thinking new thoughts

2009-01-04T16:00:00.000-08:00

my brother gave me the most recent cd from bethel's school of supernatural ministry (i know! it sounds likes a hogwarts or something), "your love never fails." its been a super refreshing listen, with a freedom and joy that is present in the worship that both audrey and i haven't experienced for awhile.

it got me to thinking about some of the worship leaders and experiences that have been really influential in my life, i thought it might be fun to blog about it :)

1. josh young - josh led worship for my junior high fellowship and he was the first really visible worship leader that was somewhat close to me in age (he was in high school). it was from josh that i saw modeled for me what it could look like to engage God in musical worship. prior to him, worship was something the grown ups did that was usually boring...and most certainly not a place where we experienced the presence of God. josh was very gifted at different instruments, but he also had a real gift of leading others into worship. when josh lead worship, the was a realness, joy, and presence of God that accompanied those times.

2. josh kidwell / christina young - thinking about these two makes me smile. josh & christina both led their own worship teams, but i always looked forward to them leading together. y'know in the book of samuel when the ark comes back to jerusalem and david goes so crazy worshipping the lord that peoples think he is making a fool of himself? as a community of asian kids who are raised in a culture of conformity and good behavior, both of them modeled for us in musical worship what it looked like to be wholehearted unashamed and abandoned in our love for God. being on teams with them and watching them for several years, both christina and josh were people of integrity and deep genuity in what they did. there was nothing fake about them, and that's something that still sticks with me today.

3. delirious?, lincoln brewster, darrell evans -- i block these folks together because i'm pretty sure i wore out all theirs cds in my cd player listening to their stuff. i distinctly remember falling asleep to evans' 'i am in love with you' in a constant loop. i found out relatively recently that the d: boys are retiring after going at it for fifteen years, and it reminded me of how these songs were the soundtrack of my walk with God during that time. they represent intimate and holy moments where i deeply experienced God's love and presence.

4. urbana03 -- the impact of this experience wasn't apparent until a year later, but ubana played a huge role in shaping how i saw how culture has shaped my understanding of worship. my receptivity and appreciation of gospel-style musical worship was largely influenced by this conference.

5. the city church san diego -- i was at this church for a little over a year, but i realized today how much worshipping at this church changed me. i always had a cognitive understanding of God's presence being in our midst in worship, but regularly worshipping with a community that EXPECTED God's presence was something new. people would come into worship with burdens and leave with the joy of the Lord and physical healings would happen during worship. i would often stay 20-30 minutes after service just soaking in the presence of the Lord because it was so tangible.

i forget that an expectation of God's presence during worship, abandoned & wild worship, or even engaging intimately with the Lord during worship is not necessarily how others have come to see what worship is. may we all taste and see that the Lord is good, again and again. amen!

sozoing suburbia

2008-05-13T23:15:00.000-07:00

couple weeks ago, several us from campus church networks were talking through a passage in acts and asked the question..."what does it mean to be saved?"

one of us threw out the greek word sozo and how it described this idea of being restored back to the original intention. moreover, the cultural understanding of this word implied that the whole man (body, soul, and spirit), the human experience was "saved." this is much broader than the common perspective of being saved connected exclusively with our personal sin. as we think about what the gospel, the good news, means for our communities... if it is indeed good news...it must go beyond the good news that jesus died for our sins.

don't get me wrong, being saved from the burden and shame of our personal shame is good news. but as i read about how suburbia was designed to be this paradise where we could raise our kids but is now this commuting, consuming, isolating place...it seems to me that it suburbia needs some good news too! i think the same could said about our urban centers. the gospel needs to penetrate not just our hearts, but our actions, and flow out into the world.

so...what does it look like for the suburban context to be sozo'ed? what does it look like for the power of God, the gospel, to SAVE not just a person, but a community, region, city, nation?

one of the folks in the discussion from earlier asked the question..."if the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy and God has come to bring life and life abundant...where has the devil caused destruction in suburbia, and where God has come to bring life?"

one of things that has been very apparent about suburbia is the way that it isolates people. with homes designed for single families, the car being a necessity not a nicety, it is very easy for an entire community of friends to be scattered in all different places. our community is then fractured, not one that is borne out of daily moment by moment interactions -- but out of defined events / places that we must drive to. this is better than not having any community at all...but what if the gospel saving suburbia included the breaking of this isolation? what if...instead of fragmented communities, believers in suburbia consciously lowered those barriers by choosing to develop their community in a several mile radius of their home? what if...we actually set up structures that made us depend on one another, like reducing the number of cars that we own, or living nearby to each other so we can share resources? what if church was not some place we drove 30 minutes to once a week but what happened from monday to saturday?

as followers of jesus, we need to wrestle with the values our culture extols. i'm talking about subtle things like consumerism, independence, etc... its inevitable that we unconsciously ingest behaviours that affirm these values regardless of what context we're in. if we live in suburbia, we must be aware of these values and enact disciplines of abstince and engagement that are redeem and counter to suburbia's values. its in these places that we are cooperating with how the Holy Spirit will bring transformation to suburbia.

may we continue to dream for the sozoing of suburbia and the urban centers. Holy Spirit give us eyes to see and ears to hear. maranatha!

closing thoughts from living at the crossroads: church & mission:

"One of the reasons we have to create evangelism programs is that no one is asking us questions such as, "What is the reason for the hope within you", "Why do you live so differently" or "Why do you love the poor, provide service widows and care for prisoners?" Our churches are so rooted in the Western story that would our neighbors think if we had Jesus removed from our life that our treasure would be removed? Or would they think it would be a small loss in relation to how we live seeking to pursue the American dream along with the rest of our unbelieving neighbors? In Acts and the early church evangelism was built on questions because of the radical alternative way Christians lived."

god's politics

2008-03-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

"to me this immigration issue....i feel like america is so selfish. all we're concerned about is our self preservation and protection from terrorists. so we support candidates who will best protect us from terrorism. i'll tell you what, there is no president that will protect us from terrorism if God's face doesn't shine upon us....if God deals with us on the basis of shedding innocent blood, i don't care who you elect.
....
what if God will show mercy to america, if we will show mercy to the foreigners? that was the biblical to the foreigner. so what are you going to do -- send them back home and split up their families? i thought we did that with slavery!
....
i'm crying in my heart, i don't have an answer! the pain and the rumblings of this issue, of immigration, literally the votes of the latinos could go with those who are not pro-life. if God deals with us on the shedding of innocent blood.....i don't know what is going on in God's heart."

"i think he's got us in a squeeze play -- that will drive us to His heart." - lou engle, "state of the nation" (listen here)

i've been closely following the republican and democratic debates the past couple months. i don't recall ever being this involved in previous elections.

this election also marks a huge shift in my own convictions.

there was a time, when i felt like electing bush as someone who was pro-life and a proponent of family values was the right thing to do. after seeing the absolute botched handling of iraq, guantanamo bay, the culture of fear that has been promoted in our nation, the lies and deception rampant through the policies and members of this administration -- i think its fair to say that bush didn't live up the lofty expectations that put him into office.

as i've been following the elections, there's been an increasing sense of being caught in the middle. people say that jesus wasn't a democrat or republican, but its obvious that they prefer one party to the other. democratic supporters looking down on those who support a republican candidate or prolife advocates that are horrified that someone could possibly vote for a democrat.

when i first saw huckabee talking during the republican debates (watch here) i was very encouraged that there was someone who could articulate with clarity and sanity on the issue of evolution. since then, huckabee has emerged as one of the best communicators among the candidates and a surprise dark horse among the republican party. he's officially out of the race at this point.

i admit that i was wary of obama from the beginning. but watching the democratic debates has convinced me that obama is someone who is genuinely attempting to stop playing the washington game and bring a new direction to this country. (watch obama describe his response to questions about his weaknesses...) having ted kennedy and caroline kennedy come out in such strong terms endorsing obama's candidacy, the incredibly amount of independent and republican voters that have come to support his candidacy -- there is something that obama carries that is inspiring our nation.

but i feel stuck, because i feel like the abortion issue is absolutely critical to our country. millions of unborn being killed in the womb. at the same time, i am looking forward to seeing humility come into america's role in the international community, and an end come to the war in iraq. so which issues "win"? which one is ultimately is the one that defines which candidate we vote for?

and even more than that...which candidate has the best approach on the issues? even if say, obama and clinton agree the iraq war should end -- who has the best way of doing it?

so to me its not clear who to vote for -- and its more unclear who God would "endorse." (or if he even does that sort of a thing...)

the quote that starts this post comes from lou engle, founder of the call prayer movement and one of the generals leading the charge in overturning abortion in our nation. i have incredible respect for this man as spiritual mentor and someone who hears from God.

to me it captures my heart the more i follow the debates. in light of the abortion issues, the trickiness of immigration policies, etc --- God, put into office those who are righteous and just! those who are humble and wise and that fear God. i'm stuck on these issues and our nation is faced with so many issues, God, what is your heart?

so, i guess what i'm saying is that there are plenty of opinions to go around -- lots of people saying "vote obama" or "vote mccain," but not many people saying "pray and vote." we need to hear God's heart on these elections. is the church going to play the game of politics and pick the right or the left or are we going to go the third way? and if we decide to vote for a candidate, are we willing to call the candidate out in the ways that they fall short instead of blindly supporting them? i think heaven and the world is longing and yearning for a western church that rises up as a prophetic voice into a political process instead of one that is hijacked by either side of the political process.

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."
- Matthew 5:13-16

collective gratitude

2008-03-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

1. staff folks are back from catalina...
2. which means the fiance is back. i have missed her greatly.
3. fiance and wheaties rocked their studies as i had hoped and expected :).
4. a good friend has possibly found a special friend. i suspected it would happen soon, but i did not expect it to be THIS soon.
5. hanging out with jess & antony on tuesday night. it was good for my soul.
6. health. its a precious and fragile thing. i was filling out an application for insurance today and i skipped pages and pages of health history that i do not have. at some point i'll have to stop and read those questions, so despite feeling under the weather i'm grateful.
7. jz and dhoff being my work companions. the chat logs continue to grow. they keep my consumerist tendencies in check and i can nerd out with them :D
8. that God is good, He is present, and He is active in our lives.
9. gonna have a staff retreat next week that will be pivotal in what we focus on next and shape where i will work next :)
10. the beatles and dave clark five. haven't listened to that music in awhile... they made some wunderbarful moosic.

ten recent missives of thanksgiving

2008-03-04T23:42:00.000-08:00

1. we were able to get a killer deal for a new macbook pro.
2. God set up the deal right before the old computer puked.
3. we were able to save the data just fine.
4. God wants us to learn lessons in the small things so we can graduate to bigger things.
5. I'm finally getting a new driver's license picture, no more looking 16.
6. having a dog around to play with, even if our relationship is purely predicated on me having food for him. food whore.
7. we're going to have some sick suits for the groomsmen at the wedding. (hopefully)
8. God is present in the midst our daily lives.
9. wrestling with what it means to be a living sacrifice to God and how this is worked out in "loving our neighbor." short answer: it's hard and we need God's help!
10. 5 months and I'll be married! woot!
---
benson lee | sent via blackberry

cool things as of late

2008-02-25T23:01:00.000-08:00

aka...ten things that i'm thankful for...

the track i've been eyeing for awhile: belief (live) from the continuum special edition finally showing up on amazon mp3 download store. the only thing hotter than a john mayer album is a LIVE john mayer album. and the only thing hotter than a track being available on an itunes is a DRM-FREE track on amazon.com. C'MON.
engagement is kind of the kingdom here but not yet. you've made the commitment and there are foretastes of what marriage is like, but the real thing is yet to come. its a good place to be but i sure am thankful that i'm getting married sooner or later. :)
new usher tracks. r&b is BACK. i can't wait. movin' mountains. this second one is going to be one of the hottest tracks of 2008. i'm calling it now.
a renewed sense of re-connection with God -- seeing more answered prayer "but most of all I love to hear the voice of God..." - the prophet song, delirious?
getting work done on a monday. YES.
dance as an expression of heart. inspired by watching youtubes of kaba modern from america's best dance crew. dangs.
someone important to me finally getting a girlfriend. HALLELUJAH BOUT FREAKING TIME. sooooo thankful.
coming to the realization that i love technology and how it can change lives...and realizing again that this love is God given. awaiting redeployment!
jesus, justice and poverty. re-envisioned in what it means to love our neighbor. may the Church arise again and show what it means to love beyond fences, political boundaries, sexual orientation, and our preferences. none of this weaksauce convenient love.
finding expensive tea at 40% off (w00t) and running errands with the fiance.

return from oblivion...

2008-02-07T12:12:00.000-08:00

okay not really, but its good that people are back :) ten things i've been thankful since i last wrote....

1. fun time cooking and chatting with the return of the gf!
2. peoples are back. didn't talk too much, but its an incredibly comforting just to have someone you know nearby.
3. late nights that are more productive than my day. just pounded out lingering todos. hiyah!
4. fun chats with jchan, dhoff, jz, and schen.
5. a clean desk. woot.
6. calling my grandfather in hk and wishing him a happy new year.
7. family.
8. my mac. i don't know why, but i'm realizing more than moving to mac made it fun to use the computer again. it reminds me of what i felt when i younger and felt like computers were amazing.
9. having a stocked fridge & clean kitchen. makes cooking so much easier and quite frankly -- not everyone has that luxury of having food.
10. coldstone with the gf :D

thankfulness today

2008-02-05T12:05:00.000-08:00

1. solitude. "whoever can't live alone should beware of community." dietrich bonhoeffer
2. ipod touch in 32gb model and iphone in 16gb model :D steve jobs why do you torment me so?
3. candles
4. music that moves the soul - listening to the fray, rediscovering jennifer knapp & mat kearney, watching natasha bedingfield.
5. the warmth of the sun and taking a walk in said sun :)
6. spicy ramen noodles and pastrami. (separately, not together.)
7. just a word and moment of the divine changes everything.
8. random texts from my bro.
9. watching the superbowl, laughing and screaming along at the reality that goliaths can still fall. david ftw! :)
10. jamie giving a good word about the politics of jesus. are followers of jesus salt and light to the political process or are we part of the problem?
11. friends and community "whoever is not in community, let him beware solitude." dietrich bonhoeffer

ten things i'm thankful for

2008-01-29T23:59:00.001-08:00

the beauty of season three of the office - oh how much you make me laugh
roommates to laugh at the office with
the enneagram kicking my butt (in a good way)
panera bread: good blueberry muffin + free wifi = awesome.
the frequency of rain this past week, and today’s sunny day
audrey
rebelling against my own indifference about elections
steps of clarity for work
laughing a lot today :)
God manages uses people and situations for the good even when there is selfishness and mixed motives
bonus: good conversations with ppls throughout the day. its good to be alive.

if you could talk to jesus about one thing...

2007-11-09T11:01:00.000-08:00

what would it be?

i like kamp krusty's conclusion:

Am I a fraud?

Or are you pleased with me? If you are, can I hear you say it?

yeah. i think i would want to say the same. would you say talk to him about?

on wrestling and silence

2007-11-05T23:06:00.000-08:00

"I realized that I had come to a point of desperation and that I can honestly say my greatest desire in life is to know that God is with me. I set my faith toward this great goal.

The truth of the matter is that I'd rather be unhappy and know that God is with me, than be happy, comfortable, and unsure of God's presence.

I remember times gone by of incredible fulfillment and others of great unhappiness, but the single thread that holds them together is that I knew that God was with me at the heart of it all. He was caught up in my decision-making on a daily basis and I felt truly alive. Right now by contrast I am technically happy but there is this underlying sense of dullness. I just spent a while in the midsts of dawn on the Trundle [a local hill] looking for God, crying, trying to listen, being honest in a way that has to whisper.

Later Samie asked me what God had said to me, and I replied, "nothing." God said nothing, and that's okay, because I'm starting to wrestle for His presence again, and I'm prepared to wait. I feel like God is waiting to see if I am waiting. If he just flooded in with answers and guidance right now, I would not have changed, I would not have learned to wait and trust without the answers, and without a road map for the future. So I'm kind of glad that God was silent, because I actually want to wait, I want to prove my metal to God; I don't necessarily want ease and instant anything anymore.

I want to be different before I do anything different. So I'm waiting for God, and God is waiting for me to see if I am really waiting for Him, and not just wanting things from Him. And as God and I eyeball each other in this way, I feel good. I feel alive and engaged with what matters, and I'm going to win this waiting game with God." 29, Red Moon Rising by Pete Grieg

i've been turning this quote over in my head frequently the past couple of weeks. there's a honesty here that i really resonate with, and i also really like the way silence is portrayed as healthy dynamic.

i do sense that i'm entering a season of transition and change. there are some obvious factors here :), but i genuinely feel that something is new.

i'm starting to wrestle for His presence again.

its been awhile that i've been able to do that wholeheartedly. m bickle says that it takes God to love God...its definitely a been a process of getting past all the junk of western evangelicalism. its a miracle that i'm here again. and this time, i do feel like its not for the purpose of tapping into the cosmic vending machine but for just for relationship.

its not easy. i feel like i'm exercising muscles that have atrophied and have been out of use for a long time. i'm also developing some new muscles -- like wrestling for His presence as an end...and not as a means to what He has to say or what He has for me to do.

------

there are times and seasons when God is silent, and we need to learn how to trust in the midst of silence. but there are other times there is silence because our souls is noisy.

can you hear your friend talking when there is a stereo blaring, video games switched on, computer turned on, multiple people talking? no, we have to turn off the inputs one by one...and then we realize that something is being said.

and what if its in a language that you're familiar with, not fully fluent. you have to listen slowly, re-hear, have the speaker repeat what they've said, and translate what has been said in your head...

wouldn't we be deliberate to hear and understand this voice if we knew that things that were said would set us free, would give us life, would bring us into relationship? don't we do that very thing to understand and hear the voice of our loved ones?

"meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. selah." psalm 4:4b

ruminations on real sex (pt. 2)

2007-10-17T22:56:00.000-07:00

so...to preface the major delay on this post...i actually found all the good quotes from this book the first night i read it...which was when pt. 1 was written. i finished the book the next day and promptly forgot about my promised next parts.

so, ruminations continue. quotes to begin:

“In contemporary society, sex is public...it is not communal...Americans consider sex a fine topic of public disclosure but we insist that sex is also private, nobody’s business but mine and the person with whom I’m doing it.” (47)

“We are called to speak to one another lovingly, to be sure, and with edifying, rather than gossipy or hurtful, goals. But we are called nonetheless to transform seemingly private matters into communal matters. Of course, premarital sexual behavior is just one of many instances of this larger point. Christians also need to speak courageously and transparently, for example, about the seemingly private matters of Christian marriage” (53)

i think the first quote really captures how not only the public views sex, but really how the church views it too. the second quote gets me because i think the church's failure (case in point: true love campaign was shown to only delay premarital sex, and only barely...) to adequately speak on this topic doesn't necessarily have to do with SEX per se as much as it has to do with our broken understanding of community.

one thing i've been wrestling with is the idea of how my actions affect others. i think i would like to believe that i function in a fully autonomous bubble where i can freely choose what and whom i interact with. but really, we're all interconnected.

when i spend $40 on a pair of jeans, my purchase affects the employees at the store i purchased from, it ripples down to the corporate headquarters of the store, to the manufacturers, to the laborers that make those jeans, to the children of those laborers. its easy to compartmentalize these "chain reactions" because they're so removed from us. but it doesn't change reality.

i wonder if our isolation on wrestling through issues of sex, money, and other things is out of a sense of believing that we are truly independent. in other words, we don't talk about it with others because we really think that it doesn't involve them or that our decisions don't affect them. but the reality is our secrets may not be apparent on the surface, but they will always show up later and they have community ramifications. the church's inability to healthily address how singles ought to be dealing with their sexuality gets uncovered when these singles get married are struggling to adequately understand this "newfound" aspect of their lives.

i long to see the church be able to wrestle issues of sexuality in healthier way than we do now. if we have a so called relationship with the God of the universe that created it -- shouldn't we have a unique insight on how this is all supposed to work together? i don't think we will be able to come into this maturity until we come into a greater realization that as a body of Christ we are to BE a body.

wouldn't it be weird if the hand suddenly stopped telling the brain what it was grabbing? i'm pretty sure the hand would be burned or picking up something wrong.

when i refuse to include my community in wrestling through LIFE in light of following Jesus, i am missing out. i'm attempting to function as a body outside the framework of how a body functions...

its unfortunate that the church at large has become a place that is unsafe to wrestle through controversial issues (money, sex, politics...). if the church doesn't have anything to say about those things...why does it have a say on matters of eternity?

The problem is not that we talk about sex. The problem is how we talk about sex. This matters, because the way we talk about sex reflects and forms the way we think about, and ultimately the way we practice, sex. (63)

ruminations on real sex (pt. 1)

2007-09-25T22:59:00.000-07:00

i got this book in the mail couple days ago per the recommendation of jameschoung.net's library page. very very fascinating book so far - the author, lauren f. winner, has made a really conscious effort to challenge the way the christian church (evangelical, western church) talks and engages on the topic of sex. imma post thoughts as i read through it...

“Indeed, one can say that in Christianity’s vocabulary the only real sex is the sex that happens in a marriage; the faux sex that goes on outside marriage is not really sex at all. The physical coming together that happens between two people who are not married is only a distorted imitation of sex, as Walt Disney’s Wilderness Lodge Resort is only a simulation of real wilderness. The danger is that when we spend too much time in the simulations, we lose the capacity to distinguish between the ersatz and the real.” p.38

i laughed out loud when i read this part. the walt disney parallel just brings the point home.

its true though isn't it, if we spend enough time with the counterfeit, we forget what the real thing is? there's the anecdote that if you want to learn to detect the counterfeit - become deeply acquainted with genuine.

i'm assuming that the sex that is often portrayed by mainstream media is definitely not the real thing. even so-called "pagans" understand that what hollywood or the tabloids tell us about sex is very much removed from the reality of what happens in between the blankets or what really happens between two consenting adults.

but i also think that the mainstream western church also has a whacked out perspective of sex, how we view our bodies, sex in the context of marriage and what it means to be a sexual being. part of the reason why i'm reading this book is that all my life i've been told that i shouldn't look at porn, think about sex, blah blah. which all ends up insinuating that sex is bad as a single male and then somehow after i get married sex is something good?

i'm not quite getting the message of what it means to function as a human being that God created with sexual desires. somehow we're supposed to keep those desires under wraps when we're single, and somehow "we don't have to worry about it" when we get married?

i'm not being terribly fair with the last statement - but i hope you get my point. i feel like society AND the church has ripped us off in terms of what true sexuality looks like.

isn't it about time we start dealing with this issue in a way that honors the fact that God's original depiction of sex is in the garden of eden - where everything God created was good.

anyhow - first thoughts, lots more good stuff to come along the way.

thinking new thoughts after God

2007-09-18T23:06:00.000-07:00

i browsed through some of my older posts today. i'm not sure i remember the person that wrote them. i see myself in them, but at the same time its reading someone else's thoughts.

was talking with the girlfriend about how my blog has basically died :). we talked about how it was a good outlet for me to chew through things i was going through, life, love, God, why. people say things in writing or on the internets that they wouldn't say in person. and thoughts get fleshed out differently in writing.

so if i'm not posting now - does that mean i'm not really chewing through stuff anymore? i ruminated on it today when i was driving around doing some errands.

at some point i think around my senior year in college - i stopped the reflective posts. i think it had a lot to do with the fact that i realized that i didn't have much to say. when you're young and idealistic (not to say i'm no longer these things), there's a tendency to put things out with a "so what who cares" attitude. somewhere along the line of realizing i didn't have answers or tidy conclusions - i think i lost my voice.

the biggest thing post-college was my black and white world blowing up into shades of gray. certain things weren't so certain anymore. this wasn't a bad thing - but i began to be suspicious of people (or rather, myself) or came across as having the whole God and life thing figured out.

i also began to realize that i spent a lot of time acquiring information and knowledge about God but came to the startling conclusion that i really didn't KNOW God.

when i was in college i used to devour books on spirituality. i listened to sermons, was inspired...and the wrote a blog post about it ;) then around my senior year, i read "blue like jazz" and everything went out the window.

the culmination of all these "oh schnaps" revelations was that i just shut up. part of it was also that i began to have outlets of processing that i didn't have before, the girlfriend, good friends.

i stopped reading the new testament for a season because i just didn't have the appetite for it. i dropped reading "God books" too. i've had a hard time "re-learning." its just been easier to read about things i know i don't know anything about than to read about things that leave me confused.

now its been a two-ish year journey in and out of uncertainty, bitterness, skepticism, cynicism, anti-religion, and apathy. i think i still have many of those things, though i'm hoping those feelings and emotions mature into something good.

i'm trying to redefine what it means for me to go hard after God without all the legalistic trappings of before. i'm going hard after relationship, and wanting to go out into deeper water instead of playing around in the certainty of shallow shores.

the conclusion i reached today was that i think its time for me to get into those things again. one of my strengths is input - i suck in new information like no one's business. anyone who's seen my rss feed list in google reader knows this. but part of the redemption of this information vacuum is that it enables me to think new thoughts after God. i need to be stimulated, i need new angles to see God's Kingdom, Satan's kingdom, and just plain life. in part of my effort to love God with all who i am -- i need to continuously think new thoughts after God.

so does this mean i'll start blogging again? i hope so.

Robbing Today In Anticipation Of Tomorrow

2007-02-19T13:24:00.000-08:00

Looking to the tomorrow's dreams and all the secrets that they hold,
Patiently waiting for these days.
And when I look into the sky I see that hope is coming soon,
Praying love will come again.
- delirious? 'what is this thing called love'

is fitting that this blog's title has been amended to "rest in the Lord" and "wait patiently for Him." this is a season of a lot of waiting. pondering. wondering.

there's a way that a season of anticipation can kill the joy of the present. maybe you're so excited about something down the line that you're missing out on something really cool in the right here and now. you're focused on what's going to happen, what may happen, what could happen, that *poof*

i feel like i'm learning how to live in full anticipation of the future yet not let the disappointment of the 'not yet' suck the life of what's happening before my eyes. i'm not yet ____, but i am ____!

part of that is not letting hope die b/c of impatience. sometimes its just easier to think something won't ever happen than to think of the possibilities of it potentially happening.

What is this thing called love?
I know I've found it; It's in Your eyes.
What is this thing called love?
I know I've found it; It's in Your eyes.
- delirious? 'what is this thing called love'

Balancing Ideals

2007-02-06T22:14:00.000-08:00

A friend made a post today about the idea of balance. You can read it here.

I left the following comment:

good stuff here.

it made me think about something that i read - so here it is, just additional food for thought.

when the gifts of the holy spirit began manifesting within the vineyard movement, john wimber and the vineyard were accused of "overemphasizing" the gifts. this is what wimber had to say specifically when prophecy was being activated in their community.

Any new move of the Spirit usually brings with it significant problems. The prophetic ministry is no different. When God introduces something new, the church usually responds by overemphasizing it. That's human nature. But this is only a temporary imbalance, an intense learning stage in which the Holy Spirit instructs us.

When the Anaheim Vineyard started back in 1978 we'd gather and worship for oneandahalf hours, and then disperse. Almost nothing else happened: little prayer or Bible teaching, few testimonies, shallow fellowship.

Early on being "baptized in the Spirit"-accompanied by speaking in tongues-became a major focus. In fact, speaking in tongues was the high spiritual watermark in the minds of many people. Later we added praying for the sick to worship, and that became all we did. Our focus at every meeting was on healing-to the exclusion of other significant practices of the Christian life. We'd open our meetings with a few minutes of worship, then jump into praying for the sick.

In time we outgrew our myopic practice. Today we still pray regularly for the sick, but it is only one aspect of a corporate life that includes worship, prayer, teaching and preaching from the Bible, and so on.

Prophecy is now assuming center stage in the Vineyard, and-as we have done in the past with other moves of God-it is almost all that is talked about. I'm sure that it will remain a commanding topic for a year or two, and then it will take its appropriate place in the church.

you see this played out even in your life - early on, the charismatic experience was something that was deeply emphasized in your walk, arguably even over-emphasized. then God began to show you His heart in a different area...and for awhile, you went into that particular "deep end." so its cool now to see you move back into the center of your experiences, and bring all the things you've been experienced into an integrated whole instead of fragmented parts.

this issue of balance is something i've been grappling for the past year. the college experience is one that i treasure - and no doubt quite formative in my life. but a downside of the euphoria and joys of the college environment is that sometimes it is insulated from the pressures of the "real world."

i've mentioned this several times before, so i won't beat the dead horse. but the point being - the first year out of college was like "road testing" all the cool ideals that i espoused in college. the funny thing about road testing ideals is that you begin to see that they're not all that they're cracked up to be...and often times, those ideals need a bit of revising.

in many ways, my college experience was one where my pursuit of the gifts of the holy spirit really took off. i was free to pursue what i was interested in and admittedly -- i formed many "ideals" of what it meant to be "filled with the Holy Spirit," or "speaking in tongues," and etc. God was introducing something new in my life...and i did my human part by overemphasizing it. :)

my senior year, after i had been burned out by charismania -- i began swinging back to my roots. my involvement at intervarsity had a lot in shaping that, and i began to discover "jesus, justice, and poverty." what did you mean that jesus talked about money than any subject other than the kingdom of God? what do you mean the sodom and gomorrah were destroyed by their gluttony? wait, you mean most of the prophets are talking about justice for the poor? and once again, God was introducing something new in my life...and i did my human part by overemphasizing it.

i used to fear being out of balance - but i'm seeing in my own experience that being out of balance for the short term is okay. it takes extremes sometimes to forge a reality in your life. mountain experiences are not "every day life," but they are a crucial element in shaping our values, beliefs, and decisions.

the revising of my ideals isn't done. i am far from "getting it." i am much less sure about things than i was several years ago, even if i do feel like i have a little bit more wisdom.

at the end of the day?

i'm getting deeper into Jesus' heart, and thinking after His thoughts more and more every day. and i think that's good ideal to run after.

Destiny: ours or God's?

2007-02-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

I've been reading through 1 & 2 Samuel of teh excellent "The Message" translation. It tells the story of Israel's first two kings: Saul and David (have you ever noticed that no one in the Bible has a last name? interesting...).

The thing that strikes me about David every time I read through these books is his humility to seek and trust God EVEN when the most obvious course of action is before him. And even when it isn't clear, David doesn't go on winging it assuming he'll kick butt even though he's the most powerful king in the neighborhood.

David recognizes that God has raised him up not for his own benefit, but for the benefit of the people of Israel.

My destiny -- the things I've been wired and destined to do...that's not for my benefit. Its not so I get the warm fuzzies inside (It isnt'!?).

My destiny was God's idea and its effects are God's intentions. My deepest passions were placed inside of me by God to intersect with a deep need in this world. And the fulfillment of that destiny is not on my timetable, its God's.

David was crowned king when he was a teenager. For twenty years, he carried that promise in him that he would be king. For a good part of it, it seemed that it wouldn't happen. Time and again, opportunities presented themselves before him, where he could have seized the throne in a power struggle. Each time, David discerned that it was not yet his time. I have to believe that when David became king, it was better / crazier than even his wildest dreams...and just on time.

God, let your kingdom come in our lives...right on time.

innocence again

2007-01-08T21:44:00.000-08:00

as i posted before, i moved over to mac. after several days of complete confusion and disorientation, i think i've found my grounding. i heart macs. i know, i crossed over to the dark side. one thing that has proven true in my evolution to greater computing sophistication is that mac does, indeed, have better software. i'm not just talking aesthetics, but mac developers have a keen sense of ergonomics in mind. building on a rock solid os like OS X helps too. [disclaimer: winxp is pretty darn solid. i've never gotten a virus the five years i've used it. i'm just saying that os x just feels more solid.]

what does this have to do with the title of this post, b? well...it has to do with me migrating over to apple's mail.app, which i must say, kicks the pootang off thunderbird. though i am still faithful to my gmail.

OKAY. so. the point. been backing up my gmail to my computer locally, and i started reading emails from two years ago (two years is a long time in internet time). just reading the content made me so keenly aware of the changes of the past year.

people say that post-college life is hard -- particularly in the aspect of having a convenient community of friends and relationships to dip into. but i think most stunning change has been a deep awareness of the loss of innocence..the childlike faith and belief in ideals. life just SEEMED easier two years ago (i don't know if it really was). joy seemed easier to choose two years ago, even one year ago. joy is a conscious choice in this one-year-old post-college life.

i can see why age mellows people out.

i joke sometimes that once you hit twenty-two...your life is downhill from there. left to inertia -- your life will exactly do that. but i have to believe in the midst of my increasing jadedness and callousness that life doesn't have to be downhill, but a slow and steady ascent. further up and further in they say.

its been eight days into the new year - here's to a year where God's kingdom breaks deeper into our lives and we rediscover the childlike rhythms of easy joy.

2006-12-25T08:16:00.001-08:00

I listened to probably my twentieth-something Christmas sermon yesterday.

It was probably the best one I've heard in awhile, and I'm not sure why.

"...and you shall name Him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and His kingdom will have no end." Luke 1:31b-33

Hiatus Difficulties & Random Thoughts

2006-12-12T15:23:00.000-08:00

the problem with a blog going on hiatus is that you have to rebuild readership. i have no idea who still reads this thing. i don't think i've posted anything original for at least several years. this may not be true, but it certainly feels that way.

some thoughts:

its easier to just articulate thoughts in bullet point. they force you to be to the point, and if you happen to be shallow or deliberately vague - you can be. of course i am neither of those things.
post-college life is hard. even though in many ways this year has been the best of my life...it has definitely been the worst as well. i don't think i'm going to say anymore than this right now, but just saying that outloud in the public arena of cyberspace is a bit of a release.
i've almost completely gone mac. yes, after a year of declaring i would go to the dark side -- i almost have. black macbook, 2gb ram, 80gb hd. first thoughts: aesthetics, ergonomics, and proper UI go a freaking long way to making it more enjoyable to use the computer. vive le mac. (or is la mac?)
dating is hard. thinking about marriage is even harder. a couple guys and i got together awhile back talking about the rough patches we were having with our respective sig-others. the one guy who wasn't dating said, "man, i want a gf." haha. but honestly though? its the rough patches that define the relationship. its been hard - but what awesome things in life are easy?
o holy night stuck out in a new way. its tyrone's fault.

long lay the world
in sin and error pining
till he appear'd
and the soul felt its worth
a thrill of hope
the weary world rejoices
for yonder breaks
a new and glorious morn

here's to hope breaking anew into weary lives.

-------
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Resurrection! Resuscitation! Revived!

2006-11-19T23:14:00.000-08:00

I'm back after a hiatus...

Blog has resurrected. If you're tracing this on RSS, please update it to: http://feeds.feedburner.com/brainfartsunite

As you can see we're keeping things around here simple. Stay tuned...

The Journey of Love (comments on Porgy and Bess)

2006-06-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

This is long for sure...but I felt it hit a chord in me, that I haven't felt in awhile. A transcript from a sermon Dr. Timothy J. Keller from Redeemer Presbyterian Church in NY. You can buy the mp3 here.

This may be one open forum where the music comes first. What are we doing here? I'd like to help you understand, appreciate, the meaning of this particular artwork- Porgy and Bess. Now, when you ask the question, "What is a particular arwork saying to us; What does it mean?" Of course in all great art, there is multiple levels of meaning and I think it would actually be a service to us all if I mention 3 of them even though I want to spend most of our time on the third one- at least briefly the first 2.

There are 3 meaning to this particular artwork- Porgy and Bess.

The first level goes like this. Richard Crawford is a very prominent musicologist- he taught at the University of Michigan, he's written a lot about Gerschwin by the way. I read a very helpful interview with him recently in which somebody was asking him questions about Porgy and Bess and what it means. Of course there are a lot of technical and idealogical issues surrounding this piece of music. Technical issues are - you know this is not a musical, this is an opera - it's a sung dialogue, and there's been a lot of debate whether jazz is appropriate for opera. Crawford says something interesting. At one point, he stops the interview and says, "What I don't like is somebody judging a work strictly on technical or ideological grounds without actually experiencing it. Maybe one of the most beautiful things said about Porgy and Bess was said by Gerschwin himself to Ruben the night after the first rehearsal. He called Mumulien who was the opera stage director in the middle of the night, 2 in the morning and said, 'You know what? I can't sleep. I just found the music tonight so beautiful I can hardly believe I wrote it.' "

Crawford goes on and says, "If he at that point was able to stand outside of the thing... it wasn't a matter of ownership or pride, it was a matter of wonder. He was saying, holy smoke, where did this come from? To me... there's so much music that's exactly like this. Great music takes you to another region of your being. It's that experience. It's that transcendant experience."

Now, what is Crawford saying?

In great art, before you should ask the question, "What does it mean?" and then try to get an answer, first ask the question, "Is there any meaning in life at all?"

and you don't even have to wait for an answer because- it doesn't matter how discouraged you are, how much in dispair you are- in the presence of any great art there is a sense sometimes of joy, sometimes of wonder, but there's a sense that always comes through like this: there IS something worth standing for, there IS something worth fighting for, there IS something worth hoping in. It doesn't matter what the art is. Even if it's very harsh protest art, it's saying there's something worth fighting for. Or even if it's incredibly beautiful. What comes upon you at the first level of meaning is life is not a pile of spit; the world is not an accident. There is meaning, there is design. Of course Berstein says when he listens to Bethoveen, there's something that checks out of the universe. something that follows it's own laws, something that will never let us down... there's something. It doesn't matter what I believe in my head.

So, at the first level, didn't you notice that?

In the first level, way beneath your cognition, way beneath your intellect, great art always tells you that this world didn't happen by accident. There is a meaning, there is a hope, there is something worth fighting for, maybe even dying for.

So, at the first level, it tells us about that. There is meaning, right, wrong, truth. There's hope.

Now, the second level, is it tells about history and african-american experience (tim went into it, but it's really not that significant so i'll leave it out... )

Now, the third thing you need to know about Porgy and Bess is that it's a love story. The third thing it tells us about is love. Most of the synopsis says it's about "star-crossed lovers; a tragic love story"

But I want you to consider this. It is a counter point. There are lots of movies in the past decades that deal with "star-crossed lovers." Titanic. But Richard Crawford, in the same interview says that there is an american myth. The american myth of true love, of the true romantic love is a universal solvent- this will solve all of your problems, this will overcome all social barriers, this will overcome all injustice, this will overcome everything. True love, this is what you need.

And he says the myth of true love, the myth that there is such a thing, the myth that it's impervious, infallible, HAS to overcome everything; all barriers, all problems. He says that is the essence of ALL popular american culture practically. That any musical, any movie, any story that is presented to a mass audience in America the last 75 years, if it deviates from that, it doesn't do well. Americans believe it, americans want to believe it.

He says for example, the fantasy of boy gets girl is present in virtually every musical, and in every block buster movie you can think of for the last 75 years. He says in fact there's always a hero and heroine, and there's some barrier inbetween them that seems insurmountable- class barrier, family differences, personal character flaws, whatever... but in the end, somehow, they get through it. They break through it and they get perfect love. It doesn't mean that the movie or play has to end happily in order to perpetrate the myth. For example, in Westside story, even Maria and Tony have their perfect love- it doesn't last, but they get it. For almost 2 centuries in America now, audiences demand that perfect love or they turn away from the story. And he goes on to point out, for example in Westside Story, of course it seems to end tragically. Are they star-crossed lovers? well, yes and no. Because remember that moment in the back of that dress shop, where they sing that song, "we are one, even death won't part us now." our love has overcome racial barriers, our love has overcome racism, our love has overcome class barriers, and now, even death won't overcome it. And Crawford points, they get it: perpetrates the myth. And he goes onto say, since the late 1960's, artists who produce musicals have refused to go that way, and as a result, they will never, ever ever ever get the amount of success that the older movies and musicals get. Because Americans believe in the myth of true love- that's it's a universal solvent. That individual romantic love, if you get it, it will overcome everything. It doesn't matter injustice, it doesn't matter race, class barriers, it doesn't matter, it will overcome everything. It's true happiness.

Now, what you have in Porgy and Bess is an American anti-myth... now, I didn't say an anti-American myth... no, i didn't say that. what you have is a counter point, or an anti-myth to the American myth.

What you have here is that natural evil, social injustice and evil, and personal character flaws, make perfect love essentially impossible.

it's not Titanic.... sure at the end he goes away after saving her on the raft... but they had it, and they overcome all class barriers. That's not what you have in Porgy and Bess.

Natural evil, social evil and personal character flaws make perfect love an impossibility.

Let me show you those 3 things.

First of all, there's an incredible irony in that song that was sung. The irony is that the mother is singing over the child and says, "Daddy's rich, and your mother's good looking, and since we're both standing by you, you're going to have a great life."

Now, during the opera, the father of that baby, Jake, his fishing boat is caught in a hurricane, and Clara, the mother runs to try and save him and they both drown. There's a place near the end of the opera where Bess now is taking care of the little orphan... and she sings the lullaby now of course, because this is the lullaby that she heard her mother sing, and this little child has enormous obstacles to have any sort of fulfilling life, and why? It was just a hurricane, it was a natural disaster; a natural evil got in the way.

Secondly, social alienation. Now, white people want to believe that individual romantic love can overcome all race, class barriers, social injustice; if you just love one another enough, we can do it. Titanic's all about here's a poor boy and a rich girl; we've overcome it all through true love... it can be done. we can get past all that prejudice. White people want to believe that corporate injustice isn't all that bad. That racial barriers aren't all that bad. That if you really try hard, that if you really believe, that if you really are determined, if you really love enough, work hard enough, you can overcome all these things.

Why do people want to believe that?

Because people don't want to believe what a head start we have. Just walking into a store, not having an accent. We don't want to admit the head start we have looking for jobs. We don't want to admit how structural problems keep us out. And this play tells us that structural problems really do keep us out.

Porgy is not able to get Bess because he's poor and because he's crippled. He's not beautiful, and he's not rich. And he gets her when she's desperate. Because you see, nobody will take her in. When Crown leaves, the women won't take her in because she's disrespectful, men won't take her in because she's tainted- she belonged to someone else. So, finally she comes into him. Eventually though, she's seduced by the idea of the high life, by money.

you know, the way culture works the structural injustices and iniquities of culture are not things that you can just say, "well, they're really not that bad."

One of the great ironies of that lullaby "your daddy's rich and your mother's good looking..."

isn't it great that we don't live in that place? where it's important that men are well off and women look good- isn't great that we don't live in that world? isn't it wonderful that we've overcome all that? We are not seduced by them, we are not controlled by them, we're not manipulated by them.

Of course we are; it's astounding.

If you automatically elimate people as your possible mate if they don't meet your standards, there is no possibility for an unexploited relationship, and you are being controlled by stereotypes.

And what Porgy and Bess tells us, what reality tells us, about the American fairy tale myth is that social evil, structural evil has a devestating effect on your possibilities of true love; it is not just something that you can win through.

So there's natural evils, there's social evil... but what ultimately dooms us all is the sin in the human heart.

Here's where people who get upset with stereotypes, get upset.

First of all, Bess, she doesn't go with Porgy until she's desperate, because after all, he's a cripple, he doesn't have money. And she continually is attracted.. she can't help herself, she's attracted to the power of her old boyfriend even though he's a violent man; she can't stop herself. And the stereotype is woman. She's emotional and they don't like this stereotype. And they also don't like the stereotype of Porgy.

What dooms the relationship is, yes, Bess' weakness. You can't understand this song until you study Genesis 3.

In fact, what the tempter does is, he tempts Bess in the garden- out in this beautiful environment where they're having this picnic, and the tempter says to the woman in Genesis 3 is, first of all:

1) Questions God's Word.

He says, has God REALLY said you're going to die if you eat from that tree? It ain't necessarily so says the serpent. You will not surely die!

2) Twisting of God's Word.

The serpent doesn't just contradict God's Word, but twists it. And one thing that is so intriguing about "it ain't necessarily so" is there is one part where the serpent is describing the gospel, but it isn't necessarily true.

He says, in order to get into Heaven, don't shoot a seven (craps), live clean, don't have no fault- oh, i believe it, but i take it with a grain of salt.

So then, what's the gospel?

if you want to get into Heaven, be good.

And so what you have is, you have a tempter. And the tempter comes to the woman, and she eats.

SO you say, well, you see, the problem is the woman.

NO.

Porgy looks like the hero, but here's the problem with Porgy. Porgy is satisfied because why? because he's got his woman.

Before he had his woman, he wasn't happy with God: why did He make me a cripple? He wasn't happy with children- he grouched at them. And one of the things that comes out in the book Porgy is that when Bess comes into his life, suddenly now, he's happy with everything. He's nice to children, he's praying to God- everything is fine now- in other words, Porgy believed in the American myth.

Porgy says, "my life is crap; I am nothing- but if i would get HER... if I would get this beautiful woman... if SHE would be mine... then FINALLY my life would mean something."

What that means is, he has made her, his Savior- he has made her, the integral part of his life, and if you do that to a fallible human being, you're doomed to disaster.

And ultimately, because she has become his Savior- the one non-negotiable thing he's got to have to be happy in life- he kills for her... which is the reason why he loses her.

What you have is the ultimate refutation of the American myth that some how the thing that's going to make you happy if you can get it, is get that one person, is you won't get that person because of natural, social, personal evil... but IF you do, and you believe that that one true love will be the thing that will make your life right, you'll destroy her/him... you'll destroy the relationship- it has the seeds of it's own destruction in it.

So, where does this bring us?

We saw that there's an American myth. that if you get that one true love, your life has made it. And Americans, over the years, have rejected any story that does not give them the myth they want.

But secondly, Porgy and Bess is beautiful, poignant, realistic, powerful, unconsciously, works off the biblical understanding of sin, temptation, human corruption, and of the brokenness of reality in being.

Here's the last thing I'd like to say.

The way it ends. The way it ends is very intriguing.

He's not only been in jail for a week for the murder of Crown (her ex boyfriend), or rather, for the contemptive court because he refused to identify the body. So after she leaves, he comes back and because he's had some successful games of craps, he has bought her a new dress, and he comes back and shows everyone the new dress and he finds out that she's gone. Where has she gone to? New York.

And here's how it ends.

He says, how far is New York? Where is it?

it's up North.

Well, how far is it?

It's way past the custom house.

The custom house was just blocks north, but for him that was a long way because he was a cripple. And the only way he used to get around was in a goat cart, that he would kneel in and he had a little goat that would move him around and therefore he never went more than blocks from where he was.

So he said, how far is it?

They said, 1000 miles.

So this is how it ends.

He gets the goat cart, he gets in it, and he says, I'm off to get her. I'm going to take her out of that heroin slavery, I'm going to get her away from the man who's going to make her life miserable, I'm going to REDEEM her, i'm going to take her, i'm going to find her, and we're going to be happy again.

And he goes off singing a song, and there's this joy at the end... but you know that he's never going to do it. It's not cynical. It doesn't deconstruct the idea of romantic love, in the end, it still says, "but there's got to be!"

Look what it's done to Porgy, it's made him into a better man. He'll do anything to get her back. So there's a deconstruction of the myth, and some affirmation.

Here's my opinion.

I read Porgy and Bess like the Old Testament.

Even though the Gerschwins weren't doing this consciously, Porgy and Bess IS a parable of the Old Testament. Because you go to the book of Ezekiel and Hosea, and the book of Isaiah, you will see that God in the Bible, the Biblical God, creates us, not just to be subjects of a king, and not just to be sheep under His shepard, but He creates us to be His SPOUSE. He continually calls us His bride, and that He is our husband. He wants to have this incredible love relationship with us- He wants to have a relationship of intimacy. And it's all the way through.

Like in Isaiah 54:

"Sing, burst into joy, burst into song, O my people," says God. "For your Maker is your HUSBAND. No longer will they call you deserted for as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you."

And you go through the prophets and the whole Old Testament, here's what you see: God creates human beings to not just have them serve Him, but to enter into a love relationship, but the tempter comes, and questions God's Word, and seduces us away- that's what the text says. And yet God continually says, I will not give you up.

One of the most astounding Porgy and Bess stories in all of the Old Testament is the book of Hosea in which God tells the prophet Hosea, I want you to take in that woman Gomer, she's a prostitute, she's an adultrous woman and she's filled with all sorts of emotional, social and sexual weaknesses.... I want you to take her in and make her your wife, even though she's going to CONTINUALLY let you down. And everytime she lets you down, I want you to go back and love her and I want you to forgive her and I want you to bring her back.

And Hosea says to God, "WHY?"

and God says, "So at LEAST, you will know how I feel about my relationship with the human race."

And so over, and over and over again, God says, "I'm not going to let you go".... .... but then we run away... and then we rebel.

that's the story of the whole Old Testament- all the Hebrew Scriptures! And then the Old Testament ends. Because near the end, God says in Ezekiel 16 near the end, "I saw you thrown in the field, but I took you in"

isn't it like Porgy and Bess? Talking about us, His people?

"and when you grew up, I adorned you, and I made you my bride. But you trusted in your beauty and you used your fame to become a prostitute and you went to others"

but at the very, very end, He, the Sovereign Lord says at the end of Ezekiel 16:

"I will remember you, I will not deal with you as you deserve, I will remember the covenant I made with you in the days of your youth, I will make atonement for you, and then you will remember Me."

But that's not how the book ends- very much how the opera ends.

Here's a man who says, "in spite of what you've done to me, i'm going to find her- i'm going to redeem her. I don't care what it's going to take, I might die in the attempt, but i don't want her to live a life of slavery, I don't want her to be enslaved by someone who doesn't really love her- I am the only husband for her and i'm going to go do it."

so he goes off, willing to sacrifice everything. you and I know that he's going to fail. But that's how the Old Testament ends.

But, what's the answer?

The great thing about the Bible is it doesn't end there. And what the Bible tells us is that God came to earth- this is the Christian Gospel- as a poor man, and we're told in Ephesians 5, "Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church, and GAVE Himself for her."

and so, He came as a poor man, and He was also willing to suffer for us, and He was willing to do anything to redeem us, and that's the Christian message.

Now, i'm not here to expound all that, explain all that, defend all that, but what i'm here to show you is that I believe that the Gerschwins, who would have been VERY emersed in the Hebrew Scriptures, unconsciously were working off that canvas. And so what you have on the one hand is NO, sentimental love is what you really need to save you, no.

But not a cynisim that says you don't need romantic love, but rather, there MUST be a love, and answer to the deepest need of the heart that says that I need a romantic love that will fulfill me.

The answer of the Christian, whole Bible, both Old and New Testament is there IS a romantic love that will satisfy you utterly but your true lover can not be any ONE individual human being. It's got to be the one who came, as the poor man, and gave Himself for you. Once you taste that though, then oddly enough, you can get into human relationships without making them into idols. And get into more deep, satisfying love relationships than you ever thought would be possible otherwise, if you were living out the American myth.

So, that's it.

And that's the only way I can get the affirmation of Porgy and Bess, and yet the realism of Porgy and Bess and hold it together in my own heart- I'm saying that as a Christian, I'm saying that as a pastor, you may have another way to do it. But this is one take on the meaning of Porgy and Bess that tells us about the reality that we are NOT here by accident, that there IS someone who made us. It talks about the reality of social injustice but it also talks about, points to a romantic love that IS going to eventually be the thing that fulfills us. Though in the opera, we can't quite put our finger on it.

7 Perspectives

2006-05-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

1. The prophetic perspective: we can call/pray into being what we see with our spiritual eyes, what God has already prepared. This is often a hidden factor in the birthing of movements.
2. The historic perspective: I zoomed in on two movements that happened in Prague in the past - the Moravian reformation movement (Hus) and the Velvet Revolution of 1989, and how the three tipping point laws applied here.
3. The missional perspective: discipling post-Christendom Europe is only realistic when we think and act movements, small groups, every sphere of life, all believers, network dynamics, and the supernatural dimension.
4. The social perspective: a globalized, interconnected society needs an organic church that understands the network dynamics God embedded in creation, and that provides vital space where movement can happen.
5. The strategic perspective: we should focus our efforts and resources where it really matters, which implies we have to break with unhelpful/limiting church practices and structures.
6. The innovative perspective: if we think and act out of the existing church box, and out of our safety/comfort zone, we position ourselves for God's surprises.
7. The reformational perspective: the real paradigm shift we need is that it's all about Jesus and his Kingdom, not about the church. If we follow Jesus, church can happen everywhere, in many different expressions. We have to let go of human control and embrace the liberating reality that Jesus really is in charge and knows pretty well how to build his church.

SOURCE: marc's messages

2006-02-12T15:24:00.000-08:00

Lord, I believe a rest remains,

To all thy people known;

A rest where pure enjoyment reigns,

And thou are loved alone;

A rest where all our souls desire

Is fixed on things above,

Where doubt and pain and fear expire,

Cast out by perfect love.

From every evil motion freed

(The Son hath made us free)

On all the powers of hell we tread,

In glorious liberty.

Safe in the way of life,

Above death, earth, and hell we rise;

We find, when perfected in love,

Our long-sought paradise.

Oh, that I now the rest might know,

Believe and enter in!

Now, Saviour, now thy power bestow,

And let me cease from sin.

Remove this hardness from my heart,

This unbelief remove;

To me the rest of faith impart,

The Sabbath of Thy love.

Come, O my Saviour, come away!

Into my soul descend!

No longer from Thy creature stay,

My author and my end.

The bliss Thou hast for me prepared,

No longer be delayed;

Come, my exceeding great reward,

For whom I first was made.

Come Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,

And seal me Thine abode!

Let all I am in Thee be lost;

Let all be lost in God!

2006-01-09T11:31:00.000-08:00

You're everything
I could want
That I could need
If I could see
You want me
Could I believe?
'Cause You're perfectly
All I want, all I need
If I could just feel You're touch
Could I be free?
Why do You shine so?
Can a blind man see?
Why do You call?
Do You beckon me?
Can the deaf hear the voice of love?
Would You have me come?
Can the cripple run?
Are You the one?

To raise me up
From this grave
Touch my tongue
And then I'll sing
Heal my limbs
Then joyfully I'll run to You

I come so close to giving up every day.