In NLP there is a concept of ‘parts’ were by your ‘self’ is broken up into little pieces, each with their own ‘agenda’ if you will. Obviously, they are all a part of you, and they all mean well, but the thing is that even though all your parts mean well, they don’t necessarily all agree, and even if they agree on the result, their ways of getting there won’t necessarily line up.

When I talk about a rebuild, I am talking about going down deep into these parts, and finding conflicting parts so that you can address them. The thing is that chain reactions happen, but they only effect other parts on that same level and above, of your ‘self’.

Because of this chain reaction, the deeper you go down into your self, the more other parts are effected by the change. Sometimes you only need to address parts of your ‘self’ that are in the higher levels, but sometimes, for a variety of reasons, you may need to go down to these deeper levels and do a ‘rebuild’.

A rebuild is going deep, deep down so you’re effecting massive parts of your self due to this chain reaction that occurs. It’s a rebuild because there’s so much that has changed, and at such a deep level, that you’ll be a different person. If all went well, a better person, more in tune with the direction you want to be heading. To extend the metaphor, it’s definitely a rebuild, rather than a redesign :)

As I said, it’s a bit of an abstract concept, but I don’t think there will ever be an ‘absolute’ way of describing what goes on inside of yourself. The way I look at it is a small solid ball, wrapped in layers and layers of interconnected panels of different sizes and shapes. The ball is your unchanging core, the panels are the parts of your ‘self’ and due to the odd sizes of the panels, changing one means the panels around and above it are effected.

The reason I called it self destruction is that, although you’re rebuilding it, going through a process like this requires the metaphorical ‘destruction’ of much of your self. Going back to my analogy, short term fixes are are putting new panels over broken, grinding panels. The more you pile on top the more unstable it becomes.

Why would you put panels (parts) over other panels? You will be doing that forever. Every time you go through a significant event, or experience something new, you’re adding a new panel, a new part of your self.

I believe that most of the time people address the parts of their self that conflict with the new ‘panel’ automatically, either in their sleep or by mulling things over in their head. Sometimes it takes a while, and people spend some time in turmoil. Hard times, but they usually fix things up eventually.

But sometimes, especially if there was a lot going on at once, or you experienced something exceptionally disturbing, perhaps something that caused you to repress memories or deny the existence of some ‘parts’ then you may be building your ‘self’ on unstable ground. This is when a rebuild is necessary. This is when you’ll need to go through a bit of ‘self destruction’ to address the deeper issue and progress.

Another question I have gotten a few times is, by self destruction, do I mean suicide. I definitely don’t mean suicide! You’re only going to experience this ‘plane’ from this perspective once, and no matter what the circumstances, you should never be in so much of a rush that you can’t wait for what’s next!

I hope this answers some questions, but at the end of the day, as I said before, this is an abstract concept, and there is no right or wrong here.

As always, I’d love to hear your opinions! You can get in touch with me using the feedback form - this goes strait to my personal email and I do reply to every email - although it sometimes takes some time :)

“You become what you think about most of the time.” - Brian Tracy

“Every action and feeling is preceded by a thought.” - James Allen

“The ancestor of every action is a thought.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” - Proverbs 23:7

“When you miss a shot, never think of what you did wrong. Take the next shot thinking of what you must do right.” - Tony Alfonso

“Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.” - Albert Einstein

“Believing there is a solution paves the way to a solution.” - Dr. David Schwartz

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” - Napoleon Hill

“You’ve got to win in your mind before you win in your life.” - John Addison

“All men who have achieved great things have been great dreamers.” - Orison Swett Marden

“You can do it if you believe you can.” - Napoleon Hill

“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” - Claude M. Bristol

“Yes, I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and see the dawn before the rest of the world.” - Oscar Wilde

“The difference between success and mediocrity is all in the way you think.” - Dean Francis

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” - Henry Ford

“Any idea, plan, or purpose may be placed in the mind through repetition of thought.” - Napoleon Hill

What does this mean to you?

The bmindful discussions are provocative statements, questions or short stories written with the intention of getting the entire bmindful community involved in a topic specific discussion.

There will never be a right or wrong opinion, and everyones comments are equally valuable. The purpose of the discussions is understand as well as be understood, we’ll learn new ways of looking at things, and all come away better people.

If anyone has any suggestions for discussions, please send me an email using the feedback form or leave a comment below.

The first discussion will be made live very soon, commenting will require you log in to your bmindful account.

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I find it humorous sometimes that even the most mundane occurrences can have an impact on our awareness.

My wife, daughter, and I moved into our home nine years ago and we spent a lot of time and energy in the yard to get it looking like it does today. We live on a corner, higher than street level, and the entire side of the yard is encased by a professionally built rock wall. The front of the house though is another story because instead of a wall along the sidewalk the rocks appear to be just thrown up onto the dirt as if someone were in a hurry to finish.

We did the best we could with what we had to work with and called this area our ‘rock garden’. Whenever we had left over flowers or plants, Denise or I would stick them out front, just to bring some color to the area.

I still do all of my own yard work, even the dreaded weed-pulling. After putting on my knee pads I assume the position to clear the yard of weeds, even in the rock garden.

Last summer I had reached the end of the rock garden and found a tiny little plant that I could not immediately identify. I knew I didn’t plant it and Denise claimed that she didn’t either. We decided to let it continue growing until we could figure out what it was.

Weeks passed and as I made my way back to the mystery plant, it appeared to be a Sunflower. It was spindly looking with a tall skinny stalk and only one head on it. I decided to baby it along and weed around it. As I pulled rocks from the area to get to the weeds, I noticed something unusual. The Sunflower had not started where I saw the stalk begin. It actually had begun under a big rock and grown under and around it to reach the sun.

That’s when I realized that if a tiny little Sunflower didn’t let a big rock stand in its way of developing, we too have the capability of doing the same thing. Once our environment begins to see that we believe in ourselves like that little Sunflower, we can attain the same nourishment and nurturing as well.

First, we need to believe in ourselves knowing we have the capabilities in achieving our desires. Like the Sunflower, it knew it had the capability to overcome its obstacle because it trusted in the Universal Truth and had faith it would succeed.

Stand tall like the Sunflower and be proud of who and what you are and the environment will begin to support you. You will find a way to go under or around your big obstacle in order to reach your desires.

How should an affirmation be formed?

Building an affirmation can be a complex process, but if you follow these four simple rules you are well on your way to creating affirmations that work. The rules are:

• An affirmation needs to be present tense
• An affirmation needs to be positive
• An affirmation needs to be personal
• An affirmation needs to be specific

Present tense means that you should write your affirmation as if what you are affirming is already a fact. An example: If you would like to be more confident, you would say ‘I am confident’ rather than ‘I will be confident’ This is important because the present tense ensures you act now, rather than putting it off till later. If you always use ‘will’ then later will never come, and the affirmation will not be effective.

Positive means focusing on what you want, instead of what you don’t want. It is sometimes very hard to phrase your affirmation like this, but it is important that you do. Your mind does not distinguish between positive and negative, so you need to flood your mind with the positive so it doesn’t get confused and go the wrong way. An example: Instead of saying ‘I am no longer anxious’ you would say ‘I am confident’ or something else more specific to your particular situation.

Personal means using the word I. You do not want to refer to an indefinite article, you need to refer to yourself. Many, but not all good affirmations start with the word I. There are cases where this isn’t appropriate, but prefixing your affirmation with ‘I’ is usually a good place to start.

Specific means that you should not use general affirmations. The example I have used above might be appropriate to you, but could it be more specific? If your particular issue is that you’re voice wanes when expressing your opinion then the ‘I am confident’ affirmation might work, but the affirmation ‘I share my opinions confidently’ might be more effective.

How often should I use affirmations?

If you want your affirmations to be effective you should use your affirmations whenever you can, at least a few times every day! I have a small notebook that I carry with me wherever I go. Whenever I have a spare five minutes I will take it out and either re-write them out, or at least read them out to myself. I use my affirmations every morning as a ritual. This is my morning jump start that sets the standard for the rest of the day. I also read my affirmations at night before I go to bed.

A really important time to use affirmations is when you need them. If your current affirmations are intended to resolve a confidence issue then you should use them whenever you feel your confidence wavering. No-one else needs to be aware of this! Take just a few seconds, take a deep breath, repeat your affirmations to yourself in your head, then address the situation with increased confidence and control.

Should I write my affirmations down?

Yes! As I mentioned above, I carry around a little notebook with me all the time. Whenever I get a chance I get out my notebook and a pen and re-write my affirmations in the back of my notebook. As a result of this my little notebooks don’t last very long, and their is a lot of repetition going on, but it works! It is a little like doing lines at school, maybe if the teachers made the lines positive instead of negative - ‘I am quiet when in class’ instead of ‘I wont talk in class’ - they would have been more effective!

There are times when I don’t have the time to write my affirmations down again, or I can’t find a solid surface, or I don’t have a pen, but because I have written them down so many times they are all there for me to read. Because of my dedication I don’t even need to read them, I know them by heart, but I think that seeing them on paper somehow makes them more real like they have materialized already. This is the reason that bmindful includes a print function!

Just a quick caution here, just because you have memorized your affirmations doesn’t mean that they are going to be effective. Repeating your affirmations like a robot isn’t going to get you the results you need. You need to say your affirmations with emotion!

Should I record my affirmations and play them back to myself?

There are plenty of people that recommend this practice. I have achieved success with affirmations without doing this, but different people learn differently. Certainly it isn’t a bad idea! The more you can make your affirmations a part of your life the more success you will have. These days you can pick up a microphone and mp3 player for a few dollars, so if you think this might help you out it isn’t worth not doing!

One particular situation where this might be useful is on the way to work. You might decide to recite your affirmations to yourself in your head, but all it takes is someone to break sharply in front of you in the car, or ask you the time on the train and your mind will wander. Playing your affirmations to yourself will ensure that your mind remains on track.

How long should I use my affirmations for?

You should use your affirmations until you no longer have a need for them! When what you are affirming is a part of your self, then you can stop using the affirmations. Some people make the mistake of stopping prematurely because they have encountered some success. Whilst congratulations is in order for making some progress, to use a cliche - a few wins in battle doesn’t mean you have won the war.

What do I mean by that? I mean that whilst you might have had success in one or two situations, you need to make sure it is deeply embedded in your subconscious. Only then can you be sure that the changes the affirmation has made will remain ingrained in yourself for the indefinite future.

How many affirmations should I use at one time?

There is a lot of debate on this topic, but my own personal opinion is that only a few affirmations should be used at a time. As I mentioned above, different people learn differently, but I know that personally I am no good at multitasking. Because of this, I use a few affirmations that address a few particular issues and use them until I have succeeded in making whatever it is that I am affirmation a part of my self at a deep subconscious level.

There are people that think otherwise. Process affirmations are one way of addressing many aspects of a particular issue and people have had a great deal of success with these. There are also bmindful users that are currently using hundreds of affirmations, so just know that there isn’t one right answer and you should try out a few different methods if what you are currently doing is not working for you.

Just like you would not want to stretch a muscle so much that the ligaments snap, the same is true for affirmations. Repeating “I am rich, a millionaire” while your mind knows perfectly well that you are struggling to pay the rent is not a productive affirmation. It simply is too much of a stretch.

Progressive Affirmations bridge the gap between an effective affirmation and its deficient cousin: the brainwashing lie. Instead of saying things that you don’t believe it, Progressive Affirmations allow you to stretch towards what you want comfortably.

How to use Progressive Affirmations

1. Find an affirmation for something you want. For example:”I flow money easily”

2. Find the level of your affirmation that feels comfortable. There are 4 levels.

• Wouldn’t it be nice to [flow money easily]
• I am open to [flow money easily]
• I am ready to [flow money easily]
• I choose to [flow money easily]

1. Repeat your affirmation at this level until you feel a very strong positive emotion while saying it (typically 10 to 20 times).

2. Try the next level up. If it feels comfortable, repeat step 3 with this new level. If not, go back to the previous level.

NOTE: It may take several days before you feel comfortable moving to the next level. Don’t rush it! If you feel comfortable, you can level up within minutes!

by Elise Lebeau, M.Sc.
www.EliseLebeau.com

My Response: How long an affirmation takes to work depends on what it is you are trying to resolve and how you apply them. Some issues are harder to work through than others, some issues can be resolved almost immediately providing you are conscious of them. Affirmations help you keep your goal in mind so you can move towards it.

For affirmations to work, they need to be positive, specific and in the present. For example if you are lacking in self confidence, you would not say ‘I am not nervous’ you would instead say ‘I am confident!’ notice the specific positive (confident - your goal, instead of nervous - what you want to move away from) and the present (am instead of will be)

When you use affirmations, you have to use them throughout the day. Whenever you have a chance you should be writing them down or saying them to yourself. As you reach your goals you may choose to use another affirmation to help in another area and only use your previous affirmation on occasion to serve as a reminder.

Question: For a positive affirmation to be effective should I have to be in a quiet place with a restful state of mind and body to be effective or can use this affirmation any anywhere any time?

My Response: You should use the affirmation whenever you get the chance, and especially when you need it. For me this is when I am frustrated or hot headed. I stop for a second, and I repeat my affirmations to myself (my current ones are about being cool and collected, and about my work being deeply satisfying)

So whilst you may be most open to yourself when you are in a restful state, you basically just need to remind yourself of your goals in the heat of the moment. Use the affirmations throughout the day, first thing in a morning when you are fresh and awake, during a break at work, and when you get home perhaps after some meditation. But definitely when you feel yourself moving away from your goal, stop, and repeat the affirmation to yourself. If possible write it down.

Question: If I say I will win lottery today it means that I will win the lottery?

My Response: Winning the lottery is more intention manifestation than affirmation, there is an article on bmindful about it, but it is really outside the scope of affirmations.

Question: I want to know how many affirmation I can say in a day?

My Response: In my opinion, you should choose a few affirmations at a time, and use them for at least a few weeks. You can use as many as you want, but I do believe that every time you add another affirmation, it decreases the effectiveness of the other affirmations - as you say, there are only so many things you can have going on in your head at the one time. The idea is to internalize the affirmation and make it part of who you are, I believe the fewer affirmations you have, the quicker this will happen.

My Response: You should never discount a negative thought, they are as useful as positive thoughts, because it allows you insight into your shadow - your deepest, darkest thoughts and emotions. This is an exciting thing! From here, you can learn where you need to concentrate your efforts and spend the most time working on yourself.

When you get a negative thought, accept it, learn the lesson from it, then dismiss it. Do not dwell on it, instead, turn it into a positive affirmation and use it to propel yourself forward into positivity. Dwelling on a negative thought will generate more negative thoughts, you will snowball downwards which is never a good thing.

I am impressed with your determination. You need to keep the ‘better life from today’ mentality that you mentioned in your email. If you experience a set back, just think - Starting now, my life is going to get better. I give you permission to dismiss any mistake you make, and start a fresh, using your new found knowledge to help you along.

My Response: You can only ever help someone who wants to help themselves. You cannot use affirmations on your sister, but you can change the way you take what she says. People are very impressionable, and the more dominant some ones reality is, the more they make impressions on people. If you don’t react the usual way to your sisters anger, but instead center yourself, sympathize and attempt to cheer her up, you may find that not only do you feel much better about it, but you might start to influence your sister into looking at things more positively, which will in turn help curb her anger.

My Response: For visualization for concentration, perhaps visualize yourself working hard without distraction. For visualization for memory, visualize yourself remembering something you normally wouldn’t. For example, I always forget names. So I could visualize myself meeting someone and then later recalling their name with ease. For visualizations for intelligence, you could visualize yourself doing something intelligent. Intelligence is subjective, ie it means different things to different people. I associate vocabulary with intelligence and am forever trying to increase my repertoire, so I might visualize myself using juicy, descriptive words in a social context where I normally might have trouble doing so.

My Response: Don’t look past Think and grow rich by Napolean Hill. It is a cliche answer, but it really is the best self help book ever written. It is public domain now, you can download free copies off the internet. The first time I read it was a little far fetched for me to fully understand, and napolean saying that the secret is in the book but he can’t point it out seemed like a cop out to me at the time. Now I understand it a little better, and attribute much of the success I have had to that book. He also spends a whole chapter on affirmations, he calls it ‘autosuggestion’

CD wise, anything by wayne dyer. He really is an amazing person. I feel enormously grateful for having discovered his work. I really cannot recommend him enough. How to be a no limit person is profound. I wish I could get across just how life altering this set of cds is. He does a lot of work with Deepak Chopra too - another thought provoking author.

I am a self-governed being; I withdraw all power, now and forever from others regarding my personal happiness in any fashion. I am self transcended and am now initiated into my right to be a self-created, self-determined being. I come from a space, not of need, But of completeness. I am whole. I am responsible solely for my happiness, my happiness is not dependent on social approval or the need for love, appreciation or acknowledgment, my happiness is not depended on circumstances. My happiness is immune to the flux and flow of my life situation. I stop making my circumstances responsible for my happiness, love and self-respect, because I am a complete being. my happiness is generated from within. My happiness is not depended on performance (mine or others) social status or power over things or externals.

My power comes from the realization that I have awakened and learned new social and emotional skills. The quality of my life is immensely improved because I am no longer addicted to externals but to internal values.

I am a self-ruled and created beingness. All inferior thoughts, cognitions and emotional states (pass) and through it all, I am enduringly happy. I do not need a reason or a validation to have happiness. I turn it on at will. I turn off my anxiety at will. Also I am calm happy and serene. In fact I become happier all the time.

I am no longer a victim of my conditioning, past environment, social customs or emotional patterning. Others are not out to get me or hurt me in any fashion because I am not out to hurt, seek revenge on, or get others. I am not out to even the score. I write my own script. Finally I am free because I no longer operate in any shape or form, on memories or feelings of past pain and the things that happened to me, which were always excuses for being unhappy. I have just willingly removed all excuses. I free myself from the need on any level for pain, suffering, or any kind of unhappiness, now and forever. I am now healed from and have completely forgiven any and all wrongs done to me in any fashion because I now run my life and take full responsibility for my happiness. I am not a victim … so I do not self-sabotage any more. I am a hero and a winner in my own mind and now this is now reflected in my life circumstances

I am a savior, my own. I have saved myself from the limiting thoughts and emotional values that have erected barriers between me, and my ability to have happiness at will, Joy and self-love at will, independent of circumstances and the need to please others. I am free of the cage of my own self-misconceptions and mis-perceptions and prejudices. I run my life now, my fears or opinions do not. I am in control of circumstances, because I am in control of me. I give myself permission to be happy and joyful at all times, anytime, anywhere. My thoughts are not responsible for my happiness, I am. … I can have it now if I choose to, instantly. Whatever outcome I see in my mind, I now choose to turn on the happiness because it is my choice, and my choice alone. When and how I shall exercise my will.

I learn to exercise my will. I learn to exercise my powers of joy. I am elated. I am Flooded with happiness, All fear vanishes. I am happier and happier every day. It shows. I glow. I accept this power without reserve, completely and absolutely now. My life has improved because I now choose to be happy. There is always a song in my heart and I can choose to share this happiness with anyone, I choose, today, Sometime or at this moment.

Inside me there is limitless happiness, I feel it grow and grow now. It is always there. This is my constant choice. I don’t need excuses or reasons to be happy anymore. I choose to be happy now, no matter how my day, week or years turn out.

Because I do not need a reason to be happy anymore, I choose happiness not frustration. I choose happiness not fear. I choose happiness not anxiety. I choose happiness over circumstances. I reserve the right to be happy always in all circumstances. I choose happiness over anger. I choose happiness not suspicion or distrust, it is my choice. I choose not to get upset, down, sad, but instead I choose happiness.

At all times and places. I go about my business of being happy filled with joy and getting better at it all the time. I take back my power and self-control. I am free. I am happy, extremely happy to just be, Any way that I am, at any time. I choose to be happy, and if that isn’t enough then I get happier.

I’M ruler of my emotional destiny. I do not allow things, events, people, self, or others to come between my happiness and me. For I’m always happy and feel free in all things, in all I do. My base emotion is one of happiness and eternal gratitude, especially since I have granted myself the power to be happy at will, to turn it on, at will, and to love my wholesome dreams, at will, no matter what. It’s not just okay it’s fantastic. I am so excited, because whenever I feel my emotions I feel happiness in there, it never ends it never stops. My problems stop because I stop making them emotional issues. They are just simply challenges, that I am happy to handle well.

I stop feeling violated, intimidated, threatened, alarmed, or fearful, because I am happy no matter how things turn out, I’ll be happy. No matter what happens in my relationships, I’ll be happy. I am not attached on an emotional level to outcomes; But I’m always happy to be at my best to do my best, to improve my best.

Suffering is caused when one chooses to be unhappy. I choose to eliminate suffering, I really feel that way, life is a game. I choose to be of cheer, no matter how controversial or scandalous it may seem.

It is my right to choose. And so I aggressively take inner control and allow happiness saturate my life to overflowing. I am a emotionally wholesome and well. I am perpetually a winner because I am perpetually happy and filled with enthusiasm, vigor, excitement and assuredness. I am at peace.

My Response: Although process affirmations are not for me, I do understand that everyone is different, and I can see how they could be incredibly powerful! So, I don’t want to prevent these from appearing on the site so I will add them as an article!

My question is how appropriate would it be to post positive affirmations regarding weight gain especially for the suffers of the fear of weight gain type disorders and will go to all costs to reduce weight and of course here I am generally speaking of anorexia and bulimia and bulimiarexia.

My Response: it would be appropriate to put affirmations regarding weight gain on bmindful, but a suggestion is that you use affirmations that can work with both overweight and underweight people.

I maintain a healthy weight I eat healthy and nutritious foods I am fit and healthy Every day I get closer to my ideal weight

These are a few I have come up with, they may or may not be on the web site, feel free to add them if they are not. There may be more specific affirmations that are more appropriate for your patients to use, if that is the case feel free to add them to bmindful. Not all of the affirmations on there are suitable for everyone, but at least they are there if people need them.