Years ago, I vowed never to waste my energy on New Year’s resolutions again.

I’ve just never had much success with making resolutions — typically they felt like an external goal I was trying to reach, sometimes realistic and sometimes not. Usually it felt more like a “should” than something I was truly excited about.  So, each year… after months (if I was super committed), weeks, sometimes only days, my resolve to change faded.  Ugh, a broken promise to myself. This is about the worst form of self degredation!

Several years ago, I tried something new. I decided to set up a new way of defining the year ahead. There is, after all, a sort of “clean slate” feeling to a fresh new year.  Being one who believes in setting intentions and visioning, I wanted to set forth some kind of goal or mission for myself.

So I proclaimed that it would be the year of “Opposite.” I decided that every chance I got, I would examine my routines, habits and reactions to life in terms of “What would the opposite routine/habit/reaction be?” Wow, it was so powerful! I turned many habits upside down, formed new ways of seeing myself, and moved ahead on a few challenges I had previously thought too scary (a new business, a challenging certification process, for starters!).  I didn’t do every single thing in an opposite way — I didn’t dye my brown hair blonde or trade in my car for a motorcycle — but I gave myself the option to consider the opposite way, even if just to stretch my imagination further. It certainly helped me stretch my view of my own life.

A Theme Reminder

Since that time, I’ve set a theme for each new year. And I always create a little laminated card that visually represents my theme – I make several and place them strategically around in office, my house, and my laptop bag, so that I have a constant and compelling reminder. Usually it has a picture that I’m in love with. Often, it’s something in nature. A few years ago, my “Trust” theme featured a sea otter floating peacefully — and trustfully — just allowing the water to provide a safe, nurturing support. I wanted to learn to trust myself and my world like that otter trusts the water!

And guess what? That year of “Trust” opened up a lot of new opportunities for me. I tried many new ideas out, wrote more, relaxed more.

2012: Awake!

My theme for this year is all about staying awake to life, being conscious of everything I’m experiencing. In other words… not sleep walking through my days, later wondering… where did the time go? My intention for 2012 is to fully, really, no kidding: experience every morsel of it! I haven’t created my theme card yet, but I think it will be a fun design.

What is YOUR theme for 2012?

And how can you use it to support your year, to be the backdrop to your dreams, goals and vision? And what structure (like my laminated card) might you create to keep this theme front and center, a reminder when the chips are down?

Almost every Thursday I announce that it’s “Recalibration Thursday!” on my BrilliantVisions Facebook page.

Some folks have asked me, “What the heck is Recalibration Thursday, and what the heck do you actually do to recalibrate?” Well, here is everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask.

Recalibration Thursday = A Mindset, a Habit and an Action

First, a little background: I had gotten in a rut where it was “suddenly” Friday afternoon and I had not accomplished enough of my to-do list to feel good about the week. I landed on Friday feeling defeated about my week. Mondays started out great — a blank page, full of possibilities! But even though I’m a pretty realistic planner, I would sometimes underestimate the interruptions, snafus and worm holes that could eat up time. Not to mention new opportunities that pop up and rich conversations with folks that take longer than expected. And then there’s the surprise element of feeling low energy on a day I had planned big things – do I force yourself through it or do I honor your body’s wisdom and take a slower pace that day?

I had begun to hate Thursdays. I was feeling tired (from the “forcing through” bit) and overwhelmed. I was dreading a weekend of catch-up work. No one likes to feel like they failed to reach their goals week after week — this can really drain your enthusiasm. So I decided to turn it around. I started honestly evaluating what was happening on these grumpy Thursdays. I stepped back, and took note of what was missing in my week, what was overly present, and what needed to happen to honor both my business goals and my physical/spiritual self.

Hence, “Recalibration Thursday” was born. It’s on Thursday because enough of the week has gone by for me to know how things are really going. And there is still enough time to regroup, revisit my plans and end the week on a high note. Here are some specific ways I recalibrate (see if anything here works for your recalibration style):

• On Thursday, sometime before Noon, I stop and jot down all the accomplishments I’ve had for the week – coaching calls, writing assignments, marketing actions completed, networking, powerful conversations, new clients signed on, lessons learned, etc. I include personal accomplishments too.
• I put a star next to the activities that I consider “high payoff,” meaning – they had a direct positive impact on building my revenues, increasing my reputation/visibility, or deepening a relationship. I notice if my week had zero or few high-payoff activities and I immediately plan to complete at least one by the end of the day Friday. (Your “high-payoffs activities” may be different, so design accordingly.)
• I also say a little statement of gratitude for what I have accomplished – and more importantly, the impact that I’ve had on my clients, colleagues, family, friends… and most definitely, on myself. I celebrate!
• And, I look at my actual schedule for the rest of Thursday and Friday and determine what is realistically possible to accomplish, given existing appointments, promises made and my energy level.  For example, as I write this, I know that I have two hour-long phone calls this afternoon, and a 4-hour meeting on Friday. I cannot accomplish the 50 to-do items on my list! (As the “Scrubs” theme song, written by Lazlo Bane, goes, “I’m No Superman”.)  Instead, I pick out the one or two highest-payoff activities and set a 100% intention to do those. Often, they are sales calls or other activities I’ve been, ummmmm, well… avoiding.
• If I have to renegotiate a promise I made to someone else — I do it! Some promises are ironclad, others are truly negotiable — don’t get locked in just because you made a promise. If you can renegotiate it, you’ll probably do a better job of it anyway.
• I actually write a clean, new, shorter action list for the rest of Thursday and Friday – and punt the other activities into the bin to consider for next week (which I plan out either on Friday afternoon or on Sunday). Just this one part of the process brings HUGE relief! Look Ma! I can DO this! Instant confidence and energy. Now I’m lovin’ Thursday!

Recalibration Thursday gives me a breather at the end of the week and I can release that awful old punishing feeling of, “Well, I didn’t get it all done this week so now I will have to work all weekend to catch up.” The truth is – the kind of work I do is infinite in nature. There IS no such thing as “catching up.” When I remember this and allow myself to recalibrate realistically… I actually get the more important stuff done and enjoy my life and work a whole lot more.

So… Happy Recalibration Thursday! I invite you to join me today and every Thursday.

When you are running a business you need a good team. You may be the captain, but your partners, employees, assistants, advisors, and vendors all play critical roles on your ship’s crew.

There is another team on board too – your inner team. I’m sure you’ve noticed that sometimes you feel like you are at the helm and sometimes… well, it feels like some other creature has taken the wheel. You probably notice it through the conversations in your head (we all have those!).

Let’s say you are invited to speak at next month’s meeting for the association that serves your ideal clients. Your internal conversation might go something like this:

“Oh my goodness, this is a fantastic opportunity to get my message out to a large number of my prospects!”

Then another voice chimes in, “But are you really ready for this? The website is pitifully out of date. And you are so bad at presentations. You should just save face and decline.”

And still another inner voice says, “Oh, just wing it – you’ll be fine!”

And there is probably a whole roster of other voices too, if you are anything like me!  Heck, it happens when I am deciding what to have for lunch: “I’m going to have a nice, healthy salad.” And then another part of me says, “But I’ve been working out. I deserve a treat.” And then, “You’re too busy for lunch, just forage in the pantry and get back to work!” With all this going in our heads, how on earth do we ever make the right choices?

Embrace Your Inner Teammates

We all have these various, conflicting aspects of ourselves, it’s very natural. Some would encourage you to quiet those clamoring voices, but I want to invite you to give them credence. Yes, these inner teammates are valid voices within you, and if you dig in and get to know them better, you can learn what special gifts each one has.

As a trained practitioner in The Inside Team process (developed by masterful coach trainer, Cynthia Loy Darst, MCC) I do this inner work with my clients. It can be a little tricky to do this on your own (one of your inner players could really throw you off the trail!). But a simple exercise to start getting to know your inner team – and begin to better manage the conversations you have in your head – is to simply identify a few of your players and write a short bio for each one.

Here’s what I mean – let me introduce you to some of my inner team! Now, I’ve done deep work on this with my coach(es), and I’ve looked at the healthy side and the shadow side of each player. When I call on the healthy side of the appropriate player for a given situation, things work quite gracefully for me. When I forget, and allow the shadow side of my players to blindside me… well, it’s not pretty.

So, to illustrate, here are just a few of my inner team players that show up in my role as a business owner.

Security Guard. Keeps watch over my decisions and actions, reminds me to vet new ideas and people I might engage with. Shadow side – Can become overly protective and keep me from taking even minor risks. Can strike fear in me when things get tough, morphs into more of a prison guard, locking me in.

Adventure Explorer. Leads the charge on new ideas, new engagements. Has the uncanny ability to solve problems with MacGyver-like ingenuity. Shadow side – Kind of shy. Needs encouragement to come out and play, needs space to roam. Becomes timid if the Security Guard is being overbearing.

Tech Geek. Unflappable when it comes to computers. Not afraid to click. Blends logic and intuition to flow with technology. Favorite book is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Could stay up all night tinkering with a tech issue. Shadow side – Could stay up all night tinkering with a tech issue, when it would be wiser to hire an expert to fix the problem so that I could get enough sleep and save time for my paying work.

Creative Genius. Can see multitudes of solutions for every challenging scenario. Deeply believes in the inner wellspring’s endless supply of fresh ideas. Shadow side – Oops, let’s make that “mostly” believes in the inner wellspring – on a couple of trigger topics, that belief is fleeting, at best.

Artist. Adores artistry and beautiful visuals. Fondly recalls being in an art flow as a child and can call up that feeling easily. Shadow side – Scared to dabble boldly, wants to avoid the wrath of (self) judgment.

Camp Counselor. Fun, lighthearted, Pied Piper leadership style. Keeps everyone safe but encourages goofy play. Shadow side – Forgets to show up. Forgets that she’s adored. Forgets that she matters.

Okay, get the idea?

When you get a few of your own inner players clarified, start noticing when they speak up – do they suddenly emerge around certain situations or people? The coolest part is that instead of unwittingly giving them the wheel, you get to intentionally decide who’s in charge and which of these players will do the best job in the moment. You’ll have much more productive inner conversations with yourself and approach situations more solidly. And frankly, you’ll find it easier to be nice to yourself.

Let me know if you want to do some Inside Team work with me! If you are a current client, we’ll work it into an upcoming session. If you haven’t worked with me and want to try it out, let’s have a 30-minute coaching conversation (free) with me and I’ll be sure to give you a little sampler. Here’s my scheduling link: http://tungle.me/MarthaCarnahan. I look forward to working with you AND your Inside Team!

You know all about cluttered spaces. Even if you’re not a clutter person, you probably know someone who is. Or maybe you’ve seen one of those reality TV shows about hoarders. It’s rare to find anyone in Western civilization who hasn’t experienced even a short-term bout of clutter.

But what about “idea clutter”? So many business owners tell me they have more ideas than they can keep up with. They tell me they suffer from “bright shiny object” syndrome – where every new idea, concept, interest and opportunity pulls hard at them, lures them away from what they were previously focused on… much like getting lost in the “click here” rabbit hole of the Internet.

Idea clutter is just like physical clutter. Oh, it may seem different at first glance, but the impact is the same.

The Impact of Idea Clutter

• Idea Clutter blocks your energy
• Idea Clutter is a distraction from what really matters (but is scary to you)
• Idea Clutter drains you emotionally
• Idea Clutter creates confusion
• Idea Clutter buries your treasures
• Idea Clutter keeps you playing small
• Idea Clutter overwhelms you into paralysis
• Idea Clutter traps you in an endless loop of false possibility
• Idea Clutter keeps you from living your true purpose
• Idea Clutter is an excuse to avoid your dreams

The very nature of being an entrepreneur is about growing an idea – you feed and nurture it, and develop it into a successful venture.  Business owners must take risks. And that includes the risk to focus on one idea instead of another. Like betting on a horse race, your job is to decide which idea has the best odds. And run with it. Even when the other ideas are jockeying for attention.

If you are like me, you might cringe at committing to just one, or even a few, ideas. What about the other ideas? What if they are better?  The truth is that taking action on a bad idea is more valuable than letting your best ideas idle on a post-it note somewhere on your desk. Even if your idea turns out to be a dud, the brave act of taking focused action will lead you to new discoveries, lessons learned and a more refined decision-making process.

Your role as business owner requires you to take charge of your idea processing. When idea clutter leads you astray, you are not leading your business. When new ideas keep you from completing something you’ve started, you’ve allowed some smaller part of yourself take over. Don’t worry – this is all very natural, you are not alone in this!

Enter… The Idea Incubator

My favorite way to manage idea clutter is to set up what I call an “Idea Incubator.” You can find the right way to do this for yourself, but my way is to keep a document handy on my computer’s desktop. When I’m bopping along doing my work (or play or whatever) and a new idea pops up in my brain, I click open that document and jot it down.  There are cool fancy gizmos and apps you can use, such as Evernote or even a memos application on your phone. One key for me is that I’ve got one master Idea Incubator that gets synchronized with my mobile device so that it’s always handy.

It’s a tremendous relief to offload my ideas into the Idea Incubator. Knowing they are safe and cozy there, I am free to keep my focus on the current idea. I’ll visit the Idea Incubator on occasion just to refresh my memory, and see if any of my little ideas are ready to hatch. Being this intentional about the ideas I am committing to also sharpens my ability to decide when to abandon an idea. With the clutter, it’s all mass confusion. But the Incubator keeps me focused. Like magic.

Ask yourself: “Which horse am I on right now?”  And try creating your own Idea Incubator to keep the rest of the herd from overtaking you.  Let me know how it works out for you.

Many managers I talk with feel they are pretty good leaders. That is, until they receive the results of a staff and peer review. Some are shocked that their scores are so low. Others just can’t take in the data – they actually reject the feedback.

If you do not possess the skill of empathy – of being able to imagine what it’s like to be in another person’s shoes – it makes sense that you would not take their feedback seriously either. Which puts you in quite a conundrum: Until you can begin to accept and believe the feedback, you won’t likely change your leadership style… which means continued turnover, strife among your staff, uncomfortable reviews, less-than-ideal results, burnout, heartburn & indigestion.

Regard is a Two-Way Street

The first step in becoming a better leader is to really really really listen to what people are saying about you. “Regard” is a key component of leadership. As in, how do your people regard you? What do you imagine they are saying about you around the dinner table with their families? What would you like them to say?

And shifting the regard of your staff begins with YOU shifting your regard toward them. Beginning with listening.

Rick Telberg, who writes CPA Trendlines, published a terrific blog post on this a few months ago. He referenced a Regent University leadership study that identified three categories of leader:

1. Transformational, which focuses on rallying followers around a shared vision and motivating them to elevate the organization’s interests above their own,
2. Transactional, which rewards or disciplines followers based on their performance, and
3. Servant, which is based on a desire to serve and encourages “collaboration, trust, foresight, listening, and the ethical use of power.”

Rick’s post highlights key findings in the study:

• Most leaders see themselves as either transformational or servant leaders.
• Most employees see their supervisors as transactional leaders.
• Most employees say they respond best to transformational leadership style.

The dots are not connecting! Take a good look at your own leadership style and give yourself an honest assessment. If I were to shadow you for a week, which category would I see you operating from?

Be honest. It’s your only chance. Stretch your mind and heart into seeing yourself how your staff sees you.

Please be sure to read Rick Telberg’s blog post, “What Kind of Leader Do You Think You Are? “

If you want to build a house, do you start with a hammer? No, you start with your vision of the house – the floor plan, the interior and exterior style, the materials, and even the landscaping. The hammer is simply one of many tools to help you execute your vision.

Same goes with using social media for business. Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn – these are merely tools to help you fulfill your vision. If you are using these tools with no particular vision, you are likely hammering your followers/friends/connections with scattered thoughts and comments that lead nowhere. Or worse – chasing would-be fans away.

I took a very unscientific poll on Facebook to learn what caused my varied friends to either hide or unfollow people in their networks. Most of my network consists of professionals over 35. Most are college educated. Quite a few are independent business owners. Here are some reasons they have wanted to “mute” someone:

• Inflammatory political rhetoric
• Profanity
• Too many games and quizzes
• Feeling like a target for someone’s business
• Negativity and toxic ranting
• Promotions or invitations that are irrelevant (inviting you to a next-day workshop many states away, for example)
• “TMI” – Sharing personal details that are better kept private (or, the “ewwww” factor)
• Automated feeds from Twitter. This presented two different turn-offs: One is when Tweet jargon shows up in other arenas, for example, using @ and # symbols, short-hand words like “ur” for “your,” and “RT,” which feel alien on Facebook or LinkedIn. The second reason automated feeds are a turn off is that they can feel sterile and impersonal.

Okay, reality check: Go read your own feeds. How do you stack up? If you aren’t sure what turns off your network of friends, go ahead and ask them.

On the flip side, here is what my polltakers adore – and even crave –  in their social media feeds:

• Positive, uplifting messages
• Humor, cleverness
• Interesting videos
• Celebrations of success
• Opportunities to lend personal support
• Inspiring stories or thoughts
• Photos of your real life
• Insightful observations
• Thought-provoking musings on pop culture
• Playfulness
• Sharing of depth, what really matters
• Discoveries of common interests and ideas – making genuine connections across the globe

Seems most of us want to be entertained, inspired, informed. We want to make meaningful connections that offer a glimpse into another human being’s world. We don’t want rhetoric, negativity, and most of all, we don’t want to be in the crosshairs of some machine-gun marketer, broadcasting their message across the social media landscape with no regard for accuracy on target. Most said they don’t mind – and even like – some marketing. But not if that’s the only dance in your repertoire.

Consider your networks. How well do you know them? What do your “peeps” want to hear from you? And what turns them off?

And equally important, what is your purpose? Assuming you use social media to grow your business, what is your company’s vision? How can social media – remember, it’s just a tool – facilitate your overarching mission? And it’s time to become super aware of your impact on the feeds to which you contribute. Keep hammering the wrong kind of messages out and you will lose your audience.

The level of success you have using social media to grow your business will involve a blend of clarifying your purpose, honing your personal style, and finding a way to serve your readers through engaging conversation and sharing what matters to them.

And I hope you have fun along the way!

Do certain things about your workplace rub you the wrong way? Do you go home at night and tell your family and friends that, if you were in charge, you would do things differently?

It could be a case of mis-aligned values. If your personal values and your company’s values are at odds, it may be difficult to feel at home there.

First, what do we mean by “values?” In a nutshell, your core values are those qualities that you hold most dear in life. They are an inner framework for how you make choices, your deepest motivators. What makes you tick, if you will. Your values are inner – not external –  guides. So, if you say you value money… that may be true, but let’s take it to an internal realm. What does money give you? What is it about money that you value? Suppose you say that money gives you security. Then it’s more true that security is the real value. If security is truly important to you, it wouldn’t matter if you get it via money or some other means.

Other examples of values might be: Accomplishment, adventure, trust, order, fun, spiritual connection, freedom, integrity, intellect… the possibilities are endless. When I work with clients on uncovering their core values, it’s like going on a treasure hunt, digging deeper with each newly discovered gem!

When your values are being honored, you will feel a life-affirming “click.” Likewise, when your values are trampled on, you can feel the life drain right out of you. An easy way to discover and clarify your values is to notice situations that bring you alive – what values are being honored? And notice also when you feel discouraged, angry, agitated. It’s highly likely that one of your core values is not being honored.

Your employer has a set of core values, too. And I don’t mean that mission statement so eloquently framed on the wall. I’m talking about values in action – you can sense them in how management behaves in real situations. Perhaps the mission statement says “We are customer focused,” which you might interpret as valuing customers and serving them well. But in reality, you sit in on a weekly meeting strategizing how to get more business out of the highest revenue-generating customers and how to spend fewer resources on the “under-performing” customers. In truth – in action – your company values profits, not customers. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this! It’s how they pay you. It’s how they grow and add more employees and serve more customers. But if you feel squeamish about being asked to provide less service to certain customers, perhaps you have a core value of equality or respect that is not being honored in this situation. You may be experiencing the twinge of a mismatched value system.

Assuming that you basically like the company, like your work, and like the people, you can absolutely make a few tweaks that can increase the harmony you feel about your workplace. But if your values and your company’s values are severely out of alignment, it may be time for another job. It’s never a black and white thing, though. No one is ever 100% aligned with another’s values – the key is to assess the degree of difference and become keenly aware of your top values and whether they are honored in your current work situation. 

Examples of Mis-matched Values:

• You have a value of integrity, but the company asks you to fudge the facts on reports.
• You have a value of camaraderie, but your work space is isolated and you have little contact with others.
• You have a value of creativity, but your job entails repetitive tasks with no variation.

The important thing to know is that your workplace is not responsible for honoring your values. Put another way: Your company is not to blame when your values are not honored. They may be jerks, they may ask you to lie, they may treat you terribly. But YOU are ultimately responsible for getting your needs met and your values honored. When you relinquish this responsibility to others (boss, co-workers, spouse, family, friends, the bank, the government…), you can expect to be miserable. The sooner you reckon with this responsibility, the better. Unless you are literally being bound and shackled and enslaved, you have a choice every single day to go to work or not. To resign or not. If you are letting a need for money enslave you in a miserable workplace, it’s time to re-evaluate your life’s priorities. You may need a different job. Or, in most cases, you can simply make changes in how you get your values honored. 

Gimme Three Steps

1. Study Your Own Values. What makes you tick? What qualities make life worth living? What qualities are missing when you are miserable?
2. Study Your Company’s Values. Not the poetically stated ones, but the true values that emerge through daily practice. This is not an exercise in being judgmental. Your company has a right to create a certain culture and operate under the values that work for them. It’s up to you to recognize the differences and determine what you can live with and what needs to change.
3. Study the Overlap. This is a very personal – how much overlap do you need in order to find harmony at work? Are your most important core values in alignment with the company? If not, are you able to make peace with the difference? Or can you get those values honored outside of work?

Example:  I have a client who has a very strong creativity value. He loves to solve problems and create something new out of nothing. But his job has him pushing papers and following a pre-set order. Very little creativity there. And a very draining existence for my client. The job pays well, has flexible hours and he enjoys most of his co-workers. He is choosing to keep this job while he works toward his dream career. Knowing he is staying by choice, he then takes responsibility for finding ways to honor his values, especially creativity. At work, he finds small sparks of creativity – decorating his cubicle with flair, initiating social outings with co-workers, and this Halloween, he got permission to hold a pumpkin-carving contest in the break room. At home, he makes a point to work on his music. These creative outlets give him just enough “juice” to feel content with his current job – a stable and uplifting backdrop as he works toward a new career.

That is a key point! He is not delaying happiness until his dream job begins. He is finding happiness right now, as he moves toward his dream. And because he is the one taking responsibility for his happiness by making sure his core values are honored, he feels more alive, more motivated than ever to keep marching toward the dream job.

Remember (sorry to sound preachy): YOU are responsible for getting your values honored. Use the comments to share how you are honoring your values – we can learn from each other!

When my friend told her 8-year-old nephew, Sam, that I am an entrepreneur, he took a few guesses about what that strange word means.

“Does it mean that she is a funny person?”  “Is she a puppeteer?”  Does it mean she’s sophisticated?” Does it mean that she makes entrees?”

Great guesses, Sam! Other than “sophisticated,” I think he came pretty close!

Some business owners I’ve encountered seem to believe that being an entrepreneur means flying by the seat of the pants: jumping at last-minute opportunities, changing course on a dime, winging it. Well, certainly a entrepreneurs must be nimble, and a small business can change course more easily than a large, bureaucratic organization. But that’s not the definition.

My American Heritage College Dictionary tells me that an entrepreneur is “a person who organizes, operates, and assumes the risk for a business venture.” No argument from me that entrepreneurs take risks!

Entrepreneurs may be all of these things. But mostly, I see entrepreneurs as world changers. We see a problem and push through to a solution. We redefine possible. We invent from a blank sheet of paper.

If you are an entrepreneur – or want to be – give yourself the gift of watching this 2-minute video. It will remind you why the way of the entrepreneur called to you in the first place. (Note: at the end, you’ll see that this is an ad for a digital phone system. This in no way takes away from the power of the message.)

Each person in your organization, at some level, truly wants to do a great job and be recognized for their contribution. And motivating them can be as simple as a four-word phrase, according to Tom Peters, business management guru and author of the classic book, In Search of Excellence.

Take a look at what Mr. Peters has to say in this 2-minute video (spoiler alert – I’ll be giving it away below the video):

How simple is that? Just four words that reach into the hearts and minds of your employees: “What do you think?” As Mr. Peters says, these words show others how valuable and important they are to you.

However – a word of caution. If you use this phrase the wrong way, it can backfire. The “wrong” way includes: being insincere, indecisive or patronizing.

Okay, I am about to “out” myself as an occasional watcher of “The Apprentice.” On the season opener a few days ago, the project manager for the episode, Nicole, used this “What do you think?” technique to motivate her team. But it backfired because she used it ineffectively.

She didn’t truly care about their wisdom. She was more interested in trying to protect herself from owning full responsibility. She made several decisions based on her teammates’ opinions – even when she clearly didn’t agree. Her game strategy was to shift at least some responsibility to others in case her team lost.

Nicole’s “What do you think?” approach was never grounded in a clear vision. She gave away her power by letting her team’s varying (and loud!) opinions run amuck. Inviting collaboration is a great skill for a leader – but too much consensus-building can water down the end result. Instead of seeing her as inclusive and collaborative, her team saw her as weak and indecisive. Her team lost and she was fired.  It was not pretty.

Of course, The Apprentice is a contrived scenario. In a true business environment, Nicole would have had more support, more leverage, more control of the situation. But I thought the episode demonstrated a classic flaw in leadership:  Misusing consensus building.

The four words, “What do you think?” are powerful. They convey a high regard for others – but only if you also feel that same level of regard. Don’t be phony with these four words. When used well, and from your heart, this phrase is a great way to genuinely seek out your brilliant team members’ wisdom. It’s a tricky balance, but a key to creating an inspired team.

If I’m “about” anything, it’s to promote the idea of:  Happiness for Everyone.

Sounds idealistic, you might be saying, but I don’t care what you think. Because, well, this mission makes me happy.

One area in which I attend to this idealistic mission – and I admit I picked a tough venue – is:  The Workplace (cue the “Psycho” music!).  Yes, I’m crazy enough to believe that our work culture can change and that more people can be happy at work. “Work” may have four letters, but it does not have to be a four-letter word!

As I wrote in another blog post, Work Hearter, Not Smarter, any such shift in our work culture will require us to take a good look at our attitudes toward work. Is work a joyful expression of your life’s purpose? Or a prison you are trapped in because you need the money?  Where are you on the misery-glee continuum? Wherever you rate yourself at this moment, let’s start edging you toward the “glee” side, okay?

One place to begin with is your goal setting. I like to blend dreaming with goal setting – for a motivating mix of practical reality and honoring your heart’s desire.

On the practical side, you’ve got the standard S.M.A.R.T. goals. I have no beef with this goal-setting system, and I encourage you to make all of your important goals “S.M.A.R.T.”  But I also invite you to set goals that honor your heart, or: H.E.A.R.T. goals. Put the two together, and you’ve got: H.E.A.R.T. – S.M.A.R.T. goals. Voila!

As a reminder, S.M.A.R.T. goals are: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-based. You can learn about S.M.A.R.T. goals in so many places, I won’t go into them here. Just Google away.

Making your goals resonant with your heart, with whatever makes you tick as a person – gives them a life that you will want to honor.  So many goals go unfulfilled. Make them H.E.A.R.T. – S.M.A.R.T. and you will seriously crank up your success rate.

H.E.A.R.T. goals are ideal whether you are a business owner or an employee. Spelled out, they are:

• Holistic – As Aristotle said, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” Does your goal honor your whole self? Does your goal allow you to focus on a particular area without squishing the life out of the rest of your life?  If reaching a certain goal means sacrificing in another area, make sure you are going into it will full awareness and understanding your choices.
• Energizing – Is your goal something you are looking forward to pursuing? What is your enthusiasm meter telling you? You’ll know you’re on track if, even if you are tired or down, going for this goal brings you up and makes you feel more alive.
• Aligning – Your goal should click right in place with your core values and resonate with what makes you tick about life altogether. You may not be able to articulate it in words, but you can FEEL the passion of this work and how important it is to you. For you, this goal is not a “should” it is a “must!”
• Relationship Building  – Does your goal connect you with people who inspire you and with whom you feel fully supported? Even if no other person is involved in pursuing your goal, who are the people you can be fully open with about your pursuit – those people who will champion you, no matter what?
• Transformational – This goal is not just something you will DO, but something that will embed itself into your being, creating an internal shift, stretching you, moving you toward something, rippling out to others. This goal has a noble purpose that gives it depth, width, reach. Both within you and beyond you.

So, what are your goals? And are they H.E.A.R.T. – S.M.A.R.T.?  If so, your likelihood of achieving your desire is certain!