Offside

Alien goalkeeper

2010-12-18T19:00:00.000+00:00

Someone call Sigourney Weaver before this alien escapes.

Spontaneous Human Combustion

2010-12-09T00:00:00.000+00:00

The worst case of spontaneous human combustion ever recorded on a substitutes bench.

Jackie Chan

2010-12-03T17:11:00.000+00:00

That's gotta hurt

Footballing fireman

2010-11-26T22:21:00.000+00:00

You gotta feel sorry for Italian footballers, wages are so low that some of them are taking part time jobs as firefighters.

Man falls from sky

2010-11-22T10:00:00.000+00:00

Man falls from sky and is safely caught by Seongnam Ilhwa players celebrating their Asian champions league triumph in Tokyo.

Gone Fishing

2010-11-15T01:50:00.003+00:00

A bunch of Zenit St Petersburg fans are caught by an unsuspecting fishing boat in the North sea.

Pompey Play Kids

2010-03-19T19:45:00.000+00:00

PORTSMOUTH manager Avram Grant is set to throw the Premier League into chaos by refusing to field his strongest side for the rest of the season.

The Portsmouth manager is furious his team have been condemned to play Championship football next term after being deducted nine points for going into administration.

Grant said, stuff the premier league, I will play my kids.

Fabulous Fulham

2010-03-19T08:21:00.000+00:00

Fulham advanced to the quarter-finals of the Europa League after a superb performance saw them defy the odds to beat Juventus in one of the greatest nights in the club's history.

Sunderland Shearer

2010-03-18T00:37:00.000+00:00

Alan Shearer offers Sport Relief a blank cheque rather than wear a Sunderland shirt!

John Terry Quizzed As Steward Hurt By Car

2010-03-17T16:46:00.000+00:00

Police have questioned and breathalysed John Terry after the Chelsea captain knocked down a steward in his car.

Eyewitnesses said the steward, who police said suffered a broken leg, was caught under a wheel as he cleared a scrum of photographers and fans.

Cameras caught Terry leaving the scene - video below

My record is unbeatable

2010-03-16T00:43:00.001+00:00

In the build up to this weeks Champions League clash between Chelsea and Inter, Jose Mourinho has been his unassuming modest self. The self proclaimed special one had a few messages for current blues boss Carlo Ancelotti, Ahead of the match, he claimed "Stamford Bridge is my fortress not yours. Everybody knows Mourinho doesn't lose at Stamford Bridge. My record is unbeatable. It is amazing - we were so strong for such a long time." You've got to love this guy.

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Crouch Shares A Joke With A Little Ballboy

2010-03-15T16:51:00.000+00:00

Football - The Beautiful Game

2010-03-14T17:09:00.000+00:00

Or is it more akin to a school playground.

I remember my school days with fondness as the highlight of our academic day was the daily twenty a-side football match at lunch times. Full of dirty tackles, shoulder charging, verbals and the occasional boxing match, ah the good old days.

All good things have to come to an end, or do they? Well for the majority of us yes, although there is a minority group still living these halcyon days every day. This rarest of species are commonly known as Premier League Footballers.

After Hull City's recent hammering from Everton this week all was not well at their public park training ground as experienced pros Jimmy Bullard and Nick Barmby were involved in what can only be described as "a womens wrestling match" the bad feeling started when Barmby had a go at Bullard, calling him lazy.

"Bullard rolled up his sleeves and said 'Let's have it out then'.
"Barmby said 'Don't be so silly, grow up'.
"But Bullard pushed him and it all kicked off before the other players split them."

African Footballer of the Year

2010-03-13T20:55:00.000+00:00

Congratulations to Didier Drogba who was named African Footballer of the Year on Thursday, beating Cameroon's Samuel Eto'o and Ghana's Michael Essien for the 2009 award.

Dreaded Vote Of Confidence

2010-03-12T23:13:00.000+00:00

Real Madrid's Director General Jorge Valdano has publicly backed under fire boss Manuel Pellegrini following the Spanish clubs Champions League shock exit to Lyon. The dreaded vote of confidence, roughly translates as "as soon as we have a replacement coach lined up, your'e out the door".

Although sitting proudly on top of La Liga with only three defeats from twenty five games this season, the nine times European Champions have once again failed to progress past the last sixteen stage of Europe's elite competition.

Parallel this with the fact that Los Blancos are not the most patient club in the world when it comes to backing their managers, Pellegrini being the ninth different coach in seven years testifies to that.

The one saving grace that may save the Chilean his job is the fact that he is club president Florentino Perez's man, who feels his name would be tarnished if Pellegrini does not prove a success. By success I mean wrestling the Spanish title away from bitter rivals Barcelona, the only silverware that remains on offer after Real's humiliating 4-1 Copa del Rey exit at the hands of third division outfit Alcorcon.

I like Pellegrini, some of the football his team have played this season has been outstanding as was his Villarreal side he coached.

Let's hope for his sake the Bernabeu fans keep their white hankies in their pockets for a little while longer.

Falling

2010-03-12T14:18:00.000+00:00

Police in central Europe have issued a warning to all football fans going to matches this weekend to be vigilant as reports have been flooding in of football players falling from the sky.

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England Spy Gate Revealed

2010-03-11T13:37:00.002+00:00

Was last weeks security breach at the Englands team hotel the work of serial pranksters Tommy Dunn snr, Dunn jnr and Karl Power. The layabouts were spotted in and around the five-star Grove Hotel in Hertfordshire on the day in question.
Although the F.A are conducting their own investigation, they haven't been able to to uncover the identity of the spies.
A six hour long recording of the squad is now in the hands of a national newspaper.

Here's just a few of their escapades

The Dunns most recent wind up was only last week, when they posed as autograph hunters and asked John Terry to address it 'to Wayne' with a note saying 'sorry'.

Karl Power strolled on to the pitch at Munich's Olympic Stadium and took up position alongside Andy Cole for Manchester United's team photograph just before their Champions League match against Bayern.

The two muppets also sneaked onto the centre court at Wimbledon before a Tim Henman match in 2002.

The Spaniard, A Wanderer and The Death of a Club

2010-03-11T00:01:00.000+00:00

Poor old Rafa Benitez is under so much pressure at Liverpool these days that his eyesight is starting to fail him, this disease is more commonly known as Arsene Wenger disorder.

Rafa defended Steven Gerrard following allegations the midfielder made a V-sign gesture towards the referee Andre Marriner during Liverpool's defeat to Wigan on Monday.

"Sometimes you move your fingers. It was nothing. We are not considering it, it was nothing," said Benítez.

Ahem

Other news this week, concerns "The Wandering Man" of International football Guus Hiddink. Still contracted to the Russian National side until May,Dutch National broadcaster NOS says that Guus Hiddink has agreed to coach Ivory Coast in this year's World Cup from 15 May to 15 July before then taking over as the head coach of Turkey in August! Does this guy ever take a break.

On a sad day for English football, Chester City F.C was wound up by a British court on Wednesday.

The club, based in northwest England, owed a total of 26,125 pounds to the British tax authority, HM Revenue and Customs.

Chester failed to field a team for their last two fixtures in the Blue Square Premier, English football's fifth-tier, and last month were booted out of the league.

Notable former players include Liverpool legend Ian Rush, ex-Arsenal defender Lee Dixon and one-time England striker Cyrille Regis.

Spokesman David Evans said: "125 years of history have been extinguished today but that's just the body of the club - its soul lives on.

R.I.P Chester City Football Club

What The Duck !!!

2010-03-10T19:33:00.000+00:00

Japan's Urawa Reds have declared war on a covert army of ducks that have been leaving their droppings and feathers all over the team's training pitch.

The country's best-supported side have launched "Project Eagle," which involves the use of falcons, to keep the web-footed invaders at bay.

"We have had problems with ducks for a while," Urawa's public relations chief Daisuke Maruyama said on Tuesday. "They leave their mess on the pitch.

"We've taken a number of measures to clean things up, including falcons and putting out cones on the pitch. The things you have to do sometimes!"

CELTIC - Christmas Is Cancelled

2010-03-09T21:38:00.000+00:00

World's fattest footballers.

2010-03-09T19:38:00.000+00:00

Brazilian footballer Ronaldo has acquired a new record - topping the list of the world's fattest footballers.

According to The Sun, Ronaldo tops this list because of his achievements in an over-sized body.

The double World Cup winner and three-times World Player of the Year has been tipping the scales for years now. Knee injuries have also not been kind to the former AC Milan striker but neither has his love of food, says the tabloid.

The other nine are as follows:

1. William Foulke (Chelsea)

2. Micky Quinn (Coventry)

3. Jan Molby (Denmark and Liverpool)

4. Ferenc Puskas (Hungary and Real Madrid)

5. Neville Southall (Wales and Everton)

6. Neil Ruddock (Tottenham Hotspurs)

7. Andy Reid (Ireland and Sunderland)

8. Tomas Brolin (Sweden and Leeds)

9. John Hartson (Wales)

John Terry Apology?

2010-03-08T11:38:00.000+00:00

John Terry is tricked by autograph hunters to apologise to Wayne.

Battle of Santiago

2010-03-06T23:54:00.003+00:00

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The Battle of Santiago is the name given to a particularly unsavoury and infamous football match during the 1962 World Cup Finals. It was a game played between hosts Chile and Italy on June 2, 1962 in Santiago.
The match was famously introduced by David Coleman as "the most stupid, appalling, disgusting and disgraceful exhibition of football, possibly in the history of the game.

Footballers Bizarre Injuries

2010-03-06T22:30:00.000+00:00

Footballers Bizarre Injuries

Barnsley's Darren Barnard slipped in a puddle of his new puppy's pee on the kitchen floor. The resulting knee ligament damage kept him out of action for five months.

The Scotland defender Kirk Broadfoot was inspecting two eggs he had just poached in his microwave when one of them blew up and squirted scalding hot water into his face.
The 25-year-old was treated at hospital for scalding to his cheek

SVEIN GRONDALEN: The Norway defender had to withdraw from an international during the 1970s after colliding with a moose while out jogging.

DAVE BEASANT: The veteran goalkeeper managed to rule himself out for eight weeks in 1993 when he dropped a bottle of salad cream on his foot, severing the tendon in his big toe.

Ex-Manchester United goalkeeper Alex Stepney dislocated his jaw shouting at his defenders during a game against Birmingham in 1975.

Arsenal substitute Perry Groves once knocked himself out on the ceiling of a dug-out after jumping up to celebrate a goal.

Servette midfielder Paulo Diogo decided to mark his goal against Schauffhausen in a 2004 Swiss league game by jumping into the crowd. Unfortunately, his wedding ring got caught on the fence and ripped off the top half of his finger. To add insult to injury, he also received a booking for excessive celebration.

In 2003, Darius Vassell attempted DIY surgery on a blood blister under the nail of his big toe using a power drill. The former Villa striker intended to drill through the nail in order to drain the wound, but he ended up picking up an infection and had to have half the nail removed.

Worst Home Support

2010-03-06T16:29:00.000+00:00

And the winner of the worst home support goes to....... France.

During the recent two nil defeat to Spain at the Stade de France this week, some of the players were singled out and persistently jeered. Thierry Henry who readily admits he is not playing at the top of his form right now, partly due to the lack of games he has had in the previous few months at Barcelona after losing his place in the European Champions starting line up, was singled out by "Les Bleus" for the most ferocious abuse.

Henry is a man who is the all time leading goalscorer with 51 goals, has won the World Cup for them in 1998 and won the European Championships in 2000. What more do these so called fans want from him?

Henry said after the game "It's the same story as usual and it's not the first time I've experienced that kind of situation at the Stade de France," Henry told reporters.

"I understand people who were eager for us to play well against Spain and, when you don't play well, you have to expect being jeered at. I don't know if I deserved that but there is nothing I can do."

Stick to the egg chasing.