...by Tony Majestic.

How to dispose of your wild animals before you kill yourself

2011-10-21T01:46:00.003-04:00

Look, if you're gonna own a bunch of wild animals, become suicidal, and decide to free all your animals before you kill yourself, presumably because you want them to taste some freedom, then you're a stupid asshole. First of all, if you were so concerned about the freedom of animals, you wouldn't have held giant jungle cats locked up in your backyard. But let's say you didn't think that part up

Finally Famous Vol. 3 Micro Review

2011-10-14T02:39:00.004-04:00

I got about eight songs in on Big Sean's Finally Famous Vol. 3 mixtape before I had to stop. This is all I heard:"I'm so clean, I'm so clean. BITCHES. I slept with your girlfriend. MONEY. I'm from Detroit, I'm from Detroit. DETROIT."I have no hope for the future.

Booing is nothing. Meeka Claxton got off easy.

2011-09-17T19:47:00.007-04:00

...and to think, if not for Twitter, I wouldn't have known anything about this. Damn you, Twitter.Anyway, Meeka Claxton, from that show Basketball Wives, where self-entitled rich cunts act like cunts for the world's entertainment, got booed when she tried to step outside of the show's cunty confines and do something worthwhile. She recently appeared at a Clark-Atlanta charity event to show

A Black Spider-Man Won't Be So Bad

2011-08-02T22:28:00.006-04:00

Here lately, Marvel and DC have been making a few efforts to diversify their lineup of characters. Batman has been hooked up with a black guy named Bat-Wing. Mr. Terrific is getting his own book (that's likely to be cancelled within months, not because he's black, but because it's a book about a guy who's really, really smart). But the most controversial addition seems to be in Marvel's

Terrorists + Explosives + MIcrosurgery = Safe Americans

2011-07-06T18:04:00.006-04:00

So terrorists are looking to surgically implant bombs inside of their bodies. At first, I was a little worried about this. I mean, we are living in the future now. Microsurgery is as common today as amateur porn is with college girls. It's everywhere. I mean, I had microsurgery three times today before the sun came up.But then, four seconds passed and I realized that this plan isn't likely

A Non-Douchey Reason Not to Watch The NFL Draft

2011-04-29T13:38:00.006-04:00

Look, I'm not gonna knock anyone for watching the NFL Draft. There's no accounting for some people's tastes. I mean, let's be honest: "Real Housewives" became a franchise, and that was nothing more than selfish, middle-aged, plastic surgery victims drinking and yelling at each other. So, it's not like anyone in this country can really knock anyone else for their viewing choices. At least

In Response to "The Chick-Fil-A Buycott." What a stupid name.

2011-04-25T20:44:00.005-04:00