Breakfast with the Beak

Episode 49: Shopping with Girls

Johnny Goodtimes and Doktor Heisenberg — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 12:35:27 +0000

Women be shoppin', right guys? Seriously, we're asking. We aren't entirely sure. Are those men on the benches at the mall really waiting around for their wives, or are they just there for a Cinnabon and a little me-time? And can we stay on-topic long enough to figure it out? Of course not; we need to talk about why the "Lorax" movie is blasphemous, and then offer Regis an absurd new job.

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Episode 48: Danger: Diabolik

Johnny Goodtimes and Doktor Heisenberg — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 12:31:56 +0000

Danger: Diabolik! It's been a long-running comic book, an infamous movie, an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, and -- in our overactive imaginations -- a really amazing crossover episode of Archer. And despite all that, you've probably never heard of it. Listening to this episode won't really help you with that, but we do have some ideas for that Munsters reboot you've been reading about! We promise they're better that whatever show is actually being made.

Episode 47: Midnight Releases

Johnny Goodtimes and Doktor Heisenberg — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 12:37:36 +0000

All right, get the obligatory nocturnal emission jokes out of the way. Done? Good, because that's not what this show is about. This show is about the people who line up on the sidewalk to buy stuff as early as humanly possible. And weirdly enough, we don't judge them. We have no problems with people doing this. No, our issue is with the shittiness of the things they're paying for, from 3D movies to first-person shooters. Oh, and we take some time to promote a video game called Dragon Punch Joe, which will totally exist someday.

Episode 46: Cool vs. Uncool Instruments

Johnny Goodtimes and Doktor Heisenberg — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 12:30:48 +0000

A guitar can make you a rock n' roll god, but in the wrong hands it can ruin an otherwise great party. So how can we learn to spot the difference? Can a musical instrument be inherently cool or uncool? Can a staton wagon? If you pound on a bike helmet, does it really become a drum? Why haven't college-aged acoustic guitar guys learned any new songs since 2002? We ask! And we confirm that music will suck in the future, beginning later tonight at the Super Bowl.

Episode 45: Pills

Johnny Goodtimes and Doktor Heisenberg — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 12:33:06 +0000

Another week, another Big Damn Question. This time, we're trying to figure out when it's appropriate to swallow all the pills in your cupboard at once. So tune in, because this episode has something to offend nearly everyone. And that's not just marketing bullshit; this episode is actually pretty horrifying. From suicide to British tabloids to lifelike boy-robots that electrocute pedophiles, you're sure to find something that will piss you off!

Episode 44: The Myth of the Nerd

Johnny Goodtimes and Doktor Heisenberg — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 12:36:03 +0000

Generations of nerds have been told they will inherit the Earth someday, while their tormentors will end up mopping floors and pumping gas. But is there the slightest chance that real life works that way? We plan on getting to the bottom of that, mostly by examining the mediocrity of the world around us. Why do rich guys have such horrible nicknames? What sort of shoes are appropriate to wear on a yacht? Were primitive humans tormented by crafty lizardmen? We ask!

Episode 43: Running with Scissors

Johnny Goodtimes and Doktor Heisenberg — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 12:36:25 +0000

Running with scissors. It's the classic childhood safety hazard, and the cornerstone of lazy jokes about mental illness. Are we going to talk about any of that? Kind of. But we're pretty distracted, because the Governor of Mississippi just let a bunch of murderers out of jail for, like, no reason, and that's way more interesting. Also for no reason: massive spoilers for the most recent season of Breaking Bad.

Episode 42: Truck Nuts

Johnny Goodtimes and Doktor Heisenberg — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 11:37:38 +0000

Truck Nuts! Scourge of the highways and back roads of this great nation! A stunning display of virility to one's fellow motorists! Or maybe just some silly crap to stick on your car when your pissing Calvin sticker starts to lose its novelty. Whatever the case, we're going to figure it out and still find time to tell a surprisingly detailed story about the Pope's penis. Seriously, where else will you hear that today?

Episode 41: Words That Begin With the Letter U

Johnny Goodtimes and Doktor Heisenberg — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 11:34:52 +0000

So many things start with the letter U! For example, "Uhhhhh," which we say quite a few times while we try to work out where the hell to go with this topic. But that's a good thing, because it's New Year's Day, and you don't need too much excitement or noise when you're hung over. And we talk about hobos! Come on! You know you're curious about that.

Episode 40: Giant Baby in the Post-Apocalypse

Johnny Goodtimes and Doktor Heisenberg — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 11:37:38 +0000

Are we going to let the fact that it's literally Christmas day stop us from posting a new show? Hell no! It's not even a gimmicky holiday episode! No, we're celebrating the season by talking about our big plans for the end of the world, where we will make our living as dashing outlaws delivering Twinkies to hungry children. Does that sound more awesome than Christmas? Yes it does. Because it is.