It's All Good . . . .

Sore All Over...

2012-02-24T03:22:00.003-08:00

I ache. I ache nearly everywhere! I've booked a visit to my GP on Monday to see if this is normal and to get some painkillers or anti-inflammatory drugs or something. Strange that I've never been given anything despite the pain I'm in, my dad reckons it's because I don't speak out enough. It must be, on my last hospital visit the nurse told me 'Don't suffer in silence'. All very dramatic and the lot, but usually the pain is manageable, its bearable. I don't want to waste doctors time, especially as I've managed to go through the majority of my life just fine.

But on the sulfasalazine my body aches. My elbow was hurting yesterday, it's locked before and it clicks when I move it but never has it hurt. The rest of my joints seem to be all moaning as well. I just want everything to be okay. I've had a wrist fusion and now my dad's family treat me like I'm made of glass. My nan wouldn't even let me grate cheese the other day! My cousin asked me the other day if I needed help to do the buttons on my coat up! Admittedly my coat is awkward and I button the opposite way I would normally, but I am still capable of such mundane things.

The wrist fusion is scary and I'm still trying to get used to it a year down the line. I still imagine that I'm able to bend my wrist sometimes, without even thinking about it, and manage to elbow the person next to me. I still go to put my face in my hands when I'm bored in a lecture without realising and end up even more uncomfortable. Well at least my person space has grown since those who know me try to give me room to manoeuvre.

I honestly don't know how I will cope with both wrists done (as the doctor has told me they eventually will do the left. It's a problem now because of my age.) People out there have it done all the time and they still manage and cope and live their lives to the best they can. That's what I've got to keep thinking, stay positive and stop being such a wimp, there is always some one worse off than you.

Bridal Browsing . . .

2012-02-23T09:55:00.001-08:00

I know that I'm not getting married yet, I know, I know. But I couldn't help looking...

This Benjamin Roberts dress is just so beautiful. Can you tell if it's the one by only a photo? If so, then this is my dream dress. The delicate detailing, the beautiful cut and it's just so dreamy!

Is It Too Late...

2012-02-23T03:41:00.001-08:00

My family asked me the other day why I haven't had an engagement party.My mother gave me 500 pounds and said either you get a new car (which we needed) or you have an engagement party. At the time we needed a new car so the money my mother gave us went on that instead and now we don't really have the cash.

My family said they would help with whatever they could so that if we do decided to have an engagement party it wouldn't be so hard. My aunt and my nan said they'd do the food, my cousin would DJ, my sister would help decorate and so on.

But we've been engaged for over a year now, is it too late to have a party? Especially since my mother and my other sister aren't supportive at all? My mother said that she would be extremely angry and wants her 500 pounds back if we had a party. My dad's side (my nan and my aunts ect.) said we should just have the party and not invite her.

My whole engagement feels a bit like an anti-climax. I'm so happy and certain that the H2B is the man for me, but my family don't seem happy for us at all, well my mother and my sister at least. When I told my mother that H2B has proposed on a weekend away she didn't congratulate me or ask me if I was sure and happy. She just said 'oh, I knew he would' and walked off.

Any way, thought I'd show off my lovely engagement ring :)

Shopping. . .

2012-02-23T02:58:00.001-08:00

Went shopping with my cousin the other day and saw a gorgeous white/ cream knitted jumper. Now I've never been a fan of jumpers as a fashion piece, I consider them an item to keep you warm and snugly. My cousin H loves jumpers, through the winter that is her main outfit of choice. She has so many some with glitter on, sequins, bobbly bits and crochet pattern,s it just goes on and on.

Yesterday in Dorothy Perkins I fell in love with a jumper finally. Now the question is, should I buy it for twenty-five pounds? Can I justify spending that when we're going through a tight spot at the moment? H2B reckons I should, H reckons I should, but what do you think?

Is it an investment piece that I'm going to get a lot of wear out of? Or is it a waste when I should be trying to save?

Now if I was rolling around in cash, these are the shoes I'd buy and spoil myself. I LOVE them!

They are from a shop called Schuh and are 60 pounds. Not too bad for a pair of shoes, if you're rich maybe or have the money to spare.

That's enough window shopping to last me a while, otherwise I'm just going to lust after all these nice things I can't have.

My birthday isn't until October...but maybe I will save up and buy them myself!

Yesterday was one of those days. . .

2012-02-23T02:18:00.002-08:00

I knew it would be crap when I woke up and my left wrist was locked. I just knew it.

I took my sulfasalazine and ate my breakfast, ever since I've been on these tablets I've been hot then cold the hot again. I can't find any mention of that anywhere on-line and the doctor didn't include it in the list of side effects. Is it just me? There's also the achiness, loads of people on-line say they feel sick all the time on sulfasalazine but they don't say anything about joints aching and hurting. Ever sine I had my right wrist fused the HSB reckons that I'm turning into a hypochondriac, maybe I am.

I was in university half 8 until 6 so yesterday was a long arsed day. Some of the people I thought were my friends turned out not to be and that was just kinda one of those things that made the day extra unbearable. Basically we went to the student bar to wait for out next lecture and in swans one of the other members of our group, I'm going to call her L. She swans in, not having bothered with any of since last Thursday and tells us she doesn't like the section of the bar we're sitting in, can we move. The other two people grab their stuff and start to move. I put my foot down, I am not going any where I said. My 'friend' R and I were the first to get to the student bar and we decided not to move from there when everyone else came. She said that she wasn't moving for L either because she was sick of her dictating to her. This whole moving to where L wants happens a lot and usually I just move. But yesterday my hip was hurting and once I'd gotten comfy I really didn't want to get up again, at some points during the day I wondered if i could get up again unaided. I told them why I didn't want to move and they left anyway. They left me sitting on my own. I told R she was being a hypocrite and a coward and then I left. They then ignored me during our 3 o'clock lecture. Who needs enemies when you have friends like these? What happened to when being friends actually meant something?

There are some things that I just can't stand and thinking about L, she seems to represent nearly of them.

She's rude - When she stayed at R's house last weekend on Sunday she told R's grandmother that time was getting on and they had to leave. Even though R was driving and had told L seconds before that she didn't want to leave yet. Dictating and rude much?

She's arrogant - She keeps telling everyone that she is of 'Oxford-stock' because her mother and father went there. Look around honey, you didn't get into Oxford. You came instead to a university where you can fail all your A levels and still get in.

She lives like a pig - When we were closer friends I used to go and hang about in her flat, she'd have the whole group over, girls and boys. She didn't care in the slightest that her dirty knickers were all over the floor, or that her bin was overflowing or that the sandwiches left from last week had gone mouldy on her desk. You couldn't move in her room from the clothes and rubbish every where. We even offered to tidy her room for her! When we asked her why she was so untidy, she told us it was because she has a maid at home and wasn't used to tidying up herself.

Thanks for letting me rant and get some some of my frustrations out. Some days are just harder than others because of the little things that get under your skin.

Is It Any Wonder. . .

2012-02-20T05:01:00.000-08:00

This is the place we'd like to get married, it's so beautiful. Is it any wonder it will take us an age to save for it??? These are some photos we took on a day trip there last summer. :)

H2B. . .

2012-02-20T03:36:00.002-08:00

So, last week there were redundancies made in H2B's workplace. H2B spent the better part of a month worrying that he would be out of a job. The stress at home just kept growing and growing and we were arguing nearly every day.

Now it turns out that he's safe, for the next month. After that there are worries that they won't take him on (he finishes his apprenticeship next month). We've talked about our options and what we're going to do (at this point I'm glad we don't have kids or a mortgage we have to pay for).

His answer: going into the REME. Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers. He wants to go into the forces and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to react to that...

On one hand I'm proud of him, he's always wanted to do it and he's finally going to. He's fulfilling a his dreams. He'd be serving his country and earning a good pay packet and qualifications. If he stayed in the REME for 20years+ he'd be set for life with a really good pay out and pension. He'd have so many qualifications he'd never really get anywhere else.

On the other hand, that leaves me behind. He'd have to go to which ever college they send him to for a few years to train and then he'd go to his first deployment in another country. I can't just up and move because I have my own qualifications to think about, I'm already in university. It would mean months on end apart, no more cwtches and snuggling up after a long hard day. No one to talk to for hours about the endless crap that seems to flood my mind.No one to open tins, jars or pop bottles for me (damned RA!). No one to help me dress on a bad day (bloody RA again).But then does that mean I am too dependant upon him anyway? Does that make the prospect of him leaving worse? My life would just have a large H2B shaped hole in it. We'd stay together, but it's not the same is it? The H2B also wants children in the next couple of years after university, where does that leave me? Will I be virtually a single mother to three children? (that's how many we would like) Will I have to juggle everything alone? I don't want to make him feel guilty for going so I'm not saying much, but should I tell him how I feel? What if he stays for me and then resents me later on?

My heart goes out to any family with a member in the armed forces. My father was in the army and I missed him every single day, hoping he wasn't involved in the latest explosion on the BBC news. The women and children who go through every day living like this deserve a medal, you are so much stronger than I think I could ever be.

Anyway, there's my rather selfish rant looking back over it and reading it but it's how I honestly feel. I hope everything works out for the best, selfishness aside.

2012-02-18T13:53:00.001-08:00

I really want this hoodie :)

The H2B has promised me one for my birthday.

http://www.zazzle.co.uk/arthritis_warrior_tshirt-235508906618593115

The website has some really funny, cute t-shirts (and hoodies and bags and babygrows ect.) for nearly anything! Recommend you definitely have a look :)

Quote that made me smile today . . .

2012-02-18T13:45:00.001-08:00

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.

Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.

The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.

Ayn Rand

Today Is Going To Be Alright . . .

2012-02-18T02:24:00.003-08:00

Today I've decided just to chill out. There's a little stiffness and aching today but it's manageable. I'm going to have a nice long bath, candles the whole shebang. No glass of red wine though :( can't drink on my sulfasalazine tablets.

This evening one of the H2B's friends is coming over and they are buggering off to the pub to have a pint and play pool. That's fine with me, gets them outta the way :)

I'm going to make carbonara for tea and catch up on some TV on my laptop. My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding on Channel 4 here I come!

On A Cheerier Note. . .

2012-02-17T14:17:00.000-08:00

I love Valentines Day <3

Hope you all had a fantastic day filled with love whether your single or in a relationship!! Just thought I'd share what my fantastic H2B got me. He's a sweetie pie!

2010's Appointment Adventures

2012-02-17T12:17:00.001-08:00

This is just to help those of you who are interested learn how I got from 'nearly grown out of JIA' to wrist fusion,

I have not been on any kind of medication since I was first diagnosed with JIA/RA.

However, I always had problems. I had some pain and locking in my wrists, but doctors and my mother assured me it was nothing to worry about. Looking back I realise I probably should have been more vocal, perhaps screamed it from the rooftops? Even my P.E teacher asked me about my 'akward hands' and told me that I was going to break my thumbs if I kept using them to take pressure off my wrists.
In January 2010 the pain became unbearable, the locking couldn't be unlocked anymore. I was tearing up at the slightest knock and howling when my joints were cold and stiff. So I decided (and was pushed by the H2B) to visit my GP. She told me that it could be some small piece of bone preventing me bending or moving my wrist but she highly doubted it because my medical notes said I had practically grown out of my arthritis. It might just be a sprain or something she said and sent me for an x-ray.

How wrong she was! It WAS a piece of bone, or several pieces of bone that had become 'warped' and 'deformed' over time, preventing me moving my right wrist. She referred me to a specialist in the hospital who sent me for more x-rays. The D1 ( we shall call him D1 as he was the first doctor) told me that my arthritis was worse, that in the past two years my bones had shifted and were grinding together becoming 'deformed' and sometimes trapping nerves. He told me he would be referring my case to a specialist (makes me question what the hell I was doing wasting time with D1 then if he couldn't do anything for me?)

Anyway, D2 (the specialist) sent me for even more x-rays just to check again. He told me the same as D1 basically and told me there were two options; a wrist fusion or a wrist replacement. He told me he would refer me to the surgeon who would decided which was the better option.

So after one GP and two doctor's it seemed that the NHS weren't through with me yet. The surgeon was better than anyone else I'd actually seen so far, he talked me through everything and explained my x-rays. It turned out that there was actually only one option, replacement was ruled out as he said my bones were too fragile and slender to support the mechanism. Wrist fusion it was then!!!

Welcome to the world of blogging...

2012-02-17T11:45:00.000-08:00

Here's to my first post :) I'm new to blogging so I hope all goes well. I should probably start by introducing myself just a little.

My name is Hannah and I'm in university studying English Literature and Classical History. I am engaged to a wonderful man whom I have been with for three years, he prefers not to be named so I'm going to call him H2B, my Husband 2 Be. I live in the UK, which is mainly cold and wet but is also beautiful and breathtaking at times.

I have arthritis, I was diagnosed with JIA (Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis) when I was three. In a recent doctor's appointment I was told that they are going to treat it as RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) and put me on auto-immune medication to try and help. I have had my right wrist fused and know in the future my left will meet the same fate.

I guess this blog is going to act as my venting system, somewhere I can talk about what I want to. I'm hoping (if anyone even reads this) to find people like me who've had arthritis at a young age and see how their lives are effected, maybe also raise awareness that not only the elderly are affected. I'm also planning my wedding (which won't be for years yet, but hey a girl can dream), working hard in university, trying to learn to cook and reading nearly everything I can get my hands on. I know H2B gets a little tired of listening to me rabbit on about something he has no interest in, so maybe this will be a way to find people who are interested in the same things as me. :)

So that's it then, my first post. :D