In teaching our daughters to live a consecrated life, the first step is explaining why it is important to live a life that is set apart for God.  Rebellion in children and teens can sometimes be linked to the fact that they have been told over and over what to do and what not to do, but haven’t been given a reason.  I remember as a child when asking why, hearing the answer “because I said so!”  I found myself saying that same exact thing more than once to my own children.  A time came when I finally decided that wasn’t a good enough answer.  I didn’t like hearing it, and I knew it wouldn’t do any good to use that for an answer to my children either.

Let’s take the example of drinking alcohol.  I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father.  As a young girl, I made the decision on my own that I would never drink any type of alcohol because of what I went through with my dad and what our family was put through.  When I became I Christian at the age of 14, I felt God would have me keep that commitment.  I was never tempted in this area so it wasn’t an issue with me all through my teen years and even now as an adult.  Over these many years I have seen a lot of heart ache due to the effects of alcohol. 

When my children were small it was easy to tell them we don’t drink beer, wine or whiskey.  It is in most movies and it seems there is always a relative or two that drinks and children are curious and want to know what it is and why we aren’t drinking it.  As my children got older I was able to share more about the evil side of alcohol.  I went into deeper details of what I went through and what I saw because of someone’s drinking. 

When your children become adults, they get to choose their own convictions.  I can only hope and pray that alcohol won’t be a part of their life, but they still have the choice.  I do realize that my kids didn’t have first hand experience of the effects of alcohol, only by my teaching.  In our society today, drinking has been built up to be a very modern, fun and socially accepted practice even among strong Christians.

Within a minute I could list of 10 things that alcohol does to destroy lives.  (And personally, I can’t even name one positive thing about it.)  When I read and study on the subject of holiness and living a consecrated life, alcohol just doesn’t fit into that picture for me.  The risk is just way too high to even take a chance at having a destroyed life.  For me, it isn’t worth that risk even if it doesn’t affect me.  I learned a long time ago, that life isn’t just about my desires, I have others in my life that could be affected by my choices.

This may sound like a study on alcohol, but you can take any issue and put it up against the scriptures and look at it and study it and come up with a reason as to why or why not you partake in something.  Living a holy and consecrated life takes much thought and a commitment each and every day on the hundreds of decisions we make.  They are decisions that could change the course of our future and our children’s future.

 Beverly Dillow

Jim and I have been married for 31 years.  I can’t believe it! What a wonderful life it has been. We served in full-time ministry for the first 20 years of our marriage. The last eleven years we have had our own business and the Lord has blessed so much in so many ways. I am very thankful for those years that God used us in full-time ministry, but what a joy it has been to serve Him in this new journey.

  Visit Beverly Dillow at www.HisHeartMyDesire.blogspot.com

P.S. One of my favorite posts of Beverly is Where’s Daddy? 

Myth: If you are perfect on the outside...people will ignore how rotten you are at the core.

May I be honest with you? I have yet to meet a girl or woman who is perfect and can boast of faultlessness. Yes, I have seen many that might appear extremely pretty on the outside with fashionable new clothing, a great hair style, polished nails, and ultra-white teeth.  But, before the Lord, there is no amount of polish, hairspray, airbrushing or Photo shop that can cover who we really are on the inside. The world sees what we want them to see but the Lord perceives our heart. (1 Samuel 16:7)

In this final thirty-second chapter, in The Companion Guide to Beautiful Girlhood, there is an important heart-to-heart conversation. This frank discussion is about seven  shortcomings that can “blight the rose” and, thankfully, what to do should it be discovered  in either yours lives.

Before you even begin, I  encourage you to pray about this time with your daughter(s) before you do this chapter. Ask the Lord to prepare both of your hearts for the careful examination that will be taking place.

1. Is there indecision? If so, then look at the problem squarely in the face,  and fight through it with the unswerving faith in the Lord to give you wisdom. Remember, “If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God,who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave on the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1: 5-6
2. Is there self-consciousness? This is the sister of irresolution and causes “ingrown eyeballs”! The female with this malady can be cured by  training her to look after the welfare of others.  In a social situation, there is no quicker cure for self consciousness than keeping busy and focused on others! Encourage your daughter to “.. not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” Romans 12:3
3. Perhaps the problem is a sharp tongue. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The girl with a sharp tongue must first guard her thoughts from being critical and purposely search for the good things in others and speak about them! “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
4. What about an “inordinate love” of beautiful things? I believe women are created to be drawn towards beauty! But it becomes problematic when it evolves into something excessive. This state of excess allows for the weeds of pride and vanity to grow.  The symptom of this scourge is to focus intently upon the most current, the name brands, the latest and greatest…you fill in the blank. There is nothing more beautiful than a happy, satisfied heart. “One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in his temple.” Psalms 27:4
5. The spirit of dissatisfaction.This fault makes a girl ever so restless and uneasy and never ever satisfied with anything. There is a godly dissatisfaction which is an attempt to improve and be the best you can be to the Glory of God! But when this spirit of dissatisfaction reaches it’s most virulent state, it mars her happiness now and makes her unable to enjoy what God has for her in the future.“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:6
6. Selfishness is the sixth fault to spoil the beauty in your girl’s life. A girl who exhibits selfishness looks always to her own pleasure. It might come across as a girl who is so enthusiastic about her youth group, FCA club, Mission work, that she is rarely at home to help with normal household responsibilities. According to Mrs. Hale, the author of Beautiful Girlhood, the work should be divided fairly amongst all involved. The ultimate remedy for selfishness is found in this verse. “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.“ Galatians 2:20
7. Sensitivity is the final great fault. Sometimes, especially if your daughter is extra sensitive  a well deserved rebuke, a word of correction, or even a mere suggestion can her hurt the overly sensitive so deeply that they will be reduced to tears. She takes it personally and wounded….DEEPLY!  I understand that it is difficult to deal with a daughter that has this sensitive spirit and the fear you might have is that her spirit  will be broken. Don’t let this issue remain unattended to! Gently guide your daughter by seeking the Lord. Ask Him why she is so sensitive and for ways to fight this weakness. Remember, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” Hebrews 12:11

The last several months, we have taken a glorious journey through Beautiful Girlhood with our daughters and it probably has been as rigorous for you mom as it has been challenging for her. In each and every chapter, you have been challenged to a higher standard. Most of you have  sensed the Lord calling and drawing you into a deeper relationship with Him through the study of the Word and prayer. The goal of our study in The Companion Guide to Beautiful Girlhood is not perfection but progress!

Let me conclude our delightful time together with a quote by Martin Luther.

“This life therefore
is not righteousness
but growth in righteousness
not health but healing,
not being but becoming,
not rest but exercise.
We are not yet what we shall be
but we are growing toward it,
the process is not yet finished
but is going on,
this is not the end
but it is the road.
All does not yet gleam in glory
but all is being purified.”

Praising God that I am a work in progress!

Shelley

How often do you struggle with your heart?

Oh, don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about! I am talking about those naughty attitudes, nagging thoughts, and nasty little words that come slipping over your lips before you have a chance to stop them. When you have a chance to take a giant step back and  objectively look at what just happened…you think “Where did that come from?”  I can tell you where…from your heart.

According to the Ancient Hebrew Research Center, the Old Testament Hebrews considered the heart to be the seat of emotion and of thought. This is illustrated by the two characters  of the Hebrew word for heart.  The first is the image of a shepherds staff and represents authority, like the authority a shepherd has over his flock. The second letter represents the floor plan for a nomadic tent and the family  inside.  When these two are combined it translates to  “the authority within”.

In this 31st chapter  in The Companion Guide to Beautiful Girlhood and Beautiful Girlhood we are made aware of how vital  it is to our spiritual life  to posses and maintain a pure heart. Purity of heart is a concept that is a basic principle in the  individual Christian’s life because our hearts are the “authority within” that guide our thoughts and actions. Just like in the previous chapters, to teach it to your daughters, you must first understand it yourself.  Here are two questions I would like to ask you.

How do you get a clean heart?

By now you know that without God our heart is wicked (Jer 17:9) and that only God can take a heart of stone hardened by sin and turn it into flesh Eze 36:26.   Girls, this incredible exchange takes place the moment we put our faith into what Christ, God’s only Son, did for us on the cross and his rising on the third day from the dead. Without Him, there is not even a wisp of hope for us to possess a pure heart.

First things first, make sure you and your daughter know him as your Lord and Savior. If you are not sure, study the following verses. Romans 3:23. 6:23.5:8, 10:13, 10:9,10, John 1:12, John 3:14-16

How do you maintain it?

Heart health, in the scriptural sense, means to own and maintain a pure heart. The word pure means to be clean, holy, blameless, and righteous. Once this relationship with Jesus is established, how do we personally maintain a clean heart and teach our daughters the process as well?

1. Guard it – because everything we do flows from it! Proverbs 4:23Above all else, guard your heart,for everything you do flows from it. Remember what the original Hebraic meaning of heart was? The authority within. We must make certain this authority is not tainted with the world. But how?
2. Learn the Word – by heart not by head!

^{Psalm 119 9} How can a young woman keep her way pure?
By living according to your word.
¹⁰ I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.
¹¹ I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.
¹² Praise be to you, O LORD;
teach me your decrees.
¹³ With my lips I recount
all the laws that come from your mouth.
¹⁴ I rejoice in following your statutes
as one rejoices in great riches.
¹⁵ I meditate on your precepts
and consider your ways.
¹⁶ I delight in your decrees;
I will not neglect your word.

The  Psalmist lists several actions that can be taken to keep his way pure. He sums up the entirety of  verses 9-16 with this simple phrase, ” by living according to Your Word”.  Then he gives a list on how this is done. Seeking, hiding, praising, recounting, rejoicing, meditate, consider, delight in, not neglecting.

The best way to guard the influence our heart has on our thoughts, emotions, actions is by living according to the Word of God. Not merely knowing the Word in our heads…but by heart!

Eternally grateful that He holds my heart,

Shelley

Activities:

1. In your quiet time, go through Psalm 119: 9-16 and list all the ways that you and your daughter can shield your heart and the benefits you will reap from it.

Memory Verse: Proverbs 4:23

Above all else guard your heart,

it is the wellspring of life.

Ponder and Post:

1.  Mull over the idea of your heart being the “authority within”. What are some concrete ways you can shelter your heart? Your daughter’s heart?

2. I would love to hear from you and your daughter if this chapter has been useful for you?

What is a consecrated life anyway? As I was praying about how to explore the Consecrated Life to you and your daughter,   a simple song written by Frances R. Havergal entitled Take My Life kept repeating in my mind. The story that follows illustrates beautifully what a consecrated, devoted life is.  Frances lived to only 46 years old but during  her brief life she managed to learn Latin, Hebrew, and Greek. She memorized the book of Isaiah, the Psalms, and most of the New Testament as well as authored 4 books.  In 1873,  six years before her death, Francis had a dramatic  spiritual experience in which she realized the importance of complete surrender to God.

Soon after this event,  she was visiting a home in which 10 people lived and several of them were unconverted, others were uncommitted Believers.  Frances was staying in the home for several weeks, and she prayed “Lord, give me all this house.” Before her stay ended, all 10 members of the household had given their lives to the Lord completely.  It was on the last night of her stay that Francis was so amazed and excited at what the Lord had done she could not sleep. These lyrics came pouring out of her that evening.

Take My Life

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

How about us, are we living a bold, surrendered life today? Do we take the ordinary and offer it up as a sacrifice of praise?  Do we have the holy chutzpah, like Francis, to ask God for all in our household to be His? How do you explain this concept to your daughter?

While words and explanation are useful, some things are better caught than taught. Consecration is not just a one time thing. It is a day by day, moment by moment attitude that breaths out of our heart and flows through our actions.  We can consecrate our lives, set it apart for the sacred, when we ask the Lord to make the day His, to make the hour His, and to make the minute His, to make  our life His own. Every moment of ordinary life becomes holy.

Asking the Lord to take my momentary life and consecrate it to Him,

Shelley

Activity:

• As you consider your desire to commit yourself to God every day, I would like to suggest you begin each new day with a  simple act of spiritual service. This spiritual service is  saying out loud “Lord, I give you myself to you today!”
  
• Learn the words to Take My Life. May the words your prayer and affirmation of consecration.

Memory Verse: Romans 12:1

I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.

 

Ponder and Post:

• Have you considered consecrating your life to the Lord? Tell me about it.
• Discuss the act of consecration with your daughter.

As a high school senior, I had no clear career goals. Because I’d taken music lessons for 10 years, it was sort of assumed I’d be a music teacher. So off to college I went, only to survive a semester before returning home. I was miserable away from home and quickly realized I was wasting everyone’s time and money.

Because I had acquired clerical skills in high school, I entered the workforce as an accounting clerk, then took a position as a receptionist/secretary where I was trained as a computer systems manager.When I married, I was making quite a good salary for someone without a college degree, and we quickly grew accustomed to having two incomes — buying a townhouse, a new car, expensive Christmas presents for all our family members, never ever shopping at Aldi, etc.

We didn’t realize we were serving false gods — the gods of money and self and materialism.

When our first child was born, I wanted nothing more than to stay home and be a mom. But we were trapped. We had a mortgage. We had a car payment. We had quite a load of debt.Thankfully God dragged us out of the pit we had dug for ourselves and I have been a homeschool mom since our firstborn was one year old.

Looking back, I wish I had been counseled to do it differently. But without realizing it, feminism convinced me to accept the inevitable fact that I would spend my life in the service of some corporation, as a cog in the wheel that makes the world go ‘round, for my own fulfillment and satisfaction. But it didn’t satisfy, and I wish I had prepared for the roles of wife and mother that our last chapter so wonderfully reminds us are the roles we are fitted for.

If I’d had a vision of these roles of service to my husband and children, I likely would have chosen a career that would equip me to better fulfill my current duties. I would perhaps have pursued child development and education, which could have given me skills for the future challenge of home educating our children. I could have continued with my music training, which would have enabled me to teach not only my own children at home but take on other students to contribute towards the family economy.

While none of us can truly know as a young girl what our situation will be in 10 or 15 years, what career or business our future husband may be in and what assistance he may have need of, what economic or financial challenges we will face as managers of our homes, we can trust the God who made us with gifts and interests and skill sets. Perhaps the most important thing a young woman can do as she begins to make decisions about her life’s work is to pray. Ask God to show you what HE wants you to do.

I know of two women who were led into the nursing field as young ladies. Both are homeschool moms now, but that does not mean they are not using their skills. One married a doctoral student and plans to return with her husband to his native country of Nigeria as missionaries. The other has adopted a special needs child and serves as the unofficial health adviser to our church body. God knew they would need their nursing skills to be helpers to their husbands, mothers to their children, and members of the Body of Christ, even if they are not receiving paychecks for working in their fields of expertise.

If your interests and skills lean in a particular direction, I would like to encourage you to consider how you might begin a home-based business. While this is by no means an easy proposition, it has great advantages in that you will not find yourself having to answer to someone who may not share your priorities, beliefs and values. And if you start early, while still in your parents’ home, there is a safety net against failure and there is time to try many options until you find the one that is right for you.

If your interests and skills are not quite so clear, take advantage of opportunities to learn a wide variety of skills. Take classes. Read. Study. Dabble. Perhaps you will find something you are good at that you never thought you would enjoy.

And most of all, pray. God has a plan for you. He knows what the future holds. See to serve Him first of all.

Barb is first and foremost a Daughter of the King.“Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done. Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are.”

She gives all glory and praise to God for what HE has done in her life and in the life of her family.
She has been married to her Mr. Steady and chef for twenty-one years. They home disciple and educate their four children — three boys ranging in age from 17 to 5, and one daughter Katie (10) who blogs with Barb on their new site, “Training our Daughters,” which just launched this September.  They are excited about embarking on this keepers-at-home journey with other moms and daughters.

Do we really choose our life’s work or does our life’s work choose us? Let me explain why I ask. After two years of marriage and two children, I came to the momentous conclusion that the noble profession of nursing was not “family friendly.” My mother counseled me to get some more education and join the professional ranks as a teacher. The benefits, as far as I could see, were great! No nights, weekends, holidays, or on-call hours. After careful research and much thought, I presented my well-laid plan to my husband one night after supper. I would attend the local college for three more years and get my teaching degree. By the time our kids were in school, I would be finished. The children could be with me…sort of…at the daycare provided by the college. A significant amount of credits I had already earned would be used toward this degree. Simple! Perfect! Wrong! My husband gave me a very clear and concise answer. “NO.” He wanted me to be with our children as much as possible and to continue to work nights and weekends, holidays and be on call. I was utterly devastated.

Later that evening, unable to sleep, I crept out of our bed to have a conference with God about my “him”. “Lord!”I cried out, “this was the perfect plan. I love teaching my children so I know I would be a great teacher! Why are you doing this to me? Why did You let him say no? Why is Bob being so stubborn?”

A still small voice answered me, saying to my spirit,

“What you want and what I want are two different things.”

That quiet statement of truth caught my attention. Later, I found this was a paraphrase of Isaiah 55:6-9. This quiet but convincing statement was my answer I know God was speaking to me and that He had a better plan for my life.

Five years later, the Lord revealed the fulfillment of this dream.  Way back then He had placed in my heart a longing to teach children, my children. Through various circumstances it became very clear to both my husband and me that I was to have the privilege of teaching our children at home. Can you imagine? How could I have known that God created in me the heart to teach my own little ones?   My hope became a reality in a way I would never have imagined. Something so much better.

Ladies, allow your daughter to dream, find ways to help her make her goals  come true in regard to her life’s work. I pray this chapter in The Companion Guide to Beautiful Girlhood will guide you and your daughter to dream the dreams He has for you!

Praising God that He is the One who chooses the work of my hands,

Activities:

1.Examine your family’s view on education. Write down the ways your views have changed since you were a young girl.

2. Life can be an excellent academy! Tell your daughter about some of the classes life has enrolled you in. Retell some of the lessons and teachers you have had and how they have helped you be who you are today.

3. With your husband, explore ways you could guide and encourage your daughter in areas of higher education. This may entail planning ahead for going to college or continuing the process of growth through the opportunities the Lord gives when she is done with her formal studies

Memory Verse:  Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Ponder and Post:

1. Culture is something that needs to be continually developed. Charlotte Mason referred to the act of reading good books and continuing to develop in various areas as “Mother Culture.” What are the areas of culture you, mom, could develop?

For most females it starts very early. This God-created desire is seen in our imaginary games, heard in the sweet little lullabies we sing and even revealed by the toys we choose when we are just wee little girls.

We play house,

we sing rock-a-by-baby

and we love our baby dolls.

The thumbprint of God can be seen in the way women were designed to nurture. This hard wiring  is revealed in how we interact with puppies, baby birds, kittens, and even little brothers and sisters.  The root word of nurture is to nourish. The role of nourishing our children with loving, godly care leaves an impact on our children’s lives and on the lives of the generations to come.

You remember the old adage, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”  Yet, in recent years it has become out of vogue to hone homemaking and mothering  skills and in style to become accomplished in areas that take a women outside her home.

How do we prepare for this role nourish-er? Just as a great musician, artist or mathematician spends enormous time and effort developing  their skills, so does a woman who desires to be a keeper of her home and a mother to her children. It is hard but rewarding work.  There are so many opportunities to develop these skills during the years of transition from girlhood to womanhood. Author Margaret Elizabeth  Sangster stated it this way. “There is much room for tillage  in the home vineyard.” And that is why, this week, as you and your daughter are working through The Companion Guide to Beautiful Girlhood, look for everyday ways she can prepare herself for the great responsibilities that are in her future.

Praising God for the responsibility of children, husband, and home,

Bible Memory: Titus 2:4-5

⁴so the younger women will be loving wives and mothers. ⁵Each of the younger women must be sensible and kind, as well as a good homemaker, who puts her own husband first. Then no one can say insulting things about God’s message.

 

Activities:

1. Read Titus 2:4-5. Make a list of 5 things you would like to teach your daughter. Then ask the Lord to give you creative ways to teach your daughter these skills!

2 Do you have a chore chart, menu, shopping list, meal plan in place? If so, allow and encourage your daughter to step into one or two new roles. For example, help her plan a meal, go shopping for it and help her prepare it. Need extra help? I have a CD that has 7 reproducible charts to help you and your daughter organize this training time!Beyond Beautiful Girlhood Charts.

Resources:

One of my favorites places that help us to get our daughter’s ready for the greatest responsibility of all!  http://raisinghomemakers.com/

The windows turn into mirrors, black with night, reflecting more than darkness outside. As I turn to respond to my daughter, I see my face frowning with irritation. My body wrenches. Secret thoughts insist, “Isn’t it bedtime already?”

Not quite yet. Teeth are brushed. Jammies are on. Clothes are picked out. But my children need to talk. They need to unload the moments of unrest stifled by the noise of classmates, homework, and sports commitments. My daughter needs to release the hidden pain caused by friends turning their back on her. My son needs to work through disappointment on a less than par grade. They all need to confess a conversation that was simply other. They need to process life.

 Why am I surprised? Don’t I fall into the same pattern with my husband? As soon as we head for bed, my chatter turns on full speed. We play our bumper dance shuffle around the bathroom, my mouth doesn’t shush for a moment. In full throttle, I don’t even pause to allow the spinning toothbrush to do it’s work, and the mirror testifies to my disregard each morning. But I have to get it out. I have to release the moments of my day — the joys, pains, successes, failures, worries, fears, hopes, and unrealized dreams — or else I won’t be able to settle myself into a quiet slumber. My mind will race and heart will pound in a tornado of unrest.

I know. Instead of keeping my husband ducking for cover from my spit-flying toothpaste, I ought to give my heart to the Lord. But I’m reduced to prayer only when my husband’s snore drowns me out. At that point, I have no other option but to pray until the sweet presence of God ushers my worry-filled soul to sleep.

Considering my own bedtime routine, should I be surprised that my children have developed a similar habit of processing life? Even though their daddy is available and willing to listen, I am always the one they come to! Why won’t they go to their dad, when he is sitting right there? Is my Heavenly Father wondering the same thing about me, too?

***

Our longing to share our experiences with others is valid. God designed us to be in relationship. He is a relational God. Our Heavenly Father is intimately connected with His Son, Jesus. The Holy Spirit is in relationship with Christ and God. The Trinity is in relationship with mankind, through faith in Jesus as Lord. A man is connected in an intimate, sacred relationship with a woman through marriage, modeled after Adam being in relationship with Eve. Children are unavoidably in relationship with their parents. The family of God is in relationship with one another, with each member contributing their gifts and talents to the benefit of the whole body.

These relationships are sustained and nurtured through conversation and experiences. Our relationship with God involves Him speaking to us through the Word, creation, and the working of the Holy Spirit. We speak to Him through prayer, hymns of worship, words of praise. We hear God. He hears us. And our relationship with Him grows.

Listening validates the stories of our lives and binds us to one another, forming a connection with others and cultivating intimacy in our relationships. As children mature into their teen years, their need to be heard grows exponentially. If parents shut them down with a barrage of “not nows, maybe laters, and enough alreadys,” they will turn elsewhere to be heard. A bond will grow with their peers that should have been formed with their parents. All because they want to be heard. All because mom and dad are too busy or tired to listen.

Children will inevitably want to talk on their terms and in their timing, which means parents must leave a margin and flexibility in their schedules to give the precious gift of being heard. It takes intentionality to cultivate the art of listening:

•be attentive: make eye contact, lean into their stories, respond with appropriate emotion 80/20 rule: let them talk 80% of the conversation and spend your 20% asking thoughtful questions to uncover attitudes, emotions, fears, obstacles, dreams

• request permission: remember that they want to be heard, not lectured, so ask permission to give advice and share personal stories

•skip screen time: avoid email, Facebook, and TV until the children are in bed; if the child wants  to talk “after hours,” turn off the screen and give them your full attention

•create bedtime margins: establish a routine that leaves room for talking; if an older child really likes to chat at bedtime, move up their “tuck-in” time with a promise to climb into bed with them for a cuddle and conversation

•look behind the scenes: a meltdown may uncover a bigger issue, so listen for what isnot said while addressing the current situation

•pray it forward: listening does not require fixing a child’s problem, but it does empower parents to pray, both with them and for them; consider every time of listening as a prayer request from your child and turn it over to the Lord

The exchange of feelings, experiences, and concerns lays a networked grid of connectedness. It is a gift the Lord gives us when He listens to our prayers. It is a gift a spouse gives to their beloved. It is a gift parents give their children as they listen to their hearts unfold, developing in them the habit of openness that will enable a natural, intimate relationship with the Lord as they mature into adulthood.

 ***

That’s it. Last night was my last bumper dance toothpaste flying full throttle chattering shuffle. From now on I’m going first to the One who listens beyond the snore, as I pray for Him to give me the grace to cultivate the art of listening and gift of being heard in my family.

How about you?

From every angle, Lisa is passionate about today’s women being equipped with the Word so they can impact the next generation with relevant truth. After more than 15 years of mentoring teen girls and involvement with women’s ministry online and off, Lisa has learned that women of all ages are desperate for honesty, transparency, and authenticity.  She counts it a privilege to be the one at the Gate called Beautiful, offering Jesus, the healer and transformer of lives, through her writing, speaking, teaching, and life coaching.  You can connect with Lisa at More to Be (http://www.moretobe.com) and learn more about her dynamic Life Coaching business, Passion and Purpose (http://www.pnpcoaching.com).

Ouch! This chapter in Beautiful Girlhood and The Companion Guide to Beautiful Girlhood really hurts my heart.  Not because my sweet daughter Laura, was a girl who could not be trusted, because she was. But because I was the one who could not be trusted at this age. I groan when I read this chapter because it reminds me of the pain I most likely caused my mom. I know, dear reader that this feeling of regret, doesn’t affect each one of you, but it will affect some.

Oh, I guess one feeble (very feeble) advantage is that the ones of us who were “bad girls” know every trick in the book when it comes to this topic, and therefore we can be alert to any of our daughter’s schemes.  But,conversely, the burden of this dubious qualification is that we have a dishonest past and can feel like a hypocrite while conveying this need of truthfulness to our daughters!

Take heart, if you are a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and have trusted Him, your sins are as far away as the east is from the west. They have indeed been blotted out according to Isaiah 44:22.  C.H. Spurgeon put it this way.

“Against the justified (wo) man, no sin remains, the great transaction of the cross has eternally removed his (her) transgressions from him (her).”

Yes, our past is part of our testimony, however, we no longer have the ugly, awful weight of our sins to shoulder, but we bear them as a marvelous witness of the merciful, marvelous, powerful work the Lord has done through the death of Jesus Christ in our lives. For the bold, the very bold of us, perhaps the Holy Spirit is calling you to reveal to your daughter what He has done in your life. We might have to correct our thinking here, the called don’t have to be bold, just called.

To those of you, who did not have an issue with this area of trustworthiness, be encouraged! Pass on to your daughter the advantages of being truthful and trustworthy. You can do this in a way that also conveys God’s preserving, merciful, marvelous, powerful work in your life!

Rejoicing that His death redeems my life,

Activity: Before your time with your daughter this week give her two writing  assignments. Ask her to:

• Define “trustworthy”
• List actions that make a person trustworthy

Memory Verse: Luke 10:16

Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.

Ponder and Post:

• “A half truth is a whole lie.” — Yiddish Proverb How are you conveying to your daughter the importance of telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
• ^“Doing right brings freedom to honest people, but those who are not trustworthy will be caught by their own desires.”  Proverbs 11:6 Tell me how you have conveyed this concept to your daughters?

Spring didn’t sneak in this year — it leaped in threw open it’s arms and sang “Ta-da!”.

This has been a most unusual month with temperatures above 70 degrees many days in March. My feathered friends have returned to awaken me every morning with their raucous  serenade. As I look out my window, I see our apricot trees are in full bloom and the lilacs are leafing out with promising buds of purple forming and a perfect carpet of tender green grass is forming on my once lifeless lawn. It is bare foot weather in Nebraska.

To celebrate I found this whimsical wreath to make for your front door  created by Patty at P.S. Capture the Details!

Enjoy your craft time with  your daughter!

P.S. Next week I have a surprise for you!