Seng Aun's Blog

How Long Has It Been...

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 09:48:00 +0000

~~...since I blogged~~ since I knew you? Hmm, 2003 ahh yes. It's been 7 years already. Can you believe it?! And I have to be really honest here, we only got real close when CS and you drifted apart. And if I were to put it in gay terms, I'd say that I'm just the rebound guy. A pillow to fall on. A Mimi to cushion the pain. And if I were really gay, I'd confidently say I was slightly hurt.

Before this, you had your fair share of love with YV, and me with ~~YouTube~~ YT. We were just normal teens growing pimples, getting dirt on your uniforms after playing football in the tennis court, and playing some more bottle cap in class. You would be going back home with your white colour Rusa, while I go back with my silver Unser.

I don't remember when, but I know my first impression of him was of an arrogant dude who would seem to have this leader aura about him. People would gather around his table to play "pen". You know, flicking pens and knocking other pens down, last surviving pen wins. But before I knew it, I started visiting his house in Form 2, for god knows what reason. I remember me challenging you to a DotA match, and unknowingly me underestimating your capabilities, since you look like a showoff-type nerd.

One of the most memorable incident would be Snowy the dog making a move on me. It was warm, it was wet, it was ready for me. But I wasn't sure at that time. So obviously I backed out! (what, do I look like a bitch to you?)

There were times that I was mad at you, and I'm sure things like that are inevitable, even you know that. But I realised one thing: not even my siblings cared that much about me as much as you do. This might sound so Adrian/gay, but if anything, I see you as a role model to me. Other than my dad, of course. In certain aspects, like your "discipline", resistance to peer pressure, or even your way of speech. Little details like those really matter the most, if you think about it.

Oh just for a bonus, I'm really bad at remembering things. My Sejarah marks are testimony to that. But among the phone numbers that I remember, yours is among one of them. And, shoot me if you will, but in a circle of friends, there are bound to be a few we are closer to than the rest. Needless to say, you're a dear friend/mentor to me.

Lastly, I'm sorry for posting so late into your birthday. I was going to do it sooner, but alas procrastination is already a habit. I bet you'll be spending them with your primary school friends in Melbourne as I type. Such a shame we couldn't spend it together. But just to be fair, you won't be around for mine as well. So might as well keep each other updated on our endeavours, yes/yes?

Your fan,
Aun.

To Whom It May Concern

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:10:00 +0000

Happy 19th birthday, Chia Jinn Huei Adrian. And I don't think I got your name wrong this time.

Though not very appealing to most, Adrian has always been very unattractive, so I don't blame him. Even if he claims he has good English to compensate for his lack of beauty, he is still living in denial. But since this is his birthday, I will try to say good things about him, and hopefully it'll be a short post.

Adrian's charm.

People have been commenting that I attract weird people where ever I go. I will not mention names, but I do have weird friends, and that is how I feel at home. Adrian is one of them. I have known him since Standard 5, though not really a close friend. He was pretty much isolated in his primary school days, but as for high school, I only got closer to him after Form 4, when we would text message each other, just like a romantic couple would. Maybe that's how I became ~~gay~~ Romeo.

If you are still reading this crappy post, congrats to you. I have grabbed your attention. We were actually close ONLY because of our interest in the English Language. Other than that, our music interest, girl craze, and views on life differed greatly. But it's not only after 2009 that we really clicked well. Going out so many times, much more frequent than I would with girls in general. Maybe I was lonely, but definitely not desperate. Sorry if ~~what I just said sounded gay~~ I made you angry or mad all these while. I take the opportunity ~~now that you are feeling touched~~ to apologise, and hopefully we will still be talking about a lot of stuff as far as 20/30 years from now ~~(that is if I'm still alive)~~

Adrian's view on pornography.

Yeah, so to avoid from being so gay and writing an essay, I'll stop here. There's definitely much more I can talk about Adrian Chia, like his fashion sense, his religious views, his celibacy, or maybe even his metabolism rate. But more importantly, I would definitely love to talk about his prejudicial issues with people. But I'll leave that aside for next year ~~/insert smiley~~

My apology picture

p.s. I would also like to take this opportunity to tell my dear friend Sherwin Ng that Adrian wrote a pretty long account of how much he will miss you, and pouring out his feelings about our friendship. So you better fucking appreciate him. Even I shed a tear or two reading that.

With that said, goodnight.

When Adorkable Meets 162cm

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:00:00 +0000

no, sadly it's not photoshopped.

What you get is a crossover between a diva and a kid. No, it's not the 214th anniversary of Napoleon and his wife. Oh wait, it's already March 9th, and that means it's ~~Chingy's~~ Kim Taeyeon's birthday!

Taeyeon might be small (no pun intended), lively, and dorky, but you can't blame her for that; she's born with it. She might not be the best singer/radio DJ/show host The Republic of Korea has ever seen, but she does pack a punch when the situation calls. A bit of background on this petite singer:

Name: Kim Tae Yeon
Date of Birth: 9th March, 1989
Group and position: Girls' Generation (Korean: SNSD) Leader & main vocalist
Interests: perfume, music, swimming, makeup, Tiffany(no, seriously)

No fair!

Now, before you brand me a stalker (which I already acknowledge, thank you) I would like to defend my case. I'm merely one in a million(?) fans around the world who lives and breathes the essence of kpop~~(karipop)~~ (korean pop) and what with the age of Internet, virtually anything under the ~~Sunny~~ Sun is in the Internet. Don't blame me for knowing somebody like Taeyeon talks in her sleep, used to play Rollercoaster Tycoon and Starcraft(!!!) and has a butt fetish(heh). We do share one thing in common ;)

OK, to cut to the chase, Happy 21st International birthday, Kim Tae Yeon! I'm pretty sure your fellow members would relish celebrating with you again. LOL I dunno if they have the same culture of throwing a huge party for 21st birthdays. Maybe go clubbing and get wasted? With supervision from manager oppas and the members too, of course. Maybe Sun Kyu can safely bring you back home and tuck you in bed. If so, just don't regret if you wake up to find her sleeping soundly beside ya :)

I'm pretty sure fans all over the world would be planning something pretty epic this time round. I've seen the efforts these people put in to make your birthday much more meaningful. Donation to charities, birthday cake, gifts, and message-filled posters. Though I cannot call myself a seasoned follower, I dare say I know this dorky leader inside out, well quite. Running away from your dorm during your trainee days, having second thoughts about being the leader of the group, and of course, the age old classic of "dealing with antis" issue. Though, you've definitely come out stronger, that I have to agree.

Lastly, I'd love to add more stuff, but too bad I can't. I pray for strength, I pray for steadfastness, and I pray for health. I hope your birthday party was awesome, given that fans were there too. Enjoy!

When The Eating Machine Turns 21

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 15:55:00 +0000

10th February, 1990.

You'd better treat her to lunch. Actually, she wouldn't make you do her laundry, maybe just help her with assignments and presentations, ~~since she wouldn't have enough time for that.~~ But, one thing this 170cm spunky lass is good at is striking a conversation. No matter how awkward a situation is, there is always something to talk about: Food, wonders of the world, home shopping, tomboys, religion, swimming, have I mention food earlier?

It's weird that your English name is 'Summer'. Nobody calls you that; it's such a funny name, after identifying you as Sooyoung. But I do agree with you. 'Summer' suits your personality and yourself. Such sunny and warm presence, and tan skin does dictate the 'season' of your wellbeing. With legs longer than some people, it is not that difficult to distinguish this eating machine from the rest of the group.

My wish for you for your 21st (20th international age) birthday:
Always always always stay healthy, and despite your healthy appetite, learn to share food. Greed is not your label. But don't lose hope in your potential as an MC. Even with the hectic schedule this month, I hope you put your members numero uno and take pride in your own performance.

WTF.

Gags, talents, you have it all. Such a strong woman to throw your pride in variety shows just to be funny. But beware, the image of your members might be at stake.

The Choi sisters. Now I'm spoilt for choice.

I have to admit, you have a really hot sister there. At least what she eats do not go into her cheeks, but all is good. You're loved either way. Congratulations, Choi Soo Jin, on debuting as a singer/actor!

Long-haired Soo.

Oh yes! I keep wonderin' why she chose to go Jap when you were younger. lmao 'Route O' wasn't as good as she'd like it to be, but then again, it all boils down to experience and perseverance of being without family.

Sometimes, being a pervert is ~~not~~ a bad thing after all.

Okay, maybe this is too much...

Also, congrats on winning the third Daesang in 3 awards! While other are crying, she sure knows how to win an acceptance speech. Way to go, Sooyoung :D

Many people complained about her short hair when she chopped it off during "Genie" promotions, but if you ask me, I'd prefer a short haired genie than a long haired one. As long as my wish is granted, I don't care about ~~fried chicken~~ erh, I mean.. anything else. Yeah..

Happy 21st Birthday, Choi Soo Young. Drink soju with the members and be merry!

Being Fat Is Good! Christmas Eve Baby.

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 09:08:00 +0000

To a friend of 5 years. The girl who loved violin (who could ever forget Joshua Bell?) and later picked up guitar. This will be my second post, following from last year's post. Other than the occasional bouts of suicidal depressing thoughts, you find someone beautiful inside. Okay I'll stop lying cut the crap.

Samantha Lim Lih Wern is not your average girl. Rebellious as she is, it is safe to say that she earned respect from me for having different opinions from other girls you meet on the street (that rhymed). Despite having different musical tastes (you know what I mean), we fit together like two jigsaw puzzles. Like an intertwined couple. Like a fr- err forget it. I wish I had a picture to post, but Facebook is acting up. Or maybe it's just the university computer blocking the Java app. In any case, here's to you and your sad life.

Toddler Sam. Sad life.

Tomboy Kid Sam.

Confused Teenage Sam.

Housewife Sam. Sad life.

Contented Grandmother Sam. With grand daughter. Good life.

Happy 18th Birthday to you!!!!111one

oh, and just so you know, I'm not mad at you -_-

2 Effective Ways To Study More Efficiently

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 05:27:00 +0000

Curious already? Well, I do have to warn you readers that these are merely theories thought up by me during my unproductive periods in university. And granted, if this kinda stuff is coming from me, it’s definitely gonna be something stupid different. But, give it a try if you feel adventurous today, and are open to ideas.

Do you remember when you were a high schooler, when you feel like your classroom is a complete mess, and that the noise from your classmates’ ugly mouths and the teacher’s droning distracts you from studying? I’m sure it’s nothing new. I have friends who tell me that they cannot study in school/university because of the distractions. They would rather go home early and sleep at their convenience, and then study in peace in a routine manner. So yes..

Distraction can be a fat bitch sometimes.

Even the slightest (students coming into lectures late and causing undesired attention) distraction can get in the way of your train of thoughts. That is why it is essential to get the proper environment to study in optimum conditions. Sometimes, it helps to have…

The first way to better studying is, none other than studying in a toilet cubicle. And not only study, but study whilst breathing through your mouth.

1. Study on a toilet bowl
2. Breathe through your mouth

This idea would probably (never) sink into any person’s stubborn mind, given that they believe this might work for them. So other than ~~having sex, masturbating,~~ peeing & passing motion, you can also read your notes or make notes while reading a textbook. In may seem all gross and “damn, it’s so stupid I won’t do it”, but bear in mind that your studying routine is NOT that productive after all. iPods, laptops, nagging from mom are always a bitch. So you can start treating your toilet bowl like your new study table now. You’re safe from any distraction (other than the urge to make poo poo or pee pee). Any average person (boys or girls) should note you have to be comfortable with the toilet bowl, as you are going to spend time with it for the next few hours of studying. (That’s what the toilet bowl cover is for!)

So in this scenario, you walk into the toilet cubicle, lock the door, pull down your pants (and whatnots) then take a seat. It’s your ~~throne~~ study chair from now on. Something to feel proud of, eh? Next, whip out your stationeries and notes and start step 1. and 2. Step 2 is not really an important point, but it keeps you going on for long hours. Breathing through your mouth has good implications, and I can justify them. Firstly, you will not have to sniff your own poo. Lastly, breathing through your mouth means inhaling more oxygen, and therefore, keeps you awake for a much longer period. Period.

We all love multitasking, don’t we? Isn’t this method multitasking? Just get a toilet counter beside you so you can enjoy drinks and hot steaming food while you study! And while you’re digesting the food, you can pee and poo and study simultaneously. Oh God, this has gotta be one of the most productive moments in your life, yes?

Say yes.

Wow, you bothered reading up till this point. Congratulations to you. The next method I’m going to propose is a much lesser theory (but a theory nonetheless). The fact that we all study in a classroom/lecture hall is so given. But this time, it has a bit of twist to it. How does “studying during a lecture which is not yours” sound? If you ask, “Wouldn’t the lecturer chase you out?” my answer would be “No, because they would be busy teaching and being sucked up by the nerdy students in the front row. That, and also making up a good excuse of coming in late in case he/she asks.“ The steps to it are fairly simple:

(i) Enter the lecture hall silently
(ii) Take a seat as far from the lecturer as possible
(iii) Study

Step (ii) is essential. Your aim is clear: you’re not in for the lecture, you’re in for the conducive environment. Notice that ~~none~~ all of us turn into “study mode” once we are in the lecture hall. Why is that? It is actually the pressure from your peers that “once you’re in the lecture hall, STFU and listen, or GTFO.” and also pressure from the lecturer to “get as much ~~jizz~~ gist as you can from my dreadful lecture.” Step 3 kind of flows naturally once you’re seated, since you do not have to listen to the lecturer, and probably the students are either talking behind (which is not that bad, unless it’s gossip) or sleeping or paying attention (in both cases, you’re safe since it is quiet). Study as you might, because the pressure is on you to finish studying within an hour (or two) before the lecture ends and all the students start leaving the lecture hall.

If you feel like staying even after the initial lecture, it’s fine. You can join the following lecture and skip steps (i) and (ii). Who knows, you might learn something about the lecture you’re in, such as engineering terms or medical terms, or even get to see some hot hunks. I mean hot chiqs. You can easily spend at least an hour and get more done than usual. But this theory is not as flexible as the first one, since you are only restricted to university/school environment, as opposed to having your own toilet bowl to sit on for the next few hours of ‘intensive’ studying.

In case anyone’s wondering, these theories are derived from experience. So yes, it worked for me. And yes, they were ridiculous and stupid and funny at the same time, but they provide nothing my study table can provide (plus points if you get what I mean). Be warned though, these methods do NOT work for nerds.

Picture Credits: Lifehack.org, Ariadne.

Brighter Than Gems: Happy 20th Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 16:00:00 +0000

EDIT: Added 2 birthday wishes from www.soshified.com

"holy shit. i forgot my own birthday!"

...to Stephanie Hwang Mi Young.

4 years old.

I bet there will be millions of other well-wishers out there who are equally excited about today as I am. But I think the one who truly would be thrilled to have seen you grow up would be your mom. You mentioned that you wished for a time machine. A time machine that takes you back to fifth grade, so that you can meet that special someone. And I bet I know who that dear one is.

2007.

You have grown up to be an independent person and had seen the shittiest out of the criticisms, yet you stood firm, erect and unaffected. Maybe even carefree. It's heart-wrenching to see you away from family for the past 5 years. If anything, it only made one like you more resilient and hardworking. I like that about you.

And when every winter comes, it's obvious that you spend Christmas without family , but bear in mind that the rest of the members ARE family. Just don't get on their nerves every time with your constant ~~screaming everytime Jessica makes her nightly trips to your bedroom~~ singing even while at the shower. You're only human; not a faulty jukebox.

"Say what?" "Yes, we had teh secks last nite."

Lastly, have a wonderful birthday, and I hope you have lots of ~~sex~~ fun with ~~Sexica~~ Jessica. It's only 4 days before your 2nd anniversary. So go ahead and ~~make babies~~ have a whale of a time with the other members. That is, if they don't decide to treat you like shit as part of a prank leading to your birthday.

Please stay healthy, and behave yourself well. 2009 is your year.

You deserved it.

EDIT: Seng Aun @ Soshified

Happy 20th birthday, Tiffany! I love the times when you log on to Soshified to check on us and also to update us on how the girls are doing. I find it amazing that it's been 2 years since you guys last debuted (LOL I'm talking as if giving my '2nd soshi anniversary' message) but how much have you grown! It's good that you've lost all your baby fats in your cheeks and that you keep changing hairstyles (what? it's a good thing!) and how hardworking you have been, practising your singing everyday prior to performances. Just rest your voice now and then before you get the nodules again. It's not what anyone wants, I'm sure. What I really like about you is that you are a Leo through and through. Creative in your song renditions, your outgoing nature makes you a people magnet for good reasons, fiery at times and yet so self-assured of yourself during performances. And you mentioned that your dream is to have a time machine so that you can go back to 5th grade to meet someone. I really admire your willingness to correct your mistakes, although sometimes people say that you have fail to learn from them. And you handled those criticisms from others about your parents very well. Because honestly, if I were in your shoes and being piled up with these sorts of pressure, I'd be forced to quit the entertainment industry and pursue my education. That shows that you are really a strong person, more bold than some, but still harbours a weak frail heart inside. But then again, with your commitment in album promotions and the amount of performances day in, day out, I really have to give proper credits to you. I don't know how well the album promotion will turn out, given competition, but that is not what matters. Today is your day and solely yours. Your worries shouldn't get in the way. And lastly, I really hope you will find inner peace as well! Cheers.

(Isaiah 26:3)

http://bit.ly/zPeUl

JeNyJeTi. @ Soshified

Dear Tiffany Hwang,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wish I had taken interest in this wonderful group, SNSD, a lot earlier when they debuted.
I remember first seeing Tiffany on television.
I just came upon a channel that my parents bought (?) and Music Bank was on.
That time, I never knew a Korean music program/show existed, so I HAD to watch it.
Then, there comes SNSD. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the song they were performing but it was either Kissing You or Baby Baby.
One girl especially stood out to me. It was a girl in a red hat, and her name was Tiffany.
I remember thinking, “Wow. This girl is really pretty..”
And I had a thing against girl groups that time, especially SNSD because I was thinking to myself, “What are these 9 girls planning to do? Too many members, not happening for them.” But as soon as I saw Tiffany, I wanted to find out more about her and SNSD.
Some days/weeks later, Star Golden Bell came on with a SNSD special.
There, Tiffany was again. That’s where I found out her name and that she was from America.
And for sure.. she had the brightest smile ever.
But my interest for Tiffany and SNSD were cut short when I stopped watching television and going on the computer because of my parents’ sudden asian-ness.. wanting me to study.
Then when I finally did pay off with my studies, I was right back on the computer
I totally forgot about SNSD after my parents cut me off.
It was a few months later that I heard about SNSD again. That’s when Gee came around.
My friends (I go to like a 50%+ Asian (Specifically Koreans) school) was singing “Gee Gee Gee.” That time, I was like.. “Korean songs are LAME.” But then Gee was getting huge so I decided to check out what all this was about.
I went on youtube and checked out “Gee.”
It hit me right there. I was like, IT’S THEM. I didn’t recognize Tiffany cause of her hair but when I got into SNSD/ joined soshified, I found out that the girl in the red hat was Tiffany. I thought that she was really pretty.
After learning more about SNSD, I learned that Tiffany was a really bright girl, unafraid of what she does, and a very thoughtful girl.
Finding about her mother, I felt emotional. That’s what made me love Tiffany more.
In order to show her mother in Heaven that she gave birth to a beautiful girl, she worked hard.
There were times when she probably wanted to give up, but she kept on going.
Tiffany’s mother’s voice sings through Tiffany’s voice. There’s so much emotion, and to me it’s more about the emotion than skill.
Tiffany, you are..
An inspiration,
A hard-working girl,
Your smile brightens up my day
I will support Tiffany and SNSD. Through the thick & thin, I'll always be there rooting for these special girls
I love you, Tiffany ! & HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
T I F F A N Y S T E P H A N I E M I Y O U N G H W A N G

http://i28.tinypic.com/15f4y8n.jpg)

credits: www.snsdkorean.wordpress.com

[Edited] 17th July: What I Really Wish For This Year.

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 18:48:00 +0000

Edit: Added a new link just below [2008 post]. Enjoy!

(Just a heads up: This birthday post marks the 300th post in boozers.blogspot.com. What a milestone!)

[2007 post.]
[2008 post.]
[Sherwin’s post.]

2006

3 years ago, I celebrated my sweet 16th birthday with my friends. It was also my first ever pool party. My dream then? To become a professional football player. Of course, it ~~came true~~ made everybody laugh at me.

2007.

The following year, 17th birthday. Sherwin bought me the perfect birthday present. GROW baby milk powder for age 1-3. FML.

Thanks MILF.

My wish then? To become a well known novel writer. This time, nobody laughed at me. Ha ha!

2008.

Last year, 18th birthday. My first ever surprise party! I was finally legal for ~~an orgy~~ many things. I was happy. I was gay. I was infatuated. I loved the juices of life. My wish then? To grow up to be a better everything; from being a better son, a better brother, a better footballer, a better writer, and a better friend. I think I accomplished half of some and none of the rest. But I was never fully satisfied.

This year, my 19th birthday. I inaugurated it by talking a long walk around my condominium blocks, shrieking aloud to random songs and taking everything in easy. Ok, If you thought this was weird, I don't know what else to say.

My wish now? To have a daughter/younger sister to spoil. W-whaat? If you think this is weird again- okay nevermind.

Credits: Sherwin, Nadia , Angeline & Whay Ying , Krisyanth, Sidney, Nicholas, Jake, Teck Juan,
for the birthday presents. (and those whom I have forgotten, much thanks)

The Epic Fried Chicken Pilgrimage.

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:38:00 +0000

Fried chicken - it's better than porn.

Admit it. You love fried chicken. Your daddy loves fried chicken. Even your ah ma loves fried chicken.

Why is that? Is has been a compelling question that even scientists and philosophers of the 21st century cannot answer. This is because EVERYONE surrender themselves to the awesomeness that is fried chicken.

Fried chicken in popular culture:

"Harland, that's not chicken you're holding..."

I think Colonel Sanders proved that..

Fried chicken is universal. Embrace it and shut up.

Wait, there's no chicken ass?

Warning: the following pictures of fried chicken might stimulate your saliva glands. Either that or induce vomitting.

I remember blogging about fried chicken last time. That was the first time I ever tried and fell in love with the fried chicken there. That was before I became officially fat. It is appropriate to phrase that the discovery of fried chicken changed my life. Physically.

Chicken backside on a stick.

I am not a teacher. I am not here to teach you how to eat healthy. There are plenty of slimming centres around for that purpose. I come here to enlighten and remind you of your first love. Your childhood is filled with ~~Pokemon cards~~ Transformers, not eating veggies, ~~playing yo-yo~~, and annoying the hell out of your parents. But there is but one memory that every one of us have obvious overlooked, and that is eating fried chicken. If you come up to me and say that you have NEVER eaten fried chicken in your life before, I can also say that Megan Fox is a woman ~~or Malaysia is a first-world country.~~

The average amount of fried chicken eaten on every visit.

I would be a hypocrite if I said that I fell out of love for fried greasy chicken when I discovered French fries. Sure, french fries are crunchy and long and oily and delicious and unhealthy, but how can a small, young, fat, ugly, greedy boy like me live in denial? This boy stopped eating fried chicken for a long time simply because there was no other fried chicken that could beat KFC. And then, a friend of mine introduced me to a quaint, old, dark, filthy fried chicken place in humble Klang Jaya. I have grown fonder of that fried chicken place ever since then. Even my parents were worried about me going out almost every night, because they suspected me doing naughty things.

They were right.

Klang Jaya is the Mecca for all fried chicken lovers. That includes EVERYONE. (And you thought there was nothing in this world that everybody loves) If you have been to the place I mentioned before, you might wonder why the chicken size is smaller than KFC’s. Well folks, KFC chickens are not natural. In layman terms, ALL KFC chickens have undergone surgery, just like us. The only difference is that the chickens did not ask for any plastic surgery, but we did. Now you know why the breasts in KFC are huge? (No, I am not talking about the customers, thank you)

Coke - your best friend when eating smokin' fried chicken.

Fried chicken pimp.

The price for KFC chicken is around RM3. Whereas the price in Klang Jaya is RM2.40. That’s right. You pay extra 60 cents for hormone-injected chicken. In KFC outlets, they give you popcorn chicken. In Klang Jaya, they give you chicken ass. In KFC, they give you Coke/Pepsi only. In Klang Jaya, they give you 100 Plus (in case you get tired eating). Hell, I’m ~~purposely~~ inadvertently advertising the fried chicken place.

Fried chicken skin.

You watch all those KFC advertisements where the working woman uses a carrot as a substitute for a ~~dildo~~ phone when her boss caught her red-handed trying to buy groceries to cook for a family. What message are they giving out? YES! Convenience. Fried chicken cooks 10 times faster than ‘double/triple boiled soup with chicken’ as well as ~~killing you~~ providing growth hormones 10 times faster. With that said, I think my ‘not-so-subtle’ statement is clear. I love fried chicken. You love fried chicken. Your friends love fried chicken. Your dogs love fried chicken. Eat fried chicken ~~and die early~~ everyday.

This is obscene.

Simply put, fried chicken is an orgasmic food that promotes growth (proteins!!) What better way to eat and grow ~~sideways~~ taller! I am living proof.

Annoyed yet?

Getting sick of it already? I know. Me too.

Photos & pictures Credit: Urbandictionary, thewondercast.com, barfblog, Wikipedia.

I Was Once An Actor: How You Can Get Your Act Right.

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 06:20:00 +0000

"Sweetie, why are we here?"

Parody: " Sweetie, there are people looking at us... "

This year's Easter, I had the chance to act in a play called "Shattered: The Musical". It was written by Iri, one of the leaders in church. Now, I'm not trying to boast around. This is something I should be proud of ever since I escaped death twice when I was a kid. This whole act revolves around ~~me trying to harvest Energons to destroy the world~~ a female orphan who fell in love with a dude from another village, and their love quickly turned to ~~lust~~ trouble when the girl's father, who is ~~a pimp~~ the chief of the village found out about the ~~scandal~~ relationship and captured the boy before he was brutally ~~raped~~ killed. Naturally, the girl then becomes ~~emo~~ sad, but then finds the heart to forgive her own father. Anything after that is history. Personally, I don't really get the plot, but as they say, this kind of tragic love story always gets good ratings and applauses from the audiences ~~especially with me inside.~~ Ok, enough of the gist. On with the trivia!

Practice session. Yes, I am the one one with the huge ass, Sam.

PLUS POINT: Having a killer stare like us helps your acting career. Immensely.

It's not talent. It's the sense of humour.

Girls with swords. I dig!

With one whole month of practices (and also the fact that I acted in another play during Form 5 for Nature Week) under my belt, I share with you my ~~infinite~~ wisdom. If you see all actors and actresses, what do they have? That’s right. They have the confidence. The difference of having confidence and not having confidence is how fake you look on screen. Being fake is to TRY to fit into your character, yet not doing it full-heartedly. That means, you are still self-conscious about yourself. In short, you fail. So, if you have self-esteem issues, try practicing alone in front of the mirror. Or go for plastic surgery.

A smile is always essential. Always.

Wow you’re still reading! The second thing a good actor/actress has is undoubtedly his/her attractive body. Come, you may deny this fact and say that there are lots of people out there who are not physically attractive yet they are famous onscreen, but I can tell you that there are also porn stars who fail to make it big in the adult film industry because they did not go. It is only in rare cases that actresses get famous solely for their talent. Other young girls become famous although they cannot sing. That’s tragic. What you can do to your body is to eat healthy food like Twisties & Cheezels for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and supper. Listen to your mother! If not you will go to hell. They are forever right.

Cheryl giving the "more drama for your mama?" pose.

Acting FAIL: digging nose during the play.

If you are a potato couch who is crazy about dramas like 90210, One Tree Hill, Desperate Housewives, ~~Malaysian politics,~~ you are in luck. You should have noticed then that these stars of these dramas start young. No, I am not referring to Disney Channel’s pedophilia policy. There are people who start showing up in movies as cameos before they ripen and star in blockbuster movies. Of course, a scandal or two is a plus if you want to be famous. Yes, go have sex. The next day, your pictures will be in the internet, and before you know it, you become as famous as Vanessa Hudgens or Zac Efron. At least, that is what Hollywood encourages.

You might ask: " Seriously, what is with the pink bandana? " I have no answer to that.

Gay sarong man & co. VS Freddy Krueger. We're in deep shit.

The last criteria that is required of anyone who has impossible dreams is: a poor background. Aha! Why, you ask? From my fabulous observation thus far, I would say that those who come from a deprived family naturally have the balls to do things that the “so-so” or “well-to-do” people dare not. Of course it is so! What do these poor people have to lose? They already have nothing. So, they dedicate their time to acting and going for auditions after auditions and BAM! You have people like John Travolta, Julia Roberts, or even Akon. Well, he’s not technically an actor, but I swore I saw him acting in The Gods Must Be Crazy before. So, if your parents can afford you high school, college, and university, you might as well forget about fame. There is a reason why this world has equality.

Cupid existed a long time ago. There's proof.

( speaking of Akon, well, guess who The Gods Must Be Crazy star is? Lo and behold, N!xau. Russell Peters was right! )

Goodness me. No wonder people like me never make it far in life. Thank you for reading!

Remember this face. It will be in the silver screens. Or your nightmares.

Picture credits: Lih Tyng, Irin, Eugene, Uncle Johnnie @ Facebook.

Juvee Turned Smexy 17

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 04:18:00 +0000

..on the 2nd of May.

Like any other typical birthday celebrations, it involved eating lunch, watching a movie, bowling, expensive dinner, and lots of close friends. And Juvee is one of those people who can create fun out of nothing. There's proof.

Birthday girl giving her trademark cold stare.

She is mostly shy and obedient, but when it is her birthday, she roars. As of course, I, again, failed to pay attention to the road en route to 1 Utama, like any other bloke busy listening to seductive music on his phone would.

mushroom soup

And on the way, there were lots of unusual things on that Friday: a flightless bird with only one proper leg, pink sports cars, and toilet bowls filled with shit.

cheese-baked spaghetti with meatballs

But it was Juvee's birthday, so all of those weird happenings cannot stop us from being depressed about Malaysia being so dirty and gay. Burger King decided to give us a deal. One BK Single burger with fries and soft drinks, PLUS a crown for the birthday girl. What are the prospects? Lucky girl.

"..."

only for pedophiles. like MJ.

And then there were children games. You know, those small cars or motorbikes that we always wanted to sit on when we were young. We would cry, throw a tantrum fit and make a scene until our mothers give up and insert two 50 cents coins inside?

Well, we did not insert two 50 cents coins inside the machine..

We inserted two oversized babies instead. And what do you get?

A full house. And there were no doors. Goodness!

There are reasons why nobody sits on this taxi:

It lies. It says Taxi Free, but you pay money.
The driver is not human.
They were scared off by two oversized babies occupying it.

"hello? yah um.. i inserted the coins but the taxi isn't moving at all."

all the gay people in the house, smile!

The party ended a long time ago, but it is still worth remembering. Why? Because it was fun! And as mentioned earlier, here's proof of how the birthday girl can create fun out of nothing.

(these videos are taken in another friend's house. sorta like the after party.)

Attempt to get a reaction from Juvee while reading the birthday card. FAIL.

Catwalk attempt. FAIL.

Tossing Juvee into the swimming pool? Epic FAIL.

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Tue, 05 May 2009 10:01:00 +0000

Coming soon:

Shattered: The Musical.
Juvee's 17th birthday.
The Epic Fried Chicken Pilgrimage.

Father and Sister Of Mine

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Tue, 05 May 2009 10:00:00 +0000

Back when I was gay.

Hello sista!

Happy belated 25th birthday, yeszah.
You're a good girl. So don't become bad, alright?
Thanks for lending an ear whenever I needed someone to listen to my problems.
You were fat last time, I know.
But now you're lean and mean.
I was fat last time as well.
Now I'm... well, still fat.

But it (was) your day.
I just remembered about it a month after your birthday.
Isn't your brother wonderful?

And Daddy. Happy 666th birthday, Dad.
Wow, so old. Did you meet the Portugese? Did you meet Afonso de Albuquerque?
Was Princess Hang Li Po hot? Hmm..
I hope you like my present to you. It's nothing much as compared to the noble words you gave me.
A wise man once said, "People doubted that I can provide my wife a good life, because of my young age. But I bloody hell proved them wrong."

I love you, Daddy.

I'm Ready Now To Fly From The Highest Wing

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 09:06:00 +0000

I will be blogging again after 1st May, I promise! So many birthdays and events that happened this month. So much agony, and also levels of comfort. In the mean time, I'm trying to fix Windows Live Writer. It's my blogging toy.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park,
I asked God who I'm supposed to be,
the stars smiled down at me,
God answered in silent reverie,
I said a prayer and fell asleep.

Finally Eighteen.

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 10:07:00 +0000

I made a birthday post about you last year.

Sometimes I thank God that I met you. If it weren’t for you, I would have been among the shortest in P2. (=

Sometimes, having you around is like having Kristin Kreuk around. Sometimes, having you around is like having some random granny ranting and complaining about how stressful college life is. Seriously ah ma man –_-“

Michelle’s gay birthday cake.

Sometimes, I thank God that you were born in 1991. And that you jumped class. If it weren’t for these, I would not have met someone as gay and different as you.

Sometimes, you make my day, even if you didn’t know it. Sometimes, you ruin my day by nagging like my sister.

But most of the time, you are sensitive. Sensitive to my feelings and even tried cheering me up.

Enjoy your eaten present =b

Sometimes, you intimidate me. Sometimes, I get jealous of your daunting spirit. Your perseverance. Your good looks. Your smartness!

But there is only one thing I should not be jealous about, shorty (=

Thanks for your “awesome” birthday present for me last year, idiot.

I hate you.

Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, I thank God that I met you.

Oh wait, YOU are God!

[p.s. at least this post isn’t so cheesy. right, addy?]

Mama, You Know I Love You.

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 06:52:00 +0000

I remembered writing something good about you.

I remembered writing something bad about you.

Happy Birthday, mi.

I’m sorry that I persistently ignore your nagging me to study.

I’m sorry that I was not the child you wished for.

I’m sorry that I fought your words.

I’m sorry I rebelled you.

I regret it now.

I’m starting to appreciate what you have done in my life. I really do.

You have played a HUGE role in moulding me into a man.

Though I took a different path and ours crossed.

I know did things that made you upset.

I know I raised my voice.

I was a stubborn kid.

But hey,

Listen…

“Mama, I just want you to know

Loving you is like food to my soul.”

Celebrities Are Big Liars.

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 15:59:00 +0000

Singers today exaggerate a lot, don’t you agree? They are hypocrites and downright liars. Lyrics from their songs make sense if you interpret them figuratively. After all, they sing what they feel/want. But when you analyse it and relate it to themselves, it pretty much makes them look like complete idiots.

Case 1:

Taylor Swift sings "she's got everything that I have to live without" in Teardrops On My Guitar. First of all, Taylor Swift has the looks, she's got the voice, and she's got the freaking talent. What else is there to not have? Not only does she exaggerate, but she’s a hyprocrite herself. I don't mean it in an offensive way. I love her too!

Don't get mad, Taylor Swift's fans!

Case 2:

Mariah Carey sang "You know that I am not the desperate tyyyyype" in I Still Believe, but now she sings "Touch My Body". Hypocrites!

Case 3:

And then again there's McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. I've used books published by that publishing house for my assignments, and all the time I thought it's a company founded by none other than Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. It makes sense because they are husband and wife. But it doesn't make sense cause they are singers and are in the entertainment industry, NOT the business industry. Turns out it's a company founded by James McGraw and co-founder John Hill. Both are freaking guys! So, believe me when I say celebrities are BIG liars!

Random:

Taylor Swift's songs always start and end with the same line. Example, Teardrops On My Guitar, Love Story, Our Song. Don’t believe me? Go look up her lyrics online. Any other of her songs that go in line with this template? I'm not really a fan of her songs, so I'm featuring her hit songs.

Anymore quotes from celebrities to share?

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 15:40:00 +0000

Brief Talk

Don’t you think it’s time you give back to Mother Nature?

No matter if you’re working or watching CSI: Miami at home, do your part to make Earth Hour a success! It is an event organised by WWF.

Support Earth Hour!

I love you!

noreply@blogger.com (Ng Seng Aun) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:54:00 +0000

Saying “I love you” out of the blue can catch anyone off-guard. Some people take it seriously and either: a) blush OR b) blush more and give you a tight slap.

Some people think it’s funny to be ambushed.

Some people just remain speechless by the awesomeness of these 3 words.

___________

Whay Ying