist referred to me having a 'terminal illness' at least a dozen times. I don't believe that the use of this terminology is helpful. For one thing, I am trying to beat this thing. Then he came back to my prognosis. The Oncology Centre does not give a prognosis "because we don't know" as they put it.

As for me, I have not been focusing on death or on how long I have left. My focus is on life and prolonging my life and health for as long as is possible. The life expectancy and response to chemotherapy very much "depends on the patient" as the doctor likes to put it. But that seems to be of paramount importance to the psychologist. What is your prognosis? He cannot understand that there is none. He would even like me to see another doctor to get a prognosis!

I have decided not to return to counselling under these circumstances. To me, these sessions have become destructive. They do not help. I want to focus on maintaining my health and improving it where possible. Like everyone else, I will die at an undetermined date in the future. It will not help me or anyone else to be told that I have three or six or even seventeen months left.

Perhaps my wakeful state can be put to rest.

another day

2011-11-08T21:43:00.001+02:00

Tuesday evening. Another hot blue day with clear skies and just a hint of a breeze. The sun beats down. Just a few minutes of this on my head could cause serious sunburn. My skin is lays new, sensitive and thin. The latest addition to my wardrobe is a Panama hat. Made in China but a Panama nonetheless.

This week, specifically Wednesday, is my week off. My week off chemo. A well deserved break and a chance to recover from some of the side effects. So this time provides an opportunity to stretch a little. To do things I don't always do. Of course the best is that (hopefully) I can avoid that fatigue. It is the fatigue that limits what I do.

Back at home, the renovations are almost complete. The building, plumbing and tiling have all been done leaving the need for a splash of paint and a shower door. The renovations were all about adding new bathrooms to the house. A brand new bathroom in the maid's building and And indoor conversion that has resulted in a second bathroom. At last! After all these years.

I found the building activity a little disturbing. It placed additional demands on me, and the constant activity stops me from being able to fully relax and feel completely at home, at home! I'm glad it's nearly over.

The weather is set on a path of blue skies and high temperatures at east until the weekend. Perhaps it is time to try out our now blue and clear pool. I'm certain that swimming can only benefit me.

another beautiful day

2011-11-05T11:55:00.001+02:00

The sky is a deep blue. A cool breeze breaks the stillness of the air, a welcome change from the strong winds and overcast conditions of the last few days. At about 19 degrees C it is still cool, but the forecast for the next week shows clear skies with temperatures rising back into the thirties.

In the streets, the Jacaranda trees - those alien invasives! - dominate the skyline, providing a rich array of colours to brighten up the day for anyone that cares to look.

It is the Johannesburg spring, the start of the summer. A mixture of hot, clear beautiful weather interspersed with thunder showers. The overall weather pattern hasn't really changed, but the storms have generally become more violent with flooding and storm damage becoming more common.

In the midst of all this is me, enjoying the blue skies and spring weather. Talk radio 702 is broadcasting its solid gold weekend programs with songs by Michael Jackson and The Doors. I am relaxed, feeling healthy and well. Almost as if this dread disease is a fake.

No support for iPad in South Africa

2011-11-04T09:49:00.000+02:00

I decided to give Apple a chance to resolve my blogging problem from the iPad. The issue is that no matter what browser I use, when I attempt to publish the post simply vanishes and all that I am left with is an error. The problem began after upgrading to iOS 5 the latest Mac operating system.

I tried the support route. The electronic solution was simple nonsense and had nothing to do with my problem. The next step was to follow the link and have a consultant call me back through the express support channel. Just one problem. Only a handful of countries qualify for this. Why? Living in South Africa, the iPad is sold at a premium! There is a link for support in other countries. For South Africa, that support is limited to specific issues with the iPhone. Not very impressive if you ask me.

Now all that I can hope for is that someone from Apple will read my blog and respond. For this post, I am emailing the post to the blog. Then it should be published automatically.

... Well, the email option didn't work. That is a Google issue though. I ended up copying the post onto Google Docs then getting onto a REAL computer and posting the post from there.

sleepless in sydenham

2011-11-03T15:55:00.001+02:00

It is fast approaching 2:00 a.m. One of those nights. Had chemotherapy earlier and am now unable to sleep. Perhaps it has something to do with all the extra sleep I got over the last week. Now I don't need it. The reality is that it is probably the result of an overactive mind.

Yesterday we received some good news, but it was a trivial issue that got me upset and sparked the lack of sleep. Or maybe it is just one of those nights that I am destined to lie in bed sleepless for hours. I certainly do get them from time to time.

By the way, I am writing this on my Galaxy. I have already lost about five posts written on the iPad. There seems to be little chance of getting around the problem.

Feeling fine today I have another week off next week. A time for some of the side-effects to go away. Then there is our trip to Knysna in December. Something to look forward to and a great photo opportunity.

It is interesting to note that even under these somewhat trying times that life is good!

online again

2011-11-01T14:27:00.001+02:00

It has been a rather frantic time. Renovations, no matter how small are always disruptive. Then there is the waiting.

Back to chemo again tomorrow. The last session was Monday a week ago. I thought that I understood the pattern but with each passing week I get to understand the pattern better. The final realization is that there is no pattern. Each time, the effect may be unique. Chemo on Monday. I felt alive and energised on Monday and Tuesday. Then on Wednesday afternoon WHAM! Out for the count. Now where this is changing from previous weeks is that for much of Thursday and Friday the fatigue remained. I returned to feeling fully normal on Sunday. Well almost.

Then there is the question of side effects. There are some that I don't get and some that I do. I have intimate experience with the fatigue. I have also had extensive, itchy skin rashes from the other chemo that comes as a tablet.

But you discover more and more as you go. Just because you have been lucky enough to escape one of the primary side effects for three months doesn't mean you'll escape it next time. So when I say that I don't get nausea and vomiting (well hardly ever), it doesn't mean that I won't.

Looking forward to our holiday in December. Two and a half weeks away from everything and a nice break from the chemo. Then, I guess, its all back to normal.

My condition at present is stable. I look okay and am apparently doing well for someone with pancreas cancer. It is all down to staying positive (well, that plays a part) or as the doctor says, "it depends on the patient".

iOS 5 causing havoc

2011-10-28T13:14:00.000+02:00

Since the IOS upgrade I have been unable to post any blog posts from my iPad. This is somewhat problematic as the other computers in the house are generally in use for other purposes. Besides, what is the point of an expensive item such as an iPad if you are prevented from doing a whole range of things on the browser.

iPad was sold as being the best browsing experience ever. To me it has been disappointing. To start, the editing facilities are poor. It is very difficult to type accurately and even more difficult to get back to what you have typed when done.

When I use Opera, Chrome, IE, almost all of the functions of most sites work. The links work. If there is a facility to write and edit it can be done. Why don't half of these sites work on Safari!! After installing iOS 5, even fewer sites work. A major let down from what is supposed to be the creme de la creme of computer companies.

To get around the inability to post problem, I tried using one of the apps that allow you to create and edit documents. It is called documents. It seemed to work okay though I still could not post to Blogger. I exported the document to Google docs - the only remaining option. The result was totally unusable. There was an extra space between every character so I had no choice but to retype it and submit via my computer.

I really hope that someone sorts out these issues soon.

iOS 5, me and the iPad 2

2011-10-25T18:00:00.002+02:00

It took several attempts to get the new iOS 5. I was told that there was no network connection and that I needed to connect to the Internet first. An attempt to shift the blame when the problem was Apple’s server capacity.

After five attempts i was told that I needed to upgrade to the latest version of iTunes to do the upgrade. iTunes seems to require an upgrade every week. There is never a patch, always a full download and replace the whole thing. I have never detected a difference with the new version.

Several hours later, thew iPad was loaded with the latest operating system - iOS5.

New features include Twitter integration, improved calendar, notification service, iMessage and a new version of Safari (the Apple browser). Also new to the platform are reminders and Newsstand. Safari now has tabbed browsing in the iPad and about time too! Even the unmentionable MS have had tabbed browsing for a number of years already. Unfortunately, there are still way too many sites that don’t work properly on Safari lazy developers of an Apple issue?

Apple has done nothing to improve the document editing experience which I still rate as poor. No, change that to very poor. Getting back to correct a word or sentence is a slow, cumbersome, clumsy and time-consuming endeavour. The auto-correct still changes the spelling to American even though my language of choice is genuine English.

iMessage is a rather belated attampt by Apple to compete with Blackberry’s BMS. It is rather redundant ans What’s app is universally available - except of course for the iPad!.

The most noticable change following the upgrade was the dissapearance of over 60% (yes, sixty percent) of my apps. They have simply vanished - no fairwell, no explanation, just gone. That means wasting more time searching for and installing the same apps again. And all this ohn a device that is supposed to save me time.

The iPad camera now has an Options button. In the past you could simply shoot. Press the option button and you have the choice of using a grid. That is it. One option. The grid divides the screen into thirds horizontally and vertically. The idea is that it is easier to compose using the rule of thirds.

So what has been promoted as a major OS upgrade buys very little!

To shake or not to shake

2011-10-22T22:31:00.001+02:00

To most people this would seem like a rather strange question. I frequent a number of places such as my local Shul (synagogue) where I am well known to most of the people.

Chemotherapy can affect your blood counts in a number of ways. If the white count falls, it means that your autoimmune system has been compromised. That means that you become prone to catching infections. One you have picked up that unwanted infection you could battle to fight it off.

That is the reason why I am not allowed to get into a crowd, and I avoid that quite carefully. But at any one of these places, people generally expect to shake hands. Not a big deal for most - how often do you get sick from shaking hands?

In fact the risk - especially for me - can be quite immense. Some of the people will most certainly be carrying some sort of virus or bacteria. Even someone in perfect health could put me at risk. Before I shook his hand, he has already shaken the hands of another 20 to 30 people. The transfer of germs has taken place already. Then there is someone else to shake and so it goes on.

One option is to hide my hands in my pockets and refuse to remove them. Some may be offended. Others will understand one they knw the reasons. So far, I have not employed any such tactic. However, i spent the last week in great discomfort and the bud seems to be far from over. I firmly believe hat I caught this from a handshake with a man that (as I later discovered) had quite a serious cough. I was coughing and struggling to bring up phlegm within 36 hours. No laughing matter.

There is another option. This one is to carry around a bottle of hand sanitiser, the pink stuff that they use in hospitals. This could cause upset as well. The trick is to not let anyone see.

So, what is it to be?

One innocent man exchanged for 1027 terrorists.

2011-10-18T19:23:00.001+02:00

Gilad Shalit today retuned home after five years of near isolation in an Hammas prison. Israel has failed to secure his release through all these years.

Hammas declared the day as one of victory. It's act of kidnapping an Israeli soldier in 2006 has finally paid off with the release of 1027 Palestinian prisoners held by Israel.

The release of Gilad Shallit must certainly be welcomed. On his release he looked pale and fragile. He had not seen the sun for five years. Israelis are out in the streets to welcome him back.

The released prisoners are not innocent. They include the perpetrators of bombings and killing. Three of those released were responsible for a 2003 bombing of a scoop bus in Hafa that killed 17 and wounded another 40. Hammas sees them as heroes.

The interesting part of the deal is that Israel must be unique in the way it sees it's citizens. Is there any other country in the world that would agree to such a ransom for one person? Israel values one life more than 1027 prisoners. Hammas also see one Israeli as worth more than a thousand Palestinians. It was not necessary to abduct 1000 Israelis to do the swap. One was enough!

The main risk created by this exchange is that Hammas will now feel more powerful than ever. what will it try next?

The Samsung Galaxy S II

2011-10-16T09:51:00.001+02:00

When I received a text from my local cell phone supplier offering me the Samsung Galaxy i9100 S II, it was not really something that I had in mind. I decided to check it out on gsmarena - a site that tests and reviews every phone on the market, so their view must be worth something.

The review was fantastic - hardly a fault was found.

So with four iPhones and one IPad in the house already, I got to go for something completely different. Or perhaps not so different! The Galaxy has been accused of being a copy of the iPhone. But there are real differences.

First of all, the screen is a massive 4.3 inches. Plenty of space available. The phone is ultra thin weighing a mere 116 grams. Unlike the iPhone, no glass.

The Galaxy uses the latest Android operating system. This is my first android phone and so far so good. It certainly offers much more flexibility than any other phone that I have used. There also seem to be endless aps available. As for loading music, I was able to simple drag and drop from my computer. Not restricted to a single computer as with my iPad. I didn't have to do anything to add my contacts. They simply added themselves when I added my Gmail address. Simple. Hopefully it keeps the systems in sync.

Text editing is good. Unlike the iPad it is a simple matter to get back to a misspelled word to correct it. The phone offers handwriting recognition and voice recognition. I tried dictating a few sentences on google talk. The first sentence was perfect. The second garbage. And so it continued.

The 8 mp camera is one of the features of the phone that interested me. This one seems good. It also takes hd video at 1080p@30fps. The video has continuos autofocus. I will be trying this out later.

The Galaxy comes preloaded with dozens of apps. One of these allows you to create and edit MS Word, Excel and PowerPoint docs. It also comes with FM radio.

My main gripe so far is with the sound quality. As with the iPad, I felt that a top end device could have done a lot better. Even the much cheaper Nokia 5800 has better sound. The headphones are cheap and nasty too. The sound improved greatly through a pair of Apple headphones (something that was sadly not included with the iPad).

I do like the fact that the phone is light weight, has a large screen and is easy to use. Time will tell more about the quality and longevity of the phone.