A Mother's Musings

2023-06-15T07:01:00.003-07:00

I am back, yeah!!!

After many years hiatus, I am back to business of blogging. After years of working in the field of education, both as a teacher and a leader, I feel equipped with enough knowledge to share with other parents and educators, with resources regarding parenting and education.

If you are an early year's educator or a busy mom looking for tips and resources to improve your practices, look no further. I will be sharing a lot of resources and provide you with links to access them.

Have a great day.

chasing time

2012-03-19T03:21:00.001-07:00

I wonder how can one stay on track when every moment of your life wants a 'piece of you'. I want to do justice with my extremely demanding- paper work driven job, my research and my family- BUT- there seems to be one bit of a problem, there is only one me!
I don't know if I have time management issues or I have put too much on my plate, suddenly a day doesn't seem long enough, weeks look like flying leafs of a calendar and life has started looking too short.

I am at war against time which evades me like a shadow.

Wow

2012-03-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

I took this photo of the beautiful crashing waves at Jumairah beach Dubai, last month.
Nothing can be more beautiful than a natural body of water.

It was a grey, windy winter day but the beauty of the gulf was breath taking.

speak by listening

2011-03-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

Since in order to speak, one must first listen, learn to speak by listening" --- Rumi

A few days ago my 8 year old son came home from school looking extremely frustrated and upset. When I inquired why, he told me, (a huge tear slowly rolling down his plump cheek) that his science teacher had failed to keep her promise. His science teacher had promised to make him the group leader for the next five weeks, but had chosen another boy instead. My son who has a passion for science and is nicknamed the ‘walking science encyclopedia’, who loves to share his knowledge with his friends, had waited for a long time to be appointed group leader of his class. I knew it was very important to my son and I felt his disappointment, but I refrained from dismissing his sentiments, neither did I shower him with sympathy. I gave him a hug, looked into his eyes and told him that I knew exactly how it felt to be in his shoes. He wiped off his tears, pondered on the matter for a few seconds, and much to my reassurance announced that being the leader was not as important to him, as long as his teachers appreciated his intelligence and hard work. Giving me a big hug, my son went off to play, tears all forgotten. I felt happy because my most important parenting tool ‘listening’ had paid off. All that my child needed at that moment was to be heard and acknowledged, and I had catered to his needs. Listening to understand instead of listening to judge is called ‘active listening.’ Active listening skills, which can be acquired with some practice, really help us improve communication with our children.

There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves."— Albert Guinon

According to a research, we remember only 25 to 50% of what we hear during a conversation, the rest is apparently lost in the realm of a mind preoccupied with a million thoughts. Active listening, on the other hand, is a practice through which we listen not only to hear the view point of the other person, but to understand the complete message. As parents it is our responsibility to acquire this skill to raise confident and emotionally secure children. Most of the time, when children share their problems and frustrations with us, their issues seem very trivial compared to the adult problems that we face on a daily basis, in the ‘real world’. What we don’t strive to understand is that the problems that seem so trivial to us are in fact major issues for children, in their ‘real world’. In order to understand our children, we need to put ourselves in their shoes. For a child, losing his favourite toy, or being picked on at school is as earth shattering as an adult losing a major business deal or being harassed by a jealous co-worker. Therefore, by practicing active listening, we acknowledge their feelings and open a channel of communication which saves us from problems such as teenage rebellion and misunderstandings related to generation gap issues in future.

"Effective listeners remember that "words have no meaning - people have meaning."----Larry Barker

Active listening is a skill that can be acquired with some practice. Some of us who are always preoccupied with our own issues may need a little more practice than others to master this art. The following are the steps that enable us to be active listeners:

Focus and paying undivided attention

· Make strong eye contact

· Avoid looking over the shoulder

· Listen with an open mind, to understand and not to judge

Acknowledge their feelings

· Make them know that you care, by your facial expressions and body language

· Make comments such as “ I can see how upset you are” or “ it must be frustrating” etc

· Don’t shower them with sympathy such as “ I am so sorry”, “ what a pity” etc

Ask questions

"The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer."— Henry David Thoreau

· Instead of showering your child with solutions, ask questions, such as “what do you plan to do about that?” or “ how do you feel about that?” etc

· Keep your questions brief and encourage your child to come up with options and solutions

Refrain from being judgmental

· Avoid blaming and shaming as it completely blocks communication

· Never use the ‘ I told you so’ statement, even if you had actually told him/her so

· Stay composed and don’t let your expressions change dramatically

· Avoid judging your child to keep the channel of communication open for the future

Come up with solutions

· Encourage your child to find solutions through open and honest discussion and come with a plan

· Exert your view point candidly

I want to conclude my writing with this beautiful poem written by noted author and speaker Diane Loomans;

If I had my child to raise over again
I'd build self-esteem first and the house later
I'd finger paint more and point the finger less
I would do less correcting and more connecting
I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes
I would care to know less and know to care more
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites
I'd stop playing serious and seriously play
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars
I'd do more hugging and less tugging
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often
I would be firm less often and affirm much more
I'd model less about the love of power
And more about the power of love.

What Am I?

2011-03-13T10:11:00.000-07:00

A lovely poem by Rumi.

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

2011-03-12T01:03:00.000-08:00

This is my all time favourite parenting book. This book is really practical and sensible, and provides you with tools to come down to your children's level. I have used all the techniques with my children and my students and they really work. Make it a point to get hold of this book, incase you have missed it.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380811960#reader_0380811960

Genes, Genes, Genes!!

2011-03-11T23:41:00.000-08:00

I was born and grew up in a large family of six children. Being the number five in my family, I had no place and no say whatsoever. I felt lost most of the time since all the attention would go to either the eldest or the youngest sibling in my family. As a result I became a very shy and introvert child and a teenager. I wanted to change myself so I put my abilities or un-abilities to ultimate test and started teaching teenagers when I was hardly 22 myself. I learnt to camouflage my social anxiety and started looking very confident , but was crumbling from inside all the time. It took my decades to get over most of my demons but I still feel socially inept sometimes.
I wanted my daughter to have a very vibrant and outgoing personality so I decided to raise her very differently. Being the eldest child and the only girl in my family she always basked in our attention. I always encourage her to participate in sports and all other co curricular activities. She happens to be a very attractive, creative and intelligent girl, but, despite all our positive reinforcement, encouragement and undivided attention, she seems to be as shy and introvert as I was at her age. I am not giving up because I don’t want my genes to be a hindrance in my little girl’s reaching her full potential, but I am amazed to see the role that our genes play in shaping our children’s personalities.

Where The Mind is Without Fear

2011-03-11T09:03:00.000-08:00

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

----Rabindranath Tagore

This is Life

2011-02-17T01:10:00.000-08:00

I was watching our home videos with my children. My eight years old son, a very philosophical and articulate child from a very young age,taught me a lesson when I got a little nostalgic(which I tend to do a lot). I told my kids that I missed my their baby-hood and told them how adorable they were when they were babies. My son shrugged and said" mama this is life, people are cute little babies and then they grow up. Why worry about things that you can not control." :)

The Turtle Kings

2009-08-19T09:18:00.000-07:00

My kids have brought these gorgeous baby turtles from the pet store about three weeks ago. These beautiful creatures have brought a lot of laughter and joy to our lives. Yesterday, I found my children aged 6 and 8,playing chess using their turtles as the kings. I really enjoyed watching the game.

Bullying Among Young Children

2009-08-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

By an anonymous writer.
Many of us have been bullied at some point in our lives and those who have been subjected to bullying know how humiliated and low it makes you feel. About one year ago my eight year old daughter suddenly became very depressed and stressed. She would make all kind of excuses to avoid school and would often complain of having headaches. I dug deeper and found out that my daughter was being bullied by exclusion, by her very best friend. This little girl had formed a group and would act as a ring leader. She would often order her group to exclude my daughter from games, call her names and worst of all spread lies about her…yes this was an eight year old girl. I wanted to teach my daughter how to deal with this issue so I did some research, read a few good books and worked closely with my daughter’s teachers and together we were able to control the situation. Children go through bullying on daily basis and most of the time they don’t talk about it. Some feel scared, some embarrassed and some can’t express themselves. Its our job as parents to have an open communication with our children and take all the little positive or negative happenings in their lives into account.
One of the books that I highly recommend to all parents is The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander by Barbara Coloroso.

The following is a very informative writing on the bullying.
What is Bullying?
Bullying in its truest form is comprised of a series of repeated intentionally cruel incidents, involving the same children, in the same bully and victim roles. This, however, does not mean that in order for bullying to occur there must be repeat offenses. Bullying can consist of a single interaction. Bullying behavior may also be defined as a criminal act if the bully is twelve years of age or older.
Common Characteristics of Bullying
What makes a bullying incident? Certain conditions must exist for a bullying incident to occur. Lots of kids joke around with each other, call each other names, or engage in some fairly physical horse-play, and yet these incidents are not deemed as bullying when they occur between certain children. The difference lies in the relationship of the bully and the victim, and in the intent of the interaction.
Bullying usually, although not always, occurs between individuals who are not friends. In a bullying situation, there is a power difference between the bully and the victim. For instance, the bully may be bigger, tougher, physically stronger or be able to intimidate others or have the power to exclude others from their social group.
The intention of bullying is to put the victim in distress in some way. Bullies seek power. Bullying knows no financial, cultural or social bounds. Bullying may not look exactly the same everywhere, but it has the same devastating effect on everyone.
The effects of bullying last a lifetime. It causes misery for the bully's victims, and leaves a lasting impression on all those who witness repeated bullying incidents.
Kinds of Bullies
PHYSICAL BULLIES
Physical bullies are action-orientated. This type of bullying includes hitting or kicking the victim, or, taking or damaging the victim's property. This is the least sophisticated type of bullying, because it is so easy to identify. Physical bullies are soon known to the entire population in the school. As they get older, their attacks usually become more aggressive.
VERBAL BULLIES
Verbal bullies use words to hurt or humiliate another person. Verbal bullying includes name-calling, insulting, making racist comments, and constant teasing. This type of bullying is the easiest to inflict on other children. It is quick and to the point. It can occur in the least amount of time available, and its effects can be more devastating in some ways than physical bullying because there are no visible scars.
RELATIONAL BULLIES
Relational or relationship bullies try to convince their peers to exclude or reject a certain person or people, and cut the victims off from their social connections. This type of bullying is linked to verbal bullying and usually occurs when children (most often girls) spread nasty rumors about others or exclude an ex-friend from the peer group. The most devastating effect with this type of bullying is the rejection by the peer group at a time when children most need their social connections.
What Makes a Bully?
Bullying behavior can be identified as early as pre-school age. Some children who are bullies continue this behavior into adulthood. Most children learn to control their anger and fighting instincts as they grow older, but not the bully. These children have special characteristics. Children who systematically bully others usually have a group of children they bully regularly. Other bullies randomly target a variety of students.
BEHAVIORAL TRAITS
Bullies have particular behavior and personality traits. These may include:
· Greater than average aggressive behavior patterns
· The desire to dominate peers
· The need to feel in control, to win.
· No sense of remorse for hurting another child.
· A refusal to accept responsibility for his/her behavior.
REASONS WHY KIDS BULLY
· Someone else -- perhaps a parent or a sibling is picking on them
· Someone bigger or stronger is trying to recruit them to be a bully, or join a gang
· They are looking for attention
· They have family problems
· They have no friends and feel lonely
· They feel insecure and bullying makes them feel powerful
· They want their classmates to think they're strong and in control
· They don't care about anyone's feelings
What Can Parents Do About A Bully?
If bullying takes place at the school, consider contacting the principal of the child's school.
Consider contacting the police. The bully's behavior may be considered criminal if the child is twelve years of age or older.
How Kids Can Deal With A Bully
· Bullies tend to pick on people who are alone. Play close to a teacher, or with a group of friends.
· Try your best to ignore the bully
· When talking to a bully, look them in the eye, speak in a clear firm voice, and tell them to leave you alone
· If that doesn't work walk away
· Show them that you are not afraid
· If this still doesn't work, and the bully is still bothering you, tell an adult

My Angel Baby

2009-08-19T06:35:00.000-07:00

Two years ago around this time I was going through a painful miscarriage. The real pain started after the physical trauma had subsided. I wanted to mourn the life that I couldn’t produce. I wanted to talk about the little heart that was beating in my womb for a while. I could never see this baby with my eyes but I had seen it with my mind’s eyes. I had seen the round cheeks , the button nose and the bright black eyes…. I had even seen the baby’s smile.. I wanted to talk about my baby but no body wanted to listen, every one would change the topic or tell me to be patient and focus on my other beautiful children. I coped with my pain by writing in journal and simply crying in dark nights... now the pain is gone but the scar is still there.
I just want to ask the readers to please listen to those mother who are going through a miscarriage. Just a few minutes of sincere talk to a scarred mother would really help the wounds heal.

My Angel Baby—by Lori Jager
To the baby that I carried
But never seen your eyes
Or tell you how much I loved you
Or ever to hear your cries.

You will never be forgotten
The excitement we had for your coming.
When I realized I'd never hold you,
The feeling I had was numbing.
My angel baby is who you are.
My angel baby you'll always be.
Your loving memory will live in my heart
So you will always be right here with me.