Alternative Hypothesis

Break

2011-05-27T13:48:00.008+05:30

... ke baad. Day X, no bar-be-Q .... law of averages must be catching up! Along with the heat, rain, parking, conference calls, dinner, lack thereof, run, lack thereof, tiredness creeps in. Day was a near disaster but, in the words of the bard... "When the hurly burly's done, when the battles lost and one (just one more to go for the day)..." came across an interesting set of t-shirts.... just in case you are thinking of doing a Mirza Ghalib ... here are some samples :-)

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable like a coma?
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you
Better to have loved and lost then living with a psycho the rest of your life
If you're going through hell, keep going

And for the more cynically inclined

Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss.... though I wish you didnt.

I'm Not Your Stalker

I’m not your stalker

just because I watch you…from the bushes on your way home.

I’m not your stalker

just because I take pictures of you…while you’re sleeping.

I’m not your stalker

Just because I send you roses…with hidden cameras in them.

I’m not your stalker

just because I love you…even now you don’t know it.

I’m not your stalker

just because I have your underwear…that I stole when you were not at home.

I’m not your stalker I’m your best friend

what do you mean you want a restraining order?

So here's looking at fresh woods .. and the weekend...

Cheers!

Fwd: Fw: We are uneducated in many areas --------

2010-02-22T12:37:00.002+05:30

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: XY Date: Mon, Feb 22, 2010 at 12:26 PM
Subject: Re: Fw: We are uneducated in many areas --------
To: XX

As an ardent photographer and student of science (with more than a passing interest in electricity as some of my long suffering relatives will certify) this looks like an interesting hoax (see mail below). Lets consider the writers 'statements'

Indian Railways operates on 25kV not 40 kV (not that that will save your goat)
If you want to photograph a large group, you get them to climb the 'stationary' fuel wagon - it makes a nice backdrop (I presume better that Amravati railway platform). As an aside, fuel (70,000 litres) + 25kV power line (homes are at 230V - the voltage at the electric line is 100 times the home power)...what was he thinking???!?!
The electric charge passed through his body and the fuel.........(adulteration)?
The height of the wire is 5.6 meters and the height of the Wagon is 4.2 meters....therefore the safe height is..[drum roll] .. 1.6 meters or 4 1/2 feet (not really as at 4.5 feet you are the contact which connects 25kV to the fuel. As another aside, if Bijli dosent get you, gravity will!
Hence the flash or camera or any other contact is irrelevant ... unless you are a 2.5 feet person (ape?) with proportionate limbs..
Fully Educated - Fully Knowledgeable .. right....
Bad English :-)

Hence...candidates {all 12000 of them who didnt know its a VERY BAD IDEA to a) climb fuel tankers with a camera in one hand and b) you are more than 2 1/2 feet tall} for Darwin Awards or just a hoax mail?

said analysis not to be taken very seriously. I agree with driving and mobile phones ;-)

Happy Monday~

Z

On Mon, Feb 22, 2010 at 10:07 AM, XX wrote:

Dear All,

With deep pains (and tears in my eyes), i am sorry to inform You that yesterday morning, one of my dear friend's elder son (Mr. Aditya Suresh Joshi), age 19, studying in 1st year of engineering, died in Keshvani Hospital, Mumbai. He was admitted in Keshavani Hospital as burned patient.

Reason:

4 days back this boy had gone to Amravati (One of the district place located in State of Maharashtra) on study tour. After their study was over, he, his classmates & his teachers, all of them were standing on "Badnera" railway station to catch the train. "Badnera" is the name of the railway station for "Amravati" city.

As soon as they arrived on Badnera Railway station, many of them started taking pictures of their friends using "Mobile Phones" and/or "Digital Camera". One of them complained that, in his camera, he was not able to capture more number of friends in one frame. He was not able to catch the angle. Another boy suggested that let's climb on train boogie and take picture so that all of them can be accommodated in single frame.

At that there was one goods wagon (all of them were oil tankers) train resting between 2 main railway lines.

Kumar Aditya climbed up oil boogie. Above his head, 40,000 volts electrical line was passing through. As soon as he clicked the digital camera? 40,000 volt current passed through the camera flash light to his camera and then from his camera to his fingers and then from his fingers to his body. All this happened within fraction of minutes. Next moment he was thrown from the top. His body was half burned on the spot.

At that time, his father (my friend) was traveling in Bangkok. His many friends in Pune came to know about this via mobile SMS. They instantly arranged air ambulance in Amravati and his burned body was brought to Keshavani Hospital, Mumbai. i was told that this is the best hospital in Mumbai. For 1 and 1/2 day or so he was talking to his relatives. When he was admitted to the hospital, at that time only, doctor informed his relatives that don't keep great hopes. Because of lot of complex issues in half burned body? He died yesterday morning.

Now how many of us are aware about this technological threats & dangers? Honestly, Kumar Aditya and his father was not aware. His family was not aware. Our entire friend circle of more than 12,000, we were not aware. Now should we call ourselves as fully educated and fully knowledgeable people? Think of it. Please avoid mobile phones on petrol outlets. Please avoid talking on mobile phones while driving. i also know many of my friends who do not bother about this good suggestion and each one of them have opted for "Chalta Hai Yaar Attitude". Please avoid talking on mobile phones while they are in charging mode. Avoid charging mobile phones near Your bed and/or near wooden furniture. Avoid mobile phones near high voltage electrical lines like railway stations and use flash lights. My friend, his family members and we all friends learned our lesson with loss of young life. Now Would You like to empower Your friends about this accident so as to avoid future accidents? We can save human life by empowering all the IT users who are in Your network? i have done "My Karma {with deep pains & tears in my eyes}" by empowering You about this horrible experience.

The joys of singles...

2010-01-15T01:40:00.002+05:30

We to be frank, there is some merit in cheese cubes as well but the slices are really good! Let me illustrate...

A cheese single dosent mind being unwrapped = and does not object to other cheese singles being unwrapped..
Cheese singles dont have a family. You can deal with each individual cheesey single - without the others in the pack.
Singles mix well with almost anything! Booze, sandwich, music ...imagine doing all that in a pack!
You can unwrap a single almost anywhere.

...

To be or not to be...thats not really a question on Facebook!

2009-03-05T20:20:00.002+05:30

So Facebook is the boon and the bane of ones modern existence. Interestingly enough folks will add all sorts of random folk as their 'Facebook friends' thereby increasing a virtual friends-who-crash-the-party circle! Actually it's not that bad - have managed to get in touch with long lost friends and consequently have open invites to visit them in Hawaii, Casablanca, HK, Melbourne, Jo'Burg etc.

Naturally, some private life becomes public - just how public is determined by the follow Q&A (game??!?) that came through my mailbox - read on as it asks a series of interesting questions and probably answers....

Kissed anyone one of your Facebook friends? Yes but I don't want either of them to know about the other ;-)
Been arrested? Define arrested
Kissed someone you didn't like? Before or after the beer goggles?
Slept in until 5 PM? Alone?
Fallen asleep at work? Monday mornings between arrival and 4 PM
Held a snake? (Include all undesirable girlfriends, who, hopefully are 'ex')
Ran a red light? Always, unless there is a cop in sight - even ran a whole red light district once
Been suspended from school? Like you haven't ??!?!?
Totalled your car/motorbike in an accident? Did you total some one else's Bike/Car? Are they still your friend? Are you in hiding?
Been fired from a job? This is a highly insensitive question in today's environment. It should read 'have you no shame'?
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? For answer see No.6
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Alternatively - do you crack jokes early in the morning (instead of smiling at the co-sleeper) - Do you think Bed tea and being your usual funny self is a bad idea?
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? And do you know your tongue has other uses?
Kissed in the rain? Ha ha - how many women have you know who say they hate to get wet???!@?!?
Sang in the shower? Yes - ask the neighbours and the (ex)girlfriend(s).
Sat on a rooftop? Yes and ran on one as well - have a permanent limp to prove it! Though the 'slope' of the roof has certain advantages! Get your mind out of the gutter Al, I am talking about looking at the sky and the scenery while lying on a mattress on top of the school roof!
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? Can only remember the hypothermia ;-)
Broken a bone? 11+ and you?
Shaved your head? er. That may not be required any more...
Blacked out from drinking? Can't remember...
Played a prank on someone? Yes but I deny it!
Felt like killing someone? I could make a list though {insert current object of affection} would figure prominently...
Made your girlfriend cry? It was not me - it was you!
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? Had a turtle once - he escaped into a freshly dug garden pond...said pond did not go down well with the aunt in whose erstwhile lawn .......
Been in a band? YES
Shot a gun? Sort of ...
Tripped on mushrooms? Say No to Drugs!
Donated Blood? Yes! Yes! though the frequency may have something to do with pub crawls..
Eaten alligator meat? No - but I have no idea what the villagers at Sire Pub were referring to when they served 'Game Platter'
Eaten cheesecake? er...yes? Whats your point?
Still love someone you shouldn't? ;-)
Think about the future? There isn't one - drink now and party tonight! Also the bank is going to sink your savings and the government will get whats left..
Believe in love? Could you specify who with? Let's see...
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? YES
Been in more than 5 countries? YES
Shoplifted something? Does dragging a girlfriend out involuntarily qualify?
Coloured your hair? What hair?
Been Skydiving? No but would like to have the pleasure of pushing someone else off a plane..or a cliff with no reciprocal arrangement ;-)
Live with your parents? Not often...
Still have all your original organs? I do!
Swam with sea turtles? Nope - but just to keep up with the work life, tried a swim with sting rays and sharks.
Played Doctor? Ha - yes and oooh that Min... Though I am sure it would be more fun now ;-) al?
Been to Washington DC? Why do you ask? and I deny it....
Been to Disney? No - but I once dated a woman who was almost as large (and as shapely - this is the problem with the third pint and dimly lit bars) as Mickey.
Like Beer? See 44
Been on a scary place? Yes - you been in a relationship? Or had a wife?
Taken a dare? Yes - I dare you to complete this and post it on facebook..And have your significant other comment ...and survive the trip home!
Still have your wisdom teeth? I think it is unfair to put wisdom and teeth in the same sentence.....or the same person
Been to a concert? Yes and what a waste!
Lied for a good reason? I lie without reason! See No.4
Been to a nude beach? No but been to a nude and a beach...
Driven a boat? Piloted - the word is piloted. And yes - it was inflatable, with a small outboard and it was in Africa - the Dar-es-salaam yacht club! Happy??!?!?
Been to the top of Eiffel tower? Why should I tell you? And how is it relevant? Do you have suicidal tendencies?
Have a best friend? Yes - several. I discover them between the 4th and the 5th drink. They dish out good relationship advice and pass out before I do.....

Enjoy!

Romancing the Credit Crunch

2008-10-01T14:40:00.004+05:30

I do not wish to romance the credit crunch but what I refer to is romancing during the credit crunch and several advantages therein. So lets take our hypothetical individual who is single in the thirties (the folks in their twenties aren't really relevant), and is en route to romantic bliss. Unknown to said individual, the US Congress votes against a $700 billion bailout (read public fund profligacy) and the credit crisis, recession, financial bloodbath becomes more apparent…. And lo and behold, there is another reason to loose sleep. So SI (Said Individual / Semi Intelligent at this point) starts to fret – look after the job, look after movies, dinners, dancing, scrabble, and so forth. I say fear not – you would still be doing all of those whether or not there was a crunch!

During a credit crunch, there are advantages – no work. Or mostly no expectations from work both for yourself as well as your employers. You get to keep regular hours in your home time zone – get out in the evenings.

In addition you have saved time. How? Lets see:

You cant browse job sites looking for a BBD (bugger the better deal) – there are no jobs out there. If your HR finds out they will replace you with a younger, better looking (the cute number the XXX Manager has the hots for), at ½ pay! Time saved 3 hours
General Web Surfing is down to 1 hour a day. This is mostly because news is repeated and yesterdays news (bank crashed), is today's news (bank crashed) is tomorrow's news (oh dear!). Time saved 3 Hours!
You cant faff – while at work you need to look busy. This involves rushing about the office with a clip board. Ruffled hair included. Rushing shaves off 2 hrs spent travelling between different desks trying to plug into the office grape vine.
Lunch - 10 minutes. See above looking busy. Also credit crunch involves the office caterer increasing the price of food (currently running at YoY inflation of about 80%) AND reducing the portions not to mention cheaper ingredients (the food begins to resemble and smell like my car's engine – I dont have a car but if I did have one it would smell quite close to the cafeteria food). You will however have the customary plate of boiled rice (to demonstrate austerity while enjoying pork chops, pepper salami and some beer on the side). This takes 10 minutes while saving you an hour.
You need to leave early – out of sight is also out of mind. HR systems are useless, performance pay doesn't matter hence if the target is missing, the target is missed. Ideally leave exactly 7.5 hours (in case the access cards work). Time saved - unlimited.

Time Saved – 9+hours

So (this might be news to some of my fellow bankers), there is a daily reset on time i.e. all that time you have saved (9+x hrs) needs to be used or else it lapses and, lo and behold, another day begins!!

So… the consumption of time:

1. Travel to girlfriend’s = 1.5 hours. This involves searching for transport, taking one, getting stuck in 2 traffic jams and recovery from the travel. This is Bombay and your mode of travel is immaterial.
2½ hour to express oneself – this is important for self and counterparty even if you have mentioned it several times during the day. Include 10 minutes of awkward silence etc.
3. One hour to walk to evening's destination including more of point 2.
4. 3 Hours (minimum) at said destination to do more of 2 – somehow this will not sound repetitive. After a few drinks knees will feel weak ... from lack of food - see earlier point 4 – might be a good idea to eat at this point.
5. One more hour to walk to destination 2 - this is coffee and conversations (or a lot can happen over a cup of coffee depending on the brew outlet self and womanly predisposition).
6. One Hour at said coffee joint (SCJ).
7. ½ hour to walk XX to said XX's destination – include more point 2.
8. 45 minutes to get back – with said XX if possible.
9. 45 minutes to fondly reflect on the evening, punctuated by messages exchanged with said XX.

Time Used: 10 hrs!

Congratulations –by now you have extended your day by an Hour! Made up by leaving office early!! So find an XX and enjoy the credit crunch!

Cheers!!

FBT i.e. First Business trip a the New Co.

2008-06-02T23:07:00.002+05:30

May was eventful ... by being a non event! Paradoxical you ask? Indeed - met several interesting folk, had great conversation, but, at the end, all a bit of a dampner on things. However, being the eternal optimist(sic), and my preferred quote from Lycidas, we shall persevere. Also the US seems to be happy hunting grounds ;-)
Professionally things started looking up - the trip to the US of A finally materialised and here I am in Sunny New York (well .. across the river at any rate), gazing fondly upon the ESB spire peering from the Manhattan Skyline!
The trip itself was mildly interesting - wonder of wonders, the co passenger was someone who had spent some time in Dar and had been there recently with his kids to relive old memories. So it was great getting updates on the city, the new resorts, the catamaran to Zanzibar, the night life, the sea side at Oyster bay and the general commercial landscape! The 9 hr flight flew and in between the 40 winks, one managed to run through a fair selection of in-flight movies.
Note: Cloverfield is avoidable. Particularly if you have seen Godzilla or have had a meal.
The flight landed on-time at LHR and after a brief chat with the doctors at Surrey, I boarded the next Virgin flight to EWR. As luck would have it, the co-passenger was a college sociology major named Polly, who was heading out to "Camp America" to teach dance for 3 months! Sweet kid (or sizzling platinum blonde - depending on which side of 30 you are at) , if a bit paranoid about her luggage, the US, the weather and the inflight entertainment! But made good conversation and time flew.
Finally the flight landed at EWR and an hour later (the Customs and Immigration weren't too bad either), rendezvoused with cousin A and off we went to Edgewater! And the festivities began.... Soon, it was early morning and we slept...to be woken bright and early by the elder chuha. It was good to be here - after a sumptupus breakfast one started off to troll the neighbourhood, and see first hand, the effect of the real estate crash.... and the opportunities therein! let me not describe this, will put up pictures if I manage a camera soon (the current shortlist is a Nikon D60 with 2 lenses available from Costco). evening saw us at Queens, great evening with friends, excellent biryani and accompaniments and generally shooting the breeze, discussing golf, economy and recession... the day capped off with a short snooze in the "car" (this is a complete misnormer - the truck is a 4.6ltr behemoth, belting out an impressive 400bhp and the size of an avarage Bombay apartment, or larger, Nissan Armada). But then the cousins are somewhat tall people, 6 something and Dee is 5'9"...and there are 2 kids...
So this is how the first working day dawned..started with sorting out my local phone..then figuring out the laptop adapter... and then the calls. Now its lunchtime and all work is done, except lunch so I am off to cook. Reminds me of my freelancing (and free wheeling) days...the freedom, the excitement of entrepreneurship, and not having to worry about time!

So Ciao Ciao, maybe this too portends happier times....who knows? Maybe Atlanta does?

Semi-permanent retirement

2008-02-15T20:30:00.003+05:30

While it has been fun writing all these years (2005 onwards), such creativity(sic) is at cost. So I am now headed into semi-permanent retirement and will spare you lot a fair bit of drivel; unless I find some inspiration in which case you lot will come back for some more punishment.......
Till then, ciao ciao. Have a nice Weekend, week, month and rest of the year.

Cheers All

p.s. with the exodus of the writer there is little need for the visit tracker so that has been removed to keep you all safe..

How to Quit Chocolate in One Easy Step

2008-02-14T21:57:00.002+05:30

Step 1: Get a boyfriend.

This applies only to women - Men do not have a problem with chocolate - being the wiser gender, have decided long ago to get all their empty calories from Beer. More importantly, no one really wants a cure for their addiction…

However, swiftly getting back to the mentioned topic: getting a bloke isn't that difficult but getting one who would make chocolate unpalatable is a challenge.

But First lets look at why would anyone want to quit delicious, yummy, after8esque, lindtlicious, flakesque delight:

You will a live longer and healthier life with emphasis being on the word healthier. You may still die from over indulgence in [fill in your next favourite vice] but, your teeth would be healthy. All the chocolate that is left over can be put to better use.
Which brings me to my next point: Fun in the biblical sense: Here's what you do. Take the saved chocolate and melt it while mixing some full cream milk (An alternate recipe is here). [Do not microwave it – that will burn it and it would be any good -this was learnt the hard way.] Take three fingers (i.e. cool the syrup and dip three fingers in it) and have a drink (some ½ bottle of red wine or two tequila shots should do it). Then have another drink and remove your fingers from the syrup along with copious quantities of chocolate. Undress your bloke/babe. How to instructions can be found here. Now, this is important – especially if you aren't the creative kind (like me): draw Red Indian war paint patterns on said object of affection. This involves suitable patterns (three kinds, circles, straight lines and squiggles) - used liberally but without overdoing it. Then use your organ which has a sense of taste and proceed to lick the chocolate clean. Note: Use brown sheets or handcuffs so that linen/carpet is reusable. End result: you will burn 2000 calories!
You will save paper/ the planet: All chocolate comes wrapped (which is why it is such an aphrodisiac - see undressing point above) hence not buying chocolate would save wrapping. You could buy in bulk, save wrapping and GOTO 2.
Health: the aforementioned bloke will have to come up with something creative on anniversary/1^st date anniversary/1^st kiss anniversary/ 1^st night over anniversary/1^st fight/1^st Anniversary of the time when you both noticed the neighbour's telescope and so on. Apart from keeping the said bloke on toes, it will spare yours – cellulite will disappear.
Intimacy issues: 'Kissing a chocoholic…this is actually a good thing this is one reason why chocolate is good. Feed chocolate – feel good – do better ;-)

So..back to the how-to or dummies guide to quitting chocolate.

Get an athletic bloke. This individual will tell you "I enjoy dining out". What this will really mean: I enjoy eating out, in or anywhere else I can find food (including chocolate – logic being, the more the calories the better it is). You will never feel you have overeaten: with the amount of food he eats, you can have that main entree instead of a salad and you will still look as though you eat like a rabbit in comparison! This will lead to a terrible complex due to watching said athletic bloke eat desserts and not gain any weight. You will therefore stop eating chocolate.

Get a Banker. You will have nothing to do except go to parties (funded by the other's employer) where you will only see air kissing arm candies. You will get complexed and stop eating till you turn size zero. You will be a basket case and by this time you probably think all food is optional.

Dump the geeky bot-friend. This is the bloke responsible for your "being comfortable with yourself" as he makes no demands, AND got you the chocolate in the first place. In addition is attentive to your needs (chocolate slabs), wants (chocolate flakes), desires (syrupy chocolate) and fixes your hard drive/home WiFi while keeping you in pirated software/movies/robotic carpet wacker(this is probably his idea of kinky sex).

So.. Happy Quitting and may I get to lick some chocolate – and may you get some chocolate licked chocoliciously.

How to quit smoking in one easy step

2008-02-14T14:42:00.003+05:30

Step 1: Quit

That's it. Just get up one morning and say you quit. Throw the sticks/pack out of the window or in the loo and stop smoking. This is quitting smoking in on easy step.

However, like in everything else, there is more to it than meets the eye and therefore the quitting issue may be analysed:

Firstly, why quit? Ha ha! you say – the government told us that's why! Well, for a change the shenanigans are right but lets delve deeper into the advantages of quitting:

You will a live longer and healthier life with emphasis being on the word healthier. You may still die from over indulgence in McDonalds but, your lungs would be healthy.
You can also run – this would be useful in catching yourself a suitable partner. Frivolous as it may sound, exercise + lack of nicotine/tar is a winning combination for a healthy relationship; and is known to guarantee immense satisfaction.
Definition: of the muscular variety. As you being exercising (now that you have quit and you can), body starts to get toned making you one attractive peacock!
Climate Change: everyone knows that this is killing the planet. However, with news laws on smoking inside buildings coming up everywhere, you will have to leave the building to get that oooh so desirable drag! And it WILL be uncomfortable – hot/humid/freezing/cold or plain and simple smoggy. Also you will need to give up your lunch break for the pleasure.
Intimacy issues: Improve your snogging coefficient! Mint flavoured breath is always bettern than Virginia Slims!
You can smell: this is critical. Smoking kills your sense of smell. Chances are "The One" will waft by and you will never know… because you cannot smell them. For professional opinion see here and here.
And last but not the least: Money! You save minimum ₤360 per annum or more depending how expensive a smoker you are! That, in PPP terms, the exact cost of a Canon 400D Digital SLR Camera with lens! So every year, that gadget or that holiday or that loverly dinner for two or those 3 weekend getaways or that mortgage repayment …comes free!

However, you will, like any other addition, not find it easy. The withdrawal is going to be rough so be prepared. Inform near and dear ones that you will be:

Short : anxiety, anger, restlessness (this comes from all the time you save from not smoking)
The odd (hunger?) cramp and return of an appetite are not totally unexpected. This could also have something to do with your olfactory senses reawakening.
DO NOT and I repeat Do Not take any decisions in this period – they are likely to be something you will regret. Focus being the key, do everything, but one at a time.
Exercise and drink lots of water (3-4 ltrs a day): This will prevent any weight gain you have from said appetite AND will remove toxins faster!
Finally get a friend. Crucial when you hit the lows. This might also help you decide who that friend is ;-)

Actually this piece applies to any habit one tries to kick – be it a person, alcohol, sloth, and other milder addictions.....

Cheers

Reverse Telecommuting is the only solution......

2008-02-14T02:04:00.011+05:30

In addition to being in a rather foul mood all day [with the sole exception of the period between 1530 hrs and 1700hrs where the quality of water cooler humour and the quality of coworkers (cow orkers???) peaked], there are these goons who have somewhat held Maximum City to ramsom. This is not entirely a bad thing as whenever there is some trouble in MaxCty, work stops and the entire office going population becomes one giant rumour mill.... the last one I heard was "The Cell Phone Networks have been Jammed to prevent trouble".... er..and jammed networks would be? The reaction to crisis is borders on bizarre with people eagerly wait for almost any excitement - usually of the negative kind and for empirical evidence one has to but look at the media headlines .
So, in that eternal search for an honest answer to life's questions (best tackled over a hot cup of sugarless tea and the ubiquitous "बरुन अंॉणी मस्का") one parked at the den for a few extra hours which only added to the general irritation with the world at large and some individual(s) in particular. However, just when the dark clouds (never quite understood the usage of this phrase in India- Dark Clouds are a good thing in these parts; its the Tide one worries about much like the ones referred to by Sir Walter e.g "..... that the last tide had risen considerably above the usual water-mark" from The Antiquary) Maddox brightened up the day with Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion.

This is an interesting way of exploring a popular concept - the usage of tide by Sir W. is intriguing as it is diverse - so far I have come across at least 4 works where he has used "tide" i.e. Jock o Hazeldean, Lochinvar, The field of Waterloo and already mentioned, The Antiquary. So, with the day suitably brightened, its back to Yoga, Skipping and a Long Walk. And need to prepare for the next (day's?) rants and find vent for my general and specific disgruntlements.

How to Succeed at work and other irrelevant suggestions....

2008-02-12T22:39:00.002+05:30

Dear Readership,

I am back with even more disagreeable stuff which will mostly be intelligible...partly due to your stupidity and partly due to mine. However, we are all in the same boat this week so let me start by dishing out some second hand advice... this one would be useful to several of you and I shall just provide the link here...please to be browsing:

1.How to undress for sex

2. Sex Shockers: Everything you know about sex is only a first step. Most advice for couples doesn't go far enough—as a result, basic truths about long-term passion are surprising.

3. How to Have Great Sex: Ten keys to great lovemaking, including the having right attitude, communicating and loving your body.

Now that you have finished reading this at work (and your network admin's web security is smoking by now) you might find the next bit particularly useful.....

the following are Richard Moran’s Career Success rules (you find these in almost every office) and my added two bit.

Business is made up of ambiguous victories and nebulous defeats. Claim them all as victories: Example: We didn’t lose this contract, it was just an expensive lesson in choosing the right strip joint to entertain the client at....
Keep track of what you do; someone is sure to ask. Also helps create an alibi in case there is a security breach. Also helps create alibi’s where there are none (particularly useful when the most interesting movie has tickets available for the 1400 hrs show)
Be comfortable around senior managers, or learn to fake it. Basically walk into their chamber and say “Gotta brewski dude?”
Never bring your boss a problem without some solution. Unless you are the problem. In which case become invisible till the boss can find someone else to blame!
You are getting paid to think, not to whine. Unless its for a raise..in that case it becomes a chicken and egg story where you whine, get paid, stop wining till the next time….
Long hours don’t mean anything; results count, not effort. Also no pay is worth the girlfriend’s ire…
Write down ideas; they get lost, like good pens. Also helps you keep in touch with the written word minus spell check.
Always arrive at work 30 minutes before your boss. … and leave 10 minutes after s/he does (this will also help with 6)
Help other people network for jobs. You never know when your turn will come. Also it will reduce competition. The same rule applies to personal life – the best way to remove competing males is to help them find girlfriends alternatively convince them they are gay – this will remove competition …in pairs!
Don’t take days off sick—unless you are. Sick includes “Sick of Boss” “Sick of Work” Sick of own whining”
Assume no one can/will keep a secret. (You can use this for your advantage too – start a rumour about the company and cause panic – this will ensure swift promotion/raise.)
Know when you do your best—morning, night, under pressure, relaxed; schedule and prioritize your work accordingly. This refers to work and not S_X. In case of latter, try to have less variation in performance.
Treat everyone who works in the organization with respect and dignity, whether it be the cleaner or the managing director. Don’t ever be patronizing. Be sarcastic instead. This will make people avoid you and result in less work. Also their low self esteem (because of your caustic comments) may be beneficial.
Never appear stressed in front of a client, a customer or your boss. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: In the course of human events, how important is this? (Its kind of a toughie, if u r really stressed out, ofcourse u should never do that before customer). Instead, appear stressed at home – this will help ward off the girlfriend’s ire at having forgotten the …1. _____ 2________3.________4_______
If you get the entrepreneurial urge, visit someone who has his own business. It may cure you. Better still, encourage colleagues to become self-employed. This will also help with the promotion/raise.
Acknowledging someone else’s contribution will repay you doubly. But Always claim responsibility in private with the boss!
Career planning is an oxymoron. The most exciting opportunities tend to be unplanned……...as are most disasters. Reputation is a carefully built pyramid – pay attention to what the others are saying. The proceed to malign them.
Always choose to do what you’ll remember ten years from now. The only think I can think of is sex..but then that’s the only thing I can thin k of anyway….
The size of your office is not as important as the size of your pay cheque. Eventually size does matter…
Understand what finished work looks like and deliver your work only when it is finished. ..but take your time. It SHOWS you have put in a lot of effort ;-)
The person who spends all of his or her time is not hard-working; he or she is boring. Always try different stuff..break the monotony….step out of your comfort zone… kinky sex IS better …..
Know how to write business letters—including thank-you notes as well as proposals. Articulation is the key to communication …otherwise one has to use sign language where chances of “lost in translation” are really high!
Never confuse a memo with reality. Most memos from the top are political fantasy. At the same time a note from the significant other is NEVER to be ignored….there are at least 3 lines in between the lines!
Eliminate guilt. Don’t fiddle expenses, taxes or benefits, and don’t cheat colleagues (or the current). You will be screwed over and not in a nice way….
Reorganizations mean that someone will lose his or her job. Get on the committee that will make the recommendations…..
Job security does not exist…. …
Always have an answer to the question, “What would I do if I lost my job tomorrow?” Move to Maldives?
Go to the company Christmas party….
Don’t get drunk at the company Christmas party…… make sure the Boss gets drunk first..at the very least yo will know what She thinks of you!
Avoid working at weekends. Work longer during the week if you have to…. Preferably don’t work at all…
The most successful people in business are interesting…...its in the confidence..its also amazing how much you can get away with if you are confident.
Sometimes you’ll be on a winning streak and everything will click; take maximum advantage. When the opposite is true, hold steady and wait it out….
Never in your life say, “It’s not my job.” ….sometimes its good to let the other person get in the (driver’s) seat.
Be loyal to your career, your interests and yourself. Being loyal to the counterpart may help your bank balances at a future date too ;-)
Understand the skills and abilities that set you apart. Use them whenever you have an opportunity. (So important, don't be afriad of giving out your ideas and opinions, even if they are negative).. Also constructive Criticism is over rated…
People remember the end of the project. As they say in boxing, “Always finish stronger than you start.” Also finish when you are supposed to….. not late and ..certainly not early… after all, in certain things in life…..speed is not everything!

Mates...

2008-02-01T12:28:00.003+05:30

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/article3283690.ece#cid=OTC-RSS&attr=2015164

I like The Times (this is not Slimes of India but THE Times published in the Queen Liz's lands). Not only do they sound rational and fair (mostly), they also let fly some soul(sic) searching articles on what else… mate hunt! So while I have some more time to kill and hence read. This is an interesting take on the issues that govern all (wo)mankind (particularly those north of 29) and it talks of the trials and tribulations of a mate hunt (as opposed to what they describe as "sperm-bandits"). The moot question, as the title suggests is, Where have all the men gone?

British women in their thirties want mates. They can't find any. Why? Because most eligible males are selfish, mixed-up man-boys chasing no-strings sex, says our correspondent.

This presupposes a few things:

1. Women of other creed/nationality do not want mates

2. Most ineligible males are not selfish (i.e. committed man is more likely to be a love rat)

3. Boyish charms have gone out of fashion

This is a somewhat local broadsheet so they are entitled to their opinion. Also being of the sex at the receiving end of this article, I can hardly profess an unbiased outlook J

So they say that men start of as men and then degenerate into (wild) boys. Now I am not sure this is a bad thing and it sure would help if some of the women too degenerate(sic) from women into girls J The prime problem in England (or the Larger UK) seems to be the intense desire of women to get the blokes to commit and the intense desire for the said blokes to run away from such commitment – a clash of interest as it were. The blame, apparently, doesn't lie with the said fickle, love rat bloke but with the large media where, and I quote "And we wonder why men are afraid to commit, when women like me are depicted as hormonally charged sperm-bandits interested in nothing beyond the urge to have a child".

Also, this phenomenon seems to be restricted to the land of the English where, the whole living loose and fast thing seems to increase with age, particularly with the blokes (male camaraderie beer session etc). I can certainly vouch for this one having keenly observed the pre-mate rituals in both England and India – in India, the sex ratio(n) (see Club of 69 post) ensure the Yin-Yang balance, mostly in favour of the Yin. Also there seems to a general disagreement on the utility of younger versus older blokes – in India the younger blokes are considered good for sex and are rather "sweet" in a tail-wagging-puppy sort of way while the older fellows are deemed more charming/caring/treat-object-of-affection- well. The Brits OTOH tend to be great friends, but, "admit that they are rubbish boyfriends. Interestingly, they also agree that this wasn't always the case". AND most seem to have been in therapy! What did you do to these fine blokes in their twenties!?!?!? There is of course this whole demand supply thing which tends to turn 360 degrees in favour of men after the age of 36 – the number of single women increases relative to the number of single men who, in different fits of depression (induced by not having found a mate), have drunk themselves to an early grave. UK stats – 100 girls to 108 boys at birth – by mid teens its 1:1 and , statistically, post that it would reverse in favour of men. There are other interesting stats which you may read on your own – tastes preferences etc… which are so over analysed that they are dull and boring.

Now all this male bashing (Emotional stunting post 30, wild fellows screwing themselves to an early and lonesome grave etc….) was taken exception of by one Mr.A.Clover Esq. Who has raised some pertinent points (I will quote liberally):

1.Men are scared: their women will make them throw out their comics, their motorbikes and their dreams of writing novels! Bikes and Dreams I understand… Throw out COMICS!!! Where Bat Girl and Super Girl do Lex Luther….sorry another media J

Also the targeted acquisition is simpler than it appears to be and the following rules apply :

1. "It doesn't really matter which type of man you go for – younger, older, divorced. What matters is that you go for him". Particularly in the UK where the demand supply equation has shifted to the LHS.

2. The divorced man is more realistic and therefore practical.

3. The older man just wants someone who won't shout at him.

4. If it takes her two minutes to get into the car, she's ideal.

5. Alternatives is the Man-Boy where the suggested (cunning) strategy is: wait for him to call but, when he does, you must be devoted and give him glorious sex in flattering lighting.

The rest of this traitor's (to his gender) rantings are far too dangerous to be propagated over the net except the closing statement: "Try not to worry about what happens. Remember, there are also loads of men like me: the ones who hatched, and still went bad. We wish you luck. We wish you love. We'll see you by the swings in five years"[1].

Footnote: Interesting comments from readers of critiqued article!

Just wait for the married ones to get divorced.: Bruno, NYC, (very practical! Er… how long? Or should one preempt it? ;-))
Morrissey put it well: "If you're so funny, why are you on your own tonight? If you're so very entertaining, why do you sleep alone tonight?" Perhaps single women should think what they could do to make themselves more appealing to men as potential partners. here's a clue: it has nothing, or very little to do with beauty, grooming, clothes etc - and a lot to do with being patient, kind, trusting, generous and interesting. All of which men have to do as well, of course. : D. Miller, London, (sane advice! Lets sell our collective stock in L'oreal!)

Usual Disclaimer Applies

[1] CLOVER A, Andrew Clover's Dad Rules is published by Penguin in May

SOS, Your Place (or mine) and a wireless keyboard....

2008-01-18T11:37:00.003+05:30

So the computer Bug strikes again! I already have repertoire of 4 machines... one is an 8 year old assembled box and the others are all Dell. Most people dont like dell - but I buy them for their service and response - hassle free. With due respect to George Orwell, all machines are born equal but some are more equal than the others. So here is how it went down - a friend had a requirement for a PC. The last one had died after one attempted to resuscitate a 5 year old Viao with minor improvements such as Skype and complex activities such as "Defrag". Hence one was duty bound to assist the said de-pc'd individual get their virtual life in order. Personal interest was hopefully their 'communication" would improve. This one has a basic issue with eye contact you see ;-)
So the first step was to talk to Dell or rather their website java which has an Orwellian personality. The "Machine" insists on a few things - such as getting one of their blokes to unpack the box and connect the wires ..for the princely sum of $20. As far as hourly rates (=$80/hr) go - this one is the best ROI!! So anyway, after much research on mundane things like Second life (did I mention "virtual" earlier?) the configuration was decided i.e.

Small hard Drive - another one to be added later or keep an external one
19"Flat Panel - must do for graphics / Gaming / TV!
Wireless key board and mouse (but of course if one wants to surf from the Bed ;-))
The innards were a bit more interesting - a C2D Proc. running at 2.6 Ghz. Should do the trick
A 256MB ATI radeon 2400 something - this is good. In addition to the TV tuner card (TV input into the comp), there is a TV out card as well! So now the Second Life / Torrent / DVD / Digital Media can all be streamed to the TV!!
Sound is not an issue either - A525 Speakers with the sub woofer are cool! and if you need more juice - just drag a cable to your existing sound machine!!
With other assorted features (8 USB ports etc etc), the thing has a rather sleek design - the size of a vertical coffee table book.

So what else is needed (other than the usual stablised power supply, wifi etc).. hmm lets see.. a Game Controller? Halo// and yes Lots of Music! Several Movies! Remote IP Web cam! Music/Media Bridge!

And yes ..a bed. for one it is pointless having a wireless key board unless one has a bed. A large room would do as well but then one would also need a 30 inch monitor which kind of turns the whole thing into a tech monster.

Now with the bed what could one do? Ha ha.. really... what does one do in a bed - Sleep, and shag!! One could also read but then that wouldn't require a wireless key board. During the said nocturnal activit(ies), you could play instructional videos and get the moves just right, cut to appropriate music in the interludes... starting with Mozart .. capping off with Beethoven for afters ;-). and if you are slightly deficient in the imagination department, SOS a friend for help.. Over Google Talk!

Conversation:
[background Music Mozart]
Clueless: Help! Help! Help!!!!!!
Good Friend (not getting any action): WTF! Weren't you busy tonight???
clueless: Yes exactly! W.T.F. do I do next!??@?#?$?$
Good Friend: Grab!
Clueless:what? GRAB WHAT?!?
Good friend: everything ;-)
[Crash bang (pun) other assorted sounds as the grabbing results in limbs mixing with power cords]

Cut to after
[Background Beethoven - power restored]
Said Date: Baby, that was positively electric!
not-so-clueless: [thinking with a satisfied grin] That wireless keyboard was a good investment :-)

Happy Weekend!
Enjoy!

Why do women get plastered at fancy dress parties?

2008-01-10T14:24:00.002+05:30

Really..what a question. Another friend turned XX and had a party. Expectedly got plastered and I am dead certain that she was not in any fancy dress (the dress may have been fancy...must ask). So, among the legions of other ignoble research, this one probably takes the cake... for ingenuity. let me paint the picture: there is a professor who has a Null hypothesis: Is there is a rare situation where women will sink in more alcohol than men? The answer to that one is yes (guys please note) - fancy dress parties! Particularly those with sexual themes!
Why is this chief a genius? The madness lies in the method - to conduct this particular study, the man, Dr J Clapp, lead author of the researchers' report in Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, breathalysed 1,304 people who'd enjoyed 66 student parties in southern California. And the beauty of the method - note the operative words "at the parties". so,"at the parties" Clapp and cohort found that alcohol consumption at such fancy dress parties was 50% higher. To the mathematically challenged, they polished off 12 pints insted of the regular 8!!
As per analysis from El Reg, Dr Clapp admitted that "as his team was unable to explain the surprise finding it would be necessary to carry out further field work", concluding: "Given that some theme parties can be highly sexualised, future investigation of the mechanisms that may explain this effect is warranted."

To sum, go look for sexually themed parties, ply the chicks with alcohol, then figure out how drunk they are?? On a University Grant?

Where can I sign up!!!

6 Point on the license and you are 3 points down...!!!!!

2008-01-05T12:49:00.002+05:30

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
So another one bites the dust - a friend turned XX......literally, aged and then fell over. While the physical aspects of their ageing is a good thing - sort of the same effect that is observed when one switches from |Bolivian Marching Powder to C. sativa subsp. sativa var. spontanea.

This allows one to keep up with the former live wires and still make profound statements at the end "Are you done? Already....?";
most people seem to loose their sense of humour (which I suppose is better than loosing all sense).
Now these fun lads and lasses (more the lasses than the lads) slowly, but steadily, mostly under the influence of mind altering stuff like Yoga, degenerate into self absorbed humourless people! However, the alcohol imbibing variety seem to recover somewhat after the 4th (this is another variation of ageing - alcohol free health nuts, with a dancing mania) so are slightly more tolerable.

However we digress. I am here to comment on "Daru ke Side Effects".

The first bit is energy. Alcohol is an energy drink. There are other assorted pills (blue or otherwise) which have the same effect but we are talking about good old C₂H₅......OH! Alcohol, once imbibed (usually leads to more imbibing), leads to carelessness. This leads to dancing, till wee hours, and thereafter an afternoon of nursing sore limbs (it gets worse in girls as said dancing is usually carried out in heels size of which is inversely proportional to the said female's height - something to do with centre of gravity thing I am told; the higher you go the harder you fall ).
The other effect is the Beer Bus! I would elaborate here the pitfalls of said bus effect - however one Travis's sister has elaborated on the same, rather eloquently I might add.. This also applies to the biggest question of them all "Why didn't he call" ;-)
Slammer: This is largely applicable to the fair city formerly known as Bombay. Alcohol + Driving will get you minimum 30 days in the slammer. So far some 2.5 denizens have been welcome guests at the government's finest accommodations at Arthur Road Jail. Those that got away are.. well.. mostly dead.
Choice makes a difference. A Vodka or A Whiskey helps. A beer on the other hand is a strict No No! Please note the emphasis on the article "A". It is in caps. This is also called chemically enhanced experience without "side" effects.
Excessive consumption is a good thing. After the 6th (usually with a lot of variety), you brain the pavement. Said pavement being in general disagreement with the said braining proceeds to protest. This protest results in said brains being a tad worse for the wear. This is good for your immediate gene pool.
Philosophy (and in extreme cases, Calculus). One spouts philosophy (even poetry in some cases - but then its usually in the abstract hence gibberish). One even has an eloquent self which emerges after the 3rd. However this usually a rant/rave about the other sex. More on said rant here.

So folks, the new year is here and we must get down to earth. May be a detour to the local wouldn't be such a bad idea ;-)

Cheers!

Scenario 4 ...it is just plain rude!

2007-12-29T11:03:00.000+05:30

So another weekend and another evening out. However one has been awakened from the slumber by a rather early call from the Dell folks. This time the reason was a cracked Bezel (direct result of an earlier service request) - but they have been prompt in replacing a part on a machine which isn’t sold in India (I bought this in the UK). So now I have a 2.5 year old machine with a new "top" i.e. the laptop's base is old. But all closed satisfactorily - screen fixed, cover replaced and the machine works fine.

The same can’t be said about technology though - and I have missed breakfast - so cannot be sedate about the whole thing. Technology is failing us on a a regular basis and we remain mute spectators to the takeover of the human race by silica (in all forms) and metal ;-) And this problem seems to be confined to various circuit boards (with add ons i.e. communication devices) whose masters are between the ages 31 and 33 .. Oh and female.

The problem itself can be defined as the Technology Bermuda i.e. ASSSOCIATED with the "triangle" and not the "shorts" - whatever passes at one end does not necessarily emerge at the other (or not in the same form at least). Main symptom being messages (in the form of calls / text over the cell phone/email / anti“social” networking etc etc) just seem to vanish in transit. Now I know these folk and they are rather stable, conscientious people with a high level of integrity (most of the time) and honesty (albeit self confessed) and cute, so they must have missed the message due to some electronic gremlin.

Now there could be several reasons for this -and I am guessing that no physics wizard has as yet managed to slow the flow of electrons / radio waves so communication sent over the wires and airwaves are pretty much instantaneously delivered. -The cause of this can be alcohol. Scenario one: message flashed - sender identified - adrenalin rushes - hands tremble - cell phone (the said slavish printed circuit board) dropped into a glass of martini - master (or mistress in proper English) mostly shaken and stirred - cell phone dead - message lost - ... forever.

This is a hardware issue...

Another scenario is a fancy phone... mistress being popular several messages clog the mailbox - said mistress then proceeds to chop chop... being an imperfect device (as opposed to the master mistress who is perfect) hangs beyond a point - mistress, already too hot to handle, blows several gaskets...attacks the "red button" with the ferocity of a she tigress who has just caught a "jackass" eyeing her "puppies".. Undesirable message + several desirable ones (presumably) are consigned to eternal damnation of the trash bin!

This is a software issue.....

Scenario three is mischief - virus (much like the A15 common cold virus) causes selective amnesia in the slave phone AND the mistress. Arrival of said message (in form of ringing / beeping) prompts a rather long and detailed query regarding the origination / originator of said missive. This is usually accompanied by an alcohol fuelled statement represented by "Who?". In cases of extreme familiarity the word is downgraded to a sound "Hmmm..." followed by suitable filing procedure (this is mental – pun?).

This is a malware issue....and the plot thickens. :::

So I say – off to finishing school with the device! Alternatively - shoot the messenger! Thus delightfully enlightened, I am off to be a part of other peoples plans..This new year there isn’t going to be any Baga or Bali.. But there are things to meet and people to do...

Ciao Ciao

One for the Road

2007-12-27T10:30:00.001+05:30

This one was left behind.. it was a picturesque "Cantina Dos Alfonsos" or the Canteen of the Alfonsos. Which is supposed to serve food and other provisions. Alas the only thing this one served was disappointment in all departments except Architecture and Asthetics. The Guesthouse attached looked very promising and its located right next to St Sebastian's. So if church bells are your thing, this would be a great place to stay - about a 10 min walk to Our Lady Church and Panjim; A short ride to Velha (or old) Goa, and generally a great place to be.

Medimix is the New Lifebuoy (Pronounced Life-Boy)

2007-12-26T20:34:00.000+05:30

So 2 months capped in Bombay with a rather nice trip to the cool capital of India, Goa. In the interim, the journey has taken me through "Hotel Heavens" (nothing could be a bigger misnormer - the place is a dump and seems to believe that "Medimix" is an essential part of the Heavenly experience). More to the point, this is located inside an export processing zone (government's wisdom of disseminating largess). What this means is that the place dies by 2200 hrs and if one were to step out of the 12X14 hotel room, one may get shot.
Next stop was "Ashoke Delux Apartments" whose claim to fame was a canteen which served oily food. Other than that there was poor access to the place, internet and other amenities...but it was an apartment so one could drink in peace. The next stop (i.e. the third change in one month) was Lake H. i.e the company guest house - which is a collection of some 10 apartments which serve as transit acco for people. Nice place, food is great but god help you if you like a random midnight snack!! The main reason being that the company's trust level vis-a-vis its minions is the same as the love and affection between Narendra Modi and Sonia Gandhi. net result - keys are with the caretaker ironically names "Ramsevak" (loosely translated Servant of (a) God) - sample pics of the "Den" are as below - a 360 degree view:

Room by the lake

So currently one is parked in this den, where the Internet is limited but the food is great - if rather homely. The local crowd isnt very pleasing but then living out of a suitcase (Sideways - don't get any ideas re: suitcase and elantra) has its advantages - d0nt need to be polite to immediate neighbours!
So anyway, the second month in Bombay was capped off with a rather spiffy trip to Goa. The place of lodging was Panjim Inn, Fontaihas, Panjim, Goa. To give a background, this part of Goa has been preserved as a live heritage site, complete with a resident community, brilliant, traditional homes and a quaint little church, St.Sebastian's, to complete the picture. Unfortunately no camera was taken. This turned out to be a good thing as there was no pressure to take "Patel Snaps" and no tourist agenda. Life slowed, we unwound, and had a great time in the process. Day one was lovely..after a rather delayed "Spice"Jet, landed in warm Goa for the 30 min cab ride to the Inn. Relaxed with some sandwiches ( ;-) ) and then headed out to town, which turned out to be a walk..en route discovered a lovely restaurant ( i forget the name but its close to the Patto Bridge on Ourem Road otherwise known as the 31st January Road - btw this place also has an 18th June road.. what next? 9th January Road??? I know of one individual who would be rather pleased with that!). Dinner at this place was great (Caramel Custard didn't pass muster..neither did the cheese sandwich from the hotel) - I ordered some Goan, and then proceeded to guzzle 2 cubes of butter, much to the horror of present company... before that some alcohol was purchased so after dinner, the party moved to the Inn. Which had all the ingredients.... Wi....e, Wo..an, So..g.. and what a blast!
So the next day dawned and a short walk into town (on sunday) convinced us that that was a waste of time... even the art deco place attached to the hotel was closed. But, in the evening, one Nos. Scooter was organised for the customary trip to Baga - the name synonymous with Partying! The scooter ride was great - cool, with cool people - reached Brittos and parked next door at Oceanic where the music was great. En route, picked up some food at ....... (reader please fill in in comments).. The location was brilliant! Sea side (i.e. beach), a table, some mom-batti, a well mixed whiskey, some decent music and an advancing tide! After a bit this prompted the change to another venue (We were looking for a dancing, music, place) but alas, after turning off at the Calypso, we found one deserted beach shack after another... and therefore settled down to a quiet evening with drinks, the sea, the waves and some music. Highpoint of the evening was when present company ordered some tea and Naan! His expression was priceless! At some point, the night unwound, and the trip back was as nice... fond memories of the carefree days relived etc. Night caught up..

Fontainhas, Panjim, Goa

unfortunately the morning came rather early in the form of one WES (people have nothing better to call up holidaying people at 0800!!) and Naik II, the scooter vendor coming to collect his able steed..! So breakfast at the Inn followed by a quiet stroll in the city and eventually lunch and sleep at the INN... evening being reserved for dinner at Fidalgo Mirch Masala - a very touristy place with average food..but the evening was good, strolling around Panjim (Inn), forward, backward, sideways....and then the Midnight Mass at St.Sebastian's - which was rather disappointing as the service was average and the resident priests did not touch upon any of the contemporary issues other than a passing reference to the commercialisation of Christmas (he objected to Santa Clause) and the general atmosphere of hatred across the world. So the night capped off with a well deserved sleep and the morning, as usual, started off with a bang! But then checkout time came swiftly upon us, prompting a rapid exit towards mandovi hotel... where, the cheese sandwich didn't pass muster, so toast was ordered, and the cheese transferred to the toast... as a result I overate - but, as the food settled in, and conversation flowed, the traffic noise drifted into the distance and time flew..and it was time to say bye to beautiful Goa.. The return trip was great.

Till next time......

Footnote: The new loudspeaker is the cellphone!

9 Words Women use - And some....

2007-12-18T13:37:00.001+05:30

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine:This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. Even if you are right, you'd better shut up or its going to cost you: materially or otherwise.

(2) Five Minutes:If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. Also this is when a game of Russian Roulette starts to look increasingly attractive.

(3) Nothing:This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. This also means that there is trouble in paradise - best get a coat and step out to the pub - the beer will lessen the pain which is sure to follow.

(4) Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! Or you should actually do it, it isnt like a russian roulette, more like standing in front of a cannon and then lighting the fuse.

(5) Loud Sigh:This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.). At this point you should also sigh - this will buy you time as it will confuse the hell out of her as to why you are sighing; meanwhile you can run through the list of potential misdeeds and narrow down to the most likely 3.

(6) That's Okay:This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake - and the longer the thinking, the more devilish the retribution (and yes I do mean the co...)

(7) Thanks:A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever"). Thanks so much is fake - it is merely an attempt to appear nice so you (the said idiot) can be touched up for further favours.

(8) Whatever:Is a women's way of saying F**K<http:///> YOU! Extension would be do whatever the F*&$# you want. One bloke misinterpreted this and ended up putting his beloved on the market - refer to the souped up Nissan in one of the earlier posts.

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it:Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3. When a man says this - you can be rest assured its already been done and the counterparty need not bother - this statement, with regards to men, is largely associated with things technical or mechanical or, in some cases, financial.

Please note that even if you internalise all this, it will most likely not help you. The googly is association of past misdeeds with the current one i.e. equating veggie shopping (or lack thereof) with premium unleded for her car....

The only solution: be a man about it and take it on the chin .. Girls, give up. It aint getting any better.
Cheers

Love chatting? Your online suitor could be a comp

2007-12-14T22:25:00.001+05:30

Love chatting? Your online suitor could be a comp
Now this is hilarious - not the mere fact that the humble Eliza style chatbot has evolved, that its flirting. I suspect this is evolution in its true form - largely stemming from women disappointment in men - so a machine steps in! Emperical proof - men are loosers - ever heard of any woman, whatever quality, called a looser? Even in countries with an adverse (ha ha - what a poor choice of words) sex ratio! Now the article goes on to say that the programme can chat up upto 10 women at a time without any one realising that that's a machine.. this is truly evolution - can you show me one guy who can chat up 10 women, even serially, successfully? No you cant!
i also suspect that the women, subconsciously, THEY KNOW! They just want to feel they are in the company of the perfect man!
However this bodes ill for the menfolk... lets see.. all porn for men, all sex toys for women therefore, men are satisfied with porn and women are satisfied by rabbits of various hues ;-).. now just imagine the chatbot is merged with a rabbit..... Shudder Shudder... (The words love and machine take on a whole new meaning here!)
So on that scary note and the fact that some blokes were shot dead a few hundred meters from my current residence, I am off to make amends and, hopefully, put a couple of rabbits out of employment.

Cheers all

Parting Shot

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it....Oscar Wilde

Blogged with Flock

Voice Disabled Human

2007-12-14T16:48:00.001+05:30

Right so Friday is here--- unfortunately not for the United States which means that being a subordinate super power (1bn people ostensible qualify us), we now have to wait till 1830 hrs to talk to "Them". But all for the glory of God Corporate - we shall wait and sacrifice quality drinking time, which, at the time would be productively spent hanging about in the traffic (en-route to the Pub) But all is not lost … unless you count my voice – which seems to have a mind of its own. What I thought was a cold coming on, turned out to be a case of Laryngitis. Now this is necessarily a bad thing when one has a point to put across –unless one is Italian in which case you are born with the knowledge of sign language. In that case, simply gesturing will do. Otherwise it's a major pain..can't even have a decent verbal duel with .. well anyone who doesn't know the morse code (though at this point I probably sound like the Morse Toad – Dit Dot Croak…Dot Dit Croak or something which sounds close).

However, loss of (comprehensible) voice isn't half as bad as the loss of the rare weekend pleasures (and no, I do not refer to real pleasures – merely the chemical induced alteration of reality i.e. Beer) – from the looks of it there wont be any serious drinking happening either. So to recap – can't shout, can't talk (tried but the morse code went out of the main stream with the advent of the telegraph, cant drink (permaloss of voice is not a good thing - all that articulation down the drain), so I have decided to watch….movies. Several of them… even B and C grade ones in me repertoire…TV series… anything that has moving people in it. … also there is the Christmas weekend to plan…so rest is desirable.. Goa is great at this time… even though there are complications to handle….it should be fun…hopefully voice enabled….

At this point one would launch into a soliloquy but it would merely sound like a … well.. croak..

Or maybe there are other activities which do not require making comprehensible noises.. ;-)

Eventful Day(s)!!

2007-12-13T23:17:00.001+05:30

Well for one there are two posts today... and for second, my exercise routine seems to be a bit over the top...involuntarily! Last night I restarted the running (princily distance of 3kms - to be verified)

View Larger Map

So anyway the running aside, the guesthouse internet connection proved to be a boon... my webcam, mic and assorted internet communication devices are in action and I get served quality tilk (this is tea with milk) at 2330 hrs :-)
The downside is what I experienced this morning - to get breakfast one had to climb up 20 floors (and then down 20 floors) - reliance energy deciding to play spoilsport early in the morning (this also kind of defeats the whole purpose of being in this city. Evening was uneventful - run @ 8, Dinner @ 9, and at 10 figured that friend had kissed the wrong end of a Truck, while friend's car was worse for the wear, friend's nose was OK (for the time being).

Nothing quite like a spot of disagreement in the evening eh? Unfortunately, the cup of tea is half full, as is the glass... no bar tender(ess?)around to refill... so I shall sign off. Tomorrow is a very light day (this is a good thing - I am planning to do nothing but plan for the Sunday run and the Saturday work drinks)....

Parting Shot...

"If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right." (Anonymous)

Enjoy!

Life and Times at Social Networking

2007-12-13T13:22:00.001+05:30

Social networking is a great thing and I have managed to connect with buddies (drinking or otherwise) through these contraptions(sic). While I agree that "age" mellows… postings like the one below lead me to strongly suspect that it's the significant other who is the real power behind the post. But, some of my "friends" are feeling a tad low and certainly need a leg up in a manner of speaking hence this post serves a dual purpose.

This is should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it everyday.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

And just when one was beginning to loose hope in the tenacity of human (drinking) kind.. this follows:

'Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway' -take a hard left and proceed quickly to the Kitchen enroute to the Bedroom, TV and PC Room.

I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone. This one is obviously for the Girls - for blokes, replace rose with [insert preferred poison here].

Good friends are like stars.......though sometimes you need to be bonked on the head to see them.

When you see a glass half empty...ask the bartender for another round!

And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt, and call me over!

So people, the key to happiness is a) reading points 1 through X in the morning and b) make friends with the bartender in the evening ;-)

Cheers all

"It often happens that a player carries out a deep and complicated calculation, but fails to spot something elementary right at the first move." -- grandmaster Alexander Kotov --inscribed on gift chess sets given by Amaranth hedge fund.

P.S. RETURN TO SENDER
Do you know the phrase 'stop and smell the flowers'? They smell better when you stop to mix them with candlelight, food and Remy Martin Fine Champge Cognac.

w00t!

2007-12-12T21:46:00.000+05:30

That isnt quite how I feel at the moment... just went for a 3k run, have a cold coming on and basically feel wiped out! However, websters has decided to add numbers to letters for word compositions... yes w00t is spelled with 2 zeros! lament lament etc... but all said and done, I do feel we need to speak in ones and zeros ..just so we can communicate better with machines (thankfully one particular friend has given up the "texting" habit - unfortunately not replaced it with anything). Dear friend - please to be noting.
Further to ones ongoing battle to get people to look at me (no, I am not particularly distasteful).. Psychology Today has a cultural perspective on the whole thing. .. why japs emphasise their emoticons...Compare :-) with (^_^) and :-( with (;_;) - we learn a new thing every day. Do note the empnasis on the eyes..
Now I am being disturbed for random investment advice.. however the seeker of advice is current flatmate hence need to go. More later.

Adios Amigos..

Old order changeth,.... somewhat...

2007-12-11T21:45:00.001+05:30

Well, after a month being (re)located in the Fynancyal (yes this city seems to have a serious case of corrupting names... ) capital, life is a tad slow. Now dont get me wrong, its rather comfortable, work is a 10 minute walk away ... office hours are good, even the work is tolerable (for the time being).. but the living situation is rather ...slow. The guesthouse is a 3rd floor flat. Air conditioning, 2 rooms, 3 TV's (differnt sizes), 2 remotes for the same (WTF??!?!) and for appliances, one Iron, one board, one refrigerator, one "fuzzy logic" washing machine (its a relief being away from the "power" laundrettes whose sole objective in life seems to be to convince one to get a new wardrobe)...
Now work.. excellent .. somewhat... the office has this bevy of youngsters.. spaced out (having worked Australia Time in India)..managers.. strained from battling Tech Support/ Admin and other animals inhabiting the corporate jungle... and yours truly... teaching all Derivatives (yes thats the kind of finance I do)
Now the other issue with this location (which btw is a more organised concrete jungle ..at best), is the location. It isnt really bombay (you dont get compressed en route to work)...therefore getting away is another issue - requires multimodal transportation - a TukTuk (alternatively known simply as an "Auto") - a WWII vintage Cab and possibly the Train. What goes for a train would put PoW camps to shame.. if one survices the biological assault (thic comes in variants, bacteria(usually found on the l load, aromas (not really, and zoombies (violent ones... found on all parts of the 1945 Virar "Fast" - fast being relative ...to a buillock cart)
However, drinking is good though prohibitively expensive... one colleague blew 12k (or about £150) on a drinking session for 2.
On the positive side - the trip back erstwhile home was great - one got to see the blue sky and indulge in pleasurable activities ;-) imbibe somewhat copious quantities of alcohol (absolutely necessary on the weekend) - discovered a variant on a prop. cocktail recepie (highly appreciated by the co-imbiber).
But... the internet is acting up.. so shall stop the tirade here. More shall come later (mostly because Google gives free space and readers cannot complain). So I shall sign off and wait for my sense of humour to return before I write. You all be good... hopefully not too good ;-)
Cheers!

Alternative Hypothesis

Break

More on the subject...freshly plagiarised from the net..

I'm Not Your Stalker

Fwd: Fw: We are uneducated in many areas --------

The joys of singles...

To be or not to be...thats not really a question on Facebook!

Romancing the Credit Crunch

FBT i.e. First Business trip a the New Co.

Semi-permanent retirement

How to Quit Chocolate in One Easy Step

How to quit smoking in one easy step

Reverse Telecommuting is the only solution......

How to Succeed at work and other irrelevant suggestions....

1.How to undress for sex

Mates...

British women in their thirties want mates. They can't find any. Why? Because most eligible males are selfish, mixed-up man-boys chasing no-strings sex, says our correspondent.

SOS, Your Place (or mine) and a wireless keyboard....

Why do women get plastered at fancy dress parties?

6 Point on the license and you are 3 points down...!!!!!

Scenario 4 ...it is just plain rude!

One for the Road

Medimix is the New Lifebuoy (Pronounced Life-Boy)

9 Words Women use - And some....

Love chatting? Your online suitor could be a comp

Voice Disabled Human

Eventful Day(s)!!

Life and Times at Social Networking

w00t!

Old order changeth,.... somewhat...