This is a post to tell you all what  is already self-evident, namely that Bob’s Yer Uncle! is on hiatus until further notice. We’re all well (all three of us) and everything’s fine, but work and family obligations have made it impossible for us to keep producing shows for the time being. The website will be staying up and hopefully it won’t be too long before we can get back to recording, but we don’t know exactly what the future holds. Thanks for bearing with us, and if you get really bored you can always listen to an old episode or try the The Corridor audio novel if you haven’t already.

Take care, thanks for all your support, and we hope to be speaking to you again soon,

Zan and Jana. 

•  Zan and Jana try to sound serious and knowledgeable about pressing issues of the day, such as the climate change  talks in Bali and the question of why Australians’ quality of life is supposed to be so good when we neglect education and overrun our country with hallucinogen-secreting toads
• things to do in Melbourne
• an Amateur Cognitive Science update on colours and perception
• and a poignant tale of parental abandonment recounted live on air by Uncle Bob.

•  Australian bees end their The Fugitive-style quest to prove their innocence.
• Finally, an all-in-one craft toy and date-rape drug solution.
• Misogynist santas.
• and in an all-new Amateur Cognitive Science, we ask, Did Achilles only have half a brain?

Morning after election day update: Labor has won the federal election; John Howard’s seat could still go either way, with Labor slightly ahead.

• snorting sewage.

•swearing at work to boost productivity versus wanking at work to boost productivity.

• Plus a special Smut Report review, thanks to Auke at Love Chess.

Remember, our new US phone number is 206 350-8626.

•  First Paul Hogan, then Russell Crowe, now bees - yet another reason why the US should close its borders to Australian imports.
• Israeli Nazis.
• Marital advice for listener Vibeeen.
• and a brand new segment.

I know we said we’d be back next week at the end of the show, but that was because we’d forgotten that we’ll be away next weekend. We’ll be back in two weeks.

* What Zan and Jana have been doing for the past month-and-a-half (this topic only takes about 3.5 seconds to cover).
* See you in hell, Little Johnny Howard!
* And a much-anticipated Smut Report, in which we discuss the world’s creepiest sex toy, prescribing semen to suicidal college students, and how men can mix up a refreshing tropical thirst-quencher in their prostates.

* We give you what will hopefully be the last piece of muffin top news ever.
* Tony Mokbel, wig-wearing gangster groupie.
* Is any sitcom original enough to be worth copying?
* And Uncle Bob shares his thoughts on the miracle of fatherhood.

* Goodbye Battlestar Galactica, hello Peepshow.

* Let’s all say ‘No way’ with Latawnya the naughty horse.

* And Jana talks about cakes in a new Cooking with Jana.

* stoned voicemails
* a not very good definition of bloody mindedness
* why having a barbaric public health system is a good thing
* and a new Amateur Cognitive Science featuring animals, autism, artifical intelligence, eyes, hypnosis, and psychological experiments
* P.S. it turns out that the yabby is a kind of crayfish, just a very small one.

* Why we hate our neighbours.

* Big Canadian things versus big Australian things.

* A parenthood update.

Miss Abigail Pearl.

Who made her entrance into the world on February 23rd, 2007 at 1.35pm.  This makes her a Pisces, born on the cusp of Aquarius, and a little Chinese Pig(let).

Thank you so much everyone for all your good wishes.  Zan printed them out and brought them to me in hospital, where I enjoyed them in between my exciting schedule of Dr Phil, knitting, DVDs and my thrilling once a day trip to the shower.

Some might say my rant about medicalised childbirth bit me in the bum big time, and I’m bound to say that I agree with them.  Certainly knocked me off my smug, perfect pregnancy pedestal.  Still, we managed it so that the main event provided a peaceful, healthy and loving beginning for our precious girl, even if it wasn’t so peaceful for her parents.

We will be back podcasting very soon, and here is a challenge for all of you - we need a nom de plume for little miss Abi.  Gleek is taken, obviously.

Love to you all.

Jana

It looks like wondertwin junior will be arriving early, which is why we haven’t been recording shows lately. Jana and baby are doing fine, but have to stay in hospital under observation until the birth (so Jana’s been getting plenty of the medical attention she didn’t want). I’ll post more information as it comes to hand.

Zan.

* Sloth
* A great many Tvindy voicemails
* Bees
* Possible immigration destinations for the coming environmental apocalypse.
* More sloth
* The Australian Flag
* More Bees

And, in a new Things that are Dumb, Jana talks about the medicalisation of chilbirth (that’s the babies part).

* Momofuku Ando, we hardly knew ye.
* Zan and Jana’s backyard beach resort.
* Bindimania.
* Idiotic adventurers.
* Silly surnames.
* and 21 Jump Street.

Plus a new Amateur Cognitive Science.

Erratum: 21 Jump Street starred Richard Grieco, not Australian full-contact fighter Sam Greco. Neither is related to Cheaters host Joey Greco.

* Freaky weather.
* Is the Southern Hemisphere the worst hemisphere?
* Summer Christmases.
* Our anniversary celebrations.
* James Bond and a martini update.
* Lame superheroes.

Enjoy the festivities, everyone!

* Australia: beautiful one day, on fire the next.
* Beautiful languages and nauseating languages.
* Personalised number plates.
* Push-up underwear.
* William Shatner speaking Esperanto.
* Cooking with Jana.

* Annoying jackhammer noises from next door.
* A hippy birthing class report.
* Shooting clingfilm into space.
* The dollar value of Bob’s Yer Uncle!.
* Rage at Placid Lake.
* Are Zan and Jana Ben Lee and Rose Byrne? (Hint: if Zan were Ben Lee, the song at the end of the show would sound a lot better.)

Uncle Bob will be back on Wednesday.

* Michael Flatley (Lord of the Dance).
* Letting the stingray of love pierce your heart.
* Jana tallies up the replacement value of her handbag.

Sorry there were some technical difficulties with this recording. If Zan’s audio interface needs to be replaced again, future shows will have to be cancelled following his suicide.

And there are more thoughtful silences when, in Getting to Know Zan and Jana, we get to know Jana.

Then Jana invents a new segment: Getting to Know Zan and Jana.

* The great Star Trek controversy.
* Belated 50 shows/one year anniversary announcement.
* Jana as Linda Blair.
* A not very comprehensive list of great literary rip-offs.
* Boring political discussion.
* Whinging Poms.

Not to mention:
* Slither.
* Movie monsters.
* Donald Sutherland’s scary 1970s movies, like Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Don’t Look Now.
* Japanese ghost stories.
* And some spine-chilling Bob’s Yer Uncle! radio theatre.

* Radio technique and annoying television journalist voices.
* Jana hates Philip Adams.
* And a new Things that are Dumb.

* Plenty of listener wisdom.
* Television rots your brains, and so does being fat.
* Is it unmanly to pee sitting down?
* Iraq-related fuck-ups.

Don’t forget to fill in our first BYU Survey.

Then it’s time for a new Cooking with Jana.

Thanks to Dr John from the Dr John and Dr Lorne Show for his list of questions, and Will from the Youngest of One blog and Youngcast for his voicemail.

Topics covered include:
* The death of olympic sprinter and glove advisor Peter Norman.
* You can breed your own rainman.
* Trainspotting versus bus spotting.
* Blokey soup.
* Pat Morita.
* Why wasn’t Bill Hunter in The Lord of the Rings?
* Hypnotism.
* Acupuncture.
* Paying for podcasts.
* Remaining incognito.

How could you possibly want more after all that? Hopefully you do because there will be a Amateur Cognitive Science segment on Wednesday.

* Flies
* Does Jana want to be gang-banged by football players?
* More flies
* East Timor on Australian TV and David Wenham.

There will be a new Smut Report on Wednesday.

Tvindy’s sushi videos are linked in his comment for show 38. Watch them; they’re funny.

* Drinking room temperature beer
* Morris dancing is stupid
* Remaking Kath and Kim

And a bumper Japanese-themed Cooking with Jana.

Please Note: Zan and Jana do not guarantee the truthfulness of any excuses which might be given on this web page.

Then it’s time to hear the story of Monsieur Bob, Intimate Barber, in another What Would Uncle Bob Do?

Plus:
* M. Night Shyamalan makes Zan yawn.
* National flags, republicanism and elected officials.
* Survivor: Crusade Edition.
* and a new Cooking with Jana.

And then a new Smut Report, with sexy professions, an extra penis update, porn choreography, and a movie review courtesy of listener Steven from Watsonia. Plus, Jana throws down the gauntlet with a porn movie recommendation challenge for you, the listener.

In this episode:
* Podcast Alley - the cheating continues.

* Zan gets all misty listening to BYU listener Ryan’s new podcast, Radio Free Marist.

* Zan and Jana’s hotrod dining suite.

* Which country should feel most ashamed of Mel Gibson?

* A supernumerary digit update from Zebulon.

* Jana tells a story about the Sydney Harbour Bridge whose topicality is not entirely clear.

* Woodrow Roosevelt, M.D. gives a lesson on abnormal reproductive anatomy.

* Tom from the Footnote podcast initiates a lengthy discussion of the toothfairy and organ donation.

* Zan trials a new segment idea: White Trash Wedding.

* And Uncle Bob lashes out at shysters and time-wasters in a new What Would Uncle Bob Do?.

Don’t forget, there’s only a week left for your superhero contributions.

* World Wide Web abbreviations.

* X-Ray-proof fatties.

* We Can Be Heroes and Fat Pizza.

Also, we hear from both Black Vulcans before yet another Things that are Dumb segment. This will be the last serious segment for a good long time, we promise.

We won’t be back for two weeks, but in the meantime you can occupy yourself by preparing for our second superhero show, or visiting some of our listeners’ websites:

Larrikin’s photography.
Dr John and Dr Lorne.
The #2 Show!.

For some reason, the database which runs our website is experiencing problems at the moment. I’ve asked the techies at our web host to give me some help, so hopefully things will be up and running again soon. We’ll record a show this weekend and have it available as soon as possible.

Zan.

We ask, are there extra bodypart fetishists? And Zan takes over Cooking with Jana for a simple dessert recipe.

* The Podcast Alley voting controversy.
* Luxury Japanese cockroach accomodation.
* And various issues raised by listener voicemails, like fireworks, chickens and Guy Peirce.

And a new Cooking with Jana.

Plus we have a couple of house photos.

* Do hair-stealing weirdos face unfair victimisation in the prison system?
* Jana’s aerodynamic jogging attire.
* And the return of Amateur Cognitive Science. Will you be the first listener to point out an error in Zan’s description of an homunculus?
* PLUS orgasmic implants.

In the first of two shows for the week, we try to catch up on listener correspondence.

Can the term ‘muffin top’ really be listed with the clothes hoist and bionic ear implant amongst Australia’s greatest inventions? What would it take to make Jana knock back oral pleasure?

I’ll put some photos of our new house up soon, too.

* Texas and Australia - separated at birth?
* which limb would you rather have sex without?
* what would make a better pet, a mogwai or a human/chimpanzee hybrid?

And we have a new Cooking with Jana.

Then it’s time for a Things that are Dumb about products which solve imaginary problems. We wanted to have a Smut Report, but couldn’t get it up - sorry to be teases. You’ll have to wait until next week.

In the meantime, you can leave us a message, and add yourself to our MySpace page and listener map.

You can also get more worldly wisdom from Uncle Bob in a new What Would Uncle Bob Do? Listen carefully - what he has to say might one day save your life.

Don’t forget to email Ja(y)na and let her know if she should add a ‘y’ to her name.

* More Attractions from Paramounts Kings Island.

* Prince Adam of Eternia as a disco diva. Who would have thought a muscley guy with a blond pageboy haircut wearing boots, leather minishorts and a leather harness would turn out to be gay? And with a name like He-Man, too.

* A radio theatre re-enactment of the Wondertwins arrival on Earth.

* Plenty of ill-conceived Wondertwins transformations.

Superheroes next week!

Stay tuned for next week’s show, when Zan won’t talk about Sierra Leone or Australian tourism ads!

* Australia lays down the law on the ‘Where the Bloody Hell Are You?’ TV ads.

* Runaway Commonwealth Games competitors.

* An iPod sex toy.

* And more helpful advice based on the real-life experiences of Uncle Bob in What Would Uncle Bob Do?

Then The Smut Report is back with a new voice-over man. Zan asks if a university education really gives women more orgasms, and tells women which Papua New Guinean tribe to join (and which not to join) to get some good luvin’. Then we tell you how to have your very own orgasm at home with the ‘Melbourne Pot-Stirrer’. It’ll give you an imbimboogu in no time flat.

* Zan gets angry with the listeners for snubbing Uncle Bob.

* A shout-out to our (non-binding) podcasting friends.

* Japanese reminiscences.

* Updates on Wichita linesmen and Nigerian email scammers.

* Zan does a humiliating backflip on the subject of Podcast Alley.

And we explain the mysteries of the mind in what promises to be our most short-lived segment ever: Amateur Cognitive Science.

Fanfares play and small children scatter rosepetals in its path as the Jackhammer Johnson makes its entrance.

Obscure/crazy Australian would-be aristocrats.

The great muffin-top mystery is finally put to rest.

Listener emails and messages, including an audio message from Saskia of the As Serious As Your Life! podcast.

We also mark the 30th anniversary of a great moment in the history of Oz rock, announce an upcoming new segment, and, in a new Smut Report, talk about backdoor shenanigans (you knew it was only a matter of time).

Robot camel jockey update.

Recording music in the Sirian dialect of the universal star language.

Jana’s shocking muffin-top confession.

And a new Cooking with Jana.

In the first of two shows for this week, we talk about Uncle Bob’s most eventful week ever: the Jackhammer Johnson, The PK and J Show, and lots of emails.

We also read some special Valentine’s Week messages from Tokyo, and enrol everyone in Bob’s Yer Uncle! 101.

Then The Smut Report is back due to overwhelming popular demand in Wichita. As promised, we talk about the mysteries of the male orgasm.

A Nigerian email scam update

And we unveil a new segment, Things That Are Dumb.

* The good old days when Australia’s national anthem was all about being British.

* Australia’s national anthem versus the theme from Gilligan’s Island.

* Great Australia/Hollywood crossovers: Tina Turner, Tom Selleck, Kirk Douglas and Mick Jagger in Australian/Australian-themed movies.

Plus: just how scary are dingos, anyway?

Then it’s time for another Smut Report where we review the Snugglepuss from Downunder Toys, and ‘if I don’t have them then nobody has them’ Jana debates the possibility of vaginal orgasms.