Death Gurgle

Lost Planet Script - Capcom's Hopeless Opus Gets A Redraft [Contributions]

2009-03-11T15:55:00.000-07:00

[Death Gurgle Contributions Series: Death Gurgle is not just my blog. Some other people write stuff for me sometimes. Like this!]

Seeing as how Hollywood has run out of stupid ideas of its own, and is starting to look seriously at games as a source for producing millions of dollars of nonsense, now is probably a good time to take a look at the origins of one of the most anticipated movies currently in development: Lost Planet.

Motiveless protagonists? Heroic and villainous figures with names like Basil, Shane and Joe? An entire species of enemy whose sole purpose is to be glorified gameplay speed bumps?

David Hayter you have my sympathies...

Lost Planet Script [deathgurgle edit]
[CUTSCENE: OPENING]
Fade in: lightning strikes threateningly in the background, snow blustered by ominously howling wind, a band of rugged and futurist mechs (VS) and soldiers edge their way through a treacherous barren ice world. All is silent until:
PLOT-IRRELEVANT NARRATOR:       
 Oh, hi there. I’ve been paid to  shoehorn in some clumsy background. It’s easy!          All I have to do is reference some ridiculous made-up epoch, the ‘Trial Century -80’, because it sounds a bit epic, then describe, well gloss over, how humans abandoned earth, choose the next best thing, an inhospitable ice hell, colonized it for a while, before suddenly noticing the expansive race of giant homicidal mutant glow-worms [AKRID] littering its every crevice. 
Clear?
Cut to: some of the aforementioned giant homicidal mutant glow-worms in action and the introduction of our super heroic protagonist guy WAYNE, being ticked off by his Dad [GALE].
GALE: 
WAYNE!
WAYNE: 
DAAAD!
[GAMEPLAY: TUTORIAL]
Get told how to wander around, get told how to use your rubbish grappling hook, get told how to shoot things, get told how to get in a VS, get attacked by enormous, yet oddly nimble monster [GREEN EYE], get told to run away, until:
[CUTSCENE] 
WAYNE gets  cornered by GREEN EYE, GALE saves him, GALE, gets squished. 
GALE: 
WAYNE!
WAYNE: 
DAAAD!
Cut to; BLACKSCREEN, V/O men discuss something in a vague (i.e. SINISTER) manner which only becomes relevant about 6 hours later. 
Cut to; snow expanse, GALE has somehow protracted death, symbolically hands over a bracelet to WAYNE that only becomes relevant about 6 hours later, GALE dies.
[CUTSCENE: Mission  1]
    

    30 years later... Oh fuck  I've ruined it now! | Source:  MyCheats
WAYNE gets woken up by YURI and is told something MYSTERIOUS about his bracelet, token HOTTY (LUCCA) and token TEDIOUS GEEK (RICK) pop in, say hi. WAYNE tells them he is suffering from amnesia, meaning he has no memories whatsoever about anything including who he is or where he came from, nothing remains that could remind him of his past or what his motives might have be; in fact not one single detail remains that might help anyone, anywhere, at all, EVER, in the hollow vacuous space that used WAYNE used to call his memory...
...
... 
WAYNE:        
Oh! Except that one big monster killed my Dad, and was called GREEN EYE, and I was planning revenge, and I can still pilot a VS! Hooray! Gosh, ain't that just so terribly convenient?
Everyone agrees it’s TERRIBLY convenient and the player is finally  allowed to start killing things in earnest.
[MISSIONS 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5]
WAYNE shoots things including SNOW PIRATES, NEVEC troops and the AKRID for no apparent reason other than people keep leaving guns lying around in the snow, and he’s a bit psychotic. WAYNE meets BASIL, a former herb, children’s puppet and 70's BBC comedy icon trying to find Yuri so she can kill him. YURI himself has run off to NEVEC, to work on their FRONTIER PROJECT, although everyone seems to stop mentioning this immediately after it happens, so it must not be that important.
[MISSION 6]
After hours of sub-EDF 2017 slaughter, mayhem and destruction,  WAYNE chances upon his father’s VS.  It’s:
RICK: 
Possibly the most advanced VS ever... EVAR!1!! He poetically uses it to kill the suddenly present GREEN EYE, thus achieving revenge for his Father’s murder and satisfyingly closing the thematic cycle of the narrative. 
THE END.
 
Oh wait...
WAYNE then bumps into someone new called SHANE BANDERO whose terrifying pony-tail things protruding from his forehead magically reminds WAYNE that GREEN EYE didn’t kill his Dad after all, and that actually some bloke from NEVEC called SOLOTOV... meaning the preceding story that has just occurred throughout this whole game has been to all intents and purposes, ENTIRELY POINTLESS. 
 
 Yes, fuck you too Capcom. 
 
[MISSION 7 AKA: LOST PLANET 2]
PLOT-IRRELEVANT NARRATOR: 
I’m back! Have you noticed yet I’m not actually a character in the story, so why am I here? Isn’t the narrator usually a character recollecting events after their conclusion? Otherwise aren’t I just Lost Planet’s universe equivalent of a History Channel presenter? Ah well, ahem:
ONE YEAR LATER!
Ah yes it’s one needlessly introduced fucking year later and via the slippery medium of FLASHBACK, WAYNE discovers his fathers dying wish was actually to destroy NEVEC to stop their FRONTIER PROJECT. Thrillingly this gives an actual, if not especially fleshed out reason to be killing huge swathes of people that doesn't just rely on WAYNE’s predilection for genocide. 
[CUTSCENE]
Whilst on an epic voyage in search of a new trailer (?), WAYNE and LUKA find the previously lost RICK (?), who had been receiving help from BASIL (?).
WAYNE: 
BASIL!  Didn’t she want YURI dead?
RICK: 
No no! She confused YURI with his Dad! They have the  same surname: SOLOTOV!
LUKA: 
Ha ha, bet SHE felt like a fool!
WAYNE:         
Ha ha... Wait, Solotov! That’s the name of the man who killed my father. Hmm, best not say out loud though, I might accidentally advance the plot or something, and then where would we be?
[MISSION 8]
Having entered a research facility to err, research it, WAYNE captures a NEVEC soldier named JOE who just so happens to have a disk limply explaining part of what the FRONTIER PROJECT is about: namely a wild west sounding project headed by old pal YURI to heat up the planet and destroy the Indians, sorry AKRID. Despite this all sounding much like QUITE A GOOD THING they all decide to destroy it anyway because... well, just because.
In fact its meandering yet hollow exposition overload as WAYNE is also suddenly forced to discover that: A: BASIL was saved once by his father, B: the bracelet he received has the power to halt the ageing process and C: he was buried unconscious under a mound of ice for over 30 years before being dug out by YURI. 
Which would probably sound ridiculous if a large proportion of gamer goodwill hadn’t already been spent on the consistent appearance of bare naked cleavages, flaunting the very same sub-zero temperatures the entire premise of this game is centred on. 
Adolescent Perversion 1 : Suspended  Disbelief 0
[MISSION 9]
    

    Truly evil pig-tails | Source: MyCheats
At the advice of JOE the kidnapped enemy, WAYNE is led into a trap set by JOE the kidnapped enemy, and after being shot, saved (JOE again), and, worst of all, forced to look at SHANE BANDERO’s creepy pony-tail things all over again, is finally, FINALLY given the do or die reason for all his Herculean efforts to have mattered, and for this game to stake any claim of possessing somekind of storyline: The FRONTIER PROJECT will wipe out ALL life on the planet, not just the glow-worms. 
[Although it might look, to the casual observer, that WAYNE has being doing a pretty good job already of wiping out all life on the planet, and that this sudden self-righteousness about someone else doing it in a more succinct way and humane manner is more than slightly hypocritical, IT IS STILL DIFFERENT. There is good genocide and bad genocide, OK?]
(Oh and don’t even begin to ask why they can’t just fly everyone up into little space ships and flip a switch to heat the planet. They don't have remote controls in the future. Alright?)
ANY-E-WAY.
[MISSION 10] 
LUKA:       
 It’s hard to swallow, but I trust you. [1]
WAYNE:       
 ... :-D
As the final battle looms at whatever a UNIVERSAL ELEVATOR is, the gang go in search of YURI. JOE the kidnapped enemy chimes in that YURI asked him to deliver a SPECIAL DEVICE to WAYNE, and then, in a completely unrelated matter, was also asked to get kidnapped by WAYNE. The gang ignore how abysmally Joe is managing to introduce his relevance to this whole debacle and ask him if he knows by any chance where YURI is.
JOE:        
Conveniently enough, it’s on the way to the UNIVERSAL  ELEVATOR! [2]
 Everyone, *groans*, then splits up. WAYNE, in rapt joy no doubt, finally murders that fucking weirdo with the stupid, STUPID forehead pig-tails, before dutifully letting BASIL sacrifice herself to kill about 5 soldiers. Before an agonising and needless death however, she thoughtfully mentions that the SOLOTOV who betrayed her and WAYNE’s father, the one she thought was YURI, and then realised was his Dad, the SOLOTOV who never actually appears in the game other than to be implicated slanderously behind various relatives death - wasn’t actually a bad guy after all, so they never really needed to bother mentioning him in the first place... 
It might be the world's first example of a  reverse Deus Ex Machina, but you can still  just basically fuck off Capcom.
LUKA and RICK meanwhile discover DEATHBED YURI, who has just enough breath left in him to mention how ace the SPECIAL DEVICE will make the last battle, before dieing to general indifference because he was only in about 6 cut-scenes, 6 hours ago anyway.
[MISSION 11]
    

        Less lame story more space shooty, please? | Source: Gamespot
WAYNE uses the SPECIAL DEVICE in his VS suit, which subsequently goes mental, transforming into a giant flying neon strip bar sign decked with laser swords, and rocket packs. He then zooms inside a surreal cylindrical disco ball, before racing up into the sky to meet his nemesis, backdropped by the kind of massive phallic, spotlight drenched neo-super skyscraper fascists might build if they listened to gothic French Electro and felt they didn’t look oppressive enough. 
WAYNE flies around, waving big glowing sword things which are AMAZING, completely oblivious to fact he doesn’t really know who this guy he is fighting is, and not caring because he’s dodging strobes effects and throbbing luminous Frisbees and having FUN. He’s basically at war with the light show from a Daft Punk concert, and it’s brilliant and exhaustive and Capcom seriously need to turn this bit into a whole, proper game.
Anyway WAYNE wins, but the SPECIAL DEVICE is a little too special and WAYNE starts acting a bit wobbly. All’s well eventually however as he manages to shoot the boss, notching up what must be his millionth kill by now, and cementing his place among the pantheon of ‘heroes’ that has brought us such delights as Nicolas Caucasus and Pol Pot.
THE END
[ZOMG1!!1 AN ACTUALLY PLOT RELEVANT NARRATOR!] LUKA:       
          It’s been a year, and in that time not only have Capcom discovered an appropriate use of narration but I also found a way to do what a giant mega pan-universe corporate monstrosity took 150 years failing to do, a way to warm up the planet (pro tip: you put short rods in the ground!). 
It’s actually my first direct impact on the story throughout this entire game, believe it or not. When WAYNE turns up he can’t even remember me, I’m that pointless otherwise. Oh well, there’s always the movie...
       

The game ends, the players places down his pad. He smiles thoughtfully to himself, before noiselessly wrapping a rope around his neck.

THE END

Footnotes: [1] and [2] are actual lines of dialouge taken from the game. Someone has dutifully transcribed the entire scrift, so you can go take a look for them there if you want.

You can also watch the entire game, cutscenes and gameplay, over at Next Gen Walkthroughs.

RESIDENT EVIL 5 REVIEW (or Is Resident Evil 5 an Existential Metaphor?)

2009-02-28T05:51:00.000-08:00

"There are time in my life when i just can't seem to get moving"

"Like I'm I'm being held back back something - or someone."

"I wonder about how I managing my life"

"Do I have 'Good Values'?"

"Am I in control?"

"Do I even really matter anymore..."

........

Resident Evil is out soon or something and gets a Deathgurgle EXCLUSIVE review of about 3 out of about 5 also.

(btw <3 ing reviews)

(Will do tonnes more!!!)

Gamering Writers Validating Games As Art By Dressing In American Apparel

2009-02-25T14:51:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wish Games Writers looked a bit 'cooler'?

Now Gamer Staff

These men are from a new website that wants to appears so contemporary it has referenced the eternal immediacy of the present in part of its name.

They don't look very Now though do they :(

Do you think the photograph might have achieved this aim better had they posed in wet look leggings?

or if they looked moody/sombre/angst/aloof (without resorting to cosplay)?

or if Terry Richardson had taken the photo?

or if each of them was one a I-D Magazine's 12 faces of British fashion?

I usually think of Games Writers as the Acceptable Face of Gamering.

They are like ambassadors.

So it makes me a bit worried if the Gamering website with the most contemporary, modern sounding name (Joystiq + 1up = retro) doesn't featured staff who appear popular culturally relevant to non-gamers. They will probably make the same assumption about all Gameringers and Games!

If this continues, even if magazines specialising in covering non-gamering like Empire and Q and Creative Review review games, they will only ever reach a maximum of 2 stars (or equivilant unique rating measuring symbolic icon contextualiser), because they consider it an inferior art form.

"Nobody ever shed a tear over a video-game character’s death"

Movie Critic Roger Moore

“Games are not rock 'n' roll, they're metal – aggressive, loud, violent and scared of women. You can't dance to a game or have sex to it. Games are still for nerds. Rock 'n' roll is about *bleep***g, games are about w*****g. Rock music makes you leave the house and meet drugs, games make you stay in and smell of your own p**s.”

Q Radio Presenter David Quantick

I think the closet Gamering Writing has got to a cool revolutionary rebel is Jeff Gertsmann, because he got fired for 'Fighting For What He Beleived In'

But don't you think maybe Gamering Writing should believe in something more than a 6.0 for Kane & Lynch?

:(

I have a hope.

I have hope one day someone creates some alternative and edgy gamering related writing that enthuses non-gamerings to associate with it, and therefore games, creating a cultural domino effect as gamering topples into the Guiginheim and V&A and £14 magazines from Borders and other respected venues for culturally respected people to digest culturally respected culture.

Otherwise the only people that will be inspired to play games and then aspire to write about games will be the people inspired by people who already play games that were inspired by people who played games before. People that look like the nowgamer.com staff.

I might make a chart to clear that up a little one day.

But I think I should probably just download something abstract from indiegames.com/blog though right now.

I'll probably have to think about it afterwards.

Perspective RelatedTitling Is So Immersive

2009-01-06T18:07:00.000-08:00

Isn't it clever how I Am Alive's title reinforces the games use of the First Person Camera with a First Person Title?

I'm not sure it's concept art really reinforces it

Nor the trailer.

A good First Person Title can help personalise the experience for a Gamer and

"Bring Them Into The Action" ® EA

Some examples:

Just imagine how much more brought into the action of other games we could been with First Person Titles like these

Personally I'm glad developers are realising how important I (and the you I's too) am to gaming and are starting to include I (me/us) in the title. I think they recognise I's can deliver much more direct and personal experiences to ourselves.

So overall then I'm looking forward to I Am Alive. I really think I'm going to be able to immerse myself a lot in it, and have a really personal experience.

Maybe I could even hook myself up to this while I'm playing

How immersive would that be!

What Does The Large Hadron Collider Mean For Gamers?

2009-01-03T16:24:00.001-08:00

[Originally posted 11th September 2008 on deathgurgle.com]

As members of the Videogame Community, I feel we share a Special Relationship with the members of the Science Community.

We both share 'A Love' of technological advancement that can offer us challenges in the spheres of social interaction. We share that pain.

Actually, in a way Gamers are really just failed Sciencers. It's just where we went to schools like this:

they went to schools like this:

Still though...

Do you ever wonder about what it would have been like to discuss physics with the correct spelling of 'havoc'?

Do you ever see game puzzles involving the arrangment of variously heavy objects on a precariously balanced platforms and wonder what it would feel like to find its solution not that exciting?

I suppose it's OK to be bitter.

Would Richard Dawkins Give Spore A 10?

2009-01-03T16:16:00.001-08:00

[Originally posted 9th September 2008 on deathgurgle.com]

I think he probably would. He's quite Youth Media Culture Brand Savy I noticed.

Do you think he made this Flying Spaghetti Monster to 'Make A Bit Of A Point'?

According to the IGN video review:

[Spore] makes you think about complex subjects such as evolution, the science behind progress and the possibility of life on other planets.

In other words Spore is almost certain to transform your spiritual beliefs and, if it sells really really well, will probably form the basis for a new cult.

Eventually I think it's conceivable, after maybe a hundred years or so, followers will start believing the world was created with a copy of Spore.

Although really, can you see yourself converting to a religion that only has a Metacritic score of Generally Favorable?

I think I'd probably need at least a 90.

Realism × Emotion ÷ Choice = Powerful Interactive Experience

2009-01-03T16:03:00.001-08:00

[Originally posted 2nd September 2008 on deathgurgle.com]

Gamers in Europe have you heard about the new Interactive Movie from the people behind Fahrenheit?

Gamers in North America have you heard about the new Interactive Movie from the people behind Indigo Prophecy?

It's called Heavy Rain: The Origami Killer.

Gamers are excited about it because the actors in it are even more realistic than the actors you see in Non-Interactive Movies.

Amazing! So Real!

I do hope Non-Interactive Movie actors start looking less realistic, so gamers and non-gamers can distinguish between the two.

I tried interacting with this the other day:

Nothing happened.

Anyway, in a recent survey of comments in Kotaku blog posts, 68% of Gamers suggested Replayability was a Highly Important/Essential factor towards Videogame purchasing, despite it not even being a real word.

These Gamers are excited about Heavy Rain: The Origami Killer because it will probably offer them a 'choice' of actions to experience thoughout the game.

This means they can Replayability back in the game, change their choice by choosing between another of the choices, and then be able to experience whole other choices they couldn't choose from before.

It's quite confusing I suppose, so here are some choices I made to help you learn how to choose:

Do you A) want Heavy Rain: The Origami Killer to feature even more realistic Interactive Movie actors 'making love'?

Do you B) want Heavy Rain: The Origami Killer will feature even more realistic post-modernism?

Or do you C) want Heavy Rain: The Origami Killer to feature an even more realistic Simon Says?

It's totally up to you!

(...except it isn't really and your choices will not ultimately make any meaningful difference to the experience)

(You'd probably choose the wrong one anyway)

Games Journalists: Sort Of, Like, Real Journalists... Too?

2009-01-03T15:58:00.000-08:00

[Originally posted 25th August 2008 on deathgurgle.com]

Isn't it cool how games are more profound and deep nowadays? I bet Games Journalists think it's cool.

I guess it means they they get to spend more time using Greek words like Pathos and quoting Satre in reviews, instead of having to explain what each button does.

I wonder though if the audience be able to keep up, intellectually? After trying to listen to some interviews with the creator of Braid, Jonathan Blow, I'm not sure I will.

I can appreciate the necessity to frame their conversations in denser and more ponderous language, it's only right to provide more intelligent games with more intelligent debate, but maybe they should still try and remain accessible for the Average Gamer, like me.

Here's a bit of Evil Avatar's discussion with Mr Blow about the Great Braid Price Fixing Scandal of the late 08ies that totally went over my head:

Evil Avatar Podcast: I don’t think you have anything to worry about. On top of that it actually [pause] in this particular case I kind of dispute the notion the 15 dollar price point was you know working against you. Umm. I think umm that it honestly you know it showed up at a point in time when people yeah well everybody’s thinking yeah well everything’s 800 points. Who does this guy think he is, what is this game supposed to be that it’s worth you know half again that much, like, what’s going on here? So instead of being at that 800 points ummmm price level you know it kind it sort of stands out and and and asserts rightfully so well you know I think maybe it is worth this much, and I think that caused a lot of people to take notice of it for different reasons and I think that’s actually worked out really well because it is worth that money and and, it sort of [pause] regardless of what the gameplay might be, which is fantastic, but is it also brings out this point of questioning value again and I think it was a good time to question that because it says: “no this is this thing that I’ve been working on very hard on for this for this extreme period of time and like, you know, yeah, I’m gonna push it out their at this higher price point and I’m gonna agree with that and that causes a lot of people to take notice of it” so… [pause] I think that was probably an excellent thing to do.

In another podcast, an interviewer even managed to flummox Mr Blow himself!

Destructoid Podtoid: Well I definitely think the ending ties the entir- full game err together as a good ending should, obviously umm. Personally for me still felt from a initially approaching the game and playing it that the text while it served to illuminate a lot of the gameplay and the different worlds umm wasn’t itIit [inaudible] I didn’t have like a very emotional connection to it because I wasn’t really sure where it was going and obviously it was all going to what happened at the ending umm but I guess but I don’t know was that part of the intention… Jonathan?

Jonathan Blow: That was a really vague question.

Worryingly this trend is becoming increasingly more common. I heard at the recent GC08 in Germany for instance, Game Journalists were commonly having to spend up to 15 minutes contextualising a question before they could ask whether a title supported Xbox Live! or not...

Remember when Games Journalists just had to find out how many different levels a game had?

I miss those days :(

"I Hope The Next Time I Bother Making An Offensive Game...

2009-01-03T15:56:00.001-08:00

[Originally posted 22nd August 2008 on deathgurgle.com]

One that attempts to ignite debate and criticism through a sophisticated mixture of sensational, obscene and controversial titling and thematic design, one that's so edgy its name gets censored or it even gets pulled completely from a major indie gaming site, I hope the next time I create that compelling an experience, some other game doesn't go and offend everyone more again.

>:(

Maybe I should just call myself an 'artist' next time? Media organisations don't seem to be responding angrily enough to 'bedroom coder'.

- Disgruntled bedroom coder (via Email)

Interview With Muslim Massacre Creator Sigvatr

2009-01-03T15:29:00.001-08:00

[Originally posted 20th August 2008 on deathgurgle.com | Sigvatr has since issued an apology and removed Muslim Massacre from the public domain.]

I think i learned a lot from my interview with Sigvatr and discovered things that will help me throughout my life as a gamer.

I heard that situations like this challenge us, and helps us grow as gamers and allow us to face other situations that also help us grow as gamers. Maybe the next time I hear someone make some derogatory comment online on a popular online videogame I will be able look back on this experience and reflect on it in some way, and it will have a positive impact on my gaming. Maybe I'll write a shocking stylised account of what happened and then other gamers will have an experience that helps them grow as gamers too. And then maybe one day, all of us, games everywhere, will be really, really grown...

Anyway, here's the things Sigvatr had to say about his game Muslim Massacre.

The blog at Death Gurgle: Your game depicts American soldiers indiscriminately attacking Muslims, but plenty of games let me do this already. So to experience the same comments intended behind your game why can't I just play those, but in an ironic way?

Sigvatr: Muslim Massacre isn't really that much different from many other video games at all. It just goes to show how much of an effect a name change can have.

I thought maybe it might have been more satirical to have the player as a Muslim invading America and killing its citizens, (you could have still called it Muslim Massacre if you wanted!). Did you think about that or were you be worried Americans wouldn't play it then?

I read about people in the Middle East attempting to make games like this occasionally. The results are usually terrible, but to be honest I think that would be an amazing game if it was pulled off correctly, and I think a lot of Americans would probably play it too. I think a lot of constructive thought could be covered.

Another alternative: I read your violent games are partly in response to the lack of 18 rating in your native Australia, so maybe you could have set the game in Australia, murdering lots of Australians. The player's motive for a murder spree could even derive from the lack of the certificate. Or do you think that wouldn't be controversial/interesting enough for your non-Australian audience?

Nobody really cares about Australia and I don't feel bad saying that. It's a bit easier for me because I'm actually an American living in Australia. I have dual citizenship.

Are you concerned your games appearance of Mohammed will be a bit like the South Park appearance of Mohammed, when no one noticed it and it didn't cause any controversy/flag-burning/fatwas?

I honestly think all the Muhammad controversy has blown over at this point. My dad used to do business in the Middle East a lot and he always told me that people from there are really lazy. I think they probably won't do anything if they even hear about it.

If you could burn anyone in effigy who would it be and why?

I'd probably burn an effigy of me, because people walking around who would see me doing it would think that's weird and get a chuckle. If I was burning anyone else they'd probably just look at me like some dirty hippie.

If you found out American troops stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan were playing your game, what would your first reaction be?

I'd like to know what they have to say about it because I am basically trivializing their entire lifestyle more than anyone else. Either that or they just can't get enough of killing sand niggers.

Do you think people are even that bothered about Iraq/terrorism etc anymore? It was pretty big a few years back I guess, but I've heard people say Americans are finding terrorism pretty pass nowadays, and that they're more scared about global warming and the colour of Barack Obama's skin. (Bonus Q: Could you make a game out of that latter point?)

Next time there is a terrorist attack in America, people will start caring again. It's probably only when people stop caring about it that it will happen again.

I don't like getting involved in American election politics so I don't think I'll make a game about Barack Obama.

As games continue to push the taboos of what can and can't be played, are there any issues you think are 'off limits? I don't think child abuse has been covered yet for instance. Tempted?

I think nothing is off limits. I'm looking forward to seeing virtual reality games where you can kill and rape children.

Do you think Muslim Massacre is better or worse than Cannon Fodder? (Cannon Fodder is in my top 5 games EVER, so I'm kind of biased, but yours is still pretty fun too)

Cannon Fodder was really slow and I like fast games, so I'll say Muslim Massacre.

Could you tell me the image, the sentence (or phrase), and the one particular event you found more offensive than any other you know?

I think I am totally desensitized to almost everything. My natural impulse to finding something offensive or disgusting is to saturate myself with it. The last thing I saw that was shocking was the scene in Irreversible where the guy gets his head beaten in with a fire extinguisher. It was so realistic and gratuitously violent that I watched that scene alone on repeat for hours. And I still love it.

Would you mind if I posted a link to your game on a recruitment website for radical Islamic jihadist types?

I think that would be pretty funny. I honestly don't think some guy is going to try and kill me over this, but I already have received death threats about the game. I started carrying a flick knife around with me after I released the game; I'd just rather be safe than sorry.

Would you mind if I didn't?

Not really; generally speaking I'm a pretty apathetic person.

Thanks Sigvatr.

Oh and thanks The Independant Game Source.

Indie Games Vs Indie Music: Which Features The Most Offensive Usage Of 'Cunt'?

2009-01-03T15:23:00.000-08:00

[Originally posted 12th August 2008 on deathgurgle.com]

Indie Games allow you to play things like 'Cunt', where you are a penis shooting a vagina and there’s lots of blood and the pause is called a ‘menopause’.

While Indie Music allows you to hear bands like Anal Cunt, who call people gay even though I think they know those people aren’t necessarily gay.

I can't really decide which is most offensive. I think it's because I’m too busy being offended and it can sometimes be tricky making decisions when your like that.

But I am glad we live in a culture where we are free to experience being offended. Don't you think some Muslim women wish they were allowed to get offended and play Cunt?

I read on Kotaku once that there are some places where people aren't even allowed to play God Of War II!?

Thank God for Democracy!

I Entered LittleBigPlanet's Logo Redesign Contest!

2009-01-03T15:03:00.000-08:00

[Originally posted 12th August 2008 on deathgurgle.com]

Do you think I'll win?

Probably not :(

I'm not sure I quite captured the be silly/be cute/be creative LittleBigPlanet ethos right. It seems to me a bit like the one the company behind Innocent Smoothies has. Do you think they're making the game?!?

Sorry, I checked and they're not, someone called Media Molecule is.

Hippyshopper visits Innocent's Fruit Towers

Even so, I do think Media Molecule will probably have a "chill-out area" with a red phone box and picnic tables instead of a canteen too.

I wonder, do wacky office novelty objects make companies more creative? Google are pretty creative.

BBC |Google Your Way To A Wacky Office (HQ vid after the link)

Maybe LittleBigPlanet would be even more creative if Media Molecule had a slide and 'think pods' in their office?

Maybe we should install slides and think pods everywhere so everyone can be creative. Come to think of it, how can we play LittleBigPlanet without them? We should tell the government.

Right, I'll start up a petition. Not very creative I know, but I'll look into getting a small slide...

Hopefully some better ideas will come up.

Braid: Splitting Hairs

2009-01-03T13:24:00.000-08:00

[Originally posted 10th August 2008 on deathgurgle.com]

Have you played Braid yet? Did you "Get It"?

I think I "Got It". Although maybe I didn't. It was like that film Momento, right?

Maybe Braid's creator Jonathan Blow will make a Batman game!

What did you think of his puzzles?

I really liked them. They reminded me of that moment in Goldeneye 007 where you have to shoot a lock to open the gate.

You couldn't work out what to do at first but when you realised the solution it was actually very simple. I'm glad I don't mind being belittled in a game for entertainment.

What about the art? Was the art Art?

I think I could Appreciate it, but I'm not sure I really liked it.

It was a bit:

Source: Monet | Seerosenteich

+

Source: Lucian Freud | Benefits Supervisory Sleeping

don't you think?

I liked some of the artist David Hellman's previous work though. Someone should probably turn this into a game.

Overall I think Braid will be lots of cool people's Game Of The Year. It already has a Metacritic score of 92!

But I heard Jonathan Blow's next game won't be out for another 4 years. I wonder what it will be like. Do you think it will be more mainstream?

I noticied that Jonathan Blow sort of invented Guitar Hero in 2002.

It works by having a web cam monitor you play air guitar apparently.

Do you think he could team up with Harmonix and make a game?

They used to be indie too right?

Hot Topic: Should Gamers Be Allowed To Wear Hoodies?

2009-01-03T13:11:00.000-08:00

I was on the Novatech site the other day wondering what type of laptop I was looking for, when I noticed this:

It got me thinking.

Do I as a gamer have a duty to skulk in the shadows with my hoody up?

I know some videogame characters that do .

I suppose you would have to be a HardCore gamer to skulk around in one of these.

I don't think I'm HardCore enough :(

Hoodies receive a lot of negative press, and are often cited as a contributory factor of juvenile crime.

So is connecting the two unfair? Or can videogames have a similar influence on anti-social behaviour ?

Probably.

This person, for example, was up all night playing illegally downloaded SNES roms on an emulator. As a result he now has 'Pixel Face' and only three working fingers .

Maybe videogamer hoodies like him just need to chill and experience some Jenova Chen games?

flOw - Flash (PC) | PS3 (PSN)

Cloud

Or do you think they would just get inspired to start cloud stealing, and eating their neighbours?

Indie Game Advice Bureau: Cactus/Messhof's "Bike Game"

2009-01-03T10:31:00.000-08:00

Messhof and Cactus are brilliant I think. Have you seen the trailer for their new game?

I got really excited by it. I actually think it might be one of the games I'm most looking forward too in 2008 ever! But I can't be sure really because it hasn't got a Metacritic score yet.

Do you think Metacritic should start rating game previews so we can start accurately judging how excited we should be getting about a game?

If I could score the 'Bike Game' trailer I'd probably give it a Generally Favourable. It would have got a Universal Acclaim, but the music disappointed me a bit.

It was 'OK' but I think after Gears of War revolutionized the world of game trailers in 2006 with the deep and profound use of Mad World and the equally powerful Jefferson Airplane featuring Lost Odyssey advert took the medium a step further, gamers have started demanding a greater sophistication from their trailers.

There are lots of different approaches you could take with 'Bike Game'. A fitting one would be the 'French electro music that sounds like it was recorded in the 80's but wasn't', which ties in nicely with the games visuals.

I think the obvious choice here would be Testarossa Autodrive by Kavinsky, because it's quite scary and aggressive and would play well with the type of gamers who need to describe games as 'kickass' so their friends will still like them.

But seeing as this is an indie game, and they're meant to make us reflect on stuff a bit more, maybe using reflective indie electro would be better. M83 are always are great choice when constructing meaningful experiences that don't have to mean anything too specific.

The problem I guess with an indie game using French electro, is it might be seen as a little too pretentious for some HardCore gamers. According to a recent IGN/News Corp/Ziff Davies/Gawker/Rolling Stone/youGov survey, 62% of HardCore gamers list 'metal' as their favourite music genre, so they would probably appreciate 'Bike Game' more if someone was screaming loudly over it.

Alternatively you could do the Nintendo and go for a mainstream audience. Mainstreamers might be put off by the game's lack of innovative input device they can bring out at social gatherings, but they won't realise this if you use Coldplay.

For some reason whenever you play Coldplay, not matter what is actually happening, Mainstreamers will always associate that particular moment as something memorable and important and will never ever forget it. Wierd huh?

Using Coldplay however would probably be deemed as a really controversial choice by Messhof and Cactus fans. They could see it as 'selling out'.

Those kind of gamers ussually get excited by knowingly references to classic and/or influential games, also known as the 'Braid-Mario School of Homage'. Someone on Youtube suggested 'Bike Game' resembled the hover bike section from Battletoads in Battlemaniacs, which has an amazing soundtrack.

Again though you get problems, non indie gamers may not have enjoyed Battletoads, or it's AMAZING soundtrack. I think maybe they're just a lost cause :(

As you can see there are lots of issues to be made when making a game trailer. In fact the only really guaranteed way to minimize risk is by using a soundtrack to an already existing advert.

But even then I suppose there's always the danger people might get confused about what's being promoted and accidentally buy something else...

I guess in a way there are no right or wrong answers, no golden mean. Everything is subjective and destined to exist in conflict. Maybe trailers should just be released silent, so that we could customise them with whatever we felt would have the most powerful effect us, and enable us to convince ourselves that we need to use the product. Or do you think most people would just try and make everything look epic by using the Requiem For A Dream theme?

(I was going to illustrate this point posting some Youtube videos but there seem to be about 700 related to Final Fantasy and I can't decide which I like best.)

Anyway, 'Bike Game'. It looks really cool doesn't it?

:)