Loving Spectrum

Missing One

2011-10-30T22:29:00.001+08:00

I dreamed of a dead loved one twice already. It was a real disturbance for me because it gave me an unknown warning. And upon waking up, I noticed myself I cried a lot.

I checked out the net about the meaning of the dream and was surprised my findings.

Here are my interpretations after searching for meanings:

a) lack of quality possess from the loved one which I need to learn
b) maybe the last opportunity to say goodbye to her :( i hope its not teue
C) maybe a last warning to grab the opportunity or leave it to someone else

I am not sure if my interpretation is right but the truth is a bit scary. I know something is going to happen and i am bothered by it. I know there is something that I missed learning the lesson but I have to figure it out.

I hope i can find out soon before i regret it. I am just wishing that my dream is a good miracle...

My First and Last Things To Do

2011-10-12T23:49:00.001+08:00

Hi!

It's been a long time again. Sorry for not updating since i finished school. I didn't know what to write as I am busy doing my soulsearching plans.

Well, my first plan is going abroad but this will be my last time I'll do this because I just want to get experience and to release all my negativities. Sorry if it sounds unreasonable but I have some things need to keep by myself first until everything is settled. I just realized that I am so scared now.

Second, I decided to be single. I realized that I hate troubles, conflicts, and headaches. I prefer to be myself than living someone else's life. I love being myself, do what I want, and enjoy myself without bothering anyone. I'm happy that I have no boyfriends since birth. No bad experiences... Whew.

My friend taught me the power of prayer and God's Best Lists. I did it and kept it. I dont take it seriously since nobody will like me anyway because I am too strict when it comes to relationship as i dont want to fall for the wrong person. I have to be cautious at all times. If you think I am wrong or hard to reach, that's okay. The right person will understand me no matter what- in short, have sense of direction but no trial and error.

Dont worry, thats not issue for me. So I dont look for it. I am just busy looking for the right path for me. I am little disappointed for not searching it earlier as time passes quickly. But the experiences are worth it.

I never thought I met the wrong long time friend. It's so sad to hear that this person is using me for personal interests. This person pushes me down and gives me wrong advices and suggestions. It's my first time to hear those honest but hurtful words. After learning this, I decided that I will assert myself and fight for the right. I think it's because this person thinks im too weak to fight or talk back due to my silence but never understand my emotional feelings. This person and I will meet one day unexpectedly but I will talk few words and silent myself for the rest of the day. This will be my last time I will ever meet this person. Then I'll let this person go. In that way, I can move on and everything will change.

I think this is the last time I decided in these situation. After this, things will go smoothly- hopefully...

Valerie

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2011-09-05T17:34:00.001+08:00

After weeks of being sick and fatigue, I learned a very important lesson- that is being CONSISTENT. Although I don't have problem in learning new things and working on it, the only thing that stops me is not being consistent. There are times that I give up in the middle of everything due to some reasons like frustrations, unsatisfied results, and impatience. Maybe I am too perfectionist or OC? But I think I shouldn't quit it now since I am almost in halfway. I mean I am talking about my postgraduate school, it's pretty tough for me. :(

Glad that I take a break in between my hectic schedules. I research a lot during my spare time since I am hunger for more knowledge and new learning. I look for more about yoga, meditation, transitional communication, spiritual teachings, relationships, and other real-life situations/scenarios. It is really hard to get those information because there are millions of data available and I have to get only the authentic ones. I am planning to apply them after my school but slowly and surely.

I think that I need to spend more time alone and I really want to think deeper to get to know myself more about what I want. The only thing that comes to my mind now is to write a book or to teach a special course. I don't know why. I feel so scared because I don't know what to do. Maybe because I tried a lot in the past but failed it. hmmm.

Right now, I will not think anything or do assume it. I think I should stop communicating with all the people around me first then I stick to my plans on what to do before I go back to reality.

I hope I am not paranoid with this idea...hehe

Searching for my True Calling

2011-07-24T12:09:00.002+08:00

Even though I start my life over, I still can't figure out my own calling. I keep praying and asking myself about it and I still don't get any answers. Maybe PATIENCE is the answer? Hmm, hard to guess.

I tried a lot many things in the past like freelancing, sidelines, to name a few, but I was not happy anymore. I was too stressed and pressured at the same time. Now, I am on my way to my final term in postgrad school and my grades are starting to fall down. Oh well. Hmm, something is wrong out there.

All I can do for now is to read and write. My plan is to bring my notebook and gel pen everywhere just to keep update with my inner self. I am not sure if this will help me to find my own calling in this method. I am so tired of doing trials and errors. Time is so precious and I don't want to waste it from doing unnecessary things.

I know in my heart that I have to do something big but I can't see it. What will that be, anyway? I have no idea.

I am so eager to search for my own calling and yet I am still in PENDING mode.

So, to ease my worries and lessen my problem, I turn this song to lift me up.

Keep searching...

Valerie

Dangerous Trust

2011-07-15T13:04:00.002+08:00

I am having a hard time trusting people. Yes, I do. I just keep it for a long time. Just to save my life. hehe.

Perhaps, this is the cause of my being too frank and innocent which make me afraid that people might control my emotions and my conscience so that they can manipulate and deceive me. And that I may fall into a prey. So, I just play it safe for this matter. I am looking for ways on how to get out of it. But I find it so hard...

Looking into my past, I realized that my losing trust to people was the cause of my bad experiences. Although those bad experiences could help me to mold myself into a better person; however, it haunted me every time I talked to people especially strangers. :(

For me, trust is a pretty dangerous because once the trust is lost, it will hardly go back.

Given this scenario, I think I push myself to set aside this problem and go with the flow. I don't want to ponder about it.

This is the best thing I can do for now.

Valerie

Talk About Love

2011-07-14T12:04:00.011+08:00

Well, I hesitate to talk about this topic- LOVE. It takes me a very long, long time, to have the courage myself to discuss this matter to anyone. haha! Here it goes... the story begins....LOLs!

I have watched very few movies about romance (maybe less than 15?) in my entire life. You see, I am not hopeless romantic. Maybe this is the reason why I never had a boyfriend since birth. hehe

My friends insist that I read romance novels or watch movies so that I can have more knowledge about love. I object. It never occurs in my mind that I will have a problem for that nor I will worry. For me, it depends solely on my instincts. I believe that each of us has his or her own unique way of expressing love. There is no right or wrong. It takes effort to work in a better way.

I have no experience regarding love relationships so I can't give more tips or advices. But I will love to try to learn. Who knows, I will never know that I will get a good experience. I realized that love is not about your flowery dress, your successful career, or your pretty look. Love is all about the 'unexplainable' feelings toward to your partner, understanding the meaning of deeper relationships to each other, and being comfortable with each other. And everything else will follow. I don't know where I get these information but these are just my opinions.

If these opinions are correct, then why haven't I gotten a boyfriend yet? I think there must be some reasons or I think too much. For one reason, I easily turn off guys. So, it means that I can easily push them away. I don't know why. Is it because of immaturity, boring, or anything else? I really don't know. Or is it because I am too perfectionist? I don't know either.

For another reason, I am very emotional. My friends advise me all the time that I cannot be living alone because there are times that I have emotional disturbance. The right one must take care of my emotional disturbance by knowing how to let me feel comfortable and to let me think that everything will be all right. The problem is most guys don't like women who are emotional. Well, at least I am not an emotional monster. hehe! Thank goodness, I never reveal my emotional feelings. XD

Anyway, don't worry, I am not stressed about this love matter honestly. I believe that the right partner will come at the right time, at the right place, and at the right moment. and everything will change...

But the question is... "Will it work?"

Well...

Valerie

Just Keep Trying

2011-07-12T13:19:00.000+08:00

"Try, try, try, and keep on trying is the rule that must be followed to become an expert in anything." –W. Clement Stone

I keep trying all the time but I take a great risk of making mistakes and failures. I do not care about what other people think about me because I choose to be myself and nothing more. I am in the process of finding my own highest path, enjoying the adventurous ride of life choices, and doing the best I can be as much as possible. I am still doing the self-reflection of all the things I have done. I do not know what happen to me in the future. I just keep doing the things everyday but expect with different results. The journey is not a smooth ride this time. So, I keep my head up high, no matter what. Lastly, I just go with the flow and see what happens.

My school gives me a headache all the time. Lots of papers are piling up and I get stuck most of the time as I cannot think of the words to write about. Some of the topics are interesting but some gives me creepy. Seriously, I am not enjoying anymore. Maybe this is not the path I choose to but I have to finish what I started. You know what, this is my final term and I should end this before I finally move on.

Some of my friends told me that I should get a boyfriend and have a family of my own. While I do not complain about it because I understand that the right one comes at the right time, at the right place, and at the right moment. It must come when I least expectedly.- In short, don't think about it. It also depends on my destiny. So, I do not question about it but I do pray what I want and tell God about my dream. Of course, I do something about it like attending the workshop, and other activities to learn to establish good relationship with people. I am not very good at that but I am learning. At least, I try.

I love reading Robin Sharma's books. I am on my way to finish his other book which is "The Saint, The Surfer, and The CEO". I am on page 90 out of 108. My favorite books of his are "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" and "Discover Your Destiny". His books are really transformed my life completely. I am applying what I have learnt and I try to bring these applications to my soulsearching journey.

Valerie

Where God Lives

2011-06-23T10:32:00.001+08:00

Does God really live in our heart?

I look at the sky and stare it for a long time. I only see white clouds moving across the bright blue sky. People say that God lives in heaven but I can't see that place with my own eyes. I just raise my eyebrows.

I have been asked many times about God. Where does He live? What does He do for us? Does He really exist in the form of religion or inside our selves?

In order to answer these questions, I began my journey on the road of spirituality. I first joined the free Catholic Bible study, attending the church at a young age. However, I didn't understand the connection of the Bible study and the church to our lives because instead of pointing out the connection in practical terms, the study sessions and masses dealt more with the history and the life of the people in the Bible. We were also made to read pamphlets and to do rituals that made no sense to me. Eventually, I got super bored and stopped attended the church and the Bible study.

A few years ago later, I joined the Chinese religious sect, which emphasized volunteer work. There was summer camp and vegetarian cooking classes, among its many exciting activities. At first, I was awestruck by the real-life approach and became hooked on the hands-on teaching which we could easily adapt to everyday life. The sect talked about the importance of waking up early to appreciate the beauty of nature through our own eyes, the importance of being a vegetarian to save the lives of animals and maintain a healthy lifestyle, the importance of self-loving and compassion for others in order to receive more blessings.

These things were not taught me in Catholic Bible Study. Maybe the Catholics don't know how to apply Bible lessons to real life. So I stayed for a year in this Chinese religious sect because it changed my life. I was happy that many were helping me to correct my mistakes and guiding me to the right path.

But after a few months, I was super disappointed because some members of this sect harassed me, stole my good ideas and tarnished my credibility. In short, they weren’t practicing what they were preaching. It was all just lip service. And so I left this sect quietly.

I kept questioning myself about the meaning of religion until I hit upon a new discovery. I realized that wisdom comes through our inner self, through our mind and our heart. In my own experience, if I listen to myself more than anyone else, I begin to feel at peace, to be aware of the things around me, both the truth and lies. It also allows me to reflect on my mistakes and failures. From this inner listening, so much profound wisdom has come to me, wisdom that I have not found in books. It is as though I access the bottom of my heart and find there the things that keep me from moving forward. It is through this that I learn to let go of the past and to free myself from anger, hatred and fear.

I feel so good after long moments of silence wherein I access my deepest desires through my heart and ask questions through my mind. Both my mind and heart are working hand in hand. But everything starts with our heart before our mind. For example, my passion is researching. My mind never taught me how to research, it was my heart that gave me the tools about researching. I never studied how to conduct research, it just came to me that my heart told my mind to do research and my mind never questioned how to do it.

I never get tired of researching even after midnight because I love it so much. It is as though researching is part of my blood. I know how to find the right resources from the millions of available sources. I’ve come to understand that passion, talent and other capabilities are already kept inside the our heart; once you know how listen to your heart you will know what to do because your heart will tell your mind what to do and not the other way around.

I once wondered why God doesn’t keep the secret powers that consist of talents, capabilities, and passion buried in the earth, then I realized it’s because God wants each of us to have those powers, so that everyone benefits. That’s why he has kept those powers inside our heart.

Indeed, God lives in our heart.

Valerie

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Looking for Solutions

2011-05-28T16:33:00.000+08:00

PMS

Today, I am in the very bad mood- sort of like irritation. I just stay at the office/home. Good thing that I don't vent out my "no-reason-bad-tempered" feelings to my family . hehe. My bad tempered are still lived inside my mind until now. I blame it to my PMS! It's my worst thing that happens to me in my entire life. I never have that kind of severe irritation ever since. I am glad that my family understands my situation. How will they know? They will check on my face with "different kinds" of red/green acnes. I had few very bad acnes on my face which are the most painful I have ever felt. It's like acnes eat out my good skin. Yeoww!!! Everytime, it springs out one or two acnes a day, then, my irritation gets worsen in a day until my period comes! Oh well! My family never bothers me nor talks to me today, I think they are afraid that I might turn into a monster one if they do. hehe. Now, I force my mind to think of positive things inspite of PMS. I also need to find a solution for this problem. I am pretty sure there is a root cause of this PMS problem. I know it is just a normal for women to have a PMS but I hate this feeling because I don't want to injure others' feelings. Hopefully, I can find the right solution for this problem... I just need a break.

Semi-Vegans

As much as I want to be a full vegan, but I realize that I can't due to lack of food substitutions. All proteins in vegans are purely came from nuts or seeds. Apparently, I can't eat all kinds of nuts/seeds because of my acne breakouts. I have to look for them which cause me breakouts. So for now, I still do eat big fishes such as salmon, seabass, lapu-lapu, to name a few, chicken breast, and all kinds of veggies. I no longer eat oily foods, pork, and beef. I want to stop all kinds of sugar foods and flour-related food such as breads, pasta, etc. but I really need time to shift because I have to look for alternatives. -_-. I am work in progress in this new field of healthy eating habits. I hope it works.

Sports Alternatives

I find it so funny here. In the past, I hate all kinds of sports and I hate exercise because I hate to sweat a lot. I love sitting all day and sleep. But this year, I change my mind. So fast, right? hehe. It changed me after I joined and finished the Body Detox Program. My weight didn't rebounced. That's a good thing and my mind trains me to eat healthy food and exercise. That's another good thing! So, if I eat any unhealthy food, it gives me a stomach pain which ended me going to the emergency comfort room. Awww!!! And no matter I told myself that I don't want an exercise, my subconscious mind forces me to have an exercise, otherwise, I can't sleep!!! So, I play badminton once or twice a week with different sets of friends. And I begin addicting to it. hehe. However, I think I prefer a morning exercise because I can't sleep when I do any sport activity at night- I feel full of energy plus I hate late sleeping. I am planning to try something else for more sports exploration. My plans are (in order): archery, taichichuan/qigong, bikram yoga/pilates, and wingchun martial arts. I hope I can find those available in Binondo area and offer cheap prices. So, I won't need to travel so far!

So, these are my problems now. I need to solve these within 8 months. *crossed my fingers* hehe. Is it possible? XD

BookDepository: 10% Spring Sale + Free Shipping Worldwide

2011-05-20T21:21:00.007+08:00

Hi again!

Today, I find it so funny because I promise myself that I won't purchase any books anymore. I will stick to ebooks instead. However, seeing that the Bookdepository is on 10% Spring Sale of one-time purchase aside from FREE shipping worldwide, I couldn't deny this offer. Because it is way cheaper than our local bookstores (even cheaper than FullyBooked). It is so tempting. My younger brother wants to order because he finds this BookDepository is super cheap and its rare books are available. It is best for people who are in tight budget.

By the way, I just purchased the books along with my brother's orders two hours ago... Can't wait to have them soon. :P

Now, it is time to break on your wallet. hehe

Here is the link for your orders/bookshopping: BookDepository

and

Here is my review on this bookstore:

Bookstore Review: BookDepository

Hope it helps! :)

Valerie

Learn to be Strong

2011-05-05T01:26:00.001+08:00

I am very happy that everything goes well with my life. Very peaceful and serene. I like that way. Of course, sometimes I encounter bad moments which is inevitable. I have to be strong enough to accept that and move on. Right now, there is something happens to me, I dont like how it turns out but it's already there. Pretty shame on me. But I tell myself, "It's already done which cannot be undone. Learn from it. And move on. " Then I smiled. ;) I never show myself to anyone about my bad feelings. I usually keep myself because I dont want others to worry about me. I believe that those bad moments are very important for me to learn something precious. ;) Nobody can be successful if u never learn from failures.... Only if u are lucky to be right the first time...

Let's not talk about it...Sorry for venting out my feelings... Hehe. I couldn't stand anymore. So, I write while I cry. - a release of pain. :) I need to learn to acclimatize myself of being a brave woman. It takes time to do that... ;)

Anyway, I am planning to have a day or two for day-off. I need some spiritual retreat for myself. What I do is that finding a quiet place to meditate and write everything in my diary and finish it off until the last page. No distraction... Staycation is the best way to go? Still looking for best spot... maybe no overnight... I dont want my family to worry about me. Hehe.

Time to look for a good place.

Let's start my soul-searching journey. ;)

Valerie

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My Birthday Treat- Freelance Writing Workshop

2011-05-03T22:41:00.002+08:00

I turned 27 last April 30,2011. I usually stayed at home during my birthday except family gatherings. I never had any celebrations nor going out. I don't know the reason. I just don't feel like it. But...

Jumpstart Your Freelance Writing Career 4.0

I was eyeing on the Jumpstart Your Freelance Writing Career Workshop organized by Writer's Block Philippines for a long time. I missed the third event last February 2011 due to my postgraduate studies. I never thought that this fourth event was landed on my birthday. Hmm, I had so many mixed emotions and doubts whether to attend the event or not since I already made a pact with myself not to go out on my special day as well as to stop attending any workshop or seminar this year in time for my soul-searching journey.

I changed my mind after I inquired about the workshop and after I saw the advertisement about the two speakers. I joined and set aside my mixed emotions and negative thoughts(hehe!) I was hoping for the enjoyment and expecting for new learning tools in this workshop. I didn't want to disappoint myself on this event because of my birthday. So, I took the risk...

Upon entering the workshop, I felt at home and comfortable. My classmates were so friendly and very entertaining. Lots of exchange information. The speakers were very knowledgeable and expertise in their fields. They knew what they're talking about. :) That's what I love the most. :)

After the workshop, I was very awestruck and lots of "Aha! moments." I heaved a sigh of relief and said to myself, "This is it!" My birthday treat for myself is pretty worth an investment. It was my first time to feel that way. Oh, I finally get out of my comfort zone. :) I made new friends and learnt many new experiences. I realized that I broke my birthday pact and attended this workshop. hehe! And...I love it so much. XD

Writer's Block Ladies: Nikka Sarthou, Niña Terol-Zialcita, and Ana Santos

Here are the things I learnt from this 2- days workshop:

~ Myths and Facts about freelance writing - lots of "Aha Moments" here!

~ Kind of Writing Career - Interesting to know the most common writing careers.

~ Dealing with Writer's Block- For me, I chat with online people or leave comments to bloggers or send emails to columnists/writers. Sounds weird? :)

~ SWOT Analysis (Really helps!)- I found out that my fear of "bad" grammar and play it safe are my stumbling block of being an aspiring writer.
~ 7 Steps of Creative Process- from the speaker Ms. Tweet Sering. It is one of my reasons why I attended in this event. She taught us many creative juices that are not taught by the school. Make sense to me. Lots of lightbulbs above my head after her discussion.
~ How to Blog- from the speaker Mr. Vince Golangco. He is so cool and very straightforward. He teaches us in a very simple way but very concise details. He knows what to talk about. Wow! I had been looking answers for so many years and Vince answered all my unanswered questions! I am so happy!
~ Ethics - I feel like I am studying a law.... Feel nerdy. hehe.:)
~ Critique our work - This is what I hate the most. I am worry about my grammar or maybe no connection of my words. hehe! After my call, I whewed myself... :)
~ And many others...

Conclusion: After this workshop, it changed my life. It's beyond my expectation. I think I am on the right track. This blog existed because writing is my therapy. I want to get out of my fear - my bad grammars. I just keep writing until I hone my skills. I am not afraid of making mistakes. I can always go back to my posts and edit my wrong grammars. I haven't edited my works here yet. But I don't mind. I keep going. I hope I can publish my article at least once in my life on the newspaper, magazine, or maybe write a book. I wish I can do it. If not, that is okay, I can still use it for other purposes like businesses or other freelance works. :) It's not bad to dream to be an aspiring writer, right? :)

Overall, the workshop is worth it. I recommend this to my friends or those who want to pursue a writing career or to assess if writing is for you or not. Pretty thumbs up! :)

Cleaning

2011-04-26T11:11:00.001+08:00

I have done all the cleaning and moving my stuffs at my two rooms. Right now, I am trying to clean at the living room. For the first time, I become OC when it comes to cleaning. I want my room to be cleaned and spacious enough so I can breathe freely and relax peacefully. Love it.;)

Anyway, my birthday is coming soon. I dont celebrate my birthday ever since. I always stay at home. Dont know why. Moreover, it is pretty coincidence that the workshop is landed on my day...hehe It's about freelance writing workshop organized by Writer's Block. so, I will attend it, hope I learn something new and meet new friends. :) .

I am planning to shift in new direction starting on May. I feel like I need to detox everything and start anew. I tell you that it is not easy but I have to do it. It's time for me to move to a new phase of life. I need to catch up. Hopefully, it works this time.

Valerie

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Letting go

2011-04-22T22:43:00.001+08:00

Being a very high emotional person, I am able to manage and control it. However, there are times I can't bear it so I tend to cry alone or before I sleep. I didn't show my feelings to anyone even my granny. She is getting older so I dont want to give her more burden because of me.

Lately, I go out with some friends for playing badminton or eating out. I also chat or write messages for friends. I also help other people. These are my distractions to forget my emotional traumas and pains. I did let go some matters but not fully recovered. So, the question is how will I let go completely and move on? Is there a way?
-
Yes, here it is...

I am looking for a quiet place to spend time alone (7 days max). I will recall all my memories and write it down. Of course, I will never stop crying if I do that. Then, waiting for solutions to come out inside myself. Afterwards, I will forget all my pains. I know it's hard but i have to be stronger...

Why? Because...

It's about time...

A time for me to move onto the next phase of life...

Valerie

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Random Thoughts 1

2011-04-22T20:54:00.001+08:00

I haven't finished doing makeover but I promise myself that it will be over this Sunday. I hope the outcome will be better than before. I want my room to feel at home and more relaxing. This will be the place of my serenity. My granny will let me learn on my own. I realize that she is right all along that cleanliness and organize things at the right place are the top priority in the house. From now on, i'll do that. I might become an OC in the future. Hehe

Anyway, my birthday is coming soon. I dont celebrate it ever since. But this time, I will spend my day at the writing workshop. Hopefully, I will learn something new. I know that my grammar is not good but I'm working on it.

I have to speed up the process for my short-term goals. I actually fail it but I never give up. I still keep going.

Anyway, I want to learn to improve my social skills. I am not very good at that. I am more passive mode. Hehe Reading a Dale Carnegie's book helps but it is hard to apply it. Hmm, I will take a risk in trial and error. Hopefully, I'll practice at the right people. :)

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Iphone Testing

2011-04-18T12:52:00.001+08:00

I am using my iphone to test this blog. I hope I find it useful. Thanks to Tommy from Agnoslingostine for sharing his tips and recommendations.

I have so many things to do but there are some sidelines which i need to quit because i find out that these are not my true calling. So i guess it is better to find something that I can do for freelance or work from home. I hope i can search for it as soon as possible... :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A Conversation with my Inner Voice 2: Move Faster

2011-04-10T22:32:00.001+08:00

I am not in a mood today, feel like I'm giving up. It's time to take a break and let's talk!

Me: Hi....

Inner Voice: Heeellloooo! You look so lethargic today, feel like you didn't sleep well.

Me: Yeah. Feeling so tired.

Inner Voice: Well, no matter how busy you are, you need to sleep early! This will help you to think better. You really need it since you think very slowly, as a result of poor actions!

Me: Oh okay. I'll try.

Inner Voice: When you're young , you always sleep early. But you're so innocent. hehe. *giggling*

Me: Stop that. I'm not in a mood. *Groggy*

Inner Voice: Okay, okay! But I have something to tell you. Let's change the plan. You need to finish your whole floor makeover within 1 -2 weeks in time. You need to move faster this time. So, you better rest now and continue doing it tomorrow.

Me: Huh? Why in a sudden rush?

Inner Voice: You have a mission. Time is almost running out soon. You really need to do this because you are the only one who is capable of doing it. You are not doing it for yourself but for others. You need to save them. Many are waiting for you.

Me: What is it? What can I do? And why me?

Inner Voice: You have a compassionate heart, you understand them very well. You already know what to do but you are afraid doing it because of fears. I advise you to start now, don't worry about anything else. There is someone who will help you to complete this mission. So, better move your butt...

Me: Alright, I'll try but I cannot promise. There are other people who can do that, why only me?

Inner Voice: At least you try. If not, we can find a way to help them but in a small way. Yes, there are others who can do that but nobody can keep up with you - to your level. You have a special gift that nobody has. So, you are the candidate for that. Better use it. Life will be more better if you do this than your current goal. Believe me.

Me: Okay. I'll think about it.

Inner Voice: Hmm, don't think about it now, better sleep. You are pretty tired. Glad that you all are safe when you are driving. Whew! You really made me sick.

Me: hehe! You drive me insane, you know. Those are crazy goals. I am not sure if this is the right path, I've been searching it for a long time; however, I am almost afraid of losing my own direction again. I cannot remember how many times I lost. hay.

Inner Voice: Well, that's why, you start all over again. Let's do it one at a time. Wake up, my dear.

Me: Okay, thanks again. Goodnyt then.

Inner Voice: Nytie.

Valerie

A Conversation with my Inner Voice 1: Confusion

2011-04-09T02:12:00.001+08:00

I call it a day now and decide to have another conversation with myself. It's been a while...

It's about confusion and next destination.

Me: Hi there!

Inner Voice: Finally, you're back! Are you listening to me?

Me: You made all this up? Mess with my life lately? With so many invitations and problems but you made me confused. I've hardly made decisions. What happened?

Inner Voice: Yeah, I did. I distract you, so you get my attention. hehe Sorry, I did mess it up and really made you confused because I want you to leave everything what you do since last year. This year will be a different path- The right path, of course. You are in the middle of transformation already but there are some things that are not for you so I want to help you to clear out those unimportant to you or doesn't serve you anymore. I also feel that you are not safe if you stay on that path.

Me: What are those? Why are there not for me and not safe?!?

Inner Voice: You really misunderstood me before. I told you that you have to be true to yourself. It means that you have to be true to yourself to the RIGHT PEOPLE. And show your TRUE NATURE - that's where you belong. I found out that you are busy trying to sort out of your life lately and spend too much thinking- those are useless for you. You cannot catch up everything as everyone has his or her own limitations. You also have limitation, of course, but doesn't mean that you can't do it. You already do more than anyone else so I don't think it's a big problem for you. I believe you have many assets, so use it wisely. BTW, Remember this: No matter what happen, the RIGHT PEOPLE will always stay with you all the time, WRONG PEOPLE will leave.

Me: Okay, can you elaborate about my true nature? You are right, I am busy of doing nonsense things and end up being stressed. I feel like I am not myself.

Inner Voice: That's why, I am waiting at the right time to tell you to go back to your true senses! It's time for you to wake up now. Don't you know that I am waiting for you in 10 years for that? I have a patience to wait for you as I believe you will return to your real self. Don't worry, those 10 years you have done, is pretty a great achievement for you. You really catch up what you missed. So, you should not worry about anything else, okay? Anyway, about your true nature, think back of your happy childhood. Those are belong to you. Still remember?

Me: Hmm, let me see. I did help out my dad's work, did household chores, and other errands. Am I right?

Inner Voice: That's right. At that time, you still can't talk but you love working. That's what I like you. You mature early and you don't like any other kids to play and watch TV. The only downside is that you are very quiet so you always follow the orders from your parents and your granny. You have an unique ability to communicate with these people - body language. Amazing!

Me: So, you mean this is my right path for me? If I do that, don't you think I will turn to a robot woman?

Inner Voice: No, I don't think so. You are already matured and sensible enough. Most of the time you talk like an innocent kid but deep inside yourself, you are very mature. That's why, many think you are innocent and naive. hehe. That's okay, it saves you from troubles. If you can, try to learn to talk like an adult. Well, those are really your true nature plus you can combine with your current experiences. That will be better. The reason is that so you can help out with your brother or your future family (in case if you have one) to deal with their matters. That's your real strength. It really helps them since you have many experiences already and your late dad taught you some things. But remember, please practice to think first before you say anything. Being too frank is a little danger. : )

Me: Oh yeah, you have a point. But why am I not safe? So, you mean I'm in danger?

Inner Voice: Hmm, I think so, that's why, when I tell you to stop, if you have to obey me. Also, some people are TRYING TO TEST or FOOL you so please be careful with that. Meet new people and learn from them. Don't assume anything, just enjoy the process or else you will end up in being a negative self-image. It was already happened to you before, I know you didn't assume or expect it but people think; otherwise, that's why, you have to be careful this time. I think this year will be the best for you but please I encourage you to have someone to go with you when it comes to trip, just to be sure. To check out on you.

Me: Really? okay, I'll do that. But I cannot promise that since I don't want to think anymore. My mind is so tired already. Honestly, I am so exhausted already. Don't know what to do now.

Inner Voice: Well, I can see you that you are doing the right thing for now. You already have a full makeover on your room in 6 weeks, that's a good start. Your granny will help you to do that. She will teach you some tips and tricks. Don't worry. She is already happy to see you that you are already wake up to your true senses as well as you are already changing to a better person. Ohh yeah, if possible, try to sell all your old books and other old stuffs. If it didn't sell before June, you have to donate to the charities. This will help you to clear all the negativities at your room. Also, your sidelines in the past are merely a lesson for you so that you understand what the gurus tell you but those are not your real path. You need to learn this so you won't get manipulated or fool you and you need to practice to communicate with people for better listening. : )

Me: I see. I completely understand now. I know what to do. Thanks so much. Really helps.

Inner Voice: My pleasure. Goodluck to you. But don't forget to exercise or find a good sport for you. So, you will maintain your healthy lifestyle. : )

Me: Okay, thanks so much. : )

Hope you like it.

Valerie

Complement vs Equality

2011-04-05T00:59:00.001+08:00

A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery. ~Diana Stürm

For me, men and women are NOT equal. I think the best answer is that MEN AND WOMEN ARE COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER. But why the buzz about the equality between men and women? Because they think that the time is changing and we should follow the norms or trends like what? - CAREER. Women can do the men's job but do not mean to prove that we (men and women) are equal because of the position. I think men have to respect women of what they want because they do have a dream of their own. If they can handle the men's jobs, then do it or vice versa. It's not bad at all. They are not equal because men and women do think differently aside from physical differences.

How bout the dominated society now? Male or female? It doesn't matter anymore. As it is always depended on the choices, actions, and results (including SWOT) of each individual regardless of gender.

Since men and women are complement each other, so they have to work together to complete the task. Be sure that they have to iron out their differences especially in the communication barriers.

I think it boils down to what you want to be...

Differences between Domination and Complement:

a) Domination (Male or Female): You have to listen to his/her demand whether you like it or not. You don't have a control of yourself and accept your fate to him/her decision. Problem here is that you don't muster up your courage to him/her about your dilemmas because you are afraid that you get reprimanded or punished. Open communication is a pretty disadvantage here.

b) Complement: Iron out the differences. The strength helps the weak and work it out to complete the mission.

If you plan to get married, which one are you?

Valerie

Left Behind

2011-04-03T00:23:00.000+08:00

"Problems exist to give us a sign that we need to be smarter and make things perfect." ~ LovingSpectrum.

Photo Taken By Hiram Abanil

To make the story short, I was very depressed and pressured in the past because I was left behind by 10 years. I couldn't relate to my classmates and friends of my age. So, I had no social life at all. I focused on my studies even I knew that it was impossible for me to pass the subjects. And nothing else. A certified loner. Period.

After college, I never thought that the life in the real world was very harsh. I didn't expect that many problems were piling up at that time. My experiences at those times was not very good. From there, my granny became very strict and overprotective to me. She is afraid that I was a victim of being used or manipulation due to my being naive, foolish, and stupidity. But it was too late, it happened in the first two years (after college). I was very shocked at that time. Because I was not ready. However, I didn't give up. My solution was that I would start from scratch and studied again for another 3 years (before taking postgraduate course). Again, those 3 years were not a smooth one. I found it too hard for me and yet I kept going. Why hard? Because my professors told me too that I was left behind by 10 years too but they advised me if I could move and learn fast so I could catch it up and reduced it to 3-5 years. It took me time to consider it and I tried to stand up again for the last time. I even told my granny to be a little lenient to me because I have a dream to achieve and that I have to take risks to take many trainings/workshop (free or paid), and to go out to explore many things. And IT WAS WORTH IT.

Today, my effort has been paid off. But I don't know if I was still left behind by 5 or 10 years. I guess it doesn't matter to me anymore because I don't know how far I have to catch it up. So, I think I have to accept the flaws and appreciate it. But I still move on. Right now, I need to have a courage to meet new people and get to know one another. I am too afraid to talk to them (maybe phobia) and I am shy. But I still keep going. Try to get out of comfort zone. I just hope that this time, it will work...

Valerie

Open Communication is My Trademark

2011-04-02T00:52:00.000+08:00

"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives." - Anthony Robbins

I am so sad that very few agrees with me that open communication is the heart of relationship (in family, friends, dating, and so on). Open communication means that you have to be true to yourself and show your real self. It also helps to talk out some problems or conflicts in order to solve it. Nothing else. I am not saying that you have to reveal your privacy to anyone, that's your personal- (your dark secrets, perhaps?). Open communication is the only foundation in the basic effective communication. It is also very important to apply to your life (personal or career) because we all have different personalities, so different ways to deal with people. I don't understand why some people didn't open up themselves to others, perhaps they are afraid of showing their flaws or weaknesses? Honestly, don't you think that you will be unhappy or regret it later if you don't be yourself or honest with what you are saying?

Why open communication is my trademark? I am a frank and straightforward person, there are times that others thought I offend or hurt them, but I am actually not. I am telling the truth but I voice it out in a private conversation. I am always be true to myself and I find it easy for me to do it. I just go with the flow. I think this is an effective tool for me when it comes to deal with communication arena. That's why, I always open up with my grandmother all the time. And I also try it with other people. And it is effective as well. Yes, there are times that conflicts and problems cannot be solved at least it helps to lessen the burden of it. :) I kinda like it so much. That's why, before meeting true friends, I always ask or tell them that I want to have an open communication at all times whether it is good or bad news - no hard feelings, no secrets, and no hiding. It works and we are all happy.

Photo Taken by 8 Infiniti Photography

Now, I realize that I have to learn to open up to myself alone- give time to ponder and learn to use mental chess. There are times that I spend my time alone at any good sceneries ( I am a nature lover) so I can think better. : )

Ah, I have one more thing to say. If you think that some people don't like to engage in an open communication, I suggest that you let them go; otherwise, you will have a hard time with them in the near future. Why? because there is a high possibility that they come to you for taking advantage or don't want to show their true self - to protect themselves, perhaps. I guess the answer is that they are not your right people.

I guess I have to stop now. I need a sleeping beauty. : )

Valerie

Three Types of Thinkers

2011-03-30T13:42:00.004+08:00

I observed people's movements and other activities to identify how they react to the situation and how they handle with their own problem matters. After months of analyzing situation, I come up with my own conclusion. And what is that? There are three types of thinkers. Each individual has its own perspective and perception based on that thinking process. I am not sure if you like to hear it or at least agree with me. These are not taught in school or anywhere else. But I am interested in exploring this and sharing it with everyone. :)

The three types of thinkers are:

a) Old Thinkers (aka Rigid Thinkers)-

They are the believers from the old school of thought or follow orders from ancestors.
These also include the superstitious, old beliefs, old system, old concept, and among others.
They are never moving forward because they believe that they are always right.
They believe on what they know either from their very own eyes, from the news of other people or from the TV but not the truth.
They won't consider other people's opinion.
They are usually strict, unhappy, and pessimistic people.
They complain, nag, and blame others.
They don't believe in changes.
They play it safe.
The only good point here is that they know how to protect the family and away from harm or danger.

b) "In- Beween" Thinker (aka Idle Thinker) -

They are unsure of what they're doing.
They are usually stay in the comfort zone.
They just go with the flow.
They are usually contented with their life.
Oftentimes, they are stuck with their "routinary" life. (Nothing new)

c) New Thinker (aka Change Thinker/ Paradigm Shifter)-

They are adopted to new changes.
They are willing to take risks and are not afraid to learn new things.
They are always on the go, willing to find ways to get out and learn as much as can to hone their own skills and talents.
They are very flexible, open-minded, street smart, and optimistic people.
They keep going even if they fail.
They are willing to lend their ears and listen to other people.

I give you two examples of situation so you will have an idea:

Scenario 1: Your job now is to handle the family business. No matter what nature of the business, you have to work there. The problem here is that you don't like the nature of the family business. What are you going to do?

Response:

Old Thinker: I have no choice but to work here even if I don't like its nature. I always check the time and days that the work is over so I can escape. I can't stand my suppliers, dealers, and customers. They are not following the order. There are times that my dad/uncle pushes me forcibly to work hard even if I can't do it. It's so difficult.

"In-Between" Thinker: It doesn't matter to me as long as I have a business, I'll be happy. I can live a comfortable life. No need to think about the financial problem in the future. I am contented with my life here.

New Thinker: It's okay if I don't like its nature. Maybe this will help me to learn the ropes of how to do in the business in preparation for my own dream business in the future. For now, I have to work smarter, learn the ins and outs of the trades, and do the hobbies/sidelines to hone my skills.

Scenario 2: You heard about the network marketing. I am sure so many people invite you to join in this business. What are you going to do about it?

Response:

Rigid Thinker: What a rubbish! Cut it off! Network marketing is a scam. It's a pyramid, you know. A person who earns much is always on the top and the person below are the victims or poor. This kind of business will never last. It will turn into bankrupt in the future. Just watch and see.

Idle Thinker: If I can earn it, that's good. If not, I'll stop.

Change Thinker: Hmm, I will listen more about it. I will do a more intensive research to identify which one is right or wrong, to check the financial background and other third-party pertinent information. I will also check if this business aligns with my goals. I will see but I never assure you that I will join.

So, are the things make sense to you? If you understand where you stand now, what are you going to do about it? Are you willing to change or stay as you are? :)

Valerie

Trapped In An Illusion

2011-03-29T01:02:00.003+08:00

When people ask for my advice, I become aware of their root cause of the problem. They are trapped in an illusion. Why do I say that? Because illusion is not real and non-existent. People created the problems and therefore they ended up living in a limbo (dream) state. If you watch the Inception Movie, you know what I mean. There are three layers in a dream state. The more deeper, the more you are trapped if you are not in control. Let's say, for example, you want to have a business, but fear stops you from doing it. Don't you think that fear is also a part of an illusion? Fear exists in our mind and nothing else. That's why, fear is a mind killer! Make sense?

Let's go back to the topic, what are the things that make an illusion? For me, illusions are the following:

a) Fear - exists in our mind. People create it, trap inside their brain, and block their success.

b) Distractions - Not doing the things you need/want causing you to stress and pressure that are not supposed to be.

c) Rumors - makes others think negatively. People invent the situation that are not existed yet. Reason - excitement or jealous.

d) Gossips - push people down.

e) Criticisms - proves to other people that they are wrong.

f) Manipulation - Are you on your own or control by others? Others, who control you, make you an illusion. Think that you are a robot. It depends on the case but it is very dangerous due to lifeless, privacy and safety.

g) Daydreaming - is completely an illusion state.

h) Beauty - spend too much on material things in order to achieve it.

If you are one of them, so better wake up and do something about it. Don't let the illusion controls you. I know it's hard but do you want a demon to win over you? You choose...

In my case, I realize that I am also one of them. I feel like I am not on my own. Now, I come to a conclusion that I have to be mindful of my decisions and my actions.

Valerie

Writer's Block

2011-03-28T23:19:00.000+08:00

It's been a week for not updating much. I suffer a writer's block. hehe :) I have so many things to say in my mind but never have a courage to tap on my keyboard and post it at the blog. Yes, I play it safe. Why? One good reason, I am not good in grammar when it comes to writing. But if you give me a grammar test, I will get a perfect grade. That's pretty weird.

My Book References
This Elements of Style book was recommended by Writer's Block.

Honestly, I take a risk on writing a public personal blog. I got inspired from the three writers from Writer's Block that in order to get a perfect in writing - grammar, concept, and everything. I have to keep writing. That's the only way to practice. No shortcut. I don't mind if my grammar is wrong, I can go back and edit them again in the near future. Writing is my therapy and a quest to find out who I am. That's why, it helps me to release some negative issues and to find the solutions.

I hope it will improve in a short time since I have been taking English communication and writing lessons for many years already and I think it is time for me to hone my skills and to apply what I have learnt. It's my dream to write a book. I hope it will come into a reality. Once, I get a perfect in writing (grammar), I will practice in applying it in Mandarin Version. : ) I love mandarin language so much. I am so motivated to do the things I have done because I get inspired from the ancient wisdoms in chinese philosophy.

My plans for MAC

2011-03-22T23:19:00.001+08:00

I bought my laptop already and I am still waiting for it. So, excited. I hope I make my job easier since all my needs are enough for the free mac software except Photoshop and Aperture.

When my new Mac laptop, here are the things I will do:

- sleep and wake up early. The early birds gets the first worm. : )

- write seriously and better this time for the book (it was wiped out from PC due to trojan)

- read more ebooks to avoid writer's block

- post more articles for the blogs

- sell more books and other stuffs at online- ebay, multiply

- will try into more freelancing, if i have spare time. - hopefully, it will work.

- no more excuses for not doing anything unless already scheduled. XD

- photo and video editing- my stress buster. Anyone who wants to edit photos? I can do it for you. Kindly let me know.

I already started to read a book about Teach Yourself How to be Happier. It is a bit long but it is worth it. Lots of in-depth explanation about happiness. It is quite a different approach from other books. It really answers my questions. Will let you know soon once I finish this.

Tata for now.

Valerie