Kuya Hearts You, Malou

I can’t say I have been the most dependable Kuya because I’m not. A lot of times, you’re the one I run to -- the first person I come home to -- when I feel the world is conniving to pin me down. You don’t always have the right words to tell me but you never -- not once -- turned your back on me. Your hands are the first to reach out to me every time I drown in the deepest of miseries.

It’s been years ago but I still feel awful whenever my grade school graduation memory comes flashing back. You got the worst beating of your life from Mame because you left home to watch Kuya walk up the stage.


The heart-break from watching you get hurt was more unbearable than coming home from my graduation ceremonies as if it was just one of those days. Some other time, though, I look back at it with a smile on my face. You wanting to watch Kuya graduate is probably the only good thing about that day.


I cherish the thought. I am never letting go of that memory. It’s embedded deep in my recollection bank.

It seemed that I was a better Kuya when we were younger. Remember those times when I would fight your fights for you? I didn’t care what other people would say about me, and they sure did. They called me names but that was the least of my concern. I promised myself that no one messes with my baby sister and I just couldn’t -- wouldn’t -- allow anything to break that promise.

Many years fast-forward, you have grown to become a better person than I will ever be. You’re someone with a kinder, more generous heart … someone who reaches out without being asked.


Not even the most ostentatious adjectives in the dictionary could define the woman that you’ve become. A giving sister. A thoughtful daughter. A generous aunt. A doting mother. A loving wife. You have played your roles splendidly -- with hardly any dash of objection.

I will never be the perfect Kuya to the almost-perfect sister. Although sometimes it just doesn’t show, you know I want nothing but the best for you. I promise I am ready as always to take bullets for you. No one hurts my sister; anybody who tries would have to hurt me first.

Never doubt it a bit, Kuya loves you. Happy Birthday!

Love At First Sight

I never really believed in love at first sight; love is something I was sure develops through time. For me, everything that becomes apparent at first glance is merely attraction … something that lasts no more than just a couple of weeks or three months tops.

Not until I first laid eyes on you. I heard music humming in my ears the first time I saw you. There was magic. Faster than the wink of an eye, I told myself you are — without a doubt — made it to my most beautiful shortlist. You are simply exquisite.

I so wanted to be close to you since then but fate wasn’t as facilitative. I used to glance at your perfection more than three times a day although all I could do was stare at your beauty, worship your splendor, and wish that one day, your magnificence comes within reach. For a lesser mortal like me, being near you was like chasing rainbows.

I stopped at nothing, however, until I come close to you.  I stopped at nothing to push myself beyond just staring at your beauty and worshipping your splendor. I was determined to make you and me to be one — someday. You may be a star but even stars sometimes bow down to the power of us mortals.

The picture of your allure safely kept in my mind greeted my every good morning, and the same picture wished me good night as I anticipated our day of being one — the day when I can finally touch you and say that, once upon a time, I was yours and you were mine.

Our time came in the summer of 1997. Your beauty becomes more apparent as I sailed closer to you. I remember my heart beating fast it felt like it was going to explode. And there you were, sitting splendidly as if you were a princess waiting for your prince. I was right. You are more beautiful up close … so serene … so inviting … simply breathtaking.

It was magical when my skin touched yours. I looked around and was not at all surprised when I realized I wasn’t the only one marveling at your perfection. Your charm is more than just captivating. It is enchanting. It has attracted swarms of people like me who hunger for beauty and thirst for something that's undoubtedly heaven-sent.

We sat there, the sun danced and as the clouds frolicked, enjoying the scene of beautiful corals. Not so far away, schools of fish flip their fins and sway their tails in harmony.

In a sea of splendor and magnificence, your beauty stands out. You are an oasis. That’s why it didn’t surprise me at all when I heard the news that you have been recognized as one of the world’s most beautiful.  

It’s been years since I last saw you … it feels like forever since the last time I was with you but thoughts of you linger in my mind. I miss you and I promise that, one day, I will come to you to be one with you again.

I loved you the first time I saw you, Boracay. And believe me, I still do.

A Letter for Sofia

Dear Mom,

I know that life hasn’t been all good to you. And I know I had been equally bad. I’ve given you heartaches more than you can bear. God knows how much I’d also hurt each time I made you cry. I told you things that I never should have. I’ve done things that more than just crushed your heart. I have probably pained you to death too many times but you never stopped from being there for me.

I refused to acknowledge your sacrifices. I pretended that I didn’t see the tears that rolled down your cheeks when I didn’t get the party I wanted for my 21st birthday. I hated you for that, not knowing that the money you gave me to treat my friends out could have been used to get you a new pair of glasses. 

I went to an out of town vacation while you were bed-ridden with flu. I know now that I should’ve stayed by your side instead. I should have been there with you just like the countless times that you had been — and still are — there for me.

I am sorry, Mom. I truly am sorry for all the things that I have said and for everything that I have done and didn’t do that crushed your heart.

If I could only turn back time, I would have you get those pair of eyeglasses instead of me having senseless fun out with my so-called friends; I would take care of you that day when you could hardly stand. I regret not being there for you when all in the world you needed was for me to be there with you.

You always listen to what I won’t let myself say to you. You keep on talking to me even if I refused to take notice. You always believed that one day, I just will.

I didn’t see the value of those times when you would wipe my nose and dry my tears. I ignored the sense of pride you generously gave me when you handed me that greeting card for my grade school graduation. I deliberately stopped myself from thinking about you and caring for you. I made myself believe that I don’t need you. I sailed away each time you tried to reach out to me.

I have realized now how foolish I was to have not seen it all. I need you. I miss you more than I ever thought possible. I’m thankful that you never left my life. You never gave up on me the way I had given up on you. You never stopped being my Mom when, all those years, I stopped being your son.

All those years with you when I thought I was having the worst of times, truth is I was having the best.

Mom, I love you and, from now on, I promise to make each day of your life a Happy Mother’s Day.

Kotabol Kowt

"Could have" is just the saddest phrase; filled and coated with bitterness. Every failure is an opportunity to learn what we could do right next time; not a reason for us to sulk on what we could have done right in moments past.

- Odla Odrajaf

Tell His Lordship - NOW!

 If with displeasure you are viewing any work a man is doing,

If you don't like him or hate him, tell him now;

Don't withhold your criticism, give full your disgust.

If you think some animadversion is due him,

now is the time to give it to him

For he cannot feel your disgust when he is gone.

More than fame and more than money is honesty, brazen and candid;

The ingenuous disapproval from your scrupulous, truthful heart

Jerks His Lordship that helps him snap out of delusions so grand;

As His Lordship earns your disapproval bestow it; 

if you dislike him, let him know it

Let the words of true deterrent be said;

Do not wait until life is over; do not wait until we see 

another Jan-Jan and again weep over people

getting killed in rout over a TV show handout.

Do not wait until it is too late.

NOTE: This is a parody of the poem "Tell Him Now" ...