So Blessed

"You can't MAKE me sleep!"

2009-11-27T10:06:00.000+02:00

Something that didn’t happen in a very long time happened this morning.

Zander woke us at 4.45am. Because it's unusual for him to wake that early, I knew something was wrong and noticed that his nappy somehow leaked and his back was wet. I am not sure why his nappy leaked, as it wasn't even full.

About a month ago we switched from Pampers to Huggies Gold because Pampers used to leak every single night and also during the day, and not just pee. Since using Huggies Gold, which by the way is much cheaper than Pampers, we did not have that problem again once, except for this morning. Which is why, for this time only, I won't blame the nappy for leaking but rather blame myself for perhaps not putting it on tight enough. (Please don't get me wrong. I do understand that some nappies work for some, while others work for others. I am in no way criticizing Pampers. Pampers just didn't work for us.)

By around 7:30 this morning when Zander started revving me, (we use this term for him moaning about everything all the time for no apparent reason) I knew it was because he was tired so I tried to put him to sleep. Which of course didn't work. As soon as he realized what my motive was for rocking him, he pushed himself up and complained. So I put him down to play while I served and prepared dishes in Cafe World. (A very addictive game from Zynga on Facebook and also a complete waste of time but what the heck.)

When the domestic worker, Joyce, arrived, she gave Zander porridge and put him down to play again. By now it was already around 8 am. After a while I turned around from where I was busy on the computer and this was what I saw:

The little bugger completely passed out, on his terms!

Caught in the act!

2009-11-26T17:33:00.000+02:00

Little bugger discovered my cd's today and pulled some out, one by one.

Zander's Christening 22 Nov 09

2009-11-26T15:02:00.000+02:00

The cake

The baby (Zander)

The Tantrum

Need I say more? :-)

What on earth is that? (Not for the squeamish!)

2009-11-25T09:08:00.001+02:00

The other day Zander was sitting in his clip on high chair by the kitchen table, munching away on some finger foods to keep him occupied while I prepared supper. Chris was outside watering the garden. I didn't really take much notice at what Zander was doing all the time. I'm sure you know what it's like when you're busy with 100 things at one time? You just occasionally glance at them to check if they're still ok, right?

Then Chris came in to get a glass of water and casually asked me what I gave Zander to eat, pointing at the floor and asking, "what's that?”. I didn't really care to look, I just glanced quickly at what Chris was pointing at, telling Chris at the same time that I gave Zander small cut pieces of a pear, figuring in my head that Zander dropped some pieces on the floor like he always does.

Then it registered with me!

Whatever was on the floor was definitely not something I gave Zander to eat. It was not even remotely looking like pear in any form. It was dark brown and in liquid form. Chris and I both confirmed our suspicion at the same time with a loud, shocked shout "It's crap, POOP!!” .

Still in denial, on closer inspection, we found that the poop was running down his legs, dripping on the kitchen floor.

Needless to say, we picked him up very carefully and dumped him in the bathtub, clothes and all.

My guess is that this episode was just one of many others to come, which at the time wasn't funny, but is now.

I would love to hear about similar episodes happening to other parents, I'm sure it happens all the time!

"Hello. My name is Zander and I'm a nebulizer addict."

2009-11-24T09:36:00.002+02:00

At last I’m able to write on my blog again.

Poor Zander has been so ill since last week, I just didn’t get time to write here. Sadly we also missed out on a planned get together with Karen and Dries on Saturday.

Friday evening we had to rush Zander to casualties because he had problems breathing.  The doctor there told us that Zander has an upper airway infection. He wanted to admit Zander to the hospital for the night, but we decided to first nebulize him and see what happens.

The nurse at casualties warned us not to let the mask touch Zander’s face as it can be quite intimidating to babies and young children, and it might just upset him. Amazingly Zander loves the nebulizer! When we turn it on, his face lights up and he holds his face for us to put the mask on. After a few minutes he nods off to a peaceful sleep. It must be because of the sound of the nebulizer, as it’s  “white noise”. It is so funny. We now refer to Zander as our little nebulizer addict.

The nebulizer worked like a bomb. Zander was still a little ill when he got christened on Sunday (He was crying all the time, what a nightmare!).  Today he’s almost his old, chirpy, funny, self again.

We never thought it necessary to buy a nebulizer as we already have a humidifier for his room. Now I regret ever buying a humidifier, and not rather the nebulizer!

Three hoorays to one of the best inventions ever!

Our "Peeping Tom" and a Cookie Jar

2009-11-18T13:18:00.000+02:00

Zander discovered the kitchen cupboards yesterday morning while playing in his walking ring. Unfortunately for him he can't open them yet as his arms are too short and the walking ring blocks the door from opening completely. He is like a Peeping Tom now every time he gets a few minutes in the walking ring. He immediately speeds off to the kitchen to try and open the cupboards. Until he can crawl or walk, I doubt he'll be able to, but I still keep a watchful eye on him since we didn't really childproof our home yet (bad, bad, I know). Chris came up with an idea, which I still can't really decide whether I like or dislike. He suggested we bake Zander some healthy cookies and put it in a jar in a cupboard in the kitchen for Zander to "discover" when he finally manage to open the cupboard doors. My worry is that it might encourage him to open cupboards and I don't want him to (innocently) do it at other people's homes because he might think he's allowed to do it there as well.

But to not to be a real spoil sport I think we'll install safety locks on all the cupboards, except the one where we plan to keep his cookies (and nothing else, except maybe a few pieces of Tupperware). What do you think?

So I am now looking for healthy cookie recipes for babies or toddlers. If you know any, please feel free to post it in the comment box!

What's with this weather??

2009-11-17T11:24:00.000+02:00

Can't believe that we were swimming on Sunday and sweating from the heat, and today, two days later, we are freezing! What the heck is going on?? (Not that I complain, I prefer winter).

Zander loves water! I took this photo on Sunday.

I’m SO proud of my wonderful, clever little boy for weaning himself!

2009-11-16T15:07:00.001+02:00

A few months ago Zander started to only nurse at around 6 o’clock in the mornings when he woke, and again around lunchtime.
Just before he goes to sleep, right after his bath at around 8pm, he always gets a bottle of Simalac HD Formula instead of breast milk.

I noticed the past month that Zander didn’t nurse with as much enthusiasm as before and he started to want more solids like purity and yogurt or whatever we were eating. He also started to nurse only in the mornings when he woke, but only for a minute or so, skipping the lunchtime feeding.

Saturday morning I decided to skip breastfeeding when he wakes up, and to give him a bottle of formula to see if maybe he’d rather want that (He loves his bedtime bottle of formula). He refused the formula. Then I made him tea, which he also refused.

Apparently my big boy decided he is not a baby anymore and does not want to nurse anymore. Since Friday morning he didn’t nurse once and also didn’t indicate that he wants to. He lost interest in nursing completely!

Since Saturday he only drinks one bottle of formula right before bedtime and the rest of the day he eats purity, yogurt and whatever we’re having.

I miss the closeness of breastfeeding him, but I’m also very relieved that I won’t have to battle with weaning and that I no longer have to worry about what I’m eating or drinking.

I can finally start to try and diet to get rid of all this unwanted pregnancy weight!

Walking ring. Good or bad?

2009-11-13T12:53:00.001+02:00

To me a walking ring means a few minutes’ peace. Time to make a quick cup of coffee, read an email or write my blog.

We are all familiar with the walking ring. We all grew up using one. Do you still remember how different the ones from back then looked compared to the ones from today? Do you suffer any consequences from using a walking ring? As a baby I was in mine for hours at a time.

Yet, the walking ring has been condemned to being dangerous, bad for your baby, the list goes on. It’s all based on studies apparently. Some countries have even banned the walking ring. I respect that. I do think it can be dangerous when you don’t keep an eye on your child while in use. I also don’t think it’s good to leave your child in the walking ring all day as certain nerves are supposed to develop before others. According to studies, the child should preferably first crawl, then walk for the sake of mathematical development in the brain.

Do I condemn a walking ring? No, no, NO! If used correctly and supervised at all times, it can actually be a blessing!

What do you think?

Temper tantrums and hissy fits. Who's the boss now??

2009-11-12T12:28:00.000+02:00

Neither Chris, nor I am the boss in this house anymore. The Master of this house is called Zander. He took over our lives completely and he's not even eight months old yet. He's got quite a temper for such a young, little man.

Nothing gets done without his consent anymore. Everything we might decide to do depends on him.

All of you with small children probably went through the same phase? (I sure as hell hope so; otherwise we're doing something terribly wrong with raising Zander.)

Zander started throwing tantrums.

Not the "fall on the floor and spin around as fast as you can" ones yet, but impatient, screaming fits.

When he wants something and he doesn't get it immediately, he screams out his disapproval and impatience and goes red in the face with anger. I'm sure it will only get worse. To me it's quite funny and I cant help but laugh at him when he does that, after which he joins me in laughing at him, which results in me laughing more and giving him probably the wrong message of approval?

I'm worried that it may become a problem when he's older and that this is just a first warning sign of what's to come? Maybe I'm laughing because I don't know how to handle the situation? I don't know what to do about it. How do I teach him that he can't always have what he wants in a nice way?

Any advice?

Darling, I need some "me" time.

2009-11-11T15:00:00.001+02:00

I don't think many mothers will admit, but sometimes it just gets too much, or is it only me?

I'm one of those people who don't really care what other people think about me and I'm not ashamed to admit that having a baby sometimes gets me down. I've felt like losing it a couple of times.

Don't get me wrong. I love Zander. I love having him in my life. He's adorable. He's cute. He sleeps through.

Maybe it is just PMS, but the day before yesterday I nearly reached my limit. This is what happened:

We have a flat at the back of our yard, which we are renting out. So the day before yesterday I was looking forward to an early evening with Chris and Zander, retiring in front of the television, catching up on all the previous episodes of Egoli and Binnelanders we've missed.

At 5pm Chris arrived home, did his normal chores like feeding the dogs etc., and we just sat down to start watching our programs when the doorbell rang. It had to be the woman who's renting the flat as no one else could enter our yard without us opening the gates from inside. It was the neighbour as I though.

I answered the door very politely with a clear attitude of "now is not a good time". After she said what she wanted to say, when she was just about to leave, Chris popped up behind me and informed the neighbour that if she doesn't come in so that I can make her coffee, he will never get coffee!!

I forced a surprised smile and unlocked the security door for her to enter after which I made the coffee. (Btw, Chris don't really like coffee that much which is why I was so surprised) If I didn’t know him better I’d suspect him of having an affair the way he behaved!

The neighbour only left after 7pm after which we had to bath Zander and feed him which took another hour. You can just imagine how pissed off I was. I told Chris in no uncertain terms that in future he can entertain her on his own and that I have too much to do in the week to have unplanned two hour coffee visits from the neighbour.

His reply was that he meant well because he thought I needed some company. (Awww!!) Chris really is that naïve. He's such a good person that he don't realize when he actually messes up. He can never say no to other people. So for the first time I complained about not having time for myself to do things I want to do anymore.

We've now agreed that he would look after Zander when he gets home for two hours, two days a week and perhaps one day on a weekend.

I'm tired. I need a break. I need some "me" time.

Thank you Chris, I love you.

Miracle or coincidence, you be the judge!

2009-11-06T08:24:00.001+02:00

The day we found out I was pregnant, as promised in yesterday's post:

I woke up the morning of Sunday, July 26, 2008 and did a pregnancy test like so many times before, not really anticipating a positive result. Already thinking what I'll say this cycle when everybody asks: " Are you pregnant yet?”

See, that was what pissed me off the most. My mom would call at the end of each cycle (yes, she somehow worked it out and knew when that was!), and ask me whether I'm pregnant yet. I mean, ffs, if I were, wouldn't I tell her, and EVERYONE else?????

Many people were so damn insensitive while we were trying to conceive. We got advice like: "Just relax and it will happen." RELAX??? Haha!! How the hell was I supposed to relax when everyone's breathing down my neck all the time?? When medical bills are skyrocketing??? (For some reason medical aids don't see infertility as a medical problem, so most of the stuff related, they don't pay.)

I came to a point where I refused to visit most people with small children. I just couldn't bear it. In my mind and heart I gave up completely. I even convinced myself I don't want a baby anymore. But Chris was persistent. We were fighting a lot about this. How funny that they call it "making love", when all we did that time was fight because I was sick and tired of having to "make love" at times when the fertility monitor or the doctors ordered us to.
To get back to the reason for this post:

The test was POSITIVE!

We decided to go to church that morning as we rarely went before. (Why do most people always want to praise the Lord only after He helped them?) We did not know that our church would have a guest speaker that Sunday.

When we got to church it was packed. We found seats on the gallery, a tight squeeze, but we got seats.

I can only remember a few things about that ceremony. At one stage the speaker said that God asked him to mention that there's a couple in the church who's been battling with infertility for a long time and spent a lot of money on it, and that they will have a baby within the next year. Chris and I looked at each other, shocked, but not convinced. What's the chance God would send us that message? In and NG Church??? So to validate everything, as we were very sceptic (we are only human after all) we went to the front after the service to speak to the speaker.

There was a lot of people there, waiting to speak to the speaker and were just standing around, waiting for our turn. Suddenly he walked up to us and said, "You are the people I was talking about regarding the infertility". (Validation number one)

I nearly fainted. We informed him that we just got a positive result that morning. He then asked if he might pray for us. By now I was crying like a baby for some unknown reason. He had his hand on my stomach and prayed for God to protect the baby and not let him tore loose (?). We didn't understand what he meant with that, but assumed it was because I had a horse and have been riding every day for the past year and a half. We decided that I wouldn’t ride while I'm pregnant.

In hindsight we realised what the speaker actually meant that day didn't have anything to do with horse riding. Zander was born via emergency caesarean at 36 weeks from placental abruption. In other words, the placenta tore loose. (Validation number two)

Now I'm asking you, how that speaker could’ve known? We've never met or seen him before. We were not involved enough in the church that anyone else could've known. We only got the test result that morning, no one else knew yet.

Coincidence? Miracle?

What do you think?

Torn Allegiance

2009-11-05T10:23:00.002+02:00

Chris bought me a horse about 3 years ago as a Valentines gift. She came from the racetrack and is a thoroughbred. Her racing name was Torn Allegiance, but I renamed her Alley.

I was a novice rider; she was not trained, except for racing, which was a dangerous combination. She is huge, 16.4 hands.

In the first year I had her I fell six times. None of the times I got seriously injured. The first time I was a bit concussed, but I was fine again after a week.

During this time I stayed in Welkom in the Free State. Chris and I battled with infertility. We desperately wanted a baby but nothing happened for years. I went for countless infertility treatments, artificial inseminations, and belly button injections the works. Then my doctor in Welkom said we won’t ever have children and he could not help us anymore. (Yes, he said it just like that, how discreet.)

Alley became my “baby”. I spent at least 3 hours every single day with her. Grooming, riding and playing with her. She was my life. She understood me and comforted me when I needed comforting. We learned together. We loved together. We missed Chris together. (During that time Chris was working in Potchefstroom during the week and he only came home on weekends or when the Ovulation Monitor predicted ovulation.) Horses are such sensitive creatures. No one will understand if they haven’t experienced it themselves.

Chris and I started to go to Medfem Clinic in Bryanston, to see Dr. Johan van Rensburg for our infertility problem. By now I was really fed up with the whole process but Chris refused to give up. I had another laparoscope and was diagnosed with Endometriosis stage II. It was removed with laser.

By now everything they did was just another procedure and didn’t give me any hope at all. I was so used to it all already and I have accepted not having children. I had my horse and my husband. I was happy; I didn’t miss anything in my life. (Or so I made myself believe). I loved living in Welkom.

Then I fell pregnant. (I will tell you more about the miracle on the day we found out in my next post)

I was not allowed to ride Alley anymore. Chris wanted me to move to Potchefstroom immediately. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I moved and Alley moved with, to new stables. Her stabling costed us
R3 500 per month, and because I couldn’t ride, and was scared she might jump on me while I’m pregnant and hurt the baby, I didn’t go to see her often anymore.

I found a new love.

My baby. I decided to give Alley away a few months after Zander was born. The woman I gave Alley to was the ex girlfriend before me of my ex. She promised to look after Alley well, and gave me full access to Alley whenever I like. I liked the thought of that, as it didn’t sound so final. (I could never sell her to someone not knowing what become of her.)

I haven’t been to see Alley again, all this time I’ve been in denial.

Until yesterday when she posted photos of Alley on Face book. It broke my heart to see her again. I don’t easily cry or show emotion, but in privacy I shed a tear or two for missing Alley. I’m still wondering whether she blames me for giving her away and for not being there for her anymore. I might build up the courage to go see her some time - how suitable the name Torn Allegiance to this situation…

I will always love you, Alley.

Alley and I busy with a lesson

Men and their toys!

2009-11-03T11:52:00.001+02:00

The past weekend I had my best friend and my cousin over for a visit. Chris made the suggestion that we all go to Klipdrift dam on Sunday for some fun with the boat. Chris has a rubber duck.

We had a lot of fun and all in all it was a lovely, fun filled day. We had people fishing just a few metres away from us, and two of the guys asked Chris and Chris' friend, Abrie, to tow them on the half pipe. (A 2-metre big blown up tube thing) The guys were big and I would guess each weigh at least 150 Kg, which meant that should they fall off, they would have to put in a lot of effort to get back on the tube from within the water which means that we were eagerly waiting in anticipation for Chris to throw them off the half pipe!

The next moment, exactly that happened and we were cracking ourselves, imagining how those to blocks of men are going to battle to get back on, and it's too far away to swim back. What we didn't see was that the whole boat has tipped over as well!!! When I saw it, I looked again as it was like I didn't want to see what I was actually seeing. I was horrified at the sight. I didn't care about the boat, but it was too far for me to see if everyone was ok. First thing I thought was how I'll have to raise Zander on my own.

My cousin and I immediately got into my car and went to the shop close by to find help as we didn't yet saw anyone else with boats on the dam that day. The owner of the resort promised to come with his boat within a few minutes and I sped back to the dam. I was informed that it seems like everyone is fine from the side. The people next to us had binoculars and could see all four men, trying to swim (pull) the tipped rubber duck out.

I was relieved that Chris was ok, but inside I was also very angry with him for some unexplained reason.

The men and a lot of other fishermen managed to turn the boat around once the owner helped to pull them out to safety. The boat is fine, and so is everyone else. I thank the Dear Lord for that.

It could have been so different...

The cat fight

2009-11-02T19:22:00.001+02:00

Since we moved into our new home in September this year, we had a problem with a stray (?) male cat coming into our home at night. I will refer to him as The Stray in the rest of the post. Now I'm sure you all know how bad cat pee smells and that it's nearly impossible to get rid of the smell.

The Stray was marking our house all over like it belonged to him. The Stray usually comes in at the early hours of the morning and meow loudly all the way wile he strolls through our home. He made himself quite at home.

I woke one morning early, felt Smokey, Chris' cat, on the bed next to me and cuddled her. When I opened my eyes I noticed that I was not cuddling Smokey, but The Stray! Needless to say, I shouted and The Stray ran away.

We have two female felines. Both have been spaded so I'm wondering why The Stray chose to mark our house as his territory.

We are not sure if The Stray belongs to someone or not, but when my dear husband Chris threatened that he's going to shoot the cat, the image of a little girl crying over her lost cat appeared in my mind and I begged him not to kill The Stray. Chris and I agreed that he’d go to the SPCA and discuss the problem with them.

Which is what he did. He came home with a cage that almost works like a bird trap. It has a door that is triggered to shut as soon as the bait is touched. Of course the cage was not free, we had to pay R10 / day to rent it, which sounded like a real bargain. The bait, my dear husband decided, will be a piece of Vienna sausage and a chicken wing.

The first night he set up the trap and we were confident that our sleeping problems would soon be a thing of the past. Then at around 10pm we heard the trap slamming down and we knew we caught The Stray!

Big was our disappointment when we realized we caught Smokey, our own cat. Through the next five days we caught Smokey twice, and Missy, my cat, also twice. The Stray didn't come into our home once. By then our bill was R50 for the cage and still no Stray. We decided that The Stray obviously knows those traps and Chris took the trap back to the SPCA.

The next night/early morning The Stray was back. He was annoying us and waking us up at silly hours of the night/early morning once again. As soon we move to try and catch it, it runs away. It went on like that again for a few nights.

Then Friday evening I told Chris I'm going to close all the windows in the home and only leave one open in our bedroom. That way we might have a remote chance to catch The Stray as he usually enters through our kitchen window.

At around 2am that morning I woke from a soft sound at my window. I couldn't see anything and assumed it was one of our own cats going out for a loo run. Then Chris saw the cat on his bedside table. There were a few empty glasses also (men!) and The Stray was standing over them. Wisely Chris decided to give The Stray some space and Chris pretended to sleep.

The Stray left and started meowing in the hall. Chris got up and I could hear him chasing The Stray around the house. The Stray ran straight into the closed kitchen window and then straight into a spare bedroom on the other side of the house. Chris wisely decided to lock The Stray in that room until the next day.

There was huge commotions and meows in that room all night long, and we didn't sleep at all, but we didn't mind, having the knowledge that The Stray will soon be at the SPCA and we'll at last get the long awaited, uninterrupted sleep we've longed for so long.

The next morning Chris caught The Stray (after it took Chris about half and hour to find The Stray where he was hiding underneath the pillows and bedding on the bed), put him in a box and took him to the SPCA. I didn't even mind cleaning all the cat pee in that room. I did it with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

What would you have done, and do you think it was cruel to take him to the SPCA where he might get put down in the end?

1994 and 2000 R5 Mandela Coins

2009-11-02T13:43:00.001+02:00

I just read in Potchefstroom Herald that the R5 Mandela 2000 coins could actually be worth something. I have collected 68 of them and hundreds of the 1994 coins. Seems they are now collectors coins?

Do any of you own the year 1994 or 2000 R5 coins? Do you believe they're actually worth something?

Tristan, you little fighter!

2009-10-30T13:30:00.000+02:00

To all of you who might be wondering what happened to little Tristan, http://lifebeforeandafterhavingababy.blogspot.com/2009/08/losing-baby.html, he had a successful heart operation just recently and is at home with his parents. He is still on oxygen 24/7 and very very small for a boy of almost 7 months. He doesn't even weigh 3 Kg yet, but he's a real little fighter and we are all so relieved that he's getting better!

This is a photo of him taken a week ago:

Daddy is now officially "Mamma" (Mommy)! (Baby milestones and baby proofing your home.)

2009-10-30T08:35:00.000+02:00

Zander said his first word last night! Chris and I looked at each other to confirm that it wasn't our imagination after Zander looked up at his daddy and said "Mamma", which is Afrikaans for Mommy. It was such a beautiful moment, which we will cherish forever. This morning he was talking a lot and said "Mamma" and "baba" (baby) over and over, confirming that it isn't our imagination. He's such a delight!

Zander will be 8 months old on 18 November 2009 and seems like he wants to start crawling. We're holding our breath in anticipation, as we know when he starts crawling the hard work for us will start! We already started baby proofing our home in a way, but still have a lot to do. We've put plastic plugs in the plug sockets, plastic corners on the glass tables' corners and we also got a playpen. There is still a lot we have to do.

We have to move all medicines and cleaning products to safe places and we also have a big problem with our swimming pool. I would like suggestions on that, as we are very worried but also very confused as to what to do regarding the pool. The pool is fenced in, but that unfortunately means nothing. My best friends' baby girl, Dominique, climbed over their pool's fence a few years ago and drowned. Dominique was 2 1/2 years old. :-(

Our pool is way too big for a safety net, and shaped in a club form. We thought about electrifying the pool fence, arguing that we'd rather let him shock, and learn from that, than drown. It's a bit harsh though and any other suggestions will be very much appreciated. What would you have done?

To Simply Slim or not..

2009-10-23T14:17:00.001+02:00

A lot of us struggle with weight loss. It's not easy losing weight. Especially after having a baby. I read about Simply Slim on a friend on Face Books' profile. It all sounded too good to be true. Almost everyone who commented on the Simply Slim website has lost weight. And a LOT of it. So for R590 for one months' supply it didn't seem that expensive if it's actually working like everybody claims it is.

But I guess it depends on if that's the only price you'll pay. I found this blog and would like you to read it too: http://johansimplygoingslim.com/phedra-same-as-synephrine-banned-by-the-fda-and-used-in-simply-slim/

Scary stuff. What do you think?

Finally broke my non-smoking record!

2009-10-20T15:11:00.001+02:00

This is the third time that I've quitted smoking. The first time lasted 3 months, the second time 8 months, which means I've now officially broken my record. Yesterday was 8 months!

I've been smoking since I was 14. I smoked between 20 and 30 cigarettes per day for 17 years.

When you smoke you always find a way to defend the habit, but in retrospect I can now see what an ugly habit smoking is. It smells horrible, yellows your teeth, fingers and skin. It may cause cancer. It's expensive. In fact, there is only ONE positive thing I can remember about smoking - not gaining weight easily.

When I still smoked I refused to go to places where smoking was not allowed. Chris does not smoke and hated me smoking. I always used to tell him that when he met me I was smoking, so he has no right to complain. I think smokers are the most selfish people on earth. And I talk from experience. I nearly lost my baby because of my smoking...

I smoked for 8 months during my pregnancy. The doctor warned me that I shouldn't smoke, but what did he know???? I was confident that everyone was just trying to get me to quit smoking and that was why people have made up all the stories about smoking being bad for my baby etc. (Smoker mentality)

Then, on 18 March 09, 36 weeks into my pregnancy I went for a scan. The gynaecologist looked concerned and mentioned that should anything bad happen I should go back to him immediately and that I should go see him in two days' time again anyway as he thinks he's going to have to do the caesarean earlier than planned. He didn't really explain that something was wrong, and we didn't question him.

From the gynaecologist Chris and I went to pick up some pregnancy pyjamas I ordered. I've decided that I'll pack my hospital bag that night. While I was waiting for the lady to ring up the amount I owed for my pyjamas it felt like I peed my pants. I told Chris I'm just quickly going to the loo, as I didn't want to upset him when I myself didn't know what was happening. When I got to the ladies room, I looked and I was soaked in blood. I nearly fainted from shock.

Chris rushed me to the gynaecologist (situated at the hospital). Gynaecologist said I should go to the labour ward and he said he's going to book me in for observation. When I arrived there the sister told me that I'm not being booked in for observation anymore, but that my gynaecologist has called and told them to prep me for an emergency caesarean!

My placenta has torn loose and there was no time to waste as that meant that Zander was bleeding. Chris nearly missed his sons' birth! When Zander was born his heartbeat was a mere 39. It was supposed to be at least 160. He spent his first night in ICU. It was a nightmare for me, as I didn't even know what my son looked like. He was only shown to me for a second and then they rushed off with him to ICU. I only saw him again the next morning when they took me to visit him. It broke my heart to see him like that. He was so small and helpless. He only weighed 2.46 Kg when born and lost more weight in hospital.

Fortunately for us he was a real fighter! He only spent the one night in ICU, the next day with me in my hospital room, and the morning after that we were both discharged! He's our miracle baby!

To get back to the subject.... we nearly lost Zander due to Placental abruption, and yes, smoking is a major cause. You can read more about that here: http://www.growingyourbaby.com/2007/08/05/smoking-tied-to-placenta-abruption/

On 19 February 2009 I decided I am not going to buy cigarettes again. (A month before Zander’s birth)

And I didn't. (Though it was too late to prevent placental abruption.)

I did have some help quitting though. I ordered an electronic cigarette from the Internet, called a Twisp. They delivered within two days and it was definitely worth the money. I don't even use my Twisp now anymore.

I am determined not to become a smoker again. I do not want my child to smoke one day because I did. I want to set an example and break the habit that came from many generations in my family.

My child deserves to grow up in a healthy, clean environment. He cannot choose for himself yet, it is my responsibility to protect him - and I will!

Silly little arguments and bruised egos

2009-10-16T10:20:00.001+02:00

Chris is a very involved father. We do almost everything together that involves Zander.

Zander's bath time routine:

Chris undresses Zander. Then Chris gives Zander his 3 drops of medicine (for allergy). Next Chris rubs stuff on Zander's gums (don't really know why as the one tooth he got at four months just disappeared). I drop saline drops into Zander's nose and clean his nose with an ear bud. Then I wipe his face clean. By now the bath water is ready for Zander. Chris rubs Zander in with soap and put him in the bath to rinse him and let him play with the water. Now this was where the trouble started last night.

I took out a sponge toy, soaked it in water and gave it to Zander to play with. Zander loved it and even sucked the sponge (like babies do?) Chris had a fit and told me to take the sponge away as the water in Potch is not clean. (????) Obviously I asked him why he bathes Zander in dirty water then, and what about the water that splashes in Zander's face when he plays in the bath? I also reminded Chris of the fact that Zander should never be in the swimming pool again as that water can be VERY dangerous compared to the municipal water in Potch. (Sarcasm) Chris then told me that I could go and do a search on the Internet about Potch's dirty water (to validate himself) and from there on he went into a total silent state, ignoring me. Chris took Zander out of the bath, I dried Zander, cleaned his ears, and Chris rubbed Zander's body with baby cream. I gave Zander his bottle and put him to bed.

Then I did a search on the Internet. This was what I found:

http://www.potch.co.za/pressreleases/html/Jul31_07.html.

Now if you do the effort to open that link, you'll see that Potch’s water is more than safe to consume.

I printed out the page and handed it to Chris. Maybe I should've thought twice as he really wasn’t impressed, neither making peace! He then accused me of always questioning everything he says!!

Is this just happening to us, or does this happen to other couples too? We are constantly arguing about what's the best for Zander. What do you do when situations like this presents? Who's wrong and who's right for the sake of peace?

We are not fighting anymore, but didn't talk about what happened again, thus I won't give Zander the sponge to play with again to avoid any future arguments like that.

Funny thing was that just after the argument, around the time when Chris started giving me the silent treatment, Chris got up and drank water from the bathroom tap. Something he NEVER does. (He believes in purified water only) Does that mean he admitted defeat?

Someone should've warned me that having a baby results in some sort of husband-wife competition!

Light at the end of the tunnel

2009-10-15T11:31:00.000+02:00

Exited today for the first time in a very long time. I am so looking forward to this new business venture and I’m very optimistic that it will work out. I’ve been working from home for the past 3-½ years. I have to admit that my life became meaningless, as I had nothing to look forward to anymore. It gets boring to be at home all day, even though I have been privileged enough to have my baby boy with me all the time. I’ve always been very ambitious and for the past few years had absolutely no challenges as I’ve been in the scrap metal industry for over ten years now * yawn *.

We are leaving for Durban tomorrow to go and buy stock. We are going to open a clothing shop from my house. Luckily our new house is located on a busy street.

I’ve also involved the domestic worker and promised her a 10 % profit sharing, as she’ll mostly be the one selling the clothes. We are mostly going to target the black market. (Now this sounds like we are planning something illegal, he he).

I just woke up one morning with this idea, and my dear husband immediately gave his full support. Then we decided to throw out all our old clothes that we are not wearing anymore. Joyce (the domestic worker) then offered to sell the second hand clothing, and within a day every single thing was sold and we’ll be R2 500.00 richer at the end of this month. It seems this can become a profitable business, or rather, we hope it will be.

It will involve hard work though, like having to go to Durban about every weekend. (I HATE traveling by car).

Nonetheless we are very excited about this, and invite you to join us on this journey, as I’ll try to keep my blog updated as much as possible.

Enjoy your weekend!

Time flies when you're having fun!

2009-10-14T11:35:00.000+02:00

Here I am again and exactly another month has passed since the last time I blogged. I do actually feel guilty for not blogging regularly but it's hard for me to put my life out into the open for anyone to read about. Sometimes something happens and I think I should write about it in my blog, but then I don't because I decided it's too personal. How do you decide what to write about and what not? Maybe I'm in denial and trying to avoid thinking and writing about things happening in my life as a way to not have to face the problems in my life. Like financial worries...

We started a scrap metal recycling company almost four years ago. Last year this time we were smiling, with R1 000 000.00 profits in our business bank account for the year. Who would've guessed that a year later on, we would be struggling to keep the company afloat? Losing between R50 000 - R100 000 per month? So far we've done almost everything possible to save the company. We managed to get the overheads, including salaries, down with over R50 000 / month. Rumours are that next year things will be better again in the scrap metal industry. Let's hope rumours are right, and let's hope we make it that far.

It's really nice to be able to work for yourself, but I'm not sure if the stress involved justifies it. Especially now that we have a baby. That's the scariest thing in the world to have to worry about your babies' future and whether you'll be able to provide for him if things doesn't work out.

Please hold thumbs for a new business venture I'm going to try out with my wonderful husbands' support.

I will keep you posted...

Hello again!

2009-09-14T14:51:00.000+02:00

Sorry for the delay in posting on my blog... Just didn't really feel like it, and also didn't really have the time to post. Also been on holiday for a week. Zanders' first real holiday! We went to Fairways at Underberg in Natal for a week. Had a nice rest, and from there we went to hubby's aunt for the weekend, who has a house in Pennington.

If it wasn't for all her dogs, I would've loved it there. Her dogs drove me NUTS!!! I do understand that she's very old and they're like children to her, but I don't bath my child only once a month!!!

We decided we want to go to town. She just assumed she's going with, so we were polite and respected that. Next thing it was my husband, me, Zander, her and four of her dogs in MY car!!!! I don't even allow my dogs in my HOUSE!! I nearly fainted, and believe me, it was really hard to keep my pose and stay polite!!! The dogs were bouncing around in my car like rubber balls and I had to fend all the time for Zander. I was terrified that he might get hurt during their excitement, but I bit on my lip and just held my arms in front of him where he was sitting in his car seat, oblivious to the danger lurking in those four legged critters' feet and nails......

After a while they settled a little bit at least, but then I heard one making strange sounds... THE DAMN DOG WANTED TO PUKE IN MY CAR!!!! I shouted to my husband that the dog's about to puke on my leather seat and his reply was: "THROW THE DOG OUT OF THE CAR!!!!". I have to admit when he said that, I was VERY tempted to oblige, but seeing that we were in the middle of town, and that I knew his aunt won't ever speak to us again, I decided to rather let the dog puke on my lovely black leather car seat. You probably want to know what his aunt's reply was when I broke the news that her beloved doggy was about to puke on my car seat? "It's just a slime ball!!" Yes, can you believe it. Here I am getting upset, my husband's getting upset... And that over a meagre slime ball puked out by a dog... I had no reply, I gave up and surrendered... The critters won....

Ghosts from the past

2009-08-27T14:27:00.002+02:00

Laetitia called me yesterday out of the blue. She'll be in Potch today she said. Would I like to have coffee with her?

Nothing extraordinary about that, right?

Well, not if you don't know that Laetitia is the sister of one of my ex boyfriends whom I used to live with 10 years ago, and who used to be my husbands' best friend. (A whole different story, and no, I didn't cheat on the X)

He used to beat the crap out of me. He was a scheming, bullshitter and an alcoholic (apparently still is).

Since I left him 10 years ago, I never saw Laetitia again until we added each other on Face Book a while back. So suddenly, out of the blue, came the invitation.

Of course I accepted! I'm too curious a person to decline! I invited her to have coffee at my house, not really knowing what to expect. Back then when we broke up I was under the impression that she didn't believe me when I told her how he used to beat me up. Seems I had that all wrong. I felt closer to her today, than I have ever felt to her when me and the X were together. What an amazing woman. Maybe I'm biased because she also hates her brothers' actions. Apparently her parents lost their house because of him. But still they believe nothing bad about him. Maybe because it's their child, but aren't there any limits? Do you send your child out to self destruct by helping him every time he comes begging because he's too lazy to work for a boss?

So I was wondering who's to blame for what he is? The parents or the X? I think both.

Laetitia, thank you for coming back into my life. I'd love to have you as a friend again. You made my day!