Apparently, an hour and a half  plugged into the charge point will get a battery to around 80% full, meaning a car will be able to travel half a mile fifty miles.

Boris said “I warmly welcome the arrival of Sainsbury’s network… which will put half of all London’s population within three miles of a charge point.” The scheme is designed to tie-in with Boris’ plan to make London the ‘electric vehicle capital of Europe’.

Reports that the charging devices are merely rolled oats to feed the hamsters powering these so-called ‘electric’ cars have been strenuously denied.

“I was texting on my phone so didn’t notice the girls until they pushed me against the car, quite hard,” she said. “I noticed that one had an iron bar in her hand. It was very frightening. At that moment a man cycled past and I called out for help.”

The passing cyclist turned out to be none other than the Mayor himself.

“He said to the girls: ‘What do you think you are doing?’ He picked up the iron bar, called after the girls and cycled after them. He returned a few minutes later and walked me home.” Apparently Boris called the girls ‘oiks’ (a much underused word) before insisting he walked the film director back home.

Armstrong called Johnson “my knight on a shining bicycle”.

The film director admitted she did not agree with Johnson’s politics, and had voted for his rival Ken Livingstone in the mayoral elections, but added: “If you find yourself down a dark alleyway and in trouble I think Boris would be of more use than Ken.”

When Bozza promised to tackle youth crime, this wasn’t exactly what we were expecting….

(thanks to the many that sent this story in, including “JimBob”, Paul D and Ben Royston, who called Boris a “bloody good bloke”).

No.  Today, Bozza opened a pedestrian crossing.

Modelled on the famous (and chaotic) Shibuya Crossing in Tokyo, the Mayor opened the Oxford Circus road crossing where pedestrians now get 30 seconds to cross Oxford or Regent Street in any direction whilst all the traffic is stopped.

The ‘Pedestrian Scramble” (that is, alarmingly, its official name, not some nickname awarded it by people who don’t know what is going on) is aimed at reducing pedestrian congestion at this busy junction. We at Boriswatch Towers are slightly concerned about this new crossing, considering the Mayor’s endorsement was “We are very confident that this will work well – once people have got the hang of it.” (Reading between the lines, ‘not getting the hang of it’ sounds rather like being ‘run over by a bus’, which would be something of a concern.)

A local police community support officer also had their doubts.  “…It’s based on the assumption that everyone’s going to act intelligently, which is quite an assumption to make.” Especially in the centre of London, presumably.

With no reference to his memoirs that have just gone on sale for the Christmas market in all good bookshops (and some bad ones), Blair has been giving various interviews in which he reaffirms his belief that he was forced out of his job for no other reason than for Boris to show his political muscle.

“What happened has some dangerous implications for the future of policing,” Blair told the BBC’s Andrew Marr show. “There is a system in which chief officers are appointed [and] they are operationally independent. If, at a stroke, they can be removed then the system has been changed. If you like, an external species has been brought into the indigenous situation.”

Sir Ian said Mr Johnson had effectively introduced the US situation where “chief officers come and go at the behest of the mayor”.

Blair also told the Guardian “It was a way of stamping his authority on the mayoralty. his number two, Kit Malthouse, had been critical before they came to power of my approach to policing, but the main reason was [Boris] saying, ‘I am in charge.’ He had discussed at the Conservative party conference, a month before, the need for the mayor to have hire-and-fire powers over the commissioner, and I can think of no other reason than that. He certainly never gave one.”

The Mayor’s spokesman wouldn’t really comment.  “We now have new leadership in place and the Met has moved on.” Apparently….

Yes, after fifteen years of pulling pints, Barbara Windsor has announced that she is leaving Eastenders in order to spend more time with her husband.  The 72 year old, rumoured to be one of the drama’s soap’s most hard-working stars will leave the popular BBC show next year.

What this does mean is that there is a well-paid vacancy for a bubbly blonde bombshell to do something of significant value to a great number of Londoners.  Someone with the charm and wit to entertain, someone who is already a household name, and someone to keep those punters coming back into the Queen Vic again and again.

Hmmm.  I wonder.

"No, I'm not Marcus Brigstocke."

A row has broken out in London this week over the Metropolitan Police’s proposals to introduce armed foot patrols in gun-crime ‘hot spots’ in London.

Boris, as the chairman of the Metropolitan Police Authority, was not consulted about the proposals and said armed police have an important role to play but that they should be “the exception, not the norm”.

The plan to deploy armed officers on the beat as a response to rising gun crime in the capital was announced last week when Sir Paul Stephenson, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner, was out of the country. Apparently, sources said that Sir Paul reacted furiously on his return to Scotland Yard this week and the senior officers who made the decision were given “an almighty bollocking”.

Scotland Yard has now abandoned the plans for armed foot patrols and marksmen on motorbikes in gun crime hotspots in the face of this mounting political criticism.

Funded by steel magnate Lakshmi Mittal, the £15m structure will be in place for the opening of the 2012 Olympics.  The winning artist should be announced within a fortnight and it is believed that the former Turner prize winner Anish Kapoor and “big sculpture guru” Antony Gormley are amongst five artists being considered by a panel.

A spokeswoman said: “The Mayor is keen to see stunning, ambitious, world class art in the Olympic Park and has been working with the Olympic Delivery Agency (ODA) over many months to explore a series of commissioning projects. The Mayor is also in touch with prominent figures in the art establishment and philanthropists about taking these forward and getting private backing. This work is at an early stage and details will be announced when the projects are confirmed.”

This one, though, isn’t for his quick wit, bons mots or swear-fuelled rant.  Oh no.  Quite bizarrely, Bozza has been included in the Top Ten TV Football Moments.

Well-respected football site Cheer Up Alan Shearer has recently concluded their top Ten TV football clips ranging from Delia Smith’s drunken rant to a streaker belting a twenty-five yard effort past a hapless goalkeeper.  Boris made the list at Number Seven with his superb head-first tackle on ex-German international midfielder Maurizio Gardino in a charity match in 2006.

If you haven’t see the clip, it truly is brilliant.  As was Bozza’s explanation for his, er, unfortunate contribution. “I’m a rugby player really and I knew I was going to get to him and when he was about two yards away I just put my head down. There was no malice in my actions. I was going for the ball with my head, which I understand is a legitimate move in soccer.”

Brilliant.

Having returned to London from the conference in Manchester on October 5, Mr Johnson received the Italian threat, “La vendetta è un piatto che va mangiato freddo”, by text message in the early hours of Tuesday. It translates as: “Revenge is a dish best eaten cold.”

Mr Boles said, “Boris and I are old friends who have worked closely together for a number of years. Boris is not the only one who can express himself in ornate language. I would also point out that I began this particular message by saying that I was one of his biggest fans.” He added: “I know Boris will be disappointed but you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get hold of a horse’s head these days.”

The plans would remove the need for a third runway at Heathrow and would see a brand new twenty four hour airport built between Kent and Essex by 2030.

The Mayor commissioned Douglas Oakervee, the engineer who planned Hong Kong’s island airport, to draw up blueprints for the estuary airport. It would cost an eye-watering £40 billion (compared to the £9billion needed to expand Heathrow) but the idea is at odds with his own party who don’t want any increase in aviation in the south-east.

More environmental and engineering feasibility studies are to be carried out but Boris can expect to encounter opposition from environmentalists (and some in his own party) at least equivalent to that directed at Heathrow’s controversial third runway….