Robby's Blog

Investment

2011-10-21T11:36:00.000-07:00

Investments have been on my mind lately. As my family begins to grow I am faced with decisions often of how to take care of them, how to provide for the future, & how to make investments that grow even in this economy.

Investment is a deep word that can mean so many different things. One of the ways that Webster describes it is "to use, give, or devote (time, talent, etc.), as for a purpose or to achieve something." This thought has monopolized my mind lately...what am I investing in?

Every day we spend time doing things. We go to work, we talk with people, we run errands, we pay bills, we watch tv, we play with our children, and some of us even spend time with God. In the end though we are all investing into those things. The Bible talks about where your treasure is there your heart lies also. We don't invest time & energy into things that we don't have a vested interest in...or do we?

Every day only has 24 hours. We can choose to do what we want with that 24 hours, but typically we let it decide for us. We sleep during this time, we eat during this time, & we work during this time. Some of our decisions are made for us & some are not. At the end of the day though you can feel like a hamster on a wheel working your butt off & going no where fast. The hamster has no investment into that wheel. No matter how much it runs on that wheel it will get nothing back from it. That wheel is simply something to do to pass the time away.

When I honestly stopped & put value to everything in my life I realize how out of balance I can become. If time is money, then what am I putting my "money" into? Am I taking time for my kids & not just time but quality, devoted, "the best part of me not the leftover of me" time. Am I taking time for my wife & romancing her the way she deserves? Am I taking time for extended family & supporting them in their journeys & championing them into their dreams? Am I taking time for...& the list can go on & on? Now for me, my investment analysis is even harder. I invest into the youth of Western Mennonite School every day. I hear their problems, I hear their dreams & I invest my heart & soul into them, but I find myself left with nothing at the end of the day.

Everyone is like a bank account. If all people do all day is withdraw from you, the you will eventually go bankrupt until you refill yourself. We all need to be deposited into to keep a healthy balance. If something is constantly withdrawing & never depositing then you need to evaluate if you need that in your life. Investments yield returns. Some high returns, some moderate, & some low, but returns is a must. Now some investments can be risks where you'll show a loss for a while, but eventually a return on the investment comes. If you have been in a job, a relationship, a friendship, or involved in a hobby for longer than a year & it is still only taking from your bottom line then you need to evaluate your investments.

Now I am not here saying "If someone doesn't add to your life remove them." What I am saying is how much of an investment are you giving them? If I have a friend who sucks me dry & I am spending 5 hours a week with them then wouldn't 1 hour be better & give the other 4 hours to someone or something that deserves that investment? I see too many people going through the daily routine of life & hating every moment of it. I don't understand why they stay stuck in the mud? You hold the cards. You hold the "money" to invest!

Change your investment portfolio. Switch to a low risk, high reward system. Cut the fat out of the budget & give your time to things that give back to you.

Recovery & Strength

2011-06-15T13:32:00.000-07:00

I could sum up how things have gone recently as...(insert long pronounced sigh here)! Not bad, but not great either. Sara & I work at a school & so our year is based more on the school calendar then the yearly calendar. That being said, this "year" has been incredible. So many joys & exciting moments coupled with so many moments of sorrow & struggle. I feel as if God is taking our family through a refining process. All I have to say is I hope I look good & polished after this!

For all of you who are wondering, my surgery went incredibly well. The doctors were very pleased with the outcome. It appears that it is going to stop the problem & prevent cancer as they were hoping. The surgery is the easy part though for the patient. You're out cold & you have 6 people all working on you. The hard part is the recovery process. This recovery has brought with it many ups & downs. The pain I have felt through this process is hands down the worst I have ever felt. If you take the pain I felt when I blew my knee out the first time & times it by 10 you may be at the level I felt. My first two weeks were incredibly painful, but I worked through it with the sweet help of my loving wife. Pain medication & me typically don't mix very well so I did most of this without any medication which I'm sure intensified it even more. Currently I am doing very well. I am way ahead of schedule in my recovery process & learning how to eat again. I started with blending everything & am eating almost normal once again. However, I have to eat smaller & take much longer or things get stuck. I have had food stuck numerous times & let me tell you this...IT IS NOT FUN! It's a process of recovery that won't be complete until around Thanksgiving. I am so thankful for the surgery though. I have none of the pain I used to have & for the first time in over 10 years am able to sleep through the night without pain. I didn't realize how sleep deprived I really was until this surgery & I began to sleep normal again. What a blessing sleep is!

As Sara & I were reflecting on this "year" it amazed me at what has transpired. We lost our only Grandpa, we lost a Father, & we recently lost a family friend & someone who Sara was particularly close to. She suddenly passed away from Pancreatic Cancer (I know...been there done that before). We had numerous changes in our work, personal life, social network, & future planning (more on this in weeks to come). We also had a baby, won a state championship in basketball & many other big things, but minor considering everything else. I remember going to Disney World last July knowing that we were pregnant with precious little Jordan & not having too many cares in this world. WOW, what a year has changed. I am sitting in my office looking out into the bare & empty hallways of our school & reflecting on the year it has been. Sometimes things don't fully hit you until you slow down enough for the impact to happen. Now is that time for Sara & I. We are reflecting. We are reminiscing. We are giving thanks for the journey. We have had no choice but to grow through this process. One way or another we were going to be different through this year. It was just a matter of strength & joy or bitterness & sorrow.

The one thing that I keep hearing from my family, friends, co-workers, & my students is that they have been amazed at how I have handled everything this year. They are impressed with the strength that I seem to posses. Let me first start with death. I have this perspective on life of it being a journey. Everyone has their own journey & no matter how hard we may try we simply can't replicate anyone else's. It is unique to us. Along this journey we will all have times of great triumph & times of great sorrow & struggle. However, the main constant of it all is not how we get down this road or how fast or slow we travel it, but rather how we embrace it. The one common denominator of every ones journey though? They all end. In one way or another every ones journey comes to an end. Some seem like tragic endings, some seem to soon, & some seem like poetic justice to a life well lived.

The one thing I think I hold onto is not settling for my sorrow of missing someone, but rather contending for the memory of a life well lived by them. If life is a race that we are all running (Hebrews 12:1), then wouldn't you think Jesus is our biggest cheerleader? He is that over joyous dad at the finish line that is simply ecstatic when his kid crosses the line. He's that dad that bulls his way through security & embraces his son or daughter on finishing the race. So if life is a race that we are aiming to finish & finish well & Jesus is cheering us on then I imagine that meeting in Heaven would go something like this: "Well done! You made it. I'm so proud of you." Our rebuttal may be: "But Jesus, I ran an awful middle 100 meters & I stumbled around the final corner." "But you finished! You made it. All that work & you made it. I am so proud of you. Let's go out & celebrate!" I also figure that if are races aren't the same then some are made for different races. Some of us are made for sprints (100m), some of us are made for a mile run (400m), & some of us are set up for marathons. Why is a baby lost to some & a old man is lost to others? It's all about the race you're designed for. The greatest tragedy is not dying in my eyes. The greatest tragedy would be not effecting people around me by my loss.

Sara & I have gone through 3 deaths that shook us up pretty good in 8 months. However, how can I sit in sorrow when I think about where they are? A.W. Tozer said, “I can safely say, on the authority of all that is revealed in the Word of God, that any man or woman on this earth who is bored and turned off by worship is not ready for heaven.” Whether it happened as small children or whether it happened late in their life, the three deaths happened at moments of worship. They happened with the individuals ready to embrace their God. A great family friend of ours put it this way on Saturday: "When you die you begin to go on a walk with Jesus. You begin to talk about what just happened & talk about life. Before you realize it, you look back & can't see home anymore. That's when Jesus says 'We're closer to my home then yours. How about we just go to my place.'" I thought that was a beautiful portrayal of what I have witnessed over the past year.

It is always easy to be strong when it's easy to be strong. "To hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart...that is true strength." I told our students in our last chapel together that growth is all about tests. You never know if you truly grew unless you test yourself. If all I did with my basketball teams was practice, we woul never know how much we've grown. You have to put yourself into situations to grow & to test growth. I have been tested this year & I feel I have grown because of it. Life is just simply a bunch of choices. I woke up every day saying "This is the day that my Lord has made & I will rejoice & be glad in it. I Trust you God & I know you have plans to prosper me & not to harm me. Today I choose joy!"

“How can I get away from your Spirit? Where can I go to escape from you? If I go up to the Heavens, you are there, If I lie down in the deepest parts of the earth, you are also there. Suppose I were to rise with the sun in the east and then cross over to the west where it sinks into the ocean. Your hand would always be there to guide me. Your right hand would still be holding me close.”
Ps.139:7-10

As Paul said, I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Strength is within us all. It is nothing great inside a few small people. It is within each of us. I do not want to be happy some days. I do not want to have it all together. Many times I have crumbled in Sara's arms & just cried. I will tell you this out of my journey though...Joy is so much sweeter than sorrow. It's hard to choose joy & then to have to choose it daily. Sometimes you have to choose it many times throughout even one day. It is worth it though. God is good & his blessing is amazing. Even through this year, He has been so faithful to provide all of my needs & open new doors of blessing.

As I close this year up, I summarize it by a quote from Max Lacado's 'Outlive Your Life'. "It’s not enough to do well. I want to do great. I want my life to matter. So, I'm living my life in such a way that the world will be glad I did." What do you choose today? My advice...choose strength & joy. You never know what it'll do to those around you, but you can count on it rocking your world!

My precious kids. I love them both to pieces!

Winds of change

2011-05-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

I had everything at this point in my life that I wanted. I had a beautiful wife. I had a daughter that was full of joy. I had a son who is so sweet. I had a job as a campus pastor which was incredibly fulfilling. I had a job as a basketball coach. Life seemed so full & so incredibly satisfying. Then came news in February that felt like a punch to my gut. The news was vague but clear...I had growths on my esophagus & they feared cancer. I have undergone numerous tests that have been unpleasant to say the least. It has been a roller coaster of emotions that has left me feeling fine to feeling impending doom.

You have to understand the feeling that this gave me. My grandfather just died from esophagus cancer & my dad just died from cancer. I was in disbelief! I'm 25 years old! How in the heck does a 25 year old guy get something like esophagus cancer? It felt like the very things around me that I thought were fine & harmless were attacking me. It was as if this tornado of events was hurling things into my life at neck breaking speed & I was left to absorb the blows & still keep my head up.

After many tests the good news came back...NO CANCER! I was thrilled! The bad news? I still have big growths & severe scarring in my esophagus. Comments like "You are so young. We never see this in anyone under 50!" became the norm. To explain my condition, everyone has a valve at the bottom of your esophagus that remains closed. The only time it opens is when you swallow or vomit. Well mine is always open roughly 80% of the way. Acid & stomach bile constantly spill into my esophagus, scarring the inside lining. This leads to scarring & scarring in turn leads to abnormal growths which is what I have. With constant interaction to acid these growths quickly turn into cancer & without repair I was told I am two years tops away from having cancer.

My emotions now are a mixed bag. Part of me feels anxious & excited to fix the problem. Another part of me is nervous & annoyed I have to go through this.

I will be having a surgery called laparoscopic nissen fundoplication done on May 16th in Portland to repair my problem. They will be taking 20% of my stomach & wrapping it around my esophagus to strengthen it & to stop any further damage from happening. The surgery is quite invasive & will require me to be on a liquid diet for quite some time. It will be a little bit of a recovery, but it will fix my problem which I am thrilled about. I am at my wits end with my condition. Every time I eat, I constantly throw it up. I have intense heartburn that feels like someone is stabbing me. I have open wounds in my esophagus that hurt as I eat some foods. To get this fixed will be such a blessing. The good news is I should lose quite a bit of weight. The bad news is I will have to forever change my diet & will never be able to do any heavy lifting as it could ruin the surgery & they'd have to go in again.

After weeks of processing this information, I feel at peace. I know I don't have a choice about this surgery. It's not something I can elect to have or not have. I need it to remain healthy. I feel a calm about this surgery. I'm nervous, but I know that my God is bigger than any storm I may be going through on Earth. The one thing I do wish is that my Dad was here to talk with. He was always a rock for me & a sounding board for issues like this. He also went through some of these same issues.

What I do know though is I still have an amazing wife. I still have amazing kids. I still have an amazing family. I still have an amazing job. Life is good. Instead of wallowing in self pity I am praising in the storm. This too shall pass & at the end of the day I know God has a plan for me in all of this.

For God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, & a sound mind. - 2 Timothy 1:7

Growth

2011-04-08T14:02:00.000-07:00

Growth can come in the most unexpected places sometimes. It can come when you least expect it or it can come when you're anxiously waiting with batied breath. It can come when you ask for it or it can come when you didn't even know you needed it.

Just as in the growth of a child, sometimes it can be challenging & sometimes even painful. The one thing you can count on though is it is fun to grow. I remember being a kid & loving the fact I was outgrowing my clothes & excited that I could reach the counter or that I was big enough to sit in the front seat of the car. Growth can be exillerating!

I have been going through much growth recently. Let me just run down the events of March alone...I found out I have a serious esophogus problem that will require surgery in the spring, our basketball team won its first ever boy's state championship, Sara & I welcomed our son Jordan Ezekiel to the world, & many things have been changing in regards to my jobs here at Western Mennonite School. It has been a flury of events that I didn't even realize the magnitude until I sat back last weekend & soaked it all in. I have grown! I have buds sprouting up all over me & around me.

I was given the greatest compliment I think I have ever been given yesterday by an amazing young man here at Western. He said in front of our student body that I inspire him to do greater things in his own life by me simply being me. Sometimes you don't realize what impact you are even giving. You may think you are simply a bud that is just sprouting out of the ground & is unoticed by most. However, to others you may be a beautiful, fully blooming flower that is radiant & astounding, rising in the sun & standing tall for all to see.

I am sitting in my office today on a beautiful spring day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the breeze is blowing, & I sit here thankful. I am thankful for the growth that is taking place. I am thankful for the the things that have been pruned back in my life that growth might happen again. I am content & loving the stretching going on in my life. Are you growing? Just stop & take a look around you. You may not realize what you are becoming!

Trust

2011-02-14T12:00:00.000-08:00

Do you trust me? Do you believe what I say? Would you trust me with your daughter? Would you trust me with your most valued possession? Do you believe in me to come through? Do you trust me enough to shine when the going gets tough?
DO YOU TRUST ME?!!?

Trust...it's such an obscure word. Webster defines it as: "reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, & surety, of a person or thing; confidence." A reliance. Stop to think just for a moment about that word...reliance. How many people do you really rely on? Your spouse? Your parents? Your friends? Your children? Your coworkers? Your God?

The fact is that most of us don't fully trust anyone. We are taught as young children that we can't rely on anyone but ourselves. We are taught that there are "bullies" & "mean spirited people" everywhere & the only way to deal with them is to be confident in ourselves & stand up to them. This immediately starts a transformation inside our little hearts to not rely on anyone because we can't control their responses. We only let people so close & stay on guard so we are ready for their uncontrollable responses. We are taught to be closed off. We are taught to be self sufficient & wonder why at some points we have no one around us.

It is scary not having control. It's like trusting a plane's auto pilot to actually work. I'm sure the first pilot to actually trust it was rather nervous. However, just like with anything, the more it proves itself to you the more you trust it. Why do we need trust to be earned though? Why do we put trust on a pedestal of something you have attain for each person in your life. Have we not fallen short of God's expectations for us? Have we not missed the mark a time or two? Yet, we don't have to earn back God's trust. He says whom the Son sets free is free indeed. I have forgiven you 70 x 7. As far as the east is from the west, that is as far as your transgressions are.

If God is our model, then shouldn't we learn to trust without prerequisites? Shouldn't we learn to believe the best no matter if you think the worst? Shouldn't we put ourselves out there & live a little instead of holding back for fear of getting hurt? On this Valentines Day...TRUST A LITTLE! Trust your spouse fully. Trust your children fully. Trust your coworkers fully. Trust your friends fully. Trust your God fully! Today, let go & rest in the freedom of trust & when someone screws up, forgive them, & then trust them again. You can't love without trust!

Love

2011-02-04T13:52:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking a lot about love lately. What makes love true? What makes love pure? What makes love...well...last?!!?

You see in our society we have this strange view of love. We view it as selfish. Whether we like to admit it or not, we view love through the veil of "What's in it for me?" I've heard this type of love called "Eros" in the church before. It's the Greek term for "love with a hook." However, I think we take it a step further. Most of our fights with others is about how we feel. Most of our impatience is because of what we feel we need. Most of our anguish is self inflicted based on our perception of things.

I'm thinking hard about love as my son Jordan's birth is quickly approaching (39 days...but not like I'm counting or anything). I sat down yesterday & planned out my financial future with an advisor for almost 2 hours. I had been thinking about being without my family & how much I really do "love" them. Where does my love start & stop with them? Why am I more patient with my 18 month daughter then with a full grown adult? Is it because I assume they know better? Why is my love conditional sometimes?

My thoughts were quickly brought to my Mother. My Dad wasn't always the greatest husband or father. In fact, he was more of a loose cannon most times then a cozy blanket. I have heard many people ask my Mom in the past "Why didn't you just leave him?" or "Why didn't you demand better for yourself." Still, my Mother pursued my Dad & stood by him. I will never forget the story my Dad told me after he was diagnosed with terminal Pancreatic Cancer. He was in the garage & my Mom walked out there. With tears in his eyes he looked at her & asked, "Are you going to leave me now? I'd understand if you did..." My Mom told him she would stand by his side until the end because she loved him.

What ensued after that day can only be described as true, passionate love that none of us can even understand. She not only stayed, but she never left his side. Every appointment she held his hand & labored through the pain of Chemo & Radiation with him. She walked the golf course with him, she went shopping with him, she fed him, she bathed him, & she smiled even when she didn't want to. There were countless ups & downs over those 5 years & she was by his side every moment of it. My Mother has no regrets of "I wish I had done this..." because she didn't leave any room for them. She seized every moment with my Dad. They vacationed together, they flew in hot air balloons, they went on river boats, & they went fishing. I can not think of a day over the 5 years that my Mom was away from him. They were together so much, that I'm sure they both went nuts at times.

What is love? What is true love? What is pure love? What is lasting love? I believe love is staying when you don't want to. I believe love is not saying what you want to, but instead what the other person needs to hear. I believe love is holding onto every moment as if it's your last. I believe love is the spouse holding your hand through it all. I believe love is...well...my parents.

I never thought my parents were in love growing up. I never even thought they liked each other. I used to pray some days for them to get divorced as a little kid. However, when I look back on the 25 years I was around their marriage, I realize how much they truly did love each other. Love looks different to each person. They materialize it differently in each relationship they have. There's isn't a set way to love someone. It has to be authentic & real. That is the only prerequisite. My Mom had every right to leave my Dad many times, but she didn't...she stayed! Not only did she stay, she walked with him every step of the way. I'm reminded of Sara's favorite poem. When my Dad got tired & couldn't "walk" anymore, my Mom carried him. Now that my Dad is in Heaven, I think about his love for my Mom often. The last conscience thing that my Dad did on this earth was ask my Mom to kiss him on the lips. If you had seen my Dad in the ICU you would have seen the most blistered lips you had ever seen. They were swollen & sore, bleeding & oozing. Yet, he looked my Mom in the eyes, told her he loved her, & kissed her one last time.

My Dad had told me so many times in recent months before his death how much he was amazed at my Mom. He couldn't believe she stayed. He had such a deeper love & appreciation for my Mom for being with him over the "hell" of the past 5 years. He watched many of his friends walk away from their sick wives & he was amazed my Mom loved him enough to walk through the fire with him.

When I think about my loving wife, my amazing daughter, & my son on the way I am reminded about the legacy of love my parents passed on to me. I love my wife with everything I have. I would do anything for my precious bride. She is my best friend, the love of my life, my passion, & the joy of everyday. My daughter is the most precious gift I could have asked for. She makes me smile just by looking at me. She is my world. I feel the same about my son already & I haven't even seen his little face yet. What is love to me? Love is walking arm & arm together no matter what. Love is never quitting. Love is...faithfulness!

Mom...Dad...I honor you today. Sara, Allison, & I are better people today for having you in our lives. What a true example of what love is. Today we are honored to be your children!

Spiritual Blog

2011-01-10T14:18:00.000-08:00

For those of you who follow this blog, I have also started a new blog. This blog is the Spiritual Life blog for Western Mennonite School. I am in charge of the Spiritual Life at Western & I will be writing little snipets every week about what is being spoken at school & also spiritual truth. If you are interested in getting good truth...check it out. It will be worth your while from week to week. It will also give you insight into our school.

http://wmspirituallife.blogspot.com/

Hope you are all doing well. I know I haven't checked in for a while. I will update soon, once I get my feet back under me. Lots to update...

Identity

2010-11-19T11:32:00.000-08:00

I have been in deep thought lately about one thing...WHO AM I? Many times I think about how I view myself or how others see me, yet I always come away from that thinking, "I'm nothing special." Don't get me wrong, I am not here implying that I think bad of myself or am worried about the views, expressions, or implications made by other people. I simply wonder what people think of me or what I truly think of myself.

In losing a Grandfather & a Father in less then 2 weeks, I have found myself contemplating my identity. If I were to die, what would people say about me at a memorial service? Would they value their time with me & wish for more? Would they be sad I'm gone, but be relieved I'm not longer here? Would they tell of my story, character, & presence or would they be grasping at straws to say nice things? What identity would shine through at that moment? It is the perfect example of your legacy when people gather to comemorate your life.

Yet, profoundly I was brought to Matthew 16:15-17. Jesus himself looked at his disciples, facing his own death, & said "Who do you say I am?" See Jesus wanted to know who they truly thought he was. Not the right answer, not the feel good answer, & not even the elequent answer. He simply wanted the truth...WHO DO YOU SAY I AM? I know how Jesus see's me. He see's me as His beloved, His chosen one, His treasure, & His child! I am confident & comfortable in my identity in Christ. But, who do YOU say that I am?

You see, I can live in my religious bubble, go to church every Sunday, "pray" for people when they need it, & walk an upright & moral life. However, what difference am I really making on the world? Matthew 5:16 talks about letting your light shine before men. As religous people, we get so caught up on doing the right thing, not sinning, & being a good person. I'm here to say today that I don't want to just be a good person. I don't want people to just say about me at my memorial service that I lived a great life. I don't want people to just say that I had great character. I don't want people to say just say that I will be greatly missed.

If all I live for is to be a good Christian, then I believe I have missed Jesus' point all together. Jesus came to do away with the law/religion so that we may "live life to the fullest" (John 10:10). Jesus said in John 14:12 that we will do even greater things then He did.

When I pass away, I want it to be said of me:

He walked in power
He healed the sick
He saved the lost
He served the downtrodden
He layed his life down for his friends
He moved me to righteousness
He led me into Jesus' arms
He walked his faith out with such authority
He mentored
He discipled
He LOVED

My Grandfather & Father lived great lives & were great men that I highly respect & miss. However, in reflection of them I realize now more then ever that their ceiling is my floor. The legacy that they left is where I get to begin. I want so much more for myself & in all respect I know they would want that for me too. I want so much more for my children.

What is my identity? Who am I? I am...Robby David Gilliam. I am firmly established in His grip. I am annointed for such a time as this to do greater things on this earth. I am...ME! Are you?

Memory Lane

2010-11-03T22:17:00.000-07:00

(My Dad with us in August for his 65th birthday)

My Dad has struggled through many illnesses over the past 5 1/2 years. He first got diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in the Spring of 2005. He battled through radiation, chemo therapy, massive surgury, numerous invasive procedures, & sickness. He looked cancer in the eye, laughed, & said "is this all you got?" That's just the type of guy my dad was. He most recently got diagnosed with liver failure. This was a battle he was prepared to fight just as hard & long as he fought everything else. However, this was a battle he didn't have the strength to stand up to.

My dad had a health scare on October 19th at home & my mom rushed him to the emergency room. We learned that my dad's organs were shutting down & the liver failure had finally caught up to him. Our entire family spent the next 10 days visiting my dad in the ICU everyday. We had great conversation with my dad everyday. We talked about memories, talked about how much we loved each other, talked about God, talked about Heaven & what it will be like, we talked about how to go on without him, we talked about how he felt about all of us, we talked about taking care of each other, & the most important thing is my dad was at total peace over his stay in the hospital.

(My happy, good-looking dad)

I got a phone call from my mom at work on Friday. She explained to me that the doctor & my dad had both made the comment that "He wasn't going to make it past today." I got in touch with all of my sisters & we all rushed over to the hospital. When we arrived, my dad was alert, smiling, & very stoic. He explained that "today was Game Day & that he knew everything was coming to an end on earth for him." We spent the next hours remincing, praying, & talking about him going to spend time with Jesus. The best part was my Dad got to pass along a final blessing. My Dad looked me in the eyes & told me "You are the best kid I have ever known." I can't tell you how good it was to hear that, but yet hard to hear at the same time. It was so cool to hear your Father on his death bed, share how proud of you he was. My dad then gave all 5 of us kids very simple, but direct instructions: "I love you all very much and am so proud of each of you. Take care of each & your mother. & please keep doing God's work." My Dad had a heart connection with God about 9 days prior & was enamoured with the thought of going home to Heaven. It was amazing to hear what I would call a Abraham/Isaac blessing from my father before he passed.

Many things transpired over the next few hours after my dad gave us his goodbye commision. To explain in words without me sharing the full experience wouldn't do it justice. However, what I will say is October 29th was the most amazing day of my life. My dad peacefully & bravely went home to be with Jesus at 9:50 pm. We were all there with my dad the moment he dad. It was such a spiritual & peaceful moment for us all. We couldn't of asked for anything better. We all got to experience it & say goodbye to my dad as he passed away.

I will miss my dad forever & remember all of the good times with him. I had the privelage of becomming very close to my dad over the last 5 years. We became dear friends & talked about almost everything. I got to know my dad on such a deep level & because of that to see him go Friday was exactly how he would have wanted. He was a great man that once you dove past his exterior, you were amazed by his character. I love my dad & will miss him, but he taught me so much that his legacy will live on everyday of my life.

(My Dad & Mouse in August)

Three weeks ago Sara's Grandpa "Mouse" passed away. His legacy was just as vast as my dad & he was an amazing man in his own right. I only got the privelage of being around him for 5 years, but he was one of the best men I have ever met. He always had a smile on his face & he always wanted you to know how special you were. He was a dad/grandpa/uncle to everyone he met regardless of blood relation.

My dad & him both found out about their cancer around the same time. They both fought it extremely hard & survived much longer than any doctor had projected. Through the years of Sara & I getting married & starting a family, my dad & mouse became "fighting partners" as my dad affectionetly termed it. In August at Ally's 1-year birthday party, they were all smiles. They told each other to keep fighting, to make sure their families knew how they felt about them, & to keep smiling & trusting God no matter what. When Mouse suddenely passed away 3 weeks ago, my dad was devestated. He shared how much he cared about Mouse & how much having a "fighting partner" meant to him. Oddly, my dad went downhill one week exactly after Mouse had passed away.

I will miss Mouse & Dad dearly. They were fantastic guys & I feel honored to of called them family. I can't wait to tell my kids stories about them & how great their Great-Grandpa & Grandpa were.

This week is "Spiritual Renewal Week" at Western Mennonite. Obviously this is a huge week for me as I'm in charge of it & still dealing with all of my family stuff. The cool thing is what God is doing through all of this. We have had 24 students give their hearts to God for the first time or rededicate. We have had countless others want to linger in God's presence & pray for their friends to find the truth. It has been such an amazing, yet simplistic showing of God's love & favor over our campus. I have been so encouraged this week as our students have really opened themselves up for God to speak into their lives.

God is faithful & always knows what we need before we even do. This week has been really hard for Sara, Ally & I, but we are hanging in there & trusting in God's grace & peace. I have connected with this video & it has been my guiding force through this week...

Baggage

2010-10-11T13:25:00.000-07:00

Baggage...we all have it, but why? As little kids we are raised to keep baggage. From the first time someone lies to you, to the first time you are told no, to the first time you fail, to our families, to personal sin or struggle. We all slowely hold our hurts close to us. Just as you see in any airport, everyone has their own type of luggage. It looks different for each people. Some try to disguise theirs with bright colors & radient designs. Some choose boxes, some choose boxes on wheels, some choose small carry bags, but in the end it is all baggage.

We can put anything into our luggage through the years. We pack away our hurts & carry them with us. We pack away the Bible that people may have forced on us. We pack away the "What if's" in life. Here's the kicker though...we pack away our dreams in the farthest & deepest corner of our baggage. It is impossible to fulfill, live out, or even ponder our dreams without dealing with our hurt, past, & insecurities. The thought of dumping all of our luggage to find our dreams again is so taxing that we just choose to continue carrying those heavy things around. Even worse, we think it would be so embarrassing to reveal what is in our bags so we refuse anyone to even help us carry them. "Giving them up? psssh...I'm just trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have no energy to even think about working through my stuff!"

& so we continue. We continue to hurt. We continue to just get by. We continue to stumble through our lives lugging these huge bags around with us. They entangle us & engulf us. We think that they don't affect us, but the reality is that every decision we make is with these bags in mind. "Oh, I can't do that. I'm no good at that." or "I'll never be any good at that...you don't know my past." So we struggle & struggle & struggle hoping that someday we'll figure it out.

What breaks my heart is that we believe the lie that we have to carry around our baggage! John 8:36 says "So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free." Why do we struggle through our life & try to crawl to the cross when we are already free? Why do we beat ourselves up thinking we have to come to the Father beaten, battered, & bruised? Christ didn't forgive you & go to the cross because we asked for it & deserved his grace. He went because he knew we needed it & CHOSE to deliver us before we even knew we needed it. Everything you have done & anything you will do in the future is already forgiven. Jesus didn't say to the man, "You're forgiven, but just this once." NO! He said, "You are forgiven!" We walk in shame & believe lies. We are forgiven. The contents of our baggage are already on the cross. Why are we choosing to carry around momentoes to remind us of who we were? Jesus said "You are new creations!" Live in freedom. Live with unabandoned love & grace that is freely given to you each & every day. Let go of your condemnation, guilt, shame, & past. Release the baggage of life. There is a great video I want to share that I think wraps up my thought:

As for Sara & I...we are doing extremely well. Allison is getting bigger by the day. She is walking everywhere & trying to talk any chance she gets. Sara has been doing well as we prepare for baby Gilliam #2. We will be having the baby on March 15th & we are extremely excited to meet our new addition. I am adjusting well to my new position at Western. I am loving working with the kids & the spiritual climate of Western seems like it is about to explode. God has been so faithful in my transition to this new job & as busy as it keeps me, I truly do love it.

As for our families, things have been a little rough. My parents have been struggling through health concerns. They are both doing ok, but everyday it seems like something new pops up with them. I just pray each day that they both will find rest. To top it off, they moved this month. So it has been a LONG week for Sara, my sister Shelly & I moving them. Hopefully we will move the last of their stuff tonight out of a house they have lived in for 13 years.

On another note, Sara's Grandpa is battling through cancer. It has been a long journey for him & it appears he is coming to the end of his long battle with it. It has been tough seeing him struggle through this debilitating disease, but we have been blessed to have so many good times with him. We had a great visit with him on Saturday & we are trusting God to be in control no matter what happens in the coming days.

Other than that, life has been good for Sara & I. We feel so blessed & so thankful for God's provision in our life. Life changes are never easy, but if you focus on the future & let the past be the past, we have found such great joy even through the storms of life.

Happy Birthday Allison

2010-08-05T15:23:00.000-07:00

Today marks Allison Faith Gilliam's 1st birthday! I remember this day last year vividly in my memory. I remember eating Chinese food with Sara after our final OB appointment. I remember the food making her stomach ache so we went for a 2 hour walk in the gym. I remember her water breaking in bed at 2am. I remember thinking she "wet" the bed & we went back to sleep after changing the sheets. I remember driving to the hospital at 3:30am after we realized it was her water breaking. I remember the 10 hour, no drug, labor my wife went through & thinking she was my hero after seeing how amazing she did. I remember the pure joy of seeing my daughter pulled out of my wife's stomach after an emergency C-section. I remember cutting my daughter's umbilical cord. I remember naming her while our family proudly snapped pictures.

What a beautiful day it was to invite little Allison Faith into the world. We thought she was absolutely gorgeous...yes, even despite the massive cone-head!

No Ally is not so little anymore. She is crawling at top speed, starting to walk everywhere, saying every word she can possibly learn to say, & making our lives incredible by her being in it. She is so much fun to be around. I have not had Ally around anyone who has not said, "My goodness, she is such a happy baby." She is always laughing, smiling, talking, waving, or doing her "tricks" for people. Her new favorite is pictured above. She will stand on her head & look between her legs. She thinks she is sooooo cool when she does it. I'm trying to teach her how to do a somersault as she is so close, but she's not quite there yet.

Ally, we love you! You are such a blessing & a joy to have in our life. We are so excited for all of your new adventures. (Her first one starts today... car seat facing forward!)

Another thought that has had me pondering is the idea of grace. I know grace comes from Jesus & Jesus is quoted as actually saying he IS grace. I got all that. The thing that has Sara & I amazed this week is a simple thought our pastor said on Sunday. He was sharing the story where the Pharasee's where about ready to stone a woman & Jesus said "let you without sin throw the first stone." Great story, but not new revelation. I've heard it a hundred times. Here's the pondering thought. Jesus told her when asked why he did it "you are forgiven! Now go & sin no more." That is the perfect enactment of grace right there. How often in our lives do we say without really meaning to say "now go, sin no more & THEN you will be forgiven." It's like we want a penchant for the other persons sin.

Have you ever said, heard, or thought "I know your sorry, but I'm still hurt at what you did!" It is our self emotion getting in the way of their forgiveness & their release. If someone lies to you, why do we get so offended? If someone betrays you, why do we get so hurt? If someone talks bad about you, why do we get all depressed? Jesus didn't. He said "YOU ARE FORGIVEN ALREADY! Now go & sin no more." Simple, yet profound. If you can truly die to self where you emotions are no longer an issue, things will become so much more clear. Your emotions are what skew your vision. Your emotions are what get you thinking about I & not we. Your emotions are the very essence of 'self'. Emotions can be used for good in so many areas, but only when they are thinking about others. Once your emotions become about you, look out...a selfish moment is coming.

Are you holding a grudge? Are you holding onto past hurt? Are you waiting for someone else to fix the hurt for you? Are you waiting for the person who wronged you to sweep you off your feet? Maybe it's not them who needs to move on. Maybe you are letting your emotions rule?

LET THEM WITHOUT SIN THROW THE FIRST STONE. SEE, I AM FORGIVEN & SO ARE YOU! NO BIG DEAL...LET'S MOVE ON, ENJOY LIFE, & SIN NO MORE BECAUSE GOD KNOWS I WILL SCREW UP SOON TOO.

Whirlwind

2010-06-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes recently I feel like my life is a bit...well...crazy! It has not been overly busy or overwhelming to the point where I am counting down the days until vacation (33). Every day I feel like I have accomplished more than what I needed to, & don't feel stressed whatsoever. However, I find myself longing for the mundane & menial tasks of life. I was sharing with Sara the other day that a part of me misses the routine of the business world. I knew what to expect every day I walked into my office. I knew exactly what I needed to get done that day & how I was going to do it. My current job is anything but "routine". Everyday it seems like there is some surprise that I need to handle, some kid that I need to talk to, or some trip I need to make into town.

Even through all of the 'end-of-the-year' craziness, I still am incredibly thankful for the way things are going. The best way I can find to describe my life right now is that I'm a house sitting in a meadow. By no request, choice, or decision of mine a whirlwind has shown up. Yet this whirlwind is not destroying everything in its path. Instead, is is simply stretching my beyond the limits I had thought I was capable of. Isaiah 54:2 says:

Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back;

lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.

This verse has been resonating in me lately. To say that God has already put me through a massive learning curve in my adult life thus far is the understatement of the century. I have not had a normal young adult life at all. I have been thrust into things, groomed for things, taught lessons, given leadership, had to make vital decisions, & had to learn skills for which I'm never sure why I need them. So to 'enlarge my tent' is something that I am used to. In my mind though I have made it where God wants me. I am fulfilling everything God has put in my heart. I'm working with kids, working in missions, coaching, & able to be with my family everyday. What else could God possibly want me to do now? Silly I should ask...you would think I would learn!

Through many conversations & prayer, Western has asked me to be the Spiritual Life Director. This is something that I am extremely excited about, yet nervous all the same. I have some extremely big shoes to fill from the guy that is departing, but I have never felt better about any decision I have made. I am excited for what God is doing on our campus & I am very anxious to see how God will use me next year to work in the lives of the students here.

I am shocked at how God works. When I was in High School here at Western there were 4 things that I wanted. Coach Basketball, Youth Pastor, Manage People, & have a family. When I evaluated those things in career class, I assumed there was no way to do all of those things & in most circles it isn't. So naturally I chose the thing that would bring be the most money & that was managing people. I had given up that I could do all 4 & do all 4 effectively. Isn't that just when God comes in? Right when you have assumed your dreams aren't attainable & you create more "realistic" ones he is finally given the opportunity to be GOD!

Next year I will be youth pastoring everyday here on campus through the new position I have. I will be managing people through my Dorm Director position. I will be coaching basketball for my 8th year here at Western next year. The best one though? I get to work with my wife & daughter everyday. Not only do I have a family, but I don't have to go to work everyday & not get to spend time with my wife & daughter. I can not think of a better situation for Sara & I. God is in a word...GOOD!

This week is going to be long for me. I started this morning with a 6am run to the bus station for a kid. Tomorrow it's 4am. Friday is 3:45am. Saturday is 3am. Sunday is 4am. After the last PDX run I think I will spend my Father's Day sleeping. It's going to be long, but I will miss all of our kids. Summer is upon us!

Silver Creek Falls

2010-06-05T22:20:00.000-07:00

Sara & I ventured to Silver Creek Falls today to go for a hike as a family. We invited some of our good friends, Justin & Melissa Sainton. They just had little Ava 4 months ago. We had an incredible time! It was beautiful weather in the Willamette Valley & we enjoyed taking Allison on a hike.

It is amazing to me how much Allison brightens my day. She is truly a joy to me & I simply cannot imagine my life without her. It's amazing to me how I could go almost 24 years without her & yet 10 months into her life...I never want to know what it's like without her.

She is starting to create her own little personality. It is incredible to see her grow & learn new things. She is "talking" all the time now & is very mobile. She moves all over the house & attempts to get into everything. She was such a trooper today. At this point we had gotten soaked by walking behind the falls & she was still having fun.

Things have been rather busy for Sara & I recently. Wrapping up the end of the year is always a little crazy. I have 12 seniors graduating & 20 kids we have to coordinate to get home. The end of the year is approaching fast! It seems Christmas was just yesterday & yet here we are heading into finals week on Monday. Where does time go?

At the same time I could say the same thing about my daughter. Today marks 10 months old exactly. I remember rushing Sara to the hospital & waiting for our little sugar to come into this world. I remember the ups & downs & labor. I remember the sudden decision to have a C-Section. Yet, here we are at 10 months. Her 1-year birthday is right around the corner. I remember my parents always saying, "When you get older, time just flies by!" Did I believe them? Of course not! When you're a kid time seems to go at a snails pace. Summers seem to last forever & school years are an eternity. Where does the time go when you become an adult? It's as if God says "Now that your starting to figure things out...try it at double speed."

Sara & I are quickly approaching our 3 year anniversary. I looked at her today while we were at the falls & I realized how lucky I am. I married my best friend & truly my better half. She is an amazing woman & such a good wife/mother. I realized as she was holding Allison while running behind the falls (as we got soaked mind you) that I am quite the lucky man. She is fun, spontaneous, happy, quirky, lovable, kind, sweet, affectionate, & simply perfect for me. I may sound sappy, love struck, or whatever phrase you may chose to pick, but the reality is I do love my wife! As our 3rd year quickly approaches, I am reflecting a lot about our life & what do I find? My wife & daughter are simply the best!

Park Fun

2010-05-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Sara & I had an amazing time with Allison at the park this afternoon. We let her ride the swing set & slide down the slide. She had a blast. She seemed to be enamored by all of the busyness of the park. She loved looking at all the of the kids & parents, the dogs, ducks, & squirrels. She especially enjoyed all the plants & flowers. As we pushed her in the stroller, she tried to reach out & grab every plant she passed. She is becoming so curious & has quite the little personality!

Parenthood has been such a joy to experience. I can't imagine my life with out my little Ally. She brightens my day even throughout a busy & stressful day. I can be yelled at on the phone & then see her & well.....she makes me forget about it. She is completely dependent on me for everything in her life, yet I don't know what I would do without her.

On another note, Sara & I are in the midst of a housing change. Western has been so gracious in their housing meetings with us. They have gone out of their way to try to bless us & make sure we feel cared for & comfortable here at Western. We absolutely love our job & things (although busy) have been going great in our dorm. I have taken on quite a bit more responsibility this year & had to deal with more paper work, meetings, & discipline. In the end though, I have enjoyed every bit of it. I strangely enjoy challenges. Sara & I can see ourselves doing this job for a very long time & we are excited to see what happens over the summer. We are anxious to explore new housing options with the administration of this school & see our dorm continue to flourish under our watch.

So I haven't blogged in quite a while & I don't really know why. I love writing & I love spreading my thoughts over my blog pages. I have received numerous e-mails, texts, or phone calls from my blog followers wondering why I stopped posting & the reason? I HAVE NO CLUE. Things have not been to busy, nor have they been too stressful to write. Things have been calm, cool, & collected. Yet I found myself never clicking into the blog that I love. What I can say is 2010 has been better then any year I have had the privilege to live in. My personal family is flourishing, we have been so financially blessed recently, & I have developed such a zeal for life recently.

I successfully made it through knee surgery (finally!) & my knee is doing fantastic. It feels so much better & there is rarely any pain minus the normal rehab process from surgery. We made it through Promises' litter of puppies & housed them in our little apartment for 5 weeks. It was such a fun experience with Allison & the puppies. It made memories for Sara & I that we will never forget.

In short if I could sum up the time I spent away from this blog over the past 2 months it would be the exact quote I have in the title of it: "In the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." It has been a great spring & I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this summer.

I can promise this.....I will post again soon!

Follow The Leader

2010-02-26T00:10:00.000-08:00

"The very essence of leadership is that you have to have vision. You can't blow an uncertain trumpet."

Theodore M. Hesburgh

As I sat in my office this afternoon overlooking our quad here at Western, I was overcome with this pounding thought..."When did I become the leader?"

I have always been told I have "leadership" qualities. I have always been told to be careful how I act as I influence many people around me, but lets be real for a second. Most of what adults tell you is to "persuade" or as I call it passively control you to get you to live a way they want you to. Most words are nothing but fluff & they don't carry much meaning to an adolescent.

That being said, here I sit in my black office chair, holding my daughter as I ponder when did I move from follower to leader? I remember being in school & idolizing 3 men. One was my youth pastor. He was always calm, cool, & collected. He always knew what to say, when to say it, & how to influence. He was, for all intent & purpose, the quintessential "cool" guy. Second was my principal/basketball coach. He always had an ear to hear my ramblings. He always had a knack to knock me off my high horse, yet make me feel like I'm the one who chose to get off. He always had a story or advice for everything & above all he treated me as an equal.

Third is my dad. Now my dad has always been an amazing man to me. Mysterious & stoic, yet provider & tender. I can't tell you the respect I had for my dad growing up hearing the stories of his upbringing & his journey through life. He went from a Marine to a guy who had to figure out to do with his life. My dad moved from courtesy clerk in a grocery store to store manager faster then most people finish an Associate Degree. He then saved enough money with my mom to buy numerous stores of their own. He was never a lazy man. He worked on our farm & yet in his off time found time for hobbies such as flying, skiing, boating, & golf. Some may look at my dad & say "He wans't the greatest dad. He did this, this & this, wrong." & I would tell you that you are exactly right. My dad wasn't perfect. We weren't this little 'Leave it to Beaver' family, but you have to know where a man comes from to see where he's going. From where my dad came from was incredible & where he took our family...I am in awe at his leadership. My Father will always be respected in my mind for reasons I could never begin to explain to you.

(In one final thought on my dad...He has battled pancreatic cancer over the past 5 years & has fought harder than any of us thought were possible. He is now fighting a new battle with liver disease. Dad, our love, prayer, & support are with you. We Love You!)

I have seen men lead me for years. I have seen men show me the way & always offer advice. Those men are still around me in some capacity or another. Because nothing has changed in my "following" I didn't ever look back to see if I was leading as well. I reflect on my job here at Western & it amazes me at the impact I carry every day. Today alone I had a young man seek me out to ask my opinion on his life. Who am I to give him life advice, but yet there I sat trying to steer him in a way that would lead him to success. I have become what everyone told me all along I was. I make an impact in students' lives everyday. My official title is Dorm Director/International Program Director/Student Council Director (long I know). However, what I realized my real title is? "Life Coach". I took a week off of work due to my surgery & it was amazing today, my first day back, how many people missed me or were genuinely concerned with my well being. Some I don't even interact with much, yet here they are asking me how I was doing & telling me they missed me.

Everyone wants & needs to be led by someone or something. The question is not if you're a leader or not. The question is who am I leading & to what? I try every day to live a life that points to Christ. I want my life to ooze with Jesus' character. What is your life showing? What are your actions telling someone behind you? If they emulate or imitate you, how will their results turn out?

Someone is following you...where are you taking them?

Knee Surgery

2010-02-17T19:44:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I am having arthroscopic knee surgery. They are clearing out a lot of scar tissue & cleaning a lot of frayed pieces of ligaments, cartilage, & clearing out a lot of arthritis. Depending on what they see in there they will decide if we are going to have to do a fairly serious surgery where they detach the patella tendon & reattach it in a tighter pattern to hold the knee cap more in place. However, the only way to reattach it is with 5 screws into my leg!

I'm excited for tomorrow as this surgery has been over 8 years coming, but I'm very nervous obviously. I would appreciate your prayers tomorrow. I trust my doctor, but...you never know.

6-Months

2010-02-05T16:42:00.000-08:00

Allison Faith is 6 months old today! She has grown so much over the past 6 months that it is crazy to think of her being a newborn once. I remember vividly, holding her in my arms once she came into this world. I remember, like it was yesterday, cutting her cord & calling her by name for the very first time. I remember her grabbing my hand oh so tightly as I cleaned her off out of the womb. I remember changing her first diaper.

So many things have happened in this little girl's life. So many exciting moments & eventful impasses in her life so far. I am honored to be her Father. Sara & I were talking last night, on the eve of her 6 month birthday, how challenging parenting was. It has stretched us in more ways then I can even begin to explain in words on this blog. Allison was a baby who started to sleep through the night by 6-weeks. So nights have not been rough at all, but recently she has started to teeth & boy does she let us know those little gums hurt at 2am in the morning. Eventually as a parent you begin to run on empty as your running in different directions all the time & you're not getting your rest to recuperate.

What Sara & I came to realize though is that through all of the stretching, selflessness, & responsibility that comes with parenting...we wouldn't trade a moment of it. It has been the most rewarding thing I have ever gone through in my life. It has made me a better man & husband. I absolutely love being the doting father to my little Ally. So today I celebrate my daughter! I could not ask for a better wife & daughter. I love my girls!

Before I know it I will be writing her "1-year" blog post!

Friends

2010-01-28T23:15:00.000-08:00

I had a very interesting conversation with my wife the other day about friends. We likened friends unto a pair of jeans that you have. We settled on 3 different kinds of jeans:

The tight "look good" jeans - You know the pair I'm talking about. The pair you have to squeeze into. The pair you look good in, but they just aren't that comfortable. The pair you wear to impress or to feel good about yourself, but you sure aren't going to be bending over for the quarter you see on the side walk.
The "fashionably" torn/comfy jeans - This is the pair that is intentionally torn or cut by the store before you even buy them. The ones that look worn to make the appearance of comfort, but in reality they simply need to be broken in just like the "look good" jeans.
The good old "comfy" jeans - Old reliable. The ones that are so stretched out that they would still fit even if you gained 5 lbs. They are faded & worn just enough. They may be torn or stained, but if you are looking for comfort...these are the ones.

Why am I talking about jeans? How the heck does this have anything to do with friends. Well let me ask you something...what type of close friends do you have? Do you have friends that are shallow? Do you have friends that you can't be yourself with? Do you have friends that you have you to pretend to be something you're not? I everyone can point to some friend that is like the "tight" pair of jeans. It might even be someone you wish you could get closer to, but at the end of the day they just aren't "that friend".

How about a friend that you can share your heart with & let your hair down a bit with, but still have some sort of prestige & glamor with? Someone you can be honest with to an extent, but no share your deepest heart with. Someone that builds you up & makes you feel good about yourself, but doesn't want to hear all your junk because it's about appearance.

How about that friend that you can 100% be yourself with? That friend you can have over for dinner & simply put on a pair of sweats & chat about how busy & crazy your week was.

I think we put too much focus & emphasis on the "look good" jeans/friends. They are the people that might be above you or more important. The people you wish you could get close to. The people that maybe you have ulterior motives to pursue. These friends are not bad to explore, but most of us put all of our focus on these relationships. Once we develop this type of friendship, we "wear" it all the time to feel good about ourselves & to make us feel accomplished.

Everyone needs a "fashionable" pair of jeans/friend. The friend that always builds you up & sees the treasure you truly are. That friend that isn't concerned with your life as much as they are your potential. This type of friend challenges us & pulls us to excellence in our life.

What many of us don't have, however, is that friend that you always rely on. That friend that you can count on no matter what the circumstances. The type of friend that no matter how bad your life is, they will stand with you through it all. The friend that knows your junk & loves you more because of it. The friend that isn't trying to make you feel good or require you to act a certain way to be with them. They are simply "being" with you. Living life & journeying with you.

I have been blessed with many friends over my short life thus far. I have been given MANY "look good" friends. I have been given quite a few "fashionable" friends, but I have been blessed with a few "comfy" friends that I would not trade for the world.

One of my comfy friends has been with me for a long time & through so much stuff it is incredible to think they still hang with me. They have seen my lowest lows & my highest highs. I have another comfy friend that has morphed from a "look good" friend to a close friend that I trust with every decision in my life. Another one is a newer to this category for me, but I trust them like a brother & would do anything for them.

After talking about this with my wife, I realized that we all need one friend we can count on. One friend we can vent to. One friend we can explore our dreams with. The trap that so many of us fall into is that we let this person be our spouse or children. What a shame this is. It robs us from the fulfillment a true friend can be. I'm am by no means saying our spouce or children cannot be one of our best friends. I am, however, saying that you need to find a pair of jeans to wear in addition to your wife or husband. Not only will this be good for your marriage/relationship, but this will revitalize you. It will allow you to give your best to your family.

Regretfully you can't just go buy a comfy friend like you can that perfect pair of jeans. You also can't be sure that friend will be comfy right away. Sometimes you get lucky, as I said earlier, & you find that friend & right away you know you connect & trust each other. Although, most times it is something that takes a lot of work & time. It takes trust & faith in knowing they want the same relationship you do.

I can tell you one thing...I could never love my wife the way I do & I definetly would not be where I am today without the support of these 3 friends in my life. The cool thing is I know without a doubt they feel the same about me. Friends a pecious gift, & just like that comfy pair of jeans that although they are torn, painted on, & wearing thin...we don't dare throw them out. They are priceless & can always be trusted.

I heard this quote today & thought I would leave this post with it: "A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, & accepts you just the way you are."

Position

2010-01-17T22:37:00.000-08:00

"Position Yourself"...that has been the word resonating in my head lately. How do I position myself & for what rather? Am I positioning myself to be used? Am I positioning myself for success? Am I positioning myself for shear greatness? What does it mean & why do I need to do it?

The fact is we are all positioning ourself in one facet or another. Positioning ourselves for advancement in our workforce. Positioning for the attention of a significant other. Positioning ourselves for happiness in the otherwise mundane day to day activities. We are all positioning ourselves for something. The question I had to come to terms with was not why or how but what??!!!??

What am I positioning for. What at the core of me is my position? Everything I do in my life is showing my position. Everything I say & focus on is giving a glimpse into what I am positioning myself for. As a basketball coach, I teach my boys every day to work themselves into proper position. If a shot goes up it doesn't matter where you are on the floor as long as you quickly position yourself to get the rebound. Same goes with playing defense. Position is everything in basketball. In life though isn't it the same? As we focus on our can't miss tv show isn't that showing our position? As we fixate on the stress in our lives rather then relax & allow life to come to us isn't that shining a light on our position? As we agonize over our already failed New Years resolutions....ok maybe that one was too soon! =)

Every decision I make is showing my position in life. What I value & hold in high esteem is based on what decisions I make. My position in life is a direct reflection of the way I live it. If I position myself to put a great emphasis on such a small part of my life (let's say coaching), then that shows I value it more then the big things in my life (let's say my wife & daughter). If I position myself to watch tv every night & never read, does it not show I value it more then growing & learning? I think you get where I'm going with this.

I leave you with this thought. Value is described by Webster as "the worth of something in terms of the amount of other things for which it can be exchanged for." What do you value? Once you find that, what is it worth in your life if you were to exchange it? There you will find your position...& there you will find the light bulb turning on!

Play Date

2009-11-18T20:54:00.000-08:00

Sara & Allison had a play date with our good friend Christy Reyes & her daughter Jaeda. Jaeda is exactly one week older then Allison. They had a great time playing together. Allison is a big girl compared to Jaeda in terms of size. I'm still hoping for 6'4".

Allison could sit up all by herself during this play date. She was facinated with Jaeda & stared intently at her.

Here are the girls just chilling on the blanket.

Allison missed the "pose for the camera" memo. The girls seemed to enjoy each other. Hopefully we can do more play dates more often as it was fun letting Allison play with someone her own age as well as talk with someone who is going through the same stuff we are.

Perspective

2009-10-16T17:01:00.000-07:00

I was asked last week to give my testimony in our weekly staff meetings. When preparing for it I really didn't know what to say. I feel like my story isn't that interesting. I feel like I don't have this story that grips your heart & makes you ponder the meaning of life afterwards. It's just me. After giving my story to our staff, I was met with so much praise & amazement it blew me away. So many people said I moved them to tears in my story. Many said they couldn't believe I had been through so much. I was simply shocked when I stopped & thought about it how much I really have accomplished in my life & what I have been through. Seeing your life is a thing of perspective. It's what you put into it that you will get out. It's what you expect that you will have opportunities for. It's what you seek that you will find. Many people have called me a "complex" man in my life. Many have said I have way too many layers for a man. You know what though? At the end of the day all I can be is....well, ME! So I thought I would write out a few highlights of my story that I shared with the staff:

I was born into a loving family with 2 present parents & 4 older sisters.
Basketball was, is, & will continue to be a huge driving passion in life.
I had numerous scholarships to play college basketball prior to ruining my playing career by fully tearing almost every major ligament & cartilage in my left knee.
I ran a multi-million dollar company at the age of 19 & hired/fired people twice my age. I successfully completed a sell & consolidation of two corporations as well as provide for my parents during my Father's lengthy cancer fighting treatment.
I was married at the age of 22 & had my first child at the age of 24.

My name is Robby David Gilliam. No one can take who I am away from me. Everything that I have gone through has made me who I am. I am who I am today through the many ups & downs that life has thrown my way. I am many things to many people. I carry a title of Husband, Friend, Brother, Son, Grandson, Dad, Coach, Sir, Director, Worship Leader, Colleague, & most of all Robby. Life is a thing of perspective. It is good if you choose to see the positive & stretching going on in your life. It is bad if you choose to look at the negative & have pity on yourself. It is boring if you choose to let life come to you instead or going after life.

What is your perspective? Where do you find your joy? If someone were to look at your life through your eyes...what would they see?

I leave this with 2 comments:

If you do not look at things on a large scale, it will be difficult to master strategy.

Leaders don't wait. They shape their own frontiers. The bigger the challenge, the greater the opportunity.

As many of you may know I have been struggling with massive ear infections for over 2 years now. They start as your typical "swimmers ear" & by the time they are done transform into the most painful inner ear infection where my ear drum feels as if it is bursting. With many at home remedies & antibiotics the infection subsides only long enough to jump to my other ear. This cycle has happened on & off for 2 years now & I finally had about enough. I went to the doctor 2 weeks ago & she was shocked & rather amazed at how my ears looked. Most people have a protective lining before your ear drum that is white & round shaped on the outside (see picture above). Mine, however, was red & purple as well as many crater looking gaps in it. My doctor was rather conserned & her assessment was either I have a degenerate disease where I will eventually lose my hearing or there is some sort of tumor there based on what she saw. She was not guessing, she was rather mater of fact & shocked I was living with this pain.

I went to see an ear specialist yesterday. I had many, many people praying for me before & during the whole appointment. Sara & I were expecting the worst & hoping for the best. After carefully looking & many "hmmm's" later, the doctor told me my ear drum is still not perfect but appears to be healing itself. It is starting to go back to normal & gave me some medication to complete the process. Whether natural or divine healing, I completely feel blessed to have escaped what could have been here. It was a painful journey & as little as a week ago the pain was almost unbearable at moments. Now...no pain. I haven't had a flair up in 7 days now & I am looking forward to a normal hearing life now!

Allison is growing so big. She is changing everyday & becoming so much fun. She is starting to talk often & wants to play whenever she is awake. She is making her Mom & Dad very proud every day!

Her precious little feet are quiet now, but soon will be walking everywhere. It changes your perspective as a parent when you think about making where you child walks a little easier then you had it. Trying to have your ceiling be their floor. Sara & I are trying to give Allison the very best & let her experience every possibility that comes to her.

Have a great weekend everyone!

See You At The Pole

2009-09-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

Today was our annual "See you at the Pole" prayer event. This is an event that really took root about 19 years ago, encouraging our youth to arrive early to school or whatever "flag pole" they could find to pray for their school, their city, their city churches, & they nation. We meet around our fountain in the center of our quad and pray. I run our Student Council here at Western & my Council is in charge of planning all events like these. I was proud & amazed when I looked outside this morning & saw a large crowd simply praying. Students getting up early & getting to school at 7:30 opposed to 8:00 to take 30 minutes out of their morning to pray for blessings. Last year we had 30. This morning I counted 57 people in the prayer circle or standing close by joining in the prayer. Of that 57, only 2 were adults. I am blessed to be in such a great environment & I love being around kids that don't wait for change, but simply expect & demand it. Carpe Diam!

My sister, Tracy, was down last week for a visit. She currently lives in Virginia & works at a hospital back there. Thankfully she is moving back to Oregon in the next few weeks. I always enjoy my visits with Tracy & to hear all of her stories. She is definitely my most entertaining & crazy sister. I keep telling her we could make millions if we sold her story to a reality TV show. I mean you can't write the kinda stuff that happens to her. Trac is also a great Aunt & loves her nieces & nephews. She held & fed Allison for over 2 hours. It was a nice visit.

Our little stink-weed, as Sara & I affectionately call Ally, is growing so fast. She is such a happy baby & loves to be close to Mom or Dad. She is starting to learn how to play as well. She loves her little rattles & is starting to "talk" to herself. It's such an amazing journey to see your own child grow up right before your eyes. It seems like yesterday we were waiting on pins & needles for her to come.

We have compared Allison to numerous babies we have seen in the doctors office, at the grocery store, at a restaurant, or yesterday our good friend Christy Reyes stopped by with her daughter Jaeda. Jaeda is exactly a week older than Allison. It is amazing as we see Allison compared to these other babies, how big she is. Her head is double the size of all of theirs. She is much longer. Her feet are twice as big. She weighs more. As our doctor put it so eloquently: "When you have a average sized woman & a 'freakishly' large man, you never know what type of baby you will get out. It appears you have a really cute baby, but boy is she big!" I'm hoping for a 6' 5" girl. That would work for Volleyball, Golf, Basketball, or Modelling. Either way I figure my retirement is set!

Amazed

2009-09-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

Sara & I find ourselves just staring at Allison Faith & standing in amazement at her life. It is absolutely amazing how God can take part of Sara & part of me & breath life into the joining of the cells. When we stop from the hectic pace that is our life, we can't believe that we both aided in creating such a magnificent & gorgeous girl!

Ally has become such a happy baby. She smiles often and loves to have her picture taken. I have taken so many good shots of her over the past month. I'm sure she's destined for paparatzi some day. Whether modeling or basketball I figure my retirement is set either way!

This is Master (Masterpiece). He a new addition to our family as well. He is a new addition to our family's Labradoodle business. He became part of our family as Promise is off at Aunt Terrie & Uncle Gene's house having puppies & we would have missed having a dog around. Master has become my little buddy. He follows me to work everyday & has a blast walking around the dorm & meeting all of the kids. He loves interacting with the student's & is my cuddle buddy. Between Promise & Master I could cuddle with a dog all day. However, it would only last so long as Allison & Sara get most of the snuggle time. Thus, Master is regulated to cuddling with my feet.

I took this picture last week while watching the Seahawks play a pre-season game. She watched the game for a good 10 minutes. Don't worry...I'm raising her right. She also enjoyed the Beavs game on Saturday.

Things are going extremely well for Sara, Allison & I. School has started, we have a full dorm, & things are extremely busy. However, we love all of our students & are very excited to spend the year surrounded by them. All the students love Allison & we have more babysitters then we know what to do with. Hopefully Sara & I can escape for another date soon as we are missing our married time. "Mom & Dad" time is fun, but every once in a while you have to get a much deserved break & we are looking for opportunities. This weekend we are escaping for the weekend to Sisters to see Promise & her puppies. We are then travelling to Lebanon for our sisters birthday & to spend some time with "Mouse" our Grandpa. He has recently been re-diagnosed with cancer. He beat it 4 years ago & it has now come back. We have not seen him since he has been diagnosed & we really want to spend time with him & let him & Grams see Allison. It should be a fun weekend!

Finally I just want to say...I love my wife more now then ever before. I am so blessed to get the privelage of sharing my life with such an incredible woman & my best friend.

Our world

2009-08-30T23:07:00.000-07:00

Allison is our world right now. It's amazing how everything you do & every decision we make is wrapped around our little bundle of joy. Choices of when to run to the store, when to have guests over, when to sleep, when to work, when to travel, & when to have some "Sara & Robby" time. Every decision we make is surrounded by questions of "what is best for Allison." She is everything we hoped for in a child & more. I can't begin to express how blessed we feel as a family!

Sara & I were turned onto a schedule for infants that has worked wonderful for us! We feed every 2 hours on the dot. We try to push it to two if she's hungry before & we don't wait anymore then two even if she's sleeping. The plan also says to not let them sleep during a feeding so cold wash clothes & tickling are our friends. We enforce 10 minutes on each side for a minimum of 20 minutes. Sometimes she will feed for 30 sometimes it's a struggle to get 20. When you are ready for bed, you feed her for the last time & put her to bed. When we do this we let her sleep until she wakes up.

With this method, Ally is sleeping a solid 4-5 hours straight at a time. We wake up about 3 or 4 AM to feed her & then she is asleep again until 8 AM. We are sleeping great & she is sleeping great. For anyone who knows babies, we are happy parents with that schedule! The plan has been perfect for our family & been a blessing since we started her on it from day one of her life. Every baby is different, but they also are creatures of habit. Whatever cycle you let them slip into is what you will live with for a good 2 years. We are very dilberate & cautious with what we allow her to do. We also are very contientous of how we let her act. Sara & I believe parenting is about boundries & limits (yes even for infants). Ally is no saint. She cries when she needs something & let's us know when she's not happy. Overall thought...she has been fantastic. The one common theme we hear from everyone is, "She never cries" or "What a good baby. You two are blessed!" Sara & I know we are new parents & are going to make PLENTY of mistakes. However, we want to not be satisfied with the status quo. We don't want to have the typical baby. We want Allison Faith to be her own person. To strive for uniquness & individuality, yet know her boundries & always behave herself. Parenting is a huge responsibility & we hold the privelage with the utmost care. Parenting isn't a right, it is a privelage. If you don't believe me, ask someone who can't have children.

We don't want to figure things out with Allison & then perfect it with our second child. We want to make this effort the best we can give. So far we have been astounded at how well things have gone & feel blessed to have been given such an even tempered daughter that is so willing to learn what we want. We love her to death & I now know what our parents meant when they said they would do anything for us. I would do anything for her & I find myself staring at her & marvelling at the miracle God created just for us. I am a humbled & very thankful father.

More Allison

2009-08-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

Our little girl is growing up so fast! She is 12 days old today & appears to be growing each day. She shows us more about her character everyday & we are absolutely astounded & blessed at what a wonderful baby we have.Allison sleeps at night extremely well! We feed her about midnight & she sleeps until about 4am. After that she's good until about 8am. We are getting a good 7 or 8 hours of sleep everynight. It has been wonderful! Everyone keeps saying "just wait until that is over." I just don't believe in that. I know Allison will have her bad days & moments where I want to pull my hair out, but I believe a child is a total example of their environment. Allison is in a balanced & calm home, & in my opinion we have a very "balanced" child because of it. All I know is we have an amazing daughter & she is such a blessing. I know I'm a bit biased, but I think she is the most adorable baby I have ever seen!

Promise is absoultely addicted to Allison. She checks on her all of the time & any time Ally cries, Promise is there to "solve the problem." She is quite fond of her & incredibly gentle with her. Above you see Ally even making faces back at Promise.

Here is Promise watching over Allison while her & mama take a nap. She stayed in this position for almost an hour.

Here is Promise trying to "save the day" when Ally was crying. She would lick Ally & snuggle her all day if we would let her. However, we prefer a clean & healthy baby so Promise can only get so close.