Family Affairs

How To Make A Guy Fall In Love With You Again Minute By Minute

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 16:13:00 +0000

Want to know how to make a guy fall in love with you again? Whether you’re in a relationship two months or two years long, there comes that point when you feel like things are going stale – he seems busy all the time, he doesn’t do all the sweet stuff he’s always done, or he forgets special dates – in short, it seems like he needs to fall in love with you again. This is normal in long term relationships, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about it.

Read for steps on how to make him fall in love with you again and bring back love:

1. Ask him out on a date – Get him to fall in love with you once more by telling him by being the once to initiate a date. Tell him that you notice that he’s been looking rather overtired lately and you’ve discovered a good spa or a nice restaurant that he will enjoy. How to get a man to fall in love with you again is as easy as reminding him that you want to do special things for him, too.

2. Go to the salon – there’s nothing like a serious makeover that makes guys knocked out. So many ladies will tell you that how to get a man to fall in love with you again is all about looking as good as you did when you were first starting to get him to notice you. So turn him on, and reap the rewards.

3. Surprise him – yes, sometimes, all a guy needs to fall in love with you again is to remind him why he fell in love with you in the first place – because you’re fun to be with, spontaneous, and exciting. It’s up to you to surprise him in the kitchen with a sweet snack, or in the bedroom with new lingerie or a new amazing lotion. Make him fall in love with you by letting him know that you’ll never get tired of feeling attracted to him, and that you want him to feel the same way too.

Getting into a relationship does not mean establishing an agreement and then letting it exist by default. A great lasting relationship should always involve a commitment to be together, to care for each other, and to maintain the communication and the affection with each other. It’s easy to find ways on how to make a guy fall in love with you again and bring back love as long as you have the conscious desire that you want the relationship to last. And since a relationship is a two-way street, let your partner know about it so that he will be encouraged to do the same too.

How to Make My Husband Happy? Love is a Verb!

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 03:56:00 +0000

If you’re asking yourself “how to make my husband happy,” you are closer to an answer to improving your marriage than you might think.

Often we tend to shift a great deal of the blame for marriage issues to our spouse instead of taking responsibility. That’s not fair nor is it realistic. It’s best to focus on what you can do to make your marriage better. One of the most effective steps to take is to work at making love a verb rather than a noun.

In most marriages, people tend to think of love as a thing. They are sad that they don’t seem to have as much of it as they used to. They might be sad that love is completely missing from their marriage. In addition to, “how to make my husband happy,” I often hear other questions like, “where did the love go?”

The truth is that love is a verb — or it should be.

You should try to find as many ways as possible to show your husband that you love him. This is the “work” that people talk about when they say that we have to work at making our marriage stronger or better. I know, sometimes it feels like the “work” is laundry, dishes, ironing or cleaning. But if you think doing that is showing your husband that you love him, you’re probably going to be disappointed in the “love” he shows in return.

How can you show your husband that you love him? Men need to feel that they are respected by their wife. That’s a primary, basic need that men have.
How to make my husband happy? Find ways to honestly build him up.

Don’t flatter him, but if he’s strong, make sure you tell him how much you appreciate his strength and how safe that makes your feel. If he’s smart, tell him how much you appreciate the way he thinks through problems and that it helps you feel better about the tough decisions you have to make together. If he works hard, tell him how you appreciate that and how it makes you feel. When you praise him honestly for the parts that you like to see, you’ll see more of those parts and less of the parts you’re not so fond of.

Defer to his opinion when it doesn’t matter.

Does it matter which house you should buy? Of course. Let him know exactly how you feel, and iron out your lists of wants before making a major purchase like that. However, very few men will feel respected if every single daily decision leads to a debate. Let go. I’m not saying that you should be silent if he tells you he wants a moose head in the living room, but really most things aren’t nearly as big as we make them sound.

Never put him down in front of others.

Even in jest or at an attempt to be playful, when a wife takes a verbal jab at her husband in public, his self-respect takes a huge blow, as does his opinion of how much he thinks she respects him. If he says or does something embarrassing, go ahead an have a laugh together — later, in private. Would you put down your boss’ boss in public? Of course not. And why not? Because you respect either him or his position. Show your husband the same respect.

It’s true that the only person who can make you happy is yourself. So when you ask yourself, “how to make my husband happy,” it’s not really possible for you to make your husband happy. However, you can certainly find lots of ways to show him that you’re happy with him. He, in turn, will work harder to be more of the man you’re happy with. He’ll also start showing you love in the way that women need.

The 10 Secrets of Happy Couples

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 02:12:00 +0000

Happy Couples and Their Secrets

1. Develop a realistic view of committed relationships.

Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won’t last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic.

2. Work on the relationship.

An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships. It is important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good relationship, like anything you want to succeed in life, must be worked on and tended to on a regular basis. Neglect the relationship, and it will often go downhill.

3. Spend time together.

There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life’s rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television.

4. Make room for “separateness.”

Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you.

5. Make the most of your differences.

Stop and think: What most attracted you to your partner at the beginning? I’ll almost guarantee that it was exactly the thing that drives you most insane today. Take a fresh look at these differences. Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for those exact things that make the two of you different from one another. It’s likely that your differences balance one another out and make you a great team.

6. Don’t expect your partner to change; but at the same time give them more of what they want.

If both you and your partner stop trying to change each other, you will eliminate the source of most of your arguments. At the same time, each of you should focus on giving one another more of what you know the other person wants, even if it doesn’t come naturally. For instance, instead of complaining how your partner never cleans out the dishwasher, try just doing it yourself once in awhile without complaint. Your partner will likely notice your effort and make more of an effort themselves around the house. If you do both of these things at once you’ve got a winning plan!

7. Accept that some problems can’t be solved.

There may be issues upon which you cannot agree. Rather than expending wasted energy, agree to disagree, and attempt to compromise or to work around the issue. Two people cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement. The test of a happy relationship is how they choose to work through such issues — through compromise, change, or finding it’s just not that important to stew over.

8. Communicate!

Lack of communication is the number one reason even good relationships fail. And here is a useful format for doing so, especially when dealing with incendiary topics: Listen to your partner’s position, without interrupting him or her. Just listen. When he or she is finished, summarize what you heard him or her say. If you can, empathize with your significant other even though you don’t agree. This will take your partner off of the defensive, and make it easier for them to hear your thoughts and feelings. It’s hard to argue when you use this format, and best of all, you may come up with an understanding or a solution.

9. Honesty is essential.

You may share with your partner the things he or she doesn’t want to hear. Better this than to have him or her doubt your honesty. Mistrust is one of the key deal breakers in relationships. And once trust is lost or broken, it can take a very long time to re-establish it in the relationship.The happiest couples are the ones where honesty is as natural and every day as breathing.

10. Respect your partner, and don’t take him or her for granted.

Treating your sweetheart with respect is likely to get you the same in return. And regularly reminding them how much they mean to you will enrich your relationship in indescribable ways. When you say, “I love you,” pause for a moment to really mean it. And don’t be afraid to express your feelings of appreciation with your partner — he or she will be thankful that you did.

Making these secrets an integral part of your relationship won’t be easy. In fact, your efforts may initially seem like planted seeds that never come up. If you maintain your efforts, however, you will likely reap what you sow.

30 Tips for a Happy Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 16:05:00 +0000

1.SMS her some love during the day.
2.Help her fill in her 12-hugs-a-day tank with lots of hugs (and kisses).
3.Cook dinner from time to time. Husbands who cook have happier marriages.
4.Stay and help while cleaning up after meals. Many couples fight over cleaning up. If you do it together, it will take half the time, become part of your quality time and then leave more time for romance.
5.Find a loving nickname for her.
6.Say "I love you" when you meet and when you say good-bye.
7.Mark special dates on your calendar. There are not that many dates to remember: mainly her birthday and your wedding anniversary. But if you really want to be a super husband, remember the date that you first became a couple.
8.Take the kids out on your own from time to time to give her some space. It can be as simple as offering some time off on the weekend to allow her to sleep in a little bit longer, or as easy as organizing an evening out with the kids.
9.When she is upset, listen to her but do not try to give advice (unless she asks for it).
10.Tell her how much you love to touch and smell her.
11.Invite her to a movie or a restaurant like you would have if you were dating.
12.Write her love notes and put them in places where she would not expect to find them, like inside the laundry basket, on the mirror in the bathroom, inside her wallet or on the visor in her car.
13.Shower the kids or read them a story. I have to say that having watched my husband doing these things for many years with our children makes me love him more and more everyday. It is such a simple, beautiful thing to see father and kids reading a story together, that it makes the entire family happy.
14.Offer some technical help if she is struggling with remotes, computers or electrical wiring.
15.Say something nice about her choice in clothes.
16.Bring her flowers.
17.Give her a massage.
18.You are strong and manly. Take the garbage out.
19.Bring home dinner from time to time as a surprise. Try not to do this if she has already prepared a dinner. It is always better to check first and make sure the dinner is not all ready yet.
20.Tell her "I trust you to…" Any positive ending to this sentence works miracles in any relationship. Count how many times you say this phrase during your relationship and I am sure you will find it much easier to spend many happy years together.
21.Give her a kiss for no reason. Kiss for the love of kissing. Kiss in the morning and remember to always, always, always kiss at night before you fall asleep, even (especially) if you have just had a fight.
22.Stay cool when she is having a long phone conversation with her girlfriend, mom or sister. These phone calls are a way for her to work things out and get emotional support. They are good for you…
23.Bring home a sexy movie from the video shop to watch together.
24.Learn how to use the washing machine and use it without being asked.
25.Go shopping with her if she asks you to. Consider this quality time. You can do the grocery shopping while you talk together about your plans and dreams.
26.Clean the toilet from time to time.
27.Bring her small gifts.
28.Hold her hand even when there are people around. It is a public display of affection and this is important to her.
29.Initiate weekends away.
30.Keep a photo of her in your wallet.

How to Build Family Unity

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 14:48:00 +0000

•1
Have family dinners. If it's not possible to have them every night, make sure that you eat together as a family at the dinner table at least twice a week. If you need to cut something out of your schedule to accomplish this, then do so.

•2
Make a rule that all members of the family are treated with respect. Start by modeling this as a parent, then enforce the rule with your children. Speaking disrespectfully of others in the family is simply not allowed.

•3
Plan a family night at least once a month. Have some board games you can play during the family night. Sometimes you will be too tired or stressed to play a game. These are good times to have a family movie night, but don't rely on movies too much as they limit the amount of time you can spend talking.

•4
Talk to your spouse. Creating a good spouse-to-spouse relationship will foster family unity by providing a good example. Plan a date night once a week.

•5
Talk to your kids, and really listen. Busy parents are often guilty of not listening to their kids. When children know that their thoughts, opinions, and insights are valued, they tend to feel closer to their family members. During your family dinners and game nights, let everyone talk and make the others listen.

•6
Forgive when necessary. Nothing breaks up family unity faster than a grudge. If someone has done something wrong, get it out in the open, and then forgive that person. Teach your children how to do this with each other.

•7
Hug your kids and your spouse. Hugs are easy to give, yet provide tremendous emotional support. Do not neglect physical contact with your family members!

•8
Make family outings something everyone enjoys. You don't have to spend a lot of money to spend time with your family, but you do need to choose activities that are interesting to your kids.

Honor One Another

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 07:12:00 +0000

The church should model integrity, honoring men and women equally. Earnest repentance and intentional reform would have a ripple effect throughout our culture. The world's reforms will never do the job because they aren't capable of changing the hearts of men.
How can we hang back when we have the answer to the injustices in society? How can we remain insecure and divided among ourselves, elevating men and devaluing women when we know Christ's view of us?

God may ask us to risk hurt in order to model vulnerability and our commitment to a higher call. How tragic if we instead build walls around our hearts, keeping at a distance the very people to whom God desires we minister.

As we reflect on women's roles in our churches and ministries, let's encourage reform. Let's have the courage to bring continuing change within the church.

And if we have spent our lives playing "second fiddle" when the quality of our work should have placed us in a lead position, let's forgive and go on in obedience to the Maestro. If we keep our eyes fixed on Him and our ears attuned to the words He whispers to us, we will become instruments for His glory.

Causes Of Broken Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 15:15:00 +0000

The rate at which relationships break up these days is alarming and gradually becoming a thing of great concern both to counsellors and the society at large.

For the purpose of this article, please permit me to focus on marriage and not just any form of love relationship. Reason is that marriage is more legal and to an extent (according to marriage vows), expected to last for ever.

Have you ever observed that marriage vow has no provision for divorce? And interestingly, it seems to be the same vow all over the world. Then, where does divorce come from? Why should couples even consider it as an option? Does it solve any problems? Are people ‘truly happy’ after a divorce or separation? Is it possible to have a good relationship with your ex and his/her siblings? How do you cope with the hurt and overwhelming feeling of forgiveness?

Bola has this to say.

“Segun and I appeared to the crowd that graced our wedding to be a perfect match. As the pastor introduced us, telling them who/what we were, heads nodded and faces beamed in admiration of a careful combination. Our parents walked proud, greeting friends and relations who turned out in support. As the reception ceremony was drawing to a close, people started leaving for diverse reasons and soon, we discovered we had actually come to the end of the wedding party.

“It was good to know that the end of reception marked the beginning of marriage. Going away on honeymoon was another interesting thing I looked forward to and hopes were not dashed. I had no idea whatsoever of the kind of challenges tied to marriage. Life commenced in our new home and I loved the opportunity to showcase the few dishes I learnt to make just before wedding and Segun had no idea I was using him to test my catering practical.

“Sometimes, it was the opposite of what I expected (a far cry from good), but my new husband would still manage to be appreciative of the fact that he had someone he could call his wife. Vacation was finally over and we both went back to work. Coming from work to prepare food was the first hurdle I had to cross but because I’m a smart babe, I patronised eateries very often for family support and before long, Segun got tired of my alternative and desired a change to home made food—men love home made food.

“This was a clear ‘yellow light’ for my young marriage. One thing led to another and we watched our differences unfold by the day. The love we thought existed between us was almost like a mirage as we treated and related with each other as cat and mouse. Things just fell apart and the centre could no longer hold. The next alternative was to bring in parents which I considered the most immature decision we ever took. You know parents have sentiments towards their children and mothers in particular would always want to protect the ‘baby’ they nursed.

“One thing we knew for sure was that we confessed our love for each other so often before marriage, that it became a part of us, but here, we were unable to look each other in the eye and declare “I love you dear” again. This shows you how really bad things turned, but as God would have it, we found help in counselling and love returned.”

With Bola’s experience, I will enumerate a few things which can cause problems in relationships.

•Negligence: Whether they are voiced or assumed, in every relationship, there are expectations of what each partner is supposed to do for mutual existence. The man should deliver his responsibility well and the woman should not be found wanting in any sense of the word. Once you do not do what is expected of you, you are calling for trouble.

•Analysis: Couples who argue so much and want everything to follow a particular pattern easily have problems. Life is easy, try and overlook some things for peace to reign. Marriage is not the right place for you to prove how intelligent you.

•Wrong choice of words: If you can watch and control your tongue, a whole deal of your problem would be gone. Dishing sarcastic comments is not healthy for a relationship and studies have shown that even after apologies, the wounds refuse to heal completely.

•Infidelity: Please try as much as practicable not to give your spouse any cause to doubt your love for him/her. Just the way you promised at the beginning of the marriage, keep to one partner and derive pleasure in each other.

•Care: Care makes it easy for you to love, give, respect, support, encourage and do a lot more than an ordinary relationship could offer.

When Your Marriage Starts Unraveling

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 13:31:00 +0000

Most brides look forward to their wedding day through rose-colored glasses while dreaming of a happy future with Mr. Wonderful. But sooner or later, dreaming gives way to the reality that happiness doesn't automatically happen.

At the time we marry we may not consciously think, Now I will be happy because the one I love not only loves me but is committed to me. Yet the underlying idea usually is there. Of course this only sets us up for disappointment; no human being has the power to guarantee another's happiness.

Each partner brings into the relationship his or her own expectations for marriage. Each one also brings emotional and cultural "baggage" from the past that affects how he or she contributes to the relationship.

No matter how well you think you know each other, the daily routine of life reveals things about your mate you've never seen before. But with the help of the Holy Spirit, a difficult marriage actually can become a laboratory in which God's love has the power to bring healing.

Problems Yield to Prayer

Our friend Sarah found that prayer enabled her to cope with difficulties in her marriage. She and her husband, Wayne, were Christians, but the foundation of their union was very shaky.

When they married, Sarah didn't realize he was bound by perfectionism and a need to be in control. She came from an abusive home and struggled with insecurity and rejection—fertile ground for the enemy to try to destroy their relationship.

While their children were still quite young, Sarah came into a truly close relationship with the Lord and began receiving healing for her own problems. Then she determined to stand in the gap for her marriage.

"I set a special time to spend in my prayer closet very early each morning before my family got up," she said. "There I would meet with God in praise and worship, intercession and spiritual warfare. Sometimes just living with Wayne was such a spiritual battle I would be physically exhausted when it was time to pray—barely able to drag myself out of bed."

Sarah lived for this prayer time each day. For 12 years she prayed for what she called her "Christmas Miracle"—a breakthrough in her relationship with Wayne she felt the Lord had said would come at Christmastime. After 12 years of looking for its fulfillment, Sarah was about to put aside her hopes.

That year, in the Christmas Eve service, as their pastor was praying for the congregation, Sarah sensed God's power upon her and Wayne as they stood side by side.

"It was as if I saw and felt in the Spirit an anchor joining us together," she said. "I hugged Wayne close and knew something awesome was happening spiritually—as if God was making us truly one in Him.

"The next day, while driving in my car, I asked God what it meant. I'd expected a more tangible manifestation of my miracle. When I turned on the radio, the first song I heard was 'This is it—this is your miracle. This is it—what you've been waiting for.'

"God did bring my miracle, but it took nine more months to become fully evident in Wayne's personality. Gradually he became more loving and tender, more concerned for my needs. [And] he stopped shutting me out when I wanted to talk to him.

"We've been married 29 years, and we now have a beautiful, biblical relationship. We pray together each morning, we fast together once a week, and every night we pray the Scriptures over our children. My husband is healed and growing more passionately in love with the Lord (and with me) each day!"

Sarah knew her own efforts to change Wayne were hopeless. She chose the best route possible to see her marriage healed: First, she found her strength in God and allowed the Holy Spirit to change in her the attitudes and behaviors that needed changing to bring healing to her own heart; and second, she engaged in prayer and spiritual warfare that opened the way for the Lord to change her husband's stony heart.

An Abusive Marriage Saved

Carmen spent 20 years in what she called a "hellish" marriage, which she figures took place only because she became pregnant before the wedding. Her husband, Steve, would humiliate her and show no regard whatever for her feelings.

After 10 years of frustration, she had an affair with someone she met at church. "Of course I realize now how vulnerable and how badly deceived I was," she said.

"Before my lover's best friend exposed me, I decided to confess to Steve. When he asked why I had done it, I told him, 'Because you never tell me that you love me or that I am pretty. My lover did all the time. I was starving for someone to value me, to give me a sense of self-worth.'"

Carmen repented for her sin, made a new commitment to the Lord and began praying regularly. Once she asked God whether she could leave her marriage but felt His answer was no. God's challenge to her was, "Are you willing to be made willing to love your husband unconditionally? And to treat him with as much love and kindness as you would Me, the Lord Jesus?"

Her response was yes, she was willing to be loving and kind even if she didn't receive love and kindness in return. But she felt the Lord would not require her to be treated like a doormat. So when Steve berated her, she would tell him firmly but kindly, "Don't talk to me like that—your attack is unwarranted."

When Carmen stopped lashing back at her husband's angry words, he saw he couldn't get into a fight and would back down. Then she would embrace him and say, "This behavior really is beneath you—I know you're a loving, caring man."

As a result of her new approach, she's not pouting anymore, and he's softening toward her. As she prays for strength and wisdom, the Lord helps her to respond in the appropriate spirit.

"If you're struggling even to desire to respond to your husband this way, ask God to give you a willing heart," Carmen says. "I would remember how valued and loved I felt by God; then I could give His love to my husband. Now I realize I will never receive my sense of value and self-worth from my husband—that comes only from God."

Women need to know that they do not deserve verbal abuse and do not have to tolerate it. If you are being victimized, tell your husband you will not respond to him as you have in the past—no more yelling back or giving him the silent treatment.

Explain that you want a good marriage but now you're requiring respect from him and establishing limits. When his behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable, tell him so firmly but kindly. You may need to take similar steps to protect your children, if your husband is verbally abusing them.

Don't blame yourself—it is not your fault. But it is wise to establish a plan for getting to a place of safety in case the abuse becomes physically threatening.

Pornography Threatens Marriages

We are dismayed by the growing numbers of women who tell us their husbands are involved with pornography. Many say they became aware something was wrong when their husbands began spending huge blocks of time at their home computers exploring the Internet. They would go online and connect to all kinds of sexually explicit programs under the pretext of "working on the computer."

This kind of pattern is dangerous. Once hooked, a husband may begin staying away from home more and frequenting X-rated businesses. Or he may indulge his habit at home in the middle of the night. Though his "public face" is quite convincing, an astute wife knows an evil force is slowly shredding the very fabric of their family.

One woman awakened at 3 a.m. and discovered she was in bed alone. The Lord impressed her to go into the family room, and she found her husband (a deacon in their church) watching the pornographic cable channel.

A woman who stuck by her husband until he gained victory over pornography wrote us about her experience: "A few months after our wedding when I found my husband's porn magazines, I considered leaving him. But after asking some friends to pray for me, I rededicated my life to Christ and began changing my own attitudes.

"My husband saw the difference and started going with me to church. Then he also began to change. But still there was strife during our intimate times.

"Twice he admitted he still had a problem with lust, and I threatened to leave. But he cried and said he'd kill himself if I did, so I stayed. He assured me he had 'taken authority' over the problem as a Christian and was now delivered from lust.

"The third time I found out he was still involved in pornography, I gave him a choice. Either he would agree to get help and become accountable to another godly man, or I was leaving him. He knew I meant it this time.

"That evening, he confessed his problem to our pastor and asked for prayer. After he confessed, repented and through prayer was delivered from a spirit of lust, our relationship changed for the better."

Based on her own experience, this woman feels a wife should confront her husband the very first time the problem of pornography is exposed. Delay only makes the matter worse. She believes because she put off the confrontation, it took her much longer to receive healing for herself and to be able to trust her husband again.

We advise you always to seek the Lord for His strategy on how best to broach this volatile subject. If God has allowed you to discover such a problem, He also will give you directions on how to deal with it appropriately.

Overall, marriage conflicts have no easy answers. But it is possible to build God-honoring relationships on a foundation of sacrificial love and a willingness to receive God's help and healing.

In the process, both partners will undergo changes and grow stronger in their walks with the Lord. Though it's not an easy road, the journey toward wholeness can begin for a couple even when only one partner takes the initiative to cooperate with God and practice a firm but loving approach to solving problems.

Staying Pure in a Fornication Nation

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 14:08:00 +0000

You don't have to compromise with our sex-saturated culture. By God's grace you can stay in the sexual safety zone.

There were some raised eyebrows last week on the campus of Southeastern University in Lakeland, Fla., when I hosted a special meeting—the day before Valentine's Day—on the subject of fornication. That's not a word you normally associate with a lecture topic, but hey, I had to get attention. And since the hormones on most college campuses are as dense as Florida humidity, I figured the kids would be all ears when I attacked the subject.

I was right. At times you could hear a pin drop in the auditorium, especially when I talked about how most American young people aren't even sure how to define sexual activity anymore. (Today's college seniors were nine years old when President Clinton tried to redefine sex during the Lewinsky scandal.) At other times the students burst into nervous laughter, especially when I told how I gave my son-in-law a lecture about sexual boundaries in front of 700 of his classmates when he was dating my oldest daughter.

I thought it might be helpful to share these key points with a wider audience, since many of the readers of this column are single. And even if you are married, it would be good to take a quick refresher course in self-control—since we live in a nation that is losing all moral restraint. Here's what I told the group at Southeastern:

1. Don't redefine your morality. I've seen Christian young people roll their eyes when I say the word "fornication" because it sounds so much like King James English—sort of like "sodomy," another word we avoid in our PC culture. But we need to be careful how we bend the meaning of words. Terms that are in the Bible should not vanish from our modern vocabulary just because they offend some of the hosts of The View.

When "fornication" is used in 1 Thessalonians 4:3 ("For this is the will of God ... that ye should abstain from fornication" KJV), the Greek word is porneia. It's the root word for pornography, but it means a lot more than sexually explicit material. It includes sex between unmarried people, homosexuality, bestiality, prostitution, incest and adultery.

According to the apostle Paul, sex as God intended is limited to marriage between one man and one woman. Period. The Episcopal Church has no right to broaden the definition. Neither do Bill Clinton, Newsweek, Oprah or HBO. Don't let moral relativism infect your brain.

2. Don't sell your birthright. Losing one's virginity used to be a serious issue, but today fornication is just a standard sitcom plot device. It's considered normal. People are considered weird if they didn't have sex by age 14; and if anybody dares to teach abstinence in a public school he is labeled a Neanderthal.

In TV shows like Desperate Housewives, Nip/Tuck or Grey's Anatomy, life revolves around who's in bed with whom. There's even a TV series on Showtime called Californication that follows the life of a sex addict. What TV producers don't usually explore are the consequences of immorality. Audiences probably wouldn't laugh if the couples hooking up on these shows had to deal with genital warts, gonorrhea, AIDS, abortions, post-abortion trauma or clinical depression—all real fallout from illicit sexual behavior.

If you are a single person today—whether you have lost your virginity or not—it's time to reclaim your purity and save sex for marriage. We've forgotten the story of Esau, who forfeited his birthright through one stupid act. He traded his inheritance for a bowl of stew. You really can throw your life away through one act of fornication.

3. Get ruthless with your weaknesses. Jesus sounded stricter than a Catholic school principal when He talked to His disciples about self-discipline. He told them: "If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell" (Matt. 5:29, NASB).

Jesus was not advocating self-mutilation. He was using sarcasm to emphasize how serious sin is—and He urged His followers to take radical steps to avoid the snares of temptation. In our sex-soaked society, it is more imperative than ever that we draw boundaries.

Got a problem with pornography? If you can't discipline yourself to avoid offending Web sites, get rid of your computer. Do you end up engaging in heavy petting or intercourse with your girlfriend or boyfriend after a few minutes of kissing? Draw lines and stick to them. And if you can't stick to the rules, ask for intervention. If you don't you are headed for spiritual shipwreck.

4. Live a transparent life. The Bible never advocates that we battle sin alone. We need each other. James 5:16 says: "Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed." In some cases you will never get victory over temptation until you share your struggle with another Christian and seek counsel and prayer.

So many believers today are living with secrets. Many women (and men too) were molested as children by a relative or friend—yet they have never shared their pain. Many young guys are trapped in a dark world of pornography and masturbation but are too ashamed to admit it. Many Christians struggle with same-sex attraction yet they fear that if they confess their thoughts they will be rejected.

You will never discover the abundant life Christ promised until you clean out your spiritual closets and deal with all your dirty laundry. Total forgiveness and cleansing is available, but confession and repentance must come first.

5. Develop the fear of God. Paul had sober words for the Thessalonians who ignored his admonitions about sexual sin. He told them: "He who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you" (1 Thess. 4:8). It couldn't be clearer: If you disregard sexual boundaries, you are on thin ice.

What we desperately need in the church today is a conscience awakening. Too many Christians have warped judgment—and they don't even feel godly remorse when they break God's law. If you have any form of sexual sin in your life, flee it immediately and make a 180-degree turn. He will grant you the grace to live a life of purity.

J. Lee Grady is editor of Charisma.

Restoring America's Marriages

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 10:33:00 +0000

Last week marked a nadir in the battle for biblical marriage. Two huge events occurred. First former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney voiced his support for same-sex marriage. Second New Hampshire became the sixth state in the Union to legalize gay marriage. Despite these two events, nationalizing same-sex marriage is absolutely not inevitable. Gay marriage proponents are only too aware that the recent California Supreme Court ruling that upheld the 2008 Proposition 8 victory which, guarantees that a fresh round of marriage amendments, initiatives and referendums will undoubtedly be levied in the states that have scored temporary victories for same-sex marriage.
I must admit that Cheney's defection from his party's long-term stance on marriage was especially disappointing. His open admission of his transition to same-sex marriage advocacy -- which places him left of President Obama -- seemed especially hypocritical in light of his second term ascension to power on the wings of the same sex-marriage controversy. Perhaps this admission explains why the Bush administration ran out of steam on the issue shortly after their 2004 victory. Numerous pro-family groups who have supported the GOP for years are wondering where their values will find a new political home.

While these groups meditate on the political ramifications of recent marriage regulations and decisions, new alliances are being formed and millions of nameless and faceless Americans will soon join the struggle to affirm biblical marriage. The New Hampshire legislature muddied the waters in the marriage debate by attempting to throw the religious community a bone, declaring that conservative ministers would not be forced to perform same-sex marriages.

Despite the New Hampshire governor's attempt to paint this as a compromise position, the religious services exemption is tantamount to giving pro-biblical marriage proponents the sleeves out of one's vest. In most cases openly gay people will not seek out conservative ministers to perform their weddings. Only activists seeking a precedent setting case would even entertain coercing a biblically faithful minister.

Knowledgeable pro-traditional marriage advocates understand that the real danger lies with the unintended consequences of gay marriage on the next generation. Redefining marriage, redefines family, the redefinition of family changes the definition of parenting, the definition of parenting changes the dynamics of education. As a result, in the state of Massachusetts, eight-year olds are reading Heather has Two Mommies. To make things worse, their parents cannot opt out of these classes.

In California five-year olds are asked to become gay allies and they can join such a club, which meets during breaks in their elementary classrooms. These kinds of ill-advised social experiments may produce a host of unexpected consequences. If gay marriage is allowed, the nation will soon begin to experience more and more degradation of the nuclear family -- resulting in fewer kids being raised by both a mom and a dad. There have been no studies that suggest that any other marriage arrangement beats the power of having one mom and one dad investing in their own biological children.

What will the landscape of America look like if same-sex marriage is legalized across our nation? According to the writings of Dr. Stanley Kurtz, nations who have legalized same-sex marriage see a dramatic increase in out of wedlock births, long-term singleness and other symptoms of the devaluation of the institution. If the American family loses the presence of its birth dad in the home, there will be several huge consequences.

Consider these statistics. Over half of Americans studied in a survey in 2001 by Harvard University's Kennedy School of Government believe that the high number of single-parent families is a major cause of poverty. Studies also reveal that most Americans believe that welfare programs encourage single-parent families and teenage pregnancy.

Malcolm D. Williams in 1997, used a sample of 1,610 10-13 year-olds in a study. He found that children who learn to share significant ideas with their fathers had fewer behavior problems and developed stronger cognitive abilities than their peers.

Similar results were found in a 1995 study of 254 black adolescents living with both of their biological parents. Ninety-six percent of these boys said their fathers were their role models. In this study, only 44 percent of black adolescents who were not living with their fathers said their fathers were their role models.

The Journal of Family Psychology in 2000 reported a study of 116 African-American students ages 10-13. The boys with married parents were found to have much higher levels of self-esteem and a better sense of personal power and self-control compared to single-mother homes.

Repeatedly scholarly studies focused on adolescence show that early onset of puberty in girls is a major problem. It is associated with negative psychological, social and health problems. Depression, alcohol consumption and higher teenage pregnancy rates are some of the results. An eight-year study of girls and their families showed that a father's presence in the home, with appropriate involvement in his children's lives, contributed to later pubertal timing of the daughters in the seventh grade.

These studies and scores of others suggest what most Americans have always known: that both boys and girls, are deeply affected in both biological and psychological ways by the presence of their fathers. We have emphasized the father only half of the biblical duo called parents, assuming the mother is intact within the family setting.

In conclusion let me cite the fact that even former Vice President Al Gore sees the need for strong fathers to remain in the nuclear family. In June 2000 he said, "Don't ever doubt the impact that fathers have on children. Children with strongly committed fathers learn about trust early on. They learn about trust with their hearts. They learn they are wanted, that they have value, and that they can afford to be secure and confident and set their sights high."

Most gay activists do not seem to understand that two mommies or two daddies cannot replace the balance of one mother and one father. Despite the incredible adaptability of children, our entire culture should advocate for family structures which promote the most positive environments of our next generations.

Let's set our sights high. Let's not fall victim to the inevitability argument of our opposition. We simply need an army of bi-partisan leaders to strategize, organize and prioritize the protection of marriage!

by harry-jackson

How to Make Your Family Miserable

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 15:39:00 +0000

Supposedly, you love your family. You don't want to cause them any undue agony. But if you neglect to take care of a few important paperwork issues, then your loved ones could suffer unnecessarily.
Here are six surefire ways to bestow misery upon your kith and kin:

Execute a durable power of attorney naming your daughter to speak for you if you become incapacitated, but forget to make her signatory on the safe-deposit box where you store the document.

Take out a long-term disability insurance policy but neglect to tell your spouse. Then go into a coma for six months so that Snookums has to take out a second mortgage to pay the bills. (Sorry, honey, my bad!)

Play a good joke on the poor soul who will complete your final tax form upon your demise: Leave your important papers under mountains of less important papers scattered all over the house.

Get divorced and forget to change the beneficiary on your life insurance policy. That way, your first husband -- the lunatic who ran off with the Krishnas -- gets the entire lump-sum death benefit, while your second husband and family of 50 years get zilch.

Forget to tell your wife about that great new financial planner you're working with -- the one who mysteriously boards a flight for the Cayman Islands the day you join that great tax-free haven in the sky.

Repeatedly leave the toilet seat up and just two squares of tissue on the roll.
Protecting your family's future is a great way to say, "I love you" (though the Norwegian "Jeg elsker de" is also a crowd pleaser).

The Top Five Financial Mistakes Parents Make

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 13:23:00 +0000

The top five financial mistakes parents make

Saving for college is often a priority for parents -- as it should be. But saving for school doesn't give moms and dads license to neglect the rest of their financial goals, advisers say.

According to AllianceBernstein Investment's "College Savings Crunch," a recent report that measured college saving trends, 70% of families surveyed don't have a plan that takes into account all of their financial goals. AllianceBernstein is a global asset-management firm based in New York.

Melissa Osuch has seen first-hand proof of those findings.

"In talking to fellow moms and fellow parents, I realized they had no idea what their priorities should be and where they should start. A lot of times they do nothing," said Osuch, a Glenview-based financial planner and educator with Strategic Advisors of Illinois. When they do take action, "they focus so much on college planning that they completely ignore retirement planning."

And the immediate, everyday needs and desires of their families often get more attention than college saving. The AllianceBernstein survey found that of families intending to fund at least part of their children's education, 58% spent more on eating out or ordering take-out food than saving for college in the past year, while 49% spent more on vacations.

For Vicky de los Reyes, a 38-year-old who lives in the Chicago suburb of Hawthorn Woods, buying a house was the priority when her oldest daughter was young. She and her husband began saving for all their children's college expenses around the time her oldest turned 6.

Even though the couple began saving for their daughter's education later than they would have liked, they have a catch-up strategy: When their youngest child no longer needs day care, the money saved will be put into their oldest child's college fund.

To help parents prioritize their finances, Osuch has a formula: The most important component is protection and insurance, followed by establishing an emergency fund, saving for retirement and then, finally, socking away money for college.

Rick Brooks, a financial planner with Solana Beach, Calif.-based Blankinship & Foster, has a similar approach.

"The way we tend to look at financial planning is first covering the risks," he said. The young families he works with are typically successful professionals in their 30s and 40s with high educational degrees on their resumes -- yet still are often left scratching their heads when it comes to creating a family financial plan.

Below are five common financial mistakes advisers often see parents make:

1. Buying the wrong life insurance -- or none at all

It doesn't cost a bundle for parents in their 20s or 30s to purchase life insurance. But it may mean the world to that parent's bundle of joy. A working parent may have life insurance through an employer. Do the math and make sure it's enough.

According to Osuch, there are two ways someone can estimate how much life insurance to buy: Either multiply income by eight or multiply income by six and then add in one-time expenses such as paying off a mortgage or paying for college. It's also possible to estimate how much is needed by considering only expenses -- both one-time costs and living expenses for several years -- instead of income, Brooks said.

Both stress, however, that each situation is unique and it's best to consult with a professional on how much insurance is necessary.

Also give special consideration to the stay-at-home parent, Osuch said. Often a parent not earning an income figures he or she doesn't need life insurance. But large child-care expenses could appear if a stay-at-home parent dies, she said.

To figure how much a stay-at-home parent needs in life insurance, estimate the costs of replacing the work that the parent does, she said. The figure will likely vary depending on the ages of the family's children.

Having enough life insurance is especially important for young families to consider, especially since they are more likely to have a tighter cash flow, said Cicily Maton, a financial planner and partner of Chicago-based Aequus Wealth Management Resources.

At the age of 28, Osuch bought herself a 30-year, $250,000 term policy for $165 a year. Mortality tables have changed since 1998 when she bought the policy due to increased life expectancy, thus lowering the rates even more, she said.

2. Ignoring the need for disability insurance

Maybe even more important than life insurance is for parents to have disability insurance, Osuch said. "If you get into a car crash, there's more of a chance you're going to be injured than actually die from that," she said. "Life insurance isn't going to help you out there."

Luckily, that expense also can be modest; Osuch recently sold a 36-year-old a disability insurance policy for $34 a month.

When deciding how much insurance to buy, parents should aim to replace at least 60% of their income. Disability insurance most often is paid out on a monthly basis.

As an aside, don't skimp on liability insurance, Brooks said. Inadequate auto and home coverage is a common mistake across his entire client base.

3. Postponing a will

Young parents often feel healthy and don't think they need to prepare for the inevitable by drafting a will. But it's a task they probably shouldn't put off.

"Younger people don't have death on their minds," Maton said, at least not to the same extent that older clients do. But it takes only one related horror story about the consequences of a parent dying without a will to change someone's perspective, she said.

Without a will, the state decides who cares for the deceased's children and who manages their finances. When parents put their wishes in writing, they make those decisions instead.

If finding the money for attorney fees is the biggest hurdle, at least have a conversation with aunts, uncles and grandparents regarding who will take responsibly of the children in the event that a parental death occurs, Brooks said. And put those decisions in writing.

"If money is that tight, at least spend the 10, 15 bucks at the stationary store and fill in the blanks," he said, referring to premade will documents. Remember to have the document notarized, he added.

4. Forgetting to save for retirement

"When you're young and you have kids, retirement seems so out of reach," Osuch said. "It's something you can do tomorrow."

But delaying retirement saving makes it harder for a nest egg to grow. And remember college savings can be supplemented with student loans. "There are a lot of ways to finance college, but no one is going to give you a loan for retirement," she said.

Neglecting retirement savings also doesn't do any favors for grown children, who could be faced with the burden of financing their parents late in life, Maton said. At the very least, people should put as much money in their 401(k) plans as their companies will match, Osuch advises.

5. Putting off saving for college

Save for college while saving for retirement, Osuch said; starting early allows more time for the fund to grow. But dedicate fewer dollars to school than to the retirement fund.

If, for instance, someone has $100 a month to save, he or she should put $75 into some sort of retirement plan and $25 into college savings, she said. "Most people do the opposite or don't put anything into retirement at all."

But even though financial aid can supplement college savings, don't count on receiving aid that doesn't need to be paid back.

"Fifty-six percent of financial aid is in the form of loans," said Jennifer DeLong, director of college savings plans for AllianceBernstein. "People hear 'financial aid' and they think 'free money.'"

And although it's easy for proud parents to picture their prodigy as a star athlete or coveted artist, don't plan on them financing their entire education with scholarship money.

In the AllianceBernstein study, two-thirds of financial aid administrators said they believe that scholarship and grant dollars are less available for the average family today than they have been in the past; 92% said that parents overestimate the amount of scholarship and grant money their children will receive.

How To Talk To Your Kids About Economic Crisis

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 07:19:00 +0000

Needs vs. Wants

First, be conscious of the way you talk about money, and cut out the "poortalk," advises David Myers, professor at Michigan's Hope College and author of "The Pursuit of Happiness."

"‘I need that' can become ‘I want that.' ‘I am underpaid' can become ‘I spend more than I make,'" Myers writes. "And the most familiar middle-class lament, ‘We can't afford it,' can become, truthfully, ‘We choose to spend our money on other things.' For usually, we could afford it -- the snowmobile, the CD player, the Disney World vacation -- if we made it our top priority; we just have other priorities on which we choose to spend our limited incomes. The choice is ours. ‘I can't afford it' denies our choices, reducing us to self-pitying victims."

I've always tried to frame finances in terms of choices for my kids. For instance, my daughter came home from a play date once and asked when we would be getting an "extreme makeover" on our house, since compared to her friend's palatial digs we lived in a shack.

The Landscape Has Changed

I told her we were lucky not to have the disabling injuries, serious health problems, and other woes of the families on the "Extreme Makeover" TV show. Secondly, we could have a bigger home, but then Mom and Dad would have to get different jobs, leave early in the morning, and work late into the evening in New York City. (I work mostly from my home office.) And that would mean I couldn't drive them to school or have a snack with them when they arrive home, and we wouldn't be able to have dinner together as a family very often. Fortunately, she agreed that the tradeoff -- more time with us -- makes it worth having the smaller home. (Of course, she's not a teenager yet.)

This philosophy is ideal for tough economic times. Rather than scare kids -- "We can't buy anything because Dad lost his job and we have no money!" -- we can tell them that the economic environment has changed, and that we need to make different choices about our family budget for a while.

When we hide financial realities, and pretend life is seamless and effortless, we do both ourselves and our kids a disservice. "By keeping crises private, you prolong and intensify the pain and fear you're feeling," says Stephen Pollan, a New York consultant and author of "Lifelines for Money Misfortunes." "You have control here; you can ask for raise, get a new job, cut down on spending. Money is actually one of the only serious problems that is totally within your control."

Switching Focus

Enlist your kids' help: Ask them to be creative and think of half a dozen low-cost ways to have fun as a family, or ways to earn more, whether it's selling stuff on eBay, raking lawns, or babysitting. Asking kids to pitch in empowers them, because you're acknowledging that they're capable of making a difference.

Also put economic issues in global perspective. Lately, I've been doing that by renting foreign films from Netflix for family movie night. Movies like "Children of Heaven" -- in which a poor Iranian boy accidentally loses his sister's shoes, and they have to share his sneakers in a relay fashion -- help my kids appreciate the wealth they enjoy. Or check out "God Grew Tired of Us," a documentary about three Sudanese refugees who make their way to the U.S., and are astounded by luxuries like electricity, running water, and supermarkets (and genuinely puzzled by the relationship between Santa Claus and Christmas).

Perhaps the most important factor (and the one that requires the most discipline) is to be optimistic for kids, and focus on the good amid the tribulations. In "Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life," University of Pennsylvania psychologist Martin Seligman explains that optimists view setbacks in their lives as temporary rather than permanent; specific instead of universal; hopeful rather than hopeless; and external instead of internal.

The Optimistic Approach

For instance, imagine two families whose primary breadwinner loses his or her job. Here's the difference in the way they perceive their situation:

• Optimists: "This rough patch will end and the bills will get paid; we'll tighten our belts for a little while." (temporary) Pessimists: "We're going broke!" (permanent)

• Optimists: "We have the skills, experience, and contacts to find another job; meanwhile, we're healthy, the kids are working hard in school, and our extended family is supportive." (specific) Pessimists: "This is wrecking our lives." (universal)

• Optimists: "Companies are cutting jobs across the board." (external) Pessimists: "They thought I wasn't good enough to keep." (internal)

Ideally, an optimistic approach will teach kids that while we can't control everything that happens to us, we can control our attitude about what happens to us. As Viktor Frankl wrote in "Man's Search for Meaning": "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

When kids see their parents struggle honestly with challenges, overcome them or learn to accept them and live with them (rather than go into denial or flee from them), they will be better prepared to cope with their own inevitable challenges. Life pitches us plenty of curveballs. Kids who see their family come together, swing for the fence, and keep swinging even when they strike out will grow up more willing to take risks, make mistakes, learn, and grow. That strikes me as a pretty good way to pursue happiness.

8 Things Good Marriage Will Do Your Family

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 15:31:00 +0000

The impact of a good marriage on a family can not be overemphasized. When a marriage is bad, it limits the effectiveness and efficiency of both spouse, it stops upward movement, destroys inner strengh and creates room for destruction. If a wall is not cracked, penetration will be impossible for reptiles. Lets examine what a good marriage will to the family:

1. Strength:- A good marriage leads to strength and formidability, it helps during financial needs, challenges etc.

2. Support:- Good marriage is a source of support for both spouse. It makes you warm in the time of coldness. There is no war greater than "inner war". No support is better than the one from your spouse.

3. Focus:- Good marriage make you to be focused without distractions. It allows you to focus on the battles of life and ensure singleness of mind for greater achievement.

4. Credibility:- Good marriage is the qualification for public position.

5. Good Children:- If you want good childen, build good marriage. Good marriage helps in raising disciplined and responsible children.

6. Progress:- Good marriage leads to progress in life, if you want to go far in life, you must work on your marriage.

7. Removes Loneliness:- If you don't have good family, it means you are on your own.

8. Restoration:- Good marriage helps in restoring of failure or falling. It is a balm of Gilead for painful slip.

10 Ways For Stress Management In The Family

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 04:32:00 +0000

Stress is our reaction to any stimulus (physical, mental, or emotional -internal or external) that tends to upset us. When the reactions are inappropriate, they can lead to health problems. The diseases most often connected to stressful environment are heart disease, high blood pressure and cancer.

Additionally, doctors are seeing increasing incidents of stress and being connected to other conditions such as asthma, allergies, migraines, ulcers, bowel and skin problems. Infact 75-90% of all visits to the doctor are related to stress.

To deal with stress effectively, identify the sources, either within yourself or your environment, and then plan strategies for copping.

Ideas to help you relieve stress:

1. Rise early, reserve an hour before family wakes up. This will help you to get organised for the day.

2. Share your workload with family and co-workers.

3. Take breaks in the day - even just 10 minutes to clear your head and catch breath.

4. Set aside time for exercise.

5. Don't take on too much at once.

6. Give yourself permission to be imperfect.

7. Learn to say "no".

8. Eliminate clutter from your life.

9. Relax with some music occasionally.

10. Develop a forgiving attitude.

12 Ways of Developing Better Communication With Your Spouse

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:56:00 +0000

In marriage the hope for a deeper love, the desire to honour and encourage, and a longing to trust may exist, but the lack of good communication skills can dash all possibilities. Desire alone is never a substitute for good skills.

1. Communication requires messages that are clearly delivered and accurately heard.

2. Listening is based on interpretation of data gathered through all the senses. The goal of good listening is to understand an issue from the perspective of the speaker.

3. Speaking is a combination of words, body language, tone of voice, history and insecurities.

4. A good listener pays close attention to all the information being sent, through verbal and nonverbal gestures.A nod of the head, a smile, and the expression in the eyes speak louder than any words about your interest.

5. A good listener encourages the speaker to explain further. In conversation, people tend to things back until they are sure the listener is really interested. You can ask, is there anything else you want to share? Or what other emotions are you feeling? Or any other suggestion?

6. A good listener summarizes the speaker's perspective. This gives the speaker and listener the opportunity to see if the message has been delivered and received accurately.

7. Eliminate expressions such as Shut up, Don't bother now, or Not now, I'm watching TV. Mute buttons were designed for the TV, not for loved ones.

8. Quality communication come through quality communication. Talking together makes living together purposeful and productive. It provides couples with a means through which they can maintain trust, confidence, and intimacy.

9. Don't assume that you know what your spouse is thinking. Remember, you don't want your thoughts or words assumed you want the opportunity to express what you feel. So does your spouse.

10. Your understanding of the issue is to be put on the shelf temporarily until the other person has completed expressing his or her understanding of the issue. Partners generally want what each other wants, so adjustments in the understanding of the issue can occur willingly. Spouses are not in competition to see who makes the most right decisions. Collaboration the blending of two ideas into one is the best procedure for reaching objectives.

11. Be respectful at all times. Nothing is ever gained be derogatory remarks to your spouse. Marriage is mutual effort, a team activity.

12. Don't avoid difficult./strong> A good relationship is one that works through difficulties so that they don't escalate, not one that avoids difficulty. Difficulties suggest a need for change, and mutually agreed-upon change usually promotes relational growth.

How To Have A Healthy, Happy Marriage For A Life Time

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:00:00 +0000

These are the few reasons why some marriages are sick today but if the advice stated here are carefully observed, there will an unending joy for the family.

1. Never underestimate the importance of sex. You don't even have to both always have to be in the mood for sex to have it; if one of you wants sex more than the other one doesn't, it doesn't hurt to give in gracefully. Sometimes, establishing that physical bond is more important than sleep, or that book you want to read, movie you want to watch, or game you want to play. Babies and children complicate things, but you can always hire a babysitter or let Grandma take the kids overnight. How often couples need to have sex is as individual as the couple, but as a general rule, I'd say unless one of you is ill or absent, never go more than two weeks without having sex together. The closeness and intimacy you create together goes far beyond the bedroom.

2. Say "I love you." Never, ever go a day without saying it. If you're apart, say it by phone or by email. Once a day is essential. Several times a day is better. Your partner needs to hear it, and you need to say it. Never assume,"Well, he knows," or "My actions speak louder than words." Words have a lot of power. Say them, write them, express them.

3. Touch. Some experts say that couples need to touch in some way at least 5 minutes a day. Five minutes a day! I think couples need to exchange loving touches as often as possible. It only takes a second. Just holding hands walking through a parking lot, a quick hug or pat on the back in passing, or a peck on the cheek at an unexpected moment conveys a lot of love and can cover a lot of small misdeeds! My husband and I still hold hands across the table in restaurants. Waiters get a big kick out of it. They are often shocked when they learn we're not newlyweds. Just because we're holding hands!

How To Make Your Marriage Work

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 09:18:00 +0000

Marriage is a full time job. It's not always going to be perfect and it takes effort from both people to create a healthy relationship. If your marriage isn't doing so well right now, that's ok, as long as you are both willing to work at it, you can fix it. Below you will find a list of suggestions to use in your marriage every day to help improve it. I assure you, if you use these "guidelines" every day, you will find yourself in a much happier marriage and relationship with your spouse.

1. HAVE RESPECT - You have to show one another respect in order for things to work. Think of the one person in your life that you have the highest respect for (i.e. - mother, grandparent, friend) and treat your spouse no differently from the way you would treat that person.

2. HONESTY - No matter what the issue, be honest with one another on a daily basis. Share your thoughts and opinions (good or bad).

3. GREET - each other with a smile and kiss each time one comes in the door. Whether you are getting home from work, school, a meeting, a ball game, or a concert, greet each other at the door!

4. BE MATURE - Don't yell at each other to the top of your lungs, it does nothing but make you even more angry. Instead, talk to each other in a conversation. Talk out your disagreements. You have to communicate. DO NOT call each other names or curse at one another.

5.(If you have children) DON"T FIGHT AROUND YOUR CHILD(REN) - Period. It is uncalled for and will affect your child through life more than you probably know. Go to another room where your kids are not exposed.

6. DON"T FIGHT ABOUT MONEY - I realize that's hard to do, but money is one of the leading causes of divorce in this country. Remember that money can not buy you love. Money can only buy material items. When you're left without your spouse, your money won't provide you a true love. You must love your spouse because you did marry him/her.

The Five M's of Parenting

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:12:00 +0000
Parenting is a difficult task but it requires some techniques and process to ease and boost the performance of your children in academics, behaviour (character), social and general life.

These five M's of parenting are as follow:

1. Mentoring

2. Modelling

3. Making

4. Monitoring

5. Measuring

1. Mentoring:- There are many perspectives on the definition of mentoring, especially since the relatively recent popularity of personal and professional coaching. Traditionally, mentoring might have been described as the activities conducted by a person (the mentor) for another person (the mentee) in order to help that other person to do a job more effectively and/or to progress in their career. The mentor was probably someone who had "been there, done that" before. A mentor might use a variety of approaches including - coaching, training, discussion, counseling, etc. Today, there seems to be much ongoing discussion and debate about the definitions and differences regarding coaching and mentoring.

2. Modelling:- A model is a pattern, plan, representation (especially in miniature), or description designed to show the main object or workings of an object, system, or concept. Modelling is the process of making a model, it is a pattern, plan, continous arrangement and preparation, design to show the actual, real object or image.

3. Making:- A child could be made or marred by the way they are brought up, the essense of the piece of writing is for you to make your child by doing the right thing at the right time, following the rules, making to them to be obedient.

4. Monitoring:- To monitor or monitoring generally means to be aware of the state of a system. Are you aware of the state of your children? This is a critical way to bring up your child, you must know his or her state. It could be the state of his health, moral, academics, intelligence etc.

5. Measure:- This is the process of estimating the magnitude of some attribute of an object relative to some unit of measurement. Measure the performance of your child in all his area of life. It could be his growth rate in stature, intelligence, wisdom, etc and make comments and corrections where need be.

Disciplining Your Toddler (Part 4)

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:50:00 +0000

Some strategies that can work to improve your child's behaviour include allowing your child to see the natural consequences of his actions (if he throws and breaks a toy, then he can't play with it), logical consequences (if he doesn't put his toys away, then you will put them away and he can't play with them all day), withholding privileges (find things that your child enjoys and take them away for a few days when he misbehaves) and time out, reward or token system can also be effective in changing bad behaviours.

Always remember to be firm, consistent, calm and loving in whatever discipline methods you choose. You can have discussion about the misbehaviour at a later time when you have both calmed down during which you can try to suggest a more appropriate alternative behaviour. Also, reassure your child that it is just the behaviour that you don't like.

Disciplining Your Toddler (Part 3)

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 09:29:00 +0000
To promote good behaviour and prevent behaviour, you should spend special time with your child often as possible, so that he is getting all of the attention that he needs. You should also be very clear about your expectations for your child, state rules in clear and simple terms, apply consequences for misbehaviour as soon as possible after the incident, make punishment brief, be consistent with your rules and punishments and learn to ignore minor or unimportant behaviours.

Some tips for effectively disciplining your child include trying to avoid power struggles, offer simple choices as often as possible, make a game out of good behaviour plan ahead and learn to pay attention to your child by 'catching' them being good. Let them know when you are happy that they are being good or when they have accomplished a positive achievement.

Disciplining Your Toddler (Part 2)

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 12:09:00 +0000
Toddlers should begin to learn to follow simple rules, respond to your commands, have the self self control to wait for things that they want and deal with any frustrations that they may develop from not getting their own way.

Children misbehave for many reasons, and it is important to try and find the reason for your child's behavior problems. Most toddlers misbehave as they are trying to learn what their limits are and what they can get away with. Other reasons can include jealousy, feeling that they aren't getting enough positive attention, being frustrated, and during times of stress. Remember that when your child misbehaves, he will usually get a lot of attention. Even though this attention is negative, it can sometimes reinforce the problem behavior if this is the only type of attention he gets.

Avoid yelling or hitting or getting too worked up during episodes when your child misbehaves. This will increase the negative attention that your child receives and reinforces that is all right to get out of control and be aggressive. Remain calm while admistering punishment. You should walk away if you feel that you may physically hurt your child.

Disciplining Your Toddler (Part 1)

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 21:40:00 +0000
Children are gift from God to parents. There are both privileges and responsibilities resulting from this gift. The chief responsibility of parents is teaching and training of children. Parents duties include providing for children's physical needs.

Toddler is a common term for young children who is learning to walk and "toddle", during this period, the child learns a great deal about social roles and develops motor skills; to toddle is to walk unsteadily. it is generally considered to be the second stage of development after infancy and before childhood occurring predominantly during the ages of 12 to 36 months.

It's during the toddler years, when children begin to become more more independent that the need for discipline, or limit setting, presents itself. Simply the fact that toddlers love to explore and we need them safe is reason enough for a few ground rules.

At this stage, children may begin to misbehave intentionally (as they are testing your limits), and they can still do things that are dangerous or disruptive. The best way to deal with these behaviour is to try and distract them with different, safer activity. You should also provide them with a safe environment, so that they are able to explore without any dangers or risks of getting in trouble. As they get older you will also need to set limits and discipline them at times and keep them on a daily routine. It is probably better to try and reward and praise good behavior to reinforce it, rather then having to change bad behavior.

Marriage! A Merger or An Acquisition?

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 20:17:00 +0000
Acquisition means possession, purchase, achievement, attainment, gaining, getting hold of, acquirement; while merger means joining, combination, unification, amalgamation, fusion, union. Marriage can be best described as a union in which two people come together to become one flesh and this requires joining. When God conceived marriage, what He had in mind was a merger not acquisition. God did not create a woman to be purchased, acquired or possessed like an item. To Him, Marriage is the fusion of two equal and complete people, not an acquisition of a lower person by a higher one.

Marriage is enough reason for a man to leave everyone, including mother and father. It is the merging of the strengths and weakness of two individuals to create a perfect blend. It is the merging of goals and dreams, visions and destiny.

Many a times, men(Husbands) see women as a commodity or a piece of furniture that should be acquired and not as partners. That explains why most women are ill-treated. That explains why most women are ill-treated. Marriage should be viewed as a business, in which your spouse is your associate. An associate, it is expected that both of you have equal rights, and work hand in hand for a common goal.

Unless men (Husbands) start viewing marriage as a merger, rather than an acquisition, things will not work out as God intends it to be. God needs us to conform to his good intention for insituting mareiage, it is then that His purpose can be fulfilled in our lives and marriages.

Wise Ways To Handle Your Own Type Of Husband (Part 3)

noreply@blogger.com (okwusman1) — Tue, 06 May 2008 19:20:00 +0000
7. Traditional Husbands :- They see their wives as properties. They believe women are third class citizens, useful only in the kitchen and bedroom. To them, a woman is just a cook, a tool of pleasure (sex) and baby making machine.

They give no attention to their wives who they see as somebody that is a little bit above their house-maid. They believe that their younger ones living with them are to be served by their wives, while they are expected not to do anything at home.

Most of them are still using the style of their grand fathers for their marriages. They believe a woman must not enjoy sex; love must not be shown to them, they must be beaten if they misbehave, if she fails to give birth to a baby boy she is a failure. If they give birth to children who behave poorly they belong to the wife, the one that behaves excellently belong to the father.