DYO CHUA MV

The Concept of Intimacy among Married Couples

2024-09-23T22:04:00.000-07:00

INTRODUCTION

Movies have soundtracks, many of which become hit songs. Historic events such as the Olympics and World Youth Day, to name a few, have theme songs. And even in politics, there is music in the form of jingles and campaign songs. One reason for this is music connects (Ballantyne et al., 2014); (Boer & Abubakar, 2014); (Papinczak et al., 2015) and unites people. In other words, music builds human relationships.

People coming from different walks of life would come together when their favorite artists perform in concerts. They may have their reasons, but one obvious reason is that their favorite artists will be performing live, and they want to witness it. They can then sing along while their favorite songs are performed. Indeed, music connects and unites people and so builds human relationships. And since marriage is one of the most intimate human relationships (Laurenceau et al., 2005), it is never surprising to know married couples have theme songs.

Music is linked with emotions such as a feeling of happiness or even sadness (Liljeström et al., 2013) and people use it as an instrument to regulate their emotions (Thoma et al., 2012); (Cook et al., 2019). But music also helps people feel closer to each other (Demos et al., 2012); (Harris et al., 2020). It plays an important role in the formation and maintenance of social relationships (Wuttke-Linnemann et al., 2019). This shows that there is a link between music and intimacy.

Intimacy is one reason why people get married (Schaefer & Olson, 1981); (Kamali et al., 2020). And marriage is said to be functioning well when there is intimacy (Laurenceau et al., 2005). This must be true for one key feature of an exclusive relationship such as marriage, is intimacy (LaMotte et al., 2017). According to a study among newly wedded couples, intimacy is increased when both husbands and wives perceive their conflict behaviors as reinforcing and less punishing (LaMotte et al., 2017); (Khalifian & Barry, 2020). But music can play an important role in couples dealing with conflicts, for a study shows that music played in people’s environment can influence helping behavior (North et al., 2004); (Guéguen et al., 2010). This affirms that the concept of intimacy among married couples can be linked to their theme songs.

There are a few studies already conducted about people in exclusive relationships having theme songs or couple-defining songs (CDSs), the reason for couples having these special songs has not been empirically investigated (Harris et al., 2020) so, this current study is an attempt to contribute to it. But it will deal only with married couples to explore what is their concept of intimacy based on their theme songs.

Materials and Methods

The researcher used the term theme songs in this paper though other researchers used couple-defining songs or CDSs in referring to special songs by people in exclusive relationships. And in this current study, purposive sampling was done in choosing the song samples and so only theme songs by married persons were used in the study. Of the thirty-one (31) married persons who responded to the survey questionnaire, only thirteen (13) provided their theme songs. These thirteen (13) songs were then used as the final samples to be analyzed.

Thematic analysis was employed in dealing with the song samples. This method is for “for identifying, analyzing, and reporting patterns (themes) within data” (Braun & Clarke, 2006). So, using this method, the lyrics of song samples were treated as qualitative data equivalent to answers by the respondents if they were asked about their concept of intimacy as married couples. In using thematic analysis, the lyrics of the song samples were carefully studied to find significant patterns or themes about the concept of intimacy.

More specifically, in finding patterns or themes in the lyrics, Braun & Clarke’s six-phase framework was employed when doing thematic analysis. In doing this a thorough analysis may be achieved and the concept of intimacy by the married couples who responded to the survey questionnaire be abstracted from the lyrics of their theme songs even without asking them to explain it. And so, the lines from the lyrics of the song samples that expressed ideas of intimacy were carefully selected. Then, from those selected lines, themes or patterns were abstracted. From these themes, the concept of intimacy by married couples based on their theme songs was revealed.

Moreover, this study is aimed at contributing to the limited scientific sources about why couples have theme songs, but in a more specific area, it is focused on their concept of intimacy concerning those songs. The result of research investigating the phenomenon of couple-defining songs that proved there is a link between the relationship of a couple with their song (Harris et al., 2020) motivated the researcher to work on this study. By working on this, the researcher also hopes to convince other researchers to explore the topic of intimacy by people who are in exclusive relationships.

Another reason why this current study is significant to the researcher is because he is a songwriter himself. Finding out the concept of intimacy by married couples based on their theme songs may be a way to inspire songwriters to write songs that can be used as theme songs. This will also contribute to giving importance to the value of music in human relationships. However, it must be made clear that this study is only the first of a series.

Results and Discussion

After doing a thematic analysis of the lyrics of the song samples, the one that stood out as the dominant theme and can now be used as a reference to the concept of intimacy by married couples revolves around “physical presence for each other”. It is worth noting, however, that the theme “my life depends on you” is also a significant result. Another theme that is of significance as well is “staying both in good and bad times”.

In the song Angels Brought Me Here, the lines that express that intimacy revolves around “physical presence for each other” are as follows:

When I look into your eyes…

And if you could feel the tenderness, I feel…

Standing here before you…

Right here in front of you…

From the song God Gave Me You the lines are as follows:

In your arms, I'm someone new

With ever tender kiss from you…

While the song I could not ask for more has the following lines:

Lying here with you…

Smiling just to see the smile upon your face…

Looking in your eyes…

I could not ask for more than this time together

I could not ask for more than this time with you

Yeah, right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be

Oh, here with you, here with me…

Moreover, the song In love with you has lines that do not only express intimacy by physically being around but also staying both in good and bad times. These are as follows:

Come to me now

I will never leave you,

I will stay here with you through the good and bad I will stand true…

Now we're here together…

… Hold me close forever…

Our love is forever, holding us together

Furthermore, the lines from the song My love will see you through are as follows:

I'll be on your side to comfort you…

And I'll be there with a helping hand…

Similar ideas are expressed in the lines from the song No matter what. The said lines are the following:

And I will keep you safe and strong

And shelter from the storm

The song Ordinary song though has only one line is a significant contribution to the concept of intimacy. The said line is:

You can count on me to stay…

The song Through the years has the following lines:

The sweetest days I've found, I've found with you…

And I'm so glad I stayed right here with you…

I've always been so glad to be with you…

I know that I belong right here with you…

You've kissed my tears away

As long as it's okay, I'll stay with you…

While the song Words has the following lines:

A smile can bring you near to me…

I'm here if you should call to me…

The next song Thank God, I Found You has lines that do not only express physical intimacy but also the idea that one’s life depends on being with the one you love. The lines are as follows:

I would give up everything

Before I'd separate myself from you…

… ‘Cause without you beside me I can't survive…

If you keeping me warm each and every night

I'll be alright…

Moreover, the songs Angels Brought Me Here and I Could not ask for More have lines that emphasize physical intimacy but are expressed romantically. The following lines are:

When I look into your eyes…

And if you could feel the tenderness, I feel…

Smiling just to see the smile upon your face…

Looking in your eyes…

Based on what has been demonstrated above, it has been made clear that the concept of intimacy by married couples embedded in their theme songs revolves around physical intimacy. And being physically around is not only when things are going well, but even when life is hard. This is also supported even more by the admission that one’s life depends on being with the one you love.

However, the researcher acknowledges the limitations of this study and recommends that future endeavors to explore the topic of intimacy of married couples be done. This research did not include in the study why the respondents chose the theme songs they provided. As a songwriter himself, the researcher subscribes to the idea that the lyrics and music of the song samples are of equal importance. Hence, it is safe to say that married couples could have chosen their theme songs based not only on the lyrics and the concept of intimacy embedded in them but also on the music and how the melody of their theme songs expresses the kind of intimacy they long to have. There may also be other factors besides the lyrics and music why couples choose their theme songs.

Finally, the number of song samples used in the study is not that significant. Though this research endeavor is not quantitative but qualitative, it is possible that the results of the thematic analysis could have been different if there were more song samples used in the study. This is therefore a challenge that the researcher wants to consider when doing another research on the same topic in the future.

Conclusion

Intimacy among married couples expressed in being physically present is something that this study was able to demonstrate. This goes to show that based on the results of this study, the question of how important physical presence is between two persons who are married raises a significant point.

Moreover, the link between intimacy and having theme songs among married couples has been established. There may be many other factors aside from the lyrics and music that married couples decided to have their theme songs, but those factors will not change the fact that embedded in the lyrics of their theme songs is the couples’ concept of intimacy, and this study has proven that it revolves around “physical presence for each other”. The findings of this research endeavor are now the researcher’s contribution to the field of research about marital intimacy and even the phenomenon of couples having theme songs. Music is indeed an important ingredient in an intimate and exclusive human relationship like marriage.

REFERENCES

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Boer, D., & Abubakar, A. (2014). Music listening in families and peer groups: Benefits for young people’s social cohesion and emotional well-being across four cultures. Frontiers in Psychology, 5(MAY). https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00392

Braun, V., & Clarke, V. (2006). Using thematic analysis in psychology. Qualitative Research in Psychology, 3(2), 77–101. https://doi.org/10.1191/1478088706qp063oa

Cook, T., Roy, A. R. K., & Welker, K. M. (2019). Music as an emotion regulation strategy: An examination of genres of music and their roles in emotion regulation. Psychology of Music, 47(1), 144–154. https://doi.org/10.1177/0305735617734627

Demos, A. P., Chaffin, R., Begosh, K. T., Daniels, J. R., & Marsh, K. L. (2012). Rocking to the Beat: Effects of Music and Partner’s Movements on Spontaneous Interpersonal Coordination. In Joumal of Experimental Psychology: General (Issue 1).

Guéguen, N., Jacob, C., & Lamy, L. (2010). “Love is in the air”: Effects of songs with romantic lyrics on compliance with a courtship request. Psychology of Music, 38(3), 303–307. https://doi.org/10.1177/0305735609360428

Harris, C. B., Baird, A., Harris, S. A., & Thompson, W. F. (2020). “They’re playing our song”: Couple-defining songs in intimate relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(1), 163–179. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407519859440

Kamali, Z., Allahyar, N., Ostovar, S., Alhabshi, S. M. S. bin S. M., & Griffiths, M. D. (2020). Factors that influence marital intimacy: A qualitative analysis of iranian married couples. Cogent Psychology, 7(1). https://doi.org/10.1080/23311908.2020.1771118

Khalifian, C. E., & Barry, R. A. (2020). Expanding intimacy theory: Vulnerable disclosures and partner responding. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(1), 58–76. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407519853047

LaMotte, A. D., Khalifian, C. E., & Barry, R. A. (2017). Newlyweds’ Perceptions of Partner Conflict Behaviors and Change in Intimate Safety Over Time. Journal of Family Psychology, 31(1), 123–128. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000244

Laurenceau, J. P., Barrett, L. F., & Rovine, M. J. (2005). The interpersonal process model of intimacy in marriage: A daily-diary and multilevel modeling approach. Journal of Family Psychology, 19(2), 314–323. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.19.2.314

Liljeström, S., Juslin, P. N., & Västfjäll, D. (2013). Experimental evidence of the roles of music choice, social context, and listener personality in emotional reactions to music. Psychology of Music, 41(5), 579–599. https://doi.org/10.1177/0305735612440615

North, A. C., Tarrant, M., & Hargreaves, D. J. (2004). The effects of music on helping behavior: A field study. Environment and Behavior, 36(2), 266–275. https://doi.org/10.1177/0013916503256263

Papinczak, Z. E., Dingle, G. A., Stoyanov, S. R., Hides, L., & Zelenko, O. (2015). Young people’s uses of music for well-being. Journal of Youth Studies, 18(9), 1119–1134. https://doi.org/10.1080/13676261.2015.1020935

Schaefer, M. T., & Olson, D. H. (1981). Assessing Intimacy: The Pair Inventory. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 7(1), 47–60. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.1981.tb01351.x

Thoma, M. V., Ryf, S., Mohiyeddini, C., Ehlert, U., & Nater, U. M. (2012). Emotion regulation through listening to music in everyday situations. Cognition and Emotion, 26(3), 550–560. https://doi.org/10.1080/02699931.2011.595390

Wuttke-Linnemann, A., Nater, U. M., Ehlert, U., & Ditzen, B. (2019). Sex-specific Effects of Music Listening on Couples’ Stress in Everyday Life. Scientific Reports, 9(1). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-019-40056-0

How To Win Her Heart Back...

2014-12-09T09:15:00.001-08:00

Do I really know what love is? Does my heart really understand the feeling of being in love? It might sound funny or perhaps it is crazy to think, but I guess I am in love. I am falling in love with the same woman I gave my promise seven years ago that “she is the only one I will love forever”. It was December then when we together exchanged vows at the hearing of many witnesses, “for better or for worst, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and til death do us part.” That day was the best day of my life.

But why do I have to win her heart back? Am I losing her? Of course not. I will never allow that thing to happen. Now let me tell you what happened. Few days ago, we had some misunderstandings and I did something that made her cry. Of course, I can justify my act. I’m a “philosoper” and I’m good at debate... LOL. Shame on me. But the fact was that, I was insensitive, impatient, lazy, and so on, in short, I was stupid. Just because I had headache that time, still it was never acceptable that I had to shout at her at the loudest volume my voice could rich. I was wrong... and the story did not end there yet. Just a day or two later, I did it again, but this time not so loud a shout, maybe a half lower than the first. BUT IT WAS STILL WRONG, very wrong.

I am writing this blog to say to my wife “I AM REALLY SORRY”. Few weeks from now we will be celebrating our wedding anniversary and for that reason I need to win her heart back. I MUST ADMIT, I am falling in love with her again. And I believe it is just the thing I should be feeling everyday for her because she is my wife. It is one most important task I should be doing every second in a minute and always to make her happy being with me. I LOVE MY WIFE SO MUCH! I should never forget that. I really hope she will be able to read this blog I am writing for her.

Mommy, I love you so much and I am so sorry for what I did. When I courted you I wrote a song to tell you how much I loved you and will always do. Now I wrote another song and it is a Christmas song to tell you the same feeling I have for you. If I had to do this everyday to court you like it was before, then I would do it through this song “NGAYONG PASKO”. Advance happy wedding anniversary po mommy!

Disclaimer: I do not claim any of the photos used in this post as mine. Credit goes to the owner.

Love Can Make You Cry...

2014-07-08T23:02:00.002-07:00

Does love really hurt? What does it really mean when "you're in love"? Sometimes it's really difficult to understand love. Or I would even dare say, I can't understand love. But I just can't help but fall in love. Well, falling in love makes me feel really good... You may not agree with me. I respect that.

I would just like to share with you my thoughts about love - whether it is really true that love hurts or it is when one fails to truly love that his/her heart may be broken. I know the idea is not new. There had been many authors in the past and still even more at present whose writings about love has this theme. And so no doubt, you will agree with me when I tell you that love hurts... Do you? Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not serious. I don't believe that love hurts. Yes, I'm sure of that. But I do believe that LOVE CAN MAKE YOU CRY.

Have you been in love? Did you ever cry because you were in love? I'm sure that there was or even there were many times that you cried because of love. And that's completely normal. So don't worry about crying because that is one thing that keeps your heart healthy. I'm not kidding. Only a healthy heart can cry. So if you did cry because of love, you must have a healthy heart.

There was one moment in my life that made me cry a lot. I just can't tell you the details here but I can share with you the story in a song... Because of what happened that moment I wrote a song entitled "Iiyak Na Lang Ako". This is my way of capturing that moment in an artistic way. I hope you will get inspired by the song. Or maybe, challenged by the message of the song, since it speaks about letting go of the one you love and you just cry it out on your own... Indeed love can make you cry.

The song is available for download via OPM2GO Online Store. This is by the way my latest single and my first release with OPM2GO. So I hope you will support it. And I thank you in advance. God bless! You can download it here. Please feel free to share the song with others.

Family is the True Sanctuary of Love

2013-11-21T01:55:00.000-08:00

Where does one truly experience love first? Can love be felt and then lost along the way? Does it really matter if one does not truly love and yet be loved truly by the people around him/her, I mean, by his/her family? These questions are not meant to be answered. Rather, I raised them to serve as guide questions only for reflection. I am therefore inviting you to journey with me in this reflective blog of mine.

It is a cliché but I just have to say it again, that the family is the basic unit of society. In the mind of the Church, the family is considered as a domestic church. It is logical to say therefore, that as the basic unit of society and as a domestic church, the family is the foundation of both society (civic society) and the Church, in other words, humanity as a whole. Well, we all belong to one BIG family; we live and die in one and the same world.

In my previous blog, I dealt on the theme that love is the binding force of family life. But what happens when the family, that is the true sanctuary of love, fails to fulfill its job? What happens to love now when it has no place to go since its sanctuary, the family, is not anymore capable of keeping it “safe”? I hope these questions can help us see the threats families now are facing in our present society.

I might be wrong in my opinion, but the way I see it, the movements brought about by secularist and materialistic lifestyles have strong influence on the minds of married couples who are parents themselves. The values of the world are getting more attentions now than the used-to-be God-centered and family-oriented views that keep relationships among parents and children strong. The impact of the social media where freedom of expression seems to have no limit, is now taking control over the family setup and the victims seem not to be aware of it.

But who are the victims here? I believe it is both the parents and the children. And this can lead to many possibilities. I hope I do not sound as somebody claiming I know a lot about these matters. I am only sharing my reflections based on my opinions and observations from what I read and saw. And for this post, I will only limit my sharing on the factors affecting parents’ separation.

FACTORS AFFECTING PARENTS’ SEPARATION

1. Legalization of divorce. Even when the time divorce was not yet legal, for sure there were already parents getting separated. In the Philippines for example, we don’t have a law on divorce yet, but in practice, there are lot of parents who are separated and the children are the ones who are most affected. Now imagine what happens when it is already legalized. In other countries, the practice is “exchanging wives and husbands”… For those who are pro-divorce, I respect your stance. I am just explaining here what I believe as the bad effects of this to family.

2. The view that compatibility is equal to love. This is how the world understands love. Well, maybe because of too much emphasis on self-expression brought about by the social media, it is not anymore unusual to hear married couple separating after finding out that they are just too different from each other in so many things, like their favorite foods are not the same, favorite colors, attitudes toward social issues, opinions about how to deal with problems in life and so on… There are other issues related to this factor I cannot further explain here because they are either sensitive or require mature audience.

3. Many other factors. I hope you will understand but I only intend to write a short blog and so I cannot elaborate more on this point. Thank you.

As my conclusion, I would just like to share a few thoughts on how this separation of parents would affect the children. I believe when parents are separated, it is the children who will suffer much. And so the real victims here are the children and not really their parents.

Disclaimer: I do not claim any of the photos used in this post as mine. Credit goes to the owner.

Love is the Binding Force of Family Life

2013-11-07T01:46:00.000-08:00

Love is not meant to be defined. Nor, it is meant to be explained. Love is just meant to be experienced by people capable of loving. Even without defining or explaining what it means, those who love understand what love is. And even if without understating it, people who are in love and are committed to love, find love as the source of hope and inspiration in life. Hence, if one does not love, he/she will never understand the meaning of love nor find life meaningful.

But the question is where do we find love? Based on my title, it should be found in the family. And it is the family that is the true sanctuary of love. In this blog I will be sharing my reflection on love as the binding force that sustains the family life. Indeed, it is love that keeps the family going in the midst of life’s trials and hardships - and the family is the sanctuary of love. The two are inseparable elements of human life.

Looking back to my early childhood, it was never easy for our parents to provide us, their children at least our basic needs. The only source of living by our family at that time was fishing, since my father was a fisherman. I could still remember my younger brother and I would sell a few catch my father had from a half-day sacrifice under the burning-heat of the sun in the middle of the sea. I don’t want to be sentimental here and so let me do a fast-forward - the family was able to survive. By the way, we are eight children, seven brothers and one sister. And I am the eldest…

Now, going back to my main purpose in writing this blog that is, sharing with you my reflection on how love played a role as the binding force of our family life. I can only recall one instance that our parents had a fight. Okay, I need to explain a little what I meant by fight here. It means that my father and mother had an argument, of course with few shouting and crying, a little of angry faces, and so on… Did I say “one instance” only? Yes, as far as I can remember, only once did I witness my parents having a fight. Of course, they might have other fights I did not witness. But how are they now? I can tell you, that they are still very sweet to each other even when they are now on their 50’s. This must be love, and it must be true love.

Indeed, love is such a wonderful feeling that hurts when hearts fail to understand what it means, even if it is not meant to be understood. I know that the love my parents have for each other is not perfect love in the real sense of the word. But their examples are strong enough to convince me to believe that it is possible for love to last even for a lifetime. In the first place it was the love of our parents that made us, their children, see the value of a happy family. I still do not understand what love really is. But I believe that love is real…

To end my sharing, I would like to offer a short prayer for all families in the world. “Lord, Jesus, you were once a member of a happy family in Nazareth. I pray that all families, in the midst of trials and problems, may not lose hope and always see the value of love, that love which you, alone can give, as the binding force that keeps every family happy. Amen.”

Disclaimer: I do not claim any of the photos used in this post as mine. Credit goes to the owner.

The Compassion of Jesus (Part Two)

2013-11-06T18:32:00.002-08:00

According to David Desteno in his article “Compassion Made Easy” all religions view compassion with great importance. The Dalai Lama, he added, would even argue “that individual experiences of compassion radiate outward and increase harmony for all” (Desteno, 2012, para. 1). I hope this is true, that compassion is the way to unite the world. Because the sad thing is, we hear it in the news, we read it in papers. People are aware of what is going on in the world today. And getting tempted to be doubtful whether God is affected by these problems in society, will lead us back to a question, what is really the compassion of God all about? I tried to explore on it earlier based from selected passages in the Old Testament.

Now I arrived at my real purpose, to reflect on the compassion of Jesus as the compassion of God. I will try to arrive at a conclusion that the compassion of Jesus is a concrete demonstration of the compassion of God. In the Gospel according to Matthew, there are two miracles of the multiplication of loaves, the feeding of the five thousand in chapter 14 and the feeding of four thousand in chapter 15. In both events, the reason why Jesus performed the miracles was his compassion towards the crowd.

So, how did Jesus demonstrate the compassion of God when He performed the multiplication of loaves? As a backgrounder, let us see what happened before the first event took place in Matthew 14:13-21. “John’s disciples came and took his body and buried it. Then they went and told Jesus.” (Matthew 14:12 New International Version). Jesus for sure was saddened upon knowing that John the Baptist was already dead. And so He decided to withdraw by boat to a solitary place. But according to the narrative, when Jesus landed and saw the crowd, He had compassion on them and so He healed their sick. When evening came later, the multiplication of the loaves took place and Jesus fed the five thousand. Knowing however, the culture of the Jews, the so called miracle of multiplication, might sound unrealistic. Biblical scholars would tell us, that Jews would always bring with them bread to eat when going out for a journey. As I reflect on this however, whether there was really a miracle of multiplication of loaves, literally speaking, or the miracle that occurred was actually a change of hearts of people to share their bread with others, the fact remains, Jesus had compassion on the crowd and despite his sorrow for John’s death, He attended to their needs. As Allen Ross would say it “He had compassion on them all, and without making inquiry or setting conditions He went about healing, and then fed them all” (Ross, (n.d.). para. 19).

Let us now proceed to the second event in Matthew 15:29-39. The narrative mentioned how long the crowd had been following Jesus. “Then Jesus called the disciples and said, “I have compassion on the crowd, because they have already been here with me three days and they have nothing to eat. I don’t want to send them away hungry since they may faint on the way” (Matthew 15:32 New English Translation). It was realistic to say that the crowd had nothing to eat since they have been with Jesus for three days. Even if they have brought with them bread, it could have been consumed already. There are two important things that Jesus did here. First, He remembered that the crowd has been following him for three days, and He was concerned of them if He would send them hungry, lest they would collapse along the way. Second, He performed the multiplication of loaves in order to feed the four thousand because of his compassion on them.

I know God is never forgetful. And He is always mindful of our situations in life. Jesus just demonstrated that. Indeed His compassion was a concrete act of providing the needs of others, a gesture of giving hope to the hopeless and food to the hungry. I believe it was Jesus who took the initiative to do something for the crowd. And so it is the same with God, who would always be the one to take the first step in loving us, and we only respond. For us who maybe are going through a lot of difficulties and problems in life, let us reflect on the compassion of Jesus and this will lead us back to seeing how compassionate God is to us. Indeed, the compassion of Jesus is the compassion of God.

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.

References:

Desteno, D. (2012, July 14). Compassion Made Easy. The New York Times Sunday Review. Retrieved April 23, 2013, from http://www.nytimes.com

Latourelle, R. & Fisichella, R. (Eds.). (1994). The Dictionary of Fundamental Theology. Manila. St. Pauls.

Ross, A. (n.d.). An Exposition of the Gospel of Matthew. bible.org. Retrieved April 23, 2013, from http://bible.org

The Compassion of Jesus (Part One)

2013-11-06T17:35:00.001-08:00

As I was browsing in the internet, trying to figure out what title to use for my article about compassion, one question just kept lingering in my mind: How is the compassion of Jesus so related with the compassion of God? It’s worth a try answering this question, I believe. So I invite you to journey with me in exploring the relationship between the compassion of Jesus and the compassion of God. This is not going to be a biblical exposition however, but more on a personal reflection of a Christian who believes that when temptation of doubt about God’s compassion comes, the way back into strong faith in God is the compassion of Jesus.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines compassion as “sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” I see two important aspects in this definition: First, the strong emotion of sympathy and second, the desire to do something for others. This somehow explains that compassion is more than just a feeling of sadness because of the sufferings of others but it is an invitation and even a challenge to do something concrete in order for the sufferers (others) to find hope. Compassion therefore is others-centered. The real essence of it lies on the realization that something must be done in a concrete situation of life, not for the benefit of oneself, getting praise and people’s admiration, but simply to help others in need.

The Book of Psalm said it beautifully, “The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love” (Psalm 103:8 New International Version). Reading this passage can make us feel so hopeful that despite being unworthy of God’s blessings, sinners as we are, God cares for us still because He is compassionate. But how is that compassion of God experienced in real situations of life, when there seems to be no hope because of so many problems? If God is indeed compassionate, and so there is that desire in Him to do something concrete to help us overcome our problems, what is He doing when the moment of despair is just a step away? There are even people who have lost their faith in God because of despair. Or worst, some even resorted to committing suicide. And then, we hear from our friends advice like; God has a plan for you; He has His purpose why He is allowing this to happen; God will not give us problems we can’t bear; And many others. These are very inspiring words, aren’t they?

In the Old Testament, God is portrayed as Provider. When the Israelites were wandering in the desert for forty years after their liberation from Egypt, they were able to survive because God provided their needs. He was their Protector against their enemies. And He journeyed with them. “The LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything” (Deuteronomy 2:7 New International Version).

However, in another Old Testament Book, the God of Israel was portrayed as punishing evil-doers. It seems an opposite to His being compassionate. “The LORD's anger burned against Israel and he made them wander in the wilderness forty years, until the whole generation of those who had done evil in his sight was gone” (Numbers 32:13 New International Version). This seemingly contradictory portrayal of God as compassionate and punisher of evil-doers at the same time may lead us to doubt. I am a sinner, I know that. And so if problems are God’s punishments to me, perhaps I have no right to complain. But God is compassionate. And if compassion as we defined it, is the desire to do something concrete to help others find hope, how can I find hope if my problems are forms of punishments by God to me?

At this point, I hope you understand, that I am not telling you I am angry at God. Nor I am saying that God is not compassionate. I am just trying to lead you to a more personal and deeper reflection on the relationship between the compassion of God with that of Jesus. But to clarify a very urgent point, interpreting the Bible requires more than just reading the text itself. When God is described as angry, what do the sacred authors want to say? Is it really like having a strong emotion of disappointments as we humans do when we are angry? I don’t think so. God may have been portrayed as a punisher of evil-doers and a God who gets angry, not because He hates us when we commit sins, but because He loves us. God’s love is not unjust. According to the Dictionary of Fundamental Theology, “Anthropomorphism is a reference to the divine made through the use of anthropological images. To say that God speaks is already an anthropomorphism” (Latourelle & Fisichella, 1994).

And so this is a style of writing by the sacred authors, to use anthropological images in describing God. After all we know that God hates the sin and not the sinner. This was the prayer of Jesus while hanging on the cross, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34 The New American Bible). Click here to continue reading.

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.

I Live For My Family

2013-10-31T02:23:00.000-07:00

In a world where everyone wants to live in comfort, luxury, entertainment, parties, all forms of vanities, all forms of vices, no room for sacrifice, no space for sharing and generosity, no time for understanding, no care and concern for others, no kindness, no real and true love, only self-contentedness, PARENTING becomes the hardest, most unwanted, even most hated thing to do. This is perhaps an exaggeration on my part to believe that this is the kind of world we are living in now, but I also believe and I have faith in my heart that PARENTING can also become the GOSPEL of LOVE through which, this "violent" world full of indifference will be transformed into a BIG FAMILY of loving parents, children, friends, neighbors, etc…

In this blog of mine, I will be sharing my own reflections on parenting for I myself am a parent. I am a father to two kids, and a husband to one wife, of course. I have to emphasize this thing, since there are men who want one kid per one woman. And so having many kids means having more than one wife, that is, if possible two or more partners. I will be tackling this issue on my new post. For now, it is my hope that whoever reads my blogs will get some inspirations to become apostles of the gospel of love to the world in spite of the issues I have already mentioned earlier. And I thank you in advance for dropping by. By the way, let me ask you this question, are you afraid to die?

My answer to that question is of two directions: On one hand, I am not afraid to die. Yes, I am not. Often times I even ask myself how will I die? What happens to life after death? I am curious about the feeling of dying. I am tempted to imagine the experience at the exact moment I will breathe my last. But seeing my family, how happy they are when I’m with them, raises a very difficult question which I am afraid to answer; what will happen to my family when I die? For sure, they will be missing me a lot. Will my death not kill them as well for too much pain they will face from losing me? With all the problems and trials, unpaid debts, tuition fees of my daughter, bills and other needs of the family, my death will kill my wife mystically, that is, she will suffer more than I will.

On the other hand, I cannot afford to die. I am afraid to die because I love my family so much. They need me because I am the one working for them. Who will provide their needs when I’m gone? They love me so much as I love them. They are not ready to lose me yet. When will they be ready, anyway? I don’t know. One thing I’m certain is that, when I allow myself to die, it will be like I am killing my family as well. I must be strong for them therefore. Actually, I no longer live for myself now, I live for them, and this realization makes me afraid to die. If only I can live forever and never die. Of course, death is a reality in life that no human being can escape from, well even animals die...

So you might ask me now, how is it related to parenting? As a father to my daughter and son and a husband to my wife, I am like a parent to them. As the bread winner of the family, it is my responsibility to provide them their basic needs. This is one important role of a parent, as a provider. This is even one reason why we Christians call God as Father, because He is our Provider. But my role as a parent does not end in being a provider, I must protect my family too; this is another important parental task that I have to fulfill as a parent. And by the way, I am not alone doing this task, my wife does it more often than I do, protecting our kids. More than eight hours a day I am at work and so my wife is left with the kids at home. She is protector to them. I want to write more on this blog, but I know it is not helpful. So with these two very important tasks of parents I tried to relate to my own life experience and that of my wife, I hope I am making sense to you. I know these are just two of many other tasks of parents, but I am sad to say that there are many parents out there who do not fulfill these for their families. I hope I do not sound as self-centered person in saying this.

To end my reflection, I would like to leave you a simple question: why are there parents not fulfilling their responsibilities and duties to their children? Thank you so much for journeying with me. God bless.

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.

I Love My Mother So Much

2013-10-13T18:09:00.001-07:00

Who can deny the fact that without a mother, no one is ever born in this world? As human beings, we were all born by our own mothers. This is the reason why the role of a mother is the most important role in the story of humanity (take it as if it's a movie). Without this role, no other character could have ever been created. Perhaps, there would be no character of a father too, since no one could be called a father without a son or daughter. Then, if Adam was the first man, then he would be the last as well.

This blog is not going to be an intellectual or philosophical discourse about the role of a mother, though I started it in that manner of introducing the topic. Rather, it will be a sharing of my childhood-cherished experiences with my own ever loving mother. I pray that she will always be okay, with good health, able to smile even without teeth anymore hehe, loved by my father and my younger brothers and one sister.

Among the many memories I had in my childhood, one is my most cherished. I was 9 years old at the time and just started my elementary years at school. Please do not ask why I started my basic education late, it's a long story, really. It was during the first few weeks at school, I was excited about learning new things, meeting new friends, my classmates, and starting to learn how to write my full name correctly. But I was more excited in drawing activities. By the way, drawing or more properly painting was my first passion and not music. The latter came only when I was already in my fourth grade. So, one day, during the class, our teacher told us, "my dear pupils, bring your own crayons next time for our drawing activity," and we all said, " yes teacher." On the way home, I was so excited to tell my mother about it and so I was already imagining how many colors of crayons I would be bringing to school on our drawing activity. Finally, I reached home and told my mother about the crayons I needed.

To give you an idea how far is our house from the city, it would take one hour ride by jeep to get there. And to go to the city just to buy my crayons would be very unpractical. Of course I never thought this way before. Nevertheless, I told my mother that she had to find way to buy me crayons or else I won't go to school anymore. And I told her that I must have them by night, if not, then it's final, I would stop schooling. Honestly, I am the most loved by our mother among the children, though I am the eldest. During this time we were just three brothers as far as I can remember. We are seven brothers at present and we have one sister. Then, the sun set and evening came.

I woke up early, took a bath, took my breakfast and made myself ready for school. And behold, I had my crayons ready. And by the way, it was a complete set of all colors, including white. I went to school so excited and proud about my new crayons showing them to my classmates. I'm not so sure, but I had an impression that I was the only pupil who had the most colors of crayons. We had our drawing activities... and years passed by.

My graduation day came and I topped the batch, I was valedictorian. By the way, this is just our elementary graduation. Of course, I had other awards aside from my gold medal, just kidding, so please don't think I'm boasting. Honestly, I never topped again in any of my classes during our high school years. It just makes me laugh when I remember my being a naughty boy during my younger years. Okay, going back to my most cherished experience about what my mother did when I forced her to buy me crayons. It made me cry every time I remember what she did. In fact, I feel like shedding tears as I recall this part of my life. I just love my mother so much. I love her...

Join me as I recall what happened... now with my teary eyes. Please do not cry yet. It was almost 7 o'clock in the evening when my mother arrived from somewhere I did not know about. I only learned this when I was already in my high school years. In that evening when my mother came home during dinner time, she was from another town maybe 4 to 5 kilometers away from the house to buy me crayons. She looked very tired (I only realized this later) because she just walked for almost 10 kilometers in total. Why did she not go to the city, instead? So she could take a ride by jeep? She had no enough money for the fare, only for the crayons. She was left with no better choice except to go to another town by walking. Now you can cry if you want.

I know it was not right that I forced my mother to buy me crayons. I was a selfish child, a proud pupil in the class. I must be angry with myself now. But my mother just loves me so much. By the way, she doesn't know until now that I cried a lot when I learned what she did. And I don't want her to know it. I'm sharing this with you to tell you that we must love our mothers. They are the most important persons in our lives as children. Our fathers as well have the same importance, but the role of our mothers is so special. I love my mother so much. Indeed, it is the love of a mother that can make one's heart learn to love as well.

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.

Mary's Love is one example of True Love

2013-10-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

The Month of October is dedicated to praying the Holy Rosary. There are two important feasts of Mary on this Month as the Lady of the Rosary; first is October 7 as the feast of Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary and October 13 as the feast of Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary of La Naval. I hope this will not confuse you that there are two feasts of the same devotion. You can always check on the internet some basic information about the history of Our Lady of the Rosary of La Naval.

In this blog of mine, I would be sharing my own reflections on the role of Mary as a mother whose love has always been true from the moment she learned about her mission to be the Mother of our Lord, to the cross, to the resurrection, to the early Church and even to our time, now that she is known as the Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary. I invite you to journey with me.

Palestine at the time of our Lord Jesus was practically a patriarchal society. Well, I believe even at present with all the advancements of science and technology, the modern Israel is still patriarchal in structure. But let us not talk about it here. Okay, going back to Palestine, during the time, when a woman is found to be pregnant but without a husband, she is in danger of death. The most probable reason for this is the crime of adultery which is punishable by stoning to death. I believe you are familiar with the story in the Gospel about a certain prostitute caught in the act of adultery and the scribes and pharisees brought her to Jesus for they wanted to stone her to death. You can check it on the Gospel according to St. John (John 8:7-8). By the way, Jesus did not condemn the adulterous woman...

With that cultural, moral and religious context at the time, a young woman whose name was Mary was greeted by an Angel Gabriel to announce to her that she would conceive a son. She was just betrothed to Joseph by the way – this is found in the Gospel according to St. Luke (Luke 1:26-38). Mary was certainly in great danger. When her situation is exposed to the law, she would be facing a death penalty. But Mary accepted the mission and said her "Yes" to be the Mother of our Lord. And God on his part sent the angel Gabriel to Joseph (he was already decided to leave Mary secretly at this time) to tell him to take Mary as his wife. Because of the faith that Mary had and the love she had for God, she was never left alone to do her mission, Joseph followed the angel's words and took her to be his wife (Matthew 1:18-24).

When she was told by Simeon about her Son destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel...(Luke 2:34), which was actually the rejection and suffering that Jesus would be facing in his ministry and at the last of it would be his death on the cross, Mary was already suffering in her heart. As a parent myself, I believe that one thing that brings so much suffering most to my heart is that which makes my daughter suffer. What makes her suffer, makes me suffer too. And so it was the same with Mary.

Even before Jesus underwent his suffering and passion, Mary already had her share in it.

Furthermore, at the time when Mary and Joseph had been looking for the young boy Jesus, parents as they were, they were in great suffering, but more so with Mary for she just kept all these things in her heart (Luke 2:41-52).

Moreover, at the foot of the cross, when her Son was "helplessly" dying, Mary was there dying with Jesus. I remember one professor of mine calling this experience by Mary as mystical death – "Mary died but she did not die". This concept according to him was from St. Teresa of Avila. Indeed, seeing the one you love most dying is killing yourself in the process. This is sacrificial love that Mary had and it kept her faith in God firm and steadfast. Is this not an example of True Love?

To all the mothers whose love for their children is like that of Mary, I salute you. I salute you as I honor my mother too. May God keep your faith firm in facing all the challenges of being mothers. It is the hardest job ever created but the most important one, for without it, society will collapse. Take the Blessed Mother as your model to follow. And she may always pray for you and for us all.

On the other hand, I pray for all the women whose appreciation to being mothers has been lost. They have been influenced by the world's view of womanhood – that being a mother is never a fulfilling ministry. May the intercession of Mary, the Mother of us all, bring these women the realization that unless they appreciate their own mothers and their roles of being mothers too, they will never find real and lasting happiness in this life.

For only when the love of a mother is true, that real happiness of a family is made real too.

For my conclusion, I would just like to say that I am so grateful to my mother. She has been, like the Blessed Mother, a source of inspiration to me. Her love is an example of a sacrificial love. I really appreciate my mother's sacrifices for us her children. Of course my father too deserves the same appreciation. May my prayer for them through the intercession of Mary, Our Lady of the Most Rosary be heard by God always. Amen.

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.

Unusual Signs of LOVE

2013-09-22T16:21:00.000-07:00

Undeniably true, but people tend to like things they are used to do. Even if, at times, it may bring some kind of boredom to them. It is because, when things are common, very familiar, in other words the usual things in a day-to-day experience, one does not need to adjust every time. And so it is as well true with love, people who are in love tend to see love in a very usual way, perhaps with usual signs.

With this blog, I want to do away with signs that are common when talking about how to know if the feeling is real love or not. This is where these signs will come into the scene.

Lovers look for signs to be sure of their feelings.

Well, maybe because as commonly believed, it is really painful when love fails. It is therefore practical that before making decisions pertaining to love, one has to have as many signs as possible. With this in mind, I have decided to share with you what I believe are unusual signs of love. Just bear in mind however, these are just my personal views:

Feeling sleepy. When one is sleepy and the feeling of sleepiness is uncontrollable, this is a sign of lack of sleep. Maybe due to a long night of spending time together without sleep, and so both the girl and the guy would be exhausted. If these two hearts are not in love with each other, they would not have spent the night without sleep. This love however, is not mature. A mature love knows the perfect timing when two lovers are supposed to spend time together. Are you always feeling sleepy? You better find time to have some sleep. Or best, give yourself a break, be mature.

Feeling hungry. Because of being so in love with each other, two lovers will always be concerned with being together. Not a single moment is ever wasted. It's a feeling of eternity, as if time has ended, so much so that this ecstatic cloud nine moment will result to not realizing the importance of mealtime. I remember a song that says it is love that will keep two hungry lovers alive (I just love that song). If you are this kind, I strongly suggest, you make it a point that you and your special someone spend the time together on a dinning table, so you're always reminded of your meal schedule.

Feeling tired. This one is very much related to feeling hungry. Of course, if one skips mealtime, no doubt he or she will be hungry sooner or later. Another possible factor for hunger is the fact that there is no food. Well, since there is no time to cook their food, these two lovers will just keep their eyes fixed on each other until they spend all their energies and at the end of the day, they will be very very hungry. This is not mature love. As a matter of fact, this is a dying love due to exhaustion.

Feeling sick. As the situation worsens, it's not just tiredness due to hunger that two lovers will be experiencing. It is now getting sick even. This is according to chronological order by the way, and this one is hopefully the last part, after which these two lovers would realize that they just need to grow and mature in their relationship. When prevented however, this sickness will be a turning point for love to gain new energies to spend for another sleepless nights, without food, and as a result, to get hungry, to get tired and to get sick again and same cycle repeats if no maturity is achieved.

What about for mature love? What are the signs of a healthy relationship with mature love that keeps two lovers growing? This love must have passed all those signs enumerated above. This is a kind of love that is prepared to take all the challenges life can offer. This love is committed and is willing to sacrifice for the sake of the beloved. There is only one possible sign and the rest are just but expressions of this love -- a heart that keeps on beating, in other words, a beating heart. This heart sometimes feels bored. Maybe because the feeling has already matured and it has passed the infatuation stage of a relationship. But in spite of the boredom, this heart just keeps on beating for love beyond the level of emotion for it is now committed to face everything. If you're feeling bored now in your relationship, work harder, for your love is already starting to mature.

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.

BentHearted by LOVE

2013-09-22T06:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, let's talk about tears and pains.

Are you in love? If so, prepare yourself for tears and pains that will surely come.

I'm not kidding you. I'm sure of this. You will one day cry. But are you afraid to cry? You will not die just by crying anyway. As a matter of fact, it is healthy to cry and shed tears. This is one way to cleanse your eyes. Just imagine a world where no eyes that shed tears, and no hearts that cry, it's a little bit boring.

I even dare say that a crying heart is a healthy heart.

People who have heart problems are not supposed to cry. Neither can they be happy since it's not good for them. It's really good to cry. So you better cry now or get bored in your love life. Of course, I'm not serious.

On the other hand, if you're in love now, I mean at this very moment, then you must be happy. In fact, you might be smiling in reading this part. That's a wonderful feeling, isn't it? And this is the reason why it is really sweet to taste love, especially if it is your first time. However, as I gave you a warning earlier, it is also painful to cry out of love. And if you're not prepared for this, your heart will be broken...

By the way, I would just like to correct what I said a while ago, that your heart will be broken. No, it will not be broken. If you're really in love, no matter how painful the feeling may be, your heart will only bend and not break. Remember a famous song that has this theme? I like that song very much. So what is the secret then for your heart not to be broken by love and so you will not be brokenhearted, only benthearted? It is actually the love that's true. If your love is real, then you will be strong enough to bear all the pains and cry all the tears but after all these, your heart will only bend. Convinced?

One quotation of love I like most says, "love expressed is love at its best." I could not anymore remember where did I get this. But it's not mine as I've said, it is only one favorite quotation of mine. So take love in that way, crying, shedding tears, experiencing pains and even being taken for granted, this is all expressions of love. But when you're true and sincere, your heart will never be broken into pieces. So keep it that way. Keep your love always true and you're unbreakable. Again,

when love is true, it wont break your heart only bend it.

Once, bent, you can always make it straight again. Good luck to all benthearted out there. Keep it up.

In conclusion, let me just tell you one more thing, in any relationship you may have, there is a need for honesty. This is for sure not new idea. Many books have been written on this theme. And I bet, you will agree with me when I say that the more honest one becomes to his or her partner, the more mature their relationship becomes also. So what is my point here? Simple, when an honest heart is bent every time it feels pains, it only matures and gets stronger. Unlike metals such as iron, steel, bronze, and the like that weaken when bent more than once, an honest heart just gathers more strength when bent often. Of course, I'm not suggesting that you purposely bend your heart. I'm just talking about an honest and sincere heart here and I have explained already what it means. Thank you for reading this far.

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photo used on this post, due credits go to the owner.

LOVE is not God

2013-09-21T05:24:00.000-07:00

It is true that God is love. This is very inspiring to realize, especially to us who believe in God. Perhaps, this is the reason why we often if not always, strive to be loving persons since it is an expression of our faith. Even when we do not fully understand this mystery, as believers of God, it is love that keeps us moving in life in spite of difficult moments and challenging stages we have to face. Every opportunity to love even when suffering goes with it is an encounter of this God we believe in. Sometimes, questions are asked, disappointments are experienced, but in the midst of all uncertainties, there is always hope that at the end of the day, after all that has been said and done, there is a reason to be happy, there is always a good reason to love.

But love is not God. Love is not always as powerful as God.

It is never divine in nature. This is the reason why there are lovers who failed. Because they thought that love is all their source of strength. Yes, St. Paul once said that love never fails, but it is relation to God and not just for the sake of love itself. Love is not perfect if it is not in the power of God. The theology that God is love is only true when taken from the viewpoint of faith. It is therefore faith that makes us believe in the love that God has for each one of us, his children.

However, if it is indeed true that God is love, why do people whom God loves so much sometimes lose their faith in the power of love? Is it because of the fact that love is not enough when imperfect beings, human beings, rely only on its power rather than on God? Like for example, if a father who loves his child so much and because of this he is willing to lose even his faith in God, who seems not to be affected by his prayers, struggles to overcome the challenge his child is facing, (you can use your imagination here what the child's condition is) just end up losing hope. All he could see is despair.

Indeed love is not divine. Love alone cannot make miracles. It is however, very hard to understand that God is love if people who believe in his love are not able to experience it in any life situations. One does not only need to believe. This believing should be given a concrete expression of love, and God should be responsible to make this happen. Not able to concretely experience this inseparability between God and love, a human heart will just find itself so weak to keep the faith. It is not the responsibility of a weak, imperfect heart to comprehend the mystery of God as love. It is rather God’s duty to enlighten a blinded heart to realize that God is indeed love. If this weak, imperfect heart fails, it is just but acceptable, precisely because it is imperfect. But when it is God who fails to make this imperfect human heart loves as God expects it to, no one is to blame but God himself. But it is impossible for God to fail because he is perfect. In other words, it is never a possibility that love will fail if it is from God. Love may not be divine, but it will always be perfect when it is from God.

So, is God love? Yes. Is love god? No.

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.

LOVE is a True Story

2013-09-18T08:12:00.002-07:00

Do you believe in magic, I mean, in a figurative sense, that is, love as magic? Honestly, it may sound so romantic that love is magic, but I don't believe in it. Love for me is never a magical thing. There is no element of anything related to magic in love. And so, I invite you to walk with me online and I'm hoping as we go along, you will discover the truth behind the idea that indeed LOVE is a True Story.

Why is love NOT a magical thing?

Let me explain it, please hold on. Magic is never real. It's an illusion. I can see it is there, but it's not really there. There is a trick that makes my eyes see something that's not real. In other words, my senses are only deceived. I do not find it necessary to vividly describe to you the experience of witnessing a magic show, for sure you have at least once in your lifetime, watched it. On the other hand, if we try to take magic in a figurative sense and relate it with love, it will sound very romantic, but still it will not make any sense either. I really do not agree just because it is romantic then it is magical. LOVE must be real, a real feeling, a real emotion, real attraction, a real experience, so much so that, when a guy who is in love with a girl is not just having an illusion that he's happy to see her. O come on, it must be a real feeling of being happy. Though it can also be a real feeling of sadness if the girl does not feel in the same way the guy feels. Of course, it is a painful, real feeling.

What about the idea that love is destiny? Again, it may sound so sweet, but it is not correct to believe that in love there will always be two lovers who are destined to be together forever. It is as if, from the time of conception these two hearts were already meant for each other. But love must be a liberating experience. Finding your better half therefore is not a destiny, but rather a free and fulfilling decision that one can ever make in a lifetime. Furthermore, this decision has to be freely transformed into commitment, so it becomes a meaningful, purpose driven decision.

Serendipity, what do you think of it? It sounds romantic again, but neither this one, can capture the real meaning of love. It has similar theme with destiny in a more magical and romantic and accidental manner, like for example, taking the experience of finding the right one as a "fortunate mistake", or maybe a "happy accident" and even a "pleasant surprise", since lovers love to have surprises. Even science agrees that nothing happens by accident. It is not sound argument to say that something was just meant to happen. Whatever happened, it happened because it was made to happen. In short, there was something, or somebody that caused it to happen. So when two lovers happened to find each other's hands holding together, it happened because they decided to.

Now let me end my journey with you in this last paragraph. This will be my conclusion. LOVE is a TRUE STORY. At the moment two lovers fall for each other, it is a beginning of a true story, a love story. This story may not always have happy endings, but it must be real, otherwise, it is not true. I want to tell you a true story, I know it is true because I was part of it... Since my childhood, I was made to believe that love was never true. I made a promise to myself that I would never fall in love with a girl. And I did until I finished my college. After graduation, I was busy with my career, and had no time for any love relationship. But without my knowledge, I was already falling for a pretty woman I never thought would be the one to change my world view. She just turned my world upside down, and I was left helpless and with no choice but to face the truth that LOVE was true, and it was really a life-changing realization in my life. There was no trick, it was no magic. It was never a fortunate mistake for I knew I made a right decision to love her. It was all real. Her love story just became my love story too. We both made it happen, not by destiny or by any extraordinary powers. It was indeed a True Story. That pretty woman is now my wife...

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.

LOVE is Commitment

2013-09-13T08:23:00.002-07:00

According to one favorite singer of mine, love is one of the most interesting topics to sing about. Well, I also believe that love is one of the most romantic topics to write a blog about. One thing I like most about writing on the theme of love is that, once I start writing, it makes me feel that it is actually my own story of love I am sharing with others.

Love for me is a feeling that no words can explain, no ideas can capture, no experience can concretely express.

It is like a story of no ending and yet, people who feel it always want a happy ending. Of course everybody hopes for a happy ending in their story, so do I. But as I am writing this blog, and remembering the moments when I was still courting my wife, a simple question just keeps lingering on my mind, is love really just a feeling? There were many instances in the past that I was made to believe that love really is just a feeling. It is a wonderful feeling, even an indescribable one. But my happy feelings are now gone. Honestly, I do not feel the spark anymore, no ecstatic cloud nine feeling for my wife. But I can sincerely say straight from my heart, I love my wife now more than I ever loved her before. I do not just feel love for her. I love her.

A famous Heraclitus said that everything is in constant flux. All things are changing. No one can cross the river twice because of the reality of change. If this is true, then, no one can feel the same feeling more than once. Since, as experienced, feeling keeps on changing. I believe this is a universal experience of feeling as an emotion. By the way, I feel bored at this very moment while working on this part of my blog, but by the time you read this far, for sure, my boredom has already been gone. Maybe it is you now, feeling bored. I just hope you will keep on reading, though. Don't worry, boredom too is a feeling, later it will change into excitement, who knows...

I am grateful to you for reading this far. I am not feeling grateful, I am grateful. So let me go back to the real issue, that love is commitment. I further certify, that love is not just a decision, it is a commitment. The former maybe withdrawn or changed. There are people who make decisions but later they change their minds. On the other hand, once a commitment is made, it cannot be withdrawn or else, it is never a commitment. A guy who withdraws his commitment to his girl, or takes it for granted, is never a committed person. And so it is true with love as commitment, it cannot be withdrawn. The feelings are no longer there, but the commitment must stay forever. And in doing so, more mature feelings of happiness maybe felt, though these can still be ended, I mean the feelings. Are you feeling convinced now that love is not a feeling? You do not need to decide to get convinced too, you can change your mind anyway. What I am trying to do here is just to tell you that love is commitment.

But what is a commitment? By the way, this will be the last part of this blog. That is exactly what a commitment is. It knows that there is a last part. But in spite of this last part, there is a commitment to start anew. A committed person knows that there is a last part to what he is feeling towards his special someone, he is in love with her, he feels so happy to be with her and all that. But when those feelings are gone, he is committed to start anew, and so fall in love with her again, even more in love this time...

In conclusion I would like to share with you an article about how to love I have come across with. It's actually coming from various authors and so it must be very inspiring. I do not own this article and so I'm just sharing the link so you too can read it as well. Here is the link: http://www.wikihow.com/Love.

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.

Suffering goes with LOVE

2013-09-09T08:46:00.001-07:00

In my previous blog, I defended the idea that love does not hurt. I even said that to believe that love hurts is all false and full of exaggeration. My heart is certain that it is failure to truly love that hurts. And I won’t change this belief. And for this blog, I say suffering goes with love.

Let me begin with a simple question, have you ever felt so worried about the people you love so much? If I am a husband for example, I’m worried about my sick wife for not knowing what’s going to happen to her. Or if I’m a parent and my child is sick, I’m worried too for sure. And many more other scenarios like a boyfriend worried about his girlfriend and vice versa, a friend to his friends, a brother to his sister and so on and so forth. I can even try to use the word concern instead of worry, since the latter seems to connote a negative feeling. But it still boils down to one thing; it’s a feeling of suffering in one way or the other.

A person who cares is concerned with the one he or she loves. There is worry in his or her heart if a thought that something bad might happen. It is but normal, that a girlfriend is afraid about her boyfriend who might be courting another girl; this is not by the way a feeling of plain jealousy or having no trust in him, but rather a fear of losing him. Or perhaps, a guy whose girlfriend is the most pretty in their neighborhood, and he’s feeling so anxious that she might go with another guy. In general therefore, when one is in love, there is this kind of feeling of suffering. Now what’s the difference between hurt and suffering, you might ask? That is exactly what I’m trying to do here in this blog,

to differentiate suffering from hurt and in the process explain the idea that suffering goes with love.

I don’t know if it is true with you and even with others, but in my experience, the feeling of fear of losing the ones I love does not hurt me, but rather it brings me an experience of suffering. It is undeniably true that the people I love someday will leave me, or I will leave them behind when death comes. Just a thought of losing them makes me suffer. Life is short, it is said, and death is certain. I will not be forever with them or them with me. I have fear of death. My love for them makes me fear death. And this feeling of fear is a kind of suffering to me. Oh, I’m sorry, I sound very personal here…

I remember a story of a girl who is so in love with her boyfriend, but because of lack of trust in him, the girl decided to breakup with the guy because she thought he was cheating on her. Of course the breakup pained her so much and the guy too. But just shortly after few weeks, the girl realized that she is still in love with the guy. The problem however, after what the girl did to the guy, the latter courted another girl not because he loved her but because he wanted to revenge. Now, there are three people who are continually hurt here, the guy and his new girl, though she is not aware of it yet, and the first girl who broke up with the guy. What hurt them? Two factors, first it was the lack of trust of the first girlfriend that brought the pain and hurt. There was failure to love on the part of the first girl that happened. And it was this failure that hurt them. Second, it was the guy’s failure to love truly and so he used the other girl to revenge.

I want to do a fast craft, now the girl (the first girlfriend) is so sorry for what she did to the guy. She has learned a lesson to what happened. Months passed by, and the pain is still there. Until finally, she made a decision to start accepting that the relationship has finally ended. She still loves the guy, but she has learned to accept the breakup. And so every time she would see the guy spending time with his new girlfriend, she would feel sad and lonely, but she thought it’s the price of her mistake. Her love for the guy is still there, but it is more mature now. I call this feeling of acceptance with sadness or even with loneliness sometimes, a suffering.

On the other hand, the guy, who could not let go and forgive, and just continued to use the other girl for revenge, his heart is filled with pain and hurt. What the guy is experiencing is not suffering since it is revenge and not love that pushed him to do this. It is only hurt and pain. And so, when love is true though not perfect, there is suffering that goes with it, but it is filled with purpose and meaning. But false lovers will continue to hurt themselves and so live in pain.

Finally, to cite a few more instances of suffering I would just like to use my experiences. When I see my wife cries, it makes me cry too. When a realization that I am not able to provide my family the life they deserve, it makes me cry even more. In other words, I can't help but suffer with the ones I love simply because I love them so much...

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.

"LOVE HURTS"...an EXAGGERATION by false lovers

2013-09-08T00:47:00.000-07:00

I used to believe that LOVE hurts. Well, it does, doesn't it? I can't count anymore how many times I cried because of love. The tear drops I've wasted are more than enough to fill every heart and still there would be excess to it. The pains I've suffered for and out of love in the past were beyond I could ever bear. Even if one tries to conduct a survey among lovers, for sure most of them if not all, will admit that they once cried for love. There would be three possibilities I believe. First, the guy just leaves the girl behind, the girl then would cry. Second, the girl just goes away and the guy then would cry. Lastly, both of them just decide to separate and go on there own way alone, and they both would cry. Oh, please, my apology, this is just an exaggeration! And so is the belief that LOVE hurts.

There is too much exaggeration in believing that LOVE hurts. This is all false.

Now I believe that LOVE does not hurt. It doesn't make you cry. It will never make you sad. It can only make you happy. Why did I say that? Maybe you won't believe me for saying this. I respect that. I'm not writing this blog to force anyone to believe what I believe in. But let me finish first my point. Please continue reading. Thank you.

To explain my point clearly, I would like to give an example. And let me start with highlighting the experience of MOMENT. At the moment a guy claims he is in love with a certain girl, it makes him feel happy. And every moment on, just thinking about that wonderful feeling makes him even more happier. Everybody has the right to experience this MOMENT. As a matter fact, according to one of my favorite songs, THIS IS THE MOMENT. And I continue. Now, the guy proposes to his girl, with the feeling of mixed emotions, fear, anxiety, excitement, even all kinds of happy feelings, because indeed this is his MOMENT. Upon hearing the words, the most common words, just a few words a guy could ever softly speak from the heart, "I LOVE YOU", and his girl softly even hardly sometimes, speaks from her heart the same words with "TOO", this is now their MOMENT. They are flying on the air, feeling so happy, not even a moment is ever wasted. End of the story... just kidding.

Few days later, (this is the shortest) or months or years, the feeling of happiness seems to be fading. The excitement to see each other is already gone. The spark is no longer there. There is no more fire, and maybe no more smoke. Then, the guy would start feeling sad, and so the girl too. This is in this part, the HURT moments will come. The guy can now afford to take for granted his girl, or the girl his guy. And both are hurt by doing so. Then tears would start falling, hearts would start to cry. LOVE HURTS? NO! It is never love that hurts. It was LOVE that made the guy and his girl HAPPY in the first place. And so it is not LOVE that will hurt them. IT IS THEIR FAILURE TO TRULY LOVE EACH OTHER THAT WILL HURT THEM. To believe therefore that LOVE hurts is false and full of exaggeration. It is not LOVE that hurts but failure to love that does...

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the photos used on this post, due credits go to the owners.