{ At the Moment }

Neighborhood Story

2011-05-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

Here's my horribly plotless, meaningless, and depthless story about my interesting-less neighborhood:
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I know the sun is starting to set because we live on the west side of the condo, my desk always facing the sinking orange orb. In collaboration with our pale window curtains, the sun casts strange, long orange lines on my desk and homework. I also know I am a procrastinator, because I am arguing with my mom over who should go to print some of my pictures for an English class project out at FedEx Kinko’s. She says I am old enough. They are my pictures. I argue that I have too much homework (due to procrastination). I am too lazy.

In the end, I am armored with a thin sea-green jacket, a ten dollar bill in my jeans pocket. My mother wins because she is always right. My lack of time as an excuse rarely works. Somehow the elevator ride down seven floors seems too slow, as I listen to an intelligent voice announce the first floor. I step through my building’s revolving doors, whishwoosh-whishwoosh. The air is sweet, tangy with wafts of dark chocolate from a chocolate factory several blocks northeast. The May weather is nice, but I walk briskly to FedEx Kinko’s (wishing I had some Starbuck’s coffee first).

As I walk back home, I start across the street towards the fresh fish market. I stare longingly, for I want to eat some salmon. The May breeze blows a whiff of the wet, slimy smells of fish and the ocean while the CTA Halsted bus pulls up and blocks my view. When the bus has pulled away, I see several teenage boys attempting to pull tricks on their skateboards. They must be bringing back the skateboard trend, I muse, as I think back to several classmates of mine who have been regularly bringing skateboards to school.

After I get home, my mother has dinner ready. I help her clear the table, scoop two bowls of rice, and retrieve two pairs of chopsticks. With the rice and plates of veggies and meat steaming, I suddenly feel my appetite increasing. It is as if my stomach is endless, and I start to eat quite ferociously. My mother and I are both silent, and I know as always that my mother is thinking about what my father is eating right now.

Not long after, the silence is pierced by a shiver-inducing screeching noise followed by a short BOOM of crunching metal. Both my mother and I rush over to the window to find that there has been a crash between two black cars. One is sadly wedged between a pole and the fish market (somehow) and the other car is invisible in our angle of view. My mother and I go out onto our balcony for a closer look. I chuckle as I see that our neighbors on both sides are on their respective balconies as wells. Both cars are fairly crushed and damaged, and luckily no pedestrians were involved. My mother sighs. Crashes at this particular intersection have already happened several times in the past. Cars are too busy speeding down the slope of a bridge coming from around Grand Street to slow down at the Fulton-Halsted intersection. My mother and I then go back to our cooling dinners, chatting about my upcoming graduation.

A few months later, as I wait at the Halsted bus stop to go to swim team practice, I will notice that a stop sign has been placed at the intersection. And I will not witness another crash in the area for quite some time.

You know you're gold

2011-04-13T17:30:00.000-07:00

This time I shouldn't be presenting you any bullcrap (no guarantees) although AP's are coming up. Our blogpost this week is supposed to be an intellectual interpretation of a song that we picked.

"Z E B R A" - B E A C H H O U S E

You know you're gold, you don't got to worry none
Oasis child, born and so wild
Don't I know you better than the rest
All deception, all deception from you

Your love is stag in the white sand
Wilderness for miles, eyes so mild and wise
Don't I know you better than the rest
All deception, all deception from you

Any way you run, you run before us
Black and white horse arching among us
Any way you run, you run before us
Black and white horse arching among us

Your love is stag in the white sand
Oasis child born into a man
Don't I know you better than the rest
All deception, all deception from you

Wilderness for miles, eyes so mild and wise
Oasis child, born and so wild
Don't I know you better than the rest
All deception, all deception from you

Any way you run, you run before us
Black and white horse arching among us
Any way you run, you run before us
Black and white horse arching among us

(Sadly I have trouble understanding these lyrics myself. I mean, what was I thinking when I picked this song? It's not even my favorite, since all my favorite bands happen to be from Sweden and New Zealand and Australia and Ireland. And sadly Mr. McCarthy has to put up with my scrunchy handwriting and insufficient answers to the questions we got in class.)

Starting with the first line, "You know you're gold, you don't got to worry none" and repeated use of "oasis child" represents that the subject of this song, in the speaker's eyes, is a person born of life in a desert, precious and valuable like gold. The speaker is telling the subject "You know...you're like gold, so don't you worry". And like the images of a golden-grassed safari this song gives, the zebra ("black and white horse" could be representing a person) is wild. "Wild" can be interpreted as mysterious, exotic, special, different. "Don't I know you better than the rest" reads like a questions, meaning that the speaker knows the subject better than anyone else, but really the speaker doesn't know all that much about the subject because the zebra is deceptive. Zebras travel in herds, and their black-and-white stripes help them confuse predators because a color-blind lion will see a moving mass of stripes, or when a zebra is alone and standing still, the stripes mimic the tall grass. "Any way you run, you run before us" shows that the zebra is always ahead and out-of-reach, always mysterious and no one fully understands it. And if "among us" means among the other zebras, then "black and white horse" means that if everybody else were horses, then the zebra is slightly different but essentially the same (horses and zebras are of the same species). For a brief stanza or two with the lines "Oasis child born into a man" and "Wilderness for miles, eyes so mild and wise", the zebra metaphor is being compared to a human (a man's eyes are more likely to look wise than a zebra's).

In the end, "Zebra" could be a love song. Who knows? I think it means that, with the song's galloping beat and almost wistful voice, the speaker thinks the subject is a good and interesting person, with a seemingly wild/mysterious image. The speaker knows the subject most out of everyone, and is telling the subject that he/she is precious like gold and yet the subject still distances himself/herself from the speaker and everyone else.

On the Reservation

2011-03-24T21:50:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if it's good to be back...I think it means more homework on top of everything else. Hence I am presenting you some temporary bullcrap until I decide not be lazy and edit this post! (I have been reading too many Japanese comics. I just finished the five hundred thirty second chapter of a series today, meaning I read 532 chapters in less than a week! My record is 233 chapters in two days. Anyways...)

This week's topic is about the reservation, since we're reading Montana 1948 (I keep thinking it's 1984 instead of 1948). Reservations = Native American reservations, and I don't know anything about them beyond the fact that they are stupid. The reservations relocated the Native Americans, the rightful "Americans" of this land, to the worst, tiniest plots of land existing in the US. It was just the white people marching in with their superiority complex and their guns and decide like God that they must be better than everything on Earth because they have guns that go POWPOW and their skins are white (though really pinkish almost). They relocate the natives to reservation after reservation, and now they decide that everything's okay as long as they offer scholarships to students of Native American descent. I don't mean any offense to anybody, but every time I think about it I get irritated. People who call themselves Americans nowadays, these people who cling on so doggedly to their McDonald's double cheeseburgers and Glee, this supposed American culture...when these same Americans were the ones who crushed culture after culture as they eliminated Indian tribes.

America was and still is supposed to stand for justice and peace and equal rights. I didn't think that the Constitution could be subject to misinterpretation. It clearly states that "all men are created equal", and last time I checked, it didn't precede the phrase "and some are more equal than others". I guess I'm a bit off-topic and ranting now, but I get more and more disappointed as I learn more history.

(all due respect to white people and Native Americans)

-JY

Propaganda!

2011-02-20T20:27:00.001-08:00

I found this website while looking for some good propaganda. I think that the bottom right picture offends me most. It is a horrible depiction of Japanese people. It is propaganda, but it just goes to show that one of the things they try to use to make you dislike the enemy is to emphasize the differences in race, in skin color. I also found this, which people thought was Chinese propaganda for the Cultural Revolution. It's similar, but only in the picture that's on the cover. The title of the book doesn't relate to the Cultural Revolution at all. Also, I thought this was pretty funny/ironic as well as this.

Anyways, I guess I'm back to the Cultural Revolution. Off topic, but today I went to a Buddhist temple in Bridgeport (I'm gladly agnostic/atheist thankyouverymuch) where they conducted the entire service full of Chinese old ladies in Mandarin and Cantonese. I feel extra-connected to my culture today. (Don't you like this picture? It has great colors!) But don't yell at me about how it isn't relevant to 2011 today. Because in some ways, it can be.

Nowadays, everybody is living in urban areas, especially in China. The majority of China is sparsely populated with mountains and deserts. China has 26 urban areas with more than 2 million inhabitants, and 52 with more than 1 million. However, two-thirds of the people live in rural areas and work as farmers. In Japan, because of development and the changing ideals of society, women are finding more options besides staying home and birthing babies. Women can choose to not get married, maintain a professional work life. In some rural areas in Japan (more than three-fourths of all Japanese live in urban areas and work at industrial or service jobs) there can be one or two kids in one entire school. There are more elderly than there are young people, and soon enough, in more developed countries like Japan, there won't be enough young people in the work force to support the country. Japan is very strict with immigration and allowing immigrants to become naturalized. By supporting agriculture and counterurbanization like this propaganda poster advertises, there will be more awareness of the situation in rural areas.

...

(taken from An Introduction to Human Geography by James M. Rubenstein)

Hi. This is syd speaking. I have taken over Jy's blogpost for the time being. Mwahahahahahaha.

Did you know that in seventh grade, she was a boy for one lunch period? :P

-JY
(by the way, what Syd said is not true...)

Black Boy Response

2011-02-13T21:52:00.000-08:00

So... I know nothing about hip-hop or anything like that. Black Boy, I do know, and I think that it almost frustrates me. It's good, very good, and I enjoy reading it immensely (just not the taking notes part). What bugs me a little is the way Richard Wright narrates seems emotionless, detached from the situation. Of all memories, I would think that emotions attached to these memories and events would be strong and clear. It's not like he's refraining from adding emotions into it because he feels this way as an adult after looking back to these events in his life. Richard never really expresses anger towards his mother, or anger/frustration in the way Aunt Addie treats him, or annoyance towards his grandmother. (He does threaten to kill Aunt Adde with a knife, but only because he didn't want to be beaten.) These people are just as they are--jerks--and while I'm sitting at my desk mad at people in his life like Aunt Addie, Richard just goes along with everything. I'm not sure if this is because his job writing this book is to recount his life in facts.

Overall, I love the honesty of everything. There are many times where I cringed, but I like that he's brutally honest, and doesn't hesitate to use the "N-word". He talks of race and other issues like God freely, and that makes me like the book even more.

JY

The Hunger for Attention

2011-02-03T15:41:00.000-08:00

Richard Wright's hunger for attention is extreme, I guess, in comparison to how I was as a little attention-hogging kid. I never did anything dangerous or rebellious like him, but I guess this is because my parents taught me better, and because I'm a girl. I still recall being a complete show-off in the presence of guests. When I was in Japan, I used to be very chirpy and sang Japanese songs with a plastic flashlight as a microphone whenever my parents invited colleagues, friends, professors and such. The guests loved me, they gave me gifts frequently. :D

Even now I do things because of that deep down wanting attention. I don't admit this to myself, and these actions are much more subtle. But nowadays, I also try to be noticed by being good at skill sets that I work hard to improve. Take piano, for example. I've been playing piano for about seven years, and even though I don't want to be labeled as a show-off, deep inside I sometimes hope people ask me to play something if a piano is nearby. After so many years of hard work, nobody knows that I can play the piano (much less how "well" I can play the piano) and I'm just dying to hear praise coming out of someone's mouth. At least, that was how I used to be with the piano. A year ago, I finally discovered that child prodigies truly exist, and that no matter how good you may think you are, there's always someone better than you. That deflated my self-esteem (you can't even imagine), but the want for attention is still there when I am in the presence of those that aren't learned in music.

In my case, I crave praise because my parents are always criticizing me. In Richard Wright's case, he is curious, he wants attention, but most importantly I think he wants some affection from his mother. He never blames her for beating him, or for treating him harshly, and he acts rebellious and does things that will force his mom not to act kindly to him. Underneath, Richard's mom is trying to teach Richard a lesson, but Richard almost understands why he was wrong in doing what he did. I can understand if Richard allows himself to be hurt for the sake of one day having his mom realize herself that she's wrong in treating him so harshly.

JY

PS Happy Chinese New Year 2011!

Reader Response 2

2011-01-20T20:40:00.000-08:00

I don't have a particular favorite this week. I thought that the Walden excerpt was pretty cool, after dissecting his ramblings. However, I really disliked Civil Disobedience, because I couldn't understand it at all. All the articles were really interesting too, and offered lots of insight into what being an American means to them. I liked How it Feels to be Colored Me because Zora reminded me of my friend, especially with the quote "Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It's beyond me." Zora has a distinctive voice that kind of reminds me of Daisy from The Great Gatsby. The only exception would be the article by Baldwin, because I couldn't really understand him well either. I liked On being a Mexican American for its crossroads metaphor... (Some of the others were long, like the MLK letter--the reason why I didn't take notes on all of the articles.)

On to the actual post: I am responding to American Dreamer by Bharati Mukherjee. She makes very contemporary points about immigrants vs. Americans, and strips these problems down to ugly truths that everyone denies and which no one wants to here. Most importantly, I find myself relating to her a lot.

Honestly, I can rant about many points she brings up in her article. It's always been "white people" vs. me. (In Japan it wasn't a problem--there were Indians and Caucasians and they were not discriminated against. Tells you a lot about the US, doesn't it?) After all these years of being looked down, you end up finding so much disgust and anger at the pit of your stomach. Why can't you just accept me for who I am? I carry my cultural baggage, yes, but in terms of human beings with feelings and basic rights, we are all the same.

In my family, it's always been "us" against "them", like Mukherjee says. My parents tell me specifically to spread my horizons and make friends with white kids. Also, when they get billings asking for payments they don't need to pay, they blame it on the white people. "What racism!" they mutter. "Just trying to bully you." There are other instances in the car, where you can encounter limitless amounts of jerks driving flashy cars. Whenever they get beeped or shot a dirty look at for "driving too slow", they say, "Bet you those guys are white people." They later add, "Or black!" These remarks may seem unreasonable, and it makes my parents look like they are the ones being racist, but even though I don't like to admit it, I think in many cases, it is a concept of "us" vs. "them". The Americans pit you against them, and we pit the Americans against us.

Also, one day on the way home from school, an African American man with graying hair, frazzled clothes and beard was riding a dirty bike on Madison, by Racine. There are interesting shops there, and turning my head away from the windows showed me that the man was riding up to me and I was in his way. So I quickly swerved to the right, and as he rode towards my direction he yelled, "Get out of my ----ing way, you ----ing -----." I tried not to take this guy seriously, but I was seriously insulted. What did I ever do to him?

And as for the Americans wanting to bar immigration, I think it is very hypocritical and stupid. American has always been and still is Ellis Island to immigrants. You come to America for a better future, and that is what the US has been advertising for a long time. We are proud nowadays to say we go to diverse schools and whatnot. Plus, Americans were once immigrants too. Except no one wants to acknowledge the fact that we pushed the Native Americans out of their land and no matter how many scholarships you give to outstanding students of Native American descent, it doesn't erase anything. Besides, it's not everyone else's fault that Mexicans keep migrating into the US illegally. Furthermore, it is no one's fault that apparently immigrants are stealing American jobs. Maybe it's because you lack skill.

I promised myself I wouldn't rant. Here I am now, having ranted. I am disappointed in myself, but I couldn't help it. Life is a jerk. Overall, Mukherjee's article says that even though there is a supposed "melting pot" and "mosaic" in America and Canada, there are still divisions among the cultures, with Caucasians in the center on a podium surrounded by bulletproof glass. Even though we are here in America for a better future, there is a divide of "us" vs. "them". It shouldn't exist, and by rejecting her Asian-American hyphenation, Mukherjee says that is it her demand for equal deliverance of the promises of the American dream and its Constitution. Afterall, we are all here for the same reasons.

King Still King?

2011-01-13T21:20:00.000-08:00

Come Monday, we will observe Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, in memory of one of the greatest civil rights activists, a heroic leader in the history of modern American liberalism. A prominent figure in the African American civil rights movement, he led the 1955 Montgomery Bus Boycott and in 1964, was the youngest person ever to receive the Nobel Peace Prize. He devoted his whole life, which ended in assassination, to end racial discrimination and segregation. All for what?

One thing a human being cannot avoid is being biased. Even though no one admits to it today, we are still racist/discriminating in some way. We hold stereotypes against others, and even ourselves. ("You're Asian, why didn't you get a 100 on that test?" or "That was some Indian dude driving that taxi.") We joke around, I joke around, but after all the laughter has died down, I can't help but feel a little... hurt? Offended? Annoyed? We don't mean to, but we discriminate, and that's that. Furthermore, we'd like to believe that America is the boiling pot, a welcoming place for immigrants. But I'd always thought this pot was just a little too hot--be prepared to be scalded at any moment.

[Jiayin's life story] I myself am an immigrant. Not second generation, not first. I migrated here along with my parents, from China to Japan, and then to the US. My story isn't unique at all--in some ways it doesn't differ from the Mexicans' or the Filipinos'. My parents had great jobs in China, truthfully speaking. We didn't emigrate for economic reasons, they emigrated for my future. Not only are we not as well-off as we would've been if we stayed in China, in the so-called melting pot, we are being looked down on. You can't prove that they don't like you because you're foreign, but it's just a feeling that you get. My parents don't speak the best English, and have gone through plenty of uncomfortable situations because all people did was look down on them, and never genuinely tried to help them. As for me, maybe it was because I was the new kid in first grade, but I think primarily because I couldn't speak English, a bunch of kids in first grade decided to steal my color pencils every. single. day. (I shall refrain from mentioning the race.) I had to take them back every single day, and what could I do? I didn't even know what came first: A or B or C? I didn't know Chinese, and who in the world spoke Japanese in Bridgeport? [/Jiayin's life story]

Apart from a sort of social discrimination, I'd like to generalize by mentioning immigration laws. I'm not talking about the Mexican-US border laws and the Whatever-whatever Act granting citizenship to illegal Mexican children. (It bugs me that no one knows much about immigration outside of Mexicans.) Anyways, as immigrants, you come with a visa status, and if you want to stay, you have to apply for visa status changes, and then ultimately, your Green Card, making you a permanent alien resident. Because we are Chinese (or Asian, whichever), we have to wait a very long time for our Green Card (as well as forms that have to be approved of in between--currently it is backed up in 2005). Whereas other races (minorities) don't have to wait in line like we Chinese people and Indians do. I understand that they do this because there are lots of us, but it doesn't make sense to me. Not only is it backed up to 2005, sometimes they backtrack further. And along the way, they reject many, many Green Card applications. Once your visa runs out, you have to leave. However, I don't want to say anything more about this, because I am "only a kid" and I can only know so much about all this legal schnazz.

But Why? Isn't it obvious they are trying to draw the line? They are rejecting many applications and backing up the line such that if the forms don't approve in time of the visas, people will have to leave. If we are all equal, why do we have to go through so much trouble? Why do people who are born here get automatic citizenship? How can it be that easy? And ultimately (though unreasonable as this question is) ~~why don't they just force all the African Americans back to Africa?~~

I'm just upset that here, we have a bunch of corrupt CEOs playing games with the market, while the US Immigration Department goes through Chinese applications based on how much this person will contribute to the country. We as immigrants have to go through a sort of social injustice (and social trauma in my case--do you know how much I love those color pencils?) in this so-called melting pot where immigrants get to start over and live a better life. I don't understand why we are so bent upon differentiating ourselves. (In the words of Mr. Wallace, "Chinese people can't differentiate their /l/'s and /r/'s!") Is feeling superior necessary?

We are not all equal, and it bugs me. It bugs me a lot.

Reader Response

2011-01-06T19:33:00.000-08:00

So... [insert awkward moment here]

I really liked the To Be Young, Talented and Black excerpt (p. 770-773) by Lorraine Hansberry (even more than I liked the We are Ugly, But We are Here) because it was really colorful. Not in the kind of The Great Gatsby colorful, but in the sense that it painted a vivid idea in my head what Hansberry's life was like back then.

I can't really put into words why I liked it so much. (I need to learn how to ramble in circles like Syd here. Of course, in the nicest way possible.)

Is it weird that I liked it because her writing style is one that I aspire to develop mine into? I wish I could write meaningful sentences ("Why was it important to take a small step, a teeny step, or the most desired of all--one GIANT step?"). Ones that imply meaning instead of explicitly stating them. ("...we were better than no one but infinitely better than everyone...") Ones that could be little stories on their own, trailing off and leaving the reader with a 'Huh.' moment (kind of like an 'Ohhhh.' moment; "You are not a person--you are a nuisance who is not particular fun anymore. Consequently, you swiftly learned to play alone.")

Even though she talks of the vanity required to write a memoir, even though every section seems like she is just giving you a glimpse of her life, they come along with some sort of implied meaning. Her writing is simplistic and soulful.

Maybe I should stop here, before I start saying things that will make me yell, "You're so stupid. Why don't you just shut up?" to myself later, when I go back and reread this. Point is, I like it, and I hope to read the rest of the book sometime soon.

-JY

PS: I'm sure no one cares, but that banner at the top of this page? Yeah, I made it. :D Just wanted to point that out, before it goes down for the new year.
Temporary Link for Mr. McCarthy: Indigoe Timms

The Temper Trap

2010-12-15T19:49:00.000-08:00

The Temper Trap:
I have to admit, I don't know a lot of indie bands. Frankly, I don't really know what I have in my iTunes.

That was a lie.

I do know what I have in iTunes--except they don't happen to be English songs (KPop and JPop...go for some culture shock with Alice Nine [アリス九號。] and KAT-TUN !).

Band: The Temper Trap
Genre: alternative rock
Discography: "Conditions" 2009 (plus a remix album)

But anyways, I do recommend you go on the Wikipedia page, since I think it can explain the band better than I can. Basically, it is an Australian band whose members met in college. I'm not sure if I should call them indie, afterall, they just debuted with their first album, but their single "Sweet Disposition" has already won numerous awards. To top it off, it has been featured in commercials (Project Runway) and movies (500 Days of Summer). I believe they also performed at Lollapalooza this summer. This makes me want to cry, since I wish I knew about it and went.

I'm not exactly sure what Wikipedia meant by "atmospheric sound" or what grand guitars are, but I absolutely love their instrumentals. (They remind me of U2! Yay!) I think that the band and its style won't appeal to everyone. A lot of my friends listen to popular music (I put my hands up in the air sometimes), the Beatles and other acoustic-y and strum-y guitar songs, and rock. No one I know nods at me knowingly when I mention U2 (they give me the same face they gave me when I mentioned chocolate candy canes to them last year) or share the same love for Modest Mouse as I do. Of course, Temper Trap is neither U2, nor Modest Mouse.

(Ugh. I spent about an hour times 3.2 trying to figure out that player above...) I'm recommending the whole album because it is just so awesome (in my opinion, of course). Tracks 1, 2, and 4 (3, 6, and 9 on the album, respectively) are singles, and "Fools" I just love. Check out the lyrics--they aren't about love exactly, nor are they weird, weird lyrics. The songs tell a story, and though the messages are easy to understand, there's always a deeper meaning to them if you think about it.

Overall, I really like the "atmospheric" sound to them, if that's what it means. They don't use a lot of synth or whatever, but they use some, and it really adds a nice touch. The lead singer's voice is pretty nice as well, with a strong nasal sound.

Thank goodness I'm not doing a video review. I think I would've blubbered and blabbed about the same things over and over again. And if anyone's interested, you guys should check out Passion Pit and Robyn too.(Sleepyhead by Passion Pit and Robyn's Body Talk Pt. 1 album. -smiley face-)

-JYT

Jay and Nick

2010-12-09T20:37:00.000-08:00

Mr. McCarthy: I am currently working on a jazz piece by Gershwin that I hope to put up soon. Just by-the-way.

I think that in an alternate universe, Jay Gatsby and Nick Carraway would've been the best of buddies, and in the words of Iemaan, like a fat kid and cake. In many ways they are similar, except this pairing doesn't quite work out. (Haha, I sound like I'm talking about Jay and Nick's gay love-child. So wrong...)

I haven't read far, but already Jay seems extremely suspicious in the way he lies about his past (oh yes, San Francisco is in the Middle West--I would expect more from an "Oxford man"), in the way he and Wolfsheim somehow have "gonnegtions", and exactly how he earned his money. In comparison, Nick says he is the most honest man he has ever known, and while that is debatable, in this case this statement is not hard to believe.

Similarly, both Jay and Nick are the "new moneys" trying fit into an "old money" society. Both of them seem to draw people towards themselves like lighthouses in a storm. Nick calls himself a "politician", while we know from Nick that Gatsby tends to observe his hectic and lavish parties from a distance (most likely hoping Daisy and Tom would show up).

However, so far, it is obvious that Gatsby and Nick's so-called friendship is fake. Gatsby wants what he doesn't have (Daisy) no matter the cost, and he intends to get her through Nick. And so he does, and after an extremely awkward moment their love seems to be rekindled. (Though personally, I don't think it's going to work out...)

A Winter Poem

2010-12-02T22:31:00.000-08:00

(Pretend this is morning, not night.)

when the world turns white
i think i am in a different
dimension
but it is just white powder
that has spilled over
everything
the sky
the ground
the trees
i know
even though i haven't
left this hearth of mine

i like to think that
the trees are carefully lined
in whipped cream
the roads drizzled
in chocolate syrup
the houses decorated
in multi-colored sprinkles
i don't know
but i rush out
in my pajamas
to observe this
peculiar new taste
on my tongue

and what sort of fetish
has overtaken me?

Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T11:12:00.000-08:00

(I just have to add, as a side note, that Sydney's comment about the crank to feedback ratio makes sense. I cranked out that excerpt for that last blog post, and as much as I appreciate Mia's comment, it's not enough to tell me what exactly I can improve on.)

I give thanks to...

S E R I N A : She helps me in classes and is nice to talk to. Whenever I have problems, I talk to her and she gives me advice. She explains things to me, and helps me out all the time (turning papers in for me along with hers, letting me borrow her calculator). I appreciate even the littlest things she does for me, and for her consideration of me. Just thanks in general, for being an awesome chemistry partner.

H E L E N : Helen is like my own personal Sparknotes. Whenever I have troubles understanding something in Scarlet Letter, I can ask her about them. And if neither of us understand something, we figure it out together. She's always really nice about everything, and I admire her piano-playing skillsss.

M I A & J E N N Y : They both are very cool people that I happen to sit between. They are so fun to talk to, and make me laugh. And so just for that, I am thankful for them.

I am a Plow...

2010-11-18T19:25:00.001-08:00

I have decided not to personify myself as the plow or anything like that. Or describe the plow, for that matter. Though it may be a bit off-topic, my thought process is as goes: "I am a plow" > "what if the plow wanted to be a butterfly, or water, or wanted to be used?" > "we all want something we don't have or to be something we are not" > "sometimes, the things we want most are the things we'll never get".

(Brielle is the main character's older sister. And please do not steal, as this excerpt will go into my NaNoWriMo.)

I Need I Need - Class Needs

2010-11-11T20:19:00.000-08:00

(The title happens to be some random song that popped into my head. I think it might be HSM2 O_O )

I like American Lit class. The atmosphere is very informal and everyone seems to respect each other. I can write whatever I want in my journals and in my blog posts. As long as I put some effort into it and write, I get a 100% (insert smiley face). We don't have a ridiculous ultimate-AP grading scale and we don't have to do ridiculous things like having to copy and define vocab words by ourselves.

I tend to be a very introverted (shy doesn't sound quite right...) person, so even though I don't participate in class discussions, I like listening. People tend to have really good ideas, sometimes they make me feel dumb and uncreative.

But I think that what we need is to write more. Not just essays, but stories that help us wield our creative minds and develop good vocabulary (outside of the vocab book). I guess I just find it really hard to force myself to write in my free time, because I don't have free time anymore, and also because I don't really have much to write (art class is draining all my creative juices). I tend to be very self-critical, and currently I dislike my writing style because I don't like my current vocabulary, and it in general doesn't really apeal to me anymore. Journals are nice, I guess, but sometimes I don't have anything to write about, and I don't have enough time or spur-of-the-moment creativity to make my response into a story excerpt and/or beginning.

A five-page short story would be nice. Haha, as much as I dislike homework...

-JY

The Presence of Slavery

2010-11-04T20:25:00.000-07:00

Currently, I'm taking AP Human Geography, and even though the class is hard, in these two months, I've already learned a lot. Lesson is, it's given me a better understanding of the world and its people.

As soon as I was given this topic, I immediately knew: illegal immigrants.

Employers like employing immigrants because they can take advantage of them. They can pay them low wages, not have to give them regular benefits like retirement plans, and threaten them with deportation if they are troublesome or incompetent. Unlike slavery, in this case, immigrants are benefitted too--even though they are working for what we think of as low wages; it keeps them out of poverty (the state they would've been in if not for the illegal migration).

And I find it a little weird that when people think 'racism' most people only think of black versus white. But there are lots other combinations, and lots of other kinds of prejudices. I think that that itself resembles slavery, because there was a certain prejudice at that time, which put someone/something over somone/something else. Men versus women, Christians versus Jews...

Our world is so messed up.

-JY

Why We Must Learn about Puritans:

2010-10-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

Nathaniel Hawthorne was of Puritan descent, and if we all haven't figured out yet, Puritans happen to follow a set of strict guidelines we find ridiculous today.Two of Nathaniel's ancestors happen to be involved in religious persecution, one of them a judge known for giving harsh punishments during the Salem Witch Trials. Boo.

His family’s name originally was Hathorne, but to avoid tying himself to his violent ancestors he later added the “w”.

It started off when Nathaniel injured his leg and had to remain immobile for a very long period of time, during which he developed a taste for reading and thinking.

His wealthy uncles helped pay him into Bowdoin College, where he made many famous friends, like Franklin Pierce and Henry W. Longfellow. Later in life, he befriended Herman Melville, who wrote Moby-Dick.

After being dismissed as surveyor from the Custom House in Salem, he wrote The Scarlet Letter.

Salem at that time of his book was primarily occupied by the Puritans, who had tried to isolate themselves from outside ideas, but failed, obviously, because Hester Prynne was not executed literally.

Though we may now think that Puritan religion is ridiculous and harsh, Puritan ethics are very much prevalent in our society now. Many people in our society strive to have and practice good morals; to work hard and have self-discipline to achieve salvation. Laws were made to be broken, but they were also made to dispose of/correct those who strayed from the path of Puritan ethics. Or in more general terms, we are all seeking rewards for righteous, hard work. For those that do not, they can spend their happy lives in jail or in Hell.

As for Hester Prynne, she was merely humiliated and shunned for committing adultery. Nowadays, adultery is not a crime, but it isn’t going to get onto the List of Morally-Correct Things anytime soon.

I think Puritan roots can be found in many other places, but ultimately, Puritanism has taught us an uncommon common sense: stick to your morals, and work hard.

-JY

I'm American?

2010-10-21T21:02:00.000-07:00

The definition of "American" depends on the person you're talking to. Frankly, I'm not quite sure myself (hence the uncertainty in my title). But I guess when I evaluate myself, I have to decide that I'm not American.

Boohoo. Whatever. For legal reasons, I'm not an American. We're currently in the (ridiculously) looong process of getting a Green Card (which means I can't travel abroad or anything like that, or go overseas for vacation). I can't even mention anything about my currently non-existant American citizenship.

Although I have adopted some American habits like the 5-second rule, or the fact that I now am not afraid to sit on the ground, or to plop down on the very dirty floor in Gym B. I don't think sweets and snacks were as sickeningly sweet as I used to find them (though they are still too sweet, and I still hate angel food cake).

Including my dislike for angel food cake, I also do not like eating pears/apples with their skins, and I still think potato chips are toooo salty.

But besides food likes/dislikes, there are other weird habits I've come grown used to, and ones I have not. I still have Asian parents with Asian "connections"--meaning they yell at me about the littlest faults on Edline, they decide they want me to do SAT/ACT practice problems everyday, and they go psycho over the fact that I still try to maintain a social life (even though I'm already biting off more than I can chew). I guess it's racist/stereotypical for me to say this, because these are not necessarily Asian-parent qualities. But I feel like our customs and values are so different. I may have picked up some American ideals/habits, but does it necessarily mean I'm American?

I guess those with kind of a vague, open, and welcoming definition of "American" would probably say I am, but sadly I don't quite see myself living up to that kind of image.

A Death in Result

2010-10-07T19:55:00.000-07:00

The only time someone got in trouble because I didn't want to confess was when I decided to throw an orange at someone's head during lunch.

Although at first, thinking about it, it seems ridiculous that people with their own selfish needs end up making a small disagreement into someone's death. But I've gotten people to ignore me for weeks over something incredibly stupid (and it wasn't even my fault!), so I know better.

Another case would be a fight to death. Unless the other person dies, you don't win, and you don't stop. I find that extremely ridiculous, but then again, I don't feel satisfied winning fights unless I've crushed the other person (in some cases their dignity) so much that they apologize. Sincerely.

I think that saying that fighting to death is ridiculous now is so much easier, because when it comes down to it, we're hypocrites. We've all got on the wrong pants, but we don't care. When I'm against someone, I want total defeat, total victory. There's never a "oh, thanks for apologizing insincerely--I don't really care, so I'll just let it go" moment. When we fight, we want a clear cut decision. And when that doesn't happen, someone dies. Because after all, first and foremost, once you're dead, you lose! (And after that, we take into consideration that you're actually no longer alive.)

It's not a matter of how your opponent's kids are going to avenge their relative's defeat, but because if you don't get rid of them completely, they'll just keep coming back. Things are awkward, and most importantly, they'll stay up late every night, devising tricks and stupid comebacks (that are so stupid you can't think of a good rebut) and someday they'll spring up and defeat you when you least expect it. They'll laugh at your humiliation and step all over you.

Haha, no thanks.

Hero or Stooge?

2010-09-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

The Crucible (Penguin Classics)
So we happen to be reading The Crucible right now, in which the extremely obnoxious Abigail tries to get rid of John Proctor's wife so that she can continue her affair with him. John Proctor dies in the end because of Obnoxious Abigail (funny, since Abigail set this all up to get Proctor, but she makes him die in the end). Under normal circumstances, he would've died a hero, a martyr. But because this situation was completely stupid, I think he died a stooge.

He was the one that made the whole play interesting. Without him, there wouldn't have been an affair with Abigail, who wouldn't have tried to kill Elizabeth Proctor in the first place. Therefore, it makes sense that he was a stooge, his death created a juicy ending for the story, and he was in the plot all along just to make things interesting.

If the whole "children are innocent!" thing was part of the Puritan's belief, than I couldn't possibly say that the situation was that stupid because it's their religion, their belief. But it was only a general stereotype of children at that time, and both Rebecca Nurse and Proctor knew that the girls were pretending. Furthermore, Proctor waited at the last moment to tell the court of his secret affair, when the girls had so much attention and power over the adults. Not to mention, before he was killed, he did lie and confess. Why? What for? To make an attempt to save your butt, just to give your life away?

As I was reading this, I was literally groaning in frustration. Abigail and the whole situation annoys me so much. And the saddest thing is, stupid things like this happen all the time.

-JY

26-Handed God

2010-09-23T21:43:00.000-07:00

So..."Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God"... Before I say anything, let's start with this: I believe in no god. (I wouldn't say atheist or agnostic, because there are always those cuckoos out there who have some weird radical definition for the said terms, and then they'll come and get me with their stolen snipers. No thanks.) In fact, sometimes I like saying "oh gods" because Greek/Roman mythology is really cool, and because I can!

If I were to listen to Jonathan Edwards preach to me everyday about how God is such a sadist, I would be scared. I would be afraid, such that I'd have no thought of rebelling. I would probably hate God in my mind, and hate Jonathan Edwards, and I would most likely disagree with him. If at most I ended up believing in God, I would think that God is pure and loving, and I wouldn't be so conceited as to think that I'm pre-destined to go to heaven.

Personally, I don't know how I would've survived back then living a life like that. Being so restricted, wanting to escape, yet not being able to (because you would've died from the wilderness). I hate being told what to do, hate not being able to say what I want to say, hate not being allowed to be ethical and smart. In other words, back then, in that kind of society, I would've floated like a cork in water.

I just find it a bit ironic that the Puritans were the ones who immigrated to America to escape religious prosecution, yet they were the ones who ended up prosecuting/killing people who weren't as insane as them.

I think that a lot of Puritans weren't Puritans, that they were just putting up a facade in order to avoid being killed. But with me the way I am today, with freedom of speech, religion, and all that jazz, I would rather commit suicide or something than live in that kind of society. I think I'd feel better dead than to have to put up with the Puritans and their religion. And maybe, just maybe, based on their belief, I might just go straight to heaven.

How depressing.

-JY

There Goes the Neighborhood

2010-09-16T18:41:00.000-07:00

Personally, the only "There goes the neighborhood..." moment I've had was when the woman living two floors above us decided to remodel her bathroom and therefore now causes the pipes to leak everytime she takes a shower. But thinking on a bigger scale, I realize that the foreign invasion of Asia was a real kind of "Oh shoot me NOW." I read about it today again in The Piano Tuner by Daniel Mason, of British India and Burma.

Starting at the beginning with Christopher Columbus' "India", I personally don't like him very much. Or more precisely, I don't like his fame. (I am not jealous.) Although he is the reason why we are all here, and why corn exists in Europe, I dislike the fact that we celebrate him in America even though he didn't discover the present day US. I dislike that he was the cause of smallpox spreading to the Native Americans, and that he came as a missionary to convert them to Christianity. Most people don't care much because all this is offset by the fact that we exist here in America today and whatnot. In comparison, Hitler accomplished a lot in his reign, like the creation of Volkswagen, jet propulsion, and laid a foundation in genetic engineering. But we don't remember him for those things, do we?

Columbus coming to the Americas was like genocide. Genocide like Hitler, genocide like Rwanda. He even came out to explore for treasure; he purposely said he was out to seize the wealth of others. In the end, however, no one cares about that.

As for colonialization of Asia, I'm starting off with the British rule of India in 1847 to 1856. First of all, I don't understand why, if India was already a country at that point, a bunch of white people decided to come in and take countrol. Was it a race issue? That because people were white they were superior to others? James Dalhousie who was the governor-general (a system of ruling) at that time, insulted Muslims and Hindus by using sacred cow and pig fat to lubricate bullets cartridges that had to be bit open, and annexed princely states and regions.

European penetration of China comes as a pretty personal thing for me, since I'm Chinese. China was split up between so many European countries. On top of that, the British got many Chinese people hooked unto opium. Countries fought over China and reduced it to rubble and chaos. The whole history is long, confusing, and just plain insulting.

At the end of the day, countries fight and invade each other--that was reality back then and even today. I'm only voicing my opinions (aka ranting). Columbus-was-an-idiot or not and China's-Old-Summer-Palace-was-looted-and-burned-to-ashes or not, we're here today, and that's all that matters.

-a piece of JY

Me.

2010-09-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

My name is ~~Bob~~ Jiayin Tang.

I dislike writing essays and such because I sound stupid. Informal writings are good, and I like writing random things. (Just random things; don't ask me to expand on that.)

I used to swim. I swam at a club for 7th and 8th grade. I should almost be considered good (obviously, I'm better than the average person), except I was three seconds too slow to qualify for regionals in my 50 breast. I joined cross country in 8th grade, because I thought it would help condition me for swim team. It did, but I ended up liking running more than swimming (and for other reasons), so now I'm running instead of swimming.

I play piano. I should say that I'm good (I've been learning for seven years now), but since I have low self-esteem, I'll say that I'm not. I've seen way too many child prodigies on YouTube, who are such great confidence boosters.

I like reading.

"Inception" was really good.

I'm a very nit-picky and factual person. I hate it when people brag to me that the only thing they managed to learn on the piano is "Mary had a Little Lamb". And then they go on and tell me all the wrong notes for said song. Why would you brag to me something you failed at? I also hate it when people say that "Apologize" was written by Timbaland, featuring OneRepublic. My friends, it is exactly the other way around. In other words, I am a perfectionist.

I always have some sort of "interest of the moment". Maybe today I'll want to learn how to work with Adobe Illustrator CS5, but the next day I might be interested in springboard diving. Commitment comes as a hard concept for me, I admit, because of my fleeting obsessions and the fact that I'm afraid I'm going to fail. I told my mom that I wanted to be a doctor and she agreed to buy me a new piano.

I'm too honest. Translation: I'm really blunt. But I'll only tell you the shocking truth if I know you well enough.

-JY