http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHje60ul19Q

Originally posted: February 5th, 2004

I love posting photos and it has been way to long since I did just that. A few weeks back I was moaning about Ikea being so damn far away and how we needed these shelves sooo bad. Well, we ordered them on the website and for an amazing shipping and handling fee they showed up at our doorstep. Here they are all assembled:

Also, I meant to post this Monday, but I forgot, here’s my friend Meena.

It was one of the most stressful times, I will not lie to you. I was all shaky and sweaty and stuff. First it just shut off, and WOULD. NOT. COME. BACK. ON. I mean at all. I plugged it in & nada. Then I finally got it to come back on, hours later, but it was stuck on a sort of illuminated black screen. I was trying not to get upset, but I was shakin’ my hands, and my head was swayin’ and I was calling out deities that I didn’t even know I knew about.

I made an appointment online with the peeps at my local apple store for the next morning, and I am not going to lie, I wrote like a novel about what was wrong with my phone. When I showed up this morning, they were like, “Um, you have a LOT of notes here.” Then they scrolled down to the bottom where I threw in a call out to Star Wars with a “help me genius bar  you’re my only hope.” Then they looked me up and down and saw I was their nerdy kin, and things were OK from there.

Unlike at radio shack, where the guys that work there assume that because I have female genitalia I can’t possibly really know what I am looking for or what I am doing, the fellow at the apple store was rather pleasant and kind. After I pulled out my phone and it was of course working just fine, he did not laugh at me, nor did he point. Like a good lover, he said that happens alllll the time and not to worry about it. He taught me a few new things about my own equipment (ALSO like a good lover, heeeyyyy) and I was out of there in a reasonable time (not even gonna say it).

After thinking about it for awhile, I think I diagnosed what the real issue was. I am gonna share it with you, dear reader, as a public service announcement, because that is the kind of thing I am into. Now, I want to share some quick facts with you, and then you can decide if you think my diagnostic skills are as mad fresh as I think they are. Let’s do this in list form, because that is what awesome diagna-tician type people do. I know, I watch A LOT of old people television. Law & Order and Matlock do not steer you wrong on this, m’kay?

Ok. Feel free to imagine me pacing while I go over this with you.

1. I was sewing in my sweat pants, and unlike a lot of fancy people with fancy expensive type lounge wear, my raggedy old paint stained sweats do not have pockets.

2. I was listening to the aforementioned trashy novel on my headphones which are not some futuristic type of no cord thing that those people with pockets in their sweat pants also possess.

3. I was sewing a pretty big heavy quilt that I was draping over my shoulders and all over my body, which meant I couldn’t just put my phone on the table or shelf next to me, as I would have knocked it off 1 million bajillion times, and unlike those fancy people with pockets in their sweats and cordless headphones, I can’t afford to go out and buy me a new phone.

4. Speaking of knockers… What? We were, weren’t we? I have pretty big ones and have to wear a bra from sun up to sun down or else I will feel like my chest is a vampire from True Blood bursting into flames and what not. Except that the sun isn’t the issue, it’s gravity. Pesky, pesky gravity. Unlike people that are so rich that they have pockets in their sweatpants, I can’t afford, nor do I want big fake breasts (search engines gonna love me now!) that don’t need no hikin’ up.

5. Because of the amount of hikin’ up that my own fleshy orbs (thanks romance novels! You have really enhanced my vocabulary in some regards.) require, I have nice thick straps digging into my shoulders all day long.

6. So where better to put your phone than under those nice straps just sitting there doing nothing except keeping your lady pillows from scraping along the ground?

7. Here is a fact: that quilt was heavy and tough to maneuver around, and I’m thinking I probably got a bit sweaty.

8. Like two teenagers in a sleeping bag, I think my phone suffered the result of a lot of friction and no air. WAIT! THAT SOUNDED WORSE THAN I MEANT IT. I just meant sweaty. That’s all. Sweaty.

9. So then, as if I’d dropped it in the toilet or something, I think it was suffering from the moisture of it all. By the time I got to the apple store, I think it was pretty much dried out.

CASE CLOSED, Right Andy Griffith?

So anyway, don’t put your phone in your bra, that’s all I’m sayin’.

This past week Olive finished up her second year of preschool, and her second year of dance! The girl is getting big!

She has had the same preschool teacher both years, and Sadie had her for two years prior to that. She is a close family friend and a wonderful mentor. I love her so much, I’m probably going to have to enroll myself into preschool when Olive is ready to move on. As she tells her students, her favorite color is green and her favorite shape is a heart. Over the years I have made her so many green items, it is hilarious! I think she accounts for the reason my stash of green fabric and green yarn is so big! Last week she attended the book club/shower that I made the cute baby sweater for, and she looooved the heart cable that was on that vest. So I pulled out my special green yarn stash and made her a bookmark. She is one of the only people who actually reads the REAL book every month, as opposed to a digital version, so I knew she could use this. She liked it so much, that she was trying to figure out how to make it into a cuff. So I guess I know what to make her for her birthday in October, right?

Olive’s dance teacher is another amazing one! We are so lucky to have found her. She is amazingly patient and kind, AND she always loves handmade presents! I made her this bag from Heather Ross’s Weekend Sewing book. I used a home decor weight fabric to give it more body, and then I could skip the interfacing step! I really love the combo of fabrics, and I think I need to make myself one exactly like this. I did the finishing stitches in the car while Olive was actually in dance class, so I didn’t get the best pics of the finished piece. I used my jacket as a backdrop so you couldn’t see all the other junk sitting on the front seat of the car!

This weekend I finally made the back for Olive’s blanket! I quilted it and got the binding on it as well. I started this thing in March. It’s from the book The Practical Guide to Patchwork. A fabulous book that holds your hand and takes teensy little baby steps to show you exactly how to quilt. I love it!

I will have to snap a few pictures of it on her bed tomorrow, her room was SO messy today I could barely stand to walk by it, let alone go in there! A long weekend of play makes for a lot of fun, but a LOT of stuff to pick up as well. I don’t know how we are going to make it through the summer without me hauling a whole truckload of stuff out of this house. We all love toys so much, it is so hard to get rid of any! What? Is my insanity showing? Oh man. Maybe I should just take pictures of the piles of toys on the floor so you can see what I mean. Uh, anyway, the blanket is super cute and done, and now I am going to start brainstorming about the one I want to make for my OWN bed!

Olive fresh from a nap rests her eyes a bit longer as she sits in a chair. She is usually hideously grumpy when she rises, so I had to document this placid post nap moment.

May 15th:

We celebrated Sadie’s summer birthday at school. The children are wise beyond their years when they worship her while singing her the happy birthday song.

The cupcakes we brought in for the occasion looked a little like mashed potatoes and peas, but I’m told they were good. We made them out of a cake mix we had on hand which was not gluten free, so no cuppy cake for me!

After spending the afternoon in Sadie’s class with children hopped up on sugar, I was tired!

May 16th:

The girls took turns hanging out with my grandmother at her house which is a magical palace of dolls and arts & craft projects. After Olive’s nap I took her back over there and she and Sadie had some bubbe time together. As my grandpa used to say, FWHBA! (Fun was had by all.)

May 20th:

I hosted a bookclub/baby shower in my backyard. It got a bit too hot and we moved inside though. Spring weather around here is really fickle! It was cold in the morning and like, 90 degrees in the afternoon!

Everyone was thinking along the same lines and brought hummus! I took crackers and piped hummus on them and topped that with a flower shaped carrot.

May 21st:

Olive and I were killing time while Sadie had a dance class. We played in the grass with our electronic devices. She has a few games on my ipad that she really loves and was showing me how to play, while we kicked off our shoes and snuggled.

May 22nd:

Parent night at Sadie’s school. we saw the ancient Egyptian projects that the kids have been working on the last couple of months. Olive was stuck to her older sister alllll night.

Sadie and her best friend worked on the following poster together.

If you can’t tell, it says:

In ancient Egypt everyone loved jewelery and wore as much as they could afford. Their favorite stones were blue lapis, red carntian (?)  and greenish blue turquoise. No evil spirits will get you now. They wore jewelry becaus their clothes were white.

Sadie drew the picture of the lady in the left hand corner and told me that she is supposed to be Isis, like the best Goddess there is, duh.

We just repainted this room and so the walls are pretty bare. I am hoping to liven them up with a can of magnetic paint and whiteboard paint. The walls are thick brick and I think putting screws or hooks in them is pretty damaging to the 120 year old house. The hardware that is in the walls from previous occupants makes for some weird hanging places, hence the whiteboard super high up! It’s good though because we have a list of things Sadie needs to do before school every day, and this way it stays out of the way of little mischievous sisters and their erasers! The list came about when Sadie would ask us EVERY morning before school if she could play on the computer. We would ask her the same questions everyday, so now she can self check before she asks.

Sadie’s list says the following:

1. Are you dressed?
2. Did you get your lunchbox?
3. Did you brush your hair?
4. Make your bed?
5. Get your shoes on?
6. Feed your fish?

If you answered YES! to all of these question you can play computer!

The curtains are IKEA fabric that I loved for so long and then I finally gave in and bought. They make me so happy! As does our thrift store throw blanket & the unicorn pillow made by my very dear friend Angie of Kiss the Chicken. The girls recently went to a birthday party where they had their picture taken with a cardboard cutout of Rapunzel from Tangled, and then they decorated the frame as a party craft. You can see that they have each placed their party favor by their chairs.

You can see the edge of our art table and an expedit bookcase I bought and turned on its side for a window seat. Olive could and does sit there for what amounts to a long time in Olive years (3 or 4 seconds to you and me) and draws and does puzzles. It’s probably one of her favorite spots, that window seat.

I love having cozy little spots that the girls can relax and read. They look so cute when they are all cuddled in with a story.

While the neverending fight between Veronica and Betty over Archie always pushed my feminist buttons (I MEAN REALLY? Do they not see the completely adorable and loveable Jughead sitting right there?!? They are gonna choose to fight over Archie instead? Laaaaame!), my first look at romance comics really sent me over the edge. Written mostly for teenage girls, they started off, just as super hero comics did for boys, indoctrinating the youth into the social mores of the adult world. I’m not a huge fan of early romance comics, my favorites are from the late 60′s through the 70′s. The radical shift in gender roles is played out SO interestingly in these stories. Once I read one comic from the 70′s I was hooked. I love the fashion, the lingo, the ads, the advice columns, and the stories. The stories are so indicative of a culture and an industry trying to take a step forward, catering to that young women who is not as stodgy as those old folks, but also knowing that she gets her allowance from her parents, and they can’t push the issues tooooo far.

I can’t wait to share some of my favorites with you! This first one was published in “Just Married” Comics and is from issue number 55 which was published in 1967. This issue actually has two of my favorite stories, the second of which I will be sharing here soon. This first story is about Cheryl & Andrew, and is one of those stories that is a big lead up to a fizzled out ending. I included the last three panels to show you how the comic REALLY pulled its punch at the last second.

I have edited the 8 page story down to a few indicative panels. This is no quality comic, and the registration is off on some of the art, but if you ask me, that adds to the charm of it all. If you click directly on the first image you will be able to scroll through each panel in succession and the images will be a bit larger than you see in the framework of my blog. Alternately you can just click on the images you would like to see larger.

EDITED TO ADD: I’m putting this stuff behind this cut because the images are pretty big. Click this here link to take you to the comic!

In the very last panel, Cheryl asks, “If you ever have this problem, girls… You know what not to do. No?” And really, NO we do not. The problem isn’t really resolved, and this gross guy she is married to is still just as gross whether she is manipulating him or not. You have to trust me when I tell you though, that this is a huge departure from the older romance comic books where two guys would just fight over a girl, or some weird misunderstanding has occurred to cause conflict. This shit is real y’all! Andrew is really a jerk, and for most of the story Cheryl is trying to let him know he is being so. She didn’t get a totally understandable resolution, but at least she stood up for herself. What are your thoughts?

I went to a Utah Jazz game last week and boy was it ever a basketball game. My honey’s Papa accompanied us. They are both basketball fanatics! I was very impressed that they kept the yelling to a minimum. I guess old age has mellowed them both out a bit.

I am not a huge fan of basketball. When I go to the game I often forget to look at the actual floor where the game is being held. I most often am scanning the crowd and making up stories about the people I see, This time I saw a bunch of old ladies totally into the game, it was a hoot!

As if my baby fever wasn’t already in high gear, three of the women in the group behind me were pregnant and they talked about it the whole game. Of course I eavesdropped! There were a few times I had to stop myself from turning around and asking them a question about what they had just said. Instead I just tried to get sneaky photos of them so I could see what they looked like. When they left to get more hot dogs I tried to watch the game, I really did, but I got lost daydreaming in the rafters.

Ultimately, we all had fun in our own ways. Plus I got a hideous free T-shirt out of the whole experience!

I punched holes in the fabric and the felt. I didn’t have enough needles on hand, and sewing with 26 kids and two adults was more than I could handle for this little project! I pulled out a hole punch I bought specifically for the purpose of making those early sewing projects made from felt. I made little ends on the yarn with tape, like on a shoelace, and affixed a long length of it to each sandwich of fabric and felt.

After drawing their pictures on the fabric side of the pillow, the kids sewed up and stuffed the projects.

Some children chose to whip stitch their projects, while others did a running stitch around the perimeter.

I love all the different ideas they had on how to decorate their projects! Sadie’s is the turtle seen above.

It was an easy and super fun project. I love the kids in Sadie’s class! They are really sweet and so creative. A few of them came up and thanked me for bringing such a fun project, who wouldn’t be in love with children who did that? I ask ya?

This week I also had some time to make a cute rainbow vest and matching gnome hat for a friend who is expecting a baby:

I have completely forgotten what yarn this is, and I threw away the wrapper in my rush to wind it up and pack it on our trip to Hawaii a few months ago! That’s really annoying.

I just do not get the profession.

I am trying to keep my cool, but 99 times out of 100 when I leave a salon I am not just disappointed, I am FRUSTRATED.

I walk in so mutha f’n prepared, you would not believe it. I have multiple images of people with hair like mine doing that thing that I want someone to make my hair do. I do not have unrealistic expectations that my hair cut will make my face or my body look like a different shape. I only want my hair to do what I know it is capable of doing! To be the best it can be!! To live up to its full potential!!

Time and time again, I feel defeated. Where is that hairstylist who actually looks at the picture the client brings in and listens to the words I say, and does that thing????

Today I went to get my hair cut. It was waaaaay longer than I like. I was to the point of having to brush and style it, which as I stated is not one of those things I readily can or want to do.

So I took a compliation of some of my pins from pinterest. I narrowed down exactly what I liked about them and told the stylist. I used words like choppy, asymetrical, little longer than my chin. I said, look, it is basically impossible to mess it up, as long as you don’t leave it all one length and let it look like a triangle. That was some really important talking I was doing right when those particular words came out of my mouth!

I also told her I do not style my hair EVER. Like ever. I do not use a hairdryer, I do not use a round brush, I do not usually use a brush at all, if you must know, OK? When other stylists hear me say that, they usually cut my hair wet. They do not pull out a hairdryer and multiple brushes and try to TEACH me how to blow dry my hair. I don’t want a lesson, because lady, I ain’t never gonna do it. If my mom yelling at me before school everyday for many, many, many years didn’t motivate me, you are not going to get through to me. Let’s just be honest about that.

Part of the reason I hate styling my hair is that its VERY thick and there is a lot of it. Instead of thinking there is more of me to love, most hairdressers are just not too keen on cutting it. It is really easy to let it slip into the triangle portion of the hair spectrum. I have learned in my 35 years on the planet, the word is TEXTURE. You can’t give me all one length anywhere on my head, it don’t work. It won’t work. I have a marvelous ability to express this fact using a well known tool called my vocal chords, and MY WORDS. The problem is, even if the recipient of said words is hit upside the head with them, unless they choose to receive them, we have the makings of a very bad haircut. We have the makings of what hereto shall be known as “the headache from trying not to cry from something as inconsequential as a hairdon’t but still I have so much emotional turmoil going on inside of me that I very well might start bawling right here and now.”

I realize not everyone is an auditory learner, hence the pictures! If my design clients brought me a picture of what they wanted and brought many of them, telling me the overall theme that excited them & that they’d like for me to replicate, I’d be thrilled! I would not glance at said compilation and then proceed to do exactly the opposite. Yet, over and over this is what happens to me at salons!! Here are some of the pictures I brought with me:

 
 
SEE ALL THAT TEXTURE UP IN THAT HOUSE??

This is a doozy of a haircut, as I tried to tell her when I was still sitting in the chair that it did not have enough texture. I actually voiced my displeasure! She tried to add some in, but it just made me look like I have a giant shelf going around my head! I have had bad haircuts before. This on the spectrum, is just like, a 6 or a 7. I do not have to take to wearing scarves or hats, I do not have to cancel all appointments for the next two weeks, and sadly it won’t be fixed by me & a pair of scissors in my bathroom at 2:00am (although, I might still try that if this headache persists). People who like triangles and 80′s newscasters will totally be lovin’ this one. Barbra fans from the 60′s will love this one. I would probably love it, if it was ANYWHERE near what I was going for. But it’s not, and so I don’t.

Just look at those pins that I took in and then look at the following and tell me that this lady was AT ALL listening to me: