Build Affinity

Inconsistency: The Virus that Kills Core Values

Betsy Rozelle — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 23:05:17 +0000

On our flights back from Maui recently, my husband and I wiped our airplane tray tables and seats down completely to kill “THE” virus … or so I thought. As I touched the button to raise the arm rest, I realized I hadn’t wiped down that particular little button. How many people had touched/infected that button in the last few days? Shoot. I thought I was being so darn consistent and thorough. When we returned home, I vowed to do my best to consistently maintain a Covid-19-free home. Then my husband would come home from work and forget to wash his hands before touching 4 door knobs. I’d start the sanitizing all over again … and realize that I forgot to wash off the handle of the refrigerator door yesterday … oh, and the lid on the wash machine that I touched five times. So much for being consistent. And, considering “CONSISTENCY” is my “word of the year” for 2020, I wasn’t exactly being the poster child. My small moments of carelessness and inconsistency — missing a few door knobs or not wanting to spend time to sanitize each piece of fruit — could spell disaster. I claim to be dedicated to my core value of consistency, but am I REALLY? Several days into our quarantine I’ve finally made a habit of wiping down ALL surfaces we touch. Social distancing, while not pleasant, has become the norm …because it’s IMPORTANT, a “core value” in the fight against the pandemic. Since we seem to be looking at most things through the lens of contagion right now, let’s think about how important consistency is with our corporate values. You say your company values “PEOPLE FIRST,” “INNOVATION,” and […]

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3 Lessons Learned from Trestle Trail Tragedy

Betsy Rozelle — Sun, 17 May 2015 23:52:35 +0000

Affinity in Tragedy

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Affinity Building . . . through Bodybuilding?

Betsy Rozelle — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 18:28:49 +0000

My daughter Bree is into bodybuilding. I’m not. Or, at least, I wasn’t. When shown a picture of a woman with bulging biceps and massive quads, my first reaction is, “oh, wow, why would a woman want to look like that?” And the bodies of Arnold Schwarzenegger-ish men were, at best, an enigma, and, at worst, a turn-off to me. That mindset is starting to change . . . but only because I’m making a conscious effort at affinity building. For the past few years, Bree has been dedicated to a near-daily gym routine of cardio and weight lifting. When she started dating Justin, who happens to work out at her gym, his passion for bodybuilding rubbed off on her. I love my daughter, so I want to better understand her love of this fitness lifestyle she’s into. As a consultant to businesses, I talk about the importance of building affinity with co-workers, supervisors, customers, etc. I encourage clients to find commonalities with others in their group. Once in a while, the question, “What if I don’t have anything in common with my boss, with my co-workers, etc.?” comes up. That’s a bit more of a challenge, but not an insurmountable one. If you’re a parent, you likely face it with your child(ren) quite often. . . especially as they merge onto the highway of adulthood. No doubt your child has an interest, talent, pastime, or passion that eludes you. Maybe your son is in love with a girl from an entirely different culture; maybe your daughter is obsessed with a TV show you think is ridiculous. These chasms, large or small, are great opportunities for us as parents to build bridges. At the risk […]

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DAPKWYM

Betsy Rozelle — Thu, 20 Feb 2014 13:16:19 +0000

Affinity: the connection between and among people, based on common experiences, passions, and interests. The ability to discover and develop those connections is the key to successful relationship building. ________________ “Make sure each EITC client signs the 8879 and that all your volunteers have their Pub 17 handy,” said the IRS trainer for the Volunteer Income Tax Assistance (VITA) program. One of my roles when I worked at a community action agency was to oversee its tax assistance program. I dutifully sat in the 4-hour training session the IRS offered in Milwaukee, WI for site coordinators. The 8879s and Pub 17s that would later become a normal part of my vocabulary were meaningless to me as I sat in the training with my eyes glazing over. Every part of the curriculum was laced with unidentified acronyms and codes, all Greek to me . . . actually Greek would have been easier. Not only did I feel like I did not belong in this group of seasoned tax site coordinators, I did not WANT to belong to the group. With each acronym and document number, I drifted farther away. My attempts to get the trainer to put things in “beginner” terms failed. The two other newbies in the group and I were left floundering. What would have made the difference for me? The trainer would have accomplished three things by talking in “layman’s terms” instead of IRS-speak: Everyone in the room would have been on “the same page.” Beginners and veterans alike would have known exactly to which forms and publications the trainer referred. The newbies would have felt acknowledged. By saying, “At your tax sites, be sure that each volunteer has this publication called […]

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A Shocking Reality

Betsy Rozelle — Sun, 09 Feb 2014 13:24:54 +0000

Warning: I asked a trusted colleague to review this blog before I posted it. He said he was “creeped out by it and got the heebie jeebies” before getting to my main point. I acknowledge that you may find it a bit over the top compared to my other messages, but please understand that I’m trying to emphasize the importance of considering EVERY person’s feelings and caring about ALL people, even if we don’t know them or like them. __________________ Not that I want to contradict Dan Hill’s “We Always Hurt the One we Love” lyrics, but I know—and so do you—from personal experience that it’s so much easier to hurt a stranger. By “easier,” I mean it hurts me less to hurt a stranger than it does to hurt someone I love. You may remember the famous Milgram experiment that involved inflicting pain on strangers. In the shadow of the Holocaust, Yale assistant professor of psychology Stanley Milgram conducted his study on obedience to authority. The world wondered (and we still do) how the Nazis were able to persuade so many ordinary Germans to participate in the murder of innocent people. Milgram’s experiment in 1963 (http://www.simplypsychology.org/milgram.html) showed that average people were willing to administer a lot of pain to innocent strangers if an authority figure instructed them to. Participants were told they were participating in a study of the effect of punishment on learning. A “learner” was strapped in a chair in an adjacent room, with electrodes attached to his/her arm. The participant was told to read test questions, and to administer a shock whenever the learner gave the wrong answer. Thankfully, the shocks weren’t real. But the participants were told they were […]

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You Have Only One Chance . . .

Betsy Rozelle — Tue, 17 Dec 2013 02:48:38 +0000

“You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.” -Will Rogers I love meeting new people. Whether they’re a potential friend or client or someone I may never see again, I’m fascinated by the world of possibilities that opens up every time a new person comes into my life. Whether you share my passion for meeting new people or not, I hope you share my passion for wanting to make a good first impression . . . and for affinity building. One thing I love about the concept of affinity building is that ALL of us have the ability to do it. Yes, it’s fairly basic, but, no, not everyone is good at it. And, even those who have the skill sets aren’t always deliberate about using them. Even at the very elementary level of “meeting new people,” we often breeze into the opening moment without making the most of the opportunity. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy of Harvard Business School specializes in studying first impressions (cool job, ha?). In her TED Talk (http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html), she explains how powerful our non-verbal communication is. Our body language has a significant impact on our ability to have successful relationships. Since looking at relationships and first impressions through my “affinity-building” lenses for the past several years, I’ve concluded that, in addition to the extreme power of our non-verbal communication, there are three basic, but crucial, “first steps” to a successful relationship when meeting someone new (whether a prospective client or a stranger at a cocktail party): CARE about people. “Thank you, Captain Obvious,” you’re probably saying. The term “care” is trite, but unless you truly care about the people you meet, you won’t be successful at building […]

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Childbirth and Cinnamon

Betsy Rozelle — Wed, 04 Dec 2013 20:08:01 +0000

My baby girl turned 24 this week. My mind drifted back to the hours leading up to her birth. “On a scale of one to ten, what is your pain?” the OB-GYN nurse asked, as I entered another round of contractions. “About an eight,” I grunted, dreading what a ten was going to feel like. “OK, let’s turn you over on your side so that your labor can be more productive,” the nurse said. More productive turned out to be more agonizing as the pain soon hit a ten. They didn’t tell us in Lamaze class that you will likely feel like your body is going to snap in half. I suppose there’s no way to really explain that type of body contortion. Only women who have given birth know how it feels. That’s how it is with pain. You just have to feel it to understand it. My nurse used the one- to- ten scale so that she and I would have some basis of comparison. Compared to other pain I’ve felt in my life, how bad was my contraction? Would it have been the same number had she been feeling it? Probably not, but at least she knew how bad I thought it was. And, since she had once given birth, she had a fairly good idea of what I was feeling. Trying to describe pain – like trying to describe a sound, an experience, a smell, a sight, or a taste – requires having a basis for comparison. The person to whom we’re describing it must have heard, experienced, smelled, seen, or tasted something similar in the past, or the description won’t work. If I tell you that something tastes “really sweet,” you have […]

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