Diary of a Mad Fat Woman

Happy Holidays

2011-12-24T08:45:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary

I saw this picture in one of my groups, needless to say it was a reality check. I guess I have a reason to repent for complaining about my weight, I have the luxury to be fat. Neither will I complain about my overweight children, their fat is luxurious too. Food is necessary; and for many a luxury. Oh how I wish I had the money to end world hunger; but I'm almost certain people called Capitalist, who are filled with greed would find away to stop me. What I really wish for is an instant solution. I wish I could give them some of my fat cells, but no matter how fat I am it wouldn't be enough to go around.

We might not be in the 'lap of luxury', but we sure are in the 'fat of luxury'..the only bones you will find on us are chicken bones from chicken we've consumed; and the only ribs you'll see when it comes to us are from beef ribs we have chomped down on... Hallelujuer....*Madea*!

Be thankful & lets remember others who are less fortunate this season. Have a Very Merry Christmas & Prosperous New Year!

2011-12-23T11:06:00.000-08:00

OK I think Iamgonna give up or well slow down on the drinking & thinking...when I drink, I talk to God and I think about everything & everybody. I already started, but yeah...I feel its time...so 2012; Iamgonna give my brain a break, just drink & not think!

No wonder these kids grow up so fast....!

2011-12-16T12:39:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I bought baby food siking myself out, trying a new baby food diet, I ate 3 big jars and still hungry. Master Jashua who is 3 yrs.old looked at me like 'mama really'! Anyway I got him playing baby now... I eat a spoon, he eats a spoon, these 20 jars left dont stand a chance...smh! I wish there were flavors, like Chocolate...I'd even take Edy's French or Double Vanilla baby food....I'm tired of banana; besides that's really a grown womanly flavor, got me thinking of Banana shaped things. Maybe I should eat apple flavor, but then I might start wanting a butt lift and a pair of apple bottom jeans. Lord please keep my mind, I never thought baby food could be so tempting! No wonder these kids grow up so fast....huh(sighing)!

2011-12-13T10:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary...
I went to Krispy Kreme yesterday..met this guy, he actually makes the donuts... so again another tuff decision...I loves me some Krispy Kreme donuts & he is rather fine; talk about Double Temptation (I said Temptation, not penetration) stay focused here. I so want a working man, not sure I actually want one that when he says, "Its time to go make the donuts"...He is literally going to make the donuts & at Krispy Kreme, he aint making alot of "DOUGH" & I would still have to put up with this "Nut" & I know all he prolly want is a 'nut'....Oh Dear God, time for some soul searching, maybe I am giving it too much thought; but he called...All I wanted was a FREE DOUGHNUT, how did I get myself into this, huh(sighing)...?
JeSuSuSuSuSuS!

Happy Holidays

2011-12-12T23:52:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary
I saw this picture in one of my groups, needless to say it was a reality check. I guess I have a reason to repent for complaining about my weight, I have the luxury to be fat. Neither will I complain about my overweight children, their fat is luxurious too. Food is necessary; and for many a luxury. Oh how I wish I had the money to end world hunger; but I'm almost certain people called Capitalist, who are filled with greed would find away to stop me. What I really wish for is an instant solution. I wish I could give them some of my fat cells, but no matter how fat I am it wouldn't be enough to go around.

We might not be in the 'lap of luxury', but we sure are in the 'fat of luxury'..the only bones you will find on us are chicken bones from chicken we've consumed; and the only ribs you'll see when it comes to us are from beef ribs we have chomped down on... Hallelujuer....*Madea*!

Be thankful & lets remember others who are less fortunate this season. Have a Very Merry Christmas & Prosperous New Year!

2011-12-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary
God is really making provision through people, now if I win this, there will be no excuse...I have been wanting a treadmill and I could get work done....alright if I am able to acquire this tread desk...then I will know w/o a shadow of a doubt, that it was okay for me to have my Forbidden Chocolate & that I can actually forgive myself for all of the senseless calorie consumption. But then again, working while working out sounds like too much work....and we all know too much of a good thing is not ever really good for you; that's how I got in this mess to start with too much ice cream, yeah and it was good! I think I will pass on this, unless God blesses me to win it or someone to buy it for me. But this is a great idea, just wish they come up with a greater idea, like a machine that works out for you & you dont have to actually do any work...now I'd buy a machine like that!

Diary of a Mad Fat Woman

Things hidden & forbidden!

2011-12-04T19:45:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

I just sat down on the edge of the platform bed, which is low to the floor, in front of mirrors & my coochie disappeared, my thighs are so huge... now I am concerned, I dont see it; and that's not good enough for me. Huh(sighing)... gonna have to get serious about this weight thing... Guess I will figure out an effective weight loss plan, while I am eating this Forbidden Chocolate by Friendly's. After a whole carton, 10lbs., and NOW that my coochie is HIDDEN, I can see why this chocolate is FORBIDDEN! I am sneezing as if I am allergic. God, I am a "chocoholic", I hope I am not getting allergic to chocolate, esp. sexual chocolate. And I refuse to get to a point where some Mandingo 'sexual chocolate' can't find it either...lol! This is a vicious cycle, I wish it was a bi-cycle at least I could choose it & loose it. Just got a visual of me riding a stationary bicycle and eating ice cream at the same time, that would be a start. Yeah, I'm thinking of a Master Plan!

"DIARY OF A MAD FAT WOMAN"

Labor Day, Just got the call...my baby's having a baby!

2011-11-28T06:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
Its happening ...my daughter is going into labor...omg! she's in new orleans & I am here, my plane ticket is for Thursday, huh(sighing) wonder should i gas up & go...Lord I done prayed, guess I need to eat a pancake & have a mimosa for clarity! Ya know Jesus revealed alot of stuff while breaking bread...I m still a little droggy from the flavored water last night....hehehehe! I gotta get crumb, cuz if I dont that crumb snatcher allowed to be eatN, ya know there are some animals who do eat their young....Yeah i am hungry, gotta eat so I can think str8 or heck just at least think...lol!

Preview Dinner!

2011-11-23T21:37:00.000-08:00

Every year we doing something different... we cooking the night before & yes u guessed it, we are eating the night before... we werent gonna cook until Friday since my uncle is getting out of the pen., of course they wouldnt let him out the day before... anyway sister came up with the idea to do 2 thanksgiving dinners... so yeah...12 am we gonna be thankful eating... We aint neva been normal or typical, so I guess we never will & that works for me...yeah we might seem dysfunctional, heck maybe we are...but we still are thankful all day, everyday, so we are eating tonight & thats all right.... peace & turkeygrease!

Why did I do this to myself?

2011-11-18T17:45:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,
One of my biggest pet peeves is to buy something premade, that I know I can make myself. The only consolation in prepackaged food is that it is less time consuming to prepare. Well..... Memo to self: Dont do the lasagna thing again, 1hr to cook and 2 min. to taste, couldnt eat anymore of it. Now I am so peeved with me, because I could have taken that hour prepared some homemade lasagna that would have surely been a delight to my appetite! I think some forbidden chocolate ice cream is the only way I can see making this up to me, to appease this peeve....smh, Can you actually have meat sauce w/o meat? This lasagna was an EPIC FAIL! Not only have they insulted my intelligence, but they have assaulted my tastebuds!

Ok Laurel Luque, OK!

2011-11-15T11:40:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary, Laurel Luque sent me this awhile ago and needless to say,i looked at it and ate cheesecake, chocolate cheesecake. I would tell her I need to fix 'My Crazy', she'd let me know some craZy dont need to be fix...JUST EAT HEALTHIER! Oh well she'd be happy to know I had yogurt & granola bar for breakfast. I feel like I could bite somebody right now. Iamgonna have Salmon for dinner & I'll try to eat a little healthier again tomorrow, but Iamgonna ALSO have a hot fudge sundae TODAY, cuz I realize more now than ever that I have lost a dear friend, that TOMORROW is not promised... CHECK OUT THE LINK SHE SENT ME SEVERAL MONTHS AGO....very interesting....r.i.p Laurel....."Diary of a Mad Fat Woman"

Overcoming Food Cravings

http://www.thetappingexperience.com/EFT/

ONLY ONE!

2011-11-08T11:10:00.000-08:00

These daggon lays chips...they say you cant eat just one. I wonder are they referring to one bag or one chip?.... but you would be able to if they only would put just one chip in the bag.....Lawd, done gone thru another bag of chips...JeSuSuSuSuS! I cant afford to count calories like this, my calorie count would be repetitious, chip after chip, after chip after chip.....lol!

Procrastination At Its Best!

2011-11-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we never do what we need to do, until we need to do it? So much I need to do and the only thing I am willing to do right now is eat.... I am hungry!

2011-10-31T14:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
I am not gonna hide from these kids, I am fat & fabulous, my children are heavy & healthy & my neighbors see us everyday... If for 1 minute they think we bought candy 1) to give away or 2) that it would have survived in this house uneatin to be able to give away... they are in denial & dont need candy, but therapy & thats all I have to say about that (n my Forest Gump Voice)... Life is like a box of chocolates, & anyone thinking a fat person is gonna give any chocolate away is craZ! "Diary of a Mad Fat Woman"

2011-10-31T14:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
My mom just gave me a book on thinking like a thin person. Yeah, I always think like a thin person, thats why I continue to eat. So if I start thinking like a thin person, I will think I am fat. Now why would I wanna do that? OK mom, I am gonna think like a thin person and consume these cookies. Thin people dont stress over calories....lol. Wholefoods chocolate Chip cookies.....just orgasmic! Nuff said!
"Diary of a Mad Fat Woman"

2011-10-30T21:23:00.000-07:00

Why do women accept "Penile Philanthropy" yes, you heard it here 1st... (a man who sticks his penis everywhere & most times anywhere). Women have more respect for yourselves, its ok... 'If you RESPECT YOU, he'll RESPECT you" & if he doesnt, tell him to KICK ROCKS & fine someplace else to get his ROCKS off!!!

Diary of a Mad Fat Woman: Too Organic!

2011-10-29T20:12:00.000-07:00

Diary of a Mad Fat Woman: Too Organic!: Dear Diary, Now that my belly is full I been thinkN bout eating more whole foods goiN greeN, you know eatN more whole natural foods. However...

Too Organic!

2011-10-29T19:00:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,
Now that my belly is full I been thinkN bout eating more whole foods goiN greeN, you know eatN more whole natural foods. However, I just realize that more people die of natural causes, so that doesnt sound so good anymore. Guess I'll study this a little more. hmmm.... yeah dats right I will study this alittle more, no need in goiN nature's way right now, bein buried in the soil, is a little too organic for me right now....."diary of a Mad Fat Woman