If there’s something I’m known for amongst friends and acquaintances, it’s that I tend to do things to extremes. I can’t just do speed dating, I have to work my way to the top of the pickup food chain. Instead of moving in to a smaller house, or even a big RV, I buy the tiniest RV I can. I can’t take a week long vacation to Thailand, I have to get rid of everything and go full nomad for years. Cutting out fast food isn’t enough, I cut out everything that’s remotely bad for me.

What I write about less are the counter extremes. I was an introvert who was terrified of girls. I lived in my own house with a whole room dedicated to warehousing my stuff. For years I didn’t leave the US. Before I began eating healthy, I went to McDonalds so much, and brought my friends so often, that they actually stopped charging me for food AND giving me winning Monopoly pieces to get free food elsewhere.

I do this with just about anything. The other day while writing a post, I wrote, “I don’t do everything in a weird way. For example, I…”

And I couldn’t finish the sentence with any example concrete enough to make the sentence meaningful.

So why do I go to these extremes? What’s the point?

I can’t nail down the reason I started. It happened without me really knowing, and is probably due to an impossible confluence of childhood circumstances. But I do know why I stick with it and look for opportunities to be extreme.

I have a real obsession for efficiency. Besides wanting to do, learn, experience, and see everything, I want to do it as well as possible. If I’m going to eat something, I want it to be as healthy as possible, be prepared as quickly as possible, and use as few pots and pans as possible. One of my exes was constantly suspicious of everything I did.

“Wait… are you just doing this because you think it’s more efficient?”

Usually I was.

The thing is, the tricks that facilitate efficiency are found in the extremes. Living in an RV has taught me how to live with nothing. It’s also taught me that having nothing really does make me happier. Without going to this extreme, I wouldn’t have any idea.

Becoming good at pickup helped me dispense with the games and blunderings that I thought were essential. At the same time, I can attract higher quality women.

Pioneering the Maxdiet gave me an intimate understanding of man’s relationship with food. It also made me enjoy food more.

Being a nomad means that I can travel anywhere in the world and get the most out of each city. I can do it on almost no money and with no prior knowledge of the country.

Going to the extremes also enables you to figure out where on the scale you want to lie. You can guess without going extreme, but you’ll probably guess wrong. When I first started eating healthy, I figured that I’d always want to eat a hamburger. It turned out I was wrong. But I did back off the extreme a little bit. For the first year or so I wouldn’t eat a grain of sugar. Now once a month I’ll eat the amazing wonders my friend Jonah cooks, or maybe a bit of fish. I eat dark chocolate bars that are only 90% cocoa and have a few grams of sugar in them.

In pick up, on the other hand, I backed off considerably. I don’t go out and pick up. I don’t do seminars. I use what I learned when it’s called for, and of course have been changed as a person.

Besides finding out where on the continuum you want to lie, going to extremes gives you the confidence to stay there happily. I could move into a real apartment and have stuff, and it wouldn’t really bother me. I know I can go back. To most people the idea of having nothing would be scary. I’ve been there, though, so I know that I can happily do it.

In Morocco I ate quite a bit of meat and sugar in a week. There just wasn’t anything else. But because I have gone months or maybe years without any of that, I can trust myself to indulge when there’s no other practical choice, and readjust instantly when circumstances change.

In other words, hitting the extremes gives you mastery of the whole scale. I can make intelligent conversation as well as decisions on any topic where I’ve been to the extremes. Contrast that with the person who tells you that foreign countries are dangerous, but hasn’t actually been to them; or the person who tells you pick up is manipulative, but hasn’t ever seen or learned it; or the person who says they could never live without a TV, but has always had one; or the person who says they absolutely need meat to function, but hasn’t ever gone without.

They might be right, but any confidence behind the assertion is misplaced.

Part of being able to visit extremes is having the willingness to be change who you are on a regular basis. If you need a constant in your identity, have it be that you’re someone who tries new things with an open mind. If you make an aspect of your lifestyle part of your core identity, you’ll never be willing to explore the extremes. Maybe more important, you won’t be able to back off the extremes to change back to the best place for you on the scale.

I’m proud to be a vegan, because I have confidence that I’m doing what’s best for me. But if tomorrow we find out that fish sticks are the healthiest things in the world, I’ll be downing them by the dozen. Maybe some day I’ll have a family and won’t travel much anymore.

Hanging on to these positions is a major disservice to yourself. Habits should be formed by experience along the continuum, not by adherence to labels, defaults, or pressure from others.

Why go to extremes? Because that’s how you get the most out of life. That’s the short answer.

P.S. The exception is when going to the extreme is obviously dangerous. You don’t need to become a crackhead to know that you don’t want to smoke crack. The risks of going extreme in most cases, though, aren’t a big deal.

Related posts:

1. Why Don’t You Do It?
2. 8 Health Foods That Are Bad For You
3. Pure Food and Wine

I got a last minute email from one of the guys in the Austin Society, a local pick up group, saying that a speaker had canceled and they were looking for someone to fill in. Awesome. I love public speaking and have actually been meaning to do more of it (in fact, I’m thinking about giving talks in every city I hit when I start my RV trip).

There are pick up groups pretty much everywhere now. They’re great because they can provide a good support and accountability system, but they there’s a certain rut that they can push members into. Often times you’ll see members  totally overwhelmed with ideas, tactics, and styles, that actually get in the way of real progress.

So I decided to take it back to the basics and talk about the fundamental things a student of pickup should focus on. The topics I covered are focus, storytelling, being yourself, and your comfort zone.

I videotaped the talk so that I could post it for you. The sound is pretty low and it’s dark by the end, but I think the video should be valuable for any budding pickup artist.  I also have ten minutes of question and answers but didn’t post them because the video was totally black by then.

Because of Youtube’s rules, it’s cut into three parts:

Enjoy! If you’re into pick up or want to see what it’s about, take my free ten day online course at www.makeherchaseyou.com. You can also get my book on Amazon.

Thanks to the Austin Society for inviting and hosting me, and to Mike for setting it up.

Related posts:

1. Understanding Pickup
2. Leaving Pickup
3. I Wrote a Pickup Book!

I had a smug outlook on life. I was twenty years old and other than my ineptitude with women, things were good. I had my own house and enough money that I never thought about whether or not I could afford something. I was making my money gambling, which I considered to be quite an achievement.

I felt like I was way ahead of everyone my age. And, for the most part, I was.

But then, as I coasted, the dot com thing happened and I missed it. I was too busy buying rims for my car and putting a movie theater in my house. While other people my age were really accomplishing things and making millions, I was a league down in a dying business.

And time has passed.

Now I’m not ahead of the game anymore. I’m behind it. I’m not old, but there are certainly a lot of younger people who have accomplished much bigger things. I watch videos on my computer of people younger than me speaking at TED. I should be speaking there, I think to myself.

The paradox is that I don’t regret much. I love my life. I’ve done a lot of great things, I have a lot of amazing people in my life, and I’ve learned a ton. I have freedom. I’m not unhappy by any stretch of the imagination.

But I know I could do more. A lot more.

I don’t lament that I’m not going to be president, because it’s not a possibility for me. I’ve made choices which have excluded me from that track. Likewise I don’t blame myself for not becoming a football player. I couldn’t be one.

I do regret dropping the ball on things that would have gotten me places I want to be. I’ve been writing this blog for four years, yet it’s not one of the top blogs. Why? It’s not because I don’t have as much good content as the top bloggers. It’s not because they’re better writers than me. It’s simply because while they spent hours carefully crafting posts, networking, and writing guest posts, I was wasting time.

Ramit Sethi wrote that he spent eighteen hours making a blog post for another site. I’ve probably never spent more than two.

I could name a million opportunities which I could have knocked out of the park, but didn’t. Tim Ferriss‘ agent asked for a copy of my book for publishing consideration. Did I stay up for twenty four hours poring over it, making sure it was absolutely breathtaking? Nope, I sent him what I had and went to lunch. I’ve had people interested in TV shows, major bloggers who have left doors open for me to guest post, and plenty of introductions to major players in the internet world. I didn’t take advantage of any of these things.

Instead I carved out my own niche of peculiar mediocrity. I do amazing things and I do them with average vigor. I get to "good enough" and call it a day.

To make things worse, I’m fully aware of this. I watch myself make mistakes. This isn’t the first post I’ve written on the subject, but not much has changed since the last one.

The problem is that I’m running out of time. The longer I stubbornly refuse to play like a champion, the hard it is to instill that habit in myself. I would tell someone else in my shoes, "If you don’t do it now, you’ll never do it. Start now."

I’m writing this mainly as a self serving post to inspire myself; to put my faults out in public so that they’re harder for me to ignore privately. I wouldn’t beat myself up if I didn’t think I could reach my goals, but it’s a simple fact that I can reach them and am not doing what it takes to get there.

I’m writing also to temper my inclination to slide into "guru mode". I need to remind myself that having a lot of things figured out isn’t the same as having everything figured out.

What am I doing about it? I’m keeping the answer to myself until it’s successful. I’d rather share proven winners than speculation. It’s easy to announce grand plans and feel that rush of false accomplishment. It’s better to privately execute and then share.

No related posts.

A few weeks prior I was at an airport, desperate for something to eat. I got a poor quality sandwich at an above average price. I paid, and it served its purpose: to make me stop feeling starving.

When I visited Haiti I was staying with a couch surfer. My bus arrived just as dark was rolling in. I had my host’s phone number, but I didn’t have a usable phone. I was the only tourist on the bus (meaning the only white person), and I hadn’t heard anyone else speak English. A cabbie spoke in broken English to get me to ride in his cab.

"Can I use your phone?"

"Okay."

I call my host and she sounds busy.

"I have to run but give the phone to your cab driver and he will bring you to my place. My sister is expecting you."

I hand the phone back and he gets the directions in Kreyol.

"How much?"

"Thirty dollars. And five for using the phone."

"That’s too much. It’s really close."

He knows he has me over a barrel and won’t budge. I don’t want to annoy my obviously busy host and have more taxi drivers call her. I take the taxi and in one fifteen minute ride he makes more than he made in the past two weeks.

That’s the first kind of business. Businesses that you’ll do business with if you have to. I mean "have to" loosely, of course. No one forced me to patronize any of them, but I did so because my options were limited.

If you saw me you would probably not be very impressed with my wardrobe. Three of my four shirts are plain colored T-shirts. The other one is a plain colored T-shirt with a simple line drawing of a mountain.

The thing is, these are the greatest T-shirts in the world. They are made from the finest Merino wool. They’re warm when it’s cold and cold when it’s warm. They wash easy and dry fast. They never smell bad. Each one costs $60 retail ($30-40 when you find a good deal).

When I buy a new laptop (like I did three days ago), I buy a Thinkpad. They’re built like tanks, use high quality parts, and impart the feeling that they were designed and built by people who care about– and use– laptops.

That’s the second type of business. A business where you can’t wait to buy from them. You spend your money with them and you feel good about it because you’re getting something truly valuable in return, and further, you support the company’s vision. When I spend forty dollars for a shirt at Icebreaker, I’m glad that they’re marginally more successful than they were. I want to be a part of that success.

I hate to use them as an example, because I’m the opposite of a fan, but Apple really exemplifies this principle. People foam at the mouth to get a slightly newer, slightly shinier version of the same phone they bought six months ago.

Besides being a consumer, I want to be a producer of products or services that people are excited about buying. I want people to give me money not because they have to, but because they support what I’m doing and feel like they’re getting an unbelievable value.

(the picture, as you might know, is of Vibram Five Finger shoes, the only shoes I’ve worn in the past year or so. They’re definitely the latter business type.)

Related posts:

1. Take Over One of My Businesses

During the past two weeks I’ve waffled back and forth on whether or not to continue to posting daily. Half the time I think it’s a great idea, and the other half I’m checking the calendar to see how many more days of this bedtime-extending hell I have left.

Some pros and cons for the writing every day thing:

Pros:

• I will undoubtedly become a better writer. That was Derek’s motivation, which inspired me as well.
• It will probably increase readership. One post a day is a very easy reading commitment, and hard to forget because it becomes part of your daily habit.
• It’s remarkable. There are very few personal blogs that are updated every single day.
• Even if there are more posts that you, as a reader, don’t care about, there are probably also more that you DO care about.

Cons:

• It’s a burden. I tend to put it off until night and then stay up an extra hour writing.
• It gets in the way of other projects. Sometimes I want to work on other projects (I’m being vague on purpose), but I have to interrupt my rhythm to write.
• Some of the posts aren’t up to par. It kills me to post things that I’m not proud of, and this is almost always a result of feeling obligated to post something.
• I’m spending an increasing amount of time on a project that makes no money. That doesn’t mean that it’s not worth doing, but since my income is pretty minimal these days, I need to be focusing time on things that make money.

You’ve lived through the two weeks of daily posts. Did you read them all? Did you prefer them over the 3-4 that I would have posted otherwise? Do you hope I continue to post daily? Even if you don’t normally comment, please take a sec to chime in.

Related posts:

1. Every Day For Two Weeks
2. Two Weeks in Panama
3. How to Make a Moderately Popular Blog

I’d managed to go twenty something years without ever actually dancing, but it was becoming increasingly clear that my streak was going to end tonight. I’d always envied people who could dance. They made it look so easy and fun, which was how it was when I danced in the mirror, but the thought of dancing in front of other people mortified me.

"Come on, man. Go with them! Dance!"

We had met a couple girls on the cruise, and like any girls, they wanted to dance. Somehow all girls are built with this ability, while a good number of us guys become borderline disabled when led to a dance floor. I noticed that in direct contrast to his goading, my friend wasn’t making any effort to join the dancing masses himself.

Desperate to find some reasonable excuse to stay put, I scanned the room. The dance club doubled as a show room during the day, which meant that all of the chairs were facing the stage. An audience, I thought. Great.

And then I saw him: the man who was to change my dancing career forever.

On a ship where everyone was tan, or at least bright red, his near-albinism stood out like a sore thumb. His thumbs, meanwhile, were prone to randomly shooting out in random directions, like Elaine from Seinfeld. In apparent contempt for the beat of the music his legs flailed and stomped. His arms, tracking a totally different rhythm, swung wildly.

And he mimed.

As Lil’ Jon yelled, ‘And sweat drops down my balls,’ my new idol mimed it. His hands started out next to each other in front of his eyes, and in full jazz-hands motion, fluttered down to… well, his balls.

I stood up and confidently walked to the dance floor. I had no idea what I would do once I got to the stage, but I knew one thing with certainty: no one would be watching me. They would be watching him. I might be a terrible dancer, but he was worse.

Six hours later only two people remained on the dance floor. When my short and tube socks wearing friend and I realized that everyone else had left, we nodded to each other knowingly and went our separate ways. I didn’t know if I’d have the nerve to dance again soon, but I truly had a blast.

Blanco, on the other hand, danced every night. He was the first one on the floor and the last one off. He was such a spectacle and was so absolutely immune to the gawking of the onlookers that everyone wanted to dance with him. He happily obliged. He was by far the worst dancer I’ve ever seen, and simultaneously enjoyed dancing more than anyone I’ve ever seen.

Related posts:

1. A Cute True Story
2. Meeting Mel Gibson
3. Hanami

I’m tired and not particularly inspired to write today (which I guess occasionally comes with the territory of writing every day), so this is a short one.

When you travel with someone for a long period of time, you constantly find yourselves waiting in a lot of lines, sitting next to each other on a lot of planes, buses, and trains, and walking together through the city.

One way Todd and I pass the time is asking "genie questions". Not a particularly original idea, but good for hours of fun and an occasional insight. Here are some examples, which you can answer in the comments:

1. A genie comes up and offers to pay you to change from a man to a woman or vice versa. No surgery, just instant transformation as if you’d always been that way. What’s the lowest you’d be willing to do it for?
2. The genie tells you that he’s found the exact perfect guy/girl for you. He’ll make the introduction, but only if you agree to never leave the US again. Will you do it?
3. The genie offers you a fixed salary just to live your life… the only catch is that you can’t ever make more money than that. What’s the lowest amount you’ll take?
4. The Genie offers to magically give money to one of your friends, say $10,000. The only problem is that a fraction of the money is going to come from your account and your friend can never know that you were responsible for his good fortune.

The game is only fun if you take time and imagine the situation and try to be as honest as possible.

My answers: 1) $1m. I’m really really glad to be a guy, but most girls seem pretty happy being girls, too. I’d be a lesbian. 2) nope 3) I hate this question. I waffle between picking something like $100k/month and refusing to do it altogether because business is fun. 4) Depends on the friend, but probably around 20% if I thought it would do them a lot of good.

Related posts:

1. Eight Questions to Figure Out Your Life

I couldn’t believe that it was already time for dinner. Despite the fact that it was almost one hundred degrees in my RV, the kind of heat that ensures that my shirt is permanently damp, the time had flown by. Four hours had passed since I last consciously checked the time.Still, as hungry as I was, I didn’t want to shut the lid on my computer. I sat back and looked at my work. I’d been so entranced by the details of it that I hadn’t yet taken a second to see how everything had come together.

I felt amazing. But more than just feeling good, I felt that deep sense of warm satisfaction that few things besides achievement can create. I had spent the past hours fully engaged in the moment, challenging myself and creating something. I could sleep with the knowledge that the day had been used well. I knew that the next morning I’d wake up, remember how much progress I had mode, and could use that momentum to forge ahead.

A few weeks ago I saw Star Trek in the movie theater. I’m not a huge Star Trek fan, and in fact have never actually seen an episode, but I liked the movie. I wasn’t bored once, which is a rare movie-going experience for me. I had fun.

The problem, though, is that the fun is fleeting. As soon as I step out of the theater, I may as well have never seen the movie. Remove the excitement and stimulation of the movie, and all of a sudden there’s a void to be filled.

"What should we do?"

The answers that come to mind tend to be quick fixes, just as the movie was. Easy come, easy go.

That’s just an afternoon, but a lot of people live their lives in a constant state of chasing quick "highs" of fun. Junk Food -> Movie -> Alcohol -> Drugs -> Sex -> Shopping -> Video Games -> TV -> Trash Internet Sites -> Porn..

I’m not saying that all of these things are terrible (some can be great, most can be worthwhile occasionally), but I am saying that if you fill your life primarily with things from this category, you probably won’t ever be a happy person. You’ll have fun and you’ll have happy times, but you won’t BE happy.

What’s more fun? Manual labor or watching TV? TV. Who’s happier at the end of the day: a guy who spent twelve hours restoring his Mustang or a guy who sat on the couch and watched TV all day?

I have a theory that the amount of satisfaction you’ll derive from an activity is directly proportional to how engaged in it you are. One year I got back to my dorm on the Sunday after Christmas break. For no real good reason I broke into the mailroom. I used to (and still might) have an obsession with being places I shouldn’t be. Not to steal or vandalize, but just to see if I can get in and to see behind the scenes.

Inside the mailroom were boxes and boxes of mail that had accumulated over the holidays. My friend and I, for no reason at all, sorted the mail ourselves. It took over four hours, but the time flew. We tried to memorize people’s mailbox numbers, played games to see how fast we could sort the mail, and laughed thinking about what the mail person’s reaction might be. It was a boring job, for sure, but we had a great time doing it.

So what does this all mean? Don’t spend your time in activities that are structured to avoid boredom.

If your goal is to avoid boredom, you’ll achieve it, but that’s all you’ll get. It’s better to spend your time in activities that engage you. If you’re in an activity that doesn’t engage you, drop it or figure out a way to make it engaging.

A good example? There was a Wendy’s on campus with an Indian cashier who took his job seriously. Very seriously. He took pride in being the fastest cashier anyone had ever seen, fully focusing on you as you ordered, slamming the order keys the split second you uttered enough syllables to narrow down exactly what you wanted. He was happy. He was engaged.

P.S. The picture at the top is a Panamanian cowboy we made friends with. If anyone was ever engaged in horse training / riding, it’s him.

P.P.S. The title was mainly chosen to freak Annie out. Haha!

Related posts:

1. Rescue your Time

Thanks to my Sony ebook reader I’ve been reading a lot lately. I’ve been fortunate to have been recommended great books, so now I’ll pass along the favor and recommend them to you.

Gang Leader for a Day

I first heard of Sudhir Venkatesh’s work when I read Freakonomics. The gist of it is that he decided to study gangs, so he headed to Chicago’s most dangerous projects and wandered through them. The gang members caught him, held him overnight, and rather than killing him, allowed him to tag along for SIX YEARS while he studied them.

This book is his firsthand account of his time with the gang, the hustlers of the projects, and the crooked cops that come by to shake the residents down.It’s an absolutely fascinating read which gives a clear look at life inside a gang.

(Side note: if you are in a gang and will let me come check it out, please email me. Seriously.)

Amazon link

Getting Real

In his recent video with Kevin Rose, Tim Ferriss recommended a bunch of books. I got a few of them that I hadn’t read yet, including this one. It’s written by the guys from 37 Signals, authors of web apps that people rave over, about how to build web apps.

As Tim says in the video, it’s amazing if you’re in the process of building a web app, but still great even if you’re not. They push the less is more philosophy for software writing, but it also extends to other areas.

Link to Paperback, PDF, and FREE online book

The 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing

This book just made it on to my "must read before starting a business" list. I have a genius marketing/businessman friend who has been giving me advice for years, including urging me to read this book. Now I see why. Using a bunch of real life examples it talks about things like the importance of being first in a category (or creating a new category if you can’t be first).

Amazon Link

Made in Japan

Made in Japan, written by Sony’s founder, Akio Morita, is an interesting and thorough account of basically everything Sony ever did up until the book was written in 1986. That makes it extremely dated, but the silver lining to its age is that you can see how Sony has veered from the course he set and is now failing to dominate certain markets (like the cell phone market).

Akio is a very informal writer, which makes you feel as though you know and care about him by the end. His embedded coverage of Japanese culture and a history are interesting as well.

Amazon Link

Related posts:

1. The Sony PRS-505 eBook Reader
2. Book, #1 on Google, Blog, Panama, etc.
3. The Great Brain

As soon as I saw the video, I knew I had to have one. Displayed before me on my screen was a guy carving around in a parking lot at twenty miles an hour on an electric skateboard. It was a beautiful thing.

Years prior Mystery had goaded me into riding a Segway.

"They’re SO nerdy."

"Trust me. Once you ride one you won’t care."

He was right, but the things were too expensive and too big. Still, I liked the idea of a small electric vehicle for urban transportation. The skateboard was much cheaper and much smaller, so I ordered one.

Since then I’ve had at least four different boards, which is as much a testament to how much I love them as it is to their biggest weakness: they break easily. Still, I keep buying new ones or buying parts for the old ones.

So what’s so great about an electric skateboard?

• They’re really fast. Twenty miles an hour may not seem fast to car drivers, but that’s pretty zippy for a skateboard. Errands get done quickly.
• Besides being fast, it’s unbelievably fun. Taking a twenty minute ride to the grocery store is nothing short of a delight. For months after we got our boards, we would all convene in a parking lot and just fly around in circles.
• It feels like you’re flying (very low). When you zoom around you tend to look forward, which means that you never see your feet. Optically speaking, it’s identical to just gliding six inches off the pavement.
• The range is pretty decent. The best I’ve done is a ten mile ride, which left the battery on its last legs.
• They’re tiny. You can meet a friend somewhere and easily throw the board in a trunk to drive somewhere.

You control the board with a pistol grip controller that governs the acceleration and regenerative braking. It’s pretty easy, even if you’ve never ridden a skateboard before. In fact, it’s a lot easier than a regular skateboard because you always have both feet on the deck.

The only downsides of the electric skateboard are that they break fairly easily, and go slowly up hills. The brand I recommend, E-Glide, has a good warranty, though, and you still go up hills faster than you would if you were walking.

There are two companies who make these boards: Altered, previously known as Exkate, and E-Glide. Altered has cool wireless controllers, but the boards are made in China and the customer support is really bad. E-Glide, on the other hand, is pretty focused on high quality, and the owner is a great guy who really truly cares about the boards he’s selling.

I visited their workshop last year and got to see some of the stuff they’re working on. These guys are true innovators.

I personally ride an E-Glide 42. I’d prefer a smaller board, maybe a 36", but the 42" is the smallest one you can get with the big battery pack. Make sure to buy the Goodyear tires; they’re expensive, but worth every penny for the smooth ride.

Check out the boards at E-Glide or Altered (not linking to them because they have lied to me before and I don’t vouch for them).

And last, here’s a cool video of both brands:

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