Boho Happiness

love day

2013-04-03T19:12:00.000-04:00

wrote on february 14 2013

today is love day.
today, i do love thee.
as well as tomorrow
and the days to come.

to love is a gift and to know how to love with a truly open heart can be challenging. i constantly am reminding myself ... asking myself ... did i look at that situation, that person with an open heart ... a place of love?

if you can do that, then all will be well, always. it's just harder than it sounds. the ego, amongst many other little beasts, get in the way and absorb the love that could come from most situations.

make everyday LOVE day. come to the table of life with an open heart.

i will fly away

2013-03-04T21:06:00.002-05:00

absolutely simplify;
its all we need.
bring in
ways to keep us
and rethink,
we can imagine
all you got,
light and shadows
learn to lean.

wanderlust
with fuel and fire
tinged in awe,
individual nature,
and fierce fortitude
of a certain value,
of considerable use;
love, actually.

i know i know
how to fly
let me keep my wings
in peace you'll see.
in wild abandonment,
sit in the sun
just because you can;
glory in song,
i will fly away.

the home bound song

2013-01-11T00:31:00.002-05:00

i feel
the home bound song,
the start that meets up
with the finish,
the road,
along,
all a blur.

up there

2012-09-29T10:16:00.002-04:00

i can feel the pulse, the warmth and
the sudden spells of coolness,
the air seems to fly and dance around the planes of my flesh
relaxed and with spirit
i am thinking
comfortably

i'm thinking of story books and fairy tales and creatures from beyond
if they truly
can exist, within our memories, or if
they are just a twinkle of hope for the taking,
then fleeting, they go

i'm dream, dreaming so big, so wide
i'm actually convincing myself it could be so,
all of it could be so, will be
but, i do, just sit

it is in there, up there
that i fully flourish
and follow through
it is easy, it is natural
up, above and beyond
the being

every idea is so thick, so full of kinetic energy
it permeates through
and into my veins, spreading continuously
like waves onto a beach,
as if it were to never stop.

life changing

2012-09-11T10:24:00.002-04:00

HOPE ( No. 1)

you look like
fire
and brim stone
your eyes
well up
like pools,
reflections
of some truth.

i see you
laying there,
tangled and pulled and bent and gnarled,
dripping and oozing
with life,
hope.

we think
you are
recognizing
voices,
faces.

hallelujah,
i say hallelujah!

WHOLE (No. 2)

chatter of emergencies
and wrecks and tests,
wind blowing my hair,
paper and cigarette butts,
change rattling,
humming ...
i hear,
gentle humming.

waiting.

w a i t i n g.

we're waiting,
but blessed.
blessed with hope.
blessed with heart.

in the middle,
we started.

praying, knowing
what we wished ...
that you'd wave,
blink an eye ...

move, please move.

wake up,
heal up,
come back to us,
WHOLE.

A PLAN? (No. 3)

metal chunked and twisted
fast cars and liquor
don't fix
anything.

leftovers on pavement,
we wished you would
have stayed!

lines, bubbles, machines
all pacing,
helping you, stay
with us.

it plays continuously
in my memory,
continuously burdening
my heart ...

to go back
and make you
stay.

but, i could not,
you could not
and you walked where you must
in god's plan.

because ...
god does have a plan,
for you.

THE MUSIC (No. 4)

music in your ears,
hear, do you hear me?

music in your heart,
feel, do you feel me?

music in your eyes,
see, do you see me?

i need you to wake up
and hear the music.

i need you to wake up
and feel my presence.

i need you to wake up
and see me
standing,
up, for you.

tell me
that you
know me,
knowing you,
knowing me.

tell me
the music hasn't stopped.

***the life changing poems are very dear to my heart. i wrote these within a week or so after july 31, 2011, but just getting around to sharing them. this day was life changing for many people, especially two of my dear friends. they were hit by a drunk driver and their lives, along with their families and friends, were forever changed. i will never forget that night or all the months that came after ... never. it has changed me. it is a miracle that they are both alive today, but the journey has been a long and challenging one and the journey is not over. i don't want to go into more details, but the ones that experienced this with us will know what it was like, what it is like. there was so much intense energy at the ER and ICU during that first week, as well as the many months after ... i just started writing a bit about the energy i felt from myself and others around me. we were all joined with similar energy and hope and constant prayer. these are for my friends and their families. i love you guys.

you never know, when in an instant, life as you know it will change, forever. take hold of the beauty and blessings today and don't take anyone or anything for granted. make your self this promise. i have.

earlier in a daydream

2012-08-24T07:12:00.001-04:00

centered in gravity
weighted,
sinking,
sat

waited
for sun,
warmth

shadows
... turning

every corner,
aligned
with the pull.

i don't want to loop this pull

i can't
tie this string

life and death, do not fear

2012-08-16T07:00:00.000-04:00

*old journal entry found from june 24, 2011

i think i understand what this world is made of and what it may have to offer ... half the time.

it's full of questions and answers, actions and reactions, meaning and meaninglessness.

in due time, it has the power to humble and set straight even the loudest of characters. for when we are born, we set in motion our death ... and all the ounces in between, of this great weight, is in the living. birth, living, death.

i just read somewhere, according to some grande studies, that most do not ponder this is their life, unless their life has come to a crossroads where they, indeed, intersect death in some form. only then, do they gain back their memory of death.

i don't know if i'm an exception, or i'm morbid or something (well, i think not, for i know thyself), but i think of this natural process often. i try to find meaning as to why i understand this cycle, most days, i think i know. my conclusion is that we must not shy away from it, because in due time, well at anytime, it's confidently ours for the taking. to pretend otherwise, i believe, is just foolish and, well, will leave too much shell shock if allowed to burst in all at one time.

my other conclusion is reason, logic, and understanding of natural order in this life, (we'll talk about empathy later). everything has this order; and everything cycles. i'm obsessed with change; it's many forms, it's meaning, the questions of why. and it's been answered: because. because that's the way it is. it works. what's most fascinating is watching these changes and seeing (right away or a ways down the line) ... the ripple affect. ever heard of the story that one butterfly's flap of wing can possibly cause great change all the way across the world. just imagine!

can we control this change? no. what? are we not supposed to let that little butterfly fly? of course not, fly and run your course, we would advise. same with us, fly and run your course. trust in the process, do not fear it. but i believe, in order not to fear it, we have to face it, accept it, understand it the best way we can. to pretend it's not there is a grave mistake ... and, well, useless.

i think by the end of it, we will have to change in so many ways. it's a process of embracing and then, letting go. a life of learning this is awaiting you, whether you like it or not. a fact in my book.

so, in order to face this, accept this, understand this - we first may have to recognize why we may fear it. i think a lot of things are tangled and tied into this fear ... but all these things will have to change, take on new form, and be embraced for what they are in order to face the fear ... without the fear.

it's tangled in meaning and purpose and assumptions. we all live by these and are somewhat uniquely defined by the way we define and live by our own meanings, purpose, and assumptions. i feel what gets in the way are very simple things, yet they act so profoundly as stumbling blocks in gaining this perspective and, then, we have to learn how to release it properly. vanity, pride, selfishness, self and/or society induced importance. these are serious and how you understand them can cause great affliction or great relief. all of them interwoven precariously in our own perception of ourselves vs. the world.

so, with that said, let's clear something up, now pay attention, for this is very important:

we are all equal. we are ALL on the same playing field. always. every last person that is alive, that came before you and will come after you ... all on the same playing field. ALL = SAME.

this will shoot your vanity , pride, self importance down, for sure, and with great hope. don't get me wrong, you are important and were created with a purpose ... but you are not THAT important. and that's completely OKAY.

okay, yes, you are different and, yes, your life holds value ... but no more than the rest of us. so, i'm sure some of you reading already get this ... and if so, let this be affirmation. for the others, please take note and do not let this discourage, but encourage.

this is a very encouraging insight.

now is the time to step outside of yourself and understand you are part of a whole. a PART.

simplify

2012-08-14T07:00:00.000-04:00

reflection. mirror images ... of people, places, things, and ideas. we are reflections of everything else.

i love being alive and actually realizing how much i am alive. life is for the living. death is for the dying. we recycle, along with everything else. if all else recycles, changes form, goes back into another, why shall we not? it is easy, but we make it so complicated. WE complicate it. we label such things and everything else based on reflections of what we think we've seen and/or know. what if we don't know?

or, what if we knew, but because it was way too simple, too regular (as the same as the rest of living things) we have to elaborate. we are vain as a whole, we love to be special, so indeed, we must give special labels, ideas, patterns to this simple truth.

SIMPLIFY, everything.

the inner journey

2012-08-13T07:00:00.000-04:00

mesmerized by sultry and silky mirrors
i see
i see thee
peering at me
through the looking glass

hallowing to mention death
to understand the body
dies
that it will happen
it will.

a gift wrapped in wicked dreams
warnings and blessings of what is to come

to process it, one must let go of reasoning
let go of pride
and importance
and setting yourself apart,
as you were meant to die
like every other person.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

dying is a very extreme physiological event.

we have "frontal lobe preoccupation during the day" and the
"things we don't want to know, we know in our dreams"

dreams can be reality.

we can dream our way into what we want?

let me be blessed with beautiful and wonderful moments
when i awake
when i sleep

did you know that as for telepathy, animals are more prone to this. we can pick up on this. a special communication "from George", the horse, spoke to her in a dream.

getting signals from the real world that i can only process when i'm dreaming?
we over estimate our ability to control things, we dilute ourselves,
possessed by feelings.

we can only perceive 5 things by our brain, we have perimeters in the rational brain.

wakefulness is a hormone from our brain that occurs when you sleep, the perfect condition for learning. search for truth in your dreams, because we have an electric brain that is constantly firing and storing things in order.

you are too busy taking it all in during the day, at night "busy business" happens and it all gets filed away and processed at night when its quiet.

you can change a dream ... if you want to, so "they" say.

connecting physical to the spirit world. you can manifest, believe. you cannot walk in the spirit world with fear, very important that you not be scared.

the time has come for you to be brave.

if you are fearful, then you are leaking your power.

you have to be brave for death.

** random poems and thoughts, inspired from a documentary about a lady that was sick and possibly facing death and a little about her journey.

so, this is how it happens.

2012-08-11T07:00:00.000-04:00

inspired by this lady on a documentary ....

"so, this is how it happens, quick, painless"

"i imagine my next birthday, again and again and again"
will our mind save us for what is to come?
can i wish myself into the next year, the next decade?

death comes to us in our dreams
casting a white shadow

how is it death will visit you in dreams
before it takes you?
why?

like we've ordered a train ticket
and the conductor is sending us a
friendly reminder?

don't forget about your trip
don't forget you are leaving
leaving, everything

this is depressing.
the reality of NO control
no scheduling
no tomorrow

and you finally understand,
life will go on
without you.

for good.

2012-08-09T07:00:00.000-04:00

the after effects of the mind
death and rebirth?
or does dead really mean dead?
and generation is not to come for me,
for you?

we are open and we are closed
"i don't think you get any warning"
is a scary thought
especially since i believed
you would always be graced to know,
as if it mattered
to the all knowing

how are we to prepare
in the process
if we are not to know
what is to come
how we dare say we will know

preparing for the blackness
while we live in the light

the blackbirds fly, the sunset is gone
our eyes shut, our minds quiet, our hearts still
we say goodbye, for good.

i'd guess it was you

2012-08-07T15:36:00.000-04:00

if i had a guess,
i'd guess it was you
you being who
granted me a guess

if i had a guess,
i'd guess it was you
you being who
i searched for
til death

if i had a guess,
i'd guess it was you
you being who
always knew what you knew

if i had a guess,
i'd guess it was you
you being who
always behooved me to you

if i had a guess,
i'd guess it was you
you being who
let me know who is you

beginnings and endings

2012-08-06T07:00:00.000-04:00

we fight an endless battle; the cycle in which nothing ends or begins. the cycle when everything ends and everything begins. the battle, the cycle, continues, for which, there is nothing to to win or lose. yet we, as a whole, are bound and trifled by the attempt to understand and live by this winning and losing. but it does not exist, it is not there, it is not so.

once you figure this, you may see the pettiness of your ways. i have. you no longer hold tightly onto the things that once revved your engine. but still ... you go.

where the heart and soul is

2012-08-05T08:47:00.001-04:00

you know, i realized a lot on my travels abroad. i realized life is short ... and not as complicated as it sometimes comes across. life holds no importance to beauty or vanity or money, none. these things are not of importance. nor where you are from or the language you speak, nor your accomplishments or what you strive to be in your career or what not.

to me, it's your perspective and attitude at any given moment, always. this never stops, never will. no matter who you are, where you are from, what language you speak, what you strive to be or your accomplishments or what you are going through ... you should always be checking your perspective and attitude and always respecting and trying to understand the footsteps of others ...

and where your heart and soul is, this is of the utmost importance, always.

* and remeber this quote, i think it is lovely and right on point:

in the quiet, i find myself

2012-08-05T07:00:00.000-04:00

in the quiet, i find myself breathe.
slow and purposefully,
the rhythm is found.
leaving what was
to what is, i push myself
to move forward.

thinking.

all these rhythms and tunes,
all the waves and islands,
all the times i find
life, moving forward
all the times i find
life, stopped.

in the quiet, i find myself praying.
to understand,
to know grace,
to constantly seek peace.

in the quiet, i find myself
respecting the blessings,
more importantly,
respecting the pruning.

things move on.
life moves on.
we move on.
i move on.

leaving what will be
in the future,
leaving it to be
on it's own.

in the quiet, i find myself praying
for peace in the present
and
knowing my place in the present.

slow and purposefully
the rhythm is finding
it's place within my life.
thank god.

so beautiful

2012-08-03T07:00:00.001-04:00

you know that feeling you get when you see something so beautiful that your whole being is at peace for a split second? those moments are important.

write them down if you can. they will teach you later when you need it. don't rely on memory.

today, i will live.

2012-08-01T07:00:00.000-04:00

In the morning ...

I try to figure out what is important ... overall in life or just for the day. But, usually I'm thinking about both, amongst everything else that is firing off in my brain.

I think of important things, silly things, chores I need to get done. I think of the present, but am still shaken sometimes by the past, and I definitely am always thinking of the future. I would like to concentrate more on the present because the past has already been given it's time and glory and the future is another whole adventure on it's own.

If I don't let myself become consumed with the present, soon it will be over and already have a place in my past. What does it mean to truly live life in the present? How do we really concentrate on this and live life to the fullest daily, without sacrificing our dreams for the future?

It's one of things I've learned, that you have to plan, prepare, and work hard for your future ... to achieve what you want out of your life. But, as I am busy making plans, life has it's own story for me. Balancing these two is what is tricky. Understanding where you are and where you want to be.

AND accepting things that you cannot control is priceless.

I always feel I'm several steps behind where I want to be, therefore, this is constantly throwing me into a never ending cycle of "getting caught up" in my life or getting my life "in order". This is exhausting. As soon as you reach the place you thought you wanted to be, it's never enough, because you have 20 more things you need to do to get "caught up on" and get things "in order".

Everything will never be "in order" like this. There will ALWAYS be more; more things to do, more characteristics to work on and be, more adventures to seek after, more goals to set, more people to see, more chores to do, more bills to pay. It does not stop, until it does. But, hopefully, that's a long way off.

So, if I know there will always be more, more, more ... why do I stress myself out thinking I can never "catch up"? Why can't I be extremely happy in my current position, in my current state? Don't get my wrong, I usually am happy where I am BUT I'm always thinking I need to BE more, DO more. I see the potential in myself and don't want to let myself down.

Even if no one else had faith in me, my life, my dreams, I have FAITH in it. God has faith in me and I have faith in God. I have faith in the journey. I have faith that I am constantly being molded and matured and centered and becoming more and more at peace with life's journey. THAT is important.

I woke up this morning doing the regular rambling of the mind, only to find myself questioning this. It makes my heart beat fast and my mind race. I smoke more cigarettes, I drink more coffee, I worry. So, I sat quietly for a moment (that does wonders by the way) and thought about why I do what I do, especially in the mornings. Then, I started questioning what is truly important. What is truly important to focus our energy on?

Well, I concluded one answer for sure. It is not WORRYING. That gets me absolutely nowhere, except in a heart pumping, mind racing, jittery state that then paralyzes me. Because by doing this, I have zapped all of my positive energy and given it over to the negativity, the what ifs, the past, the future. And my point is to be thankful and present in the moment, TODAY.

THAT is what is important.

Another thing that was laid on my heart this morning, which ties in with everything above, is "inner peace". What exactly is "inner peace"? Of course, we have a quick answer and think we understand what it is. But I was asking myself to dig deeper on what exactly it is to me AND how I can live and breathe it constantly.

Maybe in a next post I will write more on this, but until then, try to find your peace amongst the chaos.

Check out my art here, Dawn Sanders-Myers

a random wednesday

2012-07-30T19:39:00.000-04:00

(actually written on wednesday, june 27, 2012)

how many wednesdays do we get? once we look back, will we remember a single wednesday? this irrelevancy, these details, all are in the way like a cloud mass of the brain. but as fate would have it, i am living on a wednesday today and thus i need to account for today. this day.

this day is like a mirror. it is reflecting a single sound over and over again, i will hear it often. it will call to me every other minute of every other day, waiting. the symbolism of a bell in a city, the sound barrier of truth, of signal, or warning, of remembrance. this symbology rings all too well as with our inner beat, sound wave, and pull.

so, this is my wednesday, a reflection of self, world, self, world. except today, i see a lot of self, intertwined with this inner lining of cool water. when all i see in the reflection is of the self, i cannot function as properly as one should. it is blinding and confusing and you cannot recognize what you may have with this distraction. therefore, i must rid the obsessiveness of self that we all, definitely i included, swim in daily.

it is magical in a sense, this wednesday, for it is no other and has been no other. in that fashion, it is history in the making. forty four minutes of history left to write of this wednesday, to be precise. what did i write in history today? nothing of exceptional importance, nothing i will remember when i look back on all my wednesdays, but i never know how i could have affected something in the midst of the ever turning change. i could have done something to contribute, well, at least that is what i hope for.

or not. because it is okay "if not". it is okay to just be okay on an okay, random wednesday.

most of the time.

but most of the time, the times that bell clangs and sways in your heart, then you know. then you know there is more. then you know you have a purpose, that the time is of the essence, that a new signal, a new tone will come soon.

this random wednesday, i learned to listen to the inner beat of my heart ... and let my brain go for a nap.

check out how i transform some of these thoughts into art ....

a little more.

2012-07-30T07:00:00.000-04:00

sell yourself short of glory and harmony, thou shalt cut off thy tongue girl. be gracious in acceptance and loss, therefore i am with you and you shalt not remain in pain. pain is of the moment to pull the loins away from the meat. sinking down and feeling of fire and rage will tell you something you once knew, help you put a piece together. you'll have to do this one for yourself and go through alone. you can go alone. it will be okay.

then you will know ... a little more.

good morning my love

2012-07-28T07:00:00.000-04:00

good morning my love,
oh love
how i do hope
you are blessed
today
tomorrow
and forever

good morning my love,
oh love
how i do pray
you find beauty
in everything
today
tomorrow
and forever

good morning my love,
oh love
how i do wish
your dreams
come true
today
tomorrow
and forever

good morning my love,
oh love
how i do love
thee
today
tomorrow
and forever

no second rate sister here.

2012-07-26T07:00:00.000-04:00

i barely open my eyes
hearing sounds of
gentleness
calling me into
the bed.

southern sweetness,
i do declare
how is it
you wear your hair
out
like
that.

i will break the chains
and tie myself to something else
i will follow it,
the new lines
of selfly order.

because there is
no second rate sister here.

my love.

2012-07-24T07:00:00.000-04:00

my love.

if i could tell you how i feel or how i understand what we have, i would.

but i do in a quiet way.
i tell you a little in every way.
i show you more everyday.

it's quiet and comforting, i understand and i don't.

you come to me, like a shining knight, even though i know you are only a man.

i expect nothing from you and everything, and you handle it quite well,
like only a knight can.

this, is a blessing.

for you are what you are and cannot change, nor derail from your course.
you will follow it beautifully, without fail.

you come to me, in quiet strength, solemn strides.

clearing the way, one swing at a time
through the brush
you make light through the branches
and i feel the fresh soil and see
the uncharted trail awaiting.

we are quiet in our love and purity has been ours.

i am rested in our peace and have forsaken turmoil forever more.

*from a collection of valentine's day poems i wrote this past lovers' day.

it happened between us.

2012-07-23T13:40:00.004-04:00

what has happened between us is a journey
we have collided and are walking as one
for where you go, i will go
for what you love, i will love
for who you will be, i walk beside thee
and love.

*from a collection of valentine's day poems i wrote this past lovers' day.

I am thirsty.

2012-07-23T13:38:00.002-04:00

My love, my love, I do love thee.

You are the strength in my bones,
the stretch in my skin,
harnessing in this fire
is your well of water.

I drink from it,
taste and quenched,
I am not.
I am thirsty, for you.

*from a collection of valentine's day poems i wrote this past lovers' day.

think about it.

2012-07-23T13:36:00.001-04:00

why is it
that sometimes,
many times,
often ...
people try to
restrict you?

don't want to
see you
do well
or be happy.

they like to keep you
in a little bitty box,
nice
and
tidy
and
square.

so,
they can always
know exactly
what THEY THINK
you are.

think about it.