My Surgery and Recovery

Just two weeks ago I had the third Cystoscopy since early December. Nothing fun, mind you, but necessary because of kidney stones, an overactive bladder and then an obstructed kidney. I realized early afterward, that I wouldn’t be back online for a while. There was just too much happening to prevent it.

This recent Cystoscopy showed scarring of the urethra or Stricture of the Urethra to be more technical. The doctor can’t really say why that happened, it could be from the kidney stones, from the 2 other surgeries or from the stents that were inserted after the surgery. Oh, yes, those lovely Ureteric Stents! What buggers.

Recovery from a Cystoscopy is quick, but trying to cope with a stent in is uncomfortable, painful and irritating. And I have to be a difficult patient too. Because I have Myasthenia Gravis, I can’t take the medications that normally help with bladder pain. So these past two weeks have been spent in bed, with me hurting, taking pain pills which didn’t do much. Sitting hurt, leaning a laptop on my stomach hurt, I just hurt.

Sadness

Photo Credit - http://www.sxc.hu/photo/257960

A few days after the surgery, my mood swings began. I snapped at my daughter for no reason, cried when I had to ask for a blanket, and wanted someone to sit with me until I fell asleep. I was a mess. Then I lost my appetite. Then I didn’t want to tweet from my phone or check Facebook or email. That scared me. I called my psychiatrist and therapist, thinking I was going into a major depression, but was told that it was “situational depression”. Pretty normal since I’ve been dealing with the same stuff since Thanksgiving.

How I Coped

I slept a lot and ate what I wanted. Since I wasn’t eating much, it didn’t matter. My husband or other family member reminded me to take a pain pill when I was really hurting. And I watched TV – anything that made me laugh. I watched Golden Girls, Living Single, Adam Sandler movies, Comedy Central, Chelsea Lately, and my regular prime time TV shows. No news, no dramas, nothing that might bring me down. And I laughed, even through the pain.

What I’ve Learned

My blog is back, thank goodness. I may not be posting every day for a while, but I’ll get there. I hope to get back to Twitter and Facebook soon too. But, I’ve learned some lessons that I’m going to incorporate into my life. My health comes first. No more late nights online, or pushing myself to the limit. Family is next. I’d rather spend my time with them instead of in front of my laptop. Plus, I’ll have more to share because I’ll be living life! I’m not going to be afraid to ask for help in advance. I should have had guest posts lined up just in case. I thought I could handle wiring my own posts in advance, but I’ve been too sick for too long.

Thank You

I read through some of my emails, tweets and Facebook updates. Thanks to those of you who reached out to me while I was gone. I’ll get with you as soon as I can. To know that people care is the best gift and one big reason I won’t give up being back online. If anyone has any questions about the surgery I’ve been through, let me know. You can get with me on my contact page.

The Results of the Survey

She Says:

• Nearly 60 percent of women say, “it’s my job” to clean
• 25 percent feel as if they are the cleaning “leader” in their homes
• 57 percent of women say they want help more frequently from their partner or spouse
• But, 42 percent don’t trust their partner/spouse to meet their standards of clean and 75 percent go as far as saying they are a better household cleaner

He Says:

• Nearly half of all men surveyed (45 percent) consider it their job to clean
• The other half (49 percent) position their role as being “a member of the cleaning team” versus the one in charge however, only 18 percent of women cast themselves in the role of being a “member of a cleaning team”
• 34 percent of men say they are a better household cleaner than their partner/spouse

Motivation and Cleaning:

• Nearly 75 percent of men say their motivation to clean is to make their spouse or partner happy
• Nearly 90 percent of women say they clean because “it just has to get done”
• 70 percent of men clean for their spouse for a holiday or special occasion
• Only 48 percent of women clean to make their spouse happy
• 89 percent of men clean to keep their home beautiful while 35 percent of women feel they have to do it all or it doesn’t get done

Learn More

Check out Scrubby’s Solutions on Facebook, where you can discuss household chores with John Gray or take a cleaning quiz. You can also visit www.scrubbingbubbles.com, or follow @ScrubbingBubble on Twitter.

Where do you and your spouse or partner fit in on the Men vs. Women Cleaning Survey? Sound familiar or unlike your relationship?

All information was provided by Scrubbing Bubbles for this post. I’m a member of the Scrubbing Bubbles Circle of Influencers and receive their cleaning products a few times per year. This does not influence my opinion in my blog posts.

About Autism Spectrum Disorder

About one in 100 children is challenged by ASD, and the numbers are growing at a staggering rate which is increasing the need for these service dogs that are specifically trained to mitigate the growing number of challenges these special children and their families face.

For children challenged by Autism and their families, a simple outing to a shopping mall, an excursion to the grocery store, or an afternoon errand is often a sheer impossibility. When attempted, these seemingly normal family activities often result in behavioral meltdowns, tantrums, wandering, and a multitude of dangerous behaviors which could easily endanger the entire family while in busy parking lots, in public places, and in crowds.

Further challenges are experienced in public when the individual challenged with Autism is unfairly ridiculed, and judged, often along with the parents and siblings, by uninformed or ignorant passers-by who mistakenly judge the child as misbehaving, undisciplined, or being raised by “bad parents.”

Things are not much better at home for these same families. Often these young people affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders escape during the night, damage property by head banging, kicking, or throwing objects or even themselves. Sometimes they eat unacceptable items from the home and yard. Many of them engage in repetitious behaviors both at home and in their educational environments.

When things are at their worst, parents and siblings are in a constant state of stress, duress, exhaustion, and sleep deprivation. Marriages fall apart, siblings endure physical and emotional consequences, and the families, as a whole, are taxed physically, emotionally, and financially.

How Pawsitive Service Dog Solutions Helps with ASD

Recently, hundreds of families dealing with ASD have found peace of mind, reprieve, safety, security, and a new sense of freedom and normalcy due to the relatively new existence of Autism Service Dogs. These highly trained service dogs not only help to keep a child from wandering, can find a child in a crowd, can help halt repetitive behaviors, can calm meltdowns and prevent them, but they serve as a reminder and educational tool of awareness to the public that the child has a disability and needs compassion and empathy rather than judgment and ridicule.

Several organizations are beginning to fill this growing niche and serve families struggling with Autism’s unique challenges. Pawsitive Service Dog Solutions is one such non-profit organization whose mission is to train and partner healthy, reliable, exclusively bred, highly-trained service dogs with individuals of all ages challenged by Autism Spectrum Disorders and other developmental disabilities.

An organization’s cost to raise, train, and place an Autism Service Dog isn’t cheap, running between $20,000-30,000 per dog. Pawsitive Service Dog Solutions are overcoming the cost barrier by providing these highly-trained dogs to their families with little or no cost to the recipient families by cooperative fund raising efforts, scholarships, grants, and donations.

In addition to the wonderful support and safety measures they offer, an Autism Service Dog often becomes a friend that the child may speak to when they won’t speak to adults.

About Autism Service Dogs

These dogs are also frequently fitted with two leashes — one for the child to hold or be tethered to and another one for the parent/handler/caregiver to hold. The dog will accept commands from the parent/handler/caregiver, thus providing a new sense of freedom and safety for the child and the parents. Some children have even been known to give verbal commands to the dog even when they won’t speak to anyone else.

Best of all, service dogs help people challenged by Autism to communicate with the world around them. Being with a service dog often helps lengthen attention spans and improves the ability to focus longer on people and tasks. Service dogs help increase the willingness of those with Autism to communicate with others and to make improved eye contact. All of this can happen when a child’s life is enriched with an Autism Service Dog.

How To Help Pawsitive Dog Solutions

Besides making tax deductible donations, you can volunteer to become a Puppy Raiser. It takes four to ten months to open your home and donate your time to raise and teach a puppy to become an Autism Service Dog. You can also spread the word and learn more about Pawsitive Dog Solutions from their website and their Facebook page.

About the author:
Carmel L. Mooney is Executive Director of Pawsitive Service Dog Solutions, dedicated to training and partnering highly skilled service dogs with individuals of all ages challenged by Autism Spectrum Disorder. www.pawsitivesolutions.org

So here’s some Valentine’s Day gift suggestions for tween girls:

Custom Made Clothing from Fashion Playtes: Girls can create their own clothes! From dresses to pajamas and jackets to messenger bags, your tween girl can also make clothing for her Littlest Pet Shop Pet. We’ve used Fashion Playtes before and my daughter had a blast making and wearing clothes she designed. Free Shipping on orders of $40 or more with code FS212 until 2/29 at FashionPlaytes.com!

Stuffed Animals One of the favorite Valentine’s Day gifts no matter your age is a stuffed animal. If you’re a Disney fan, how about
”Be My Valentine” Duffy the Disney Bear Plush Toy — 12” H? So cute!

Gifts for Hobbies Find a gift for your tween girl’s hobby, especially if it’s one that you share with her. I love Flirty Apron’s Children’s Aprons. Dad’s you can find matching aprons for your wife and daughter. What an adorable idea!

On Sale from $24.95 to $19.50!

Journals or Diaries Some tween girls find writing in a journal an easy way to deal with stress, changes, and feelings. Others need help to get started and keep going. Embossed Never Stop Thinking Leather Journal – Lined is for those girls who can freestyle write. 365: A Year of Journal Prompts for Teens: A Journal Workbook provides that guidance. Both make lovely gifts that tween girls will treasure for years to come.

Do you purchase Valentine’s Day gifts for your tween girl? Do you have a favorite gift or does she?

Affiliate links included in this post.

Enter the contest! “Bulbs. Dig, Drop, Done.” to win a $5000 Yard Makeover. Just submit a photo of your yard that needs help at Curbside Chaos. The winner will get the makeover and a visit from Taniya Nayak (@TaniyaNayak on Twitter) who can turn a mess into a masterpiece. She’s show you how to landscape and creatively use flower bulbs to make your yard stand out.

Taniya and Curbside Chaos are working together to raise money for Rebuilding Together, a nonprofit that preserves affordable homeownership and revitalizes communities. For each tweet, Build, Digs, Drop, Done will donate $1 to this charity.

Wondering how bulbs can update your yard? Curious to learn about the other uses for bulbs? Just visit www.digdropdone.com to learn more. Flower bulbs can be used as holiday decor, in window boxes and as activities for children. They easy to grow and take care of. There’s the Garden Guru Tool that will give you the information you need about what type of bulbs to plant, when for where you live.

You can get personalized tips from The Ladies, Marcy the Super Mom, Juliana the Fashionista and Evelyn the Empty Nester. My favorite is Marcy because she likes gardening with bulbs, but isn’t an expert and she’s busy with her family. She knows what it’s like to forget things and suggests that planting bulbs in the winter is still possible if you missed doing it in the spring time.

Flower bulbs are beautiful and make a big difference in the look of your yard and your home. You just need to know how to use them.

Don’t forget to enter to win a $500 yard makeover and get advice about how bulbs can do wonders.

I tried Tide Coldwater for about two weeks and found my laundry to be super clean! We left the temperature setting on my washer on cold even for items that called for warm or hot water. Out came clean laundry with stains gone without pre-treating. Tide isn’t my normal choice of laundry detergent, but after this trial I’ll be making the switch.

Tide Coldwater comes in the following scents sizes:

Fresh Scent

• 26 loads, 50 oz
• 39 loads, 75 oz
• 52 loads, 100 oz
• 78 loads, 150 oz

Mountain Spring

• 26 loads, 50 oz
• 52 loads, 100 oz

It is also available for HE washers and in powder.  You can buy it in WalMart, Target, or find out where to buy it in your area.

Although Tide is more costly than my regular laundry detergent, it’s worth it because of the money saved on electricity. I’ll also use less pre-treaters for stains. I do with that there was a scent free option though. So I’ll keep my eyes out for Tide coupons, and sales and possibly sign up for Tide Current, the newsletter that keeps you up to date on Tide products and provides coupons.

I received a bottle of Tide Coldwater and a gift card for my review through SheSpeaks. All opinions are my own.

However, I know there are people in worse shape than me, the person that’s lost their mojo. I think of my friends who’ve had multiple surgeries like Connie, friends going thru nasty separations and custody battles, or @WhyMommy and know that as far as life goes? Things could be a lot worse.

Struggling Together

So, why am I writing this here on Connie’s blog? Because she’s my friend. She needs to know that I’m very much aware of how much she’s been struggling and because I’ve been in a pity-party, I’ve not done enough for her. That’s wrong of me. We are in a group of wonderful women who celebrate the bonds of sisterhood, make each other mad, hurt feelings, and forget to do what we’ve promised, but we still love each other. However, I don’t feel I’ve done enough for them. Not writing more for Connie to help my sister and being so late on the post I promised long ago makes me feel like a heel… or worse.

That’s the thing about this life online. People don’t realize that we’re online as bloggers and social media figures, but we’re also offline and have lives, our own problems and personal issues.

This post, this post of love to my friend, my sister, is to let her know I’m still here for her…I’m just wavering myself. Sometimes, that’s the best any of us can do. Fade in and out trying to build our strength up to face everything full of health, vim and vigor.

I’m hoping this post helps Connie as she pushes her way back to vibrant health. She’s deserves that health and more.

About the author:
Lisa Frame is an under-organized, over-achiever. A freelance writer covering tech, travel, business, social media, personal care, parenting, and food, her need for more “me time” has lead her to search the seven corners of the world in order to find the ever-elusive lazy-streak. So far, it’s successfully avoided her. When she’s not living online, Lisa is pestering her husband and son in order to test their breaking post and give them something to discuss with the shrink. Find her at A Daily Pinch and @Lisa_Frame.

You can still join and take part in of Mom Bloggers For Social Good. Once you do, you’ll get weekly emails about new charity partners and what you can do to help. It can be as simple as sending out a tweet or writing a blog post. There are a number of social causes that you can choose that interest you including:

• Children
• Maternal Health
• Women & Girls
• HIV & AIDS
• Environment & Climate
• Malaria & Tuberculosis
• Fair Trade
• Workers Rights
• Food Security
• Communicable Disease
• Water Issues

Working together as a network of bloggers and using our social media voices, through Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, etc. we can make a huge difference for people in need and the nonprofits that aim to help them. Join us by signing up. Right now there are 500 Founding Members! You can also follow Mom Bloggers for Social Good on Twitter at @socialgoodmoms and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mom-Bloggers-for-Social-Good/124385917679260. The hashtag is #socialgoodmoms.

Being involved in this network is a dream come true for me. I’ve been an advocate for nonprofits and social causes for a while now on my blog, but working along with other amazing bloggers with Mom Bloggers for Social Good will make the difference by gaining a bigger audience. Thanks to the other Founding Members and those to come and of course to Jennifer James for her inspiration and putting her thoughts into action.

Why? I yelled at myself. How could I forget to send it back? 

Inside my head a Jack Nicholson-like voice let me have it. How could you be so stupid?! How could you not put your child ahead of your other eighty-million things you have going on every day?  This is his education for #&@)’s sake! You stayed up until midnight last night working on your resume, how could you not have squeezed in five minutes to complete and return the $^&@ form?

And, so, I pulled out the nearly-completed the form. My husband and I scheduled a date-night last week, just to sit down and work on it. We thought of examples that proved our thoughts, we shared laughs and frustrations about his eight and a half years. The form was near completion.

Not the actual file.

But it wasn’t complete. The teacher in me wanted more. Sure, I knew all the “right” things to say. I knew just what trigger words to use in an analysis that likely partake in tipping the scales of evaluation. So, I sat down, pulled up sample  comments that I’d saved from writing countless report cards in years past, Bloom’s Taxonomy and other evaluation and teaching tools to make sure I was making the “right” comments.

That’s when Jack Nicholson came back to me. ”You want the truth? You want the truth?! YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH.”

I couldn’t. As I completed the paperwork, I realized the truth as my muscles tensed and my fingers cramped. I didn’t want to fail my child.

I was terrified of sending back this form. Terrified that I wouldn’t represent him right. That I might have missed an example that would prove his need for service. That I had forgotten to include a key verb, adjective or noun. That, perhaps, that one thing missing from my form would make it so that he wouldn’t qualify for services.

Of course, we all know that’s nonsense. There are multiple factors that go into play in any evaluation for services in schools. Testing, feedback from teachers, staff and therapists, even the child can help evaluate himself. But as a parent? Who’s sole interest in this case is making sure he qualifies… that’s a lot of weight on my shoulders.

I completed and returned the form and my imaginary Mr. Nicholson patted me on the back. Was it enough? I wondered. “You did good.”

And now, we’ll just wait and see.

About the author:

Julie Meyers Pron blogs at Just Precious, your go-to destination for parents featuring snappy blog posts and lively Vlogs that will help any visitor navigate educational issues and parenting questions while offering helpful child development tips. Created by a licenced teacher and experienced mom and marketer, Julie Meyers Pron features discussion topics that moms value including organization, menu planning and fun, realistic, real-life stories. While you’re visiting Just Precious be sure to check out the eye catching Mom-lifestyle suggestions that will allow you to parent confidently while remaining your stylish self.

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Acting as your child’s advocate is part of your role as a parent. When you send them off to school, you have to trust that all their needs are being met. And while it is important be involved regardless of your child(ren)’s learning abilities, there is a right way to properly advocate for your child.

There is a seat for everyone

One step at a time

Children, contrary to popular belief, do not act the same way at school as they do at home. There are those exceptions to the rule; however, children react to their environment. Just because your daughter cries and pleads inability to complete an assignment at home, does not mean she is struggling at school. The first step if you think your child is struggling is to send a note or email to the teacher asking for a meeting to discuss your concerns. Please note the emphasis on asking.

Go to the meeting with an open mind.

All humans, by innate nature, act differently when certain influences either are present or taken away. When you are in the meeting with the teacher, be willing to listen to his or her responses when voicing your concerns.

You may say something like, “Lately, I’ve noticed that Billy struggles when a worksheet has a lot of reading as as opposed to worksheets asking simple multiple choice questions.”

By simply stating what you have witnessed at home, you are neither accusing the teacher of any wrong doing or putting him or her on the defense. This enables the conversation to flow more easily.

Reversely, should the teacher contact you first, do not automatically put up a defensive wall. Listen to what the teacher has to say. He or she would not contact if there wasn’t a concern.

By talking with the teacher first to rule out any environmental factors that could be causing a problem, together you can brainstorm the possibility of an alternate game plan to correct any problems.

Don’t demand anything.

For any child such as my own, while I felt that he may be in need of special education services, that does not mean I was right.  No single child, regardless of learning ability, learns in the same way.  Education reform is a major issue in this country right now. One of the trending issues in special education taking away the need to pull students out of the mainstream classroom and having teachers differentiate instruction to meet the needs of each student. The theory is that the children will learn better if they are able to stay in a room with their peers, working on the same work, only it is tailored to fit their needs.

[You can read more about inclusion at Kids Together, Inc.]

Be patient.

Unfortunately, there is a process that has to be followed.  Arming yourself with your state and school district’s policies is a good thing, but don’t attempt to use it as a weapon to supersede the process. Don’t come to the school waving around a piece of paper from your pediatrician with a diagnosis. The policies and tests are set in a certain order to protect your child and to ultimately get any services he or she may need. The process does not happen overnight.

Acceptance

If your child is recommended for testing for eligibility of special education services, either by your request or the teacher’s, there is no guarantee that he or she will qualify. The first time my son was tested, he did not qualify. In the tests, he met all the standards acceptable for a child of his grade level. The classroom teacher, the special education teacher, and I all agreed he was struggling, but that struggle was not enough. He, like so many other children, simply had to work a little bit harder in school.  We had to work harder at home. I accepted the the results, but in the back in my mind, I kept wondering.

Just as easily as we eventually received services, he could have been denied. It could have been as simple as he just didn’t care to succeed at a level I would have liked. And believe me, there are children in every classroom that  just go through the motions and accept any grade given, just to go on to the next day.

When you talk to your child’s teacher, if he or she does not feel like there may be some underlying learning difficulties, listen to the reasons. It is true that you know your child best, but it goes back to that teacher insight. You would be amazed how how similar the same- age group of children are year after year. A teacher has your child (and twenty-something other children’s) best interests at heart.

In summary

Without a doubt, parenting  is the hardest job we will undertake. Many times we have to make decisions or hear things that are difficult to understand.  But  arming yourself with some knowledge but by also going in with an open mind, the road traveled will seem less bumpy.

Here are some great resources with additional and more in-depth information:

• UnderstandingEducation.com
• Disability Rights California (written for CA but still has good information)
• Wright’s Law Special education advocacy

*My request for testing took several months, a couple of meetings, a pile of paperwork,  and a lot of waiting. Just because a parent requests testing, does not mean the testing will commence.

Disclaimer: This post in no way is a substitute for  professional advice. Every child, teacher, and situation is unique. The preceding information has been provided to you as a general guide and individual results may vary. Many children simply struggle in school without any underlying cause. Struggles with studies is not a indication of a learning disability. This post should not be taken as an implication as such.