It reminds me a lot of when I logged on a college campus. All sorts of different types of people, doing all sorts of different things, trying out all sorts of things in their lives, offering all sorts of different opportunities. And for the most part, they all respect each other and co-exist in the same space much better than you would think that they would.

But maybe most of all, it seems to be a city of expression.

Lots of people very passionate about their causes, and many of them vocally so.

Lots of various clothing styles, appearance choices, gender expressions, and just general individuality so much more common than I saw in the Midwest.

Not to say that it doesn’t still get noticed when someone is going far outside the norm… I mean the guy in a Darth Vader mask playing bagpipes on a unicycle (actual guy) does still get attention, but Portland weird style individuality is just common enough here that it’s not much of a big deal. People smile and go “only in Portland…”, shrug, and go along their way.

Art is everywhere. Sometimes authorized, sometimes not. So so many creative classes that I want to get a chance to take someday.

Portland seems to be the town for the people who weren’t able to express themselves in previous environments to come somewhere that would let them do so without judgement. Lots and lots of people who aren’t originally from here, each bringing their own unique backgrounds to the mix.

It’s been a good thing for me.. even when it’s not like I’m all that far from passing as normal.

When there’s not a pandemic going on, I work downtown, high up in a skyscraper among many other skyscrapers, taking the bus and the train back and forth. It never fails to be interesting watching all of the different types of people, all doing their own thing to their own rhythm, and mostly all respecting each other’s choice to be completely different.

But right now, things are a bit different.

It’s far from a secret that downtown Portland has turned into a war zone. Protests grew and grew, poor police response trying to shut down the expression and instead made it more passionate.

Collectively, so many different ways that people have been hurt by people in power in so many different way have all come together to express their hurts, their pains, their anger.

And Portland, that is normally such an abnormally accepting place for that, suddenly became very divided.

It’s weird. And a big scary. And a bit overblown. And there’s a lot of overreacting on both sides.

And it’s very Portland.

But mostly?

Mostly it’s sad.

It’s just so incredibly sad.

It’s sad that there’s bad apples taking the chance to loot and do otheewise non constructive things that cause harm to the sake of those who just want to express their pain.

It’s sad that there’s that much pain and harm done even in our modern world that needs expressing.

It’s sad that it hasn’t been about to be expressed and healed in more gentle ways.

It’s sad that the law enforcement has felt that the only way they are able to protect the city is by creating more harm through their choices in strategy. That they would feel the need to attack to defend.

It’s sad that nobody on either side of the fence feels safe.

It’s sad that both sides have written each other off as unable to listen to reason.

It’s sad that maybe they are both right.

I want to side with the protestors, those who feel so much hurt that they feel it can only be addressed by expressing it in this dramatic of a way.

I also want to side with the officers, those whose goal is to keep peace and safety and prevent things from progressing into riots filled with damage.

But both sides have enough misapplied intentions that I don’t fully side with either.

You know those parks that are being shown on national TV? That place filed with such conflict?

That’s normally my stomping ground.

My work building is two blocks away.

The whole building has been closed for a while now to keep staff out of the conflict. And most of us have been working from home since the end of March. So I’ve only actually seen the building twice since we left an eerie ghost town after the state was closed down.

But that building they are in front of? It’s one I walked past at least twice a day going to the bus and train stops.

Those benches, where I sat when it was nice to get out of the building for lunch, or sometimes for breakfast even when I decided to grab something from the now closed cafe nearby.

Those sidewalks crisscrossing the parks were the quick paths to go wherever else I needed to go.

All the boarded up shops downtown used to be the interesting places to check out, the displays to see, the variety and culture of the area. The things that were on the way home. The pharmacy where I filled my meds. The gift shop where I bought wrapping paper and supplies for the first Valentine’s with my boyfriend. The place where I took my kiddo to eat. The place where I watched Christmas crowds shop crazily and constantly found myself humming silver bells.

I’ve been down there a handful of times since things got crazy, by car not on foot or by the train.

It’s all plywood over windows, and graffiti over everything, and fences around buildings.

It’s incredibly sad. Literally tear provoking.

But in a way, it just seems appropriate. The physical city symbolism of the same sad that fills the area’s hearts.

Just the overwhelming collective sadness of unresolved hurt… From a million different wounds and a million different sources expressed a million different ways needing healing through a million different hearts being touched. That may or may not ever happen.

So very sad.

But still so very Portland.