It’s gone through phases but it has not arrived. Not that I need to point that out — the very fact that I have not posted in a month says plenty about the priority I’ve placed lately on building something in this place.

It’s been

a homemaking blog

a project blog

a fitness blog

a theology blog

a career blog

and

a writing blog,

among other random categories and non-categories.

And now it’s approaching its 2nd birthday, and I’m alternating between love and hate, wanting to revamp, restart, tear down and keep on all at once. Mostly, I need some direction.

So I’m going to take a little bit more time, and I will plan to return on June 8th (the 2nd anniversary of Brynna Begins) with some concrete plans and goals for this space. In the mean time, feel free to comment, or you can reach me by email.

Brynna

I don’t have to do anything.

Tasks Today: No Results.

Yeah, there’s plenty to do: get ahead on grading, wash those kitchen towels I forgot to throw in the laundry last week, work out, put away some clothes or take out the gross amounts of recycling piled next to the dining table. But I get to decide. It’s blowing my mind a little.

You see, I spent February and March and a couple weeks in April working on a really consuming, pretty monotonous project. From taking on that project until now, I worked anywhere from 8 to 16-hour days as a full-time writer and half-time teacher with some more freelance work on the side. I had to submit the same word count every day regardless of topic, required research or other factors, whether it took me half the day or I worked well past my bedtime. That means work sucked up weekends, I ate like a college boy, and I wore the same sweatpants for 5 days straight. I didn’t really read for fun (with the exception of the Hunger Games on our anniversary trip), didn’t play piano, didn’t go to the gym or really even move much. Didn’t clean. Didn’t shower. You get the picture.

Finally I had enough. Providentially, this enough-having aligned with an opportunity to contract with a great writing agency in Portland more or less full time (once transition time is over). I have no idea what this will actually look like or what the summer will hold, but I’m so excited.

Two weeks ago, I gave my notice for the writing project.

On Friday, I submitted my resignation for my half-time teaching position so that I’ll be able to focus on writing completely once June is over.

Is this really happening? Eight months after I bought business cards and started a website, I am well on my way to meeting my goals.

I was so, so afraid it would never happen. (And truthfully, I’m still afraid of what’s to come.)

I’m learning—slowly, maybe—to put away fear and walk boldly.

I always do this….Yes, I’m referring to the fact that it’s been a MONTH since my last post. :) But for once, I don’t feel guilty about it. That’s because I have been working harder than I have since my master’s program to accomplish a whole lot in a very small amount of time, and I just haven’t had the energy to let you in on it.

People who talk about the feast and famine of freelancing are not lying. Turning down work seems ludicrous when the presence of a next project is never guaranteed, so self-employed people tend to sit around for days and then go on crazy late night and early morning binges. I have never been dependent on coffee, but I’m seriously considering going there after this morning.  Not only did I get up at 5:45 and pump out two of today’s articles before 10 while also doing a few dishes and making breakfast for Eric and two breakfasts for myself (who knew mornings could last this long??), but I also decided I should actually blog. Slow down, coffee. You’re too good.

Lest I deceive you into thinking I’m always this productive, yesterday I wrote a total of two articles, along with only a couple other very small projects. My mind wasn’t present, my body was lethargic, and my research was hard.

Thankfully, I have a slight break on the horizon: tomorrow I’m taking a trip to Spokane to visit my family with my best friend, and the job that’s currently taking up the majority of my time ends this week.

To tell you the truth, I just have not felt like blogging. My creative energy has been stamped out by some very tedious writing projects, and the last thing I want to do at the end of the day (which, many nights, hasn’t been till 10 or later) is continue to stare at a computer screen. Instead, when I do take breaks, I’ve been enjoying getting out in the nicer weather we’ve been having, interacting with church friends at a couple events, and sitting on the couch watching How I Met Your Mother with Eric. It’s the little things…

I’m extremely excited for what’s ahead, though, and I hope to begin posting a little more regularly about my process. I’ve said shockingly little about what freelancing is truly like now that I’m actually doing it consistently.

Rambling post over. See you next week!

gripe about being sick

or complain about the frustrating company I’m doing a project for

or make excuses for why I have not blogged in a while

(woe is me)

BUT

It hit me this morning.

You know how sometimes you work so hard for something, but then when it finally comes it’s already the new normal? How you can anticipate a dream for so long and have it materialize so gradually that when it happens it’s nearly routine? How gratitude can escape so quickly in the midst of all this just because the new doesn’t meet fairytale expectations every single second?

Well, friends.

I am writing.

From my home.

Calling my shots (mostly).

Cuddling with my cat.

Making a full time income (for this month).

…

And that is not lost on me today.