The most interesting thing about these has nothing to do with the actual videos – it’s that for every “Skip listening” clip, there’s a corresponding “Stephen A talking” clip. This particular one had another full minute of Skip completely silent – [...]]]> Skip Bayless videos should keep me entertained for at least a few more weeks.

The most interesting thing about these has nothing to do with the actual videos – it’s that for every “Skip listening” clip, there’s a corresponding “Stephen A talking” clip. This particular one had another full minute of Skip completely silent – I just didn’t need any more.

It’s simply a matter of knowing what I’m ordering before it arrives.

For example, when you go to someplace like the Olive Garden or Red Lobster, not only is the meal [...]]]> I occasionally get teased – or at least questioned – about my love for chain restaurants, but there’s an excellent reason for this.

It’s simply a matter of knowing what I’m ordering before it arrives.

For example, when you go to someplace like the Olive Garden or Red Lobster, not only is the meal you can get very common and basic, but it’s also well-described on the menu, often with a photo.

There’s very little mystery in the process, and no matter what location in the world you go to, you can get that exact same thing. This type of uniformity and order makes me comfortable.

In contrast, the other day I had lunch at this place I’ll leave nameless, and ordered something that I’ll herein rename the “Millie Turkey Wich Macho”. As far as I could tell from the description, it appeared to be a turkey sandwich.

When it arrived, it was sliced turkey on top of a piece of cornbread, with melted cheese and some kind of sauce on top. There was also a weird pasta salad and a regular salad.

As with hummus, I was like, “what do I do with this”. I mean, it was fine in the end, but I don’t like that kind of mystery, and I really just wanted a turkey sandwich.

(The companionship at lunch was the best one could ever hope for, and we came up with a great restaurant idea called Bucket.)

Besides all of this, I’m not a food enthusiast.

So far today, I’ve had a protein shake, a scoop of coconut oil, and an apple. Later, I’ll have that again, and then again, and then I’ll have a protein bar, and then some more of that. I’ll finish the day with more protein shakes, and somewhere in there is a bunch of tuna, and some cucumbers.

If there were a way to condense all of that into one pill I could take in the morning, I’d do it. I’d also take a picture of that pill, and put it inside a cute little menu I’d make with Photoshop.

Let’s go to Outback, eh.

One was for $19,000,000,000 and eventually became The Christmas Bridge: A Timeless Excitement Fable.

The other I had no memory of, but there it was listed in my [...]]]> I was logged in at Kickstarter checking out a project someone had sent me, and noted that I’ve actually submitted two projects in the past.

One was for $19,000,000,000 and eventually became The Christmas Bridge: A Timeless Excitement Fable.

The other I had no memory of, but there it was listed in my account as REJECTED:

Funding Goal
$10,000,000

Project Description
I want to buy a Super Bowl ad spot that is 15 seconds of a hand moving a toaster across the screen. There will be a voice-over going “There goes the…toaster toaster toaster toaster” for the whole 15 seconds.

Also the toaster will be a celebrity, but that’s not the voice, it’s the toaster itself. Like maybe I can try to get the toaster from Seinfeld.

This is once part performance art, one part experiment in crowdfunding, and one part deep social commentary. It has three parts total.

Project Rewards
Everyone will get to see the commercial and have the opportunity to download a drawing of a toaster.

In hindsight, I can see why this got shot down.

The combination of how cool it would be and the impossibility of tracking down a toaster that famous seems silly to me now.

When was the last time you gave money to a Kickstarter.

While I’m sure there are those who buy into Mr. Burke’s reasons, personally I think he missed [...]]]> “LeBron James: Professional Basketball Player” is a different person from “LeBron James: Human Being”, and the reason I hate the former isn’t for any of the reasons outlined by Monte Burke in Forbes this morning.

While I’m sure there are those who buy into Mr. Burke’s reasons, personally I think he missed the biggest one:

REASON 0: He doesn’t have an overpowering competitive drive.

In some manner this can seem tied into the Cleveland-defection, but it’s not at all about The Decision – it’s about breaking the unwritten rule of basketball that you don’t stack the teams.

That’s what chumps do, and nobody respects it.

Yesterday’s extreme dominance by him and Dwyane Wade was the perfect example – they beat the Pacers going 2-on-5. They’re that talented, dynamic, and dominant.

It’s just not cool, to be as baseline as possible.

While in some ways it’s exciting to see Wade and LeBron go off like that, it’s some of the ugliest basketball you’ll ever see, akin to watching a game of NBA Live before running plays was viable in the gameplay.

Give it to best player, go one-on-one, repeat. (Thanks to @MartinRickman for the video game analogy.)

It’s anti-basketball and in some ways hard to respect.

“Bully everyone with talent” was a neat gimmick in ’92 when the Dream Team did it, but became a bit unsportsmanlike when the rest of the world decided we were kinda being jerks about it in the version that followed.

I also realize that with only two players, the Heat are in some fashion an underdog now, but LeBron’s intent was still the same – stack talent and cruise to multiple titles.

Before I add some additional notes, I discussed this and more with Skip Bayless on ESPN First Take this morning.

Additional notes:

1) Yes, I’m a Cleveland fan, and I have an added layer of hate for what he did to the Cavaliers and the fanbase. I started hating him while he was still on the Cavaliers though, so I’m not sure it’s relevant to this discussion.

2) I don’t understand why everyone gets on Cleveland fans for hating on LeBron. 15+ years after he was on the Red Sox and 5 years after he retired, Boston fans go rabid at the mention of Roger Clemens, and it’s somehow considered adorable. He didn’t even screw them over. He just got good again after he left.

3) Situations where other stars teamed up aren’t comparable. It’s different when it’s organic, and it’s also different when they’re past their prime and making a last go at it. (Houston with Barkley/Pippen, Boston’s recent big three.)

4) LeBron is judged on a different scale, because he has presented himself as – and is talented enough to be – a Greatest of all Time candidate.

5) I’m sure me and LeBron James: Human being would have a nice time watching Captain American and throwing popping corns into each other’s mouths.

The interior is exactly the same, so don’t have a panic attack unless you’re OCD about your bookshelf.

If that’s the case, sign up for my email thingie – I’m going to [...]]]> (Yes, I redesigned the cover of Prelude to a Super Airplane to make the series visually copacetic.

If that’s the case, sign up for my email thingie – I’m going to give you a solution next week.)

According to a trusted confidant, my Guys Who Watch Girls podcast with @robertcarroll has been downgraded from a “jerkcast” to a “hatecast”.

The allegation is that I just don’t like the show, and am looking for ways to pick it apart.

This may very well be true, but I want to make it clear that I don’t think the show is bad, nor do I think anyone who likes it is stupid.

In fact, I recognize why it’s good – it’s just not for me. I felt the same way about The Sopranos, so who am I to judge anything.

I plan to talk more about this on the next episode (out every Tuesday on iTunes) but something else happened that made me realize that yes, I just don’t like the show.

What happened?

I read all the spoilers…and I do legitimately hate spoilers.

For example, while I’ve seen the initial Dark Knight Rises trailer, from here on I’ll be changing the channel or clicking away or leaving the theater if anything that could even possibly show me something I haven’t seen yet seems imminent.

I like to know as little as possible about anything I think I might enjoy, which makes the internet an awful place, i.e. websites that stick spoilers in headlines, or think that telling you things that don’t happen aren’t spoilers.

But Girls? I know all kinds of stuff about the upcoming episodes.

What does making this determination mean for the podcast. I have no idea – I think it’s on the agenda for the next episode.

Do you like spoilers for Go Go Bunny Rises.

I was actually going for “I’m so confused” just to see if that was something that people Google a lot. I love the idea of people with general life malaise turning to Google for [...]]]> In my post about ways to avoid writing, I forgot another one of my favorites: playing with Google’s search auto-fill.

I was actually going for “I’m so confused” just to see if that was something that people Google a lot. I love the idea of people with general life malaise turning to Google for advice.

When I saw this, I stopped typing:

Making people is a very crafty thing to be able to do. It’s a little troubling that so many people are capable of this that Google is offering it up on auto-fill, but whatever.

It could mean making babies, but I’ve not heard it referred to as such that often. Might also be a song lyric. I could just click it and find out for sure.

Is there irony in me writing a blog post to avoid writing.

My skin is fair and burns easily, being in the sun makes me tired, and my sister had a malignant melanoma at 24, so I just want no part of being in direct sunlight for too long.

I’m not telling anyone to agree with me, but think about it [...]]]>

#art

My skin is fair and burns easily, being in the sun makes me tired, and my sister had a malignant melanoma at 24, so I just want no part of being in direct sunlight for too long.

I’m not telling anyone to agree with me, but think about it like this: the sun is a giant ball of fire that’s so giant and fiery that it’s scalding you from 93 million miles away.

That’s 149,668,992 kilometers!

As such, I read sunscreen articles like this one on CNN closely.

Your sun hat should be floppy, wide-brimmed, and made from a tightly woven material.

I had no idea there were designated ‘sun hats’, but now that I do, you can be sure I’ll ask everyone if that’s their Sun Hat or just their Regular Hat.

If it’s just a Regular Hat, think of all the interesting avenues of conversations I’ve just opened regarding why they don’t have a Sun Hat on, and how their head is being scalded, and how they better stop smoking around their kid before I take the cigarette out of their mouth and crush it on their forehead.

In conclusion, try not to get cancer, and I also hate trees, grass, outdoor plants, and animals. Here’s the latest Guys Who Watch Girls jerkcast – remember to sub on iTunes thx.

It would go as such:

1) Independently and off the top of our heads, we each list the best 25 players since the +/-mid-80s, which is when my family started being hardcore basketball fans.

2) [...]]]> I was watching Heat-Pacers yesterday – that’s professional basketball – and my dad called me with an activity game.

It would go as such:

1) Independently and off the top of our heads, we each list the best 25 players since the +/-mid-80s, which is when my family started being hardcore basketball fans.

2) We then compare lists, and cross out all players on both of our lists.

3) From our remaining players, we each put together a five-man line-up, aligning players to position as best as possible.

4) Have heated debate about whose team would win.

I immediately noted that the winner would be determined by who avoided any glaring omissions, and felt confident I would be that guy.

Here was my squad:
Steve Nash
Gary Payton
Kevin Garnett
Kevin McHale
Hakeem Olajuwon

And his:
Jason Kidd
Dwyane Wade
Reggie Miller
Kevin Durant
Bill Walton

I don’t think there’s any question my team would beat his, especially with his glaring omission of Hakeem. If you think differently, let me know why.

Also, this game is timeless and will make you cry – play it with your favorite relative today. If you don’t like basketball, you can play it with Harry the Potter characters.

Greatest-of-all-time level talent, and none of the intangibles that would cement that status.

This is well-chronicled and debated elsewhere, so I won’t rehash it.

What I want to talk about are questions like this from Heat beat writer Ira Winderman’s [...]]]> LeBron James developing legacy is one of the odder ones in sports history.

Greatest-of-all-time level talent, and none of the intangibles that would cement that status.

This is well-chronicled and debated elsewhere, so I won’t rehash it.

What I want to talk about are questions like this from Heat beat writer Ira Winderman’s daily Q&A column, which I’m convinced is just him writing questions to himself.

That’s beside the point. This question is the point:

Q: Ira, the league went and did it now, putting even more pressure on LeBron by naming him MVP. Isn’t that the last thing the Heat need? — Mort, West Palm Beach.

This is actually a legitimate concern, and if I didn’t take such a raw, savage joy from watching his failures, I’d feel bad for LeBron’s situation.

Actual pressure would be something like this:

Q: Ira, the league went and did it now, putting even more pressure on LeBron by [suspending all his teammates and making him play 1-on-5, and also by making him play with the MVP trophy in a backpack that's strapped across his chest, instead of on his back]. Isn’t that the last thing the Heat need? — Mort, West Palm Beach.

That would be some legit pressure.

Can you imagine this type of stuff being said about Michael, Kobe, Duncan, or any of the other all-time greats? It’s kind of amazing.

Besides, I thought LBJ finally had that eye-of-the-tiger need taken care of, etc. He even got a mouth guard with XVI on it – can a player get more killer-instinct than that.

P.S. Before you paint me as a bitter Cavs fan, remember I soured on him when he was still in Cleveland, and three years before he left. This is verified over the course of 2000+ posts. That said, I’m also a bitter Cavs fan.

I’m not the most adventurous eater.

One look at this list of foods I’ve never eaten should verify that, while also cementing that I don’t like condiments.

As a kid, it was plain hot dogs, plain hamburgers, and plain everything. Barbeque sauce was like [...]]]> (Allef posing for more Instagram pics.)

I’m not the most adventurous eater.

One look at this list of foods I’ve never eaten should verify that, while also cementing that I don’t like condiments.

As a kid, it was plain hot dogs, plain hamburgers, and plain everything. Barbeque sauce was like a massive, tumultuous experiment, I’ve probably never dipped anything into a dip, and things like Cinnamon Life were considered exotic.

I’ve since grown into a health-and-fitness-based adult, so my natural (or learned) tendencies work well for it. Tuna right out of the can and an apple works as a meal, and I’d be totally happy eating protein bars and shakes all day.

In any case, the best part of the hummus experience was that I really had no idea what it was.

I was fully prepared to assume it was the Middle Eastern version of grits or pudding, and would’ve eaten it as such, if my lunch experience companion hadn’t been there.

(Of course, if she hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t have been there, but that’s like some dimensional crazy talk. And I am glad I was there, and glad I tried it.)

Did I like it? I guess it tasted fine, but it’s really a condiment, and gloppy condiments just aren’t something I’m into.

By the way, I come by it all honestly. I emailed my mom about this and here’s her response:

Hummus = never had it, never will!

Does your mom like to do math/language hybrids too.

History will look back at this period when people actually got angst about this the same way we look at women or blacks voting, i.e. how is it even possible [...]]]> I was going to write a whole post about the Obama stance on gay marriage, but I’ll just sum it up in one sentence:

History will look back at this period when people actually got angst about this the same way we look at women or blacks voting, i.e. how is it even possible this wasn’t allowed?

It’s basic civil rights.

There’s a related conversation to be had about angst over whether that was a “smart political move” for the President or not, but I’m probably way too anti-political to have it.

Someone saying the right thing because it’s the right thing shouldn’t be questioned. Go see Captain America again and rethink your stance.

If you disagree re: gay marriage, it’s your right to do so, but history and common sense isn’t on your side. Find a more productive crusade.

Much more writable today is my personal issue with my bathroom garbage can, pictured in this post.

You’ll note the empty toilet paper roll, which I removed and put in the (covered) kitchen garbage after taking this photo.

Why?

Anyone that knows me well is aware I’m not that great about bodily functions. Something just sets me askew.

On the extreme end, not only can I not watch surgery shows, but even hearing about surgery will make me feel like I’ll throw up. I had a surgery a few years back and started to pass out as the doctor explained the procedure.

(That doctor ended up giving me what I refer to as an inadvertent nose job, but that’s a story for another time.)

In the end, I assume everyone is like this, and wouldn’t want visitors to think I’m actually going to the bathroom in my bathroom. The empty roll would be clear evidence, and thus it was hidden.

I’ll be on Twitter later – right now I have to get Allef into his Captain America costume.

Do you like The Avengers.

I vaguely remember waking up and considering sending this, and decided I’d better, because I’d never remember otherwise.

Good job for sure on that one.

Here’s the latest Guys Who Watch Girls podcast [...]]]> I would love to know what I was trying to tell myself last night with the email to your right.

I vaguely remember waking up and considering sending this, and decided I’d better, because I’d never remember otherwise.

Good job for sure on that one.

Here’s the latest Guys Who Watch Girls podcast – we also recorded a special edition one this morning with Meredith Borders from BadAssDigest, so look out for that on iTunes.

This year I came to the conclusion that I had my hands in way too many things, and subsequently cut a few out.

It was a matter of being spread too thin – creating a lot, but no real [...]]]> (This post was inspired by Chris Brogan’s recent post about passionate blogging.)

This year I came to the conclusion that I had my hands in way too many things, and subsequently cut a few out.

It was a matter of being spread too thin – creating a lot, but no real time to promote any of it like it needed to be.

Thus, I had to figure out what I really wanted to do most with my time. To be cliche, what’s my passion.

I’ve discovered this is a really important thing to do, and rather than take you through my personal process, I’d rather just tell you my conclusion, and hope that it inspires you to take a similar look at how you spend your time.

This may surprise you, but at my absolute foundation, the one thing I’m 100% passionate about isn’t books or movies or storytelling of any kind at all.

My passion is that I’ve never seen a horse in real life.

So many times I’ve come close, but it’s never happened, and if I have 7,000,000 breaths left in my body, each one will in some way be spent feeding my raw, savage desire to never see a horse.

It drives me every day, and I derive amazing amounts of joy from it. Every time I turn a corner or finish doing a jumping-jack and a horse isn’t there, it’s like some magical form of intangible euphoria rushes through me.

Attaining that feeling – that’s passion, and I’m fortunate to have realized it while I’m still deceptively muscular.

What’s your passion based on seeing horses or not. If it’s not based on that, maybe read this again, while paying better attention to the deep subtext.

I don’t really believe in writer’s block, but I definitely suffer from writer’s procrastination.

It’s not like I have one of those romanticized “fear [...]]]> (I found this pic of me and my niece in my iPad. Not sure how it got there, since I’m in the pic and she appears to have my iPad.)

I don’t really believe in writer’s block, but I definitely suffer from writer’s procrastination.

It’s not like I have one of those romanticized “fear of the blank page” things, nor any of the other elements that go into the typical tortured writer cliches.

Once I sit down and actually starting pushing the buttons, it all flows rather easily. Usually within a sentence I’m in a hole I don’t come out of for awhile, especially when hopped up on the l-tyrosine.

That said, I do put it off. These are my seven go-to writing delays:

1) Reorganize Google Calendars. I do this at least 3 times per day. I have color-coded calendars for every project, job, personal thing, etc. I love to shift all the different tasks around – this means I’m not writing and also feeds my OCD.

2) Put on Breaking Bad, Batman Forever, or Battlestar Galactica for background noise. I don’t actually like writing with background noise, but I like to pretend I do. Edward Norton’s The Incredible Hulk is often used here, too.

3) Drive to Starbucks and then decide their wireless signal is too weak to connect with Google Docs. Then I head back home and put on Breaking Bad.

4) Change my shirt.

5) Go to Target. If I can’t talk myself into needing something on the way there, I buy a hot pretzel and then walk over to customer service and return it.

6) Decide I need to review/outline what I’ve already written. What I do then is switch the writing task on my Google Calendar and go to Target.

7) Write blog posts. How many blog posts I’ve written in any given month correlates in some ratio with how much of my required writing I’m getting done.

Keep in mind, I published a new book and wrote a whole screenplay this year, so whatever’s happening in these seven activities contributes to my productivity in some way.

Can you guess what I get when Target is out of hot pretzels.

The title of this one made me curious, for obvious reasons.

What was I wondering that morning back in March of 2012?

It turns out I was thinking about 2005. This [...]]]> I have 56 blog post drafts inside my WordPress install here at brian23.com, and this morning I decided to browse them.

The title of this one made me curious, for obvious reasons.

What was I wondering that morning back in March of 2012?

It turns out I was thinking about 2005. This is that post. Or this is all a big fabrication, and I just needed a way to tell everyone I bought Cobra from Amazon Primal.

I find myself thinking this morning of an afternoon in mid-2005 – when YouTube barely existed and was largely unknown – as I explained to my father that one day we’d be able to watch anything we wanted at the push of a button.

This would include, but by no means be limited to, The Adventures of Marion Cobretti. In most countries this film is known as only as Cobra.

“Wouldn’t it be great to watch Cobra right this minute, father?” Cobra never played (or plays) on cable, and the DVD isn’t one many folks have sitting around the house. “It’s so very watchable!”

Yesterday wrought this Tweet.

am i the only person on earth who bought cobra from amazon instant video this morning thx
8:19 AM – 4 Mar 12 via TweetDeck

I think it’s a viable question, even here in May, as I finally finish this post, and Cobra is still only 6.99 to own forever.

While I haven’t watched it yet, there’s a comfort in knowing it’s there for me in Amazon Primal, right next to Face/Off.

Here’s a recent email from a reader of Flight of a Super Airplane.

(That’s an Amazon link, i.e. a prompt to go buy the book with your big new paycheck – only $3.99 in ebook form.)

Reading FOSA on breaks, [...]]]> There’s nothing like writing a new book and having it torment people.

Here’s a recent email from a reader of Flight of a Super Airplane.

(That’s an Amazon link, i.e. a prompt to go buy the book with your big new paycheck – only $3.99 in ebook form.)

Reading FOSA on breaks, and you murdered [redacted], and I hate you so much. Back to a Kristina chapter. Bye!

Kristina is Kristina Von Vendervan, the redhead in this video.

In the story, she’s often paired with professional basketball star Petey Skippen, a supporting character in Who Shot Mamba?.

There’s more to the real-life instigation of those two forming an action team that I could tell you, but that would be spoilers for Prelude to a Super Airplane. (On sale for only 2.51 right now.)

Do you see my universe-building I’m doing and how enticing it can be. You better start reading.

Okay, time for more negative feedback – this piece is from @milquetoast7.

@brianspaeth so i’m about 50 pages from the end of #FOSA but i’m reading really slowly because i don’t want it to end :/ #sadness

See how reading this series will crush your soul with its insistence on ending and its multiple deaths of major characters. #cry

And don’t worry @milque, based on the release schedule between Prelude and Flight, you should be seeing Book 3 by sometime in 2015.

No for real, I’d like to have the next one out late this year or early next. I have one more book to write and a SOMETHING to make, and then I can get to it.

In any case, handling negative feedback as a writer is easy, because I never get any. The end.

That’s how many Twitter followers one-time ESPN.com freelancer and alleged scam artiste Sarah Phillips has acquired.

Short version is…there is no short version. Go read that link at Deadspin. It’s worth your time if you’re at all interested in modern media, creepy ESPN.com editors, internet fame, or just a [...]]]> 64,938.

That’s how many Twitter followers one-time ESPN.com freelancer and alleged scam artiste Sarah Phillips has acquired.

Short version is…there is no short version. Go read that link at Deadspin. It’s worth your time if you’re at all interested in modern media, creepy ESPN.com editors, internet fame, or just a good con job.

Personally, I applaud her. In a world where an entire Kardashian Industry has been created on the back of a sex tape, Sarah’s got the first step in the process down, albeit on smaller scale.

I’m not being cynical – I love a good case of well-orchestrated infamy, and I’ll be curious to see how she plays it from here.

The important thing is how we can make this a way for me to talk about myself. Luckily @MartinRickman took care of that.

didn’t @brianspaeth already own like every twitter account and have them talk to each other 2 years ago…why isn’t ESPN trying to hire him
12:20 AM – 2 May 12 via TweetDeck

I have no idea why ESPN isn’t trying to hire me, other than I can’t imagine ESPN has any idea who I am, other than a few people who may have a vague recollection of the big Orange Roundie fight from like five years ago.

If somehow that conversation did occur, it would go something like this:

ESPN: So what do you say to our big boy lucrative deal?

BRIAN: Do I have to write about sports. You people need to do your research, because I don’t even like sports anymore.

ESPN: Why don’t you write about that?

BRIAN: You can just copy/paste that and put it on your internet house. I can’t expand on those ideas in order to fill some sort of column-word-quota. It’s like how you guys write 900-word articles about a ten-word Tweet that LeBron made, and then attach 3 minutes of related video debate featuring Jalen Rose to the article. How do you guys do that – I tried to write 100 words about a 10 word Tweet once, and I couldn’t do it.

ESPN: The video would auto-play also.

BRIAN: I am going to not be on the phone anymore. Goodbye.

This is a lie – I would totally write about sports, and then get fired for doing nothing but taking veiled shots at my bosses for making me write about sports. On a sports website. The point is I’d take their money tomorrow, and we all know it.

How did I get so complex.

The real point of this post is why I’ve been writing so many posts lately. As I explained to Allef, when I’m writing books, I can’t write blog posts all that much. I only have so many words to expel on a daily basis.

I’m in a blogging window right now, but don’t worry – it’ll go away soon ‘CAUSE WE MAKING A SOMETHING THIS SUMMER.

Here’s episode three of the Guys Who Watch Girls podcast – now available on iTunes:

I seem to get a lot of emails and gchats and hand-written letters on expensive antique parchments from people about how to get stuff done.

This is probably because I’ve seemingly done a lot online: NBA blogs, turtlecalling services, [...]]]> Nothing you read here is revolutionary or new, but I felt like writing it.

I seem to get a lot of emails and gchats and hand-written letters on expensive antique parchments from people about how to get stuff done.

This is probably because I’ve seemingly done a lot online: NBA blogs, turtlecalling services, published books, made a movie, written like 5000 blog posts, dabbled in and out of vlogging, and more additional things that were abandoned than I can remember.

That last thing is the important one, because each and every one of the things I can’t remember or haven’t listed were complete failures. I’ll revisit that.

Why a podcast about HBO’s Girls with Robert Carroll?

It seemed like a good idea. We kicked it around on Wednesday, recorded the first two on Sunday, and had them up on Monday. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, nobody will remember anyway.

The point is, it’s so easy to produce stuff today.

In the aforementioned messages from people, I see a lot of anguishing over how others will find a given project, and Kickstarter campaigns, and a whole host of other issues that don’t need consideration. Who cares about your blog theme – without blog posts it’s fairly irrelevant.

Just make stuff and get it out there. Then make more stuff.

No one thing is so golden or precious of an idea that it’s going to be the thing that “makes it”. turtlecalls was a one-off gag I never intended to use as anything more than a funny Tweet, and it ended up going for 15 months and paid for a lot of TVs and gadgets.

I wrote my first book by accident.

Imagine if I’d thought too hard about whether I should/could do it or not – it never would’ve happened. Now I have four books, and am working on a fifth.

In summation – Nike, just doing it, etc. That’s basically my answer to all of those questions.

I hope this didn’t come off as pretentious – that’s my biggest fear in life after ghosts of spiders.

You can watch Guys Who Watch Girls on Robert’s YouTube channel, and you can also subscribe to the audio-only version in iTunes. A week ago this wasn’t even an idea, and the third ep comes out today.

I also noted my new book Flight of a Super Airplane, wherein Bruce Willis flies a giant airplane to fight a raging fire on the Moon.

My favorite response to that email came from a guy [...]]]> Last week I sent an email via turtlecalls about the end of turtlecalls.

I also noted my new book Flight of a Super Airplane, wherein Bruce Willis flies a giant airplane to fight a raging fire on the Moon.

My favorite response to that email came from a guy whose turtlecall never got made. A few slipped through the cracks over the 15 months I was doing it – that was inevitable.

The emailer refused to let me give him a replacement call, and instead became an avid responder to email newsletters. Over the course of a year, he would always respond within minutes, playfully calling my thriving business venture a scam.

This was his latest missive.

In your next story, Bruce Willis should light that con-turtle on fire. What is your next plan, get the kids all excited for a phone call and then never make it? what a great idea. i cant believe that rip off reptile didnt make enough money for you and him to retire. i hope your turtle becomes turtle soup.

I’ll miss these and the many other interactions I got to have with people over my time as the world’s first and only turtlecaller.

This is especially true of the people I got to call. While only 169 made it online, a final tally this morning tells me I talked to 1999 people. If you think that number is amazing, even more amazing is that there’s one more call to make.

Somehow, I ended this at exactly 2000 completed calls.

I have no idea what the dollar value is on that, but there was a higher percentage of $10 and $20 calls than you’d think. The highest anyone ever paid for a call was $200 – this was for an “instant call” to someone’s in-progress birthday party in England. I don’t think it made it online – drunk people always made for the worst turtlecalls.

In any case, turtlecalls will be back in a new format sometime this year – the character has value, but I don’t think he was being maximized in his current format, which was pointed out to me by this stud. Yes, he’s joining me in turtlecalls 2.0.

Thanks again to everyone who joined in the fun – for something that started as a 10-minute gag and I never promoted, I think it had a great run.

At this point, I follow it, but can’t call myself actively engaged.

The reasons for this are varied, and if you have time to read 2000+ posts, you can skim what’s through that link [...]]]> You may or may not know that I used to love the NBA, or American professional basketball.

At this point, I follow it, but can’t call myself actively engaged.

The reasons for this are varied, and if you have time to read 2000+ posts, you can skim what’s through that link and watch the breakdown from rabid to angry to frustrated to bitter to apathetic.

All that before the rest of the country even realized what an awful competitor LeBron James is.

I do still watch the Playoffs a bit more closely, and since they start tomorrow, here are five quick thoughts.

1) The Heat losing brings me more joy than anyone else winning, and I objectively see them losing again this year. Weak bench, weak inside, weak point guards, and more than anything, LeBron’s various fears, which cause him to disengage.

What happened last season will only make opposing crowds and players try to actively bring out those fears out. He’s vulnerable and everyone knows it.

Before you jump all over that, remember what I said before – I knew LeBron was crackable in 2006. It’s verified. It’s in the link.

2) Who I’d like to see win it all, in order: Lakers, Spurs, Thunder. I love Kobe, I like the idea of the Spurs getting one more in this weird season, and it’d be fun to see Durant/Westbrook get a title.

3) Again about LeBron. Not only is he a headcase, but The Avengers opens next week, plus Amazing Spider-Man and Dark Knight Rises this summer. He can’t handle any of this.

4) He loves movies, and that’s the meme.

5) I tried to do that graphic as like a meme thing, but I am old-school and it seemed weird. There’s a reason I retired. Pau Gasol has electricity instead of blood, and that’s another meme, but I think it’s one from 2007. There was a t-shirt and everything.

Do you like my NBA blog action and how excited I seem about it.

I had another post I was going to do about how I’ve never seen a horse in person that was much more energetic. Maybe I will do that on Monday.