BREAK UP FOR MEN

EGYPT THAILAND BALI! JOIN ME! HOST ME! | MP3

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 04:14:50 PST

EGYPT THAILAND BALI! JOIN ME! HOST ME! | MP3

HOST ME AND GET MY COACHING FOR FREE - MP3

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 14:40:59 PDT

HOST ME AND GET MY COACHING FOR FREE - MP3

My ex is super angry about me dating this new girl - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 10:17:13 PDT

Your ex might react in all sorts of very irrational ways when she hears about your new relationship.

She might accuse you of:

Betraying the memory of the love you had with her.
Jumping too fast in a new relationship.
Not taking time to mourn.
Not caring about her feelings.
Using this new girl as a rebound.
Having a shallow connection with a girl you don't really care for.
Etc.

In other terms, it's very common for an ex to try to degrade whatever love or romance you are experiencing.

As you can imagine, that's absolute, total non sense!

She does all that for one simple reason: she is jealous.

She attacks your new love because deep inside she still wants to be number one!

It's a competitive response from her.

You have to let your ex go and be ok with whatever emotional reaction she's having.

You simply don't have to listen!

You are doing what's right by dating this new girl.

Right now, your ex's attitude is TOXIC!

Don't contact her for a while.

If she was given the possibility she would happily do anything she can to poison your connection with this new girl.

Stay away from her as much as possible if you don't want her to negatively impact on the fun you experience now.

I know you wish she was reacting differently but she will most likely not change and be super disrespectful with her emotional reaction towards you.

Stay away from her!

Right now she's like a virus!

How to keep my cool with the first girl I date after a break up - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 06:03:23 PDT

True!

Going to a first date when you didn't do that for a long time can be quite disabling!

Especially if your feel deeply triggered and impressed by her beauty.

Confidence is an attitude you train!

Once you develop it, whether it's the first girl after break up or a old lady you chat with at the bus stop, the principles are the same.

The key with new dates is to have other options. If she's your only hope, she feels it and it makes you appear needy.

It makes you look as if you were measuring every word and every move, afraid of making mistakes.

YOU MUST RELAX!

Put a big casual smile on your face and not worry much.

Focus on creating chemistry on the moment rather than making projects for the future.

Got that?

Enjoy!

Talking to my ex feels now a bit shallow - Is that normal? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 02:57:54 PDT

Yes, it's normal.

Don't be afraid to be shallow.

That's the way to go

You don't have to reinvent your life with her or develop an intimate friendship right now.

Especially if, as it is often the case, she doesn't want to hear about your love life and not too happy to hear how fantastic you are doing.

It's ok to keep it superficial at this stage.

I totally lost trust in marriage - What do you think? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 02:53:14 PDT

Marriage is beautiful! It does work for many!

Simply think twice before you commit.

People often marry too early because they are afraid of what will happen if they don't...

Not good!

Slowly and no sex at first when dating new women? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 02:51:28 PDT

Yes, slowly, no commitment is better in the beginning.

Why?

Because when your ex leaves, you might try to fill this void in a rebound way which is not satisfying for you long term.

Keep your options open instead.

No sex?

Light intimacy is great but think twice before having intercourse as this usually creates very strong binding and often naturally leads to commitment.

Enjoy your freedom for a while instead.

My ex doesn't want to hear about my new love life - What should we talk about if we meet? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 05:58:43 PDT

Simple!

Talk about anything else!

You don't have to force your love life on her.

But don't let her emotional reactions stop you when she's not around.

She says she wouldn't like it if I was dating someone new straight away - Should I try to protect her feelings or not be bothered? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 02:46:55 PDT

You're kidding, right?!!

She dumped you!

She thought of herself first when taking that step!

Did she care about how THAT would make YOU feel?

Not at all, right?

So, why are you still trying to protect her??

YOU ARE 100% FREE!!!!

FREE! FREE! FREE!

There is nothing in your life that belongs to her!

You don't have to protect her, you don't have to even share what you experience with other women.

She has not right to expect anything from you or limit you in any way!

Got that?

DON'T LET HER DO THAT TO YOU!

RESPECT YOUR NEEDS MORE THAN HERS!

She says she wants to be friends but only sent me one text message in 2 weeks! - What kind of friendship is that?!! - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 05:55:27 PDT

She might say she wants to stay friends but then doesn't act accordingly.

Look at her actions, rather than what she says. Her actions speak louder than her words.

So, if she sends you one text message a week, that tells you exactly how much time and energy she wants to invest in a friendship with you right now.

My advice?

Invest less or the same as what she does, certainly not more or you will end up losing yourself and getting deeply frustrated.

Should I check on her to make sure she is all right? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 05:53:39 PDT

Not your responsibility!

Nothing new will come from the connection you have with her right now.

Your relationship is still in the dissolution process.

Right now, the less you interact with her the better you feel and the more space and energy you have to invest in other women.

That's what you should focus on.

I know she loved me - How could she change so fast? - I don't get it? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 05:52:11 PDT

Feelings can change very quickly.

It's just human nature.

The fluidity of human feelings is beautiful but doesn't give you the security people often expect from marriage and relationships.

I still feel guilty about seeing other women - How can I shift that? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 05:51:18 PDT

ABOUT REFRAMING GUILT...

In break up cases, it's not like you are doing something wrong.

You are free! You are dating new women.

In this case guilt is a useless emotion!

It drains your energy, destroys your confidence and the chemistry you could establish with the new women you date.

Don't let that happen!

Take control of your thoughts and emotions and as soon as you see even an inch of guilt creeping in, DESTROY IT!

Guilt is USELESS!

As a general idea, when you have emotions like guilt popping in your mind, here are some new thought forms you can use.

The goal is to gain power and recondition yourself.

Use this type of empowering self talk affirmations:

I am free - He's breaking up - I can see whoever I want
I am a free man and if she's my friend she will be happy for me
I want a new relationship and will get it!
Nothing and no one will stop me from meeting fantastic women and developing new relationships!
Etc.

Remember that in your ex's mind she might want to keep you were you are.

It IS a battle for power and happiness, and even if you want to stay friends, she is usually on your way, when you try to meet someone else.

She might judge silently what you do with your love life or resent it.

Why? because you are giving your life and energy to someone else.

It's a battle for energy and attention.

It's competition on an energy level.

I would like to stay friends with my ex - Is that even possible? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 05:48:23 PDT

If you already are in good terms and deeply respect each other, I am sure it can work.

Test the waters and find out what you can share and what you can't.

If you want to bring new women in your life, it's important NOT to see your ex or communicate with her too much.

I would say one drink a week, a couple text messages max, that kind of thing.

If you invest too much energy in your ex, it will keep your life totally polarized on her and not free enough space for new relationships.

GOT THAT?! This is essential to understand!

She says she's not yet dating and that the profiles she set up on dating sites are just for information - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 05:46:58 PDT

Looking for information on dating sites?? Yeah right!.. There is a turn on and excitement behind her new found dating life.

It's like a guy going on a porn site and saying to his girl friend he wants to know more about female anatomy ;) sorry couldn't help that one - No offence

She wants to be friends - Should I tell her about the new women I date? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 02:31:15 PDT

For the time being you can set up new boundaries between the two of you.

Maybe she DOESN'T want to hear about your love life. You don't know yet. You have to find out

You might be looking for her validation and encouragement because you believe that's what a good friend should do.

Now, it's very much possible that when you share the feelings you experience for someone else, she might not like it.

The best way to find out is to share some light flirting anecdotes and see how she responds.

That's a good way to test the waters.

You can say for instance.

"I love this spring feeling. All these women looking so sexy! - I was in town having a beer with my friend and this girl at the table next to us was definitely checking me out - She was cute, we chatted a bit. She just moved into town..."

While you share something along that line, observe your ex's emotional response. Is she enjoying hearing your story or does she resent you sharing that?

It's essential to know.

If she resents it, it means you should not share your love life with her unless she asks you.

This means that if you support her love life (listening like a good friend) but she doesn't support yours, it can create a strong imbalance in the friendship and you end up frustrated.

We can check what to do once you know more about her response. That will be for another tip.

If she likes it, gets excited, asks you follow up questions, it means that you can establish now a new level of complicity right there.

Try sharing your love life the way I described above and see how she responds.

Just talk about you dating or flirting in general

How does she respond when she envisions you with other women?

Does she like it or not?

Test it! You will quickly get an answer!

I still live with my ex and feel guilty about dating other women - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 03:18:29 PDT

If you are still under the same roof and especially if you are helping her with moving on with her life, it's normal to feel a bit guilty and not have too much space for dating yet.

Space will open up in your mind as soon as she is out and you see her way less.

The dynamics will shift as soon as she is out of your place.

Once she is gone, remove ALL TRACES of her presence in your personal space.

This will help you A LOT with getting a fresh start and resetting your mind.

How long should you mourn a broken relationship? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 02:00:09 PDT

30 days! Give yourself 30 days to find all the answers you need and let go of your ex!

Before you can move on, you usually need to know why the break up happened and if there is anything that you could have done differently.

You need answers!

Most break ups are an opportunity to discover something deep about yourself, like how you stand in life and the profound values you live for.

In these initial 30 days, don't jump in a new committed relationship.

You need some time first to regroup your energy and find yourself back.

When the break up happens, make a note on your agenda 30 days from the break up date saying something like "FULL RECOVERY" or "NEW LIFE START".

Having this date in your future will keep you focused and set up the starting point to your new life!

How can you get your power back after a break up? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 01:57:46 PDT

Refocus your energy!

Start light dating after the first 2-3 weeks!

Gain back control over your personal foundation! For instance if you were married or living with your partner, secure where you will live and how you make a living.

90% of the solution is the mind! Realize that this is a battle! Nothing and no one will stop you from being happy! Happiness is a space you need to fight for! It's like a territory to conquer!

Once you shift to battle mode and consciously DECIDE to win this challenge, absolutely nothing will stop you.

A coach expert in breakups can of course help you develop the right mind sets and guide you in stepping out of the victim role into a winning mind set.

You are beautiful being and have so much to offer! Millions of new potential partners out there are ready to date you!

What's the best way to get over a break up? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 01:55:18 PDT

The first most essential strategy is damage control. There are 3 essential areas you need to protect when a break up hits you: your career, your heath, your social life.

What does that mean? It means that a break up can have a devastating snow ball effect and negatively impact on these other areas of your life.

Protect yourself! Realize that your life is under attack and that you need to shift to battle mode! This is a fight for survival and emotional victory!

Protecting your career means staying 100% professional - Don't bring these personal break up issues to work - Don't talk about it - Stay focused on what you are paid for.

Protecting your health means sleeping well, hitting the gym, staying fit, eating healthy, avoiding alcohol or drugs and so on. The guidelines for wellness and vitality are always the same but when a break up hits you, the risk of overeating or letting yourself go is way higher. You feel like you run out of will power and let go. Time to wake up and fight back!

Social life? Don't isolate yourself! Go out, respond to invitations! That's essential! This will take your mind off the break up - When you meet new people stay away from break up topics and focus on fun things instead - If you feel like you need to share, select a special time with a close friend, a coach or therapist. This will give you safe space to share your story and get a solid power boost.

Why do people take break ups so hard? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 01:52:44 PDT

Both women and men get often hit really hard by a break up - Why is that? Because the vision they had for their lives suddenly collapses. Imagine, you build up a perfect picture of your future with a given person and suddenly it's gone! This is why it is so hard to deal with, because it requires profound shifts in life vision.

A break up means change! And change is challenging!

Of course, there are the fears, the shame, what others will say about it. Somehow guilt can build up and doubts about your self worth creeps in too.

What's their point??? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 02:04:22 PDT

It’s stunning to see that your ex will harass you shamelessly.

They will contact you when you are trying to move on and are just dating someone else!

They will blame you for all the things you didn’t do!

And guess what?

You don’t have to listen!

You don’t have to play their game!

It’s YOUR life, not theirs!.

So, next time They are at your door step wanting to start a fight, simply don’t let it happen!

Say something like:

“I would love to speak with you but I have to get ready. I am living in a moment to go out”

You see, this is your property!

They have no right to invade your space!

Why? Because it’s against the law!

They need to respect the law as anyone else.

The only reason why people might cross your boundaries is because you are too soft and allow them to do so.

Now, you heard that already in the past, right?

YOUR LIFE IS UNDER ATTACK!

Defend yourself!

It is your most basic human right to do so.

You do it by reinforcing clear boundaries and getting them to respect you!

You simply have to learn to say “No!”, “No, Thanks!”, “Not Now!” or “Enough!”.

They bring your kids late or systematically shift arrangements - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 01:43:12 PDT

That’s one tactic so many exes use!

They drive you emotionally up the wall by shifting appointments, not showing up on time, cancelling last minute or asking for special favours.

Especially in divorce situations and especially if you have kids together, these can be super challenging waters to navigate.

Here is a way to handle this.

Always be prepared for worst case scenarios.

If they say they would be here at 5 pm, what will happen if they show up at 10 pm?

You need space, flexibility and alternatives.

You need to lower your expectations and assume they will do anything they can to piss you off.

If you lose your balance, they win.

It is REALLY that simple.

It’s like being on the emotional fighting ring.

There is no reason and logic in what goes on.

There is no desire to be agreeable or kind.

Often, there is only one target in your ex’s mind:

The urgent need to get back at you!

They want to take revenge and hurt you?

Why?

Maybe because you cheated years ago.

Or because the relationship with you became boring.

Or because you are dating their best friend.

You see, you can find dozens of possible reasons why your ex might want to challenge you.

Sometimes, they feel ignored and they want to be noticed again!

They want to seduce you or get your attention!

Complicating things is often their best shot at achieving that.

These are possible scenarios and you have many, many more of course!

The point is “What will you do about it?”

Will you let your ex hit you over and over again with the same emotional weapon?

Or will you develop new emotional resilience abilities and stay cool at all times?

What if they threaten you? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 01:41:42 PDT

A threat is often aimed at just scaring you off!

It’s aimed at creating drama.

The way to respond to a threat?

Sit back and wait!

You will often see that NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING happens!

Another way to go is to put in place extra protection.

If they say they will break into your house, set up new locks.

If they say they will take away your kids, check with your attorney.

In other terms, if the threat is potentially real, do something about it!

Don’t stay quite cross armed.

Protect your space, your assets, your life and your loved ones.

Why is there so much tension between you two? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 01:38:59 PDT

It is an accumulation of things.

Resentment is something that builds up over years.

When your ex freaks out over something stupid, it’s not just the latest event that triggers them.

It is often years of frustration and resentment.

It blows out of proportion because it’s like a built up fire suddenly breaking lose.

Sometimes, the only way to solve this tension is to stay away from each other and never meet again.

If that’s not an option, you need to do your part to bring back some harmony before it’s too late.

Now, BE SMART!

I mean, don’t fight their poisonous swords with a flower.

You need weapons to fight weapons.

BUT… You can as well ad new respect and diplomacy!

An open war is never a good thing!

Especially when you have a bunch of kids at home witnessing how their parents tear each other apart.

So, what do you do.

You put distance first!

Protect yourself by not allowing space for conflict.

Spaces for conflict happen:

When you spend too long on the phone.
When you try to develop a friendship.
When you just had casual sex with your ex.
When you try to rearrange stuff that was already agreed.
Etc.

You have dozens of potentially explosive situations with your ex.

Be smart and don’t fall in these traps by avoiding them altogether.

They try so hard to make you jealous! Why? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 01:36:58 PDT

Again, it’s a revengeful attitude.

They want to hurt you by confronting you.

Seeing your ex in the arms of their new love is usually NOT a nice experience.

Guess what? THEY KNOW THAT!

A simple way to avoid this is to stay away from each other, especially socially.

If that’s not option, you can of course be cool with it.

I know… Challenging!

Realize that none of what they do can touch or hurt you!

Really!

What feels weird is the fact that you still feel attachment for your ex.

There is still this inner urge to control what they do.

Why? Because your connection with that person is not fully dissolved.

You might think: “I should not be feeling that way”.

If you do, though, here is why?

It is because you have been conditioned to love that person for months or years.

Your mind is still attached to the romantic visions of you and your ex together.

Even if rationally you want to kick these images out, your neural network still has many emotional associations with them.

This is why, letting go of an ex doesn’t usually happen instantly.

It’s because of years or months of conditioning.

So, if you want to retrain your neural network and build new emotional associations connected with them, you can consciously confront yourself with real situations that will challenge you.

For instance you can imagine your ex having sex with someone else.

If you do that a few times, you will notice that the emotional pain you feel quickly turns into discomfort until you feel eventually nothing.

Nothing? Am I kidding you!!!???

Not at all!

You train yourself to feel nothing.

Look! These emotions are happening in you, right?

Who do you feel has the greatest control over these emotions?

It’s you!

Emotions survive in you because you allow them to!

It’s like having a dog barking in your back yard!

It hurts your ears!

You want to tame that dog!

You want to tame your emotions!

Is it that easy?

Of course not!

This is one of the number one challenge people fight with!

Gaining back a sense of mastery over their feelings and emotions.

I can tell you though that this could be YOUR moment!

This could be the most important skill you will develop from this break up!

It is the fact that you are the master of your emotions and once you decide to be cool with something, you can do it!

Seriously, look at the alternatives…

Do you imagine walking to your ex and begging them to stop humiliating you in public?

Yeah, right!!! Start a scene at this party?

You know this is a REALLY BAD idea.

So, no confrontation!

Instead tame yourself or leave!

These are the only possible ways to go.

Why do they try to seduce you again? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 01:35:23 PDT

Your ex might show up at your work ready for a kill!!

Why?

Why is it that they still need your attention?

Why is it that they can’t leave you alone?

Because they love the attention.

They love being number one in your mind.

They know how easy it is for them to often claim back that spot!

So they go for it!

ATTENTION IS ENERGY!!!

Wake up and realize that you and your ex are connected in subtle ways.

Yes, it is telepathy.

But think about it in a wider way.

It’s not silent transmission of thoughts.

It’s limbic resonance!

We don’t know much yet about the subtle exchanges of energy that go on between human beings, even when they are not in each other’s physical presence.

It’s a profound topic and we have little scientific proofs, just vague feelings.

If these ideas challenge you, let them go a bit and read my next chapter.

However, if you feel that your ex can actually drain you when they are not even physically there, I am here to tell you:

“Yes! I believe these things happen!”

They happen all the time between human beings.

You are not making that up.

It is one of the core challenges you might be facing with your ex.

Why do they claim you even though they are the ones breaking up? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 01:33:48 PDT

Simple!

Because they want to!

Again, they would like to have you miserably polarized on them, rather than seeing you happily move on.

Your ex wants you to be miserable without them.

When they say “No, really, I am happy for you…” does that sound sincere?

Does it look like what they are saying is backed up by a profound emotional realization?

Do they mean it?

Very often, they are trying to fake it!

They rationally know this is the right answer but they are often hurting inside.

Why? Because a break up is the death of something.

It is the end of that chapter of your lives.

Some people are able to easily embrace change and move on.

Some others want to keep things where they are and repeat the same scenario over and over again.

Yes, but they are the ones who broke up, so why is it that they don’t move on with that?

It is because they face an internal conflict.

Often in their minds, a part of them still wants to experience some of the feelings and emotions they had with you.

They build up romantic fantasies on the ruins of your past love.

It is a competitive thing as well.

A part of them wants to believe that they are better than the people you are dating now.

Being able to trigger your sexual desire is a victory for them.

They want to bring you back to that space even though they know they will shamelessly reject you once they bring you there.

See how it works?

I know, it contradicts itself and it is not logical!

But who talks about logic???

These are instincts.

They are animal needs that have been developed millions of years ago in the human mind.

The logical relationship boundaries came way later.

I know we are getting a bit side tracked here but this is why so many people cheat when given the opportunity.

It is because of our animal instinctual nature which is still embedded in us.

When given the opportunity to procreate, nature programmed us to go for it!

This is why for many people the instinctual animal drive overpowers the logical alternative.

More on this on my site… It’s vast chapter.

I was astounded to realise less than 12 hrs later my whole outlook had changed and I had taken back my power

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 04:31:18 PDT

"After trawling the web I stubbled across your site, after reading all the material and comments from other members I downloaded everything and started listening at work that night. I was astounded to realise less than 12 hrs later my whole outlook had changed and I had taken back my power. I had been in the deepest despair for 5 weeks but now I've finally moved on"

AL - US

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

I take more in and gain far more support from hearing your voice, it makes it sink in better

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 04:28:30 PDT

"I listen to the MP3s on my iPod either at home or at work, I usually get time either whilst working or when I'm waiting for jobs. I read your ebook but I take more in and gain far more support from hearing your voice, it makes it sink in better."

AL - US

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

http://vitalcoaching.com/audios.htm

Thank you for being brutally honest and not holding back truths that are uncomfortable to hear

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 01:38:57 PDT

"I am extremely grateful that I found you, (through youtube), and your work, deep insight, and acumen on this subject has given me many answers that have helped me to put all this in perspective. It's only been two weeks now, so I still get waves of sadness and regret, but they pass, and I am well on my way to getting my full power back. Thank you for being brutally honest and not holding back truths that are uncomfortable to hear. This blunt approach has made me face truths my ego would rather not hear, and that has made all the difference. Thank you... Regards..."

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

Your work is a true gift, and am truly grateful, and amazed by the accuracy, and deep insight you have

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 09:40:24 PDT

"Thank you Francisco - I am coming up to two weeks after her leaving our a nine year relationship. Your program is invaluable, and although I still struggle with the pain and disappointment, without your great work, i would be a wreck and lost. Your work is a true gift, and am truly grateful, and amazed by the accuracy, and deep insight you have - With the deepest sincerity"

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

Getting over your ex - BREAKING UP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:09:29 PST

No contact rule after breakup - See your ex or not?

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:08:54 PST

What if your ex trash talks you

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:07:05 PST

What if your ex was your best and only friend

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:06:32 PST

Break up support - 3 keys to get your power back

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:06:06 PST

Breakup survival - Step out of the breakup zone - FAST!

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:05:33 PST

Breakup recovery - Get your life back!

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:05:01 PST

How to get over being dumped - Power back!

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:04:33 PST

Break up recovery! - Get your life back!

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:02:29 PST

How to get over your ex - Get your power back

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:01:54 PST

How to get over her - Fast!

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:01:27 PST

Get your life back after your break up - SUCCESS STORIES

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:00:57 PST

Yes! Get over her! - Get your life back!

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:00:32 PST

How to get over a girl - Moving on after breakup

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:00:01 PST

How do I get her back? - I want my ex back!

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 09:59:20 PST

Life after divorce - Win your emotional divorce

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 09:58:50 PST

Getting over a breakup - Your life back!

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 09:58:23 PST

Getting over a girl - How to move on

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 09:57:51 PST

It's no stretch at all to say you saved my life - SUCCESS STORY

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 11:07:25 PDT

Just got that one... was really touched

--------------------

Hi Fransisco,

You are the best! Thank you so much for all the help. I was in a really bad place when I stumbled across your coaching on the web. I watched your videos, read the book, and listened to the .mp3's. At times it seemed I was doing one of those three at least 17 hours a day. I finally have put the past behind me and truly have my power back again thanks to your incredible insight. I've told nearly all of my friends about your program.

I was played for a fool by my ex-finance and it hurt a lot. I now realize that the shame and guilt I felt were inappropriate. Both the shame and the guilt belong to her not me. I cleared out everything that had any memory attached to it. I concentrated on exercise, work, and making friends. It's no stretch at all to say you saved my life. I was in a tail spin of alcohol and self pity. You should take a great deal of pride in what you do my friend. I'm certain I'm not the only man whom you've pulled out of a pit.

Take care and God bless,

Bill

--------------------

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

Rebuild your emotional base without your ex - 1 min - VIDEO

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 18:10:46 PDT

Use this mantra to invoke your transformative power - 3min - VIDEO

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 17:35:56 PDT

Turn your breakup's emotional challenges into a creative flow - 2 min - VIDEO

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 16:09:32 PDT

Master your feminine energy to get over your ex - 2 min - VIDEO

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 16:07:15 PDT

How to deal with an abusive ex - 2 min - VIDEO

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 16:05:11 PDT

Rebuild your power muscles after breaking up - 3 min - VIDEO

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 16:43:04 PDT

Change negative mind sets when breaking up - 2 min - VIDEO

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 16:44:51 PDT

How to clear negative emotions when you break up - 5 min - VIDEO

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 16:46:15 PDT

Every man has the power to build happiness after a break up! - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 16:50:20 PDT

Recovering your power after break up IS within your range!

This is NOT rocket science!

It requires some discipline, action and follow up and the good news is that it is within reach of EVERY SINGLE MAN ON THIS PLANET!

I never encountered a situation with a client that made me think there were no solutions.

As long as you are alive, you have the power to reconquer your happiness, power and energy!

The ONLY thing you need to do is stop looking in the past!

Instead you need to look in your present and future!

After that, accept to go to battle!

HAPPINESS, ENERGY AND POWER are precious!

They won't be given to you if you simply sit down and wait for them to be delivered to you.

The territory of your happiness is something you have to conquer, win and often fight for!

And... The CORE IDEA I want to share with you is that IT IS WITHIN YOUR REACH!

How do I know that?

Because I see guys rebuilding their power ALL THE TIME!

No matter what break up or divorce situation they are in, I have yet to see a REAL DEAL BREAKER in the conquest of your happiness!

You can come with any objection, any reason to stay in the break up zone, any reason to be unhappy for the rest of your life and see that objection dissolve within seconds!

NONE OF YOUR OBJECTIONS ARE EAL BREAKERS!

You can listen to them, observe them and simply let them go!

There is NO DEAL BREAKER when it comes to reconquering your happiness!

THE POWER YOU WANT TO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW IS WITHIN YOUR REACH!

If in your mind, you still have a belief that tells you otherwise, realize that it's that belief itself that kills your chances!

It's called self sabotaging! Self destruction!

"Self" because you are doing it to yourself!!!

Got that??

No one is doing that to you!

It's not your ex, your circumstances, difficult experiences or lack of resources!

It is a creeping self limiting belief that attacks your confidence and tries to tell you that your circumstances are not good enough!

Are you still holding to that thought?

Are you still holding to the self limiting belief that somehow happiness is not for you?

Want to know why you might be doing that?

Well... It's not because that thought is the truth!

It's because positioning yourself as a victim can feel comfortable!

It becomes ESPECIALLY comfortable if you get very used to the victim mind set.

The victim mind set is a whole line up of thoughts, emotions and conversations you have with yourself and with others.

When I tell you to let go of the limiting belief that keeps you in the victim zone, I challenge you!

It's like asking you to step out of a comfortable cave to go out in the sun and be comfronted again with the elements.

When you step out of the victim role and engage in reconnecting with your happiness stream, you go to battle!

And battle requires energy, risk taking and solid action!

So, on one hand you have "Stay in the cave with some limiting beliefs and feel miserable".

On the other hand, you have "Get out, go to battle and start reconquering your happiness!".

Got that?

I totally understand and respect the fact that sometimes, you just want to retreat and nurture the pain you feel.

That's ok!

You can REALLY do that and stay in HEALING MODE for as long as you need.

What I am here to offer you is another option so that you understand that when you are done with the healing mode, and you are ready to go to battle, NOTHING WILL STOP YOU!

Get your power back after she breaks up! - LIVE! - 6 min - VIDEO - PROMO

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 11:40:04 PDT

Link to the event:

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=114716345255995&index=1

How to get your power back after break up - LIVE! - 4 min - VIDEO - PROMO

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 11:36:16 PDT

Here is the link to the event:

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=114716345255995&index=1

"How to get your power back after she breaks up" now available as PAPERBACK

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 16:45:16 PDT

Here it is!

How to get your power back after she breaks up - PAPERBACK

Get your power back after she breaks up with you - FOR MEN ONLY! - LIVE!

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 16:12:29 PDT

Get your power back after she breaks up with you - FOR MEN ONLY! - LIVE!

Thursday Oct 14th - 7:30 pm - 10:30 pm
1550 5th St - Oakland CA
javascript:void(0)
$10-20 SLIDING SCALE (pay cash at the door)
Space for up to 100 people
Please come early to secure your space! Thanks

More info

Ur e book "Power Back" is the best thing that helped me gain back control

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 15:43:20 PDT

"Ur e book "Power Back" is the best thing that helped me gain back control of my mental stability! Thank you!"

JA

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

What could stop you from finding a new partner after a break up? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 08:02:37 PDT

If you have been dating for a while and feel none of your new potential partners are a good match, here is what could be happening:

The first thing is that you might not be relationship ready yet.

What does that mean?

That there could still be unsolved emotions or frustration from your past relationship.

You might as well not have cleared enough your physical space and hold to objects or memories that constantly remind you of your ex.

Another important possible cause is that you sabotage yourself.

Why would you do that?

Because you believe that if your ex broke up with you, a new relationship has solid chances to lead to the same result.

This is a self defeating attitude and many men and women fall into that trap.

A third essential cause could be lack of dating skills or effective dating strategies.

Basically you have been out of the dating world for too long and your dating skills need refreshing.

So here you have it. 3 possible cause that could be stopping you:

Lack of emotional freedom.
Self sabotaging.
Lack of dating skills.

There is more of course!

If you can't identify what holds you back and don't know what to do, get in touch for a quick session with me.

I am sure that within just a 30 min conversation we will be able to see EXACTLY what's stopping you and what to do about it.

http://vitalcoaching.com/coaching.htm

She was perfect for me in every way... - She cheated and dumped me... - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 13 May 2010 03:07:12 PDT

I know, it's shocking when you see these two sentences side by side.

Well, this is part of a comment that was recently posted to one of my videos.

Here is what I think... And my guess is that you feel the same:

How can she be perfect in every way if she cheats and dumps you???

Right?

She is not perfect in every way!

She might have certain qualities that you like and enjoy, a great personality, a gorgeous body, an intense shinny spark in her eyes.

And then, there is the deception, the cheating and the cold shoulder.

These qualities go hand in hand.

Most people have a shadow side, so does she.

She is NOT perfect in every way... Or you are able to see her cheating and dumping you as another expression of her perfection.

Yes, some people are able to see beauty in EVERYTHING.

That's a skill too! And if you are able to do that, good on you!

My point is: listen to your self talk when she breaks up with you.

In that specific case, saying that "She is perfect for me in every way" is simply not true!

You are deceiving yourself when saying it!

It's a lie that you tell yourself when you live in the romantic absolute dream.

Perfect? Really? Would she cheat on you if she was perfect for you?

Remember that a human being is made of its bright and shadow side.

The shadow side goes hand in hand with the bright side.

They are like the two sides of a same coin.

You can't separate them.

What to do then? Change your self talk!

Stop saying that she was perfect for you in every way when she was clearly not.

Instead, say something like: "Yes, sure, we had some good times, and there are some things about her that I really liked..."

This gives a fresher and more real perspective to your story, right?

To your power!

Her mother died exactly 6 years ago - Should I email her or not? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Thu, 06 May 2010 06:03:43 PDT

You owe her nothing. It is that simple - You are no longer responsible for her well being or comfort.

That's the default attitude.

Now if you want to take a step out of compassion and send her a one line text message or email, that's ok too, but only if you are ok with her not even answering back or saying thank you.

My advice would be: if it hurts you in any way, don't contact her. Someone else is now taking care of her.

What's next? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:40 PDT

There is a way to multiply the power kick you got from this material!

It is simple and direct!

Within less than an hour, you could be talking live with me.

All these strategies are powerful.

Now, sometimes, you do want the extra live support which gives you a safe space to share your story and a clear set of strategies.

I can give you both and I am always excited to help you recover your full emotional freedom.

Check what these men say about their coaching experience:

-------------------------------

Listen to Mark’s success story – 4 min – MP3

http://vitalcoaching.com/files/all/mark_bryant.mp3

"Coaching gave me something to focus on and look forward to on a weekly basis. It helped me structure my life very purposefully and move on very quickly. I now feel very good.

I feel like I have a very good future and that I am in control. I can handle whatever comes my way. I understand myself much better. This coaching that I had over the last month has been very good for me.

Definitely try it! It can really orient you in the right direction."

MB – US

-------------------------------

Listen to Angelo’s success story – 10 min MP3

http://vitalcoaching.com/files/all/angelo.mp3

“I’m a smart guy and I didn’t know what was going on with my life.

Within a few weeks, I was back on my feet.

I am beyond satisfied. It would have been silly not to do it”

AD – US

-------------------------------

I made it very simple for you to get targeted help so that we can focus instantly on what matters most:

Getting your full life and power back!

How does it work?

It is very simple. Follow this link:

http://vitalcoaching.com/coaching.htm

and sign in for one or more sessions.

If I am online, I’ll get back to you straight away and you can get instant support via phone, chat or email (you choose!).

If I am offline, I always get back to you within 24 hours (week days). Straight after you make a payment for one or more sessions, you are directed to a sign in page where it is easy to schedule a session for later.

It is usually easy to get your session within 24 hours if you want to.

You are on the right track!

Guaranteed!

You took a first step by getting this e-book.

I applaud your for deciding to take your life back in your hands.

Way to go! I like that!

I thank you for your trust!

Now, if you want to speed up even more your recovery process, and get back on track in no time, contact me straight away!

This is about personal power and life satisfaction.

It is not therapy!

As I said earlier, I am not here to nurture your pain. I am here to give you a direct power kick.

Because of my experience, I can tell you exactly what works and what doesn’t.

You are on the right track:

http://vitalcoaching.com/coaching.htm

Shift your mind - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Okay, what I am going to say is radical.

The truth is that half measures do not work with break up recovery.

You have two options:

· The first one is to nurture her memory.

You can go to therapy and spend hours talking about the way she made you feel.

You can spend months trying to understand why she did it.

After a while, all your friends will run away.

They will use words like pathetic and loser when they talk about you.

· The second option is to get your full power back.

A break up is a battle situation.

It is a crisis.

You have been invested in this girl for months, maybe years.

After you break up, you keep on giving.

You get back nothing.

Your whole mind set needs to shift and be repolarised to one single priority: you!

There is no soft approach here.

She is in your mind and it is killing you.

It is a self destructive spiral which annihilates your life.

Why?

Because she is in your mind.

More! She has power over you.

You are no longer master of yourself.

What you want is a new mind set.

The old mind set of the victim or loser is killing you.

You want to defend your life and your territory.

How to do that?

You radically shift the way you stand in it.

You wake up your survival instinct and get over it.

When you are not over it, you are under it, right?

Being under it means carrying a useless weight which drains you and takes away your strength.

Why is this happening?

You have no power.

In fact, she does.

Here are some key mind sets you need to wake up in you.

These are survival strategies.

They are not optional.

If you don't apply them, you are dead!

· You are not a victim, you are a winner

In fact this break up might be the best thing that ever happened to you. Put it this way: you are free!

· She is gone and gone forever

You won't get back together. In other terms don't hope she'll change her mind. If you meet her by coincidence, don't see this as a secret sign that you two are meant for each other!

· You don't need her

This is an illusion. You are perfectly fine with or without her.

· You will meet new girls or women

Right now, she does not deserve the attention your give her.

· Alcohol or drugs do not help

Getting drunk is the worst thing you can do. Drinking does not give you your power back. In fact it does exactly the opposite.

· You owe her nothing!

A relationship is a temple with two pillars. If she takes off, consider yourself 100% free. Let it totally collapse. It's not your responsibility anymore.

· What she does is none of your business!

You might believe you have rights? You don't! It is as simple as that. She does what she wants, when she wants, with whoever she wants. You have no control over that.

· Get real!

There are many reasons she did what she did. Most of them have to do with fulfilling her needs. Get real about who she is and what she wanted. Don't defend her.

Again, in a break up situation, you need to wake up your power and see this as a battle for survival.

Soft approaches don't work!

It is a waste of your precious time.

You have the power to force yourself into a new mind set.

This new mind set gives you freedom, space and instant recovery.

Sure, you won't get all the negative attention from friends and family.

The question is: what do you want?

This is about your own survival.

Do what it takes to express your full power.

She takes too much place in your mind - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

What stops you from being happy right now is the place she takes in your mind.

She simply takes too much space.

It’s not just space.

She has power as well!

Why is that?

Because during the last few months or years, she has been feeding a part of your being.

Now, she is gone.

You need to find other sources of support and validation.

What hurts you is the fact that you love a ghost.

You love someone who is simply not there.

If you want to free yourself, you need to radically shift the way you stand in it.

This is a battle for power - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

This is a battle for power.

It is a battle for energy.

Your mind is your mind.

So you need to gain back control.

You need to be in charge.

Does she want you to succeed?

No!

I will be direct with you: right now she is your enemy.

She is the very reason you are in pain.

There is only one way to get your power back and this is to kick her out of your mind.

What is happening in your mind right now has nothing to do with love.

It is 100% based on a power struggle.

You see, as long as you are focused on her, she gets some attention.

It’s not physical attention.

It is psychic attention.

No need to believe in telepathy.

You are emotionally linked to her and she knows that.

She feels it.

If you want to get your power back, you need to kick her out of your mind.

Totally? Well not exactly.

All memories won’t be gone.

What will be gone is the power she has over you.

How do you remove her power?

You give it to someone else.

In fact, you consciously invest in others.

You establish new friendships.

You don’t stay at home waiting for her to call. She won’t.

What else?

How do you take away her power?

You remove traces of her presence in your physical environment.

Whatever this might be.

Even stuff which has financial value.

Rebuild yourself a personal base where she is not present.

What if she calls you? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

There is always a “game” going on when two persons break up.

It is a battle for attention and power.

It is very rare for a person to just walk away and never feel the need to get in touch again with an ex.

The day this happens, you need to know why it happens: it is because she misses something you shared in the past and wants to feel part of it again.

Strangely enough this will often happen just in the moment you feel you are ready to move on.

You rebuilt your power.

You let go.

And suddenly she calls you.

Memories come back.

Feelings.

You want to believe again.

Don’t!

She is not saying: “Look, let’s get back together”

What she is saying is: “I miss a small part of what you and I shared and I want to feel it again for a moment”

It is not an invitation to start all over again.

So, don’t get all turned on by this apparent opening.

It is usually a dead end.

Is it wrong to meet? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Not at all.

You need to redesign your boundaries.

There is nothing wrong with going for a drink and having a friendly chat with your ex.

In fact it is very healthy.

It is healthy as long as you stay in your power and expect nothing from it.

Don’t make plans.

They would be limiting for you.

You want to stay free. So don’t let her grab any part of your life.

Don’t let her give you stuff, pictures, memories, plans, or anything else.

In a situation like this one, she will often try to control a part of you, judge your actions or blame you for stuff that happened.

If she goes that way, simply put a limit and say something like: “I came here to have a friendly chat with you. That’s what I will do. If you want to fight, I’ll be gone in a second!”

If before you meet, you feel there is a risk of her starting along that line, don’t go.

Who wants another argument?

There are hundreds of things you can do which are much more interesting than having someone blaming you.

Here is an essential rule: spend time with people who value your life and being.

It is simple.

If someone puts you down, don’t spent time with them.

How often should you meet? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Well, it is truly up to you.

I would say that having a chat on the phone once a week is okay.

More than that?

She would take too much space in your mind and keep you focused on her.

Remember: what you want right now is to create space, not to have your mind cluttered with past memories.

Memories are fine.

There is nothing wrong with them but when you break up, it’s time to better focus on your future.

So, bring in elements which move you forward rather than hold you back.

No contact? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

It is an option of course.

Your instinct guides you with that.

Do whatever feels right for you.

Observe the way it makes you feel.

Suppose you don’t see her or don’t talk to her for 2 weeks.

You feel your life blossoming.

You speak on the phone with her one time and everything goes down?

Take this as a sign or indication.

Do what it takes to preserve your emotional security.

Is there a chance of you two getting back together? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

That’s the most common dream in break up situations.

When you break up, you have to let go.

There are actually very few chances of you two ever getting back together.

This hope you have in your mind might be the number one force stopping you from moving forward.

The wish for things to be different is like a doubt, fear or hesitation.

It is related with the fear of being alone or the fear that there is nothing in the future for you.

WRONG!

You have a future!

With or without her!

Chances do open up the moment your mind is available.

When is your mind available?

When you have control over your life, not her.

In 95% of cases, getting back together does not work.

Why is that?

Because the emotional patterns you two shared that created the “saturation” leading to your break up are still there.

In fact when you get back together, you usually recreate exactly the same emotional patterns as the ones which were there before.

You might shift things around for a couple of months.

But eventually, you tend to fall back into the “old model” and make the same mistakes.

It is much easier to simply move on and create a new life with someone else.

When you create a new life with someone else, all you have to do is create.

If your try again with your ex, you need first to clean up, remove old patterns and redesign your relationship.

This usually requires too much time, skills and energy and partners tend to give up on that.

Are there any situations where it can work?

Yes, of course there are.

For instance, if you have been together for a few years and one of you cheats.

This could be a one time thing perceived by the cheater as an incredible mistake.

You might split for a while and eventually get back together when you have the power to forgive and move on.

“Once a cheater, always a cheater?”

I disagree.

Some people can effectively perceive the destructive effects of an affair and consciously decide to stay away from it.

They consciously choose to be faithful to protect the relationship or the family.

Do you feel pain right now? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Pain can take many shapes and many forms.

Let’s look at “missing someone”.

Missing someone?

What is that?

It is an emotional gap, right?

When you miss someone, something strange happens with your emotions.

It is like some form of energy inside tearing you apart.

It is the same as hunger but on an emotional level.

You want to hug, to hold someone.

You want to kiss, make love, share, talk… Do all these things.

This is the toughest challenge when you break up.

You can go into therapy and nurture these feelings.

You can try to understand them.

It’s like mourning, right?

You feel this gap and want to act on it.

What I will say now might surprise you:

Your mind is a battle field.

When you feel pain, there is a battle of energies going on.

You feel pain because she is in your mind.

The way to get rid of the pain is to get your full power back and take back control of what happens in your mind.

When you saw the title of this book, you read the term power: “Get your power back”.

It is exactly that: get your power back.

This is the key to successfully moving on.

What is this key?

It is called emotional freedom.

Emotional freedom is exactly the opposite of missing someone.

How do you gain emotional freedom?

By reconquering the territory of your mind.

You feel pain because she is in your mind.

Tough to say, but a part of her wants you to be where you are right now: in pain.

It is a battle.

It has nothing to do with love.

A part of her is burning your mind and emotions and this is why you feel pain.

This has nothing to do with love: it is simple emotional attachment.

Love is empowering.

This is not empowering.

It creates a gap and destroys your being.

You think that by suffering you show you loved someone?

Not true!

When you suffer, you show only one thing: that you are a victim and that you don’t know how to let go.

A part of you wants to nurture the past relationship.

The temple of your couple did collapse.

It is gone.

Your dream does not match the physical reality.

This is why you feel pain.

Missing is an emotional instinctual response.

You can live with someone’s memory in your mind and still be totally happy.

You have the power to digest this pain and empower yourself through the process.

How?

By going for change rather than resisting it.

Change is “renewal power”.

Missing is “preserving power”.

You try to hold onto something that no longer exists.

It is like trying to eat an imaginary pie.

It won’t feed you.

It will create a gap eternally.

A part of you has been “trained” to respond to a person’s memory by expressing a desire.

This is why your emotions respond.

You feel desire but also realize it’s only a dream.

What maintains this dream?

Pictures, memories, hopes…

All these elements stop you from moving forward.

What about guilt? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

After your ex bombarded you with reproaches, you might end up with this impression that you did something wrong.

I’ll be honest: maybe you did.

Maybe you did not give her the attention she deserved.

Maybe you missed a Valentine’s Day.

Maybe you cheated.

Maybe you abused her emotionally or even physically.

Sure, you are not perfect.

Sure, you might have committed mistakes.

Now, a mistake is a real mistake only when you repeat it without learning from it.

In fact, experimenting in life is the best way to learn.

That’s what you did, right?

You did your best even when you didn’t.

What is the answer to guilt?

Forgiveness.

To forgive yourself, you need extra power again.

I know; some people are very good at blaming.

You might feel others angry or upset about things you did.

It is time to forgive yourself no matter what.

We aren’t talking about crimes here.

This is a different chapter… Too long to be treated here.

The truth is that if you stay stacked on guilt, you won’t get anywhere.

To free yourself from guilt, you need extra power.

If she makes you feel guilty, defend yourself.

Sure, apologize for anything you did wrong.

Develop a new behavior.

Learn from it and do move on.

Forgiving yourself is a skill.

It is time to empower your life with it.

Letting go of the dream - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

The dream is this projection you created when you got together in the first place.

You know, all these projects, family, house, careers, travels, etc.

That’s the vision for your life.

This vision is a life plan.

It is an ideal concept which has been guiding your choices and actions.

Now that she is gone, you need a new dream.

She took off.

It is no longer your responsibility to maintain that dream.

You can drop it.

You see, a relationship is a whole energy reality.

It is a plan and a spirit.

It is an intelligent entity.

The moment your couple collapses, a new vision is ready to be born.

You need to drop the old plan and wake up your new vision.

There is more here!

It is a new plan.

It is this new plan which truly recreates your life and opens new doors into your future.

When you are a couple, you are asked to defend values.

You do this in the name of society.

You defend your relationship’s territory with pride.

You carry the flag of harmony, family, well being, love, romance, etc.

Your friends believe in you.

Your family believes in you.

It is not only your dream which collapses; it is their dream as well.

It is no longer your responsibility.

Realize that by yourself, you can’t protect the temple of this old relationship.

You need to drop it and recreate a new vision.

Don’t feel responsible in the name of society and family values.

You are not.

You did your best.

She is gone.

Change your mandala.

Change your life vision.

If you stay stacked on an old plan, you will miss your new opportunities.

Don’t make this mistake.

You are free and released from your old obligations.

I say it again: you are free!

It is no longer your responsibility.

She is dating someone else - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Another tough challenge: you see her with someone else, a new partner.

Her life is hers.

I’ll be direct: whatever power you had over her is now totally gone.

She has the right to do whatever she wants with her life.

She can see who she wants.

It is simple.

Your desire to control any of that is a misunderstanding.

You have no right and it is very good that way.

The good news is that it is the same the other way round.

You owe her nothing.

You are master of your life and actions.

If you are ashamed of her seeing you with someone else, please don’t!

You can date who you want.

You are now 100% free.

She has no right to control any of your actions.

Realize that! You are the master of your existence.

How does that feel?

What if she calls you every day? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

That’s an invasion of your privacy.

When she breaks up, you need to establish a new set of boundaries.

It is your right to protect your personal space.

So, do what it takes to feel emotionally safe in your own house.

Be realistic with it: it is simply very challenging to move on when she is on the phone wanting to share with you all sorts of things or even worse, blaming you for the past.

Again, get your full power back and put a limit.

If you don’t protect yourself, she’ll keep invading you and your space.

Defend your territory.

Create space for new things to happen in your life.

It is your right to defend yourself.

Do what it takes to protect your space.

A call a week is okay.

A call a day is not.

Create space.

Tell her!

Remove all traces of her presence in your personal space - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Where is she exactly?

In your mind, right?

Once your removed all traces of her presence, is she still in your mind?

Did your remove everything?

What about the curtains she loved so much?

What about the address book next to the phone?

What about the coffee pot she gave you for Christmas?

You can go deeper to reclaim your life’s territory.

Believe me, the moment you remove the signs of her presence around you, you’re already half way there.

No need to be kind.

What are you trying to respect by keeping these things around in your house?

The memory of her spirit?

The memory of her ghost?

She is gone, right?

Remove every trace of her presence.

Do it and replace all that by things you choose, stuff which belongs to you.

She wants to give you a new present, the latest cell phone?

Refuse!

Don’t take it!

Every object in your life tells a story to your mind.

Remove all traces of her presence: letters, pictures, etc.

All these little memories keep you anchored in the past and stop you from moving on.

You want your mind to be fresh and free?

Go ahead and do it.

You’ll feel refreshed and renewed.

Anger and frustration are okay - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Anger and frustration are okay as long as you don’t physically act on them and do something stupid.

Anger and frustration are the signs of an energy wanting to break free.

Anger is the conflict between an old mind set and a new mind set wanting to break through.

This is why it is a good sign.

Your anger and frustration are expressions of power.

They are the signs that something wakes up in you.

Be comfortable with it.

Go to the gym.

Go outdoors and scream if you want to.

Don’t feel ashamed.

Don’t suppress or cover it up.

These are freeing forces and they are natural.

Anger and frustration are visible reflections of your inner power.

They are a warrior’s emotion.

You are in a battle field.

Dare to be okay with it.

No need to be ashamed.

There is a strong limit of course: don’t hurt yourself or anyone else.

Think about it: breaking plates is by far not the most productive way of expressing your anger.

Go and do some power building in the gym instead.

This will be much more effective and productive and help you get back in touch with your center.

Make new friends - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

You might not realize this but being with her for months or years might have isolated you.

In fact, there could be other women having an eye on you who did not dare to approach you.

Now that you are single again, a world of new opportunities opens up to you.

Go for it!

Make friends, female friends, it does not matter.

Give your social life a kick!

Go out and meet new people.

The main risk with a break up situation is to isolate yourself.

Don’t!

It’s not needed!

Reconnect with old friends.

Flirt!

Date again!

You are free!

Stay away from alcohol and drugs - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Alcohol and drugs are a self destructive spiral.

Stay away from them!

I know, you might have this mediatic cliché of this broken guy getting drunk at the bar while his partner took off with his best friend.

That’s not you!

It won’t be you!

This is pathetic!

You want to handle your break up in a different way.

You are in power.

You are not powerless.

Alcohol takes away your natural resources and stops you from rebuilding your mind.

It makes you over sensitive, vulnerable, drains your energy and is 100% useless in a break up situation.

The main risk in a crisis situation is to take a self destructive spiral.

Drugs and alcohol destroy you.

They are the best way to turn your break up into a big life mistake.

You end up doing stupid things, crash your car or even hurt yourself or someone else.

Picking up the pieces after a broken relationship is a challenge.

You need your full functional abilities to do that.

Stay away from anything which diminishes your resources.

You are designing a new way of handling your break up.

You are designing a new mind set.

If you add to the existing emotional challenge, you’ll make things worse!

Much worse!

Stay master of yourself and don’t go into altered states of awareness where you’ll lose yourself.

Rebound relationship? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Is it okay to jump straight in the arms of another woman?

Sure, it is okay!

However, if you go that way, you need to do it with awareness.

Don’t give your life away right now.

You are already dealing with your ex.

The first step is to get your full power back.

Jumping straight into a new committed relationship might fill a gap.

On the other hand you might miss the occasion to discover something essential about yourself.

This is why after a break up, many men decide to have a relationship-free life for a while.

They simply want to take time to digest what happened and find real answers to essential questions.

If a new woman invades your space straight away, you might miss this opportunity to step back and understand the dynamics of your past relationship and break up.

The best alternative in a break up situation is to “date lightly”.

You can spend quality time with women.

You can share, flirt and lighten up.

This is highly recommended.

However, make sure you fully digest you break up before you commit yourself again.

Why is that?

Because you need to learn from past mistakes.

If something went wrong in your past relationship, you need to find out what that is.

This break up happened for a series of reasons.

You need to find out exactly why.

Once you find out why, develop new relationship skills.

It might be better communication with you partner, stronger boundaries, loving in a different way, establishing different priorities, etc.

There is always a lesson to be learned in a break up situation.

Make sure you learn it.

If you jump into a new relationship straight away, you’ll miss on this reflection time and keep reproducing the same mistakes.

This “digestion” process might happen very fast or very slowly.

It could take a day or 6 months to understand.

Maybe she did it all wrong and there is nothing you could have done better.

Agreed!

Take a moment though to seriously look into it.

Don’t be in denial!

Be realistic!

Learn something from your experience and use this experience to design a new more solid relationship model which works for you.

If you hear yourself talking about your ex with a new date, stop!

First it is a lack of tact.

Second, it keeps you focused on your ex.

Use your new social circle as an occasion to refresh.

Sure, it is okay to share a couple of stories with some friends but if you need to talk, better choose a special moment with a good friend: one evening, a 1 hour chat, nice terrace, that’s it.

Don’t keep on going into the same emotional dead end.

People tend to get tired and after a while, they simply run away from it.

Stay healthy! - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Don’t let your break up impact on your health!

A break up is a tumultuous time: sleepless nights and heavy discussions loaded with emotional content.

All this can drain your strength and energy.

If you stop eating healthy or miss on good nights sleep, you’ll ad to the load and make it heavier than it is.

Your priority is to keep this challenge to its real dimension.

Don’t let this problem expand and impact on the other areas of your life.

A break up is a relationship challenge.

Make sure that your health does not suffer from it.

How do you do that? 3 simple steps:

· Eat healthy.

· Exercise.

· 8 hours sleep.

Your “guidelines” for health are always the same, but you need an extra kick of determination to maintain them.

Don’t let your break up impact on your health.

Your body is one of your greatest assets.

You want to be fully functional on that level.

It is your task to protect what is yours.

Don’t take a self destructive spiral.

Do what it takes to stay healthy!

Think Professionalism! - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Exactly the same goes for your career.

The last thing you want is to lose your job at the same time.

When you break up, the risk is to have this situation impact on your effectiveness at work.

Make it a priority to perform at 100% at work.

If you bring your personal problems to work, you’ll be soon labeled by your colleagues and superiors.

Your career and work are your territory.

Same goes if you have your own business.

Simply don’t let your break up impact on your professional life.

If you work in a team, there are good chances that you’ll tell your friends what is happening.

If you keep on talking about it, everyone will get bored with it.

Put it this way: your colleagues are team mates.

They are there to perform.

They are not therapists.

It’s not their job to support you with that.

Sure, they can help.

Sure, they’ll be happy to give you feed back and talk about it a couple of times.

Now, if the only thing they hear during the break is the latest new of a divorce procedure, this will drain your energy and their effectiveness.

The solution?

Keep work and personal challenges separate.

If you need to talk, check with the human resources department and see if they have any support structure available to help you through this.

Book a couple of sessions with a therapist, psychologist or coach to simply wind up.

Your friends or colleagues are not trained to do that.

Sometimes, they’ll give you wrong advice and ad oil to the fire.

They will as well get tired of hearing your story.

They want to move on!

Give them space.

Keep work and personal challenges separate.

Don’t mix them.

A couple of chats are of course okay.

Don’t turn your professional space into some form of therapy class.

Keep your professional life separate from your personal challenges.

Why did she break up? - Find answers - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

When you break up, the main question in your mind will be: “Why?”

The main reason people break up is because the relationship becomes too limiting.

Your relationship was simply not giving your ex what she wanted.

She decides to move on and look for it somewhere else.

It can be because of fights.

It can be because you two simply explored everything you could together.

You simply run out of possibilities.

The main skill to keep relationships going is called renewal power.

It is the ability to challenge each other within the relationship.

Renewal power brings in new qualities.

You consciously go beyond the limits of your comfort zone.

Too much security kills the magic and spontaneity.

Security counts only for 1/3 in the relationship’s equation.

The rest is thrill, excitement, challenge, romance, change, renewal, etc.

A relationship’s life cycle tends to be very short nowadays.

In the western hemisphere, marriages last 7 years in average.

It is quite common to be madly in love for a year and then suddenly enter into a cycle of fighting with your partner.

The relationship’s space seems to “saturate” and you simply end up being on each other’s way.

What happens there?

Too much control!

Control is a limiting force.

It asphyxiates your relationship.

Control is the best way to kill your partner’s joy and pleasure to be alive.

Why do you tend to over control?

Because you want to protect the relationship.

You want to keep things together.

This is why you might decide that being jealous is okay.

Another common limit in relationships?

Lack of passion and challenge.

Basically you get bored.

This happens to millions of couples around the world.

The “security” dimension is not enough.

A couple needs new refreshing energies.

Waking up the passion in a relationship is a skill!

Find the answers!

Another common relationship challenge is facing conflicting interests.

You don’t agree on key relationship issues.

Here are the most common sources of disagreement:

· Children

· Marriage and commitment

· Location

· Life style

· Interests

· Spending behaviors

· Etc.

This is about your break up.

The key is to find out exactly what was missing.

Simply get your answer.

Of course, you can perceive behind these “reasons” a vaster reality or underlying dynamic.

You might summarize it by saying: “it was not meant to be”.

We talk about destiny lines here.

Your life is an intelligent entity which designs pathways of evolution.

Some doors open up and others do close.

Sometimes, it is only after a couple of years that you truly see why a door needed to be closed so that a new one could be opened.

Destiny line!

Your life vision!

A break up is part of your

Was this relationship a mistake? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

If you stayed together for 3 years, the relationship did work!

Splitting after 3 years does not mean that it did not work; it means that it worked for some time and it is now time to move on to something else.

It is very common to have thoughts like: “I failed”, “we failed to make it work”, “It was not meant to be”.

This is not true.

A relationship happens within a time frame.

What is true today might not be true tomorrow.

When you say today “I love you”, this stays no matter what crystallized or suspended in the past in the form of a perfect moment.

Relationships simply have shorter life spans.

You go through a full relationship cycle in a shorter period of time nowadays.

Why is that?

Because everything goes faster.

You need change, renewal and you put yourself first as an individual.

100 years ago, you would stick together because of a need for survival.

It was simply impossible to manage alone.

It was not accepted as well.

Today, most people are okay with being single for a while.

Your material survival does not depend on the “couple cell” anymore.

You can manage on your own.

This gives you freedom and takes away some power away from the relationship.

It gives back power to the individual rather than the couple.

You are okay by yourself.

Society accepts it.

Does it mean that your relationship did fail?

No! Not at all!

The good times you shared are still there.

They are alive in the past and won’t be erased from your memory.

The target might be different than what you expected.

Maybe the goal was not to be together forever but actually to share something meaningful for a while.

Don’t be afraid of shifting your mind and moving forward.

You can have a dozen successful relationships in a life time.

The fact that something ends does not mean that you failed; it means that it ends and something new is being born.

It is part of life to go through a cycle of birth, life and death.

When a relationship ends, you simply start a new cycle.

This is what a break up is: it is the end of a cycle and the beginning of a new one.

You can stay focused on the old cycle and fail to see the new one starting; or you can focus on the future and enjoy this force of renewal which moves you forward.

What do you need to start a new cycle?

Freedom and independence.

You need your mind to be free from the past.

This does not mean that memories are not there; it means that these memories do not control your present life.

Emotional freedom is the key.

You see, a new cycle is an occasion to be “reborn” (sorry for the cliché J) into a new reality.

Accept the relationship’s life span as a natural cycle of birth, life and death.

The moment you see that this is natural, you realize as well that you can go with the flow.

A break up is a new start as well.

Work with the forces of nature rather than against them.

The “invisible” story - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Emotional pain is a gap.

It is okay to fantasize about your ex.

If you think about her and you have gorgeous images and sex scenes popping in your mind, let it happen.

The fantasy world is very different from reality.

It is still okay.

All sorts of things happen in your dreams which would never happen in real life.

So, let it be.

When you feel desire, don’t stop it, flow with it.

Observe the moves of your desires and energy in your being.

It is okay.

What you want is to harmonize the relationship you have with her.

What I have to say might surprise you but the way to empower your break up is to relate to your ex in a different way.

She is now an “invisible spirit” in your life.

You remember her but simply don’t want to give her power over your life.

Your life is yours.

Strangely enough, you can still love someone after a break up.

You can keep on respecting that person and relate to her in a very healthy way, even if you don’t see her!

Your life is full of presences you never meet.

She is now one of them.

She is in your mind.

She is in your past and memories.

You enter here in a new dimension: it is the art of mastering your inner world or inner reality.

That’s your way of dealing with her “invisible” presence.

How to deal with the emotional pain? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Pain is isolation.

What hurts is the fact that there is no exchange of life force.

The solution?

Don’t isolate yourself.

You might not want to start a new relationship; this should not stop you from sharing intimacy with new women in your life.

Your ex does not like it?

Of course not!

Now, she is out of your life and you are the one who decides.

You are the boss.

What matters is what you want and what you need.

She does not feed you!

She sucks your life force right now.

She puts you in pain.

Don’t let her do that.

Break through!

Break free and connect with other women.

How?

One night stands?

No need to.

You can share intimacy and love without yet committing yourself or jumping into a new relationship.

What matters is that you keep exchanging.

Sure, you can isolate yourself for a couple of days or even weeks to digest.

If it is your choice, it’s no problem.

On the other hand, if you feel the need, go and do what it takes to connect with other women.

Never be needy or demanding, though, as this is a massive turn off.

It is beautiful to hug someone.

No need to limit yourself in some form of emotional starvation.

There is a world of possibilities between a full relationship and a friendship.

Intimacy is okay in itself.

The main mistake you can do?

Going into sex too fast.

One night stands are okay if you want to, but they often generate negative after effects.

The “after sex effect” can be very destructive for you.

The solution?

Don’t have sex yet.

If you are simply flirting with a girl, enjoy it for what it is.

There is no need to jump too fast into sex.

You can play, have fun, share some kisses and intimacy and still, not loose or abandon yourself in a new connection.

What matters right now is to have your needs met.

So, flirt, light date and get your emotional needs met.

This is the first step.

A woman will give you validation and partially fill up an emotional gap.

This in itself is a release and will keep your life force alive.

It is okay.

You are not betraying anyone by doing that.

Sexual needs - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

This is a chapter which goes far beyond your break up.

You can be a in a relationship and have a great sex life.

Or you can be committed and still be totally dissatisfied.

Sex is a natural human need.

When your ex takes off, you often end up with a gap on that level.

What to do?

Sexual energy is in you.

Now that you are by yourself, you need to find a strategy to deal with these needs.

Basically, you have 3 choices:

Suppress them for a while

Self pleasure

Find a new sex partner

We enter here into a new area.

Sex in itself is a vast chapter.

A new e-book would be needed to treat it.

On the long term, it is all about consciously mastering your sex life.

Sexual energy is a natural source of life force in you.

The way you use it impacts significantly on your life.

It is a world in itself and what you want is to find a way of establishing harmony and long term satisfaction on that level.

This break up is an occasion to discover more about your own sex life and how you function on that level.

Explore, read books, talk with friends, open up and gain extra skills on this topic.

Your life could greatly benefit from it on the long term.

Should you be friends with your ex? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

We are entering here into long terms strategies.

In a way thinking about these questions comes later.

This is the moment you already have your full power back and wonder how you will relate to your ex in the future.

You can see 4 general ways you can relate to your ex:

Being angry, bitter or upset

No contact – Avoiding each other

Being in good terms

Actively building friendship

When you break up, you have to choose a ground.

In the early stages, seeing her might be a sensitive topic, so you could be in the “angry/bitter” zone.

After a while, you might move into the “being in good terms” area.

Actively building a friendship is a totally different story.

If you are going that way hoping that you will get back together, forget it.

In most situations, you will be used.

Your ex will use you as a confident and ask you to feed her life.

Building an active friendship only works in some isolated cases.

In most situations, you might expect more and fantasize about this turning into a new romance.

The truth is that if she gives you the best friend role, this is probably where she will keep you.

So, my advice is simple:

Aim for simply being in good terms after a few months.

This means that if you meet her by coincidence or if you need to interact with her because of children or work, you want to be able to be friendly and diplomatic.

This is on the long term.

And it is not compulsory!

You don’t have to force yourself in being kind if this is not what you feel.

In the original stages of the break up, you might be bitter and angry.

That’s okay. You don’t have to suppress it.

If it’s the case, simply stay away from her.

Remember that the long term goal is to build a new life foundation where she is not present.

If you give her the power to influence your moves by being this close best friend, she will probably slow you down or try to stop you the moment you create a new relationship with someone else.

Be mature with that.

Don’t be blind!

Recognize the forces at play and realize that having her in your environment might precisely stop your from finding a new love.

If you need to interact with her for practical reasons, it is obvious that a friendly connection is the easiest and most harmonious way to go.

This is what creates a win-win for both of you and requires the minimal input of energy on your side.

Yes! I can live without her! - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

I know that when a break up hits you, you don’t expect it.

It means that you have to shift gears.

A break up forces change in your existence.

Change requires energy and focus.

Change always generates some form of stress on your system because it asks you to readapt to a new condition.

I invite you to do something very simple.

Instead of saying or thinking “I can’t live without her” start using the empowering mind set “Yes! I can live without her”.

There is a way to reinforce positive mind sets in your life and this is one of them.

The next step would be:

· I feel great without her!

· I feel so free now!

· My life is open in front me!

Your life can go only one way: forward.

Sure, change requires essential mind shifts.

This is exactly what you are facing right now.

There is a natural resistance to change because it puts you under pressure.

Yes! You can live without her.

I mean neither your body nor your mind will collapse and you know that!

So, stop reinforcing negative mind sets.

The more you express them, the more resistance you build up.

Here are some more examples of negative mind sets:

· I miss her

· I want to be with her

· She is the one for me

· We are soul mates

· We were so right for each other

· Etc.

Replace these thought forms by:

· I am fine! I am great actually!

· I decide to be happy!

· There is an infinity of women out there!

· I have dozens of soul mates!

· Many women are right for me!

· Etc.

I know, sometimes it is too soon to establish these new mind sets.

This is where you head to, though.

The sooner you think and live that way, the better you feel.

A mind set is like a shirt you put on.

It is your decision!

A thought or emotion is not something which is imposed to you.

It is simply a wave on the surface of your mind.

Let me ask you something simple: if for instance you believe you were soul mates, why would life be playing this trick on you?

If she is the one, why would she run away?

The answer is that there are many realities at play.

What you see as the only possibility is just your perception.

It is not the absolute reality!

In her mind, it’s another story and in the mind of the rest of the world, it is still another story.

There is an infinite number of possibilities; so take in the one you decide to embrace.

You are the one taking the decisions, designing your mind sets and life.

This is the big learning experience associated with this challenge.

Your thoughts have the power to project you forward if you use them wisely.

Redesign your mind patterns.

Reshape what you tell your friends and those who care for you.

If you say “I can’t live without her!”, you obviously create an emotional dead end.

The funny thing is that both you and I know it is not true.

The truth is “Yes! I can live without her!”

It does ask you to readapt to a new set of life conditions.

It requires change, adaptability and key shifts in your existence.

It is however within your range and you know that.

Change is a challenge, yes!

Change can be stressful?

Yes again!

The more you resist that change, the more energy you waste.

It is very simple.

There is only one way to go: with the flow!

Gain back control over your personal base - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

A break up happens on different levels.

The “material” break up is one of them.

Who gets what?

Where do you live?

Are you kicking her out of your house?

Do you have the material resources to live on your own?

All these questions ad to the emotional load.

Suppose that your material base is not threatened.

You have security and enough resources.

What is left is the emotional challenge, right?

The material break up is one key challenge.

In fact it is half of the story.

You want to gain full control over your material base.

You are now a one person’s enterprise and you want full autonomy.

Protect your personal space.

You are in control.

A break up is a transition.

It is okay to stay half way for while.

Secure what you can.

Get rid of what is not yours.

Secure your personal base.

Reshape your administrative body: bills, memberships, credit cards, address, etc.

All these elements are what you call your personal foundation.

Express your power in that area.

How?

By gaining full control over these aspects of your life.

Have control over your time frame, your personal space and your administrative body.

In a break up, this is half of the challenge: recover your full autonomy.

You are now a one person enterprise and you are the master of your ship.

Kick your ex’s will power out of the picture.

Recover your full power and autonomy.

Whatever power she had in the past, take it back from her.

It is your life.

It is your basic human right to be in control of it.

When you are in a relationship, you tend to delegate part of your authority to your partner.

You make concessions, chose together, take decisions for the future, etc.

When she is gone, your will power and authority are the only things which matter.

Gain back full control.

This power recovery is an essential step.

Take it back and use it.

You are fully in charge again.

Why you want a coherent strategy - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Okay, here is an essential word of warning.

When you go to battle you want a coherent strategy.

Imagine being in the middle of a battle field and having still to decide whether to go North or South; it would be very confusing, right?

Before you step into battle you need to know your targets.

In your case the goal is to recover your full emotional freedom, right?

When I started writing this e-book, I had to make a choice:

Would I help you move on or would I help you get back together with your ex.

I decided to help you move on!

Why is that? Because I observed what trying to get back together can do to you.

When you try to get back together, you keep on investing in a sinking ship.

You are focused on recovering a past experience.

When you move on, you focus on your future.

You focus on new potentials and what lies ahead in your life.

I checked literally hundreds of break up situations and realized that in 95% of the cases, getting back together does not work.

You can see a break up as a temporary life mistake; or you can see it as one of your destiny’s sign which encourages you to explore your life further.

This is why I opted for the first strategy: moving on.

To tell you the truth, I could have written an e-book on getting back together.

There are a few of them out there.

The mind sets associated with moving on are very different from the mind sets associated with getting back together.

If you are in the middle of this battle and hesitate between the two directions, you tend to create a state of conflicting interests.

This means that you get confused and in doing so, you put your victory at risk.

This is exactly why you want a coherent battle strategy and follow up on it until you win.

If you change directions half way, you often end up getting nowhere.

What does this mean practically?

You notice that in this e-book, I talk only about one thing: moving on!

All the strategies I give you are aimed at this target.

Should you forget about trying to get back together? At this stage, yes!

The first priority is to get your power back. It is to recover your full emotional base.

You can’t do that if you believe that she has the keys to your happiness and you don’t.

The keys to your happiness and long term life fulfilment are in you!

If you already decided that moving on is what you want… Great! Stick to it!

However, if you get tempted by the other strategy, here is what will happen:

If you go online and suddenly decide to purchase another e-book on “How to get back together”, you’ll end up with two sets of radically different strategies: “How to move on” and “How to get back together”

When you wake up in the morning and see these two volumes on your desk, you’ll have to make a choice.

Once you choose for one of these directions, forget about the other one and stick to the set of strategies you chose.

To win, you need coherence, consistency and repetition.

If you head north for two days and then head south for two days, you tend to come back to the starting point, right?

This does not mean that these experiences have no value. They do!

This means that you are still in the choice making stage.

That’s when you assess your options and realize exactly what you want.

Taking action and truly moving on is the next stage.

At that moment, choose for one battle strategy and forget about the other one.

The more you hesitate or doubt, the more energy you waste.

Hesitations and doubts are draining forces which do hold you back.

Sometimes you simply need your full concentrated resources to break through a life challenge.

This is one of these moments!

Concentrate all your energy in one coherent direction.

Focus!

This is what it takes to win this challenge.

You are not a victim - You are a winner - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

There is a risk when you break up: it is the risk to feel sorry for yourself.

Friends, family and even your ex might project on you this aura of pity.

Kick this out of your mind.

YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM!!!

Capitals, exclamation marks!

Yes!

I am screaming!

Shift your mind set!

You life is open in front of you.

You are free!

Sure, you had other plans.

Sure, your dreams did collapse.

Sure, she’s gone.

Sure, you loved her.

Is this the end?

No way!

Why Not?

Because there is a magical force in you:

It is called survival drive.

You have the power to recreate your life any time, anywhere.

Use your resources!

You are not a victim, you are a winner!

You are free and space is open in front of you.

If you go into the victim mode, you are done.

That’s the end!

You are not a victim.

You don’t need nurturing and people feeling sorry for you.

Sure, some compassion and understanding are okay… So, how long will you stay in it?

Give yourself a week.

1 month maximum!

The best?

Mourn in 1 day!

And rejoice!

Yes, rejoice!

Who or what on earth would you respect when putting yourself down?

You don’t owe anything to anyone.

It is okay to show your power.

You don’t need to make yourself smaller than you are.

It’s all about mastering your break up.

Life does have storms.

Go through the break up storm as a winner.

You need power to keep the rudder steady.

You are not a victim.

You are a winner!

Get you full power back.

It takes strength and determination.

Go for it!

Kick yourself and shift your mind set!

Now!

What might stop your ex from coming back to you - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

The romantic vision of your love life is one side of the story.

Now, I believe there are other deeper forces at play when a break up takes place.

It is something we could call destiny line or long term evolution for a given person.

When two persons meet and have a relationship, they share and explore life together for while.

They learn from each other and initiate new things together.

After a while, the potential for this relationship might run out.

If you take a person over a period of a life time, they might have to experience various energies and life situations simply to expand their consciousness.

After a while of being in the same relationship, what one single partner can offer might feel limited.

Their whole being might be calling for something different to further their life experience.

A fixed cluster of energies like a relationship can sometimes stop a person's evolution.

You, as a partner can sometimes "fight" against that person's destiny line.

You might have your own agenda which conflicts with that person's deepest potential.

You can't cheat with someone's destiny line.

Their spirit knows where they are supposed to be going and what they need to experience in this life time.

What matters the most in their life is not what you want.

It is what they want.

If something essential is missing in their relationship, they'll keep on searching until they find it.

Sometimes, no matter how much will power, determination and desire you have to keep that person with you, it is not enough.

That person's line of evolution is already set and they move in that direction.

The only thing you can do is support this person in reaching their profound goals.

Sometimes the best way you can help is simply by being out of the way.

I know this might not be a message you want to hear, but I believe this is the type of underlying dynamic frequently triggering a break up or divorce.

It comes from a profound call to move forward.

Will you get back together? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

I know it is tough but the truth is that most couples don't get back together after break up.

A break up is a wake up call. While you might naturally resist the break up and hope for a reconciliation, this rarely happens. There might be some movements backwards and forwards. You might keep on hoping.

It is natural to hope. Now, you need to be realistic as well and invest in what helps you move forward.

Top mistakes guys make when being dumped - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

They take a victim role

You are not a victim, you area winner. In fact this break up might be the best thing which ever happened to you. Put it this way: you are free!

They still hope to get back together

She is gone and gone forever. You won't get back together. In other terms don't hope she'll change her mind. If you meet her by coincidence, don't see this as a secret sign that you two are meant for each other"

They believe they need her

You don't need her. This is an illusion. You are perfectly fine with or without her.

They believe she was the one

You will meet new girls. Right now, she does not deserve the attention your give her.

They go into a self destructive spiral

Alcohol or drugs does not help. Getting drunk is the worst thing you can do. Drinking does not give you your power back. In fact it does exactly the opposite.

They believe that the more they say they care, the more chances she has of coming back

What they chose for is power and confidence. Do your realize that your sentimentalism is a turn off. Shift your mind set!

They fail to create fresh space

Have you ever had that experience? You call a friend who broke up 6 months ago. He used to live together with his partner. Now he is alone. The message on the phone says: "Hi, this is the house of X and Y (name of his ex), bla, bla, bla..." What does it say? "I am still attached to the vision of us being together".

Then you see your friend's house and there are signs of her presence everywhere (she is gone for six months now!): old picture, old note on the fridge, a souvenir from a tropical holiday, etc.

You see the picture? What do you think? What would you do?

They believe that they have rights

You might believe you have rights? You don't! Simple as that. She does what she wants, when she wants, with whoever she wants. You have no control over that.

What about Facebook? - Should I remove her pictures, tags, comments? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Yes!

Remove all traces of her presence in your profile. This includes tags, pictures (shared or not), messages, comments she made on your profile, etc.

It is essential to do that so that you create space in your mind and don't make your profile look like you are still in a relationship.

Imagine if a new woman comes in your life... How will she feel if your profile is still packed with traces of your ex?

That's a massive turn off, right?

There are a couple of exceptions: that's for instance if you have kids together and she happens to be on some of those family pictures.

Even these can actually be taken away though...

No, it won't make you look like a kid if you do that. It simply means that you are taking back control over your personal virtual space.

To your power!

How to deal with emotional harassment from your ex - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

That's a key skill in life:

How to set up boundaries when others are systematically invading your space or even abusing you emotionally.

This can happen in relationships or with exes.

It can happen in social circles, at work or with family members.

It takes the form of over emotional reaction to things you do.

You end up feeling like you walk on egg shells all the time, afraid of making mistakes that will call for emotional retaliation from those who abuse you.

This emotional retaliation can take many forms.

Sometimes it is expressed in the form of projected emotional anger.

It can be physical abuse.

Other times it might simply be silent treatment.

You feel there is tension build up but nothing is being said.

These patterns are called cohercive power.

They are an expression of threat.

The principle is the same as any form of threat.

When someone expresses cohercive power, their goal is to conquer, dominate and get things their way.

People use threat all the time against each other.

If you start observing it in daily life, you will see dozens of examples popping up all around you.

Any time a person uses threat either against you or someone else, observe what happens.

On one side, you have an angry person wanting to have control or power.

On the other side, you have another person wanting to avoid emotional pain.

If you take this to a wider scale, you will see that nations use the same dynamics against each other.

They use military threat.

This is still cohercion, simply expressed on a larger scale.

Now, that we defined emotional threat or harassment, the next question is:

What do you do with it, especially if you are the victim of it?

Well... Suppose that you are the victim of some form of bullying, the reason why it happens is because part of you lets it happen.

In probably 80% of the cases, the person who is victim from this harassment forgets to stand up for themselves.

Suppose that an ex bothers you for instance.

She keep calling and invades your space.

You can say something like:

"Look, I don't have time for that - I hear you and wish I could do something about it but I can't - Let's talk about this another time - I have to go..."

DONE!

I know, it takes courage and power to do that.

You can practice this with anyone who steps on your toes.

The moment they no longer can reach you, they usually start looking for another victim.

If you are strong and put strategic walls to protect yourself from them, it literally takes you 5 min to shift a negative pattern that might have been there for years!

What if someone else is the victim of this emotional harassment and you want to help?

That's like a whole new skill.

We'll cover that one another time, ok?

To your power!

What this break up system does for you - PROMO

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:21 PDT

Here are the key areas and how it helps you:

SHIFT TO BATTLE MODE - Yes! Your life is under attack
SHIFT FROM COUPLE TO SINGLE - Rebuild your emotional base around yourself - recover your emotional autonomy
FREE YOUR ENERGY - Clear your past - Energize your present + Future
REFOCUS - Keep the challenge to its real size - Don't let it impact on other areas of your life
LET GO - Control what is yours and let go of her world

Get it!

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

From broken record to exuding positive energy - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

If you fall into that trap and hear yourself talking about your ex on and on with your friends, STOP!

That's playing the broken record and you know it takes you nowhere!

The key is to shift your self talk.

It is to shift the story your tell yourself and then, start sharing that with those around you.

Here is an example of what it looks like when you play the broken record:

"I still don't understand why she did that to me, after all these years of me doing exactly what she wanted. And the kids... That's so selfish..."

What do you hear? Victimization! Blame!

Here is what you can train to think instead:

"It's good we are no longer together - In fact we were fighting so much - Look, my ex is in the past - Why don't we focus on the present and have a good time!"

You exude positive energy when you say things like that, right?

This is the type of attitude you want to train!

That's the type of mind set that positions you as a winner!

And guess what? You are the one CHOOSING your mind sets!

A positive attitude is something you can consciously train and practice until it becomes TOTALLY YOURS!

The difference between therapy and coaching when you break up - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Therapy orginates in the medical field - The main quality you get is healing.

Coaching originates in sports and business - The main quality you get is power.

Both approaches are very helpful when it comes to solving breakups.

If you are not sure what you need, try a session with both and see which one resonnates better with you.

I am a coach, so I know that coaching really works well.

The real issue is: do you have the time and resources to invest in it - If you do, my guess is that it will give you exactly what you need.

Depending on your needs, I will coach you from 30 min to a few months.

Many clients come to me for a one time power kick - They get what they need - This is it!

Other clients will stay longer and get weekly power boosts with me in a safe environment where they can share their story + Get solid feed back.

By experience, I know that coaching works VERY fast.

We focus directly on your targets and design a solid battle plan every single session.

Sessions are always complete and we always cover the top issues or challenges you might be facing at the time of our call.

We discuss YOUR agenda, not mine.

You tell me what you want and my job as your coach is to support you in getting there, manifesting the results you want.

If you like the idea of having an powerful source of support standing there next to you, the best is to take a small step and sign up for a 30 min.

It will give you everything you need to make a sound choice and decide if you need more after that.

I am here to help!

http://vitalcoaching.com/coaching.htm

To your power!

What if she keeps harassing you emotionally? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Ok, I agree! Harassing can be a too strong word...

Sometimes, all she does is bother you with questions, needing emotional support, wanting to share stories you no longer care about.

She might want friendship and you might want space.

In some cases, she will be VERY agressive towards you and even be emotionally abusive without reason.

How do you tacklle these behaviors?

You set up new boundaries with her.

Here are a few ideas:

Set up a 5 min rule when she calls - Check your watch and get off the phone within 5 min max - If 5 min is too much, you can set up a 1 min rule too!
Don't invite her in if she comes by to drop something.
Let her know that you are with friends and don't have time to listen to her story right now.
Etc.

This is called setting boundaries and protecting your space.

You might really see her invading your freedom and draining your energy.

You might realize that every time you speak with her, you feel weak and disempowered after that.

If it is the case, remember that you owe her nothing.

Apply the strategies I describe above or make up your own.

It is your right to protect your space and freedom!

Use that right!

To your power!

The larger picture - Get rid of 80% of the break up pain on this planet - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Positive break up strategies are like memes people transmit to each other.

This is like a positive wave that touches really thousands of people.

It is enough for a few people to "get it" for these mind sets to become new standards.

I want you to realize that the steps you take have a positive impact beyond yourself.

This is a positive wave of transformation that offers new solutions to tackle one key life challenge so many people face.

I am not sure how much you care about that part as you must be focused on rebuilding your own strength now.

I simply wanted to give you a hint and make you realize that there is a bigger picture to what you are doing.

I play my part - You play yours.

This transformation is for the best.

Everyone eventually benefits from these positive changes.

The positive steps you take do impact on others!

Emotional divorce versus legal divorce - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

If you are in a divorce process now, you will quickly realize that you have two sides to a divorce: the legal one and the emotional one.

The legal one has to do with law and sorting money, assets, children and paperwork.

The emotional one has to do with finding answers, shifting perspectives, rebuilding inner strength and relating to your ex in new respectful ways.

Keep the legal and emotional divorce separate.

They are a totally different set of issues.

Don't bring undigested emotions to court!

Don't try to get back to her, by setting up extra legal hurdles.

Simplify everything and get through it as fast as you can!

Partner with a lawyer or mediator who understands that you want out as soon as possible.

The administrative details of this divorce are just that: details!

They don't really matter at the end! It doesn't have to be perfect or fair till the last detail.

The longer you stay in the legal divorce zone, the more energy you waste!

It is much more important to gain back your freedom fast so that you can move on and focus on the future.

The emotional divore is the the sorting out of emotions.

It means clearing what still stands undigested in your mind.

You win an emotional divorce by developing empowering mind sets and attitudes.

99% of this break up system is about the emotional side of your break up or divorce.

That's the battle you will win by using these strategies!

Stop idealizing your past relationship - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Ok! I agree... Maybe your relationship was super great! It was wonderful!

That's a possibility.

But look at the flaws, the challenges, the fights, the space between the two of you and the fact that you are free from all these now.

You can colour your past relationship any way you want.

Idealizing it is a mistake!

Why?

Because this type of self talk is self defeating, victimizing and keeps you focused on the past.

Because it makes you believe that you will never find something as good as that.

This is not true!

On the contrary, you can rebuild a new life and an incredible connection with any woman you meet.

Are you sure she was that special?

Well... Let me ask you this simple question:

How many women are there on this planet?

How many of them did you meet?

How do you know that there aren't millions of women out there as good or even much better than her.

If you can't see them, start searching right now.

You can log on any dating site and see thousands of women ready to date and fall in love with you.

That's reality! This is what gives you a new edge and an open perspective into your future.

Stop idealizing your relationship and realize that you have an open space of infinite possibilities ahead of you.

What she really thinks when you say you can't live without her - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

She sees lack of emotional independence.

She sees neediness.

She thinks "I am responsible for making him happy".

You suddenly become a burden or responsability she doesn't want.

Can you see that?

In your mind, you think that sharing these profound feelings let her see how much you love her?

Of course they do!

Yes! She sees a guy who appears to be committed to her but she sees weakness as well.

This weakness is a turn off.

This type of line usually gives you the opposite to what you want. It actually makes her less attracted to you!

What to say instead?

"You want to break up? Sure - Let's put an end to this... I agree with you - I needed some space and freedom to see other people anyway - I think I am going to immensely enjoy the coming few weeks..."

You might think that saying this makes you appear unloving or uncaring?

That's NOT the message she hears!

She sees a guy who is super confident and about to have a really good time!

It challenges her!

In her mind, she already thinks of what's she's going to miss if she's not part of it...

To your power!

The man she sees now is the step dad to my kids! - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Yes!

That's another really tough break up realization.

Your kids might get a new step dad in the process.

But... You stay their real dad and this won't change ever.

Cultivating a new harmonious relationship with your kids is definitely something you need to work on and develop consciously.

Be there for them! Absolutely!

I agree, that having to share them with her new partner is a big challenge but think of their interest first with that one.

What do you think they need the most?

The moment important decisions need to be made, it is still to you they will turn for advice and guidance.

I changed but she still does not want me back? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

You changed??? Really!!!

That's what she thinks when you say these words.

She needs much more than that!!!

If you were confronted with the same deal breaking situations again, how different would you be?

Suppose that you got easily possesive with her, how will you react next time you see her flirting with a chap at a social event?

Are you sure you have all the mind sets in place to tackle the limiting factors which eventually dissolved your relationship.

A few steps and determination is not enough!

You need to totally mature with your solutions and own them!

That's what REALLY gives you a new edge in a future relationship.

Even if you achieve this profound transformation that would make you the best candidate for her, she might still not give you a chance...

You see, too many memories have already accumulated in her mind.

She can't or doesn't want to clear them up.

So, in most cases, you will get many more chances to make it up, simply not with her.

Change, forgive yourself and move on!

New thrilling opportunities are on their way!

Should you tell her about these break up files? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Why? Because she doesn't actually want you to win this battle.

She is not cruel but in her mind it really boosts her ego to imagine that you will miss her forever and that you will never find any girl who matches her.

She still has this uncontrolled need to be number one in your mind.

When you tell her about these files, you reveal you battle plan and give her the keys to stay in your mind longer.

Remember that this is a battle of psychic energies between you and her.

Keep these secrets to yourself and don't reveal them to her ever or you'll lose your edge in this battle.

To your power!

Why does she say that she misses you? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Because it's true!

The decision to break up is a subtle balance of forces between the desire to stay and the desire to leave.

Missing you means that a part of her still feels what was there.

She feels a connection but this connection is not strong enough to stop her from moving forward.

The decision to break up is rarely totally black or white.

Most women will have at least some mixed feelings about this.

It doesn't stop them from eventually still taking the decision though... And going on with their lives.

Yes, but her family likes me! - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

I'll be VERY direct with that one, ok?

WHO CARES!

They are not the ones making decisions here!

She is!

The fact that her parents were very nice to you doesn't mean they won't be nice to the next guy who shows up!

Remember that!

Let go of HER world too! - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

When she breaks up, you have to let go of the relationship with her + her world.

Her world is her family, her friends, her kids, her business, her house, her assets, etc.

That's her world!

That's her energy reality!

Very often you will feel this desire to keep in touch with her friends or family members.

Don't!

Unless you built something super solid with one of them that no longer depends on her, dissolve that too!

Every time you see this friend of hers, she will remind you of your ex.

It keeps you hooked on the past.

Put it this way:

Do these people really want to stick around and be friends with you?

Or are they doing that out of pity?

Don't you think they will soon be investing their friendship and energy into her new date?

Don't fool yourself!

In most cases, these people stay part of HER world, not yours.

The minute they have to take sides, it is towards her they will lean, no you!

Should you stay in touch with her children? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Imagine that you dated a single mother and became a step dad to her kids.

Of course they might like you and be attached to you.

You might miss them too, right?

The thing to remember in these situations is that her kids are part of HER reality.

Sooner or later, she will meet someone who will be the new step dad.

How will this make you feel if you realize you are now competing with him even on that level?

I know it is tough to say but you own them and her nothing, ok?

Legally, you have zero rights.

When she breaks up, you are no longer part of any decision making process concerning them.

Let's fast forward to a year later...

You met someone!

This girl is great and she likes you too!

How will she feel when she knows that you are still invested in your ex's children?

What if she has children too?

What if she is the one invested in her ex's children and they see each other a lot because of that?

How would THAT make you feel?

See the dilemma and the conflicting interests?

It is normal to dissolve everything that is related with her when she breaks up, not just the direct relationship you had with her.

To your power!

What to do with the stuff that belongs to her? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Suppose that she was living at your place and when she breaks up, she leaves bags of her stuff behind.

What do you do?

The best approach is to contact her and give her a deadline: a couple of weeks to a month is usally reasonable.

Say something like:

"You still have a couple of bags at my place - As you can imagine I don't really want this stuff around... Can you pick them up in the next couple weeks? - I would appreaciate that - Thanks!"

If you don't hear from her, send her one last reminder and after that either get rid of it or bring it to one of her family members or friends.

You warned her!

It's her stuff, not yours!

She is the one who should be taking care of it!

If she doesn't care, neither should you!

Finish unfinished business with her - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

This means getting rid of whatever she left behind, giving it back to her or getting back your own stuff from her.

If you have a business together and you decide that you no longer want to work together take care of that URGENTLY and make it your top priority!

Why?

Because this unfinished business really holds you back.

It polarizes energy and stops you from moving forward.

The moment you finish this business with her by dissolving it, buying it from her or selling it to her, you FREE energy!

That's one of the qualities you need the most to start over: free energy!

If you have children together or still share assets like a property, stocks or a shared bank account, solve that as well.

With children, put in place a solid agreement you are both happy with and which takes care of their well being and security.

Decide who gets them when and who pays for what.

Once these invisble threads are disssolved you feel this fresh wind of potential blowing in your sales!

That's called freedom!

But we were meant for each other! - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Really!!???

If it's the case, how come it is not with you she decides to be?

Maybe her reality does not match yours.

There are three ways you can look at a relationship.

Through your eyes.
Through her eyes.
Through the eyes of those around you.

Your perspective or your opinion is only one of those three, right?

Other people, especially her might see it from a totally different angle.

I agree with you, sometimes you have so many "signs" that tell you that this was meant to happen.

And guess what, in a life time, these magic synchronicities can keep on happening with many different people.

This is called living in the flow.

This flow is not fixed!

It keeps on evolving and there is a lot beyond the filter of your mind and your own perception that maybe you can't see.

Even if this picture appers perfect to you it does not mean that it is perfect for everyone else especially her.

We still live together - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Yes!

This can happen.

I suppose one of you is preparing to move out and it will take a few weeks or days before it happens.

Use this time wisely!

First, stand in total respect towards each other.

Second, see this as a crisis situation that requires emergency measures.

It won't last.

You will soon be free from this set up.

In the meantime, do whatever it takes to reclaim your freedom and stay focused.

You can spend a couple of nights at a friend's place if needed.

Refocus on your work.

Activate your social life and see other people.

Train!

Take a trip for a couple weeks until she's out.

Do all these things that give you energy and rebuild your power!

I can't stand the idea of her with another man - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Jealousy can be super draining when you don't master it.

Remember that jealousy is a weapon and that the role of that weapon is to protect your relationship.

When this relationship collapses, there is nothing left to protect.

She is gone, right?

So, refocus your energy on what matters: YOU!

Replace negative jealousy patterns with more empowering mind sets:

"She is free"

"I don't own her"

"She is having a good time, so what?"

"I am free"

These are positive mind sets that tame your jealousy weapon and give it new direction.

Yes! It is like wrestling with thoughts and emotions you don't want but that's what gives you a new edge + the control seat in your mind.

Stay focused! Persevere!

You are on the right track!

Is she with someone else tonight? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

She might.

That's again thinking about her.

As long as you are trapped in that pattern, you still "give" her energy.

How about you stepping out of your comfort zone and activating your social power.

There is not much you can do about her life but there is certainly a lot you can do about yours!

The moment you take the step and feed YOUR world, you'll notice that whatever she does no longer touches you.

That's EMOTIONAL FREEDOM!

That's EXACTLY where you want to be.

I tend to think and dream a lot about her at night... - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

That's normal.

You are still connected.

Reclaiming the territory of your mind is a conscious step by step power build up.

The moment you start dating new women, you will see them gradually replacing her in your mind.

The vision of her or fantasies about her simply means that she's still your "Point or reference" for the feminine energy.

Realize too that these visions of her won't hurt you.

Even having some romantic fantasies is ok.

You don't have to block all that.

Some of it might even be very pleasant.

Over time though, these visions will naturally fade away and become a distant memory which loses its sharpness.

When this happens, it means that the power she had over you is now dissipated and you are a free man.

You will definitely notice the shift when this happens as you might see someone else replacing her in your mind.

What if you run into her and her new boyfriend? - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

It's simple:

DIPLOMACY + RESPECT

Say hi!

Have a few words on unimportant topics.

1-5 min max!

Good bye!

This is it.

Smile!

Stay confident!

If you were thinking about it, now is NOT the time to have an "us" conversation with her or start throwing arrows at each other!

Got that?

Stay focused!

Keep it short!

Move on!

She's now getting married to another guy! - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

Yes! I know how it makes you feel...

Especially if she said many times she was not ready for that type of commitment, right?

Listen... Your life is moving on and there is only one way to stand in this: that's no longer any of your business.

Yes, you might need to find answers like "Why that guy?" or "Wasn't I good enough for her?".

Here is what I can tell you!

The fact that you are no longer together does not mean that you were wrong for each other or that you were not good enough.

It means that the cycle of what you could experience together came to an end.

If there is anything in your relationship abilities that you question, look at them clearly and do something about it.

A break up is a crisis and a wake up call to become a better person if you feel that's the issue.

On the other hand, it has a lot as well to do with compatibility and long term destiny line.

Your destiny lines no longer fit.

You might move to another country, or she wants kids and you don't, or it's an age difference, or there were simply too many tensions.

Yes! She's marrying someone else, so what?

You don't have to sponsor this marriage and go out of your way to tell her how happy you are for her, ok?

If you struggle with this, it measn she's still too present in your mind.

Go back to dating other women, clearing your personal space and refocusing your energy on yourself.

Stay focused and don't let this take you off track.

To your power!

Why trying to get back together usually means trouble - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

It means trouble because you go back to the past and reawaken old emotions and issues you might have been trapped into.

The moment she decides to break up, a huge part of her has already given up even if she says that she's ready to give it another try.

In most cases though, she won't even want to try.

She is already moving on with her life and maybe even focused on a new relationship.

If you stay invested in her, you keep giving hope to a ship which is sinking and she's doing nothing to rescue it.

Remember that it takes a very profound shift for a collapsed relationship to be rebuilt.

In most cases couples fail with getting back together because they don't have the time, energy and focus to follow up on their resolutions.

Saying things like

"I have changed..."

"Let's make this work..."

"We are good for each other..."

Is not enough!

You need much more than that!

You need to understand the EXACT limiting factors in your relationship + Find a set of strategies which will tackle that specific challenge.

Once you understand these dynamics and have a battle plan, you still need to take consistent action for months until these new patterns become REALLY part of you.

If she is only half into it, no matter how hard you try, you feel that you swim against a powerful current that takes you in exact opposite direction to where you want to go.

My advice is simple: focus on the future, not the past!

Don't waste your time pursuing her - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

When you pursue her, it reinforces the inblance of power between the two of you.

You appear again as the one who needs her while she is fine without you.

The role of the sought is always to not let herself being caught.

Don't waste your time! - Focus on your life instead!

Shift to battle mode! - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

If your life is under attack, you fight, right?

A break up is a crisis that requires EMERGENCY measures!

These measures might not be implemented forever but they create a bridge of power in this transition time.

Use your WILL POWER!

Your DETERMINATION and PASSION to win is what makes a huge difference.

This is what takes you straight to EMOTIONAL VICTORY!

Now, WIN!

Damage control! - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

That's exactly what you want to do when you face a break up!

Make sure that this challenge does not negatively impact on the other areas of your life.

You must avoid this snow ball effect and make sure that you defend with passion all aspects of your existence including health, career, social life, emotional balance, etc.

If you do that, you reduce the breakup challenge to its real size and don't let negative mind sets spread.

This is damage control.

It's YOUR life! FIGHT!

Your break up is a positive thing because... - TIP

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:38:51 PDT

... It forces you to tap into resources you didn't even know you had.

Many men come to me a couple of years after their break up and say things like:

"It's actually the best thing that happened to me... It forced me to totally shift my life around and there is so much I discovered now about women and relationships... WHAOU!"

It is painful when you resist it.

It hurts if you are still looking at the past while your life moves forward at high speed into your future.

Break up = Star wars ??? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

This is a side note to complement another article I wrote about the energy battle during break up.

In that article I said that emotional pain is a disturbance in your energy field.

This means that your life force does not stream in harmonious ways.

What does it have to do with Star Wars?

Your life force = THE FORCE.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!

Remember that Luke Skywalker's path aims at mastering THE FORCE!

He has a special gift! He has a special connection with THE force.

Master Yota will say things like: "I feel a disturbance in the force..."

These disturbances are linked with the activities of Dark Vador and his friends.

I know... It IS a metaphor for something that happens throughout our lives.

And yes!

A break up battle expresses the same type of dynamics between forces that stimulate your path to freedom and disturbances that want to stop you from reaching it.

Got that?

To your power!

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU! ;)

How to win the energy battle with your ex - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

This victory is NOT against your ex.

This victory equals conquering emotional freedom.

Everything is energy, right?

You heard that before.

Your mind and body are a complex ecosystem of energies flowing through you.

This is LIFE FORCE!

When you are trapped in emotional pain, this means that energy blockages in your system are stopping the free flow of life force in you.

Pain IS a disturbance in your energy field.

When you want to get your life back, you aim at clearing all disturbances in your energy field.

These disturbances are undigested emotions and experiences.

They reflect an imbalance and this imbalance is linked with what is left of your ex in you.

The struggle that you face when in a break up zone is a conflict between your mind set and a reality that does NOT match this mind set.

I'll put this more simply.

In your mind, you are still thinking about a relationship that is no longer there.

Your emotions still reflect the romantic dream of an ex who is gone.

Reality on the other hand is a a space where you are now standing by yourself with total and full potential to create whatever you want, REALLY!

The moment you accept this present state (freedom) as your NEW reality, you let go of the dream of a past broken relationship.

See how it works?

You are in pain as long as your mind sets don't match reality.

This is what creates an internal conflict and disturbes your energy field.

Part of you is still polarized in dead end patterns that waste your energy.

On the other hand, when you reach this state of total emotional freedom and embrace your present and your new future, conflict stops, disturbances in your energy field disapear.

If you didn't get this, come back to this article and read it again.

This is the key to understanding what really goes on energy wise when you break up.

You still have disturbances in your energy field and the goal is to get rid of those blockages.

This is why you destroy traces of her presence in your personal environment.

Because when you see an object that reminds you of her, this strengthens the mind patterns that block your energy flow.

These objects are the anchors to these disturbances.

If you talk about her too much and feel undigested emotions and anger rising, the exact same thing happens.

You invoke memories and patterns which are disturbances in your energy flow.

I want to tell you again how essential it is to understand how energies work in you so that you can conquer your freedom in very CONSCIOUS WAYS.

The science of building emotional freedom in you is VERY PRECISE!

What if she is still in your mind but you don't feel disturbed by it?

It simply means that the mind sets associated with her are not strong enough to significantly disturb your energy flow.

It means that your life power is strong enough to overcome these resistances.

It is like a mountain stream flowing with power and removing obstacles as it follows its course.

In some cases, thinking of her can even feel empowering and energizing to you.

This means that she has become a sponsoring force for you rather than a limiting one.

In that situation, what she represents for you actually stimulates the flow of life force in your being rather than limiting it.

What to say if you meet her for a drink? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Be prepared!

Rehearse a bit before you go.

Here is your "battle" plan:

Be relaxed
No sentimentalism
Stay cool
Sort out what you need to sort out
Keep it short
Leave

Make sure you keep it on a light respectful note.

Don't...

Beg her to come back to you
Attack her or blame her
Try to control any part of her life
Get jealous if she mentions other guys
Have or hope for sex

Meeting an ex is always a high risk moment where fight triggers can tease you any time.

So, meet her armed with an ABSOLUTE determination to keep it on a light note.

If you feel this meeting is turning bitter, smile, give her a hug or a kiss, tell her you will call her again at another time and LEAVE!

Dare to!

It is simply not worth wasting any more energy fighting.

Under pressure because your ex wants to be friends? - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Yes, often your ex doesn't want to fully lose you.

She wants to turn you into a supportive friend on who she can rely.

Most of the times, she does that because she still cares about this connection and doesn't like the idea of you not being in her life at all.

Do you have to respond to her needs?

Of course not!

You can dissolve a potential freindship by not returning her calls or emails or simply telling her openly that you are no longer there for her.

It is your right!

You owe her nothing!

When she puts you into the friend zone, it can be prety painful to see her date new guys.

You don't have to witness that.

Do whatever it takes to put as much distance between you and her as you want.

The relationship is over! You owe her nothing, ok?

Now...

What if you have children, work together or are still sorting out details of a business or assets you have together?

In that case, stick to being diplomatic and respectful.

Yes! If you need to interact with her for whatever reason, cultivate a connection which is based on those qualities.

You realize though that ACTIVELY building a friendship is a totally different story, right?

When you are good friends, you hang out together, you support each other, you invite her to parties, you introduice her to your newtork, etc.

Going that way is ALWAYS an option IF you enjoy it too and you both want it.

Yes, it is possible to turn a past romantic relationship into a solid friendship.

In my experience with coaching men in breakup transitions, having a very active friendship with an ex doesn't happen often.

In most cases, simple, respectful and occasional interactions with an ex will be a much better option and give you more space to rebuild a love life without her.

Stop glorifying your ex! - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Why?

Because when you say things like:

She was perfect
She was the one
We were so good together
I never met anyone like her
Etc

You forget an essential point:

SHE DUMPED YOU!

How perfect is that???

Here is another good one:

When you say that you never met anyone like her, my question is:

How many women did you actually meet?

How many women are there on this planet?

Are you sure she is that unique?

She might be unique to you but I can guarantee you that the moment you start searching, you might be amazed of the amount of quality women who are ready to date you.

If you are afraid of not being good enough, then do something about it.

Change what you don't like!

Build up power!

Become a better person!

When you glorify her, you forget about the dark side, and the hard times.

You forget about a whole part of your story which might have involved pain, frustration, fights, endless tensions and so on.

Besides, puting her down consciously in your mind actually shifts your perception of balance of power between the two of you.

It gives you back trust and confidence.

Yes, absolutely!

Dig in and make a mental list of all her negatives!

In many cases it will make you feel 100 times better + You will realize that she was not that ideal after all...

Enjoy!

I feel like she used me! - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Yes! Sometimes that's the impression you can get.

Let me put this in a different light though, so that negative feelings don't hang around for too long.

If you paint a landscape, you can highlight the shapes or the colors or the zones of light or the zones of shadow, right?

And guess what?

It is still the same landscape!

The image we paint is ALWAYS an approximation of reality.

No matter how skilled you are, what you paint is still and inexact attempt to describe what truly is.

Different people will see different tings depending on the filter of their mind, their past experience, skills or emotional state.

So... With your relationship, it is EXACTLY the same: you can describe her actions from a place of shadow, imagining that everything she did was a silent conspiracy to make you unhappy and miserable.

You can as well believe that she had some hidden agenda and wanted to use you as a stepping stone to get what she wanted.

She might have been after you for money, gifts, emotional support in a difficult period or even simply used you for lust.

The thing is that, this type of description usually leaves aside a whole aspect of your relationship made of true feelings, deep emotions and a real connection between two human beings.

In most cases this is REAL too!

This was YOUR relationship and describing an ugly picture of the truth actually takes away the value of what you truly shared with her.

Now, of course, you don't have to overglorify a past relationship.

You can look at it in a neutral way and accept the fact that there was good and bad.

In most cases, people do "use" each other when they are in a relationships. Yes! I agree.

First, it goes BOTH ways!

Second, "Using" is not exactly the term that describes best what really goes on between two human beings who share love.

I would go for terms like: sharing, enjoying, loving, caring, fighting, evolving, progressing, etc.

If you still feel that she really used you, then learn from it and identify exactly where you have been naive about her.

Don't see it as a mistake.

Simply see it as a learning experience and don't fall into that specific trap again next time you are confronted with the same type of situation.

Here are typical relationship traps where you might give too much and not get back enough:

You give her a pile of money for studies, or starting her own business.
You support her a lot with her life dreams but get back nothing.
You give up friends and social life because she is very jealous and gives you a hard time when you are not with her.
You introduce her to a whole network of people and she ends up cheating on you with one of them.
You go out of your way to be with her - You move to another city or country and give up your roots, job and social connections.
You resign from a successful career or give up a promissing business idea because she does not support it.

There are many more examples of course, but the key idea here is that, YES! You can shift your destiny line or sacrifice a big part of your personal and emotional foundation to invest it into your relationship.

Once you do that, you might realize that it is not working and it was like a trap.

You end up lost not knowing which direction to go.

If this is your experience, here is what you can do:

Go back to the situation you were in before you met her.
Realize that in fact she freed you from a life that maybe was not too exciting and that you did in fact learn a lot while with her.
You now know that you take a big risk when giving her money gifts.
You understand much better the female psyche and you are armed with new tools for your future relationships.
Yes, she used you, but sex was great! You had a great time together.

You have many more possible answers your can fill in of course.

After reading these words, if you feel that a key question still stays unanswered, you know where to find me, right?

To your power!

She broke up! - I feel so diminished and inadequate! - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

A common reaction about guys who are trapped in the break up zone is to question their masculinity or their ability to keep a woman interested and happy.

Your self esteem can take a massive blow when she breaks up with you, right?

This is why the key focus of this material is power!

How to get your power back!

These negative patterns in your head are doubts and doubts are simply cracks in the walls of your mind.

They are weaknesses that allow negative feelings to flourish.

Now, when you rebuild your power, your mental strength and your emotional foundation, you kick these doubts out and gain back this sense of ownership over you life.

A doubt is an attack on your mind. It is an attack on your life.

You can look at it like any other form of attack and realize that these thought forms don't belong to you.

You can wrestle with negative thoughts and easily win this battle because you know that you have all the dignity and power to be respected as a human being.

If you feel a gap... If you feel that your level of energy is not high enough and that you feel psychically vulnerable, you can rebuild strength in many ways!

You can physically work out, develop your social network, refocus on your career, develop new spiritual and mind disciplines and much more.

Power is a quality you can cultivate.

You cultivate it as well through the way you stand in life.

Watch your posture, body language and tone of voice.

Gain back your social confidence by easily interacting and connecting with anyone.

Once your level of power raizes back to 80-100% of you true potential, you notice that the limiting thoughts about your masculinity or any aspect of your personality naturally dissolve.

Extra power IS the answer.

Why does she blame you and what to do about it - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

What she's doing now is what many women do when they feel they are truly losing their ex (even if they are the ones who broke up in the first place).

If you check the e-book and audios, you will see that I talk about that specific break up trap.

She comes back running to you, confusing you, just when she feels you are gaining back your strength and detaching yourself from her.

Blamming you is one way of getting back your attention and confusing you even deeper.

Observe that she is not saying she wants to get back together with you.

What she is doing right now is confusing you so that she can "stay on top".

This has to do with power struggle.

How to react to that?

Well, it is very simple: if someone throws lies and insults at you, would you take them if they are just lies and unjustified?

Of course not.

She is simply trying to provoque you because she can't stand the idea of you moving on that fast.

Seeking conflict or argument is her way of taking power away from you again.

So, see through it and don't play the game.

Anything that sounds like blame or attack, whether it's email, text or phone call, delete it and don't follow up.

I mean it!

Creating conflict is a lose-lose!

You have better things to do than letting someone blame you.

She is simply trying to put the fault on you when in fact she might be the one who gave up on your relationship. It is that simple!

If she calls or tries to contact you and blames or attacks you, put a strong boundary!

Say something like: "Sorry you feel that way! I have quite a different vision of what happened. You are entitled to your opinions and I won't try to change them. It seems we'll have to disagree on that one."

I am pretty sure that you both have some form of responsibility in the break up.

Yes, both!

It is a shared responsibility when it works or when it does not work.

You both have stuff you could have done differently and it is important to learn from a break up and ask yourself sincerely:

"What will I do differently when I have a new relationship in the future?"

That's called constructive introspection.

And yes! There is space for constructive feed back between two partners who break up.

What she tells you though is often not constructive! It is finger pointing and blaming which is not feed back.

It aims at one thing: hurt you, keep you hooked on her, confuse you, take away your confidence and power!

Simple, don't let her do that! You are on the right track!

We are far apart from each other - She wants an open relationship - ARTICLE

support@vitalcoaching.com (Francisco Bujan - vitalcoaching.com) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 03:37:57 PDT

Well, in your situation, distance is a deal breaker.

The desire she has to see other men shows that something else is going on and that she is not ready for a full commitment with you.

Even if you were moving next to her straight away, this would still not solve the issue.

The emotional distance she decides to take now would still be there.

If that's what she wants, consider yourself 100% free.

Soon, she might start to date other men as she says she will.

You need to be ready for that and have already your life back when this happens.

Yes! Distance and lack of commitment on her side are deal breakers.

The only way you would solve this is if either you or her change your minds.

Your two visions simply don't match right now.

Should you go for an open relationship?

Honestly, I think that only 10% of couples are actually ready to make an open relationship work.

It can be super challenging for one or both partners.

If your mind is already set anyway on wanting commitment, I would say: No, you don't have to.

Now, if you do want to give it a try, you can say something like:

"Well, I thought about it and I want to give it a try. Yes, let's have an open relationship for a month and see how it feels. "

"We both agree that we can date other people. I might go on dates myself as well. Are we clear on that? I am not saying that it will work, but let's give it a try and check it out again one month from now..."

By the way, if you want to try an open relationship, there is much more you must know.

I would advise you to sign up for a couple of coaching sessions.

http://vitalcoaching.com/coaching.htm

I would need to talk with you live because it's a big chunk with many potential challenges.

What about convincing her to change her mind?

With the distance and the fact that you won't see each other much, that will be very difficult. You already tried. Her answer was "No thanks".

As you noticed, pressure, demands or trying to reason her do not help.

A commitment needs to happen because she wants it with all her being.

Right now she already pulled back emotionally.