If you’re facing divorce now you will definitely be going through a very stressful time and probably be suffering much heartache – oddly enough it’s recognised that separation from a romantic partner through divorce can sometimes give more heartache and grief than losing a partner through death.

To successfully save marriage from divorce will be a challenge for you and you’ll probably need to give it some worthwhile effort, but success is possible.  Is your partner worth it to you?  Most times, the answer is a big ‘Yes’.  When divorce is looming in front of you it will mean that many of the loving bonds  you once shared have been broken and your task now is to have the patience and the courage to build new ones.

To do this you need to have a plan to follow.  If you are feeling powerless and acutely unhappy at the moment, do click on the following link and check through our initial How to  Save  A Marriage action plan…  because you need to be personally in a strong frame of mind to be able to stop your divorce.  Then move through the following steps:

Identifying the real problems in your marriage

The first step to save marriage from divorce is to be able to identify the real reasons why your marriage is failing.  This needs quite a lot of mental searching on your part and also communication with your partner because what you may quickly identify as reasons are often only symptoms of the real, deep-rooted reasons.

It’s only once these real reasons have been correctly identified that you can move forward to work out the solution.  Too many marriages fail because neither partner fully understands what was making their spouse behave in the negative way that they were.

A simple example to clarify this is, say, your partner constantly behaves in a flirtatious manner with any new member of the opposite sex they meet – the real reason for this could be that your partner suffers from low self-esteem and is just looking for validation that they are an attractive person.   Once you know this is the real, deep-down reason you can find lots of ways to help ‘build them up’ and let them feel they are attractive – and after a while you’ll find that they don’t need to find validation for their attractiveness by flirting with others.

Save Marriage From Divorce by Focussing on the Good Times

This next step to save marriage from divorce can be a bit difficult to begin with but if you persevere you’ll start to build momentum and it will get easier and easier: start to focus on the good points about your partner and the good times you have had with them.  The very best way to make the most of this technique is to make a list and read through it several times a day.  Also, set aside 5 minutes each day to think of, more points and memories to add to the list.  After 30 days of doing this daily you will find that your attitude will definitely have shifted to a more positive and up-lifting position.

Stop Your Divorce by Starting Your Marriage Afresh

When you’re working on how to save a marriage from divorce you need to give your marriage a fresh start by realising that both you and your spouse will have changed since the day you were newlyweds.  Both of you will have let go of some of your old beliefs and ideas and learned and adopted new ones.   So it’s time to accept those changes in each other and start communications and new compromises to build a new relationship that works for the well-being and contentment of both.  I assure you it is very possible if you want it enough – just make sure you don’t waste any energy on regrets.

Making these adjustments will give you a good foundation for how to save a marriage from divorce,  and if you need a good proven system to follow there are several available online that offer wonderful advice …as long as you are willing to put in the effort and follow the steps.

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The first step is to give yourself a time for reflection before you set-out on any given plan to bring your marriage relationship back to a mutually loving, supportive and nuturing state. You may be feeling the need to act immediately but nearly always that sort of emotional action just results in doing or saying things that damage the relationship with your spouse even more than it is already.

Whatever the feelings of your spouse are at the moment, they aren’t going to change so fast, so take a little ‘time-out’ to gather your thoughts together so that whatever actions you will soon be taking will be wise ones.

On how to save marriage – a good step forward

First of all you need to talk to your spouse to find out if they’re interested in considering how to save marriage;  then ask them for their perception of what is wrong with the marriage and first and foremost, what parts are they finding unacceptable.   Now you will probably find this hard to have to listen to, and you may think that what they say is completely untrue – but don’t say so …at this point, you need to just listen.  Hard, I know.

If you find it impossible not to comment, then just say something like “I am hearing what you say and although at this minute I cannot agree with you, I am going to reflect on these points you’re making objectively over the next few days… “.   You can even write them down, showing your spouse what you have written and asking them if this corrrectly states what they are trying to communicate to you.

This will actually serve 2 useful purposes: they will feel that you are respecting their feelings (even if you don’t agree with them) and even though they may not admit it at this time, it will help lessen any resentment they are feeling. Secondly, you have it down on paper and that could be useful if they say ‘other things’ in the future. It also helps clear understanding on both sides and is a small building brick for better communication.

Even though their list may be long (and as far as you are concerned, maybe un-founded) when they have stated all their grievances and have run out of reasons, still ask them if there is anything else they wish to add – and give them time to think until they feel that they have given you all their reasons.  If you really want to do a thorough job, ask them to write down any others they may remember over the next few days and let you know about them.

I know this can be very hard step to take but it really can get your ‘how to save marriage’  efforts off to a very good start.  Be strong!

Click here for our How to Save Marriage Action Plan for more tips to start saving your marriage in lasting and positive ways that will bring happiness…

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