Take Your Vitamin Z

How to Ask for Forgiveness

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 16:00:00 +0000

Making this a habitual practice would make our marriages, families, and churches the most beautiful places on earth.

I would probably say that nothing has changed the tone of my marriage in the last 5 to 7 years as much as having the phrase, "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" come out of our mouths.

Ray Deck III:

As people grow closer, friction is bound to occur. Both small and not-so-small offenses are inevitable. Nobody likes to apologize, but Scripture tells us to confess our faults to one another (James 5:16), seek reconciliation when we wrong one another (Matthew 5:23), and forgive each other (Ephesians 4:32).

While a heartfelt apology can mend even the most charred relational bridge, a poorly made apology often accomplishes the opposite. When you find yourself in the wrong, make sure your apology includes the following elements.

Express regret | “I’m sorry.”

If you feel bad, say so. Give voice to your regret. This is a necessary first step.

We’ve muddied the waters by overusing the word “sorry.” We say:

“I’m sorry your house needs to be fumigated.”

“I’m sorry you’re feeling under the weather.”

“I’m sorry someone else hurt your feelings.”

None of these instances warrant an apology, but we use the word “sorry” to express solidarity with less-than-ideal circumstances. When you’re in the wrong, “I’m sorry about the circumstances” just doesn’t cut it. You have to go further.

Accept guilt | “I was wrong.”

Take ownership of your fault. Don’t worry about properly assigning partial blame to anyone else. That’s not your job (Deuteronomy 32:35). An apology does not seek justice—it seeks forgiveness. (Click to tweet) Don’t bother with an explanation, unless one will help avoid a repeat offense.

Request forgiveness | “Will you forgive me?”

Asking for forgiveness places the offended party in control. It gives them the next move. They can choose to forgive or hold a grudge, and it won’t matter much to you which option they choose. Your business is to express regret, accept guilt, and request forgiveness. Whatever happens beyond that is someone else’s concern.

Never say “but”

If at any point you hear yourself saying “but” or “that being said,” stop. You’re doing something wrong. An apology should never include a defense or an attempt to share the blame. If the offended party chooses to own their contribution, that’s their business. Your objective is to mend a relationship by confessing a fault. Don’t replace the original fault with a new one by mounting a character defense.

If you’re serious about building a community of faith, you’ll need to master the art of apologizing.

The Worst Viper in the Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 15:47:00 +0000

Pride is the worst viper that is in the heart; it is the first sin that ever entered into the universe, and it lies lowest of all in the foundation of the whole building of sin, and is the most secret, deceitful and unsearchable in its ways of working, of any lusts whatsoever; it is ready to mix with everything; and nothing is so hateful to God, and contrary to the spirit of the Gospel, or of so dangerous consequence; and there is no one sin that does so much let in the Devil into the hearts of the saints, and expose them to his delusions.

- Jonathan Edwards, The Distinguishing Marks of a Work of the Spirit of God, Yale 4:277-78.

(HT: Sam Storms)

I Know What You Really Think of Me

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 14:41:00 +0000

Ever hit "reply all" when you should have just hit "reply"? Depending on the content of the email that could be the worse feeling in the world once it leaves your inbox. Tim Kreider, writing for the NY Times shares a story like this and brings some helpful reflections. It's great writing and seen through the lens of gospel-centered community, this article is very meaningful. Here is the conclusion:

We don’t give other people credit for the same interior complexity we take for granted in ourselves, the same capacity for holding contradictory feelings in balance, for complexly alloyed affections, for bottomless generosity of heart and petty, capricious malice. We can’t believe that anyone could be unkind to us and still be genuinely fond of us, although we do it all the time.

Years ago a friend of mine had a dream about a strange invention; a staircase you could descend deep underground, in which you heard recordings of all the things anyone had ever said about you, both good and bad. The catch was, you had to pass through all the worst things people had said before you could get to the highest compliments at the very bottom. There is no way I would ever make it more than two and a half steps down such a staircase, but I understand its terrible logic: if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

Read the rest.

Why Boldness Matters Now

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:36:00 +0000

Jonathan Parnell:

...when tensions are high and Christians are marginalized, our witness can feel increasingly complex. Articulating the person and work of Jesus doesn’t appear to answer the questions that confront us the most. People don’t want to hear about Jesus, they want to hear what we think about the issues. The issues — that’s the temptation. If we’re not careful, our witness in the world will be shriveled down to just our stance on the next hot topic. That will become our focus. That will be the main conversation we have and the primary object of our energy.

Hear me clearly: there are deathly important questions in our world, and our conviction is indispensable. We need to say it. And then say it again. And at the same time, we need to remember that our mission in this world is not about a stance, but a message. We have deathly important things to say about marriage, but the most radical, controversial thing that we will ever say is “Jesus is Lord.” There is nothing more counter-cultural than telling the world that the crucified Messiah is raised and reigning, and that therefore now “God commands all people everywhere to repent” (Acts 17:30).

The gospel of Jesus’s lordship is the best and wildest news anyone will ever hear. And it’s the most important thing we have to say. In fact, it’s because of his lordship that any other issue matters. Jesus is Lord, not the state, not you or me, and therefore his definitions are what really count. Whether we build our arguments from natural law or what have you, the Christian can only faithfully think and act when it’s in respect to Jesus’s reign. His reign and what it means for souls is what we should know best how to articulate. Say everything that is important, but be clear about Jesus, mainly.

So because ideas are everywhere out there and always pulling at us, and because high tensions want to trivialize our main message, we should be bold — that is, we should be very clear and outspoken about who Jesus is and what he has done.

Read the rest.

Cheap eBook Alert

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:32:00 +0000

ESV Study Bible

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The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis

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noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 20:26:00 +0000

Manhood Restored: How The Gospel Makes Men Whole

Eric Mason

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Coach Pop of The San Antonio Spurs is Entertaining

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 18:30:00 +0000

How to Fold a Shirt in Under 2 Seconds

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 17:13:00 +0000

Genius.

The Good Dad App

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:38:00 +0000

My friend Adam Jeske has a really cool idea that might be a great follow-up to Father's Day.

Get more info here!

Also, get's Adam and Chrissy's book here!

5 Ways that Plug-n-Playing Another Church’s Ministry Model Will Cost You Ministry Progress

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 13:10:00 +0000

Will Mancini:

#1 Secondary Passion
#2 Underutilized Strengths
#3 Cultural Disconnect
#4 Less Satisfaction
#5 Faulty Measurement

I couldn't agree more with these points. Click through to read his explanations.

I would add this as well: You are not John Piper, Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, or Mark Driscoll. Be yourself. Those men lead the types of ministries they do because of primarily WHO they are, not WHAT they do. Most people think the WHAT or HOW is most important. "Just tell me WHAT to do and HOW to do it!"

But WHO is way more important. Be WHO you are first and the rest will work itself out. It's certainly important to learn from others but don't copy. The principle is more important than the practice. The practice will be unique to you.

But this implies faith, prayer, and thinking hard. It's way easier to plug and play. But it won't last.

Get Will's book here.

(HT: T-Wax)

When My Dad Loved Me At My Worst

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 18:02:00 +0000

Great story here from Justin Holcomb:

Many of us think (whether we admit it or not) there must be some breaking point where our Father God gives up on us. Even if we successfully avoid believing this fallacy, others’ overzealous cries still reach our ears: certainly there must be some sin or amount of sin that is just too much.

The flood

My understanding of unconditional love and its implications deepened when I was 10 years old. Our neighbors had moved and they were trying to sell their house. One day I broke in through the back door and closed all the drains in all the sinks and tubs and turned on all the faucets. Then, I just sat there and watched the water run. I let it keep running when I went home for dinner, only finally returning a few hours later to turn it off. I flooded the entire house.

The feeling

I knew right away that what I had done was wrong. I was shocked that I just wanted to do something so destructive. Our neighbors saw the damage the next day while showing the home to prospective buyers. They came to our house, and asked us if we had seen anyone around their place recently. On top of what I had already done, I lied to our neighbors and my parents.

I felt completely messed up. I was destroying stuff for the sake of destroying, and then I lied blatantly to everyone. I had heard about asking God’s forgiveness (my dad had taught me the Lord’s Prayer), so I begged God to forgive me.

But I was worried that he wouldn’t. Surely something so deliberate and cruel was just too much to forgive.

The forgiveness

After a month of an uneasy conscience, I was finally found out. Another neighbor had seen me sneaking around and told my parents. My father called me in from playing outside with my friends and asked me if I remembered anything important about the flooding incident. I knew something was up, but I felt like I had to stick with the lie at this point.

Finally, my dad told me that I was busted. I experienced an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt for my sins, and intense fear of the consequences. I sobbed and muttered, “Dad, I’m so sorry. I’ve been asking God to forgive me for so long for this and I don’t know if he ever will.”

In a moment of parental love and great wisdom, my dad said, “If you asked God to forgive you, then you are forgiven. You deserve to be punished, and this will cost lots of money to fix. But, son, you are forgiven. Go back outside and play.” In that moment, the reality of forgiveness and gratuitous grace powerfully moved me.

Instead of experiencing my fears unfold, I knew I was safe with my dad and I finally understood what he told me growing up: “I love you unconditionally.”

The faith

Now when I confess my sins, I think of that experience of absolution. My dad didn’t take grace “too far.” He saw that my misunderstanding and fear of God’s wrath and my dad’s discipline threatened to crush me. He took on the consequences of my sins and literally paid for them for me.

I know there was nothing I could do to cause him to love me less. And I also know there was nothing I could do to cause him to love me more.

He loved me because I was his.

God the Father loves you like that. It’s gratuitous grace, the only kind there is.

A version of this story appears in Judgment and Love, a 35-story collection from Mockingbird

A Review of "Man of Steel"

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:30:00 +0000

Michael Patton sums up his review with this:

This movie is no joke. I think I can safely say that this should be the best Superman you will ever see. Besides saying thanks to Nolan and Synder for taking up this dangerous ball and putting on the big screed everything this Superman fan could have hoped for, let me say thanks to them for not being shy about making Superman the Christ-figure he was meant to be (see more below) and for making Superman an American again!

Read the rest. Can't wait to see it.

What is Human?

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 18:43:00 +0000

Kathryn Jean Lopez:

Live Action has a new video out today, a collection of abortion providers and clinic workers explaining just what it is one is “terminating” in an abortion.

And as the title of this post suggests, a counselor at the Southwest Women’s Options in Albuquerque explained to a Live Action investigator presenting herself as a pregnant woman seeking a late-term abortion: It depends what the term “baby” means to you, and how you perceive it.

As clinic officials describe terminations they won’t call murders, Lila Rose’s group uses images to illustrate:

I Hate / Love Being Busy

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 14:06:00 +0000

Michael Kelley:

Here’s a news flash: I’m busy.

Here’s another news flash: You are too.

We daily are rushing from this place to that, this appointment to that one, this activity to the next. We hurry, hurry, hurry until we finally drop at the end of a day and we lay down exhausted. While we might complain about the pace of our lives at a given moment, isn’t there that little piece of you that glories in your busyness? I know there is for me.

It’s not that having a full schedule is wrong necessarily. The Lord values work, and He values it a lot. We are to make the most of the talents we’ve been given, and part of doing so means that we are to be involved. My sense, though, is that the “love” part of my hate/love relationship with busyness is not so much about working as unto the Lord, but rather because of something else. Perhaps some deep seeded need that I am looking to my calendar to meet.

If you’ll permit me, I’d like to try and confront the true root of need for busyness:

1. I believe that busyness validates me.

When I am busy, it means I have things to do, people to meet with, and stuff to accomplish. I am needed; I am wanted. And if you don’t believe me, just look at my schedule. Based on my carefully color-coded appointment schedule you can observe for yourself just how important I am.

2. I fear I am missing out on something.

Surely if I am this busy, then I must be in the crowd. In the game. A part of the action. If I’m sitting idly, then I know that someone somewhere is doing something. And they are doing it without me. But if I’m rushing from place to place, it means I’m included. Sure, I’m not included in everything, but at least there is a reason I’m not – it’s that I was included somewhere else.

3. My busyness makes me more important than others.

Oh sure, I’ll pay lip service to those who walk at an unhurried pace, but in the end, I enjoy the fact that I’m sprinting passed them. It lets me know that I am actually doing something, and I can sit in judgment of those who at least appear to be doing less. Yeah for me.

You feeling that? That sinking feeling that I’m feeling as I look back at those appointments that were giving me such a feeling of superiority and importance? Here, too, is another reminder of how creatively deceptive our hearts can be. We can pack our schedules with things – even good things – and yet they can subversively become a manufactured substitute for that which only Jesus can truly bring.

Validation.

Justification.

Satisfaction.

Security.

There is no great action step associated with this post. No calendar clearing. No “5 Steps to an Uncluttered Life.” The truth is that these things that fill our days must be done. What I’m instead asking the Lord for today is the kind of perspective that allows them to be done courageously and wisely in light of my full acceptance as His Son. To do it that way instead of using my calendar (along with so many other things) as an attempt to fill my heart.

Cheap eBook Alert

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:33:00 +0000

Saved Without A Doubt: Being Sure of Your Salvation

John MacArthur

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What Does The Lord Require? A Guide for Preaching and Teaching Biblical Ethics

Walter C. Kaiser Jr.

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A Great Question That Every Politician Should Have to Answer

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 20:37:00 +0000

Denny Burk:

The reason for her non-answer is very simple. There is no moral difference between the baby born alive at 23 weeks and a baby of the same age that is killed just moments before birth. But she can’t admit that in public. Why? Because for her to recognize the humanity of the unborn at any stage of development puts abortion rights at risk. Roe v. Wade has presided over the deaths of over 50 million babies since 1973, and Pelosi won’t do anything to jeopardize the right of a woman to have her baby killed at any stage of development. Roe v. Wade makes it legal to kill these babies up and until birth, and she doesn’t want that to change.

62 Years Since Publication This Comment Has Amazing Relevance

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 18:00:00 +0000

When you are feeling fit and the sun is shining and you do not want to believe that the whole universe is a mere mechanical dance of atoms, it is nice to be able to think of this great mysterious Force rolling on through the centuries and carrying you on its crest. If, on the other hand, you want to do something rather shabby, the Life-Force, being only a blind force, with no morals and no mind, will never interfere with you like that troublesome God we learned about when we were children. The Life-Force is a sort of tame God. You can switch it on when you want, but it will not bother you. All the thrills of religion and none of the cost. Is the Life-Force the greatest achievement of wishful thinking the world has yet seen?

- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, p. 22

I don't think these folks read much C.S. Lewis:

(HT: Brian Mattson)

Do You Have The Holy Spirit?

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 17:00:00 +0000

Here is a great Biblical guide to answer that question:

Aaron Armstrong:

Look at the fruit of your life.

Do you want to obey Jesus—and do you strive to do so? (Matt. 7:15-18)

Do you love others—especially those who are unlovely? (Matt 5:43-48)

Are you seeing increased evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in your life? (Gal. 5:22-23)

Do you have a growing hatred of evil and love for what is good? (Rom. 12:9)

Are you increasingly generous with your time, talents and treasure? (Matt 6:19-24)

Are you increasingly aware of your own sinfulness and need of God’s grace? (1 Tim. 1:15-16)

He adds a helpful qualification:

What we all need to recognize is that apart from the Spirit’s work within us, the answer to all of these questions is going to be a resounding “no.” It’s impossible to do any of them without the Spirit at work, bringing life into what was dead. So perhaps we ought not to worry so much about whether or not we lack the Spirit. Instead, let’s examine the fruit of our lives and see what is revealed.

Read the rest.

Illustrating How Faith Glorifies God

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 16:00:00 +0000

Great illustration.

John Piper:

Let’s illustrate this for the children. Your daddy is standing in a swimming pool out a little bit from the edge. You are, let’s say, three years old and standing on the edge of the pool. Daddy holds out his arms to you and says, “Jump, I’ll catch you. I promise.” Now, how do you make your daddy look good at that moment? Answer: trust him and jump. Have faith in him and jump. That makes him look strong and wise and loving. But if you won’t jump, if you shake your head and run away from the edge, you make your daddy look bad. It looks like you are saying, “he can’t catch me” [i.e., he's incompetent] or “he won’t catch me” [i.e., he's mean] or “it’s not a good idea to do what he tells me to do” [i.e., he's unwise]. And all three of those make your dad look bad.

But you don’t want to make God look bad. So you trust him. Then you make him look good—which he really is. And that is what we mean when we say, “Faith glorifies God” or “Faith gives God glory.” It makes him look as good as he really is. So trusting God is really important.

And the harder it seems for him to fulfill his promise, the better he looks when you trust him. Suppose that you are at the deep end of a pool by the diving board. You are four years old and can’t swim, and your daddy is at the other end of the pool. Suddenly a big, mean dog crawls under the fence and shows his teeth and growls at you and starts coming toward you to bite you. You crawl up on the diving board and walk toward the end to get away from him. The dog puts his front paws up on the diving board.

Just then, your daddy sees what’s happening and calls out, “Johnny, jump in the water. I’ll get you.”

Now, you have never jumped from one meter high and you can’t swim and your daddy is not underneath you and this water is way over your head. How do you make your daddy look good in that moment? You jump. And almost as soon as you hit the water, you feel his hands under your arms and he treads water holding you safely while someone chases the dog away. Then he takes you to the side of the pool.

We give glory to God when we trust him to do what he has promised to do—especially when all human possibilities are exhausted. Faith glorifies God. That is why God planned for faith to be the way we are justified.

From this sermon.

(HT: Andy Naselli)

7 Ways Fathers Provoke Their Children

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 15:10:00 +0000

Mark Driscoll:

1. Make more withdrawals than deposits
2. Resort to physical or verbal abuse
3. Be emotionally absent
4. Publicly humiliate and criticize
5. Be no fun
6. Don’t be generous
7. Never say “I’m sorry.”

Click through to read the explanations.

Cheap eBook Alert

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 12:15:00 +0000

First Time Dad

John Fuller

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Graceful: Letting Go of Your Try Hard Life

Emily Freeman

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Pastor's handbook

John Bisagno

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Photoshop Pranks in Realtime

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 19:43:00 +0000

This would freak me out.

A Great Story of Church Planting in Ethiopia

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 19:11:00 +0000

My Conversation With Westboro Baptist Church

noreply@blogger.com (Vitamin Z) — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 16:30:00 +0000

Interesting reflections here from Wes Faulk.

Take Your Vitamin Z

How to Ask for Forgiveness

The Worst Viper in the Heart

I Know What You Really Think of Me

Why Boldness Matters Now

Cheap eBook Alert

Cheap eBook Alert

Coach Pop of The San Antonio Spurs is Entertaining

How to Fold a Shirt in Under 2 Seconds

The Good Dad App

5 Ways that Plug-n-Playing Another Church’s Ministry Model Will Cost You Ministry Progress

When My Dad Loved Me At My Worst

A Review of "Man of Steel"

What is Human?

More Dodging of Questions on Late-Term Abortion

I Hate / Love Being Busy

Cheap eBook Alert

A Great Question That Every Politician Should Have to Answer

62 Years Since Publication This Comment Has Amazing Relevance

Do You Have The Holy Spirit?

Illustrating How Faith Glorifies God

7 Ways Fathers Provoke Their Children

Cheap eBook Alert

Photoshop Pranks in Realtime

A Great Story of Church Planting in Ethiopia

My Conversation With Westboro Baptist Church