Lulu Notewordy...

Be like Edward Cullen. You will be rewarded!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 00:30:00 +0000

Okay. So here's the deal. If you are pretentious, have something against teen slobber lust or can't stand vampires, go ahead and double click the little "X" on the top right hand corner. I am going to ooze and sigh and deep breathe and flush and spread my love for a book character like smooth nutela on a warm open bagel. God help me I am only on book three...(in a week). My poor family can only handle so much abandonment.

I am your (un)average middle class mother of two living in a nice neighborhood full of good looking people going to the gym, work, driving our SUV's, being civilized and "grown up" but something has made its way through the channels of play dates, and carpool lines...that thing...is "Twilight". (guffawww, go ahead) ((gasp if you must!)) I was a skeptic. Truly. I made fun of a friend of mine: in her late 30's, child psychologist, hates scary movies- for getting truly giddy over these books. Literally, she would take in deep inhales with a squeaky sound a glisten in her eyes. I must admit, since reading about Edward Cullen, I glisten in different places. (wink wink).

Short and sweet. The book IS about teens. It IS about vampires, but it has this fluidity and complexity that seems to be far more heart-unearthing than I remember being able to process as a teenager. Edward is the epitome (hence, written by a woman) of everything any woman with a heartbeat would want....

He is brooding and dark, aloof and distant, but absolutely intense when his full attention is focused on a subject. (in my dreams its me, and god help me I turn to mush in my ...that's not telling you HALF of it) He is over 100 years old in the solid and chiseled body of a 17-year old...which by the way, makes it illegal, but whose really paying attention? That is what clenches the deal. His wisdom and level-headed selflessness mixed in with teen pheromones and unabated sexual tension.(double sigh) He uses old English and has sweet smelling breath that makes his prey dizzy. I picture the smell of a man's dorm room with sweet familiarity of home-cooked bread. He is attentive and dangerous, jealous and protective but time has made him reasonable. He is tormented and ever present.

My husband would argue that a man that watches you sleep should be reported to the local police department, and a man that says: "I don't want to exist without you" is codependent, and possibly, but let's stay with the fantasy. The agony of him wanting her, in a lascivious way, in a primal way, and his restraint. (sigh). Every woman wants to be indispensable, distracting to a man to the point of frustration and then on top of it, loved to a degree unmeasurable by our emotional minds.

I say this. If Edward Cullen existed out there, I would do crazy things...unimaginable things to please, torture and envelope him. I actually picture myself metamorphosing into a feline-like Victoria Secret angel all in one fall swoop of his heavy hand and overfilled eyes. BRING IT ON. If any of you out there can replicate his demeanor, capacity for dark subtle wit, humor and permeable hotness...I. AM. YOURS.

Did I go on too long? Like a star-crossed teen? I know, I know...Ive lost my mind. But life is longer, weeks can be monotonous and if I get a guilt-free cheap thrill dreaming that my own personal Edward will appear ...OK, I will stop and get back to my book(s).

Give a little bit...Love and Gratefulness.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 11:55:00 +0000

I haven't written one of these in a long time, and I find it quite the fun little challenge to make a gratitude list when I'm not particularly in the best mood. Its kind of like working out when your hungover, or making love when you feel fat (as a woman). It forces you to get out of your pity-party head and serve a greater purpose of contentedness or at the very least....awareness. So here goes.

10 Things to be grateful about RIGHT NOW:

1. The way children (and my baby) wake up in simplicity and happiness. Always smiling to greet the day. When do we let our minds change that?

2. A good country song that makes you feel empowered like Sarah Darling's "Jack of Hearts". Get out there ladies and demand more for love. Best lyric: "..with an ice-cube in his chest"...nice!

3. The sweet feel of a warm breeze on exposed skin makes you want to expose more. Nothing in the world like natural aphrodisiacs.

4. The gift you give by telling people you love that you love them....randomly and unexpected. It is a healthy addiction...making people's day.

5. Sunshine. Your breath. The absence of any physical disability, pain, or incompetency RIGHT NOW.

6. The possibility of your future. One minute from now, one hour, one week, one decade, one lifetime. It is all happening and it all changes, opens up and allows for anything...Accept that, and run with the gift of it.

7. Friendships that make you feel safe, let you laugh at life, yourself and the continuum of your mistakes despite their best efforts. Friendship helps us stand up, step back and step up!

8. A good joke with perfect timing and after shocks of giggletude.

9. Facebook and the (sometimes annoying) ability to reconnect with all kinds of past haunts, associates, memories and also its ability to make you feel like people ARE around, and interested in your life....even if on a seemingly-superficial electronic wave...bottom line is we DO care enough to check, comment and update. That's something.

10. Heart flutters and stomach pangs....from the hot person in line at Starbucks, the cubicle over, the child at the front door when you get home, or the lover in the bed waiting for you. It rocks.

Love hard, give more and spend a little time being grateful today. Make a list no matter what your mood. I dare you to stay blurry, or crabby or blah after one...Somehow, somewhere the positive vibes reverberate through you, bounce out and spill all over the world around you.

Shut it Sanford. Livin' La Vida Loca...

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 13:34:00 +0000

Enough is enough. For starters, I DON'T CARE about political power men having affairs. Sorry, I don't. Its none of my business and its brutal on the spouse. Call me a cynic. I don't care what a man or woman is doing in their personal life so long as they are not hurting children, me and my family or killing people. Marital infidelity is great fodder but what else is the gain for anyone?

From pro athletes to politicians. Are they doing their jobs? Are they hurting society? Its sad I know...but how can we all keep up? I feel for the wives. Surely they deal with the heartache, betrayal and humiliation in their own circles, but to put it in the spotlight? Really. For what? Does it show their judgement? Yes...on a personal level. Does it make us roll our eyes at the same old fallen man of big talk and righteousness? Affirmative. But I give it to Spitzer. At least he shut his pie hole after he apologized. I haven't heard mum since he wanted to start a hedge fund. But this guy....

Farking Governor Sanford can't cork it on his "soul mate" and other boundaries crossed, but "not the ultimate boundary". What is compelling this man to tell us about his dry-humping dances on business trips. I don't care if my husband rubs around at a bar...good on him. Seriously, get it where you can, but don't get on TV and try to evoke pity or some badge of honesty. Give me a break. Is anyone shocked that mediocre men in power enjoy female attention and make mistakes? I'm just in shock that this man can't stop playing the bleeding heart song!!!

Media is having a field day parading this man's self-destructive plummet into admission and emotional instability. I don't want to read their intimate emails! More because I don't give a shit, but also because his wife...this woman has to live with the dangling words of "my heart aches for your touch..." . Oooookay. At what point can the quiet, stoic wife just drop F-bombs and criticize his narcissism, call him a horrible lover, bad father and tell him to stuff his soul mate in the same place he was getting stuffed by the Argentinian thumb. ENOUGH.

At least I'm not alone...I laughed so hard at Jon Stewart's sixth or seventh rant on Governor Sanford. Take a look-see.

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Shut Up, Mark Sanford

http://www.thedailyshow.com/

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Jason Jones in Iran

Like he said...take it both ways Sanny...ZIP IT.

Pillow talk for Patrick Sharp.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 12:56:00 +0000

Okay. Here we go. I have to exercise some sexual tension and I am going to work it out on Patrick Sharp. I am in the business of luring men to me through my blog (wink wink) so here's hoping!!! Look at the quizzical gaze? I bet those eyebrows raise in the center in a weepy sexy look at "O"-time...oh yeah, I said it. Dirty, dirty. I warned you...

Last night I had a stifling dream of Patrick Sharp. ( I'm sure it had more to do with Hossa being traded to the Hawks, but whatevs) We were at my old boarding school hockey rink where he smelt like sour shoulder pads and right guard and he giggled my panties off and the rest of it is too dirty to detail. Right...who cares. I don't know much about him other than he has wavy dark hair, a mean grip on a big stick and can shoot like a Canadian rough-neck. Huh? Forget all that. In my head (and really that's all that matters) he is funny, a prankster, a goof with a big Johnson. Yep. My dream man. Hockey playing, blue-eyed, funny man with a heart of gold and the ability to put me on a wall. Am I violating you, dear readers by spilling my pheromones all over you? Sorry. Deal.

Note to Patrick: If you are not well-endowed...dont reach out to me, just read this, feel a little embarrassed that you read your own "google alerts" and carry on as you were. If all is good in the meat department...you know where to find me.

We are living in a world of bullshit, war, reality-tv, loser bloggers who think people care about what they say (tee-hee, Im not delusion, I don't care if you care.), recessions, suffering, obesity and so on. I just like to laugh where I can, love men I cant have and be the best I can for the people I love. AND I AM, contrary to what my posts might imply.

So, the moral of this post? There is not one, not even a linear thought to follow...but lets dig, wave a slight of hand, work some flashy mirrors and say something infinitely unoriginal and unprofound... life is long sometimes, and monotonous and full of responsibility and disappointment. Let yourself dream and swim in it. Even if it is about a hot puck head who beds bimbos all the time and wouldn't give a funny brown girl the time of day. Imagine he is beguiled by you, imagine the world is yours for the getting and lovey-dovey whispers and soft kisses are in your future. Dream big, if you live small. Live big if you want, do it, love it, why not?

Set an intention, be it lofty or attainable and live it. Make it happen, one good thought begets more, and if you fancy yourself a lover in your head to make you happier in your home? Do it. Stay clean, be safe and make good decisions.

SYTYCD?! Kayla and Kupono to Blue Foundation...

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 11:58:00 +0000

Alright, I know...It's been a long time. I had a kid...She's only 3 months old. Cut me some slack. I promise I'm back. To talk about Governors who can't keep their pie holes shut, the death and dying of Icons, my undying love for Conan O'Brien, and other such drivel, but for now...Let's talk dance. So You Think You can Dance specifically....

Last night, July 1st, was the top 14 dancers. They were all pretty fantabulistic. Hot Tamale train ticket screams ensued, Mia Michaels finally gave Brandon some credit after her uber-PMS-twitch fit at auditions and Kayla and Kapono did just wanted I needed: They inspired tears and my deep-seeded(ballet-love) and need to dance. The dance was dark and dreamy. ( I don't love Twighlight...its past my age demo) but...the "Blue Foundation" song took it to a new level. The tone felt more like "Pump up the Volume" vibes for those of you over 25. Take a look for yourself. The choreographer Sonya Tayeh has a beautifully twisted mind.

SO there you have it. My libido is back to normal. This song/dance combo made me want to roll around a lake in blue moon light soaking wet and glistening to the beat of my own homage to teen angst of love, lust and all things polar. Enjoy...Hope it does the same for you!

SKIP to 2:45 for the dance...

Too little too late? Thursday round up. Tee hee.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 22:27:00 +0000

Nah...I know, I know. Its been a month? Or more. I figured I should throw a post up to have something in the "March" list. I think one looks more pathetic than not showing March at all, but pathetic is the new "sexy" Didnt you know?

Let's see. Thursday round up....remember when I did those weekly? The market is still rallying in comparison to the past, er....10 months. American Idol is still wooing me to the couch to sit down for some undivided attention to uber-eager talent. I love it, I have no shame. It makes me glow with an inner geek outer critic. The best two things I can think of (trite I know) that have come out of this week are:

1. The "Where the wild things are" trailer. Spike Jonze...whaaaa? It looks fantastic, and therefore is below;

and 2. The countess Marie Douglas-David. Now, that is comedy. Did she really list in her affidavit that she wanted $600 for fresh flowers? $1000 a week on facial treatments? HEYZEUS! I actually don't judge so much that she is oblivious to reality and some how (obviously) thinks her requests are sane, on some level. I am really just shocked that she had the ignorance to admit it....during a recession. Only goes to show how her entire circle of friends and peers must live the same way, or she would have some shame in needing $52,000 week to live. Wouldn't you?

Can I just ask what man finds that OK? Truly. I don't think I could love, or even tolerate a man who would stomach that kind of money hemorrhage. (ask me this again when I am lounging on a yacht with my second husband sipping $2000 lizard semen martinis for your youthful skin benefits, while telling my daughter(s) how I earned this lifestyle after "ruffing" in the past.) No really. They both disgust me. The upside to it all is that people like them are spending money, so that's swell. Eat drink and be married...no, merry? No, sexy and manipulative enough to warrant 5ok a week in personal expenses? no, mercilessly vacant and inane and indulgent. Yep. That's it.

Fellas...sheeeeeeeeeeeeee's single soon. Pull out those wallets and have at it.

Joaquin Phoenix on Late Show w/ David Letterman Feb 11 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 20:20:00 +0000

What the...
I honestly laughed so hard, its not even funny. Typically, Dave is the one creating the akward moments. This was fantastic. Dave was biting his gums during the crowd-pleasing strange pauses. I actually think I have had therapy sessions that looked a bit like this. I imagine first dates not too unlike it either.Good stuff. Joaquin has to be doing a "schtick", or he is strung out on some brain numbing agent. He looks a bit like Charles Manson posing as a blues brother. See for yourself. Hip hop? Really? Enjoy.

Best line from Dave: "...And Joaquin, I'm sorry you couldn't be here tonight."

The New York Post sucks (BIG) ass for dogging Jessica Simpson.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 20:06:00 +0000

Here you go, ladies and gentlemen. If you were ever in need of a perfect example of how our society and stupid poor, boring writers are making their living...you've got it in the January 27th article claiming that "Jessica looks as if she could be an offensive linebacker...".

Really? The size 4, 5 foot 2 star should be shamed by having gained a few pounds, or maybe just for wearing the wrong jeans? Who hasn't had a picture taken at the wrong angle, mouth agape, jeans tugging in the wrong place, chins popping out from a strange laughter/smile combo. It's human.

Lets see the writer ...naked. I would love to see your cottage-cheese free arse and thighs, and your perfectly lined stomach. Oh wait...Its a dude. Of course. That makes perfect sense. I bet he gets laid all the time by hot skinny, self-esteem-less women in NYC. (or not) More likely he is a young 20-something that is barely scraping by in his studio shitbomb apartment eating ramen noodles, pretending to be succesful and worth more than the horrible excuse of writing capacity he truly is. Maybe he pretends to be important and know people in the rat race and somehow the publicity of writing a 100-words or less of smudge on JS makes him feel powerful when he calls home and lies about his career and all his friends.

Look, don't get me wrong, I love to tease the likes of reality TV stars that get too wasted, or too needy and obnoxious. I make fun, mostly of myself, but not many can say they don't pass judgment. Enough is enough. Tyra, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and now Jessica. What do you say to a tween or younger girl when she hears all this negative rhetoric about a woman who looks substantially better than the masses?

I'll take a stab at it. You tell that little girl ( inside of all of us ) that nothing externally holds the value of who you are. Your integrity, wits, brain, ability to love, be compassionate and happy do not dangle in the balance of what random assholes think of you, or even what specific family members have said about your butt, thighs, boobs, face, hair...etc. It is hard enough to kep our self-criticism at bay. Anyone trying to make you feel bad about yourself is one or all of the following:

1. Unhappy with themselves, and therefore needs to point the finger, wave the hand and divert attention away from their obvious malevolence and insecurity.

2. Somehow feels pressure to act like they give a shit about what you look like and that it effects anything meaningful.

3. Are jealous that you look better, have more, give more or care less.

4. Have deep seeded issues with their own persona and somehow think that "cool points" come from being judgmental.

In any case. It's all quite disappointing and the only way any of it stops is by women and men alike putting aside the obsession with uber-skinny, protruding clavicle, bony, nipped and tucked and pulled back faces and bodies that have become all too normal.

Get a grip. Get a conscience. Get a clue about what makes a person beautiful. 'Cause right now, pretty fecking categorically, we are way off the mark!

81st Annual Academy Award nominations!

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 13:43:00 +0000

First off,

I have to give it up for the Californians that get up at 5:30 am their time. That is impressive for Hollywood. I have to admit this is one favorite evenings of the year. Coming on February 22, 2009 on ABC.

Now begins that time of year where everyone ( read: I) start going to the theatre at every single chance. Each time I get a babysitter, I usually fore go the relaxation of a mani/pedi, or a hair-blow out, and instead I dress in comfy warm clothes, and go to the movies at strange hours where I share a row or entire theatre with one other person. Last year, I saw everything from "I'm not there" (BOOOOOO) to "Once". So, here we go. Expect tons of reviews, in the next coming weeks.

Below is the list. Unfairly, I didn't post ALL the categories...terrible I know.

Actor in a Leading Role:

Richard Jenkins- The Visitor
Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn - Milk
Brad Pitt-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button-
Mickey Rourke-The Wrestler

Actor in a Supporting Role:

Josh Brolin - Milk
Robert Downey Jr.-Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Doubt
Heath Ledger-The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon-Revolutionary Road

Actress in a Leading Role:

Anne Hathaway- Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie- Changeling
Melissa Leo- Frozen River
Meryl Streep- Doubt
Kate Winslet - The Reader

Actress in a Supporting Role:

Amy Adams Doubt
Penélope Cruz- Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis- Doubt
Taraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei- The Wrestler

Best Animated Film: Bolt, Kung-Fu Panda, and Wall-E

Achievement in directing:

David Fincher The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard- Frost/Nixon
Gus Van Sant - Milk
Stephen Daldry- The Reader
Danny Boyle- Slumdog Millionaire

Best Picture of the year:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

Best Adapted Screenplay:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Eric Roth, Robin Swicord
Doubt - John Patrick Shanley
Frost/Nixon - Peter Morgan
The Reader - David Hare
Slumdog Millionaire- Simon Beaufoy

Best Original Screenplay:

Frozen River -Courtney Hunt
Happy-Go-Lucky- Mike Leigh
In Bruges- Martin McDonagh
Milk - Dustin Lance Black
WALL-E - Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, Pete Docter

Get out there, enjoy or hate some movies. There is no doubt this year is full of heavy, sad, and thrilling motion pictures and performances, and if you feel silly, do what I do. Come up with a list of things NOT to do in an empty(or full) theatre. Wooo hooo....

The first day of the first black president. Obama Inauguration schedule.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 13:35:00 +0000

Forgive the strange paring of Billie Piper below and this. Today is all emotion, business and hope for something new. All other things aside. Today marks a beautiful day in the United States of America. A day, where Conservatives, or Liberals alike, have no choice but to see that a country as a whole was able to look at their own past(s) and look forward and decide that (for some) they had made mistakes, and for others, they were finally ready to change. A huge step in humility and a giant leap towards the new state of mind, where believing in some sense of idealism, living and acting in a way that shows acceptance to things that may be different and a grand agreement that it is time to want more from our country, to expect compassion and grace instead of brut and closed fist pride.

I am not a hugely political person. I am a liberal- If I must be labeled. Most of all, I am just wide-eyed and excited to see how Barack Obama will maneuver the global landscape, our terrible financial climate and the unfortunate anticipation of his trials under pressure. I believe in him. I do. Moreover, I believe in the evolution that this day and that in November represents. That we are CLOSER to all men(and women) being equal. That we are becoming a nation that sees things a little more clearly with truth, and with less knee-jerk judgment.

I don't know where you will be today, but I certainly have been trying to figure out how to plant myself either at home, or at the gym, in front of a TV to see what he says. Below I have listed a rough schedule of today's events in DC. Already, a little behind schedule....(he was supposed to depart for his church service at 8:3am...and that didn't happen.) But then again, we are talking about a president that sat nonchalantly, legs spread, bopping his head next to his family while Stevie Wonder sang. Right or wrong, the man seems real, relatable and perhaps...late sometimes.

Procession to the Capitol – Members of the JCCIC will escort President-Elect Obama, the Vice-President-Elect, outgoing President Bush, and their families to the White House for a meeting, then all will proceed to the Capitol.

Swearing-In Ceremony – Aretha Franklin should perform just before the swearing-in begins. Joe Biden will first be sworn is as Vice President. Barack Obama’s oath will follow around 12 p.m. A schedule posted on the PIC website details the lineup for the swearing-in ceremony, from who will be administering the oaths to the person slated to read a poem after the fact.

Inaugural Address – shortly after the 12 p.m. swearing-in ceremony.

Departure of the Outgoing President – President Obama should escort outgoing President Bush and First Lady Laura Bush. Depending on weather, the former President and First Lady will most likely leave the Capital via helicopter.

Inaugural Luncheon – at Statuary Hall at the Capitol.

Inaugural Parade – A parade to the White House down Pennsylvania Avenue is coordinated by the Armed Forces Inaugural Committee.

All of this will be followed by at least 10 Inauguration balls.

No matter how you feel, or what you think of all of this. Today is a day to remember where you were, how you felt, and what this means to you. Tell your kids, grand kids and the future of our nation that anything is possible.

(ps: Michelle Obama is in bright canary yellow today!) Enjoy. Celebrate.

Come on Billie Piper...Season 2 of Secret Diary of a Call Girl!

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 23:21:00 +0000

I have to admit I stopped watching "Californication" on Showtime, because it got, well...too dirty for me. Seriously. Cocaine and bodily fluids and random sex by accident in the dark at strange parties in the valley just left me wanting to take an acid shower. But! I think SHOWTIME has done it with one of my favorite Cable series: "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" on at 10:30EST Sunday nights.

For one, Billie Piper is adorably smoldering. Her angelic face and in- camera expression leave you empathetic and even fascinated with her layers and duplicity. She somehow walks the balance of sweet girl next door who tripped into a high paying prostitution gig, and the steamy minx we all hope to be inside. (somewhere, with someone).

In Season 2's opener she is said to contemplate a boob job, and I hope to God she decides against it. I love her self-confidence. Her little junky trunk and tiny nose. I'm sure that in another life, with the absence of stigma and STD's, I would ponder the idea of what she does...I'd be damn good at it: Joke, Joke...stroke ego, stroke body, get crazy, detach, smile politely, joke joke, walk away. I actually believe in some episodes she enjoys here job, accepts it. But what well-paid whore wouldn't? Stare at the ceiling and count in your head how many pairs of shoes, or Milly dresses, or vacations you can buy at the end of the 40 minutes. (awe) I bet it would actually be somewhat intellectually stimulating to meet some of the men she meets, but then we get into the marriage/Spitzer/John Edwards debacle, and I just can't think that big..it's much more fun to pretend no one gets hurt.

I'm not this shallow, but in the wee moments of watching such a spicy, dicey dirty show that makes me laugh with the dialogue and throws me a heart-sink with the reality-based emotions of any woman...I get lost in the fantasy of her world. I guess those writers and Billie herself have done something right. At the end of the day I want love, but who doesn't dip there toe in the sheer hedonism of lust, even if vicariously?!

Check your self-righteous thoughts a the door, and open your imagination to the possibility of Belle and her shenanigans. You might find you enjoy it. I do.

Ha cha cha...Belle's back.

Things I think should be brought back from the 90's in 2009...

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 03:27:00 +0000

Since I have been (literally) bullied into posting SOMETHING...I will. It will be sub par and mediocre and that is OK. I can't always be "on" and funny...or can I? (no...sorry, I have tried). So, I was pondering the things I love most, and hear they go...

1. Bike pants (showing) under nylon aerobic shorts on men. (head band is a bonus)

2. Sugar Snaps

3. Color-coordinated turtle necks and folded socks.

4. The use of the phrase: "That's the most!" on any and every occasion. Replace "Cool" with it.

5. Side spikes and glamour shots.

6. Skorts in high fashion

7. Now and Later candies ( which you can find a the local "Dollar Tree" if you look hard)

8. Beepers...so people will still TALK to one another, instead of assuming the 5 word text was sufficient catching up.

9. Music on Music channels

10. Women that look their age (and dress it)

11. Real TV, instead of Real(ity)

12. Orange Julius

13. Casual sex accompanied with a little shame.

14. Whitney Houston, pre-crack.

15. Friendship bracelets ( instead of rubber Chinese-made ones)

16. One-shoulder blouses, dresses...oh wait?

And that is all I have for you right now. More tomorrow, perhaps about what it feels like in -35 degree wind chills when you just drank a shake and licked your lips, but forget your gloves at the gym and have to fill up on gas or how the man in my living room just said: "Id be happy to help Taylor Swift lose her innocence."

Happy Friday, Stay warm, and be brave in the new world of recycled fashions, mock-pop culture, and sexy new names for old sexy things that have already been hip....

John Mayer "In Your Atmosphere" will surface a sunken heart.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 00:45:00 +0000

Andddd....It wouldn't be me if I didn't start the new year with one of my random inspirations to write based on some concert I watched on TV. Tonight, it was John Mayer's "Where the light is" on HDNet. I'm enjoying a glass of wine, some quiet from a long week of holidays and an even longer week of chasing a 3 year old with no babysitters and no school. Immediately, I sink into that warm water sensation of suspending in the presence of swirling feelings and equal amounts of awe. I may not love him, I may think he could be perceived as reckless or even mean-spirited with women, but his voice and finger-picking talent is undeniable. ( John's, that is.)

I watch him make those silly faces on the typical folksy Persian rug. I listen to his clean notes and raw lyrics that seem to stream around his spine finding momentum and weight as they spin towards his throat, and then they seep out, showering the audience with the blood and regret and sullen faith in the mysteries of love and growing older (only 31, really), wiser, more self-aware. If you are one of those lazy music-non-lovers that don't have the patience to here the whole song, do yourself a favor and scroll to (4:35) and listen for a minute and a half. If you hate it, send me nasti-grams...or flog yourself for having no soul.

A song that has stood out to me since I first listened is: "In Your Atmosphere". How can a thinking, heart-pumping woman not be moved by the wistfulness of it? You be the judge of the song's muse. I hear the words: "Wherever I go, whatever I do, I wonder where I am in my relationship to you...." or even the main verse: " I'm gonna steer clear, I burn up in your atmosphere. I'm gonna steer clear, I'd die if I saw you, I'd die if I didn't see you"

It is affecting. I don't miss anyone, I don't long for anyone, but this song strikes a carnal knowledge of the loss and fear of the ex-inhabitant of heart space. It's beyond relate-able; it is hard reality of love's carnage that sweeps you into a moment of reckoning, and then lays you down gently in pleasant recognition of its humble truth. And....yes, I over think it. I over think everything.

No worries, next post will be less heavy. Maybe I can list the reasons I want to lock Eric Dane in my basement and play doctor, or perhaps I can deconstruct the countless ways "Towelhead" ruined my dreamy ideas of Aaron Eckhart since he was basically in a soft porn with a 13-year old. Who knows. Its 2009. Anything is possible. (Except for me NOT writing about music and love)

Happy New Year, love love hold your heart out, even at the risk of it getting obliterated. Life is too long (yep, the opposite of short) to spend your time protecting the most resilient and viable donner organ you have.

Throw it at someone. See what happens.

Jen Aniston all tied up for GQ.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 13:48:00 +0000

Now we all know I love AJ. Always have, but I saw this and thought: "Va va voom." Jennifer Aniston turns 40 in two months and has a body to die for. ( Thanks to Hatha and Ashtanga Yoga...no surprise). Elongated muscles, calming strength, flat tummy.

I've heard rumblings that she is making a desperate attempt to look "over" the Brad/Angie triangle. I don't know. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she has moved on, moved into her own self assurance and is enjoying some amazing photos of herself for the world over to see. Why not? She has suffered enough. Not to mention a heavy promotion of Marley and Me with Owen Wilson coming out in three weeks. Perhaps she forgot to go in for the pre-shoot fitting and she had to borrow the sound grip's tie for his high school reunion later that night? It could happen.

Take a look for yourself. What I want to know is what was behind the big black tape on the upper thigh of meat cake number two at the bottom of the shot?

I agree with you GQ. It isn' just you, she does keep getting hotter. She also has never had a child, (or three like AJ) but whose counting? I would be ecstatic if I could look like this naked at 40. Namaste, shanti shanti and godspeed.

Not surprisingly, all wealthy 40+ women seem to be getting hotter, thinner, more svelte and dewy. I am convinced that if you have more than 10 million in the bank and are on the dawn of your 4th decade of life, a group of black-velvet and hooded women in Balenciaga boots and grey nail polish show up to anoint you into the world of "secrets to staying young". There is a club, I know it....40 has never looked so good.

In an elevator...DO THIS.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 20:43:00 +0000

I was in an elevator earlier today and I found myself pondering what a strange circumstance it is that we all accept into our daily routines. It even has little rules of behavior, and we nod or smile when people follow them, or get disapproving when they don't. I began to think of all the things that could go wrong in the elevator. I know, I know, Greys Anatomy would have you believe all elevator rides are full of suppressed sexual tension. I remembered the strange intimacy of riding an elevator multiple times a day to the 21st floor in my Chicago condo building and the many MANY times I wanted to do something outrageous just to shock people. Then...I found this...and someone already thought of all of them for me at http://www.geocities.com/skrelborn/elevator.html

1. Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

2. Shave.

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

5. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

6. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

7. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

8. . When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

9. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

10. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

11. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

12. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

13. Call out, "Group hug!" then enforce it.

14. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

And....that concludes my silly funny list share for today.

No joke. Once a week I get the Aerosmith lyrics stuck in my head. ( I do not own the music file, CD or tape) "Love in an EL-A-VA-TOR....Livin' it up, when I'm GOIN' DOooooown...." Bizarre.

In Rod (Blago) we do NOT trust...

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 19:44:00 +0000

Blago, Blago, Blago? You are about to be one of a small group of Chicago politicans (3 ex Illinois governors) to be jailed in my lifetime. Sheesh. You called Obama a motherwhat? You tried to sell the senate seat? Man oh man. Driving from my "typing place" the Bou, I heard on the local radio that when the Deputy Chief called him at 2:00am to warm him that he was about to be arrested, that two armed officers were at his door, and that this was being done to avoid waking his daughters or the media to the mess, he said: "Is this a joke?" At least he got out for $4500.00. That's barely a nice suit for some sleezy politicians.

Men in power. It is amazing. I am truly fascinated. Are they so highly removed from the realities and repercussions of the world that they feel invincible? Spitzer? Edwards? Whadayathink? It has to be. No one is dumb enough, I have to believe civil servants, "men of the people" actually started out, at some point, educated and with the best interest of the people. I get it. Most men ( Marcus not included) are busy trying to elevate themselves, etch a mark in history either on a grand scheme or small. I don't fault anyone for attempting some self gain, but NOT at the risk of a trusted position of power where your role is to work in the best INTEREST of the people you serve.

Honestly, I don't really care what politicians stick their body parts into...I don't really judge them on their personal lives, that isn't on the table in my book. I do, however find it unbelievable to see this kind of overt corruption. Not only Blago's but whomever was on the other end of the phone, email, and conversations!!!

(Sigh) I would keep my mouth shut, but this is a mess, a taint the windy city is known for...WIND and bull shite. Bummer. While I'm ranting, why is it sleeting after we already have inches of snow on the ground? How is Britney Spears being celebrated for a "comeback" by merely oiling up her short little legs and rolling around in a video? Sloppy Joe's are making a comeback....I don't respect them more, I just think: "Yeah, why not...it got a bad rap let's give it a whirl."

On a high note, however, my future age-limitation defying lover Alec Baldwin is going to be on Larry King Live. I guarantee you can picture me hunched over my knees, biting my fingernails with a giddy grin around 10pm tonight!

SNL GAP ad makes me laugh-snort at the gym.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 01:38:00 +0000

Today was a typical winter's day in Chicago land. 26 degrees and sunny. I decided to wrap the tot up in her warmest gear and spend two hours at the gym. So be it. On the elliptical machine I got head deep into the December issue of "VOGUE". Not only was Jenny A (my look alike) on the cover (( that's a joke, I love her, but love Angie more)), but I stopped dead in my tracks to recover from a laughing out loud snort reaction to the latest crop of ingenious GAP ads.

Take a look a the hilarity in what seems like a silly ab lib/American express-like fill in the blanks spot. Not to mention the rough-neck faces...

They are all funny, but the one that knocked me out was: "Visit your own ___Stalker___". I couldn't contain myself. I even had an impromptu brainstorming of unpredictable things to say in such situations and I couldn't. It made me miss the RADAR Magazine boys of the 100 list.

I know you could come up with a million reasons NOT to support GAP. Like sweatshops and reviving, revolving fashion-less Lycra-knit fabrics made for the masses, or teen consumption, but from as strictly marketing and advertising point of view, this was priceless. Funny, full-colored and memorable. Brand and character endorsement clearly front and center, with a side dish of poppycock to say: "we don't take ourselves too seriously."

Love it. Go Gap. They go Red, they are trying. C'mon...there are worse things happening out there. Have you seen the latest cosmetic serum made from infant foreskin? Right....pick your battles.

December makes me think of members.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:55:00 +0000

What? Gross. Did I just make an anatomical reference that makes no sense? Yes. I'm sorry. I really would prefer to rant about how boring "Australia" was with the exception of the magical aboriginal boy wonder. I could fill pages about my obsession and fear for a close friend during the Mumbai terrorist attacks. I am so disappointed in the Grey's anatomy slip n slide into the horror show of prime-time soap-opera-esque plot lines with dead ghosts making love to Izzy. In the famous words of every character on that show from last year: "Seriously? Seriously. SER-I-OUSLY?"

But I here I am...over-sexed. I know, I know....no surprise, but somehow I am convinced that hormonally, things are going crazy pre-winter solstice. During the normal excitement and anticipation of Thanksgiving dinner I was dreaming of having sex with Hugh Laurie...really. It was exciting and moment to moment heart-palpitating, pulsating anticipation and then after kissing the top of his tummy and unzipping his pants....there was an infant size "member". He then waddled off with his cane. Hmmm...

Next up, was trapeze foreplay with someone even stranger, like Ewen Mcgregor, or some other bendy man from modern day movies. I will tell you, instead of being exotic, it was overwhelmingly full of huge misses, and big pelvic bruises. Its bizarre. Truly. I wake up sweaty and guilt-ridden. This is the season of giving and gratefulness. This is the time for love and light and peaceful offerings and my subconscious is nose-diving past saviors born in hay, to rolling in it and then failing miserably at execution. I DON'T FAIL AT EXECUTION (of that). I can't control it. The more I joke with friends or my husband about how I will focus on wholesome things before nodding off...the worse it gets. I wont even begin to describe what happened with the red-head actress from "Gladiator" or "The Devils Advocate". Eesh.

I will try harder (tee-hee) to focus on Christmas cheer and holly. I will spend more time making hot apple cider and warm cocoa while wearing an apron and maybe even doing my hair like a Mormon bouffant FLDS matriarch in folded white socks and denim. I am not unholy or despicable.

AM I? Strap in...December is going to be warm and fuzzy, white hot and tingly too.

PS: Good gracious I hope none of my child's preschool teachers ever stumble onto this blog!

Say my name,Say my name,wait.... Dont.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:13:00 +0000

I am beside myself right now. Truly. I don't care about mass commerical pop starlets and their children (except for my beloved Angie) but this is getting down right obnoxious!

"BRONX MOWGLI" is the new Ashlee Simpson baby name. Are you flippin' kidding me?! Does this kid have a shot with his resume in 18 years? Will people take him seriously at high school graduation? Look I realize there will be tons of thousands of spawn with parents that had a lapse in lucid thinking and named their kids such atrocities as "Pilot Inspektor", "Kyd", and "Apple" but those are just celebrity crazy...on some level they get excused because they don't really live in our reality, and most of them will end up in rehab, then in a new clan of panti-less starlets and back to rehab, so it is fitting.

What gets me is how many upstanding well-educated people are naming their kids to the trends. The green-organic smokeless cigar club of elite successful business men will be referring to themselves by saying things like:

"Storm, How are the latest numbers coming in on electromagnetic flypods, are your cornering the market?"

or "Brooklyn and Ridge are teeing off at 9 tomorrow, are you in?"

The children of this decade are going to be thought of similarly to the poor kids of hippie hallucinogens days of "Soleil Moonfry" and "River Pheonix". So goes it, I just think its carving a hard path for your kids. Its difficult enough to be taken seriously with "normally" strange names or extremely ethnic names, but those have substance, meaning, namesake. How do you philosophically validate "Dakota" or "Nevaeh"...great, really? Its "heaven" backwards. PUKE.

Get a grip people. Children are anything BUT a trend. Give them a tiny little boost in a knock-you-down world. Start your kindness by giving them tools to succeed. No matter how much we preach kindness and non-judgement, people do, even if you don't. Go crazy with a nick name, but to bring mockery to the one unique identifier that will stick with them from birth to death...be fair. Be thoughtful and be respectful. Just saying...

If you are itching to make your power and creative mark: Get a dog. Name it "chakra shitball loveeeellly boneboy" or "Kendalllll Cade Karma Makeyyylaa Dom purr on Yum"

November's Top 3 Bed Em' if you can get Em'!

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 20:33:00 +0000

So...I know, I know, the big question is what the FECK is wrong with me? Who cares. Nothing. Lazy, Apathy, my new found love interest in cooking healthy tasty food like the lemon caper tilipia I'm making tonight. Who knows. My libido however, is fully in tact, even though I have not been stretching the limits of what a mother/wife can say without being distasteful on this blog lately. I have still been being rather nasty at all times, despite my ability to appear like I'm nesting in my new SAHM role or other seemingly "normal" traipses through life.

I have to say, my list makes no sense. I know this, and that is ok.

1. Justin Timberlake. YEP. I caught a snippet of his gazelle, lift one leg scoot and undulate move from SNL and his concert and its nuts. The man can look sexy and naughty by moving his NECK. the least of phallic symbols, but check it....you will want to wreck in his adorable baby boy face. Um...then there is his "soft-goofy side" that shows up on Ellen and plays golf and is way more self aware than one should be after sleeping with Bspears trainwreck, Cameron Diaz and Jessica (perfect booty) Biel. Take a look. What man can wear a leotard and still be HOT? I rest my case.

I want to smell him and make fun of him for being so boyish and wearing white tennis shoes, and then have him throw me on a wall and dance in front of me, or mock himself and crack jokes...because this guy is everything and nothing predictable. Have I said too much?

2. James Bond (Daniel Craig) or just the idea of him:
I watched "Quantum of Solace" last night and felt my ovaries jump and release estrogen in toxic amounts at his calm while flying down a cliff side road in Italy in an Aston Martin, and his athleticism and skepticism and rippled tummyicism....he is danger, and dark and inconsolable. He leaps over anything, can kill with a pressure point, risks his life for a woman, than nonchalantly drops her off in the safe hands of a hotel conceirge...contradictions in a flesh pod of muscle and sex-man musk.

In life, that is a nightmare, in fantasy that is a dreamy bowl of smoking hot love making and a false sense of connection with a heartless machine of sexy goodness is just what I ordered.( Self loathing follows when he forgets your name post coital) so he can stay in fantasy world, gun slinging and throwing himself into the fire of sarcastic vengeance. If there were no consequences and my self-esteem was 100% in tact, I would fly onto this man like those bat monkeys with wings, envelope him and then disappear before he could get to clean up...leave him a note that says: "Not bad...had to run...L" Dirty, dirty, bad guy. What woman doesn't dream of breaking this kind of nut?! Humpy hot double O for me please.

3. Alec Baldwin: I have no apologies. This man makes me laugh and think and want to run and then stay, and the shuffle back two steps and then jump his fifty year old bones just to see if he can stay standing. Not only is he smart and seasoned with women, he is realistic and almost impossible. I picture him the kind of guy I would want to punch for calling out all my tricks, attention needs and inadequacies, but somehow peppering his slights with sex appeal and backwards compliments. You may picture grey hair and wrinkles and a spare tire...sure, but I still see vintage in him. The body is a curious thing, it changes, it ages, it sags...and such is life. Mine will too. Until then, I would love to stretch out, arch my back and lay before this silly, fast-tongued (surely dirty minded) man of many words, jokes and political opinions.

Sigh....I'm not claiming to be normal, in fact quite the opposite. If nothing else, find comfort in how normal you seem in comparison to my over-sexed thoughts, rationalizing and daydreams.

Happy Monday. No day for the mundane.

Alec Baldwin calls Palin "Bible Spice" on Letterman

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:30:00 +0000

It is a well known fact that Alec Baldwin has become a night lover ( in my dreams) of mine. He has all it takes. Witty fast tongue, Over 40(although, he is about at the age cusp of limitations where I draw the line), unapologetic-grab life by the balls-and enjoy it attitude, and he speaks his mind.

Ever since his interview on 60 minutes, which I rewound a few times just to be able to process all his jokes, and catch his societal/political statements, I have been in lust admiration. Last night, he was on David Letterman. I can't help but wonder if his hair do is prepped like that of Cameron Diaz in "Something About Mary". I wont judge. He is cute and pudgy and smart. Love it. Enjoy, I did.

I am jumping in my britches to see him on 30 Rock tonight. Hopefully more people will watch. Why do all the men I love NOT have an upper lip? I don't actually find it attractive, but it seems to be a reoccurring trait. (shoulder shrug) I love his vocabulary. Well used, well placed and self-depricating with four or more syllable words at a time!

Ha cha cha....

Last October Hump Day Roundup

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 15:53:00 +0000

So here we are on the last Wednesday of October. I voted today. It took 10 minutes, that was nice. There was a snow storm in the Northeast. The Dow rallied to close up almost 900 points yesterday, even though a consumer index looked grim. Bounce baby, bounce. I lost obscene amounts of money in September, I refuse to look in October.

On a brighter note, Anderson Cooper is on the cover of "Best Life Magazine" and looks amazing. I really wish there was a way that I could double for Erica Hill and be near him, or get a few hours to pretend he was straight. Those perfect little pink lips! Doesn't that saying ring true for him: "Just because there is snow on top of the mountain doesn't mean there isn't a fire inside." I love grey hair (on pretty men). Speaking of men, I was slightly disappointed with Jon Hamm's level of goofy on SNL. I like Don Draper better. Not that it matters. Patrick Sharp has kicked his overly used eyebrows off my top 3 list. ( more on that later)

All this cold weather and the imminent decent of holiday ads and displays to steal the autumnal air has made me feel the need to check some boxes. Here are a few:

1. Go apple picking.

2. Wear a rain coat. ( In Chicago, the opportunity to do this and remain cold is so slight)

3. Watch a high school football game outside while sipping apple cider.

4. Make butternut squash soup from scratch and chili with dark chocolate in it!

5. Make out with football player in the fallen leaves. Oh wait. No. A hockey player?

6. Light a fire and lie naked on a faux fur rug with a hot toddy and make s'mores or maybe just do a nude headstand while watching the ember and working my prana and trying to focus on lower my Pitta dosha. (wait....maybe that's not for everyone...)

7. Enjoying warm and fuzzy natural yearning to cuddle up and create body heat with someone, as well as the general sense of seasonal romance that is founded on things like the ideals of "When Harry met Sally" instead of hot monkey crazy summer lust.

8. Steal time to go to a movie on a cloudy, rainy, chilly day.

9. Point out all the fake N bake break downs happening because the weather has turned and that perfect brown tawny look on some women ( and men) just ain't plausible. ( pft. I'm not mean, I make up for my judgements with karmic love sent to the universe through universe...what do you do?)

10. Pull out those long-ass knee high warm socks and sip some hot chocolate.

Get out there and make the next 2 days count. Stay warm, be warm and enjoy the passing moments before they are passed.

Today I pondered: (un)Sexy songs to avoid.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 18:55:00 +0000

There have been several things I randomly ponder. I am always thinking about the strangest things. For instance, I was stuck driving behind a short yellow school bus carrying handicapped children. The woman was helping a sweet boy off of the ramp in his wheelchair, and I thought: "Holy shit (pun intended) what would happen if the bus driver got a horrible crampy dose of explosive diarrhea? What then? You can't park a bus of children at the 7/11 to go to the bathroom!" I stressed all day about this for all the bus drivers. Godspeed to them. Other times, I think more sexy thoughts. Yep, I just combined explosive poo and sexy in the same thought. So, this is was came out....

Songs you should avoid during sexual intercourse, but if it happens, you are guranteed a laugh:

* The trick is to keep rhythm at all times with the main beat of the song. I tried it, not easy. ( no, I didn't, but its sounds better that way.)

1. Gloria Estafan - "1,2,3,4 come on baby say you love me, 5, 6, 7, times". I hate her. I would not take my clothes of to this woman, not even if paid, nor would I ever be able to laugh during sex to it. I would be too busy throwing up in my mouth and picturing her hair flopping.

(side note: Does anyone else picture John McCain naked and flopping around when he talks?...hmm..just me.)

2.Tears for Fears- "Shout". That would be funny, and slightly silly with its lyrical undertones. The beat would be strange too. SHOUT. SHOUT. LET IT ALL OUT. (HA!) I'm laughing just thinking about it.

3. Suzanne Vega- "Tom's diner". I don't even have to explain it.

4. The theme song to the TV hit Laverne and Shirley. Sclameal (up) slamazol (down), could get really obnoxious. Not that laughing is ideal during sex, but this one would surely bring on a giggle loop.

5.The Captain and Tennille- "Muskrat Love". I picture two really goofy high school modern dance students in leotards and sweaty hair moving slowly in tandem. Eeek.

6. Radiohead- "Creep". Think about it....very difficult not to get cold pricklies, let alone move sensually.

7. DMB- "Tripping Billies" Pure entertainment if you can keep up with the melody and tempo changes.

8. Los Del Rio -"Macarena". Just listening to this song makes me quiver with horrible visuals of country barn yard weddings with acid-washed Levi jeans and starter jackets clapping and laughing in unison while patting their own over-stuffed bum bums. No sex in the champagne room for you.

9. Bette Midler- "The rose". I think I only know ONE man who could listen to this song, block it out, and some how convince himself (and me) that the female anatomy was a rose, and other things were rain and sun, to plant a seed. Nasty. Avoid this song unless you are at a funeral, group hug or PMS party.

10. Alanis Morrisette- "You outta know". I would be wildy entertained to know if anyone was capable of keeping "beat" to that scream sequence near the end.

And...I'm sure I could come up with hundreds more. So next time you are getting that yummy warm tummy feeling and heading to the unsafe place of jingle jangle in the rubbing dirties department, make sure you avoid the above. Love is alive. Look lively.

Tony Robbins, Booby Jolie and egg-birthing Chicken

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:59:00 +0000

So...All of you are right. I WAS in fact, stuck in an inversion yoga position with Bill Murry while playing Steve Winwood and day dreaming of Hedge fund managers and old senators that I could wink and shimmy for merely to keep from getting too overly obsessed with the Wall Street crisis that has been taking up all the space in mind.

Today a few things perked me up. 1. Tony Robbins (yep captain big-hands and big teeth) was talking POSITIVELY about the way we can approach this new "season" of turmoil, and it was inspiring. Sue me. I went to a seminar in the 90s. I walked on coals. I hugged strangers in a faux-hope for having some epiphany. Instead, I met and dated and fell in love with a once-quadriplegic hockey player, who now...walks and hikes. But that is just what I do. Take an inspirational life changing event, and make it about lust, men and hockey players. But I digress...Check him out at http://thepowerofcrisis.com/.

2. I have a huge girl crush on Angelina Jolie and have been trying to find early copies of W magazines 21 candid pictures of her, taken by Brad. Why? Because she is not too good to wear a mumu, sometimes her makeup is smeared and recently when she was asked how she looks so good 13 weeks post pregnancy; she replied: "A great dress." And...she is hot, crazy and unpredictable. Check my records, I have not been a fair-weather AJ fan...I loved her in the nutso, kissing brother stage. Evvvvverybody poops.

3. While trying to eat my breakfast this morning, my charming 3 year old brought a new toy she found to me. A chicken laying an egg. (see pic). I laughed hysterically, which only egged her on (pun intended) and once again, I was reminded about the beauty of little laughs that can change a mood.

I am back. I am working on the latest Bed em' Get em' list and pondering the random synergies of anatomical remanufunctionality of love,pursuit and acceptance measured on parallel levels of the universe. Be happy. Ponder an Eggy chicken, laugh with a good friend today, love someone like I love AJ, hold hands, sing about positive change, invest some money in value stocks with good market caps and think sexy thoughts.

Until tomorrow...or later today. Enjoy the revisionist historical take on a bloody and horrendous discovery and pillage of the new world. I know I will.

Five purely hypothetical reasons you haven't heard from Lulu.

noreply@blogger.com (Laila...) — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:54:00 +0000

***This is a guest post from Marcus Gumbasmall hands. A good friend and fellow blogger at handonmouth***

Where's Lulu?

I can deduce from reading Lulu Notewordy, as to what might have caused this sudden dryspell of posts. Because the process is way more "Fringe" than "CSI", I'll spare you the mechanics behind such forensic science. And I'll give you the 5 top scenarios I think may have happened...

(Actually, we all know she has more than 5 reasons. She COULD give them all to you in one fell swoop. Though she won't. But you'd like that wouldn't you?)

1. Lulu's iPod is stuck in a constant random shuffle mode of 70's Soft Rock ballads and a smooshing of 80's syrup and cheese. Think Manilow's "It's A Miracle" or Bobby Caldwell's "What You Won't Do For Love." Or worse yet, "Sentimental Street" by Night Ranger. She's caught up in a self-embrace of hugging and slow-rocking, smiling to herself. And can't reach the keyboard.

2. During one of her writing sessions from the fireplace table at Caribou Coffee, she had a chocolate-walnut brownie. (Most likely, she had two.) In a shoulder-shrugging to ears, eyes-closed and "mmmmm-mmmm-ing", choco-epiphany inducing body hover, she was smacked on the back by a passing computer bag and launched into a permanent state of disfiguring. And can't reach the keyboard.

3. Called to Congress to testify on her role in possible conspiracy to displace the ecomony and sour the mood of millions, entirely through her lack of blogging. Still tapping microphone, still asking, "Can you hear me?" . Still winking at old senators, and still snickering at the term "rising
inflation."

4. Depressed and off-put by her decision to invest everything she had into the confectionary market. (After all, candy IS an omnipresent need, isn't it?) She's re-thinking her decison to cash out after a 2/1 split, and receive dividends in the form of Mike N' Ikes.

5. Waiting until next year, as they say, to post her diatribe on the Chicago Cubs historic playoff collapse. Oh, she'll use the same post; she'll just then change the date to 2009.

At the very least, if none of these are true, I think we can all agree, she put off today what she could have done yesterday by casting all her oars into the fire, and ran up the river on a gift horse, crying over a pot of spilt milk and bathwater for no apparent reason.

I think she'll post again, so don't give up on her. Ask her questions, and she'll tell you no lies. She'll just spell them wrong.

We love you, Lulu. Come back and stay for good this time.

(pictured -right) Marcus and Lulu in occupational conflict during stupid LA corporate-bonding treasure hunt.