GraceNotes

Bird in a Blizzard

2011-12-28T10:00:00.000-05:00

As I write, snow is falling and I'm listening to my favorite on-line radio station. The peace is palpable.

A bird sits atop a tree outside the window, like the star on a Christmas tree. No attempt is made to seek shelter from the storm -- on the contrary, like me, it seems to enjoy the view.

I love to watch the falling snow; few things are more beautiful to me. It covers the ground with a blanket of peace, slowing us down, quieting the earth with crystalline beauty.

How does it feel to be a bird in a blizzard? It sits there so still, in defiant calmness. What can I learn from this brave little bird?

"Don't be afraid," it seems to say. "There's beauty in the storm. Go to the highest point you can reach -- the view is better there. No point in trying to fly in the middle of a storm. Better to sit still and wait it out. Your wings will take you farther when it's over."

Hmm... Who knew that a bird had so much to say?

Look for beauty in the storms of life.

Gain a new perspective.

Practice patience.

You've got wings!

~Mimi Weaver, December 28, 2006 in Boulder, CO

Don't Be Afraid

2011-11-29T10:59:00.001-05:00

'The Annunciation' by Henry Ossawa Tanner

We Christians have entered that most sacred time of Advent, a time of preparation in anticipation and celebration of the birth of Christ.

I think of the young mother Mary awaiting the birth of her child, quietly pondering what it would mean.

"Don't be afraid," the angel had said. (Angels always say that.) Was Mary afraid?

I remember being pregnant with my daughter, Haley. I was terrified. What if something went wrong? What if I wasn't capable of carrying her full-term? I had already had one miscarriage and didn't think I could bear it if that happened again. What affect was the emotional turmoil of being separated from my husband having on my unborn child?

But then I had this dream:

I'm at the beach, holding a baby in a basket, and a tidal wave is coming towards us. There is nothing I can do to escape it so I hold tightly to the basket as the giant wave engulfs us. When the wave recedes, I'm still holding the baby safely in the basket.

It felt like the voice of an angel saying to me, "Don't be afraid. All will be well."

And from that point on, I stopped being fearful.

The day Haley was born was truly a miracle. I couldn't take my eyes off her!

I have the sense that Mary felt something similar when Jesus was born. I imagine that all that mattered to her was that he had arrived safely, miraculously whole and precious. How could she know in that moment who her child was to become?

What had been hidden from view became visible. "God with us." Emmanuel.

"Advent: a coming into place, view, or being; arrival." ~dictionary.com

Lost Dog

2011-11-01T17:13:00.020-04:00

Jack, Duddits, Gizmo, Vinny--what do these names have in common? No, they are not all members of the Mafia, although their faces are all on "wanted" posters.

All are dogs who ran away, lost in our neighborhood. It's a terrible feeling when your pet is lost. Your mind can imagine all kinds of awful scenarios and you feel so helpless to do anything about it.

Yet aren't we just like runaway dogs sometimes? We get frightened or distracted or overly adventurous and run away from the very thing we need for security, nurture and loving care. We allow our animal nature with its instinctive reactions to lead us into danger rather than listening to that "still, small voice" of greater wisdom and guidance within. Imagining freedom to be "out there somewhere" we fail to recognize the freedom at hand.

True freedom comes when you realize that you are already free, no matter what the external circumstances. You are free to choose how you will respond in any situation. What will your choice be?

"For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others." --Nelson Mandela

Why Retreat?

2011-10-05T11:45:00.000-04:00

The following journal entry was written by Sally Gunn while attending the First Friday Retreat at Richmond Hill in September 2011.

God has called me for a spiritual rest and feeding to a place "away" from things I know.

"Just for a day," He said, "Just for a day."

"Come unto me all you who are weary and I will give you rest." (Matt. 11:28)

So I've come about 25 miles east of my home to Richmond Hill, a community of ecumenical folks who seek God in their daily living -- just like me.

Upon entering the familiar garden, tears begin to well up in my eyes as I think back to the days I used to spend here in learning about spiritual direction, and listening, and love. A place of peace and of being undisturbed. I head for "my bench" overlooking the south part of the city, but it is already occupied, so I quickly peek around the neatly arranged boxwood shrubs and see the "other bench."

I sit for awhile feeling overwhelmed with the predominant thought, "What now, Lord?"

With all the noises--trucks beeping that cool sound when they back up, big motors roaring, cars flying by on the interstate, someone blowing leaves, voices laughing down the hill, someone hammering somewhere, birds singing and chirping--amid all that noise, I hear Silence.

The gentleness of the day's breezy wind blows across my face. I look in the garden and everything is "moving." God's Spirit is walking among his living creatures! How completely awesome! I heard Him. I'm sure I did!

I discovered in my resting and thinking that Silence is not necessarily quiet time from the external environment. More importantly, it is an emptying of the mind of thoughts that crowd us within and keep us from actively depending and focusing on God, and from enjoying the love and rest He has for us. He misses us. And we miss Him, too. That's why we come here. To just be alone with Him, to have our hearts and souls filled and refreshed with our God, the love of our lives, where we come "to be."

You Matter

2011-08-27T13:26:00.000-04:00

"Because you are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you..." (Isaiah 43:4)

On days when the earth quakes and hurricanes roar, fires burn out of control and floods overwhelm, it's easy to question our own significance. Tiny specks of humanity on the surface of an ever changing world, how is it possible that we matter at all? Maybe we don't . . .

Then why am I so obsessed with finding my own significance? How important is it to find one’s place in the world, after all? What is it in me that wants to say, "Look at me! I’m here and I matter!"

I couldn't say for sure, but I think there is something about contributing to the whole, to co-creating this life-giving world with God that calls one to search for the reason to be.

I have learned that what is most essential is that we just show up, and show up as fully as possible.

Once I attended a week-long training in which, as usual for me, I assumed no one was noticing me. I have this thing I do in groups where I feel like I’m invisible. I am usually most comfortable being invisible. It’s kind of like that magic cloak in Harry Potter; I wrap this imaginary cloak of invisibility around myself and think I can be with and among others without being seen.

So since in my mind I was invisible, I thought it did not really matter if I crept into sessions a little late, or missed them altogether, because no one else would even notice, much less miss me. I really believed that my presence was completely insignificant to the group. In fact, I didn't think about it at all until the training focused on how important it is to show up. And more than that, how important how we show up is.

Suddenly it felt as though a huge, glaring spotlight was shining directly on me. On one level it was disturbingly uncomfortable. I felt guilty and ashamed for the lack of respect I had shown the trainers, the training, and the other participants by my lack of full participation in the process. Worse still, I wasn't valuing my own presence.

But on another level, the sudden deep realization that my presence mattered, really mattered, not only to me but to everyone else in the group, was stunning. I mattered! There was something about the way I was showing up, or not showing up, that was impacting the experience of the others, not to mention my own experience.

That lesson brought to mind another time when I was asked in all sincerity, "Do you think what we do here really matters?" And I responded in confidence and with full conviction, but perhaps with less than complete understanding, "Yes. And no."

You see, I have faith that God’s loving purposes will work themselves out, with us or without us individually, so in that sense what we do here doesn't matter much. But I also believe we have been given an opportunity to join in the work of creation, to show up and to show up fully, and in that sense what we do here, and more importantly, who we are here matters more than anything.

Coaching Questions:

What would it take for you to show up fully?
What unique contribution is yours to make in this world?
How can you be more fully present to your work, to your relationships and to your own true self?

A Rose By Any Other Name... Has Thorns

2011-07-15T16:21:00.000-04:00

Do you ever find yourself being irritable and defensive with those who love you the most? Nahh... me neither. (Just kidding!)

My inspiration for this month's blog came out of listening to "Contre Qui, Rose?" from the album Sacred Treasures IV: Choral Masterworks, Quiet Prayers. I was so intrigued by the beauty of the song that I had to find the lyrics, which are based on the following poem by Rainer Maria Rilke:

Contre Qui, Rose?

Against whom, O rose,
have you now taken up
all these thorns?
Has your quiet joy
driven you, alas,
to now become this arméd thing?

But from whom are you protected

by this timid show of force?

How many foes have I removed from you

who never feared your thorns?

Ah, but no, from spring to fall,

you have torn the ones

who do you good.

--Tr. Bernard Brandt

From whycenter.com we learn: "Thorns on a rose bush develop much before the actual flower. This happens because buds and young roses might be eaten away by animals before the flowers get a chance to spread their pollen, with the help of insects, if they do not have a sharp thorn system already. Wild roses are found to have sharper and denser thorn systems than the ones we see in a nursery or in a green house. It is perhaps the lack of necessity of the defense mechanism within the protected walls that has prompted the rose bushes to develop less effective thorns over many generations. A more factual reason is that the rose breeders have cross bred different species of roses in such a manner that the resultant species has fewer thorns and more flowers."

It seems to me that we of the human species have a lot in common with roses. Our tendency to react defensively, or to shield ourselves with "thorns," is determined by how safe we feel to express our own inner beauty, our soul, the essence of who we are.

Parker Palmer, in his book, A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life, uses another metaphor to illustrate this notion.

"Just like a wild animal, the soul is tough, resilient, savvy, resourceful and self-sufficient: it knows how to survive in hard places. Many of us learn about these qualities in the darkest moments of our lives when the faculties we normally depend upon utterly fail us—the intellect is useless, the emotions dead, the will impotent, and the ego shattered. But sometimes, way back in the thickets of our inner lives, we sense the presence of something that knows how to stay alive and helps us to keep going. That something, I suggest, is the tough and tenacious soul.

And yet the soul, despite its toughness, is also essentially shy—just like a wild animal. It will flee from the noisy crowd and seek safety in the deep underbrush. If we want to see a wild animal, we know that the last thing we should do is go crashing through the woods yelling for it to come out! But if we will walk into the woods quietly and sit at the base of a tree, breathing with the earth and fading into our surroundings, the wild creature we seek may eventually show up."

So... a few coaching questions for you:

When you feel defensive, what are you protecting?
What would allow you to drop your defenses?
When is it safe for your soul to show up?
How do you make it safe for others to express the truth of who they are?

As I reflect on my own life, and on humanity in general, my prayer is that someday our "thorns" will become unnecessary and many more "roses" will bloom.

One

2011-06-13T18:24:00.001-04:00

An idea has circulated amongst humanity for millennia. We are all connected. We share a common biosphere, a collective history, a shared sense of the physical. Our experiences interweave, our lives intertwine, and our psyches interconnect. Like the atoms and neutrinos that make our fabric, we fuse together or flow through on our journeys, each little interaction affecting our individual selves. And we feel like, if we just reach out, if we think hard enough, or if we enhance our mind a little- we can bask in oneness.

Then there is deep despair at the fleeting glimpses of what could be.

Perhaps the new inter-connectivity of our created electronic sphere attempts to mimic a truer connectedness. It promises the opportunity to not only connect with your neighbor but with your fellow human ten thousand miles away. But it falls short, like a drug, and in the end we still feel largely disconnected and lonely. Is that irony?

Our hearts ache for a slower time. We yearn for inner quiet. We stare longingly at the greenscapes. We sigh deep breaths- expelling our neglected dreams hoping someone will adopt them and nurture them.

Thus we return to tradition. We begin to consciously seek these little moments of wonder. We undertake internal explorations. We appreciate nature. We re-claim our dreams. We learn how to touch in to ourselves and become whole.

Then, if we're lucky, we can begin to touch others. Meaningfully, lovingly, consciously. We can begin to connect towards oneness.

But the journeying towards the oneness begins within our own one.

By Guest Blogger, Kristina Monan Page, owner of Nimbus Massage.

How to Stay Focused in a World of Distractions

2011-04-21T12:21:00.001-04:00

"Overwhelmed." That's the word I hear most often when working with clients these days.

People feel overwhelmed with all they have to do; with the many things that pull them this way and that; with the needs of co-workers, bosses, family members, and friends; with the bombardment of information filling their in-boxes and the unending sounds of cell phones -- all creating an artificial urgency to life that leaves one breathless, anxious, exhausted, and often lonely -- the kind of loneliness that comes from being disconnected from oneself and others in any meaningful way.

We are continuously looking for ways to get more done in less time. I'm beginning to wonder if that is the best use of this life. What really needs to get done, after all?

One of my favorite quotes by Annie Dillard is, "How we spend our days, of course, is how we spend our lives."

I wonder what would happen if instead of a to-do list, I simply asked myself each morning, "How do I intend to spend this one priceless day?"

Or maybe, as poet Mary Oliver offers, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Could I, consciously and in good conscience, answer that question with:

checking email
Twittering
updating my Facebook status
Linking In
watching TV
surfing the web
shopping for stuff I don't need
being fearful of whatever might or might not happen
stressing out
numbing out
distracting myself from the fact that I'm not really LIVING this one life I've been given

WOW. . .

I don't know about you, but I think today I will go outside, feel the sun on my back, take in the beauty of this gorgeous day and thank God for another chance to become more aware of this wonderful gift of life and how to "spend" it. May this day mark the beginning of wiser spending.

For some great tips on simplifying and staying focused, check out Leo Babauta's free e-book, focus: a simplicity manifesto in the age of distraction.

You might also enjoy reading my other blog posts on this topic. I'd love to hear you comments. "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

"The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep." --Rumi

Let Go and UnKnow

2011-02-12T12:11:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had the frustration of completing a task, or creating something you thought was beautiful, only to have someone or something come along behind you and undo what you what you've done?

Maybe, like me, you've worked for hours on a project only to have your computer decide it doesn't want to save your work. That happened to me just yesterday.

But that's not all.

Anna, the ever-present puppy, also decided to unmake the bed yesterday. Who knows why? When I saw the pillows on the floor and the bedspread pulled all the way back with Anna sleeping on her self-made nest of sheets and blankets, all I could do was laugh.

So I'm wondering what the message is in this. Who or what is trying to get my attention?

In an odd sort of way, it reminds me of The Cloud of UnKnowing. The very title of that book reminds me that each time I think I "know" something or someone, I have to let it go; that sense of confidence in "knowing" prevents me from being fully present to what is.

These recent undoings of work and bed also serve as a reminder to hold myself and my work lightly. My tendency to want to "make things happen" rather than allowing them to unfold in God's time and in God's way can waste precious time and energy in the wrong direction. I need to listen and pay attention to know when and where to act.

As for Anna and the unmade bed. . . I guess in this moment I'm just grateful to have a bed. And a dog (I think).

2010 in a Nutshell

2010-12-31T10:12:00.000-05:00

"A year of political upsets, earth-shaking disasters and heart-stopping courage, with a soundtrack of vuvuzelas and grown men sobbing."
--Jeremy Vine, The Telegraph

That's the opening sentence of only one of a multitude of Year in Review articles for 2010. Mr. Vine goes on to say that "memories are 97 per cent personal – this was the year your brother became a father, your mother got ill, you fell stupidly in love with the local florist, got that great new job and crashed your scooter – so public events compete for limited head space."

I think reviewing your life periodically can be beneficial, though, and what better time than the eve of a new year to do that? If you had to write an opening sentence like the one above for your personal 2010 Year in Review, what would it say?

Here's mine: "A year of discovery, risk-taking and letting go, with a soundtrack of silence and peace."

Share your opening sentence in the comments section below... I'd love to read it!

What Are You Grateful For?

2010-11-09T10:32:00.001-05:00

With November comes Thanksgiving. And isn't that what life is all about? Giving thanks?

I wanted to share some thoughts on gratitude expressed by our daughter, Haley, in her blog while traveling in Paraguay last month. The stark poverty she encountered there led her to this new awareness:

The divisions created by things like where I was lucky enough to be born, and the color of my hair, and the hard work of my parents, and the general and overwhelming privilege that I have been so blessed with all felt very real today. It becomes almost numbing, because to honestly empathize is impossible. I’ll never know what that feels like. Even spending so much time hoping to and actually working for “the poor,” I’m so far from that world. I can’t even fairly conceptualize poverty in America, let alone poverty in Paraguay. It raises questions of if I could really do it. If I could really shed the addiction to image and wealth that I have so vehemently claimed that I “don’t care about.” I honestly don’t think that I could, which makes me feel sad and ashamed, and so, so, so grateful.

For as long as I can remember, our family dinner conversation began with my mom asking,“So, what was everyone grateful for today?” There is an ongoing joke (that my step-dad especially loves) that all of my answers have always been something in the negative – I could only come up with gratitude for something not happening: “Well…I didn’t have any Science homework.” “Well…I didn’t have to run in PE today.” “Well…you haven’t made me take the trash out today.” Most often was probably, “Uhhhhh…..I dunno. Your turn.” As I’ve “grown up,” I think I’ve been able to more clearly identify the things (and most often, the people in my life and relationships I have) that I’m grateful for. I suppose when I was younger, all the rest was clearly something I was "entitled" to have. But being here, in this world…my grateful list will go on forever.

Today I am especially grateful for Haley and the joy she brings to my life. What are you grateful for?

If you're having a hard time finding anything to be grateful for today, maybe this song will help.

Sweet Melancholy

2010-08-30T16:01:00.002-04:00

"There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass."

--Charles Kuralt

I always get a little melancholy this time of year. As the days get shorter and the sun's rays grow longer, even the cicadas seem to whir with a sorrowful longing for... what? What is it? Do we mourn the end of the growing season, with its long days and warm nights? Will we miss summer's gift of time and space to relax and "just be"? Or do we dread the coming days of darkness, the fading of the light?

For many of us, the end of summer signals going back to school or work, full schedules, and/or just plain busyness; and while it can be exciting, it can also disconnect us from what really matters.

For others, the end of summer brings loneliness -- the loneliness of not having a place to go or things to do -- a heightened sense of isolation as others return to their "normal" lives.

For me, this melancholy is not necessarily a bad thing. It seems to create an interior spaciousness, an opening of the heart for deeper reflection and connection with soul. It's a sweet sadness, mingled with gratitude.

I think what's most important is to notice it. Pay attention... it's there for a reason.

What about you? What speaks to you this time of year? What do you notice? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below...

AHA!

2010-07-26T18:11:00.010-04:00

"an ocean of love and light"

It was one of those out-of-the-blue moments. I was working away at my desk when I received the following unexpected, surprising email:

"I work for the company that is producing Mutual of Omaha's 'proud sponsor of life's aha moments' campaign... Associated to that, we have a 34-foot Airstream mobile film studio that is traveling the US on a 25-city tour to capture the country's aha moments. We are headed to Richmond this upcoming Thursday, June 24th and Friday, June 25th, and would love to invite you to share what led you to become a life coach and found GraceMoves, and how your life has changed since. I came across your website and in reading your history, think you would have a great story to share. You would just have to step into the Airstream studio for a few minutes and tell your story on film, which would be posted to www.ahamoment.com ."

And that's how I got to make this video. Check it out!

Some of you may remember an earlier blog I posted about my "sweet potato moment." But in case you missed it, here's the link to "Love is in the Air."

I would love to hear about your aha moment! Feel free to share in the "comments" section below...

Overcoming Loneliness

2010-06-23T14:55:00.000-04:00

It comes up a lot in my work with clients. So many people, even those with loving families and lots of friends, feel so alone. Why?

I can honestly say that I no longer feel lonely when I'm alone, but sometimes I still feel lonely in a crowd. I think it has something to do with the need for connection. Solitude allows me the freedom to just "be" -- I can connect to the Divine nature within and around me. Intimate conversations with others allow me the same kind of freedom and sense of connectedness. But superficial conversations can leave me feeling empty and alone.

When you are not fully received or accepted for who you are it can be painfully lonely. That can be especially true if you cannot accept yourself. Those disconnecting internal messages of shoulds and oughts, rights and wrongs, musts and have-tos can really do a number on you and leave you feeling frustrated, ashamed or unworthy of love.

So what's the answer? I don't know for sure... but here are a few suggestions that might help:

Take some time to connect with yourself. What are you telling yourself to create those lonely feelings? Are you telling yourself the truth?
Quit "shoulding" yourself.
Allow yourself to grieve. Your loneliness may be the result of losing a dear one, or a beloved community, or even your own sense of self. It is okay to mourn the loss. You will not drown.
Connect to what you really need. If you need community or companionship, reach out to those who can truly hear and see you. Even one such person can make a big difference.
Be a friend to others. The more you are willing to hear and accept them, "flaws" and all, the more they will do that for you. Listen with an open heart.
If you don't know what you need (and many of us don't), get a copy of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. It just might change your life! (Be warned: the concepts seem simple, but it is very difficult to put into practice. The key is practice!)

So why this need for connection? I suppose it could be human nature, or a survival thing. We need each other. But I suspect it is even deeper than that. My guess is that the mystics are right -- we are all one, longing for deep union with the Divine.

"How does one seek union with God?": "The harder you seek, the more distance you create between Him and you."
"So what does one do about the distance?": "Understand that it isn't there."
"Does that mean that God and I are one?": "Not one. Not two."
"How is that possible?"

"The sun and its light, the ocean and the wave, the singer and his song

-- not one. Not two."

--Anthony deMello on Mysticism

The Little Engine That Couldn't

2010-04-28T16:27:00.005-04:00

"You can do anything you set your mind to."

Really??? That hasn't been my experience. You only need to watch a few episodes of American Idol or Dancing With The Stars to realize that setting your mind to something is not always enough. Sometimes you just can't do what you want to do.

Many of us grew up with The Little Engine That Could and I don't know about you but "I think I can, I think I can" is burned into my brain like a mantra. Frequently it works. If I tell myself I can do something, I usually can. But indiscriminately using that mantra can actually be harmful.

The other day I thought I could carry my 47 lb. dog upstairs without hurting myself. I was wrong. I'm sure you can think of lots of examples of when you thought you could do something only to find out you could not.

So how do you tell the difference between positive thinking, sheer determination, and bullheaded stupidity? How do you discern what is yours to do and what is not?

To answer that fully here would be more than I could write. Many great books have been written on the subject of discernment. But I think it might be useful to take a moment to STOP before acting and ask yourself a few simple questions:

Is what you want to do in the highest and best interest of all concerned? Although it was good for my hurting dog not to climb the stairs, it was not good for me to carry her. I really hurt my back and what if I had dropped her? Now I am not able to do everything I need to do around the house and my husband has to do double duty to take care of me, at least temporarily.
Where is the desire to do this thing coming from? Is it coming from your ego? Is it your need for status, fame, or approval? Are you trying to avoid conflict? Is it coming from impatience or impulsiveness? My ego said, "I know I shouldn't try to lift this much weight, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Nobody's gonna tell me what to do -- even me!"
If you don't do it, what will happen? If I had simply kept the dog downstairs, I wouldn't have suffered the injury. We're keeping her downstairs now anyway so nothing good was accomplished by my "think I can" attitude.

Don't get me wrong. I still love the attitude espoused by The Little Engine That Could and will probably continue to use it as a mantra, especially over "I don't think I can," but not until clearly discerning what is mine to do.

Let Go of These 7 Things and Soar

2010-03-11T07:44:00.005-05:00

He is an enormous hawk. And he's standing on the ground like a sentry... ah, yes, he's guarding a squirrel. The squirrel is not moving so there's no risk of escape but still the hawk stands there, protecting his dinner.

He is so still and he stands there so long that I decide to try to take his picture. As I walk a little closer, he feels the threat and with a great swoop of his wings picks up the poor squirrel with his talons and carries it to the lowest branch he can find. Now the squirrel is dangling from the branch, pinned, lifeless, and still the hawk doesn't move. He can't. If he moves the squirrel will fall so he sits there for hours, not letting go yet unable to eat.

I'm not sure how the story ends because I got tired of waiting. I assume that eventually the hawk had his dinner because both he and the squirrel are gone. But it reminds me of how hard it is to let go.

How often do we hold ourselves back from what is good out of fear of letting go?

The hawk could have eaten that squirrel right there on the ground with me watching. I wasn't going to snatch it away from him. But he couldn't trust that. And what if I had wanted that squirrel? Is there a squirrel shortage? Hardly. . .

Is it instinctive to fear that others want what we have? That others will snatch the "food" right out of our mouths? Maybe. . . Can we trust that there's always enough?

What do you need to let go of in order to be truly free?

In this season of Lent, I would like to suggest some things to let go of that can help you be fully liberated. Quoting from Evelyn Underhill's The Mount of Purification:

Pride, uppishness, the great instinct of self-regard. No one can see straight in religion till they get rid of that.
Envy--an inimical, snarky attitude to others, ill-wind in all, even its most subtle and refined forms.
Anger, the combative instinct, turbulence, emotional uproar, self-centred vehemence, the negation of Peace.
Sloth, the opposite number of wholesome zest, the deadly spirit of slackness, fed up-ness, 'is it worth while-ness.'
Avarice, the possessive spirit, grab and hold-tight in all its manifestations.
Gluttony, intemperate enjoyment for its own sake of what is in reason good and allowable.
Lust--letting our instinctual and emotional nature get the upper hand and leading us, instead of our leading it, being ruled by our longings.

There is a reason these are called "The Seven Deadly Sins." They destroy the Spirit within and keep us in bondage to our lower natures. Letting go is not easy. But what would you give to be truly liberated?

Making the Invisible Visible

2010-01-07T08:06:00.004-05:00

A dear friend sent this video to me yesterday and I think it speaks to many of us who feel or have felt "invisible."

But as much as I appreciate what she has to say, I feel the need to point something out.

Although the speaker, Nicole Johnson, seems happy to be associated with the unknown builders of the great cathedrals, I can't help but wonder if what spoke to her most was that someone (the friend who gave her the book--and God) could "see" her. In fact, in this video she's standing in front of a huge audience and she has even written a book, The Invisible Woman: A Special Story for Mothers. Obviously she is no longer invisible.

Not all of us need fame, but I do think all of us need to be seen and heard, especially in our own homes. And as difficult as it might be to realize, I think it is true what "they" say: we teach others how to treat us.

I'd like to use her example to show what I mean.

She says she would walk into a room and say, "Turn the TV down please." And no one would answer so she would get louder. "Turn the TV down please!" Finally, she would go over and turn the TV down herself.

(Nicole said "please" but can you see that her statement is still a demand rather than a request?)

And her other example, of going to a party with her husband: when she is ready to leave she is unable to get her husband's attention because he is talking to someone else. But she says she just goes over to him and stands there without saying anything.

Boy, can I relate to her on these examples! But I wonder what would have happened if she had simply expressed her needs, rather than yelling or waiting to be seen.

What would have happened if she had said, "The TV is so loud that it's hurting my ears. Would you be willing to turn it down?" Or maybe, "When the TV is that loud I can't hear ___(fill in the blank). Can you still hear what you're watching if you turn it down?"

What would have happened if instead of just going to stand by her husband at the party she had said, "Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt but I'm getting tired and would like to go home. Are you almost ready to go?" (How was her husband supposed to know what she wanted without her saying anything?)

Like Nicole, I want my child to want to come home. But I also want her to see, hear, respect and appreciate me because that is how she will treat others (and herself) as she goes out into the world.

Yes, God sees and knows us better than we know ourselves and the "invisible" work of being a mother often goes unnoticed and unappreciated. But our loved ones can only hear and respond to what we need with understanding if we express ourselves in ways they can hear without criticism, judgment, blaming or making demands.

We all have the same deep needs and it is okay for them to be met. Allowing ourselves to remain invisible in our own households doesn't serve anyone, least of all God.

Just Write

2010-01-01T10:01:00.009-05:00

"Just write."

That's what I heard when I stopped long enough to ask, "Now what?"

There's a lot to running a business. When I started GraceMoves in 2006, I (like many other coaches) had the naive expectation that it would pretty much run itself. I had no idea how much time I would have to spend on marketing, networking, bookkeeping, scheduling and just general office stuff.

Self-promotion is extremely uncomfortable for me and I really hate being the center of attention. What I enjoy is drawing out others, helping them to see who they really are and to discover that "pearl of great price" within, not talking about myself.

But how do I make a living without a lot of self-promotion?

So now I'm asking and what I hear is, "Just write."

"Write what?!"

I don't have the answer yet, but I'm willing to listen and see what comes. So this year I will be doing more writing. I'm guessing much of it will come out in this blog. I hope in some way it will be useful to you but I am willing to trust the process and just write. Your comments and critical reviews are more than welcome.

Happy New Year!

Happiness, Beauty and Gratitude

2009-11-01T06:00:00.014-05:00

Have you ever struggled to reach a goal, anticipating the sense of joy and fulfillment it would give you, only to find that your achievement didn’t bring the happiness you thought it would? Maybe you experienced a temporary high, followed by a wondering of, “Is this all there is?” or “Now what?”

The other day I climbed to the top of Multnomah Falls, the second highest year-round waterfall in the country. The mile-long hike was not too difficult as the path was paved, but it was pretty steep and I did have to stop along the way to catch my breath. I imagined that once we reached the top we would have a spectacular view of the falls and everything else around us. I can’t say that I was disappointed, because the view was gorgeous and I did feel a great sense of accomplishment for making it to the top. But from the top you could only see the stream and pool where the falls were formed and out beyond the falls to the Columbia River. The most spectacular, awe-inspiring view of Multnomah Falls itself was at the base of the waterfall where you could really see its magnificent height and feel the mist as it crashed powerfully into the pool below.

It reminded me that sometimes, when we are intent on making it to the "top," we miss the beauty of what is right in front of us.

It has been well documented that gratitude is one of the keys to happiness, so with Thanksgiving right around the corner I thought it would be fun to ask, "What are you grateful for?"

Here are 5 of the beautiful things right in front of me for which I am grateful today:

The love of my family and friends.
The health and ability to climb to the top of Multnomah Falls.
The freedom to choose how I will spend this day.
The beauty of the changing leaves.
The music of Tina Malia.

What 5 things are you grateful for today?

What To Do When You've Lost Your Way

2009-10-06T10:27:00.009-04:00

The other day, while walking the dog, I was stopped by a woman in a car full of children frantically looking for a birthday party. Nothing unusual -- I am often asked for directions while walking the dog. Our neighborhood is not the easiest to maneuver, with some streets changing names in several places, and the street she was looking for is even more confusing because it ends partway down one street and picks up again in another block altogether.

What was unusual was that before I could even get the words out, "You can't get there from here," she drove off. I called after her as she drove away because I knew the directions she needed, but she just kept going. I hope she found what she was looking for.

So what do you do when you've lost your way?

Stop and get your bearings. You can't know how to get where you're going unless you know where you are. It might have helped this woman to know that she was on the wrong end of the street.
Breathe deeply. It's nearly impossible to think clearly when you are full of anxiety and worry. Take a deep breath and let go of any fear. Know that all is well.
Ask for directions. It's important that you ask someone who knows the way you want to go. This woman was right in asking someone who knew the neighborhood and humble enough to admit she needed help. But she forgot Step #4.
Listen. When you get still enough to really listen, chances are you will get the help you need. Our frantic mom was too full of anxiety to hear the directions she needed.
Follow. Once you've heard the directions, you still won't get where you want to go until you follow them. You have to take action and you have to follow the steps. This lost woman apparently thought that if she just kept driving she would get there eventually. In this case, skipping the steps would take her straight through my neighbor's yard! (How like us to want to take shortcuts, huh?) Fortunately, she chose to drive around in circles instead.

So what about you? Are you driving around in circles? Cutting a path through someone else's yard? Or are you following the steps?

Speaking Peace

2009-09-01T08:32:00.002-04:00

"But I'm not violent!"

That's what most people say when I try to tell them about Nonviolent Communication. But I think their reaction stems from a misunderstanding of the how the word "nonviolent" is used in this context.

Ghandi defined Nonviolence as Truth and Love. He said, "Nonviolence translated 'love' is the supreme law of human beings."

My understanding of Nonviolent Communication is "speaking the truth in love." It teaches you to listen and speak from a place of love rather than fear (or fear's offspring: anger, shame, guilt, and blame).

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) uses a simple 4-step formula to help you connect with others in truth and love. The steps include: 1) Observations, 2) Feelings, 3) Needs, and 4) Requests.

"When I observe __________ (something specific, without judgments or evaluations), I feel _________ because I need _________. Would you be willing to _______ ?"

The next time you feel upset about something, try using this formula and see what happens. But before you do, you might want to take a look at these lists of Feelings and Needs (most of us are clueless when it comes to expressing these).

If you find yourself following "I feel" with "that," try again. You're not expressing a feeling, but a thought. And if you follow "I need" with "you" or "them," try again. That's not a need, but only a strategy for getting your need met.

While NVC seems pretty simple, it can be really difficult to put into practice. But the life-giving changes that take place when you practice it make it well worth the effort.

Take a look at the NVC website, read Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, or sign up for a workshop or practice group. If you take these principles to heart and put them into practice, I guarantee it will change your life. You will move out of that place of fear and move into a place of love and peace.

"I must continue by faith or it is too great a burden to bear and violence, even in self-defense, creates more problems than it solves. Only a refusal to hate or kill can put an end to the chain of violence in the world and lead us toward a community where men can live together without fear. Our goal is to create a beloved community and this will require a qualitative change in our souls as well as a quantitative change in our lives." --Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dogs, Discipline, and Decisions

2009-08-03T17:38:00.008-04:00

Sometimes I can get so focused on a task that I lose all track of time. Luckily, I have my dog, Anna, to remind me of the essentials.

Grounded firmly in the present, Anna always knows what time it is. "It's time to get up." "It's time to take a walk." "It's time to eat." "It's time to go to bed."

I can count on Anna to tell me what time it is. If whining doesn't work, there's always the pull on the arm (with claws) and the persistent, very loud bark. My reprimands are responded to with a low growl of disapproval, as if to say, "You know what time it is. Get up!"

What Anna does instinctively requires a lot of self-discipline from a human being. I wonder what would happen if I could tune in to my own natural rhythms, listening intently to the needs of my body and spirit in each moment of the day? How would my life be different? I suspect my decision-making would be easier and full of integrity.

When I choose to do what is good for my body and spirit, I never regret it; in fact, I feel really good about myself. When I give in to laziness, or others' expectations, or instant gratification, I immediately suffer the consequences, punishing myself with guilt or resentment or anxiety, not to mention poor health. I create my own misery.

So what does it take to make good choices? I think maybe it just takes time. Time to take an extra breath, long enough to ask the question: "Will I feel good about myself having made this decision?" or "Does this decision serve the Higher Good?"

Oops! Gotta run... Anna's talking to me.

"...choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve..." Joshua 24:15

"For now we see in a mirror, dimly..."

2009-06-29T14:17:00.008-04:00

Very few of us like change, especially if we're the ones who have to do the changing. And yet, everything, everyone is constantly changing. Nothing stays the same.

Maybe the key to change is to do so willingly and with intention. As long as I'm fighting change, I'm making myself and those around me miserable. It's inevitable anyway so why not go with the flow, right? Well. . . maybe.

Last month I spent another 10 days on silent retreat. I had great expectations as the retreat got underway. . . big mistake. I learned pretty quickly that great expectations can set you up for great disappointment. Almost immediately, I wanted to go home. Things just weren't the same as the retreat I went on 6 months ago. I knew how things were "supposed" to be and this wasn't it!

I stuck it out though, and by Day Three I became vividly aware of my nagging inner critic. (Yes, it took me that long.) Boy! She was criticizing everything and everybody! And as I became aware of that inner voice, she started criticizing me for criticizing everybody else. Ohhh. . . the shame, the guilt, the utter disgust. I was "supposed" to be all loving, openly accepting, peaceful. Who was this ugly, irritable person inside of me?

But here's the good news: when I was finally able to get a good look at that inner critic and become fully aware of that nagging voice within me, I laughed (but not out loud). I mean, after all, wasn't this the purpose of my retreat? To purify my mind and "leggo my ego?" And when I laughed, the critic vanished.

Now I'm not naive. I feel sure that inner critic will try to return whenever she gets the chance, but at least now I'm aware of her and next time maybe I can stop her before she does too much damage.

In the winter of 1988, I was 34 and the single mom of a 3-year-old daughter. Michael Jackson's song, Man in the Mirror, was constantly playing on the radio. I remember because that year I chaperoned our church's youth group on retreat. Driving home, the kids and I sang this song along with the radio at the top of our lungs. I loved the lyrics then. . . I think maybe I understand them a little more today.

Oh! and 4 years later, I married the youth minister. Change happens!

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Turtle Tendencies

2009-04-21T13:43:00.013-04:00

Confession: I have long been something of a turtle. It’s not that I’m slow, although I do hate to rush. It’s that when things get to be a bit too much I want to withdraw into my shell. I am capable of doing this even in a crowd, not wanting to stick my neck out too far for fear of having my head chewed off.

Once while meditating I had the distinct impression that indeed I was a turtle. I could actually feel the hard shell encasing me, protecting a softness underneath. Having been so focused on the thick, heavy weight of that shell on my back I was surprised to discover that soft underbelly and wondered what it could mean.

On reflection I recognized that, while useful at times, a shell like this could also be harmful, especially in terms of relationships. A protective shell could prevent others from truly knowing me and loving me for who I am. Of course, you might not even like me if you really knew me, right? But then again, what good is it to be liked if I can't be myself?

And if I pretend your words or actions don’t affect me when I’m inside my shell, I am only fooling myself and being dishonest with you. There can be no true intimacy, no real relationship, no trust.

So how can I break out of my shell? I’m not sure, but I think it’s by paying attention to that soft underbelly. Maybe if I can touch the core of who I am I will no longer have the need for that kind of protection and can just let it go.

[This is the fourth in a series of articles about my experience of a 10-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat. Vipassana means "to see things as they really are." These articles reflect my experiences only; others may or may not have similar experiences with this meditation technique.]

Consumed

2009-03-17T10:54:00.013-04:00

People are consumed by so much these days: the economy, war, the frenetic pace of life, the overload of information, you name it. Many of us also consume more than we need, seldom satisfied with what we have.

Some of us spend our time and resources consuming and being consumed by things that don't really matter or even by things that are harmful. We fill our calendars and our minds with "trivial pursuits" and wonder why life has lost its meaning. We fall captive to our cravings and wonder if the hunger ever ends.

Can there be an end to the madness? Can one let go of the need for more stuff, more status, more security?

I think so. But I have to really want to change.

That word "consume" has taken on a whole new meaning for me. On the fourth day of a 10-day silent retreat, while sitting in meditation, I had the sensation of being completely consumed -- by fire. The intensity is hard to describe. It felt as though my entire body was on fire and I could do nothing but sit there and take it. For nearly an hour my body burned in this "fire." Somehow I knew that this was part of a purification process. Fear and pain gave way to relief as some of the dross of my life was consumed in this purifying flame.

Pondering this experience, the message came clear: I have to be willing to be consumed by that which is greater than me. Like the old song says, "Can't go over it, can't go under it, can't go around it, gotta go through."

"And I will bring the third part through the fire, Refine them as silver is refined, And test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name, And I will answer them; I will say,'They are My people,' And they will say, 'The LORD is my God.'" --Zechariah 13:9

"He will sit as a smelter and purifier of silver, and He will purify the Sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, so that they may present to the LORD offerings in righteousness." --Malachi 3:3

[This is the third in a series of articles about my experience of a 10-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat. Vipassana means "to see things as they really are." These articles reflect my experiences only; others may or may not have similar experiences with this meditation technique.]