Improve Our Conscious Contact

Biblical Perspective of the 12 s

2012-01-21T01:28:00.001-05:00

Biblical Perspective of 12 Steps - A Product of "Old School" A.A. Tallks

On Monday, January 9, 2012, we were privileged to speak to a "rockin" meeting of The Hiding Place Fellowship in North Hollywood. The huge bingo room of the Cri-Help Facility was packed. We personally met folks from Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymou, and the Christian community who had come to hear our talks on the biblical origins of the Christian Recvovery Movement and a highlight of the exact places in the Bible from which 12 Step concepts emerged.

Mario Zamorano has been leading a book by book Bible study among a growing number of people, both seasoned clean and sober people, but also newcomers, Christians in recovery, and Christian leaders, and others seeking God's help in their recovery efforts.

We just received notice of how this biblical perspective of the 12 Steps has taken off since our kickoff talk. Here is the announcement just being published: And we think others such as the many James Club, Big Book/Bible Study, and A.A. History Study Groups may profitably contact the leaders of The Hiding Place Fellowship for information, suggestions, and useful helps in their Bible roots of A.A. studies.

A note from The Hiding Place Fellowship

Please pass this on....................

This Monday we will be back at the Bingo Hall for week two of...A biblical perspective of the 12 steps. We Start at 7:00 pm.

Come hear the 2nd step in its entirety as defined in
the Bible. This will be very informative and can only enhance your
recovery or daily walk!

For more info or if you need transportation please call 562) 266-3024.

Hope to see you there.

God bless.

Kick Off 2012 with The Dick B. Christian Recovery Guide

2012-01-02T01:59:00.001-05:00

Read it. Lead with It. Talk with it. Serve with it. And here's where to find and acquire
The Dick B. Christian Recovery Guide, 3rd ed.
http://www.christianrecoverycoalition.com/christian-recovery-guide.shtml

As We Understand Him

2011-12-31T11:22:00.000-05:00

The question of how to approach the man we hated will arise. It may be he has done us more harm than we have done him and, though we may have acquired a better attitude toward him, we are still not too keen about admitting our faults. Nevertheless, with a person we dislike, we take the bit in our teeth. It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret.
Alcoholics Anonymous pg 77

“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. Do to others as you would like them to do to you. “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return. “Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked.
Luke 27-36 NLT

Father God, I thank you for your mercy and forgiveness. I pray Father that I may forgive others as you have forgiven me. Help me to be kind and compassionate toward those that have not been kind towards me. Help me to walk in love and not become offended. Help me to do good to others and bless them and not expect anything in return. I pray Father that I would act and be more like you today.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

by Cheryl O.
http://www.cherylsbookmarks.com/Asweunderstandhim.htm

As We Understand Him

2011-12-29T10:01:00.001-05:00

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

Alcoholics Anonymous pg 83-84

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.
John 14:27 NLT

Thank you, Father, for this day you have made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. I thank you Father for giving me peace of mind and heart. No matter what comes my way today help me remember that real peace of mind and heart comes from you. Help me to be still in moments of agitation or uncertainty and rest in your peace. I pray Father that you will be with me today guiding my thoughts and actions and that I will walk pleasing to you. In Jesus Name, Amen.

by Cheryl O.
http://www.cherylsbookmarks.com/Asweunderstandhim.htm

Origins of Alcoholics Anonymous

2011-12-28T23:43:00.001-05:00

Alcoholics Anonymous Origins and Early History

What the Searchlights Reveal

Part Three

By Dick B.

Darkness, Be Gone! Let There Be Light

If there is one thing I believe for sure about Alcoholics Anonymous, as I have experienced A.A., for more than 25 years, that one thing is this: It is not Alcoholics Anonymous that needs to go away. It is the darkness about Alcoholics Anonymous History. And the darkness can and will end in the face of solid, complete, accurate, factual knowledge of what has really transpired.

What about A.A. itself? Be sure there is no service to the suffering if the darkness continues. We need not condemn. We need not criticize. We need not leave. We need not look for perfection. We do need to see, hear, and learn the full disclosure of whence A.A. came and what it really did.

In Part One of this series, we posed at least ten questions as to how, why, and what facts of Alcoholics Anonymous History have languished and sat on the shelf for so many years. I raised those questions as a newcomer. They were questions raised by the AAs I sponsored. And the questions inevitably because of the confusion generated. Let the darkness be gone!

In the Part Two article, we pointed to at least twenty-five gaps in Alcoholics Anonymous History accounts. In the face of such a simple, godly, original program, they need never have occurred. But the good news in this Part Three is that we can tell you that (1) the passage of time, (2) an enormous amount of research, and (3) objective digging have substantially answered the cry: Let there be light! Shine it!

Let’s Look First at the Chronology of Events Comprising “Early A.A.”

1926: The Rowland Hazard Story—Obfuscated by Belated Haggling about Dates

The probable date of A.A.’s conception coupled with the events that followed has now been established as 1926, not 1931. This important story has long been clouded and mis-reported due to a pointless debate as to whether and when the New York businessman Rowland Hazard treated with Dr. Carl Gustav Jung in Switzerland. As the years passed, many have attested that the eminent Swiss psychiatrist advised a tortured alcoholic Rowland that he (Jung) could not help him (Rowland) because Rowland had the mind of a chronic alcoholic and therefore was “medically” incurable. On the other hand, Jung held out the hope that Rowland might receive help if he sought and had a “conversion experience.”[1]

The desired recovery was later achieved when Rowland Hazard had returned to the United States, accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior.[2]and become active in Rev. Sam Shoemaker’s Calvary Episcopal Church and in the Oxford Group in which Shoemaker was a leader. The bottom line? Rowland was relieved of his alcoholism.[3]Few, if any, seemed to ask how and why. The just pointed to the Oxford Group and let it ride.

Until recently, there was nary an accurate report of the critical facts. Rowland placed himself in God’s hand through Jesus Christ.

1931: The Russell Firestone Story: Shelved in Later Disdain for the Oxford Group

The Akron Alcoholics Anonymous History highlight occurred in 1931 for A.A. as the public learned of the seemingly miraculous cure of Russell Firestone’s drunkenness. Russell’s victory occurred on a railroad trip to and from Denver. The passengers were Russell, his father Harvey Firestone, Russell’s friend James Newton, and the Rev. Samuel M. Shoemaker, Jr. Then, on the return trip from Denver to Akron, Rev. Shoemaker took Russell into a train compartment. He led him to accept Jesus Christ as Russell’s Lord and Savior. And the healing of Russell’s drinking was instant and widely acknowledged.[4]

1933: Akron’s Firestone Testimonials, Oxford Group Leaders, and the Message of Hope

All too many writers have linked the founding of A.A. with the Oxford Group, claiming that A.A. emerged from this “First Century Christian Fellowship.”[5] But the claim needs to be tempered by the actual events leading to founding of A.A. in Akron in June, 1935.

As stated in my book, The Akron Genesis of Alcoholics Anonymous, the Russell Firestone healing in 1931 was triggered in part by the zeal of the young Oxford Group activist James Draper Newton. Newton brought Russell’s alcoholism, the Oxford Group’s ideas, and Russell’s acceptance of Jesus Christ to Akron’s doors. And, after the train trip, Newton and the sober Firestone went about the world on behalf of the Oxford Group--serving as witnesses to its life-changing program.[6]

Then, in 1933, the Oxford Group “came to town” (Akron) via the huge testimonial meetings held in pulpits and halls to overflow audiences. The speakers were Oxford Group Founder Dr. Frank Buchman, Russell Firestone, James Newton, and other Oxford Group notables.[7] These widely publicized meetings inspired Dr. Bob’s wife, and later Dr. Bob himself to go to an Oxford Group meeting in Akron, and then to a series of Oxford Group Wednesday meetings at the home of T. Henry Williams in Akron.[8]

1934: The Conglomeration of New York Events that involved Oxford Group people, Rowland Hazard himself, Dr. William D. Silkworth, Ebby Thacher, Calvary Mission,

and Bill Wilson’s acceptance of Jesus Christ at the Mission

Enter Dr. William D. Silkworth and His Advice to Bill about the “Great Physician”

The recent biography of Dr. William D. Silkworth adds a vitally important, and totally

neglected element to the origins, history, and development of early A.A.

Silkworth’s biographer Dale Mitchel goes to great length to stress the advice that Bill received from the little doctor who loved drunks. This event happened on Bill’s third visit to Towns Hospital. The account demonstrates two factors: (a) Bill’s drinking problem had progressed so far and so deeply that Bill was told by Silky that if he didn’t quit, he would die or go insane. (b) Dr. Silkworth then told Bill that the Great Physician Jesus Christ could cure him of his alcoholism.[9]

This latter piece of advice deeply influenced Wilson on the entire subject of acceptance of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Bill later referred to Silkworth as a cofounder of A.A.[10] Silkworth was considered a friend to A.A. friends like Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, Rev. Samuel Shoemaker, Charles and Colonel Towns, Frank Amos, and Bill’s brother-in-law Dr. Leonard Strong.[11]

Silkworth himself was a devout Christian. For years he attended Calvary Christian Episcopal Church where Rev. Shoemaker was Rector.[12] Over time, he and Dr. Norman Vincent Peale became very good friends.[13] From the time he worked with his first alcoholic patient at Bellevue, through his last speech before his death in 1951, Silkworth believed a spiritual experience and medical treatment formed the foundation for long-term recovery. And he spoke frequently about the need for a reliance upon God and a firm foundation of spiritual strength in order to handle the obsession to drink.[14]

As stated, Silkworth knew Dr. Normal Vincent Peale and Shoemaker as friends. Peale wrote a detailed account in The Positive Power of Jesus Christ about a seemingly hopeless alcoholic named Chuck who had been advised by Silkworth that he could be cured of alcoholism by the Great Physician Jesus Christ. Chuck accepted Christ, and he was healed—just as Silkworth had promised could happen to both Wilson and Chuck.[15]

Bill was so taken with the Great Physician idea that he mentioned this fact and his reliance on the Great Physician several times in Bill’s own, later, autobiography.[16]

Enter Ebby Thacher: In 1934, in New York, Bill Wilson had been introduced to the Oxford Group by his long-time drinking buddy Ebby Thacher. Ebby had been introduced to the Oxford Group by Rowland Hazard and two others. Ebby told Bill that he had gotten from the three fellows some pretty sensible things out of it, “based on the life of Christ, biblical times” He said he listened carefully and was impressed because they told of things he had been taught as a child, believed, but then tossed aside.[17] Ebby’s biographer also tells us that Ebby was no stranger to religious teaching and church attendance when he was growing up. His family had both Episcopalian and Presbyterian connections. His mother was listed as a member of the First Reformed Church until her death in 1927. And, during one of his school years in Manchester, Vermont, Ebby had lived with Reverend Sidney Perkins family will there.[18] Ebby also said Rowland had had a thorough indoctrination (in the Oxford Group Christian teachings) and “passed as much of this on to me as he could.”[19] The three fellows had related the Oxford Group ideas, their Christian tenets, and the importance of God and prayer to Ebby and then Ebby related them to Bill.[20] The message to Bill appears to have been transmitted to Bill

shortly after Bill had been given the sentence of death or insanity and the option of Jesus Christ as a cure on Bill’s third visit to Towns Hospital. Ebby had accepted Jesus Christ at Calvary Mission[21] and visited Bill to tell Bill of his (Ebby’s) rebirth and deliverance. The details follow:

After what may have been a prior call to Bill’s wife Lois, Bill’s old drinking buddy Ebby Thacher had appeared on the scene—at Bill’s home.[22]

Explaining his new found sobriety, Ebby said to Bill, “I’ve got religion”—an expression Bill later used when he wrote his brother in law about his own new birth at Calvary Mission. Bill asked Ebby: “What kind of religion have you got, Ebby” Ebby replied, “Oh, I don’t think it has got any brand name. I just fell in with a group of people, the Oxford Groups. I don’t go along with all their teachings by any means. But those folks have given me some wonderful ideas: [1] I learned that I had to admit I was licked. [2] I learned that I ought to take stock of myself and confess my defects to another person in confidence. [3] I learned that I needed to make restitution for the harm I had done others. [4] I was told I ought to practice the kind of giving that has no price tag on it, the giving of yourself to somebody. [5] Now I know you are going to gag on this, but they taught me to pray to whatever God I thought there was for the power to carry out these simple precepts. . . This time I felt completely released of the desire, and I have not had

a drink for months.”[23]

Ebby also told Bill he had almost been incarcerated for inebriety. Three Oxford Group men (one of whom was Rowland Hazard) rescued Ebby from the judge. They taught him Christian principles and about the efficacy of prayer. They also indoctrinated Ebby with the Oxford Group’s life-changing principles. Rowland Hazard had told Ebby about Dr. Jung’s advice—advice, said Bill, “consolidated his [Ebby’s] his condition that he would not get over drinking by himself or by any resource of psychology or psychiatry.”[24] Ebby also told Bill “finally how he’d tried prayer just as an experiment and had found to his surprise that it worked.”[25] He further explained that the Oxford Group men had lodged him [Ebby] in Shoemaker’s Calvary Mission.[26] There Ebby accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.[27] In Shoemaker terms, Ebby had—like Rowland Hazard--“found God.” He was “saved.” Ebby was (as Bill observed) born again.[28] He was healed for a time. And he carried this information to Bill shortly after Bill had been told by Dr. Silkworth that he [Bill] could be relieved by the power of Jesus Christ.

Bill’s Acceptance of Jesus Christ at Calvary Mission:

Bill was so influenced by Silkworth’s advice, and then by Ebby’s acceptance of Jesus Christ at the altar, that Bill himself went first to Calvary Church to hear Ebby give his testimony there. Having heard Ebby delivering the message from the pulpit, Bill concluded that perhaps he could get the same help at Calvary Mission that Ebby had received through his salvation. Bill decided that perhaps the Great Physician—of whom Dr. Silkworth had spoken—could help him as well. Bill therefore went to Calvary Mission. In explicit detail, Bill explained what he saw, heard, and did at Calvary Mission. He told the entire A.A. Convention at St. Louis: “There were some hymns and prayers. Then Tex, the leader, exhorted us. Only Jesus could save, he said. . . . Certain men got up and made testimonials. Numb as I was I felt interest and excitement rising. Then came the call [the call to come to the altar, to accept Jesus Christ into one’s life as Savior, and to be saved]. Some men were starting forward to the rail. Unaccountably impelled, I started too. . . . I knelt among the shaking penitents. Maybe then and there for the very first time, I was penitent, too. Something touched me. I guess it was more than that, I was hit. I felt a wild impulse to talk. Jumping to my feet, I began. Afterward I could never remember what I said. I only knew that I was really in earnest and that people seemed to pay attention. . . . Ebby, who at first been embarrassed to death, told me with relief that I had done all right and had “given my life to God.”[29]

Though Bill was unable to recall the details of his surrender at the altar, there is ample proof that he there accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. For one thing, Mrs. Samuel M. Shoemaker, Jr. told me [Dick B.] that she was present when Bill “made his decision for Jesus Christ.” For another, Bill’s wife Lois stated in a recorded speech she gave in Dallas, Texas: “And he [her husband Bill Wilson] went up, and really, in very great sincerity, did hand over his life to Christ.”[30] Shoemaker’s assistant minister Rev. W. Irving Harris confirmed the rebirth that Bill had experienced: “It was at a meeting at Calvary Mission that Bill himself was moved to declare that he had decided to launch out as a follower of Jesus Christ.”[31]

As you will see in a moment, Bill himself wrote in his autobiography that he had been born again; and, then, after getting drunk and despondent once again, Bill decided he should go to Towns Hospital. He said he believed that the Great Physician could heal him-just as Ebby had been healed.

Bill emphatically confirmed this new status. Twice he wrote, “For sure I’d been born again.[32] Speaking to his wife of the events at the Mission, Bill told Lois he” had found

the answer.”[33] Speaking sarcastically about the fact that Bill got drunk after the Mission, one biographer said: “Salvation did not take hold for a few more besotted days.”[34] I [Dick B.] found a manuscript at Stepping Stones Archives. In it, Bill had written, in language almost identical to that of Ebby’s, after Ebby had told Bill he got religion at the Mission, Bill wrote, “I’ve found religion.”[35]

Bill’s Last Trip to Towns Hospital, and His Experience Sensing God’s Presence

Bill apparently stayed drunk for two or three days. These followed his born again experience at Calvary Mission. But he kept pondering his own mission experience. Bill set out drunk and in despair for Towns Hospital. On the way, he decided he had better call on the Great Physician, of whom Dr. Silkworth had spoken and to whom, Bill had “surrendered” his life.[36] Remembering that Silkworth had told him that he could be cured by that Great Physician, Bill twice proclaimed, “I was on my way to be cured.”[37] Appearing also to have recalled that, at the Mission, he had “found religion” and “found” Jesus Christ at the altar call, Bill arrived at the hospital. He said “I waved the bottle and shouted, ‘At last, Doc, I’ve found something!’[38]

At the hospital, Bill decided to call on the Great Physician. He then cried out to God for help; and instantly he had the experience in which he sensed the presence of the “God of the Scriptures”[39] (“God of the Scriptures” was the specific language Bill used). Bill never drank again. These events are virtually unknown to most AAs today. But they were frequently repeated to early AAs at their request. Bill’s message of cure by the “Lord” was finally and plainly described on page 191 of the most recent edition of Alcoholics Anonymous. There, Bill’s exact words to A.A. Number Three’s wife were: “Henrietta, the Lord has been so wonderful to me curing me of this terrible disease that I just want to keep talking about it and telling people.”

Thus, Bill had made his way to Towns Hospital for the last time. There Bill cried out to God for help. He had his much-described experience, sensing the presence of “the God of the Scriptures,” and he was cured—never again touching a drop of liquor.[40] Bill and his wife Lois, accompanied by Ebby and Ebby’s Oxford Group friend Shep Cornell, began “constantly” attending Oxford Group meetings in New York—primarily those led by Rev. Sam Shoemaker.[41]

Bill’s Futile Efforts to Convert Others Once He Was Discharged from Towns:

Bill’s immediate cure hastened his release from Towns Hospital for the last time. The date was December 18, 1934. And at Towns, Bill had concluded that he had a mission to carry his message to alcoholics all over the world. He became a fervent message carrier.[42] He rushed to the streets, to the hospital, to the mission, to fleabag hotels, to Oxford Group meetings. He had a Bible under his arm. He told drunks to give their lives to God.[43] And he even joined a processional from Calvary Church led by Shoemaker in full vestment. The procession carried a sign “Jesus Christ changes lives.” And Bill mounted a platform at Madison Square and delivered his testimony.[44]

Bill’s feverish message-carrying racing and “sharing for witness” produced absolutely no lasting results. As Dr. Bob’s last major address explained: “He hadn’t created a single convert, not one. As we express it, no one had jelled.”[45]

Did Bill spend six hours witnessing to any of these street people, as he later did with Dr. Bob? Did he tell them about his new birth at Calvary Mission? Did he, like the Salvation Army and other forbears, offer to lead the penitent drunks to God through Jesus Christ? Did he explain to them Silkworth’s advice that the Great Physician could cure them? Did he tell them about his dramatic experience at Towns Hospital where he actually experienced the presence of the God of the Scriptures when he called out to God for help?

I don’t know, but he did ask Dr. Silkworth about the reason for his complete failure.

A word or two about what Dr. Bob called the Oxford Group “association” by Dr. Bob and Bill. The important thing to remember about these Oxford Group associations by Bob (in Akron starting in 1933), and by Bill (in New York starting in late 1934) is that they did not produce the fruit of sobriety for either Dr. Bob or Bill. Beginning in late December. 1934 and the spring of 1935, Wilson attended Oxford Group meetings and chased drunks trying to get them sober. But Bill had no success at all.[46] As to Dr. Bob, he went to Oxford Group meetings in Akron for two and a half years. But he did not want to get sober, nor did he get sober in any of those meetings.[47]

Silkworth’s Advice, Bill’s Change of Strategy, and the Last Link in the Chain

Bill told the entire St. Louis A.A. Convention:”Just before leaving for Akron, Dr. Silkworth gave me a great piece of advice. . . .”Look Bill, you’re having nothing but failure because you are preaching at those alcoholics. You are talking to them about the Oxford Group precepts of being absolutely honest, absolutely pure, absolutely unselfish, and absolutely loving. This is a very big order. No wonder they point their finger to their heads and go out and get drunk. Why don’t you turn your strategy the other way around. . . . [William James says] ‘that deflation in depth is the foundation of most spiritual experiences?. . . [Dr. Carl Jung in Zurich told a certain alcoholic, the one who later helped sober up your friend Ebby, that his only hope of salvation was a spiritual experience. . . . No, Bill, you’ve got the cart before the horse. You’ve got to deflate these people first. So give them the medical business, and give it to them hard. . . . [Tell them about the allergy and obsession] that condemns them to go mad or die if they keep on drinking. Coming from another alcoholic, one alcoholic talking to another, maybe that will crack those tough egos down. Only then can you begin to try out your other medicine, the ethical principles you have picked up from the Oxford Group.”

Now (said Bill to the Convention)—talking with Dr. Bob—I remembered all that Dr. Silkworth had said. So I went very slowly on the fireworks of religious experience. I just talked away about my own case until he got a good identification with me, until he began to say, ‘Yes, that’s me, I’m like that. . . . In our first conversation I bore down heavily on the medical hopelessness of Dr. Bob’s case, freely using Dr. Silkworth’s words describing the alcoholic’s dilemma, the “obsession plus the allergy” . . . . What really did hit him hard was the medical business, the verdict of inevitable annihilation. And the fact that I was an alcoholic and knew what I was talking about from personal experience made the blow a shattering one. . . . You see our talk was completely a mutual thing. I had quit preaching. I knew that I needed this alcoholic as much as he needed me. This was it. And this mutual give and take is at the very heart of the A.A.’s Twelfth Step work today. This is how to carry the message. The final missing link was located right there in my first talk with Dr. Bob.” [48]

1935: Bill was put in touch with Dr. Bob in Akron. The two men clicked, and the Akron A.A. Christian Fellowship was founded in June, 1935; and its first group, Akron Number One, was founded in July of 1935

The Akron Christian Fellowship program founded by Dr. Bob and Bill in June of 1935 was Bible based.[49] It was not Oxford Group based.[50]

Right or wrong, one history writer said that the wife of A.A. oldtimer Earl Treat (who got sober about August of 1937) said: “Right after Earl joined, the Oxford Group threw them out and said they didn’t want them any more.” The wife of Treat was also recorded as saying: “There was no name for the group. It was not Alcoholics Anonymous; it was nothing. But the Oxford Group. . . helped in many, many ways: in marital affairs, in finances, anything you could think of. However, they had never coped with alcoholism. But they did welcome these 13 men (in 1935 and ’37, in Akron, Ohio), and took them into their group where they stayed for a short time, and then I think the Oxford Group figured they couldn’t help very much in alcoholism. So they suggested that they get out and form their own group. Which they did.”[51]

Its prime Bible emphasis in the Akron Christian Fellowship was on these words which came from Dr. Bob: “But we were convinced that the answer to our problems was in the Good Book. To some of us older ones, the parts we found absolutely essential were the Sermon on the Mount, the thirteenth chapter of First Corinthians, and the Book of James.”[52]

Akron’s Christian program included qualification of newcomers, hospitalization, required belief in God, required acceptance of Jesus Christ as Lord, required Bible study, required reading of non-Oxford Group devotionals and Christian literature, required old fashioned prayer meetings, recommended Christian fellowship and attendance at a religious service of choice.[53]

But, as Dr. Bob stated, Akron A.A. had no Twelve Steps, no Twelve Traditions, no Big Book, no life-changing program, no drunkalogs, and no meetings like the Oxford Group’s meetings on the East Coast.[54] Instead, the alcoholic squadron in Akron had regular, daily Christian fellowship meetings and daily attendance at Anne Smith’s Quiet Time where the Bible was read, prayers were uttered, guidance was sought, and discussion of items largely from Anne Smith’s journal were regular fare.[55]

Returning to the important meeting between Bill and Dr. Bob, the following Akron events preceded it: Bill set out to Akron on a business deal that failed. Just before Bill arrived, Dr. Bob had been persuaded by the little Oxford Group led by Henrietta Shoemaker to confess that he was a “secret drinker.” He had read an immense amount of Oxford Group literature. He had “refreshed [his] memory of the Good Book” by reading the Bible from cover to cover three times. He had attended church. But he told Henrietta he was probably just one of the “wanna wanna” guys. He didn’t want to quit, and he didn’t. But, after he admitted to the tiny group that he had his drinking problem, he was asked if he would like to pray for his deliverance. He replied, “Yes.” He dropped to the floor on his knees with the others present and prayed—prayers that were soon to be answered.[56]

Next came the seemingly miraculous phone call from Wilson to Henrietta Seiberling.

Bill told Henrietta he was a rum hound from New York, was a member of the Oxford Group, and needed to talk to a drunk. Being an Oxford Group activist herself, Henrietta readily understood Bill’s “sharing for witness” idea. She was sure the prayers had been answered. She thought to herself: “This is manna from heaven.” And she arranged the talk.[57]

The meeting between Wilson and Dr. Bob was at her home. It lasted six hours. Dr. Bob remarked in his personal story written at a later time that Bill had been cured by the very spiritual means he had been using. But Bob believed Wilson talked his language. And though he said he had heard it all before, he saw that Bill was demonstrating his own effective witnessing—service aimed at someone who needed help. And it was this “service” aspect that Dr. Bob felt he had not been using.[58]

1937: The Year of Documented Success and of the Wilsons’ Oxford Group Departure.

The Wilsons were (to use the words of Bill W.’s wife) “kicked out” of the Oxford Group in 1937.[59] The Oxford Group influence in Akron stemmed, as T. Henry put it, from a “clandestine lodge”--focused on helping drunks. It did not focus on Oxford Group founder Frank Buchman’s major effort of and world changing through life-changing. The Oxford Group movement itself was busy saving a “drunken world,” as its founder put it.[60]

By November, 1937, the Akron 7 point program was well positioned (as illuminated by and in the Frank Amos reports).[61] Bill and Dr. Bob had “counted noses” and found at least a 50% success rate among about 40 of the serious fellowship alkies,[62]

1937-1938: Work Began on the New Oxford-Group Oriented Program Bill Developed.

Bill had asked permission to write a book telling others about the program. Bill received permission by a split vote in Akron.[63] Bill returned to New York and began a flurry of activity on the book. It meant: (1) Partnering with Henry Parkhurst in promoting the book as a cure for alcoholism.[64] (2) Forming an ill-fated pseudo corporation to publish the book.[65] (3) Working with Rev. Sam Shoemaker on Twelve Step and Big Book language.[66] (4) Preparing many manuscripts—the principal one now lost;[67] and. (5) Preparing the final printer’s manuscript for publication.

He attributed the language of at least Steps 2 through 11 to the Oxford Group as led in America by Rev. Shoemaker. The other two—Steps One and Twelve—Bill attributed to Dr. Silkworth and Professor William James.[68]

The Seldom Discussed or Learned Picture of the Founding in Akron and Events Thereafter

One need only read Dr. Bob’s last major address in Detroit in 1948 to see a Bible-based program that is very different from the Oxford-Group based ideas in Bill W.’s Big Book.

The Akron A.A. Christian Fellowship Program: First, Dr. Bob pointed out that when he and Bill Wilson led A.A. Number Three to sobriety, they had no Steps. No Traditions. No drunkalogs. And they had no Big Book and no meetings as we know them today. Then Dr. Bob pointed out that he and Bill had spent many hours and much effort until the wee time in the morning discussing the basic ideas from the Bible that “must have” formed the basis of the Twelve Steps, as he put it. Dr. Bob also stated that the oldtimers believed the answer to their problems was in the Bible. He said they considered the Book of James, Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, and 1 Corinthians in the Bible to be “absolutely essential” to the early program.[69]

Here are the additional factual statements that confirm the importance of the Book of James, Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, and 1 Corinthians 13: (1) Bill Wilson himself and others pointed out how the Book of James was their favorite.[70] (2) Both Bill and Bob stated that Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount contained the underlying spiritual philosophy of A.A.[71] (3) A pamphlet that came out of Akron in the 1940’s contained a “lead” given by Dr. Bob in Youngstown, Ohio. Dr. Bob’s words were summarized by A.D. Le Minte of the Youngstown, Ohio Vindicator. [Dr. Bob said:] “Members of Alcoholics Anonymous begin the day with a prayer for strength and a short period of Bible reading. They find the basic messages they need in the Sermon on the Mount, in Corinthians and the Book of James.”[72] (4) In an interview, an Akron oldtimer Duke P. said this about the Akron King School A.A. meeting: “No one read from the Big Book. Once in a while, the Chairperson would read something from a Bible if the passage related directly to his story.” Duke remembers the Chairperson reading from the Book of James and Dr. Bob reading Corinthians 1:13.[73]

It takes only a moment to see that these Bible specific ideas were neither mentioned by nor incorporated by Bill Wilson in his Big Book and Twelve Steps. The early A.A. program was succinctly summarized by Frank Amos in the seven points summarized in DR. BOB and the Good Oldtimers. See page 131. That summary clearly states that the Akron program did not embody the Oxford Group program. Moreover, there is no significant evidence that the early AAs embraced the Oxford Group’s twenty-eight life-changing ideas.[74]

The Akron program embodied many special techniques peculiar to the Akron alcoholic squadron and its Christian Fellowship. Qualification of a newcomer was required, and no alcoholic was admitted until he made clear he wanted to abstain from drink permanently. Drunks were hospitalized. The Bible was read to them in the hospital. All were required to declare their belief in God. All were required to accept Jesus as Lord in a special ceremony resembling that in James 5:16. All were required to study the Bible and participate in old fashioned prayer meetings. All were required to observe Quiet Time. All were given Christian literature and devotionals to read and use. All fellowshipped together in much the same way as the Apostles as described in the Book of Acts. And these practices caused many to agree with Albert Scott who chaired a meeting on behalf of Rockefeller and declared: “Why this is first century Christianity. What can we do to help?”[75] And all were required to go out and help other drunks get well. Many tried to conform to the “Four Absolutes” of the Oxford Group—standards developed long before there was an Oxford Group. But almost all the Bible-study, prayer meetings, reading of Christian literature, Quiet Time observances, and acceptance of Jesus Christ could be traced to several origins that existed during Dr. Bob’s youth and were practiced long before there was either an A.A. or an Oxford Group.[76]

They can be traced to the Young People’s Christian Endeavor Society—founded in 1881. They can be traced to the YMCA, Salvation Army, and Rescue Missions founded in the mid-1800’s. They can be traced to the famed evangelists of the later 1800’s who were widely at work and widely known at the time Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob were youngsters. These included Dwight Moody, Ira Sankey, F. B. Meyer, and Allen Folger. And even the Four Absolutes were the product of Dr. Robert E. Speer and his book The Principles of Jesus. Those Four “Standards,” as they were often called, were taught and expanded by Professor Henry B. Wright at the beginning of the next century –again before either A.A. or the Oxford Group existed. [77] The Principles of Jesus was published in 1902 before A.A. and Oxford Group existed.[78] Wright’s book, The Will of God and a Man’s Lifework was published in 1909--again before either A.A. or the Oxford Group existed.[79]

The Proclaimed Successes of the Akron Program: The early A.A. practices were defined and then tested by November of 1937. At that time, Dr. Bob and Bill met at Bob’s home in Akron. They “counted noses” of those real alcoholics who had gone to any lengths as the program required. There about forty. Twenty had never had a drink. Another ten had apparently gotten drunk but returned and were showing improvement. This electrified the founders. And they said so.[80]

The Rockefeller leaders convened a meeting in their offices in New York. Present were Dr. Bob and Akronites; Bill Wilson and New Yorkers; Bill’s brother-in-law; Dr. William Silkworth; and four Rockefeller representatives. They listened to the stories of the alcoholics. They had read the Amos reports. And they saw the handwritten memo by Dr. Bob on his office stationary detailing the names and sobriety achievements of members up to that date. These showed about a seventy-five percent success rate. And Dr. Silkworth then pointed out that he knew the program, had treated several, and that—in his opinion—all were permanently cured.[81]

In the first decade of A.A.’s existence, articles and columns appeared in magazines and newspapers across America. Today those materials are available in a scrap book on sale at A.A.’s New York headquarters. They tell of dozens of alcoholics who claimed cure by the power of God. [82]And each of the first three AAs had declared that they had been cured.[83] In fact, one proposed cover for the Big Book of 1939 was green. It was simple. It depicted an alcoholic and a cocktail glass. And it said of the book “Their Pathway to a Cure.”[84]

In the period before he completed the Big Book, Bill claimed that the program had been Oxford Group in nature and involved six “word-of-mouth” ideas.

However, the Oxford Group never had any “Steps.” Not one. Not six. Not Twelve.[85] And Bill said “Though these principles were advocated according to the whim or liking of each of us, and though in Akron and Cleveland they still stuck to the O.G. absolutes of honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love, this was the gist of our message.”[86] There was much disagreement about the nature of these six ideas. More important, he penned at least three different versions of the six ideas, as he recalled them. One talked about God. One talked about God as we understood Him. And one talked about “whatever God you thought there was.” These variations have seldom, if ever, been made known to the A.A. fellowship in any organized way.

Next, on the face of it, Bill certainly fashioned a far different recovery program for his proposed Big Book than the Akron Christian Fellowship program of 1935 so succinctly summarized on page 131 of A.A.’s own DR.BOB and the Good Oldtimers. Ultimately, Bill claimed the new program derived from Professor William James (long dead), from Dr. William D. Silkworth, and primarily from the Oxford Group teachings of Rev. Sam Shoemaker. He did not mention the Bible. He did not mention the Akron program and its seven points. He did not mention Bible studies, conversions to God through Jesus Christ, Quiet Times, belief in God, acceptance of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, the Christian Fellowship, or even Richard Peabody—a lay therapist who died drunk but whose language about no cure for alcoholism was borrowed by Bill and interjected into instructions for one of the Steps.[87]

Even though Bill omitted such much from the Original Akron program, we now know that Bill said, “All this time I had refused to budge on these steps. I would not change a word of the original draft, in which you will remember, I had consistently used the word “God,” and in one place the expression “on our knees” was used. Praying to God on one’s knees was still a big affront to Henry [Parkhurst].”[88] But Bill had jettisoned many pages containing biblical and Christian materials.[89]

The Great Compromise with the Atheists in April 1939

The Book That Started It All, coupled with extensive remarks in Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, dramatically shows all elements of the Great Compromise. The proof in the very expensive publication of scans of the “original” printer’s manuscript.[90] These contain hundreds of hand-written changes in the manuscript. In Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, Bill had written at page 169: “Nothing now remained except to prepare the printer’s copy of the book. We selected one of the mimeographs, and in Henry’s clear handwriting all the corrections were transferred to it. There were few large changes but the small ones were very numerous. The copy was hardly legible and we wondered if the printer would take it, heavily marked up as it was.”

What Transpired Before the Compromise: Bill had hardly emphasized the activities that preceded the changes.

Bill’s Word-Of-Mouth “Six” Steps: First of all, Bill had written about his so-called word-of-mouth program. He said: “Since Ebby’s visit to me in the fall of 1934 we had gradually evolved what we called “the word-of-mouth program.” (But we have seen no mention of this by Dr. Bob or the Akron people.) Bill went on: “Most of the basic ideas had come from the Oxford Groups, William James, and Dr. Silkworth. Though subject to considerable variation, it all boiled down into a pretty consistent procedure which comprised six steps.” It is very clear from A.A.’s own “Pass It On” and from the writings of Oxford Group employee, writer, and activist T. Willard Hunter that the Oxford Group had no steps at all. Not Twelve. Not six. Not one![91] However, Bill’s wife—who perhaps had the clearest mind in the Wilson family—did plainly claim that there were six “Oxford Group precepts.” She said they were in substance: (1) surrender your life to God. (2) take a moral inventory. (3) confess your sins to God and another human being. (4) Make restitution. (5) give of yourself to others with no demand for return. (6) pray to God for help to carry out these principles. She added mention of the four “Absolutes” – “moral standards by which every thought and action should be tested.”[92]

Lois Wilson’s Summary: In a moment’s time, a reader can see from Lois’s comments that her version of the “six” precepts very much resemble the starting point for Bill’s Twelve Steps. They unequivocally mention God. They mention a moral inventory. They mention confession of sins to God. They mention restitution and working with others. And they specifically mention prayer to God!

Anne Smith’s Summary: It is remarkable how closely Lois Wilson’s understanding of the six Oxford Group precepts resemble almost identical language and approach as expressed by Dr. Bob’s wife in her journal she shared with alcoholics and their families. I have devoted a whole chapter in Anne Smith’s Journal to the Twelve Steps—one by one—and what Anne had to say that resembled each of those Big Book Steps.[93]

In brief, you can see that Dr. Bob’s wife Anne covered Lois’s enumerated six ideas with (1) “Surrender is a simple act of will. What do we surrender? Our life. When? At a certain definite moment. How? O God, manage me because I can’t manage myself.” (page 20, italics added). (2) “Test your thoughts. It is possible to receive suggestions from your subconscious mind. Check your thoughts by the four standards of Christ , , , , Make the moral test, 4 Standards.” (p.32). (3) “Sharing in relationship to the Gospel: 1. Matthew 3:6 Sins Confessed. . . . I must share to be honest with God, myself & others.” (pp. 38-39). (4) “Any restitution I won’t make. . . Resentments to be faced and set right. . . Restitution to be made.” (p. 48). (5) “Start the person on a new life with simple, concrete and definite suggestions, regarding Bible study, prayer, overcoming temptation and service to others.” (p.78). (6) “Claim from God humility, patience, courage, faith and love. . . . The strength of a man’s decision is his willingness to be held to it. Stretched as God wants me to be stretched—consistent living, discipline, no letting down, no retiring age, a life spent in action. The proportion—thinking and living for other people.” (p. 78).

Back now to Bill’s renditions of his so-called six “word of mouth” ideas.

The problem is that Bill had many ways of phrasing them. He said there was no common agreement on their content. And they do not, in any significant way, resemble the 7 points of the Akron program or the 16 practices of the Akron pioneers. But here are several versions, as Bill expressed them, of his alleged six ideas.

(1) Bill listed one version in Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age writing. He mentioned a moral inventory “of our defects or sins.” His sixth idea said: “We prayed to whatever God we thought there was.” He then says, on page 160: “This was the substance of what, by the fall of 1938, we were telling newcomers.” 1938! But there are two other versions written by Bill himself.

(2) In July of 1953, Bill wrote a Grapevine Article now embodied in The Language of the Heart. There he spoke of what he claimed was “the gist of our message to incoming alcoholics up to 1939, when our present Twelve Steps were put to paper.” 1939! And these “six” ideas were much different in language and intent. Bill made no mention of a “moral inventory of sins.” He changed “we were licked” to “we were powerless over alcohol.” Most important, he changed the language “We prayed to whatever God we thought there was” to “We prayed to God to help us to do these things.”[94] This language is quite consistent with Bill’s claim that when he wrote the manuscript of the Big Book, he had always used the unqualified word “God.”

(3) In New York Bill’s former secretary and A.A.’s first archivist Nell Wing handed me a handwritten memo in Bill’s own hand. Bill had told Nell that he had written a memo on the six “steps.” The hand-written memo said, “For Ed.” It was signed, “Ever, Bill W.” It was dated “Apr/1953.” And it was titled, “Original A.A. Steps.” And I have set it out in full in my New Light on Alcoholism title on pages 551 and 552. Bill used the word “hopeless” instead of “licked” or “powerless.” He wrote “honest with self” inse\tead of “moral inventory.” He wrote “honest with another” instead of mentioning one’s self and God or confession of “sins.” He wrote “Made amends” instead of restitution. He wrote helped others without demand. And then he used the phrase “Prayed to God as you understand Him.”

(4) And then there is a highly suspect list of an alleged “six steps” attributed to Dr. Bob. The list uses language far more resembling Bill’s Step language than any language of Dr. Bob’s. It is contained in a personal story of Earl Treat of Chicago. It appears in the Second Edition of the Big Book (published in 1955) at page 292—some years after Dr. Bob’s death. And it uses the following ideas, all typical of Bill Wilson language. Here it is: (1) “Complete deflation.”[95] (2) Dependence and guidance from a Higher Power.” (3) “Moral Inventory.” (4) “Confession.” (5) “Restitution.” (6) “Continued work with other alcoholics.” We have concluded from Dr. Bob’s handwritten roster lodged in the Rockefeller Archives that Treat got sober in July or August of 1937.

One lady who moderated her own posts on the internet and excluded those she didn’t like posted two interviews in 2002 that purported to be of Treat’s wife. Treat’s wife made no mention of the language or practice of any steps because there were none. And the Oxford Group had none. The wife said Dr. Bob took her husband “through the steps in one afternoon.” She mentions none of the language whatever about the “steps” and no language resembling that inserted in the Big Book in 1955. She said that

Earl had a small group, was a nervous wreck not knowing what they could do or talk about. Earl finally said “Well we better pattern ourselves after the Oxford Group.” The wife said: “And they had used the Bible. Of course a lot of these people had not read a Bible forever. But we got down the old Bible and brushed it off, and when they came, they picked out a chapter and it was read. Then they discussed it. That was the first meeting. . . The next thing they decided upon was a quiet time. . . . He was also to offer a prayer, ask for guidance, and at night when he came home, to review what had happened to him, and also to offer a prayer of thankfulness”[96] An earlier post quoted the wife.
“There was no Big Book yet and no literature except various religious pamphlets. The meeting lasted an hour and closed with the Lord’s Prayer.”[97]

The Compromise Changes Apparent in the Printer’s Manuscript: They show the attempts to delete the word “God.” They show the insertion of “as we understood Him” in italics after the word “God.” They show that the idea of “choose your own conception” of “a” god was a last minute handwritten insertion that had never been attributed to Ebby in the many manuscripts I found at Stepping Stones or even in the working manuscript in April.

In his belated history of early A.A., Bill explained the compromise with the atheists in very specific terms. He pointed out that four people only—Bill Wilson, his partner Henry Parkhurst, his Christian “southern friend” John Henry Fitzhugh Mayo, and the office secretary Ruth Hock—had agreed to the changes to placate the atheists. They deleted the word “God” from Step Two. The changed the word “God” in Step Three to “God as we understood Him.” They deleted the word “on our knees.” And they substituted “God as we understood Him” for “God” in Step Eleven. Bill hailed these changes as a great contribution for the atheists and agnostics. Bill asserted that “God” was still there, but in terms that anyone could understand.

The compromise, he said, was the result of vigorous pleas, threats, and arguments from his partner Henry Parkhurst.[98] And Bill’s wife Lois said there had been an agreement on a “universal” program since not all drunks were Christians.[99]

The Importance of Learning, Disseminating, and Applying the Previously Missed Facts

This three-part discussion of darkness and light was not undertaken to change Alcoholics Anonymous. Nor undertaken to change the Twelve Steps. Nor to alter the history of A.A. Nor to insert unsupported facts. Nor to encourage in A.A. a battle over the views of those who argue with atheists or agnostics or those in present-day AAs who don’t believe and don’t want to believe in anything at all. Nor to return A.A. to the Christian Fellowship and Bible-based program it founded in 1935. Nor to disavow or change a word of the present language of the Twelve Steps or of the Big Book itself.

Those bridges have long been crossed. A.A. today is what it is. It no longer requires belief in God. It no longer talks about the Bible. It no longer holds old fashioned prayer meetings. It no longer observes Quiet Time. It no longer distributes Christian literature. It no longer asks that members of one sect, denomination, or religion agree with A.A. itself or with another sect, denomination, or religion. Or with atheists, agnostics, humanists, and unbelievers. You may believe what you wish, belong to what you will, read what you like, and worship and pray where you choose, whatever outbursts in meetings may cause you to believe otherwise.

A.A. is open to anyone—anyone at all—who desires to quit drinking. It is not a church. It is not a denomination. It is not a Christian fellowship. It claims that any two alcoholics who meet together for purposes of sobriety can call themselves an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Its Twelve Traditions, the changes in its Twelve Steps and Big Book, and the ever-increasing “Conference-approved literature” flowing out of its headquarters have, however, made it very restrictive and even punitive in word and deed when confronted with statements by members about their own experiences and beliefs as to religion, church, Christianity, God, Jesus Christ, the Bible, or the Holy Spirit. Such behavior is not appropriate though some of the letters, phone calls, and visits from “trusted servants” and various offices may do so anyway. But drunks don’t “enlist” in A.A. Nor were the “drafted” into A.A. And, from my experience, though they are sometimes intimidated by fear, they don’t take “orders” from anyone.

It is now common knowledge among A.A. members that the restrictive techniques have been voiced, utilized, and abused by some (probably only a small overreaching few) to prevent AAs from mentioning God, Jesus Christ, and the Bible. To prevent them from reading or bringing to a meeting any non-Conference-approved literature including the Bible. They have been used by sponsors, group representatives, A.A. offices, and A.A. “trusted servants” to suppress actions, expressions, meeting chatter, and heart-felt talk about one’s own belief and religion. And they have been used by members, sponsors, and A.A. offices to censor and censure materials with which some “leader” or “trusted servant” or member believes to be unsuitable. These actions also are inappropriate. They have not ever been authorized by the fellowship members at large. And they clearly fly in the face of the actions, practices, and words of A.A.’s cofounders during the early years.

These three articles will not, could not, and would not prevent the disruptive and wrongful acts of those who seemingly do evil. Nor do they encourage controversy, abandonment, criticism, or flight.

These articles do add, in all sincerity that, with all its warts and unjustifiable actions, A.A. is highly regarded by most of its fellowship members, as well as by many other folks and organizations connected with recovery. Moreover, if AAs today are supplied with the missing historical facts, they can stand on their own convictions. They can read A.A.’s Steps and Big Book carefully. They can consult and utilize A.A. and its Conference-approved literature. They can become familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous History. And, without contrary mandates, litigation and controversy, achieve the same benign results that Dr. Bob and the pioneers achieved during the fifteen years form A.A.’s founding to Dr. Bob’s death.

Dr. Bob has never been dethroned. His remarks and writings have never been thrown out. His partner Bill and he never crossed swords. And if one reads the talks the two made together and the writings the two produced alongside each other, that person need not conclude that A.A. is against God or Jesus Christ or the Bible or the gift of the Holy Spirit, or any sect, or any denomination, or any church, or any religion.

As Alcoholics Anonymous History and Alcoholics Anonymous itself demonstrate: A.A.’s primary purpose was, has been, and is today, to help the alcoholic who still suffers. And the facts in these articles should make that help for a newcomer much more effective for those who want or offer God’s help; for those who lean on the tried and true techniques of “old school A.A.” And also for those who freely choose to serve the fellowship and those it helps.

[1] “Pass It On,” (NY: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 1984), 381-386. And though the debate may still be lingering, date and fact of the visit have largely been resolved by the article: Amy Colwell Bluhm, "Verification of C. G. Jung's Analysis of Rowland Hazard and the History of Alcoholics Anonymous," in History of Psychology, 2006, Vol. 9, No. 4, 313-24.

[2] Jay Stinnett, "AA Spiritual History Workshop," March 11, 2007, Reykjavik, Iceland, slide 52; http://silkworth.net/aahistory/history_workshops/AA_Spiritual_History_Workshop.pdf; accessed 12/25/11.

[3] Dick B., New Light on Alcoholism: God, Sam Shoemaker, and A.A., Pittsburgh ed., Index page 610, See www.dickb.com/newlight.shtml.

[4] Dick B., The Akron Genesis of Alcoholics Anonymous www.dickb.com/Akron.shtml.

[5] See Serenity: A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1990), 15-21; Recovery Devotional Bible: New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1993), x, xiii-xiv

[6] The Akron Genesis of Alcoholics Anonymous, 29-51.

[7] “Pass It On,” (NY: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 1984), 141; The Akron Genesis of Alcoholics Anonymous, 17-51.

[8] DR.BOB and the Good Oldtimers (NY: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 1980), 57-60.

[9] Dale Mitchel, Silkworth The Little Doctor Who Loved Drunks: The Biography of William Duncan Silkworth, M.D. (Center City, MN: Hazelden, 2002), 43-47, 49-51, 225.

[10] Silkworth, xv.

[11] Silkworth, xxv.

[12] Silkworth, 11-12.

[13] Silkworth, 54.

[14] Silkworth, 33-34.

[15] Norman Vincent Peale, The Positive Power of Jesus Christ (Carmel, NY: Guideposts, n.d.), 59-62.

[16] Bill W., My First 40 Years (Center City, MN, Hazelden), 139, 145; Silkworth, 44, 47, 49, 50, 51.

[17] Mel B., Ebby: The Man Who Sponsored Bill W. (Center City, MN: Hazelden, 1998), 51.

[18] Ebby: The Man Who Sponsored Bill W., 51.

[19] Dick B. and Ken B., The Dick B. Christian Recovery Guide, 3^rd ed, (Kihei, HI: Paradise Research Publications, Inc., 2010), 39.

[20] My First 40 Years, 127-128, 131, 133-134.

[21] T. Willard Hunter, “IT STARTED RIGHT THERE,” 6.

[22] Ebby, 66.

[23] Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age (NY: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.,) 58-59.

[24] My First 40 Years, 130-131.

[25] My First 40 Years, 141-142.

[26] My First 40 Years, 131.

[27] T. Willard Hunter, “IT STARTED RIGHT THERE,” Rev ed., (Claremont, CA: Ives Community Office, 2006), 6. Dick B. found a manuscript at Stepping Stones Archives, titled “Bill Wilson’s Original Story.” In lines 935 to 942 of that manuscript, Bill wrote: “Nevertheless here I was sitting opposite a man [Ebby Thacher] who talked about a personal God, who told me how he had found Him, who described to me how I might do the same thing, and who convinced me utterly that something had come into his life which had accomplished a miracle. The man was transformed; there was no denying he had been reborn (italic added). See Dick B., Turning Point: A History of Early A.A.’s Spiritual Roots and Successes (San Rafael, CA: Paradise Research Publications, 1997), 99-100; and Dick B. and Ken B. The Dick B. Christian Recovery Guide, 3^rd ed., 39.

[28] Dick B., The Conversion of Bill W., 49.

[29] Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, 60.

[30] Dick B., The Conversion of Bill W.: More on the Creator’s Role in Early A.A. (Kihei, HI: Paradise Research Publications, Inc., 2006), 61.

[31] Dick B., The Conversion of Bill W., 62.

[32] Dick B., The Conversion of Bill W., 62, 110; Turning Point, 94-98; Bill W., My First 40 Years, 147

[33] Matthew Raphael, Bill W. and Mr. Wilson: The Legend and Life of A.A.’s Cofounder (____ University of Washington Press, 2000), 78.

[34] Raphael, Bill W., 78.

[35] Dick B., The Conversion of Bill W., 95.

[36] Bill W., My First 40 Years, 138-139.

[37] My First 40 years, 140.

[38] My First 40 Years, 140

[39] The Language of the Heart, 284.

[40] Bill W., My First 40 Years: An Autobiography by the Cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous (Center City, MN: Hazelden, 2000), 115-155; Lois Remembers: Memoirs of the co-founder of Al-anon and Wife of the Co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (NY: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, 1979), 91-94;

[41] Lois Remembers,,91-92.

[42] Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, 64,

[43] Borchert, The Lois Wilson Story, 168-170.

[44] Dick B., New Light on Alcoholism, 372-374, 556, 391, 533-535, 148-151, 365-370, 389.

[45] The Co-Founders, 9-10;

[46] William G. Borchert, The Lois Wilson Story: When Love Is Not Enough (Center City, MN: Hazelden, 2005), 168-173; Bill W., My First 40 Years, 161; The Co-Founders of Alcoholics Anonymous: Biographical Sketches: Their Last Major Talks (NY: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 1972, 1975), 10: “Time went by, and he had not created a single convert, not one. As we express it, no one had jelled. He worked tirelessly, without no thought of saving his own strength or time, but nothing seemed to register.”

[47] The Co-Founders, 11-12: “Now the interesting part of all this is not the sordid details, but the situation we two fellows were in. We had both been associated with the Oxford Group, Bill in New York for five months, and I in Akron for two and a half years. Bill had acquired their idea of service. I had not, but I had done an immense amount of reading they had recommended. I had refreshed my memory of the Good Book, and I had had excellent training in that as a youngster. They told me I should go to their meetings regularly, and I did, every week. They said I should affiliate myself with some church, and we did that. They also said I should cultivate the habit of prayer, and I did that—at least, to a considerable extent for me. But I got tight every night, and I mean that. It wasn’t once in a while—it was practically every night.”

[48] Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, 69-79.

[49] The Co-Founders, 13-14.

[50] DR. BOB and Alcoholics Anonymous, 131; Garth Lean, Frank Buchman a Life (London, Constable, 1985) 152: “[James] Newton quotes the agreement worked out in those years with the Oxford Group in Akron. ‘You look after drunken men. We’ll try to look after a drunken world,’ Williams had said to Wilson and Smith, who became world-famous as ‘Bill W. and Dr. Bob of AA’.”

[51] http://health.groups. yahoo.com/group/AAHistoryLovers/message/161, pages.1.and 7. There is a word of caution about the accuracy of these conclusions of Katie Treat. She was a member of the alcoholic groups. But, at best, her purported statements do not explain the fact that the Akron “regular” meeting at T. Henry’s home occurred only once a week. The Christian Fellowship meetings of AAs in Dr. Bob’s home and elsewhere occurred daily. And the record is not very clear in A.A. publications or elsewhere as to why Akron AAs split from the Oxford Group folks. Nor does Katie Treat talk about the fact that often AAs met in one room at the Williams home while Oxford Group people met in another.

[52] The Co-Founders, 13.

[53] Dick B. and Ken B., The Dick B. Christian Recovery Guide, 3^rd ed. (Kihei, HI: Paradise Research Publication, Inc., 2010), 57-68.

[54] The Co-Founders, 13-14.

[55] Dick B. and Ken B., The Dick B. Christian Recovery Guide, 3^rd ed., 47-59.

[56] DR. BOB, 56-60.

[57] DR. BOB, 60.

[58] The Co-Founders, 10-12; Alcoholics Anonymous, 4^th ed., 178-181;

[59] “Pass It On,” 174.

[60] DR. BOB and the Good Oldtimers, 121, 131-132, 135-136, 142.

[61] DR. BOB and the Good Oldtimers, 131.

[62] The Dick B. Christian Recovery Guide, 3^rd ed., 69-85.

[63] DR. BOB, 133-34

[64] See a complete replica of the Big Book Prospectus titled Alcoholics Anonymous. http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-prospectus.html , and also The 100 Men Corporation Prospectus at http://aamo.info/aa/history/100men/

[65] “Pass It On,” 194-196.

[66] Dick B., New Light on Alcoholism: God, Sam Shoemaker, and A.A., Pittsburgh ed. (Kihei, HI: Paradise Research Publications, Inc). 146-172, 340-345, 361-371, 374, 383-384, 389, 531-552, 555-559.

[67] “Pass It On,” p. 198: “The very first draft or the Twelve Steps, as Bill wrote then that night, has been lost;” p. 202: “Final editing of the book was done by Tom Uzzell. . . Uzzell cut the book by at least a third (some say half—from 800 to 400 pages). . .;” See also Dick B., Turning Point, which lists the many manuscripts found at Stepping Stones and elsewhere, pp. 10-33, 99-104, 425-428, 455,, 652.

[68] The Language of the Heart (NY: The AA Grapevine, Inc., 1988), 296-298.

[69] The Co-Founders, 13-14.

[70] Dick B., The James Club, 1-24.

[71] Dick B., Dr. Bob and His Library: A Major A.A. Spiritual Source, 3^rd ed. (Kihei, HI: Paradise Research Publications, Inc., 1998, 9.

[72] Wally P., But For The Grace Of God . . . How Intergroups & Central Offices Carried the Message of Alcoholics Anonymous in the 1 940’s (Wheeling, WV: The Bishop of Books, 1995), 43-45.

[73] Wally P., But For, 32.

[74] Dick B., The Oxford Group & Alcoholics Anonymous: A Design for Living That Worked. Newton ed., www.dickb.com/Oxford.shtml.

[75] Dick B., Twelve Steps for You: Take the Twelve Steps with the Big Book, A.A. History, and the Good Book at Your Side, 4^th ed. (Kihei, HI: Paradise Research Publications, Inc., 2005), 1.

[76] Dick B., Real Twelve Step History. www.dickb.com/realhistory.shtml.

[77] Dick B., Dr. Bob of Alcoholics Anonymous: His Excellent Training in the Bible as a Youngster in Vermont. www.dickb.com/drbobofaa.shtml; The Conversion of Bill W., www.dickb.com/conversion.shtml.

[78] Robert E. Speer, The Principles of Jesus Applied to Some Questions of Today. (NY: Fleming H. Revell, 1902).

[79] Henry Burt Wright, The Will of God and a Man’s Lifework (NY: The Young Men’s Christian Association Press, 1909).

[80] The Dick B. Christian Recovery Guide, 3^rd ed, 74-76.

[81] Dick B., “Alcoholics Anonymous and Dr. Silkworth’s Affirmation of Their “Cure” for Alcoholism,” http://improveourconsciouscontact.blogspot.com/2009/04/aa-history-fragment-number-ten.html; accessed 12/28/11.

[82] Richard K., So You Think Drunks Can’t Be Cured? Press Releases by Witnesses to the Cure (n.p.: Golden Text Publishing Company, 2003).

[83] Alcoholics Anonymous, 4^th ed., pp. 179-180, 191.

[84] Mitchell K., How It Worked : The Story of Clarence H. Snyder and the Early Days of Alcoholics Anonymous in Cleveland, Ohio (Washingtonville, NY: AA Big Book Study Group, 1997), 133.

[85] The Akron Genesis of Alcoholics Anonymous, 257, note 28.

[86] The Language of the Heart, 200.

[87] The Book That Started It All: The Original Working Manuscript of Alcoholics Anonymous (Center City, Minn.: Hazelden, 2010).

[88] Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, 166 (italics added).

[89] In a phone conversation I had with Bill Pittman, Director of Historical Information at Hazelden, Bill told me that Ruth Hock (the secretary who had typed all the manuscripts for Bill) said that many pages containing Christian and biblical materials were thrown out.

[90] The Book That Started It All: The Original Working Manuscript of Alcoholics Anonymous (Center City, MN: Hazelden, 2010).

[91] The Akron Genesis of Alcoholics Anonymous, 257.

[92] Lois Remembers, 92.

[93] Dick B., Anne Smith’s Journal 1933-1939: A.A.’s Principles of Success, 3^rd ed. (Kihei, HI: Paradise Research Publications, Inc., 1998), 19-79.

[94] The Language of the Heart, 200.

[95] Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, 64: “deflation at depth,” 68: “deflation at great depth;” Bill W., My First 40 Years, 154: “Ego deflation at great depth was the key to the riddle.” William L. White, Slaying The Dragon: The History of Addiction Treatment and Recovery in America (Bloomington, IL: Chestnut Health Systems/Lighthouse Institute, 1998), 144: “deflation at depth experience of surrender.” Dick B. and Ken B., The Dick B. Christian Recovery Guide, 3^rd ed. (Kihei, HI: Paradise Research Publication, Inc., 2010),

[96] http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AAHistory Lovers/message/161, pages 3, 4, 11.

[97] http://health,groups.yahoo.com/group/AAHistoryLovers/message/126, page 2

[98] Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, 166-167.

[99] Lois Remembers, 113.

As We Understand Him

2011-12-27T09:30:00.000-05:00

We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.
Alcoholics Anonymous pg 19

In everything you do, stay away from complaining and arguing, so that no one can speak a word of blame against you. You are to live clean, innocent lives as children of God in a dark world full of crooked and perverse people. Let your lives shine brightly before them.
Philippians 2:14-15 NLT

Lord, I thank you for my life and my sobriety that you have given to me. I pray Father that you would help me to demonstrate the principles I have learned in my life today. Help me to not be an arguer or complainer today but to speak words that encourage others. I pray that my actions and words would be a blessing to those around me and that they will see your glory working through me.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

by Cheryl O.
http://www.cherylsbookmarks.com/Asweunderstandhim.htm

As We Understand Him

2011-12-22T21:50:00.000-05:00

We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill. Nearly all have recovered. They have solved the drink problem.

Alcoholics Anonymous pg 17

Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. And on a cold night, two under the same blanket can gain warmth from each other. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NLT

Thank you, Father, that today I am no longer alone. Thank you for the fellowship and the knowledge that you have placed us together with the same common solution. Help me to reach out today and lift someone else up. In Jesus Name, Amen.

by Cheryl O.
http://www.cherylsbookmarks.com/Asweunderstandhim.htm

My Will, Your Will or Gods Will

2011-12-13T14:30:00.000-05:00

There is a common misconception about God’s will that is very prevalent today. It’s the idea that everything that happens in life is God’s Will. I’m sure you have heard people say when something bad happens, “Well, I don’t know why God wanted that to happen but it must have been His will.” I used to believe that conception too until I learned better. I hadn't stopped to consider that someone else’s will could have been involved. I know that it is my self-will that got me in all the trouble I got in with and without alcohol in my life. I also know that at times, like the Big Book says, I was like a tornado in the lives of those people around me. Now, I don’t believe it was Gods’ Will for them to get mistreated by me. I believe I took my will and hurt and damaged people, places and things around me and that’s why I must make amends. My will caused the pain and damage, not God.

Now, when I hear people say “that must have been Gods will”, I cringe because I know that God is good. God gave everyone a free will to choose and make decisions in life. There are bad things that happen in life as a result of our or someone else’s bad choices and then we blame it on God saying He had a reason for it and God didn't have anything to do with it. Is the situation or circumstance happening because of someone’s self-will run riot. We are not puppets. God doesn't make us do anything. We choose. We can choose to listen to Him and receive His guidance or we can choose to ignore Him and go at it alone. There are consequences to both choices. I've heard people get put in jail for DUI and then pray for God to deliver them out of jail and when He doesn't they say it must be God’s will that they are in jail. How untrue is that! They are in jail because they got drunk and broke the law. God had nothing to do with it but now God is getting blamed for not rescuing them out of the pit they dug for themselves as a direct result of their actions. Bad decisions and bad choices can affect others and sometimes permanently. It doesn't mean it was Gods will for them. It means that someone else made a bad choice and because of it someones’ life is affected. I do believe that God can use a bad situation to bring about good results but He didn't cause the bad situation. God is good all the time. The Bible says that He is light and there is no darkness in Him at all. The Bible tells us that He has a good purpose and a plan for everyone. Does that mean everyone will have a good life and fulfill His plan. No, because not everyone will choose His way and God allows everyone to make their own choice. God has already chosen us but we must choose Him and allow Him access into our lives. We need to take into account that just as our will affects others their will can directly affect our lives as well. We need to give God credit for the good things He brings in our lives and stop blaming him for our self-will and the self-will of others.

Everything that happens in life is not necessarily Gods will. The real question we should ask is : Is this My Will, Your Will or Gods Will?

by Cheryl O.
http://www.cherylsbookmarks.com

How Do I Know If This Is God’s Will or My Will?

2011-12-11T00:33:00.001-05:00

In talking with people, I hear this all the time and I have to say that I used to wonder this all the time myself. Step 11 says to pray for knowledge of Gods will and the power to carry it out. For a long time I had no idea of what Gods will was. I thought if things went well for me then that was God’s will and if they didn’t work out that it wasn’t Gods will…somewhat confusing to say the least because I never knew if it was God’s will or not until I saw the results. It was a sigh of relief to learn that I really could know Gods will and that God wanted everyone to know it.

As I sought God more, I learned that the meaning of “ Testament” is will or covenant. I thought about how when my daughter was born my husband and I decided to get our Wills made up. In case anything ever happened to us, we wanted to decide who would care for her. It was our will written down by a lawyer so that after our death someone could carry out our wishes. I learned that the Bible was Gods will written down by men so that we could know what He wants us to do. There is His Old Testament and His New Testament or you might say: His Old Will and His New Will. To learn God’s Will, I just needed to read the Bible but I had no idea where to start. I had heard that in the early days of AA, before there was a Big Book, that they read from the Book of James so I started there. I realized very quickly that a lot of what I was reading was principles I had learned and had already begun practicing in the rooms of AA. But, I still had that nagging question: How do I know if I’m really hearing God or if it’s just me. Then I was shown the answer.

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Hebrews 4:12 NLT

The Word of God, the Bible, is the way to discern whether or not it’s just me or its God. The Word is sharp enough to cut or divide between my soul and my spirit. My soul is my thoughts, my will and my emotions. My spirit is who I really am. I am a spirit with a soul and I live in a body. The Bible says that the word of God is so sharp that it can actually divide or cut between my soul and my spirit. If my actions and thoughts line up with the Word which are Gods thoughts then its God. If my emotions and thoughts don’t line up with the Word then it’s my will. Simple, yes. Easy..no. So now you might ask.. How do I know if my thoughts line up with God’s word? Well..that means that you must spend time reading it. You can read it by book or you can look up topics just like some of our popular meditation books. We don’t have to wonder whether something is Gods will or not we can go to His Will and look it up. He wants us to know His will so that we know what to do in EVERY situation we find ourselves in. God has something to say about everything we face..anger, loneliness, love, frustration, jealousy, relationships, sickness, money, family, children, employment etc.. You might try looking in your bible for topical references to find the scriptures that deal with what you need. If you need help, just message me and I’d be glad to help.

Next up: My Will, Your Will or Gods Will

by Cheryl O.
http://www.cherylsbookmarks.com

Pause for an 11th Step Minute

2011-11-20T17:37:00.023-05:00

I have been blessed (or cursed) with the slow, gradual educational variety of spiritual experience as described in the Big Book on page 569. There were no white light experiences, no sudden transformative spiritual awakenings for me. Not that I didn't think I deserved one! My spiritual path in sobriety has been one of learning to use meditation as a tool in every step. I didn't wait until I got the Step 11 to begin trying to figure out what this thing they called meditation was. My meditation practice has grown and evolved, as I have, over the years in my sobriety.

Step 11 - "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contactwith God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

Prayer and meditation for me are two companion practices. Two tools to use to connect to my Higher Power. They are not separate in their intent or practice, but may be different in intensity, concentration and in length. The founders of our programs were primarily from Christian backgrounds. I appreciate and relate to the ancient Aramaic language translation for the word "prayer" which 2000 years ago meant “to open oneself” and “to listen to the Divine Presence.”

To me "conscious contact" relates to the quality of the moment to moment relationship I'm having with my Higher Power. Every moment I have a 3rd Step decision to make - do I take the well worn path of my old habits, the path of my defective habits, or , do I take the new, less traveled path toward Higher Power, love and a new way of living? When I am in closer "conscious contact," more connected, I make the decision toward Higher Power more easily and more often.

A tool that I have used to develop my conscious contact is the 11th Step Minute. I can pause, apply the first 3 steps of meditation, anytime, anywhere to open myself up and to listen to my Higher Power.

Step 1: Pause, listen to the breath, detach from the moment. "I relax and let go."

Step 2: Focus on the area around my heart, practice feeling the loving presence of my Higher Power. "I am in the presence of my Higher Power."

Step 3: Then, let go of the bondage of self, ask my Higher Power for guidance, and listen. "I am making decisions to align with my Higher Powers will."

You may try this 11th Step Minute mini-meditation, for 1 minute or as long as needed, and as often as necessary, throughout the day.

Step 1 - We are addicted to thinking and feeling. Our brains are actually hard wired and guided by the deep, unconscious habits of our defects. In meditation we practice detaching from these unmanageable thoughts and emotions in the moment. Meditation helps to re-train our minds and to direct our energies into positive directions.

Habits are the intersection of knowledge, what to do; skill, the how to do; and desire, the motivation, the want to do. In order to make something a habit we have to have all three. The 11th Step Minute is a great tool to continue this re-training to create new habits throughout our day in real-time moments of stress and indecision.

Step 2 - The action of focusing on the heart is vital for the 11th Step Minute to be effective. Scientists have proven that the heart is the center if our intuitive intelligence. Here is a 1 minute video that describes this. When we focus on our heart it helps to override the automatic habitual patterns of our brain, to create a coherence, or a connectedness between our head and our heart, that allows us to access our Creative Intelligence as described in the Big Book. Our heart center is our inner connection to the Universe, our Higher Power, and the path to conscious contact.

Step 3: After we detach from the unmanageable moment and create internal coherence, connect to our Higher Power, we can ask for direction and affirm that we are being provided with the right direction. Many times we just need to pause before making that old defective decision and to shift to doing the next right thing!

The educational variety of spiritual experience for me is a series of mini-spiritual awakenings. Each awakening seems to follow a pattern: a bottom, a shift in perspective, and the awakening. Chuck C. describes spiritual awakening simply for me in his book New Pair of Glasses. “When the ego is gone, you wake up right in the middle of the circle and you’re now a part - not apart from - Life, Good, God. There is no life apart from God. God is life and we are alive, so God is that which we are.” I am slowly waking up to this reality.

Day by day I move a little closer to freeing myself from the bondage of self by practicing my daily 20- 30 minutes of meditation, the 11th Step Minute throughout the day and by applying the 5 "P's" of an 11th Step Meditation practice: Persistence, Patience, Practice, Perseverance, Presence

Here is my 11th Step Meditation intention for us:

Learn to meditate. Meditate every day. Meditate in groups. Help others to meditate.

Randy F.

Higher Powerful Stuff

2011-10-20T22:18:00.003-04:00

I have been doing a lot of explaining about the higher power thing lately. People can be really uncomfortable with this issue. I try to explain it very simply and in a way that all people can relate to.

Have you ever had someone cross your mind, someone you haven't seen or talked to in a long time, and then you run into them somewhere? Or they send you a text out of the blue? That's higher power stuff.

Have you ever been going somewhere that you really didn't want to go, and when you got there you met an amazing person or a person that needed you? That's higher power stuff.

Have you ever been in a situation, that you just knew was going to get ugly, and somehow it all worked out? Higher power.

I know that I have been protected and I know that my life is lead by something greater and more powerful than me. I know that many, many things have happened along my journey that were too perfectly orchestrated to be coincidence.

Maybe my higher power doesn't have a name, or a denomination, I don't know. But I know I am taken care of, and I am grateful.

My Prayer

2011-10-07T12:42:00.003-04:00

When I first entered the world of the 12 Steps I was a little discouraged by the thought of prayer. See, I am not a part of an organized religion, and I thought you had to be Christian, or Catholic, or something in order to pray. Luckily, I found out this isn't the case.

My first experience with prayer was quite comical, as a lot of my sobriety has been! I had a boss, that could be difficult to get along with. He was one of my favorite drinking buddies for several years and we were great friends. When I got sober, he was resentful. I don't think he was resentful toward the sobriety but resentful that he knew our friendship had to change. All we did was drink, now that was gone. One night, very early in my sobriety, he had had a few drinks and was being unbearable. He was loud and gruff, rude, and angry. I didn't know how I would get through the evening if he continued to be like that. I kept biting my tongue and I tried to be as patient as possible. He only got louder. I kept telling myself not to lose my temper.

Finally, I left the room and went into the ladies room. I was seeking safety and silence. I went into a stall and closed the door, leaned against the wall, and closed my eyes. I said, in my head, over and over again, "please give me the strength to get through this night", and I continued, "without punching him". I was seriously praying that I wouldn't punch him! That was all I wanted in that moment.

After a few minutes I left the ladies room and went back to work. Of course his mouth was still going. But what happened next was a real miracle. We still had about 5 hours of the work day left that we were going to have to be in the same room, that's why I had to pray not to punch him because I was pretty sure it was going to happen. The next thing I know, he gets up, grabs his car keys, and says he is going to go run some errands. HE LEFT!! It really was a miracle, he never left early, in years of working together this never happened. From that moment on, I believed in prayer.

It is funny to me now, that that is what it took to make me a believer. Still not a believer in an organization, but a believer in the power of prayer.

I know that anywhere I am, anyone I am with, I can always take a moment to close my eyes and ask for help. My favorite prayer is, "Please give me the strength to get through this situation. Give me the strength to smile, to act with kindness and patience, to feel light and be happy. Please give me the strength." This works when I am frustrated, when I am tired, when I am angry, and also when I feel great.

Just close your eyes, and pray.

Angela P

addicted-to-recovery.com

My First Contact

2011-10-04T09:14:00.002-04:00

I believe my first contact with my higher power came at a moment I didn't expect, and one I didn't recognize until years into my sobriety. I knew I believed in something, I knew there were too many things in my life that felt divinely negotiated, too much so to be coincidence. I knew that I had been protected, that pieces of my life had been orchestrated.

On January 5th, 2006 I found myself in a precarious situation. I had gone out drinking with all of my friends and had had a pretty normal night. We had gone to a couple of places, all places we had been a million times, and our group had started to thin with each place we went. People going home for one reason or another. Not me, I was always the last one standing when it came to drinking, never willing to stop, never wanting to leave.

When I left the last bar it was late, closing time. The one difference on this particular night is that I don't remember leaving. The last thing I remember was my friends telling me not to drive. I think I agreed, and continued drinking for almost another hour. I don't remember that either. I don't remember walking out of the bar, I don't remember going to my car, unlocking the door, putting on my seatbelt, and I don't remember entering the freeway.

The next thing I do remember is lifting my head, looking at my blood-soaked hands, and realizing that I had crashed. I didn't only crash myself, but I had crashed into another person. Thankfully, I was the only person hurt, and my injuries were painful but manageable.

It was the next day, once I was home from the hospital, I had some time to think about my life and situation. I knew that I could not drink anymore, and I knew that I was facing some substantial legal issues, and I knew that I had to do something.

As I laid on my couch, detoxing from years of severe alcohol dependence, a couple of things became very clear to me. One: I was going to jail. This was not my first endeavor with the legal system, and I'm pretty sure they were quite tired of my antics by the time my accident happened. And I felt incredibly foolish that I was throwing my life away for the sake of booze. Two: Inexplainably, my injuries were minimal, and this wasn't the first time I had walked away from a serious situation that I shouldn't have walked away from. It was in that moment that I realized, this was no accident. I crashed my car, into another car, at 70mph without a second of hesitation. They say I never even hit the brakes or swerved to avoid hitting the other car. This was the second time I lived when I probably shouldn't have. And that's when I realized; there must be something else I am supposed to be doing. My plan to drink myself to death, one way or another, obviously, was not the grand plan. That's when I knew I was connected to something bigger than me, and that was when, for the first time ever, I felt gratitude.

The Melody & The Primal Cry

2011-09-18T11:22:00.004-04:00

We all take for granted that prayers have words. Every religion has traditional readings that are composed by its most esteemed and knowledgeable leaders. They are well versed in the theological philosophies of that religion, and figure out the best way to standardize the moments that we take every day to connect with our G0d.

We often stray away from the traditional liturgy to compose our own prayers. We reflect on our personal life, and from the recesses of our minds and hearts our prayer is composed. The text of this prayer is tailor made for our current situation and exact mood. It expresses exactly what we think and fell right now.

But can words really contain the true power of our thoughts? How can letters capture the immense energy of my feelings and emotions? The answer is that indeed words cannot fully express our essential self. The only way that we can bring out our inner most self is not by words but by song, especially the melodies without words. According to Kabbalah the song is the quill of the soul. Melody allows for our essential self to be known to ourselves and others.

Kabbalisitic masters have composed hundreds of songs with various meaning behind them, for us to use as inspiration, and for us to be able to express our inner most selves in our daily meetings with our G0d. For more on the Jewish tradition of song read this summary by Rabbi Tzvi Freeman. Do yourself a favor and listen to this classic prayer melody - The Three Stanzas.

Digging deeper, it seems that melodies have limitations too. Each melody has a specific rhythm to it. Some songs elicit joy, some induce deep yearnings, and some melodies remind us of how small we are. But the essence our soul is deeply connected to G0d beyond the limitations of joy, sadness or any mistake that we can ever make. The only way to connect G0d on that level is through the Primal Cry. No tune, no notes, no melody. Just a simple sound coming out from the depth of our soul, reaching out to the highest of high, connecting with our loving and accepting G0d.

This month, as we prepare to enter the new Jewish Year, we conclude our daily morning with a blast of the Shofar - a ram's horn. There are many meaning to this practice, the most profound one being that the Shofar is our way of expressing our deepest self, through a Primal Cry. The Primal Cry takes us past all of our limitations, and puts us in touch with our purest self, which is in turn in touch with the essence of G0d.

So, next time you think of prayer, think beyond words. Consider a melody, or perhaps even a Primal Cry. You may sound like a baby crying for its parent, but that a good thing...

The Gift of A Conversation with a Very Wise Lady

2011-08-06T17:02:00.005-04:00

I met Sonja at a small Seattle coffee house where I sat sipping a latte and reading “The Prophet” by Gibran a book I often turned to when things didn’t seem to be going very well in my life, this was one of those times when everything I had come to know and cherish had been torn out from under me in the blink of an eye. As was often the case it was due to my own damaged and warped feeling of insecurity and self-doubt that had brought me to this wretched place of aloneness once again.

Sonja must have been at least sixty years old. Her hair was solid white cascading elegantly down to her waist. There was not a wrinkle on her face only the hint of a perpetual smile that was as warm as a summer’s afternoon. Her petite frame betrayed what at one time would have been considered a beautiful young woman, despite her obvious age she was still quite attractive, she exuded an energy of joy that was infectious. I had not noticed her when she sat down at the table adjoining mine in fact I wasn’t even aware she was there until she commented “that the “Prophet” had been one of her favorite books when growing up as a young girl.”

When I looked up our eyes met and my melancholy was immediately transformed by her obvious enthusiasm for life, she reminded one of a child discovering secrets at every turn insatiable for new adventures. Without a moment’s hesitation she began discussing her favorite parts of the “Prophet” declaring with excitement that the section on “good and evil” provided a foundation for understanding and empathy that was as precious as gold, she cited:

Of the good in you I can speak, but not of the evil. For what is evil but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst? Verily when good is hungry it seeks food even in dark caves, and when it thirsts it drinks even of dead waters.

As I listened the weight that had shrouded its self around me began to lift and I became mesmerized by her larger than life presence. She exclaimed, see this explains the things we sometimes do without understanding why, as you come to understand the fullness of this truth you also begin to recognize that we are all on the same path, headed for the same ultimate destination. Some began the journey sooner, some later. There are of course crossroads and interchanges that take us off in directions that lead nowhere or that after much traverse bring us back to the path upon which we began. Sadly there are some who wander far from the path and never find their way back to the course upon which they were intended. With this understanding:

Be kind to one another.

Do not judge or condemn for this inevitably results in bitterness and remorse rather honor and respect each other. Recognize that it is a privilege to interact with each person that crosses your path. Esteem given to others most assuredly fuels the esteem of self.

Time is precious, each moment an opportunity to be more, to do more, to love more.

Service to our fellows is time not wasted on self and always reaps great reward.

Acceptance of what is - will always lead to a state of inner balance and harmony; Acceptance does not mean agreement or acquiescence, it does not suggest complacency -it does not imply that inaction in the face of injustice is even a choice to be considered. Acceptance provides a platform for clear headed, assertive address of life’s vicissitudes. Acceptance is one of the greatest personal characteristics.

Be patient; everything in this world is governed by the law of seedtime and harvest time. Though a sprig of parsley may sprout quickly it also withers in the face of the slightest adversity. An oak tree takes years to develop and is able to withstand the fiercest of storms. Never be haughty, pride inevitably destroys relationships and is never attractive. Rather allow humility to be your guiding principle.

Once a good deed has been done, once a kindness shown, retreat back into the shadows seeking nothing in return. Allow yourself, in fact encourage yourself to continuously grow, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Though this requires constant change it is a key in becoming and remaining happy.

Let your love flow unabated to the world. When given without reservation, without any condition it will be like a river of living water that cannot be depleted. Trust that there is a source of all things and that by connecting to that source you will eventually lack no good thing.

She said all this without seeming to take a breath her eyes glistening with delight. I sat dazed as if I had stuck my finger in a wall socket, zapped by a burst of cosmic energy that had jolted every fiber of my being. With barely a pause she continued while looking at me with the most compassionate gaze I had ever felt or seen.

I feel and recognize your pain David she said. You have recently parted with someone you loved deeply and the separation is seemingly tearing you apart. This sorrow, this profound sadness is rooted in your refusal to let go of that which was. This clinging to the past causes suffering and an unbearable burden. Rather than mourning the fact that you no longer have direct physical contact with this loved one rejoice in the love you shared. Recognize that you will be eternally connected. Your energies will continue a spiritual dance that will not, cannot end.

Search your heart. Is not every person you have ever known still with you? Though time and distance may separate your corporeal bodies they continue to form the individual threads that make up the tapestry of your life. You also exist and take shape in their tapestries indelibly stamped in their hearts and minds. Reflect on what Gibran spoke of on “Joy and Sorrow.” Again she cited:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

So you see, your sorrow is a reflection of your joy. You must embrace your sadness, your sorrow. It has divine purpose and will most assuredly bring greater rejoicing as you travel towards your ultimate destination. You must let go of what you desire and fully accept what is. This is the way to knowing peace in the midst of every storm. It is the only way to quiet the turmoil you feel. To continue clinging to what was can only create suffering. It is not a requirement, it is a choice.

I had closed my eyes while she spoke wanting to soak in every word without any distraction. It was several moments before I realized that she had stopped speaking and I looked up to see that she had quietly left me with my thoughts. Several minutes passed and I was beginning to think that perhaps I had daydreamed this encounter when the barista brought me another latte that he said the lady had bought for me as she was leaving. I thanked him and grabbing my drink stepped out into the warm summer evening. I lit a cigarette as I began to walk towards the YMCA where I had rented a small room, not what anyone would consider glamorous but certainly a step up from the park in Pioneer Square that I had briefly called home.

That night as I lay in bed recalling all that Sonja had shared with me I realized that I had never given her my name. This provided quite a shock that brought me up with a startled and dumbfounded expression. She had known me, called me by name. How on earth could this have taken place? My head was spinning with questions that I could not wholly define or articulate. Who had visited with me in what was a dark moment in my life?

I went back to the coffee house several times hoping to find Sonja there but this proved a futile venture. Upon asking the workers there I found that not a one had ever seen her before or since that day when she had mysteriously appeared at the table next to mine. To this day I am left with the wonder of our encounter and the question. Who was Sonja? So, I sip my coffee and fondly recall.

by David Lee Byrd
http://segue101.blogspot.com

Complacency--AND Fear (Pt. II)

2011-07-01T15:14:00.006-04:00

Complacency. n. a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc.

We tend to think of this word to describe the condition of “resting on our laurels.” The state in which I found myself at the beginning of this year wasn’t at all a “quiet pleasure”—if anything, it was an agitated, fearful state.

Even so, complacency is a good, if not complete, word to describe how I ushered in the then-new year.

I was facing the last semester of my graduate studies, two and a half years into a three-year adventure that I’d begun with my family’s blessing. I was living a few days a week (and up to five) away from my husband and children, but I had more than a few weeks where, for whatever reason, my presence was needed at home (or, more likely, I thought it was needed), and I’d wake up and go to sleep in a different town every day for five, six days in a row. I had a manuscript to finish. I had vacant slots on my thesis committee to fill. I had my mother’s estate to finalize. I had months of travel in unpredictable weather and a body that was balking at the cold and snow. I knew what I needed, and the whole point of this endeavor was to receive the credentials that would help me find employment, which, of course, would benefit my most supportive family, so asking for help to get it all done wasn’t selfish, was it?[1]

So, without realizing that it was happening, my prayer upon awakening changed from “Thank you for another day. Please help me stay sober and show me what you want me to do today” and became the time I let God know what I had to get done and asked for the strength, the time, and the inspiration to get it all finished. It was almost as though the “show me what you want me to do” was a sham. After all, God had led me through four years of undergraduate study and into grad school, seemingly without a lot of intervention from me. I did what was in front of me to do, and that was that. Now that I’m here, I know, right? I know what needs to be done. I know what I need.

Problem was by altering my prayer, I restricted what I was willing for God to bring into my life. I was still reeling from the events of last summer when I had to make the decision to put my mother in a nursing home, only for her to die three weeks later (see my IOCC posts from last July here and here). It wasn’t what I’d have planned or asked for, but I was given the strength to do what needed to be done. Maybe part of me wanted to nudge closed the door on the unexpected. I was yearning for a little complacency—a little security in myself as writer, some self-satisfaction with my place in life without the intrusion of outside demands, my immediate family excepted, of course. I let my home group know in November when we elected new trusted servants that I couldn’t serve in any official capacity. Although I’d been volunteering in past semesters for Friday evening county jail meetings, I stopped doing that. I handed my phone numbers to new women, qualifying my offering by saying I may be reached during the week, but if they had an urgent need, they should make sure they had plenty of local women as contacts. I didn’t take on new sponsees—after all, my family had my time and attention only on the weekends, and wouldn’t I be depriving them if I made myself available for sponsorship? I continued to work with a few women who’d been sober a number of years and had taken their steps formally. I maintained only one relationship that existed primarily via email, and the rest just sort of fell by the wayside. I recall telling myself that I was so blessed, had such a full life, that to take on new women would be tantamount to depriving the other women who didn’t get asked as often. Talk about being full of denial—and of myself!

Here’s how it all shook out: By the end of April, I had an intact thesis committee that approved my manuscript (much of it furiously written in the previous three months), and I had fulfilled all the requirements of graduation. Our garden, which is my spring, summer, and early fall joy, had been tilled and all the spring crops were planted. My husband encouraged me to take a breath, enjoy the accomplishment, and spend some time feeling the gratitude for having been brought through, alive and in once piece (he didn’t put it quite like that, and if he reads this, I’m sure I’ll hear how I like to recharacterize his sentiments!). But I had things to do still. Revise some sections of my book. Write a book proposal. Find a job.

It occurred to me, a few weeks post-graduation, that while I did have much for which to be grateful, I was still focused on what I thought needed to be done, what I thought I should be doing, and, of course, praying for God's help so I could accomplish these things. I had become, without realizing it, the actor trying to run the whole show.[2]

Perhaps if I’d been talking a little more to my fellow alcoholics who, unlike God who rarely issues loud and clear directives, I may have uncovered this 11th Step lack sooner.

But why the shift in the first place? Fear, of course. I understand that “For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.”[3] Although I’m not much of a Biblical scholar or an adherent to all that I find within its pages, I can get on board with that—I have been mightily blessed, which means that my debt of living, active gratitude is the greater still, but my fear, stealthy and sly that it is, crept in and shook my faith. God has always provided for me—whether in time, patience, strength, or something else I may not have realized I needed. Fear was robbing me, just as my text says that it will[4]

I should also note that my nighttime prayers, those where I review my day in concert with God, had shifted also from a humble review to one of “worry, remorse [and] morbid reflection.”[5] I wasn’t asking for any kind of forgiveness for any lack I found; instead, I gave myself a good lashing and renewed my fears for tomorrow’s obligations.

As with most things, misery drove me to the state of humility necessary to right my spiritual state. I’m not sure who around me noticed things off kilter (I am very adept at veiling my state when necessary—years of alcoholic practice, and I can slip back into it like a well-worn glove), but when I emerged, I did start talking: to those who offer me recovery support; to my sponsees, to whom I was less than available; to my husband who witnessed his exhortations to slow down fall on deaf ears. And I began again to ask for direction, for God, not Jody, to make the day’s list. Doesn’t mean I don’t start the day with some goals, but I understand those are my human goals. The day, and God’s plan for my day, may hold something else.

Today, I sit here on the first day of “my” month on the IOCC, typing away on my front porch, my troublesome right leg elevated and aching. I had plans to weed the second plantings of lettuce and beans so the kids could get out there and mulch them. I cursed a bit stepping out of bed today, knowing “my plans” for the day would need some adjustment. Then it dawned on me that it was July 1^st, the first day of my committed month to share what little insights I’ve gained in the last year with you all. I smiled. No, I don’t think God had anything to do with my sciatica, but if it were to act up (and with the demands I’ve been putting on my back lately, it was sure to happen), what better day than when I promised to do something else?

I’m not sure what I’ll do with my next essay yet, but I’m thinking that a lot has happened in the past month and a half since I’ve been set upright again, and I think I’ll share some of that.

Peace & Love,
Jody K.

[1]”We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped.” Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 87.

[2] Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 60-62.

[3] Luke 12:48, KJV The Bible.

[4]Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 67-68.

[5] Alcoholics Anonymous, page 86.

Complacency or Fear?

2011-07-01T09:44:00.002-04:00

I'm still working on my first essay for this glorious new month, so perhaps I should add "perfectionism" and "procrastination" to the title? Anyway, these are the things I'm musing upon in relation to my current and recent 11th Step practice.

I'll fill you in on the details a little later today, but I'm tossing up these loaded words for your own musing. After talking with others in my face-to-face recovery circles, I'm finding that they don't make Jody K. unique (imagine that!).

Stay tuned...

Peace & Love,
Jody K.

The 6th Step on the 11th Step Meditation Journey

2011-06-20T00:21:00.007-04:00

I like to approach the inner journey of working the all Steps from an 11th Step Meditation perspective. After being sober for a few years Steps 6 and 7 are where I experience the most personal growth and self improvement. Slowly I whittle away at reducing my defects and the negative effects they have on my life and my relationships. Once we have taken an inventory of our resentments and fears, and have learned to begin to be honest and detach ourselves from these feelings and we are at the starting line to make a commitment to remove our defects of character.

My defects of character are the tools that I've used to help create the present condition of my life or my "Spiritual Garden." In the unseen world of spirit and energy, I imagine that I am constantly preparing the ground, sowing seeds, allowing trash and weeds to accumulate, feeding and watering my Spiritual Garden with my thoughts, emotions and actions. Thoughts are things. There are positive and productive tools that we can apply to improve our lives and the condition of our Spiritual Gardens. The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are wonderful examples of the spiritual gardening process and our 11th Step meditations help with the inner work to improve our lives from the inside out.

Step Six: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

This brings up several questions for me that need to be addressed to help me understand this step in its proper perspective.

Am I really ready to have God working in my life? This is an example of how we are constantly applying the actions of the 3rd step through the steps and our lives. Every moment is a Step Three decision moment for me. Do I turn left to follow my old ways and habits, or do I make a right turn to step away from my defective habits and towards God? Am I willing to bring my "entirely readiness" of Step Six to each present moment to remove my defects? To be honest...probably not. Only when a defect is creating new wreckage of the present do I become more ready to take action, once again.

What are defects of character?

If we develop the perspective that we are Spiritual Beings having a human experience, we can imagine that defects of character are all of our thoughts, emotions and actions that we have created to prevent us from living as pure Spiritual Beings. As our SpiritSelf, True Self, or Higher Self we are one with each other, our world, the universe and with God. In Step Two I imagine that one of the qualities or attributes of my Higher Power, God, is love. This energy is the root or foundation of the entire Universe and that as a spiritual being I an expression of this love in action.

At the time of our birth, we are living as our SpiritSelf, pure expressions of love, observing and interacting with the world through innocent perception. Our experiences and environment begin to overwhelm us as we interact with people and situations and we learn to act and feel in ways that contradict our true natures as Spiritual Beings. I forget that I am connected to and always in the presence of God. My ego grew and developed in reaction to conditions and the experiences I've had as a very young child. We begin to feel separate and alone, losing our natural connection to God and the Universe, in the same manner, just as we are dis-connected from our mothers at birth.

Defects of character can be viewed as any thought feeling or action that does not express our spiritual nature. Our defects are rooted in fear and our fears are rooted in our sense of separation from God. When we meditate and focus on a oneness with God we feel a sense of peace and calm. When we forget our divine connection we become afraid and act in ways that we think are protecting us from all that we are afraid of.

The traditional religious perspective of defects of character is as sin. Sin, from a Christian point of view, is defined as, any thought or attitude, act or failure to act that violates God’s standard of perfect holiness. I've heard that sin originates from a Greek term in archery to “miss the mark.” I came into the program with a resentment against the word "sin." But, the more I study my defects and strive to unlearn them, I have let go of this resentment.

So, we miss the mark or fail to hit the target of expressing our spiritual nature when we express a defect of character. What are character defects....and what are their Spiritual opposites, virtues, that we can strive towards as a goal?

In the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions on page 48 it states, "to avoid falling into confusion over the names these defects should be called, let's take a universally recognized list of major human failings— the Seven Deadly Sins of pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth."

I have found that if I focus on the quality or virtue that I wish to express more fully in my 11th Step Meditation it begins to take root and grow within me. I once heard a story of an Indian Medicine Man talking with a young boy. He said "I have two wolves that live within me, one is named Anger, the other is called Love, that battle each other for my attention." "Which one is stronger and will win?" asked the boy. "The one that I feed with my thoughts and actions grows stronger and will win," said the Medicine Man. Meditation is an effective spiritual exercise to feed the quality and energy of Love within me, on purpose, everyday. I use positive affirmations in my meditation as mantras to accomplish this. Here is an example of a simple yet effective affirmation that you can try:

"I am the Love of my Higher Power in action."

As you work Step 6 in meditation you may substitute any virtue that expresses the opposite of the defect you are striving to overcome into this affirmation. Repeat it over and over with in rhythm with your breathing in your meditation. You may wish to add a visualization to accompany the affirmation that reinforces and imprints the energy of the quality within you. In this way we begin to weed out the defects within our Spiritual Garden and replace them with the fruits and flowers of our virtues.

So that we may get to know them better....here are definitions for each of the seven deadly sins from www.freedictionationary.com and for the virtues I resourced http://www.all4god.net/7_sins.htm:

1. Pride - A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect. Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness. An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit. It’s spiritual opposite is humility. Seeing ourselves as we are and not comparing ourselves to others is humility.

2. Greed - An excessive desire to acquire or possess more than what one needs or deserves, especially with respect to material wealth. It’s spiritual opposite is generosity. Generosity means letting others get the credit or praise. It is giving without having expectations of the other person.

3. Envy - A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with a desire for the possessions or qualities of another. It’s spiritual opposite is love. Love actively seeks the good of others for their own sake.

4. Anger - A strong feeling of displeasure, hostility or impatience with the faults of others. It’s spiritual opposite is kindness or goodwill. Kindness means taking the tender approach, with patience and compassion.

5. Lust - An overwhelming desire or craving, the self-destructive drive for pleasure out of proportion to its worth. This is what we often call “obsession.” It’s spiritual opposite is self-control or moderation. Self-control and self-mastery prevent pleasure from killing the soul by suffocation. Blessed are those that are moderate.

6.Gluttony - Excess in eating, drinking, entertainment and other legitimate goods, and even the company of others. Its spiritual opposites are faith and temperance. Temperance accepts the natural limits of pleasures and preserves natural balance. Faith is trust that all that you need will be supplied.

7. Sloth – a repulsion of work or exertion; laziness; indolence. When we live a life stuck in our LowerSelf, our defects of character combine to deaden our spiritual senses. We grow slow to respond to God and eventually drift into a spiritual slumber. It’s spiritual opposite is Zeal. Zeal is the energetic response of the heart to God's commands.

Here is an online guided meditation that you may wish to try that will help get you started.

1. Body Scan Relax and Let Go Beginning Meditation

In the Fourth Step it describes how we are often “angry, indignant, self-pitying and incredibly dishonest. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Selfishness – self-centeredness! That we think is the root of our troubles.” This vividly describes the alcoholics life of missing the mark and creates the foundation for our defects!

My next post later this week will answer the question - Who do the defects of character belong to?

Randy F.
www.spiritstep.com
www.11thStepMeditation.org

Control Yourself

2011-04-14T17:04:00.004-04:00

By Kevin Griffin

I’ve noticed a pattern lately to the questions I get asked about meditation. People want to know how they can avoid pain in their bodies; how they can stop their thoughts; how they can keep from falling asleep. The pattern I see in all these questions, and others, is the fundamental wish to control your experience. This is typical of addicts who used to try to control their experience with drugs and alcohol. When they come to meditation, they bring these same habits.

But that’s not what meditation is about, at least not mindfulness meditation.

Mindfulness meditation is, first of all, about seeing clearly what is happening in the present moment. When our bodies hurt, mindfulness suggests we try to bring our awareness to what that exactly feels like; when our thoughts are washing through our minds, mindfulness says, notice what thoughts you’re having and see what patterns emerge—there’s important information there; when we are falling asleep we have the opportunity to see what fatigue feels like—it’s a trigger for addiction, so it’s wise to see it clearly.

It’s natural that people want to avoid unpleasant experiences, and of course people hope to have something more than misery come out of their meditation time. Mindfulness meditation can certainly bring us to a calm and pleasurable place at times, but that’s not the core goal of mindfulness. The greater goal is the search for truth and freedom. When we set those goals up over the goal of pleasure and comfort, we are on a spiritual path.

This is what Step Three is all about.

It’s important, then, as we adopt a meditation practice in recovery that we continue to practice our program. If we apply the principles of the program to our meditation, we will show up, do our best, and turn the results over. Whatever challenges come up during our meditation, we will consider to be opportunities to learn. We will apply the tools of mindfulness, paying close attention to our experience and, especially, to our reaction to our experience. And we will accept the results.

If we trust in this process, we will find that the calm and peace, the joy we seek, will come more easily. But it doesn’t come by our forcing it or trying to control what happens.

It’s so interesting that people who work a serious program and are able to turn it over in many aspects of their lives, when they come to meditation all of a sudden want to take back control.

Doing our best and then letting go of the results is one of the biggest challenges in recovery; it’s an essential element of meditation.

http://www.kevingriffin.net
A Burning Desire
One Breath at a Time

Carry the Vision

2011-03-29T15:22:00.002-04:00

My favorite time of the day is between 5:00 and 6:00A.M.; it is usually very quiet and peaceful. Recently I've found myself wanting to write during these waking minutes. My meditation process is evolving. The Big Book mentions that “we become much more”… I love that. We are becoming much more, everyday I am without a drink or a drug I feel growth.

Sitting in my home office I am surrounded by images of family, symbols of faith, and words of encouragement. Breathing in and breathing out I practice remembering. Remembering how lucky I am; how grateful I am. My son asked me if I had any books on meditation the other night, boy do I! So many books, so many options on the how and how to… One I found and read recently suggested getting quiet, closing my eyes and focusing on the “Light of the Spirit” in my heart.

“Carry the vision” are three powerful words. To me the word “carry” indicates I am doing some sort of work. “The Vision” holds even greater weight, what is this vision? Everything that is “man-made” started with a vision or an idea. That blows me away; so much of my daily life is taken for granted; power, water, food, shelter, transportation…technology. Yet, if I am asked to write a few words on prayer+meditation I sometimes send a message to myself that it’s “too difficult”!

The quiet times during my day are precious. The wonderful sunshine inspires me to do more and more with my life. Taking deep breaths I feel the Spirit of life, simple focused thoughts allow me to live inward where I connect with GOD. A bird chirping, the gentle sounds of our chimes vibrate through me… all messages from the universe that all is going to be OK.

Sharing our experiences, spreading the message of recovery and stepping out of my comfort zone continue to bring me closer to GOD and others. I am deeply thankful for the gift of this sober life. May each and every one of you embrace each day and live it to the fullest.

John

Light of the Spirit

2011-03-22T06:46:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I had a series of thoughts and emotions well up while at church. My 14 year-old son has just joined the choir and this made me think of my father. Richard James Rebbeck passed away on December 26, 2007 and I miss him very much. My dad and mom both participated in our church choir for over 30 years. Being immersed in a spiritual family can be a powerful and moving experience. I felt GOD amongst the congregation.

Attending mass has been a vehicle that allows me to get closer to my Higher Power. The “routine” of the service can easily be compared to a meditation. Singing, reciting prayers and even silent group prayers are all mixed together in a wonderful spiritual event. I have never been a “bible thumper” but recently I've found myself attracted more and more to its stories and teachings. A longing is present within me; and at different time’s increases in intensity and importance.

My favorite time of the day is between 5:00 and 6:00A.M.; it is usually very quiet and peaceful. Recently I've found myself wanting to write during these waking minutes. My meditation process is always evolving. The Big Book mentions that “we become much more”… I love that. We are becoming much more, everyday I am without a drink or a drug I feel is growth.

Sitting in my home office I am surrounded by images of family, symbols of faith, and words of encouragement... This too is my “church”. Breathing in and breathing out I practice remembering. Remembering how lucky I am; how grateful I am. My son asked me if I had any books on meditation the other night, boy do I! So many books, so many options on the how and how to… One I found and read recently suggested getting quiet, closing my eyes and focusing on the “Light of the Spirit” in my heart.

This A.M. I feel that Spirit in my heart. I love being sober and open to growth. I would like to wish everyone a full heart today. May the Grace of God enter your lives and allow you to feel loved and to share that love with those around you… He is here amongst us.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

2011-03-10T14:04:00.002-05:00

“Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.”

What comes before “then?” How can I/we accomplish this noble gesture?

In the past couple of weeks I have been in transition at work. It is amazing how “comfortable” we can get in our routines. Simply put, my job description has changed and I am no longer a “manager” and am now just a sales guy. If I look at just the facts, it really is a good situation. My boss and company have decided I was in the wrong position and allowed me to return to my “old” position with the same salary.

So, I am getting paid as if I am a manager; but do not have the headaches that go along with this job. That is a win from my chair; but… my emotions have taken me on a ride that I am much too familiar with. “What will everyone think?” “I am a failure” “John didn’t have what it took” No one but the almighty “I” generated this negative chatter.

The domino effect is one negative thought leads to another and the next thing I know is my confidence is gone; I am splashing in a swamp of self-pity, moping around like a little baby wondering why I feel like ka-ka.

Meetings, meetings, meetings. That part of my routine has not changed. I also call other folks in recovery, and they call me, just about everyday. My expectation is/was that I “should not be effected” all I need to do is “snap out of it” and stop being a “baby”. Sheesh, I am tired just writing this stuff down!

The plus side is, THIS TOO SHALL PASS, is very real. Lo and behold I kept picking up the phone and talking. I kept picking up sponsees and taking them, and myself, to meetings. I opened up the Big Book early in the AM, before jumping on the computer, before checking for text messages, first thing. Page 84 just after the Promises is one of my favorite sections of the book. It tells me “WHEN” these negative emotions crop up… not “IF”, so I guess WE all have this challenge in some way. It also mentions what our FUNCTION is… to “grow in effectiveness and understanding” man that is a tall order.

You want me to grow? Why? That sounds like work! I, ME, MYSELF the SELF-SEEKER mentioned in Step Three is the trap. I am the enemy of me… But AA and GOD have brought me to a place where I can LOVE me, and thus allow me to TURN MY THOUGHTS to others. Without help I am done. My THOUGHT LIFE can be scary, funny, stuck, blank, sputtering or even an annoying hum.

How does this relate to my prayer / meditative life? Reading Step Eleven in the Big Book is a way I meditate. Keeping my eyes and ears open when walking or driving is a way I practice meditation. Watching a sparrow flit through the air and adeptly navigate through the branches of a tree amazes me… how do they do that without crashing? They inherently KNOW what to do. To be in awe of a sunrise or sunset, to notice the bare beginnings of buds on trees, it generates an anticipation of GOD’s power that will soon be on display. To me meditation is very simple; thinking about GOD, prayer is thanking him for what I have, and for what has been removed. Just as the shoots of spring emerge from the cold dark soil, I too have and continue to emerge from the darkness of my disease and reach for the power of GOD’s love.

(To be continued)
by John R.

Allergy of the Body, Obsession of the Mind, Part II

2011-02-28T19:19:00.003-05:00

Well, it's Feb 28 and my month is almost up here.

Here's my answer to the question which I asked in my last post.

The question is not whether or not G-d CAN cure an alcoholic's body and make it like a normal person's body so that the ex-problem drinker can now drink in moderation like other people. Of course G-d CAN do that. He can also split the sea and rain down bread from heaven. These acts are called miracles and they flout the laws of nature. G-d made up the laws of nature and He can suspend them as He sees fit.

And yet it seems that G-d doesn't perform these kinds of miracles too often. Not just in our age, but even in the "olden days," nature was always more common than miracles (that's sort of what defines it as nature.)

The Jewish mystical tradition explains that G-d actually dislikes performing miracles that circumvent the natural order. The reason? Because G-d wants THIS world to become a heavenly place and it's only by working WITHIN the natural order that the natural order itself can be elevated to something holy.

When G-d works within the natural order, this is also a miracle. In fact, it's an even more powerful miracle than the obvious type of miracle.

The spiritual experience one has "as a result of these steps" is a miracle. Not a miracle that breaks nature or circumvents nature but a miracle that actually uplifts nature. In other words, there is nothing identifiably supernatural involved in the process of having the obsession for alcohol removed. It looks normal from the outside. One doesn't levitate or learn how to move objects with his mind. And yet, it is nothing less than the Power of G-d at work and it is an
even more amazing display of His Power than were He to step in and simply override nature by removing the allergy of the body.

Simply put, the miracle that has the greatest effect on this world is the miracle that stays within this world.

--
Shais Taub
Chasidic Thought

Allergy of the Body, Obsession of the Mind

2011-02-10T06:19:00.002-05:00

The definition of alcoholism -- according to the book Alcoholics
Anonymous -- is essentially a one-two combination of physiology and
psychology. The alcoholic suffers from an "allergy of the body" that
makes him unable to ingest alcohol without experiencing the
"phenomenon of craving" and an "obsession of the mind" that tells him
that he can drink anyway.

The program of Alcoholics Anonymous offers a chance at breaking this
otherwise unending cycle by granting relief from the mental obsession
to drink. To be specific, it is the "spiritual awakening" that comes
as a result of step-work that brings on this crucial change. In other
words, the entire program of AA is based on the idea that the power of
G-d can heal the alcoholic mind.

Which begs the question...

What about the alcoholic body?

No, I don't mean why don't drunks' physical health improve with
sobriety. They do. What I mean is why can't the allergy disappear
just like the obsession can disappear?

If we are relying on G-d, if the program is quite literally a case of
miracle at work, then why can't G-d also reverse the bodily condition
that makes a person alcoholic?

Simply put, if G-d can remove the obsession of the mind, then can't He
also remove the allergy of the body?

Okay. Obviously He CAN, but DOES He? And if not, then why not? And
if yes, then is there a program for that, too?

If this questions bothers anyone, I will tell you my two cents on the topic.

--
Rabbi Shais Taub
ChasidicThought

Out of Yourself or Over Yourself?

2011-02-02T08:02:00.002-05:00

Ego is the problem -- that much we know.

But what exactly is so wrong with who you are that you need to get away from it?

The answer is that there is a world of difference between getting OUT of yourself and getting OVER yourself.

We all need to get over ourselves. That's surrendering the ego to G-d. But when we recover, we no longer need to get out of ourselves. That's just surrendering our senses to whatever stimulus makes us forget who we are for a while.

Does it matter what we use to distract ourselves? Whether it's the same chemical that brought each of us to his or her bottom? Or if we find other more socially acceptable means to get numb?

Getting out of yourself is indulgence. Getting over yourself is transcendence.

Getting out of yourself means using the world to drown out what you're feeling. Getting over yourself means relying on G-d to experience whatever is going on.

G-d is infinite and so are the heights to which we may climb in getting over ourselves. But recovery means that we never need to get out of ourselves again.

Thanks to Danny S. for the inspiration.

Rabbi Shais Taub
Chasidic Thought