Deep Thoughts for the Day

Miva 5.5 Trick Custom Category Page Titles

2011-12-22T23:42:00.006-05:00

Recently I've been upgrading some miva merchant 4.24 stores to miva 5.5. A somewhat daunting task to be sure. The store morph template technology is very nice, very welcome and has the potential to be extremely handy - if only there were better documentation.

I mean, maybe module writers know how to call this and that variable without help, but I need more info. I'm a web designer, not a programmer. Detailed info on parameters and variables and elements and commands would be everso helpful. Guessing isn't much fun.

Every time I google what I want, no relevant results come up. One might blame the search engine, but one would be incorrect. A visit to the mivamerchant site isn't any more insightful. There simply isn't a good user manual. How am I supposed to RTFM when none exists?

I did however, come up with a neat trick. I wanted custom page titles that were different from the category titles. But I needed a conditional so that if I hadn't filled in the custom title space the original category title would still apply. I'm referring to the meta title in the head of html documents. Extremely important SEO wise. I wanted shorter, more person friendly category tree links and the ability to have more informative and keyword rich document titles.

I tried a lots of ideas, but the one that finally worked was using the miva category title image box.

The code for it was already in the page template, including a prewritten conditional statement for whether it's null. Perfect. I don't need miva's help to add an image to the top of the page anyway. The category header can easily server that purpose. So I will use this variable to house my custom category titles.

I simply selected and cut the entire if has category title image statement from its original location in the CTGY page template and pasted it into the head title tag. I then editted it so the img src part was gone and only the text of it would remain. And I added an else with the actual category name for all those categories that didn't have any text in the category title image field.

<head>

&mvte:category_title:image;

<mvt:else>

&mvt:category:name;</mvt:if>

</title>

Now when I want a custom page title for any category I simply input the desired text into the category title image box. Easy peasy.

2011-10-01T00:41:00.002-04:00

Religion is a haven for the weak. People so afraid of this life that they must believe in another, magically perfect life once this one is over.

Well, if that other life is so fucking great, why don't they all kill themselves and go there already? And stop bothering the rest of us.

I'll tell you why they don't. Because deep down inside, they know it's all bullshit. And that's what they hate most of all.

Religion should be treated as a mental illness.

idling

2011-08-26T23:52:00.004-04:00

that's the evil of the internet. people spend all their time debating viewpoints. no one has any time or energy left to actually initiate change.

Deja Vu Movies Costumes Halloween

2011-08-04T23:04:00.004-04:00

There's a ceiling on debt?

Next thing they'll tell me there's a limit on twinkie production. And that thumbs eventually disappear.

Wait? What? Congress is a bunch of rich old dudes that are completely out of touch with the lives of the average american? That can't be right. There must be some mistake.

Green Lantern is a super hero? I thought it was one of those things to kill mosquitos.

What's this Sucker Punch? There's an action movie of all women? Nice. Do they kiss each other while they're fighting?

They made a Smurfs movie? What the smurf? That's smurfed up! Smurfin A. I always liked Asriel. Smurf yeah. Neil Patrick in the house!!!

Conan. Seriously. Conan. The Barbarian. Really. No. You're joking. Conan. He's that doofy looking red headed talk show guy. Isn't he? It doesn't look like him at all.

Wario. Wow. Now that I can dig. Whoot. Can I get some mushroom love y'all?

Free?

2011-06-22T02:08:00.003-04:00

the problem with the war on drugs is that it's actually a war on addicts.

the reality is in a free society people have the right to be or not to be addicts without the law intervening.

Should an addict want assistance, it should, of course be provided. But the idea that users are criminals is absurb. The idea that dealers are the problem is absurd. the problem is that people are so narrow minded as to think their point of view of the only corect assessment of any given situation.

Freedom, whether you like it or not, means free to choose. Free to choose to squander your life stoned and useless. Free to capitalize on the weaknesses if others selling narcotics.

If America were truly a free country there would be no war on drugs. Freedom means you're free to teach your children not to do bad things. Freedom means, they are free to ignore you and waste themselves on debilitating substances. Freedom means the governments doesn't get to decide what is too dangerous to be legal. Freedom means the fire is ours to walk through if we fancy the heat.

Sadly, freedom isn't profitable enough to matter.

Fantasy Scenarios

2011-06-10T00:34:00.004-04:00

Why are vegetables making people sick? Vegetables are supposed to be safe and good and above reproach. Yet in the past 20 years or so vegetables have been responsible for more than their fair share of food borne illnesses.

It's simple really. With the advent of factory farming everything has become contaminated, including our fruits and veggies. Manure from mistreated, ill-kept chickens and cows fertilize the crops. Shipping and packing routinely creates cross-contamination.

People who eat meat may also inadvertently contaminate their own produce if they do not wash properly after handling animal meat.

I often wonder what would happen if the united states government suddenly decided to outlaw the consumption or exploitation of animals. Not they ever would. It's just a fantasy I sometimes have.

But I doubt if my dream came true any one would do anything. Because in reality no one ever does anything no matter what the government does to them or takes away.

It all just happens. And we just let it. the slaves obey.

Save Breaking In, Kill Bob's Burgers

2011-05-23T00:56:00.004-04:00

I don't get why fox cancelled Breaking In, but Bob's Burgers's is still in the rotation. Breaking In is funny, quick, smart and action-packed. That guy Bret Harrison seems to have a knack for being in unique and funny shows that get cancelled when they shouldn't be. Anyone remember Reaper? That was a really fun show to watch. As is breaking in. He makes a really good anti-hero protagonist.

Bob's burgers is a bizarre and simpsonesque melange of dysfunctional family humor that has been done to death. Breaking In is fresh, exciting and crazy silly.

Bob and his burger pushing family are a charmless redaction of so many ineptly jaded cartoon families. Oz, Cameron and the motley crew of Breaking In are an irrevereant and lovably zany makeshift family of rebels, thieves and outcasts.

It would go over perfectly after Big Bang Theory if CBS is interested. Or would fit right into fox's sunday night animated lineup.

I know the execs at fox don't understand that anything other than animation can possibly be funny. Or that cartoons can ever not be funny. But it's true. Bob's Burgers is bad. Really, very, very bad. Breaking In is good. Quite good.

Ditch the hairy guy burger toon. Save the crazy hacker nonsense. You'll thank me if you do.

The Most Special Agent of Them All

2011-05-16T01:24:00.004-04:00

I like Phillip from Survivor. Why? and why you all do too. Because without him this season would've been a snoozefest.

He's a little bit nutty, but that's what makes him so loveable. He's not as crazy as he played on tv. But he's just wacky enough to warm my heart.

When I think back on this season of survivor, after evil russell was ousted, nothing very momentous happened. It was kinda fun to watch Russell cry.

But after that the game shifted to Rob world and everything pretty much went according to plan. Great for Rob, kinda boring for viewers. Thank goodness for Phillip and his wonderful plan to be the ultimate outcast. It almost worked.

It got him second place at least. An accomplishment in its own right.

This season of Survivor would've sucked if not for Phillip Shepherd and his sometimes manic episdoes. It wasobvious during the reunion, he had been playing it up, but not entirely. He's a different kinda guy. Precisely the kinda guy that makes Survivor worth watching.

Is there a prize for that? Because he deserves it.

Love you Phil and your droopy drawers!!!

Fringe Paradox

2011-05-08T01:13:00.004-04:00

On the Fringe season finale, which I didn't watch til Saturday, Peter disappeared. We had jumped fifteen years into the future and Olivia had been killed by Walternate. Incarcerated regular Walter had discovered a way to 'cheat' time.

Peter presumably disappeared because something he did in the past caused him to either die before that time occurred or to have never existed. The observers implied he had not ever existed.

In theory, if Peter had never existed, then none of these problems would have ever occurred. Walter couldn't steal peter. Wouldn't need to cross over causing the symbiosis between the universes to crumble. Olivia wouldn't die because she wouldn't have married peter. Walternate wouldn't use her for revenge. There would be no revenge to take. Everything is undone. All is right with the worlds.

Except this is fringe and Peter can't really be gone. So he'll have to no doubt go back again and alter things further. Keep trying. Til he gets it right.

Of course, we know how that goes. The more you go back to try to fix, the more you screw it up.

So ultimately, in the end, he's forced to redo everything he's tried so hard to undo. Putting everything right back where it was.

Two universes still tearing each other apart as they drift ever more distant. So many possible futures sharing one immutable end.

Eating Baby Animals

2011-04-30T00:43:00.006-04:00

People don't eat puppies or kittens. At least most people don't anyway. Why? I dunno. You tell me. This logic escapes me. I guess because they're cute. Very cute. So how then do people eat lamb?

How do people eat veal? Veal, incase you're so self-absorbed that you've never cared where your food comes from, veal is a baby cow or calf. On top of that veal is severely mistreated. Taken from its mother immediately. Locked in a cage to live in its own filth for the 30 or so days it's allowed to live while its force fed to make it succulent and juicy for you, the consumer, after it's been slaughtered.

It's my belief that 99% of people never even think about the animals on their dinner plates.

Maybe they should.

The Truth About Cheese

2011-04-19T01:27:00.003-04:00

Ever since I started eating vegetarian (about a year ago) I've noticed that animal derived ingredients are not necessarily required to be listed on standard package ingredient lists.

Most notably, on cheese. The ingredient 'enzymes' can refer to animal or vegetable derived sources.

In some cases, animal ingredients can be hidden in the 'natural flavors' clause.

In other instances yet, several chemical sounding, impossible to pronounce additives can be animal in origin.

And the debate rages on about sugar. Many sugars may be refined through animal bone char.

My issue is that companies are not obligated by law to disclose the origins of such mystery ingredients.

Clearly, there is no strong vegetarian or vegan lobby in Washington or measures would already be in place.

Americans have a right to know whether they are eating calf stomach enzymes or microbial. Jewish people have a right to know if the cheese they are eating contains pig stomach enzymes. Hindus have a right to know if their cheese or sugar has dead cows in it.

The FDA by and large is a useless gaggle of overpaid, cranky old men who do nothing to benefit the lives of the American people. Nevertheless they have a duty to make certain we are thoroughly informed as to what we are consuming.

They are not fulfilling that duty. They are allowing cheese makers, sugar producers and many other food companies to withhold or otherwise conceal the fact that animal derived ingredients are a part of their seemingly vegetarian/vegan foods.

Whether you are an omnivore, vegetarian or vegan is really beside the point. No one wants to eat calf stomach enzymes without knowing it. Plenty of omnivores are staunchly opposed to eating veal (cow calf). Others still are opposed to consuming pork (pigs/swine). Yet thanks to lenient labelling regulations by the FDA, tons of Americans are eating veal and pork every day and they don't even know it!

Do you know what's in your food?

Reading the ingredients list won't help. Because many animal derived sources are cloaked in terms like cheese enzymes and natural flavor.

Either spend the rest of your life e-mailing each food company to determine what those mystery ingredients are (and receive vague replies that only half answer your questions) or demand that the FDA sanction animal derived ingredient disclosures.

Dancing with the Stars Classical

2011-04-12T00:07:00.005-04:00

Who knew any of the classical music pieces on dancing with the stars classical themed episdoe (April 11, 2011)?

I knew hall of the mountain king (Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke). Cuz savatage redid it (much more to my liking). And beethoven's fifth (At the beginning of the show with the professional dancers). Cuz trans-siberian orchestra uses that one often.

They mentioned there was something from a harry potter movie. Did not ring a bell. But I only saw the first and second harry potter movies. And that was a long time ago.

There was one song, that didn't sound classical at all (Hines danced to it I think). It sounded like a rearranged/reinstrumented rock song. What was that all about? I liked the song, just wish I knew what it was.

But why didn't they clearly state which pieces were used during the dances? their average viewer doesn't really don't know classical and opera. Or we know it only in that vague sense of, gee, that sounds familiar. I think I heard it in a cartoon once.

All in all, I found the change of music interesting. A little frustrating, because I couldn't place a lot of it, but at the same time, stimulating because of the unfamiliarity.

Anyway, I said it last week to my friends and I'll say it again here. Hines for winner.

Torchwood Season 4: Miracle Day

2011-04-08T00:23:00.002-04:00

I was sad to learn that netflix may not receive torchwood season 4 for instant watch until 90 days after it airs on stars. Was so psyched when I first heard about the project. Agog with anticipation knowing my netflix subscription afforded me access to starz content.

What a disappointment. I know that netflix works hard and pays a lot of money to acquire in demand streaming cotent.

Evenso, I think they should work harder.

Premium cable channels have little to fear from streaming their content on netflix. I would never purchase a premium channel. Regardless of what shows they might have. Were it not available to stream, I would simply wait for the dvd. And I would guess most people who don't subscribe to premium channels must be of a similar mindset. You're either willing to pay for it or you're not. Getting it from netflix sooner online is just a perk of the service. It has no impact at all on my decision whether or not to subscribe to those pay channels. I never would. They are too expensive for me. And I know people who do buy those channels. And they would never give them up. Starz and Showtime Netflix streaming content serves a different type of people. Limiting their access will not gain premium channels subscribers. If they are losing subscribers it's simply the result of an economy on life-support.

The Importance of Losers

2011-04-03T00:13:00.005-04:00

I just watched the movie Middle Men and I am astounded to learn that the Internet so critical to the state of the world was created by two idiots who wanted to see naked women. Amazing really.

Evidently, they created the buy with a credit card over the Internet technology. Easy to believe it might have been dreamt up to sell porn. Hard to believe two mental retards were the ones who achieved it. And that they only did it to sell scanned pics from hustler and playboy.

Obviously it grew from there. And impacted the world as a whole. You could sell porn, but actually, you could sell anything. Amazing really. That jerking off is what created the Internet as we know it today. A cornerstone of the economy. A necessity we all depend on. Go figure.

Everyone should see this movie. It was very funny. And it just makes you stop and think. God, if it weren't for a pair of horny, coked up losers, such staples as Amazon and and Netflix might not exist.

So next time you shop at amazon, eBay, itunes, netflix or anywhere on the Internet, just remember, it's porn that made it all possible.

Ralph of Survivor Redemption Island

2011-03-31T00:15:00.005-04:00

All us coasties like to believe we're superior to those hicks from the south and the Midwest, but few of us actually think that's a reality. Which is why I'm so vexed by Ralph on this season of survivor.

At first, I didn't really think about it. The poor spelling. Well, hey, super smart people are terrible spellers.

But when he told Jeff that he didn't know what cohesive means, I was flabbergasted. And I'm not buying it. He is playing to some major stereotypes and I don't believe it's 'reality'.

I just read an article about him and the guy is a high school graduate. And he manages some kinda farm. You can't graduate high school and not know what cohesive means... can you?

Sure, he looks like a bumpkin. But who among us really believe that he is.

On top of that, didn't the survivor winner just before him, totally play stupid to get to the top? Judd (Fabio) had everyone fooled. We all thought he was a complete idiot, other contestants included. Then out of nowhere he blew everyone away with his skill and savvy.

I think Ralph is trying to pull the same scam.

Celebrity Apprentice 2011

2011-03-28T00:18:00.003-04:00

What a glorious spectacle this show is. Bewteen Donald Trump and his dead hamster hair and his reverse raccoon tan eyes and Star Jones with her constant posturing and Gary Busey with his Alzheimers antics. Who could ask for more from a celeb-reality show.

The funny thing is, the less you like the people on the show, the better the show is. Quite unusual.

It's really bizarre how this show actually rebuilds celebrity careers. Here we all are laughing at these people, thinking they're egomaniacal idiots and magically 6 months later, there they are on some other channel, with their own self-centric show.

Hollywood has always been funny like that. Bad behavior is often rewarded. Take Charlie Sheen. His bad behavior has helped him set world's records on twitter. All his 'shows' are sold out.

People are paying to hear Charlie Sheen rant about tiger blood and pistachio ice cream?

I won't pay to see that, but (if either of them are listening) I would pay A LOT to see David Cassidy blow Jose Canseco.

Just Lindasy

2011-03-26T01:16:00.003-04:00

I read on yahoo that lindsay lohan is going to become just lindsay. it's funny that she thinks she can pull the one word name off. Is that the next step for megan fox and britney spears as well?

they should get together and form a threesome. lindsay, britney and megan. They could be a a super porn troi. They'd have to hone their acting skills a little bit more to work in porn, but I'm sure the efforts would pay off.

Comcast Service Personell Always Attractive

2010-08-15T23:37:00.002-04:00

i've had comcast internet for a long time. around 10 or 11 years i guess. and over those many years i've noticed a curious thing. whenever they've sent someone out to my home to repair or diagnose a problem they are always very attractive. just really, quite pleasing to the eye. not an ugly one in the bunch. and since i've had it for so long, i've seen quite a few different people. back when it was still called @home, there were problems quite often.

on the one hand i appreciate the opportunity to ogle attractive people while they work. on the other, it seems wrong to selectively hire only attractive people. it's a good marketing technique to be sure, but probably in violation of equal opportunity employment laws.

Fix a Wacked Boot Screen In Window XP

2010-03-10T00:00:00.003-05:00

Thanks to a friendly neighborhood trojan virus I had recently reinstalled the XP OS on my secondary PC. For some reason XP didn't want to install at first. Hell if I know why. I didn't do anything other than keep trying and suddenly it decided, okay, if you want me that bad you can have me.

Apparently this particular computer shipped from the manufacturer with Window XP Pro, but the reinstall operating system disc that shipped with it was Windows XP Media Center. I never noticed until it came time to redo everything (roughly 3.5 years later).

So even though I did delete and repartition/format the harddrives I guess the master boot record still had traces of the old OS. Cuz after many boring hours of waiting while windows reinstalled there was a shiny new boot screen before it would load. The boot screen asked if I wanted to load XP Pro or XP Media Center. Except, only XP Media Center was actually installed. Silly, silly, whimsical Windows and its odd sense of humor.

This is pretty easy to fix in XP though.

You should probably backup your boot.ini file first. It should be in the C:\ root. If you cannot find it you should turn on show hidden and sytem files. Link

Now to cure your problem...

Start Menu > Run and type msconfig. Click the Boot tab. Click the check all boot paths button. If you have a ghost of an OS in there windows will pop up a box explaining that and asking you if you would like to remove the reference. Tell it OK. Reboot to see - Problem solved.

Alternatively you can highlight the rogue boot path and delete it manually. But it always feels safer to have windows reassure you that it understands what you're thinking.

Windows XP Won't Go Into Standby

2010-02-27T22:50:00.002-05:00

I have a second pc that still runs XP, but vista. Recently it decided to stop going into standby after the specified idle time had elapsed.

I tried using msconfig from the run menu. Started shutting off a bunch of useless extras. Including, nvidia extra crap (like nziz), creative sound blaster extra crap (like cthelper and ctfix - i think that's its name) and even windows indexing. None of those things helped at all.

Checked the power management settings for the lan card. In device manager. Right-click the card. Check the power management tab. Make sure it's set to not wake the computer. That was already the case for me.

Checked the BIOS settings. Those were already correct.

Googled. Of course. That's where I found out about a prog called JSQ.exe which is set to preload on pc's that have recently installed java (which I had on this pc).

Here is the link with how to disable it. Java will still work just fine. It's a useless add on.

http://www.pcmech.com/article/windows-xp-wont-hibernatestand-by-disable-jqs-exe/

You'll probably have to restart for the fix to be complete.

FIX: Watching Hulu Monitor Goes into Sleep Mode

2010-02-27T22:43:00.002-05:00

Since getting a vista computer i've had tons of little annoyances. One of which is while watching a video on Hulu vista totally ignores that and sends the monitor into standby after the user specified idle time duration. So for me the monitor goes blank after 20 minutes of sitting and watching the Hulu vidoe even though my computer isn't really idle. Your sleep settings may give you more or less time before the screen goes blank. Regardless, it's very annoying.

To workaround this problem run media player in the background. Run the music muted on a continual loop. This will trick vista into realizing your pc is in fact not idle.

Remember to stop the music when you're done if you want your computer to be able to stand by without your input.

FIX: Netflix Randomly Exits Full Screen on Secondary Monitor

2010-02-27T22:37:00.002-05:00

since getting a pc with vista (arg!) when i use my tv (secondary monitor) to view netflix watch online movie it exits full screen mode all on its own every 15 minutes or so. i'm lying on the bed nowhere near the pc. no input from me whatsoever. but like clockwork every 12-15 minutes the full screen mode reverts back to a regular window.

i tried turning off the google toolbar. that didn't work. i tried having igoogle refreshing every so often in a secondary tab. no good. i tried turning off norton live update. no dice. i still don't know what the cause of the problem is other than the fact that vista is weird and annoying. i do however know of a work around solution.

i dragged windows media player to the secondary monitor. played some songs on a continous loop, but muted. that keeps the secondary monitor active and netflix viewer (silverlight) stays in full screen mode.

Messiahs

2010-01-23T00:54:00.003-05:00

Why is it that America is so willing to help Haitian victims or Malaysians. Whoever. But we're unwilling to help each other. Like with national health care for instance.

What is this weird save the world, but screw our own mentality?

I don't get it.

Scanning in Vista

2009-11-20T00:30:00.002-05:00

That handy camera and scanner wizard from XP was gone when I received my vista pc. That thing was great. That's the problem with microsoft. They tend to take away things people really like and replace them with tedious and frustrating 'innovations'.

Scanning is still possible in vista and 7. the windows photo gallery has a scanner option.

You can also create a shortcut to the scanner manager. it's location in vista is: C:\Windows\SysWOW64\wiaacmgr.exe

it's not as elegant nor as user friendly as the original wizard, but it does get the job done for the most part.

Although incidentally, I was forced to buy a new scanner because there were no 64 bit vista drivers for my old canon scanner. and although the new scanner came with the proper drivers vista still doesn't acknowledge that the flatbed scan area is gerater than 8.5x11. I can find no way to alter these default settings. an updated driver from canon perhpas. I haven't tried that. don't really care much. Really just miss the old XP scanner and camera wizard.

Fix Heroes

2009-11-18T02:22:00.003-05:00

Dear Mr. Kring,

I can fix Heroes for you. Licketysplit.

Bring back Sylar.

Stop with all this chit chat. They're supposed to be heroes, not therapistts.

I am a steadfast fan. Read: one of those idiots still watching. But if something interesting doesn't happen soon I'm going to have to slit my wrists.

The problem with serialized television isn't the format... it's the poor writing. Character driven drams require actual characters. Preferably ones the audiences will embraces.

The villain is the cebtal figure. We are all villains. Or wish we were. Without the domiinant villain any story is just self-indulgent.

I'm beginning to regret rooting for the writers during the strike. The ones that work for NBC at least.