Building Rubble

Sales of Fake Mustaches Rise in Anticipation of Free Slurpee Day

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Tue, 11 Jul 2017 04:45:00 +0000

With 7-Eleven's Free Slurpee Day occurring on Tuesday, July 11, sales of fake mustaches have shown a sharp incline. Millions of Americans, having been eligible for only one free Slurpee in 2016, have realized that there was more out there for them when Twitter user, Lawrence Milton, tweeted a picture of himself with and without a mustache with free merchandise in his hands in both pictures. "Well, I went to the food court at the mall down the street from my house and an employee handed me a free piece of chicken on a toothpick and I immediately thought, 'How can I get more?'" Milton said.

He continued his journey through the mall and came across a fake mustache in a costume store. "I saw the mustache and knew that it was the key. I bought it, put it on, and got another piece of chicken, which was really the highlight of my week," Milton explained. "I left the mall and decided to use my mustache magic to get other free stuff and showed off my merch on Twitter."

Twitter users saw Milton's picture and went to costume stores in droves, buying up all the fake mustaches and leading to a countrywide faux 'stache shortage. Some have paid up to $10,000 for fake mustaches on eBay within the last several hours with the goal of getting two free Slurpees at 7-Eleven locations across the country. "I'm going to stop at the 7-Eleven at the end of my street, get a free Slurpee, put on my mustache, get another free Slurpee, get a full tank of gas, and start driving to the next 7-Eleven," said Slurpee enthusiast Terry Anderson, minutes after spending $1,400 on the last fake mustache at the Party City in Cedar Rapids, IA.

7-Eleven has not yet commented on the fake mustache use in their stores, but analysts expect to see alarming rates of Slurpee shortages across America. Less optimistic analysts are preparing for a complete collapse of the American economy, which is, as of 1971 following the abandonment of the gold standard, completely backed by the Slurpee. Only time will tell what will come of the fake mustache usage, but we can only hope that the mustache users realize before it's too late that free Slurpees do come at a price.

Photo Source: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheeXcVBxJBOUs4MJLzwAHuNOdYAt5m9_Bti9WhKIkEBzALxZo_saTTklSw8PRk17R8NcuHsd3dT2vDOsYBxHYHaGlD7xvo4AKN4NtqEVsX07Qhhepfg3BhIvqtIYcoal0fimKW0bQnM2w/s1600/slurpee.jpg

Five Halloween Costumes to Hate: 2016

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Sun, 30 Oct 2016 16:48:00 +0000

Around this time every year, there is always arguments about whether or not Halloween costumes that are designed for women are too revealing or not. Instead of harassing the sexy cats, provocative nuns, and 30 year old school girls, let's direct our negative attentions to the imbeciles who may decide to wear one of these costumes this year. Yes, they are all real.

Either of the presidential candidates. Just let us forget that these are our two choices and enjoy Halloween.

The Dakota Access Pipeline

Sexy ISIS. We told you not to wear this in 2014, but ISIS is still a thing and so are these costumes.

Sexy Ken Bone

The Kim Kardashian Robbery

There's probably some other costumes you shouldn't wear, but we'll leave you with these five. Remember to share this post with one of the buttons on the left to let your friends and family know what costumes to avoid. Thanks and Happy Halloween!

Aquaman Revels in Temporary Usefulness

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Tue, 13 Oct 2015 16:09:00 +0000

Written by: Fiore Sarrocco

South Carolina has experienced record shattering rainfall from Hurricane Joaquin. At least ten dams have been breached causing major flooding and billions of dollars worth of damage. While South Carolinians grieve, one man is ecstatic at the opportunity to prove his worth. Adjunct Justice League member Aquaman spoke with us in Charleston. He emerged from a flooded street, holding a trident and wearing a giant grin.

“Hey! Hey, news guys! Over here! I'm over here, saving the day!” Aquaman's cries for attention were followed by pleas for help coming from a man trapped in his car as it floated down the flooded street.

“Shouldn't you help him?” we asked.

“Who? Him? Don't worry about him, I told some fish to take care of it. He'll be fine I'm sure. Unless you guys wanna take my picture rescuing him? That'd make a great cover story! I can see it now: "The Amazing Aquaman Saves Commuter". I bet that'd shut those jerks up at the JLA!”

We were unable to get a picture of Aquaman saving anything, but we did get a few statements from his colleagues at The Justice League. Superman said, while fighting back a snicker “Aquaman has always been a vital part of The Justice League team.” “I think this is good for him. He's spent the last decade a glorified janitor, cleaning up various oil spills. It's been really getting to him lately," responded The Green Lantern. “What the f**k is an Aquaman?” asked Batman.

Photo Source: http://www.avclub.com/article/meet-zack-snyders-new-aquaman-lord-super-serious-s-215554

"Nice Guy" Bewildered by Lack of Sexual Rewards

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Mon, 28 Sep 2015 00:46:00 +0000

Written By: Fiore Sarrocco

Connor Stevens, age 19, of Akron, Ohio reports, "I just don't get it."

We met up with "nice guy" Connor inside his on-campus apartment at Ohio State University. "It's these girls today, man,” Connor lamented, without shifting his gaze away from the flashing lights of his Call of Duty game. "They're just so stuck up. Chivalry's totes dead." When asked to elaborate, Connor shouted, "F***ing noob camper f*g!" then directed his middle finger towards his television for no less than three minutes before shutting off his Xbox One. "I'm sorry, what did you ask again? Oh, yeah. See, it's like this: there's this girl in my Politics in Pop Culture class named Ashley; slamming body, face is pretty okay. Anyways, the other day I take her to go see About Time, paid for tickets, popcorn, candy, the whole nine yards. You know what happened afterwards? Nothing! Not even a handy in the theatre. What a b**ch!"

Just then, a door inside the apartment opened and the sounds of Oasis' "What's the Story" flooded into the living room; traveling first from a portable record player, passing through a plume of pot smoke, and then through the doorway where a young man, clad in a Deadmau5 t-shirt stood. "She totally friendzoned you, bro," the man said. He then burst into a cacophony of quotes from various Ryan Reynolds movies, before exiting the apartment wearing a look of deep self-satisfaction. "That's Chad. Chad knows what's he's talking about, girls love Chad," Connor said, while staring out the window and humming the tune to "Wonderwall." "I gotta start being a dick to girls, they take my niceness for granted."

Before we left, we asked Connor if he thought expecting girls to sleep with him as reward for being friendly made him a “nice guy” or a narcissist. Connor replied, "I don't know, dude. Maybe I just need an acoustic guitar."

Photo Source: http://www.thatvideogameblog.com/2013/07/11/xbox-one-petition-to-get-e3-policies-back/

Facebook Went Down!

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Thu, 24 Sep 2015 17:41:00 +0000

Nations worldwide are beginning to recover after Facebook went down for a few minutes on Thursday, September 24, 2015. "I just never thought it could happen," said Tracy Birdwell of Sacramento, CA. "Every so often you see posts from your friends about Twitter or Netflix going down, but never in my wildest dreams did I think it could happen to Facebook." Birdwell is not alone in her belief that the world's second most popular website (behind Google) was unbreakable. "I was absolutely stunned. The thought of a second without Facebook, let alone a few minutes, was completely foreign to me before today," said Roger Blackburn from his hospital bed in Waco, Texas.

People all over the world have taken to the now-restored Facebook to discuss the outage and try to decide where we should go from here. Several users have started to make plans to rebuild and remember this solemn day, while others believe we should try to erase the outage from history 1984-style in order to preserve the infallible image of Facebook. President Obama has yet to make a statement on the event, but the nation anxiously awaits any sort of leadership to help us through this difficult time.

If you enjoyed this article, please click one of the share buttons on the left side of the screen. Facebook is working again (though the tragedy is not forgotten) so don't be shy about sharing this article to Facebook. Thanks for reading!

Photo Source: http://blog.factual.com/factual-and-facebook-partner-to-improve-location-data-across-facebook

Several Left Traumatized After "Classless" Men's Bathroom Incident

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Tue, 15 Sep 2015 16:36:00 +0000

When passersby saw Jonathan Rudolph enter the men's bathroom at Madison Square Garden on Monday, they barely paid him any attention whatsoever. It was not until a stampede of teary-eyed men with their pants around their ankles waddled out of the bathroom and wept into the shoulders of their waiting significant others that they realized that something was wrong.

"It was terrible," said Roger Young, one of the traumatized men. "This man came into the bathroom and completely ignored urinal etiquette. He stood right next to me while I was relieving myself, despite the fact that there were tons of other unoccupied urinals. He tried talking to me and when I ignored him, he began making extended eye contact with the other people in the bathroom."

According to other victims, Rudolph strutted around the restroom, complimenting others on their urinal stance and speed at which they were able to finish. "He slapped my butt as I walked by and told me that he was amazed at how quickly I 'took care of my business.' To be honest, I didn't even get started before he made the whole restroom unbearably awkward," recalled Howard Green, a man who was hospitalized after his experience. Others described the incident as "classless" and "completely unacceptable."

Police officers have been hired and posted in every male restroom at Madison Square Garden in an attempt to decrease the likelihood of a similar event occurring again in the future. Administrators considered hiring officers to patrol the women's bathrooms as well, but upon interviewing several women about their bathrooms fears, it was quickly determined that they were mature enough to handle awkward situations and not worry about their sexuality being questioned.

If you liked this article, please be sure to share it so your friends can see it by using one of the share buttons on the left side of the page. Thanks for reading!

Photo Source: http://zackhample.mlblogs.com/2013/07/11/71013-at-yankee-stadium/

Messin' With Sasquatch

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Mon, 13 Apr 2015 14:09:00 +0000

Written by: Matthew Carpentieri
Photo by: Matthew Carpentieri

The three knuckleheads who have been bullying Sasquatch since they came across him a few years back may have taken it a bit too far this time. John, James and Hank, who are featured regularly in Jack Links Beef Jerky commercials as the guys who whip Sasquatch’s rear-end with a wet towel or flash their watch reflection in his eyes, were up to no good last week.

The three gentlemen decided to go on another trip to their desolate cabin up in the Adirondacks. After three bottles of McGillicuddy’s and 30 bags of Beef Jerky, the men took their pranks to an all-time high.

"Look, should we have tranked him… probably not. Should we have tied him up and hung him upside down… perhaps no. Should we have shaved him bald and burned his hair in front of him? That one could have gone either way," John explained.

If the three lumberjacks had stopped there, they most likely would have rolled it out in another beef jerky commercial, but the traumatizing pranks continued. "Shoving the salmon up his rear-end was not one of our finer moments. And honestly, we didn't know that salmon would make such a mess of his butthole. In our defense, we were really hammered," Hank explained.

James filmed the entire stunt, but he should have turned off the camera when the crew decided to take a bucket of their own defecation from their camp and submerge Sasquatch’s head. John told reporters, "Yeah, in retrospect, I think that one was over the top."

When the men woke in a haze the next morning, none had remembered what had occurred the previous night. Not until a full 24 hours later did their drunken escapades come to life. "Well, John looked for the poop bucket and Hank told him to go behind the tree out back; that's when he saw Sasquatch dangling from the tree in the bucket. Oops?” James said. To make matters worse, John, James and Hank posted the video to YouTube and tweeted the video to the Jack Links Beef Jerky handle with the tweet, “Not sure what to do here boss. #ThinkHesDead #YupHesDead #MakeJerky?”

So far Jack Links has not commented on the events that took place earlier this week, but PETA’s outrage is pressuring the company to take action. More to come on the developing story.

If you liked this article, be sure to share it by using one of the links on the left side of the page. Thanks for reading!

Atheist "Bummed" By Lack Of Admiration

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Thu, 19 Feb 2015 04:44:00 +0000

After several weeks as an atheist, local man, Jack Harris, says he has received almost no admiration from anyone, not even strangers he corners on the subway. Harris became an atheist in order to brag about his beliefs, or lack thereof, to everyone with whom he came in contact. "I just wanted people to think I was smart for not subscribing to any organized religion," Harris says. "Instead they all just ask me things like 'Why would you not want to work towards trying to better yourself to get to a place that is unfathomably amazing?' and 'Why is rotting in the ground better than eternal happiness?' It really bums me out!"

Harris says he has taken all the steps to fully realize his atheist potential such as talking down to religious people, destroying every holy book he could find, using crucifixes as painting easels, and spray painting almost-offensive phrases on the sides of mosques. "I just don't get it. I've tried everything! I've talked smugly with my eyes closed, scoffed at the beliefs of others, and applied science that I don't understand to everyday situations. I even got a "Physics take the wheel" bumper sticker to annoy any Carrie Underwood fans. I must not be doing something right." At press time, Harris could be seen painting the words "Atheist as frick!" on the side of a synagogue while wearing a "My god is a tree" baseball hat.

Photo Source: http://camoway.deviantart.com/art/Atheist-Wallpaper-327498359

Polar Bear Impersonator Not Impressed By Winter Weather

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 22:43:00 +0000

As massive amounts of snow continue to fall across large portions of the United States, one overly committed zoo employee is not impressed in the slightest by the volume of snow he has witnessed over the past few months. Hired in an attempt to increase visits to the polar bear exhibit at a North Carolina zoo, Roger Mayberry lingers near the zoo entrance inside of a polar bear costume. During his employment, Mayberry's supervisors have become increasingly concerned about Roger's behavior. "He seems to think he is actually a polar bear," says James Hightower, the zoo's human resources officer. "He roars at the kids, wallows in the snow, and eats raw meat during his lunch break." An interview with Mayberry himself reinforced Hightower's concern. "This ain't nothing. Up north, we got tons more snow than this. I remember this one time, I was hunting seals and all of a sudden this huge blizzard came out of nowhere. We must've got seven feet of snow that day!" says Mayberry, in between growls and snarls. Mayberry also states that he is, "excited to work his way back north," and that he hopes to be featured in a National Geographic documentary someday.

Photo Source: http://www.oneworldoneocean.com/pages/international_polar_bear_day_toolkit

Five Reasons Not To Vaccinate Your Child

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Thu, 12 Feb 2015 15:23:00 +0000

What good is living in America if you don't have the freedom to ruin the lives of your child and thousands of others? Causing the return of some of the world's eliminated diseases is your right as a parent and no one should be able to take that away from you. Here are five reasons to further convince you to not vaccinate your child.

1. World Domination - Without vaccinations, your child will basically be a walking biological weapon. Any person whose parents also didn't have the common sense to vaccinate them will be forced to turn and run in the opposite direction whenever they see your kid approaching. Chase them down, child in hand, and brandish the bleeding-from-the-eyes juvenile in their face. Use this power you have over others to quickly rise to the top, assuming your child isn't killed by one of the seventeen diseases they have before you make it there.

2. Disease Collection - You could have a world record on your hands if you play your cards right. Nobody in history has ever managed to collect every deadly disease in one body, but, with an unvaccinated child, you have the perfect vessel for every one of these maladies. Sure, your kid will catch whooping cough soon enough, but you're going to want the biggest and baddest diseases for your collection. To complete your compilation of death, you'll have to embark on a trip to the furthest corners of the earth in search of the crown jewels of diseases. This mission will give you plenty of time to bond with your rapidly fading child.

3. Nostalgia - Ah, the good ol' days. Certain death just around the corner at all times, poor hygiene, and, of course, no vaccines. By not having your child vaccinated, you can begin the outdated life of which you've always dreamed. Go out and rough it in a place where disease is rampant and the only healthcare facility for hundreds of miles is a wooden hut occupied by an elderly man grinding leaves in a bowl made from a skull. Soon you'll be living just like your ancestors as you stand idly by as your child dies of a smallpox infection.

4. Practical Jokes - With an unvaccinated child living in your home, it is fairly likely that you will never have a houseguest again. However, if some unfortunate soul happens to show up in a hazmat suit, sit them down on the couch next to your child and offer them a beverage. When they go to drink it, after cautiously removing their face shield, have your child cough right on their cheek. As they fall to the floor screaming, you and your child can share a laugh as you think fondly of all of the good times you've had as your kid barely escaped death.

5. Media Attention - Everyone longs for fame, so why not use your disease-ridden child to gain some media attention for yourself? Hold a press conference where people with sense can ask you all sorts of basic questions like "What were you thinking?" and "Did you drink paint thinner as a child?" Between questions, glance over fondly at your child as they sit quietly, the world's deadliest viruses and bacteria coursing through their veins. Silently thank them for allowing you to live your dream of being famous for being the world's worst parent.

Seriously, vaccinate your kids, you morons.

If you thought this list was funny, please be sure to share it with one of the buttons on the left of the screen. Thanks for reading!

Photo Source: http://mashable.com/2012/06/08/social-media-disease-tracking/

Punxsutawney, PA Ravaged by Scandal

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 04:20:00 +0000

Many were confused on Friday, January 30th, 2015 when several multimillionaires bought millions of shares of stock in companies who specialize in skiing and snowboarding equipment, road salt, snow blowers, and sleds. Three days later, on the morning of Monday, February 2 the Nostradamus of the rodent world, Punxsutawney Phil, saw his shadow, predicting another six weeks of winter. At first these two occurrences seemed unrelated, but soon it all became clear. After some clever detective work by a couple of dedicated FBI agents, it was revealed that Punxsutawney Phil and the aforementioned multimillionaires were involved with some insider trading.

It turns out Phil knew that he was going to see his shadow and passed this information along to his wealthy friends. They in turn invested their money in the industries that would be greatly benefitted by a lengthy winter. Since this scandal was revealed, the investors have been placed in police custody to await trial. Punxsutawney Phil on the other hand bolted as soon as he saw the officers arrive at the entrance to his burrow. Being the prognosticator he is, Phil had the foresight to create a network of underground tunnels that would make locating him near impossible. The search continues at the time this article is being written, but if Phil is apprehended updates will follow.

If you liked this article, please be sure to share it with all of your friends by using one of the share links to the left of the article. Thanks for reading!

Photo Source: http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/weather/02/02/groundhog.day/

Horoscopes: February 2015

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Sun, 01 Feb 2015 01:58:00 +0000

Aries (March 21 - April 20) - The location of Venus indicates that this would be a perfect month to completely drain your bank account and start that organic horse feed company of which you've always dreamed.

Taurus (April 21 - May 21) - Rein yourself in, el toro loco. You must make yourself calm before making any big decisions. A radical new haircut may be in order, but stick to less important choices this month.

Gemini (May 22 - June 21) - The two women that represent your sign will come to your home sometime this month and carry you through the town. You will be embarrassed, but will also feel slightly empowered. Embrace this.

Cancer (June 22 - July 23) - This is a month of change for you. Wax off your eyebrows, have a child, buy a pet lizard. The child may require some time traveling, but who cares? You're a Cancer! You'll figure it out.

Leo (July 24 - August 23) - Jupiter says...nothing...it's a planet. However, its position indicates that you should be extra speculative this month. Don't trust the man trying to sell you a $125 Rolex behind the liquor store. It's probably fake, especially since the brand on it says "Rolecks".

Virgo (August 24 - September 23) - The early full moon means you'll be able to make friends more easily this month. However, choose wisely. A white-collar criminal or a centaur would be the absolute best acquaintances for you to make. Stay away from the underground mole people and people who look like zombie versions of The Blues Brothers.

Libra (September 24 - October 23) - Keep your crystals close and your oxygen tanks closer this month. Demons will be out to get you and steal the air right out of your lungs. Be safe out there.

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22) - To survive this month you'll have to exist like the symbol of your zodiac sign, the scorpion. Go to the desert and crawl around with a faux exoskeleton covering your naked body. It's good for you.

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22) - Try your best to stay away from Virgos this month. They're going to be on the hunt for centaur friends and will stop at nothing to be your friend. This may sound nice, but it reality might be terrifying.

Capricorn (December 23 - January 20) - First of all, what in the name of all that is holy is your symbol? It's like a goat-dragon-donkey-fish thing. Gross. Anyway, your charitable nature will benefit you greatly this month as long as you keep your wits about you. Don't donate to any sketchy charities and then report it as a tax write off. You will get audited.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 19) - You're in danger! Build a giant, self-sustaining bubble, get in it, and go to the bottom of the ocean. You interact well with water already so this is the perfect place for you to survive the reaping of Aquarius.

Pisces (February 20 - March 20) - Try to avoid free food. Especially if it's hanging off of a hook. This is the biggest threat to your kind. The food is a trap! If you eat it, you will be yanked to surface by some sweaty guy who will leave you to bake in the sun on the bank of the river that was once your home.

If you thought these horoscopes were funny, please be sure to share them by clicking one of the share links to the left. Thanks for reading!

Fifteen Things Runners Want You To Know

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Mon, 26 Jan 2015 00:03:00 +0000

Everyone knows a person that runs for "fun". They have all the water bottles, wristbands, headbands, and everything they own has a motivational one-liner across it with a Nike "swoosh". Do these people really run for fun or do they just want others to be impressed by them? Obviously the answer is the latter. Who in the world enjoys exerting vast amounts of energy to make themselves sweaty and out of breath every single day? No one. They just want you to think things like "Wow! Runners are basically superheroes!" So, to help you when faced with a runner, here are fifteen things that runners want you to know so you know when to act impressed during your conversation with them.

1. Their heart rate - Every runner wants you to know that their heart rate is so low that they've been pronounced dead four times. You will be presented with a number so low that it makes Lance Armstrong seem like an 823 lb couch potato who eats nothing but butter, brown sugar, and deep friend Big Macs. The runner will then challenge you to find their pulse while shoving their personalized stopwatch in your face to help you time the beats. Politely pretend like you can find their pulse and act like you're counting each beat with great care. Tell them it was a ridiculously low number so they can post it on their Facebook wall to get likes from family and friends who literally could not care less. When you get home, be sure to comment upon their status otherwise the entire rate-measuring procedure was for naught and you have just wasted your time.

2. They absolutely cannot stand soda - Soda isn't good for a runner's body. It makes them feel energized for a while and then they crash right in the middle of mile seven of their daily marathon. It will also raise their heart rate, which as mentioned earlier, is basically what their entire lives revolve around. The same goes for energy drinks and coffee. If a runner gets too caffeinated, then they will become jittery and will be unable to focus on their exercise. While the extra movement caused by the shakiness does burn calories, it may cause the runner to appear weak in the eyes of other runners. This is unacceptable as running is just as much about the image you create for yourself as it is about the exercise results you are able to maintain. In short, make sure to keep a spray bottle full of Mountain Dew for use as a repellent in case you are ever trapped in an area that is swarming with runners.

3. Their favorite food has no fat, sugar, or extra calories - Runners are all about health food, so much so that their favorite foods are things like carrots, celery, and balls of tofu cooked by refracting light through a magnifying glass as it sits on a yoga mat used by Usain Bolt. They love to say things like, "My favorite candy has got to be raisins. So flavorful and juicy!" and, "I can't wait to eat ridiculously small portions of Keith's fruit salad. I heard he grows the fruit in his own backyard and then individually extracts each sugar molecule with microscopic forceps." Living a lifestyle like this is the only way runners are capable of keeping their calories eaten to calories burned ratio to a maximum. If they aren’t burning twice as many calories as they are eating, then they will go into a sort of catatonic state, causing them to be incapable of running anymore which is simply unacceptable.

4. A marathon is 26.2 miles - White oval stickers with “26.2” on them in black numbers will cover almost every smooth surface they can get their hands on including their car windows, cell phone cases, laptops, and the foreheads of their first born children. In case you were unaware before seeing their stickers, they want you to know that a marathon is 26.2 miles and they ran that far at least one time. Whatever you do, DO NOT ask them any questions about the marathon. They will immediately launch into a story about how exciting it was to run for five hours with no bathroom breaks and minimal water. Pray that there isn’t any other runners nearby otherwise you will have opened a Pandora’s box of wildly unamusing marathon stories. If you’re “lucky” you may even get to be subjected to a tale of a lesser human being who was forced to stop running due to a cramp or some other less-than-admirable mishap during the race. Fingers crossed!

5. They almost got sponsored by Nike - For some reason, Nike and its headquarters are a sort of Mecca for runners. Everything they own is Nike. They like to say things like "I almost got sponsored by Nike" as if that actually means anything. In actuality, their third cousin once flew over a state where a Nike executive stayed in a hotel for a week in 1994. That's the closest they've ever truly been to a deal with Nike, but they’ll lie to you all the same. Companies like Under Armour and Addidas have similar followings as well. While their fans are not quite as dedicated as Nike fans, their logos can still be found on a fair percentage of marathon attendees. Realistically, none of these brands have any major differences between them, but runners take their brands very seriously nonetheless. It’s not uncommon to witness an argument or an outright brawl between a Nike enthusiast and an Addidas fan.

6. They're always in training - Runners never seem to get a break. As soon as they finish a 10K it's off to start training for a marathon. Everyone who even mentions running within a four mile radius of a runner is immediately bombarded with facts about the runner's training and how they "just need to get my mile time down below six minutes and I'll be good. It's an uphill battle but I love a challenge." This type of dedication is admirable when applied to something like running a business or promoting a product in which you genuinely believe. However, when this much time and effort is being put into something as pointless as running, it seems to elicit more sympathy than admiration. No one likes to see his or her friend’s life spiral uncontrollably into a future of running for fun. Most of us have much higher hopes for the people we care about and would like to see them succeed at something more valuable to society than running quickly.

7. Even their dogs run - They absolutely love chaining their dog to themselves and dragging the poor beast on a run with them. The dog trots disdainfully while the runner jogs self-righteously alongside it. They eventually reach a juice bar where the runner gets a fruit smoothie made from fruit so fresh that it's the prince of Bel Air and the dog receives a diet organic virgin water on the rocks in a crystal bowl. To be fair, this is likely the only type of water that the insanely well-bred canine can even stomach. Runners are known for their obsession with purebred animals with lineages dating back to the time of the first Olympic games. Maybe they’ve convinced themselves that owning the ancestor of the pet of a great competitor will somehow influence their own abilities. Maybe they just need something else to brag about besides their running achievements so they purchase an admirable dog. Who really knows?

8. Nowhere is ever a good enough place to run - Everywhere they run seems to have a problem: not enough water sources, too many other runners, or, worst of all, slow walkers. "I love running at Rosa Park but there's just too many old ladies walking with sweaters tied around their waists," seems to be a sentence commonly overheard when runners encounter one another. A runner could be picked up in a limousine, driven to the airport, put on a plain to Greece, and then be delivered to a pristine Olympic stadium and still complain about the weather conditions or the angle at which the Sun is striking the track. It is likely that never being satisfied with the area in which they are running is used as a technique runners use to have an excuse for not being as fast as they had hoped they would be. “I probably could have shaved a few seconds off of my time if the Sun wasn’t in my face the whole time.” Sound familiar?

9. Only their own technique is correct - Obviously running requires rapidly moving one leg forward and then moving the other leg forward over and over again until you're covered in sweat and overconfidence. While the leg motion is pretty much universal, no one can seem to agree on what you are supposed to do with your hands. Some say, "You have to have your fingers extended so you can cut the air like a hot knife through butter which we will never eat because it's vile and disgusting and designed for lesser beings," while others insist, "You've got to keep your fists clenched to let the world know that you're a runner and you're not afraid to punch them if they get in your way. You have to keep your active heart rate up and a person in your way will force you to slow down, causing it to fall well below acceptable speed." In reality, no one knows the proper running technique, and even if they did, does it really matter?

10. Eye of the Tiger is the best song ever written - Motivating music is key when driving yourself to run aimlessly through a neighborhood with your shirt off. According to many runners, "Eye of the Tiger" is scientifically proven to be the most motivating song ever written, followed closely by "Big Weenie" by Eminem and "Fergalicious" by Fergie. The rhythms of these songs put runners in an almost trance-like state that allows them to run for hours without being driven insane by the incessant sound of rubber hitting pavement. Since these three songs can get old after a few hundred listens, many runners use filler songs to complete their playlists. Rest assured that “Eye of the Tiger”, “Big Weenie”, and “Fergalicious” can all be found at the top of every runner’s iTunes Top 25 Most Played. Music is important for many aspects of almost anyone’s life, but it is especially important when a runner is training for their first marathon, their last marathon, and every marathon in between.

11. Their run doesn’t count unless it inconveniences everyone – Sidewalks are basically kryptonite to the modern runner. For some unknown reason, runners seem to do their very best to avoid the sidewalk at all costs and instead run on the side of the road, risking their own lives and nearly causing a car accident a minimum of once every fifteen seconds. Every single person driving their cars, who were once able to enjoy their drives, are now forced to be on constant alert for a runner who may be trying to share their lane. This ruins driving for everyone else, but allows the runner to increase their all-important active heart rate to even greater levels by causing an adrenaline rush every time an 18-wheeler nearly flattens them. Many scientific studies have been conducted in an attempt to learn why runners appear to be so opposed to the idea of running on a sidewalk, but each study has yielded no results.

12. Gas mileage is incredibly important – Every runner seems to be very concerned about the fuel economy of his or her car. They all own some sort of hybrid or even electric vehicle that is capable of travelling some astronomical distance while only burning a thimble-full of fuel. Even more ridiculous than the gas mileage of their car is the fact that they even own a car in the first place. These are runners we’re talking about. Why don’t they just run everywhere? Of course, this is a silly, answerless question because it’s no use trying to understand these people. While it is wonderful for the environment for a runner to drive such an efficient car, it only adds to the air of smugness that these people are surrounded in almost constantly. We all know how arrogant a typical hybrid owner is, but when coupled with the haughtiness of an experienced runner, the level of self-importance reaches almost catastrophic proportions.

13. They buy new shoes every two months – When you’re going for a run every single day, it’s understandable that you would need to replace your shoes fairly often. This is primarily to reduce the risk of injury and keep yourself safe during your run. This is one of the few facts about runners than can be understood by regular, everyday people. However, runners seem to use this fact to their advantage by managing to work the regularity with which they replace their shoes into the conversation in an attempt to give you a reference point for just how often they run. Listen closely for indicators such as, “Yeah, this is already my third pair of shoes this year,” and “I’ve only had these shoes for a month or so and I’ve already worn them out.” These are signs that you are about to have to act immensely impressed by the quantity of footwear these people have destroyed.

14. Bright colors = great shoes – Speaking of footwear, runners seem to be in the mindset that the more blinding the color of the shoes the better results they will yield. Every runner’s favorite shoes are some horrifying combination of neon greens, oranges, and yellows that would make a scarlet macaw look as dull as Bruce Willis’ hairline. If the shoes don’t give you vertigo, they are unacceptable in the eyes of a runner. While there are plenty of negatives to the gaudy shoes worn by runners, there is it least one positive. This benefit is made apparent when one of these people decides to not only run on the side of the road, but to do so at night. This increases the impending death factor by about 300%, but thanks to the brightness of their shoes, many runners manage to be seen at the last second and avoid being skewered by hood ornament by mere centimeters.

15. Treadmills are unacceptable – Even saying the word “treadmill” will often elicit a bout of uncontrollable laughter from any diehard runner. As previously stated, they don’t believe that their run will count at all unless it inconveniences everyone with whom they come in contact. How can they ruin parts of other people’s days from the safety and comfort of their own exercise room? Perhaps an even more pressing question: how are they supposed to post a screenshot of the map of their run to brag on Facebook if they stayed in place during the entire round of exercise? As anyone with a social media account has seen, runners are constantly insisting upon posting proof of their runs online after using a smartphone app to track where they ran. This is simply not possible while using a treadmill because posting a photograph of a single dot on a map is not all that impressive in comparison to the map of a several mile run.

Don't forget to click one of the share buttons on the left side of the page if you liked this list! Thanks for reading!

Photo Source: http://www.morenormalthannot.com/2014/08/21/not-running/

Many Disappointed By State of the Union Address

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Wed, 21 Jan 2015 19:03:00 +0000

The tears flowed like the Thames River at the Capitol on Tuesday as busloads of teenage girls were disappointed by the State of the Union Address after confusing its title with the name of an upcoming tour of the boy band, Union J. Several of the girls were wearing handmade t-shirts with the words "State of the Union!" across the front headlining a portrait of the British boy band. When they arrived at the Capitol, thinking it was a very upscale concert venue, the fans immediately realized their mistake when President Obama approached the podium to deliver his State of the Union Address. Almost as if on cue the fans burst into tears and ran from the Capitol as Speaker John Boehner stared angrily after them and then checked his tan in a miniature mirror.

Photo source: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/01/27/clinton-bush-and-obama-speechwriters-on-how-they-made-the-state-of-the-union-address.html

Most Popular News Stories This Week: January 18 - 24, 2015

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Tue, 20 Jan 2015 13:35:00 +0000

TSA Ruins Airport Terminal Romance

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Fri, 16 Jan 2015 15:44:00 +0000

It's the climactic scene near the end of countless romantic comedies: the leading lady is about to board a plane to some far away country and at the last second a man she's been dating shows up and stops her from getting on the plane. There's a touching monologue, they kiss, and then they walk away from the terminal, wasting incredibly expensive plane tickets and causing a huge disturbance throughout the airport as the man practically assaulted 47 people during his initial mad dash to the terminal.

Nowadays, thanks to the TSA, moments like these are no longer possible, unless they're planned several hours in advance. This fact was discovered firsthand by Ronald Miller, a 26 year old romantic who, in an attempt to rekindle the fire that had been lost in his relationship, struggled through airport security on Wednesday to stop his girlfriend, Monica, from boarding a flight to Singapore. After having to remove his belt, shoes, wallet, keys, and cell phone, Miller stepped through the metal detector only to have it be triggered by the necklace he had been wearing and forgotten to take off.

"After getting through the detector and getting all of my stuff back, I started running towards the terminal," Miller recalls. "Three security officers started chasing me, but I didn't slow down because I was already running late. Out of nowhere, another office tackles me to the ground and slaps handcuffs on my wrists. They drag me to a white room where they performed the dreaded strip and cavity searches."

After redressing and recovering from this ordeal and explaining why he was running through the airport, Miller took off once again and arrived at the terminal only to find that the flight had left 24 minutes before he got there. Assuming that his late arrival was just fate, he decided to get something to drink at the airport Starbucks at 240% of the regular cost and walked calmly back to his car where he sat and waited for his girlfriend's plane to land.

Photo Source: http://downtrend.com/donn-marten/tsa-issues-alert-over-obamas-phony-terrorist-group-khorasan/

The Illusion of Windmills: Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Mon, 12 Jan 2015 15:43:00 +0000

After the untimely release of several pesticides that wreaked havoc on the carrier pigeon population, we were finally able to purchase an unaffected bird that was not only great with aerial navigation, but was also a pleasure to gossip with around the water cooler. During the pigeon genocide, we did not receive any response to inquiries from the CIA who have been known to be a little selfish with the information to which they have access. We sent a letter, via our new carrier pigeon, Marcus Aurelius, to Michael Fairbanks' home, letting him know that we have not heard any new information from the CIA and asking him if he has any news for us. This was his response:

Dear Building Rubble,

About two days after I sent you the first letter, my door was kicked off its hinges and three large men slammed me headfirst into my coffee table that I had made out of coffee table books. I was not knocked unconscious, but I was dazed to the point of not being able to move or speak recognizable words. I was then dragged off of the books, over my newly destroyed front door, and into one of the black vans I mentioned in my previous letter.

In the van, the three men exchanged fudge recipes and reminisced about past New Years Eve parties. They didn't mention me once which was not surprising, but it did hurt my feelings a bit. After a while of driving we arrived at a building in the middle of nowhere and I was led inside by two of the men. I was placed in a white room and had all sorts of wires hooked to my head. No one asked me any questions throughout the entire procedure. My only guess is that instead of risking having me lie to them, they'd rather just scan my brain for the information they needed.

I guess I didn't know as much as they thought I knew because instead of holding me in a cell or killing me, they dropped me back off at my house as my neighbors stared in disbelief. Even though I didn't know anything, I am still kept under 24/7 surveillance.

After seeing how hard the government is trying to cover up what I found, I am kind of driven to dig deeper and learn all I can know. If you can help me in any way, I'd be greatly appreciative.

-Michael

We have begun our search for any information we can use to help Michael and will post updates as soon as they are available, so long as our new carrier pigeon is not poisoned again.

Photo Source: http://www.wallpaper2020.com/windmill-hd-wallpaper/

Dear Uncle Leo: Waiting in Wyoming

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Thu, 01 Jan 2015 16:40:00 +0000

Dear Uncle Leo,

Up until this point, my life has been fairly ordinary. I have no kids, no wife, and I have a regular job where I sit in a cubicle all day, typing on a computer. Recently, after experiencing several severe headaches, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with an extremely deadly and incurable condition. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my life will soon be coming to an end; in a month, if the doctors are correct. To make up for the monotony I’ve experienced over the last 42 years, I’d like to really go out with a bang. So, Uncle Leo, if you were in my shoes and only had one month to live, what would you do?

Sincerely,

Waiting in Wyoming

Dear Waiting in Wyoming,

Your predicament is no doubt urgent, which really pisses me off because it was entirely preventable. What's regrettable is that you 1) have never played Jai alai 2) that you weren't nude while you weren't playing Jai alai. Wyoming, you don't wanna die as a list of unchecked little boxes on a dainty, indecisive bucket list. If you don't have a bucket list, then go back to your f&*%ing cubicle and make one *takes drag off both cigarettes*. At the top, in monstrous, sprawling letters carve, "Get naked, son!" This is the beginning of your brief, wondrous life!

Advisory: Wyoming, you won't want to spend any of your precious final days in the stench of law enforcement. Nudity is illegal in most countries and frowned upon in others. So the Golden Rule of Nudity is, "If people are frowning at you, you're probably safe from the police." Also don't be a perv. This is a proud moment.

Indulge in primal instinct and catch a wild animal with your hands. A bull, a lion, an eagle, a f&*%ing human being? You'll need an anesthetic regardless. Take a picture.

Stay away from cheap hookers. Not all hookers, just the ones on sale. Take my word, only blue chips, my friend. I broke my own rule tonight so my company is a beefcake Ukrainian woman who's mouth looks like a prison riot.

Given you survive these enterprises and that you've accepted your beautiful fate, Wyoming, you'll want to spend the last two weeks in admiration. At this point, I recommend you cease all prior illicit activities. You'll want to be at full faculty and clothing for this last part.

Visit the right child's birthday. Lot's of love and hope there. That's a beautiful quality of this species.

Stay out of shopping malls, Walmart Supercenters, and fast food restaurants. You'll see only greed.

Investigate a charity or a cause you truly believe in. Donate all of your money to it...attach to your donation a picture of you naked on the bull.

Have a child with someone whom you can trust. Leave every possession, all money, and an account of your brief wondrous life to your unborn child.

Travel to your place of ancestry. Your home heritage. The origin of your cultural phyla.

Bio-cremation is the right idea. Look into it.

That, friend, is what I'd start to do with a month and your shoes #swish.

Warm regards from a temple basement in the Ukraine,

Uncle Leo

To ask Uncle Leo a question, click here

Photo Source: http://www.iandrinstitute.org/Wyoming.htm

The Illusion of Windmills: Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 18:39:00 +0000

Michael Fairbanks, an electrical engineer conducting maintenance on a wind turbine, was shocked to discover an electric motor inside the turbine that appeared to be turning the blades. Out of curiosity, Michael unhooked the motor from its power source and, sure enough, the blades slowly came to a halt. He clambered down from the top of the turbine and got into his truck where he phoned his boss. As soon as Michael began to explain what he had found in the turbine, his boss hung up the phone. Michael's employment was terminated 24 hours later.

Every attempt to contact Michael via the internet and by telephone has been blocked with a message saying that the line has been taken over by the CIA. In a last ditch effort to contact him, we attached a note to the foot of a carrier pigeon named Michael, strangely enough, and sent the bird off to Michael Fairbanks' house. Within 14 hours we received a response:

Dear Building Rubble,

I have been confined to my house for two weeks now. Black vans with tinted windows have been parked outside of my house ever since I discovered the motor that turned the blades of that turbine. I am unable to use my phone or the internet and my television has been showing reruns of American Dad for the past week and a half. I believe that I've stumbled across some kind of sustainable energy conspiracy. If you can find out any information for me it would be much appreciated.

-Michael

We have attempted to contact the CIA on Michael's behalf, but we have yet to receive a response. If we hear from Michael or the CIA again, we will be sure to post an update to the story as it unfolds.

Part 2!

Photo Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wind_power

Interactive: Bubble Gone

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 06:55:00 +0000

You awake in your bed, as you do every other afternoon after a hard night of Netflix and Mountain Dew. Upon standing you notice a piece of paper peeking from behind your sweat-stained pillow. You pull it out and unfold it.

Dear Ronald,

While you were midway through a Netflix binge of the fourth season of Melrose Place, I decided that the monotony of your life has really been dragging my mood down. In an effort to get you out of the house, I have set up a bit of a game around town. I have hidden your most prized possession in a secret location and you have to go find it. If you don't, you'll never see it or me ever again.

Love, your girlfriend,
Christine

With a sigh you look around your room to see what Christine has hidden from you. Your eyes fall on the locked wooden box you keep on your dresser. You retrieve the key to the box from your nightstand drawer and unlock the box. Your eyes are met with the bare wood of the bottom of the box. Christine took your bubble gum collection and hid it somewhere around town!

Do you:

Shower, get dressed, and then go search for clues to find your precious collection.

Immediately sprint out the door, unbathed and clothed only in a t-shirt and boxer shorts. Someone could be chewing your collection right now!

Forget about the collection and go back to watching Netflix. You've kind of outgrown bubble gum collecting anyway.

Photo Source: https://dunderbeck1980.wordpress.com/page/8/

Dear Uncle Leo: Trigger Happy in Kansas

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Sun, 23 Nov 2014 19:04:00 +0000

Dear Uncle Leo,

This weekend, in an effort to kill a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner, I accidentally shot my friend, Mikey, in the left butt cheek with a load of 12 gauge turkey shot. To make up for what I'd done I took out my knife and dug out the chunks of hot lead from Mikey's rear. While I was doing my digging I noticed that Mikey, my longtime best friend, has a tattoo of a dolphin jumping over a rainbow that curls in the shape of my wife's name on his right buttock. After I finished clearing Mikey of all of my errant shotgun load, I stood up and didn't mention the tattoo. I thought nothing of it at the time, but now it's really bothering me. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Trigger Happy in Kansas

Dear Trigger Happy in Kansas,

The classic stern-side tattoo. An excellent reason to write. In trying times such as these, I like to pop on the Ol' Gold Chain and take a nice long soak in the hot tub - hard boil my eggs, as it were. This bubbling sanctuary seems to be the only place I can aptly toil over the reeling nature of such horrifying body-art. So, first, you must do the same. Mind you, this is not a recommendation, but a prescription, my friend.

Secondly (at this point you may exercise your own creative license), it is my regretful belief that Mikey's rear travesty must be exposed for the degenerate graffiti it is. Without a doubt, the devious image of that bastard dolphin must haunt the depths of his subconscious. He must face this pain, and it is your place, as his friend, to usher him through his higher-mammalian nightmare. As such, I believe it is best, for your marriage, your friendship, and your valuable time of rest, that you spray Good Mikey in the arse once more. Do your dear friend Michael a favor and pump his buttocks full of lead. Afterwards, you can draw attention to the body-art in a healthy state of mind and address this deep-seeded lunacy.

From a dingy rooftop hot tub in the DR of the Congo,

Uncle Leo

To ask Uncle Leo a question, click here

Photo Source: http://www.nps.gov/fosm/historyculture/smith-shotgun.htm

Astronomy Student Spots Big Dipper

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Thu, 20 Nov 2014 22:17:00 +0000

An astronomy student using a telescope summoned his instructor on Wednesday night to show the instructor that he had found the Big Dipper. The instructor looked through the eyepiece and was completely thrown. Instead of seeing the well-known constellation the student spoke of, the instructor saw that the telescope had been focused on a rather large man chewing tobacco. Carrying a Gatorade bottle half-full of thick, brown spit, wearing a camouflage hat with a fish hook on the brim, and sporting a hair cut known as the “Grizzly Long Cut” the alleged “Big Dipper” was minding his own business while strolling through campus, unaware of the fact that he was being given the honor of becoming a constellation. The tobacco chewer was unavailable for comment on the matter due to the fact that every time an interviewer tried to step near the dipper, his shoes were immediately coated in a dark brown liquid.

Photo Source: http://www.eastsideastro.org/

Five Things To Be Thankful For This Thanksgiving

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 03:32:00 +0000

The anniversary of the time Europeans tricked Native Americans into believing that white people aren't that bad is rapidly approaching. As schoolchildren decorate cutouts of turkeys and learn about how peaceful the first Thanksgiving was, it's up to the adults to start planning a meal and to start thinking of things for which to be thankful. In case you're really struggling for a reason to give thanks this year, here's a list (based upon assumptions about your life, of course) to help you to not be the only unthankful person at the overcrowded kids' table this year.

1. You have a job - Having a job is something to be thankful for when the unemployment rate is hovering around 6%. You're one of the lucky people who is stuck at an office all day staring at a computer screen, making copies, signing birthday cards for people you loathe, chatting about sports you don't care about by an upside down jug of water, and waiting in line for coffee behind your coworkers who are filling their mugs embossed with "clever", almost-offensive sayings. When the last "Life's a beach" mug is filled, it's your turn to step up to the pot, which is sadly the most exciting part of life at the office. Woo hoo!

2. You have Internet access - Without the Internet, you would be unable to expose yourself to things like Kim Kardashian's butt or Nyan Cat (whatever that is). You'd be unable to binge watch entire seasons of shows in a day or spend hours on Facebook reading whiny status updates posted by people you haven't seen in ten years. Without the Internet you'd be unable to take quizzes to figure out which fruit you are or which Disney princess your personality is most like. You wouldn't be able to go on WebMD and learn that you either have cancer or you're pregnant. Of course, with symptoms like a headache and a sore throat, what other diagnosis would you expect? But you do have Internet. You can do all these things and more! Rejoice!

3. Christmas is soon - If you're going to have to deal with family members that you strongly dislike, you might as well get some presents out of it. While Thanksgiving delivers from all points of the food spectrum, Christmas delivers from all over the free stuff spectrum. You can decide which one you prefer, but I think it's obvious which one is my favorite.

4. Black Friday deals - After you've caused irreparable damage to your digestive system by packing it full of hot bird flesh and witnessed every single four-hour long football game, it's time to head to the mall. Once you've strapped on your helmet and sharpened your katana, you have to fight to the death for discounted electronics and plush dolls. Hopefully you will have mentally prepared yourself enough to deal with the emotional trauma that is always present when crane-kicking grandmothers and decapitating nerds on your journey to the video game section of the store. Picking up that video game console and seeing the discounted price flash across the screen as the overwhelmed employee scans the barcode will make all of the deaths you caused worthwhile.

5. Winter isn't here yet - You still have time to enjoy the outdoors before blistering cold and frozen windshields take over your life. You can still go for a drive in your car without having to start it fifteen minutes early to let it warm up so you don't get frostbite from the steering wheel. And, once you are driving, the road isn't a death trap covered in camouflaged ice sheets ready to send your vehicle careening through a guardrail. Winter is on its way, but it's not here yet.

Photo Source: http://www.lakearrowheadresort.com/specials-packages/

Most Popular News Stories This Week: November 9 - 15, 2014

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Fri, 14 Nov 2014 17:33:00 +0000

Tinder Alternatives of the Future

noreply@blogger.com (Building Rubble) — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 22:22:00 +0000

For those of you that don't know, Tinder is essentially a dating app where you are presented with a picture of a person's face and then you swipe left if you don't find them attractive and right if you do. Even though it is based upon the objectification of people by creating matches centered solely on their outward appearance, the app is still wildly popular. Since I believe that relationships should probably have more to do with what makes a person who they are rather than what their face looks like, I have compiled a list of other complicated aspects of people's lives that could be chosen based on superficial criteria. So, if you're struggling to make a difficult life decision that should require deep thought and maybe a pros/cons list, be sure to check out these Tinder alternatives that will reduce that important decision to a measly swipe or tap on your smartphone.

1. Preacher - Choosing the right religion for yourself can be incredibly hard. You have to find one that coincides with your own personal beliefs, but also doesn't incessantly get made fun of by adult cartoons. It has to guide you in the right direction, but leave much of the work to you to deal with on your own. On the Preacher app, an infographic describing each religion will pop up. After you read through it, you will then be given the option to swipe to the right if the religion seems like something that suits your lifestyle or swipe left if you'd rather not associate yourself with that particular religion.

2. Educator - Aside from cost, available majors and minors, reputation, and location, the thing people care about most when applying to college is how aesthetically pleasing its buildings are. Sure, you could choose a college based upon its ratings and how a degree from that particular university would stack up against comparable degrees from other schools when applying for jobs. You could even go downright insane and apply to colleges that offer a major that falls into one of your categories of interest. Of course, that is all crazy talk. Download the Educator app! Swipe right to apply to a college because it has pretty brick buildings and the actors they hired to pose in their pictures were attractive. Or, swipe left because the residence halls aren't rectangular enough to suit your needs. As everyone knows, or appears to know judging by the success of Tinder: it's what's on the outside that counts.

3. Breadwinner - With the current American unemployment rate hovering around 6.0%, there are millions of people across this country who desperately need a job. As many of them have found, going into businesses and requesting a job application is not as effective as it used to be. Or, if they manage to find a job, it's at a terrible location and the business is owned and operated by horrible people. These job hunters need a quick, reliable way to get a job on their own terms. That's where the Breadwinner app comes into play. Log in to the simple interface and immediately be presented with brief, vague information about a job. If the broad description sounds like something you could envision yourself doing, swipe to the right to be instantly obligated to complete the job or be fined $2000. The jobs range all the way from bank robbery to being the CEO of a massive corporation.

Photo Source: http://www.digital.nyc/news/sweat-equity-benchmark-takes-stake-in-tinder-in-exchange-for-matt-cohler-joining-board