Life

45. Life Lesson - Absence

2011-07-07T19:50:00.000-07:00

Having absences in life is like living life without having a dick. It's not acceptable, unless you're a woman, imagine living life without having the knowledge to cook. Yeah gg. Having an absence in almost anything is bad. Such as, missing out on party. You're missing out on potential women, drinks, friends, and most of all, fun. Socializing is far more fun than playing games. Trust me. Absences lead to no good. Absence in school is terrible, you miss out on learning which will lead to bad grades. So, eat your cockmeatsandwich, suck it up, and stop being absent at events. Go there, do your shit, do it good. You might not have fun the first time, maybe even awkward. But, after a while, you will have fun. If you don't want to smoke weed and your friends are, you still go. You tell them, "you're sharing a joint, potential HIV brah, umad?". And just sit down and enjoy your Mc Donalds cheeseburger that you bought for 1.39 and will be 20x better than the 5 grams of weed they purchased for 20 bucks. GG. The moral? Be there, socialize.

44. Life Lesson - Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangster

2011-06-27T18:53:00.000-07:00

Gangster ass niggas don't flex nuts, cause real gangster ass niggas know they got em. That's some true shit bro. Not claiming I'm a gangster but seeing all these "gangsters" on TV just irritates me a little. Not mad. Just irritated. Slightly. I mean, do you think Lil Wayne even has a high school diploma? So if he's a gangster, anyone can be a gangster right? I can be a gangster right now. I flex nuts, I don't sleep, I rap. I rap. I rap. I hit bitches. Too bad most or all of that isn't true. I bet it goes the same way for Lil Wayne, he can't rap, he can't flex nuts and he can't rap. I guess he's not a gangster ass nigga. He's just an African-American. LOL. Why are we watching him on TV then? Why? I bet it fucking feels great to be a gangster. The things they claim are awesome: money, bitches and weed all day. If only that were true.
Sad reality, the women that Lil Wayne gets with are at best 6/10. Shoulders too pointy. Come at him.

Damn it feels good to be a gangster.
Also, let's listen to Drake freestyle, he's good. Trust me.

43. Life Lesson - Stress: Dealing With it

2011-06-22T13:37:00.000-07:00

There once was a day that I actually cared about exams, that was a couple days ago when I could actually get revoked of my university acceptance. Yeah, I thought, if I failed, hello victory lap. Stress. Came and ate my butt hole. Inside out. So I decided to go ham on my fucking studying. Goodbye victory lap, hello hair loss. So how do you treat stress? Don't think about the amount of work you have to do. Don't think about any shit at all. Do what you're suppose to do. I know it's fucking hard but we're all able right, except dementors that have an iq below that of a dolphin. That's right, the smartest dolphins in the world probably have more iq than a dementor. BUT FUCK, YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT STRESS KK? You just do your shit bro. Real bros don't have stress, real bros release stress on women. Yeah, women get manicures and pedicures, we get handicures. Nahmean? So here's a joke for all of you I thought of when I was ripping my calculus exam, Why did the two derivaties who where completely opposite marry each other?

They both got a ln.

HAHAHA. btw I fucking shat on calculus exam. Teacher was impressed. If my teacher was a sexy ass teen, she'd be like "heyy (:" WITH the double Y's. You jelly.

42. Life Lesson - Pictures and Videos

2011-06-15T16:14:00.000-07:00

Pictures are memories. Thank Captain Obvious right? Well fuck you then because they are like free porn movies. Take as many as you want because they're free son but in the end you only use one, nawhmean. Taking pictures and making those movies as you grow up while keeping only the memorable ones is fucking awesome. You get to look back at when you and your friends did something fun. You get to travel back then and you will remember the exact feeling you had on that date. You might remember the most awkward video where you had the biggest boner or a video where you saw yourself doing some stupid shit. You will feel fucking amazing. These two things are like ice and cream, they mix and they mix well. They're like youtube. It's a tube, for you. Hey, you might even have a video of you and your friends making fun of a kid, "LOL THAT KIDS A FAGGOT". Straight classic. Pure laughter. You will instantly, like instantly, laugh when you watch it a year after. And the kid that got made fun of? Probably a billionaire now, but who gives a shit, he doesn't have fun and memorable times when he was a kid. He was a faggot and you weren't, you had your friends and memories.

41. Life Lesson - Hypocrites and Narcissists

2011-06-11T21:42:00.000-07:00

Hay, let's talk about hypocrites and Narcissists. First of all, hypocrites, they're easy to find. Especially online, facebook. When you're in a debate with someone and you spot something hypocritical that's when you've won the debate. I don't like hypocrites. You shouldn't either. I fucking hate hypocrites but I'm one myself. Get paradoxed, you mad? But in all seriousness, they are the scum of smegma in Super Mega Smegma ville. They are like salt and vinegar chips; taste and smell like shit. Come at me salt and vinegar chip lovers. Hypocrites contradict themselves and are pretty much related with narcissists. They coexist. "I think I am an Indigo child, I SEE THINGS, I'VE MET A REPTILIAN, AVATARS ARE REAL!". Stfu, ya fucking, faggot (sing-songly tone). It's cool if you've looked up a youtube vid and think you're an indigo child but bitch plz, you're normal, like all of us. Normal. "BUT I READ BOOKS ON IT AND DRESS IN BLACK CLOTHES!! YOU DON'T BELIEVE THEREFORE YOU AREN'T ONE!" Okay, you're a hipster who read a summary on another hipster's book. Cool story bro. Every time you punch out a hypocrite you get 2 brownie points, and if you combo it up with a narcissist you get a special attack, it's called, Haibroken!

40. Life Lesson - How to Survive the Cheap "No AC Summer Plan"

2011-06-08T16:11:00.000-07:00

My parents, are very cheap. As soon as I crank the AC up a little bit, they go bat crazy. FUCKA YOU TURN THAT SHIT DOWN, you trying to make us waste money on something that isn't essential? I'm chilling, or was chilling, and that happens. So how do you survive this? I've found a very brilliant way to survive the summer without an AC. The Basement. You go down there, excavate any fucking ghosts, dead bodies, dead animals, insects and penors. Rub one off because of the intense coldness of the temperature, then you fucking take your shit from upstairs and move it, like Beyonce said, to the left, but to the down. Yeah. Ez Fucking Peazy, shitface. There's also a theory I've come up with. There's a thing called, The Humidity Ghost. This ghost is what makes your house all hot and shit. It goes like this. The basement is where, the humidity ghost cannot tread, the middle floor is where it is born and half way upstairs to the second floor is where BOOM it shits on your face. Upstairs is 40 degrees while the middle floor is 30 and the basement is 0. How does this work? The Humidity Ghost. It jizzes on your skin on top floor and caresses your amber waves of grain in the middle floor. You know why it can't go into the basement? Because the basement is scary. HF GL.

39. Life Lesson - Nostalgia

2011-06-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you but I love to feel nostalgic. When I walk into Future Shop and I see Duck Tales on sale. I just make a DAT ASS + Jizz face. Must buy. Feeling nostalgic is great. You feel like you're a kid again, careless, no knowledge of how society works and who runs the country. When I was a kid, I would play fucking Pokemon all day. Not literally having sexual intercourse with Pokemon but PLAY POKEMON. LIKE FUCK YEAH, MISSING NO. FUCK YEAH, PLZ FOLLOW ME PIKACHU you bitch. And also, FUCK OFF RATTATA, no one wants to catch your shitty ass. Then you realize what is this pure shit that you used to play as a kid. Compare Pokemon to what you do now. Oh dat youtube, oh dat facebook, oh dat porn. Before those three things would all be taken up by Pokemon time. That's a long time. Also btw, gimme dat dratini. Farken joocy dratini.

38. Life Lesson - Water

2011-06-02T18:18:00.000-07:00

You can't waste water. Period. It's called the hydrologic cycle. Yeah, all you nature fans, water can't get wasted so please, it doesn't matter what you do with it. Atoms can't be destroyed son, you mad? That's not the case. I've realized that the water that you drink in a bottle could've been someone's piss. It could've been Michael Jackson's blood. The water in your toilet could've been the blood of Osama Bin Laden. Yeah. You probably have juice that was recycled from someone's diarrhea shit. After thinking this, I still drank water normally, not mad. Just an interesting fact. Imagine, the bottle of liquid you're drinking now is from the blood of Adam. Farken Joocy. Your alpha just went up by a whole 200%. Yeah, I drank the blood of Adam recycled as water. How mad are you religion? GG.

37. Life Lesson - Sleep Paralysis

2011-05-30T20:29:00.000-07:00

So, like the title says, I’ve been realizing that my sleep paralysis dreams are becoming more scary, not like fucking ghosts and shit but weirder. Yes, I have sleep paralysis dreams and yes I realize that when you look at someone with sleep paralysis it looks like they’re jizzing their pants again and again. But this happens to me like twice a month. I read somewhere that if you are able to control sleep paralysis you can actually go into spirit form! LOL. TRANSFORM, in the shape of SPIRIT! Who was the dumbfuck that made that up? I’m going to try that shit next time. Go into spirit form then sleep in spirit form and go into super spirit form. Like fucking Inception and Dragon Ball Z together. I call it Ballceptionz. Patent pending. Anyways back to the dreams. I lie awake on my bed, unable to keep my eye lids open more than half, shit freaks me out. There’s always a shadow on the fucking wall. I don’t know what that shadow is doing there but I don’t fucking like it. If I could only move. If I could, I would fucking make the shadow eat my dick meat sandwich and tell it to get out my dreams. Then I would tell him to make a fist and bang his teeth repeatedly over and over. Try doing that. Make a fist with one hand and hit your teeth with the folded thumb repeatedly. Yeah you look like you’re sucking a dick. You mad? So basically, Life Lesson: Try to control your sleep paralysis and kick the fucking shit out of the paranormal faggot that’s staring down at you.

36. Life Lesson - Being Victorious and Everything That Relates To Victory

2011-05-27T22:32:00.000-07:00

In life, your life, my life, we all want to win. Winning is what gets the bitches. Winning is what makes you feel good. Winning is what puts the hard on the nipples. Winning is what defines us. Inb4 Charlie Sheen pun. Being victorious is something that not everyone can achieve but you know what? If you can't, then too bad mother fucker. Tough luck, you're better off losing like a dipshit. Problem? To become victorious you have to have the mentality. Whatever you're doing, do it with pride. When trolling someone, you do it with pride. You fucking drop bombs like Nagasaki on them bitches. You take words to another level, you put creativity, you think outside and beyond the fucking tonka trollbox. You take their genitals and stick it up their asses until they scream forfeit. You fucking vagina punch them Captain Falcon style. Have I told you how to win yet? No. Now, to win, in anything, you have to have background knowledge on it. If you don't and you go into a challenge, then you're fucked upside down; missionary. Now, if you read this, you are now on the verge of becoming victorious and everything that relates to victory, you know why? Because there was absolutely nothing to gain from this paragraph but you still read it. You are victorious. If you didn't you are a mentally inferior cunt. Mad?

35. Life Lesson - The Acceptance Phase

2011-05-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

I got accepted into the university that I applied to and that is the University of Waterloo. You mad I'm on dat academic time? Yeah you better be. 'Cause based on my marks, I'm just an average human running shit. 79% all university courses average and I got into my program for Arts and Business. I got my life planned and all that shit. 6 years for MBA and GG. MBA = Motherfucking Balling Asshole's Certificate. So MBAC. I'M BACK MOTHERFUCKERS. Anyways, enough trolling. Gaining acceptance feels good right? Yeah, it feels awesome, like the touch of a female. Bonerific. Unless she be ugly, then she better back off and acceptance would not feel good at all. It would feel terrible. Terrible like the touch of an ugly female. Like the ones that are fat as fuck but still wear Gucci Prada Louis Vuitton shit, the ones that think they're hot but no, just no. To gain acceptance into something that you like, you have to work for it but after you gain acceptance you just don't like it anymore. Like, I fucking worked my ass off this year doing all these bullshit Calculus and Physics assignments then I get accepted. But there's still one month of schooling left. FUCK. It's as if, "Oh hey, there's a twinkie, *eats*, oh hey, the creme is jizz". Fuck yo couch. I will still go hard in university; no erection. I will drink all the females like they're milk; good for my bone-er. So everyone let me try on your shoes and tell me what it felt like when you get accepted into something. I'm outtie; fagget's belly button.

34. Life Lesson - The Weather

2011-05-20T18:03:00.000-07:00

When you live in Canada, the weather is tres difficile to predict. I mean, it can’t be consistent, at mother fucking all. One day, it’s sunny as shit during Spring and the next it’s fucking jack the ripper foggy time with rain. Yeah, I’m not exaggerating. I’m sure the weather in Africa is much worse but Africa isn’t the fucking topic of discussion, is it? No. Back to Canada; you wake up on a normal sunny morning, attend school, during second period of school, you look outside (keep in mind this is Spring), there’s fucking snow shitting from the Heaven’s of Canada. If I took my dick out, spread it over the hot English teacher that I have and then slapped her after the exchange of sexual pleasures was over, it’d be less random than the weather. I believe that Canada has a fetish, like everyone else; it likes to dress up as Canada, and change up its mother fucking weather all the fucking time. So, if you’re thinking, “hey I want to move to Toronto”. Change your mind and go to Germany or someshit because Canada’s weather is on some nexx level Kanye West Let You Finish type of shit. Enjoy your hail. Oh yeah and your Justin Bieber.

33. Life Lesson - House Caterpillars

2011-05-17T18:04:00.000-07:00

I don't know what these things specifically are but to me, they are caterpillars or fucking Missing No.'s from fucking Pokemon. My story? It goes like this, 4AM, wake up, thirsty as hell. Go downstairs, open fridge, chug some Arizona. Feel the need to piss after staring at the fridge blankly with drink in my hand for 5 minutes. Go upstairs, enter the washroom. Open lights. Look in mirror to check for Bloody Mary. Nope. All is good. Look down. Demon slithers across floor. Close eyes. Turn off lights. Walk out room calmly then run into bed while frisking myself to get rid of all the caterpillars that could potentially get on me. Sometimes, 3 out of 10, I would scream, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?". I do this when I just lose control and get scared like a little bitch. I usually don't sleep until an hour after. In reality, I don't think these things are dangerous but they are just creepy as shit. Like imagine if that shit was all over you when you are sleeping, GG LIFE. Anything with 6 or more legs just creeps the fuck out of me. Like spiders, you look at them, walk out slowly, then run away. You folks will love this moral, Life Lesson: Stop being a pussy and exterminate those fucking pussy ass caterpillars.

"No."

Foreveralone.jpg.

32. Life Lesson - Venting

2011-05-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

Till I explode all up in your mouth; pop rocks. That was what’s on my mind and what I had to get out. Usually in life, everyone likes a good vent, in my example, I didn’t vent, I just wanted to express what was on my mind. I guess you can call that air conditioning or what you learned in biology, HOMEOSTASIS…bitch! That’s the regulation of temperature and shit in your body. You mad I’m on dat academic time? Yeah you mad. Anyways, venting is an excellent way to express YOUR views and thoughts on something YOU believe in, or you just want to go Rambo and overuse every single swear word to your friend. Or, if you’re alpha, vent to someone you hate. “Tyrone you fucking faggot cockroach, go suckabagofdicks”, Tyrone, “You mad?”. Ez, both of you get venting points. This one time, I open a fucking bag of bear paws and ate half of it until I realize ants have infested it and I was just like, “Fuck”. Wasn’t the greatest bear paw. That’s still venting. Venting makes you feel good. Just don’t vent too much or you’ll get anger problems and kill people; no Virginia Tech. Anyways ending this off, my pen is the Bic Ultra Round Stic Grip.

31. Life Lesson - Yogurt

2011-05-08T20:07:00.000-07:00

Sup. New day. New post. Yogurt. The fuck? You might think that a post based on yogurt is stupid right? No, it's not stupid. You're stupid and so is yogurt. If I opened a fortune cookie and was gonna read my fortune, it would say, go fuck yourself before eating a yogurt. I don't understand how people can like yogurt. I mean, with all due respect (to the fucking yogurt secret society and Yoplait or whoever fucking makes it), it tastes like saliva with ass matter inside it. It looks like sperm. I wonder what goes on in the yogurt factory. "JEFF, I'm CUMMING!" "WHAT FLAVOUR?" "BLUUUUEEEBERRRRYYYYY". Ok, I admit, once a week, yogurt would be good but not fucking every morning. It's not that good for you. OH SHIT. CALCIUM. DAT BONE GROWTH. But no, evidently, a lot of calcium turns into kidney stones and you know what kidney stones are? They are the things that you'll have to shit out when you're forty years old. I have never had one but reading experiences on it make me not want to experience it ever again. Unless I was some weird ass motherfucker who likes to shit out stones. Anyways, you know curry? That smelly shit that brown people eat everyday? Guess what's inside it. I found this out from one of my brown friends: Yogurt. They say that men's minds are their dicks, if this is true, then my mind has been blown, by a transvestite. Motherfucker, NO.

30. Life Lesson - Frisbee

2011-05-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

LOL. So fun. Playing Frisbee is like watching magic school bus. But you're not watching the bus, you're watching Mrs. Frizzle. Is it mrs or ms? She doesn't have a kid, so it might be ms, but then again, she's one hot tamale. Get it, 'cause her hair is red? Awr yeah. Frrrah. Ok, I'm about to drop the bomb on why playing frizzle is fucking explosive. I don't think ya'll ready for this; virgin. I'm about to heat it up; microwave. Frizzy is hot; summer. Ok, enough of this shit. Frizzy is fucking bomb. You throw a disc to someone and then? YOU GET IT BACK AND YOU THROW IT FUCKING BACK AGAIN. If you want to change positions, YOU CHANGE POSITIONS. You throw it backhand, overhead, dagger or even fucking roll it to the right side so it does a fucking curvature to your friend. HOLY SHIT. If you're playing competitively, you throw that shit to your teammates. HOLY SHIT. Yes, that's right folks and women, you get teammates. Also, it's co-ed. You mad? It's not only fun, it's also athletic! You sweat your shit out, unless you're just tossing it around in which is more fun inside a gym where you can do some crazy shit like shit crazy some do can you where gym a inside fun more. In the end of it all, you enjoy it and enjoy it.

fucking glow in the dark
glow in your toilet
glow in the night
glow in the forest
glow.

29. Life Lesson - Eminem

2011-04-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

Eminem. Period. All that should be said are already in that first sentence. All you have to do is read in between the lines or rather line. Eminem is the best mainstream rapper there is. All you hip hop faggots can debate with me but Eminem is the best mainstream. Only those who want to fucking say that he isn't are either on Lil Wayne's dick or Drake's. I know you like the BBC up your ass, douche. Yes, I'm on Eminem's dick, no homo. What's there not to like about his music? If you don't like it, you're either a soft ass bitch or a man bitch. Man bitches are also called, gay faggots. Gay faggots. Eminem hates gays. Therefore, I can prove, through mathematical equation that Gays are evil. Gays = time and money, gays like to invest time into gay shit and costs more, from what I know.
.
So, Gays = (time) (money) we all know time is money, Time = Money
So, Gays = (money) (money) we all know when two multiply it becomes squared
So, Gays = (money)^2 we all know money is the ROOT of all evil
So, Gays = evil

So, Eminem knows what's bad and what's good. Listen to his music, he knows what's best. His lyrics, his flow and his life. The shit that he has accomplished throughout his life are far more amazing than anything from any rapper.
here's the link to my friend's Eminem upload.

28. Life Lesson - iPod Touch

2011-04-26T16:47:00.000-07:00

The iPod touch is honestly one of the things that got me through high school. You can put cheat sheets on it, take a pic of dat ass and what else? Easy pass on a test when the teacher allows you to listen to music. Never been caught once; just rack up those fucking marks. Throw some A's on dat shet. Oh you got a biology test tomorrow? Me too. Next day. What did you get on it? "I fucking studied for 3 hours and got 70%". You know what I got? 90% and I didn't study, I watched porn all day, it's evident that you are mad and I'm quite content. I don't waste time on such trivial matters. Ipod touch is the only intelligent way to get you through highschool. You mad I hardly study and still ace tests? You mad now you know my secret? FUCK YEAH. Ipod touch is a fucking need, it has wifi, it has a camera and you can download millions of fucking apps. You know you want dem apps. This one game is called Angry mother fucking Bird. And how much fun do I have playing it? FUCKING LOADS. Like I did to your mother. You bring the bird back and release your anger on those wooden blocks. Oh you don't see? Well I think it's time for an iPod touch. No I don't work for Apple but if you have an iPod touch you can vouch that it is a necessity. Also, if you do have an iPod, don't get a case. It's worthless, waste of 15 dollars. I've had my iPod for 3 years and dropped it like 3 times and it works 100% fine. Back is slightly scratched but who cares. Oh and finally, you can watch porn on your iPod. Yeah.

27. Life Lesson - Dubstep

2011-04-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

Lol @ dubstep. Life lesson, if you listen to it, you're a faggot, so avoid it. At my school, a kid plays dubstep every morning since he does the morning music. I don't know how the fuck he got chose to do it but he did. This kid plays dubstep every fucking morning. I'd be in a serious conversation with my friend, "Hey steve, you tap dat ass yet?", I would ask them, then all of the sudden, WAAA WAAA WAAA WAAA DERP DERP DERP TSCH TSCH TSCH WAAA WAAAAA WAAA. This would scare the shit out of me. I thought the school was getting attacked by fucking Optimus Prime and his league of robots. But no, dubstep isn't music, it's a recording of the engine of a car trying to start up. You record that, then you get dubstep. My farts would sound better with some drums added to them. My fucking piss sound would make a better genre of music, PSSSSSSSSSS FLUSSHHH. I call it, tripstep. Continuing on, another story of dubstep is, when in gym class, our teacher usually gets the cord to hook to the speakers around the gym. So the announcer kid plugs his iPod in. Guess who's back? Optimus. Fucking. Prime. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Shit hit the floor when he played that music. Luckily everyone rejected his music, "turn that dick loving shit off!", says someone. So he switches the song, what's next? The Beatles, nice, dubstep, fuck you.

26. Life Lesson - Peer Evaluation

2011-04-19T21:45:00.001-07:00

The stuff is hilarious. Especially if you're editing essays of someone who is almost or absolutely retarded. The joke is? It's academic grade 12 and I've maintained an average of 89 throughout the course. I've just about edited the worse essays from my friends. "Othello is black hero and is one of unique books of Shake Spear". Read that shit. Then read it again backwards. It makes more sense backwards than it does forwards. At least when you read it backwards the hero has a name and is saying, "Oh Hello". How the fuck is Othello a hero if he's black and discriminated. Shake Spear? What kind of porn you be watching? This fucker kills his wife and himself. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's the protagonist, but the protagonist isn't always the hero. Then after I finish the edit or as I call it, the good copy, this person asks me, "Wat shult the tittle b?". Buddy, we're not cybering here. I don't want you to shit on my tit, B. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Whoever made that line up, please tell me why I'm crying at how bad people can write? This person must've been an invertebrate. So I finish re-editing the essay, my friend says, "Yo, this essay is gonna be gucci". The fuck? How does an essay become Gucci? Are you talking about the shit in your dick? That's called smegma and in any case, smegma was better looking than the essay before it was edited. No homo.
Mad?
Yes.

25. Life Lesson - Reading Books

2011-04-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

LOL. Put up the letter L to the left side of your face with your left hand and do the same with your right hand on the right side, then make the O shape with your mouth. Reading is like doing that for the length of your time reading. You're on dat phaggy time. Reading a book is one of those things that you don't do. Ever. Unless you're in English class that is. I put emphasis on the word in. You don't read unless you're inside the class. Reading is one of those things that won't help you with anything. Sure, your English teacher might argue, it improves vocabulary and diction. Okay? Well so does reading anything on the internet that uses an alien vocabulary to you. Therefore, reading a book in English class doesn't help much but to make you follow through the course and getting a good mark. You can also argue that your English teacher is probably some fat 40 year old who's horny as fuck and wants to rape you and the scary part? You're probably more right than them. Your teacher probably reads every word in the English dictionary as "! COCKS, I WANT IT". English class is all bullshit from grade 9-12. You only need it once, and that's in elementary school. You mad you had to waste over 1/30th of your lifetime reading and doing English homework? Yeah you mad. Most statistics are made up, but this one isn't, because I'm the man and your teachers a 40 year old swinger man whore. Problem?

24. Life Lesson - Rage

2011-04-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

Raging isn't one of the best things out there. On the internet or in real life. Rage doesn't get you anywhere, and certainly does not help you acquire female attraction. Because, when you see a girl rage, do you think that shit's attractive? No! NO! Continuing, an example of fail rage is, when you get mad at your parents for saying some stupid shit and then you lock yourself into your own room. What the fuck is that gonna do? You realize you're going to have to come out sometime right? Or you can just chill in there and play loud ass music until they come in. That's probably the only way to counter that. Play some hardcore rap, like some Wiz Khalifa, loudly, key word. "BLACK STRIPE!", turn that shit down! "YELLOW PAINT", TURN THAT SHIT DOWN! "THEM NIGGERS SCARED", DID HE JUST SAY NIGGER? I'm going up there and having a good talk with him. "BUT THEM HOES AIN'T". You: Trollface.jpg. But all in all, when they barge through, your parents will lay the smack down. It's just a loss-loss situation for you, unless you enjoy pissing them off. Rage also increases your blood pressure, that's not good man, unless you're a vampire, that's great. Rage also gives stress, stress = white hairs, white hairs = opposite of super saiyin. Yeah. You get what I'm getting. Rage is bad. Now to end off with a forced cliche ending. l o l u m a d b r o ?

23. Life Lesson - The BBB

2011-04-11T17:06:00.001-07:00

You know what the BBB is? Sometimes called the triple b. That shit is SO cash. Well sometimes, most times, actually now that I think of it, it's not that cash at all. A lot of fat people these days. Therefore, BBB doesn't tend to acquire my likings at all. Fuck, I'm a hypocrite. Back to the topic, the BBB can be spotted everywhere, in front of you, behind you and beside you and if you're gay, you'll be changing that last B to a C and seeing a lot of it. Rarely, do I personally ever spot a BBB to my likings. The BBB is an acronym for, Big Booty Bitches. Now this might sound terrific because everyone loves the BBB, even your father. But, BBB doesn't stand for all the hot girls, it stands for all the girls, in general. That's right, even the fat ones. Those are the ones you have to watch out for. If you stumble upon them on your quest to slay some BBB, then you sir, have a problem. How do you solve this? Take out your calculus vectors, poke that bitch a couple magnitudes away, and while you're at it drop a couple of magnitudes of earthquakes; no Geodude. Now this is when the Fat BBB's like to counter attack you. They aim straight for your ego knowing they've already lost theirs, they kick your dick. No, not ballsack, they aim straight for the dick. Unless you have a sword dick or the Chronicles of Riddick, you're not winning this match. The only defense is to throw some food aside and get the fuck out of there. I need not cover what to do with the good BBBs. Since that's all you. Good luck on your mission in acquiring the BBB you fucker.

22. Life Lesson - Timing

2011-04-09T10:46:00.000-07:00

You know the deal, timing has to be right for everything. Yeah, I got straight to the point; no boner. In your life, my life, your mothers life who I potentially want to sleep with, timing has to right. You have to spread time out and fuck it until you realize that you need not have urgency in your life. One example is studying for exams, yeah you might think, oh shit lets study the night before exams! I can definitely cram all the terms of the male and female genitalia in my head for biology! No, no you can't mother fucker. That's like saying, I can definitely acquire four females at a party in one night, no, no you can't. Unless the chicks are mad ooglee, which I doubt since ugly chicks don't go to parties then I don't really have any advice for you if you're going to those types of parties. Where all they serve are Kool-Aid Jammers with a side of classical music for a buzz. And you'll get boners off doing homework together. Back to the lesson, the next day on that exam, where the night before you only studied a couple of hours, you'll realize that you'll get nailed by a male genitalia in your ass on the exam. To reiterate, you have to spread time out and fuck it. You have to study 2 days before that. Doesn't seem like much but will probably improve your mark on an exam by ten percent. A whole mother fucking ten percent. Ten percent is like going from 1000 dollars to 1100 dollars. You get an extra 100 dollars. Think of all the shit you can buy: 50 packs of wafer bars, 5 packs of condoms, 100 green tea Arizonas. Lettuce be reality here, 10% more is just better. 10% more ass, 10% more teets. You know you want it. Timing has to be right. Have a good night.

21. Life Lesson - Wafer Bars

2011-04-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

I'm munching on this Wafer Bar right now. All I have to say is, this stuff is delicious. Especially the Wafer Bars of the Napolitanke variety. I mean, this chocolate cream filled goodness just makes you get an erection on an erection. So it'd be some sort of weird disease on your dick but no, fuck you, it's the only way to describe it. Instead of Dat Ass, you'd be saying Dat Wafer Bar. This stuff is so Gucci Prada Louis Vuitton Paki Swag it's not even funny. Life Lesson? Buy it, eat it, enjoy it. One serving is 3 bars, I've had about 10 bars so far. You mad I just had about 3.25 servings of the recommended wafer bars? No, you're mad at the fact that you have none. LOL GG. No, I'm not a 14 year old kid who trolls all day but that's another good way to describe how good wafer bars are; 14 year old kids who troll, they make you laugh, therefore, enjoyable just like these wafer bars. All you faggots sitting at home typing on your keyboard while I'm typing and eating at the same time. This shit gives you super powers. Who says multitasking is a myth when I'm eating these muhfucking bars and typing at the same time? I'm laughing at how much better these bars make me feel. I feel like I'm on top of the world; your fatass mother that is. So I'm just gonna let my bars explode in your mothers mouth; pop rocks. Wafer bars are the shit of a shit. Shit.