Paul Mosley with his new album The Romantic

We’ve got a special episode of The Blueprint Podcast for you right here. Not only that but it contains exclusive stuff that you can’t hear anywhere else.

Old friend of the Blueprint, Paul Mosley, is back, and he’s got his new album The Romantic in his pocket and a fine ukulele in his mitts. He gives us exclusive live performances of a few songs from the new record, as well as joining in with some admittedly drunken chat with Chris, who interrupts more often than Jeremy Paxman (in Paxman’s defence he usually has something relevant to say when he does it).

Sit back and enjoy a free half hour of slightly cracked jollity and fine music, before heading off with the Blueprint Podcast’s recommendation to buy The Romantic (and perhaps some of its associated merchanise) from the official Paul Mosley shop.

We move in and out of various issues whilst involving a strange encounter in the street, which takes us onto the quite unconnected issue of service standards, leading of course to prostitution, sexism, prejudice against millionaires, time travel karaoke.

Eventually we get onto a quirky story involving Lord Sir Alan Sugar of Apprentice and someone who really really liked reading his autobiography. From there we arrive at a groundbreaking new idea to replace boring old-fashioned applause.

Join us next week for more Blueprint frolics.

A dirty alleyway representing the content of this week's podcast

We also discuss some quirky stories, including one in which a pilot does something so inexplicable as to make us say bad things about all pilots, possibly risking our future admittance to aircraft. We’re sure that most if not very nearly all pilots aren’t stupid idiots who stumble into planes and press two buttons before throwing coffee around, but the story in question suggests that there’s at least one who does.

Please take a few moments to complete our listener survey so we know what we’re doing right and wrong and to whom.

We’ll be back with episode 83 next Friday so please join us then and tell your friends how lovely we are, because we’re always telling ours about how much we like you.

A cockpit yesterday

We hope that Chinese listeners were pleased to hear themselves featured in the Who’s The Greatest game we played during episode 80, and that they also understood what the hell was going on.

For the American listeners to our British banter, warm greetings. Please can you send us some American things? For every American thing we receive we will send you a British thing. No cars please, they’re a paperwork nightmare.
This week we’re back with some quirky news stories, a News Roundup and a bit of uplifting chat about how winter makes everyone want to hide in a cupboard until the sun comes out again.

James’ Entropy Hoover is his intellectual property and if you build one you have to give him a wheelbarrow full of money.

A diagram of January

1. A new co-presenter

2. Swearing

As well as these exciting new developments we’ve got a cracking game of Who’s The Greatest in which we eventually reach a decision after failing to get to the point for quite some time in typically Blueprint fashion.

We’re back on a regular basis now, so watch out for the next episode of The Blueprint next Friday. Tell your friends about us and we might tell our friends about you.

Malcolm Tucker - swearing par excellence.

Just click on the play button below to hear it, or subscribe via iTunes (for free!) if you’re some kind of fancy-ass technowizard from the future.

We come to you again from Nottingham, and this week we’ve even got a picture of the hospital, to sort of prove that we were there.

A game if Who On Earth forms the bulk of this week’s bitesized chunk of Blueprintery, and fans of monasteries, monks and roofing will be delighted to hear that all three are involved!

Here's the hospital where we hung out for episodes 78 and 79. It's in Nottingham.

We shall return. In the meantime, why not follow us on Twitter?

Dave talks us through how France narrowly avoided becoming a far-right-wing nation, but it soon descends into bum jokes.

Chris has conducted an experiment by reading a load of propaganda to find out what it might have been like to be a Nazi. Happily he managed to avoid becoming one. Phew. We discuss the Nazis in a manner which avoids the use of any facts whatsoever.

All in all, though, we’re happy, chuckling dudes. Quite early on, Chris mentions Gil Gerard, who played Buck Rogers in the late 1970s-early 1980s version of the franchise. However, as a kid, Chris had a massive crush on Erin Gray, who played Wilma Deering, so we’ll have a picture of her instead.

Erin Gray as Colonel Wilma Deering - yes please.

Having reloaded their special foot-shooting gun some years after taking down Napster and causing file-sharing to become the many-headed monster that it is today, the people who themselves live in order to make huge sums of money from the work of creative people who are paid far less have done it again.

Pirate Bay is still there, and even if it wasn’t, Mininova is, and so is Piraboogle and all the rest of them.

Spotify, which is pretty much the same thing that Napster suggested ten years ago, has now occupied a position whereby everything is legal, the music industry make money out of it, and the consumer gets instant access to free tunes. Perfect, if wholly ridiculous that they didn’t just let Napster provide the same service back in the day.

They could do the same thing with movies and TV shows if they felt like it. In fact, I can legally watch On Demand television through my Virgin Media connection, but if I miss, say Lost one day and wanted to catch up with it the next, it would be illegal for me to download the episode using bittorrent using the same connection. Mental.

The Napster case just fragmented the issue and made it unmanageable for years. The Pirate Bay issue will do the same thing again, and here’s the kicker – it was fragmented already, because bittorrent doesn’t rely on one website’s existence to work. It relies on bittorrent clients which are available for free download. Even those are plentiful.

The lawyers can play Whack-A-Mole until they retire, and it’s they who are really sucking the money out of the music and DVD industries. They’re the ones who have somehow got people convinced that chasing website owners is better than actually trying to do something positive about the way that copyrighted content is delivered in the 21st Century.

Spotify works, so create the exact same service for movies and TV shows, you absolute bunch of idiots.

Rant over. We also give you a scat singing masterclass during this episode, but not before a thrilling game of Dog Bingo.

We hope you enjoy this week’s podcast. This week’s photo is of some file sharing.

File sharing - Always use clean files

And for good measure, here’s a picture of Reveen as well, since we talk about him this week.

Reveen. He wants you to relax with him

We’re coming to you from Barnsley once again, and although we are still a bit hungover, we’re a using sentences a bit more than we were last week.

Please sponsor Chris’s continuing charity moustache, then join us next week for the next thrilling installment of The Blueprint Podcast.

Ruth Madoc in Hi-De-Hi. Chris met her at the Billingham Forum when he was about 18, fact fans. She was very nice.

PS – while looking for Hi-De-Hi related stuff, I’ve just discovered that actress Dianne Holland, who played Yvonne Stewart-Hargreaves in the show, died this February aged 78.  Apparently she was a good laugh in real life.

We pick our way through the previous evening, and along the way find time for the noble signwriting profession and how it would fit into life in the distant future.

We have to say a very special hello and thanks to John and Patrick, whose 40th birthday party we found ourselves attending in Barnsley. Thanks to you guys, and to your friends and family for making us feel so very welcome, and for letting us have loads of goes on the karaoke and buffet.

Here’s the hospital we recorded this podcast at.

Greetings from Barnsley, one friendly town.

We’ll be back with another Barnsley-based episode next week, join us then at www.blueprintpodcast.com.

Nerds are on my mind again. Possibly I think of nerds because I am one. Possibly because I worry about them and how upset they get about things like the new Star Trek film.

It’s for this reason that I regale you with the story ofhow myself, Dave and some other old pals all went to watch Highlander II together, and the way we felt about that.

Oh no! I'm in Highlander bloody two!!!

Next week we’ll be welcoming Dave back to the podcast, so come back then and hear what he’sbeen up to.

Please sponsor Chris’s charity moustache at http://www.justgiving.com/chris-tash

There’s a News Roundup this week, with stories from the worlds of speaking, the economic downturn and housing market, bears, anti-smoking hypocrisy, Facebook,  and wheelie bin collections.

Other than that, it’s just Chris and a bit of a rant about relationships and how most people in the world don’t actually seem to like each other very much.

Please sponsor Chris to grow a moustache throughout the month of April. You can leave a donation, however large or small, by going to http://www.justgiving.com/chris-tash.

Here’s a couple who are reaching relationship Armageddon.

Buster Keaton and the timeless custard pie

The Blueprint Podcast will return next week with episode 71, see you then.

We’ve also got another game of Who On Earth with which to perplex and entertain you as you go about your daily lives.

We’ll be back with epsiode 70 next week, see you then.

Yield

And ALSO…

Hi everyone.

I, Chris, am growing a charity moustache during the month of April 09. It’s in aid of the Hartlepool and District Hospice, which provides terminally ill people and their loved ones with a better quality of life.

I’ll be posting photos of my tash progress here and on Twitter so that sponsors can see their investment flourish as well as give to a very good cause.

We’ve never asked you for a penny for 69 episodes of Blueprint fun, so please give a few quid to charity – you can donate online by going to…

http://www.justgiving.com/chris-tash

I’ll also thank everyone who donates on the Blueprint Podcast (unless you ask not to be mentioned), thus making you part of Blueprint Podcast history.

Tom Selleck - moustache owner

Apart from that, we get into a trick to pysche out other people in an exam situation, which may not work in world politics, and consider the possibility of a Dadcast, involving our dads.

As ever, it’s all happening. We’ll be back with episode 69 in but a week’s time. Until then, please enjoy this picture of beautiful Scotland, which is a very very good place, and the people there are great, and forgiving.

Scotland - great.

Finally we’re putting that right, can’t believe it took us until episode 67 to do that.On the upside, though, it gives Chris a chance to tell a story with no ending about a day out in London he had about a decade ago.

I feel a bit like James Bond at the moment, because I’m typing this using my electronic laptop computer, and what’s more I’m doing so in a hotel in Cairo. Get me.

The Blueprint Podcast will return from North Africa to good old freezing cold northern Europe in time for next week’s episode, so join us then, or as they say here in Egypt, “Pyramid”

Tequila, a drink celebrated musically, but Gloomy Sunday is probably more appropriate the day after your big tequila-fuelled party.

It’s easy to forget and hard to imagine that only a few years ago, all of this was still the domain of science fiction, or that only techno-wizards or super nerds had access to the Internet, and only top business tycoons has mobile phones.

We touch on this in a typically flippant manner this week, basing our observations on TV shows of the past which used to present the emergence of the Internet as some sort of kooky passing fancy. Now you can watch clips of those same shows on YouTube.

We’ve also got a game of Who On Earth and those who like ot keep up with fictional current events will be eager to hear this week’s News Roundup.

The ancient Internet, represented here by what a 1980s Google might have looked like.

We’ll be back next week with more Blueprinterrific fun and frolics.

You’ll notice that this week’s episode is shorter than you’re used to. We value your comments about this and we hope you’ll let us know, either by email or at Twitter, what your views are. Is this too short, or do you prefer us to spend more time putting together amusing segments and less time on the general chatter?

Let us know and we’ll act on what you say. After all, this is only worth doing if people are enjoying it out there.

I mentioned Twitter just then. Many thanks to online_mum who finally persuaded us to start up a Twitter account so that Chris can try to kid himself that he’s now mates with Stephen Fry and Jonathan Ross. If you’d like to follow us on Twitter, it’s at www.twitter.com/BlueprintPod.

Harold Lloyd, in a picture which sort of has something to do with time in that he's hanging from a clock in his famous film "Harold Lloyd Hangs Off A Clock"

We kick things off pretty quickly with a game of Who on Earth? for which Dave had prepared a sort of audio B movie, and then get into some pseudo-gritty reportage with mention for Heathrow Airport and its new runway. It’s one of those local news stories with international ripples. The international part would be the idea that a new runway would increase traffic in and out of the English capital. The local part would be that if you live in London it will be noisier.

An Australian naval commander is cornered by a men’s magazine called Ralph into making a mildly sexist remark, and when it’s taken out of context and passed around the media, he ends up being demonised. No fair, say the Blueprint.

Regular listeners will be surprised to hear that we’ve managed to negotiate ourselves another audience with our French counterpart, Xavier Laurent, and this time we’ve got working translation equipment, so will things go a bit more smoothly now?

We’ve also got our News Roundup, and Dave goes in a mood for your entertainment.

More Blueprint podcast fun with the UK’s top podcast with no famous people in it next week. If you’re not reading this there already, you can find us at www.blueprintpodcast.com

Like David Tennant and Patrick Stewart, we will only be signing things related to our current project

WIth the benefit of hindsight and Google, I’ve been able to find out that there are loads of them, albeit obscure ones or ones which may not count. The best one is “Nakers”, which is/are a sort of drum(s), but just might be pronounced “knackers” which would be fantastic.

The Vikings, starring Tony Curtis and Kirk Douglas. Made in 1958 and still as fresh as a daisy, by Odin's beard.

We’ll be back again in but a week, so join us then for more Blueprintastic podcasting fun from the United Kingdom.

You could be forgiven for thinking that we’ve got halfway through January before noticing that it was a new year at all. That’s because new years are a bit silly, and we talk about the arbitrary nature of the calendar. It just don’t make no sense!

We’ve also got a new game to play, and we play it well.

William Shatner is predicted by Dave to be on the brink of an amazing year in 2009.

We will be back in one week’s time, and we hope you’ll join us then. Don’t forget that you can email us by clicking the “email chris” link at the top of the page at www.blueprintpodcast.com

In this episode, Dave visits a farty shop, which brings us to discussion of why farts are funny, and why egg sandwiches smell of farts when they aren’t made of poo.

The hamster portion of the episode relates to the extraordinary behaviour of Chris’s son’s hamster recently, and does not concern Richard Hammond on this occasion, although both had experiences with certain superficial similarities.

Here’s another example of a hamster doing the same thing from the BBC News website, as mentioned in the podcast.

In the wild, a healthy female Bigtrak will lay up to five eggs every twenty years or so. This female in captivity at Bristol Zoo has laid just two. Sadly neither are likely to survive to hatching.

We shall return in but a week’s time. If you like our little podcast, please tell your pals about it, because it’s always encouraging to see a lot of people listening.

In the words of Doctor Who, we’re sorry, we’re so sorry.

The reason, much as I wish it was more exciting, was a simple broken Internet connection, and it was more time-consuming than usual to get it fixed because of the presence of Christmas.

But we’re here now, and we’ve got a good episode to usher in 2009. In epiosde 60, we play a new game of Who’s The Greatest, in which Dracula, The Mummy, The Wolfman and Frankenstein’s Monster are tested against various odd benchmarks.

We also try to ascertain what Marconi plays in the Starship song We Built This City. Chris thinks it says “La Bamba”, Dave thinks “the bongos”, and the Internet reckons it’s “the Mamba”.

Following the recording of this episode, we had a further delve into the world of knowledge, and here’s what Wikipedia says a “mamba” can be:

Mamba, a genus of snakes
Mamba, a 1930 film
Armstrong Siddeley Mamba, an aircraft engine
Mamba (roller coaster), a hypercoaster
Mamba Armoured Personnel Carrier
Mamba (candy)
Mamba, the nickname of NBA player Kobe Bryant
Mamba, Tibet

We’re also aware that it’s a type of Adidas trainer. So, which of those things could Marconi be playing? I suppose it’s possible that Marconi could be playing Kobe Bryant at basketball, but it seems somehow incongruous, and being British we know little of this “basket ball” of which you speak.

Your answers would be massively appreciated, especially if you’re Bernie Taupin, Martin Page, Dennis Lambert, and Peter Wolf (they wrote the song), or a member of Starship (they sang it).

Marconi plays the Mamba, or the bongos, or La Bamba. YOU decide.

All silliness aside, both Chris and Dave wish you and the people who matter to you a very happy 2009.

If 2008 has been great, then here’s to more of the same. If 2008 has been soul destroying, then here’s hoping that ’09 is so different as to be unrecognisable as a year at all.

We’ll be back in a week, keep it sleek.

Dave’s encyclopedia knowledge of old James Whale horror films and less old but still pretty old mentalists comes into play this week. He also fights to get back into the Quotations game with the score at the start of this episode at 1-0 to Chris.

Received Pronounciation is what brings us onto the subjects of Frankenstein and mentalism, because of actor Ernest Thesiger’s thorough use of the letters in words, and Polish mind reader Chan Canasta’s unique way of speaking in a second language.

We’re also possibly contacted by aliens, in the latest of a longish line of slightly odd things that people have either emailed to us, or said to us about our podcast.

Dr Praetorius and Chan Canasta both like Blake's 7.

It’s business as usual for The Blueprint Podcast over Christmas, and we’ll be back with our next episode at 5pm (UK Time) on Boxing Day (December 26th), so you can have a listen to us with your new Christmas mp3 players and computers.

Chris says “literally” a bit too much, and Superman somehow gets involved again. We’re always talking about Superman, us.

This takes us onto serial killers, and we hang around there for a while. Both Chris and Dave have ideas for a serial killer movie. Let us know which one you would rather go to see at your local cinema, or movie theater if you live in America, as many of you do.

Not many comedy podcasts will tackle serial killers for you, but we will. The more we listen to our movie ideas, the more we wish that we had easy access to rich movie producers. If YOU are a rich movie executive with decision-making powers, get in touch with us and we might let you make The Pizza Wheel Murders or I’ve Got Legs.

The Emperor Ming from Flash Gordon gets a long overdue telling-off for his misdeeds and general flaws in character. Other movie villains are also admonished for their low-quality execution of executions.

The Pizza Wheel Murders - if youre not dead in 30 minutes, he'll kill you for free.

We’ll be back in but a week, make sure you’ve got us – click here to subscribe to The Blueprint Podcast using iTunes. IF you don’t have iTunes installed on your computer, don’t worry, it’s a free download, and you can immerse yourself in the modern world of podcasts and stuff.

Please take the time to complete our Listener Survey, so that we know what sort of demographic is listening to us, and can tailor the podcast accordingly. For example, the last surveys we got all said “more talk about having a poo in space needed”, so we obliged!

Jet fighters chasing a B2 Bomber in the belief that it's a UFO. The pilots of the bomber also believe that they're aliens. Frankly it's an accident waiting to happen.

We’ll be back next week, get in.

We’ve also got a brand new game to play on the subject of quotations, which those of you who are fond of guessing things will adore.

We also chat about Indiana Jones’ CV (that’s his résumé if you’re in the US), and some talk of hydrotherapy leads to an idea for criminal swimmers.

I was nearly late today, because there was a jam on the motorway! Ho ho!

We’d also like to take this opportunity to point you in the direction of some other great podcasts which are floating around the interwaves.

Collins and Herring’s podcast is two famous guys enjoying a bit of chat and banter, and there are plenty of laughs in it, as well as lots of swearing. They’re nice and long, at over an hour each, so if you’re at the gym or on a long journey, make sure you take these two with you, as well as The Blueprint, of course.

Stephen Fry, possibly one of the world’s busiest and most widely-talented living creatures, has some podcast episodes, or Podgrams as he prefers to call them. They are often incisive and incredibly interesting, whilst the belly laughs, when they come, are superb.

In this episode, we have another go at contacting our French friend, Xavier, using some cutting edge technology. It goes reasonably well, we think.

The big news this week is another exciting new feature called Real Or Phoney, in which we throw truth and lies around like confetti at the marriage of Mr Veracity to Miss Duplicity.

We hope you’re enjoying the show, please drop us a line if you’ve got anything to say, ask, or complain to us about.

This lady is either demonstrating a sneeze for us, or this photo has something to do with one of Dave's other topics about the speed of bodily functions.

Join us for more Blueprint fun and laughter next week.

Ever keen to embrace the wider world, we make attempts to contact a French podcaster (do you think he likes us?) and we hope to speak to him again soon.

To illustrate the success level of our French escapade, here’s the metaphorical street that we ended up in:

Rue De Merde

We’ll be back next week with more such talk, and more “Who’s The Greatest” fun and frolics.

This week, after some parenting advice from Chris regarding Star Trek: The Next Generation, we’re keen to settle once and for all the question of who’s the greatest – Batman, Spiderman or Superman? As laymen in the superhero knowledge world, we don’t use the usual set of criteria for judging such things, though. We’ve got our own ideas.

For example, with which of the three would you feel most uncomfortable if you were trapped with them, naked in a lift (elevator, American listeners). Which would make the best rabbi? You get the picture.

This week’s visual aid constitutes proof of the result of the first “Who’s The Greatest” contest.

Please take the time to fill in our Listener Survey – it only takes a minute or two, and it helps us to find out, broadly speaking, what sort of people we’ve got listening to the podcast. That in turn helps us to improve what we do.

More of Dave’s pet hates are explored as we delve deeper into his inner fury, and find out why the letter “H” makes his blood boil.

In other stories, we’ve got it all sorted out for Professor Stephen Hawking, after Dave meets a party guest with some alarming views on the secret of the scientist’s success.

What’s more, if you’re listening in America, Dave’s got some kind words for you about your country, so that should make you feel good, whichever way you’re planning to vote in your upcoming election.

Speaking of popularity contests, make sure that you join us next week on Friday, November 7th, when we’ll be putting a few things into their proper places.

Stephen Hawking. He can fly.

This week, we get to the heart of the Dave Russell phenomenon by discovering a couple of things that really grind his gears.

We warm up first with some talk of spherical stimulating toys for babies, and an astonishing Chris Fact is revealed, closely followed by a Chris Lie.

Astrology is described by Wikipedia as “a group of systems, traditions, and beliefs in which knowledge of the apparent relative positions of celestial bodies and related details is held to be useful in understanding, interpreting, and organizing information about personality, human affairs, and other terrestrial matters”. It’s described by Dave as “nonsense”, and he pulls no punches with a scathing attack on the whole idea.

If you’re a firm believer in newspaper horoscopes, please have a quiet word with yourself.

Binoculars, or more specifically their misrepresentation in the cinema, are Dave’s second target, although Chris disagrees, and hilarity ensues.

It’s all happening.

This week’s image is the visual representation of Dave’s hate.

We’ll be back with Episode 52 at 5pm (UK Time) on Friday, 31st October. See you then.

This episode sees the podcasting debut of Dave Russell, an old friend of mine from Sixth Form College. Dave lives in France most of the time, so we’re lucky to have him on board for a while while he’s spending some time in the UK.

In this episode, we reboot with a brief history of The Blueprint, which leads us, of course, onto some allegedly topless blondes who robbed a teenager in the street recently. As with so many quirky stories, though, the briefest of investigations shows that not all is as it seems. Honestly, it’s like they start with the headline and then look for a story to sort of fit in with it, sometimes.

Then it’s a brief guided tour of the Amsterdam Sex Museum which, as you may expect, is a truly bizarre place, and one where visitors adopt those facial expressions. You know the ones – “I’m an enlightened modern person, this isn’t funny or crude, it’s simply the expression of our basic primal de… …look, there’s some breasts!”

Ensuring that Dave gets a proper baptism of fire (pun intended), we then get into religion and The Bible by way of a sulky priest who refuses to speak during services.

So, back with a vengeance, then. Please let us know what you think of the show, which you can do by emailing (link at the top of the page at www.blueprintpodcast.com) . If you have time (and you do, otherwise why are you reading this?) please take a minute to complete our Listener survey, which helps us to keep track of the general shape of our listenership.

Episode 51 will be right here at 5pm (UK Time) on Friday, October 24th.

Here’s an aerial photo of Amsterdam, where you can combine elegance with coarseness within two or three strides, and be almost run over by a tram or cyclist whenever you like.

Quirkies this week include a convicted murderer in the US, who pulls an unusual series of mindflips by agreeing to be turned into fish food for a piece of art after his execution, but also frantically appealing against his death sentence. Now in this life, you either want to be fish food or you don’t. Nobody likes a ditherer. Or a murderer, for that matter.

As well as the usual quirky stories, we’ve also got some great music in this week’s Blueprint, from Bluesman Tom Malafarina, Oriskany Strings, and Blue Valentine, all of whom are from America.

This weeks’ pictorial side dish is of some fish food.

We get into a few topics, chiefly our recent weekend at The Green Man Festival in South Wales, and the fact that both of us have given up smoking. Expect flashing tempers in coming episodes.

 Please join us next week for episode 49, and fill in the Blueprint Podcast Survey (link at the top of the page) so that we can read your very thoughts.

This week, here’s a panoramic view across the Green Man mainstage area. A seriously niiiice music festival.

Television animals get us started this week, before we move into cartoons, particularly the Hanna Barbera-style ones in which some sort of unusual beast accompanies a teenage gang as they travel the United States in search of mysteries to solve. Sadly, this brings about the startling realisation that  many of our favourite animated heroes were actually the tragic victims of their so-called friends.

We celebrate the wisdom of Bill Cosby for a while, beofre bemoaning the existence of the cartoon spin-off Fonz And the Happy Days Gang, which, was ridiculous on every level.

The cartoon chat culminates in a nostalgic mood with The Incredible New Shmoo, a sort of white shapeshifting abomination capable of assisting his teenage pals in the unravelling of mysterious events.

Then it’s quirky story time, and UFOs are definitively sorted out, along with the slightly odd notion of a special police bra, before Chris and Greg compare their childhood Action Man (that’s GI Joe if you’re in the USA) collections.

We’ll be back, friends. Back. It’ll happen On Friday, 22nd August at 5pm (UK time). Join us then, we’ll put the kettle on.

Here’s the Shmoo. The Incredible New Shmoo.

In this episode, Greg contemplates a charity moustache, which leads to discussion of extreme martial arts-based attention seeking behaviour. Some people, of course, can make a living from seeking attention, which brings us to Michael Jackson (a singer), Spanish holidays, and British pubs in foreign lands.

 We get back into the canoe disappearance of John Darwin, and the trials of him and his wife Mrs. Darwin, which gets us onto a judicial debate. It may surprise regular listeners to learn that neither Chris nor Greg is a judge, magistrate or even so much as a legal clerk.

 All this gets us into some career advice for Barry George, who was recently acquitted at a retrial of the murder of TV presenter Jill Dando, and of course this leads to some chat about the polarising nature of the music of Queen.

Finally, we get onto some quirky stories, including one about a naked man who was chased by police into some nettles. Ouch.

 We’ll be back with episode 47 on Friday, 15th August at 5pm (UK Time), so feel free to join us then for more audio companionship.

This epsiode’s visual aid is a photo of Freddie Mercury impersonator Justin Gilbody. He’s got the suit and a moustache. He’s also no stranger to Word Art. Maybe Greg will be available for Mercury work soon, if the moustache thing works out.

Anyway, the reasons for all this glue chat are twofold.

Firstly, Greg reminds Chris of an incident in which The Blueprint were offered glue for sniffing purposes by a passer-by (we refused, of course).

Secondly, soon to be former British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, was offered glue for sticking purposes by an invited guest. He had no option to refuse, as the glue was smeared on his jacket by someone, who then added insult to injury by making a terrible play on words about glue. Yet another rubbish protest, and this time we’ve looked into the past of the protester to reveal that this wasn’t his first ill-advised attempt to change the world.

We also cover the devils on earth that were PE teachers (PE is the same as Phys. Ed., American listeners) during our schooldays. Honestly, there should be support groups for people who went through some of the cruel and unusual punishments for being alive bestowed upon children by PE teachers back in the day. What’s more, everyone who is unfit to any degree should be able to personally sue their old PE teacher if their interest in exercise was crushed by their evil ways.

That aside, we’ve got a bizarre quirky story about a toilet which blasted hailstones the size of golf balls at the exposed bottom of an unlucky toiletgoer. How unlucky is that?

Here’s a coyote making use of some glue purchased from Acme, a well-known manufacturer of specialist birdcatching equipment. The glue sometimes worked, but usually in an unpredictable manner, serving only to frustrate Acme’s customer base. Acme went into liquidation in the late Sixties following historic damages awarded following a class action raised by several coyotes over the quality of instructions provided with the company’s products.

The judge agreed that providing a crude drawing of a huge rock landing on a small bird as it attempts to eat bird seed which has been glued to the ground was an irresponsible way in which to suggest glue should be used. Awarding damages in excess of $100m, the judge went on to rule that solvents should not be marketed directly to prairie wolves in the first place.

We’ll be back on Friday, August 8th at 5pm (UK Time) with more Blueprint Podcast chat and banter, so please join us then.

 Nintendo’s probably very clever but difficult to understand marketing and production policies are brought into question over their Wii Fit game (if “game” is the correct term). Frustrated shoppers can’t buy Wii Fit anywhere, but it’s still being aggressively advertised. How does that work, then?

(Note that we are not affiliated to Reebok, although if they want to send us some free stuff to thank us for our glowing review of their exercise equipment, we will make friends with them.)

Greg’s lottery madness provides us with our very own quirky story, and we’ve got photographic evidence courtesy of Greg’s girlfriend, who captured him at the height of his panic…

We’ll be back with episode 45 of The Blueprint Podcast at 5pm (UK Time) on Friday, August 1st. Until then, please complete our very short Blueprint Podcast Survey, which helps us to make the podcast better.

Sorry it’s gone online a little late in the day – it won’t happen again, but we hope you’ll forgive us as we have been out doing work for cherridy.

Please remember to complete the Blueprint Podcast survey – it helps us to tailor the podcast to the people who listen to it. 

If you have iTunes or something similar, don’t forget that you can have the new episodes downloaded to your computer or mp3 player automatically. What will they think of next.

We sort out the world economic crisis, the credit crunch, sub-prime loans and house prices. If only the governments of the world would realise that idle chit chat is the way to go. Then we take on the Oxford English Dictionary, and talk about the way that people use words, in particular words like “gazetteer” (which means a reference for information about places and place names, and not Microsoft Autoroute, as someone Chris knows thinks), and the custard cream biscuit, which is now available in your local dictionary, before Greg takes a view on “easy” words being included.

After that, it’s all about the biscuits. Oh, and a chimp, a rude new Mr. Man, The Krays, and how to avert nuclear war.

Here’s Andy Warhol’s famous Custard Cream painting.

That’s what this episode is sort of about, in a way.

In this episode, things get scary, as Greg reveals that he possibly believes in werewolves. We also visit a quirky story in which some bears go into a restaurant, and the reporter charged with writing it up goes into “Three Bears” pun overdrive. So it’s all sort of animal-based, with a perfect balance between real animals, fictional animals, and fairytale animals.

This week’s picture is of Jo from Podfinder UK, only with glasses, a beard, and horns. Big hugs from The Blueprint Podcast to Jo and her pals.

Continental lager is explained, as are Denmark and Holland, with particular reference to Chris’s travels, which leads to a new business idea for Blueprint holiday coach trips.

Impressions that everyone thinks they can do (including the ubiquitous Sean Conneries, Kenneth Williamses and Prince Charleses) are discussed, but it’s really just an excuse for Greg to do his Frankie Howerd.

Quirky stories this week take us into the world of a man so hungry that he apparently ram raided an Indian takeaway, and Greg’s machismo related to curries, coffee and knowledge of the locations of speed cameras are revealed, before we delve into our male psyches, but only as far as the issue of us liking women drinking pints.

In order to prove our point about women drinking pints, here are some approachable and attractive women doing just that.

It’s all going on. We’ll be back next Friday (that’s June 20th) at 5pm, UK Time.

We kick off with some more-interesting-than-it-appears discussion on the subject of names for meals. If you’re not in the UK, did you know that we often refer to the evening meal as “tea”? Well we do, even if the meal has none of the drink known as “tea” involved. From there, we discuss the evolution and unkillable nature of the blue jean and remember its temporary demise in the mid 90s.

A tightrope walking dog turns out to be a possible secret government project, and yet another person complains of high fines after refusing to turn up to court several times. Fight the system from within, for crying out loud! The Man will stamp on you every time if you try to ignore him.

Mexican donkeys are not getting the best press these days because of their violent behaviour, and a squirrel apparently makes friends with and ultimately has a romantic relationship with some humans, who think he’s a monkey. It’s difficult to explain, go and have a listen.

Hu Hu the tightrope walking dog is what it’s all about. In this picture you can’t see the tightrope very well, so he looks like he’s just having a bit of an air walk, but he isn’t.

Episode 39 will be arriving on schedule at 5pm (UK Time) on Friday, June 13th. Be there, and wear something slutty.

Remember Jaws? It was awesome, wasn’t it? Or was it? Was the shark not a little bit flappy mouthed? Did the bit at the end where they’re on the boat not go on for a little bit too long? Was the whole thing not a publicity disaster for the shark community? Were Richard Dreyfuss and Roy Schneider not a little bit flippant on their way home at the end?

And that’s just the first Jaws.  Don’t get us started on Jaws 4: The Revenge. Well, as it goes, you don’t need to get us started, because we have already started and stopped, and recorded the event as Episode 37 of The Blueprint Podcast.

We also give a brief an formless critique of the new Terminator TV programme, in which some stuff happens, but in all honesty I can’t remember much of it because of Summer Glau. Summer Glau is definitely in it, I can tell you that much.

This is the poster from the new stage play Chris is writing, called Lovely Lovely Summer Glau. It’s about Summer Glau. In the play, she goes around being lovely, and the townspeople rejoice.

We’ll be back next Friday at 5pm (UK time), so join us then.

We find out about Chris’s daredevil onstage exploits in his younger days involving an apple and a samurai sword, and expose another irrational protest. This time it’s a man cutting his own car in half in order to “thwart” some vehicle clampers. Now come on. Who’s being thwarted there? The clampers probably had a lot less hassle to deal with afterwards.

Some cow business involving flatulence and tax comes into play, and there is some bickering between Chris and Greg over various things.

Neil Young, though, is living the high life, having achieved every rock star’s dream of having a spider named after him. We discuss this at more length than it deserves, but don’t worry, we do punctuate it with tangental conversation about other things entirely.

This episode’s picture is of CHiPs, rather than chips as discussed. Nor are we suggesting that either of them is a transexual, or that there would be anything wrong with it if they were. Hell’s bells, it’s a legal minefield, this podcasting thing.

So think on.

We get nuclear, and we get German. It’s all going on. I’m aware that I have given you very little information here.

What we’re showing you here is a picture of Jeremy Clarkson. He really likes the Autobahn. I wonder how many times he’s said “Autobahn”. I bet it’s loads.

From Bonnie Langford to a man who claims to be able to train a goldfish, this episode covers all of the topics that we’re sure have been on your mind this week. Greg commits an act of violence, and Chris can’t tell you anything about jury service.

Yet another seemingly pointless protest is discussed, this time involving a fireman who feels an urgent need to fly a skull and crossbones outside his house. You’ve got to ask yourself what the point is in that one. You could argue that it’s about freedom or something, but it also could be a lot more about someone being stubborn.

We’ll be back next Friday (that’s May 16th) at 5pm, UK Time.

The goldfish on the left has trained his two friends to form rudimentary piscine pyramids.

Having talked about a story concerning a man who overfilled his wheelie bin and then saw the fine imposed upon him more than double when he ignored it, we go between the lines and lay into The Daily Mail a bit. Which is always fun. If you like The Daily Mail, you  should still listen, as this episode will give you the feeling you enjoy so much of having your blood boil.

For those listeners who don’t live in the UK, The Daily Mail is a national newspaper with a slightly chequered past and a questionable sense of perspective. That’s about all you need to know in order to feel primed for this episode. Shocking revelations await for those who have never thought too much about British Fascism.

We find time to crack some jokes as well, though, so don’t worry.

In a rarely-acknowledged cut of Superman II, Hitler was sent into the Phantom Zone, with hilarious results.

Come back and see us for Episode 34 on Friday, May 9th (Chris’s birthday!) at 5pm (UK Time)

In this first part, we kick off by talking about old audio cassettes. You know, C60, C90 and all that, and bemoan the very existence of the C15, which contained about three feet of audio tape designed purely for putting oldschool computer games on, but later causing frustration when one tried to recycle them as proper music tapes, only to find that only three or four songs would fit on each side. Walkman repitition was the price one paid back in those halcyon days.

Paul Weller has apparently slammed the Glastonbury festival, and we put our twopenneth in on the subject, pointing out that the problems Mr Weller experienced at Glastonbury last year are common to live music performers at all levels in these days of music on demand and cheap best-ofs. Is “ofs” a word? Fasten it securely to “best” with a hyphen, and we’re saying it is.

A strange set of quirky stories follow, in which it’s difficult to spot the hero. What’s going on with people these days? A woman who parks in front of some clearly labelled fire doors gets her car thoroughly vandalised. See what we mean? Who’s done a good thing in that scenario?

Also, a well-covered story about a man who was fined after overfilling his wheelie bin is examined, and that brings us on to the way that stories are reported, and that’s what we’ll talk about a bit more in episode 33, where we’ll be talking about the startling hypocrisy of certain newspapers, and their friendships with the likes of Hitler.

This week, we’ve got a picture of loads of assorted wheelie bins with which to entertain you.

See you next Friday with part two.