My first reviews focused on the positive aspects of a product because I was afraid that if I posted a negative review then nobody would buy anything from my affiliate links. So yes, in the beginning I glossed over product issues or justified them somehow. I don’t do that anymore. Mostly because I’ve moved away from reviewing cheap crap, but also because it didn’t work. I just made myself seem like the easiest to please vibrator user ever. I learned to be more critical, because otherwise I’m just writing copy and not reviewing.

I’m also more selective when it comes to materials, because despite insisting that I only receive phthalates-free toys, some products I reviewed early on were smelly and sticky, which made me suspicious. Back then I chose to believe the packaging claims, but I know better now.

I’ve seen some very positive changes in the sex toy industry over the past three years, but there are still things that need to change. There’s practically no regulation, so as consumers it’s up to us to know about sex toy material safety and whether or not any given manufacturer can be trusted. This is easier said than done, obviously.

Manufacturers can plaster “PHTHALATES FREE!” on the packaging for any toy they choose, no matter what kind of material it’s made from. They can claim it’s silicone, but it may not be. There might be a smidgen of silicone somewhere in it, but who knows what really makes up that squishy outer layer?

Well, we will know soon, thanks to three people who have decided to make independent lab testing of sex toys a possibility and started Dildology. You can read all about it on their press release, and please do because it does a great job of further explaining this endeavor.

They need funds to cover the cost of lab testing sex toys. They need supporters of every kind, so please help to get the word out. The more toys that get tested, the better informed we will be as consumers. This will lead to more accountability in sex toy material labeling, and perhaps eventually a sort of self-regulation, if not a little more honesty.

And hey, there are incentives! For those in the United States Canada, donations of $15 or more will get you a coupon code good for 15% off at SheVibe.com. Folks living in the UK and Europe will receive a coupon code for 10% off LoveHoney brand products for donations of $15 or more. For the truly generous, more cool swag like stickers and t-shirts will come your way with the higher donation amounts. All this info is on the donations page.

In case you didn’t already know, May is Masturbation Month. What a great time for Dildology’s launch, and I’m excited to participate in their fundraising blog carnival. This is something we all need, and I’m happy to do my bit. Blogs are good for that, but labs cost money.

Please visit the other participating blogs and help support Dildology!

I don’t actively avoid Topco products; they just have yet to impress me. But willing to give them every chance, when I received an email announcing the release of a new luxury line of Topco vibes called U Touch, I asked for one to review.

Chatsworth, CA – March 7, 2013 – Topco Sales®, one of the world’s most trusted and ground-breaking sex toy manufacturers for over four decades has released the U Touch line – a new luxury line of high quality vibrators. With their sleek lines, velvet finish and state-of-the-art design, the U Touch series steps up to a new level of style and sophistication for adult toys.

The U Touch line is available in three models: U Touch Up mini clitoral vibrator, U Touch Side G-Spot vibrator, and U Touch Down tall vibrator. All are ergonomically designed for maximum effectiveness, comfort and control. All three models are made of smooth FDA-approved silicone and feature ultra-powerful yet discreet motors, illuminated touch screen buttons and USB compatible magnetic chargers.

Topco Sales® US Production Development Manager Gerardo Ramos said, “I’m super excited about this new line. I love the touch pad controls and the modern design. They’re really well designed and well made.” Each model of the U Touch line offers an incredible 16 speeds available in nine different functions of vibration and pulsation.

I requested the U Touch Side because it looked like a girthier version of the LELO Gigi, and I would love for LELO to produce a larger Gigi. I notice a lot of vibes are looking like LELO toys nowadays, actually. From this line alone, the the U Touch Up could be Siri‘s first cousin, and the U Touch Down definitely resembles Mona.

Oh, and if I may digress, I really have to wonder how Topco came up with such names. They either sound like a demand, “You touch up! You touch side!” or a football score. Anyway…

Marketed as luxury sex toys, these vibes certainly try to look the part, and they come in fairly nice packaging. So, at least there’s that, right?

According to the product info, this vibe should have 16 speeds and 9 vibration functions, but I only count 6 different settings, and the “sleek touch pad controller” makes trying to verify the number of speeds frustrating, so I gave up. The motor is fairly quiet, and I would say it’s probably powerful enough for most users. At the higher speeds the vibrations feel more buzzy, not that they start out at what I would call rumbly, but they’re tolerable.

As for the shape, U Touch Side is a little thicker than my LELO Gigi and has the same curve, but I don’t like the ridges along the underside. They make the shaft feel like it has corners or something. The head also isn’t quite right for me. I don’t know if it’s because Side has less handle than Gigi or what, but the tip just doesn’t hit me where it should.

So yes, I have several issues with the U Touch Side, but the touch pad is what I really hate. I have a thing about how sex toys are controlled because hard to find and/or press buttons are so frustrating. But I don’t think a touch pad is a practical alternative. The handle is short enough as is it, which means some part of your hand/fingers will be in contact with at least part of the touch pad all the time.

The fact that after a few seconds at any setting the controls lock tells me the designers knew this would be a problem and decided to come up with a solution instead of just going with easy-to-press buttons. Thanks to such attention to detail, you won’t accidentally turn the power off or change speeds when you mindlessly adjust your grip while using the U Touch Side. But neither can you up the power or switch settings without first having to unlock the controls by simultaneously pressing the + and – buttons. Good luck seeing how to do that while the vibe is in use, by  the way.

Since the included user manual wasn’t actually for this particular UltraZone vibe (Topco is the manufacturer, UltraZone is the product line), it took me ages to figure out how to work the controls. My only relevant guidance came from the little slip of paper telling me how unlock them.

I’m calling the control areas on the touch pad buttons, even though they’re completely flush and aren’t actually buttons, because I don’t know what else to call them, and “touch pad control area” is just too awkward.

To turn the vibe on or off, simultaneously hold the up and down buttons. Once the motor is on, assuming the controls haven’t already locked themselves, the + and – buttons increase and decrease the motor speed. The up and down buttons toggle through the vibration settings:

• constant vibration
• escalating/rev
• short sharp pulses, similar to machine gun fire
• a pattern of 5 short pulses then a long pulse
• a long escalating pulse then multiple short pulses
• rapid pulse, like the heartbeat of a small animal

If there are 3 other settings, then somebody please let me know in the comments what I’m doing wrong because I’m not finding them. Not that I need to know. I like my vibrations strong, rumbly and constant, so the patterns and pulses mean little to me. But just in case somebody out there who’s considering this vibe sees this review, it might be helpful to them.

As for me, I can’t recommend the U Touch Side. If you like smaller toys, then get a LELO Gigi. Yes, it costs more, but it also has more power, and the buttons on Gigi’s control dial aren’t nearly as frustrating. If you’d prefer a bigger toy, then take a look at the PicoBong Moka. It’s a slightly larger, more budget-friendly Gigi, and I’ve heard promising things about it. I’m not sure how powerful it can be running on just AAA batteries, so I may try to review one at some point.

By the way, earlier this month I received another new product announcement from Topco for their Thrustick, which is a remote controlled thrusting machine that is self-warming and also vibrates. It comes with 2 different attachments, and they’re both made from “Refined Touch” material as part of the “Skinsation” line. Looks like amazon.com has the best deal on this one at just under $450. Considering the garish design and attachment materials, my first thought was Thrust ICK..

Thank you to Topco for sending me a U Touch Side vibrator in exchange for this review.

Love Machine opens with Cally’s frustration at not being able to find a date for the night. Resolved to spending the evening alone, she reaches for her vibrator, only to discover that it’s not working. All she wants to do is get off, and she throws it across the room in anger. But Blue, her personal robot servant, catches it. He then offers to fill in for her vibe, and the story builds from there.

Cally’s father was a wealthy inventor who designed and built house robots for his three children before he died, and they all live together in the family mansion. Her sister Ilsa is the family genius, and she does all the mantenance and programming for the robots. Unknown to Cally, who up until she discovered Blue’s hidden abilities and vibrating fingers took no interest in the robots at all, Ilsa develops a new chat bot program and installs it in Blue. The chat bot works so well that Blue develops a personality. He becomes curious and wants to understand human emotion. He also learns a thing or two about female anatomy and how to please Cally, which he enjoys because he was built to take care of her needs.

Since Blue can satisfy her better than any of her former lovers, Cally stops looking for a hook-up every weekend and spends her time with him instead. They decide to build him a functioning penis so he can experience sexual intercourse, and he collects sensory data while making her come so he can get an idea of what an orgasm is like.

Of course, Cally’s brother and sister soon find out that she’s having sex with her house robot, and that causes a little tension. Then there’s the issue of Blue not being accepted into society like a human boyfriend would be, but romance is rarely easy. I’m glad there’s not too much conflict, though, because when I’m reading smut I don’t like a lot drama. It kinda kills the mood for me.

The second book, Man or Machine, focuses on Cally’s sister Ilsa. Amazed by Blue’s developing personality and capacity for free thought, as well as her sister’s obvious happiness and satisfaction, she decides to build herself a new robot. Ilsa is a genius, but her life experiences have led her to focus on intellect and deny emotions, making her more robot-like. This is in contrast to Blue, whose advanced programming allowed him to develop his desire to feel emotions.

Subconsciously, Ilsa models certain elements of her new sex robot after her ex-boyfriend Hal, a fellow computer whiz who would love to get his hands on the family robot technology. So he can sell it. When Hal sneaks into the family mansion and sees Ilsa testing out her latest invention, things really get interesting. The new robot researched his role by watching a lot of porn, as displayed in his vocabulary and dialogue, which adds a fantastic element of humor. Oh, and he names himself Dallas, which I thought was fitting.

It’s not long before the entire household knows about Dallas, and with help from the other robots Hal is restrained and kept in the house until Ilsa can decide what to do with him. In the meantime, Dallas thinks of a few things to do to him, and while having sex with Hal he collects sensory data and experiences a male orgasm. It’s all done in the name of science, you see. Later on Dallas, with Hal’s help, constructs wireless sensors so that he can collect data from Ilsa and Hal at the same time. Ilsa agrees to the threesome since it will help Dallas further understand orgasms, but in doing so she discovers a few things about herself.

I enjoyed both books immensely even though I’m not really into science fiction. I do love smut, though, and the idea of using robots for sex is something new for me. I’m recommending both titles in the series, but I like the second one best. The sex scenes are hotter, and Dallas is good for more than a few laughs.

There are still two more titles currently in the works for this series, so keep an eye out for them. You can connect with Electra Shepherd via Facebook, Twitter, and on www.electrashepherd.com.