Of the Soul Blog

Adult Children of Addicts

2012-02-16T21:13:00.000-08:00

          I guess this theme is still on my mind since my last post, On Souls Slipping Away, Addiction, and the Death of Whitney Houston. In that post I mention how people raised by and around addicts may have developed coping strategies that no longer serve them in their lives presently. The dynamics of addiction don't only apply to alcoholism. Any addiction can be hurtful to the well-being of a family, such as sexual, gambling or narcotic addictions. Despite the circumstances, the impact is always similar and the self esteem and coping strategies of the adult child of an addict are negatively affected.

           It is difficult hanging in there and dealing with these deep, troubling issues, and it is with tremendous courage that people do. The organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics, attempts to address this issue. Like Alcoholics Anonymous, it is not run by psychiatrists or other therapists. Rather, it consists of groups of people who are aware of having been negatively impacted by family addiction, and they support one another during their recovery processes. Each person's path is different, yet each shares similar enough experiences with the others.

           Below are The Problem (and its shorter version, The Laundry List), as stated by the organization's creed, The Solution, and an editorial titled, Gratitude, A Universal Language, written by an anonymous member citing the benefit he or she received from this organization.

The Problem

Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional household. We had come to feel isolated and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we became peoplepleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. All the same we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat. We either became alcoholics (or practiced other addictive behavior) ourselves, or married them, or both. Failing that, we found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment.

We lived life from the standpoint of victims. Having an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We got guilt feelings when we stood up for ourselves rather than giving in to others. Thus, we became reactors rather than actors, letting others take the initiative. We were dependent personalities, terrified of abandonment, willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally. Yet, we kept choosing insecure relationships because they matched our childhood relationship with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents.

Some children of alcoholics become
addicted to alcohol themselves, and
it can start at a young age. Others,
may not actually start drinking, but
may develop other addictive behaviors
to deal with the stresses of life.

These symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction made us ‘co-victims’, those who take on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink. We learned to keep our feelings down as children and kept them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, we confused love with pity, tending to love those we could rescue. Even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable relationships. This is a description, not an indictment.

The Laundry List
(14 Traits of an Adult Child)

These are characteristics we seem to have in common due to being brought up in an alcoholic household.

1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.

3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.

4. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.

5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.

6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This enables us not to look too closely at our own faults.

7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in
to others.

8. We became addicted to excitement.

9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."

10. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial).

11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.

12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.

13. Alcoholism is a family disease; we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of the disease even though we did not pick up the drink.

14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

The Solution

As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears that you have keep inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carry-overs from the past. You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions. You will recover the child within you, learning to love and accept yourself.

The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation. Feelings and buried memories will return. By gradually releasing the burden of unexpressed grief, we slowly move out of the past. We learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect.

This process allows us to see our biological parents as the instruments of our existence. Our actual parent is a Higher Power whom some of us choose to call God. Although we had alcoholic or dysfunctional parents, our Higher Power gave us the Twelve Steps of Recovery.

This is the action and work that heals us: we use the Steps; we use the meetings; we use the telephone. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other. We learn to restructure our sick thinking one day at a time. When we release our
parents from responsibility for our actions today, we become free to make healthful decisions as actors, not reactors. We progress from hurting, to healing, to helping. We awaken to a sense of wholeness we never knew was possible.

By attending these meetings on a regular basis, you will come to see parental alcoholism or family dysfunction for what it is: a disease that infected you as a child and continues to affect you as an adult. You will learn to keep the focus on yourself
in the here and now. You will take responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting.

You will not do this alone. Look around you and you will see others who know how you feel. We love and encourage you no matter what. We ask you accept us just as we accept you.

This is a spiritual program based on action coming from love. We are sure that as the love grows inside you, you will see beautiful changes in all your relationships, especially with your Higher Power, yourself, and your parents.

Gratitude, A Universal Language
[by an anonymous member]

           At a recent Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting, I gratefully and enthusiastically stated that everything I enjoy in my life today is a gift of ACA. Driving home later, of course, my inner critic began to question the statement, and I worried for a moment that I had seriously exagger- things" in my life, I realized again the truth of my claim.

          Self-love? Self-acceptance? Forgiveness? I felt none of those before working the ACA Twelve Steps. Healthy boundaries? Didn’t have them. A loving Higher Power? Didn’t know one. Freedom from decades of in-ternalized shame and fear? Didn’t even think it was a possibility.

          My checklist continued: Steady employment. Friends. A connected-ness to myself and others. Feelings. Discernment. Sanity. A re-awakening of my spirit. The ability to ask for what I need. The courage to be direct. A chance to love my family members "where they are" today. Clarity to act, instead of react. Awareness of who I am. Knowledge that I am enough. Opportunity to build the safe and emotionally sober relation-ships I have always wanted and deserved.

          These are the gifts of my program. These are the things I’m grateful for.

          My sponsor once told me that when we find ourselves grateful beyond what words can describe, it’s best to let our actions speak for us - giving back through service and by carrying the message to others who still suf-fer. As you will see on the following pages of this ComLine issue, grateful members of the ACA fellowship now span the globe and are giving back in a unique and remarkable way: by translating the fellowship’s literature into many of the major languages of the world.

          From the ACA World Service Organization committee which coordi-nates the translation process, to each individual member of each language committee translating the Big Red Book one page at a time, every effort is an act of voluntary service. Every translated word is an act of grati-tude. And as a fellowship, we thankfully accept the work of our recover-ing fellow travelers eager to share the hope and promises of ACA.

___________________________________________

On Souls Slipping Away, Addiction, and the Death of Whitney Houston

2012-02-11T20:59:00.001-08:00

Bittersweet memories, that is all I'm taking with me.

So, goodbye ...please, don't cry.

Whitney Houston, 1963 - 2012

It is said we undergo a life review upon our transitioning

back to the spirit plane ("death"), which makes this video

all the more haunting now, as Whitney, as she starred in

the movie, "The Bodyguard," watches scenes of her life

pass her by. Her leaving on an airplane is also quite a

metaphor to me personally, in light of a dream I had once...

The "door" of the airplane in my dream

was actually a noren, fabric hung

in doorways and windows in Japan,
like this one in a small apartment. They

represent a change in venue, literally and
metaphorically.

Death as an Airplane Trip

Singer Whitney Houston, who passed away today, is taking a long trip in Spirit to what some call the "life between lives." The internet of course is plastered with news of her death, and today when I saw the video above embedded in a news report, it reminded me of a dream I had about my mom many years before she passed to spirit. It was one of those uncanny dreams, the kind where you're pretty shaken up when you awaken, and it stays on your mind for weeks, maybe months ...or in this case, years. It was that kind of dream.

She had been born and raised in Japan, and made her transition to spirit in 2008. In the dream, she and I were at a small, private airstrip on a forebodying, windy and overcast day. She stood at the doorway of a private jet, saying things to me mentally because, for some reason, we weren't able to speak to each other verbally. So, she gave me advice, opinons on this and that, various admonitions, telepathically. Afterward, we bowed in the formal Japanese way. Then, she closed the door, and took a seat.

As the jet lifted off, she continued to speak to me telepathically. She took my consciousness on a tour of the plane, room by room, though my body was still standing at the airstrip. As we toured the plane, she explained that she would be on a long trip, so she might as well get used to it there. She had a sense of resignation, but she knew it was trip she had to make by herself. I admired her courage, her ability to gracefully and silently accept her fate. She would have called it, "the Japanese way."

I regularly have precognitive dreams like this. They often come to me in symbolic language. Most of the time I know what they mean, but sometimes I don't. At the time of that dream, my mom was very active and vibrant, perfectly healthy. She worked hard, and had lots of hobbies and friends. So, I had no idea that the airplane trip dream represented aspects of her death, many years later. Why did I dream that dream? All the small details of the dream, such as our not being able to speak to one another, were quite accurate. It would only be after her death that I would know for sure the dream had been precognitive in nature, not just a fluke.

You could ask, "Why why why? Why do I have these dreams?" when you dream things like this. It could happen to anyone, not just "professional psychics," and while it can at times be peace-giving, much of the time it's exasperating. Sometimes people who perceive precognitive information feel guilty, as though they might have somehow created the tragedy they knew was going to happen. This is especially traumatizing for children who spontaneously "see death" as a dark shadow within the auric fields of people who do, indeed, die not long after the child's prediction.

I think it's best to train yourself to just observe and make note of the information (even if it's about you!), then simply file it away. As alarming as it may seem to you, it's not wise to volunteer this information to people, unless an opportunity arises when you are absolutely sure it is 100% necessary and appropriate to do so. You'll know the difference. Otherwise, it does more harm than good, because disclosing unsolicited psychic information would be more for your ego's sake, than for the benefit of anyone around you.

Slipping Away

Some people start slipping away, little by little, long before their bodies actually die. I believe that had been the case with Whitney Houston. Through decades of her cycle of drug abuse and rehab, I saw an early death "on" her. And it wasn't hard to see, really. I saw the same thing on Amy Winehouse, another singer who recently passed. I see it now on a few other celebrities. Something "left" from within them, vital parts of their souls, and it never takes long before their bodies leave, too. There seems to be some deep, inner pain drugs and alcohol can't numb. The pain won't go away, so the people choose to, instead.

It's not uncommon for us to step out of our bodies when we are in great distress. Many rape victims describe a sense that they had stepped out of their bodies and seemingly watched the assault on their bodies from somewhere outside themselves. Since ancient times, it has been the traditional duty of shamans around the world to help "bring back" the parts of us, our "soul parts," which feel too traumatized to return to our bodies on their own. In Spanish the phenomena is called susto, "soul fright."

My mother had already been slipping away from this life long before she died. This is common with people who are close to death, especially when suffering from longterm illness, as my mother had been. They are eager to get out of there, and they succeed in doing so occassionally, though they may not even be conscious of it. On the contrary, they, and those with whom they share these experiences, may dismiss these occurences as odd dreams or random reveries. But mediums, people who are sensitive to the presence of spirit beings, may perceive when sick people have slipped out of their bodies, temporarily for relief or even for good.

So, on several occassions my mother had visited me in her spirit form, while her body, alive and not even comatose, laid ill in the hospital bed. Thanks to these little visits with me, I feel I had had a chance to say my goodbyes to her, though she and I were not able to communicate verbally before she died. Just as she had in the dream, she had a chance to lovingly give me advice, express her opinions about different things, and share her hopes for my future in this lifetime. This gave me great relief and joy then, as it does now.

Adult Children of Addicts

          Whitney Houston's adult daughter, Bobbi Christina, no longer has a mother in this life. But perhaps it wouldn't surprise us if she told us that she felt she already lost her mother, and even her father, Bobby Brown, to addiction many years ago. She may feel she never really knew them, their real non-addictive selves, in the first place. These are common feelings of a child when one or both parents, or other primary caregivers, are addicts. I speak from my own experience: I, my brother and mother lived with a volatile, unpredictable addict. Also, I have lost a few close relatives, as well as a very dear friend, to their addictions, too.

          Today, the world lost yet another talented artist to hers.

          There are so many dimensions of our lives that get affected by the dynamic of addiction. Years ago, I was traumatized about a close relative who was slipping away due to her fear of leaving a violent spouse. There was growing susto within her being. You could see it. Once, she reached out to me for help, though she was opposed to getting professional help of any kind. I called a women's shelter's hotline for advice as to what to do. To my chagrin, the counselor told me, "You can be there for her, but she has want to do this herself. Other than that, you can't help her. At this point, there's nothing you can do."

          Despite my assurances of my support, this relative would just not get help. As Whitney Houston had done before the public eye, she too slowly stopped being the person our family knew. I watched her die a death, before her actual death. Her soul left her body more and more with each passing year. What metamorphosized before us was no longer her, but drugs and alcohol taking their toll inside her. Not surprisingly, we finally ended up burying her two years ago.

          Now, her spirit visits me occassionally, reminding me of when we took community college courses together in our early twenties --she wants me to remember her looking and sounding exactly as she did then. She wants me to really feel that energy, to remember the sense of happiness we had. I had gone on to finish with a bachelor's degree; she never did. But looking alive and healthy from Spirit, none of that matters to her at all anymore. She cheerfully says to me, "I always admired how smart you were, Elisa," wanting me to remember the happy times, and let the subsequent painful times go from my mind. "So, stop moping around thinking like that, cut it out! Be happy, and live your life, for now!" But nevertheless, her loss still pains me to this day. I think it always will.

          Below are several resources that will help you deal with your own addiction, or with that of loved ones around you. Use them. Don't be like the relatives and friends I have lost. If you are the child of an addict, or have loved ones whose addictions affect your life, realize that there is only so far you could go to help them. I have learned that you have to accept that they may be choosing to slip away, for their own reasons, which are usually rooted in some kind of deep, inner pain that, even with your best efforts, you can not heal. Continue to love them, offer to help in any way, but respect and accept their choice to take whatever route they take with their addiction. A lot of pain comes from this experience, I know. So, it's all the more important you take care of your own mind and body, best you can. That's all you can do. Continue to love, always.

_____________________________________

Resources:

Alcoholics Anonymous is a respected
program that gets results. The meetings
are conducted by every day people like
you and me, not therapists or social
workers, etc. So everybody is on the
same page. They laugh together,
they cry together, they grow together.
If you know you have a drinking problem and want help, go to a local meeting. It's a first step
toward recovery. As a rule, new visitors don't have to talk if they don't want to,
so there's no pressure on you to "perform." Just go, and work on
healing yourself.

While AA helps those addicted to alcohol, Al-Anon is a
program that helps the families and friends of the addicts.
Often, the family or friends of the addict need help as much
as the addict does, just in a different way. Chances
are that in the course of dealing with your addicted loved one
you may have developed coping strategies that are not
productive to your life in the long run, not in your best interest.
You will find other people going through the same thing you're
going through, along with other valuable resources.

The 12-step format of AA was so successful that it inspired a
similar program to develop for those addicted to narcotics,
NA. NA is a worldwide organization and it won't be hard
for you to find a nearby meeting.

Here are links to a variety of 12-step groups
for help in recovery for other addictions: List of Twelve Step Groups

We are so fortunate to have Sunlight of the

Spirit Books and Gifts in Sacramento. If you are
an addict looking for help, or are the loved one of
an addict and you need help in coping with it, this
store has a knowledgeable and caring staff to point
you in the right direction. The store also carries a
massive collection of recovery-themed books, tons.
Many people even visit just for the tranquil atmos-
phere. You can also order items online through
their website. [click on the logo above to visit]

A Scientific Proposal for the Paranormal

2012-02-05T21:22:00.000-08:00

by T. Lee Bauman, M.D.

"How times change. Science and paranormality

are converging, and this convergence further

reinforces the realization that our spirits do

survive bodily death." --Dr. T. Lee Bauman

In this article, condensed from the Winter 2011 issue of Signs of Life, the newsletter of The Forever Family Foundation, Dr. T. Lee Bauman shares his increasing belief in the unity between science and spirituality.

God as Light

Eraser Experiment
(artwork by Spencer)

Science is the bedrock of my spirituality. Unlike my closest relatives, I could never accept the concept of God based upon faith alone. As a past atheist, I remain amazed that some thirty years later, I am now a staunch believer in God based upon science.[...]

The ramifications of [David] Cohen's work [a University of Illinois physicist] were monumental. His research verfied my own findings, though I carried my conclusions further: Pure energy, in the form of a universal electromagnetic network encompasses consciousnes...is spirit....is God....and will survive all eternity. All matter throughout the Universe (Einstein's "m" in E=mc2) ultimately reduces to this energy, "E."

All electromagnetic radiation consists of information, is timeless, and embodies such amazing features as to leave Nobel Prize winning physicists describing it as "impossible" (Rocjard Feynman) and "shocking (Niels Bohr). Indeed, because of Light's quantum properites, I summarize its four main attributes with adjectives typically reserved to describe God: omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent (the three omnis), and conscious.

Such qualities support the real possibility that thought, consciousness, prayer, clairvoyance, mental telepathy, dreams, instinct, the near-death experience, and other paranormal activities are all embodied within this vast electromagnetic spectrum --arguments that have convinced me that God literally is Light. Indeed, if our thoughts are truly intermingling within this ubiquitous electromagnetic network, then they may also interact with the timelessness of spirits, past and future.

Timelessness Proven

Imagine timelessness. Scientists must have been stunned when they completed the first quantum eraser experiment which revealed this remarkable quantum characteristic. This experiment utlized photons of light traveling through an experimental set-up consisting of three parts: a beginning, middle and an end. The results were truly unbelievable. Modifications made in the experimental set-up at the end of the experiment caused light to alter its path in the middle of the experiment!

This was not supposed to happen. According to accepted Newtonian physics, changes in an experiment should only alter results after the point of change. The worldly environment that we live in is like that. If you perform an action now, it is not going to alter what you did yesterday. Yet, that is exactly what the quantum eraser experiment revealed. In their disbelief, the reseachers repeated and even modified the experiment multiple times and on multiple levels. Yet, the results were always the same. A change in one arm of the experiment resulted in changes in another part of the experiment --parts where such changes were not possible.

Still, the results were possible according to Einstein's special theory of relativity. This now-proven doctrine states that Light exists outside of the time and does not have to abide by time's mandate of chronology. In fact, the quantum eraser experiment shows precisely that photons are travelling to the end of the experiment and making changes in their pathways (retrospectively) --in the middle of the experiment. Impossible! Through Einstein's insight, we can now explain these findings, though they still remain unbelieveable: time does not exist for any electromagnetic wave, which necessarily must encompass our thoughts.

The fact that gifted mediums and psychics can see, perceive, or "hear" deceased (or even future) spirits should no longer be viewed as impossible from the scientific perspective. Such clairvoyant sensitivity is supported now by this science, and supporters of the paranormal have embraced this science. It is now time for scientists to accept evidence of paranormality. [...]

Messages From -and To- the Beyond

          [Still, my] advice...for any recipient [of a psychic reading is] to review all paranormal communiques with care, intelligence, and sound reasoning --just as you would a newpaper editorial. Apply common sense and discretion before allowing either depression or euphoria to overwhelm your good senses.

          Consider also that our mental consciousness is a two-way street. Not only are we recipients of these cosmic transmissions, but our minds are also miniature radio transmitters adding constantly to the Universal cosmic consciousness. It was [through] this realization that I first comprehended that my most intimate thoughts were not private. The research I have discussed argues that our thoughts travel out to space where they can be intercepted by any intelligent presence: divine, spirit, or human.

           Despite all the pros and cons in interpretation [of psychic messages], I believe the positive elements of most paranormal activity far outweigh the negative. For the most part, our Universe is a good place. Futher, I remain appreciative in knowing that there now exists a credible scientific basis for these phenomena. How times change. Science and paranormality are converging, and this convergence further reinforces the realization that our spirits do survive bodily death.

T. Lee Baumann, M.D. is a medical consultant in Birmingham, Alabama. In addition to his years in private practice, Dr. Baumann has been a medical administrator and a biology instructor. He holds medical certifications in internal medicine, geriatrics, and medical management. He is the author of God at the Speed of Light: The Melding of Science and Spirituality, Window to God: A Physician's Spiritual Pilgrimage, and The Akashic Light: Religion's Common Thread. And he appears in the documentaries, The Evidence for Heaven and The Search for Heaven. Visit his website: God at the Speed of Light: T.Lee Baumann's NDE and Physics Research. (www.writers.net)

Change is Gonna Come: Gwen Olsen and Jennifer Shaw Expose the Pharmaceutical World

2012-01-24T21:35:00.000-08:00

"If you feel like this, then you need

this pill." That's the usual format

for fear-inducing, late-night drug

info-mercials.

          One of the most insidious, "hidden in plain sight" crimes against humanity right now, in my opinion, is the damage done by drug corporations and their cohorts, especially in America. I first noticed something weird going on many years ago, when commercials advertising drugs began popping up regularly on television. The commercials usually describe a litany of symptoms the viewer is "probably" suffering from.

          Then, they go so far as advising viewers to immediately go tell their doctors they want a prescription for this or that pill, how it's going to save them. Wait --the patients diagnosing themselves, then telling their doctors to medicate them and with what ...isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Clearly, there is a problem here.

           It didn't take much further research for me to understand the disconcerting, deadly collusion going on behind those commercials. For all the good pharmaceutical corporations do, and the good many, many doctors do every day, growing perscription drug abuse is blatantly fueled by the utter greed of many from both these parties. And they get full support from a dark cadre of characters happily leaching from their lucrative racket: politicians, special interest groups, lobbyists and still many others.

Troubling Testimonies

Is making a profit wrong? No. Is mass-producing and selling medicines wrong? Of course not. But is intentionally selling drugs with known (and in many cases, unknown) negative side-effects to a populace using disinformation-based fear tactics, and doling out generous kickbacks to licensed medical doctors so they'll push them on people, the least bit wrong somehow? Karmically, and in every other way, on every level, yes.

Some people involved in this criminal system do change their ways. Their consciences could only take so much. The two women below went public with the realities of this world, exposing it by writing books about it and speaking publically. There are many others who have done the same, but these two testimonies give a glimpse of the insidiousness of what we're dealing with, and why it won't be an easy problem to fix.

Gwen Olsen, formerly a successful drug sales rep,
experienced this world from both sides of the fence.
After personal tragedy and the resultant soul-searching
it inspired, she became an outspoken activist against
this corrupt, deadly industry, hoping to be "a voice"
for these victims, consisting mostly of children and the elderly.

Jennifer Shaw talks about her life as a Big Pharma rep.
I don't even know what to say about the claims made

in this video ...that reps have laptops monitoring every

time a patient gets a prescription filled at a pharmacy,

that doctors who write the most prescriptions get "highly

ranked" and paid generous "speaker's fees" at pharma-

ceutical conventions, and many other perks.

Educating, Rather than Medicating

The best we can do is educate ourselves. And rather than assume a pharmaceutical cure is the only possibility (our knee-jerk reaction in America --indeed, Big Pharma has trained us very well), I invite people to keep an open mind as to other opportunities and methods for alleviating symptoms.

For instance, I have experienced how powerful incorporating herbal supplements into the diet could be (preferably under the advisement of a professional herbalist, especially if the symptoms are serious). This tends to help balance the overall body, and as a positive side-effect alleviate one's symptoms. In future articles, I'll share some simple, common remedies I found worked well for me, to my surprise. The Chinese and many other cultures around the world have successfully used plants in this way for thousands of years, and continue to do so today.

Of course, I suspect we will not see America's Food & Drug Administration acknowledge the efficacy of these time-tested treatments any time soon. Why? Because one can't turn a nice profit on a plant grown and harvested in the average citizen's backyard, or obtained for a few dollars from a trusted, knowledgeable local herbalist. That's why labels on bottles of herbs sold in health stores read, "This product has not been evaluated by the FDA...," blah, blah. Until a significant change comes, they and others will continue benefitting from campaigns of fear and misinformation for the sake of profit. And we will continue suffering.

Listening to the Message of an Illness

I'm not saying don't consult with a physician when not feeling well. On the contrary, I always recommend seeing a doctor, getting an examination and tests done if need be, along with second or third opinions for any serious stuff. But I also suggest people bring a sense of mindfulness to their health care. I suggest they take a deeper look at their entire lives, beyond just the symptoms from which they may be suffering.

Awareness is the most powerful cure of all. Sometimes illnesses may be trying to point us to changes we need to make in our lives. For instance, I have noticed many symptoms could easily be cured by simple changes in one's diet. People with celiac disease and other food-related illnesses will tell you that. I've experienced this myself. You may be surprised how what you eat may be affecting you, unawares. A symptom or suite of symptoms may simply be a strong allergic reaction to a particular food, or foods, and the illness may be trying to tell us to change our diets.

Sometimes one's symptoms are a reaction to something in the environment, like manmade chemicals or organic phenomena, and the illness is serving to make us aware of our sensitivities to it. Not long ago, after a trip to the emergency ward and having to use an inhaler afterward, I discovered I was allergic to outdoor mold after it rains. Later, at the suggestion of an herbalist, I substituted the inhaler with homeopathic drops under my tongue (which are just trace amounts of the mold itself, suspended in water), and a mask after it rains (if I have to be outside immediately). With these simple changes, I no longer needed prescription allergy pills and albuterol inhalers --seems I never needed them in the first place.

Ayurveda is an ancient Indian

health care system which asserts

that mental and physical health

are interconnected. Its practice

is currently experiencing a
worldwide resurgence

Of particular interest to me is how our thoughts about people and situations, and the emotions we cause ourselves to feel as a result of how we frame those thoughts in our minds (it isn't someone or something else's "fault"), actually make us physically ill!

When this is the case, medicating the depression, panic or anxiety attacks, sleeplessness, skin rashes, ulcers or other symptoms brought on by staying in a bad situation isn't the answer. The illness itself may be telling us to, for instance, leave that toxic, dysfunctional relationship or work environment, or to speak up for ourselves on an issue about which we've been too quiet. Changes like these are at times all the healing we need.

A Change is Gonna Come

I am not hoping these corporations go out of business one day --far from it. Their products and services are needed, and they employ a whole lot of people, around the world. I am hoping, however, that they will change their way of doing business, have a change of heart as Gwen did. I'm hoping they will one day discover and appreciate the value, both economically and spiritually, of the concept of "right livelihood," and choose to embrace and uphold that concept in their business practices. There's no reason one can't make a good living while working in an ethical business.

I believe all this will change for the better as more people gain awareness of what's really going on within their own bodies and minds, as well as within the world itself. And I think a time will come when more and more of us will just get sick and tired of the greed, manipulation, abuse and even death perpetuated by those connected with drug corporations, the ones who are supposed to be making us better, healing us. I hope --no, I know the courageous work of people like Gwen Olsen will be instrumental in positive, long-overdue changes in the pharmaceutical industry, indeed, in the world.

Americans of all color and age need to fight,

literally for their lives, against the power and influence

of the deadly pharmaceutical racket. This song,

recorded in the 1960s by the late Sam Cooke, was

about racial segregation. But its message is as

relevant about this topic today as it was about

that one then, that a change needs to happen.

Change will only come when Americans wake up, fight

back, and take control of their own well-being.

(and ladies, hope you enjoy the eye candy, lol).

_____________________________________

Resources:

Confessions of an RX Drug Pusher,
by Gwen Olson

Big Pharma's Sexy Little Secret,
by Jennifer Shaw

Holiday Stress: 6 Ways To Deal With Difficult Family Members During The Holidays

2011-12-15T10:23:00.000-08:00

by Therese Borchard
Author of Beyond Blue and
The Pocket Therapist
www.thereseborchard.com

I make it a point to watch comedy

on Netflix a couple times a week,
or better yet go see live stand-up,
as part of my lifelong laughter

therapy treatments ...a life with-
out laughter is no life at all.
--Elisa

George Burns once said: "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." So that would explain why the holidays are so stressful. Those dear relatives who live in San Francisco suddenly are lingering in front of your refrigerator in Cincinnati, Ohio and you have to figure out a socially acceptable way of setting the table together, resisting the urge to re-expose the childhood wounds that you've learned to protect.

Here are a few tips I use in interacting with those family members who tend to wake my grumpy inner child, triggering an ugly tantrum right about the time Santa shows up with his loot.

1. Repeat: It's Not About Me

You think it's about you when your brother calls you a "selfish, lazy, son of a something," but actually it's not. He may point his finger at you and say, "You. I'm talking about you." But he's really not. He is seeing something that has nothing to do with who you are.

Don Miguel Ruiz says this in his classic book, The Four Agreements:

What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds... Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians... But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell.

That's good news for all of us who make a habit of taking everything personally. It frees us to be ourselves, even when charged with a character flaw backed by supposed evidence.

2. Befriend Yourself

During the stressful holiday season, or

any time of the year really, your "inner

child" might have fun suggestions for

blowing off steam. Go for it! --Elisa

Much of the dysfunctional dynamics tolerated during the holidays are rooted in the painful memories of the past. So I go back to the place in history where I first acquired my scars. I return to the original story -- for example, as a fourth grader depressed and anxious who has just learned her dad left home -- and comfort that scared child as my adult self. I might say to her, "It's not about you. His leaving has nothing to do with who you are. You are loved. You are enough."

When I feel the similar pangs of abandonment or rejection coming on over the holidays, I address the kid as would a loving adult. Once you get good at this, you can be a friend to yourself, which comes in handy if you have no direct support in your immediate family. Talk to the pissed off third-grader who was just picked last at gym, and tell him that the bullies making fun of him now will all grow up to be losers with disgusting beer guts.

3. Make a Plan

You would be wise to start strategizing before the doorbell rings about where you are going to sit, what conversations you will have, how you will respond to sensitive issues, and boring questions you can ask to fill the uncomfortable voids. You might invent five or so canned retorts to be used when unjustly interrogated, or compile a list of necessary exit plans should you reach the about-to-lose-it-in-a-big-way point. Visualizations can also help. For example, picture yourself inside a bubble, with an invisible layer protecting you from the toxic stuff on the outside.

4. Carry a Blankie

You don't have to give up your blankie when you're two. Just your pacifier. To give me an extra shot of strength to make it through certain family functions, I carry a token in my pocket: a necklace a friend made for me that says, "Seeking Wisdom," a key chain with the Serenity prayer engraved on it, my St. Therese medal that I squeezed during the two years of my deep depression, my sobriety chip to remind myself of the years I've managed without booze, a favorite prayer, or a photo of my Aunt Gigi or another mental health hero. I will use everything and anything that reminds me that I am okay the way I am, and to trust the process, even though it feels mighty uncomfortable at the present hour.

5. Wait Before Speaking

        If everyone waited two seconds before emitting toxic emotions into the environment, we might have world peace. We'd definitely have fewer automobile accidents, and then maybe all of us could afford automobile insurance! In the pregnant pause between thinking and speaking, your neurons make the essential leap from the amygdala, or fear center of the brain, which processes stimuli like a hormonal teenager, to the more evolved and sophisticated part of the brain.

        Before the pause: "I've always guessed that you were an idiot, and you've just confirmed that."

        After the pause: "I'm sorry... I have to run to the restroom... but hold that thought... [or, actually, don't]"

6. Allow Time to Recover

The healing effect of nature

is one of the top remedies

for stress. --Elisa

Even if you've practiced your visualizations, arranged a safe seating chart, devised seven respectable responses to expected questions, and filled your pockets with blankies, you may come away from an evening with difficult family members feeling shattered, bruised and deflated. That's normal! As my therapist recently said to me, "Just because you anticipate and prepare for the blows doesn't mean the blows won't hurt." Therefore, allow some needed recovery time after the dinner or weekend or, if you're really unlucky, week of family feud.

.

Dr. Steven Greer and the Extraterrestrial Disclosure Project

2011-12-10T20:09:00.001-08:00

Part I

Dr. Greer meets with the producers of New Paradigm Films, based in Norway. He explains his background, and the experience with extraterrestrial contact in his early life that initiated his lifelong interest in this topic. He explains the purpose, goals and methods of the organizations he founded [see links below].

Then he addresses the questions:
* How did you get [high profile military and governmental] people to come forward with their stories publicly? (@6min)
* How did you reach the officials in government? (@9min)
* Why the secrecy [and motivation behind repressing the information]? (@11:30min)

Click below to see Parts II, III and IV...

.
Part II

Dr. Greer continues to discuss the methods of and motivations behind psychological warfare through disinformation [fear, ridicule or overt suppression] via mainstream media outlets.

.
Part III

Dr. Greer addresses the questions:
* Why don't these visitors make themselves more visible or obvious? (@2:20min)
* [Please expand on the] information and disinformation [surrounding this subject] (@7:34min)
* [What is the] status of the Disclosure Project? (@11:50min)
* [What are the] spiritual implications [of all this]? (@14:20)

.
Part IV

Finally, Dr. Greer concludes his thoughts about the spiritual implications of his work, and how he believes we are not alone in the cosmos (@2:12)

To learn more, please visit:
The Disclosure Project
Center for the Study of Extraterrestrial Intelligence (CSETI)
CSETI's YouTube Channel

.

The Energy of Relationships: Hold on Loosely!

2011-12-07T20:13:00.001-08:00

You see it all around you, good lovin' gone bad
And usually it's too late when you realize what you had

So hold on loosely, but don't let go
If you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control

Your baby needs someone to believe in
...and a whole lotta' space to breathe in!

--.38 Special (rock band)

Relationship Containers

Our relationships with

others are unique

ecosystems, dynamic,

ever-changing

containers of energy.

A reader friend of mine, Chris, sees relationships as "containers" of energy. He contends the energy of couplehood is like a separate entity, that it has its own life, personality, strong points and weaknesses. He stresses we would do well to honor that space, as it's all too easy to take it for granted. When the newness and intensity starts wearing off, what was once the wonder of walking side by side with another soul becomes a sense of being weighted and tethered to him or her, a dreaded sense of "ownership." The container is no longer honored and cherished.

Robert Ohotto, a popular astrologer, stresses that the "bottle" of relationship-energy needs to stay "open," that fresh, positive energy needs to freely circulate into and out of it. This means the parties involved need to feel free to explore their respective souls, free to express and grow their authentic selves. If not, it's like a stopper is "bottle necking" the relationship. The couple's individual spirits will start asphyxiating, and their relationship-energy will suffocate and die before long.

When I started doing readings and did my first "relationship reading," I discovered that in my clairvoyance, relationship-energy can look like a body that even has its own chakra system! I was surprised that I could read it just like I read an individual's energy system.

Dynamics within the Container

When I was a little girl watching
"I Dream of Jeannie" reruns, I
used to marvel how Jeannie had
that neat little world inside that itty-

bitty bottle. The "inner world" of
our love relationships needs to be
supported, honored and cherished.

         A couple's "collective energy" is composed of all the thoughts they think about each other, the words they say to (and about) each other, and their actions. It can be loving energy, it can be quite toxic and caustic, and it can be everything else in between! No matter what "front" the couple tries to portray to everyone (and sadly, to themselves), their energy won't lie. The truth of the quality of their relationship-energy eventually catches up with them, and they will have to deal with that truth.

        The various dynamics within these containers can be interesting. For example, while individually both parties may have healthy crown chakras, the crown chakra of their collective relationship-energy "body," however, may be quite imbalanced. In an actual reading once, I saw this very dynamic and perceived that the sense of life purpose for one party, didn't agree with that of the other party. I clairvoyantly "saw" both their heads within their mutual crown chakra --but one was looking off into one direction, the other was looking into the opposite direction. They had no intention of walking down the same path together in life. They weren't "heading" in the same direction.

        While I saw that their sacral chakras harmonized nicely (meaning they agreed about stuff like sex, careers and creative projects), I saw that they didn't agree about deep, existential ideas on the meaning and purpose of life, "why we're all here," etc.  While they seemed physically compatible, they seemed spiritually incompatible. The woman told me after I shared my observations with her that she hadn't felt "spiritually connected" to her partner in a long time, and that's why she contacted me for a reading. They seemed to have gotten to the point where the sexual excitement of their relationship was starting to wear off, and she had to confront other truths about the energy dynamic between them.

The "energy bubble" a couple creates

can be soup of toxicity they marinate in,
or a spiritual oasis of profound dignity.
Their thoughts, words and actions deter-
mine the quality of its energy.

         Conversely, one person may actually "carry" the energy of the other person in a certain chakra, which can have a good or bad effect. When bad, it means one person is imposing his or her will upon the other in a controlling way, and the other person is slavishly (knowingly or unknowingly) allowing it. When good however, the two have spiritually agreed that the stronger one will help strengthen the weakened chakra of the other, provide support in a certain part of life.  If this dynamic is truly equitable, it has a loving quality, peaceful and calm, not reflecting any kind of one-up-manship. I think this kind of selfless teamwork is often a result of a soul contract between the two, carried forward from a past lifetime (or lifetimes).

        Sometimes both persons' chakras are balanced and strong, no one has the need to lean very heavily on the other, per se. They may have some kind of purpose they need to fulfill in this lifetime, usually in service to the world somehow. They're on a mission. They may resonate so well together that I can feel, almost "hear" the harmony of their collective energy, as though their chakras were actually singing to each other, creating music (I now believe there is truth to the old movie cliche, "We could make beautiful music together"!). Those are always pleasant readings ...and very rare ones, as we humans tend to choose drama over harmony.

        So the energy dynamic within a "container" can be stifling or nurturing.  Its characteristics always show in the couple's mutual energy field.

A Whole Lotta' Space to Breathe In

It's so different being on the outside looking in. I wish I would have been able to clearly "read" the energy of my past relationships from this vantage point, the way I now literally see the energy of peoples' relationships for whom I read. I wonder if that would have made me more positive, forgiving and loving. Now, I see how important it is to give the person you're involved with a lot of "space," to let the energy container you've created together just "breathe."

Many relationships degenerate into

a Mexican standoff. No one wants

to put the gun down, and no one

ever wins. At this point it's time to
either call a truce, or call it quits.

Sometimes I can see that a couple may only need time apart for a little while, or some other simple "energy separator," to let their asphyxiating relationship spontaneously heal on its own. They just need a little space to breathe in. It's like when a smoker stops smoking his lungs will automatically start healing, immediately. He doesn't need to do anything else. Both our physical and subtle energy bodies have this natural healing ability.

But all too often, I find that fear has already engulfed the couple, and their relationship has already degenerated to a fear-based place. Both parties are no longer interested in love, but are obssessed with "being right" or "winning." They get addicted to the adrenaline of the sport. Forget about space to breathe in. No one wants to put the gun down. When things get to this point, every so-called victory is really only one more loss.

*****

Giving our loved ones space means letting them pursue what brings them joy and inner growth, as they still respect the boundaries of the relationship. It means letting them pursue the friendships they want to pursue, and enjoy the objects and activities that bring them joy. It means knowing that while the container may be open, and untested energies may be freely circulating into and out of it, there's nothing to worry about. The container itself will hold up and remain strong because it's built on trust. No sense of "ownership" is called for, no tethering necessary.

It seems that with love, it's best to hold on loosely, yet not let go.

Ah, the venerable wisdom of American "classic rock"
...who needs Confucius?

.

6 Symptoms Men Should Never Ignore

2011-12-04T22:00:00.001-08:00

By Bill Phillips
& editors of Men's Health magazine
Nov. 18, 2011
http://health.yahoo.net/experts/menshealth/6-pains-you-should-never-ignore
Original title, "6 Symptoms You Should Never Ignore"

Men, we would like you to stick around. Take care of yourselves; nothing else says "I love you" to your loved ones more than your doing that. It's more important than the money you make, the bills you are able to pay, the material things you buy. In that spirit, this article is not to make you paranoid, but to remind you to take your health seriously.

One of Men’s Health’s top experts, T.E. Holt, M.D., a physician in North Carolina, tells this story about one of his patients:

A man came in, dragged by his daughter because, she explained, he had been steadily losing weight and was covered in big lumps. The lumps had been growing for 2 years, maybe more, she said. I had no doubt, from the moment I saw him, that this man was dying. He had lumps as big as my fist on his forehead and his back, and as I came closer and moved around him, more came into view. When I pressed deeply into his belly, I felt a solid rock where there should have been yielding space. It was metastatic sarcoma, a rare cancer of the connective tissue. Four months later, the man was dead.

When it comes to their health, says Dr. Holt, guys are notorious for doing too little, too late. As men, we’re told to play through the pain, tough it out, shake it off, and suck it up. There are a dozen other variations of the same message, and they’re all code for: Ignore your symptoms. And why not? What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?

Don't pander to the (so-called) health care

system in America. It's a racket. They can't
make money on healthy people: they want
to see you alive enough to bring in money,
yet sick enough to need them. Stay well
...and out of their faces!

         Here’s the problem: Things kill us all the time. Even when we're young. In fact, guys between the ages of 20 and 40 are twice as likely to die as women, says Dr. Holt. Most of us, I'd hope, would call a doctor if we were struck by blinding head pain, suddenly couldn't feel one side of our body, or, frankly, noticed fist-size bumps emerging from our foreheads. But some symptoms aren't so obviously dire.

        We asked writer Allen St. John to put together a list of surprising symptoms you should never ignore. Why? Because your life may literally be hanging in the balance.

        Call your doctor immediately if you feel . . .

1. Severe Back Pain

What it feels like: Similar to the kind of agony you'd expect if you'd tried to bench press an armoire. The usual remedies—heat, rest, OTC painkillers—offer no relief.

What it could be: "If it's not related to exercise, sudden severe back pain can be the sign of an aneurysm," says Sigfried Kra, M.D., an associate professor at the Yale school of medicine. Particularly troubling is an abdominal aneurysm, a dangerous weakening of the aorta just above the kidneys. If it bursts, you’ll die within minutes. A less threatening possibility: You have a kidney stone, in which case you'll only wish you were dead.

How to fix it: Aneurysms can be treated with blood-pressure medication or surgery to implant a synthetic graft.

2. Sudden Groin Pain

What it feels like: It’s as if you were kicked below the belt, but the pain is not quite as intense. Sometimes, it’s accompanied by swelling.

What it could be: It's probably testicular torsion. Normally, a man's testicles are attached to his body in two ways: by the spermatic cords, which run into the abdomen, and by fleshy anchors near the scrotum. But sometimes, in a relatively common congenital defect, these anchors are missing. This allows one of the spermatic cords to get twisted, which cuts off the flow of blood to the testicle. "If you catch it in 4 to 6 hours, you can usually save the testicle," says Jon Pryor, M.D., a urologist with the University of Minnesota. "But after 12 to 24 hours, you'll probably lose it."

Another possible cause: an infection of the epididymis, your sperm-storage facility.

How to fix it: A surgeon will straighten the cord, and then construct artificial anchors with a few stitches near the scrotum. If it’s just an infection, antibiotics will take care of it quickly.

3. Sharp Pain in the Abdomen

What it feels like: All the metaphors apply—knife in the gut, bullet in the belly, skewer in the stomach—except this attack is from within.

What it could be: Since the area between your ribs and your hips is jam-packed with organs, the pain can be a symptom of either appendicitis, pancreatitis, or an inflamed gallbladder. In all three cases, the cause is the same: Something has blocked up the organ in question, resulting in a potentially fatal infection.

How to fix it: If the pain is in your lower-right abdomen and your white-blood-cell count is up, says Dr. Kra, it's probably appendicitis (out comes the appendix).

Pain in your upper abdomen with high white blood cells usually means an inflamed gallbladder (goodbye, gallbladder). And if it hurts below your breastbone and certain enzymes in the blood are elevated, then pancreatitis is probably the culprit (the pancreas stays, but a gallstone may be blocking things up. If so, the stone and the gallbladder may have to come out).

4. Transient Chest Pain

What it feels like: A heavy ache that comes on suddenly and then goes away just as quickly. Otherwise, you feel fine.

What it could be: Maybe indigestion. Or it could be a heart attack. "Even if it's very short in duration, it can be a sign of something serious," says John Stamatos, M.D., medical director of North Shore Pain Services in Long Island and author of Painbuster.

Here's how serious: A blood clot may have lodged in a narrowed section of a coronary artery, completely cutting off the flow of blood to one section of your heart. How much wait-and-see time do you have? Really, none. Fifty percent of deaths from heart attacks occur within 3 to 4 hours of the first symptoms. You're literally living on borrowed time.

How to fix it: A blood test checks for markers of damaged heart tissue. Treatment: angioplasty or bypass. Then try any or all of our 100 Ways to Protect Your Heart.

5. Leg Pain with Swelling

What it feels like: Specifically, one of your calves is killing you. It's swollen and tender to the touch, and may even feel warm, as if it's being slow-roasted from the inside out.

What it could be: Deep-vein thrombosis, or DVT, which occurs when blood pools in your lower legs and forms a clot. Next thing you know, that clot is big enough to block a vein in your calf, producing pain and swelling. Unfortunately, the first thing you'll probably want to do—rub your leg—is also the worst thing. "It can send a big clot running up to your lung, where it can kill you," warns Dr. Stamatos.

How to fix it: Doctors will try to dissolve the clot with drugs, or outfit vulnerable veins with filters to stop a clot before it stops you.

6. Painful Urination

What it feels like: Relieving yourself has become an exercise in expletives, and your urine has a rusty tint.

What it could be: Worst case? Bladder cancer, according to Joseph A. Smith, M.D., chairman of the department of urologic surgery at Vanderbilt University. The pain and the blood in your urine are symptoms of this, the fourth most common cancer in men.

Following up on symptoms, rather

than ignoring them, could be one of the

most loving things you ever do for the
people you care about.

Smoking is the biggest risk factor. Catch the disease early, and there's a 90 percent chance of fixing it. Bladder infections share the same symptoms.

How to fix it: Doctors diagnose this by process of elimination. Urinalysis first, to rule out bugs, followed by inserting a scope to look inside the bladder. If you have a tumor, it’ll be treated with surgery, radiation, or chemotherapy.

.

Shikantaza, Just Sitting

2011-11-26T21:12:00.001-08:00

A regular meditation practice is like
a beautiful bridge connecting our busy
mundane minds to a peaceful sense of
silent and illuminating awareness.

Buddhism is full of techniques for dealing with an overly active mind during meditation. As I have learned meditation, the mind is supposed to be alert and aware during meditation. Yet, it's not to be caught in a parade of discursive thoughts, either.

Of course, discursive thoughts have their place: they are great when one is trying to write something, like a blog post for instance, or give a speech, or chat with a beloved friend. But they are obviously problematic to a meditator, someone trying to get away from them for a while.

One method (or an approach to living, really) is that of “just sitting,” or shikantaza in Japanese. This method is a wonderful bridge leading one beyond the endless chitter-chatter of one’s thoughts, into a peaceful and empowering experience of pure awareness. It involves only concentrating on the awareness of one’s body just sitting as one meditates, nothing more.

With this practice, one doesn’t allow one’s mind to indulge in mental commentary, a bunch of opinions, facts and surface thoughts with little to no relevance and depth. For instance, we often habitually beat ourselves up about one thing or another, “Look at me, I haven’t meditated in a week [a month, a year ....ever],” “I’m late on paying that phone bill….” Or we mentally criticize someone or something else, “My co-worker makes me so angry….” “I hate the color of my house….”

These are unproductive, discursive thoughts that muliply like little rabbits, constantly giving birth to more and more discursive thoughts! Shikantaza helps us cut out these unnecessary, drama-filled mental “stories” our minds tend to create and wrap around things. Through this practice we give such thoughts a rest, and keep life simple.

Our Bodies and Thoughts as Training Wheels

It's rare to find a martial arts program in

the West that incorporates a regular
meditation practice, which was intrinsic
to martial arts education as originally
taught in Asia.

In this practice, we bring our awareness to one of the simplest things imaginable, the awareness of our bodies just sitting there in meditation. We actually use the body as a meditative tool, an entry to deeper awareness. Our bodies really are the best tools for this, better than prayer bracelets, mala necklaces, Buddha statuary, meditation music, and so forth, because they are always with us after those things drop away.

And we can also train our thoughts to help, rather than hinder us, as well. One could gently and slowly repeat mentally, “I am just sitting. I am just sitting” to return to focusing on being aware of just sitting. You start thinking about your laundry? Just come back to this little phrase. You start thinking about how your nose is itching, or how during group meditation your neighbor's stomach is growling awfully loudly? Come back to the phrase. Continue to do this each time you catch your mind straying, with no self-criticism.

Mistakes are part of this practice. When
we fall off the wagon, we simply get back
on the path again, with no self-defeating
mental diatribes about past mistakes,
nor potential future ones.

This is like using training wheels to learn to ride a bike. As the focus of your mind begins to wobble and fall back into a ditch of distracting thoughts, use this simple phrase to aright it again, to get it back on its peaceful path. Gently return it to an awareness of just sitting, nothing more than that. Keep it simple.

And doing this gently is the key to success with this method; it never helps to command the mind to do anything! Doing so will only cause it to rebel somehow, and rebel it will. It will "decide" to get very sleepy, or frustrated and bored, or just not focus. So, never try to bully your mind.

On the contrary, be gentle and respectful to your mind. It works hard for you every day, whether you are a homemaker, or a CEO. Just mentally repeat this phrase in a no-pressure, patient manner, and before long the mind willingly cooperates. As its discursive thoughts quietly die down, it will even surrender the training wheels, even this little phrase itself drops off. You won't realize when it's done so; you'll just enjoy the silence of pure awareness.

Shikantaza by Extension

Using a meditation bench like this one

is helpful when sitting for long periods

in this posture (called "seiza" in Japan-

ese). You could buy one online, or even
make one. Click here: seiza on Google

.

It helps to think of the rest of the room with the same attitude also, an extension of your body "just sitting." The room is "just there," nothing more, and in the mind of one practicing this technique, the wall across from the meditator is not light blue, nor has it pictures hanging from it, nor a white moulding —though physically it may possess all these characteristics.

But in the mind of one practicing shikantaza, there is no discourse on these things, no naming and describing. At most, there may be a faint awareness of a wall being in close proximity, but not much more than that.

The same goes for every other detail of the room, the furniture, the smell of the room itself, even other people. In this light, one could even meditate while people in the room are talking or making noises. Someone talking is just another sound the meditator hears, nothing more. As far as the sitter is concerned, the person could be speaking an unknown language because there is no mental discourse about the content of what's spoken, no agreement with it, and no disagreement with it. There is only the awareness of a sound, if even that much. The rest is silence.

Likewise, there is no mental commentary about the hour of the day it is, the day of the week it is, the year it is, the "phase of life" one is currently in. For the moment, there are no regrets about the past, no worries about the future, no such commentary at all. There is only awareness of just sitting.

Such a Simple Power

At first, this technique sounded ridiculously simplistic to me. I did not think it would be effective. Later, however, I began to experience how amazingly powerful this technique truly is. I began to discover different applications for it. When we are in a crowd of people, for instance, if we can maintain an awareness of just standing in a line, or just walking, we can avoid getting caught up in other peoples' frenetic energy. This is very effective in helping one stay centered and relaxed.

A young Steve Jobs, known for his longtime
meditation practice (...does Ashton Kutcher
look strikingly similar to young Jobs, or is it
just me?). Meditation is an excellent practice
for business people, keeping them focused
and calm during challenging times.

After all, what often makes us feel off-centered is when we allow our attention to get overly focused on people, places and things around us. It’s not these things themselves which are the cause of our distractions; it’s our choice to continually focus upon them that is. This meditation practice trains us to not be so helpless against our own rampant, distracted thoughts and emotions.

Regarding our interpersonal relationships, the simplicity which a regular “just sitting” practice cultivates helps us stay calm and focused, without getting distracted by the emotionalism of others and of ourselves. This improves our relationships with children, spouses, work mates, because we retain a sense of peace and clarity as we work through our challenging responsibilities. This makes us better parents, lovers and employees.

"Just sitting" is one of the many simple yet useful techniques of Buddhist meditation, available to all.

.

Our Wonderful Dream-Movies

2011-11-13T23:03:00.001-08:00

"Dreaming is the inner language of the soul through which wisdom is transmitted to our conscious minds." -Arthur Bernard

Sometimes before I go to bed,
I pause and wonder with delight,
"What will I dream of next? What
will be tonight's special feature?"

Dreaming is like simultaneously producing and watching a movie, and our minds are like amazing, one-stop production companies! We are at once the writers, lead actors, directors, producers and enthralled audiences of our own dream-movies. It's a shame few of us take the time to remember, record and decipher our dreams. Like Hollywood movies, most dreams have a "moral of the story," a valuable message with wisdom we could apply to our lives. Our conscious minds are usually too busy with mundane matters to listen to what our deeper selves have to say, to hear our inner wisdom. So dreaming is a wonderful tool, a technology of the soul that, as Bernard stated, transmits this wisdom to our conscious, waking selves. So many of the dreams we dream are created by us, for us.

The Inner Language of the Soul

We have, on the one hand, the outer language we speak day to day, with which we communicate our (perceived) needs and wants.  But our dream-movies consist of the subjective, amazingly creative inner language of our souls. It isn't uncommon that our private dream messages often directly contradict our public words and actions.  While we may grin and bear a certain situation by day, by night our dreaming minds may freely express our turbulent dissatisfaction about such, holding nothing back ...and they in no uncertain terms "advise" us as to what we should do about it!

No two persons' dream-imagery associations are completely identical.  "Shopping mall" means one thing to me, another thing to you, and a completely different thing to the next person, based on our respective life experiences. That's why "dream dictionaries," including books and websites, are for the most part a waste of time. Their definitions are derived from statistical information taken from "studies" (in which we didn't even participate!), and don't apply to us personally.

        In other words, out of a group of say 500 people, 70% might think that shopping mall means thus, so that's the definition presented in XYZ Dream Dictionary. But what if the reader is part of the 30% that believes it means something else, or nothing at all?

I learned many of my dream-
working skills from Ann Faraday's
ground-breaking book written
in the 70s, The Dream Game.

Pre-packaged dream imagery definitions don't reflect the unique life experiences of the dreamer. It is precisely these experiences which serve as the impetus behind why we have assigned a certain meaning to a certain dream image. In the end, the dreamer is the best person to interpret his or her own dreams, to process and understand their messages. This is done through what's popularly called "dreamwork." I will write more about dreamworking in future articles.

Interpreting the Inner Language

Today there are many individuals, groups and organizations that teach dreamworking. You might find a workshop near you. I like the "ethics statement" of the International Association for the Study of Dreams (IASD), which states that it supports an approach to dreamwork and dream sharing that respects the dreamer's dignity and integrity, and which recognizes the dreamer as the decision-maker regarding the significance of the dream. Systems of dreamwork that assign authority or knowledge of the dream's meanings to someone other than the dreamer can be misleading, incorrect, and harmful."

"Ethical dreamwork helps the dreamer work with his/her own dream images, feelings, and associations, and guides the dreamer to more fully experience, appreciate, and understand the dream. Every dream may have multiple meanings, and different techniques may be reasonably employed to touch these multiple layers of significance...Dreamwork outside a clinical setting is not a substitute for psychotherapy, or other professional treatment, and should not be used as such.

Flying is a common dream theme.

From my own work with dreams (mine and others') I would say that IASD's approach is an excellent one. I have kept careful journals of my dreams over the years. Through applying dreamwork techniques, I have unlocked their messages and uncovered fragments of my soul's personal wisdom. Even while growing up I had a knack for helping people interpret their dreams (I still get calls from family and friends). When I assist in this capacity, I find the process very similar to performing psychic readings. It seems to come from the same "place" in my awareness, like it's just another application of clairvoyant ability. I'm "seeing" the meaning behind the images of one's dream-movie, getting straight to the "moral of the story," the wisdom one's soul wants to share about a particular person or situation.

Still, as the IASD points out, "the dreamer [really is] the ultimate decision-maker regarding the significance of the dream" and all its components (interestingly, this principle also applies to any psychic reading as well, be it mediumship, psychometry, aura reading, etc.; information has to "resonate" with the sitter, otherwise it's of no use). I like that the IASD's statement says dreamworking only "helps" and "guides" the dreamer to arrive at his or her own interpretation, nothing more. So while it's great to work with someone like me, who could help and guide one through the message one's soul is trying to express through the medium of a dream, the person who truly understands it more than anyone else will ultimately be the dreamer.

A Couple Considerations

As I mentioned, the process of deamworking is too complicated for me to get into here. But here are some basic considerations about dreams I could mention:

While it's understandable to want to

"protect" children from the effects of

disturbing dreams, as adults we are

much better off confronting and

learning from, rather than

avoiding, our nightmares.

Nightmares

Rather than buying a "dreamcatcher" or other "remedy" hoping to prevent nightmares, learn to instead dreamwork your troubling dreams. In this way, you honor, rather than hide from, the messages your soul is trying to tell you, and you take the first vital step toward healing what's been imbalanced in your life. Nightmares are not evil, they are not sent by wicked spirits, etc. They are dreams that had to escalate to a red-alert level in our consciousnesses because we ignored the message when it was previously presented to us in a "nice" dream or two. In essence, we create our own nightmares, for our own good.

It's like when a parent resorts to spanking because the verbal warnings didn't work. The message might be about something we've been in denial about, or for whatever reason just want to altogether avoid confronting and resolving. So in order to get our attentions, our dreaming minds resort to employing increasingly disconcerting images. It's not uncommon to find that a series of seemingly disconnected "bad" dreams, upon deeper examination, revolve around the very same subject.

Literal or Figurative?

Another common feature of our dreams is that the screenwriters in our minds love using puns and metaphors! During the process of dreamworking we have to mindfully sort through our dream images and determine what's literal and what's figurative. Is my dream about a shopping mall due to the fact that I visited one earlier in the day, and my dream was just a means of processing the experience? Or does "shopping mall" trigger some deeper emotional meaning within my consciousness, a certain feeling or attitude?
When my son was an adventurous toddler, he liked climbing on furniture in order to look out of windows. I dreamed once that my second floor bedroom window's screen, over my desk, was unattached at the lower right corner. I checked the window, and sure enough, that was the case. My conscious mind hadn't caught it, but my subconscious mind did, and presented the information to me in a dream. This is an example of a useful literal dream image.

At this point in my life, whenever the setting of a dream I have is a shopping mall, I know it indicates that I feel guilty about something. In the past, I used to visit shopping malls specifically to buy things whenever I felt stressed over some issue. It made me feel better. However, I rarely go to shopping malls anymore, don't even think about them. In fact, my tolerance for their cacophony of sounds has grown very low. So for me, this is a figurative dream image.

Have a journal and pen on your nightstand, and prepare to write down the next thrilling installment of your dream-movies! And then learn to dicipher and apply that wonderful information in your life through dreamworking.

.

We Have a Psychic Kid, What Should We Do?

2011-11-10T22:24:00.001-08:00

Not long ago, someone wrote to me:

Hi. We have recently found out that my 13 year old son is clairaudient. We love and support him but this is all new to us. I was wondering if there is any information or guidence you could suggest. We have saged the house and have crystals in his room, and I have organized for him to have meditation and Reiki classes. Are we doing the right things for him? We feel it is important for him to have a normal (so to speak) childhood. I would love to know if there is any sort of website that children with these abilities can talk to each other? Thank you.

Answer:

In my opinion you are doing so many things right! For one, you accept him as he is. That is huge. So many psychic kids (and adults) are not accepted by their loved ones, but ostracized, so they suppress their skills in order to be “acceptable.” Or, they are forced to sadly dissociate from their families in order to be around those who accept them. Either way, it can be lonely and painful. So a huge, potential block to his well-being is lifted by the love and acceptance you’ve shown him. Bravo.

Of course, after he leaves his loving home, he’s got the world to face. But with that, you’re also helping him. You’re preparing him for the world by letting him develop and control his metaphysical skills slowly, while he’s still with you. By the time he leaves home he will be able to focus on the normal issues we all have to face, making a living, etc., without the added burden of not knowing how to control his psychic ability. You’ve seen to it that he started developing his skills in meditation and Reiki.

Meditation is important so that he is able to focus his mind, which is crucial for someone with psychic ability. If one’s mind is not balanced and focused, psychic ability could be a very negative thing. For example, someone with clairaudience, if unbalanced, might “hear” from and obey the wrong kinds of entities. Reiki is a form a energy manipulation, a skill that someone sensitive to subtle energy would greatly benefit from in order to grasp and feel comfortable with it. Reiki practitioners not only work to heal other people, but they also learn to keep their own energy healthy and properly attuned. So you are preparing him with tools he will find valuable now, and in the future as an adult. I would say you are doing the right things, and should keep it up.

Be easy on yourself and don’t make too big a deal about his being “normal” or not. It’s important that he learns to handle a little taunting from others, or occasional loneliness, in a positive way right now, so he will have great adaptive skills when he’s grown up. It will toughen him up. All of us feel different, misunderstood sometimes. But we get over it. You can’t protect him from that (in fact, those feelings are what’s normal). If it wasn’t clairaudience that made him different, what would it have been? It would have been something. A big nose, or big ears? Exceptional mathematics ability? We all have something different about us that we think we need to “fix” in order to fit in. People with straight hair get curly perms; those with curly hair buy flat irons and straighten it. One of the best things you could also do for him is relax, and give him is a sense of acceptance, celebration even, about his differences.

As far as meeting other kids like him, in the process of attending various metaphysical events and classes more and more, he will naturally form bonds and make new friends. I find that the more events I attend, the more kindred spirits I meet! So, give it time. He'll be fine. You’re on the right track and doing great, Mom. Here are some additional sources you might look into:

Profound Awareness Institute - "Where families & individuals to meet locally & virtually in a safe, supportive environment”
Children with Light forum - “Children with Light is a board for children who wish to communicate with other children who have intuitive abilities”
Psychic Meetup groups in Melbourne, Australia - I’m not sure where in Australia you are. But here is a listing of psychic groups in Melbourne to start your search of finding a children’s group (you could type in another city in the search field at the top).
And finally, I hope you had a chance to look at the psychic kids page on my website (you probably already saw it, since you contacted me from my website), with links to books, videos, websites and other resources. Some of the books list psychic kid groups and organizations.

The best to you and your family!

Tips for Getting a Good Reading

2011-10-06T23:17:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I, or any other reader gets psychic
information. Perhaps one day science will explain it!
For now, the best we could do is try to understand it
with analogies that seem to come somewhat close
to explaining the phenomena.

Let's consider an analogy: to better understand how a psychic reading with me works, think of me as GPS navigating equipment. Think of your energy (your life, your soul) as the location we're trying to locate and read. To get the best read from the equipment, follow these tips...

Before the Reading

1.
Think about the top 1 to 3 most important issues in your life, and write your questions about them down. Have these with you during your reading.

2.
Important: If you are agitated (i.e., angry, very sad, etc.), it creates a kind of energy "firewall" around you. This does two things: it blocks me from getting a clear read of your true energy, and it blocks you from opening up enough to properly understand and process the information I attempt to share with you.

So if you are agitated, invest in taking the time to diffuse your emotions, relax your body, and relax your mind before your reading. Use one or more of the following techniques:

Take a relaxing shower or bath. Imagine your troubles rinsing off your body, and flowing down the drain, OR
Take a stroll around the block, breathing deeply and clearing your mind, OR
Listen to some calming music for at least 5 full minutes, closing your eyes and breathing deeply (sing along a little!) OR
Meditate for at least 10 minutes, OR
Say a nice prayer to the Universe, the god of your understanding, your angels, or anyone/anything else with which you feel a deep, spiritual connection. Express gratitude, and ask them to help with the reading, OR
Anything else you think of, BUT...

3.
Don't be under the influence of drugs or alcohol if you plan to contact me for a reading. All this does is totally "scramble" your energy "signal," making it weaker, disorganized and much harder for me to read. This wastes both our time, and your money, so I will terminate such a reading immediately.

4.
Also, if your intention is to "test" me, please don't bother contacting me for a reading. I find skeptical energy to be yet another "firewall" blocking a clear reading. Again, it would be a waste of time for us both. Note that there are many, many readers on the internet who have a lot more professional reading experience than I have (4 years).

A reader who regularly works with police departments will be quite experienced with doing readings for skeptics, and therefore very good at penetrating skepticism-feuled firewalls. I'm not good at it, so I suggest you conduct your test on one of them instead.

During the Reading

1.
Take notes, or feel free to record the session if you'd like.

2.
We'll begin your reading with your saying your first name (or the nickname you always use), your last name, and your age. I will not be needing your actual birthdate, nor your astrological sign or anything else.

3.
Important: The GPS equipment (me) needs time to scan for and find the location (your energy) after you've given it the coordinates (your name and age).

This means that before we dive right into answering your question(s), I will first take a minute to silently hone in on your energy, to listen to the message your soul has to tell me.

4.
Then, as I zero in, I will share aspects of your life that I immediately sense. I may start going pretty fast, and inadvertently answer some of your questions. Just take notes on the information as it comes.

5.
If I pause for confirmation, it's fine to answer "Yes, I understand" "No, that's not correct" or "I'm not sure, give me a little more information." This helps establish whether I'm heading in the right direction or not.

However, try not to elaborate on the information at this point (i.e., volunteer details, called "feeding the psychic"). This tends to "cloud" the information coming in to me.

6.
Finally, we will then address the the questions you've written down. I will look at the energies of those situations, and share with you the insights I receive, and the actions steps I believe your guides are suggesting that you take.

After the Reading

1.
No matter what the message of any psychic reading is, you always have the power to change the outcome. The psychic is just reporting what he or she subjectively perceives the outcome would be if the situation continues in its current "trajectory." But often if you change that trajectory, you could change its outcome.

2.
Having said that however, some things you'll find you can't change. People have free will and you can't change what they want to do, how they feel, etc. Also, there are some things you're now experiencing which may simply be the results of seeds you've sown in the past, and they probably won't change.

Finally, there might be something or someone you really want, but my reading says it's not in your "trajectory" -in other words, I'm currently getting a "no" on it. Consider that maybe it's not in your highest good. But if you or another reader see it differently, that's perfectly fine. My job is not to tell you what you want to hear; it's to tell you what I'm honestly seeing.

3.
There may be some information that didn't seem applicable at the time of the reading, so just file this information away and it most likely will become relevant as time goes on. Save your notes in a file folder (or save your recording in a file on your computer), and review them from time to time. See what has come to pass, what hasn't, etc.

4.
Find ways to regularly sharpen and develop your own intuitive "GPS equipment" -we all have it. You'll find it's quite fulfilling to improve your ability to trust and and regularly use your own powers of intuition!

I hope this information has been helpful. Please don't hesitate to contact me with any questions. As I stated, my goal is to assist clients in making the best life choices for themselves, thereby living to their potential, and enjoying the inner peace that comes along with that. I love my work, and I have many repeat clients with whom I enjoy the honor of utilizing my abilities to assist them on their life paths. So, I really look forward to reading for you!

Thank you.

Yikes! Consulting with too many psychics, or getting too many readings
from the same psychic in too short a span of time, may be signs of a very
real addiction to psychic readings.

Read more about this here: Articles about Psychic Reading Addiction

Choose Happiness: The Five Biggest Regrets of the Dying

2011-09-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

by Bronnie Ware
(for more articles by Bronnie,
see her blog, Inspiration & Chai )

"It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships...choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness." --Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself,

not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

        This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

        When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

        Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Anita Moorjani's Near Death Experience

2011-08-31T16:06:00.000-07:00

This is the original NDE description that Anita Moorjani submitted to The Near Death Research Foundation in August 2006. The owner of the site, Dr. Jeffrey Long, an oncologist, contacted Anita within hours of her submitting it, asking follow up questions, which are below the the experience description. Shortly after, this story went viral, spreading to hundreds of thousands of people all over the world via email. Source: Anita Moorjani.com

Subsequent to this writing, Dr. Peter Ko, oncologist from the US, took an interest in this case, and flew to Hong Kong to meet Anita. He made a copy of all the relevant information in Anita's medical records and studied them in great detail. His comments to her was "Anyway I look at it, you should be dead!"

After reviewing the records, he submitted his findings to cancer institutes around the globe, all of whom responded they have no record of any such event occurring before. Dr. Ko conducted a public forum with Anita, and was also interviewed on the radio about his findings of her case. Click here to hear the radio interview: http://anitamoorjani.com/?page_id=56 [scroll down and select "Radio Interview, Hong Kong, Audio Only, 18th November 2006 (English)"]

Anita is a life coach, and shares her unique

experience to help others reach their goals

and appreciate the gift that life is.

I had end stage cancer (Hodgkin’s Lymphoma), and was being cared for at home. I was connected to an oxygen tank, and had a full time nurse. But on this morning, February 2nd 2006, I did not wake up. I had fallen into a coma. My husband called my doctor who said I needed to be rushed to hospital. The senior oncologist looked at me and told my husband that it was now the end, and that my organs were now shutting down. I would probably not make it beyond the next 36 hours. However, the oncologist said he would do whatever he could but prepared my husband that I would most likely not make it, as my organs were no longer functioning. They determined this because my body started to swell up, and I had open skin lesions. They started me on a cocktail of medication on a drip, and poked me with tubes and pipes for nourishment, drugs and oxygen.

I thought that I was drifting in and out of consciousness during this time, because I was aware of everything that was going on around me. But it was confirmed to me later by my family and the doctors that I was in a coma the whole time. I saw and heard the conversations between my husband and the doctors taking place outside my room, about 40 feet away down a hallway. I was later able to verify this conversation to my shocked husband.

The amount of love I felt was overwhelming, and from this perspective, I knew how powerful I am, and saw the amazing possibilities we as humans are capable of achieving during a physical life. I found out that my purpose now would be to live “heaven on earth” using this new understanding, and also to share this knowledge with other people. However I had the choice of whether to come back into life, or go towards death. I was made to understand that it was not my time, but I always had the choice, and if I chose death, I would not be experiencing a lot of the gifts that the rest of my life still held in store.

At first, I did not want to come back, because my body was very sick, and I did not want to come back into this body as the organs had already stopped functioning and I had all these open skin lesions. But it seemed that almost immediately, I became aware that if I chose life, my body would heal very quickly. I would see a difference in not months or weeks, but days!

I then started to understand how illnesses start on an energetic level before they become physical. If I chose to go into life, the cancer would be gone from my energy, and my physical body would catch up very quickly. I then understood that when people have medical treatments for illnesses, it rids the illness only from their body but not from their energy so the illness returns. I realized if I went back, it would be with a very healthy energy. Then the physical body would catch up to the energetic conditions very quickly and permanently. I seemed to become aware that this applies to anything, not only illnesses – physical conditions, psychological conditions, etc. I became aware that everything going on in our lives was dependant on this energy around us, created by us. Nothing was real – we created our surroundings, our conditions, etc. depending where this “energy” was at. The clarity I felt around how we get what we do was phenomenal! It’s all about where we are energetically. I somehow knew that I was going to see “proof” of this first hand if I returned back to my body.

It felt as though I was drifting in and out between the two worlds, this physical world and the other side, but every time I drifted into the “other side”, I seemed to go deeper and experienced more “scenes”. There was one where I saw how my life had touched all the people in it – it was sort of like a tapestry and I saw how I affected everyone’s lives around me. There was another scene where I saw my brother on a plane, having heard the news I was dying, coming to see me (this was verified to me as when I started to come round, my brother was there, having just got off a plane).

I then saw a glimpse of my brother and me and somehow seemed to understand it was a previous life, where I was much older than him and was like a mother to him (in this life, he is older than me). I saw in that life I was very protective towards him. I suddenly became aware he was on the plane to come and see me, and felt “I can’t do this to him – can’t let him come and see me dead”. Then I also saw

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?Yes. The experience was much more than words can express. Putting words to it makes the experience smaller and more limited. What I saw, perceived, and felt, and the clarity I experienced about life, was more than anything we are able to conceive, so words have not been created to describe it.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?I was dying of cancer, and the doctors had said I only had about 36 hours to live. It was at this point where I started drifting between another dimension and this one.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?Probably at the time when I was given the choice whether to go back.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:Even though I was in a coma, I seemed to be going in and out of consciousness, so I was aware of both “sides”. I was also aware of conversations taking place outside the room, beyond my earshot.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?Yes. I was aware that I was still in the room – even though to others, my eyes were closed and I was not awake, I was still able to “see” everyone in the room, and at the same time experience the other dimension, as if it existed simultaneously.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?Yes. I was able to hear what was being said by the doctors and my family outside the room, well out of earshot.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Uncertain

What emotions did you feel during the experience?Felt tremendous love, more than anything I have experienced on earth. I felt very loved, like no matter what I did, I would still be loved. I did not have to do anything to deserve it or prove myself.

Did you meet or see any other beings?Yes. I was surrounded by many beings, including my father and my best friend who had passed on. I did not recognize the other beings, but I knew they loved me very much and were protecting me. I became aware that they were there all the time, even when I was not aware of it.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?Yes. I saw and heard a conversation taking place between my doctor and my husband outside of my room and down a hallway. I saw my brother on a plane coming to see me. Both of these were verified, including the conversation beween my doctor and husband, which I repeated word for word.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?Yes. I felt I was in the other dimension a lot longer than I really was. The amount I saw and learned would have taken a lot longer in this dimension. Also, with the medical tests that were done, even though the tests were done, the results were dependant on my choice of whether to come back into life or not. That really changed my concept of time!!

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?Yes. The clarity was amazing! I understood why I had the cancer, I understood how people get what they do, and I understood that life is a gift, but we don’t realize it. I understood that we are very, very loved, no matter what. We don’t have to do anything to prove ourselves to god, and there is no “heaven” or “hell”. I realized we create our own heaven or hell here on earth, and I learned the key ingredients for creating my own heaven on earth!

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
Yes. I reached the point where I felt I had to make the choice whether to go back to life or onward into death. My best friend was there (who had died of cancer 2 years before) and she told me that this was as far as I could go or I would not be able to turn back. “You have come to the edge. This is as far as you can go” she said. “Now go back and live your life fully and fearlessly.”

Did you become aware of future events?Yes. I was aware my body would heal very quickly, and it did. I was aware that all the tests would show phenomenal results, and they did. They found no trace of any disease on my scans, my biopsies, etc. My organs are functioning normally, my appetite came back, and I was made aware all of this would happen. It has only been 6 months since my NDE, and I am still awaiting all the other gifts that were shown to me. However, I can see my life changing in a direction where all of this is very possible. One of the things I saw was a very long life ahead of me!

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?Yes. I have been much more intuitive since the experience. When I am alone, I often get the awareness of being surrounded by beings (the same beings I felt when I crossed over), and being very, very loved – that same feeling I got during the NDE.

Have you shared this experience with others?Yes. Within days after it happened, as soon as I was well enough to talk, I started sharing it with my close family members – my husband, my brother (who I had seen on the plane), my mother. We were all very emotional and in tears. And the were all shocked with my account of events, the test results which I knew would be normal because I chose to come back, the conversations I “heard”. Then they saw the speed of my recovery, the shock of the doctors who could no longer find any trace of cancer – it has changed my whole family. I also shared with my best friend who has been by me during this experience, and it has changed her life too.

Going out and meeting people after coming out of hospital changed a lot of people, because the last they saw or heard of me, I was on my death bed! I had looked very, very sick, and could not walk or breath properly at that time. Now I looked totally healthy and normal. The first time I walked into a group gathering after coming out of hospital, everyone’s jaw dropped. They looked at me as if they had seen a ghost. They could not believe how quickly I had recovered – everyone thought I was going to die! Then I shared my experience with everyone in the room, and all of them believed me because they had seen the “before” and “after”. Some of them said I had changed their lives.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?Yes. I have read about NDEs but never expected to experience one. My NDE felt completely different to anything I have read because there was no light, tunnel, no religious figure, and I did not see my whole life flash before my eyes. While I was experiencing it, I had no idea that I was experiencing an NDE or an out of body experience. It felt very normal at the time. It was only after that I realized I had slipped to another dimension.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:Experience was definitely real I knew it was real because nothing else could explain the miraculous way my cancer just disappeared from my body!!! (I have the scans and medical tests to prove it)! And the charge I felt from the empowerment and the understanding – nothing else could explain the shift I felt in my way of thinking!

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?The whole thing was very powerful – I cannot imagine anything more empowering happening to me. However, two main things impacted me – one was being able to change the outcome of the test results. That made me realize that nothing is solid (or real). We can change anything. The second thing, even more impacting, is how my body went from being almost dead from cancer to totally healthy without a trace of illness in such a short time! It not only makes me feel that everything (including cancer) is not real (a shift in consciousness made it disappear!) but it also makes me feel very powerful, and I have a totally different understanding of life now.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:Experience was definitely real. First of all, I am enjoying the wonders of my healthy body. I haven’t felt this way in a while! Secondly, I feel very “connected” in a way I never have before. Sort of “guided”. I don’t feel afraid of anything anymore. I know I won’t die until I complete everything I came here to do. And even then, I am not afraid of death. Many, many more “coincidences” have been occurring in my life since the experience (hence the “guided” feeling).

Things have been falling into my lap when I have wanted them, the right people call, I have been bumping into the right people, getting e-mails which answer questions I need answered, etc. Life has just become a lot easier, however it has only been a few months since I have been well. I am still feeling very high, and at the moment am still feeling the reality of the whole thing.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?

Yes. I have become even closer to my family, but my social circle has changed. A lot of my old friends have drifted away from me because I am not the same person they used to know, but I have made a few new friends since this experience, who know and accept who I am now.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?Uncertain. I was never very religious to begin with. I still don’t believe in any particular religion, however this experience has transformed my “belief” in the afterlife into “knowledge” that it is really true (gnosis).

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?Yes. I am able to go back to that “connected” feeling of being loved, and feeling the other beings surrounding me, particularly when I am sitting still in a quiet environment.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?Yes.

Train Your Brain to Crave Healthy Foods

2011-08-22T21:58:00.000-07:00

by Elizabeth Cohen,
Senior Medical Correspondent
for CNNHealth

August 5, 2011

        Looking back on it, Wendy Fox thinks it was the M&M's that did her in. They sat in a glass bowl on her living room table, taunting her every time she walked by, seemingly calling out for her to scoop up a few and eat them. Eat them she did, as well as anything else chocolaty that crossed her path, such as a brownie at her favorite restaurant or a mocha drink at Starbucks.

        Fox's chocolate cravings (and three pregnancies) helped her gain 40 pounds in her 30s. "It wasn't pretty," says Fox, 41, a real estate agent in Weston, Massachusetts. Unhappy with her growing figure -- she'd gone from a size 4 to a size 10 -- Fox watched as her mother lost 30 pounds. Her mother, who also craves sweets, had attended a program with nutritionist Susan Roberts at Tufts University to curb cravings and suggested Fox do the same.

        "At my first meeting with Sue, I told her, 'You've met your challenge,' " Fox remembers with a laugh. Roberts, author of "The Instinct Diet," explained to Fox that there's a biological reason most of us crave ice cream and not broccoli, but we can unlearn our instincts. It worked. After 14 months, Fox now craves salads instead of M&M's, has lost 36 pounds and is back down to a size 4.

The caveman's instinct

        "For most of human history, people didn't have enough to eat, so fat was something you really needed to seek out," says Marcia Pelchat, a food psychologist at the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia. To avoid dying in a famine, the brain is wired to pick up on signs that calorie-rich foods are nearby, which helps explain why that piece of cake on the plate in front of you is so irresistible, or why seeing a sign for a doughnut shop draws you in even when you know you need to watch your diet.

        "It's analogous to a drug addict who's gone through rehab, but when he walks by that abandoned crack house he suddenly thinks about going in again," Pelchat says. Pelchat adds, however, that while we're born with certain cravings, there's also evidence we start to crave whatever we eat in large quantities. She found this when she put study subjects on a vanilla-flavored drink low in saturated fat. After consuming it every day for two weeks, about a third of the subjects reported craving the drink, even though she says, "It was chalky and not very yummy."

        Research in Japan also shows that cravings are influenced by our environment. A study at Tohoku University found that many Japanese women crave sushi. "These findings suggested that the craving for some kind of food is influenced by the tradition of food products and cultures," the authors concluded.

"Chocolate makes me nauseous!"

        It was tough at first, but Fox, once a chocoholic, now hardly ever craves chocolate. "I couldn't believe it, but last night we were at a friend's house for dinner and when they served dessert, I thought, 'I can't wait to go home and have a bowl of high-fiber cereal.' " Her biggest craving now is for salad. "I make one every night for dinner -- leafy greens and chopped up cucumbers. I don't use dressing -- just a little bit of olive oil and salt and pepper, because I crave a natural taste," she says. "This is such a huge difference for me." Every so often, Fox says she gets a "ping" for chocolate. But then when she eats it, it makes her feel sick.

        "I can just taste the butter in the first bite. It makes me nauseous, which is so weird, because I'm the M&M girl!" she says. "I think a lot of it is psychological. I worked so hard to get where I am that I don't want to go back there. A brownie's not going to take me down!" Judith Beck, a psychologist and president of the Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy in Pennsylvania, says she has noticed the same phenomenon when her patients have given up foods they used to crave. "They didn't like the sensation of greasy foods in their mouths, and sometimes foods high in sugar started to taste too sweet," she says.

Here are three steps toward switching your cravings from fatty foods to healthy foods:

1. Clean out your cupboards
Fox removed all signs of chocolate from her home. She replaced the M&M's in the glass bowl with pretty marbles, and if she buys chocolate for a special occasion, she gets rid of it immediately. "I just had a party for my kids and we made ice cream sundaes. As soon as it was over, I gave the leftover hot fudge to my neighbors," she says.

2. Carry around healthy foods
Fox carries apples in her purse and keeps a box of high-fiber cereal in her car so she can dig in whenever a chocolate craving hits.

3. Bury craved foods in the middle of a meal
For the first two weeks, Roberts tells dieters to avoid eating unhealthy craved foods altogether, in the hopes of helping them unlearn the craving. After two weeks, she tells them they can have 100 calories of that food in the middle of the meal.

"I call it the sandwich technique," she says. "If you eat chocolate at the beginning of a meal when you're really hungry, your brain will think -- associate chocolate with feeling satiated and happy. If you put it at the end of the meal, your brain will remember it as the last delicious thing you tasted."

Aspects of Past Lives: Balance and Resonance

2011-07-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

"We are all diamonds, cleaning our facets, gaining wisdom, mastering compassion and returning to our spiritual home." --Brian Weiss, M.D., past life author, lecturer and therapist

Below are aspects of past lives that I've observed through many readings, and through my own personal regression experiences. I welcome your comments on any of this.

Balance

      The goal of souls who incarnate here as humans seems to be attaining balance in the dichotomy that is the existence of the Earth plane, to somehow reconcile life as a spirit living in a physical body situated in a physical world. In a nutshell, it appears that we incarnate here to learn what’s real (love), and what’s not (everything else, though they’re very convincing illusions). It can be quite a challenge!

        In some lifetimes we overshoot, trying to compensate for the acts of a previous lifetime, as a result swinging the pendulum way too far to the other side, usually out of guilt --a warrior rebirths as a slave, a rapist as a victim of abuse, etc. In other lifetimes we undershoot, unwilling to change and grow in order to live to our full potential because certain tendencies of the previous lifetime(s) became too comfortably ingrained in us. They're the devil we know, and we'd rather stick with the familiar, whatever the cost to our growth may be.

     And still in other lifetimes, we get it right. We hit the target, excelling in mastery over our soul lessons, attaining hard-won balance, and the wisdom it brings. We share that wisdom with others, as we move forward to new lessons.

        Eventually, we step out of the Earth game, we outgrow it. We sometimes call those who have transcended the Earth's karmic lessons “ascended masters.”

        But I consider all of us ascended masters-in-the-making, each at a different phase of his or her ascension process, each learning a different aspect of what it means to rise above aversions and attachments, to love unconditionally. I touch on this a bit in another blog post titled, Personal Ascension [click here to read article]. It's a difficult, lonely, wonderfully fulfilling process.

Resonances

Seemingly born with a microphone in
his hand, able to interpret songs with
a maturity beyond his years while still
a very young child, Michael Jackson
changed the world with his stunning
talent. No doubt, this wasn't his first
go-round with music on this planet!

Resonances are echoes of our past life experiences that we bring forward into new lifetimes. Past life expert Doris Cohen calls them "repetitions," due to the way they repeat in different lifetimes. We tend to either bless the world with them, or struggle with them as tools of soul growth. Resonances are pieces of our former personalities that we’re not done with yet. When we choose to bring them forward as contributions to the world, society may refer to them as “gifts.” We have pronounced skills or penchants in this lifetime, “natural” talents or inclinations. We can look to the “prodigies” around us to see examples of this.

Some resonances, however, tend to be “attachments” to ways of being, a reluctance to let go of what’s most familiar and comfortable out of fear, usually to our detriment. Others are extreme "aversions" to people, places or things. Either way, we find it easier and safer to keep doing things as we know to do them, rather than fearlessly learning new ways of being, and transcending.

It's very common now that many people
who rebirthed here today, and purposed
to do spiritual work of some sort, are reluc-
tant to begin it, due to a torturous past
life in which they were persecuted for their
spiritual work. They seem to suffer from a
sort of post traumatic stress disorder. I en-
counter this a lot.

But if we don’t let go of the past, our old tendencies could, at best, bring about stagnancy in our lives, and at worst, be harshly toxic to ourselves and others. It may be painful to let go of attachments and aversions, but the painful things we struggle with are valuable gifts of growth for our own souls. Though we usually try our best to, we shouldn’t avoid or ignore them. Often they, more than anything, have the most to teach us.  

Resonant Souls

Many relationships that seem randomly
magical, are instead the result of many
lifetimes of dedicated hard work, two souls
honing and refining their differences, until
they get it right. Love, more than anything,
facilitates the Personal Ascension process.

We can see the phenomena of resonances with some of the people we know, as well, who may be part of our “soul group.” With some souls, we’ve mastered a certain equilibrium, a result of one or more lifetimes of working together. When we meet (again) in this lifetime, it seems like we just pick up where we left off. We mysteriously feel as though we’ve “known each other forever.” These relationships tend to effortlessly polish and support our natural good qualities and talents, so that we really shine. We enjoy our lives to a fuller, deeper depth with these people in them.  

Past life regressionist Dr. Brian Weiss
describes how hateful aversions to others
bring them closer to us, in one of my all-
time favorite passages from his books,
which I titled, "A Nazi, a Jew, and
an Arab" [click here to read article].

With other members of our soul group, however, there may likewise be a measure of instant familiarity, but the difference is that things feel instantly antagonistic rather than cordial. We sense something we don’t like about them the moment we lay eyes on them, and during our entire acquaintance with them there’s always tension in the air. But these relationships can be quite instructive, and contribute a lot to our inner growth, perhaps even moreso than the cordial relationships. Our ability to love is tested, stretched and redefined in these relationships. Believe it or not, our souls will actually choose to be reborn with (or as) these people, again and again, until we get it right and transcend our differences.

One of the great benefits of past life information is the peace and balance which comes from understanding the resonant echoes of the lives we've lived, and the resultant dynamics they create in our lives today.

_____________________________________________

Resources:

Here's an insightful interview, recorded in April, 2010 by Tami Simon, with U.K. psychic Ainslie MacLeod, who specializes in doing past life readings for others: Ainslie McLeod: Healing Past Life Fears [click here to listen]

Ainslie has written a series of books with practical tips on how to raise your consciousness by working through and clearing past life lessons:

Heal Your Past-Life Fears: A Guided Process to Realize Your Soul's Potential

The Transformation: Healing Your Past Lives to Realize Your Soul's Potential

The Instruction: Living the Life Your Soul Intended

How to Deal with a Controlling Person

2011-06-29T16:27:00.000-07:00

by Judith Orloff, M.D.

Judith Orloff, MD is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA. She is the author of the New York Times and international bestseller, Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Three Rivers Press, 2011), from which the following is an excerpt. Visit her website: Judith Orloff, M.D.

        As a psychiatrist, I have observed that relationships can be one of the major sources of exhaustion for my patients. In “Emotional Freedom” I discuss how to deal with different kinds of draining people to avoid getting fatigued, sick, or burned out. One of these is the control freak.

        People who feel out of control tend to become controllers. Deep down, they’re afraid of falling apart, so they micromanage to bind anxiety. They might have had chaotic childhoods, alcoholic parents, or experienced early abandonment, making it hard to trust or relinquish control to others, or to a higher power. Some controllers have a machismo drive to be top dog in both business and personal matters--a mask for their feelings of inadequacy and lack of inner power.   To assert territorial prowess, they may get right up in your face when they talk. Even if you take a few steps away, they’ll inch forward again into your space.

       Control freaks are often perfectionists. They may feel, ”If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.” Personally, I can relate to this attitude, though I’m getting better at delegating. Controllers are also controlling with themselves. They may fanatically count carbs, become clean freaks or workaholics. Conventional psychiatry classifies extreme cases as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder--people are rigidly preoccupied with details, rules, lists, and dominating others at the expense of flexibility and openness.

Dr. Orloff has created books,
cds, and other resources to
help people help themselves
in practical ways.

It’s important to identify if you are dealing with a control freak then develop healthy strategies to communicate. These people obsessively try to dictate how you’re supposed to be and feel. They have an opinion about everything; disagree at your peril. They’ll control you by invalidating your emotions if those don’t fit into their rulebook. Controllers often start sentences with, “You know what you need?”…then proceed to tell you. They’ll sling shots like, “That guy is out of your league” or” I’ll have dinner with you if you promise to be happy.” People with low self-esteem who see themselves as “victims” attract controllers. Whether spouting unsolicited advice on how you can lose weight or using anger to put you in your place, their comments can range from irritating to abusive. What’s most infuriating about these people is that they usually don’t see themselves as controlling--only right.

Use the following methods from my book, “Emotional Freedom” to deal with controllers:

Emotional Action Steps:

Pick Your Battles, and Assert Your Needs

1. The secret to success is never try to control a controller
Speak up, but don’t tell them what to do. Be healthily assertive rather than controlling. Stay confident and refuse to play the victim. Most important, always take a consistent, targeted approach. Controllers are always looking for a power struggle, so try not to sweat the small stuff. Focus on high-priority issues that you really care about rather than bickering about putting the cap on the toothpaste.

2. Never make your self-worth dependent on them
Don’t get caught in the trap of always trying to please a narcissist. Also protect your sensitivity. Refrain from confiding your deepest feelings to someone who won’t cherish them.

3. Try the caring, direct approach
Use this with good friends or others who’re responsive to feedback. For instance, if someone dominates conversations, sensitively say, “I appreciate your comments, but I’d like to express my opinions too.” The person may be unaware that he or she is monopolizing the discussion, and will gladly change.

4. Set limits
If someone keeps telling you how to deal with something, politely say, “I value your advice, but I really want to work through this myself.” You may need to remind the controller several times, always in a kind, neutral tone. Repetition is key. Don’t expect instant miracles. Since controllers rarely give up easily, be patient. Respectfully reiterating your stance over days or weeks will slowly recondition negative communication patterns and redefine the terms of the relationship. If you reach an impasse, agree to disagree. Then make the subject off limits.

5. Size up the situation
If your boss is a controlling perfectionist--and you choose to stay--don’t keep ruminating about what a rotten person he or she is or expect that person to change, then operate within that reality check. For instance, if your boss instructs you how to complete a project, but you add a few good ideas of your own, realize this may or may not fly. If you non-defensively offer your reasoning about the additions, you’ll be more readily heard. However if your boss responds, “I didn’t say to do this. Please remove it,” you must defer because of the built-in status difference in the relationship. Putting your foot down--trying to control the controller---will only make work more stressful or get you fired.

When you mindfully deal with control freaks, you can free yourself from their manipulations. Knowing how they operate will let you choose how to interact with them.

____________________________________________________

Other resources by Dr. Orloff:

Emotional Repair Kit: 50 Tools to Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions

Emotional Freedom Practices [mp3 download]

The Top Performer's Guide to Leadership

New Paradigms and the Archetype of the Page

2011-06-28T15:34:00.000-07:00


The Page of Pentacles explores issues of self-worth, and how one values the world around him.

Introducing, The Page

The Page, in contrast to the “older” members of the royal court (king, queen, etc.) is the archetype of the newbie, the upstart, the person just starting out on his journey of life, with many lessons ahead to learn. Energetic young people holding servant-like positions in Congress are actually still called “pages,” and they do the bidding of the older, elected members. White House interns choose to be interns at the nation's capitol because they aspire to have political careers one day. They want to learn what exactly goes on behind the scenes there, the stuff they’re not taught at school. Such is the fearless thirst for knowledge of the Page.

Pros and Cons of Being the Page


Need I even write a caption?

The Page has a whimsical, charismatic element of open-mindedness about him. He can say the most outlandish things, and with his gleeming, youthful smile, totally get away with it. People often view his naivete as "charming," maybe even a little inspiring, the invigorating "wisdom of youth." I think that's the attraction of May/December relationships; the older parties feel flattered by the seeming

admiration of the younger ones. The younger ones are usually just using the older ones to get ahead in life, to adorn themselves with the experience they lack, at the older ones' expense. But the dynamic, nevertheless, gives the older ones a sense of immortality which soothes their growing fear of aging. Pages are our Fountains of Youth.


The Page of Wands has a fiery will to succeed, but lacks wisdom in how to direct it productively.

For the most part, the Page can fully afford to make mistakes (depending upon the magnitude of the mistake, of course). In contrast to the other members of the court, he isn't yet committed to any particular role in life. His only job is to learn, to be the quintessential Student. At the same time, however, the Page tends to suffer from the dangers of vulnerability. These dangers are often avoidable if the Page knows when to keep his wreckless ego in check, and humbly heed the wisdom of his elders. He needs to learn when to hedge that wisdom to protect himself. More often than not, however, he ends up flat on his ass, wondering how exactly he ended up there. Such is the bane of the Page archetype.

Lesson of the Page:

Welcome New Paradigms into Your Life!

The Page of Cups feels too

much, which is great for pur-

suing a career as a poet, but

horrible for pursuing mat-
ure, adult relationships.

But while he must discern when to heed to wisdom, it's equally important he learns to discern when to respectfully ignore it, and to instead take the risk of charting his own path, of introducing brand new paradigms into the complacent, stagnant world around him. The creators of Google and Facebook are examples of this. They had nothing to lose, and so much to gain by introducing new ways to use the internet. They took an existing definition, and not just revised it, but rewrote it entirely. "Why not try it this way?" is the Page's perennial mantra.

The journey of the Page is a scary, but exciting one! No matter how well-versed we are at some things, there will always be other things with which we are very, if not completely, ignorant. No matter how "old" we are chronologically, as long as we are living and breathing on the Earth plane (and, some would argue, in other planes as well) we will always find ourselves assuming the archetype of the Page in regard to one thing or another.


The Page of Swords has a boatload of great ideas. Few, if any, are grounded in reality; most never come to fruition.

But that's good! It means there's still room for growth in our lives --preferably growth in concert with wisdom, and we should welcome that growth whenever and through whatever means it presents itself ...I know, I know, that's easier said than done. How many times have I passed up the opportunity to grow, in order to maintain some kooky perception of safety? The ego is there to protect us. But there are times we must respectfully ignore it in order to grow. Growth is always kind of uncomfortable, sometimes painful, and often downright scary. But the payoff is so worth it!

----------------------------------------------------------

Images from:
The Gilded Tarot, a modern classic
created by artist Ciro Marchetti

States of Mind

2011-06-24T16:49:00.000-07:00

          If you observe your thoughts in the course of a day, you'll find that your mind has fluctuated through a series of "states." Sometimes, you're scattered, sometimes focused, sometimes emotional, sometimes lethargic. This mental fluctuating is not a new phenomenon, and Indian yogis wrote about this tendency of our minds centuries ago. They categorized these fluctuating states into five general categories, which the article below (excerpted from Crystallotus.com) describes. The actual text from the original article is displayed in yellow font, and my personal commentary is beneath it.

          For fun, after you read this article, for the rest of the day carefully observe people around you. Try to determine which "states" their minds are in.

          And observe your own states of mind. Observe the thoughts that triggered each major fluctuation. Which thoughts arose in your mind, that you then allowed to be the cause of your feeling agitation? Which thoughts did you allow to be the cause of your feeling peacefulness, harmony? Most importantly, try to determine why these particular thoughts tended to have this effect on you. Perhaps the very same thoughts have little or no effect on the next person, or perhaps they do. And why is that?

          You’ll find that this is a very, very interesting experiment! You’ll also find that you always have a choice. We don’t have to think or act a certain way, based on a story we’ve wrapped around a particular thought. We could choose to act/think differently. Our awareness could even be centered in the oasis that lies outside a particular thought ...of course, I have found this to be a lot easier said than done!

          This is because we are conditioned by our perceptions of our experiences and default to the resultant habits of mind we've created, based on those perceptions. These habits can become quite deep-seated. It often takes a Herculean effort to uproot them. But anything’s possible. It all begins with awareness.

          And now, on to the article...

----------------------------------------------------------------

Yoga has identified five states-of-mind classifications:

1. Autism

2. Stupefaction

3. Restlessness

4. One-pointedness

5. Suppression

1. Autism (Sanskrit: ksipta)

[Note: I don't think the author is referring in any way to autistic people; I believe he or she is using it in the context of its other definition, "absorption in self-centered subjective mental activity..." --Webster's Collegiate. Honestly, I've never seen autism used in this way, nor have I ever seen anyone actually use "stupefication," (see below). Perhaps author may not be a native English speaker...]

In this state one has neither the patience nor the intelligence necessary for contemplation of an object and consequently cannot think or comprehend any subtle principle. Through intense envy or malice, the mind may at times be in a state of concentration, but this is not yogic concentration.

In yogic terminology, one would say that in this state of mind "rago-guna dominates." People in this state might be under the influence of some drug, alcohol, etc. Or they may generally just have a very distracted, addictive personality, and "whatever" is in front of them that appeals to one "appetite" or another, gets their full attention --for the moment. They have knee-jerk reactions to everything, without pausing to reflect. This might be the anger that a rage-oholic feels, the lust to which someone with no control over the body is enslaved, or the compulsion to buy things one can (or can't) afford, to which the shop-oholic is enslaved. Whatever it is, in this state a person can't concentrate on anything spiritual, and unable to distinguish wants from needs, lives for the rush of instant-gratification. In the Western world, accustomed to a sense of entitlement with everything, it seems many people stay in this state all the time.

2. Stupefication (mudha)

(Now there's a word you don't see every day. --Elisa)

In this state of mind, obsession with a matter connected with the senses renders one unfit to think of subtle principles. An example is someone engrossed in thoughts of wealth to the point of infatuation 

In yogic terminology, one would say that in this state of mind "the tamo-guna dominates." This person is in a state of dissociation. People in this state are just "not there." They are probably bordering on mental illness, if not already suffering from a full-blown pathology of some sort. They're often depressed, as depression is a fixation on a single thought, or wish, or emotion, etc., that eventually causes someone's psyche to implode within itself.

For instance, I've seen widows and widowers bury their own spirits next to their dead spouses, so that though once vivacious, only a shell of them walks and talks every day, the living dead. Elvis has left the building. It's sad to see someone in this state. But we all have to "shut down" sometimes, maybe not to that extreme. Once in a while we all get depressed, or fixated with some issues, at least until we get them resolved.

3. Restlessness (vyagra or viksipta)

Most spiritual aspirants basically have this type of mind. A mind that may be calm sometimes, and disturbed at other times. When temporarily calm, a restless mind may understand the real nature of subtle principles when it hears of them, and can contemplate them for an extended period. But although concentration is possible with a restless mind, it is not long-lasting. Liberation cannot be secured through concentration alone when the mind is habitually restless, because when concentration ceases, distraction arises again.

            This would be me, lol! When people first undertake a spiritual path, they often get disgusted with their thoughts. They are shocked at how "unspiritual" they can be. But it's not that they're unspiritual (whatever that means), it's just that they're aware, perhaps for the first time consciously, of the imprints and impressions their experiences and surroundings have left on their minds. It's like a lamp was turned on --they see the dirty clothes lying all around a room that, in the dark, they figured was straightened and tidy.

          Recently, a new person attended our meditation group. She complained afterward about the "sudden" pain in her neck she hadn't noticed earlier that day, the restlessness in her limbs making her breathe heavy and rock back and forth. She lamented that she was "doing it wrong" because of all this. But I congratulated her, and told her that I believed her observance of these things meant that she, perhaps for the first time in a long time, was fully "aware," she was "in her body." Many of us spend most or all our days rather "out-of-body," our awareness centered on everything and everyone around us, except in our heads.

          I believe this state is a necessary step in the path that leads to higher states of mind. Having said that, I also believe that many of us "householders," since we aren't monastics, will never progress beyond this state. We can't devote the time it takes to abide in a permanent state of ekagra or niruddha ("one-pointedness" and "suppression, see below), as perhaps a monk, priest or nun could devote. Our awareness needs to be concerned with the material world in order to fulfill our obligations to others. Due to a householder's choice of lifestyle, multi-tasking is a necessity. We will experience moments of it, but we can't stay permanently one-pointed. But again, this is just my commentary, and many highly-accomplished yogis, like Sri Lahiri Mayasaya, Sri Ukteswar, Sri Ramakrishna, and the like, were themselves married householders. So, apparently, it could be done somehow.

4. One-pointedness (ekagra)

Patanjali, the codifier of the Yoga Sutras, has defined this as a state of mind, wherein,  on the fading away of one thought, another thought is in succession with the previous thought, and when a continuous succession of such states continues, the mind is called  "one-pointed." Slowly it becomes a habit of the mind in waking consciousness, and  even in the dream state. When one-pointedness is mastered, one attains  samprajnata smadhi. This samadhi bliss is true yogic samadhi.

One-pointedness is an attribute especially useful in this modern age. Peace within and around us, without distractions or disturbances is essential for self-expression. Individually, we need to understand our latent potential. We need self-research and to understand ourselves as a microcosm, and our relationship with the macrocosm. Spiritual sciences perceive Unity in diversity. Although it is indeed necessary to study part by part, it is also necessary to create a whole from those parts. Too much individualism, subjectivity, and importance of one's own interests creates veils and closes the windows of open-mindedness. An emphasis on the individual self will create feelings of loneliness and pessimism.

This writer really places a lot of importance on ekagra, or one-pointedness. Personally, I think niruddha (see below), is even more important than one-pointedness, and I think the glowing paragraph directly above should refer to nirudda instead of one-pointedness. But on a practical level, certainly all of us need to observe some level of one-pointedness, to even be able to function daily. Star athletes, business people, performers, etc., can get very one-pointed when they need to be. Besides innate talent, that ability, that discipline, is a big part of their success. If we stayed in a worked-up ksipta state all the time, or a dulled-down muddha state, we'd be quite useless and miserable. And the reason one could even attain as much as a vyagra state to begin with, is because one managed to remain one-pointed long enough to do it.

4. Suppression (niruddha) 

This is the state devoid of thought. By constant practice of the cessation of thoughts,  one can truly understand the world of names and forms as a product of the mind.  When the mind ceases to exist in a practical sense of the term, all else dissolves.

        "Devoid of thought" here does not imply a robotic, catatonic state, as though one has gotten a full frontal lobotomy, or something. Rather, it refers to a state of carefully cultivated equanimity, derived from a cessation from clinging to the illusions of what we've never really been, and to the illusions of what we don’t really need to be, and it promotes an ability to see beyond pervasive "cultural spells" (as intuitive advisor, Robert Ohotto, calls them), seeing them for what they truly are. This state brings a certain inner placidity, a deep, calm joy in knowing that "we are not this, we are not this" (Sanskrit: "neti, neti"). There's nothing like abiding within that pure awareness, that space around thoughts.

        You don’t feel compelled to “name” things there, you don’t feel compelled to label phenomena encountered in your awareness. Words describing races, religions, concepts of rich, of poor, self-criticism and judgmentalness ...all don’t exist there. So there’s no fear. There is only a fearless “is-ness,” and we can take things for what they truly are, without judging, without projecting our many limiting definitions upon them, without all the "names and forms." This state of mind resembles that of young children, before their environments have had a chance to inundate their pure sense of awareness with truckloads of predjudices, us-against-them thinking, and the general fear consciousness humans carefully hand down generation to generation, as though it were a precious steamer trunk of anything useful.

        The space around thoughts is beautiful, hard to describe. It is free, free from worries about the future (which are just thoughts, and could be abandoned), free from oppressive thoughts about past experiences we may have labeled “bad” (those, too, are merely thoughts now, and we don't need to carry them forward any more; we could “drop the rock,” as Buddhists say. We have that choice). Self-realized masters stay in this state, and are charismatic, magnetic.

        I have, through meditation, managed to experience blissful occurrences of the niruddha state, even enjoy extended periods of it, perhaps a couple weeks, at best. But true to my viksipta self, I haven't, as yet, managed to abide in this state all the time, every single day, all day. And honestly, I doubt I ever will. But again, I guess anything’s possible...

When Questions You Don't Ask Lead to Answers You Need

2011-05-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

During reading sessions where I'm the client, I often don't even ask the reader the questions on my mind, at least not until later. Initially, I just sit there and listen. Often, a good reader will inadvertently answer questions I never even asked, and I'll get the answers I needed, whether or not they were the answers I wanted.

When it's Not the Where, but the Why

Once, I did a reading for a soon-to-be-retired gentleman. "Oliver" (not his real name) and his wife were contemplating where to move, the nest long-since empty, and its upkeep more than they wanted to be bothered with, etc. He hadn't realized that the move was literally a death of sorts to his wife, a very painful one. It hadn't felt that way at all to him, in fact he was very glad to be moving. But, after I intuited several details and pointed them out to him, he better understood the death dynamics with which his wife had been struggling.

It shed a whole new light on the subject for him. Turns out, the where of their moving was not really the question he needed to be asking me. It was more important that he understood the why of his wife acting the way she had been acting. I could see that with time and healing, she would feel up to being an active part of the decision-making process again. Then the where of the move would be a pleasant experience for both of them. It would become a memorable joy they both explored together, one of many.

When it's Not the When, but the How

          Once, "Denisha" called me inquiring about the when of "John" being back in her life again. I could barely hear her voice speaking due to the loudness of what I psychically heard (and felt) emanating from her energy field: a stinging anger, a bulldog tendency to "keep score" (I could actually "see" the meticulous score book she kept front and center in her mind), a driving need to be right, and to punish while enjoying it. It was quite toxic.

          And from John I felt a certain humbleness, that he had endured a barrage of verbal abuse from Denisha, and finally found the courage to depart from the relationship. His lesson in all this was how to set and enforce boundaries in personal relationships. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Denisha missed having a whipping boy at her disposal, more than she actually missed John himself.

          In the ever-volatile Earth classroom, to love unconditionally is undoubtedly one of the hardest things to do, at times. But this is precisely what makes it such a perfect classroom! The ultimate reason why our souls incarnate here, I believe, is to learn to love --love ourselves, our immediate circle of family and friends, love strangers, love the world at large, and even the universe and the spirit realm.

         But how does each of us define love? This is where the lessons in our classroom come into play, and differs for each of us according to what we need to learn. What is the quality of the love each of us expresses? Do we love only when others love us in return? Have we learned to equate love with co-dependency? Or violence, or abuse? Does it mean giving power away, or taking it, or does it have to entail a power struggle at all? How do we structure our expressions of love?

          And in the tremendous process of learning all this, how do we come to love ourselves?

          If need be I could be a (gentle but persistent) bulldog too. As a reader, I've learned to meet people right where they are. As Denisha kept demanding to know the "when" of seeing him again, I kept bringing her back to the "how" of her expressions of (what she thought was) love, her methods, and more importantly, their painful results. Getting John back in her life or not was not the question she needed to be asking me. Things would return to the same dysfunction, if she didn't first work on herself. I believed her guides wanted her to learn to manage her anger before she did anything else. Though she didn't like hearing it, this was the answer she really needed.

          Her wonderful band of spirit guides enthusiastically wanted to get right to work with her on this. They got into quite a bit of detail with a game plan they had. They showed me they wanted her to start by buying a notebook and writing down the date and detailed description of every incident in which John strongly angered her, all the big ones. Then, they wanted her to go to a river, lake or the seashore, light a candle, say words to the effect that she vows to let everything in the notebook go, then mindfully release the notebook into the water.

          It was important, however, that she be honest with herself, and if she felt there was even one thing in that notebook she couldn't let go of, she was to go home, put the notebook under her bed, and keep it there for however long it took. Then when ready, she was to attempt the ceremony by the water again. Once releasing this burden, she might be ready to learn to monitor her antagonistic love style, and break the habits of anger, and of keeping score, so deeply entrenched in her being. Working with a counselor or therapist might help all that.

Even Without Asking, Ye Shall Still Find

          So, sometimes the questions you don't ask in a psychic reading provide you the answers you really need. We don't notice some of the dynamics of the energy of a situation when we're in the middle of it, especially something stressful. Our own emotions get in the way of our thoughts, and we can't process them smoothly. For this reason, the highest paid, top psychics in the industry still consult other psychics. Me not being one of them, how much moreso does it behoove me do so, as well? I liken it to a surgeon, who doesn't operate on himself when he needs healing, but entrusts that into the hands of another surgeon.

          This is not to say don't ask your reader any questions. This is just to suggest being open to hearing about dynamics that you may be totally unaware of (yet they are registering in your energy field, loud and clear!). When a psychic shares such observations, you might be tempted to think, "This doesn't have anything to do with anything." I've had countless readings when I didn't get it at first. But later, the pieces always fall together.

          So, file information away with an open mind, even if it's puzzling at first, because down the line it could become what truly heals your situation in the grand scheme of things.

.

How We Shoot Ourselves in the Foot in Committed Relationships

2011-05-15T16:53:00.000-07:00

by Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
Psychology Today
Published May 13, 2011

The most loving thing we can say to our partners is,

"Teach me how to love you."

At the gates of commitment, leave all illusions behind. Falling in love is as natural as death. Staying in love is as natural as good diet and healthy exercise. We can eat, exercise, and love well in the short run, but over the long haul of everyday modern living, we tend to shoot ourselves in the foot. That's because, like toddlers, we try to do these things in the wrong part of our brains. Below are two of the major ways we shoot ourselves in the foot when it comes to love.

Toddler-love Mistake #1: The Illusion of Sameness  

The biggest mistake we make in love is assuming that our partners' experience is the same as ours and that events and behaviors should mean the same to them as they do to us. The illusion of sameness allows us to create some measure of safety in the face of the awful vulnerability that new intimate connections evoke. To ward off feelings of inadequacy, we talk ourselves into pleasant delusions:

"Our hearts beat as one."  
"We're soul mates."
"We're so close that we complete each other's sentences."
"She really believes in me."
"He really gets me."


You Don't Have to Take it Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One, by Dr. Steven Stosny

The illusion of sameness is sometimes disguised in the rhetoric of universal equality, regardless of gender, race, religion, etc., as if we marry a gender or race or religion, rather than unique individuals. Universal equality is a noble sentiment much abused by those who confuse equality with sameness and who feel uncomfortable with differences.

The price of whatever safety and security we get from the illusion of sameness is an inability to see our partners apart from our feelings about them. Partners who want to feel like soul mates (and partners of those who insist that we're all the same) will eventually feel invisible, unheard, criticized, controlled, and betrayed, if not abused.

The Limitations of Empathy 

          A severe limitation of empathy in intimate relationships is its susceptibility to the illusion of sameness. Empathy is identification with the feelings of another. We empathize with our partners based on our ability to identify with what they feel, which means that they must feel something like we would in similar circumstances.

          Think of how often you've heard a statement like, "I would never have done what he did," or "How could she have possibly felt that way?" or "I could not have reacted like (he/she) did." The subtext of most domestic quarrels is, "You must be more like me and see the world the way I do, even if it means giving up who you are."

          Empathy is insufficient in love. Sustaining commitment requires appreciation of differences and a higher order compassion for vulnerabilities we do not share.

There's No "Me-Harmony"

          Lovers who suffer the illusion of sameness will eventually discover that their partners are not like them, simply because we don't seek versions of ourselves to love (a copy of yourself dressed up to like someone else would be so incredibly boring that you might as well live alone).

          Besides having different parents, your partner almost certainly has a different core vulnerability, different temperament, different experiences, different hormones or hormonal levels, different trajectory to his/her emotional development, different gender socialization, and different support networks, all of which will cause him or her to give different emotional meanings to the same events and experiences.

          These differences are a large part of what attracts lovers, as they seem to add to their world-view and expand their experience of being alive. But in the second year of living together, couples who love in the wrong part of the brain begin quarrelling about the same qualities that attracted them in the first place. For toddlers in love, the illusion of sameness is more important than the people they love.

          For relationships to last in the modern world, we must respect our differences and tolerate those we cannot appreciate. We must outgrow narcissistic projections about sameness and stop trying to coerce our partners into experiencing the world the same way we do.

How to Improve Your Marriage

Without Talking About It:

Finding Love Beyond Words

by Dr. Steven Stosny

Toddler-Love Mistake #2:
Thinking We Know How to Do
Modern Intimate Relationships 

          Toddlers in love think they know everything there is to know about how to make intimate relationships flourish. This mistake seems to afflict women more than men, only because women tend to be better at other kinds of relationships. In general, women have deeper, more resilient, and longer lasting friendships than men. They are usually better at relationships with children, unless the father is the custodial parent.

          But women are no better than men at knowing how to make intimate relationships work. Though most come to realize this, many continue to shoot themselves in the foot by expecting their husbands to be like their girlfriends. They seem convinced that what works with girlfriends should work with a man, and would, if he weren't so stubborn, selfish, or defective.

          In reality, there is no way that any of us could know how to make a modern intimate relationship work. Biology has not prepared us for its special challenges, tradition is hopelessly outdated, and pop-psychology gives little more than platitudes or oversimplified and contradictory advice.   It's time to outgrow the illusion that you know how to make love work!

          Once relieved of the burden of defending your preconceptions and prejudices about how relationships should be, you are free to apply your intelligence and creativity to learning how to love the unique person you married.

          The most loving thing we can say to our partners is, "Teach me how to love you." More ways that toddlers in love shoot themselves in the foot will be described in future posts.

________________________________________________

A consultant in family violence for the Prince George's County Circuit and District courts, as well as for several mental health agencies in Maryland and Virginia, Steven Stosny, Ph.D., has treated over 6,000 clients for various forms of resentment, anger, abuse, and violence. He has taught at the University of Maryland and at St. Mary's College of Maryland.

Dr. Stosny is the founder of CompassionPower in suburban Washington, DC. Dr. Steven Stosny's most recent books are, How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about It: Finding Love Beyond Words, and Love Without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One. He has appeared on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," "The Today Show," "CBS Sunday Morning," and CNN's "Talkback Live" and "Anderson Cooper 360" and has been the subject of articles in, The New York Times, The Washington Post, U.S. News & World Report, The Wall Street Journal, Esquire, Cosmopolitan, O, Psychology Today, AP, Reuters, and USA Today. He has offered hundreds of workshops all over the world and has presented at most of the leading professional conferences.

ShelterBox, and Other Relief Organizations

2011-04-04T10:37:00.000-07:00

If you're interested in making donations to tsunami victims in Japan, here are some organizations working with them:

SHELTERBOX: You could donate a box in the name of an organization, individual, etc. Each box includes a tent for a family of 10, cooker, blankets, water purification, tool kit, eating utensils, first aid kit, and other items survivors need following a disaster. Every box bears its own unique number, and is monitored and tracked for which donations are spent on which boxes. Donate here: ShelterBox

AMERICAN RED CROSS: The American Red Cross is currently supporting and advising the Japanese Red Cross, which continues to assist the government in its response. Donate here: American Red Cross

GLOBALGIVING: Established a fund to disburse donations to organizations providing relief and emergency services to victims of the earthquake and tsunami such as International Medical Corps, Save the Children, etc. Donate here: GlobalGiving

SAVE THE CHILDREN: Save the Children, which has worked in Japan since 1986, has an immediate goal of $5 million to launch longer-term recovery for children affected by Japan's March 11 earthquake and tsunami. Save the Children has opened the first child-friendly space in Japan, protective environments where children can gather to play and share their experiences under the supervision of trained, caring adults. Donate here: SavetheChildren

SALVATION ARMY: The Salvation Army has been in Japan since 1895 and is currently providing emergency assistance to those in need. Donate here: SalvationArmy

AMERICARES: AmeriCares and its relief workers in Japan are working to deliver medicines and supplies to hospitals, shelters and health responders to treat and care for survivors. The AmeriCares team began mobilizing within hours of the first reports of the dual disasters, dispatching an emergency response manager to Tokyo to direct the efforts of our relief workers in Sendai, the largest city closest to the impact zone. They are in direct contact with local officials, evacuation shelters and hospitals treating the injured in Miyagi, Fukushima and Iwate to determine health needs. Donate here: Americares

INTERNATIONAL MEDICAL CORPS: A team of doctors flew to Sendai, where they will be delivering supplies, assessing needs, and identifying communities that have not yet been reached. They coordinate with local health authorities and partners on critical gaps, providing technical expertise and assisting with logistics. Donate here: International Medical Corps

.

What is Hypnotherapy?

2011-03-26T14:15:00.000-07:00

by Brianna Mitchell

Guest Blogger!

What is Hypnotherapy? Am I going to lose control or cluck like a chicken? Yes, there are many misconceptions about hypnotherapy. And that may be because many people’s only experience of it involves seeing a stage show where people were made to do incredibly embarrassing things to the loud laughter of the audience, and appeared to have no awareness of it.

Getting What I Wanted, Yet Unable to Enjoy It

           I will admit my first exposure to hypnosis was, indeed, a stage show at my high school's all-night grad party. Watching the popular kids embarrass themselves was my favorite memory, but it did not make me want to ever try it. Fast forward to me having my first experience with hypnotherapy ten years later to end my ten-year battle with my weight. I had tried diets (healthy or un-healthy), exercise, and had noticed the completely ironic situation that the better my life got in terms of healthier relationship, better home, happier children, the worse my weight, anxiety and fear got.

          It seemed like this cruel joke. I had improved so many areas of my life through the three years of serious committed personal growth work I had done post-divorce. I had left an emotionally abusive marriage with no idea how I was going to care for my one- and three-year-old sons by myself. I had weathered the welfare system, started a successful home daycare business, healed a lot of my self-destructive negative thoughts and habits, formed a healthy co-parenting relationship with my ex, and had found a new relationship with a man who supported and loved me fully and completely.

          Yet my weight was getting worse than ever, I was sinking into a depression, I had extreme allergies, and anxiety that I just could not shake. I'd gotten everything I had ever wanted in life, yet I couldn't enjoy any of it.

Change Through Hypnotherapy

That is the point I was at the first time I experienced hypnotherapy. I was lying in a quiet room, on a comfy couch, and as the hypnotherapist’s voice started, I felt myself relaxing deeper and deeper. I was aware of everything she was saying, some of it made sense, some of it seemed odd. I felt as though I was drifting off to sleep, or just waking up. As she would say certain instructions, I would feel different sensations taking place in my body. I was so relaxed that I felt as though I could have stayed there forever, in fact when the session came to an end I felt a sadness, not wanting it to be over. As it was over I wasn’t sure if what she had said really changed anything. I mean, it felt incredibly relaxing, but really, what could have changed in a mere half an hour?


Hypnosis connects us to inner resources and strengths buried within our subconscious minds.

As I went home I noticed things were different, I was more relaxed, positive, and all of a sudden I wasn’t turning to food for comfort. After a couple sessions I realized how much food had been a constant obsession. Even if I wasn’t eating it, I was constantly thinking about it. I hadn’t realized the extent of that obsession, until it was gone.

In fact, as the sessions progressed, I noticed my reactions to my entire life got better. I was, all of a sudden, calm when my new teenage step-children decided they hated me. When the bills were tight, I was optimistic, and looking for solutions. My allergies disappeared. I craved the brussel sprout salads from Nugget Market instead of the mocha frappuccino from Starbuck’s. It all happened naturally and unconsciously, in fact sometimes I would just stop and realize that I was handling something so differently than I had handled it before.

Just the Tip of the Iceberg

Now, as a hypnotherapist who has helped hundreds of clients, I am still amazed at the progress they can make with only half-hour sessions of hypnotherapy. I have come to realize the miraculous potential of the human mind! Our conscious mind is less that 5%, and our subconscious mind is 95%. Many people are trying with their conscious minds to battle their subconscious minds, and the odds are so unfair.


The conscious mind only uses 5-10% of the brain, and is, in essence, just the tip of the ice berg. The subconscious mind, however, uses 90-95% of the brain, and affects the autonomic functions of our bodies, as well as imagination and crea- tivity, and even our emotions.

          Hypnotherapy gets people’s subconscious minds working for them, not against them. I remember being a teenager thinking that hypnosis was just a way of "controlling" people. But I now see that hypnotherapy gives your control back to you. It gives you back the reins to your own life. Your mind has the power to heal your life emotionally, mentally and physically, and hypnotherapy allows you to harness that potential.

To contact Brianna, please visit her website:  http://www.aproventheory.com/

_____________________________________________

Some resources:

Self-Hypnosis For Dummies

Hypnosis for Beginners: Reach New Levels of Awareness & Achievement
by William W. Hewitt

Dealing with Restlessness During Meditation - Part 3

2011-03-20T20:03:00.000-07:00

by Barry Wadsworth

Guest Blogger!

In the first installment of this article (which I divided into a 3-part series), meditation teacher Barry Wadsworth reviewed traditional exercises used by Chan meditators to dispel excess physical energy that distracts from meditation. In Part 2, he discussed lifestyle habits that also contribute to a mind calm enough to meditate. In this final installment, he reviews the most important consciousness tool we have at our disposal, any time, anywhere: the breath. --Elisa

Ok, so now you are living a good, wholesome, healthy, virtuous life. How come there is still restlessness? First of all, it is the nature of the mind to think thoughts. There is nothing unnatural about it. In some forms of meditation, the meditator simply acknowledges the thought that has arisen and then gently redirects the focus back to the method. So if you are following the breath and the mind has drifted to a thought, you simply let go of the thought, relax, and go back to mindfulness of breathing.

           If thoughts still arise and lead to other thoughts, you may need to gently put a bit more effort into staying with the breath. There are some ways of doing this that seem to work for some people and other ways that work better for others.

           One way is to count each exhalation until you get to ten exhalations, and then start all over at one again (count the breaths). Another way that is to more actively participate in the experience of breathing. For example, be aware of how the breath begins, the duration, how it ends without controlling the breath.

          One that I like is to feel appreciation for the life-giving inhalation and the purifying and relaxing exhalation. My personal favorite is to focus on totally relaxing into each breath, to fully rest in the breath, totally letting go with each new inhalation and exhalation. This tends to very quickly settle both the mind and body and can lead to a very relaxed, alert state from which it is good to start practicing Silent Illumination.

In my blog entry, "Yoga for Singers,"
I present Youtube videos of meditation
teacher Anmol Mehta demonstrating
two useful breathing techniques. --Elisa

            Silent Illumination can be difficult to practice if you don't have good methods of dealing with restlessness. Because you are putting your awareness on the entire body at once, it can be elusive and more difficult to stay with the breath. In that case, you might go back to following the breath using one of the techniques I mentioned [in Part 1 or Part 2 of this article series] to focus and settle the mind.

          When the mind is less scattered and more unified, and you are fully present in each breath, then shift the focus to full awareness of the body just sitting. This will very quickly lead to a state where the boundaries of the body and environment begin to blur and then disappear and you can just be aware of the environment "just sitting." By this time, the mind will be very settled and you'll be able to continue effortlessly.

           Everyone moves through periods of restlessness and drowsiness, and everyone learns to deal with them in their own way.   Sometimes one way is more effective, and sometimes another. This is part of the skill of meditating that can only be developed over time. I still feel very much like a beginner and still have days that seem more problematic than others. Many things these days can be so unsettling. Practice Metta, Loving Kindness, and Karuna, Compassion, on yourself and on those things that seem disagreeable in your life, and this will go a long way to making each new day a great day for practice!

______________________________________________

Sign up for Barry's latest meditation series beginning March 30, "Exploring the Chan Practice of Silent Illumination."

Click here for more information: meditation class

Recommended (not required) text for this class:

The Method of No-Method: The Chan Practice of Silent Illumination

by Sheng Yen

Japan Earthquake/Tsunami Relief Fund Donation Request

2011-03-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

by

Makiko Yamashita
Japanese American Citizen's League (JACL)
Earthquake & Tsunami Relief Fund Manager
Florin, CA Branch

and

Marielle Tsukamoto
JACL President
Florin, CA Branch

Dear Friends,

        As growing nuclear threats follow a devastating tsunami and shattering earthquake, our hearts go out to the brave people of Japan. To help the victims of this tragedy hitting March 11, 2011, the Florin JACL, in partnership with the Japanese Cultural and Community Center of Northern California (JCCCNC), has established a local relief fund. 100% of the donations will go directly towards citizen relief efforts in the most affected areas of Japan.

          For those wishing to contribute to this fund,

please make your check payable to “Florin JACL” and include “Japan Earthquake and Tsunami Relief Fund” in the memo line, and mail to: Florin JACL, P.O. Box 292634, Sacramento, CA 95829-2634. The Florin JACL will match dollar-for-dollar the first $1,000.00 donated. All donations will be acknowledged. The Florin JACL shall forward all funds to JCCCNC.

          The Florin JACL is a chapter of the National JACL (Japanese American Citizens League), a 501(c)3 non-profit organization (FEIN 94-6103626) for which charitable donations are tax-deductible. Founded in 1935, the Florin JACL has a 76 year history of promoting multi-cultural understanding and civil rights in the Sacramento region, and has educated thousands of students throughout Northern California about theJapanese American internment experience and its important constitutional issues for all Americans today. Website: www.florinjacl.com

          The JCCCNC is a highly respected Northern California Japanese American community organization based in San Francisco with which the Florin JACL and its members have worked on many occasions. It serves over 185,000 individuals a year and conducts numerous exchange programs between the U.S. and Japan, including Sendai, Japan in 2010. Founded in 1973, the JCCCNC is also a 501(c)3 non-profit agency. Website: www.jcccnc.org

          Responding to the terrible 1995 Kobe Japan Earthquake that killed over 6,000 people and left over 300,000 homeless, the JCCCNC raised over $600,000 towards citizen relief efforts. The funds raised went directly to help organize volunteer efforts to get food and water to victims, citizen search efforts, clothe the homeless, essential supplies for women, children and seniors, and help in rebuilding orphanages.

          Since the latest disaster on March 11, 2011, JCCCNC has already wired over $100,000 in funds to Japan to support volunteer efforts to distribute food and supplies to people in the areas directly affected. JCCCNC strives to support citizen relief efforts that are both local and over the longer term.

          For more information, please contact Ms. Makiko Yamashita, a survivor of the 1995 Kobe Earthquake, who serves as the Florin JACL Japan Earthquake and Tsunami Relief Fund Manager at email: makikoyam at gmail dot com

          We greatly appreciate your humanitarian support and generosity towards the people of Japan during this challenging time.

Sincerely,
Makiko Yamashita
Marielle Tsukamoto

The Florin Japanese American Citizens League (JACL) is a grass roots community organization founded in 1935 in the former Florin farming community of south Sacramento. It is a chapter of the national JACL, the oldest and largest Asian Pacific American civil rights organization in the country. Over the past 30 years, the Florin JACL has actively led efforts for multi-cultural understanding in the Sacramento region. It has forged successful educational partnerships, reaching thousands of people each year, with the Elk Grove Unified School District; California State University at Sacramento; and the California State Museum for History, Women, and the Arts focusing on the Japanese American experience and its important constitutional issues for all Americans today. Website: www.florinjacl.com

Florin JACL Japan Earthquake & Tsunami Relief Fund Supporters (partial list):
Tatsuno Kusaba Drake
Brandon Fong
Amos & Mary Freeman
Judy Fukuman
Tom & Sallie Hoshisaki
Georgette & Roy Imura
John Kanemoto
Dr. Walter Kawamoto
Dr. Karen Kurasaki
Wayne Maeda
Colette Masunaga
Cheryl Miles
Keith Muraki
Kevin Nakano
Janice Nakashima
Terry Nishizaki
Andy Noguchi
Annie Kim Noguchi
Dr. John Onate
Judith Ryan
Fumie & Sam Shimada
Howard Shimada
Mike Staley
Barbara Takei
Chris Tomine
Twila Tomita
Lorrie Toohey
Christine & Stan Umeda
Richard Uno
Dr. Harry Wang
Devin Yoshikawa