BurtPrelutsky.com

LIBERALS SHOULD BE SHUNNED

2012-05-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

I have heard that the creature most likely to survive nuclear wars, a new ice age or even, God forbid, a world dominated by Muslims, is the lowly cockroach. If that’s true, I think the cockroach’s human equivalent, the lowly liberal can draw some comfort from that fact.

Those of you who think I am being unfair to socialists, communists, progressives or whatever else leftists are calling themselves this week, will have to point out where I’m going wrong. After all, like cockroaches, liberals spread disease, believe they’re entitled to food and shelter that they’ve neither produced nor paid for and, rather than try to debate issues, prefer, when confronted, to scurry off and hide in dark and scary places, such as MSNBC, faculty lounges and the editorial offices at the New York Times.

One only has to look at their leaders to know them for what they are. Consider that Joe Biden, in announcing his support of same-sex marriages, paid tribute to the sitcom, Will and Grace, for the role it played in making homosexuality palatable for millions of Americans. At the same time, Obama is promoting his presidency by showing how much a fictional character named Julia depends on him. And yet when Dan Quayle referred to the influence that unwed mother Murphy Brown would have on impressionable teenage girls, the liberal establishment lampooned him as a buffoon who couldn’t tell the difference between a real person and a TV character portrayed by Candice Bergen.

But, as we all know, liberals are always insisting that their politicians are brilliant. They inevitably concoct surrealistic IQ numbers for people like Obama, Clinton and Jimmy Carter, that suggest that they would have cured cancer, converted water into gasoline and disproved the Theory of Relativity, if only they hadn’t had bigger fish to fry. Proof that liberals are ignoramuses is that they ballyhoo socialism, a system that not only rewards sloth and mediocrity, but generally results in bloody regimes that enslave their citizens, while demeaning capitalism, a system that rewards intelligence and initiative, and promotes freedom and liberty.

Also, like Muslims, liberals lie and encourage other liberals to lie on their behalf. For instance, Barack Obama, while pontificating about same-sex marriages, recently said, “When I go to college campuses, sometimes I talk to college Republicans who think that I have terrible policies on the economy and foreign policy, but they believe in sex equality.” The truth is, Obama never speaks to college Republicans, and he makes damn sure they don’t get to speak to him by banishing them from his staged events. Hell, this phony populist doesn’t even talk to congressional Republicans.

Speaking of the man destined to be a one-termer, how is it that he has enough energy to bound up and down steps, proving time and again just how light in the loafers he really is, but he can’t quite make it through an entire sentence without pausing two or three times?

Although I was never a big fan of Tom Brokaw when he was anchoring the nightly news, I had to tip my hat when he announced that he would never again attend a White House Correspondents Association Dinner. When it came to attending these overhyped gala events, he felt like those natives who refuse to have their photographs taken, fearing it might cost them their very souls.

After looking at coverage of the recent event, which was emceed by Jimmy Kimmel, I understood what he meant. I saw photo after photo that made my skin crawl. There was Wolf Blitzer posing with Eva Longoria, Leon Panetta huddled with Al Sharpton, Piers Morgan and Goldie Hawn, Valerie Jarrett and MSNBC president Phil Griffin. Also in attendance were the likes of Arianna Huffington, Barbara Walters, Woody Harrelson, George Clooney, Eliot Spitzer and, for good measure, behind the bar, pouring shots, Rachel Maddow.

Having also seen some of the show on TV, I’d say it was a lot like watching the Academy Awards, except for the absence of good-looking women.

Speaking of which, Massachusetts Senate candidate and Harvard law professor, Elizabeth Warren, has insisted for years that she is entitled to profit from affirmative action because she is 1/32nd Cherokee. This has led to several good-natured japes, generally consisting of guessing her Indian name. I have ventured it might be Lies Like a Blanket, Dances With Liberals or possibly Speaks Heap Big Hokum.

But who can really blame her when places like Harvard reward diversity of race and color, while eliminating diversity of thought and opinion. Let a conservative be invited to speak on 95% of the colleges and universities in America, and you can count on the professors joining with their young charges in drowning them out. The very places that pride themselves on being the sanctuary of free speech and unpopular ideas are as intolerant as Cotton Mather and as vicious as Brown Shirts. Let a conservative appear in their hallowed presence, and judging by the cackling, you’d think a coop of hens had suddenly been confronted by Br’er Fox.

Finally, in the spirit of bi-partisanship, I’d like to suggest that we stop spending millions of tax dollars providing ex-presidents (at present we have two from each party) with offices, free phone service and Secret Service protection. Without arguing over whether Carter, Clinton and the two Bushes, actually deserve such largesse, they simply don’t need it. Thanks to multi-million dollar book deals and six-figure speaking fees, being an ex-president is the equivalent of winning the Mega Millions lottery without even having to buy a ticket.

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BREAKING THE TYLER CYCLE

2012-05-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

Someone sent me something called the Tyler Cycle. Alexander Fraser Tyler, a Scottish historian (1747-1813), allegedly discovered that democratic societies, such as the one that existed in ancient Athens, are doomed to repeat a vicious circle that begins in Bondage, then proceeds through Spiritual Faith, Courage, Liberty, Abundance, Selfishness, Complacency, Apathy and Dependence, before inevitably arriving back at Bondage.

Well, it seems that there was a Scottish historian named Alexander Tyler, but like so many of those things on the Internet that are attributed to the likes of Andy Rooney, Al Capone and Robin Williams, Mr. Tyler had no hand in creating the cycle that now bears his name. For the life of me, I do not understand why people insist on putting words in other people’s mouths, but, then, I have no idea why the person, who saw to it that my quote about the three female California politicians being reminiscent of the witches in MacBeth went viral, decided to identify me as an L.A. Times columnist, which is something I haven’t been for 34 years.

Even if Tyler had nothing to do with identifying the cycle, there is still a great deal to be said for it. That is especially the case if we take a moment to check out what is happening in America these days. Selfishness? Complacency? Apathy? Dependence? Sound familiar? How else would you describe the Occupy Wall Street movement? What other words would you use to define those fans of Obama, who are constantly demanding that the taxpayer pick up the tab for their birth control pills, health care, abortions, school meals, food stamps and college tuition?

So far as I can see, the only chance America has of breaking the cycle is to send Obama packing. Which is what I expect will happen just as soon as people begin comparing him to Romney. Maybe I’m a cockeyed optimist, but once most Americans see these two on stage together and ask themselves which of the two men best represents them, their values and their vision for our future, I sincerely believe that the majority will favor the Mormon over the Marxist.

But to help bring that about, I don’t want Romney to stand around waiting for the debates. For openers, I want him to stop responding to the Democrats. It’s foolish to waste his time reacting to every idiocy voiced by Obama, David Axelrod and Howard Dean. It is also a waste of time for him to answer every question put to him by Obama’s hand maidens in the lame stream media. They are not looking for answers, but merely looking to make him look bad by editing his responses down to inane and embarrassing sound bites.

Instead, it’s time for Romney to go into attack mode. Let him start demanding that Obama answer questions. If I were running, I would make it a practice to put forth an Obama question every other day. For instance, I’d ask him why he hasn’t demanded that Harry Reid present a single federal budget during the past three years. I’d ask him why Eric Holder is still his attorney general after Operation Fast & Furious and his refusal to indict the Black Panthers for voter intimidation. I would demand to know why he, himself, stood idly by while those same Black Panthers placed a dead-or-alive bounty on George Zimmerman’s head.

I would demand that Obama, who describes himself as the best friend Israel has ever had in the White House -- which might be true only if he were comparing himself to Jimmy Carter and Yasser Arafat -- explain why he treats Prime Minister Netanyahu the way Jews treat pork chops, and why he thought Israel should refrain from building homes in Jerusalem. I would also ask Obama if when he suggested that Israel move back to its 1967 borders, he regarded that as a prelude to Israel’s disappearing altogether.

I would even ask him why he makes a bigger deal out of celebrating Islamic holidays than he does those dedicated to Christian and Jewish holy days?

I would demand to know why he keeps describing his energy policy as “all of the above” when he has done everything in his power to destroy the coal and oil industries, up to and including vetoing the Keystone pipeline. I would also demand that he defend squandering all those tax dollars, providing sweetheart deals to solar panel companies owned by his major bundlers, and, for good measure, I would name names.

I would also bring up the fact that he granted Washington unions the power to prevent Boeing from moving its plant to South Carolina.

I would rain on his victory lap by demanding to know if, as rumor has it, he was told as early as 2010 where Osama bin Laden was hiding out, but held off doing anything about it until a few generals told him that if he didn’t give the order, they would. So much for making the gutsiest call in human history, as I believe Joe Biden referred to the no-brainer. But, then, that would be an even better description of the vice-president than the decision.

In short, it’s time that Romney started scoring points, and not just playing defense 24/7. Obama, after all, is the guy with a presidential record. It’s time someone put his feet to the fire and made him defend 40 long months of failure, incompetence, cronyism and corruption.

And in return for all this free advice, I will ask only one thing of President Romney and his Republican Congress. I want lame duck sessions done away with. Why on earth should there be a two-and-a-half-month lag time between elections and inaugurations? Why should someone who has been expelled get to remain in office, making trouble, for 75 days?

After all, it doesn’t take that much time to take the pictures off the wall, pack up the kids and the dog, and hit the road. And in Obama’s case, the sooner, the better.

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Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

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PARROTS & PEOPLE

2012-05-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

Many years ago, through odd circumstances, I broke up with one young woman who had a parrot only to take up with another young woman who had a parrot. You might assume I worked in an exotic bird store, but it was just one of those coincidences that sometimes happen even to people who don’t put much stock in such things.

The thing that confused me at the time was why anyone would ever want to share their home with one of those creatures. I am referring to the parrots, not the young women. Even though I didn’t live with the ladies, on various occasions, when they had to go out of town, it became my responsibility to feed the birds and change their water. And every time I did, I came under attack.

As I say, that was a long time ago, but I only recently figured out what purpose the parrots served. It was to prepare these women to one day be the mothers of teenagers. After all, parrots are notorious for their lousy personalities and their general lack of hygiene. When you factor in their lack of gratitude, which they displayed by attacking me, the person commissioned to provide them with food and water, you can see how closely they resemble an ordinary American teenager.

Another group they very much remind me of are liberals. Just consider a typical group of Occupy Wall Streeters with their screeching, their filth and their repetitious parroting of inane slogans. Stick them on their perches, glue a few colorful feathers on them, and you could fool a team of ornithologists.

For instance, Obama’s people invented a fictional woman they chose to call Julia. They used her to point out how Julia advances from the age of three to 67 by constantly depending on the largesse of Obama and the American taxpayer to survive. I suppose the subliminal message is that Obama not only has to be re-elected this November, but a lot of additional Novembers to get Julia through to her 67th birthday. At that point, I assume that Obama’s death panel will decide that Julia has lived long enough and is not entitled to undergo heart surgery.

Eric Holder defended the Department of Justice spending millions of dollars prosecuting Roger Clemens for a second time because lying to Congress about his alleged use of human growth hormones was such a serious offense. It just happened to be on the same day that a congressional committee considered citing Holder for contempt for refusing to release documents relating to Operation Fast and Furious.

Apparently we are saddled with an attorney general who thinks getting to the bottom of whether or not Clemens was juiced when he shut out the Minnesota Twins 10 years ago is more important than a gun-running operation that resulted in a U.S. border guard being murdered with one of those guns.

Obama, who quite naturally refuses to run on his record, is, instead, insisting that he needs another four years to finish the job. But because of the near-universal disapproval of ObamaCare, the trillion dollar stimulus, the additional six trillion dollars of debt and his anti-Israel position, he’s in the weird position of not being able to tell us exactly what this job is that he wishes to keep doing.

Perhaps he’s alluding to the greater flexibility he promised Medvedev he’d have after the election. Still, after refusing to provide Poland and the Czech Republic with an anti-missile defense system and promising to decimate our nuclear arsenal, I bet even Putin is scratching his head, trying to figure out what Santa Obama could possibly have in mind. The blue prints for a drone? The green light to roll Russian tanks back into Georgia, Azerbaijan and the Ukraine? Or perhaps just the deed to Alaska?

Although Obama and his flunkies keep referring to the economy he inherited as the worst since the Great Depression, the fact is that the economy that Reagan inherited from Jimmy Carter was pretty awful. In 1980, the rate of inflation was 13.58% and unemployment was 7.18%, which translated to 20.76 on the misery index.

In 2012, inflation is around 3% and although, according to the feds, unemployment is hovering around 8.1%, we all know that underemployment combined with the people who have simply stopped looking for work would raise the actual number to about 15%, making for a miserable, Carter-like, 18% on the misery index.

If Romney poses the question Reagan posed in 1980, “Are you better off now than you were four years ago,” just about everyone who’s not on Obama’s payroll would have to answer with a resounding “No!”

Finally, because I am a frequent viewer of Fox, it’s my curse in life to see Juan Williams nearly every time I tune in to Bret Baier’s “Special Report,” Bill O’Reilly’s “The Factor” and Chris Wallace’s “Fox News Sunday.” I can only assume that he possesses incriminating photos of Roger Ailes.

His singular role on Fox seems to be to spin like a top for the Obama administration and parrot excuses for the man’s endless string of failures.

The fact is, Juan Williams expends so much effort carrying Barack Obama’s water, I just hope for his sake that he never leaves home without his truss.

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Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

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MORE REASONS TO DESPISE LIBERALS

2012-05-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

My wife hates it when I say I hate something or someone, but she usually gives me a pass when I substitute the word “despise.” I suppose it doesn’t sound so personal. Also, hatred is said to infect the hater. I don’t really feel that way. I think openly hating evildoers is a wonderful release. That way you don’t keep the honest emotion bottled up, where the pressure can build up like a can of soda that’s been shaken until it finally explodes.

In any case, exploding is what I feel like doing when liberals spout their lies and, compounding the insult, expect us to be dumb enough to believe them.

For instance, Jay Carney, our own version of Saddam Hussein’s personal parrot, Baghdad Bob, recently said that he would never lie for the administration. He reported that he had met with several former presidential press secretaries, and they all agreed that if they ever started lying, they would lose all credibility with the Washington press corps.

Well, for openers, 95% of the White House press corps spend 100% of their time lying on behalf of this administration. So credibility counts for nothing with this gang of propagandists. But is there anyone anywhere who believed Mr. Carney when he was asked if Hilary Rosen, (the dippy Democratic operative who accused Ann Romney, the mother of five sons, of never having worked a day in her life, had actually spent as much time visiting the White House as Michelle Obama), and he feigned confusion, saying that he personally knew three different Hilary Rosens?

Well, I’m Jewish and I’ve never met a single Hilary Rosen in my 72 years. Perhaps if Carney had been asked how many he knew who spelled Hilary with one “l,” it would have narrowed things down for him.

When it came out that Obama secretly went behind the back of Congress and authorized $192 million for the Palestinian Authority, White House spokesman Tommy Vietor said it was appropriate because the Authority had fulfilled its major obligations, such as recognizing Israel’s right to exist, renouncing violence and accepting the Road Map to Peace. This not only came as a surprise to Congress, which had cut off funding to the PA, aka Hamas, but to the Palestinian Authority, which had done none of those three things, and had no intention of doing them.

For his part, Obama, the emir-in-chief, insisted that we needed to fund this gang of terrorists for the sake of national security. He didn’t mention which nation he had in mind.

You have to wonder, though, if when this administration goes looking to hire spokesmen, do they specify that only born liars need apply?

When it comes to Joe Biden, the question is always whether he’s actually lying through his painted teeth or if he’s just being his usual stupid self. For instance, while Obama was going around patting himself on the back for green-lighting the execution of Osama bin Laden, Biden, who had already over-sold it as the most audacious event in human history, claimed he had opposed the operation. Well, as John McCain, Charles Krauthammer and others have long pointed out, Biden’s vast foreign policy expertise consisted of being wrong every single time the buffoon had either voted or spoken out on the topic during his 36 years in the U.S. Senate.

Complicit with Biden was Bill Clinton, who solemnly narrated an Obama campaign ad, insisting that it took great courage for Obama to have okayed the Navy Seals operation. I guess coming from the president who, on more than one occasion, had nixed the killing or capture of Osama bin Laden during the 1990s and then aborted America’s mission in Somalia, lest the nightly news showing American soldiers killing black thugs create a backlash among his most ardent fans, this would strike him as an act of unimaginable courage.

I think Mitt Romney put the whole thing in its proper perspective when, asked if he, too, would have done what Obama did, said, “Of course. Any president would have….even Jimmy Carter.”

The real problem isn’t Obama or the various liars he has on staff, it’s the mass media which coddles him and promotes his agenda. After all, he is likely to be gone after next January, but they’ll still be around, massaging the news on behalf of the Left. As Thomas Jefferson once said, if he had to choose between an honest government and an honest press, he’d choose an honest press.

For instance, not too long ago, in Norfolk, VA, scores of black teenagers dragged a white couple from their car and beat them up, proclaiming it was “for Trayvon.” As if that’s not bad enough, the local paper, the Virginian-Pilot didn’t bother reporting the story. And as if that’s not bad enough, both victims worked for the Virginian-Pilot.

Anyone who thinks it’s a good thing when the media provides cover for criminals just because they happen to be black would do well to read a new book by my friend Harry Stein. In “No Matter What…They’ll Call This Book Racist,” sub-titled “How Our Fear of Talking Honestly About Race Hurts Us All,” Stein bravely reports on the multitude of ways that major newspapers and TV networks endorse black crime and irresponsible behavior by intentionally turning a blind eye to it.

The real tragedy is that we have a black president who would rather hector white people about clinging to their guns and religion than address black Americans about the actual reasons so many of them doom themselves to remain on the lowest rung of society’s ladder. The reasons, as Stein makes clear, include a glaring lack of education, raising children without fathers and a willingness to trade their birthright as Americans for a hand-out from a political party that patronizes and despises them.

Stein possesses the courage that Obama clearly lacks. Obama would much rather tell jokes about Republicans at the Washington Press Club and trade sallies with Jimmy Kimmel.

Obama likes to think of himself as too cool for the room. And he’s right, if the room in question happens to be the Oval Office.

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Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
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Reminder

2012-05-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

Your donation will serve as your entry in a monthly drawing to receive either an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites or Portraits of Success. Please make your preference known when you make your donation.

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THE PRELUTSKY PLATFORM

2012-05-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

A while back, one of my readers, whom we’ll call Cosmo, sent me an angry challenge. He wrote: “I watch Fox, I listen to Rush and I read you. I do this because I’m trying to understand conservatives. I see them and you bashing liberal policies, but I don’t see any of you coming up with alternative policies.”

To be totally honest, I never really thought it was my mission to come up with alternative policies. I figured it was enough that I pointed out how awful the policies of this current administration are, and how great a menace Barack Obama, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, our own little axis of evil, pose to America and our allies.

Iran, Syria and North Korea, are evil and dangerous, but they don’t have the power to destroy our freedoms or scuttle our economy. They might wish to see us on our knees, but they simply don’t have the ability to saddle us with a debt that will make our currency worthless, turn our children and grandchildren into paupers, and leave our military in shambles.

Still, I am not one to shirk a challenge. So I sent Cosmo the following message: “I can’t speak for Rush Limbaugh or Fox News, but this would be my platform if I were the Republican candidate running against Obama. First off, I would cut spending drastically. That would mean that we all face up to the fact that Social Security and Medicare cannot continue as they are. If that requires raising retirement age or even reducing payments across the board by, say, 5%, so be it. Either we act like mature adults or we slaughter the goose that lays the golden eggs.

“We join with Israel to end Iran’s nuclear ambitions, and we provide Poland and the Czech Republic with the missile defense program they were promised before Obama caved to Russia’s demands. Next, we let Russia know that there’s a new sheriff in town. When they ask something of us, we say, ‘Nyet. You guys don’t get to keep opposing us in the U.N. when it comes to Syria and then expect us to do you bums any favors.’

“That reminds me, we get out of the United Nations. Then we sell the U.N. building to Donald Trump, so he can tear it down, fumigate the property, and turn it into anything he likes, so long as it doesn’t look like something that will remind us of all the billions of dollars we sank into the most corrupt organization this side of the Arab League and the Congressional Black Caucus.

“We okay the Keystone Pipeline and we start drilling for oil on federal lands, including ANWR. We take the federal boot off the neck of the coal industry. And then we take the EPA out behind the woodshed and give those fascistic bureaucrats a spanking they’ll never forget. We also quit pretending that wind power and solar power will ever replace fossil fuel. And if electric cars are so great, we’ll allow private capital to invest in them.

If there’s an actual market, American entrepreneurs can be counted on to cash in on it.

“We quit behaving like America is a third world country where people would starve on the streets if 50 million of them weren’t provided with food stamps and if school kids weren’t given tax-subsidized breakfasts, lunches and dinners. If parents couldn’t provide their kids with three meals a day, they would be charged with child abuse, and the kids would be placed in foster homes or up for adoption.

“Single mothers would have to come up with the name of the sperm donor, who, in turn, would be made responsible for child support. Welfare for unwed mothers would be but a vague and unpleasant memory.

“Abortions would be outlawed. If in 2012, with all the birth control pills and devices available, people are still getting pregnant, it should be a criminal offense. Such people would be better off in jail anyway because they are simply too dumb to be allowed to walk around.

“We would never again speak of “social justice” and there would be no such thing as a “hate crime.” Justice would be equal for the rich and the poor, for blacks, browns and whites, and no crime would be regarded as more serious simply because the victim happened to be a homosexual, a black, a Hispanic or a Jew. Also, the federal government would no longer trample on the 5thAmendment by using a violation of a person’s civil rights as an excuse to ignore the Constitution’s protection against double jeopardy, as happened in the Rodney King case…and as I suspect will occur again if George Zimmerman is found not guilty by a jury of his peers.

“We make English our official language, meaning that ballots will no longer be printed in a hundred different languages; we do away with dual-citizenship; we insist on photo IDs in all elections; we insist on employers eVerifying all employees and suffering severe consequences if they don’t; we deny all services to anyone not able to prove that he’s in this country legally; and we stop encouraging foolishness by once and for all defining marriage as a union of one man and one woman.

“The 14th Amendment will be amended so that citizenship is not automatically granted to anchor babies born to illegal aliens, and we do so on the grounds that nobody is ever entitled to profit from the commission of a crime.

“I would indict anyone who intimidates voters, no matter the race of the intimidator. At the same time, I’d push for a mandatory sentence of 10 years in a federal pen for anyone found guilty of election fraud. I would also indict the likes of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, for everything from extortion to inciting violence.

“When it comes to voting, those who are 18-21 would be allowed to vote only if they were members of the military. After 21, any American citizen could vote so long as he’s filed a federal tax return. Nobody who is still in school and being supported by his or her parents would be enfranchised.

“The tax code would be revised so that every adult would pay something, and no one would be given a rebate larger than the amount paid in, as is often the case under the present system.

“I would limit unemployment payments to 26 weeks. It’s supposed to be a safety net, not a permanent hammock.

“We do away with the current system of “higher education.” High school graduates would go to the trade school of their choice, be it for plumbing, car repair, architecture, accounting, law, dentistry, carpentry or nursing. No more of these four year vacationlands that force parents to mortgage their homes and youngsters to mortgage their futures just so bureaucrats will have well-landscaped principalities. Moreover, professors who work 10 hours a week will no longer pull down six-figure salaries, and various football and basketball coaches will no longer pull down seven-figure salaries.

“So now, Cosmo, you not only know my policies, but, aside from my reluctance to move to Washington, D.C., because of the weather and having to spend most of my waking hours with politicians, you know why I have never run for president. In order for my master plan to become a reality, I’d have to be a dictator, and not merely the commander-in-chief. Regards, Burt”

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Send your comments to BurtPrelutsky@aol.com. Don’t miss a single article: Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by email.

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LIBERAL DUMMIES ON PARADE

2012-05-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

One of the nicest things about being a conservative is that you don’t have to say really stupid things just to establish your bona fides the way that liberals do..

For instance, ever since 1987, when Al Sharpton came to prominence by trashing the NYPD on behalf of teenage liar extraordinaire Tawana Brawley, he has spent a quarter of a century shaking down corporations just like his pal Jesse Jackson, threatening boycotts if he isn’t paid the customary 30 pieces of silver; neglecting to pay his income taxes; and inciting violence which, on more than one occasion, has led to black mobs killing New York Jews. But, during a recent appearance on The Factor, Geraldo Rivera insisted that Sharpton is a great civil rights leader.

Compared to whom, I wish Bill O’Reilly had asked. Louis Farrakhan? David Duke? Eric Holder?

The fact is, when you look at the likes of Sharpton, Jackson, Maxine Waters, Hank Johnson, Sheila Jackson Lee, Frederica Wilson and the various officers of the NAACP, you realize that “civil rights leader” has become an oxymoron which should never be uttered in polite society.

Denise Ilitch, the daughter of Little Caesar’s founders Mike and Marian Ilitch, hosted a one million dollar pizza party in Detroit as a fund-raising event for Barack Obama. When someone asked her if pizza was really going to be the entree, she said it would, “But we’ll be serving it on sterling silver plates.” That’s what Obama’s left-wing one-percenters call getting in touch with their inner ninety-nine percenters.

In any case, conservatives, the next time you feel like ordering a Little Caesar pizza, you might wish to keep in mind where your money is going.

When I heard Jay Carney insisting that a leader “must be judged on his actions, not his empty words and promises,” I wondered if he had begun drinking on the job. Then I realized he was referring to Syria’s Bashar al-Assad, not to Barack Obama. By the way, am I the only person who has begun to regard Mr. Carney as our own Baghdad Bob?

Recently, when the giant lottery reached $600 million, I was one of those people who purchased a lottery ticket. When I didn’t win, I actually breathed a momentary sigh of relief. I simply couldn’t imagine how I would have dealt with such an enormous amount of money. I mean, you can’t simply stick it under your mattress. Overnight, you have to start dealing with financial advisors and accountants, setting aside great chunks of time to meet with these people and make major decisions about where to put the dough and when to move it, not to mention all those people who suddenly show up, promising to be your best friend if only you’ll write them a check.

Simultaneously, along with the realization that I am simply not equipped to deal with that sort of financial responsibility, it occurred to me that neither is Obama. That’s why he has added nearly six trillion dollars to our national debt, and wants to keep adding to it. It isn’t just because he is a left-wing ideologue who sees our tax dollars as an easy way to bribe people to vote for him, but because he actually can’t get his head around the fact that a trillion isn’t just, say, ten times as much as a billion; it’s a thousand times more. A million dollars is $1,000,000, and a billion is $1,000,000,000, whereas a trillion is $1,000,000,000,000!

That’s why he’s being so foolish and irresponsible when he suggests that raising income taxes on those earning the first number will drastically lower that last number. It would hardly make a dent even if he raised the tax not to 40 or 50%, but even all the way to 100%.

Finally, I don’t blame the spending scandal at the General Services Administration (GSA) on Obama in quite the same way as some conservatives. I have no reason to believe that Obama knew that the clucks at the GSA went to Vegas to party and wound up spending $3,200 of our taxes on a mind reader, $7,000 on sushi, $75,000 on a team-building exercise which consisted of building a bicycle or $147,000 on airfare and hotels.

I mean, sure, maybe he would have known if he’d spent $3,200 on a mind reader. The reason, though, that the buck, or rather bucks, stop at Obama’s desk is because he and his wife have squandered so many millions of our tax dollars on vacations for themselves and the kids; on galas that give them the opportunity to rub shoulders with left-wing celebrities; and on thinly-veiled re-election events being passed off as non-partisan forays into swing states; that he’s setting an example of fiscal profligacy for the knuckleheads at the GSA and everywhere else in his administration.

After all, whether we’re talking about a business or a country, it’s naïve, even churlish, to demand that the employees behave more responsibly than their boss.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email. This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to Burt Prelutsky, 16604 Dearborn Street, North Hills, CA 91343-3604. Your donation will serve as your entry in a drawing to receive an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites.
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RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT ROMNEY & RACE

2012-05-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

In spite of what Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and the Obamas, claim, America welcomes people of all races and colors so long as they don’t insist that they have anything but the opportunity to succeed coming to them.

Native-born black Americans have been coddled like newborns for the past 50 years, which is two full generations, three in the urban community. They have been the recipients of trillions of tax dollars in federal and state programs, and what does the country have to show for it?

The fact is, blacks who have emigrated from Africa and the Caribbean have done so, like millions of other immigrants, in order to improve their lives and the lives of their children. They work hard and they are cheered on by a white society that, unlike black America, is, by and large, colorblind.

Frankly, if I were black, I would be embarrassed that the areas in which my people excelled, aside from music and sports, were crime, violence and rioting. It would shame me that in spite of Operation Head Start, Affirmative Action, welfare, food stamps and government set-asides, I was still playing the victim of bigotry, and blaming crime statistics, illiteracy and children raised without fathers, on Whitey.

What does it say about a society when a 16-year-old peddling drugs in the street is a poster boy for urban enterprise?

What does it say about a society when the president, the attorney general, the ambassador to the U.N. and two of the last three secretaries of state, have all been blacks, and we still have to listen to all the whining about how oppressed these people are?

When people such as Sharpton, Jackson and Charles Rangel, are hailed as civil rights leaders, and the likes of Thomas Sowell, Walter Williams, Shelby Steele and Ward Connerly, are essentially ignored by their fellow blacks and the mass media, it reminds us that a great many white liberals are active participants in the vile conspiracy to keep black Americans dependent and malleable. After all, when decade after decade, nothing is demanded of millions of people except that they troop out every election to vote for Democrats, it’s no accident when they come to regard state and federal handouts as their due.

Treat any individual as an invalid long enough and it’s no big surprise that at some point he comes to accept that he can’t walk under his own power.

It’s worth noting that Lyndon Johnson declared war on poverty, and $15 trillion later, this war is going just about as well as the one he waged in Vietnam. The main difference is that this one has lasted roughly five times as long, and with no end in sight. Talk about not having an exit strategy.

If I were working on Romney’s presidential campaign, I would suggest that we produce a TV spot in which Santorum and Gingrich are sitting on that same sofa that Gingrich once shared with Nancy Pelosi, and I would have them say that, even after all the insulting things they each said about Romney, they still have every intention of voting for him. So just imagine what they think of Obama!

Another couple of TV ads would consist of Obama’s telling us that if he didn’t cut the deficit in his first four years, he deserved to be a one-term president, and another in which we show the speech in which he declared that if he didn’t get the unemployment rate down below 8%, he surely deserved to be a one-term president. Romney’s contribution would be a voiceover in which he simply said, “I’m Mitt Romney and I approve this message.”

Another spot would show Obama leaning over to Russia’s Premier Dmitry Medvedev, unaware that the mic was live, and saying “After my election, I’ll have more flexibility.” Romney would then hold up a toy he’d borrowed from Santorum or Gingrich and say, “Etch-a-Sketch, anyone?”

Still another would consist of a Joe the Plumber type uttering the great line that I’ve seen attributed to various people: “Apparently, I’m supposed to be angrier about what Mitt Romney does with his own money than what Barack Obama does with mine.”

Quite frankly, whether or not Obama reaches his goal of raising a billion dollars for his war chest, I think the only way that Romney can lose the election is if the National Enquirer provides proof that he’s been dating a sheep. And even then, the election would be a toss-up.

Speaking of animals, whenever I hear Barack Obama insist he’s the right guy to fix the economy, I’m reminded that dog owners use that exact same verb when they take their pets in to be neutered.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email. This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to Burt Prelutsky, 16604 Dearborn Street, North Hills, CA 91343-3604. Your donation will serve as your entry in a drawing to receive an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites.
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THE MAN WHO WOULD BE DICTATOR

2012-05-11T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

How do I hate Barack Obama? I might spin Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s immortal words and say, “Let me count the ways. I hate him to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.” But even that doesn’t quite cover the contempt I have for this past and present community agitator.

Fifty long years after Martin Luther King suggested we judge a person by his character, this slug is still waging race warfare. While we are all well-aware that he is basing his entire re-election campaign on separating Americans and playing to wealth envy, religious differences and even engendering gender divisions, it is his insistence on stoking up racial hatred that makes him the archenemy of everything decent that America represents.

Only Obama would have made the openly racist Eric Holder his attorney general. Only Obama would have remained silent when Holder refused to indict the Black Panthers for voter intimidation. Only Obama would have said that Trayvon Martin reminded him of the son he never had.

On the other hand, only Obama would have remained silent when his cohorts, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, converged on Sanford, Florida, and incited the black mobs to demand George Zimmerman’s bloodied head on a platter. Only Obama would have prevented his Department of Justice from demanding that the Black Panthers be indicted for offering a bounty on young Mr. Zimmerman, dead or alive.

Only Barack Obama would encourage his re-election team to connect Mitt Romney to polygamy when it was Obama’s own Kenyan father who was still a married man when he tied the knot with Obama’s mother. Of course it soon turned out to be a slip-knot when the bigamist scurried back to Africa, leaving wife number two and child behind.

Only Barack Obama would encourage his re-election team to tar Romney for having conveyed the family dog on his car’s rooftop, which was not only safe, but provided the dog with all the wind in his face that every dog craves, when, by his own admission, young Obama had dined on dog. Which in certain civilized circles, is comparable to cannibalism.

According to his book, “Dreams From My Father,” Obama’s stepfather, Lolo Soetoro, belonged to a brand of Islam that believed that a man took on the powers of whatever he ate. One can’t help wondering if in his dreams, Obama chases cats.

Although in 2008, Harry Reid boasted that Obama doesn’t speak like a black man and Joe Biden topped him by alerting us to the fact that Obama is clean, the silliest thing anyone ever thought to say about him is that he’s a genius. I’m not even alluding to his contention back in ‘08 that he had visited 57 states and only had one more to go, or his references to the Austrian language and the U.S. Marine Corpse. But I am suggesting that for a man who regards diplomacy as his strong suit, telling the presidents or prime ministers of Denmark, Norway, the Philippines, Ireland and Holland, that their little nations all “punch above their weight,” indicates that he has either let his membership in the Cliché of the Month Club lapse or that he has hired a very lazy relative to be his speechwriter.

Lest anyone think those gaffes are the exception to the rule, Obama has also announced on 11 different occasions that the United States has no stronger ally than Australia, Poland, Great Britain, Germany, Denmark, South Korea, Israel, Holland, France, Italy and Japan. Frankly, I think he is showing undiplomatic favoritism to Holland and Denmark by telling the world that they are not only our strongest allies, but that they also punch above their weight.

Would someone who is even slightly brilliant tell 11 different countries that they are his very favorite? Does he really think that these countries don’t talk to each other, even if it’s not in Austrian? Doesn’t it even occur to Mr. Tact that Germany and France are always on the verge of a major spat without anyone’s needlessly provoking a cat fight? Doesn’t he realize that a young woman who carried on the way he does would be referred to as the town slut?

Finally, as if any additional evidence were required to prove that Obama is only the smartest man in the room when he’s standing in a very small closet, during his highly trumpeted visit to the Summit of the Americas, he tried to show himself on the side of Argentina when he referred to the Falkland Islands as the Malvinas. That happens to be the Argentine name for the British crown colony they have long coveted, and over which Margaret Thatcher, with Ronald Reagan’s blessing, went to war.

This is the same Argentina that recently showed its dedication to democratic ideals by nationalizing the nation’s largest oil company and banning foreign books.

But, as is his wont, Obama displayed his vaunted brilliance by calling them the Maldives, which is an actual group of islands, but one that’s located in the Indian Ocean, not the Atlantic, and is nowhere near Argentina.

So, at one fell swoop, Obama not only stabbed the Brits in the back, but made America an even bigger laughing stock than the horny Secret Service agents had done by turning Hotel El Caribe into the most infamous brothel in the world.

As if it’s not bad enough that we are constantly told that Obama’s IQ is too high to be accurately measured, his wife recently told a crowd in Nashville, Tennessee: “This president has brought us out of the darkness and into the light.”

If one is to believe certain eyewitness reports, as the collection plate was being passed among the Obama faithful, the blind could suddenly see, the lame got up and tap-danced and the dead all registered as Democrats.

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Burt Prelutsky
16604 Dearborn Street
North Hills, CA 91343-3604.

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THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION EVER

2012-05-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

Quite honestly, the only people I ever hear from who are dopier than liberals are those who identify themselves as conservatives and insist that Republicans and Democrats are identical.

Anyone who would suggest that there is no difference between Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner or Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell, is one very dumb bunny. No difference between the likes of Henry Waxman, Al Franken and Charles Rangel and Darrel Issa, Peter King and Paul Ryan? No difference between Joe Biden and Dick Cheney? No difference between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney? You have to wonder what madcap pharmacist is supplying these alleged conservatives with their stupidity pills.

How can anyone who takes the Second Amendment seriously insist there’s no difference between the two parties when gun sales are booming, all thanks to such flame-throwing racists as Eric Holder, Al Sharpton and the Black Panthers? The good news is that income taxes on the gun industry have jumped 66% since Obama’s election, and it’s mainly due to increased sales, not Obama’s counterproductive tax policies. It’s ironic that the man who is most opposed to law-abiding citizens owning weapons not only selected Eric (“Operation Fast & Furious”) Holder to be his attorney general, but has personally done more to hype American gun sales than any prior president.

Even though the mainstream media has done everything in its power to cover up or at least downplay this administration’s scandals, even they couldn’t conceal the Secret Service hanky-panky down in Colombia. But, on the plus side, it has served to put the Service in a different light. In the past, one had to worry that if you wrote or said something disrespectful of Obama, angry agents would show up at your front door. Now, if they show up, it’s only 50-50 whether they’ve come to arrest you or because they heard you were throwing a party.

In a related matter, I heard that the cost of supplying Newt Gingrich, who continues to insist he is a viable candidate for the GOP nomination, with Secret Service protection runs the American taxpayer $38,000-a-day. So this pathetic lump of humanity, who insists he is a fiscal conservative, wastes over a million dollars a month of our money for no other reason than to massage his blimp-sized ego!

For those of you who continue to insist that it makes absolutely no difference if the president is a Democrat or a member of the GOP, please keep in mind that if John Kerry had won the 2004 election, he would not have named John Roberts and Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. Instead, he would have seated a couple left-wingers in the mold of Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor. Now, by a show of hands, is there anyone out there who doubts that with six left-wingers on the Court, there would be the slightest chance they’d decide that ObamaCare is unconstitutional?

In case you missed it, Harry Reid recently stated that old people love receiving junk mail. He insists they’d miss it and feel the world was passing them by if a ton of that crapola wasn’t shoved in their mailbox every day. Now if he were speaking for himself, that would be one thing. After all, it wouldn’t be unreasonable for Harry to be feeling lonely now that the number of Democrats in the Senate has gone from 60 to 53, and will soon be in the 40s. But when he starts generalizing about old people, I figure he’s including me. Well, speaking for myself and all the geezers I know personally, the two things I can say without fear of contradiction is that none of us wants to receive junk mail and none of us ever wants Harry Reid to dare speak on our behalf.

Rumor has it that, taking a leaf out of Barack Obama’s playbook, North Korea is blaming the failure of their missile launch on sabotage, bad weather and George W. Bush.

Speaking of Obama, I understand that his initial reaction to the news that Romney’s family preferred taking their beloved dog along on their vacations was to question why they would stick their pooch on the car roof instead of inside the picnic basket.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email. This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to Burt Prelutsky, 16604 Dearborn Street, North Hills, CA 91343-3604. Your donation will serve as your entry in a drawing to receive an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites.
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OBAMA THE IMPALER

2012-05-07T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

Several centuries ago, Vlad III, the king of Romania, was so notorious for his cruelty that he singlehandedly put his birthplace, Transylvania, on the map and was nicknamed the Impaler for his preferred means of torture and execution. Years later, he served as the model for Bram Stoker’s Dracula, thus providing everyone from Bela Lugosi to George Hamilton with a handsome livelihood.

In his own way, Barack Obama reminds me of Vlad. For one thing, he is merciless when it comes to his enemies. And he regards anyone who is not a friend, aka a contributor to his war chest, as an enemy. In his latest crackdown on freedom-loving Americans, he pushed through a piece of legislation known as HR 347, which makes it a felony to stage a protest against Obama in any venue where the Secret Service is present. As it only applies to American citizens, I believe that the defrauded hookers would have been free to show up outside the Colombian hotel, carrying placards reading “Secret Service Agents Unfair to Working Girls.”

The reason that HR 347 is so important to Obama is because it’s so important to his campaign that he deliver the subliminal message that he’s unbeatable. He knows that people like to back a winner and so long as he can successfully limit his public appearances to events at which he addresses college students, union members and blacks, he’s convinced that voters will ignore unemployment rates, a soaring deficit and gas prices. And here, I thought I was cynical!

On the other hand, you can’t really blame the guy. I mean, if he didn’t carefully limit his venues and banish his critics, can you imagine the catcalls that would greet him? It would be even worse than the stuff that Alex Rodriguez hears when he’s in the batter’s box at Boston’s Fenway Park.

David Axelrod, who unfortunately looks and sounds like Central Casting’s idea of a political fixer went on Chris Wallace’s Sunday show recently and had the gall to pooh-pooh the notion that, after lambasting rich people for not paying their fair share, Obama, who paid a mere 20% of his income to the IRS, should have considered paying something extra.

It makes you wonder if anyone in this administration ever considered that an obvious alternative to constantly lecturing the rest of us is to lead by example. I mean, I would consider anyone an idiot who, of his own volition sent more money than legally required to the buffoons in Washington, but I would certainly think about doing so if I had just spent six months bugging other rich people to pay more. Better an idiot, I say, than a hypocrite. Of course in Obama’s case, it’s never a case of either/or.

Speaking of income taxes, where do the 50% of Americans who pay nothing in income taxes -- some of whom actually collect a “refund” -- get off whining about other people not paying their fair share? Only in Obama’s America would anyone even suggest that people who are lucky enough to call the United States home shouldn’t pay even a plugged nickel for that unique privilege.

For sheer gall, though, it’s hard to beat our own Impaler-in-Chief. For instance, Obama, who reminded all of us that Trayvon Martin looked just like the son he never had, uttered nary a word about the more recent event that took place in Midway, Florida, where two black teenagers, who also happened to resemble Obama, dragged a 50-year-old white man from his automobile and bashed his head in with a hammer. Midway, it so happens is just six miles down the road from the now world-famous Sanford, Florida, so even Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton probably wouldn’t have gotten lost if they’d decided to take their traveling circus over there and demand that justice be meted out.

That leads me to wonder why Michelle Obama, who seems to care so much about what kids, generally white kids, are eating, seems to have such a cavalier attitude towards young blacks raping, robbing and killing; generally other black people, as it so happens.

Perhaps it’s just me, but wouldn’t you think that our first black First Lady would be far more concerned with the fact that the areas, aside from basketball and obscene rapping, in which black Americans excel, are illiteracy, unwed mothers and violent crime, and perhaps a little bit less concerned with counting calories?

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email. This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to Burt Prelutsky, 16604 Dearborn Street, North Hills, CA 91343-3604. Your donation will serve as your entry in a drawing to receive an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites.
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NO MORE MR. NICE GUY

2012-05-04T00:01:00.001-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

Not too long ago, when Mitt Romney said that Barack Obama was a nice guy, it gave me the heebie-jeebies. It was like an ice cube running down my spine, reminding me of the sissy campaign John McCain waged in 2008, when he refused to even refer to Jeremiah Wright, William Ayers and Tony Rezko. Instead, it was as if McCain had decided that the best way to deal with the ex-community agitator was to pretend the DNC had first discovered their standard bearer floating in a basket down among the bulrushes.

As Obama has proven time and again over the past three years, he’s anything but a nice guy. He’s a bad winner, a sore loser, and a thin-skinned, arrogant, narcissist. And if that’s not enough, he is a racist who keeps Eric Holder on board, even after Operation Fast and Furious, to do his bidding. For good measure, he’s an unrepentant Marxist who, time and again, has shown his contempt for this country and its history.

It has become a mantra that Obama is brilliant and a fabulous orator, which proves that a lie repeated often enough is assumed to be the truth. The latest example of his brilliance was his insistence that the Supreme Court lacked precedence to decide whether a bill passed by Congress is unconstitutional. The bill in question was only passed after his capos, Pelosi and Reid, had bribed and intimidated 60 senators into voting for it. In the House, where the Democrats held a margin of 41 seats, ObamaCare barely passed by seven votes.

But even if it had sailed through both Houses with nary a negative vote, the Court had ruled such bills unconstitutional 159 times in the past. I guess his students weren’t the only ones who nodded off when Obama was allegedly teaching Constitutional Law at the University of Chicago. It appears that he was no better suited to the lecture hall than he’s been to the Oval Office.

For those who parrot Obama’s contention that RomneyCare was the model for ObamaCare, they should be reminded that individual states can pretty much do whatever they want without being unduly concerned with the Commerce Clause. The actual model for ObamaCare was a failed piece of legislation cobbled together during Bill Clinton’s first term best known as HillaryCare.

A great many Americans seem surprised that Obama has gone out of his way to destroy the coal and oil industries in this country. I guess when he was campaigning in 2008 and promising to do exactly that, people assumed he didn’t mean it, figuring he couldn’t possibly be that insane. Why, after all, would the president wish to keep us captive to the cut-throats in the Middle East, Russia and Venezuela? And why would he then compound the problem by nixing the Keystone pipeline? To such people, I say, has it ever entered your thick skulls that, like his wife, he was never proud of this country? In fact, I’d suggest that, aside from the presidential perks, he doesn’t like it even a little bit.

The one thing he is mad about, though, is green energy. In fact he is so entranced with everything green that he even devised a health plan that deals with the elderly by turning them into Soylent Green wafers.

By now, we all know that the folks in the General Services Administration (GSA) squandered a fortune in tax dollars vacationing in Vegas, Hawaii and Palm Springs. When reprimanded, they defended themselves by pointing out that the Obamas have squandered millions more cavorting in Hawaii, Spain and Mexico…and there are only the four of them.

That leads me to wonder how big an allowance the Obamas dole out to Malia and Sasha. When their father is more than willing to blow a billion dollars just to hang on to his job, I can see where it might be difficult to tell the kids that they have to earn their money. Knowing teenagers as I do, I can just see Malia rolling her eyes over that bit of parental folderol.

Now that we all know that the Obamas paid a mere 20% of their income to the IRS, I have been waiting for Warren Buffet’s secretary to cry “Foul!” and for her boss to tell Obama in no uncertain terms that it’s high time he paid his fair share.

Finally, with all the golf Obama has played over the past three years, a friend asked me if I had any idea what his handicap was these days. All I could say was, “Where do I start?”

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email. This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to Burt Prelutsky, 16604 Dearborn Street, North Hills, CA 91343-3604. Your donation will serve as your entry in a drawing to receive an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites.
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THE NUTTY THINGS LIBERALS SAY

2012-05-02T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

I know that those on the Left pride themselves not only on their compassion and on holding the deed to the moral high ground, but also to having brains so enormous that they can barely make it through doorways. Well, it ain’t necessarily so.

For instance, while speaking at Al Sharpton’s National Action Network convention in Washington, D.C., Attorney General Eric Holder said this to his host: “Thank you for your partnership, your friendship and your tireless efforts to speak out for the voiceless, to stand up for the powerless, and to shine a light on the problems we must solve, and the promises we must fulfill.”

You would have thought he was praising some great humanitarian. Instead, he was paying homage to the man who got his start as a publicity whore back in 1987, when he accused white cops of having raped a black teenager, who had only made the accusation as a way to conceal from her mother the fact that she had spent the weekend shacked up with her boyfriend. Sharpton followed that up by singling out a couple of New York Jews for street justice. Predictably, they were subsequently killed by black mobs.

More recently, Rev. Sharpton, who now hosts a show on MSNBC, was down in Sanford, Florida, and once again, in concert with the Black Panthers, he was inciting racial violence.

As Bernard Goldberg put it in a recent article devoted to Sharpton’s litany of sins, “This kind of nonsense gives cynicism a bad name.”

Joe Biden, who is busy serving as Obama’s consigliore, admitted, “I never had an interest in being a mayor because that’s a real job. You have to produce. That’s why I was able to be a Senator for 36 years.” So, as a reward for being lazy as well as stupid, he winds up being the man a heartbeat away from the Oval Office. Still, while he’s right about his own deficiencies, he still manages to be wrong when it comes to mayors, as proven on a daily basis by the likes of Michael Bloomberg, Antonio Villaraigosa and Rahm Emanuel.

Recently, while delivering a speech at Alabama A&M, Louis Farrakhan told an adoring crowd that Jesus Christ had been a black Muslim. He also took the time to refer to Jews as “a synagogue of Satan” and accused white Republicans of praying for Obama’s death. I wasn’t too surprised that the predominantly black student audience cheered his words, but I was a bit taken aback to learn that he’d been invited down by the A&M Poetry Club and the A&M Democrats. Frankly, I would have expected better from the poets.

My head came close to exploding when Hilary Rosen took Ann Romney to task for never having been a member of the work force. For one thing, anyone who thinks that raising five boys is easier than being a liberal flack clearly has straw for brains. For another, Ms. Rosen is a lesbian. I have no bone to pick with lesbians, but I can’t deny that I find it ludicrous when the likes of Hilary Rosen and Rosie O’Donnell take it upon themselves to lecture American women on how they should live their lives.

On a related matter, it’s worth noting that in 2005, when Michelle Obama decided to entrust four-year-old Sasha and seven-year-old Malia to nannies, her husband was being paid $162,000 as a U.S. senator. So it wasn’t financial necessity that had her raking in $317,000 dealing with community affairs at the University of Chicago Medical Center; although why anyone at a medical center who’s not performing heart transplants would be making that kind of money strikes me as a reasonable question. Still, I think it’s their business if the Obamas decided they preferred living large to providing their kids with a stay-at-home mom. At least it is so long as their mouthpiece doesn’t go around denigrating the admirable Mrs. Romney.

Finally, we keep hearing various left-wing nabobs accusing the Republicans of having declared war on women. You have to admire the brass of these people, if nothing else about them. I mean, the gall of making such an accusation in light of the things high-profile liberals have said over the years about the likes of Condoleezza Rice, Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin and female Tea Party members, is truly awe-inspiring.

Speaking of women, we should never forget that it wasn’t too long ago that Hillary Clinton, whose engraved business cards read: “The Smartest Woman in the World,” announced that Syria’s Bashar al-Assad was a reformer. But, as I recall, she also had very complimentary things to say along the way about her husband and Barack Obama, so perhaps she just has a soft spot for tall liars.

Finally, it should be acknowledged that almost as noteworthy as the things that left-wingers say are the things they don’t. For instance, while constantly railing against the way that Republicans treat their womenfolk, when have you ever heard Obama utter a negative word about the vile manner in which women are dealt with in Islamic societies?

For that matter, when have you ever heard Obama or any of his groupies acknowledge that a state of war between Islam and the West has existed ever since, at Jimmy Carter’s behest, the Ayatollah Khomeini took control of Iran?

In my lifetime, the only event that was even more calamitous was the day that Barack Obama took control of the United States.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email. This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t pay a dime for the dozen or so articles I post every month. In case you’re feeling guilty, this is your chance at absolution by sending cash, check or money order to Burt Prelutsky, 16604 Dearborn Street, North Hills, CA 91343-3604. Your donation will serve as your entry in a drawing to receive an autographed copy of Liberals: America’s Termites.
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A PRESIDENT NOT FIT FOR MAN OR BEAST

2012-04-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

Due to an error by, me, the editor, the final two paragraphs were missing from “The Best College in America.” This was my fault, not Burt’s. I regret the confusion this caused. Please go back and give it another read now that it makes sense. -ed.

by BurtPrelutsky

Now that Romney has sewn up the nomination, it’s time we all concentrated on the best way to prevent Obama and his creepy cronies from finally turning America, the shining city on the hill, into a cesspool.

When people wonder how the liberals gained so much influence, I point to the 60s. That was the era when young people first discovered how much power and influence they had so long as they acted in unison. By the time they had gotten through college, they decided the best way to hang on to power and influence was by pursuing careers in law and academics. By the time that Woodward and Bernstein managed to chase Richard Nixon out of the White House, those who didn’t have the requisite brain power to become lawyers, judges and professors, became social workers, public school teachers and journalists.

What these people tend to have in common is the notion that America is an evil, greedy, materialistic, racist, warlike nation, that fails to measure up to places like Cuba, Russia, Iran, China and the West Bank.

They believe that whites, other than themselves, are racists, but that blacks, 97% of whom voted for Barack Obama, who allow people like Al Sharpton, Maxine Waters and Jesse Jackson, to speak for them and whose ministers, more often than not, parrot the same tripe as Jeremiah Wright, are not.

My advice to Romney is to stop telling us he thinks Obama is a nice guy. We’ve had over three years of this guy cozying up to our sworn enemies while insulting our allies; redistributing everybody’s wealth but his own; saddling us with a debt that will bankrupt our grandchildren; and crippling America’s sources of energy. That may be Romney’s idea of a nice guy, but it’s my idea of a schmuck.

We already had John McCain run a campaign that was so separated from reality that he wouldn’t even permit the Party to run an ad that connected Obama to his religious mentor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, because he suffered from the delusion that he was behaving in a statesmanlike way, overlooking the fact that the only time a politician is referred to as a statesman is in his obituary.

I remain convinced that Romney is the best man to unseat Obama, but he will need to start waking up Americans. It’s time for another Paul Revere to warn his countrymen that the enemy is upon us, and that behind the smile, Obama is an anti-American, anti-capitalist, demon.

Unlike most politicians who lie to us during campaign season, Obama was perfectly honest. He said that his energy policy would send our energy costs soaring. And then to help him keep his promise, he appointed Stephen Chu, the man who prayed for our gas prices to hit $10-a-gallon, to be his secretary of energy.

He also said that the problem with both the U.S. Constitution and the Civil Rights Movement was that they didn’t deal with the redistribution of wealth. To ensure that the same could not be said of his administration, he surrounded himself with the likes of Timothy Geithner, Van Jones, Valerie Jarrett and David Axelrod.

The one obvious lie Obama told us was that he would be a post-racial president. The truth is just the opposite. He is the president who appointed confirmed racist Eric Holder to be our attorney general. In that role, Holder has gone to war against a number of states for either trying to keep illegal aliens from taking root like leaches, for attempting to ensure that only living American citizens get to vote in our elections and for opposing ObamaCare. He has also overseen Fast and Furious, the sting operation that saw thousands of weapons ending up in the hands of Mexican gangsters, culminating in the death of an American border agent. At the same time, Holder has refused to indict the Black Panthers for either voter intimidation or, more recently, for placing a dead-or-alive bounty on the head of George Zimmerman.

I, personally, don’t hold Holder accountable. Clearly, Holder is merely following orders emanating from what some people have taken to calling the Offal Office.

In fact, when some folks call for Holder’s resignation, I roll my eyes. It’s like people who believe that term limits would finally rid Congress of the likes of Henry Waxman, Maxine Waters and Charley Rangel. It’s a pipe dream to think their constituents would suddenly wake up and elect candidates reminiscent of Paul Ryan or Darrel Issa. These dimwits would simply elect younger, no doubt more attractive, versions of Waxman, Waters and Rangel.

Thanks to Obama’s pussyfooting around when it comes to Iran, I recently suggested that it might be time for a chicken to replace the American eagle as our national symbol. One reader wrote in, suggesting we could compromise with Benjamin Franklin’s original suggestion, the turkey.

But, as I wrote back, isn’t it enough that we already have one roosting in the White House?

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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THE BEST COLLEGE IN AMERICA

2012-04-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

If you’re a liberal, you would probably insist, depending on which one you attended, that Harvard, Yale, Stanford or UC Berkeley, was the finest college or university in the country. If you went to Harvard, you would probably say, in the world.

If you were a conservative, you would probably vote for Hillsdale.

But I contend that far and away, the best one doesn’t even have a campus, an endowment fund or even a football team. In fact, it’s the one that people tend to ignore except once every four years. I’m referring to the Electoral College.

As a rule, the only time people even talk about it, they’re complaining that it should be abolished. But, as is nearly always the case, they happen to be wrong and the Founding Fathers were right.

Just as the geniuses who came up with the Constitution didn’t want the federal government to be able to lord it over the states, they also didn’t want a few larger states to lord it over the smaller ones. There is possibly nothing that makes a stronger case for those men having been divinely-inspired than Article Two of the Constitution, which declared that the presidency would not be determined by a popular vote.

Just as they sought balance by deciding that each state, whatever its population, would have two senators, they also wanted to avoid having a few large states controlling presidential elections. They had, after all, set out to create a republic, not a democracy.

So it is that Barack Obama could easily win the popular vote this November by taking such states as California, Illinois, New York and Massachusetts, by several million votes, but still wind up losing the election because his Republican opponent wins in places such as Ohio, Missouri, Virginia, Iowa, Wyoming, Nevada, Florida, Michigan, Georgia, Kansas, Alaska, the Dakotas and the Carolinas, by anything from 10,000 to 50,000 votes.

If that happens, we can all be sure that the Democrats will whine about it and cry, “Foul!”

But how is it fair that a minority of 15 or 20 states should be able to impose their will on 30 or 35 others?

Although, the Electoral College generally reflects the popular vote, that’s not always the case. For instance, in 1876, Samuel J. Tilden received 250,000 more votes than Rutherford B. Hayes, but lost the election by one electoral vote. In 1880, James Garfield only garnered 16,000 more votes than Winfield Hancock, but clobbered him in the College 214-155.

In 1884, Grover Cleveland narrowly squeaked by with a 25,000 vote margin, but he defeated James Blaine by 37 votes where it counted. However, when Cleveland ran for re-election in 1888, he wound up with 90,000 more votes than Benjamin Harrison, but lost in the Electoral College 233-168.

In 1960, JFK, thanks to typical left-wing hanky-panky in Texas and Illinois, wound up with 114,000 more votes (out of roughly 69,000,000 cast), but easily defeated Nixon in the College 303-219.

In 1968, Nixon only received a trifling 500,000 more votes than Humphrey (out of 73,000,000 cast), but buried him in the College election 301-191.

In 2000, in an election reminiscent of the ones that took place in 1876 and 1888, Al Gore took the popular vote 50,992,335 to George W. Bush’s 50,455,156, but Bush turned the tables in the Electoral College, defeating Gore 271-266.

Although I honestly believe that the men who created the Constitution were divinely-inspired, I wouldn't want to suggest that God takes an active role in our elections. Otherwise, how to explain Barack Obama’s winding up in the White House?

But, even if it’s merely a coincidence, I think it’s worth noting that in all three instances that the candidate who received fewer popular votes wound up being elected president, he just happened to be a Republican.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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THE ELEPHANT AND THE JACKASS

2012-04-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

Some people insist that there is no difference between Democrats and Republicans. It is true that in some basic ways, all politicians are alike. After all, they all want to get re-elected, so they have to spend an inordinate amount of time diving into various pockets seeking campaign contributions. They also have to compromise unless they have overwhelming majorities in both houses of Congress, as Obama did from 2009-2011, and even he had to finally use bribery and intimidation in order to get ObamaCare, his signature piece of legislation, passed.

It’s among civilians that one sees the greatest differences between conservatives and liberals. Conservatives, as you’d know if you’ve ever attended a Tea Party gathering, tend to be civil, respectful of opposing points of view, religious and in awe of the Founding Fathers. Liberals, on the other hand, enjoy behaving like barbarians, whether it’s at Wisconsin’s state capitol, on Wall Street or in Watts; do everything they can to deprive conservatives of free speech; oppose all religious symbols and ceremonies, while pretending that’s the intention of the 1st Amendment; and regularly demonstrate their contempt of people like Washington, Madison and Jefferson, whom they dismiss as slave-owning white guys.

Russian Pres. Dimitry Medvedev

When white conservative politicians are disgruntled, they express their grievances to the media. When black liberal politicians are disgruntled, they start shouting during a committee hearing or during a House session, as Sheila Jackson Lee and Bobby Rush have done in recent months. Even when the chairman tries to silence their outbursts by pounding his gavel, they take it as nothing more than a musical accompaniment. And because white congressmen are a spineless bunch of toadies, ever fearful they’ll be branded racists, they never even think of disciplining these obnoxious yahoos.

The good news is that Obama, mainly through his hand puppet, Eric Holder, has displayed his own racism so often that I expect he will experience the appropriate blowback in November. I am convinced that a large number of Independents who voted for him last time because they wanted to feel good about voting for the first black president have experienced a depressing change of heart.

Frankly, even though I have never regarded Obama as particularly bright, his tossing in his two cents during the recent Trayvon Martin-George Zimmerman contretemps struck me as being particularly idiotic. After all, he had no more facts at hand than the rest of us, but he couldn’t resist pointing out that if he had a son, he’d look like young Martin. Right, and if he donned a hoodie and a pair of sunglasses the way that Rep. Rush did, he, too, would resemble the young ne’er-do-well. So what? The truth is, if Obama’s dad had been Peruvian instead of Kenyan, it’s George Zimmerman he’d look like.

The political fact of life is that Obama doesn’t have to suck up to blacks. After all, they’re obviously every bit as willing to overlook the fact that he’s half white as he is. He received 97% of their votes in 2008, and the only way he could receive a higher percentage is if Thomas Sowell, Walter Williams, Shelby Steele, Jesse Lee Peterson and Clarence Thomas, all took leave of their senses this November.

All Obama did by jumping into the fray was to remind us that he did the same thing when he condemned the Cambridge Police Department without knowing what had actually transpired between his friend, Prof. Henry Gates, and the cops.

He is clearly the most racist president we’ve had since Woodrow Wilson, but because it’s white folks he dislikes -- unless, of course, they’re underlings doing his bidding or millionaires financing his re-election -- nobody dares condemn him for it.

Recently, Obama was overheard telling President Medvedev that he would have greater flexibility after his election. Inasmuch as Obama has already denied Poland and the Czech Republic a promised missile defense system and, for good measure, offered to drastically reduce our nuclear capability, while getting absolutely nothing in return from Russia, I assume Medvedev and his puppet master, Putin, took that to mean he’ll somehow bend over even further in the future.

Speaking for conservatives, anxious to see him gone, we hope that greater flexibility means that after next January, Obama will be able to sleep till noon, work on his putting, have lunch regularly with the likes of Bill Ayers, Van Jones and Jeremiah Wright, and still have plenty of time to take the kids to Chicago’s Lincoln Park Zoo.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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THE DELUSIONAL LEFT

2012-04-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

Predictably, Nancy Pelosi applauded Rep. Bobby Rush when he donned a hoodie on the floor of the House to show his solidarity with the likes of Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and the Black Panthers, in their calls for George Zimmerman’s head on a platter. Meanwhile, back in Chicago’s 1st congressional district, home to Mr. Rush, during one recent Thursday night, 13 people were shot, two of them fatally. I understand that the shooters all wore hoodies. I trust that Mrs. Pelosi can provide Bobby Rush with an alibi.

In the meantime, in the NCAA basketball tournament, the Final Four consisted of Kentucky, Ohio State, Louisville and Kansas. So, Obama got the first two heavy favorites right, but didn’t foresee Louisville and Kansas beating out Missouri and North Carolina. But to be fair, the prognosticator-in-chief, as usual, was playing politics, and clearly decided to ally himself with schools located in swing states.

Although I assume that the four conservative justices on the Supreme Court will decide what to do about ObamaCare on the constitutional merits of the bill, and that the four left-wing justices will decide the case based on their political bias, I pray that Justice Kennedy will not be overly reluctant to undo what Congress has done. I am hoping that he will at least consider the fact that, even with huge pluralities in the House and Senate, Obama, Pelosi and Reid, had to employ huge bribes and thug-like intimidation in order to get a number of their fellow Democrats to pass the damn thing.

Speaking of ObamaCare, the fact is I happen to support mandated health insurance. I just don’t believe that the federal government has any business being involved in it. Between the EPA, Homeland Security and a power-mad president, the liberals have already gobbled up far too much power. That said, I believe the individual states have every right to require that people purchase health insurance, just as they can require that drivers carry auto insurance. The argument that it’s not the same thing because people who don’t drive don’t have to pay for auto insurance ignores the fact that everyone, sooner or later, is going to have to go to a doctor, a clinic or a hospital, and the idea that those who are uninsured will simply have the costs covered by other taxpayers is immoral and should be made illegal.

That’s not to say I wouldn’t change the system. For one thing, I would allow people to buy their insurance across state borders, but I would see to it that the companies would be regulated by federal law, not according to 50 different state laws. Moreover, I would deny an insurance company the ability to drop someone simply because he or she had gotten sick and might actually need the health insurance they’d been paying for. Once an insurance company accepted a client, they would be stuck with him for his entire life so long as he paid his premiums. Heck, who wouldn’t start an insurance company if they only had to cover young, healthy people?

Living as I do in California, it’s not often I have any reason to praise any of our politicians. But, miracle of miracles, for perhaps the first time ever, Gov. Jerry Brown spoke for me when he nixed $300,000-a-year salaries for Cal State University presidents, pointing out that the job mainly consists of raising money. At that point, Gov. Brown only needed to be right one more time within 24 hours to be as good as a broken clock. But, as you would assume, he wasn’t up to the challenge, and the clock won the competition.

As we draw ever closer to November 6th, I have a feeling that the date will go down in history and rival the end of World War II, when a few other notable tyrants were defeated. The difference is that Obama will survive his defeat, and go on to become even wealthier, giving speeches to besotted liberals; get to spend four or eight years fuming about President Romney; and show up on “The View” to promote the third of his best-selling, ghost-written, books. He might even get to host his own talk show on MSNBC or, in tandem with Michelle, a cooking show on the Food Network, “In the Kitchen with the Obamas.”

Finally, I would like to tip my cap to Kinde Durkee, a Democratic campaign treasurer from California who was recently indicted for defrauding 50 state and national politicians, including Dianne Feinstein and the Sanchez sisters, Loretta and Linda, of $8 million over the previous decade.

Sad to say, there have only been a handful of Republicans who have done half as much for the conservative movement as Mrs. Durkee.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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IT’S NOT EASY BEING A CONSERVATIVE

2012-04-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

I realize that every conservative has plenty to complain about. Everything from media bias to popular culture to the Marxist in the White House springs to mind. But I, personally, have my own particular complaints. I refer to the fact that even though those on the Left have taken to heart the Saul Alinsky dictum that in the unending war between liberals and conservatives no weapon is quite as effective as ridicule, we conservatives ignore the pronouncement at our peril.

Every time you turn around, professional clowns like Bill Maher, David Letterman, Jon Stewart, Chris Matthews, Ed Schultz, Maureen Dowd, Rachel Maddow, Joy Behar, Whoopi Goldberg, Billy Crystal, Lawrence O’Donnell, Joe Biden, Henry Waxman, Michael Moore and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, are happily mocking those of us on the Right. In rebuttal, we roll out Ann Coulter, Dennis Miller and Greg Gutfeld, and while it’s true that one conservative wit is easily the equal of a dozen liberal nitwits, these three shouldn’t be forced to do all the heavy lifting on our behalf.

Although I readily acknowledge that every time a liberal opens his mouth, he or she pretty much makes our case, and while I’d never want to discount the role that such serious-minded individuals as Charles Krauthammer, Dennis Prager, Bernie Goldberg, Mark Steyn, Steve Hayes, Laura Ingraham, Hugh Hewitt, Bret Baier, David Limbaugh, Mike Gallagher, Lou Dobbs, Neil Cavuto, Mark Levin, Michael Medved, Andrew Napolitano, Glenn Beck, Bill Kristol, Brit Hume and Sean Hannity play, when it comes to ridicule, it couldn’t hurt to go on the offensive a little more often.

You would think that conservatives would be desperate to fight back in kind, and yet I have never been able to get the Wall Street Journal, Townhall magazine, USA Today or the Weekly Standard, to publish a single one of my articles and, for good measure, have never been invited on Fox News. Go figure.

Well, enough about me. Moving on to lesser matters, I keep hearing Obama describing his energy policy as “all of the above,” while neglecting to mention that by “all,” he means everything but coal, oil and nuclear power. However, I can see where he gets the idea that an industrial nation can get by with those alternative sources of energy he keeps subsidizing with our tax dollars. After all, in search of campaign donations, he gets to fly all over the country on Air Force One, and so far as he can tell, it’s entirely fueled by his own considerable wind power.

Both Obama and Secretary of Energy Steven Chu agree that Americans are addicted to oil, apparently seeing it as akin to heroin or crack cocaine. It is the reason that both of them have done everything in their power to make gas prices rise, at least until they risked having those soaring prices jeopardize Obama’s re-election.

But it occurs to me that when fuel costs skyrocket, it raises the price of everything we buy because retailers have to adjust their prices upward to cover their own overhead. That leads me to wonder if along the way, Obama will take us to task for our shameful addiction to food and clothing.

Something else we keep hearing from the soon-to-be ex-president is that we must be respectful of Islam, even when allegedly trusted Muslim allies shoot our soldiers in the back of the head; when people we’ve squandered blood and treasure protecting have the gall to insult us; and when in 2011, in Pakistan alone, 943 women and girls were murdered for offending their family honor. Odd, isn’t it, that it’s never Muslim males who are guilty of these alleged transgressions?

Pakistan, by the way, is a nation in which there is no law against domestic violence, and so-called honor killings are casually dismissed by the police as family matters.

One is tempted to wish that these people would be bombed back into the Dark Ages, but it would be a meaningless threat because, for all intents and purposes, they’ve never left.

Finally, Joe Biden, the man who took the vice-presidency, which has traditionally been a non-speaking part, and turned it into a feature role as the Court Jester, once famously described ObamaCare as “one *%$#@% big deal.” But that was two years ago and people have short memories, so Biden recently reminded us of his well-deserved reputation by describing Obama’s role in signing off on the Osama bin Laden raid as the most audacious plan in the past 500 years.

While some of the more historically-minded among us have suggested that Napoleon’s invasion of Russia, the Boston Tea Party and the D-Day invasion, have all dwarfed Obama’s providing the thumbs-up to our Navy Seals, I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was being dismissive of Obama’s audacity for strictly partisan reasons.

Instead, having actually looked up “audacious” in the dictionary and discovering that among its various definitions are “unrestrained,” “in defiance of convention and propriety,” “impudent,” and “reckless,” I would say that one of the most audacious things Barack Obama has ever done was to select a cluck like Joe Biden to be a mere heartbeat away from the presidency.

In a related matter, it has been determined by a panel of experts that the single most audacious thing the American people have ever done was to elect Barack Hussein Obama the 44th president of the United States.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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THE ODD THINGS I THINK ABOUT

2012-04-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

Although I spend a good deal of time contemplating liberals and the enormous harm they do, I also let my brain wander into other bizarre areas.

For instance, people have a tendency to misread my face. I used to blame them, but ever since I saw David Steinberg interview comedian Steven Wright, I have begun blaming my face.

For those of you unfamiliar with Wright, who takes a surrealistic approach to observational humor, he looks as if he’s carting around the weight of the world on his shoulders. When Steinberg asked him if he lacked the ability to experience joy, Wright denied it, stating that he actually laughed a great deal, but that it was as if a circuit was missing between his brain and his face. Well, apparently I am missing the same circuit because people often conclude from my dour expression that I’m unhappy. In fact, I have often found myself surprised when I see photos of myself because I could have sworn I was smiling at the time.

As a result, people often ask me what’s bugging me, and my honest answer is that it’s people asking me what’s bugging me. Occasionally, of course, what’s bugging me is that I’ve been thinking about liberals and the enormous harm they do.

Something else I am willing to confess is that while I rarely have a problem when it comes to spelling words, there are some words I can’t say unless I take a running start at them. In fact, I actually experience a sense of awe when people on radio or TV can slide right through “similarly,” “exponentially” and the names of Islamic terrorists.

Speaking of words, or, rather, words that must remain unspoken, in New York City, the language police have recently decided that certain words must be eliminated from school tests because some students might find them troubling. Among the words that the dingbats think might “evoke unpleasant emotions” are “dinosaur,” “birthday,” “Halloween,” “dancing,” “junk food,” “wealth-related,” “poverty,” “divorce” and “disease.”

The truth is, when it comes to satirizing liberals, conservatives are inevitably a step behind. I mean, when Michelle Obama and Mayor Michael Bloomberg declared war on junk food, even I wouldn’t have presumed that the loony next step would be to banish the term.

In neighboring Pennsylvania, atheists belonging to the Freedom from Religion Foundation sued state lawmakers to prevent their referring to 2012 as the Year of the Bible because the members of the FFRF find “the violent, sexist and racist, models of biblical behavior personally repugnant.” I am assuming that members of Pennsylvania’s Freedom from Atheists Foundation will next be suing because they find the FFRF personally repugnant.

In a somewhat related matter, historian and music lover Ronald Kessler suggests that “America the Beautiful,” with its “spacious skies,” “amber waves of grain,” “purple mountain majesties,” “sea to shining sea” and “God shed his grace on thee,” be made the national anthem.

I must admit I would find it an improvement over “rocket’s red glare” and “bombs bursting in air.” Worst of all is our current anthem is saddled with a one and a half octave range, forcing American men to try to sing notes they haven’t been able to reach since passing through puberty.

Moreover, it’s not as if it was a favorite of the Founding Fathers. It was written by Francis Scott Key during the otherwise forgettable War of 1812, and only became our anthem through an executive order by the obviously tone-deaf Woodrow Wilson in 1916, and made official by a vote of the musically-challenged Congress in 1931.

Finally, just as the producers intended, the announcement that Jane Fonda, aka “Hanoi Jane,” has been cast to portray Nancy Reagan in “The Butler” has outraged just about every decent American. I, on the other hand, happen to be undismayed by the news. In fact, I see it as a public service.

The way I look at it, Hollywood can’t be expected to picture the Reagans in a favorable light. Anyone who tried it would never again be invited to a party at Steven Spielberg’s, Tom Hank’s or Barbara Streisand’s, mansion. Still, some conservative optimists, hoping for the best, might otherwise have been tempted to waste their money on a ticket. This way, Fonda will serve as a red flag just like the little flags on highways that warn us that we need to detour before we land in the ditch.

I haven’t yet heard who will play Ronald Reagan, but I’m betting it will be someone who’s made his mark portraying buffoons. I suspect those on the short list to portray our 40th president include Will Ferrell, Owen Wilson and Pee-Wee Herman.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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A FEW NAMES IN THE NEWS

2012-04-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

I realize there are perfectly decent Republicans who still hold out hope that, through divine or not so divine intervention, Santorum, Gingrich or Paul, will wind up being the GOP nominee. I have no doubt that years ago, they were perfectly decent children who believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. So while I hate to destroy anyone’s delusions, I think it is high time that the RNC grew up and faced reality.

For openers, if this primary season has taught us anything, it’s that the GOP needs to address its laundry list of mistakes. One, they should do away with caucuses; if a state doesn’t wish to stage an actual primary for whatever reason, they should just sit it out. Are you listening, Iowa?

Two, let’s put an end to open primaries. Why would Republicans want Democrats helping to decide who our nominee is going to be? Do you really think they have our best interests at heart?

Three, let’s stop putting Iowa and New Hampshire at the head of the parade. In a general election, neither state is all that important, but because they come first, the nation has to focus on them for weeks, even months, at a time. And no more punishing states like Florida and Michigan for wanting to move up the dates of their primaries. Instead, have a start date; say January 15th, and then allow each state to determine when they want to hold their primary. If they all decide on January 16th, so be it. At least we wouldn’t have to drag these things on endlessly.

Finally, assuming all the primaries wouldn’t take place on the same date, candidates who don’t achieve a certain level of support would be excluded from future ballots. As I write this, there have been nearly 30 primaries or caucuses, and thus far Gingrich has won two and Paul, who is making his third run, has once again won none. There is no good reason that they should continue to be regarded as serious candidates, in just the same way that a bunch of wannabes looking to garner some publicity have no business clogging up the debates. I mean, seriously, did anyone, including his daughters, ever really believe that Jon Hunstman was going to be the nominee?

As long as I’m busy making rules, I would like to make a rule that nobody ever again be tried for a hate crime. A crime is a crime, and whether the victim is a black, a Hispanic or a homosexual, should not make the punishment any more severe than if the victim is a WASP. One can safely assume that every crime is hateful to the victim. People who favor concentrating on “hate” rather than “crime” are the same noodle-heads who are unaware that “social justice” is an oxymoron. Justice doesn’t call for adjectives. Once they’re added on, it ceases to be justice, which is why Lady Justice is always pictured blindfolded and why Martin Luther King pleaded for a colorblind society.

Not too long ago, I saw Rosie O’Donnell and Angelica Houston on TV sticking up for Sandra Fluke, and pretending on Obama’s behalf that mandating contraception and abortion for employees of Catholic entities is not actually an infringement on religious freedom, but is all about women’s health.

In their discussion, they parroted the old line about men having no business being involved in women’s reproductive freedom. Even if we ignore the fact that men are fathers, brothers and boyfriends, whose own lives will be greatly affected because of the decisions made by women, by what stretch of the imagination do these two women -- one a 50 year old lesbian, the other a 60 year old who has all the reproductive freedom she could possibly want, thanks to Mother Nature -- have commenting on things that don’t involve them?

I recently got word that over 50,000 people have been killed in Mexico over the past five years. At about the same time, I learned that Malia Obama had been vacationing in Mexico with some of her school chums.

I must confess it surprised me that her mother, who seems overly concerned that your kids are eating an occasional cupcake, would send her child to a place that makes Kandahar seem as safe as Lincoln’s bedroom.

Then I heard that the kids were accompanied by 15 Secret Service agents! That’s 15 --count them–- 15!

The first thing that occurred to me was that I helped pay for that kid’s vacation.

The second thing that occurred to me was, like mother, like daughter.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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MYSTERIES WORTHY OF SHERLOCK HOLMES

2012-04-13T00:01:00.001-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

Because Barack Obama repeats himself so often, I’m never sure when I see him on TV insisting that his energy policy involves “all-of-the-above” whether I’m watching one of his 2008 campaign speeches or one that he delivered yesterday afternoon. Either way, I know he’s lying.

The reason that he gets applause from an audience of college students or public sector union members is because these trained seals know that whenever he pauses in the middle of a sentence, it’s their cue to begin clapping. These dolts have no idea that “all of the above “ theoretically refers to gas, coal, oil, nuclear, solar and wind. If they actually understood that the only two options he favors are the last two, they might stop cheering long enough to wonder why he doesn’t just say so, instead of pretending that the other, more realistic options are actually on the table.

They might even wonder why he stopped the Keystone oil pipeline in its tracks, or why he insists on taking bows for oil drilling in the U.S. that’s only taking place thanks to George Bush’s long term policies. Or, for that matter, they might even question why he has done everything in his power to destroy the coal and oil industries in America, while at the same time sending two billion tax dollars to help Brazil finance their offshore drilling efforts.

In a saner world, they might even ask each other why he has funneled billions of our dollars to solar companies that, in the natural course of things, quickly go bankrupt. Then again, they might be curious why the American taxpayer had to pony up hundreds of millions of dollars so that Chevrolet could give birth to the Volt, a car that is every bit as unappealing as the Ford Edsel was in its day. In fact, the only major differences between the two automotive lemons is that the Ford Motor Company came up with the Edsel on their own dime, and that the Volt, with its $40,000 price tag, costs several times as much.

Moving on, if Staff Sgt. Robert Bales did what he is accused of having done in Afghanistan -- namely massacre 16 civilians, nine of them children -- he deserves to be punished. I have heard all the possible rationales for the crimes, which include a war-related brain injury, money woes, marital woes and a drinking problem, but I wouldn’t buy those excuses if those vile crimes had been committed by a civilian in Chicago or Kansas City, so I’m not going to cut him any slack just because they took place halfway around the world in Kandahar.

That being said, the notion that, as a result of the carnage, the Al Capone of Afghanistan, otherwise known as Hamid Karzai, had the gall to tell America that our soldiers weren’t to be allowed off their military bases, makes me question once again why we are propping up his corrupt regime. For good measure, this tinhorn douchebag also insisted that when Defense Secretary Panetta addressed several hundred U.S. servicemen, they had to leave their weapons at the door. Although it is still early in the year, Vegas odds makers are already making Karzai the schmuck to beat in the 2012 Chutzpah Man of the Year competition.

This is the same Hamid Karzai, by the way, who insisted that Sgt. Bales stand trial and get a taste of what passes for justice in an Afghan court, but who has not, so far as I can tell, even arrested the treacherous Afghan guards who shot seven American soldiers in the back over the past couple of months.

For my part, I would pull our troops out of Afghanistan tomorrow morning, let the Taliban deal with Karzai, and come back in the afternoon if we felt the need.

Finally, in a recent piece, I committed the sin in some readers’ eyes of paying respect to Abraham Lincoln. Even though I know that Lincoln did not fight the Civil War in order to free the slaves, but in order to preserve the Union, and that some people are still upset that he suspended habeas corpus during the conflict, I had to take exception to those who accused him of being a dictator and who likened the Civil War to our American Revolution.

The Founding Fathers did not wage war in order to free themselves from an overreaching federal government, but to free themselves from the government of a foreign power in which they had no representation. The Confederate States, on the other hand, were fully represented in Washington, D.C.

A few readers pointed out that there was nothing in the Constitution that prevented the 11 Southern states from seceding. My response was: Why would there be? After fighting the Brits in order to gain their independence, why would Washington, Madison and Adams, ever dream that 80 or so years later, half the nation would decide to go its separate way? It would be like parents leaving the house and having to remind their 12-year-old son to be sure not to remove his own appendix while they’re at the movies.

Finally, while I fully acknowledged that Lincoln was not a saint who sacrificed his own life in order to free the slaves, the South fought a war in which 620,000 Americans died for no other reason than to retain slavery. Even speaking as one who favors states’ rights and a smaller federal government, habeas corpus or no habeas corpus, that’s really not a motive I’d ever care to defend.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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SURVEYING THE SURVEY

2012-04-11T00:05:00.000-07:00

[When you finish this article, be sure to read the bonus article, “Welcome to Dizzyworld.” -ed]

by BurtPrelutsky

First off, I would like to thank all of you who took part in the first annual Prelutsky Survey.

I am pleased to report that I received responses from 43 states, plus Puerto Rico. In addition, I heard from France, the Philippines, Canada, Norway, the Virgin Islands and the United Kingdom. Actually, I heard from two readers in the U.K. and three from Canada. The seven states that weren’t represented were Alaska, Hawaii, Wyoming, North Dakota, New Hampshire, Kansas and Rhode Island.

My main motivation, I will confess, was to find out how people in Hong Kong, Russia and Finland, ever came to be subscribers. I realize that a great many people show up once because they Google someone I’ve written about, but when they keep returning, as my tracking device tells me they do, I can’t help wondering why I have a fan or fans in, say, Finland. Alas, I may never find out. In the same way, I may never find out why my regular readers in Anchorage were no-shows.

[This is a live cumulative map of visitors since Burt launched this site. Mouse on each country for individual figures. Note: the stat counter only reports the location of your service provider, not your individual personal information.-ed]

All told, I had about 320 respondents, 75% of whom were men. The majority were 55 years old or older, with about 10% falling in the 35-44 age range and another 30% between 45 and 54.

Nearly everyone was a Republican, although 17 were Independents, eight were Libertarians and one identified himself as a Constitutionalist. But even among those 26, most confessed they had voted for McCain in 2008, although some made it very clear that they had actually voted for Sarah Palin.

Romney was overwhelmingly the person regarded as the strongest possible candidate against Obama, although there were eight or nine hold-outs for Santorum and Gingrich, and one each for Herman Cain and Paul Ryan.

In terms of education, 11 stopped going to school once they received their high school diploma. About 25% attended college, while 30% stuck around to get their four year degree and 40% stuck around even longer in order to pick up their doctorates.

Racially, almost everyone who got back to me was Caucasian. The exceptions were two blacks, one Asian, one Cherokee and one wisenheimer who insisted he was second generation Irish.

When it came to favorite news sources, the great majority mentioned Fox, Drudge, CNN, various blogs and the Wall Street Journal.

Slightly over 70% of those polled are married. Of the remaining 30%, most are divorced, followed by those who have never been married, while about 5% are widowed.

Only a third of those surveyed identify themselves as urban dwellers, while two-thirds either live in the suburbs, rural areas or small towns.

I will confess that I expected that the largest response would come from Texas, and while I did hear from 35 Texans, I heard from 50 readers here in California. What that led me to realize is that Texans are simply far more likely than other people to identify their home state, and even their hometown, in their messages. The only other states that reached double figures were Florida (21), Arizona (15), Colorado (12), Georgia (12), New York (12), Illinois (11) and Alabama (10).

By a 2-1 margin, people who insist they aren’t influenced one way or another by a candidate’s religion out-numbered those who admit they are.

In something of a surprise to me, those who are influenced by a Tea Party endorsement turned out to be the exact same number as those who say they’re not.

When it came to Barack Obama, those who believe he is destined to lose the election in November out-numbered the more depressed among you 80% to 20%.

Only a quarter of those surveyed believe Obama is constitutionally qualified to be the president, while three quarters either doubt that he is a natural-born American or are absolutely convinced he is not. When it comes to his religion, nearly the same percentage of people suspicious of his nationality also suspect he is really a Muslim.

One of the survey results that gladdened my heart was that everyone who had ever written to me, which was roughly a third of you, was either “satisfied” or “very satisfied” with my response.

I was even given a reason to get over my bitter feelings about the way I was unceremoniously dumped a few years ago by Townhall.com. It seems that nearly half of those polled had first come across my articles during the few years I was a regular contributor to that website, and once I was cut loose went to the trouble of tracking me down.

My biggest shock was the response to the question regarding what you would say to Barack Obama if you had the opportunity to sit down and talk to him for half an hour. I really had no idea that God-fearing conservatives knew half those words. Especially not God-fearing conservative women!

[Let me, your humble webmaster, add my thanks too. Although Burt believes I suggested the survey to learn about you and your opinions, I was more interested in finding out how you all use the site and if any of the features were troublesome. I was very glad to learn that most of you successfully use the site, and what’s more, enjoy it just the way it looks. There were a few of you who had some problems, which are uncommon and easily remedied, if you'll write me. -ed]

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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WELCOME TO DIZZYWORLD

2012-04-11T00:01:00.000-07:00

[When you finish with this article, be sure to read “Surveying the Survey.” - ed.]

by BurtPrelutsky

It recently occurred to me that we are all living in a very bizarre amusement park. We all know that if you take a few too many rides on one of those whirling contraptions, by the time you climb out, you’re going to wind up with wobbly legs and a hangover. Well, keep in mind that every second of every day the earth is spinning around its axis at a rate of 1,040 miles an hour. Is it any wonder that we’re all as dizzy as drunken mice?

But even inebriated rodents would find it amusing that both Arizona and Texas have been called on the carpet before the U.N.’s Human Rights Council. In Arizona’s case, the problem is that they are trying to put a stop to illegal immigration. In the case of Texas, the federal government is offended that a sovereign state is demanding that would-be voters provide photo IDs proving they have a legitimate right to cast a ballot.

Now, on the face of it, no sane human being would argue that Arizona doesn’t have the responsibility, let alone the right, to prevent non-citizens from bankrupting it by overwhelming its schools, hospitals and social services or that Texas hasn’t the moral and legal obligation to do everything in its power to prevent its elections from being contaminated by voter fraud. But of course, in America, in 2012, sane people seem to be greatly out-numbered by the knuckleheads on the Left.

But over and above that, consider who is opposing these two states. In each case, the war is being conducted by Eric Holder, the unrepentant racist who oversees the Department of Justice. Talk about your misnomers! It should be re-named the Department of Social Justice.

In the case of Arizona, he has the support of Mexico, a third world nation that should replace the eagle grasping a snake on its flag with a junkie wielding a hypodermic. In the case of Texas, Holder has his race-baiting chums in the NAACP taking the battle to the U.N.

Next, let us consider the Human Rights Council. In case you haven’t checked lately, a few of its sleazier members are China, Uganda, Congo, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Libya and Cuba. One can only assume that when the boneheads at the United Nations placed that scummy group on a council that is supposed to oversee human rights violations, the rationale must have been it takes a thief to catch a thief.

In a related matter, in the Washington, D.C., Superior Court building, there is a photo exhibit dedicated to honoring “Black Women Paving the Way to Greatness in Politics.”

In spite of that grandiose title, they only came up with eight honorees, so you can see that the pickings were mighty slim. I mean, aside from Condoleezza Rice, who served as Secretary of State with some distinction, two of the remaining seven were former Illinois Sen. Carol Moseley Braun, who once referred to George Will as a member of the Ku Klux Klan for daring to question her misuse of campaign funds, and Michele Obama, who once got married. I guess, all things considered, we should be grateful that they didn’t stoop to including Barbara Lee, Maxine Waters and Sheila Jackson Lee.

On the other hand, they did find room on the wall for Angela Davis, who once upon a time was the leader of the American Communist Party and, even more notably, once made the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted List. She pulled off that coup after providing the guns used by James McClain, who used them to shoot his way out of a California courtroom where he was being tried for the murder of a prison guard. During his escape, McClain killed Judge Harold Haley with the shotgun provided by Ms. Davis.

A further sick irony of Angela Davis’s being honored in an American courthouse is that she has seriously argued that any black serving a prison sentence in the United States, even for robbery, child molestation or rape, is in reality a political prisoner.

She ultimately beat the rap and, quite naturally, wound up being a professor at UC Santa Cruz.

I find it interesting that in the Soviet Union, a utopia for leftists, political dissidents were regularly sent off to Siberia or lined up against a wall and shot; in America, the Great Satan where capitalism rules, radicals like Ms. Davis, along with Weathermen William Ayers (University of Illinois) and Bernadine Dohrn (Northwestern University), all get to be tenured professors, and Barack Obama (University of Chicago) gets to wind up in the White House.

Is it any wonder that parents, who are mortgaging their homes in order to send their tots off to be educated at American universities, wind up with bobble-head dolls they can barely recognize, who endlessly parrot Saul Alinsky, Noam Chomsky and Herbert Marcuse while praising the likes of Che Guevara, Hugo Chavez and the Palestinian Authority?

My suggestion to American parents is that you do your wallets and America a huge favor by forgetting about Harvard, Yale and Berkeley, and, instead, send your kids off to a decent trade school.

Just think how much better off the world would be if his folks had raised Karl Marx to be a plumber.

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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THE MARTIANS HAVE LANDED

2012-04-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

I’m sure I’m not the only person who periodically finds himself wondering if it’s all just a dream or if he’s found himself starring in one of the more bizarre episodes of The Twilight Zone.

For instance, Bret Baier reported that Joe Biden recently had the following to say about Republicans: “Those guys don’t have a sense of the average folks out there. They don’t know what it means to be middle class.”

At the time, he was addressing a group of average folks who were attending a $10,000-a-couple Obama fund raiser at the Georgetown mansion of Senator John and Teresa Heinz Kerry. They dined on organic steaks and white truffle mashed potatoes, purchased, no doubt, with federal food stamps.

I am willing to bet that these are the only regular folks in America who aren’t concerned about the price of gas. It’s funny how that works, though. When George Bush was in the White House, Democrats and the media insisted that he had more to do with soaring costs at the gas pump than OPEC, Exxon and Wall Street speculators, put together. It’s only now, with Obama perched in the Oval Office, that we’re hearing that the president has less influence on the price of gas than I do.

And for those of us who love nothing better than to see federal bureaucrats squirm, there was Secretary of Energy Chu telling a congressional committee that the last thing he wanted was soaring energy costs just a few days after saying that’s exactly what he wanted. This is the same Stephen Chu who, in 2008, insisted that he wanted Americans to pay the same $10-a-gallon Europeans pay because it would hasten the day when wind and solar energy would power America.

Obama sprang to Secretary Chu’s defense by pointing out that he had made that remark before he joined the Cabinet. But of course Obama had admitted in 2008, before he had a Cabinet Mr. Chu could join, that his energy policy would inevitably send our costs through the roof. The telling points are, one, that Obama has waged constant warfare against the coal and oil industries, even though he now likes to boast that we are drilling for more oil than ever, even though it’s thanks to Bush’s policies and in spite of Obama’s; and, two, even though Mr. Chu longed for $10-a-gallon gas before he joined the administration, it’s because he voiced such lunacies that he was invited aboard.

Speaking of Obama’s green energy program, you may have heard that Chevrolet has stopped production of the $40,000 Volt. Apparently, people weren’t buying it, but whether it was the price tag or the fact that the batteries had a nasty habit of igniting, I suppose we’ll never really know. I did think they could at least have tried a last ditch hard sell approach. “Buy the Volt! It’s Explosive!”

On the subject of advertising, I laugh each time I hear the promos for Fox and Friends. In case you’ve missed it, a voice asks, “Why waste your time anywhere else?” In my head, at least, that’s only the start of a sentence that logically concludes, “When you can waste it with Fox and Friends.”

Although we are all justifiably suspicious of the left-wing claptrap professors are spouting to their young charges, once in a while a little good news seeps out. Not too long ago, Jack Chambless, a professor of economics at Florida’s Valencia College, asked a class of sophomores what they felt they were entitled to expect from the federal government. The list included free tuition, jobs, money for a house and a financially secure retirement.

Prof. Chambless then proceeded to ask a few of his students to place their wallets on their desks. When they did so, Chambless snatched them up and pulled out the cash. He explained that it was his dream to have a retirement cabin in the woods, and this money would help pay for it.

Some object lessons are more graphic than others. I’m sure the victims squealed like pigs and I assume he gave them back their money, but if that demonstration didn’t drive home the lesson of individual responsibility, I’d have flunked the entire class.

Finally, I would normally take comfort from a poll that reported that Obama’s approval numbers among women fell in one month from 53% to 41%. What it tells me, however, is that 12% of women must live in a cave. Where else could they have been? How is it that in spite of over three years of ObamaCare; a trillion dollar Stimulus; Cash for Clunkers; kowtowing to our enemies; insulting our allies; pussyfooting with Iran; banning the Keystone pipeline; increasing our national debt by six trillion dollars; and waging class, race and religious, warfare, 53% of American women thought he was doing a bang-up job until it was suddenly costing them $4-a-gallon to fill their SUV gas tanks?

Mothers, fathers and grandparents, listen up. Inasmuch as most of Obama’s female groupies tend to be of the unmarried variety, it’s time you started talking to your daughters, nieces and granddaughters, about something other than their grades and if they’re coming home for the holidays. The fact is, Obama won in 2008 because unmarried female voters went for him in huge numbers, and if we’re not careful, it could easily happen again.

We conservatives have seen the enemy and, Pogo to the contrary, it is them!

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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TURKEYS, TURKEYS AND MORE TURKEYS

2012-04-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

by BurtPrelutsky

In a recent article, I wrote about a rogue turkey named Tom who had terrified the liberals on Martha’s Vineyard in much the same fashion as outlaw motorcycle gangs were often depicted terrorizing towns and vacationing families in a spate of lousy movies during the 50s and 60s.

In the aftermath, I heard from a number of readers who, like Ben Franklin, insisted that turkeys were a very intelligent bird. I wrote back to let them know about my wife’s Nebraska uncle who raised turkeys until the day of a huge rainstorm, when the entire flock drowned while staring at the sky with their beaks wide open. I then heard from several hunters who didn’t doubt my veracity, but explained that there was a world of difference between wild and domestic turkeys.

Wild turkeys, they assured me, had not had their brains and survival instincts bred out of them.

After mulling it over, I concluded that the gulf between the two types of birds was similar to that which exists between liberals and conservatives. Liberals are terrified of guns, cigarette smoke, salt, sugar, meat, Republicans, photo IDs for voters and talk radio; what doesn’t concern them are abortions on demand for 14-year-olds, jihadists, illegal aliens, illegal drugs, a $16 trillion national debt, public sector unions, the gutting and neutering of our military, an energy policy that seeks to demolish our oil and coal industries while blowing billions of tax dollars promoting the president’s cronies in the solar panel business, a nuclear Iran and a left-wing community organizer in the Oval Office.

It figures that while liberals in and out of Congress tar Tea Party members and Fox News viewers as partisan rubes, bigots and traitors, they trumpet the NY Times, the alphabet networks and such venues as the Daily Kos, the Huffington Post and Media Matters, as examples of honest and objective news reporting.

Perhaps the most appalling of them all is Media Matters, which enjoys the status of being a tax-exempt, non-profit, enterprise, passing itself off as politically non-partisan. The mere fact that George Soros underwrites it should provide sufficient proof that it is about as non-partisan as Jay Carney. Initially, Mediocre Matters, as it’s is known in certain circles, was the illegitimate offspring of MoveOn.org and the New Democrat Network, and was housed in office space provided by John Podesta, the former chief of staff to Bill Clinton. By and large, its staff members cut their teeth and sharpened their claws working for the likes of John Edwards, Wesley Clark and Barney Frank, aka the Axis of Evil.

Further proof of its true nature is that, without sticking its tongue in its collective cheek, the group identified Dan Rather as a non-partisan anchorman and claimed with an equally straight face that the majority of America’s newspaper editorial writers are -- hold on to your hats! -- conservatives.

The question that springs to mind is where the heck do I go to obtain my tax-exempt status? Heck, I’m twice as politically neutral as George Soros.

I have come to the conclusion that the late Tim Russert was a world class practical joker. Why else would he have decided that conservative states would be designated red and liberal states blue when, for about 90 years, the world recognized that red was the color of choice for communist and socialist nations and their flags?

It made as much sense to suggest that California and Massachusetts should be considered blue and Utah and Oklahoma should be labeled red as to suggest that traffic signals should be reversed so that green means stop and red means go.

When Nancy Pelosi said that ObamaCare would have to be passed before anyone would find out what was tucked away in its 2000-plus pages, she wasn’t just whistling “Dixie.” It now turns out that, beginning in 2013, ObamaCare imposes a 3.8% tax on unearned income, which could apparently apply to proceeds from the sale of single family homes, townhouses and co-ops. In other words, even if you’re lucky enough to find a buyer for your $300,000 home, the feds will cut themselves in for $11,400. Combined with the 6% ($18,000) fee the realtor would receive from the sale, you just might decide to stay put and ultimately use the house as your crypt, thus saving your kids the cost of a burial plot and coffin.

Finally, having always wanted to have a natural law carry my name, in the way that various such laws are credited to the likes of Murphy (“Anything that can go wrong, will”) and Parkinson (“Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion”), I take pride in introducing Prelutsky’s Law (“A period of idleness will expand to meet the length of time that unemployment compensation is paid”).

©2012 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com! Don’t miss a single article! Subscribe to BurtPrelutsky.com by Email
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