and I can’t update because mostly I feel like the same emo girl I’ve been since I was old enough to introspect, rehashing the same shit I’ve always been rehashing.

Concrete

I keep remembering that time we drove the beach in the mid of winter to watch the sunrise. I think we both knew it was over then, but those moments, when it was just us and the seagulls, they let us keep pretending. I want to tell you I’m sorry, but I’m not sure it’s true. Instead, I tell you about the weather here, and my new t-shirt. Because if I let you go, I’m afraid the memories will fall away as well, like those grains of sand I so casually shook from my hair. But I guess we both know, letting go has never been my weakness.

wrong side

That song came on while I was in the shower. I caught myself just seconds before I toothbrushed my armpit. I had to stick my fingers down the drain to fish out my earring. Then, the water went cold. Just as I reached to turn the faucet off, I remembered the towels were still in the dryer. Still, I’m blaming these tears on the soap in my eyes.

Shaking the story

I’m not finding the right words today, to tell you about I learned to fish from my father. I was 3 or 4 and the cast net was the biggest thing I had seen. I keep putting it off, reading my thesaurus, reciting old poems to myself and blinking back to the screen. It was so dark, and the stars so clear. Do you do that, when the story tugs too tightly? I’m fighting it, but it comes in spurts to spite me.

I dreamt last night I was on a beach with my dad and husband. At dusk, I took off for a run down the hard, packed sand – past pretty girls trying to get into bars, moms with unruly kids, and teenagers with drama. And I felt like I always do when I run, like my hair isn’t so bad, and it really is all going to be okay.

January was busy, but good – but I’ll save a recap for later.

February is off to a mellow start, but promises to ramp up. I’m showing my geek and age by seeing TMBG w/ Jonathan Coulton on Friday, and I’m showing my half-crazy by running a half-marathon on the 19th.

These are big deals if you know how lazy low-key I usually am :)

Started my morning with a nice run, 7 miles – which is an accomplishment given my last 3 weeks of travel and slackertude. First, some really nice guy was running next to me in a narrow pathway and I ran on the train-tracks to give him room – and he said to me ‘you don’t need to run on the tracks, you have a right to run here too’ and I kinda love him and I’ve seem him before and hope I can see him again and say thanks instead of bee-lining it to the nearby restroom and half crying because I’m a weirdo. But a grateful and happy weirdo.

After my run, I ate, then napped, then ate again. Then I spent some time remembering my kid-geek roots and and re-reading The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Then I did some freelance front-end dev work, which I love. And I get paid for? C’mon, awesome!

Now I’m mostly drunk and we watched ‘Dale and Tucker versus Evil‘ with Alan Tudyk and Socks from Reaper. It was great.

And really, it was a really nice first weekend of the New Year, and I’m glad that it included almost all the parts of what I want every weekend to be like!

Since then, though, we’ve been travelling and celebrating and living out of suitcases and not sleeping well and definitely not being active enough. I managed 1 walk and 2 short runs while at my parents’ house, but only a measly 20 min on a recumbent bike while at the in-laws. But we had an excellent time, and I have no regrets.

Through some miracle, I managed to maintain my weight, but I’m not so optimist about my endurance ;) There are only 7 weeks til the half-marathon, so it’s time to step up my game and get back into training. I’m excited to get back to into it, I’ve missed running, and more than that, I’ve missed the mood-happyizers I get from running.