Miss Sandi's Blog

Learning and Living Go Hand in Hand~

2010-08-02T14:25:00.000-07:00

Learning and Living Go Hand in Hand~

Everyday is a lesson to be learned........We wake, yawn and stretch and try to come to life! Get a cup of coffee and begin again.........each day we either continue the way it was yesterday when we said goodnight OR we choose a different route. This happens in all areas of life, including intimate relationships. I woke today and took my own advice......BE ALL YOU CAN BE .......BUT....... always hold on to the truth. Don't let others sway your heart. Don't comprimise yourself for temporal grooveyness. Be separate from the crowd that's awash with normality by standing on a firm foundation. Never waiver in your love or faith.

Its always fun being in a new relationship ESPECIALLY if it is with someone you have known for most of your life. Coming from the same neighborhood, growing up listening to Frank Zappa and the Rolling Stones! Climbing the same mountains and swimming in the same ocean. BUT there comes a time when teaching someone how you wish to be treated is the most important action you can take. The most important for your own sanity and well being.

Its not acceptable to be ignored......Thats for old girlfriends.......Its not ok to be rude.....thats for others.....When I go to the amusement park I stay away from the rollercoaster......All that up and down makes me queasy~ Same in life........In order for me to be all I can be and inspire you to do the same I need to live in balance and control of my emotions and well being. So ....anotherone bites the dust.......BUT I am ok and feel relieved to be back to being me.

On creating a Relationship~

2010-07-27T08:56:00.000-07:00

What is it that makes people fret about relationships? Have you ever had those annoying thoughts creep into your mind........Will he/she like me? Will I be good enough etc.........Oh my goodness! We have all been there.

What if you expanded your thoughts and inserted and little belief in another person?

This type of thinking can go a long way in creating the type of relationship you want~ Just saying, sometimes travelling in second gear, slow and steadily gets you to the same destination but in a more relaxed and enjoyable pace~

Whatever you think can become your reality~ Focus focus focus~

Getting Back To Me~

2010-07-27T08:05:00.000-07:00

Lets get back to the heart of the matter~

I love retail. I love empowering and inspiring others to be the best they can be. This is what I do best and what comes naturally for me. Years ago I let go of envy, jealousy, poor poor pitiful me attitudes etc. I am me and I am glad to me sandi smith.

I am a certified personal coach excelling at bringing forth the best in you. Its really as simple as changing your mindset from limiting ideas and beleifs to opportunity based motivational action.

What excites you? What makes you get up and go with a skip in your stride? This is your god given gift.......EXCEL at it. Bring it forward into the center of your thoughts and focus your efforts on creating the life you imagine for yourself.

If you can think it, you can act it and if you are acting with passion you are living your dream~

What is bullying?

2010-07-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

Bullying is persistent unwelcome behaviour, mostly using unwarranted or invalid criticism, nit-picking, fault-finding, also exclusion, isolation, being singled out and treated differently, being shouted at, humiliated, excessive monitoring, having verbal and written warnings imposed, and much more. In the workplace, bullying usually focuses on distorted or fabricated allegations of underperformance. Click here for definitions of workplace bullying.
Why do people bully?
The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy. Bullying has nothing to do with managing etc; good managers manage, bad managers bully. Management is managing; bullying is not managing. Therefore, anyone who chooses to bully is admitting their inadequacy, and the extent to which a person bullies is a measure of their inadequacy. Bullies project their inadequacy on to others:

a) to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it;
b) to avoid accepting responsibility for their behaviour and the effect it has on others, and,
c) to reduce their fear of being seen for what they are, namely a weak, inadequate and often incompetent individuals, and,
d) to divert attention away from their inadequacy - in an insecure or badly-managed workplace, this is how inadequate, incompetent and aggressive employees keep their jobs.

Bullying is an inefficient way of working, resulting in disenchantment, demoralisation, demotivation, disaffection, and alienation. Bullies run dysfunctional and inefficient organisations; staff turnover and sickness absence are high whilst morale, productivity and profitability are low. Prosperity is illusory and such organizations are a bad long-term investment. Projection and denial are hallmarks of the serial bully.
Bullying is present behind all forms of harassment, discrimination, prejudice, abuse, persecution, conflict and violence. When the bullying has a focus (eg race or gender) it is expressed as racial prejudice or harassment, or sexual discrimination and harassment, and so on. When the bullying lacks a focus (or the bully is aware of the Sex Discrimination Act or the Race Relations Act), it comes out as pure bullying; this is an opportunity to understand the behaviours which underlie almost all reprehensible behavior. I believe bullying is the single most important social issue of today.
Bullying...
is a form of abuse, and bullies - and unenlightened employers - often go to great lengths to keep their targets quiet, using threats of disciplinary action, dismissal, and gagging clauses. What bullies fear most is exposure of their inadequacy and being called publicly to account for their behavior and its consequences. This makes sense when you remember that the purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy, and people who bully to hide their inadequacy are often incompetent.
A bully is a person who

has never learnt to accept responsibility for their behaviour
wants to enjoy the benefits of living in the adult world, but who is unable and unwilling to accept the responsibilities that are a prerequisite for being part of the adult world.
abdicates and denies responsibility for their behaviour and its consequences (abdication and denial are common features of bullying)
is unable and unwilling to recognise the effect of their behaviour on others
does not want to know of any other way of behaving
is unwilling to recognise that there could be better ways of behaving.

Bullying is obsessive and compulsive; the serial bully has to have someone to bully and appears to be unable to survive without a current target.
Despite the facade that such people put up, bullies have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and thus feel insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor highlighted by all studies of bullying. Because such people are inadequate and unable to fulfil the duties and obligations of their position (but have no hesitation in accepting salary), they fear being revealed. This fear of exposure often borders on paranoia.
Bullies are seething with resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices as a vehicle for dumping their anger onto others. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection (which cannot be assuaged) is another powerful motivator of bullying.
Bullies are people who have not learned the lesson of consequences, ie that if they behave well there are good consequences (reward), but if they behave badly there are bad consequences (restriction, sanction, punishment, etc). Since childhood, bullies have learnt that they can avoid the unpleasant consequences of bad behaviour through the instinctive response of denial, blame, and feigning victimhood.
How to spot a bully in your workplace
If you have a serial bully on the staff they will reveal themselves by their department showing excessive rates of

staff turnover
sickness absence
stress breakdowns
deaths in service
ill-health retirements
early retirements
uses of disciplinary procedures
grievances initiated
suspensions
dismissals
uses of private security firms to snoop on employees
litigation including employment tribunals or legal action against employees

Types of bullying
Pressure bullying or unwitting bullying is where the stress of the moment causes behaviour to deteriorate; the person becomes short-tempered, irritable and may shout or swear at others. Everybody does this from time to time, but when the pressure is removed, behaviour returns to normal, the person recognises the inappropriateness of their behaviour, makes amends, and may apologise, and - crucially - learns from the experience so that next time the situation arises they are better able to deal with it. This is "normal" behaviour and I do not include pressure bullying in my definition of workplace bullying.
Organisational bullying is a combination of pressure bullying and corporate bullying, and occurs when an organisation struggles to adapt to changing markets, reduced income, cuts in budgets, imposed expectations, and other external pressures.
Corporate bullying is where the employer abuses employees with impunity knowing that the law is weak and jobs are scarce, eg:

coercing employees to work 60/70/80 weeks on a regular basis then making life hell for (or dismissing) anyone who objects

dismissing anyone who looks like having a stress breakdown as it's cheaper (in the UK) to pay the costs of unfair dismissal at Employment Tribunal (eg £50K maximum, but awards are usually paltry) than risk facing a personal injury claim for stress breakdown (eg £175K as in the John Walker case)

introduces "absence management" to deny employees annual or sick leave to which they are genuinely entitled

regularly snoops and spies on employees, eg by listening in to telephone conversations, using the mystery shopper, contacting customers behind employees backs and asking leading questions, conducting covert video surveillance (perhaps by fellow employees), sending personnel officers or private investigators to an employee's home to interrogate the employees whilst on sick leave, threatening employees with interrogation the moment they return from sick leave, etc.

deems any employee suffering from stress as weak and inadequate whilst aggressively ignoring and denying the cause of stress (bad management and bullying)

"encourages" employees (with promises of promotion and/or threats of disciplinary action) to fabricate complaints about their colleagues

employees are "encouraged" to give up full-time permanent positions in favour of short-term contracts; anyone who resists has their life made hell

Institutional bullying is similar to corporate bullying and arises when bullying becomes entrenched and accepted as part of the culture. People are moved, long-existing contracts are replaced with new short-term contracts on less favourable terms with the accompanying threat of "agree to this or else", workloads are increased, work schedules are changed, roles are changed, career progression paths are blocked or terminated, etc - and all of this is without consultation.
Client bullying is where employees are bullied by those they serve, eg teachers are bullied (and often assaulted) by pupils and their parents, nurses are bullied by patients and their relatives, social workers are bullied by their clients, and shop/bank/building society staff are bullied by customers. Often the client is claiming their perceived right (eg to better service) in an abusive, derogatory and often physically violent manner. Client bullying can also be employees bullying their clients.
Serial bullying is where the source of all dysfunction can be traced to one individual, who picks on one employee after another and destroys them. This is the most common type of bullying I come across; most of this web site is devoted to describing and defining the serial bully, who exhibits the behavioural characteristics of a socialised psychopath. Most people know at least one person in their life with the profile of the serial bully; most people do not recognise this person as a socialised psychopath, or sociopath. I estimate one person in thirty is either a physically-violent psychopath who commits criminal acts, or an antisocial whose behaviour is antisocial, or a sociopath who commits mostly non-arrestable offences. For an in-depth insight into serial bullying, click here.
Secondary bullying is mostly unwitting bullying which people start exhibiting when there's a serial bully in the department. The pressure of trying to deal with a dysfunctional, divisive and aggressive serial bully causes everyone's behaviour to decline.
Pair bullying is a serial bully with a colleague. Often one does the talking whilst the other watches and listens. Usually it's the quiet one you need to watch. Usually they are of opposite gender and frequently there's an affair going on.
Gang bullying is a serial bully with colleagues. Gangs can occur anywhere, but flourish in corporate bullying climates. If the bully is an extrovert, they are likely to be leading from the front; they may also be a shouter and screamer, and thus easily identifiable (and recordable on tape and video-able). If the bully is an introvert, that person will be in the background initiating the mayhem but probably not taking an active part, and may thus be harder to identify. A common tactic of this type of bully is to tell everybody a different story - usually about what others are alleged to have said about that person - and encourage each person to think they are the only one with the correct story. Introvert bullies are the most dangerous bullies.
Half the people in the gang are happy for the opportunity to behave badly, they gain gratification from the feeling of power and control, and enjoy the patronage, protection and reward from the serial bully. The other half of the gang are coerced into joining in, usually through fear of being the next target if they don't. If anything backfires, one of these coercees will be the scapegoat and sacrificial lamb on whom enraged targets will be encouraged to vent their anger. The serial bully watches from a safe distance. Serial bullies gain a great deal of gratification from encouraging and watching others engage in conflict, especially those who might otherwise pool negative information about them.
Gang bullying or group bullying is often called mobbing and usually involves scapegoating and victimisation.
Vicarious bullying is where two parties are encouraged to engage in adversarial interaction or conflict. Similar to gang bullying, although the bully may or may not be directly connected with either of the two parties. One party becomes the bully's instrument of harassment and is deceived and manipulated into bullying the other party. An example of vicarious bullying is where the serial bully creates conflict between employer and employee, participating occasionally to stoke the conflict, but rarely taking an active part in the conflict themselves.
Regulation bullying is where a serial bully forces their target to comply with rules, regulations, procedures or laws regardless of their appropriateness, applicability or necessity. Legal bullying - the bringing of a vexatious legal action to control and punish a person - is one of the nastiest forms of bullying.
Residual bullying is the bullying of all kinds that continues after the serial bully has left. Like recruits like and like promotes like, therefore the serial bully bequeaths a dysfunctional environment to those who are left. This can last for years.
Cyber bullying is the misuse of email systems or Internet forums etc for sending aggressive flame mails. Serial bullies have few communication skills (and often none), thus the impersonal nature of email makes it an ideal tool for causing conflict. Sometimes called cyberstalking.
In environments where bullying is the norm, most people will eventually either become bullies or become targets. There are few bystanders, as most people will eventually be sucked in. It's about survival: you either adopt bullying tactics yourself and thus survive by not becoming a target, or you stand up against bullying and refuse to join in, in which case you are bullied, harassed, victimized and scapegoated until your health is so severely impaired that you have a stress breakdown (this is a psychiatric injury, not a mental illness - see health page for details on stress, or the PTSD page for details on psychiatric injury), take ill-health retirement, leave, find yourself unexpectedly selected for redundancy, or are unfairly dismissed.
Hierarchical bullying, peer bullying, upward bullying
The majority of cases of workplace bullying reported to the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line and Bully OnLine involve an individual being bullied by their manager, and these account for around 75% of cases. Around a quarter of cases involve bullying and harassment by peers (often with the collusion of a manager either by proactive involvement or by the manager refusing to take action). A small number of cases (around 1-2%) involve the bullying of a manager by a subordinate. Serial bullies like to tap into hierarchical power, but they also generate their own power by simply choosing to bully with impunity and justifying or denying their behaviour with rationalisation, manipulation, deception or lying.
In a case of bullying of a manager by a subordinate, it's my view that as bullying is a form of violence (at the psychological and emotional lever rather than the physical) it's the responsibility of the employer, not the individual manager, to deal with violence at work.
What is bullying?
People who are bullied find that they are:

constantly criticised and subjected to destructive criticism (often euphemistically called constructive criticism, which is an oxymoron) - explanations and proof of achievement are ridiculed, overruled, dismissed or ignored
forever subject to nit-picking and trivial fault-finding (the triviality is the giveaway)
undermined, especially in front of others; false concerns are raised, or doubts are expressed over a person's performance or standard of work - however, the doubts lack substantive and quantifiable evidence, for they are only the bully's unreliable opinion and are for control, not performance enhancement
overruled, ignored, sidelined, marginalised, ostracised
isolated and excluded from what's happening (this makes people more vulnerable and easier to control and subjugate)
singled out and treated differently (for example everyone else can have long lunch breaks but if they are one minute late it's a disciplinary offence)
belittled, degraded, demeaned, ridiculed, patronised, subject to disparaging remarks
regularly the target of offensive language, personal remarks, or inappropriate bad language
the target of unwanted sexual behaviour
threatened, shouted at and humiliated, especially in front of others
taunted and teased where the intention is to embarrass and humiliate
set unrealistic goals and deadlines which are unachievable or which are changed without notice or reason or whenever they get near achieving them
denied information or knowledge necessary for undertaking work and achieving objectives
starved of resources, sometimes whilst others often receive more than they need
denied support by their manager and thus find themselves working in a management vacuum
either overloaded with work (this keeps people busy [with no time to tackle bullying] and makes it harder to achieve targets) or have all their work taken away (which is sometimes replaced with inappropriate menial jobs, eg photocopying, filing, making coffee)
have their responsibility increased but their authority removed
have their work plagiarised, stolen and copied - the bully then presents their target's work (eg to senior management) as their own
are given the silent treatment: the bully refuses to communicate and avoids eye contact (always an indicator of an abusive relationship); often instructions are received only via email, memos, or a succession of yellow stickies or post-it notes
subject to excessive monitoring, supervision, micro-management, recording, snooping etc
the subject of written complaints by other members of staff (most of whom have been coerced into fabricating allegations - the complaints are trivial, often bizarre ["He looked at me in a funny way"] and often bear striking similarity to each other, suggesting a common origin)
forced to work long hours, often without remuneration and under threat of dismissal
find requests for leave have unacceptable and unnecessary conditions attached, sometimes overturning previous approval. especially if the person has taken action to address bullying in the meantime
denied annual leave, sickness leave, or - especially - compassionate leave
when on leave, are harassed by calls at home or on holiday, often at unsocial hours
receive unpleasant or threatening calls or are harassed with intimidating memos, notes or emails with no verbal communication, immediately prior to weekends and holidays (eg 4pm Friday or Christmas Eve - often these are hand-delivered)
do not have a clear job description, or have one that is exceedingly long or vague; the bully often deliberately makes the person's role unclear
are invited to "informal" meetings which turn out to be disciplinary hearings
are denied representation at meetings, often under threat of further disciplinary action; sometimes the bully abuses their position of power to exclude any representative who is competent to deal with bullying
encouraged to feel guilty, and to believe they're always the one at fault
subjected to unwarranted and unjustified verbal or written warnings
facing unjustified disciplinary action on trivial or specious or false charges
facing dismissal on fabricated charges or flimsy excuses, often using a trivial incident from months or years previously
coerced into reluctant resignation, enforced redundancy, early or ill-health retirement
denial of the right to earn your livelihood including preventing you getting another job, usually with a bad or misleading reference

A favourite tactic of bullies which helps them evade detection is to undertake a "reorganisation" at regular intervals. This has several advantages:

anyone whose face doesn't fit can be organised out through downsizing (redundancy) or transfer
ditto anyone who challenges the reorganisation
ditto, their job can be "regraded" or "redefined" to the person's disadvantage
each reorganisation is a smokescreen for the bully's dysfunctional behaviour - everyone is so busy coping with the reorganisation (chaos) that the bully's behaviour goes unnoticed
the bully can always claim to be reorganising in the name of "efficiency" and therefore be perceived by those above as a strong manager

However, there is never any cost-benefit justification to the reorganisation - no figures before and no figures after to prove the reorganisation has brought benefits.
Why me?
There are many reasons how and why bullies target others, and the reasons are consistent between cases. There are many myths and stereotypes such as "victims are weak" which I deconstruct on my myths page. Bullying often repeats because the reasons that bullies target their victims don't change, hence this section also answers the questions "Why do I keep getting bullied" and "Why do bullies continue to bully me?".
1) How do bullies select their targets?
The bully selects their target using the following criteria:

bullies are predatory and opportunistic - you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; this is always the main reason - investigation will reveal a string of predecessors, and you will have a string of successors
being good at your job, often excelling
being popular with people (colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc)
more than anything else, the bully fears exposure of his/her inadequacy and incompetence; your presence, popularity and competence unknowingly and unwittingly fuel that fear
being the expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional (ie you get more attention than the bully)
having a well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise
having a strong sense of integrity (bullies despise integrity, for they have none, and seem compelled to destroy anyone who has integrity)
having at least one vulnerability that can be exploited
being too old or too expensive (usually both)
refusing to join an established clique
showing independence of thought or deed
refusing to become a corporate clone and drone

Jealousy (of relationships and perceived exclusion therefrom) and envy (of talents, abilities, circumstances or possessions) are strong motivators of bullying.
2) Events that trigger bullying
Bullying starts after one of these events:

the previous target leaves
there's a reorganisation
a new manager is appointed
your performance unwittingly highlights, draws attention to, exposes or invites unfavourable comparison with the bully's lack of performance (the harder you work to address the bully's claims of underperformance, the more insecure and unstable the bully becomes)
you may have unwittingly become the focus of attention whereas before the bully was the centre of attention (this often occurs with female bullies) - most bullies are emotionally immature and thus crave attention
obvious displays of affection, respect or trust from co-workers
refusing to obey an order which violates rules, regulations, procedures, or is illegal
standing up for a colleague who is being bullied - this ensures you will be next; sometimes the bully drops their current target and turns their attention to you immediately
blowing the whistle on incompetence, malpractice, fraud, illegality, breaches of procedure, breaches of health & safety regulations etc
undertaking trade union duties
suffering illness or injury, whether work related or not
challenging the status quo, especially unwittingly
gaining recognition for your achievements, eg winning an award or being publicly recognised
gaining promotion

3) Personal qualities that bullies find irresistible
Targets of bullying usually have these qualities:

popularity (this stimulates jealousy in the less-than-popular bully)
competence (this stimulates envy in the less-than-competent bully)
intelligence and intellect
honesty and integrity (which bullies despise)
you're trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable
a well-developed integrity which you're unwilling to compromise
you're always willing to go that extra mile and expect others to do the same
successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude
a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness
imaginative, creative, innovative
idealistic, optimistic, always working for improvement and betterment of self, family, the employer, and the world
ability to master new skills
ability to think long term and to see the bigger picture
sensitivity (this is a constellation of values to be cherished including empathy, concern for others, respect, tolerance etc)
slow to anger
helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience
giving and selfless
difficulty saying no
diligent, industrious
tolerant
strong sense of honour
irrepressible, wanting to tackle and correct injustice wherever you see it
an inability to value oneself whilst attributing greater importance and validity to other people's opinions of oneself (eg through tests, exams, appraisals, manager's feedback, etc)
low propensity to violence (ie you prefer to resolve conflict through dialogue rather than through violence or legal action)
a strong forgiving streak (which the bully exploits and manipulates to dissuade you from taking grievance and legal action)
a desire to always think well of others
being incorruptible, having high moral standards which you are unwilling to compromise
being unwilling to lower standards
a strong well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise or abandon
high expectations of those in authority and a dislike of incompetent people in positions of power who abuse power
a tendency to self-deprecation, indecisiveness, deference and approval seeking
low assertiveness
a need to feel valued
quick to apologise when accused, even if not guilty (this is a useful technique for defusing an aggressive customer or potential road rage incident)
perfectionism
higher-than-average levels of dependency, naivety and guilt
a strong sense of fair play and a desire to always be reasonable
high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent
a tendency to internalise anger rather than express it

The typical sequence of events is:

the target is selected using the criteria above, then bullied for months, perhaps years
eventually, the target asserts their right not to be bullied, perhaps by filing a complaint with personnel
personnel interview the bully, who uses their Jekyll and Hyde nature, compulsive lying, and charm to tell the opposite story (charm has a motive - deception)
it's one word against another with no witnesses and no evidence, so personnel take the word of the senior employee - serial bullies excel at deception and evasion of accountability
the personnel department are hoodwinked by the bully into getting rid of the target - serial bullies are adept at encouraging conflict between people who might otherwise pool negative information about them
once the target is gone, there's a period of between 2-14 days, then a new target is selected and the process starts again (bullying is an obsessive compulsive behaviour and serial bullies seem unable to survive without a target on to whom they can project their inadequacy and incompetence whilst blaming them for the bully's own failings)
even if the employer realises that they might have sided with the wrong person in the past, they are unlikely to admit that because to do so may incur liability
if legal action is taken, employers go to increasingly greater lengths to keep targets quiet, usually by offering a small out-of-court settlement with a comprehensive gagging clause
employers are often more frightened of the bully than the target and will go to enormous lengths to avoid having to deal with bully (promotion for the bully is the most common outcome)

Contact us for strategies to counter the serial bully's tactics of deception or how to deal with a gagging clause.
There are many myths, misperceptions and stereotypes that bullies and their supporters, apologists and deniers disingenuously use to hide the facts listed above and to further victimise those targeted; click here for insight to counter these tactics.
What's the difference between bullying and harassment?
Acts of harassment usually centre around unwanted, offensive and intrusive behaviour with a sexual, racial or physical component. Measures to identify and proscribe acts of harassment derive from the Sex Discrimination Act, the Race Relations Act and the law of assault. More recently, the Disability Discrimination Act (1996), the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act (1994) and the Protection from Harassment Act (1996) have also influenced attitudes towards harassment. Significantly, the Protection from Harassment Act accords emphasis for the first time on the target's perception of the harassment rather than the perpetrator's alleged intent.
At present, if one is being bullied and is white, British, able-bodied and the same gender as the bully, one is not currently covered by discrimination law. Ironically, one is thus discriminated against by not qualifying under existing discrimination law. Whilst the DTI like to quote the Protection from Harassment Act as the way to deal with bullying at work, the Act is designed to deal with stalkers, not an incompetent manager criticising a subordinate in a work environment.
Under the previous Conservative government, the DTI similarly quoted the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act as the way to deal with bullying. To my knowledge not a single case of workplace bullying has been resolved by either act - or is ever likely to be.
Definitions of harassment and bullying vary and there is much overlap. The essential differences between harassment and workplace bullying are as follows:

Harassment	Workplace bullying
Has a strong physical component, eg contact and touch in all its forms, intrusion into personal space and possessions, damage to possessions including a person's work, etc	Almost exclusively psychological (eg criticism), may become physical later, especially with male bullies, but almost never with female bullies
Tends to focus on the individual because of what they are (eg female, black, disabled, etc)	Anyone will do, especially if they are competent, popular and vulnerable
Harassment is usually linked to sex, race, prejudice, discrimination, etc	Although bullies are deeply prejudiced, sex, race and gender play little part; it's usually discrimination on the basis of competence
Harassment may consist of a single incident or a few incidents or many incidents	Bullying is rarely a single incident and tends to be an accumulation of many small incidents, each of which, when taken in isolation and out of context, seems trivial
The person who is being harassed knows almost straight away they are being harassed	The person being bullied may not realise they are being bullied for weeks or months - until there's a moment of enlightenment
Everyone can recognise harassment, especially if there's an assault, indecent assault or sexual assault	Few people recognise bullying
Harassment often reveals itself through use of recognised offensive vocabulary, eg ("bitch", "coon", etc)	Workplace bullying tends to fixate on trivial criticisms and false allegations of underperformance; offensive words rarely appear, although swear words may be used when there are no witnesses
There's often an element of possession, eg as in stalking	Phase 1 of bullying is control and subjugation; when this fails, phase 2 is elimination of the target
The harassment almost always has a strong clear focus (eg sex, race, disability)	The focus is on competence (envy) and popularity (jealousy)
Often the harassment is for peer approval, bravado, macho image etc	Tends to be secret behind closed doors with no witnesses
Harassment takes place both in and out of work	The bullying takes place mostly at work
The harasser often perceives their target as easy, albeit sometimes a challenge	The target is seen as a threat who must first be controlled and subjugated, and if that doesn't work, eliminated
Harassment is often domination for superiority	Bullying is for control of threat (of exposure of the bully's own inadequacy)
The harasser often lacks self-discipline	The bully is driven by envy (of abilities) and jealousy (of relationships)
The harasser often has specific inadequacies (eg sexual)	The bully is inadequate in all areas of interpersonal and behavioural skills

Is Your Attitude Helping or Hurting You? (Part 2)

2010-07-11T13:32:00.000-07:00

This is a continuation of the “Is Your Attitude Helping or Hurting You” Series. The first post in this series can be found here.

The benefits of positive thinking and positive attitudes are well documented. Researchers have found that people with positive attitudes are happier, healthier, and live longer than those with negatives attitudes. So….

If You Are Going To Do Something, Do It With a Good Attitude – Think of the last time you were asked to do something by your spouse, employer or a friend but you really didn’t want to do what was requested. How would you describe your attitude in this type of situation?

Yesterday my wife asked me to do something while I was deep in thought about a project. Because I was in the middle of something, my immediate reaction was negative. I then had a choice. I could be grumpy and do what she requested or I could do it with a good attitude. Because I am personally working on doing everything with a positive attitude, I interrupted what I was doing, put a smile on my face, and happily helped her. It made the experience better for both of us.

The next time you have to do something you don’t want to do, let me challenge you to do it with a great attitude and see how it makes you feel. You will stand out!

Don’t Worry About What You Can’t Control – Here’s an interesting statistic I heard years ago. 92% of the things people worry about are beyond their control. If you are troubled about something you CAN control, like whether you are going to lose your job, then step up your game. Come in early, stay late, offer to work on a weekend, volunteer to take on additional responsibilities and everything else you can think of to increase your value. If you end up losing your job, you can bet you’ll get a good reference.

If on the other hand you find yourself worrying about something you can’t control, like the safety of your son in Iraq, then you must use your self-control and not allow yourself to worry about his safety. Worrying about things you can’t control will not only affect your overall attitude, but it will have a negative effect on your health.

Here’s a tip. Make a list of the things you worry about. Then divide that list into two categories: the concerns you can do something about and those you can’t. Take control of those where you can have an impact and put together a plan to attack them. Then make a commitment to yourself that you will be intentional about not worrying about the things you can’t control. Deal?

And lastly…

Challenge Yourself To Be Positive During Difficult Times – Bad things happen to all of us. It’s a given. But the key to maintaining our perspective and ultimately our longevity is our attitude during these tough periods. I cannot image one positive thing that can come from having a bad attitude during challenging times. Can you? Even if you lost your job, lost your home in foreclosure and were forced to sleep in your car, what good would come from having a negative attitude? The truth is that a negative attitude would compound your problems.

99% of the people I have met in my life have a negative attitude during difficult times. I suspect it’s because their thoughts are consumed with their problems and they’re not consciously aware of their negative attitude. The next time you find yourself dealing with something challenging, be aware of your attitude. Choose to remain positive. You will stand out like a bright light in a dark room.

You Are In Control of Your Attitude

Challenge yourself to do EVERYTHING you do with a positive attitude. Not only will this bring more joy and happiness into your life, but it will also build self-esteem and self-confidence.

Starting this very minute, stop worrying about the things you can’t control and start attacking the things you can. This is a choice you control. Don’t allow yourself to think differently.

When times get tough, be the person who stands out from the crowd with a positive attitude. If you are going through a difficult period right now, then be strong, be bold and read It’s a New Day.

Tune in on Monday for the final installment of this series.

Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. -Francesca Reigler

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. Sign up to receive Todd’s daily lessons at Little ThingsMatter.com

Cottonwood Community Garden~ VANCOUVER

2010-07-08T11:33:00.001-07:00

Straight Talk

Jill Weiss has designed the city's first community garden accessible to people with disabilities.

Matthew Burrows

July 6, 2010

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Accessible community garden tears down barriers to growing food in Vancouver

By Matthew Burrows

Thanks to community activist Jill Weiss’s “Yes we can” attitude, future generations of gardeners with disabilities will have less of a barrier to growing their own food in Vancouver.

If what has happened up to now is “apartheid by design”, as Weiss describes it, she is the local community-gardening equivalent of Nelson Mandela.

Weiss, a member of the City of Vancouver’s persons with disabilities advisory committee who uses a wheelchair, has designed the first-ever accessible community garden in the city.

The section of Strathcona’s Cottonwood Community Garden officially opens on Sunday (July 11).

In this accessible garden, there are no steps and no gravel quicksand for wheelchairs to sink into. The pathways are wide and the beds arranged so that people in wheelchairs can easily garden and run the water taps, which are set at a conducive height.

“I think people don’t realize how much people with disabilities are actually separate from everybody else in our culture, and how that feels and how wrong that is,” Weiss said. “So this garden is a step in the right direction, in bringing together everyone from seniors to young people to First Nations people, who are often excluded from most community groups or events—not by a physical barrier but by a different kind of barrier.”

The four-acre Cottonwood Community Garden contains 55 general-purpose plots in total, according to Weiss, and 10 of them are for people with disabilities.

With $10,000 in funding from the city, $6,000 from the nonprofit Evergreen Foundation, and $5,000 from gardeners, many volunteers helped built the accessible garden with a budget of $21,000.

Jill Weiss talks about the accessible garden.

The accessible garden’s official opening will take place at 11:30 a.m. with fanfare and food, Weiss said. It’s part of the annual Strathcona and Cottonwood Community Gardens open house, happening from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.

The garden is located along Raymur Avenue at Malkin Avenue.

“This garden was designed using the guidelines for successful community gardens from the City of Vancouver subcommittee on accessible community gardens, and we’re hoping that the city adopts those guidelines and that new gardens will follow them,” Weiss said. “It’s beautiful. It’s not just beautiful to the soul. It’s not just fair and right, but it’s also a gorgeous garden. It’s a really beautiful garden. It’s integrated and it’s accessible and it’s really pretty.”

The accessible plots are already all taken. Weiss, who is also vice-president of theStrathcona Community Gardeners Society, said anyone wanting to get on the waiting list should contact her at 604-608-0384 or e-mailinfo@cottonwoodcommunitygardens.ca.

Is Your Attitude Helping or Hurting You? (Part 1)~ written by Todd Smith

2010-07-08T05:12:00.000-07:00

Your attitude is a powerful sentiment. It affects every part of your life—self-image, relationships, business, and even your health. There’s just no way that I can cover the subject effectively in one post and so today, I am launching a three part series dedicated to YOUR ATTITUDE.

Definition of Attitude

A simple definition of attitude is a person’s feeling or emotion toward a fact or situation. It’s a person’s mental outlook on circumstances; one’s temperament, mood, or viewpoint. People tend to think that there are only two kinds of attitudes—positive and negative; but really there are many.

Here are just a few: friendly or reserved, confident or insecure, cheerful or depressing, compassionate or callous, determined or indecisive, peaceful or destructive, appreciative or ungrateful. It’s easy to see that all can be classified as either positive or negative and that they will truly identify who you are.

Attitude is a key component in defining one’s personality. Your attitudes affect how people see you—whether they like or dislike you, whether they want to be around you or avoid you. It affects their viewpoint about you—how they respond to you—whether you gain or lose influence with them.

Your attitude is reflected through the tone of your voice, the expression on your face, your body language and the courtesy or lack thereof extended to others.

Good and Bad Attitudes

Think of someone you know who always seems to have a good attitude. Who immediately comes to mind? How do you feel about this person? Is this someone you enjoy being around? Is this someone you would hire if you were an employer? Is this someone you would buy something from if he or she were selling something you needed?

Now think about someone who always seems to have a bad attitude. Who do you immediately think about? How do you feel about this person? Is this someone you enjoy being around? Does this person give you energy or draw energy from you? If you were having a party, would you invite this person? How likely would you be to embrace any idea that comes out of his or her mouth?

Your Attitude is a Choice

Your attitude is a choice and that choice is 100% within your control. Just know that the choice you make will influence every aspect of your life. Let me encourage you to begin looking at what’s good in your life and not what’s bad. If you are going through a difficult period, remember your attitude can make your life even worse or it can be the catalyst to turning your life around.

Learn From Your Failures

If you have experienced some recent failures, learn what you can and then force yourself to stop thinking about them. Continuing to think about mistakes you’ve made will affect your self-esteem, self-confidence, and ultimately your attitude. We all make mistakes. I’ve made hundreds of them. Everyone slips and stumbles somewhere along the way. But your success does not depend on how often you fall. It depends on how often you get up and try again and on how much you learn from each experience.

Stop Complaining

Perhaps most importantly, stop complaining. What do you gain by complaining? You certainly do not attract others. Most people don’t want to be around those who complain. You can’t change the situation by whining. You don’t make any progress or improve your circumstances by moaning and groaning. I can’t think of one positive result that comes from complaining.

Begin to Enjoy Doing What You Don’t Enjoy

If you find yourself struggling to keep a positive attitude at your job, begin to enjoy doing what you don’t currently enjoy. Make it fun. Look for the positives. Look at how you can grow yourself through what would normally be unpleasant experiences. People’s respect grows for a person who has a positive attitude when it would be easy to have the opposite.

Self Evaluation

So, let me ask you to be honest with yourself and evaluate your attitude. If your family, friends and co-workers were to describe your attitude, what would they say? Starting NOW, I want to challenge you to become aware of your attitude and it’s affect on your life and those around you.

In tomorrow’s lesson we will look at several other situations that can challenge your ability to have a good attitude. By the end of this three part series, you will have learned the strategies you need to be the first person people think about when they are asked, “Who do you know who always seems to have a great attitude?”

About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. Sign up to receive Todd’s daily lessons at Little ThingsMatter.com

What is Confidence, Why is it So Important; How Do You Get Some? Top Ten List

2010-07-07T20:54:00.001-07:00

Wealthy people always seem so confident and self assured. Leaders exude a confidence that creates followers. How do they do it? Are they born confident? Is it theirupbringing? Their schooling? Why are financially successful people and leaders able to present an image of total self confidence?

Self-confidence is a pre-requisite for financial success. It gives you the courage to say things you would not normally say. When you are self-confident you have no problem asking for a raise or quoting a client a fee that might raise their eyebrows. Confidence allows you to say no to someone, even if that no might make that someone unhappy or even angry with you. Confidence allows you to say yes to someone when you are confident you can deliver on a promise.

Confidence gives you the courage to do things you would not normally do.That might be to head a committee, join a civic, church or non-profit group, accept a speaking engagement, teach, demand a meeting with someone of importance, push for what you want, enter a business arrangement, start a business, ask a favor.

Confidence helps you deal with adversity. Everyone, even the wealthiest individuals, experience adversity in their everyday lives. All adversity creates stress. But confident people are able to handle the stress. One wealthy person told me that when faced with adversity or stress he says to himself over and over: “Water off a Ducks Back”. When I pressed him as to what this actually meant he explained how the feathers of a duck are water proof and that the water just rolls easily off the feathers on their back. He sees adversity and stress as nothing more than water and visualizes it rolling easily off his back. What he really means is that he does not let stress get the best of him. Because he is so confident, he believes he can overcome any adversity or set-back.

Confidence changes your behavior and the behavior of those you deal with.And here’s the most important thing: people love confident people. They flock to them like a moth to a flame. Average people cannot get enough of confident people and will follow them, bend to their will, alter their schedules to accommodate them, do favors for them, try to befriend them and generally give them what they want. Confident people usually get what they want. They can move mountains to achieve their objectives and goals, with their tribe of followers doing the heavy lifting. You see, its just plain great to be confident. It breeds financial success.

So how do you increase your confidence?

Let me clear one thing up. You cannot think your way to being confident. Don’t listen to those self-help pundits who advocate thinking as a means to change who or what you are. Thinking you are confident will not make you confident. Gaining confidence requires action-oriented steps. Here are my top ten action-oriented confidence boosters:

1. Engage in public speaking. I have found nothing that boosts one’s confidence more than public speaking. The very thought of saying something in a public forum is so frightening to many people that they will make an effort to never put themselves in such a position. Boy what a mistake that is. Public speaking, by its very act, forces you to overcome a real fear. Anytime we overcome our fears in life through action, its a notch in our confidence belt. And there is no notch quite as large as the notch that is created when you overcome your fear of speaking in public. A friend of mine recently confided in me his fear of public speaking after watching me give a presentation to 125 people. He told me he admired me for having the courage to get up in front of strangers and speak. I mention this because this person was my secret mentor. My admiration for his skills, competence and business acumen is great. I looked up to him for years. I wished I was more like him. And here he was telling me how much he (my mentor) admired me, just because I overcame a fear he had. Understand this; most people who listen to a speaker, deep down, admire them for doing what they cannot do (or will not do). The very act of speaking in itself creates confidence faster than any other confidence booster.

2. Write. Write a blog, article or book. Write on topics you are familiar with. Write on topics that relate to your career or industry. Writing forces you to clarify what you think you know about a something. It forces you to dig deep in understanding an area so you can explain it in your writing. It causes you to second guess your thinking. To question you knowledge. It forces you to be accountable to others who are reading your writing. This accountability requires that you get it right. Writing takes you to another level of understanding what you think you know about something and this makes you more knowledgeable and, thus confident.

3. Join Groups. Join a civic group, networking group, charitable group, non-profit group, industry group. Joining a group forces you to interact with more people on a regular basis. The more you interact with people the more you are exposed to new ideas and concepts. It increases your general knowledge in life. It forces you to deal with diverse personalities and, perhaps new cultures. Whenever you join a group you add to your network of contacts and you experience new things. When we experience new things, it forces us to change and expand our horizons in life. Learning new things increases your knowledge base and grows your confidence.

4. Visualization. I know I said you can’t think your way to confidence and I meant it. However, when coupled with action-oriented confidence booster steps it will put you in the correct state of mind. When you are doing things to increase your confidence (confidence booster action steps) make sure you visualize yourself as a confident person. Visualization only works when accompanied by action.

5. Daily Affirmations. Like visualization, daily affirmations work wonders, but only if you are engaged in a confidence boosting activity such as speaking, writing or networking. Affirmations must be daily, in the present tense and represent the future you. For example: “I am a confident person because I am a professional speaker”.

6. Take on a New Challenging Career-Related Self Improvement Project. A career-related self improvement project is one that will increase your skillets in your area of expertise. It may represent an area you are not that familiar with or an area you are familiar with. It does not matter. Anytime you engage in a self improvement project you learn new things and this boosts your confidence.

7. Practice, Practice, Practice. My old buda-shaped Jesuit philosophy college professor would start our theology class every day by saying the following words: “repetition is knowledge and perfection”. He said it so often that most of us simply ignored it. In one ear, out the other. We never gave it a second thought. But a funny thing happened after I graduated college. I could not forget those words. It was as if they were ingrained in my brain like railroad tracks. It was not until sometime much later in life that I began to think about those words as I became more skilled in my career. Practice, practice, practice when applied to my career made me better and more competent and this translated into more money in my life. The more I practiced things I knew, over and over again, the more confident I grew in myself and what I did for a living. I finally understood what my teacher was saying nearly thirty years after he spoke those words. Practice, practice, practice makes you better at what you do, makes you more confident in what you do and makes you more money in what you do.

8. Fail, Make Mistakes and Get Back on the Horse. Too many people think of failure as a negative thing. Failure has all sorts of negative connotations. We fail, therefore we must not be very good or competent at what we do. Mistakes have the same psychological effect, but in a much smaller scale. Failure and mistakes equals knowledge as long as we learn from them so as to not repeat them. Failures and mistakes are a learning experience and nothing more. Every time you fail or make a mistake, instead of beating yourself up you should congratulate yourself. You just learned, through experience, what not to do. Failure and mistakes grow our knowledge base and make us more confident because we now know what not to do.

9. Teach. There is no better way to really learn something than by having to teach it to someone. Teaching forces you to really understand something so you can explain it to someone else. When you teach you improve our skillets and this gives you more confidence in the subject matter. Teaching will make you more confident about what you know.

10. Read For Career-Related Self-Improvement. Like project confidence booster # 6, reading for career-related self improvement will force you to learn new things and improve your knowledge base. Anytime you increase your knowledge base in your profession, you increase your confidence in what you do.

Tom is a Certified Public Accountant, a Certified Financial Planner, CLTC (Certified Long-Term Care) and President of Cerefice & Company, the largest CPA firm in Rahway, New Jersey. Tom works with clients helping them manage their money, retirement planning, college savings, life insurance needs, IRAs and qualified plan rollovers with an eye towards maximizing tax benefits and minimizing taxes. Tom is founder of the Rich Habits Institute and author of “Rich Habits”.

The Intentional Morning – 3 Simple Habits to Energize Your Day

2010-07-07T20:53:00.001-07:00

Not long ago I realized just how off-track my mornings had become.
Under the guise of “keeping up with business” I was cramming my mornings with “busyness.” (I was checking my email upon waking and sampling blog stats before breakfast.) No surprise that my days lacked energy and inspiration!
Use these three simple suggestions to fine-tune your own morning routine.

#1. Get up a half-hour earlier, and use the time intentionally.

In many spiritual traditions, the early morning hours are revered as a time of spiritual insight and renewal. You don’t have to become a monk to leverage this principle, though. You don’t have to get up at 5am!
If you can manage to get to bed a few minutes earlier and start your day with an extra half-hour, I can almost guarantee that in three weeks’ time you’ll be feeling happier and more energized in your life.
The world offers us many opportunities to react in a day: news reports, phone calls, real-time internet apps. Without intentionality, we allow the subtle signal of our inner compasses to get diluted or drowned out by the input coming our way.
Try waking up by intentionally using a small portion of your morning time just for yourself. Doing so will revitalize your inner compass and boost your energy.

#2. Connect to Your Body (Not the Internet).

Practitioners of NIA (non-impact aerobics) make an interesting distinction between “mechanical” time and “natural” time.
In mechanical time, we react to external timetables (like clocks and calendars). We gain satisfaction through “matching” our environment. We show up on time. We meet our deadlines.
In contrast, in natural time we synchronize our efforts with an organic rhythm we perceive from within. If you’ve ever enjoyed a day listening to the waves at the beach, then you understand the meditative calm that arises from reconnecting to natural rhythms.
Here are two easy ways to connect to natural time.

Stay offline.

When you “log on and check in” online, you allow yourself to be nudged into reacting to the world’s demands. For your morning routine, prioritize “natural time before mechanical time.”
Try creating a boundary around your online work. “No internet until after breakfast.” Clear boundaries help you focus…and relax.

Move your body.

A great way to get connected to natural time is through feeling the rhythm and sensation of our breath.
One of my favorite ways to access natural time is to do a simple 20-minute yoga routine when I wake up. Moving my body overcomes my writerly tendencies to “live in my head.”
Try moving your body when you first wake up. Remember that your goal to wake yourself slowly. Mindfully. Abandon any ambitions or goals. Simply notice how your body responds to gentle movement. Notice your breath.

#3. Tune Up Your Attitude.

Athletes use pep rallies and huddles to motivate themselves before big games. You can energize yourself on your own by using 10 minutes of your morning time to build a foundation for an empowered, positive attitude.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Read inspirational literature
Add to your gratitude list
Write down three specific intentions for your day
Repeat affirmations
Watch your breath as you breathe in and breathe out
Set a timer and free write
“Pre-rehearse” the day by visualizing your meetings and other activities

It seems paradoxical, but to set yourself up for a productive, focused day, it’s important to give yourself some time to do what Brenda Ueland calls “moodling.” Let your body saunter. Let your focus meander.
Trust me: putting natural time before “getting busy” time will get easier with practice. Approach your mornings with intention and watch your energy level soar.
Marla Beck, a Productivity and Life Balance Coach for Writers, offers “The Relaxed Writer,” ezine, a monthly newsletter with inspiration, tips and strategies to help you create a more focused, relaxed and rewarding writing life. Start receiving your free tips today: http://www.CoachMarla.com. Also visit “The Relaxed Writer,” Marla’s blog, at http://www.TheRelaxedWriter.com.

Do Your Thoughts Sabotage Your Success?

2010-07-07T20:49:00.001-07:00

Whether you believe it or not, positive attitude is not just a “soft skill” – it is a significant factor in achievement. Most dysfunction in business and personalachievement can be traced back to a root cause: ineffective thinking habits! That does not have to be the case for you, though. You can learn to manage your habits of thought and directly affect your level of performance and achievement.
Are you ready?
The first step in harnessing ineffective thinking habits and moving toward growth is becoming aware; for with an enhanced level of awareness, you can make choices that promote positive attitudes. It sounds so simple, but effective change always begins with awareness. People will choose to change when they are aware that the change will serve their best interest!

What is attitude?

An attitude can best be defined as a habit of thought. You naturally develop certain patterns of thinking about the people and world around you. These thinking habits can be conditioned and patterned by parents, friends, culture, environment, experiences, and circumstances.
If you do not assume personal responsibility for developing your own effective, positive attitudes, the world around you will shape your attitudes with average thinking, which is usually negative and unproductive. As a result, you become a victim of your own ineffective thinking patterns.
Every thought you entertain during the day is either positive or negative. There is no in-between or neutral thought. Every moment of your thinking pattern during the day either serves your growth or serves your stagnation.
Most people describe their attitude as neutral – neither positive nor negative. But everything in nature is either growing or decaying, and the same is true in business. There can be no neutral positions. You and your thoughts are alive and dynamic. The thinking patterns that determine your attitudes either work to bring about your growth or work to bring about your decline. It truly is that simple!

Fear is the enemy of positive thoughts

Everyone is challenged by the emotion of fear. Fear is a natural, human emotion that instinctively causes us to respond with a defensive reflex to any perceived threat. If left unmanaged, your attitudes will be controlled by the emotion of fear.
For example, if you set a goal that requires you to do new things, these new activities will seem uncomfortable at first. That is normal, but you may instinctively respond with fearful feelings because the new activities are uncomfortable. This leads you to psychologically interpret those fearful feelings as “risks” or “dangers,” while in fact these new activities may not be dangerous at all.
We all have a basic fear of risks and the unknown. This response is natural, yet absolutely counterproductive to achievement. All achievement requires you to grow beyond your current status or position. You cannot possibly expect to grow and not confront new activities, skills, and responsibilities. If you allow your natural responses of fear to direct your thinking, you personally sabotage your opportunities for achievement by choosing to quit or not to act.
In fact, most of the people who fail to achieve did not fail at all. They simply allowed fear to control their thinking and decided to quit. The fear of risk and the unknown were stronger than their desire to achieve.

How do I conquer the fear?

The best way to get over this natural inclination to fear the unknown is to plan for it. Have a game plan that you can depend on to start fostering a positive attitude. It will start off feeling forced, but over time it will become a habit. Positive habits inevitably lead to positive outcomes!
To get you started, practice the following five steps that will help you develop the mental toughness needed to face the challenge of your natural instinct of fear… and to win!

Step #1 – Maintain positive expectancy

You must keep the vision of your desired, future achievement in the forefront of your mental focus. Achievement is 80% mental! You will first accomplish your dreams in your mind before you ever realize them materially. Build a vision of your future that is stronger than your fears, and fill your thinking patterns with positive expectancy, which actually attracts the circumstances that you will need to realize your achievement.

Step #2 – Manage your daily choices according to your goals, not your feelings

Managing consistent, positive expectancy is difficult because you never feel the same, physically or emotionally, every single day of the week. If you only work on your goals when you feel good, your actions will be too inconsistent to produce results.
My long-time friend and mentor, Paul J. Meyer, would say, “Follow through with your daily plans regardless of circumstances or what other people say, think, or do.” In other words, your dreams for the future must be strong enough to keep you following through with those plans on a daily basis, no matter how you feel.

Step #3 – Aggressively manage your positive relationships

Your associations with others will either promote your growth or deter it. The thinking habits of those with whom you associate affect your thinking. You must, therefore, foster relationships with people who inspire and influence your growth. In the same vein, aggressively avoid those who impose their negative beliefs or attitudes on you. You cannot engage in negative relationships without being negatively affected, so you must manage your personal relationships aggressively!

Step #4 – Live in the moment!

Life comes to each of us one day at a time. You cannot live in the future any more than you can change the past. The past is gone and tomorrow does not exist. Many people never succeed in their life plans because they are always saying, “I’ll start tomorrow.” Tomorrow turns into next week, next month, and next year. Some call it procrastination, but in reality, it is nothing more than a comfort zone.
You procrastinate on your personal growth because it is simply more comfortable to wait. Learn to live right now! Change your thinking about waiting and develop the attitude of urgency in applying effective actions daily.

Step #5 – Believe

Faith – being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see – is a spiritual term. It makes no sense intellectually and can be understood only from a spiritual perspective. Regardless of your religious or non-religious position, belief is vital in your growth and achievement, and you cannot understand belief without an understanding of faith.
There will be times in your achievement journey when quitting or giving up will seem like the only alternatives. At these times, it will take the strength of your faith to prevail. You must believe that you can achieve, for it is the spark that sustains you.
Putting it all together
Armed with a new level of awareness of how and why negative attitudes are instinctive, you now understand why a positive attitude development program is vital to your growth, success, and achievement.
You must develop a positive, productive attitude. It will never happen naturally, but just because it is not natural does NOT mean you cannot do it! Manage you thoughts and attitudes everyday, conquer the fear, and get ready to ACHIEVE!

Inspiring genuine growth and achievement in leaders, David Byrd has 30 years of experience working with top business executives and their organizations. He is a master of effective leadership and works closely with leaders worldwide to maximize their leadership potential. For more information about The Next-Level Achievement System® or David’s book, Achievement – A Proven System For Next Level Growth, visithttp://www.authorsup.com/David-Byrd.

36 Ways to Make a Positive Impression in Less Than 10 Seconds~ written by Todd Smith

2010-07-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

There are literally hundreds if not thousands of little things we can do to raise the bar in our professional and personal lives.
So many of these things are easy to do and can be accomplished in less than 10 seconds. They just require an intentional effort.
What is CRITICAL to understand is that your ultimate success, fulfillment and happiness will come from doing the little things that matter.
As entrepreneur and best selling author Harvey Mackay said, “Little things don’t mean a lot. They mean everything.”
Here is a short list of 36 things you can do in less than 10 seconds that will make you a better person, enhance your self-image and improve the quality of your life.
1. Make it a point to say the words ”I love you” to the people in your home every single day.
2. Offer a friendly authentic smile- a great smile radiates warmth, puts people at ease and makes you likable.
3. Make comfortable eye contact- your eyes send messages; establishing and maintaining eye contact with people demonstrates confidence, respect, and genuine interest.
4. Use someone’s name – everyone likes to hear and see his or her name.
5. Acknowledge people- smile and say hi to the people around you.
6. Express your appreciation- say “thank you” to everyone who does something for you even if they are paid to do it.
7. Be unselfish and put others first- it could be as simple as holding the door open for someone.
8. Offer a word of encouragement- sometimes this is all a person needs to build confidence and take the next big step. This is big!
9. Accept responsibility when you are wrong- it’s the sign of a person with character.
10. Be friendly- it lifts the attitude of others and is the #1 factor in being likable.
11. Maintain a positive mental attitude- your attitude is a choice and that choice is 100% within your control.
12. Be kind and considerate- to people you know as well as strangers.
13. Be like a dog and be the first to greet people- it helps new people entering the room feel more comfortable and demonstrates your interest in them.
14. Offer people you meet a warm greeting- this will set the tone for the entire encounter.
15. Say please- make it a habit to use the word please EVERY TIME you ask someone to do something for you even if they are paid to do it.
16. Get up and walk into the other room to speak to someone, rather than yelling.
17. Put the toilet seat down.
18. Turn your head and cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough.
19. Improve your body posture- poor posture is an indication of low self-esteem.
20. Say goodbye- make a good last impression.
21. Offer a proper handshake- a good, firm handshake demonstrates confidence and makes a good impression.
22. Give someone a hug- a hug is a sign that you really care for the other person.
23. Proof your email, text or post- this is an important component of portraying a professional online brand.
24. Click the LIKE button on someone’s Facebook post- it’s an easy way to demonstrate interest.
25. Turn off your phone in meetings- even though your phone may not make sounds, your eyes and attention will be diverted from the other people in attendance and your lack of attention demonstrates disrespect.
26. Repeat your phone number twice when leaving a voicemail- speaking slowly and repeating your phone number will make you stand out.
27. When scheduling appointments use the other person’s time zone- this avoids misunderstandings or missed opportunities.
28. Speak with life and energy in your voice- no one likes to be around people who are “dead, dull and lifeless.”
29. Walk with a bounce in your step- it’s evidence of an energetic attitude that ultimately leads to success.
30. Turn off the notifications that are bugging those around you.
31. Write things down- it prevents you from forgetting things that are important.
32. Say something positive to others about another person- reverse gossip.
33. Congratulate your opponent- good sportsmanship is evidence of leadership.
34. Introduce yourself- be proactive and introduce yourself to people whom you have never met.
35. Look for the good in others and tell them what you see- you have the ability to bring out the best in people, especially when they may not know it themselves.
36. Hold in that fart- the pain will go away in less than 10 seconds.
As you can see, each of these tips is easy to do. They don’t require any formal education or financial investment. We can begin to incorporate them into our lives this very minute. All we need is to be conscious of them and be willing to take 10 seconds to do them.
Let me encourage you to print out this list and put an asterisk beside the ones you are committed to working on. Track your results and see how you do.
This is just a small sampling of the things we can do in less than 10 seconds to make a positive impression on others. What are some other simple things we can do in less than 10 seconds? I look forward to reading them in the comments section below this post.
About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here.

What is it about Verbal Abuse?~written by Noreen Wedman

2010-07-07T17:52:00.000-07:00

There is something key about words to the human psyche. Educational researchers have found that the number of words that a child hears or sees before the age ofthree is the single biggest predictor of future success. Early on, word exposure affects brain development. Word usage is fundamental to human development and interaction.
Somewhat similar to the way ants relate to each other via chemicals, humans relate to each other via words. We are social creatures. Human social life is amazingly complicated and much of it involves words. We depend on accurate feedback from each other to improve our functioning. We depend on language to increase cooperation and enhance survival. We use words to learn and teach. We use words to connect, express support and affection. Misuse of language can wreck havoc in any of these functions. Verbal and other emotional abuse is a misuse of a language function.
Conversely, when talking about verbal and other forms of emotional abuse, too much focus is placed on the literal meaning of the words when responding to verbal abuse or talking about how to heal from it. If we focus on just the words when responding to emotional abuse, we won’t be effective because it is the use of the words to control, manipulate, hurt, dominate or ruin (as in reputation or sanity) that is the problem. For instance, arguing about content with someone who is rationalizing in the first place is a losing battle – s/he will probably just continue to rationalize.
When trying to understand the impact of the abuse and how to heal, it is important to identify the damage to the relationship – the lack of support, cooperation, nurturing, informing, and bonding. These processes are the building materials of a relationship. Without them you have a leaky vessel in danger of sinking. The lack of any one of these is a serious loss – especially in key relationships with parents and partners. And in cultures with weak extended family systems and communities, the losses take on even more impact.
Verbal abuse hurts for a number of reasons. It hurts to think someone thinks badly of you. It hurts if there is a little truth in the abuse, which is often how someone who is abusing you hooks you into playing the game. And yes, the spin that you put on verbal abuse has the power to increase or decrease the pain. If you are uncertain of yourself because of abusive parenting, verbal abuse is going to hurt more and be more confusing because the abuse appears to confirm the earlier abusive messages. To rationalize away the hurt by saying that they are only words is to ignore the purpose of painful emotions – to let us know that something is wrong.
And there is grief over the losses. It hurts when you realize someone you thought you were in a relationship with doesn’t care about you the way you thought they did. Even once you figure out that it is a game, a destructive one, it is painful and alarming to realize you weren’t able to recognize it sooner.
And, even once you realize that the abuse is really about the other person, it may still hurt and trigger you sometimes or at least somewhat if not as much. Part of the reason for this is stimulus response conditioning – there are a lot of opportunities in life to have negative visceral and emotional associations with all sorts of emotional abuse. Or as Don Miguel Ruiz expresses it, “One word is like a spell, and humans use the word like black magicians, thoughtlessly putting spells on each other.” This is especially true if you were raised with someone who is abusive or have been with an emotionally abusive partner for a while.
Even once you have had considerable opportunity to “decondition” the stimulus response conditioning and you have come to a point where you feel pretty good about yourself, you may still get upset sometimes. Why? Because you are human, and humans depend on the strength of their social contacts for survival and general well-being. Abusers make use of that knowledge.
In addition, if you grew up with a verbally abusive parent, it may have negatively impacted your cognitive development as well as your maturational development. In a couple of well constructed studies looking at the impact of neglect and other forms of abuse in connection with the issue of dissociation, both studies were surprised to find verbal abuse as having a strong correlation with dissociation(http://www.attachmentresearch.org/pdfs/Dutra%20et%20al%20draft.pdf by Dutra et alandhttp://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/163/6/993? by Teicher et al). Both studies were large and neither predicted the correlation. In the study by Teicher et al, the correlation of dissociation with verbal abuse was as strong the correlation of dissociation with sexual abuse by a non family member and stronger than with physical abuse. Scientists don’t really understand why the correlation is so strong. I have some hypothesizes:
In the longitudinal study by Dutra et al, emotional abandonment was prevalent in the parenting of the children studied. As discussed earlier, the use of words is closely tied with bonding. In the videos, you can see the child going up to the parent for support when injured only to be ignored or rebuffed by the parent. The children then display confused behavior going toward and then away from the parent. The human mind doesn’t seem to know how to handle this situation. It is programmed to reach out for support. Perhaps the awareness that the parent isn’t there for them is too alarming and mild dissociation happens or a pattern for dissociation is formed to avoid the very threatening reality of an unavailable parent. Responsible caring parental figures are literally key to the survival of children. Perhaps the amygdala reacts, clouding awareness. I also suspect that attachment and the capacity for language are linked in the hardwiring of the brain andthrough learning.
There is another major reason verbal abuse is damaging and that is the chronicity of stress in an emotionally abusive relationship. In emotionally abusive relationships, not only are there patterns of abuse, but the abuse is frequent. That means you frequently have to dislodge whatever verbal bomb that was lodged at you and landed in your brain. This takes time and energy. Plus there is the drain of the weapons hurled at you that you were unable to dislodge or identify and are continuing to leak poison into your psyche.
And there is the stress of the lack of cooperation. Problems are not getting solved. If it is an adult relationship, you are doing more than your share of work in the relationship. If you are a child growing up in an abusive household, there is a lot that you are not learning or are going to have to unlearn that will follow you into adulthood.
Whether the relationship is with a parent, partner or friend, there is the lack of affection and support that you are not getting, but which is necessary to replenish and nurture your psyche. All of the above take a tremendous toll on the psyche and the body, and you may become both physically and mentally unwell. Most of my clients come through the door with symptoms of depression and anxiety and some stress related physical ailment. Verbal abuse hurts for a complex set of reasons, including the toll of chronic stress on your physical health.

36 Ways to Make a Positive Impression in Less Than 10 Seconds~ written by Todd Smith

2010-07-07T17:50:00.000-07:00

Happiness is a Choice~ written by Todd Smith

2010-07-07T13:49:00.000-07:00

Although it may be tempting to dismiss a call to happiness during this time of worldwide struggle and

strife as overly optimistic or too simplistic, let me tell you now that I believe this is the perfect time for a reminder that when it comes to happiness, all of us have a choice.

In fact, choosing to be happy is one of the very few essential decisions that we get to keep regardless of age, stage of life, or present situation. It’s a decision that can’t be taken away, and no one else can make it for you.

Each one of us gets to choose, every single moment of every day, whether or not we decide to be happy.

It Pays to Be Happy

When we choose to be happy, the rewards are truly great. First and foremost, happy people are more likable and desirable to be around. Isn’t it amazing how we’re drawn to people with sunny dispositions? One of the many consequences of this phenomenon of human nature is that happy people regularly benefit from the enthusiastic help and cooperation of others.

Secondly, happy people consistently report an improved quality of life. They enjoy life and everything in it more than people who aren’t happy.

I can personally attest to the connection between happiness and improved quality of life. Many years ago, I decided that I would be intentional about choosing to be happy. I didn’t just say I wanted to be happy, I found out what I needed to do to make happiness a daily reality for me.

Nine Choices Happy People Make

In their book, How We Choose to Be Happy: The 9 Choices of Extremely Happy People, authors Rick Foster and Greg Hicks present the results of interviews with happy people all over the world, from all walks of life. They found and wrote about nine specific choices commonly made by happy people. As you can see, most of these are things we already know about, and may even already practice.

The key, as I discussed in What is Easy to Do is Not Easy to Do, is to use your personal initiative to do the little things that are easy to do, and do them consistently. Here’s the list of choices that Foster and Hicks came up with:

1. Intend to Be Happy. This is the fully conscious decision to choose happiness over unhappiness. Check out Learn to Enjoy What You Don’t Enjoy.

2. Be Accountable. You make the choice to assume full personal responsibility for your actions, thoughts and feelings, as well as to refuse to blame others for your own unhappiness. It is also the practice of seeing ourselves as having control over our own lives, rather than being at the receiving end of circumstances.
3. Discover Your Needs. This is the ongoing process of identifying for ourselves what makes us truly happy. You may want to review my post Was Napoleon Hill Wrong?

4. Centralize Your Goals. Creating a dream list is the happy person’s non-negotiable insistence on making that which creates happiness a central activity in life.

5. Turn Problems into Opportunities. Recasting is to change the form of something. Look at experiences in positive ways and change your problems into challenges.

6. Explore Options. Make the decision to approach life by being open to any new possibilities and take a flexible approach to life’s journey.

7. Express Appreciation. Communicating gratitude and giving thanks to the people around you daily brings happiness. For more on this valuable point read my post on The Power of Showing Your Appreciation

8. Share Unselfishly. The art of giving is the act of sharing one’s self with friends, community and the world at large without the expectation of a ‘return on investment.’

9. Be Truthful at All Times. Make a contract with yourself and design a means by which to check your thoughts and actions against your own internal, personal code. For more thoughts on the value of truthfulness, check out my blog: Being Honest With Ourselves

Though I’m fortunate that I have experienced a rewarding career and professional life, it’s not my achievements that are to be credited for my happiness and the outstanding quality of life I now enjoy. Rather, it’s the little decisions I consistently make each day—just like these—that continue to help me in my choice to be happy.

If you’ve never considered happiness as a choice before now, let me say again that I don’t think there has ever been a better time than now to begin choosing happiness. Will you commit to being intentional about making one of the choices listed above each day for the next nine days? I hope you will.

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” —Anonymous

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About the Author: Todd Smith is a successful entrepreneur of 29 years and founder of Little Things Matter. To receive Todd’s daily lessons, subscribe here. All Todd’s lessons are also available on iTunes as downloadable podcasts. (Todd’s podcasts are listed in America’s top 100 podcasts.)

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Negative Attitude: Causes, Consequences And Cures written by Simona Rich

2010-06-18T20:44:00.001-07:00

The Causes of Negative Attitude

Limiting beliefs. The main cause of negative attitude is wrong beliefs about life or certain aspects of it. You see the life through your beliefs and if your beliefs are negative, you will see your life as unhappy or downright pointless. So to change such attitude you need to change your beliefs. Read this article about NLP Techniques to change your beliefs (look at the technique no.5).

Negative family/friends. It seems that your friends and family affect how you feel and if your family is negative, they cause your bad attitude. That's, however, not the case because only you can decide how you feel. I know this may seem unreal to those who hear it for the first time, but you and only you can decide how to react to anything that happens to you.

You don't have to get upset when someone tries to get you upset. You can choose to remain calm or even be happy. If you allow others to decide how you should feel, you let them have control over you. That's, of course, not a wise decision since people usually mind their own well-being first.

You always have choices. If your family is negative, for example, you can choose to live away from them or at least see them less often. If your friends are negative, you can simply refuse to be with them. This will definitely be beneficial because then nobody will reinforce your negative beliefs and thus cause your negative attitude. Remember, however, that you attracted your friends and because of that you have the power to attract better ones.

Negative environment. If you do not see the relation between your thoughts and the environment that you find yourself in, it's no surprise that you assume that you have no power to change it. So when you think you are powerless over your environment and your environment is negative, that causes your negative attitude.

To change that you need to understand that your thinking led you to this environment and it wasn't so simply by accident. So to change your negative environment you need to change your thinking which will be described further on in this article.

Unsatisfying circumstances/life. If you find yourself complaining about how unhappy you are, it's exactly the reason you have such a negative attitude. It may be hard at first to understand and accept this but the quicker you do, the quicker you will be able to change your life for the better. Your complaining alone can keep you stuck in the circumstances that you find unsatisfying. So to change your life you should stop complaining and start working on improving your life.

The Consequences of Negative Attitude

Negative attitude Shortens your life. The more often you become angry, upset or frustrated, the less days you will have left to live. I know this is extreme, but that's how it is. You are shortening your life every time you let negative emotions overtake you.

Such attitude Creates unpleasant future. Your present actions determine your future. If you constantly moan and are dissatisfied with your circumstances, in the future you are sure to meet with more of the things you are unhappy about. The more you complain, the more things you will find to complain about.

It harms others. Your negative mood affects people around you. You should never make others feel bad because by doing so you are contributing not only to your own misery, but to the unhappiness of others also.

Such attitude produces negative effects. Every cause has an effect and so your negative attitude (cause) produces negative circumstances. Mostly people think it's the other way round, but that's not the case. Your thinking causes your circumstances.

How To Change Negative Attitude

It is possible to change negative attitude, but it will not be easy. If you lived your life seeing only dark colours, you cannot turn this around in a day. However, by taking small and consistent steps you will gradually become a happier person.

The best way to change your mental state is by understanding the outcome of negativity. Carefully read the consequences of negative attitude and they will serve as reminders as soon as your mood goes down. You will think twice before getting upset, angry or depressed. And Yes, you cause your own mood and you can change it by simply focusing on good aspects of your life or imagining something positive. You are not at the mercy of different kinds of negative feelings that visit you when you least expect. You can control how you feel.

As soon as you spot a negative aspect of a situation or thing, try your best to find its positive aspect instead. For example, if you oversleep, you will think that you will be late for work. Instead try to find something positive that you gain from over-sleeping. You may realise that your efficiency will increase significantly because of the extra hours of sleep. So always look at the positive aspects of any situation that you find yourself in.

You should try to understand what causes your negative attitude. It might be that you live with a person who constantly ruins your mood or it may also be something to do with your past. Maybe something happened to you that made you deeply upset and you have not recovered from that incident since. Try to understand that the incident is long gone, and you should not live in the shadow of it. Your past can only have influence on your present if you let it. Remember, your whole power is in the present moment.

Positive thinking is not enough. If you cannot find the cause of your negative attitude, you will only cover this attitude with positive words which will do no good to you. So try to find the cause of it and this will allow you to change your negative attitude.

Sometimes causes are internal rather than external. In fact, any external cause will lead you to the deeper, internal cause. For example, you might understand that you are negative because your family makes you negative. But when you dig deeper, you may realize that you feel unworthy as a person and you project this unworthiness onto your family and that makes you angry at them. It's true that the qualities you don't like in other people are yours, so it's not others that are at fault but you. So in this example you uncover that it's your limiting belief of unworthiness that makes you negative. The next step will be to eliminate it and then your attitude will improve.

The Types of Negative Attitude

There are certain types of people that indulge in negative states of mind. They are all different in some ways of thinking and acting, but the unifying feature of all of them is their constant negativity. Here are several types of such personalities:

The miserable type. Such people are grumpy from the start of the day. They meet with failures as soon as they wake up, which sets their day to be full of anger and hopelessness.

Usually this type of people keep to themselves and their presence makes others moody. People instantly feel their bad energy and try to stay away from them.

When you talk to the person of this type, s/he may insult you without even intending so. This is because their negativity is so aligned with who they are that they cannot recognise if they make others happy or sad.

The most interesting distinction of this type is that they are mainly unaware of their mental state. They don't realise that they are negative.

Friendship with the miserable type of people can get you seriously depressed. This is because they have a very strong negative energy resonating from them which might draw you in. This is especially true if you are mentally weak or insecure.

Silent killer. Such people usually understand psychology quite well. They use this knowledge to gradually introduce hatred, anger and low self-esteem in others. They do this by making remarks about how others behave or look. They know that their remarks are destructive, but others may not realise that.

For example, your friend casually implies that you should not wear this type of suit because it emphasizes your waist. Do you see the real intention behind the advice?

Another example could be such situation. You have just met your dream partner and you are in love with each other. You meet your friend and start conversation about your new partner. The friend makes such remark: 'Hmm, I wonder what made her choose you...'

This kind of advice or statement makes you question your appearance and abilities which leads to low self-esteem and self-doubt.

The reason why silent killers act this way is because they are very insecure beings. Because of that, they want to make others feel as insecure as them. Getting others in such negative state gives them reassurance, control and satisfaction.

Drama queen This is the most common type. Their emotions range from anger to self-pity, and every small incident can be turned into the storm. They seem to like the fact that they can change how others feel and be the centres of attention.

Such people are needy and insecure, they crave for constant reassurance. They strive for attention and approval. If they don't receive what they want, they begin acting in childish ways. They may start crying, throwing things around or trying to get on others' nerves.

That eventually backfires on them. Once that happens, drama queens become scared and surprised by the reaction they caused. This way drama queens try to make others feel guilty and cruel.

This kind of behaviour is the result of neediness and low self esteem.

Woe is me. Such people love to talk about their failures to everyone who would listen. They do that purely to get attention and sympathy of others.

Many people do not realise that such unfortunate stories can do a lot of harm. You should stay away from such people because they will draw you in to their world of unfairness and unhappiness.

This especially applies if you are mentally weak. By listening to the stories of the 'woe is me' type, you are likely to start visualising their troubles and invite them into your own life.

The paranoid type. They perceive others to be constantly trying to worsen their lives. If they go shopping, they think that shopkeepers are trying to rip them off; If someone wants to befriend them, they think that s/he wants something in return for the friendship.

Many people who live in foreign countries fall into this type. Once they encounter one unfortunate situation when they are treated unfairly because they are foreign, they start to see unfairness everywhere. It may come to the stage where they would see that everyone is against them because of their skin colour or accent.

This negative attitude is mainly caused by self-doubt and poor self-image.

Trigger type. Such people seek ways to release their anger or self-pity. An example would be a person who gets into the conversation with someone who is sure to make him feel angry or hopeless. This way he destroys his mental balance and health.

Another example could be a person who tries to spark an argument. He starts accusing someone of doing something insignificant and continue with his/her accusations until another person finally breaks down.

By releasing their emotions they discharge their negativity and give some of their negative energy to the people they argue with.

These are the most common types of people with negative attitude. One person can have a mixture of several types, but then one type will be more prominent than others.

Conclusion

Negative attitude serves no good to you or others. The quicker you start changing, the sooner you will notice the benefits you will get.

People will start treating you differently and you will notice opportunities everywhere you go. You will start seeing the world as full of happiness and possibilities.

From now on, start planting seeds of joy, love and happiness. This will pave your way to success in everything you do.

Further Reading: How To Be Happy, How To Create Reality That Pleases You, Limiting Beliefs About Money, Ego Self.

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How To Stay Positive written by Simona Rich

2010-06-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

In some situations it is quite hard to stay positive but you can definitely learn how to keep your positivity.

There are some actions you can take to be able to remain positive no matter what situation you are facing.

Firstly it is important to understand that when you stay positive all the time, you always keep your vibration high.

This means that you will attract only positive events and people into your life.

Therefore as soon as you notice that your state of mind changes to negative, you should try as much as you can to raise your mood.

The actions below will help you stay positive no matter where you are or what you do. Some of them may not be suitable for you, so you should only pick the ones that feel just right.

Actions to take to stay positive

Meditate. Meditation always raises mood because during meditation you let go of all thoughts. Because only thoughts cause your emotional reaction, without thoughts you naturally raise your vibration very high and therefore become positive.

Selectively focus. Focus only on things you want to see in your life. When you give undivided attention to something, it will manifest in your reality very quickly. Therefore you should only give your attention to positive events, people or things.

Appreciate. If you find yourself gradually becoming negative, you should focus on something that you are grateful for. It can be anything that you have and like. It can be your health, your body, clothes, home, car – anything that you are grateful for.

Appreciation always raises your vibration because being grateful is a positive state of mind.

Visualise. Visualisation lets you create in your mind whatever experience you want to have. It gives you total control over every happening taking place.

It also keeps your mood very high and lets you experience positive events in the future. Those future positive events will be the manifestations of your undivided focus to the picture created in your mind.

Listen to your favourite music. This activity instantly makes you positive because music that you like has a certain vibration that is able to raise your mood.

Stay in the present. Try to become conscious of the present moment rather than always thinking about something.

You are always living in present, but sometimes you are so involved in your thinking that you are projecting yourself to the future or the past, therefore you miss the conscious acknowledgement of the present moment.

By choosing to be in the present and not thinking about anything, you will be able to relax and find happiness in where you are now. This will let you rest from your mind and put yourself in into a more positive state of mind.

By staying in the present you will learn to appreciate what you currently have instead of always wanting to be somewhere else or have something you do not possess at this moment.

Do not eat meat. Meat has certain negative energy because of the feelings animals have before they are slaughtered. Therefore when you eat meat you get that negativity. It is very usual for people after eating meet to feel upset, depressed or angry.

Eat fruit and vegetables The less processed the food, the better you will feel after eating it. Therefore fresh fruit and vegetables are the best food choices there are.

However, if you have been eating junk food all your life, you cannot just jump from your current choice to this new one. That would be too much for you.

You can gradually transition from unhealthy to healthy food. During this process you will notice great health benefits you will get from the change in your diet. You will also be able to stay positive for increasing amounts of time.

Be around positive people. Try to only be surrounded by positive people, and avoidnegative people at all costs.

Sometimes it is hard to avoid conversations with negative people, but you should never give your full attention to such people. They have the tendency to drain and upset others.

Take care of your body. When you are healthy, you feel great. So you should always make sure that everything is okay with your body.

When you look after yourself you always feel good because you have more confidence in yourself and you are happy to see the results of your body care.

Conclusion

Sometimes it may be hard to stay positive but if you fall into your old habits and give up being positive, you will cause many negative manifestations occur in your life. Therefore it is very important to stay positive no matter how deeply negative you feel at the moment.

Negativity never serves you, it only makes things worse.

When you get into the habit of reaching for more positive thoughts whenever you are about to get negative, soon this will come naturally.

You will no longer need to put effort in this action because it will become your habit. This way you will remain completely positive no matter what situation you are facing.

Further reading: How To Be Happy, How To Manifest, Create Reality That Pleases You,Give Up Control To Gain Freedom.
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How We Are Our Own Saboteurs

2010-06-04T22:13:00.001-07:00

How We Are Our Own Saboteurs

by Little House on 4 June 2010(3 comments)

Ultimately we control our destiny, meaning we have some say in the decisions that affect our personal finance in our adult lives. Yet the three biggest life decisions we make may be sabotaging our ultimate financial goal, saving enough and being financially independent come retirement. Those three big choices include where to live or settle down, who to marry, and what profession to choose.

Where to Live

Many of us choose to stay put; we remain close to where we grew up, our family and friends. There are definitely some benefits to remaining in the city where we've spent the majority of our lives in, such as familiarity with the city, where to shop, eat, visit, and work. Other benefits include potentially low cost baby sitting if grandparents are willing and able to help care for young children. Living near relatives may also be cost effective for DIY home projects, holiday gatherings, or transportation needs.

Yet, choosing where we live, whether we stay near home or move out of state, can negatively affect our personal finances if the cost of living in the chosen city is extremely high. Take Los Angeles or New York for example. Living as an independent adult costs much more in these cities in the long run than choosing to live in a city where the cost of living is half the price. Even though it may mean moving out of our comfort zone, choosing to move to a less expensive area may be more financially sound.

Making a choice on whether to rent or purchase property becomes important in an expensive town. Renters have more freedom on when they can move, they aren't tied down by a mortgage and can make good financial decisions based on rent prices. Renting may not be a terrific long-term financial strategy, but could work in the short term if mobility is important.

Who to Marry

Love is blind, so they say. Unless your date wears his FICO on his sleeve and “I’m a saver” is stamped on his forehead, you may be entering into uncharted spending territory. Many of us plunge into a relationship head over heels, only to find out later that our beloved can't balance his checkbook to save his life. Few first dates reveal an individual's personal finance. Discussing personal finances should be on the agenda the moment a relationship becomes serious.

Finding out after you’re married that your spouse has an affinity for fancy sports cars and expensive habits are hard to change (though not impossible). If you find your spouse is definitely leaning more toward the spender's side, there are ways to rein in their expensive habits, like sitting down and budgeting out monthly income and expenses.Strict budgeting and open discussions on spending behaviors and goal setting can accomplish this task.

Do Your Thoughts Sabotage Your Success? By David F. Byrd

2010-06-04T20:03:00.000-07:00

Whether you believe it or not, positive attitude is not just a "soft skill" - it is a significant factor in achievement. Most dysfunction in business and personal achievement can be traced back to a root cause: ineffective thinking habits! That does not have to be the case for you, though. You can learn to manage your habits of thought and directly affect your level of performance and achievement.

Are you ready?

The first step in harnessing ineffective thinking habits and moving toward growth is becoming aware; for with an enhanced level of awareness, you can make choices that promote positive attitudes. It sounds so simple, but effective change always begins with awareness. People will choose to change when they are aware that the change will serve their best interest!

What is attitude?

If you do not assume personal responsibility for developing your own effective, positive attitudes, the world around you will shape your attitudes with average thinking, which is usually negative and unproductive. As a result, you become a victim of your own ineffective thinking patterns.

Every thought you entertain during the day is either positive or negative. There is no in-between or neutral thought. Every moment of your thinking pattern during the day either serves your growth or serves your stagnation.

Most people describe their attitude as neutral - neither positive nor negative. But everything in nature is either growing or decaying, and the same is true in business. There can be no neutral positions. You and your thoughts are alive and dynamic. The thinking patterns that determine your attitudes either work to bring about your growth or work to bring about your decline. It truly is that simple!

Fear is the enemy of positive thoughts

For example, if you set a goal that requires you to do new things, these new activities will seem uncomfortable at first. That is normal, but you may instinctively respond with fearful feelings because the new activities are uncomfortable. This leads you to psychologically interpret those fearful feelings as "risks" or "dangers," while in fact these new activities may not be dangerous at all.

We all have a basic fear of risks and the unknown. This response is natural, yet absolutely counterproductive to achievement. All achievement requires you to grow beyond your current status or position. You cannot possibly expect to grow and not confront new activities, skills, and responsibilities. If you allow your natural responses of fear to direct your thinking, you personally sabotage your opportunities for achievement by choosing to quit or not to act.

In fact, most of the people who fail to achieve did not fail at all. They simply allowed fear to control their thinking and decided to quit. The fear of risk and the unknown were stronger than their desire to achieve.

How do I conquer the fear?

To get you started, practice the following five steps that will help you develop the mental toughness needed to face the challenge of your natural instinct of fear... and to win!

Step #1 - Maintain positive expectancy

Step #2 - Manage your daily choices according to your goals, not your feelings

My long-time friend and mentor, Paul J. Meyer, would say, "Follow through with your daily plans regardless of circumstances or what other people say, think, or do." In other words, your dreams for the future must be strong enough to keep you following through with those plans on a daily basis, no matter how you feel.

Step #3 - Aggressively manage your positive relationships

Step #4 - Live in the moment!

You procrastinate on your personal growth because it is simply more comfortable to wait. Learn to live right now! Change your thinking about waiting and develop the attitude of urgency in applying effective actions daily.

Step #5 - Believe

Faith - being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see - is a spiritual term. It makes no sense intellectually and can be understood only from a spiritual perspective. Regardless of your religious or non-religious position, belief is vital in your growth and achievement, and you cannot understand belief without an understanding of faith.

There will be times in your achievement journey when quitting or giving up will seem like the only alternatives. At these times, it will take the strength of your faith to prevail. You must believe that you can achieve, for it is the spark that sustains you.

Putting it all together

Armed with a new level of awareness of how and why negative attitudes are instinctive, you now understand why a positive attitude development program is vital to your growth, success, and achievement.

You must develop a positive, productive attitude. It will never happen naturally, but just because it is not natural does NOT mean you cannot do it! Manage you thoughts and attitudes everyday, conquer the fear, and get ready to ACHIEVE!

Inspiring genuine growth and achievement in leaders, David Byrd has 30 years of experience working with top business executives and their organizations. He is a master of effective leadership and works closely with leaders worldwide to maximize their leadership potential. For more information about The Next-Level Achievement System® or David's book, Achievement - A Proven System For Next Level Growth, visit http://www.authorsup.com/David-Byrd.

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The Fear of Disappointment

2010-06-04T19:54:00.000-07:00

Fear is a feeling of disquiet or apprehension; an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus.

Disappointment is the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations to manifest. An individual feeling disappointment focuses on the outcome itself; its causes, impact and the degree to which individual decisions are motivated by a desire to avoid it.

Disappointment is one of the primary emotions involved in decision-making. It is pretty common as human beings to have a pretty strong aversion to disappointment. But you can not let the fear of being disappointed keep you from following your passion, your dreams or your goals.

Fear of disappointment is a common concern amongst many individuals in the world and in business, newcomers and seasoned marketers/business people alike. In fact, as an individual ventures into new territories or new business ventures over a long period of time, the fear of disappointment grows. This fear is a natural reaction for a person to experience while attempting to learn how to be successful. After all, who wants to disappoint the ones whose opinion and advice we have grown to not only accept and rely upon, but also whose opinion we now expect and respect. What if we do not live up to the expectations or goals we have set for ourselves? What if we do not get the job done as quickly or in the manner that had been expected of us? What if we set out goals too high to start and are unable to achieve them?

Nearly everybody experiences feelings of disappointment in their lives. It is a normal emotion. To have never experienced the feeling of disappointment is to lead a life of having no expectations of others, and very few people can do that. But some disappointments are small and inconsequential, and are quickly forgotten. Other disappointments are larger, and can impact our ability to have an ongoing relationship or friendship with people or succeed in business. It is these kinds of disappointments you should try to overcome.

How do you overcome the fear of disappointment so you can move forward in your business venture? Ultimately, you want a successful business, but have to focus on what needs to happen to get you there.

(a) First, get clear idea about your business goals. Do you need to study more educational and business resources? Do you need to create a more detailed business plan? Do you need to improve your business skills? Do you need to find a mentor?

(b) Second, create a realistic plan for achieving those goals. After reading all the books and articles, you should have a good idea of what you need to do.

I have also found it is helpful to work with a partner or in a group. It is a good way to get support, stay accountable and stay on track. It is important to not allow fear of disappointment to take us away from realizing our dreams or achieving our goals. So you must not get too attached to a particular outcome, but stay in tune with your enthusiasm and you will ultimately achieve your goal and overcome The Fear of Disappointment!

If you enjoyed this information please visit http://estellahewitt.com for more information, ideas and tips in business all for free! To your success, Estella Hewitt/Owner

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How the Top 5 Supermarkets Waste Food

2010-06-04T19:26:00.000-07:00

How the Top 5 Supermarkets Waste Food

In a nation where millions go hungry, some of the food supermarkets throw out could feed people in need. But not every grocery chain cares.

April 18, 2010 |

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Unemployment. Health care. The national debt. So many social issues take a lot to fix: experts, money, and lots of time. To add to a growing list of social issues, here’s another: 1 in 7 American households has trouble putting food on the table at some point during the year, according to a recent USDA report.

But in a nation where so many go hungry, a possible solution has emerged.

Grocery stores have lots of foods that need to be taken off shelves daily: stock that needs to rotate, surplus food like bananas that are starting to have brown spots, or refrigerated items that need to move for the new product coming in. Food products make up 63 percent of a supermarket’s disposed waste stream, according to a California Integrated Waste Management Board industry study. That’s approximately 3,000 lbs. thrown away per employee every year. The stores can’t sell the food, so they toss it in the compost or garbage.

Organizations and an army of volunteers -- called “food recovery” groups -- are stationed around the country, ready to transport that food from the stores to the people that need it most. Meats that are close to the sell-by date, for example, can be frozen and good for several more months.

If only it was that simple.

While most food retailers participate in some kind of food donation program, many stick to things like breads, cakes, and dented cans, while throwing away fruits, vegetables, meats, and other perishable food most needed by the hungry.

"Liability” and "bad press" are the oft-cited reasons food retailers give for not donating perishable food, but they're not good ones, say food recovery advocates.

President Clinton signed the Bill Emerson Federal Good Samaritan Food Donation Act in 1996, designed to protect those establishments and individual donors from criminal and civil liability, should any recipients become ill from food donation. State laws have been in place long before that which protect donors and encourage donation. None of the laws have ever been challenged.

The federal law protects all donations made in good faith. The only exception is “gross negligence” or intentional misconduct -- the plaintiff would have to prove that the company or individual, in donating food to the needy, was intentionally and knowingly engaging in conduct that was likely to harm another person. But realistically, what homeless person or shelter is going to sue for food poisoning?

“Bad press” is another poor excuse. Would shoppers really view a grocery chain as “bad” when, in the noble process of rescuing food from landfills, one needy person (or more) fell ill? Likely not.

Food recovery programs do take some time, energy and investment. But they're not impossible operations. Chains like Albertsons lead the way in training employees to hold food for local partners in the community rather than indiscriminately tossing foods that may be safe for consumption.

Cottonwood Community Garden

2010-06-04T19:23:00.001-07:00

Community Garden Plant Sale (Vancouver)

Hey there Vancouverites! One of the year’s best plant sales is coming up this weekend at the Cottonwood and Strathcona Community Gardens. I’ll include details below, but first some thoughts and photos from my recent visits to the Cottonwood side of the gardens.

My friend Michelle is a longtime member of the Cottonwood Community Gardens and last week she took me on a tour of the lush and vibrant acreage of those gardens. I’ve been to both Cottonwood and Strathcona before, but embarassingly not for years considering how close they are to my home, bike path and favorite gelato locale. The experience was incredible. Everything you could imagine a thriving community garden might be in terms of both the bounty and diversity of plants as well as the incredible respite the whole place provides despite being right next to an industrial zone. While you’re in the gardens you can easily forget about the warehouses and train tracks only a stones throw away, and I found myself day dreaming of sunny afternoons spent on Gulf Islands, or at the Hollyhock gardens on Cortez, places that usually require a concerted travel effort not a five minute detour off my daily bike route.

Cottonwood was begun in 1991, growing out of the success of the nearby Strathcona Gardens (both gardens border two sides of a big park), which was at full capacity. Both gardens include private plots as well as communal garden spaces for things like a kiwi arbour, common fruit trees, a native plant garden, asian species garden, espalier apple orchard, and shared compost, green house and garden tools. Michelle has some great photos of both gardens up at Flickr, you can see Cottonwood here and Strathcona here, which includes some great historic photos and their espaliered hierloom apples.

I went by Cottonwood on my way to work this morning to take some photos to try to convey the magic and beauty of the place. I woke up this morning with a killer headache (likely thanks to some nasty oil painting I did to prep some fence posts yesterday) and nearly talked myself out of going. Fortunately I didn’t as the only relief I’ve had from that headache today came while I was in the garden taking half an hour to explore with my camera. I’m definitely convinced that making time to take this detour more often would be in my best interest. If you’d like to see the photos they’re up here at Flickr, and I’ve included a few with this post.

Really, my words can’t do this place justice. I am inspired to all kinds of ridiculous heights by these recent visits. Thoughts of tearing up all the grass at our house fill my dreams now, to replace them with winding paths and fruit trees. I’m also having crazy thoughts of trying to find some land in my neighbourhood for just such a project, though I can’t imagine when I’d have the time to get involved with that what with all the gardening to be done at my house already.

Whatever project these visits inspires, I’ll definitely be at the sale on Sunday. Here are the details if you’d like to check it out as well. Unless we’re faced with another scorcher of a weekend, I’ll have my “What Would Nature Do” shirt on if you think you see me and you want to say hi.

Strathcona & Cottonwood Community Gardens Plant Sale & Open House
Prior and Hawks St., Vancouver.
Sunday, July 9th, 10:00am - 2:00pm
Come explore seven acres of unique community garden space in Vancouver.
Find a wide variety of inexpensive perennials, annuals, groundcover, shrubs and more to fill your garden. Purchase delicious honey made by bees right in the gardens.
Participate in free workshops, tours, and live music.
Admission is free, and all sales go towards the non-profit volunteer-run gardens.
Don’t miss exploring this urban oasis and example of sustainability in action.

Farmers Markets

2010-06-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

I love this time of year.....The farmers markets have begun to sprout up in and around Vancouver. There is something spiritual about these markets. Meeting and greeting new friends, sampling fresh produce, smelling the aromas of the freshly baked foods and the beautiful flowers recently picked from the heavenly gardens.
Farmers Markets are a great place to visit. A great learning environment for children in regards to planting and farming fresh to the table foods. The lessons learned will create a habit.......Buy locally, grown organically, say no to GM foods etc.
There is an excitement and a buzz around markets.........If you haven't experienced what I am sharing I strongly urge you to take a stroll to the nearest Farmers Market and share the joys offered to you. Here is a list of markets in the Vancouver area. ENJOY~

The Mission of Vancouver Farmers Markets is
"to foster community health and local economic development through the creation of a venue where community members have greater access to safe, healthy, locally produced, environmentally friendly food, and where BC producers can market their goods directly to urban consumers".

We organize 4 summer Farmers Markets
East Vancouver (Trout Lake) - Saturdays, 9am - 2pm
North Parking Lot of Trout Lake Park
West End - Saturdays, 9am - 2pm
1100 Block of Comox Street
Main Street Station - Wednesdays, 3pm - 7pm
Main Street Skytrain Station at Terminal Ave
Kitsilano - Sundays, 10am - 2pm
10th Avenue & Larch Street

Knowing Right From Wrong & Acting Congruently

2010-06-02T15:09:00.000-07:00

We have all learned the difference between right and wrong. We know the consequences our thoughts and actions can encounter but at some point we all make the choice to either re-act or respond. Re-act often comes from a negative, fighting feeling where as responding comes from an understanding or an opportunity created by not reacting.

I let things 'be' as they were for many years. Always striving to be more, do be better, to work smarter not harder. I tried to be the difference. I succeeded in several areas. Areas like establishing a personal brand based on honor and integrity. Offering more than what was expected and often if not always adding value and creating the WOW moment. But what happens when this all turns sour? When an employee ( a person) is asked to lie, cheat and play the game?

Is this the time and the opportunity to stand up for ones beliefs? Is it the time to create the change so desperately in need? What if others don't agree, then what? Do you still have a leg to stand on. Does a person still commit to honoring their values and facing the consequences of 'rocking the boat'?

I think we as individuals need to take a stand. In order to create the change we hear so much about these days it takes a whole lot of courage and a strong foundation of core values like integrity and honor. The change I am hoping for is a complete dismissal of negative actions, lying and cheating, bullying and harassment. My intent is to create a positive outcome that benefits customers, employees, management and the corporate leaders.

There are new and better ways to do business and they come from a new way of thinking. A new brand of leadership, a better way to empower people other than intimidation. I am one person taking on a big task. But with a lot of effort and tremendous encouragement I will commit to being the change I want to see in the world I am creating.

Hope For The Future

2010-05-03T10:10:00.000-07:00

The world needs our help. NEVER has this been more evident than in recent years as people around the globe struggle with issues like obesity, food security, and the impact of climate change.
Terms like 'eco-friendly' and 'carbon-footprint', unfamiliar terms just a few years ago are now part of our everyday vocabulary.
Everyday we see the impact of our actions on the planet. We are faced with some of the biggest challenges in the history of the human race and we need to work fast.

Last week I was grateful to receive a personal invite to an exhibition with a general theme around Sharing The Planet. There were 6 groups showcasing their hard work. Each group presenting had a special focus.
1. COMMUNICATION- A variety of media, ie: how art is used in media, print, digital broadcast etc.
2. ARTS & CULTURE- The influence art has on society, cultural perspectives, art & myth etc.
3. URBAN PLANNING- How communities are planned according to different needs of the people/community
4. ENVIRONMENT- How we share and care for our planet
5. DISCOVERY & EXPLORATION- Learning is a part of human nature
6. CONSUMERISM- Our purchasing decisions have an impact on our world.

Now what may surprise you is who was actually presenting and showcasing these topics!

COMMUNICATION was addressed by a kindergarten class. The students had to decide what they would like to express, what materials they would need and what technique they would use to express their idea.
ARTS & CULTURE was tackled by the grade 1 class. They explored stories, inquiring about authors, artists, and character development. The creations that I saw were the results of a 2 week process involving brainstorming, planning, researching, editing and construction.
URBAN PLANNING was presented by the grade 2 class. The grade 2's addressed the 7 most important needs of a urban planner- HEALTH, WELLNESS, RECREATION, RELIGION, RESIDENTIAL, TRANSPORTATION AND COMMUNICATION.
ENVIRONMENT was shared by the grade 3's. Here the students explored how plants play a role in the balance of the environment. The students were asked to design an urban garden keeping in mind that a balance between animal, insect and plant species should be promoted.
DISCOVERY & EXPLORATION was enjoyed with the grade 4's! Each student embarked on their own adventure. They were asked to explore something new to them and document their adventure in a photo essay.
CONSUMERISM- was the hallmark of the exhibition and was put together by the grade 5's. Here the audience was taught our purchasing choices have a direct impact on our planet. Everything from Supporting Canadian Jobs, The Media, Advertisements etc were addressed in a black and white presentation.

At the end of the exhibition the audience was asked to take part in a 10% Shift Challenge. According to an article in YES MAGAZINE, for every $100 spent in a 'chain' store, $13 remained in the community compared to $45 if spent at a local business. In many communities their is an action toward the "10% SHIFT"
So the challenge was put forward........with the addition of this thought......IMAGINE THE DIFFERENCE YOU CAN MAKE.

I was honored to attend this exhibition! The hope for the future has begun. As adults and/or parents we have an influence on shaping and nurturing the future. Its refreshing to know that the youngsters of today are actively creating the change they want to see.

Traits of the Best Make all the Difference

2010-04-26T08:19:00.001-07:00

At some point in their life, everyone strives to be the best at what they do. Most people think that being the best requires more intelligence, more training, and more experience. In reality, even in sports, the experts believe it is as much about how you think, as what you do.

I saw this illustrated well in a sports excellence book called “Training Camp: What the Best Do Better Than Everyone Else”, by Jon Gordon. He surprisingly concludes that top performers in all professions have the same key traits listed below. I agree they certainly apply to great entrepreneurs:

The best know what they truly want. At some point in their lives, the best have a "Eureka!" moment when their vision becomes clear. Suddenly they realize what they really, truly want to achieve. They find their passion. When that happens they are ready to strive for greatness. They are ready to pay the price.
The best want it more. We all want to be great. The best don't just think about their desire for greatness; they act on it. They have a high capacity for work. They do the things that others won't do, and they spend more time doing it. When everyone else is sleeping, the best are practicing and thinking and improving.
The best are always striving to get better. They are always looking for ways to learn, apply, improve, and grow. They stay humble and hungry. They are lifelong learners. They never think they have "arrived"—because they know that once they think that, they'll start sliding back to the place from which they came.
The best do ordinary things better than everyone else. For all their greatness, the best aren't that much better than the others. They are simply a little better at a lot of things. Everyone thinks that success is complicated, but it's really simple. In fact, the best don't do anything different. They just do the ordinary things better.
The best zoom focus. Success is all about the fundamentals, and the fundamentals are little and ordinary and often boring. It's not just about practice, but focused practice. It's not just about taking action, but taking zoom-focused action. It's about practicing and perfecting the fundamentals.
The best are mentally stronger. Today's world is no longer a sprint or a marathon. You're not just running; you are getting hit along the way. The best are able to respond to and overcome all of this with mental and emotional toughness. They are able to tune out the distractions and stay calm, focused, and energized when it counts.
The best overcome their fear. Everyone has fears. The best of the best all have fear, but they overcome it. To beat your enemy, you must know your enemy. Average people shy away from their fears. They either ignore them or hide from them. However, the best seek them out and face them with the intent of conquering them.
The best seize the moment. When the best are in the middle of their performance, they are not thinking "What if I win?" or "What if I lose?" They are not interested in what the moment produces but are concerned only with what they produce in the moment. As a result, the best define the moment rather than letting the moment define them.
The best tap into a power greater than themselves. The best are conductors, not resistors. They don't generate their own power, but act as conduits for the greatest power source in the world. You can't talk about greatness without talking about a higher force. It would be like talking about breathing without mentioning the importance of air.
The best leave a legacy. The best live and work with a bigger purpose. They leave a legacy by making their lives about more than them. This larger purpose is what inspires them to be the best and strive for greatness over the long term. It helps them move from success to significance.
The best make everyone around them better. They do this through their own pursuit of excellence and in the excellence they inspire in others. One person in pursuit of excellence raises the standards of everyone around them. It's in the striving where you find greatness, not in the outcome.

Jon is convinced that people are not born with these traits, they must be learned by everyone. He talks about staying mentally strong, and maintaining a big-picture vision while taking focused action. So if you aspire to be one of the best of the best entrepreneurs, focus on your attitude as much as your business plan.

Marty Zwilling