BlueShame

The Real NYC Nanny Guide

2012-02-15T02:50:00.001-05:00

Surprise surprise y'all. I've worked as a nanny on and off for the past six years. I've been in and out of homes all over New York City, and needless to say, I know a lot about this delicate little world! Here is my personal NYC Nanny Guide geared towards helping new nannies and first time/curious parents seeking childcare. I answer lots of questions and discuss many topics, but if you have any further inquiries, feel free to email me.

What should I pay my nanny?

The current going rate in New York City is anywhere from $10-$25/hr. Most legal, educated nannies will not work for less than $12/hr, and average nannies generally won't ask for more than $20/hr [anything more than $20/hr should require special expertise or responsibility].

You should pay according to:

The expected duties and responsibilities [the more duties, the more per hour]
The required hours [the less hours, the more you pay per hour- as a convenience]
The nanny's experience and education level [more years of experience and more education merits more money].
The amount of children [whatever rate you start at, add $2/hr per head]

Whether you choose to pay on the books or not is up to you and your nanny [I know it's the law, but it's hard to regulate anyways], but be sure to pay her time and a half for any hours over 40, and always pay her on time.

Once you figure out your rate of pay, overtime pay, regular payday, required hours and weekly responsibilities create a written contract stating such and have you and your nanny both sign and keep a copy. It would also be wise to include policies regarding: sick leave, vacation, personal leave and holidays.

What are some things I can do to make my nanny happy?

Offer your nanny breakfast/lunch/dinner if the nanny is working in your home during these times. If not, at least make sure there is something in your fridge for her to snack on.
If your nanny is schlepping your kids around the city all afternoon, provide her with a monthly metrocard to make her life easier.
Be reasonable in your expectations. Your nanny is not a superhero and cannot complete X amount of tasks a day while managing to be a present and active caretaker of your child. The more reasonable you are, the more likely your nanny will be flexible in working with you.
Give your nanny a raise after a year [usually $20 extra/wk], a bonus at the end of the year [1-2 weeks salary is appropriate] and severance pay [but only if she is let go without cause]. Also bump up her pay if you have another child [usually an extra $2/hr] or need to increase the workload. If you do not do these things, she will resent you and will eventually seek other employment.
Keep clear and open communication lines. Be mature. Do not be passive aggressive. This is a recipe for disaster. Your nanny will sense your attitude, and it may create irreparable discord within your arrangement.
Trust her and treat her with respect. Do not micromanage, do not ask her to keep a log of minute details, do not check in non-stop, do not speak down to her or treat her like a slave. This is someone intelligent and responsible that you hired to work in your home and with your children, so be sure to treat her as such.

What are some things I can do to make my employer happy?

No matter how you arrange your responsibilities throughout the day, make sure that by the time your employer walks through the door, all your duties are completed and the house is clean and organized.
Follow your employer's desires and do not impose your own belief system onto the family – unless you feel the child may be in danger, or you feel you have a more qualified solution.
You should never finish anything in your employer's fridge, unless you have explicit permission to do so. Also be aware that whatever you finish, you should courteously replace.
Do not get lazy. When the kids are up and about, keep the TV off, keep your cellphone on silent, and stay off the computer. And don't nap either, unless your employer gives you explicit permission to do so. You are on the clock, so please act like it.
Be on time and be flexible, but if you aren't available at all on a certain day or time, make your employer aware. They should do their best to respect your time off.
Do not ask for loans. This is completely inappropriate and your employer is not a bank.

What all nannies and employers should know:

*Fit is extremely important. If you are a creative and spontaneous family, you would want a nanny that fits well with that type. The same for a studious and laid-back family. Choose a nanny that fits best with your lifestyle. Nannies should also be aware of this! If you have multiple offers, go with the family who's parenting style you most respect. Follow your gut and don't be swayed by money or pushy people.

*Employers: Avoid specifying race/ethnicity in your job postings. It's tacky, prejudiced, and completely illegal.

*Speak up! Nannies: If you feel you deserve a raise, a bonus, severance pay or time off; mention it to your employers in a dignified and calm manner. Employers, if you cannot afford a raise or bonus, be sure to let your nanny know and try to compensate her in other ways.

*Remember each others birthdays! It's a nice treat to have someone you work with so closely remember the day that you came into the world.

*Be laid back and keep perspective. You are working together to raise a lovely little adult. Take it day by day and take breaks, if needed.
*Nannies and families should both understand that needs change as life changes: A nanny's hours may decrease or vanish completely as a child matures, and a family may have to say goodbye to a nanny who is now pursuing other opportunities. Be open to change, and prepare well for it.

*Know your rights! On top of mandatory overtime, domestic workers in NYC are entitled to:

A 14 day termination notice or severance pay.
A day of rest every 7 days [or paid overtime on that 7^th day].
Six paid holidays off.
Seven paid sick days off.
Five paid vacation days off.
Three paid days of rest after 1 year of work.
30 minutes break per 6 hours worked.

Have fun! If you find the right family, babysitting can be enriching and very well compensated. I have fond memories of some great kids and lovely sets of parents, many of whom gave me jobs when there were few other viable options for me. Even after I've chosen to move on, I'll forever be grateful for the opportunities I had to work with some of New York's warmest families.

Black & White TV

2012-02-14T21:09:00.006-05:00

One of the few movies I've seen with a Black & Hispanic lead

There's been a lot of chit chatter about The Help. Now I haven't seen it yet [but I will] and my upcoming rant has little to do with the actual movie, but more so with the common portrayal of Blacks/Hispanics* as miscreants, idiots, blue collar workers, servants, slaves, gangsters, drug dealers/addicts, charity cases, fuck-ups, single mothers, uneducated, hood dwellers, violent... Not that some of us do not fit these types in real life, but I believe that the majority of us do not. And I'm sick and tired of Hollywood and the media painting us with one broad brush, consistently viewing and portraying us in a monolithic way with no room for realism or growth.

How many times do people of color need to be shown in this light before the formula is exhausted? I wish I could say different, but the truth is, these portrayals affect people's subconscious, feeding the notion that Blacks/Hispanics are lesser than whites and that they need all the help they can get. That "whites have it right" while people of color are severely simple-minded and forever struggling.

Now you know I don't believe that for a second! Sheeeit. But when I walk down Madison ave in the mornings, I see the belief of being "lesser than" in the eyes and demeanor of many different people. I see young Hispanic men, looking sloppy and rugged, apologetically dodging out of the way when a white person crosses their path. I see black delivery men averting their eyes, often looking at the floor instead of up and around this beautiful city. I've seen a subway car full of immigrants freeze when a white man sternly asked an innocent question. I've seen various whites with their noses in the air, with an entitlement so strong they rarely say excuse me when needing to move past you. [Caucasians know they are guilty of this! I've seen too many who prefer to quietly brush past or just stand there passive aggressively until the person in their way gets the hint and moves. They are also quite selfish on the subway.]

I'm articulate, well-dressed and petite – things that assist whites in deeming me as safe. But these things are also problematic. Are they truly indicative of an educated, progressive society, or are they indicative of a type that whites would like us all [white or not] to conform to?

Hollywood's poor excuse for black and tan visibility is just another slight that people of color have to contend with in this country. It's another way that society manages to oppress Blacks and Hispanics, and drive home the message that “We think very little of you – if we think of you at all.”

Attention all Gays and Jews who run Hollywood - and who also happen to be minorities - this needs to change!

I made a list of all the shows I remember watching that had a Black/Hispanic cast and managed to show the aforementioned races in a reasonably realistic light. As you will note, all of these shows are no longer on the air/in syndication. Curious...

In Living Color [now coming back, but cancelled for no reason]

New York Undercover

In the house

Gullah Gullah Island

Hangin with Mr. cooper

The Steve Harvey show

The Jamie Foxx Show

Moesha

The Parkers

Family Matters

Parenthood
Living Single

My Cousin Skeeter
Keenan & Kel

The Wayans Bros.

Sister Sister

Taina
Martin

The Fresh Prince

Smart Guy

Everybody Hates Chris

The Hughleys

The Bernie Mac Show

That's so Raven

All That [had a rap as the theme song]

*I focus on Blacks and Hispanics in this piece because Asians [aka "the model minority"] aren't as commonly portrayed in such a negative light. Stereotypical sure, but not often outright negative.

In honour of the fact that life is short

2012-02-12T21:52:00.000-05:00

This post is by Danielle LaPorte, and the content is so exquisitely attuned to what I've always believed, all the more so lately. "Life is hard, but live it softly, throw pain free." Enjoy.

wear your white shirts. get them pressed.
use your good dishes — everyday.
shave on weekends.
do not wait for special occasions.
do not tuck your best away in the drawers, in the back of the closet, in your heart.
don’t wait for holidays or invitations.
declare that your today is the special occasion.
call instead of emailing. (it feels so good to connect.)
go for coffee.
quit.
renounce your glory days. you’ve told all of those stories more than twice.
focus forward.
wear perfume for yourself.
toss your only-wear-around-the-house clothes and let your good clothes graduate to around-the-house status.
intend to feel good all of the time.
write your book.
launch.
make great sex a priority. (this alone will make you more creative and free. on your death bed, you will think about all the great sex you had this lifetime.)
burn your to-do list.
write poetry. One a day.
make a point to be as encouraging as possible, as much as possible, to everyone possible.
don’t look back.
if you feel like you’re always failing, consider that this is part of being an artist. let it be a divine inclination. keep going.
enter.
leave.
eat real food.
often refuse to be in the presence of people who make you feel repressed, anxious, or pull your frequency down.
do not entertain haters.
send light to the haters.
give it away. you probably don’t need it and someone else does.
turn off the tv.
let it be easy.
burn candles. during the day.
fall in love. with yourself. with the person you’re with. with the persons in your orbit.
because no one is perfect, but you can let the love be perfect for the both of you.
because everyone — everyone — is a doorway to God.
because you can get there from here.
because life is short.

How to feel better

2012-02-09T21:15:00.001-05:00

You ever wake up one morning and just feel down in the dumps? Do you feel lost and lonely? Are you having trouble sleeping? Do you feel unfulfilled and morose as of late? I've been there too, and I'm here to help! Here is my personal guide on How to feel better... hope it helps! [Note: This is not intended as a guide for those who suffer from severe depression and/or mental illness.]

Stand up for yourself in a healthy way. Speak the truth, don't attack, don't name call, and don't bully. Aim to enlighten the offender in the clearest way while unburdening your justified emotion. Never take any action that would reflect poorly on you. For example: I stick to the facts, and state my case firmly and calmly. If people get rowdy or refuse to hear me out, I don't waste my time and cease interaction. I've never had to resort to something as lowly as spitting, stealing, hitting, cheating, or degrading anyone. Them realizing their mistake and what they've lost was punishment enough. I've walked away from every confrontation I've ever had feeling victorious, because I made it my aim to always be fair and ladylike.

Make an effort to give. When you are giving and sharing, the focus is off yourself and is doled out to others instead. For example: When I first moved to the city, I did a huge clean out and had a ton of extra stuff. I ended up giving a huge bag of clothes and accessories to a down-and-out young mother who I found on Craigslist, and to this day I still wonder about her.

Keep perspective. There are millions of people who are hungry, homeless, dying, fighting, addicted, lonely, empty, angry right now. Remember not to blow things out of proportion and take a moment to think about the positive in your life.

Keep your mind, body and life as balanced as possible. Never take more than you need, never take more than you'd give in return, and never deplete your body's mental, emotional and physical resources. You need your mind and body to be at their best, they're the only ones you've got!

Know that it's okay to be sad or angry. Let yourself feel negative emotions all the way through, allowing yourself to process them all the way. And then, once it's mostly out, cease to dwell on it. Try your very best to let all negativity go or else it will rot you from the inside out. How do you do that? Acknowledge it, recognize its presence, then abolish it. If you can't do that, then change how you view it. For example: When I begin to feel some kind of way, I deal with the emotion then and there [or at least, as soon as possible]. Carrying a negative emotion from now into next summer isn't effective and makes little sense to me. So I cry if I feel like crying, I let myself feel anger if I'm pissed and I let myself feel pain if I've been hurt. I also try to do whatever I can to constructively cope. Within a day or two [or sometimes even a few hours] I notice that the feeling has largely faded. It has slipped right out of my system, and out of my life.

Curb all jealousy. Hating another won't make you any smarter/richer/more attractive/more in shape. For example: When I see a fly ass woman [whether it's sick style or a cool-as-shit attitude], I think to myself “She better work!!!” I love love love seeing confident women out and about, I feel a camaraderie with them, almost like they're my spirit sisters.

Free up your muscles, and let those limbs loose. Move. Exercise. Stretch. Dance. Roller-skate. Box. Play ball. Do yoga. Do 50 pushups. Touch your toes. Do 100 jumping jacks. Take a walk. Breathe. Go for a run. Do the hustle. I promise you'll feel better.

Stop eating garbage. All those fake foods and sugary concoctions that are being sold at every fast food joint and supermarket are just that... fake concoctions. When your palate gets used to what's natural again, all that artificial stuff won't taste as yummy anymore. Plus you'll stop feeling so lethargic, and your number two's will be easier to push out and more regular [yes, I went there].

Communicate. Talk it out. Think. Confront the bastard. Write. Talk until it makes sense. Tell someone how you feel. Vent. Call a friend. Find a therapist. Call a 1-800 hotline. Dial your mom. Let those feelings out, and with that will come clarity.

Listen to your gut. It is our built-in human compass, an inherent tool that is keen and adept at figuring out how trustworthy we should be of what's in front of us.

Check out this cartoon. It's so genius, and although I've felt it before, I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment of liberation the way this artist did.

Listen to music. When does this ever not work?

Get deep into your hobbies: Write, draw, dance, paint, play an instrument, play a game, sing.

Volunteer: Work with children, mentor a troubled teenager, check in on your family, help a friend move. If you don't get a warm feeling after being the recipient of sincere gratitude, then you're dead inside.

Remember that we all feel this way every now and then and rest assured that none of us know why.

Shit People Say

2012-01-27T14:24:00.003-05:00

This whole Shit Girls Say phenomenon has gone viral, but unlike most things that people latch on to and ruin, most of the alternate versions are hilarious and highly entertaining. After viewing 'Shit Girls Say' and 'Shit Black Girls Say' and finding them equally on point, I searched for 'Shit Hispanic Girls Say' and more specifically, 'Shit Dominican People Say'. I found three videos and they are all amazing. You can thank me later.

Darla does a great job, sharing many Dominican sayings that I'm not even familiar with. My favorite one is: A mi no me busques, que me vas a encontrar!

This is more like "Shit Dominican Moms Say" and it is, seriously, 1000% accurate.

This is, unfortunately and hilariously, a very accurate account of Nuyorican and Washington Heights based Dominican girls. The portrayal is immaculate!

Fears II

2012-01-25T14:50:00.006-05:00

I cannot even tell you how much I love the beat to this song.

I'm sure it's no surprise that I found Miami to be pretty underwhelming. Although my vacation was more about me and my company and less about Miami, the majority of what I saw failed to evoke any real reaction in me other than “That's it?!” There were a few memorable moments: the good Cuban food at Puerto Sagua and witnessing a campy ~~seven~~ I-lost-count set show at the gloriously tacky Mangos Tropical Cafe. [May I never witness such a clowning-worthy atrocity again!] Also, Joe Budden was on my flight back to NYC. I first spotted him when he appeared right next to me during check-in. No lie. He smelled like weed, and his voice was so deep in person that it startled me. On another positive note, the weather was super nice. It remained breezy and in the mid 70s all week, and I certainly needed the respite from the New York winter. My week in Miami reminded me why I moved to the city from the New York suburbs: I feared wasting my life away in a “That's it?!” type of town. I remember being in Boise, Idaho and asking the dwellers what they thought of their town. The common response was “You get used to it.” That kind of passive stance on their environment made me shudder. I soon realized that I never wanted to live in a place that made me feel that way.

I have two adderall pills stashed away in my pill organizer, tempting me every morning when I take my prenatal vitamin [Mindy Kaling says they're great for your skin and hair!] I know the pills are legit [I got them from a trusted source] but I'm not sure what I wanna do with them yet. I mean, sometimes, my thoughts and energy are so manic that it feels difficult to get anything done since I can barely focus. But despite that, I have a huge fear of drugs and mind-altering substances. I'm the girl who won't take cold medicine until well after a week of struggle. I won't pop an advil unless my cramps are on the verge of unbearable. I was the girl who never knew what weed looked like until I found a bag in the freezer of my allegedly drug-free Brazilian boyfriend when I was 20. I didn't have my first real drink until I was legal [white wine], and to this day I've never been drunk. I've never touched cigarettes, and I speed walk past the toxic fumes on NYC sidewalks. I just find it all so unhealthy and ugly, and besides, no one around me growing up ever did any of that stuff. My Mom didn't even drink coffee. To do any of that shit now is like turning my back on how I was raised and where I came from. But adderall is different right? It helps you right? [Right?!] I heard it inspired Limitless. So for now, the adderall remains, until the one day I have some free time, feel like experimenting, or perhaps really really need it. One day.

I fear settling, I fear tempers [my own and my mate's], I fear feeling trapped/stuck, I fear feeling unfulfilled, I fear giving my all to someone and still feeling unloved. Five fears which culminated in my becoming a single woman again on Sunday afternoon. I believe in love, but I don't believe in putting up with people's insane emotional bullshit – which is something that boys want women to do all too often. It's not my cup of tea, and once I feel all the potential for something good in a relationship has vanished, it's time for me to leave. Run, don't walk when you're faced with someone's rampant denial of a major problem. If they can't see it, there's little you can do to make them. Plus like I always say... this is a city of 8 now 9 million people. There's no reason to settle for less when I'm an excellent catch with a few million potential suitors around me.

I fear complacency/staying stagnant. I've learned a lot about myself in the past few weeks, namely, I'm hella judgmental and I have a tendency to rush the whole relationship process [both good and bad things is my honest conclusion]. And on the flipside, I also learned that if you catch me on the right day on a good wavelength; I can be hugely generous and a real, no holds barred risk-taker. This month, I've turned down job after job [that I've needed!] due to them just not being a good fit. I've fine tuned my resume, I've sought out potential mentors and paid internships and entry level positions [unfortunately to no avail, so that search lives on!]. I want to meet new people - I always want to meet new people, I'm an extrovert - but my track record certainly reflects more disappointments than successes, so the thought of enduring that whole process again is discouraging, at best. But I know what needs to be done, so I'm putting myself out there [whatever that means] with a focus on not necessarily “faking it until I make it” but keeping negativity out of my interactions. That should bode well. After all: If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done... Right? I keep telling myself that.

What is it that I want that I never had?

"I want the money, money and the cars, cars and the clothes, the hoes I suppose."

Yes. Yes. This seems accurate.

Fun in the Sun

2012-01-09T12:52:00.000-05:00

I know this isn't Miami, but it doesn't matter.

I'm headed to Florida for the very first time next week, and more specifically, Miami. I have heard good and bad things about the locale, so I'm not really sure what to expect, but I promise to reserve judgement until I get there. As long as the weather is warm, and no one mistakes my ethnicity for Cuban, a good time will be had by all.

I love flying.

I don't think this is Miami either. But it sure is pretty.

So with this impending tropical vacation... I'm at a loss as to which of my bathing suits to bring. [Yes, I own all of these and this may or may not be my first opportunity to wear them since purchase. Don't judge me!] So, which suit do you like best?

The sexy crocheted one piece?

The black monokini?

The tie-dye monokini?

The fluttery Spring-esque bikini?

Or should I go for the itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini?! State your pick in the comments!

The time I met Anthony Mackie

2011-12-30T04:50:00.001-05:00

I planned on sitting on this story forever really, but then I thought, "Eh, what the fuck."

Spring 09 I was inside TenJune, standing near the entrance with a friend - this Asian chick named Ellie - and I was looking down at the floor at something. A second later when I look back up to eye level, I spot this super cute brown-skinned man that I immediately recognize as Anthony Mackie walking towards me.

So what do I do?

I touch him of course.

I put my hand on his chest, stopping him in his tracks and say “I know you.”

And he smiles and replies “Do you?”

And I snicker softly because I'm thinking “'I know you'?! What an odd opening line to give a famous actor.”

I disregard my thoughts, and lean in to bashfully utter “I have a little movie star crush on you.”

And he says “Well I have a pretty girl crush on you!” smiling his grand smile again.

He asks me my name and I give it, smiling sheepishly at the fact that I already know his, but he gives his anyway and adds how nice it is to meet me.

Then he puts his hand on my shoulder and tells us ladies to have a good time, and that he'll see us around.

[I saw him about 30 minutes later when I got pulled into his VIP area, but that's neither here nor there.]

When he walked away, it hit me. ***I had just met Anthony Mackie!!!*** and I didn't make an utter and complete fool out of myself. And rather refreshingly, neither did he.

*He's one of the rare male celebrities I've ever had a crush on – mostly due to his good looks and a magazine interview I'd read long ago where he came across as intelligent, dope and down to earth.

Navigation

2011-12-28T17:10:00.005-05:00

I don't know where this is.

Adulthood requires a lot of navigation. And with all that navigation comes a lot of forethought.

Right now I'm navigating the beginnings of a new relationship that is most certainly heading towards marriage and house-hunting and children. And right before the New Year I'm navigating past the end of one of the most energy-sucking jobs I've ever had. I'm navigating through the dawn of my actual career, attempting to mangle all the confetti-like pieces into something solid and coherent.

Shit is a lot of work. And so I'm saying all this to say that little of what I do in this life is easy. And that even when on the cusp of amazing opportunity and incredible change it can feel kind of awkward and daunting. It DOES feels exciting. But I know that there is quite the journey before me*, quite a few steps before I reach the other side of the bridge. And then once I get there, I'll surely have some other challenge to surmount, another obstacle course to expertly navigate through.

*I know it always seems like my life is an unpredictable whirlwind, like I'm always on the cusp of some dreamy and life-altering experience, but the truth is, that's how your life becomes when you're constantly going for the gold. I'm always pushing myself and stepping out of my comfort zone. Are you?

Swimming

2011-12-20T04:20:00.013-05:00

And it happened in a mere three weeks! I've admittedly rushed in the past, but I have never rushed into something this right before. I'm a little scared since my venturing into a relationship feels akin to jumping headfirst into freezing ocean water, but I feel assured because not only is he a wonderful person to flail around in the water with, but he knows how to swim.

[Edit 2/1/2012: His packaging was not as promised and his wiring was faulty, so I had no choice but to return to sender. He didn't suit my needs and after all, what was I to do with a damaged item?]

Pretty Young Thing II

2011-12-03T19:21:00.001-05:00

Here is part two of my newest beauty must-haves! You can go back and take a peek at part one. Each and every one of these items are CRIZZY-CRACK-amazing, and worth every penny. Run to your nearest beauty supply store and get them now! P.S. - I like to have 2 of each product, a high and low end version, so if you see anything you like but it's out of your price range, let me know, and I may have a cheap dupe to recommend! [For the record, I have fine, soft curly hair that needs hydration and hold without crunch, and combination skin that needs moisture without oiliness; so these products should work well for people with similar skin and hair.]

COLOR:

-Becca Cosmetics stick foundation [I'm toffee] and mineral powder [I use Dream for medium complexions]. Not only is her shade range ridiculous [20+ shades] but the stick foundation is so creamy, sets so nicely and the mineral powder blurs away all imperfections and makes me look like I'm glowing from within.

-Tarte amazonian clay blush: Crizzy crack! All the colors are fabulous but I have it in exposed [my fave - a brownish, dusty pink] and blushing bride [at left: a sparking purple/wine that shows up fuchsia on me].
-Anything by Josie Maran: I have her 'My favorite powders palette' as well as her 'fingerpaints palette in lovely' [pictured below]. Her argan oil is also fabulous [it's great for moisturizing my sometimes oily, acne-prone skin] but you can find it at beauty supply shops for much cheaper. Her blushes [although few] are also great, and she just recently made them a bigger size. I have 'Passion', a bubblegum pink which actually shows up rather well and rather nicely on my tan skin.

-Revlon Age Defying Spa Concealer: This is a glorious, natural-looking dark circle concealer [I use '004 Medium Deep'] and is also a fantastic and cheap drugstore dupe of YSL's Touche Eclat.
-Liplicious lip gloss: I have about every flavor but nothing is better than whipped vanilla [a pearly, nude pink].
-E.L.F Luscious Liquid Lipstick: Dirt cheap and pretty impressive, with a light minty flavor. I have 'Ruby Slippers' [a cranberry red] and Maple Sugar [a creamy nude].
-Origins Automagically Eye-lining pencil: IN MULBERRY, MY FAVORITE EYELINER OF ALL TIME!!! If you have hazel eyes, I highly urge you to get it, it will make your eyes pop! Plus you don't have to bother with sharpening it [which I love] and the other side has a smudger.
-I also love Ulta automatic Eyeliner in Deep Brown and the Urban Decay 24/7 Glide on eye pencils in Bourbon [a chocolatey brown] and Baked [a muted gold].
-Covergirl Nature Luxe Liquid Silk Foundation: Although the coverage is rather good, the staying power on this liquid/mousse foundation is poor, but I just feel like shouting them out because they carry my exact shade, #355 Suede. [PSA: BEAUTY COMPANIES, PLEASE MAKE DARKER SHADES!!!] I wear this on errand days.

FACE:
-Alba Botanica Aloe and Green Tea Oil-Free moisturizer: light yet hydrating with a tropical [but initially overpowering] fragrance. -Alba Botanica Hawaiian Papaya Facial Enzyme Mask: Leave it on for a few minutes, rinse it off and say hello to a rosy new glow.
-Alba Botanica Pineapple Enzyme Facial Cleanser: I used this cleanser during the spring and summer when my skin tends to oilier. It worked great without feeling like it was stripping my skin. Like the moisturizer this cleanser has a strong mango-ish scent.
-c. booth Koji Acid Skin Brightening Fluid: An amazing drugstore find that really does lighten any hyper-pigmentation marks. I highly recommend all products from this line.
-c. Booth derma M 36 Oxygen Infusion Cell Rejuvenation Peel: your skin will be glowing and feeling refreshed after this quick and easy [and cheap!] oxygen peel. An affordable dupe of philosophy's oxygen peel.

HARDWARE:
-Muji Containers: I hate when cleansers, body wash and the like don't come in a bottle with a pump. So I decant most of my stuff into these clear and stylish looking containers.
-Sonia Kashuk Remove eye makeup remover: This is a neat [it's purple and you have to shake up the two different components], non-greasy and effective eyeliner/mascara remover.
-L'Oreal Studio Secrets Magic Perfect Base: This is a dope, drugstore primer that actually works! It comes in a little pot, and the pink mousse formula keeps my t-zone mattified all day!
-ELF mineral infused face primer: is also a nice primer [I use it as a cheap dupe for Lancome La Base Pro primer which is ahh-mayy-zingg], and a total steal at $6.
-E.L.F. High Definition Powder: I haven't used this yet but the reviews say it's pretty damn impressive. It comes in a quite large container, and is a nice dupe for Makeup Forever's Microfinish HD powder.

BODY:
-Kenzo Amour: I love this cute scent. It's light and slightly reminiscent of play-doh [which is kind of weird] but the vanilla in it makes it a winner for me. [pictured above]
-Vaseline Fresh Moisturizing Daily Body Gel: This bad boy is 100% aloe vera and perfect for keeping your skin hydrating during sticky summer days.
-Dr. Scholls insoles and inserts: for every possible pair of shoes you own - these are a godsend for those who are on their feet all day or walk a lot [perfect for city folk]!
-Nailtek Citra - formaldehyde free nail strengthener step 2: Hands down the best nail strengthener I've ever used. I slap it on in the middle of listening to music and 2-3 days later my nails are already growing in fast! and much much stronger.
-Kiehls Superbly Restorative Argan Body Lotion: This has a lemon cake scent and once it sinks in, I can't stop adoring my beautifully gleaming and hydrated skin.
-LUSH sandstone soap: I loved this for sloughing off dead skin during the summer months, it has strong lemon scent and is made with real grains of sand.
-Korres vanilla guava shower gel: I was initially going for the guava body wash since I'm in love with the lotion, but once I saw this [being a total sucker for vanilla], I had to have it. It doesn't smell quite as luscious as I'd managed but most of the ingredients are natural and it does a decent job of making me feel clean.
-I'm big on aluminum free deodorant now, especially since it's better for you and it keeps your white shirts pit strain free, but Tom's of Maine wasn't doing it for me anymore [it left me smelling like some weird kind of rancid lemon at the end of each day], so in walks Herbal Clear Natural Deodorant [in Clear Aloe Fresh, which smells divine]. It doesn't leave me smelling all weird, and it actually keeps my pits drier than Tom ever did!

HAIR:

-Frederic Fekkai Protein Mask: a basic [and pricy] hair mask that coats the hair, and hydrates your strands effortlessly. [pictured above]
-L'Oreal EverPure Restorative Masque: this is the one with the pink cap. It has an odd yet lovely smell and really moisturizes the hair in just a few minutes. It is a cheap dupe of the aforementioned hair mask.
-Curls: This brand makes some delightful products for curly hair. I love the 'Curl Creme Brulee' which smells like pound cake and hydrates without weighing down [there's also a kids version 'Curly Q Custard' which is a medium hold cream and smells just as mouth-watering ], the 'Passionfruit curl control paste' [a sort of gel-cream-pomade] which I like to use on my unseemly dry ends and flyaways, and the 'Blissful Lengths Kukinut Oil Elixir' which I use in my hair in place of argan oil.
-Carols Daughter Black Vanilla leave-in conditioner: I'll admit, this spray smells wonderful but for some reason dries out my hair, so I use it on oily hair days between washes and for covering up weird city smells.

-Nexxus Exxtra Gel: Not only can this gel hold a hairstyle for hours, but I notice it tends to relax my curly hair; so the next day I have really soft, 50s movie star style waves. A definite perk.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:
-I know this isn't a beauty product, but I've never found a dish-washing liquid that works this well on greasy and grimy dishes. Palmolive Pure and Clear is really amazing for cutting your dish-washing time in half. It also has a refreshing green apple scent. I might even end up using it to wash my makeup brushes.
-Cotton facial pads [vs cotton balls], they soak up less product and take up less room. I store mine in a recycled round candle jar.

Happy Shopping, until the next time!

Uptown in the Boogie Down

2011-11-20T14:30:00.002-05:00

The scene: The Bronx, Late 2007
The question: Just how comfortable can you get with strangers?

I was on my way to Washington Heights [for the first time] to hang with a college girlfriend when I met them. A young group of about a dozen or so Hispanic kids, all from the Bronx. I was standing near them, gripping the pole for balance listening to them joke around and cajole each other and a few times, I even laughed along. And even though I was a stranger, they accepted my cheeky two cents with fervor and invited me to the party they were on their way to.

Flattered as I was, I felt like it was far too soon to jet away to the Bronx with a pack of teenagers/young adults that I hardly knew, and responded with a genuine "Maybe next time!" The cute [albeit young] Puerto Rican kid I had my eyes on exchanged numbers with me and told me that he would no doubt, let me know about the next one.

That's how, less than a week later, I ended up on a journey to a Bronx house party where Marc [the Puerto Rican kid] and all his friends would be in attendance. I figured, why not? We were all young, smart, fun-loving, and Hispanic [and I'd never really had any Hispanic friends].

The night of, Marc's friend Danny met me in Chelsea [where I was living at the time] along with 2 or 3 other people whose names and faces I vaguely remember. We hopped off the train somewhere deep in the Bronx after what seemed like forever, and after a mysterious trek up [what seemed like] endless concrete steps, we reached the apartment.

It was small and dimly lit; and people were drinking, chit chatting and dancing already. There were clusters of guests tucked away in every corner, some even dipping out of the party to periodically hang out in the stairwell. This wasn't a trouble-making group of urban kids. There were drinks but no one was puking, brightly colored Nikes were on everyone’s feet, graphic tees and hoodies were also plentiful. There was talk of school and work, a few guys were doing the "superman" dance, and if there were drugs or even weed, I hadn't seen any.

I was sipping on soda [I was still too cautious to drink alone], grooving to the music, and enjoying myself. I remember looking around and thinking to myself "Could I be a part of this? Is this the group of friends that I'd been missing?" I joined Marc and his friends in the stairwell for some jokes and silly talk and as I threw my head back in laughter for the 10th time, I marveled at how comfortable I felt. I was comfortable enough to gulp down half of a Hulk [Henessey and Hypnotiq], before dumping the rest in the kitchen sink.

The socializing seemed to go on for hours, and after some time I found myself feeling sleepy [the simultaneous effect of alcohol and a 50 hour work week on my poor soul]. I grabbed my coat and turned around to see Danny standing very closely behind me. He grabbed my hand and I followed, assuming that we were on our way out. I heard a door close behind me and as I regained focus, I realized we were in the bathroom... alone. He swiftly wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in close, his body uncomfortably pressed against mine. "I noticed you since that first night on the train... I mean you're beautiful..." he panted. He said a few more words, and I, still in shock just stood there. He tried to kiss me, and I pulled away. "I have to go home," I said and tried to make a dash for the door. He pulled me back by the arm and whined "C'mon... why you being like that?" I panicked, and rushed out of the apartment as fast as I could.

One of the other guys [a more class clown, gentle type] accompanied me on the train ride home, and as we traveled further downtown, I tried to push the strange incident out of my mind. A few days later, I texted Marc mentioning what happened, and asking what was up. I received no sympathy from him and soon figured out that it all seemed to be a set up. I had my eye on Marc, and Danny had his eye on me... and Marc just helped puppeteer me right into Danny's arms.

I bumped into Danny a little while later, downtown near NYU where he went to school. There was no dodging him, so I merely smiled and kept walking, passing on the opportunity to say hello and make small talk. After all, I decided, you really shouldn't talk to strangers.

Learning & Growing

2011-11-11T12:00:00.001-05:00

Oprah's LifeClass has been truly wonderful, and it was a great reminder that I'm on the right path. All of the lessons [and webcasts - which I strongly preferred] were enlightening and powerful, but one line stood out to me and it was during Lesson 19: Step out of the Box.

Tangela Embraces Her Body

After years of struggling with her weight, a viewer named Tangela finally decided to love herself at any size. Watch as she lets go of her body shame and struts through her neighborhood in a bikini!

My heart bursts for her! [Although I lol'd for real at her family and friends' reaction.]

Anyway, the line was:

"If you want something you've never had, you gotta do something you've never done."

I was stunned when I heard that. I knew it was the truth but I'd never heard it said so clearly before. If you follow the path of your parents or your friends or even celebrities... you will find yourself living a carbon copy of someone else's life.

You have to be a trailblazer. And although I have stepped out of the box a few times already [skipping college, moving to NYC, working for myself]... I now hesitate to go any further. And I think I know where the hesitation comes from.

A huge part of it comes from not knowing what to do next: What kind of plan should I create? How can I gain knowledge and new experiences while avoiding an internship? How can I find an extraordinary mentor in my career path? What can I do to make my blog stand out and to attract the right readers?Should I spend some time volunteering? Should I go abroad? How much money do I need to save?

But a tinier and more resistant hesitation comes from present comfort. This is probably the first time in my life [since the Spring] that I have felt truly comfortable, stable and at peace emotionally. I have a lovely roof over my head, a fridge full of food, a closet full of magic, and a spirit that is at rest. I truly can say that besides my dreams of exotic vacations and silly desires for more material goods, I want for nothing. So upon the thought of taking a risk, my inner child is screaming "How dare you disrupt what we have going here?!" And then I'm tempted to question myself.

I guess it would be helpful if I knew where to go on this journey. I've already begun, but now I need to take it to the next level. I'm such a planner and organized person that it's stressful and difficult for me to "just start anywhere". But maybe that's what I need to do... For now I'm taking baby steps, saving money, executing ideas for BlueShame, and looking forward to plans in 2012. Let's hope I figure this all out before then.

Things I need right now:

2011-11-11T10:58:00.003-05:00

~~A graphic designer~~
A hairstylist
A back up photographer and makeup artist in case my current ones fall through
~~A black, flat, knee high boot~~
~~A massage~~
~~A haircut~~
~~A new phone/MP3 player/headphones [an Iphone, basically]~~
~~A vacation~~
~~Some loving~~
A business license
~~A 2012 planner~~ and calendar
A wise and talented mentor
~~A motorcycle operator's manual~~
~~A tailor~~
To begin attending dance class

And how many am I likely to get before the end of the year?

All of them.

I stay winning:

"I never compete because I never had to." - Lady Blue

~~Scratch edit:~~ Jan 2012

Changing my mind

2011-11-08T10:17:00.001-05:00

...like I change clothes. What would a title like that be without the hit?

Also, how good is the: "Coming in?"... "Love to."... "Nope!" in the beginning?!

Anyways.

I always have a million ideas running through my mind. And that seems like a great thing until suddenly, something I seemed so passionate about a week ago is now relegated to being a plan B. [Which did actually happen.] And for a second I felt guilty about flip flopping on what I want to do with my time until I remembered two things: I'm still young as ______, and when it comes to my life choices: I have no one to answer to!

What a feeling.

I also realized: It's okay to change your mind, especially because sometimes, no matter how meticulously you plan, some dreams just never come to fruition. Sometimes, something else takes its place instead.

So although a few blogs ago I expressed a strong desire to try my hand at back up dancing [a desire I still have, albeit not as strong], other wants have won out, specifically: Visiting Paris [and potentially London and Barcelona as well] in the Spring, saving up a neat[er] little nest egg, and getting my head above water career-wise.

[Did I tell you I'm also trying to get on the radio? Oh yeah. Not only am I sharp, quick-witted and interesting, but I have the ultimate radio friendly voice. Needless to say, I think I'm a necessary asset to NY radio.]

Maybe I'm reverting back to my low-risk methods, maybe I spent all my dance class money on winter essentials [like cozy sweaters, swingy coats and suede boots], or maybe I'm just realizing that I don't want to run into LA headfirst like my impatience sometimes causes me to do. Perhaps it's not the right time for that big move, and I should wait a little bit longer.

But then again, when you really want something, any time is a good time.

Oh yeah

2011-11-05T22:22:00.002-04:00

This is what I do when I win on the internet. Oh yeah.

Major winning face.

Oh snap

2011-11-02T11:53:00.000-04:00

Took the words right out of my mouth! Really.

Government

2011-11-02T11:48:00.002-04:00

We invent new ways to indulge our hedonistic whims every single day, but we cannot seem to solve the problems that universally plague us: poverty, hunger, senseless crime, sickness...

I believe that government, just like religion, is opium for the masses. A way to keep order, to keep things civilized amongst the 7 billion people that inhabit planet earth. But do we really have civilized societies? I like to think of it as controlled chaos. So very tightly controlled that we are raised to merely work. Once we spend our youth being “educated” in school, we move on to college. An overpriced institution mandated by societal pressures. A prerequisite to finding a good, honest, job [ideally at a big business or corporation]. And so it ends up that most os us toil away our time lining the pockets of others, the same "others" who often make decisions for us on a national level. We work jobs we don't like that don't pay us enough [minimum wage in NY is a paltry $7.25], in order to shut up Sallie Mae and afford things like homes and cars, luxuries that often keep us indebted for most of our lives. In order to pay this debt, consume to our hearts desires and live out the fantasy of the "American Dream", we must continue to work. And because we all work roughly 40, 50, even 60 hours a week for our meager paychecks, we end up too tired to fight against the injustices of this system. We just wanna go home and enjoy ourselves with one of the mindless gadgets we've convinced ourselves we deserve. We want things to be simple. But unfortunately for all of us, they are not.

This is the life that the U.S. Government has created for all of us. And waking up to the reality of it [usually sometime after college graduation, and a few months working in the "real world"] isn't pretty.

Sometimes freedom feels like... a fallacy.

Church and state are supposed to be separate. But like so many other contradictory and hypocritical elements found in U.S. Gov's proceedings, we know that they are very intertwined, and dare I say, even feed each other. Although I am personally pro-life, the government should not have any say in how a woman handles her pregnancy. An institution that introduced the death penalty cannot have any opinions about whether abortion is murder or not. [Now if they were to legalize abortion, birth control should be free and handed out to any sexually active woman of child-bearing age. I am positive that move would assist in minimizing unwanted pregnancies, and that is ultimately the goal!]

The government is also notorious for being incessantly greedy. I have not and will not ever smoke marijuana, but even I - an avid hater of the stuff - can agree that it is far less toxic on the human body than cigarettes. Why are cigarettes legal and marijuana not? Marijuana is difficult to regulate, seeing as though people can practically grow it in their backyards. The government doesn't like that. It wants eyes and ears and hands all over any and every possible dime they believe to be theirs. Logic says that if cigarettes and alcohol are legal, marijuana should be too. But greed speaks another language. Lets not forget all the other institutions that make the government millions of dollars: the prison system, the other prison system: education, and healthcare to name a few.

Healthcare [or lack thereof] in this country is ridiculous. Money is the reason why we see so very many drugs, and so few cures. It's much more lucrative to keep people drugged and coming back for more, than it is to cure them. The greed needs to stop. We have people working 3 jobs to stay afloat, we have people getting kicked out of their homes, we have people sick and dying and overwhelmed with medical bills, we have homeless and hungry children, we have hit veterans with nothing but slaps in the face.

And where is the help for them? Listen to me when I say that you do not know struggle until you have tried to apply for government assistance. Not only is the process unnecessarily complicated and arduous but you are often dealing with rude, apathetic workers who are usually middle to lower class citizens themselves. They have probably seen all sorts of ignorance and tend to lump whomever walks in the door as one of "them" [ie: compassion fatigue]. When you already feel low, this process will make you feel even lower.

Occupy Wall Street [and all the other towns across America it has traveled to] is such an interesting movement. As with all things, I didn't dismiss it until I took a closer look. And although I agree with some of the detractors [wouldn't it be wiser to occupy Washington DC? And what exactly are they protesting?], I think the general sentiment is a good one. People are rising up and taking a stand. People are complaining about something real for once. People are letting their voice be heard. They are saying the things so many of us can't say. We have had far too many hardworking men and women struggling in silence. But not anymore. And in some ways I have to admit, I haven't been this proud of my fellow Americans since Barack Obama won the 2008 election [the man I voted for!]

I hope that there is a change that comes of this. I hope there is a further shift in our perception of reality, government, our rights and our freedoms. I believe the government would sooner annihilate us all than give us a fair society [and then spin the blame into some story about "nuclear attacks" from a third world country], but I hope that I'm proved wrong. This is the one time in my life that I hope I'm completely wrong.

Roses

2011-10-27T00:53:00.001-04:00

Roses really smell like poo poo poo

I can't stand this girl... but who cares about her?!?!

LOOK AT THIS DRESS!!!

It's so spectacular, it needed its own post.

Just take it in at the waist, dip it in white, and I would totally get married in it.

Yes please.

Slut-shaming and Hoes

2011-10-26T11:20:00.005-04:00

There are so many avenues to explore with a topic like this, one that most people [especially people of color] feel strongly about. I've never heard so much hoe-slinging as I do around Black and Hispanic people!... I wonder why that is. Maybe someone can tell me in the comments?

This is the thing about being promiscuous. One, you are a hoe. [Although, I personally prefer the word "whore". It has a rough, grimy sound to it that I really enjoy.] Deal with it. That's what you are. I know it's a label, but everything has a label, it's how we humans process life. Deal with that. Two, I'm not talking about prostitution and all the rap songs blathering about "pimps and hoes" [which I just learned is a real phenomenon - call me suburban sheltered - after I watched the heart-wrenching documentary "Very Young Girls". For anyone quick to slut shame or use hoe in their everyday vernacular, this movie is a must see]. Now if you feel shame in accepting that you are a "hoe"... therein lies an issue. You should never feel shame in anything that you do. If you feel no shame, then congratulations, there is a strong chance you have found your calling. But before you run off to celebrate, here's a question: Who are you? And if you cannot answer that question without mentioning sex [which is something you do, not what you are] or your physical traits, then odds are, you have no idea who you are.

[I wish I had a lyric about hoes to toss in here, something like "Hoes have hearts too" or "Grab a hoe, teach a hoe"; but alas, I don't listen to enough hip-hop to have a useful reference.]

We all know that I'm particular about who I date. Recently I just realized that "New Yorker" or "Willing to live in the city at least semi-permanently" is a necessary add-on to my mental list of must-haves. Yay for narrowing the pool even further! But another thing I know and believe, is that PSA: Men can be hoes too!* And that, has always been a dealbreaker. Why? Let's examine the reasons.

Reasons why I won't date a "hoe":

I've never met a well-adjusted, sexually promiscuous person. I don't do delusional men and I don't do baggage carrying men.
Extreme behavior of any type is a bad sign, and I feel no different when it comes to sex. Addictive behavior [to anything] and excess [of anything] is disastrous.
Sleeping with almost anyone shows poor taste and low standards. There is no exclusivity between your thighs. Your nether regions are a 99 cents store, everyone can afford you and everyone is allowed in. Plus, you are probably disorganized, dirty and crammed with plastic crap that no one really wants. I'm more of a boutique girl... I have security at the door, luxurious pieces, and high prices - and if you aren't high end like moi - then obviously we are not evenly yoked.
You probably have a gaping hole somewhere inside that you are trying to fill. And you are chronically unsuccessful, because a physical act like sex [which is what it is, in your case] isn't the way to fill an emotional gap.

And so on and so forth.

So as you can see, there is no need to "slut-shame" anyone, ever. Chances are, that person already feels a deep sense of shame, one that your unnecessary taunts will never begin to replicate. If anything, I would insist on helping that friend understand why they do what they do. And if they are already aware of the reasons, then hey! Let a slut be a slut, if you aren't personally affected by it, what's it to you anyway? Live and let live.

*Some guys looove to throw the "hoe" word around as if they aren't in the club every other weekend grinding it out with the first young lady to "pop that pussy" on the dance floor. So, please, spare me. All the "grabby" guys and all the girls grinding their asses off on anything with a penis are two peas in a pod in my book.

p.s. - Apparently I am giving hoe tips on twitter, here and here.

MissRepresentation

2011-10-22T19:26:00.000-04:00

Miss Representation 8 min. Trailer 8/23/11 from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

This video is LONG overdue and is an absolute MUST SEE for every single person alive. This is something that I feel VERY strongly about, since I have repeatedly dealt with this bullshit firsthand ever since I tried to break into media. If you disagree with what is outlined in this video, dare I say, you are part of the problem.

The strut

2011-10-21T20:02:00.002-04:00

I just purchased these unbelievably sexy shoes [the Scarlett pump by Sam Edelman] this week, but unfortunately, they have to go back. The heel is 5 inches high, and while I can manage that height with certain shoes, these make me feel like my ankle is going to snap at any moment. Scary. I was surprised by that though because Sam Edelman usually makes uber comfortable shoes [which is why I love the brand].

So I'm now I've been eyeing these adorably foxy shoes as a replacement [the Marina pump] - and just as I prepared to sit down and nab the first pair I saw, I realized it comes in a handful of colors and combinations, and I need help choosing.

Here are my top 3:

The red ones are a bright splash of color and are a bit spicy, and they serve another useful purpose: they'd make my ethnicity easily identifiable to others. [Which is important to someone who gets questioned all the time.]

The purple pair provide a needed pop of color while still blending effortlessly with my mostly cool-toned wardrobe. Plus it was once the color of royalty. [And we all know how I feel about myself.]

These blue bad boys are in the running because I've been looking for a sharp yet not-so-blatant blue shoe, and this pretty lil silk number might be it. [Also, I've been dreaming about a blue shoe.]

[EDIT:]
I just found this J. Crew shoe [the Viv printed pump] and I'm digging it... but I feel like if I tilt my head just so, they look a little matronly. Also the price feels a bit too high for what is a somewhat, stuffy shoe.

Is there a clear winner? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

Beauty isn't for everyone

2011-10-13T21:15:00.004-04:00

I'm sure you've seen one of these quotes floating around the internet, quips that are usually posted repeatedly by the throngs of 16 year old girls who hope to believe them:

Nice thought, but try again.

Chill...

Why do I have an issue with these images? Because they're untrue. We're going to talk about beauty in the natural, bare bones, physical sense, as is defined here: A combination of qualities that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight. Beauty also known as: prettiness, attractiveness or loveliness.

I'm a big fan of being realistic. And I'm going to show you just how real I can get.

The key to raising the collective female self-esteem is not by telling everyone they're beautiful just the way they are. That's actually the wrong thing to do. Why? Because it creates a false reality. Although beauty is in the eye of the beholder, we must also admit that not everyone is physically beautiful; just like not everyone has blue eyes and not everyone has brown hair. If you convince everyone that they are attractive even when they are clearly not, model castings will become the visual equivalent of American Idol auditions. And who wants to be the person to tell a two on a scale of 1 to 10 that their face is just not symmetrical?

Certainly not I.

So here is the key. You ready? The key is to take the emphasis off of physical beauty to begin with. Far too much emphasis is placed on physical beauty in our society, that it is often enough to have it and flaunt nothing else. Here's a little newsflash about your looks though [barring body modifications: weight loss/gain, plastic surgery, tattoos/piercings, muscles of course]: Not only are they subjective, but you can't take any credit for them. You got what you got and there's really nothing more to it. All you can do from then on is work with what you have, and keep it in perspective.

We need to teach our young men and women that we are much much more than just our fleshly bodies. That even if you aren't a looker to most, you better have something in that brain of yours that makes folks look twice! You better have something to say, and the ability to say it with confidence. You better have a hobby, you better be good at something, you better hold your head high and have something to offer to the world and others. You better be a star on the inside and you better let it shine. Because the worst kind of ugly is the kind where the person practically needs an exorcism.

Don't rest your worth on something that is unchangeable and ultimately fleeting. Focus on what stays. How tasty is a beautifully frosted cake with rotten filling anyway? What good is a beautiful front yard garden when the house is empty? But let's not get it twisted either: the house with the antiques, crown molding and marble inside could also use a power wash outside. Not working your outside to the best of your ability is just as bad as being a blankhead Barbie.

You're probably thinking "Well this is easy for you to say Lady Blue, you're so beautiful/stunning/a goddess." And to that, I say two things and two things only. One: I know *flips hair* take a picture, it'll last longer. And two: even models sometimes look a wreck. Peep below:

If you do not zoom in on this picture, you have missed out on one of life's greatest opportunities.

P.S. - Fuck the media and their regurgitated and impossible standards of beauty... when have they ever been right about anything? The media plays zero part in how I feel about myself, and you should make them nonexistent in your life too.

Addendum:
This post was inspired by many things; the media, tumblr, Jay-Z even... but mostly something that I tweeted just the other day: What's the big deal about being attractive? It's gotten me NOTHING other than a bunch of unwanted attention from losers who have no chance. I got a few haha's replies in return, but a few women agreed with me. In my experience, it has been the truth. When I really thought about it, nothing but my brains and mental and emotional strength got me where I am today. Not my thin figure, not my full lips, not my brown ringlets, not even my pretty hazel eyes. And although I've always known I have desirable and enviable features, I've never rested my laurels on my physical appearance. I always felt like the day I did that, would be the day I'd come across someone who thought I wasn't even all that. Looks aren't everything, I mean, look at Oprah.

Understanding

2011-09-28T01:56:00.006-04:00

I had a moment with someone tonight. It was late, I was hungry so I got off the train and walked into this Mexican taco shop before heading home. It was completely empty, but as I looked around, I spotted a man sitting in the corner with his head in his hands. I said hello, seemingly startling him. I asked if the restaurant was open and he said yes and immediately stood to his feet. He washed his hands, and asked me what I wanted. I immediately noticed that something was way off. He was either drunk or really consumed by emotion because his words were rushed and slightly unintelligible. I told him I wanted a quesadilla and he nodded but then seemed to drift off into a daze. He ignored my request and instead started talking in circles: he'd been in the shop since 10am [if so, he'd been there 12 hrs], how he was the only one in the store all day, how he had no wife or kids at home and no family here in the States. I couldn't tell if he wanted to punch something or cry uncontrollably. Bewildered, I encouraged him to cancel my order; "Never mind," I smiled, and then hightailed it home as fast as possible, embarrassed at myself for feeling fear at his desperation.

But three hours later, as I found myself in bed with big fat tears streaming down my face, I realized that his heartfelt woes had conjured familiar feelings in me. It has been years since I have been around or felt any genuine love from another person. Dare I say, nearly a decade. I find that the lack of love in my life - the deprivation of truly believing that someone cares - is taking a toll on me. And this has little to do with feeling empty and unfulfilled and more to do with the sheer absence of a real human need. I constantly feel stressed, anxious and overwhelmed. I often feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I feel alone. I am alone. And though most of the time I'm okay with that reality, I have moments where it feels like I'm crumbling because of it. I have those moments once in a blue during that time of the month where I feel low. Pure rock bottom, true emotional depravity. And there is no one to hug me and say "It will be okay, because I'm here for you." As a matter of fact, I can't even remember the last time I hugged anyone at all. This isn't a cry for help, this is real life. And I'm speaking for every single person out there who feels this same way: you, me, the man at the taco shop.

I wish I'd had the courage to hug him and say "Don't worry. It will be okay."

But I didn't. All I could do later, in the silence of my sadness, was understand.

What boredom leads to:

2011-09-27T09:33:00.003-04:00

I could say that this post is all about getting to know Lady Blue better, but the truth is, I have 6 drafts sitting in my portfolio that I don't feel like tackling at the moment, so instead I'll show you what happens when I'm pressed for blog material*. Enjoy!

What is one thing that no one knows about you?

There's a lot on my plate, so I often combat feelings of anxiety [usually triggered by the most inconsequential stuff]. I usually just hide out until the feeling passes.

What's one thing people should know about you?

I have high standards for who I spend time with, but the only people bothered by them tend to be the people who don't meet them. I'm becoming a bit more lenient though, if someone has positive energy and treats me well, that's honestly good enough.

Celebrity Crushes:

Looks-wise: Idris Elba, Columbus Short, Anthony Mackie, Charlize Theron, Jackie Guerrido, Kate Beckingsale, Kim Kardashian [pre-plastic surgery]... I feel like there's more that I'm forgetting. Swag-wise: Pharrell, Gaga, Posh. Style-wise: Posh again, Zanna Rassi, Stacey London.

Celebrity Crushes that I can't explain:

Pitbull, 50 Cent, Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Teyana Taylor, Justin Bieber!

What are 3 things you do best?

I'm an amazing dancer, I'm a fabulous communicator, I'm good at winning people over. Such marketable skills!

What are 3 things you do worst?

I'm terrible at lying, I have little patience for most things, and my time management skills generally suck.

What are some of your pet peeves?

People who are immature, people who are delusional [ie: people who are super cocky without the slightest reason to be], poor speech/grammar, when baristas fuck up your coffee, flat soda, poop on the sidewalks, crowded trains, when a weird smell from an NYC street gets in your mouth, extreme superficiality, the term "pet peeves", waking up earlier than 10am, being woken up [although that hasn't happened in forever - thank godness for living alone!], shiftless people, ignorance... is there a cap on this question?

Who is your hero?

...I am my own damn hero!!! Coke Talk says "heroes are for children and idiots". Now I can say this instead of pausing awkwardly for an extended period of time after being asked who my hero is.

What do you like to do in your spare time?

Well I don't know, it really depends on the weather, and who I'm with and what they like to do, and what I want to wear and what mood I'm in. But usually you can find me sitting on my bed in little to no clothing, engrossed in some new reading material or marveling at my own precious penmanship and witty conjectures.

What are you going to be like when you reach the pinnacle of success?

The fact that I'm not there yet and I already receive much unwanted attention makes me think that it will only multiply once my name is really known. I will always be the same girl whether in the limelight or out: smart, put-together, and just a teeny bit snobby.

What makes you different than all the other bloggers out there?

I've concluded that not only am I a unique and rare flavor in the blogosphere but I'm one of the few non-white women doing it and doing it rather well. Most of the "famous" bloggers are white, pretty and thin with blogs focusing on either fashion or celebrities. My blog focuses on everything but. Not only that, but I can string together a dope paragraph and spark my readers interest better than most of these chicks. I would put money on that in a heartbeat. There's a reason why most of them stick to surefire topics and posting endless photos of themselves.

What are some of your favorite things?
Since I'm indecisive/a Gemini/a rule breaker, I have two answers for most things... except favorite color, because, duh.

Favorite color: Guess.

Favorite song: That's the way love goes by Janet Jackson

Favorite type of music: R&B

Favorite movie: 25th Hour

Favorite genre: Dramas and Thrillers

Favorite food: Anything Italian and Latin

Favorite drink: Anything brown and caffeinated or lemonade

Favorite drank: Caipirinha or Mojito and Champagne

Favorite flower: Rose andVanilla Orchid

Favorite animal: Elephant

Favorite city: New York and Paris

Favorite philosophy: Live and let live and Be the best you can be!

Favorite cause: Anything to do with children, and anything to do with promoting knowledge of self.

*I think I just broke the number one blogging rule: Never admit that you've run out of material.