Lisa Loves Life Lessons

laugh at yourself

2013-05-25T23:59:00.000-04:00

It's your ability
to laugh at yourself
that allows you to
shrink your problems,
move past your resentments,
and open yourself to life's surprises.

Laugh at yourself
and others will laugh
with you
rather than
at you.

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God's surprises quote

2013-05-24T23:59:00.000-04:00

Let us ask ourselves:

Are we open to “God’s surprises”?

Or are we closed and fearful

before the newness of spirit?

Do we have the courage

to strike out along the new paths

which life’s newness sets before us,

or do we resist,

losing our capacity

for openness to what is new?

weasel terms

2013-05-23T23:59:00.000-04:00

"Investors don’t go down to the television studio
and make sure that the local talk-show host
or reporter is doing what they want.
There are other, subtler, more complex mechanisms
that make it fairly certain that the people on the air
will do what the owners and investors want.
There’s a whole, long, filtering process
that makes sure that people only rise through the system
to become managers, editors, etc.,
if they’ve internalized the values of the owners."

- Secret, Lies and Democracy - Noam Chomsky

I'm not a huge conspiracy theorist, but....and everyone loves a big BUTT... I'm a fair to middling conspiracy theorist. I think our government keeps us on a need-to-know basis. I think those with the most money have the most power and that much of what they do to control the public goes unnoticed by us. I think greed is a powerful motivator. I think the greedy cover up their profit-making efforts with harmless feel-good public relations.

No, I don't think capitalism itself is bad. I'm not anti-corporation. What I mean to say is that we have to be careful about the choices we make. We have to be careful about what we believe. Not all who claim to be on our side in life are really in it for our best interest.

Advertizing is meant to make us feel bad about ourselves in a way that can be solved by buying into a certain idea and/or buying a certain product. We are meant to feel swaddled in safety and goodness by the product's claims and even better once we get that product.

The effects of advertising are cumulative and subtle. Take for instance the seemingly harmless line,

"Ask your doctor..."

What??

What do you mean, ask my doctor?

We all have doctors?

It's just a given that every reasonable person must have one of those white-coated people to be in charge of their health. If you don't, you're regarded as irresponsible, or in denial, or a deviant.

Or how about the overused and misunderstood line,

"Studies show..."

"A new study proves that..."

One study doesn't prove something conclusively for all time. For every study that proves something, there's another study that proves its opposite. We in the general public only get to hear about the ones that make the news or the pages of whatever we're reading. Who chooses what studies reach the general public in the form of a press release??

Exactly.

Some terms and phrases that particularly irk me and often

come with

a mainstream sanctioned, profit centric, creepy double speak

that implies normality and resists questioning:

sexy body

health conscious

allergy season

cold and flu season

looks great

morning coffee

healthy option

vitamins and minerals

all natural

per serving

anti-bacterial

no preservatives

finest ingredients

age appropriate

family friendly

wholesome goodness

whole grain

helps build strong bones

environmentally friendly

studies show

ask your doctor

doctors recommend

One should ask who sets the standards for these claims, why we're so eager to believe them, and how we let people get away with such egregious bullshit at our expense.

Just ask your local blogger.

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May 22 2013

2013-05-22T23:59:00.000-04:00

Every once in a blue moon I forget to blog.
Today was that day.
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idea dollar

2013-05-21T23:59:00.000-04:00

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taking the stairs

2013-05-20T00:13:00.000-04:00

I love this!

Kudos, man.

Last year at this time I
was prepared for a trip to Florida that would entail lots of fast-walking, distance-walking, walking in the sand, walking in the sun, and stair climbing.

This year...I dunno.

This year I am stronger in certain ways. A year and a half of QiGong has strengthened me from the inside out. My spirit is more at ease. I survived some rough emotional tests. I'm renewing myself cell by cell. I am in a good place, BUT.... and everyone loves a big BUTT... certain things have not been worked on, such as my cardio endurance and lengthening my gait.

It's time to prepare for this year's trip in ways that I haven't worked on since last year at this time.

The plan?
Part of the plan is already in motion. I've quit smoking cigarettes. I was smoking a few packs of "clove" cigarettes every week. I gave that up on April 13th after I couldn't catch my breath at a self defense class.

Another aspect of the plan is to walk up and down 3 flights of stairs 3 times per week. I teach on the third floor for the next 5 weeks. I will take the stairs instead of the elevator.

That's as far as I've gotten in my planning.

I better get going quickly. The Florida trip is the first week of July.
And yes, there will be TWO DAYS of Disney this time instead of one.

Time to get busy.
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healing heart with help

2013-05-19T23:59:00.000-04:00

"...I always find that ‘pressing’ or massaging

with or without a massage tool,

anywhere you have pain

or are sensitive

brings your attention there

and by applying the pressure,

easily releases the tension there

for healing,

so that our bodies function as they are meant to.

This is awesome for Everyone to do.

We have been taught to stay away

from the painful areas

but i find you have to face them strongly,

head on, as our goal is to feel GOOD

and we want to get rid of anything

that does not fit the highest

and best happiness possible ..."

- Massage Your Chest

"I'm in trouble. I need help," I sobbed out the words onto my friend's shoulder. "Please help me" I whimpered desperately as I cried on him.

When I explained that I needed help grading 100 Final exams because the grades were due first thing in the morning, he answered,

"Eaaaaasy. That's eeeeeasy.
We can get it done.
Take a deep breath.
We can do it together.
Eeeeeasy. Do-able.
Not a problem."

It took us 5 hours.

Grading the exams totally derailed the plans we had. It was not a fun or relaxing way to spend a Sunday.

My friend didn't care. He didn't complain. He just dove in and did the work. He even made me laugh as we went along.

When the exams were graded I had to enter them into the online grading system. While I did that, he went to the store for me and got me exactly what I was craving for dinner. I felt totally taken care of. It wasn't easy to ask for what I needed, but my friend took care of me.

I began the day with a hole in my heart, worry, guilt, and a face full of tears.
I ended the day with a full gradebook, a full belly, and a full heart.

I have a very small list of people who would do those kinds of things for me. I don't even think it's a list. There aren't enough names for it to be a list. That I have more than one friend who would do these things for me is a blessed miracle.

It hurts me to ask for help. I hate to admit that I need support. I hate to admit that I need practical help that involves actual work and effort from someone. But why?

Sometimes we don't like to admit that we're flawed and fragile humans. We don't like admitting we're in need because it makes us feel inadequate. We have this idea that we should be able to do it all and do it all ourselves.

We don't like asking because the answer might be NO.

We don't like risking that people will think we're weak, will like us less, or will help us and then resent us forever.

We fear feeling out of control. We can't control every little thing if we're letting other people help with the work.

But sometimes we have to give up control, be vulnerable, be less than perfect, and be open so that our hearts can heal. Sometimes, a heart needs healing from another being. We can't always heal on our own. Sometimes it's about others.

My heart was busted up. Not any more. Now it's on the mend because I allowed someone to take care of me. I risked it all and it paid off. I got help and I got healed.

It's on the mend because someone made me feel good about being cared for, because someone was unselfish, and they took action to help me.

And guess what?
The world didn't end.
Asking for help and getting it wasn't the big hairy emotional deal that I made it out to be. It's actually one of the most human things we can do.

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Peace and the Warlord

2013-05-18T22:54:00.000-04:00

In Ancient China, there lived a Monk, and a Warlord. One was a man of peace and benevolence; the other a man of savagery and violence.

Both men were masters of the martial arts and had great skills with weapons.

One day, during his morning lessons, a student interrupted with a strange question (As always happens in these stories).

"Master" he said. "You are a man of such peace and harmony. You are not the Warlord. Why do you put so much effort into training and mastering the skills of death, and the tools of violence? Why does a Monk such as yourself not put down his weapons if he truly seeks peace?

The Master paused for a moment as he looked long and deep into the eyes of his curious student. Then he answered.

If the War Lord were to put down his weapons, then there would be peace between us. Everyone would in the land would exist in harmony.

If I put down my weapons,
there would be only the War Lord.

Thanks to Gian for posting this!
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Motivating the Motivated

2013-05-17T23:59:00.000-04:00

"How to live a more positive life...

Be grateful.

Be of service.

Be true to your word.

Be proactive."

- Lisa and Darren

Funny thing about motivational talks; the ones who need them most aren't motivated enough to go! The ones who were meant to be there were there. They were motivated to be there. They didn't need us! Still, we had a wonderful time. Two of my students came and brought friends. That is always a high compliment.

Darren and I spoke to the intimate audience tonight at Trento's Martial Arts and Fitness Center. Master Trento, himself a former student who heard Darren speak in my classes many a time, introduced us. He recalled the impression we made during our classroom presentations in 2008 when Master Trento had not yet opened his own school. Darren is now running his own basket ball camps and is a certified phys ed teacher. I lost over 130 pounds and got the use of my legs back. Master Trento has his own big, beautiful dojang and fitness (and wellness) center. After making great strides and applying success principles, we were all reunited after 5 years!

One student who was determined to attend thought it was in Roselle rather than Rochelle Park. He took this picture of us from his car in the parking lot. He wanted to prove that he was there and not just making excuses. He had driven all the way down to Roselle, then back up to Bergen county and didn't want to walk in late. I told him it wouldn't have mattered. We would have been happy to see him no matter what.

According to our audience the most effective parts of our talk were when we discussed
- commitment and keeping our word
- how not to let other people have the remote control on our feelings
- not letting our feelings dictate our actions

It all seems so simple when you see it in writing, but applying these principles to life isn't always easy. Sometimes we need others who are just as committed as we are to keep us on track.

And sometimes we all need a little motivation.

We're glad to do what we can for those who are willing to receive.

Thank you!

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Darren and I will motivate your socks off!

2013-05-17T00:19:00.000-04:00

Trento’s Martial Arts and Fitness presents a Motivational Seminar:

“The Life You’re Not Living:

How to Live an Inspired Life

Instead of Just Wishing for One!”

Prof Lisa Sargese and Coach Darren Ventre

are ready to Activate, Inspire, Teach, or at least Entertain you…

Wake up with energy!

Feel good about life!

Learn to think like a winner!

Friday May 17^th

8:40pm

Trento’s Martial Arts and Fitness

322 Rochelle Ave

Rochelle Park, NJ

(201) 203-0773

$10 Suggested Donation

Cheaper than a movie!

Don’t just be IN your job, your relationship, or your day-to-day life… Be INTO it!

weirdy

2013-05-16T23:59:00.000-04:00

I'm
glad
to
be
a
weirdo.

I never wanted to be an ordinary rule-follower. Being just ok or average is unappealing to me. I'd rather take sh*t for being weird than feel unfulfilled by being a conformist.

I'm tempted to play it safe just to fit in. It can be a hassle to hold unpopular opinions or live in an unconventional way.

Meh. I'd rather be hassled for being authentic than accepted for being a phony.

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recalling Lady Liberty

2013-05-15T23:59:00.000-04:00

When my mother could still walk and I had

much more flesh perhaps 2004? 2005?

Wow, 6 years ago today I was thankful to be alive.
I was remembering how sickly I had been for years prior.
I was so happy to be on the Spirit of NJ harbor cruise ship viewing the Statue of Liberty.
It's been a while. This summer my mother and some friends will be re-embarking on our NYC dinner cruise. I wonder if I'll be as sentimental as I was back in 2007 when I wrote this...

Blog from May 15, 2007

Revisiting Lady Liberty

I never thought I'd see her again. She looks more beautiful now than ever. Pale green and majestic against a perfectly sunny sky, the Statue of Liberty looked me directly in the eyes and reassured me. Her proud, calm expression seemed to ask, If I'm still here, why wouldn't you be?

As stalwart as I am, I always harbored a little doubt. A small place inside me knew that in spite of my strong life force, my death drive could win. I had become desperately arthritic and nearly lethally diabetic. Walking was agony. I remembered what hope felt like but couldn't muster much of it. That's how I felt the last time I saw the Statue of Liberty. It felt like it might be my last. Part of me was saying goodbye to her, to New York Harbor, to life.
(for entire blog click here)
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Naps Snacks and Downton

2013-05-14T23:59:00.000-04:00

"Women are keepers of each other's secrets,

boosters of one another's wavering confidence,

co-conspirators in life's adventures.

Through laughter, tears

and an inexhaustible river of talk,

they keep each other well,

and make each other better....

... Across species and throughout human cultures,

females have banded together

for protection and mutual support.

They have groomed each other,

tended each other's young,

nursed each other in illness

and engaged in the aimless sociability

that generally has mystified male anthropologists."

- Melissa Healy in the L.A. Times

I vacuumed my sofas and the living room rug today.
This is a big deal.

I haven't had the time or energy for household chores since mid semester. The daily chores get done. I'll vacuum around a bit every other day. I will always keep the litter box fresh. I wash dishes. I scrub the toilet, but other than those basics, I haven't done any significant cleaning this semester until today.

Why today?
I was motivated because I was having company, but that wasn't what gave me the gumption to throw the pillows off the sofas and vacuum them. What gave me the energy was the high quality rest, relaxation, and good food I had today thanks to my lovely ladyfriend Diane and her daughter Miriam.

Proper rest and good food give me energy. I recommend both. It's an unusual recommendation.

This isn't a culture that encourages rest and eating, especially not to women. As women in this society we're supposed to "have it all" which translates into "doing so much that we have no energy left for ourselves". If we don't "have it all" we are expected to work extra hard at something (working out, looking attractive by Hollywood's standards, dieting) that makes us more appealing to a potential mate.

Eating and resting? How dare we!

Well, today I dared. Thanks to the English-style fussing of my friends, we enjoyed scones with clotted cream and lemon curd whilst watching Downton Abbey with our feet up. We also sipped Earl Grey tea. We ate our fancy foods in an unfancy way. We lounged and lazed. We gave no fux.

I was going to take a nap when I got home after our sprawling afternoon, but I had energy. I didn't need the nap. I had energy and I had motivation. This was so enlivening to me that I fired up the vacuum and worked.

Then I was bright eyed for my company instead of dragging and drooping the way I have for most of the semester when I've tried to entertain.

I love having energy.

It's a matter of hitting the sweet spot.
One must be well rested but well oxygenated, and of course, well fed.
Good food, good rest, and good movement make a nice warm body with a nice warm metabolism.
And stuff gets done.

Oh, yes. We also had cinnamon crumpets with butter from the farm.

Fancy and fed are we!

Eat and rest, ladies. Eat and rest.
Then you'll have the energy to move!

It's a recipe.
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ariel fat

2013-05-13T23:59:00.000-04:00

At first glance
this is really clever and funny to me.

I love when artists draw fat versions of characters who are usually depicted as unnaturally thin.
I think Ariel Bold is adorable. Not sure why she is only wearing shells over her nipples while the skinny Ariels have strings holding their bikini tops on.

One would think the larger bosoms would require more reinforcement, no?

I also wonder why the black Ariel is depicted as fat.

I'm not going to wonder too hard.

It won't keep me up at night.

I shall now go to sleep with thoughts of gratitude.

Nite.
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surround yourself

2013-05-12T23:59:00.000-04:00

I took three of the photographs in the above collage created by Mia who earned her Black Belt in Taekwondo this week along with Taylor and Bethany. I have a very big love for them. Being at their test for the past 6 days to support and photograph them was a privilege I will speak of in another blog. For now, I have to ask...

Why didn't I think to have someone hold my camera
and take a picture of ME with the girls??

Ah. Always the photographer, never the subject.
Wait.
That's not true.
I did think to take this shot in the mirror with Black Belt Nicolette D'Ambra.

I am very blessed to spend
a great amount of my time with
martial artists, most of them are black belts or master level.

I would love it if their athleticism would wear off on me. Ha ha. It is, but slowly.
Mostly it's their heart that I cherish.
These people really have a lot of heart.
They're achievers. They push themselves. They help one another. They're dedicated. They help and teach the young kids who are coming up.

They're willful. They care.

I love being around them and I love that they welcome me into their world.

They say that you become like the people you spend the most time with. I spend lots of time with young martial artists. My close friends who are not martial artists who are my age or there abouts are really smart, really loving, and really cool.

My colleagues are spiritual, brilliant, and full of integrity.

My family are loyal and loving.

Wow. I really am blessed.

Surround yourself with the awesomeness you wish to embrace.
And remember, there is no "awesome" without "me" so be in the center of all the wonderfulness. Know you are essential. Be open to receive. Understand that you become what you choose to surround yourself with.

I should spend a lot more time in prayer so I can be more Godly.
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May 11 2013

2013-05-11T23:59:00.000-04:00

This place is a second home to me.

I love coming here. I like to be here a lot.

This is a family.

I feel like part of a family.

- overheard 5/11/13
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tomorrow maybe

2013-05-10T12:23:00.001-04:00

Life always offers you a second chance.
It's called "tomorrow".
Oh, wait.
Not always.
Sometimes tomorrow never comes.
I'm looking back at all the people from my life who have passed away. I think almost all of them died in their sleep.

Tomorrow is NOT guaranteed. I'm not trying to be morbid or weird. I'm just reminding you and myself that we don't always get that second chance.

I've known people who died without having achieved their dreams, without having taken chances, without having expressed themselves, without checking items off of their bucket list, and with more regrets than satisfaction.

Tomorrow is not your second chance unless it actually arrives for you. Make today your second chance.
The next moment can be a second chance, but that's not guaranteed either.
You think I'm kidding?
Google "struck dead by lightning"

and see what comes up.

You think I'm being funny?
Don't f*ck around.

Start looking in your immediate surroundings and circumstances for things to be grateful for. Start looking in the mirror at things to love about your appearance. Start looking in your heart for qualities that you're happy to have. Start looking at the people in your life and how they bless you.
Do it now.
Immediately.
Not later.
Now.

There's magic to be found in gratitude.
There's beauty to be found in noticing things with your senses.
There's love to be felt by unzipping your heart and letting the light into you.

Don't postpone your life for another second. Look to your right. Look to your left. Look up. Look down. Look within.

Say 'thank you'.

Be blessed.

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Teacher Appreciation Day

2013-05-09T23:59:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wonder
if we're doing our students any good.

We lecture. We assign.
They might pay attention.
They might do research.

I want them to be wiser when they leave me.
I want them to have life skills and a curious heart because of their time with me.

It's that time of the semester to grade hundreds of exams and essays.
Some of those will come with course feedback.

I pray that I've done my job.
It's all about the life lessons.
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be yourself for others

2013-05-08T23:59:00.000-04:00

When we are afraid

to be ourselves,

we are cheating the world

of who we really are.

- Darren Ventre

The people around you may need you to be exactly who you are
with exactly the past you had
to bring you to exactly the current circumstances you're in
with exactly the talents you have
in order be the most effective at what you're doing
and be the best influence on others in order for them to be the best they can be.

If you don't feel like everything in your life is as it should be,
come next week to my seminar-
"The Life You're Not Living:
How to create a life you love"

Stress much Less,
Handle Pressure
and Bounce Back from failure.
Create a life you enjoy waking up for.

Join us
8:40pm Friday May 17th
at Trento's Martial Arts and Fitness
322 Rochelle Ave
Rochelle Park, NJ
201- 203-0773
$10 (cheaper than a movie!) ... .. .

The Lisa Story short version by Weaam Ali

2013-05-07T23:59:00.000-04:00

.
My brilliant student Weaam did a short documentary piece on me because she finds my story inspiring. I'm inspired that she's inspired!

Here's the rough cut
click here or click below

Razzles Problem

2013-05-06T11:59:00.000-04:00

It's a gum!
It's a candy!
It's both!
But it's not a very good candy. Candy isn't supposed to turn into gum. You're supposed to be able to swallow it! It's not satisfying as a candy.
As a gum, it loses its flavor too fast and it doesn't have very good elasticity for blowing bubbles.

Razzles is half assed at being a candy and half assed at being gum.

I feel like a Razzles.

I think I may be doing too many things and none of them to the best of my ability. I'm a half assed candy and a pseudo gum.

I don't know what I can sacrifice. Of all the things I do, what can go and what should stay?

Work is necessary for a roof over my head, plus I love teaching. I just get spent teaching so intensely and so often. Work stays.

Blogging takes time and energy, but I will not break my precious momentum. If you want to be excellent at something you must do it every day. Every. Single. Frikken. Day. Blogging stays.

Qi Gong takes time and money. I'm only training 2 hours per week but the travel and the time take a chunk out of my days, but I need it. It's healing me and making me stronger. Qi Gong stays.

RCIA and Church enrich my soul. Praising God in the tradition I choose is important to me. Jesus stays.

Socializing keeps me connected to people, makes me feel like I belong, and is necessary for my heart. My friend-time stays.

Qi Therapy course meets once a week. I haven't made enough time to study. I need to develop myself professionally. I need to keep growing as a practitioner! Professional development stays.

I'm actually dozing off as I type this. I'm so tired and I have a long day tomorrow.

I'm going to strategize and figure out a way to balance and keep as much of the things I love as possible. I want to be busy but not spread too thin.

I'll make it work.
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Out of the Road Rut

2013-05-05T21:46:00.003-04:00

What if you suddenly had all the things you've been complaining about not having?
What if you got the validation and peace of mind you've been wanting?

What would happen if your most vexing problems were suddenly solved?

It's important to imagine these positive scenarios lest we get too comfortable in our complaints. If we wear a deep groove in our psyches with worry, anxiety, and complaining about what's not right, we may find it hard to get out of the thought rut and get back on the open road where we're free. If we finally get what we've been wanting but find it so anxiety-producing we can't appreciate it, we'll sabotage it to get back to the familiar rut.

Imagination can help prepare us for the best case scenarios. Try to imagine everything going right. Imagine what life would feel like if you had the things you've been missing. Now notice how your mind might be having difficulty doing that. Notice how your mind will come up with reasons why the best case scenarios can't come true. Notice how it feels uncomfortable to imagine having what you really want.

Contentment can be scary.

This discomfort is what keeps us in our stuck ways of thinking.
Stuck ways of thinking keep us stuck in disempowering beliefs.
Disempowering beliefs keep us from taking boldly positive action.
Without boldly positive action, how can things ever get better?

I'll be talking about getting out of ruts at my next seminar
on May 17th and is called
"The Life You're Not Living:
How to Create an Inspired Life Instead of Just Wishing for One"
We'll teach you how to be motivated, how to defeat negative thinking,
and how to do your best when it means the most!
with Prof Lisa Sargese and Coach Darren Ventre of 'All Out Athletes'

8:40pm
Friday May 17th
Trento's Martial Arts and Fitness
322 Rochelle Ave
Rochelle Park, NJ
(201) 203-0773
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Dorothy Meets Alice

2013-05-04T23:59:00.000-04:00

Oz.
Wonderland.
Lisa's life.
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Need Money to Heal the World

2013-05-03T22:56:00.000-04:00

A dream is about to come true.
I don't know how, I just know it will.

There is space available to renovate and decorate what will become an office suite/classroom area for hypnosis, aromatherapy, Qi Therapy, and healing. Let's say a few or ten thousand dollars would bring this place up to code. The talents and imagination of loved ones will make it hospitable and pretty. The location is ideal. People already want to use the space. I would use it as a speaker and practitioner.

Money needs to bubble up from the earth like golden lava to pay for this.

I just spent an hour or so researching how to get financing for a small business. The grants don't really apply to what I have in mind nor do I fit the bill as a grant recipient. I'm a woman but not a minority. I'm not starting up in a disadvantaged area. I'm not in a Hurricane Sandy recovery zone. I'm not going to be a government contractor. I don't provide jobs or housing to minorities. The soup nazi said, "No soup for you!"

I could try to get loan money. I'd rather not go into debt when I could JUST EARN THE MONEY.

I'm picking my battles here. I could spend all kinds of energy trying to find and write for grants that I don't believe I qualify for OR I could plow forward and attract the money through the actual work of healing and teaching.

When I imagined what I could do and asked in prayer for a vision of what to do, it just seemed brighter, easier, more fun and more effective to plow forward by attracting the money through the healing/teaching work.

Onward with project Attract All the Money!! Part of this project will be to pretend the space is already there, decorated, heated/air conditioned, comfy, and accessible. I can just book events and appointments as if the space is there. I do have a place to do workshops in the meantime. I can do house calls for healings. I can give talks at different venues.

ALSO I will be looking for investors. Yep. Crowdfunding.
I'm doing it.

Today my mother told me, "Leees! Live life with no regrets!"

You got it, Mom.

And I have all this piss and vinegar in me at this late hour when I'm tired and need to go to bed. Imagine how on fire I'll be in the light of day!!

I'm excited.

Also, if you have ideas please email me Belovedideas@yahoo.com
I am always open to ideas.

It's time to heal the world!

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The Hands of Miss La Dee Da

2013-05-02T23:59:00.000-04:00

"We are what we do.

Some people

don’t like the sound of that,

but it really is true.

Because what you do with your life

says more about you than what you say.

Words can lie,

but the body and the hands do not.

Your work is a sacred thing, a vocation.

And because of your hands,

you carry the story of your work

with you all the days of your life."

- Gordon Atkinson

Brahms' Requiem is over an hour long.
When I bought tickets for the spring concert at my university, I thought I was planning to see a gospel choir. I wasn't really sure what I was in for.

A colleague of mine was singing in the chorus. That's all I knew.

I purchased the tickets for me and two friends who enjoy music and who had sung in major chorales in the past. I didn't check the program. I didn't know the choir would be singing in German. I didn't expect that the rigor of the music would make singers pass out backstage from exhaustion (I found out afterwards).

I also didn't expect the majestic presence of the choirmaster.

Of course choristers have a strong leadership air about them. They're conducting 200 member choirs. They must exude leadership the way a hurricane exudes moisture.

And so it was with the magnificent choir mistress who commanded the university choir this past Saturday.

I fell in love with her hands.

I remember the way my hands looked when I was in my 20s and 30s. My hands were pretty, they always have been. I had long, strong fingernails. My fingers have a pretty shape to them, but when I was younger I would look at my hands and think, "hmph. no character."

When I was in my 20's and 30's I would look at the hands of women in their middle age and older with envy because their hands were so interesting. Their hands were expressive. Their hands looked like they had gained strength over time, like the way silverware acquires patina. Middle aged hands had done things worth talking about. They were graceful and tough. I admired them.

I've reached that age where I'm in love with my own hands. My hands are what I want them to be: broken in and beautiful.

That's what the choir master's hands looked like to me. They were ideal. They spoke their presence to hundreds of singers and hundreds of audience members. They commanded respect. They were formidable.

I may have anxiety about getting older because truly I want to live a good long time, but I have no anxiety about the way my hands look. They know things. They tell things. They've lived.

Seeing the choir conductor's magnificent hands working their magic on Saturday reminded me of what I once longed for, what I admire, and what I have to be grateful for.

Her hands had attitude.
Her hands thought who the hell they were.
Those were the hands of Miss La Dee Da.

I'm happy to be a La Dee Da lady with La Dee Da hands.
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