I have a few words to share on the subject.

We all experience a wide range of feelings throughout the day. We can be happy or sad or angry or elated. Sometimes we act on those feelings. When we’re happy, maybe we jump up and down. And sometimes we don’t act on those feelings. When we’re angry, we may decide it’s not a good idea to smash the bathroom mirror.

But let’s be clear, being gay is not a feeling. It is part of who you are. Feelings come and go, but being attracted to men isn’t something that will pass.

When your parents say that they don’t want you to act on your “gay” feelings, what they are really saying is that they don’t want you to be true to who you are. And life is far too short to be anything less than authentic.

When God, the universe – or whatever label you may use – created you, it certainly wasn’t a mistake. Above and beyond all your talents and abilities, God gave you a very special gift. And that gift is your sexuality. To experience the fullness of human life, it is important to celebrate and embrace all aspects of who you are. Being gay included.

I shot it last weekend in New York City with the help of some amazing blog buddies and filmmaker Sam Ekren. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Check it out.

No one knows for sure. But here’s one thing that’s certain: Being gay is not a choice.

To suggest otherwise strikes most of us as offensive – and, in fact, recent comments along those lines landed actress Cynthia Nixon in hot water. Amid a public uproar, she later clarified her statement.

It’s also why so many gay people take issue with the term “sexual preference” – as it implies choice. Our attractions aren’t a choice; they’re hardwired into our being. To be attracted to another man isn’t a phase or something we outgrow. On the contrary, it’s a song in our heart that is impossible – try as we might – to ignore.

The only element of choice is whether or not we’ll tune into that song and live our life in accordance with its beat. The same-sex attractions we feel are not something we decide, but living an open and honest life is. To embrace who we are – even in the face of challenges, obstacles and hardships – is a choice, and it’s part of what makes us so damn strong.

Being gay isn’t a choice. Embracing who you are is.

When artist Robert Rainone asked permission to create a piece of art based on one of my blog images, I said sure. But under one condition: That he’d let us auction off the finished piece to benefit The Trevor Project. The Trevor Project is the leading organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBT youth.

Many of you may recognize the image as one from my blog’s header. According to Rob:

While his body is hard-earned and attention worthy, I didn’t want to gloss over what I think his real gifts are… his irreverent yet relevant vision and a sharp sense of humor. What better way to do that than to showcase his eyes?

To create the image, Rob layered colored mats. The mats were then cut away to reveal their colors and build the image.

I’m thrilled with how the signed 16″ x 20″ piece turned out – and I’m sure that it will make a great addition to any home. In addition, I’ll be writing an autographed message on the reverse side of the artwork.

With 100% of the auction funds going directly to The Trevor Project and their LGBT suicide prevention programs, please bid generously.

Place your bid today.

I think people maybe be confusing “different” for “ugly.” Indeed, in the United States (and unlike most other countries), intact penises are far and few between. Rare and unusual? Yes. Ugly? No.

There’s nothing ugly about foreskin; it’s part of the natural and intended design for our male sex organs. Foreskin is beautiful.

Check out the video via my second YouTube channel, Davey Wavey Raw.

Each week, I feature a new coming out story through a YouTube channel called OutStories. Have a webcam? Share your coming out story today.

When Thomas came out to his mother in Kentucky, he was surprised by her reaction. In a region that can be short on acceptance for LGBT individuals, his mom responded with unconditional love.

Watch Thomas’ coming out story.

Through a blog buddy email, I wasn’t surprised to learn that the church will be protesting this year’s Superbowl. In addition, they’ll be protesting the funeral of former Penn State coach Joe Paterno – who was fired amidst the university’s sexual abuse scandal.

The Westboro Baptist Church is best known for picketing the funerals of soldiers with their “God Hates Fags” signs and banners. The church’s handful of followers believe that God is expressing His disapproval of homosexuality by allowing American soldiers to be killed in Afghanistan.

I really don’t spend much time thinking, talking or writing about the Westboro Baptist Church because that is exactly what they want. They want us to use our precious time on this earth to elevate their cause through our attention.

But the truth is, I think the Westboro Baptist Church has unwittingly done more to help the gay rights movement than hurt it. Because of their offensive and extreme messaging, the Church has painted opponents of equality with a very broad and unappealing brush. They’ve put a very ugly face on what it means to be anti-gay. And rather than elicit support and sympathy for their cause, I suspect their outrageous protesting has had the opposite effect.

For the Westboro Baptist Church, protesting at high profile events has become part of the formula. Unfortunately for them, it’s a tired formula that is resulting in diminishing returns and increasing liabilities. The more they keep at it, the crazier they look, the more they alienate their cause and the deeper a hole they dig.

On one hand, I absolutely love being shirtless. If you talk to any of me friends, they’ll confirm what you know from watching my videos: I almost never wear clothes – even in the middle of winter.

On the other hand, gay culture is incredibly body-conscious – and not necessarily in a healthy way. I often think about how, though my shirtless YouTube videos, I may be participating in that. And, as someone who believes in the value of inner beauty, might my shirtless antics come across as hypocritical?

For me, it really comes down to celebrating both the inside AND the outside. Yes, your inner beauty is awesome and amazing. But these human bodies are glorious, too. Embracing the inside doesn’t mean being ashamed of the outside. I want to celebrate both – and that’s exactly what I do in today’s talky blog.

Enjoy.

If a child identifies as a girl and the child’s family presents her as a girl, Girl Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout.

Bobby is now a Girl Scout and, personally, I applaud the decision and hope that it’s upheld nationwide. Unlike the notoriously homophobic Boy Scouts (of which I was once a member), the Girl Scouts are charting a course of inclusivity and acceptance.

Meanwhile, a 14-year-old Girl Scout from California identified only as Taylor uploaded a video to YouTube that quickly went viral – before it was later removed. Taylor blasted the Girl Scouts for their decision to accept Bobby, and encouraged all viewers to boycott the organization’s annual cookie sale fundraiser. The video was incredibly transphobic and generated a flurry of negative comments.

After watching Taylor’s Girl Scout boycott video, it had the opposite effect on me. For the first time in my life, I bought Girl Scout cookies. It’s a small way to show support for an organization that has come under fire for doing what is fair and just.

If a Girl Scout comes knocking on your door, I’d encourage you to consider doing the same.

The other day, I was re-reading Deepak Chopra’s The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire – one of my favorite books by my favorite author. In it, Chopra examines the scientific rationale supporting a concept that gurus have espoused for ages: Separation is an illusion. Using evidence from quantum physics, the deep connection we all share isn’t just rooted in ancient beliefs – but in science, too.

When I first started this blog many years ago, I was shopping around for a good website URL. All the obvious ones were already taken. And then, out of the blue, it finally hit me. I purchased breaktheillusion.com and the rest is history.

People often ask, “What illusion are you trying to break?” As I’ve said before, the illusion is different for all of us. But for me, it’s the illusion that we are all separate. With our hands, we can feel a barrier between ourselves and others. With our eyes, we can see it. But it’s a trick of the senses that much of our world has come to believe.

In Chopra’s book, there is a beautiful line that I want to paraphrase for you. In talking about the illusion of separation, the author brings up the topic of love. Love, in any form, is breaking through the illusion of “you” and “me” and seeing the oneness and connection between us. When we feel love, we break the illusion.

♥

When you laugh at someone’s sexual orientation, it makes paves the way for name-calling and then bullying. It creates a foundation that becomes a very slippery slope to homophobia. And while most people making gay jokes don’t intend to contribute to the mistreatment of LGBT people, I think we need to take responsibility for the words that come out of our mouths – and how they may impact others.

To that end, check out today’s impromptu talky blog (which I recorded after watching the new Sherlock Holmes movie) via my second YouTube channel, Davey Wavey Raw.

Being a teenager isn’t easy. The learning curve is steep – and it’s a huge time of adjustment, growth and change. Most of us struggle to stay centered and to find our place in the world.

When you add being gay into the equation, it can make the challenges of growing up even harder. It’s adding another layer of obstacles – and, for many people, it can be too much. For this reason, the suicide rates for gay and lesbian youth are several times higher than the straight peers. And it’s why organizations like The Trevor Project are crucially important.

Today, Connor bravely shares his coming out story – and reminds us that it does get better.

The clip is a trailer for a film to be created by Ryan James Yezak – with the bulk of the funding coming a fundraising appeal on kickstarter. Ryan set a goal of $50,000 to produce the film – and, to date, he’s raised more than $137,000 from more than 3,300 individuals.

Watching the clip, you can’t help but be in awe of how far we – as a movement – have come. And at the same time, it’s abundantly clear that we still have a long ways yet to go. We’ll get there, one heart at a time.

Here’s the video.

Anyone else get goosebumps?

As I shared a few days ago, I have a lot of respect for drag queens like Haley Star that are able to pull it off so effortlessly. Indeed, seeing yourself in a dress, makeup and a wig is a very strange and eye-opening experience.

Check out the video – and, in the comments below, let me know what my drag name should be. Not that I’m ever doing this again.

Enjoy!

As I do on most mornings, I hopped out of bed around 6:00AM. With my boxer briefs twisted and half my ass hanging out, I made my way into the kitchen to eat a banana and mix a protein shake. Through the corner of my eye, I saw movement outside one of my condo’s windows.

Without turning my head, I could see – through the early morning darkness – that someone was watching me from a neighboring building. Slowly and subtly, I repositioned myself to get a better view. As I did, I saw an older man slowly slide along the lower edge of his windowsill – with a pair of binoculars aimed in my direction. Every hair on the back of my neck stood on end.

I’ve been living in this condo for something like four years. During that time, it’s never occurred to me that I might be under observation – and I can only imagine what my curious neighbor may have seen.

Though I like the idea of exhibitionism (at least in theory), part of me feels a little bit violated. On the other hand, it feels like karmic justice. After all, the YouTube video that launched my career is about a neighbor that I caught masturbating. And, over the years, I’ve done my fair share of voyeuring.

The tables are now turned, and I’m not really sure what to do about the situation. I guess I could start wearing clothes, but let’s not get too carried away. At any rate, in the event that I go missing, now you now know where to start the search.

As someone with an abnormally high voice and a tendency to talk with my hands, I’m often ridiculed for being too flamboyant. I like to think that I’ve developed a very thick skin, and that I take it all in stride; I refuse to play the victim card. And, after all, what other people think of me is none of my business.

But maybe my skin isn’t as thick as I like to think.

To wear drag is to celebrate all those feminine characteristics and qualities about which so many of us are tormented. Walking around in a dress and high heels, you really have to own your femininity. It’s about embracing what can otherwise be a point of apprehension or shame. For me, it was surprisingly difficult.

Looking at my drag-self in the mirror, I realized my own discomfort. As much as I like to think that the teasing, taunting and torment hasn’t affected me, I know that it has. As much as I wanted to celebrate my femininity through drag, I found it very challenging to do so – and it gave me a new-found respect for confident drag queens like Haley Star who do it so effortlessly.

Who knew that wearing a dress could be such a spiritually eye-opening experience?

Stay tuned for Davey Wavey’s drag unveiling this Thursday, January 19.

Let’s be clear: Personally, I think our various fetishes make the world a more interesting place. Our fetishes make all of us more diverse and colorful, but that doesn’t mean that each and every fetish is going to resonate with me. Case in point, today’s talky blog via my second channel about sneaker fetishes.

Of course, a lot people probably think the same thing about my gay twin fantasies. One man’s kink is another man’s vanilla.

Each week, I feature a new coming out story through a YouTube channel called OutStories. Have a webcam? Share your coming out story today.

I’m so glad that Axcella shared her coming out story with us.

Born a woman trapped in a man’s body, Axcella’s journey is one of self-discovery and courage.

I also respect, in particular, Axcella’s willingness to share such a personal story in such an open and public way. I think all of us can be inspired by her strength and confidence.

Watch Axcella’s coming out story.

A month ago, 19 year-old gay filmmaker Eric James Borges recorded a video for the It Gets Better Project. In it, he talks about overcoming his own struggles (he was rejected by his biological family) and his suicide-prevention work with The Trevor Project. He comes across as a an intelligent, strong young man with a lot to offer our community.

With so much promise, strength and the availability of resources, it seems impossible that Eric James did the unimaginable. On Wednesday, he took his own life.

We don’t know that Eric James committed suicide because he was gay or because his family rejected him. But we do know that LGBT individuals are several times more likely to commit suicide than their straight peers. And each time this happens, it’s as though a piece of our collective soul is snuffed out. I can’t help but feel that, as people like Eric James continue to fall through the cracks, we’ve failed them. And to think that the pain of staying in this world was greater than the pain to leave it, my heart is broken.

As I really don’t know what else to say, watch a short film that Eric James uploaded to YouTube. May he rest in peace.

But, of course, I did know. And I had known for years. However, just because you know you’re gay doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s time to come out.

Hear me out in today’s talky blog.

Hey Davey,

Why are gay people good at everything? Every gay person I know is either really smart, really talented musically/artistically, or really attractive.

First things first, generalizations are generalizations – even if they are good ones. And I’m sure all of us know have dated gay people that don’t fit into the above categories. At the same time, I think there is a least a kernel of truth to what you’re saying.

For me, three things immediately come to mind.

First, as gay people growing up in a straight world, I think we tend to ask questions – from a very early age – that a straight child might not. Because of this, we might learn to see ourselves differently in the world, and I think this inspires the creativity that is so prevalent in our community.

Second, I sometimes think we need to work harder to prove our value – both to ourselves and the world around us. Growing up Catholic, I was constantly told that I was evil and a sinner. Perhaps, in some way, doing well in school, studying and getting good grades was a way for me to prove my worth.

Third, in a discriminatory society that doesn’t always support us, some of us may find freedom of expression – or even a voice – through the art we create. Whether it’s painting, dancing or singing, it’s a way to be free. It’s empowering.

There’s no doubt that the experience of growing up gay has a huge impact on all of us – but whether it makes us any smarter, talented or more creative is certainly up for debate. If we – as gay people – are disproportionately blessed with these gifts, why do you think it is? Let me know in the comments below.

But then the universe intervened.

My contract was contingent on a home inspection and radon test. While the inspection went fine, the radon test turned up dangerously high levels. A second test confirmed the results. As radon – which comes from the breakdown of Uranium – causes cancer, I had a specialist come in to see how the issue could be fixed. To make a long story short, there was no easy or inexpensive resolution.

I’m not one to force a solution on a situation. I took the radon levels as a sign from the universe that it’s not mean to be, and so I cancelled my contract. As beautiful as my new home would be, I’m not willing to make an unwise decision for the sake of owning it.

Because of this mentality, I’m really not sad or disheartened. During moments like these, I remind myself that the universe always unfolds perfectly – even when we have a hard time realizing it.

In the meantime, not closing on the new home opens my schedule up to Plan B. I’ll be heading to New York City again at the end of the month, and then Palm Springs followed by Las Vegas in February. And, as they say, what happens in Vegas, stays on my YouTube channel for your viewing pleasure.

Check out today’s tongue-in-cheek (please don’t take it as seriously as some of the commentators on YouTube) talky blog via my second channel with special guest Haley Star. And stay tuned for the January 19th talky blog when Haley Star gives me a drag makeover. I promise that it’s even scarier than you can imagine.

Each week, I feature a new coming out story through a YouTube channel called OutStories. Have a webcam? Share your coming out story today.

At age 15, Jennifer has the wisdom and courage of someone three or four times her age. Jennifer has a beautiful spirit – and great advice for anyone coming out.

Jennifer for president, anyone?

Watch her coming out story.

Actually, such a world already exists as Provincetown, West Hollywood or Fire Island – but those exceptions are far and few between. Indeed, we gays are outnumbered.

In a short film called Role Reversal, the tables are turned when a high school student discovers how difficult it is to be himself – in public – with the person that he loves.

It’s a cool twist. Check it out.